The Digression Sessions - Ep. 317 - Quarantine Sessions 6

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar talk to their comedian pal Chris Alan! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

hey now all right we are back on the digression sessions everybody back uh still in our houses um me josh kaderna here in my palatial estate uh my good buddy umar khan at his house hey hey yeah uh him fixing his uh sink and drain like a real cool homo homeowner and homeowner um yeah and uh we're joined today we have a guest uh we tried to podcast with this guy a couple weeks ago and he left us hanging but we're gracious enough to have him on. He's a good dude, funny dude, very funny comedian based out of the Virginia area. It's Chris Allen, everybody. Chris. Hey, what's up, buddy? How y'all doing? What's up, Josh? What's up, Umar?

Chilling, just tensions are high in the con Mattis household. Wait a minute, Mattis, is she on the paperwork? You leave her goddamn name off. Karen ain't paying for shit. Right, right. Tensions are high in the con household. Wow. Oh, really?

Well, it was a frustrating... So we went to Home Depot, and we were off schedule. Say no more, brother. Right there, out of the gate. My sink was leaking. I know, right? Sink was leaking, we noticed, for a couple of days. But the first time I looked at it, I couldn't pinpoint the leak,

and then Karen figured it out, so I showed somebody, like, you've got to replace your whole drain. So I had to YouTube it. Seemed like a job I could do so we go you got to buy a whole real quick which is like real quick though god bless the people that put that stuff on YouTube I know it's crazy because some of them get like 50 views you're like you're not making any money off this do you think he has like plumber buddies like we do with comedy it's like you watch did you watch ted's video it fucking bombed it has like four four views oh what a hack i can't replace a drain where shit yeah dude phil's getting like a hundred thousand views man that guy's killing it man that guy's living the life yeah like do you think he's fake though dude he's yeah yeah yeah

it's same stuff comics talk about like do you think yeah like phil's like yo it's your boy here to fix another dishwasher it's lit yeah i'm gonna look it up right now i'm gonna look it up right now top plumbers on youtube but yeah so i uh found a great video come come here come here how you How you doing? My name's Gordon. I'm a plumber slash influencer on YouTube. And yeah, so yeah, you have to buy a new drain. You have to buy a plumber putty. And we have to buy a, I didn't have this certain like wrench or whatever pliers. We got those.

We got a bunch. We spent like $250 at Home Depot just now Wow really yeah well thank God Karen's parents bought us like a gift card so that cut it in almost she sounds like a pretty good tenant dude that's nice pretty good pretty good dude you and you guys have to see this guy all about plumbing his name is Rogerger wakefield dude he's got a sick oh my god they both have like the big handlebar must must that way is that him oh sweet oh that's him he's dude he's he's doing a video where there's three versions of him dude he's like legit he's got almost 40 000 followers hey now how to fix a running toilet guaranteed 548 000 views but what if it was like him with like with with future

it's like i'm here today with future we're gonna fix a fucking tub it has like five million views views dude how to crush your plumbing job interview one week ago 864 000 views whoa so he's nearly at a million there dude yes all right so dude roger wakefield look at him look him look him up shout out uh scroll to the comments is he getting any love in there oh you want to see all right let's see all, because I'm curious if there are haters. They're like, man. Oh, dude, there's some haters, baby. Yeah, how many thumbs down does he have on the video? Okay, so he's got, this is how to fix your toilet,

over 500, almost 550,000 views, 11,000 likes, 255. Down votes. Down votes. Thumbs down. Thumbs down. Let's see Haters But yeah go ahead while I do this

I'll find a hater Well alright So Chris You're a family man Me and Umar always talk on the pod about how Lucky we are to not have kids during a pandemic And You actually seem to enjoy your

your son how old is he he's seven man he's seven okay cool so he's like old enough to kind of know the deal like he can kind of chill out a little bit like are you keeping him on some type of structured schedule or anything or is that impossible no um during the week every every monday he has a zoom class with his um he has a zoom with his class at 10 and they do an activity and then all of their assignments for the week are uploaded to this thing called seesaw and he has like four or five subjects they all have like a mandatory assignment then they'll have like three optional optional ones yeah um well that's cool can he at least pay attention during the zoom i had a friend telling me that uh her son is like i think he's five and he's just like what is a zoom i don't you know and they're like tommy just sit there and he's like i'm out of here you know like i'm not gonna

pay attention no he has adhd pretty bad he doesn't he doesn't really care for it and since he's not really in school i don't he doesn't really care for it and since he's not really in school i don't i don't uh we don't give him his medicine um because i mean it's just it's not that it's heavy but it's just not needed at home i'll you know i i uh i'll police him myself i'll go hey man we got to get this done we got to get this done right it's not like he's um distracting 19 other kids yeah yeah you're like hey hold on daddy's trying to post a fire status on facebook can you focus up all right so yeah that's that's what we do so yeah so he gets up in the morning and you know he does that

on mondays and then uh during the week he gets up we do homework um i mean he gets up breakfast homework and then about noon he has lunch and then he can pretty much do what he wants the rest of the day nice he spends his day watching YouTube and and playing Nintendo Switch yeah is he watching any plumbers or anything or dude he's into Mario Maker and are you familiar with uh any of these like, these ROM hacks for Mario? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, the only video game that I actually started playing during quarantine again. Okay.

Oh, really? You're so loud. I know. So, Umar and his Karen, they're having issues with their dog. He's throwing up everywhere, apparently. You know, these are the Zoom podcasts you get. Yeah. You got a dog throwing up in the back. A little bit of background noise.

Let's see if we can mute Umar. No, but so I have a PlayStation 3, and I bought that to play Grand Theft Auto V. And after I beat that, I didn't really play any other video games. Oh, really? Dude, you know what? I would say about three days into this, I downloaded Call of Duty. What's the new one? Call of Duty? Super Modern Warfare?

I have no idea. I feel like it's always Modern Warfare. It's Call of Duty, like Firestorm or something. I have no idea. Yeah. I feel like it's always modern warfare. It's like, it's Call of Duty, like, Firestorm or something. I feel so old. But it's that Battle Royale style game, gameplay. I was like, I'm going to play this. I'm going to play it every night. Dude, I haven't played it once, dude.

And I spent, like, a day and a half downloading it. And I haven't even touched it dude jesus for uh for what system um i almost said 360 jesus christ xbox one they're so loud in the background i don't know if his mic is picking that up it is where is you know what i went i went through that those videos and i mean yeah through the comments and i can't i can't find any haters dude i like that that's good maybe that's actually a good community of people but seriously like they like all those people that post stuff on youtube um right when i got when i was i was going to change the oil on my car and a guy just posted

a video he's like here's how you do everything how's here's how you reset the uh the settings to say like oh i've changed so uh you know i changed the oil and now you don't get notifications here's how you remove this weird piece you need to get this tool and yeah the video had like 15 views and you're like this guy rules what it's yeah dude i saved myself some money in the past like um what the fuck um something i actually have a um a nissan maxima and somehow like my my um passenger side window the motor to let the window down went went out oh that's yeah and i was just like god damn it and i was looking up the prices to get it done it was going to be like 600 bucks to fix this window and i was was like, dude, I'm not. It was like paid off.

I'm like, I'm not paying $600 to do this. So I got on YouTube and found it, dude. And I got it done in a couple hours. Nice. Yeah. God bless YouTube. I also, I really hate spending money on my car because you're spending money just to get back to even. Right.

You're like, oh, cool. Now I can still drive to work. I know, right? Isn't it the worst? Just to insult the injury when it comes to cars, dude. You'll get brand new tires, spend like $700, and then something goes wrong. It's like, dude, I just spent $700, and now my car doesn't run. But, I mean, during this uh on the quarantine

side it's been great i have a i have a prius surprise surprise and uh i didn't know that i i haven't i haven't gotten gas this entire time neither i'm yeah me too neither have i i'm down to like two bars yeah but you locked your keys in the car the other day you were at the grocery store had all your shit right and locked your keys in the car the other day. You were at the grocery store, had all your shit, right? And locked your keys in the car. This is what happened. Well, I leave my keys on the kitchen counter and it's close enough. I'm able to start my car if I leave my keys in the kitchen.

Right, right. So if your keys are within like a certain like 10 feet or something, it opens and will start and all that. Right. So I go shopping. I come out and put the groceries in and everything. like a certain like 10 right something it opens and we'll start and all that right so i i go shop and i come out and uh put the groceries in and everything and i get in to start the car and i'm like and it says no key detected and i'm like did i just walk out of the house without my keys i would i would have thought i left it in the store at first i'd be like oh fuck but i've been dude i've been so stressed out and stuff that I really haven't been thinking clearly. Yeah.

And it wasn't even on my mind to go back into the store and check. So I called my wife and this was at the same time my wife was under, she was isolated because we thought she might have had COVID a couple weeks ago. Oh, shit. So the doctor was like, hey, just isolate yourself for a few days. So she couldn't have left anyway. Right. And so we were talking about cars, right? So when this first kicked off, my wife and my son,

they would go out into her car and they would have car parties. And they would just sit out there and watch TV. I mean, watch the iPad and do stuff in the car. So she would just leave the car on and then like the other um like the day before that happened we tried to start her car and it wouldn't start i'm like yeah this is a new car how is the battery already dead so even if she could have left the battery in her car was dead too many parties yeah oh yeah dude and i'm like out of all the years i've had this car

why does this have to happen now i can't get a ride from anybody like dude i'm at that age where i like no employees that work at the get at the um at the um grocery store yeah and uh this is old black dude that's cool as shit that works in the deli i was like and his name is leroy i was like yo man i was like i know this is weird i I was like, can I borrow your car to go home and get my keys, and then I'll come back? You asked Leroy at the deli if you could borrow his car? Yeah, but he was like, man, I walked to work. He's like, I live in these apartments way behind the store.

And I was like, it's fine. So then I ended up walking home. Yeah. Yeah, dude, it was a mess, dude, behind the the store and i was like it's fine so then i ended up walking home yeah and yeah dude it was it was a mess dude because like i wore a nice pair of jordans and everything i don't know why i put them on so dude i'm walking in like knee-deep fucking grass on the side of the road there's glass and shit everywhere there's dirt there's mud i got my sneakers all dirty oh you you fucked up your jordans too man this we might have to do this again man yeah they're so loud on their side yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna actually hold on i'm gonna call umar yeah he just left his mic on we're definitely gonna have to redo this uh i doubt

his other mic is picking it up i think we're just getting on the zoom really yeah i don't know man we'll see i'm gonna go see this is uh this is one of the most chaotic podcasts we've it is yeah i'll come on and it's just straight chaos yeah i'm sorry listen on my side it's fine i was ready to. I was ready to go at eight. Me too. My drain doesn't leak. No problems there. Yeah.

There he is. There he is. Hey, Umar. Umar. Hey, Umar. Did you think we changed the name of the podcast to The Domestic Dispute, colon, The Podcast? Yeah, hold on, guys. Cobb is like, he's pretty funny. I know, but, yeah, it was.

We're going to try to figure out what we have to do. Okay, but can you, that sucks, and I'm sorry for Cobb, but can you just mute your line? Because we just heard you guys. Yeah, dude, it was so loud the entire time. Yeah, me and Chris are just like, so, what's going on? And it's like, well, I think he's a little sick.ris are just like so what's going on it's like well i think he's a little sick it's just like jesus all right all right fucking it okay so listen you leroy to no avail walks to work little selfish can't help you now i know yeah thinking about the environment what an asshole what an asshole speaking of the environment the environment's

ruining your shoes all right so how far away is the grocery store about a mile okay that's not too bad but but it's not but it's due but it's not like it's not an urban environment it's a country road with no shoulder yeah so it's like it's literally like it's a two-lane highway and on either side it's just people's property but there's also like little's also like a big trench for drainage. Yeah. So it was pretty scary because I'm like, I don't want to get hit by a car, but I also don't want to be walking in people's yards out here in the country because you know how people are about their property and shit.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm not judging people, but there are people on that road that have Confederate flags and stuff hanging in their front yard. i'm like they're just waiting for a dude in jordans to walk in their life right you know what i'm saying they could be good people but i still don't trust you know the flag to be honest so yeah yeah that that essentially means not welcome absolutely right and yeah and on top of that like you know me i'm a gun guy so now i don't go out with without being armed i do have my concealed carry permit so here i am walking on the side of the road i got a hoodie on jordan's on i got a fucking gun in my in my uh sweatpants

i mean you can't see it but it's like a recipe for disaster yeah i'm saying you are the confederate flag guy's worst nightmare right or his his wet dream you know what i'm saying yeah either or depending on the mood i guess yeah right it's like sweet i got an armed black dude with jordans on walking through my property yeah during a pandemic next to my old piece of shit car that he might be trying to steal right even though it doesn't run you know yeah uh yeah like if you're like no no, no, no, I like guns. He's like, wait a minute. I do like that.

But I don't want you to have it. I'm so torn. You know? Right. Oh, here he comes. There he is. So I had to walk back home and then I changed into some running shoes. And then I like kind of sprint jog back to the store with my wife's keys. I get home. gun in tow still no i left the gun at home i was like if i'm gonna be running i'm gonna leave it out leave it at home

like i do whenever i do jog on my street i do have it in my shorts but um yeah what type of gun is in the shorts what do we got it's a nine millimeter oh damn that's big no it's it's a small one man oh okay yeah it has like a carbon i have like a carbon fiber holster for it and the shorts are running are pretty tugged i mean pretty snug so it fits in my waistband pretty pretty nicely with the little clip that it has it doesn't move around or anything but i left the gun home just on my way back so i finally get back to the store get the car get home and i called us i called food line i'm like hey did somebody leave some keys and i described and they go oh yeah and i'm like i could have just went back in the store and asked if someone if

i dropped my keys but i just assumed that i left them at home that's so funny that's my first god damn that was my first thought like oh fuck i left him in the store but that would be a nightmare too because then you're you went all over the store and you're like i have to look in every aisle now right so luckily somebody was nice and they turned him in but yeah i made a nice two mile trip for no reason yeah then all of your groceries are just sitting there too i I know. My wife wanted ice cream and some other stuff. I'm like, it's just sitting there. And it just sucks too because it's at a time where you can't even ask anybody for a ride

because nobody wants to be around other people. So I couldn't even do that. It does seem made up too. It's like all my groceries are right there. I normally have my keys, but I don't know what happened to them. Can I have a ride? It's like, uh-huh, sure right and i got a gun yes yeah like hold on i have a gun and i can you help me please yeah please i i can't imagine running with a gun on me though that's crazy yeah

well when you have a frame when you have the frame of a man, okay, and you, an Olympic gymnast. Excuse me. Female gymnast. Excuse me. Excuse me. I am ripped. See, I don't. Dude, you are.

It's insane, man. I've already got a pair of guns on me. You know what I mean? I sculpted my own, all right? I didn't outsource them like you. You coward. You coward. Where was your gun made?

China? China. Mine was. Are your gun made? China? Mine was... Are most guns made in China? They're made everywhere. Oh, okay. I don't know if like U.S. You know, U.S. people are like, I want a gun made here.

No, if you want an AK, if you want an AK, you definitely want a Russian AK or some type of like... Oh. Yeah. I got to shoot an AK once in Las Vegas. That was fun. Yeah, I took Norman to shoot an ak once in las vegas that was fun yeah i took

norman to shoot one in in dayton an ak yeah yeah it wasn't a fully auto but we we shot an ak um we shot we we shot a um my buddy has this really cool like um this has a collapse a collapsible stock on it but it shoots 45 rounds rounds. You can put a 45 pistol magazine in it, but it's a rifle. We shot that. We shot a bunch of stuff. We had a good time. Dude, there's this documentary. Have you guys seen it?

It's called Operation Odessa. Oh, Bert was just talking about that on his podcast. Dude, that's why I watched it. It's one of the coolest documentaries I've ever seen. So it's not a movie. It's a documentary. Because he said it was a movie. It's a documentary.

It's like stuff that happens in movies and you go like, are there people like this in real life? And then you watch this documentary and you're like, holy shit, there are. And that's the guy's name is Tarzan, right? Yeah. Wait, so what's it about tell him so there's this uh there's this russian dude uh his name is tarzan he ended up in um he ended up getting uh hooked up with these mobs mobsters in new york city uh and he would uh set buildings on fire for them nice Nice. Was he doing that for insurance money? Actually, I think insurance money.

Then also, I think he was like fucking over businesses who weren't paying up. Like, Oh, he was like their, Oh, he was like their mob muscle. He was their muscle. Yeah.

And something happened where his partner got killed and it seemed like it was like a warning sign. So his bosses sent him to Miami. And when he got in Miami, he just got hooked up with all these like russian mobsters and this was right around the time like the soviet union fell and when it fell they went over to russia him and this other guy that they'll tell you about in the documentary and they found out that you could buy all this stuff for super cheap so they

would buy uh motorcycles for like 200 each and this guy he was friends with they would just charter these huge military like cargo planes put like all these bikes that they bought for $200 each and then they sold them to like they sell them to cartels in South America for like millions and millions of dollars so they ended up so the cartel was like can you get us helicopters or like yeah for sure there and then they're like, we want a submarine. And then so that's what the doc, because they wanted the submarine to be able to transport like large, large, large amounts of cocaine. And like once you're underwater, you can't be traced.

Dude, it's insane. Like, I don't even want to give it away. Yeah, I'm on board. I'm on board with cocaine submarine already. Yeah, dude. It's and then you're just like, holy shit. So there are people like this in the world. Oh, yeah, dude.

It is where like like there's a guy in there. He's he has like, dude, he had he can't even count how many fake passports he's had to use. And like he has multiple identities. He speaks multiple languages and he works for he was working for pablo escobar like directly like that is insane and they got him in the documentary insane all right well don't don't ruin it anymore i mean not ruin i won't i won't i'm gonna i'm gonna watch it as soon as this is over like when my son goes to bed i'm watching

it yeah do you have to do that a lot as a parent where you're like all right no i really like um uh this nickelodeon programming oh dude yeah he's um we do watch shows that really aren't appropriate for him like the most inappropriate we show we will watch with him is bob's burgers there's there's a lot of sexual references and all kind of stuff in it but yeah yeah but that's like a very normal because like we grew up watching the simpsons dude i was watching south park when it first came out i was in fourth grade and i used to have conversations about south park with my fourth grade teacher yeah well that's serious that was that was the selling point of south park is like they cuss you know you're like yeah yeah and then

because all the satire goes over your head too you have no you're just like oh my god they're getting fucked by aliens how cool is it yeah i think i was i was uh i might have been a probe right that was so funny i think i was a freshman or a sophomore in high school when i when i came out yeah for our listeners at home chris you're 57 seven okay cool i didn't say you look you look 54 so yeah no you turned 40 during the pandemic yeah i turned off my birthday notification on facebook nobody knows wow that is i did that for a couple of years i look like a black fidel castro with his fucking hat on you do i was yeah no chris you grow up nico castro you yeah you look like uh black fidel castro that's doing the softball game with his like co-workers castro yeah damn sorry i i've it's okay dude

that'd be funny you like nico castro it's like it's Fidel I mean it's Nigel Oh I thought it was Miguel I don't speak Spanish I'm sorry I don't know I've never met a Nigel in my life Only on TV I've seen Nigel It seems like It's a European thing right

It seems exclusively British Like oh this is Nigel Yeah Nigel I only know I don't know them personally but i only know of one black nigel he's famous nigel sylvester he's a uh he's a he's a famous black bmx uh guy oh yeah he's like really cool and shit uh umar have you fired guns any uh no i would love to i never have i uh

there's a shooting range right next to mcgoo yeah that's where i shot yes called west baltimore all right folks and uh black guy said that everybody not us that's nigel that's nigel sylvester he looks cool yeah he looks pretty wild. Damn. Yeah, dude, you should check out some of his YouTube videos, man. Dude, he's fucking cool, man. He does these GoPro videos where it's from the point of view of the bike. There's one video

where he's in Dubai, and he's like, dude, he's jumping out of a plane on his bike. Hmm. Wow. That's crazy. It'll do these really hard cuts where he'll jump out of a plane on his bike hmm and it does it's crazy it'll do like these really hard cuts where like he'll be like he'll jump out there he'll jump out of a plane on his bike he'll land and like do some tricks and then do a flip and then when he lands and when he lands that flip he'll be on a jet ski you know i'm saying and then he'll do something else yeah and then he'll make

a is it edit is that editing tricks yeah or is that it's real okay yeah it's real. Yeah. I don't know, man. People do insane shit. I was going to say, it sounds like a Mountain Dew commercial. Like, what the fuck? Dude, that's exactly what they are. They're like seven-minute Mountain Dew commercials where, like, he'll be downtown in some, like, in, like, Sri, not Sri Lanka, somewhere downtown, like, Kuala Lumpur. Mm-hmm.

Like, downtown, like like riding his bike somewhere like he's super famous man and like he's known for bmx shit and like x game stuff and yeah dude his videos are fucking dope man fucking dope interesting yeah it's weird like that bmx at least i don't know because like i grew up around skateboarding it never felt like bmx really hit the same way like skateboarding got into mainstream. BMX never... Because everyone knew... Who is the Tony Hawk of BMX? Matt Mira?

Didn't he die? They do have a video game. Matt Hoffman, I think. I know Mira. He died? I think Mira, he committed suicide or something. I don't think he's alive. Oh, you're right.

Because he was the one they made the video game right no i turned off this oh i thought that was hoffman am i crazy i don't know you might be you turn off the uh the screen share oh who me yeah um i don't know how to uh no matt hoffman yeah no he was in uh he was in some of the jackass stuff i think he had a video game too maybe there was multiple ones yes there's host disabled attendee screen share because i was i could show you a quick clip of that of those uh videos dude matt hoffman's video game uh cover looked exactly like um tony hawks oh dude that's the same font and everything yeah yeah it's the same people who made it.

Yeah, they're like, just run it back. The other one was successful. Why not? Why not? That was like the best. That was like my favorite video game, dude. Which one? Tony Hawk or that one?

Tony Hawk. Oh, my God. Tony Hawk. Tony Hawk. Just like we would play that nonstop growing up. We would go skating. We'd come home and we would just drink hug juices. You know, remember hug juices?

Yeah, the little plastic barrel thing. Yeah, the barrel. And like, dude, we would go through a case in a day, in like a night at a sleepover. Like, you know how gross that is thinking about that? And just like, are no one's parents care? Oh, yeah. And it was just like, yeah, have a huggy.

It's just pure sugar. I mean, had a fucking uh mini fridge in my room that was stocked with uh soda that's insane dude i yeah i was that's crazy i was just saying then my grandma would get me like five pound bags of hot tamales so i'd eat hot tamales which are pure sugar and then have like an orange soda and play grand theftft Auto and be like, this is pretty cool. This is cool. Can you see it? I don't think I've ever had a hot tamale. I love them. Yeah.

Yeah. We see it. Go ahead. Tell me how sick that is. Dude, look at this shit. Oh, him jumping out of a plane. Yeah. So this guy just took a bike out of hand, but he's just like skydiving, right?

No, he has his bike. Look, see? He jumped out of a plane with a bike. He's going to ditch the bike before he hits the ground. Imagine if that bike hits you or your car. Could you imagine that shit hitting you in your sack? Wait, can you jump out of a

plane and hit the ground with a bike? I guess he just... No, they didn't show it. I mean... I don't think you could. If you have a parachute... That's going to be a rough landing though. no they didn't show yeah i mean no see look at this shit i don't think you could tell me how if you have a parachute yeah that's gonna be a rough landing though yeah but dude they they drop fucking tanks out of airplanes dude yeah with the people aren't in them yeah but it's still you

can you're still dropping a goddamn eight ton fucking piece of machinery out of a plane that's how i refer to myself actually as an eight ton piece of machinery look at umar and all his buddies no one i was gonna say chris no one can see what we're looking at here that's fine but yeah umar you wish you were as rich as these dudes probably have millions of dollars oh saudi yeah there's a lot of like saudi rich people and dude they're like um i was reading like on these forums like in saudi arabia like the ruling class like they're all rich it's all rich oh they don't do anything over there dude yeah and and they uh can do whatever they want and get away with whatever they want so there's a lot of incidences of incidents? What's the word? Incidents? Yeah. Incidents of them raping kids.

Oh, I'm sure. And no one can do anything. Because this American couple, I guess their kid was over there for some reason for work or something. And one of their kids was abducted and raped by a guy. And they couldn't do anything about it. No. Yeah. I'm sure that happens here, though, too. to that democrats yeah i'm sure hillary clinton

has raped many yeah don't you guys pizza gate yep that's how do you think it's a little weird that uh epstein hung himself and now we're on a shutdown. You don't think it's a little weird? Whoa. Little coincidence. He hung himself and everybody's doing Google Hangouts now. Think about it. And by hung himself, I meant to say that in quotes. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Hillary Clinton killed him and now we have to shut the country down so we can go get her. Yeah. That's a real conspiracy theory. Isn't that so funny how people will believe believe anything about her but then you say hey your boy said this no he didn't it's like but you'll believe that hillary clinton had somebody hanged

in a prison because they were going to tell on her for being involved well her birth name is also hillary so oh yeah think about that also it's it's so funny because they're like man you can't we don't trust the government it's like what the fuck do you think trump is right now trump is the government he's part of that blows my mind it blows my mind it's like so everybody else at every other level is a piece of shit liar except for that one guy yeah that's how it works because they're like he's draining they're like no he's in it to get rid of the bad guys he's one of the good guys and everybody around him including his uh children are good good guys yeah i i used to be one of

those people who was like you know we have to be nice to these people we like have to be understanding and now it's just like... What do you mean? Republicans? Or Trump supporters? No, not Republicans. Trump supporters. I think Trump supporters are... Trump shut that shit down. Umar's in the deep... Trump supporters.

I said my connection's unstable. The deep state's coming after you. Dude, isn't that weird? As soon as you mention Hillary, dude, they're cutting off your fucking Zoom meeting. Think about it. Hold on, guys. Think about it. Wow. Hold on, guys.

This is crazy. Robert Mueller just joined the Zoom, and he's pissed. Yeah, but now I'm just like, fuck them. There's no reasoning. There's, like you said, Chris, like he'll say something, and then two days later you bring it up, and like, well, he didn't say it. Or he never, he didn't mean it like that. It's just like, all right, dude, like he'll say something. And then two days later, you two days later, you bring it up and like, well, he didn't say it. Oh, he never he didn't mean it like that. It's just like, all right, dude, go fuck.

He even says that they go, hey, yesterday you said I didn't say that. It's like it's on video, dude. You say, no, but that doesn't matter. The media. That's why reporters need to play the clip and then ask him a question about it. That's what they need to be doing. Yeah. Yeah.

In front of him in the White House. He doesn't care, man. No, and his supporters don't care either. It doesn't matter. They support him no matter what. Yeah. It's so weird. Whenever they ask some Democrats some questions

and they get flustered or get upset, they go, yeah, you can't take the heat. See, they put you on blast. Yeah, you can't take it. And then put you on blast yeah you can't take it and then they do the same thing to somebody in the right it's like that is so rude how dare you yeah well yeah well that's the i mean but that's what happens with also like like you know with like protesting right right so like it like it's rude if you don't give these people room to protest if they're white but then if they're black like dude even i just saw uh i read an article where even

ruth bader ginsburg said that um kaepernick was being disrespectful that's so funny that's insane that's so funny she's an old old lady grandma it's like you realized yeah they didn't even want you there when you first got there and then you're acting like this this is like it's pretty uh it's pretty hypocritical yeah it is it's crazy but yeah that's honestly that's how i feel about like uh when it comes to like and i'm not telling people that they have to believe anything or anything like that but when i hear like black people get up kind of get upset about, you know, like a gay people or trans people getting rights, it's just like,

Hey dude, civil rights are civil rights. It's like, why, why should, why should it be as hard for somebody else as it was for us? You know what I'm saying? It's like, that's why you paved the way, you know, it's just like, why should gay people and trans people continue to get killed and murdered and and fired and and all that kind of stuff it's like it's 2020 man yeah i think there's it's it's a it's like a very like i went through it you don't get to get as easy of a pass type thing so like you see it in all aspects right

i had to learn cursive. You better learn cursive. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But in this case, cursive is oppression. Right. Yeah. When they took parallel parking off the test,

the driver's test in Maryland, like, all my dumb, like, city liberal friends, like, oh, you don't have to parallel park. What's the point of taking a test? It's like, dude, most of the country like or most of the people in maryland like don't need to parallel park they live in the suburbs they live in the county so it's just like what like what like why do they like i didn't really know how to parallel park until i started living in the city you can pass it once yeah dude it's like It's like I avoid it at all costs.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But I will say when I see people do it with Grace, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, but it's just like. Yeah, dude. Do you want to like. Also, how much of a cuck do you feel when like.

Have you been in this position where you're like. Yes. You barely know a chick. You're on a date and you're trying to parallel park and you keep fucking it up? And then there's also car. Everyone also goes silent when people are parallel parking. Have you noticed that? No one really talks.

This is a bit. Yeah. Really? Yeah, it is. And it's also funny, too, because then the excuses come in. You're like, oh, there's a spot. And then when you're doing it, you're like, actually, it's a little tight. I don't know.'s uh yeah there's probably more it's embarrassing when i can't parallel park my i have a prius it's tiny and there's been times in dc

where i'm like you could probably fit two cars in some of the spots i'm like fuck it i'll just walk eight miles to the show yeah well because you know what it's like when you fuck up parallel parking like the whole time you're fucking up in your head you think the chick thinks this is how you fuck right you're you would think so in and out in and out in and out yeah yeah like yeah you're like ah like i almost hate i almost made it like you know you can't really quite get it in right and then finally you're like you know what i quit'm going to find a new parking space. This isn't worth it.

There's plenty of parking space. How does he get out? Yeah. Cause that's like what you're thinking the whole year. Just like, Oh God, I'm not a man. She doesn't think I'm a man. Like, you know, those kinds of thoughts go through your head when you can't,

I don't think I can parallel park now without a backup camera. I don't like the camera, man. See, I'm being one of those. I love the camera. I'm being one of those cunts. I don't use the camera. Why? I think everyone says that because Karen has a camera and she doesn't turn around anymore.

But when I drive her car, I can't use the camera. I don't know how to use it. I'm not used to it. I've also had it many times because, yeah, I don't't turn around either and if i'm parking and somebody's in the car behind me they'll honk because they don't see me turning around i'm like hey come on it's the future i'm rich it's wow come on yeah yeah dude i've been in a car one time and uh and uh the lady was trying to upsell me on this car she was like it's got a backup camera i was just like i'm driving forward i was like i'm not driving to ohio backwards i don't care but

i was like this ain't a fucking a puff daddy video i'm not driving it's got a backup camera lady i'm gonna be on route 66 for 10 hours i'm not using the camera backwards it's got a backup camera i don't give a fuck lady yeah i you know and it's so it's so crazy like because when i i bought my car brand new and i remember like the first time getting in my car i was like damn this car's so futuristic and now i get in my car and i'm like oh man this car fucking blows i got no i got no monitor like there's no backup camera like i don't have blue bluetooth what is this the 90s no bluetooth dude yeah i used to do the tape thing you know oh yeah dude i used to do that back in the day too with my cd player in my car

oh the fucking tape and then when it would get to the end too and then you'd have to like flip it or try to rewind it oh wait no no it's an adapter i know but mine would do the adapter would basically like get to mine never did that worst it was the worst but in the winter like when it was really cold it wouldn't work so i'd have to like i would have to wait like 45 minutes for my car to heat up before I could. And get those little gears heated up. Yeah. And I used to. Oh, my God, dude.

It's fucking dead. God. We're doing like Seinfeld right now. That's funny. What's the deal? My old apartment in Phoenix, right? It had a, everybody out there, like apartment complex would basically have cover parking because it's so fucking hot, right? Yeah.

And there was one parking spot. It was underneath a tree. No one ever parked there. And I was just like, man, this is a great parking spot, man. Why does no one ever park there? I did it one time. Dude, it looked like a herd of pterodactyls, a flock of pterodactyls, shit and came all over my car the next morning, dude. Dude, that happened to me multiple times.

Because sometimes I lived on the street where you had to park under trees. And, dude, one day I was just like, I took my car to the car wash it still didn't come off i had to wash my car in the fucking winter it sucked because you have to scrape that shit off oh yeah dude i had and i had to drive my car to work that way oh it was so like damn that motherfucker got dookie on his car damn mr umar got a doodoo car hey mr umar your car shitty shit like that yeah yeah that is one of the things that makes me feel old though is like right after a car wash if something happens like i just got it washed come on god yeah come on jeez i'm the same dude i'm a freak when it comes to like a clean clean kitchen and stuff. You're a freak nasty.

Super freak. I know. You had to replace the drain. Oh, God. You like to clean his kitchen, baby. Girl. Oh, thick as. Got a new drain.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. So anyway, I didn't get to finish that story. I don't know. Did you guys? No, we had a domestic dispute for about 40 minutes. Oh, there's no dispute. It was, yeah.

Well, we were just, so, all right. Yeah. Dude, Karen is right behind you. Yeah. It's been a stressful couple hours. Okay, she's not. She has a gun right to your middle. Yeah.

So, sorry. We go to Home Depot. We come back. Cobb has been sick for a couple of days so like while i'm trying to figure out how to change his sink drain um cob is just like puking and then i'm like you know he's puking on a white rug so that's pissing me off so i like i'm like cob go and karen's like you can't yell at him he's sick which she's right if you're gonna be sick do it on the hardwood floor i know it's just like dude there's a floor right here there's a floor

right here but i get it he's you know he's he has down i love it i love that chris is patiently listening he's like yeah i'm in charge of a human child anyway yeah this sounds tough yeah it's funny it's just it's just it yeah it's frustrating it's not difficult it's frustrating so while i'm like under the sink i'm yelling cob is shitting everywhere karen's upset or he's puking everywhere and then so then um we send cob out to the backyard he has like a bloody diarrhea and we're just like oh my god God. At least he had that outside. Jesus. Yeah.

And then so if you would have had that inside, I probably would have just killed myself and right before wrote Karen's name on the deed and then killed myself. That's a very fair reaction. That's so professional. That's so responsible. Yeah. God, I am so mad. Get the deed to my house. Get the deed, Karen.

I'm going to kill myself. All right. Yeah. to my house get the deed cared i'm gonna kill myself all right so yeah i'm gonna use my my new knives we got from uh you know some fucking creighton barrel knives oh that's funny karen's parents are like being so nice and they keep sending us stuff in the mail we don't even they don't even tell us so like one day a saw came in the mail like uh electrical saw like a buzzer no like a saw oh shit a hand to chop a tree down. Or for her to kill her Muslim boyfriend and saw his body up.

Yeah. Or to murder me. A hundred percent. They're like, get your name on the deed, honey. We love you. And then apparently her dad bought us a nice kitchen knife and sharpener, and that's in the mail. So maybe she...

Dude. I know. Maybe they are sending her things to come here with. That's another bit. Yeah, that is a bit. Yeah. I can't lie, dude. I love a nice knife, man.

Like, yeah. Before. There's also a there's also a nice white man in the mail for her, too. It's like, yeah, we're sending a hot mailman along with these gifts. Just a dude in a MAGA hat. He's like, hello. I'm sorry. I cut you off chris oh chris got oh chris oh i cut you off chris my bad oh i was saying i like nice knives man like kitchen knives love a knife yeah before i i uh left dayton ohio, my buddy Jake bought me a really nice shoon.

You ever heard of a shoon? Yeah, those are Japanese. I need to get it sharpened again. But, dude, when I first got it, that thing was so sharp. It still is really sharp. But it's been six years since I got it sharpened. But, dude, I love that thing. And it's got the weird waves inside the blade.

Ooh, that's cool. Yeah. I like, I like when I like the, it's fun that to prove a knife is sharp. You cut something like paper. Isn't that interesting? Or like a shoe or something like in the infomercials. You're like, cool. Now I can cut my shoe.

You want to turn your Timberlands into an open-toe sandal? Yeah, do I? Yes. Yeah, that's how they market knives to black people. I don't know if that would work. They're like, why am I cutting my Timbs? I don't want to do that. Yeah, black people, they don't like showing their feet.

We don't. No. Big sock and sandals. They save it for their OnlyFans. We're doing you a favor. Have you seen? Yeah. Man.

I used to lifeguard at a pool for most, my whole teenage years and early adult. We getting in with our socks? Black kids come to the pool with socks on, and we would have to tell them to take them off because the the it's not good for the filters the fibers and say it yeah well and yeah because then i have to make a black kid pull the cotton out of the filters that's not a good one yeah that's something new shit it's like hey you picking cotton underwater yeah yeah well umar's in his like lifeguard stand he's like sure is hot

hey oh you're overseer hey get in there pick that cotton up you there boy yeah blowing a whistle yeah and uh yeah i just remember noticing that like i was just like wow that's so interesting uh and there and i was like why i was like dude why are you you don't need socks like they're like well i don't you know i don't want to get my feet dirty i'm like dude you're in a pool like with like it's fine like what about the rest of your body yeah right i don't know what about your like the rest there's water going up your asshole like it's fine yeah uh when i worked it when i worked at paper moon there was a big thing among african-american people uh when i worked at a

diner where they would ask for a cup of hot water and then put the silverware in it and like spin it around because i thought the silverware was dirty but i'm like we're still making the food in the same restaurant you know what i mean like that's interesting yeah i don't yeah i've known a lot of black german folks like there was a girl i was stationed with in korea um the style of dorms we lived in you uh well the one she lived in you had your own room but there was an adjoining restroom yeah that's like what we had in college or at least what i had yeah so she didn't want to use that bathroom so she would like if she had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night she would get up walk to the gym use the bathroom and i'm talking about like probably a quarter mile that's

insane are you kidding that's she would get up early in the morning and go i was like why do you do that she goes because it gets cleaned every day over there's clean i'm like but it's a public restroom i was like anybody any female on base can use that shower it's like it's not cleaner yeah yeah i was like i don't more people are using it too like yeah i was like also she's like but it gets clean and even in the child hall even when we like if she stayed there she got all her stuff into go to go boxes she only used plastic silver wear and she was like i don't i don't trust the uh the the cleaning machines i don't trust them and i was like isn't that and i was like dude i was like have you ever watched ajima put the plastic wear inside of the uh the little hole you know when you go to a child hall or

dining facility you just got the little i was like they when you go to a child hall or a dining facility? Yeah. I was like, they don't wear gloves. I was like, they come out with four boxes full of knives, forks, spoons, whatever, but no gloves on, and just shoved them in there. They're punching them in there. I was like, those aren't clean. They're touching those with their bare hands. And also, that's like the 4,000 person in the chain that has touched those. Yeah.

Since the ship from china you know what i mean like yeah i was like that's i was like that stuff is not cleaner it's not and then i guess like some of that uh for some reason like there's certain rodents that love those plastic uh that plastic wear because it's like sweet or some shit like that because sometimes like yeah it'll get infested with like mice and shit for some reason it says something about like the plastic or something that they're attracted to or roaches or something right it's something where i'm like dude that shit's not clean but do she would do i'm do she would leave her dorm room in the middle of the night in korea in the winter time to go use the bathroom so wait so did you share a dorm with her or you just knew no she told me oh that's insane

she told me because like uh she was uh she liked to play basketball and sometimes we were like um i would do like basketball workouts with her and when i kind of got the because she was really quiet and kind of reserved and stuff but we just started talking yeah i just kind of noticed some of her tendencies and i was like why do you do that and she was like oh i'm a germaphobe i was like you i was like you get up in the middle of the night to go use the bathroom she was like oh i'm a germaphobe i was like you i was like you get up in the middle of the night to go use the bathroom she was like yeah i don't use the bathroom i'm out yeah like that makes no sense yes if she has to like piss at like 4 a.m she's like well i guess i'll walk a quarter mile yeah like waking up in the morning she would just get up in the morning and just

go to the bathroom at the gym and take a shower there and everything damn yeah it's it's crazy how like humans though like uh how irrational these like fears are so yeah yeah exactly because like you'll say that to her and you know she's like well i'm just being clean but then it's like you still suck dicks right she actually was a lesbian you know actually oh well never mind that i mind. Even grosser. Probably because the vagina is a self-cleaning organ. That's probably why. Dicks are dirty. In college,

I had that where my dorm was me and a dude in a dorm and then we shared a bathroom and a shower with two other dudes in the dorm. Four of you guys in the shower. Four of us. We're munching box um no one one time there was a dude from the other dorm he was in the bathroom and you could hear everything in there it was gnarly so like i get where this girl's coming from but one time i was sleeping it was like two in the morning and the dude was like he made a

phone call while on the toilet and he was like what's up damn no i'm taking a shit i'm taking a shit oh my god i really need to get out of this dorm but maybe that girl heard something like that like her dorm mate taking a gnarly shit she's like you know possibly yeah it's just yeah i lived in a new dorm so we lived in like um my buddy my roommate ron we we uh we had our own kitchenette and we just had our own separate rooms and then we had a bathroom. It was kind of like a really small two bedroom apartment. And inside of our, we each had our own vanity, I guess like a sink and mirror in our room. Oh, fancy.

Nice. So yeah, we had a bed in there, a desk, a sink and mirror, you had a closet and then you had like a little entertainment center. Yeah. And then you walk out of our room, and then you were in our kitchen. And then off the kitchen was a bathroom, and there was nothing in there but just a toilet and a tub. Yeah. Ooh, tub.

Yeah, it was a tub. Yeah. Taking a lot of baths in there? Actually, was it a tub? I'm pretty sure it was a tub. Tub sounds weird. I can't see taking a bath in it. That's weird. It was a tub? I'm pretty sure it was a tub. Tub sounds weird. I can't see taking a bath. It was a tub.

That's weird. It was a tub. Fuck that. Dude. Dude. Dude, one time, I think I lived on the third floor and I wasn't paying attention and I needed to go to the, what do you call, did you guys call them day rooms? Like the main, like the kind of common area?

No. I think we called it common room. Yeah. Because you would have like a, like, you know, in a dorm you have like a common area? No. I think we called it common room. Because you would have like, you know, in a dorm you have like a common area, but then they would have like a smaller, almost like a little conference room, like if you wanted to go in there and like study or something like that. So it was like a really small conference room. And I had to go in there to like use the phone or something, but I wasn't paying attention to what floor I was on.

And I went to the second floor, dude. So I go in the conference room and i walk in there and it's like eight nerds and they're playing dnd dude there's pizza boxes in the they had the lights off so when i opened the door the light from the hallway shined in on them they all were like oh what are you doing like covering their eyes natural it was so funny dude dude that's yeah that i was thinking about like uh i never lived on like uh campus i lived at home all through college and then i lived that's gotta be so different dude oh dude and then i lived at home for three years after college so i didn't move out of my parents house until i was 24 years

old and i think about i'm like that is so old to be living dude my cousin was 28 when he moved out jesus christ but then i think about like we know p like i know people who are in their 30s and live with their parents like i'm like how do you not how have you not murdered i can barely be on a phone call for five minutes with my parents without being like, God, Mom, you're so annoying. You know, like, what about the other end of it, though? If that was your kid, you'd be like, what are you doing? Get the fuck out of the house. Yeah, I don't get that either.

My parents would love it. They would love if I lived. It's a cultural thing. Yeah. But, dude, I think it's easy when you when you're saving that extra like thousand to like 1800 bucks a month dude oh dude and i'm such an i was saving like way more than that and it's like that's just from rent i'm saying just just rent alone oh yeah but i i suck dude i just blew all my money i would just because i never made money before and And I'm just like, Oh, this is, I remember I was like, Oh, I'm like rich. I can like,

I was making after taxes like 24. Yeah. And, and so like, dude, I would eat out probably almost every meal and I never wanted to be home. So what I would is is i would wake up i'd go to work i worked in the city i would come back home i would like change my clothes and then i would leave immediately to go do open mics and then i would just eat out dinners i would eat out lunch like but i never and then you know then when i moved out i was like damn i could have like i while living at home i could have saved enough money to buy a house you could have saved tens of thousands of dollars yeah tens of i could have i could have paid for grad school yeah instead i took out loans for grad school so what was

i had a serious girlfriend and she had her own apartment so i just pretty much like at one point i was just living with her. But so I was like that. I was looking back on it like I was like a loser. Like I was like, babe, I'm gonna go to an open mic, babe. Yeah, I was a guy trying to break into comedy. I was 23, 24 years old living at home and just crashing at this girl's apartment. Like that's a loser.

That's insane how do you like if i if if i had met a girl if i was talking to a girl now and she was telling me about a guy like that oh yeah they're in their 20s i would be like dude that guy sounds like a fucking and i was an asshole i was not a good boyfriend right i was a real bad boyfriend not a good person embarrassed they're not a god a good person i was just very low self-esteem, and I took it out on her. Were you embarrassed at all, or what? What was your mindset about it? I personally just didn't feel like I made enough money to live on my own.

As you're like, should we get Chipotle? I don't know if I make enough money. I just did it. Yeah, because I was like, I don't know how to like i don't want to live paycheck to paycheck it's really not it's you know what it i get it it's it sucks but it's not really irresponsible now wait which part living with your parents after college it's not it's really not you know what i'm saying i i get it but at the same time when you're like 20 you can't bring chicks to your mom's house no no well if you're doing if you're saving money and you have a plan where you're

like i'm gonna live with my parents for x amount of years save up you know enough to put 10 down on a house or something it's cool but if you're just like i'm just floating along like that's yeah i was also just scared i was scared to like you don't know what you're doing move out because i was like i don't know like i don't i don't want to move out like and then get stuck in this job i want to move out i want to go to school like i want to go i need to go back to grad school because my plan was to just work at this job for a year and then i i thought i was going to be moving away to another state for grad school and uh yeah the plan it's not bad dude because the last thing you really want to do is like get yourself in a situation where like you said now you're stuck paycheck to paycheck right at least you had an education where, like, I know some guys, it's like they move out and they –

I don't want to say certain jobs because I don't want people to think that I'm talking about them. And, like, say you're just like a manager at a retail store or some shit like that. You know what I'm saying? You have no education. And you're stuck in that. Because what do you think is worse?

You being 23, you have a degree, you have a plan, you live in a home or to be a guy that's like you got to think. Do you have to you have to remember, too? There's people like in their 40s and they still have like just roommates that they find on like Craigslist. That's so whack. You see what I'm saying? That's a nightmare. Insane. If I do imagine having roommates right now during. list that's so whack you see what i'm saying that's that's a nightmare insane if i dude imagine having roommates right now during nope nope like i mean yeah dude there's comedians who have been on tv multiple times that have roommates yeah that have roommates and are sharing a 600 square

foot apartment right now yeah but yeah i think like um it's interesting like yeah like i never i don't know if i felt like a loser but i will look back on it it's just like bro what were you you should have just moved yeah you were you were in the forest you couldn't see the trees you know i'm saying there's nothing exactly because uh uh my sister when she got married um my older of the two i'm the oldest but my older of the two, my younger sisters. When she got married, her and her husband, they had an apartment together. Oh, this was kind of weird. After she got married, my mom was like, she was like, hey, she was like, when was it?

She was like, oh, we're going to go um i can't remember if it was the hotel or whatever but it was like hey we're gonna go set up their room where they're staring at tonight to make it really nice for them so when they come back to the hotel you know they'll have all these gifts and stuff do you want to go i'm like i don't want to go set up the room my sister's gonna get deflowered in it's like i don't i don't want to be i don't want to be part of that, dude. But then when's your mom like, oh, she's probably fucked before, Chris. My sister's 100% virgins when they got married. 100%. Whoa.

Wait, why? Very Christian. Are you sure? 100%. They were 100% virgins. Me and my sisters had frank discussions, man. They would have told me. Okay.

Damn. that's insane they had sex with frank told me it took a while because she was a virgin for so long like her husband had to be patient with her i think it took her maybe a month or so before they finally did even after they got married i can't imagine getting married to somebody i haven't fucked before like oh especially if it's their first time good god whoo but oh so so i got sidetracked um so when they got married they um they got an apartment for a couple of years and then they knew they wanted to buy a house so then they moved in with um her parents i mean with his parents i'm sorry with his parents for a years. They saved money and then now they have their own house.

That's great. And then when my baby sister got married, her and her husband had an apartment for a while and they wanted to do the same thing. And my sister had a baby at the time and they kind of needed help with the baby and all that kind of stuff. So then my sister and her husband moved in with my other sister and her husband.

And I think they lived together for maybe a year and a half. And now my baby sister and her husband have their own place. Oh, interesting. That's kind of cool that she, like, paid it forward, though. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. You know, I was thinking that, too.

Also, like, me and Karen were talking about this a couple days ago where, you know, it's me uh when like i just feel like i've had such a boring life i've i've lived in one town my whole life and i pretty much like it was just like school school school work for like a very little, but in like a very like dumb job related to my career and then grad school and then career. Whereas like if you listen to people, like their stories from like our grandparents' age, like, dude, like they have these insane stories. They're like, oh, yeah, I like I was in the military and I got out and I thought I'd pick up photography. And then so I just started taking pictures. I walked into a Barnes and Noble and I was like hey let me take pictures for you of books and they thought i was crazy but

then like all right fucking so i just so then i became their photographer yeah yeah he's like and yeah and dude this is oh my friend's grandfather that's what he wow it's just like crazy and then he was like yeah and then after that kind of fizzled out, I, um, I started drawing, uh, blueprints for ships and he's like, these things are like random jobs. Yeah. Just, you just can get random jobs and you can get by like, and he was just, yeah. So like you, like you go in these empty warehouses cause the blueprints are like as big as a fucking ship. And I was like, well, how did you get trained to do that? Like, did you just learn? did you just learn like he's like he's like dude you just learn on the job and it's just like and then when i hear stuff like that i'm just like is like i don't think college is a scam but i do think certain aspects of it are i feel like college itself is a it's a business it is a business 100 it also does not make it a it also makes i feel like it's just a i think it's a like an economic machine i don't know that if that's the right word but it's its own like thing it's its own it's it's an industry well they want to make money but i would i would say it's just a lot harder without the degree like what what he yes what he did worked

out but he didn't know it was going to work out usually you don't know what the degree but it's just like the likelihood is a little higher you know what i mean but he was coming up in a time where that you didn't need sure a degree that's now but that's what's interesting about today is like kids like do not have time to like fuck off and find like it's like you got to go to school school right you got to know like even that was social media it's like with with teenagers now so it's like they like if you want to be a politician or you want to be a public figure or something whatever you want to do yeah that's going to dictate how you behave on social media about it when you're 12 oh it's like oh i want to be a senator it's like well you better not post anything you know what i'm saying it's like you need to know what you want to do there's no room

for there's no room for error yeah but i think it's it's not that like but i always had jobs my whole like i've been working since i was 13 years old and i and i work like real shit jobs and not okay boomer yeah but i think like those experiences are good because that's that's when you can step outside of your bubble because dude when i was working at like i worked at like party city and i was working with like poor people and people who like been in prison and got out of prison and dude we would have like the coolest conversations while i'm just putting away like over the hill like nap yeah right ironically yeah like this very festive place it's like yeah it's like filling up a spider-man balloon he's like so

when i got locked up the second time you know right oh yeah dude like we like this dude would tell me about like how we would watch his like, shoot up heroin and all this stuff. And it's just, it's, and, like, I remember thinking, I was like, and, dude, one time a girl, like, she just couldn't show up to work because she got arrested. And I was like, I had never met anyone in your life where you're like 16, 17, you get a job, and you just start meeting people who have just been through shit, and you start experiencing real life. Because, dude, that's why I joined the military, man, because I used to work at Wegmans when I was a senior in high school.

I worked in the deli. And it was weird, man. It was like, I'm a high school kid. I just wanted this to have money to buy clothes like like hey this is this guy's career putting away apples like this is what he does yeah you know great dude crazy i had a manager i worked at a like a sam goody in the mall and she told me she was like she was like she was like yeah for me this was the same i was like a 16 year old girl i wanted a car so i started working at sam goodie and then

i bought a car and like being able to like have to pay for insurance and that was more important to me than school so i dropped out right and i was like dude think about that i mean it's all i'm sure it's way more complicated than that and, there was probably not much guidance in her life. Sure, yeah. Because if your parents went to college, the likelihood of you going to college. Yeah, there's somebody around to emphasize a different path. Right, dude. Yeah, but you're just 16 because you want a car.

Yeah. And, dude, like, now you're just a manager. And there's nothing wrong. It's honest work. I feel you. But it's a hard life. And she told me, she's like, you have to go to college. But, I mean, by that time I knew.

But, like, I remember being, like, 15 working at Party City. And I remember telling myself, I was like, oh, shit, like, I have to go to college. Dude, yeah. I took my 15-minute break. And I had to walk through produce to go to college yeah i took my 15 minute break and i was you had to walk through produce to get to the employee room and i saw a dude walk a guy who worked in the um produce department it was like you know matthew serving you for 28 years and i was just like i'm not working at a fucking grocery store for 28 years and i literally went down to the recruiter's office

like that next day but looking back when i'm being because this was you were out of high school i was uh yeah well i was fresh out of high school right i was i was still i was still a senior oh god yeah yeah it was uh i want to say i probably i probably was uh i was working that job um maybe a month or two before school was out. So I was kind of still in school. And then after I graduated, I worked there. But looking back, it's just like, shit, I wish I could have a job for 28 years. You know what I'm saying?

That's job security. And plus, when you're 17, you don't realize you're making minimum wage. You think that, like, that guy makes $5 an hour just like you do too. And it's just like, no, he makes probably $15 an hour. But you do too and this is like no he makes probably 15 an hour but still i didn't know that ain't that ain't great but dude but it's wagman i mean this is in 1998 too i mean making 15 bucks an hour probably the guy probably made decent money but this dude there was one lady i work with in the deli she worked there for like almost um i think she worked there for 24 years and i I was like, what does your husband do?

She's like, my husband's working at McDonald's for 30 years. But I was thinking like what got me thinking about like because, dude, like, you know, I have this job where it's I have this career. It's like it's a crazy career where, you know, we're telling we're telling parents that their kids have disabilities and we also are working with a population that a lot of people never will interact with in their lives like for my you know social strata whatever and a population that is at times very difficult to work with and you can see you can see the like people who have not had those life experiences um because they don't know how to talk to people who are different than them and they don't know how to like empathize they it's not empathize but it's like they can because that's why they just don't get it that well yeah or like relate

yeah there's no there's no prior experience for it where it's like oh right i'm not saying that i know what it's like to be in that position but there's a certain way where it's like it's like dude you're bringing the just the worst energy to this conversation where like you know it's kind of like can i speak to your manager vibe or just like very you have experience it's just weird experience yeah and like if you're like dude i know like from grad school there was like so these kids they would go right from college to grad school and in between you know so there's no time to like have these experiences where you can like you like how do you even begin to understand like what a parent is going through right you

don't have any of that experience because you don't get it yeah it's like no i read this in a textbook and therefore your son is x y and z you know right to them it's like no no this is a human being but to them it's like just the text right it's just it's like with the military when you first become a sergeant uh ncl non-commissioned officer like um you don't have a lot of life experience to help a young guy like hey you know you can be a sergeant but then you got some young guy that's 19 who's married it's like you could be yeah sergeant 25 no kids not married but then you have an airman who's 19 and they're married with a kid and they need to get like um wick it's like you don't know shit about getting wick you know what i'm saying it. It's like, you don't know shit about getting WIC. You know what I'm saying?

It's like you're 24. You don't, you have no idea what you're doing, but as you become more seasoned, you go through, um, different experiences, you know, which offices to contact, all that kind of stuff. It's like, I don't even know what WIC is. I don't know where to even, you know, begin to help you as a young NCO. It's just, it's the same thing with like the inner city stuff or just job experience and not to say white people can't relate man because like i grew up in the inner city i went to inner city schools man and there were some like white teachers that knew exactly how to fucking talk to those kids like you you can't back down there's no racist you know

bone in their body they know exactly how to talk to jamal they know how you know what i'm doing but it took experience you know it takes experience yeah yeah it does yeah so it's just interesting because you know i think like i think a problem is is these kids they go they're going to go straight from school to more school than into a career right and when you miss those kind of things like i do think it makes it hard to like sympathize with people's situations and especially if you're like a kid who went to like you know you grew up in a wealthy family private schools and like and now you feel like you've earned um superiority you're no but you feel like your hard work got you to where you are and you don't you're not able to see like other people's struggles and how other people

because they weren't like born how you in the position you were born right you know you don't have that you just don't see that like your privilege compared to other people. And I think like it it makes you double down. It's just cognitive dissonance, dissonance where it's like, well, if I'm making a lot of money, it's probably because I deserve it. It's because I completely earned it on my own. And you've never had. And then you just hear these stories of like welfare queens and. Well, yeah. People abusing the system. Right. They're born rich, but they're like, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps when I went to.

Yeah, I got a I got a small loan of a million dollars from my dad. Yeah. You know, that type of small, small loan. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I mean, I had a coworker say something wild to me recently where I was just like, I mean, you know, this-worker said something like we got in an argument and this co-worker was like well you you know how you work with these kids you

test these kids how many IQs in the 70s do you think are going to end up going to college and I was like well they weren't born with these they have lower IQs because the school suck it was we didn't they don't have this they didn't have the same opportunity it wasn't nurtured yeah right and then and then this co-worker was like i'm trying very hard to conceal this identity then this co-worker was at an old school anyway so it doesn't matter yeah so this co-worker's like my name's david smith and here's what i think yeah yeah and this go this person said uh well how many families do you work with how many kids do you work with with their where their moms have different last names

than them and i was just like what the fuck does that have to do with anything and and this co-worker said well you know people just don't have pride anymore these days i'm like so you think the reason these kids aren't doing well is just because just because just because they their parents aren't married like it's not it's just not that simple it's like it's a it's a series of things yeah series of things man well i'm sure like stability yeah stability at home would be ideal, but just because they're not together doesn't mean that they're doomed. Right. But kids like that, it definitely does not help them, especially if they don't have – that parent they do have is not emphasizing education and all that kind of stuff. It's going to make it really, really hard, man.

Yeah. But also if white people got locked up for drugs like black people got locked up for drugs there'd be a lot more broken yeah white i think you know i think about that now with dispensaries like if i was in jail for weed i would be so fucking mad like imagine if you were like 40 or something you know you've been in there for a while or you lost five years of your life those critical times where you could have gone to college but now you're a felon and now everybody's like over a weed man yeah and then like should we go to the dispensary before brunch like it doesn't even matter anymore getting rich doing youtube channels and like oh i'm a

cultivator and i yeah yeah yeah dude and this is it's the same if you go into like poor rural areas areas areas in like west virginia you know shitty school systems and like a lot of kids they aren't gonna finish they're gonna end up selling math they're gonna end up you know in the armies a lot of and a lot of those dudes end up like getting dishonorable discharges they're alcoholics drug addicts right yeah and that's another thing it's it's more of a class thing than a race socioeconomic thing 100 yeah socioeconomic thing. 100%. Yeah, man. 100%. But hey, thank God we got money, guys.

I'm just riding this pandemic out on a fucking wave. I tell you what, as a white landowner, I couldn't agree with you more. I could not agree with you more. Hey, as a brown landowner with a white girlfriend and a pit bull. You are. Yeah.

Dude. Me and Umar. Me and Umar. I wish we could go back in time and show these motherfuckers this shit. Yeah. Live in the dream. Own property and he have a sex with a white woman. Yeah.

What? Yeah. They will kick you out of the house and keep the dog in there. Yeah. I wonder when did dogs start living inside with people like when did people start bringing dogs in because dude care care and i had this conversation too like we because i do remember growing up like my friend we have friends just let their dogs outside our dog they would literally be hate that there would literally be a dog house like actual dog house yeah they never came in yeah no i mean dude and

right now i kind of wish we had a dog house yeah you think cob would just kidding if you had one kidding no cob is a people he needs to be around yeah most dogs do he never want if like i know there's a lot of dogs where they can just be outside cob is if we're not outside he does not want to be outside yeah i don't know i think most dogs are pretty social though i think i mean they might be used to being outside because they're left outside a ton but yeah oh dude the guy the guy who owns the barbershop i go to he has a really nice really nice well-trained pit bull dude named so-so that dog hates being he likes being around well and people and stuff but he hates being inside man like it's weird dude like so-so loves being outside like

you'll pull up to the back of the um to the uh to the back of the barbershop and like so-so is just sitting on the hill just chilling just chewing on the brain they he hates being inside just chewing on a branch dude yeah cob loves going outside like he looks forward like he gets so excited when we take it for a while and it's uh and i'm always like curious like because i wonder if for them, I don't think dogs look at it as a pleasure thing. I think to them, it's like, I got to go. That's my turf. That's my kingdom. That's my territory.

I got to go market. Other dogs are out there peeing everywhere, and I got to go protect them. I think that's why they bark at other dogs. It's so weird. They're like, what the fuck are you doing? how do they think like what are they thinking in i know i always think i'm like even babies first of all when you see like if you see a baby like an eight month old baby figure out like a a simple like problem to uh just like how do i get this thing from around this uh this uh this you know how do I solve a simple logic problem?

It's like they don't speak English. So how are they communicating that in their brain? Like, oh, I need to pull this ring off of this first, then take the thing off. Yeah, like they have a full dialogue in their brain. Yeah. Okay. How is that dialogue? They're like, okay.

That's an interesting question. And higher order thinking requires language so if you don't develop language you're you'll you'll never have like the the reasoning skills that someone with so you need the language to figure out how to do more complex problems yeah because they've actually done studies like this with people and kids and mice. And so just to know if something's right or left, that's language, right? And so to be able to store, like, so if they hide it somewhere

and they put you in a box and one wall is colored and you can be like, oh, okay. So the pellet is left. The pellet was like on the left side of the red wall. You can't do that with that language. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, it's very interesting. Yeah, like watching a baby like get like uh because watching

like say miles had like a block or something he was trying to pull it from underneath like a chair but you actually needed to like instead of trying to pull it underneath you just had to reach around the back and then bring it out this way you know the opposite way yeah i'm like how does he in what method and way does he go oh like how does that go off in your head? Like, oh, I got to just pull it out from the back. I can't pull it out from the front. Right. It's stuck. Like you don't know what stuck is.

You don't know what reach around to the back is. It's like how the fuck do you compute that in your brain with no language? It blows my mind. I know. It's pretty interesting. Like watching dogs figure shit out. Like how the fuck did they know to do that yeah or when you or when you fuck with them too like with boo i'll do fetch where i go to throw it but i just let the

ball go behind me so i'll just do like that and then he's just like well i guess it disappeared i don't know where the fuck it is it's supposed to be just like his mind is fascinating yeah kids at a certain age will do the same thing there's a test they do with it and uh they videotaped it's called object yeah yeah exactly yeah that's like a huge part of like development too of being like because that's where like i got your nose and kids are like give it fucking back it's gone you know that is that's a fun time too when like uh when you're able to like when you're not able to trick them with easy shit anymore and they just go, it's just one, like, like with a baby. So you can do that, that nose trick every day, every day.

And then one day this is like, that's not, that's not a thing, man. They're like, nah, I know object permanence. Okay. Yeah. Well, also I shit my pants. So. Well, yeah, it's funny because yesterday we ran into this couple and uh we were talking about like dogs and stuff and uh uh this our friends on thanksgiving uh they you know they had a big family get together they

brought their dog over to his mom's house and his niece is there and his niece has a pet chicken and uh so uh his niece is like six years old has a pet chicken and um i it's in a box and so it's like it's protected in a box yeah cock in a box and that's a chicken come on i guess the girl kept taking the chicken out to show the people and like forgot to like put the lid back on the box away and when everyone went in the uh dining room to eat the dog snuck fucking killed the chicken like like had it in his mouth he was like dude there was blood everywhere everyone ran in so the girl even saw like some like saw it but his brother quickly took the chicken from the dog's mouth ran to the backyard

snapped the chicken's neck to put it out of his misery and just chucked it in the woods and the girl was like like freaking out like oh my god is my chicken dead and the brother like made up some lie he's like no um the chicken had like a, because she was like, was that his intestine hanging out in the dog's mouth? Oh, yeah. You can't trick her, man. No, no. But the brother just lied. He's like, no, that was a worm.

They were both fighting over the worm. Oh, wow. That's a good one. The worm. And then I guess they just, they said like the chicken like ran away because it got scared or something. And she believes it. But this girl's going to be like 15 one day and just all of a sudden have this like, wait a minute. These motherfuckers lied to me.

That dog ate my fucking chicken. I was just going to say, is there any research on that of like the lies that we tell kids and how it affects their intuition or like cognitive thinking? Because they're like, no, I saw it. And they're like, no, you didn't. You didn't see that. And they're like no i saw it they're like no you didn't you didn't see that and they're like but i'm pretty sure i don't yeah i don't know i think like from what i remember learning in school it's like you're so always supposed to be honest with kids yeah but you can't and that's you don't want to be like yeah the dog fucking ripped it apart it's dead so but you you it sucks I think there's like a I mean who knows there's no but there's a lesson yeah it sucks but they'll get over there go okay you know fine right yeah you gotta be like look these this

is life things can happen the dog isn't good or bad that's just how it's programmed oh you know what that's something that you're rolling up a joint you're like honey nobody's good or bad really you know what? That's something. You're like rolling up a joint. You're like, honey, nobody's good or bad, really. That is something I had to talk to my son about because we would watch nature documentaries and we watch animals kill other animals. And he goes, is that bad? I go, no, animals aren't good or bad. It's like they have to eat.

It's like they're not good or bad. They do what they do. It's like they don't hurt other animals to be mean. They do it for a purpose. That's it. Well, I'm sure it must be confusing too. You watch a thing like Lion King or something and you're like,

oh, there's the good lion and then there's the bad lion. It's like, no, in real life, they're just lions, you know? Yeah.

And it's like, they don't tell the gazelles, but they're not friends. They're like, they try to make it out to be. Yeah. The elephant's like, oh,

the lion had a baby. Let's go check it out. That's cool. Yeah. It's weird, weird man having those discussions uh i'm sure stuff like that like when they figure out like wait like that like um a few years ago when they when he kind of gets grabs uh i'm trying not to be loud because i think he's up here in the other room yeah we got to wrap up soon too anyway oh yeah we can always shit ah we gotta do this again I'm sorry I felt like I fucked it up why would you say that cause you were gone for 40 minutes

I'm just dealing with a lot it was 20 that's fine but like when kids finally have a concept of time like night and day and stuff and then he'll go daddy how does Santa Claus go to every single house in one night right so so yeah so how do you so what do you say it's magic man it's just like

yeah the slayers magic is really fast and you know interesting yeah or like a lot of you still believe in santa claus but but but knowing him he probably doesn't. He's so sensitive. He's so sensitive and aware of things. He would be afraid to tell us that he doesn't believe because he thinks it would hurt our feelings. So he would pretend to believe. Aw, that's so sweet. Picture him drinking a juice box. He's like, man, life's hard.

I can't let these guys down. They think I believe it. Right. But I guess with technology and stuff now, parents may come up with other stuff like, box he's like man life's hard i can't let these guys down yeah they think i believe it right but i guess with with technology and stuff now parents may come up with other stuff like oh santa he you know he he pays for it but he gives us the list because he couldn't make it and we go and buy it you know shit like that they're like all right that makes sense yeah yeah yeah because it it really is weird to lie about that shit and we end up was fucked up it's like we do it for ourselves yeah like

who's it serve you know yeah but it is fun like dude like if if you guys decide to have kids dude i'm telling you dude dude christmas is the fucking shit like the first couple years they don't get it but then when they're like when they're like three four and five dude it's fucking magical dude yeah dude yeah a holiday without small kids around is it's not especially as you get older because it's also like last words yeah yeah that's why jeffrey had the the island he's like it's a christmas thing yeah yeah oh you know what dude you know what's fun that that's not funny but that is weird like people who are into that shit are always like into the holidays and shit because they know kids are into that shit are always into the holidays and shit

because they know kids are into that shit. It's like Neverland. Come hang out here. It's magical. Right. You like roller coasters? Me too. Right.

It's always some make-believe shit, man. Tim Dillon said it the best. He said a holiday is depressing if there are no young children in your family because then all the holiday is is a bunch of adults who don't want to be there oh yeah and i'm like damn that is so because when you go to like thanksgiving in my family like most of my cousins like when we don't have kids like you know that like most of us do not have kids. Yeah. And it's just so obvious no one wants to be there. And everyone's in a rush to leave so they can just go hang out with their friends. Right.

Right. It's like, why did I drive across town or like get out? It's like this thing about how crazy, you know, before all this shit happened, how we would just travel. Like people used to die crossing the country. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like 100 years ago, 200 years ago, whatever. Now it's like someone will get on a plane and fly from L.A. to New York to go eat turkey with somebody that they know.

And then fly back the next day. Yeah, for one day. For one day to eat turkey. Yeah, and be annoyed on the flight too. And it's not even the best meal. Yeah, right. It's crazy. The decadence.

I'm like, Thanksgiving is, the food is not the best. It's fine, but it's not amazing food. Did you guys do a mix of traditional food and turkey, or what did y'all do? Did y'all do the right thing and and and abandon your culture and just have a turkey well thanks for asking chris what we would do oh umar no you go ahead actually so this is uh yeah it's uh it's it kind of split the family so drama for years for years when we were young we uh were very close with our two neighbors. And one was an Indian family and one was like a white family.

They're Catholic, some sort of Christian. And we would go to their homes for Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving and New Year. They kind of like taught us like, you know, like what these holidays are and how they are celebrated in this country. And we would do the whole thing. We'd exchange presents, all that, have the dinners. And then once that stopped because their kid because they started like their kids started having kids and it just got big. And my family felt like it was just like didn't feel right to keep going over there. I know what happened.

9-11 happened we're not doing christmas this year man sorry no thanksgiving yeah yeah and so but that has to suck though man and the thing is you know you know that happened to numerous brown families across america at that time where like they had those cool white neighbors 9 nine 11 happened. And it's like, you can't come to Thanksgiving anymore. Yeah.

I'm a very lucky that I've never experienced anything like that. That's crazy. But I got one more question. So you know, Pakistan, how, how did your parents deal with the Indian neighbors? Was it weird at first or what?

Was there any, no, never. They're, they're like best friends. It's sad. The, the, he, the guy just died a couple of weeks ago. Oh, really? And and they ended up getting divorced.

But my mom, yeah, it's one of my mom's best friends. Oh, anyway. So, yeah, we do Thanksgiving at our house. I mean, right. Like we we are very pro only only traditional Thanksgiving food. Wait, wait. American traditional? Yeah. And it's like, because our stance is, it's like, look, every time we see you guys, we have to eat Pakistani food, which we do love. But you get to mix it up.

Yeah. And Thanksgiving food, like, it's not amazing, but it can be good, like mac and cheese and mashed potatoes. Like, those aren't foods you eat all the time oh yeah i made mashed potatoes for you guys one time oh yeah josh made it for our family one day mashed potatoes yesterday oh hell yeah nice potato oh well mother's day but so we do a traditional american thanksgiving meal at our place this other guy he was like hey my house is oh he was totally trying to cuck he was like, hey, my house is... Oh, he was totally trying to cuck my parents.

He's like, look, my house is bigger and we can just have the... Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, I want to do Thanksgiving at my house. It's not fair that we always have to do it at your house every year, which is true. That is not fair. Turducken.

More like turkukken. Am I right? Yeah. But they don't they don't they don't cook they don't cook traditional they're not going to do a traditional meal and and they're like well you guys can just cook whatever you guys want to bring bring it over and i'm like dude fuck that i'm not cooking all this food then bring it to someone's house and so we this our family is split on thanksgiving some come to our house and then some that's better when it's smaller it's better man yeah it's still like 18 i

gotta be honest man it's like we can trash traditional thanksgiving food but when you go to somebody's house and they're just doing like regular food on thanksgiving you're kind of like what the fuck is up with this man what do you mean like they'll just have like uh maybe like baked chicken and that's just like oh no i also get fuck get the fuck out of here with like brussels sprouts on thanks you can kiss my ass like give me a give me a brussels sprout baby give me the bs yeah i like them you like oh yeah i Oh yeah. I'm with it. I'll take that. A green bean. I want a twice baked potato. The whole thing. Ooh. Twice baked is great.

Turkey. Stuffing. Mac and cheese. You do greens. Greens. Mashed potatoes. What kind of like color greens? Southern color greens. Because we'll do the traditional stuff along with like a soul food stuff. So you will have the turkey, the dressing, mac and cheese.

And it's like you'll have greens, fried chicken. Cornbread? Cornbread. Cornbread. I love cornbread. I made cornbread too yesterday. Ooh. I want some.

Yeah. Cornbread. And then like potato salad, deviled eggs. Oh, potato salad. I don't know about that. Dude, I love potato salad, man. That's a soul food, man. I do love it.

Dude, you got to have some black potato salad, man. All right. I'm being serious. That is like a very, that's like such a hack. That's like a hack. Premise. How white people put like grapes in their potato salad. Like I've seen so many black comics do that.

Oh, really? Yeah. It's insane. Oh, yeah. Who put the raisins in the pot? Yeah. Yeah. Like yams and sweet potato pie.

Like I don't like yams or sweet potatoes. I don't like. It's like, excuse me, Mr. Well Done Meat at a cookout. I don't even want to be invited to the cookout. It's just so funny now. He coming to the cookout. Before you know it, there's going to be more white people at the cookout. I know. It's also like

this dude said one thing you know nothing else about. That's our culture, man. You say one thing and like, dude, look at Ben Carson. That dude made... But our culture, I think you mean american call i don't yeah yeah i'm just blind that's what i meant our american buddy i'm american wow i know yeah because you know what honestly when i said when you said tradition i went wait american and

i'm like that was some bullshit because you're american right it doesn't matter but it's all like semantic so i forgot what i was saying but that is our culture where like you can say the one right thing then everyone's on right yeah like dude ben carson gave that one speech at a prayer breakfast dude he called obamacare slavery and they were like he needs to run the country it's like why i'm not. I want this highly functioning autistic brain surgeon who can't talk to people to run the country. There's still a room in there was a room in my school up until last year called the Ben Carson reading room. Well, yeah. I mean, he was really well respected until he became a politician. Yeah, that's yeah, that's not his realm, man.

That guy like that doesn't need to be a politician. Yeah, it you are a good surgeon but you shouldn't be in charge of hud yeah all right we got yeah i gotta get out of here i gotta wrap this shit up um yeah we should do this again i feel like uh all right i fucked up the next weekend let's figure it out next sunday so this is my first time so just hit stop or do i need to hit record again or what? Just hit stop. Just hit stop. I'm not now.

I was just making sure. I didn't know. Yeah, yeah. Just hit stop. But yeah, Chris, plug your social media and any dates you may have. I'm kidding. Twitter and Instagram at ChrisAllenComedy, A-L-A-N. That's about it.

I have my own podcast, Negro Please Radio. It's on multiple platforms. I'm about to start a YouTube live show. Nice. Nice. Well, yeah, let's do this again next weekend, and we won't have any household issues possibly. Sick dogs.

Hopefully, yeah. Y'all yelling in the background. Yeah, my dog's going to be sick next week. Damn. And then, yeah, follow us on social media. I'm at Josh Kaderna. And then, Umar, you want to plug your stuff? Umar Khan 821.

All righty. Yeah, Chris, thanks for coming on. We'll get you on next week. Yeah, no problem. All right, bye, everybody. Peace. peace