The Digression Sessions - Ep. 323 - Backyard Sessions 5

Episode Date: August 8, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are back together but podding from a distance in Umar's backyard to talk that homeowner life. We get it, if you hate us. You probably should. Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

uh three huge trash bags of weeds right before it started raining two days ago living that that homeowner life huh just cleaning it up it's a great day very productive i uh i ran i grocery shopped. I cut the lawn. I weeded. And all before, like, dude, it just started drizzling. And all before beer o'clock. Wouldn't you know it?

I tell you. My dogs are barking, boy. Treated myself to a glass of wine. Two. I think you earned them. I earned it. I could be a little bad on a Wednesday. I earned it.

I did my work. Yeah, dude. The homeowner life is killing me oh no uh bad uh it could be so my front porch the roof over it um i always just assumed the water was running into the neighbor's gutter and i don't have a gutter apparently and so the water just was sitting there for a long time which has now led to like it's essentially was like a gutter box i think which was supposed to flow into the neighbor's thing and now the water just sits there and it may be seeping into the wood below so i might have to replace that on your front porch on the front porch what's that gonna cost depends how much wood is fucked up i don't know my cousin luckily does like commercial gutters and roofing yeah so he's gonna come by tomorrow and take a look at it so

hopefully you can help me out but that could be like depending on how much it could be a couple grand i gotta reseal the roof and then the side of the house since it's an end unit uh the something happened to the concrete where water got in possibly like frozen basically like water got in during the winter it expanded and then some of the brick uh not correct but the mortar in between the brick like wore away and then that got in the wall on the inside of the house. So, yeah. So, I had my dad's friend come out. And then so they got all the like bad mortar out of there and then put the new stuff in. And that was like 400 bucks. And then so I had to paint that today.

And, yeah. Yeah, it's good times. Good times. Well, it's still better. Exactly, yeah. I mean, I can afford. Taking care of an investment. Yeah. Yeah. It's good times. Good times. Well, it's still better. You're, you're. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, I can afford.

Taking care of an investment. Yeah. I can, uh, I can. Yeah, exactly. It's, uh, I can afford it and it's, uh, something luckily or hopefully that I only have to do once, you know? Yeah. Where it's like, Hey, I should have gutters. It is crazy.

Like, um, the difference, like when you rent a house, like, just even, like, the amount you just clean more when you own your house. Oh, yeah. You're literally invested. Yeah. In it looking good. Yeah. Yeah. It's, like, and then, like, if stuff, I don't know.

I guess there's, like, different types of people, but especially cause I'm like, are you first year in, like if something breaks, I fix it immediately. But like you're renting, you're like, ah, we'll just take care of that when we're leaving. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, no, no, no. The, the, the handle on the toilet, you have to like hold that down. That's just how it is. But yeah, there's just, yeah. The doorknob fell off the back door. So you just gotta wiggle it. You have to like kind of pull it a little hard yeah and shake it but yeah no anything that fucks up in my house i'm like no i know it's no so that's when the wall was fucked up it's like uh and then the wall on the outside is now since it's an end unit again the inside is fucked up like it's not terrible but i'm gonna have to replace that dry wall in there damn dude come on it was fun painting the house though but now also

where i painted i think i talked about it last week but where it looked different it's very like fresh and different looking but it's also water's not getting in now that's good thank god but yeah we had that tropical storm come through and i was like oh good cool more water yeah apparently my buddy i was hanging out with him yesterday we grabbed a few beers after it stopped in the evening uh-huh and he was like yeah it's like uh he was just like uh my roof sprung a leak and it's like you know like i don't know if you ever like water coming through the ceiling and you have latex paint it forms this huge bubble and so he just cut it open with an exacto knife and it was just like it went everywhere and he called a roof like a couple roofing companies and they were like yeah it's gonna be like two weeks until we can

even give you an estimate because everyone's roof sprung i'm sure everybody's roof is fucked up yeah my cousin i was like yeah hey uh apparently i have this problem where i don't have gutters and he's like that's very common in Baltimore I'm like who does that I don't know if I have gutters You do I'm looking at it now In the front I don't know Yeah in the back you definitely do But yeah I'm like why the fuck

And then also yeah my dad like classic dad move I was like yeah I don't He's like you didn't notice that Well he goes yeah I noticed that when you were buying the house And I'm like thanks for telling me Four years later. Are gutters like a thing? Well, I guess when your home was built, they weren't a thing?

Yeah, but I mean, the porch was probably built beyond 1910 or whatever. True. When the house was there. Yeah, I think gutters were a thing. I think it was just different. What about gutter punks? Was that a thing? I think they were around and then

crust punks i think came out of that it's tough to know which came first yeah because they are so gross they just kind of appeared one day it's funny because the avenue like when the avenue was like bumping before covid crust punks were like big on the avenue and i just remember like just being so annoyed and then they went away and now like all the junkies and meth heads are taking over i'm like man what is worse i would say crust punks you think so yeah interesting but they just play music you know oh you're talking about like homeless people what do you mean like yeah but people call them crust punks right like well you can be a crust punk and not be homeless okay yeah like i think a crust punk is just like a it's uh um what are those people with dogs they call them crust punks like they always have dogs

with them they're homeless yes but across they don't have to be home how they have an acoustic guitar with brand new right right right they. Yeah, and they have enough hair gel and shit to get their hair spiked. I saw a dude with a fresh... I'm like, what? I was like, dude, what are you... You're just traveling and you want us to pay for it. Yeah, and we should. You're doing an in-person GoFundMe for your

trip around America. I mean, that's just what being homeless is, though. Yeah, that's true. GoFundMe. They really did pioneer the go they should sue go fund me homeless people they should do a class action lawsuit yeah it would be a great yeah cardboard science it's like support my drug habit go fund me please um but no cross punks are just gross uh punk rock dudes i know that but i think like people yeah i don't know but anyway i was just like yeah this is interesting like and then like the park down the street dude it's junkies it's junkies yeah they're wild

they're gross yeah no yeah a few like they used to like gather i haven't seen them around my house actually which is great like they must have like a new drug drop-off spot which is great um but yeah no they've been uh they've been pretty intense this time i saw one of them once uh cutting his hair while he was walking oh that's nice that was pretty impressive just like scissors to the head all the salons are closed true so yeah what were you gonna do uh yeah he's a businessman he's like i need to get to a meth appointment i don't have time to sit down for a haircut. Damn, dude. But I was thinking maybe he just got like, he heard like the cops were looking for him.

And he's like, probably looking for a guy with long hair. Not me. You ever see someone smoking? For some reason, I think about the same way of when it's a really hot day. I couldn't imagine sipping a hot coffee outside and i always think of the same with smoking cigarettes when i see people like outside it's like a hundred degree day and you're just walking around smoking i'm like that doesn't bother you like it just seemed for some reason just seems weird well they're

addicted to it i know and then i'm thinking along i'm like is meth worse when it's hot outside hmm uh yeah you probably don't want to be outside on meth when it's super humid i guess yeah that must suck i do love a hot coffee in the morning though yeah i uh i'm i'm a i'm a in the summer i'm a cold uh coffee guy day. I haven't been making cold brews. I used to do cold brews, but I still feel like always having this big jug in my fridge. And then I was like, we talked about this, I think. But anyway. No, I like a hot.

I'll do the French press, have a cup or two, and then I'll have a little leftover. So in the afternoon, then that becomes an iced coffee. See, yes. So what i do here we i wake up karen makes that's the best part about having a partner who works in the summer because she gets up makes coffee so she leaves work i get up coffee on the pot uh-huh i pour one mug worth and i put the rest in the freezer wait like a half an hour and now i got iced coffee now you got ice now i got iced coffee i put in my Yeti and I start my day.

Woo. That brings us to this week's sponsor, iced coffee. Oh, I thought you were going to say Yeti. Yeti.

That would be nice. Tell them Dig Sesh sent you. Yeah, man. And they won't know what you're talking about. But yeah, so that's,

yeah, that's what I was dealing with all day of just like house shit and I'm like, it's just exhausting where I'm like, oh, good. what I was dealing with all day of just like house shit. And I'm like, it's just exhausting. I'm like, oh, good. This thing's fucked up in this thing.

And but yeah, it's like just trying to stay positive about it. Like it's a one time thing. It'll be better for the house. Nothing else will ever go wrong. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying this thing. Yeah. Something else will go wrong.

But I'm saying like once you put gutters in in hopefully it's not like you have to do you just don't have gutters just on your little porch porch roof oh that might that's gonna go that's not that bad probably right like i said it's gonna be a couple grand just to put that little thing in uh it's bigger than that umar is pointing at uh his back your porch yeah yeah yeah it's bigger than that and then so the problem is you might have to replace the wood that's underneath of it as well damn so then with like labor and shit but yeah hopefully my cousin's like oh it's no big deal so we'll see whoo we shall see but yeah man other than that, life is pretty good. Pretty good. I was working on stuff today that I don't normally do because I was doing it for the

person that's like, I'm their backup and they're out because their mom died. And I had to catch myself a couple times and just like, what is this bullshit? I'm like, okay. All right. Yeah. It could be. All right. Easy.

It's just so funny to be like hey could you do this it's not my fucking job where's that oh like all right all right chill out um but yeah man that's yeah it's pretty much what i've been up to yeah i yeah i've been up to much man i like had a very lazy couple days uh, I haven't done shit. I mean, what is there? I got my first show on Saturday, so that'll be fun in D.C. Oh, yeah. I think it's going to be 50 people per show.

Me, Chris Al. Multiple shows. Benji, yeah. Two shows, Overachievers, sold out. Outdoors. Sema? No, not at all, actually. So it's in like a garage, and they're going to have the garage door open.

So what I'm going to do is stand outside, and then when it's my turn to go on, I'm going to take my mask off, and when I get on stage, I'm going to bring my own microphone. Okay. And then I'll do my 10 minutes and get the fuck off stage and run outside all right i think it'll be fine yeah it's like being in a grocery store with no mask with no mask what are you gonna do it's like being in a grocery store yeah we'll see i don't know how it's allowed to happen because dc's numbers are still going up i think yeah but yeah i don't know what the rule is for people inside yeah who knows damn it could be illegal maybe i'm doing an illegal show

i know i just felt bad because this is the third time this person has asked me the first time uh i and he's doing these other two shows were in his backyard the first time he had changed the date and i was at the beach. Second time. Yeah. I didn't feel, I felt like a little under the weather. I did test negative,

but I just was being cautious. I was like, Hey man, I don't feel great. Right. And then I was like, I don't want to bail again. And that's like the worry with this stuff.

It's like shows are slowly starting and it's like, you don't want to be forgotten. Yeah. We're all assuming that wherever we are standing was like in the scene that's where you know but like you don't know and there's people who've been doing like honestly like this has been the best for people who've already been doing shitty shows because they're like oh a show outside with four people yeah yeah that sounds like a good time and i'm like i'll just wait show yeah

no like people have asked me to do shows i'm like i'm okay yeah oh yeah anything anything inside i'm like i don't know like i know that like my goobies is open and i'm like i'm good i know and i'm like because matt and shane are coming yeah and i but i'm like i can't i don't want to do i don't want to be inside yeah i would like to see it but but i don't feel comfortable yeah it's risky it's it is a risk it's really risky like i've gotten more loose about like going places but i feel way better having the mask on like being inside yeah you know what i mean like oh okay i'm gonna go to ace hardware and get like keys or whatever like when when covet first that first happened i'm like no fucking way like i was like grocery stores but now it's like as long as everybody is wearing a mask indoors i'm fine with it and there's not those fucking people i hate those

people that have the mask below everywhere yeah the mask below the nose what are we doing what how how would you think that that's okay? They're like, ah, I breathe with my mouth, but not this thing. I know. In the middle of my face with the holes. People are dumb. Yeah. People are like, well, I can't breathe. It's like, well, then maybe you shouldn't be outside.

Also, how bad is your respiration already? Who cares? Don't be outside. If you can't wear a mask, then ask yourself, should I be outside? Yeah. Or in a public, the most space am i a pussy am i a huge pussy yeah you know like just with that on you're like how out of shape am i yes like it gets it's uncomfortable sure after a while yeah when you're walking around outside

in a 90 degree day with a cloth mask i went like a cloth mask. I went for an hour walk. Yeah. No, I don't wear cloth anymore. I only do surgical. Okay. And because it's easier to breathe. They don't fog up my glasses because you can bend the. Oh, yeah.

I like those too. Yeah. Even that still. It sucks, but you have to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just pretend like I'm an astronaut training for something.

Yeah. Well, we are going to an astronaut training for something. Yeah. Well, we are going to be in space and like all of us. Yeah, there's going to be liquor stores on the moon. This is part of my training. It's going to be great when all the rich people just leave us for space and we're just left here to fight for. That is what Jeff Bezos says he wants to do, essentially. Yeah, but it's not like it's going to be great out there. What are you going to do out there?

They'll probably have like hologram technology where you can pretend you're wherever. Yeah. I don't know. It's going to be like that movie Matt Damon, Elysium, I think it was. It's like all the poor people are still on Earth. No, Ad Astra? No. Nope, that's Brad Pitt.

Bad Brad Pitt. Yep, and that's him looking for his dad that's it did you see it nope looked boring i love me some brad pitt and uh it did not look good dude three movies we watched okay in one day which we never do you guys are so bad all amazing knives out was the first one saw that in the theater and it was great. I watched it with my dad like a month ago. Did he hate it? No, he loved it. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it was so good. And then we watched... Knives Out is so good. The Andy Samberg movie. Yep, Palm Springs, very good. Amazing, like great movie. Have you seen Groundhog Day though? Yes.

Okay. I don't care that it's like a similar... I thought like this movie was just very entertaining yeah no i thought that they handled it very well like groundhog day really i think puts the like the flag up of like okay this is the movie where the day repeats it's like that's the best one you know yeah so any movie for them but it was very cool i think palm springs did a really good job of like still having that element but then you got like multiple people now and they did a really good job it was so good it was cool i loved it it was cool that they brought

other yeah multiple people and like this one guy had been in it and and yeah like if my day was repeat that's exactly what i would just like, just see how many people I can fuck. Oh yeah. And yeah. And then just see like how far you can travel. Just everything you can do. Every scenario at the wedding too. Like I love when they have the bomb in the cake and he's like, there's a bomb in this

cake. Oh my God. That'd be so cool just to do. I mean, it would be so miserable, but eventually, yeah. Do whatever you want and know that it, nothing. I mean, it would be so miserable, but. Eventually, yeah, yeah, yeah. To do whatever you want and know that nothing matters. I mean, that is life. Nothing does matter, but. Well, yeah, I guess.

You can't do whatever you want. I guess, yeah. You're going to die alone eventually. True. But, yeah, sure. It can matter in the moment. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I think a wedding repeating over and over that would be cool because there's so many different elements so many different people you don't know like that would be that would be pretty tight i don't know if i'm ready to talk about weddings yet oh very do you want to talk about the uh little exchange you did in the parking lot oh yeah yeah i can sorry i forgot um i blew a guy. No. Wait, what was the third movie you saw? Oh, third movie, which I thought was going to be dumb, but I was just like, I want to watch a comedy.

I'm, you know, having good times. Yeah. I watched Good Boys and it's pretty much Seth Rogen made it. Oh, yeah. It's super bad, but with little kids, it looked cheesy in the trailer. But it's like middle school kids, right? Yeah, they're sixth graders, and they're like, we're in sixth grade now. We got to like, you know, and it's so fucking good, dude.

Nice. If you just want like a movie that's so fun, everything's predictable about it. It's not like amazing film. It's just fun. Yeah. And it was like, the jokes are great. It's like so good. It's just like yeah and it was like the jokes are great it's like so good it's just like yeah you're even like even palm springs is unique kinda i mean but not really again because there's groundhog day and it's like you kind of know what the beats are going to be

but it's so well executed it's very well done i love it yeah i love uh not much of a spoiler alert but i love when the chick uh steals the cop car and rams the guy and he's just like bleeding out of his mouth he's like who the fuck is she there's just so many good elements where they play with everything and then yeah like i like the birthday party too the cool thing about good boy it was you know it's all about like these kids they want like girlfriends or whatever they want to be cool and it's yeah and there are like the you just relate to it as like a dude you're just like oh my god like yeah like that's what that's how like kids like they would like all like uh like in one scene like a girl was like i know what i know what sex is and i remember like my friend like you know like telling us like guys i know what masturbation is and i also just remember they're like yeah you're just like peeing

the girl i'm like yeah yeah yeah i remember i was young one time at a sleepover and i woke up and like my shorts were soaked and i was like guys i had a wet dream and they're like no dude you pissed your pants you 100 i mean it was wet For sure Cause I didn't And you were sleeping I was like Yes Oh cum smells like piss

Fuck it dude I'm a man Yeah It didn't smell like anything Cause I do remember smelling it And I was like I guess this is cum I guess I'm just really hydrated

Imagine if that's how much You did cut Yeah It covered my shorts Front and back And I was like Damn this is sick Damn your boy was pent up

Every time you masturbate You have to deal with that mess This is like damn this is sick damn your boy was every time you masturbate you have to deal with that mess it's like a pool yeah uh that's how it was you have to come in like a milk jug yeah you have to who keeps taking all the jugs what's going on where is all the tupperware yeah what happened um the uh the sex ed video that we watched when i was in middle school was like from the 70s it was insane but the kid wakes up uh the protagonist of this feature yeah wakes up and he thinks he had a uh a wet dream and it's like first of all like the the puddle like it's this it's like a foot like the circumference is like a foot no yeah and it's also like by his feet and he wakes up he's like oh no what there's no way also uh yeah so we watched a video too and

i don't know if it was the same one but the one we watched like the kid had a wet dream yeah by the way i watched this in fifth grade yeah and uh which i guess is cool because then when it happens to you like yeah fifth does seem a little early yeah but i guess was i in six so it's like what's the difference or maybe seventh i don't know well i well anyway so we watched this video and then i just remember like him waking up and like like looking under sheets like what's that and then his mom comes in his room he's like honey did you have a wet wet dream like she had some sort of like you know like epiphany yeah like what's that called like like a clairvoyant moment yeah like

and it's just like so weird he's like what's that and then like how like i remember when i had a wet dream like i hate it like i would never i've never had a wet dream ever ever i don't know dude are you sure yeah that's weird never i've had like sexual dreams but i don't know i don't know dude are you sure yeah that's weird never i've had like sexual dreams but i don't know i don't come never climaxed in your dream no damn that's a bummer don't say it like that never climaxed no you never had a nocturnal emission there has to be a punk band named nocturnal emissions uh full of cross punks absolutely yeah but i just remember i was like i would never yeah and i remember thinking like i'll never tell anyone that this happens yeah i have a lot hmm yeah because i didn't masturbate until i was gonna say so i was

always jerking off and or having sex and it was yeah so. I've never gotten to the point where it's like, uh-oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I had that so many times. It was rough. A lot of uh-ohs. Yeah, it was a bummer, dude. Waking up in my... Crusty Target boxers. Yeah.

And then because at that point, I didn't do my own laundry. Yeah. And I was like, all right, I got to start learning. You were like 25. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, no, I was like all right i gotta start learning you're like 25 yeah yeah i just i was like no i was like like 14 i was like i should i should learn how to do my own laundry cover up my cum shorts yeah uh in the the sex ed video the that same kid he ends up learning about sex on a field trip at the zoo oh and he sees like i forget who he sees having it might be like

gorillas yeah yeah and then like the janitor of of the zoo is like oh yeah you see that huh well i've seen a lot of sex in my day what is this and they're like well what is it he explains it i'm like this was the best you could do a zoo janitor can you imagine approaches like children is like i've seen a lot of fucking in my day yeah you're like a sixth grade so you're like old enough to like be left alone at a zoo maybe for like 10 minutes alone yeah your mom's like wait right here i'm gonna go take your brother to the bathroom and you come back and there's just a janitor giving you something like a field trip yeah and you're just like you come back and like your kid is getting a sex talk by a complete stranger like oh thank you he's making the hand motion he's like jerking off all over his face yeah i remember we had like

um our teacher was showing us like babies get made like, a sperm meets the egg, and men carry sperm. Wait, what happens? Yeah. That is not what I learned. And I remember a girl, she was like, well, how does the sperm from the man get to the egg? We're in fifth grade. Yeah. And the teacher's like, well, you have to ask your, that's something you have to ask your parents.

I was like, yeah, our parents are making you do this so they don't have to tell us that a penis goes in a vagina. Yeah. I think I just saw like porn or something and I was like, oh. I don't know anyone's parents who had the sex talk with them. Yeah, they never had it with me. I think it was more so just like use a condom. Mine was just like you're not doing that until you're married. Yeah, until you're in an arranged marriage.

Yeah, until we find. You're not doing that until we find a person that we say you can do it with. That you're allowed to have sex with. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah, no. So, yeah.

And then sex ed was weird too because there was no talk of masturbation either. It was abstinence only. Oh, mine wasn't that. Ours was, yeah. Oh, you're on a conservative school district. I guess, yeah. But it was like, the safest form of sex is like no sex, technically.

But if you're going to do it, condoms. And I was like, what about masturbation? They're like, we don't talk about that. So they weren't even allowed to be like, you can do that. Which I guess has to be weird. Like, think about that as an adult. Because normally what's also so weird is gym teachers teach yes why like you're you're like the day before you're throwing

a fucking you're throwing like a fucking football or a bean bag or like uh whatever it is being like all right chin-up contest and the next day you're like all right so uh the labia is uh uh this and then the sperm goes to the yeah you know what i mean yeah it's funny because i bet the way that it happened was like what the fuck is going on is like uh like because why the gym there's literally science teachers i think because it's health but i bet you what happened was like when they first introduced the sex ed curriculum, all the teachers were like, I am not fucking doing it. The gym teacher does nothing. Do you think how uncomfortable it is, too, to tell 12-year-olds,

be like, here's a vagina, here's a dick. Yeah. Our gym teacher, Mr. kelly in high school whoo that guy he had to teach sex ed and he was just like you could tell he was like a bro and uh still like like out of central casting gym teacher like always wore like uh like a windbreaker with like the matching pants yeah still had that for like sex ed as well and uh we also talked about like drugs and stuff too and he's talking about getting drunk and uh he's like yeah when you when you get drunk you get a little loose and uh actually in my time um there was this guy and it's clearly talking about himself.

He's like, this guy, he got really drunk. He was so drunk. And at my high school, they used to party at the top of this hill and that's where all the kids would drink. This guy got so drunk, he rolled down the hill

and a car was coming up the hill, ran this guy over, but since he was so drunk, he was totally fine. What? It was amazing. Like, was that you, Mr. Kelly? I think that was you. Wait, you know, that kind of reminds that.

So Josh and I are doing a show in September. It's an outdoor show. Oh, boy. And who cares? uh oh boy so it's fine and so we're gonna do this outdoor show in hamden we're like fuck it why not i'm sure it's gonna be fun and uh yeah but so this you, this is a weird thing. Like, okay. There is like a weird thing with comic comedy bookers where for some reason they think like when you're booking a show, you have to send a mass group message to everyone.

Like I do it sometimes, but in the message I say like, here are the details. If you need something just dm me separately on the side yeah and uh so you know there's like a mass group thing whatever and this one's pretty good no because usually what it turns into is like all comics like making jokes becomes an open mic yeah it's so fucking annoying and you're like why right why is this happening? Like, we don't need this, guys. Yeah.

Your jokes are going to bomb in person in a couple of weeks. Don't worry. I mean, all because none of us have been performing. Oh, yeah. I haven't been on an actual stage since March. Yeah, I'm so nervous. I started listening to my sets, and I was like, ugh, this is rough. It's really hard.

So you haven't done any Zoom shows. No, I refused. It's it's real. It's weird because you'd be like, oh, I'm a teacher. I used to be like, yeah, like I was in I was in schools and I don't know. Then it's also, yeah, the other day I was driving to work or whatever. And you're like, no, you weren't. I know.

It's so or even just like I, you know, I have so many jokes. I'm like, oh, we're so uptight. You know, like, or like... Right. Some of my jokes are like, oh, we're just so mad at each other all the time. And it just feels so silly to worry about certain things. Yeah. Or like now, like even like Me Too jokes are kind of like dated.

Yeah. Well, there's another fresh batch of comedians... Apparently. Raping women women non-stop yeah jeffrey ross uh la a 15 year old wait who jeff ross yeah insane apparently there was like some uh it doesn't matter but uh he was 33 i'm 33 can you imagine if i was like yeah i'm gonna go meet rachel she's pretty it's cool because since she's in 10th grade she doesn't have class in the summer and we get to hang out more yeah but nothing's happening

like it's not yeah i mean i think he's addressed it before too but now it's starting to get a little more heat yeah ellen's being canceled she should yeah i mean she sucks yeah fitzsimmons told me she sucks oh he said it before too oh really oh yeah yeah yeah he signed an nda but he's basically like oh never mind he didn't tell me yeah that's it's fine but but yeah he's had people on his show or i've heard him on other people's shows being like yeah here she's a bit of a tyrant and he's like no comment but kind of in a way of just like yeah but also if she wasn't a tyrant that was like the worst job he's ever had if she wasn't a tyrant you'd be like oh she's amazing she was so fun

and she's so cool yeah like she just seems awful yeah and there's no reason to defend like if you're a celebrity defending someone it's like yeah she consider you she considers you a peer and she needs you for her show to work so it's like what like kevin hart and all these people like it's nice you're defending someone who's also helped you i guess but it looks bad when people who make way less money than you and have way less power than you are like yeah we get treated like shit and then people like hey she never treated me bad she's never treated me my billions of dollars badly. I was going to say, when I go to parties at our house and there's like cocaine and caviar, we have a good time. Yeah.

So I don't know where this is coming from. Yeah. But then people are like, well, she's also done a lot of good. And I'm like. How? Is it? But it's like, it's weird because it's like she's feigning. It seems like she understands a cultural shift

and she has exploited it to help propel herself in the limelight because if you are a genuinely nice person, you don't treat people like shit who work for you. To be a head writer at a daytime talk show and then you have to sign an nda yeah like oh we can't talk about the fun bit where we gave away the crock pot don't talk about that yeah well apparently people like aren't allowed to look her in the eyes uh people can't people have to chew gum before going into her office cause she hates bad breath.

Like insane, just like insane stuff. She's just like very, very rude as well. Like she was just like very dismissive and like nasty and stuff. And it's like, it's always those people. Cause I think Rosie O'Donnell had that too. Cause she was on her show. Always the lesbians. Not saying, I mean, listen, I i don't know they both are not saying

that's right or wrong but those are just the facts huh remember she was rosie o'donnell was really into koosh balls that's what i'm saying she was like and tom cruise is a cutie patootie here's the koosh ball and then like ellen comes out and is like we're dancing we're having fun and it's like meanwhile it's like this like rape culture back there and she's shitting everybody it's always the people that fake it, and she's shitting everybody. It's always the people that fake it the most, too. They're like, yeah, no, we're all just positive vibes, and let's dance. It's like, okay, how come no one has a good thing to say about you?

I know, and then people who are decent human beings who make an off-color joke are dead. Ruined. You know, like just just forever anytime you're gonna come up people are gonna be like remember when he said this joke on a podcast yeah you're like oh my god we all have to kill ourselves dude did you know that brian callan and chris d'alia had a show coming out together yes a prank show and did you yeah so people if you don't know chris d'alia like he got accused of yeah we talked about it on the show. Okay, yeah, grooming underage girls. I wouldn't call it grooming.

That was the wrong word to use. He just DMs girls randomly who are fans of his, and he didn't seem to care. And they did skew younger. It seems like he didn't actually do anything underage, but he was into a 19-year-old. Some of them did lie about their age that he his team released the full emails but whatever he got accused and his might be it just he still seems creepy it's not illegal but it is creepy it's creepy yeah then brian callan and him are like good friends but this guy brian callance when that came out like really just started distance distancing himself from him

yeah and now and brian callan just is on record like a shitty dude who says weird gross stuff yeah like whitney cummings in one podcast was like hey do you want me to talk about the one time you actually sexually assaulted me like just and so wow callan was in uh they were doing a show like a a show together this is before any of them i guess were big and yeah it was at like a brewery he asked her for a ride home she was driving and she looked over and his dick was out and she was just like put that away or like you know and he was like he was like hey what are you gonna do and they were like laughing about it on the podcast and this was right after like whitney when the Chris D'Elia stuff

happened. Yeah. And you know, so whatever. And then, so now like the LA times came out with this, like, um,

where multiple women accuse him of bad behavior and one accused him of rape. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Buddy. Doesn't look good. Does not,

but he's the first one to come out and just be like the this is false well yeah i mean chris delia said that too yeah um i think jeff ross has also said that about this girl who's like she's mentally unstable not that i'm saying that i'm just saying that's what they're like usually when it happens people like go silent for a while but he like that day was like you know yeah fresh out of getting his uh facelift or whatever his eye surgery yeah he got his eyelids uh yeah lifted or something what a weirdo what so he can see pussy better yeah but his career's over sure yeah yeah he like just got divorced too yeah fuck who cares fuck oh of course what I'm saying it's just like a weird and then like

I think he's like in his early 50s. It's just weird. It's like you are done like to mount a comeback or something like if somebody gets canceled early on, it's like okay, you have a few years like Aziz, right? Took a few years off and it's like, all right, I'm gonna try to come back.

And Aziz's stuff wasn't as bad as Brian's, but he did have to take a few years off but now it's like i don't know it's really hard i mean the older you are too and like well aziz handled it probably the best way you can because he's so full of shit though he is from multiple people i've heard he's like a psycho. Well, yeah, of course. And he thinks of himself as like- One of the best. One of the best. Yeah.

But the one thing I guess he's good at, he's very good at playing the game. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And as like- It's almost like he's a sociopath. Yeah. He's like a Mr. Nice guy on stage, so he can't be like these Joe Rogans and Brian Callens where he's like, fuck cancel this shit is stupid and but what he can do is wear a metallica shirt and say

maybe fuck it yeah so but that's the weird thing like that then his special that he released after that like he got a lot of praise for but i thought it was very tone deaf because this movement you kind of like made this whole thing about yourself like in the middle of this movement of women you know speaking up against which is also kind of like white women in hollywood hijacked it from like black women but what do you do uh but you made this movement like all about yourself in a way like like you it just was weird like that he was like this is how it affected me and it's like no one really gives a shit how it affected you i mean the people that went to his show did that's true but but yeah i mean it's that is his experience so that's what you're going to talk about but i just think everything that he does is so calculated yes like yeah even

like wearing the metallica shirt and being like i'm just an everyman i'm an everyman i love rock and roll before this i wore ten thousand dollar custom-made suits in every special and everything you ever saw me doing but now i'm just like a normal guy now i sent my assistant to go find a metallica vintage shirt that also cost twelve thousand dollars that every other basic white chick for some reason has been wearing oh yeah they love oh all that shit is huge now like metal t-shirts yeah for a while like remember like nirvana shirts like like black people like we're wearing like nirvana shirt like there's still some of that yeah and i remember i was like i remember i went up to like my friend like i don't

i don't remember when it started but i was like oh shit dude you listen to acdc he's like what and i was like your shirt he's like oh no i just got the set whatever and i'm like yeah like h&m is selling like pantera shirts yeah and that's oh maybe it was pantera and that's i was like whoa you listen to pantera yeah and he was like, whoa, you listen to Pantera? Yeah. And he was like, oh, no, just like the shirt. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, it was funny to see like rappers wearing Marilyn Manson t-shirts and stuff. Yeah.

So good. But anyway, oh, comic group text. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so we're doing this show. We're in this group text. We digress. The show's like weeks from now, but the guy put in the show, Sweet Oh, yeah. Yeah, so we're doing this show. We're in this group text. We digress. The show's like weeks from now. It's literally in September.

But the guy who put the show, Sweetheart, local guy, Mike Quinlan, runs a great show, or did. And he just sent the funniest message. I just remember, I was like, I literally laughed out loud by myself because it was like he's like hey guys the the event purse the person who does events at the venue was just hit by a car so i'm not sure if the show is still on um i could probably let you know in about a week or two it's just like one it's like dude you don't have to send that message like no one is thinking about this show that's almost a month away yeah just wait the week and then if the show's off tell us if it's not off you don't have to send a message all good and none of us know this person so it's not like we don't well yeah it is nice to like he's doing it

to be nice to send an update but it is but then the next message was also great oh i enjoyed that one too i i enjoyed the first one more though the first one yeah it was great but and then you're just like i just remember it's just like it's just so funny like it's just like it's just i don't know it's a comedy it's a local it's just not i'm not like hanging on like you know it's not like i'm crossing it off my list and then figuring out how i'm gonna balance my checkbook sure you know but it's very nice i get it i i understand but and there are some comics that are doing that too that are like oh well if any of the comics on that show are doing it they just gotta fucking get a job like i don't feel bad for them oh i don't feel bad yeah i don't feel bad at all just um

just saying some of them might be doing there are those comics here that for some reason they're like i'm a full-time i'm like you're a full-time comic i get more work than you and if i only relied on comedy i would be yeah i would be insanely poor yeah you're a full-time comic you don't work any clubs regularly you don't go on the road like yeah you don't have podcasting like what the fuck are you making like what money from yeah at most you're getting like 15 bucks a show yeah or and drink tickets god but that has been the nice thing i mean i've like yeah it's nice to not be near those people yeah i've enjoyed that and i've also Yeah, it's nice to not be near those people. Yeah, I've enjoyed that.

And I've also just... Yeah, it's been nice not to have to do a ton of shit. I know. I don't miss it. I'm fully just enjoying just being a human being. Yeah. It's going to be fun to see... Yeah, like, dude, last weekend, I've really gotten into paddleboarding. I bought some paddleboards for me and Karen.

Love it. Real nice. Yeah. Inflatable, which you think sounds dumb but once it's blown up you have no idea that it's inflatable yeah uh because it's like pv some sort of pvc or something uh-huh so we've been going paddle boarding and last weekend just like on a whim my buddy was like hey we're going paddle boarding in georgetown i was like when are you leaving he's like in 20. I was like, when are you leaving? He's like, in 20. And it was like 9.30. I'm like, fuck. And I was like, well, Karen's working.

And what else am I doing? So I went. Dude, we went paddle boarding in Georgetown on the Potomac. Love it. So beautiful. The water is so calm. And there's boats out there. But they're not allowed to move fast at all.

They can't have a huge wake. Yeah. And so we're just like, there like these little islands that like you can stop at and chill on and there's a ice cream boat an ice cream boat yeah there's a boat that just drives down like an ice cream truck sells ice cream and beer whoa fucking amazing that's also genius too yeah well we're talking about that because like the upfront call like the just boat maintenance having to like pay dog fees all that it's a owning a boat but i guess it's no joke it's like owning like a second home oh yeah the upkeep on that is nuts yeah still i mean it's a boat in.? Sure. I'm guessing they already have some type of money or something like that. Because I remember thinking, I was like, you know, I did not...

There was a lot of boats out there, a lot of hotties. Sure. It doesn't matter. A lot of wealthy hotties? Wealthy hotties. In Georgetown. In Georgetown. And I was like, damn, how many people in D.C. own boats?

Like, if you can live in D.C. and own a boat, how rich? Yeah, and, I mean, Virginia's right there, too. Yeah, that's true. That's true. It was so fun. And then we came back. But, no, yeah, Georgetown is, like, the money in Georgetown is crazy. I mean, Jeff Bezos has a house in Georgetown.

Oh, yeah. And then we came back, and then we grabbed some beers. Oh, it was just, like, the best. It was great. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, just having, like, a day where you can actually be like, oh, I'm going to get out in nature. I'm going to get shit done around the house, hang out. Oh, it was just like the best. It was great. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, just having like a day where you can actually be like, oh, I'm going to get out in nature. I'm going to get shit done around the house, hang out. Oh, it was the best.

And not have to be preoccupied with like, fuck, I'm doing 15 minutes later. Yeah, you do a set. You got to blow off like, I don't know. I remember I would blow off like so many dates and hangs or like friends stuff. For sure. But even if you go to a thing before it's like you're preoccupied with the show going well yeah and then you're yeah you're always thinking you're like i gotta leave in like 20 minutes right right like man this is so fun but i need to leave in 19

minutes uh fuck um yeah so yeah i've been enjoying just existing it's i think it's gonna be hard to get back into man it's gonna be like the i'm scared i i don't even know if i want to really do it at that like at that level level you're just like constantly grinding but then thing is if you don't then you're not gonna get work and you're not just like i guess this is it and it's also like we'll see yeah that's what yeah because i'm not really trying to be like yeah no i need to do a show inside. And I'm like, eh, it just doesn't seem worth it. Like, eh. But then you also, yeah.

But the more you do comedy and you just realize like, you're like, oh, this is, you know, it's not happening for me. Oh yeah. But then you just adjust to a different level of like what you get enjoyment out of. Then it's hard being around and talking to people who are like still like so like where it's on a delusional level. Oh, that can be a bummer. But then if I'm in the right mood, I'm like, OK, you know, like I'm just like, yeah, it's great because it's like I have a detachment from that it can be draining sometimes but I'm just like no it's tough that's for you have fun

so not in that mood yeah like you're not in that headspace right now and you're I just want to be like dude who cares like chill yeah just it's fun like uh you should probably start making other plans because it's over, dude. Save for retirement. Save. It's fucking over. It's not going to happen. People are always like, I got to do this or like I got to buy this podcast equipment. I got to shoot a special.

And it's like it is cool to do all those things for yourself. Yeah. If you think it's going to. I mean, if you're doing it for you and you know what it's what you're going to get out of it. Yeah. Burrs have to put a special on YouTube, you yeah that guy's like a million followers no not a million but he's probably i mean he's one of the biggest comedians in the country he's very well known he's probably in the what top 20 you'd say yeah yeah for sure which is pretty special on

youtube which is pretty insane yeah um it's just funny to think like people are gonna be like i don't know i guess we you can always dream but it's like this whole thing really like this whole covid thing like really like yeah should make people like reassess reassess their lives yeah yeah and that's yeah i've had that in like a positive way i've been like oh yeah and i mean i was caught already kind of there just like oh yeah like i there were like a few years where i was going like really hard and it was fun but then you also get to a point too you're like all right well why am i going so hard or like is me going so hard more beneficial than the things i'm missing out on you know right and i don't think before covet i ever really slowed down i think i was like going pretty hard and then uh i think you slowed down

for sure i mean yeah from what it was like you were going to dc a little bit but like oh yeah i wasn't hitting mics but i felt like i was like routinely doing stuff oh yeah yeah and i was too but it was like i'm talking about like really Oh I was doing 10 spots a week Sure yeah or like even like 5 to 7 or something It was nice because I was making like decent side money Oh my god yeah This is tight

It was nice to like be booked almost Like every week on paid shows Right And uh yeah but then you're just Like yeah like what am I doing like this is such a headache it's so much driving but we'll see maybe when it starts back up again you just get that itch and you feel left out and you're like well this is my thing people have their thing and yeah yeah but it's just like a thing that comes at such a cost uh to like other things in your life to your personal life and i don't think it's

necessary like i think like comedy is such a cult in a way like i know like stand-up comedians make fun of improv because it's such a cult yeah but like stand-up is also a cult in the in the sense that like you know it's definitely a like a boys club and then there's like this whole motto where like if you're not going up every night then you shouldn't be doing this right you're not serious well i don't know because then it's different i don't really i think in the beginning you do and but then you you know you see like a lot of new york guys that even i love as comics, and I think they're some of the best, but it's, like, in a way, it's, like, you don't have anything, like, you don't have, like, anything interesting to say, you know? Like, you just, so many of your bits are now, like, I was in a coffee shop, and this person

said this, and I said this, and then this person said this, and I said this, or I was on a plane, and this person said this, and it this or I was on a plane and this person said this. And it's like, oh, yeah, you're like reaching to have something to have some content. Yeah. And it's like, yeah. And then, well, yeah, you can also just get burnt out to something like the best shows I've had where I haven't gone up for like a week. And I'm like, oh, this is fun again. Yeah.

And we don't. And it's fresh. Shit. Yeah. You don't care. And then also, but you haven't like burnt it into the ground either you know where you're just like oh i've said these words so many fucking times and then it's like all right let's just get through it and then you're like oh wait i remember why i enjoyed saying this yeah whatever so so yeah i mean if it gets back to

normal but it's not it's not we're in like a brief little like eye of the storm as far as it goes, like COVID and everything, because it's only going to get worse in the fall, in the winter. It is interesting because cases are going down again. If you look at the post website, new cases are going down. Deaths are going up right now. Right. And in the winter, I know they're saying it's going to go up, but I think people are going to see each other less.

So hopefully it goes down. But why? Well, most people are going to be working virtually. But then if schools open again, and then most people might not be either. I don't see schools opening this year at all. Some will. I mean, some already have. Oh, I know.

The pictures are nuts. Yeah. Have you seen that one picture? In like Georgia or something. It was Georgia. Yeah. Something opened where it's also, I forget what it was, but I think it was like hundreds of people already got it.

Yeah. In Israel, they opened up schools. They had to shut them down again. Right. So, but it's also like even in the winter. Yeah. So, you're just going to have like regular sickness flu everything else like it's just gonna be people are still gonna be you still gotta go to the grocery store you're still gonna go out to

do stuff right people still try to be like outside doing shit yeah it'll just be way less like there's not gonna be outdoor dining there's not gonna be like hangs at the beach and there's not gonna be hangs like on people's like people figure it out though dude but i think people might just start doing parties you know that's what i'm saying you'll be in the backyard at like a bonfire no people be in their home parties oh that's just even worse that too yeah no all that shit's gonna happen it's gonna be bad but yeah yeah and that's the thing it's like how long do you think it's gonna be until like a show like my show or big hunt where they're in basements and literally you're touching the person next to you you're sitting next to i'd say like a full year at a minimum yeah like until i

think it's gonna take two more years yeah i would say at a minimum i mean if they figure something out in the winter like some type of treatment or something possibly by the spring or summer but that's like earliest earliest well i even read uh the how do you say virologist yeah he the guy who was on rogan before like everything really hit the fan yeah he's like uh i guess like a leading guy on viruses in the u.s he's a professor in minnesota uh-huh i ran an interview with him and he was like yeah people have this whole vaccine thing so wrong oh yeah even if you get one it's not an on off switch you have to think of it as like a dial like a power dial where you can turn it from off or like turn it like like it right now it's on like the highest setting and there's different settings

you can put the power on like almost like a light dimmer yeah and he's like a vaccine will slowly turn it towards off but it's not going to happen like overnight and he said that we're going to be dealing with this virus for decades at this level probably not but it's like it's going to be around it's going to be around because it also mutates i mean the same thing it's like the flu is not the same flu every year that's why you can get a flu shot i know like trying to predict what it is same thing with like anything that is for covid it's like well here it is in this state you know but whatever it mutates into it's wild because you're just uh you're just like man when can we just like be in or inside at a bar just hanging out with strangers think about like you like how crazy that seems now

yeah somebody uh there's a thing i saw that i loved where it was like um it was uh it was a drawing of like two bodies it was like a like was like basically supposed to be like an info thing. So it was like two people talking at each other and it's supposed to show like all the particles that come out of your mouth when you're talking. So like one person had red, one had blue, and each person was just covered in like red particles like all over their face and chest.

And the other one had like blue and like the corresponding areas. And people were like, man, I i miss doing this because it's true i mean that's like that's what we want to do we just want to be like close you know um and yeah no i don't know who cares fred's having a wedding in this month like a normal one they had to reduce it but yeah they're still having it yeah it's like what is it what are the pictures gonna be like like everyone's gonna be wearing masks if they're not eating or drinking at their tables yeah uh are you gonna wear a mask in pictures are you gonna wear masks during the

ceremony when you're dancing when you're dancing are people gonna wear masks when they're dancing and my buddy thought he was gonna have a i knew he wasn't but i didn't want to be like the nego nancy whoa what's that word huh nancy okay nancy okay easy is that a i just nego is oh like negative no it's just oh okay sorry i wasn't even thinking that uh me either uh and he was like yeah we're still set to go cases this was before cases started going up he's like cases are going down they said we can have 130 people 130 i was thinking and he's like but yeah we're gonna have to wear masks uh when you're eating when you're not eating or drinking and i'm like and in my head i was like i'm not gonna go dude that's insane if you that's because his wedding was in october and then

last week he had to text us and be like hey guys we're having to do we're gonna have to do it virtually and we'll have the ceremony we'll have the reception next year like the party next year yeah and uh and then me and my buddy evan were talking or you know yeah evan our buddy friend of the show yep he was like he was like yeah man uh my friend was like yeah i think things are gonna be better next year and we were just like i was like what yeah why because i know this person is just you know decently smart person yeah but she's planning a wedding uh and so she's having like she has to just give her but it's like dude you should not be putting down payments on anything right now.

If anything, you should be keeping your money and not spending it if you don't have to. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine putting a down payment. On something you can't get back. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah. I know like cars and trucks right now, you can get pretty crazy deals on stuff.

So you could do that if you could afford it. That's different because you're using. But I mean like a venue to put a down payment on a venue yeah that may not exist and then something that's non-refundable catering company that may go under yeah because caterers are like uh like they're making they made zero money in their most busy season. Right. So they're fucked. Yeah. And what are you doing? And also be like, hey, caterer that went under, can I have my $3,000 back? And they're like, no.

Yeah, we don't have shit, dude. Yeah, come and get it. And, yeah, so, and then, like, you know, and then me and him were, like were like, kind of just like shitting on a wedding. We're like, dude, we're like, also people just, just chill. Like you got to realize,

especially during all this, like it's not like, I know people want weddings and stuff, but it's like, you can just wait, just wait. It's not that like, yeah,

it's not that serious. No one gives a shit. You have a, no one cares about your dress. Also, nobody really wanted to go to your wedding. No. Yeah. And like, it's not that serious. No one gives a shit. No one cares about your dress. Also, nobody really wanted to go to your wedding. Yeah, and that's the thing. Like, it would be fun, but nobody's heartbroken.

Yeah, and all the dumb people are like, well, it's free. It's like, okay, man, like, you can... Is it ever that good? It's never great. No one goes to, like, you know what the best meal I've had this year? Yeah. John and Kara's wedding. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I love that chicken that I pulled out of a tin that was steaming all over. suit like you know what the best meal i've had this year yeah john and cara's wedding yeah yeah no i love that chicken that i pulled out of a tin that was steaming all that was fun that was good yeah and then like it's not like the drinks are amazing you got beer wine and then they're gonna pour liquor on ice like and it's also it's like cool that those are free those are free but but unless you're fucking like just a homeless person yeah is it that hard to have like three or four drinks your own booze your own is it that hard to buy a bottle of booze or a six pack of how many how much are you drinking at a like are you and if you're one of those people who looks for a wedding because you're going to be blacked out drunk you have a problem you're

an alcoholic and also you get blackout drunk at home all your friends hate you and they hope they only invite you because they feel like they have to you probably ruin weddings if you're like man i fucking drink my dick off at a wedding you're like well what are you doing why yeah yeah and then it's all like but i bought a dress and. And it's like, guys, no one gives a shit. Like a wedding dress was like only a big deal when like that was like the only like item of clothing that you really, that was like the one nice thing you bought. Like now like women wear sundresses in the summer where they look just as if not better in than a wedding dress yeah you know well nobody yeah it's also like no guys like man she was so hot in that way yeah it's like oh that was nice yeah yeah i mean it can be a nice i get it it can be a nice event but it's also

everybody's like yeah why like what are we doing right and it's also such uh you know it's funny too like uh a lot of like women who are like very feminist but they're also very into weddings like weddings are a very like patriarch you know they're like oh no uh yeah like weddings are such it's all a fucking grift oh speaking of yeah i mean all mean, all of it. The money for rings, the money for dresses, the money for a venue. Even like the father-daughter dance, it's like he gets one last dance before his daughter is going to become impure. Yeah, every time I watch that, I'm like, what does this mean, that he can't fuck her anymore? Yeah, no, he just gets to enjoy his daughter when she's innocent one last time. And it's also like, you don't think she sucked this guy's dick a million times probably like this morning yeah exactly like what yeah and

then it's like now i'm gonna dance with my mom she's like you're allowed to fuck her now yeah wait i just want to be with my daughter one last time before she becomes dirty she gets sullied and cum in her butt yeah yeah like uh yeah all of it's stupid it's so dumb like no one like just the speeches the money alone is insane like people spend tens of thousands of dollars oh yeah where you should be saving that investing that buy property with that yeah and if you're like to blow it on one if you're making monthly payments like these people will, you know, they finance, or they put on credit cards. You're like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? You're nuts.

Yeah, no, get some property. You're an insane person. If you don't own a home, but you spent $20,000 on a wedding, you should fucking kill yourself. You done goofed. You goofed up. You goofed hard, and now you got to die. die yeah um but yeah speaking of rings they're expensive and i tried to sell i tried to sell carrots oh it sucks the story gets buried at the end oh um that's fine yeah it seems like that's where all these stories end up anyway yeah um but yeah i was trying to sell the ring and

her ring is very specific apparently. And it's like, it was very like salt and peppery, which means that it's like, you can't like see through it. Is that a bad thing? It's not. It seems like the ones that have more clarity are worth more, but it doesn't mean that it's bad. It's the same way.

It's like a house that you wouldn't want. Somebody else may want or whatever. You know what I mean? Or like a brown person isn't bad. It's the same way it's like a house that you wouldn't want, somebody else may want or whatever. You know what I mean? Or like a brown person isn't bad. Well, okay. I don't think you're hearing me. What I'm saying is diamonds. I don't know.

Pure, beautiful. What are you saying? Are you listening? What's in that Yeti cup? No, I took it. So I took it. I hit up one jeweler online and literally the guy was like, the market for these types of diamonds is soft. No, thank you.

And I was like, damn. Brought it to another place. And the woman looked at it. And she was like, oh, is this from a place in Brooklyn? I was like, yeah. She's like, oh, I've seen these. This is cool. I like the box.

And OK. And how much did you want for it i was like i would like like two grand would be great yeah and she was like um yeah it's just we have a tough time selling these to our market and uh it was a jeweler it's like right by food marquetta in the county yeah county people aren't going for that not blood they were not feeling that yeah this was like a conflict-free one but straight up she was like not for us also like. Yeah, this was like a conflict-free one. But straight up, she was like, not for us. Also, like, zero dollars. And I was like, fuck.

And then I looked online for the type of diamond that it was. And I found a forum website. And, like, I hate those. And I'm always just like, who? It's a forum website for people whose weddings were called off. They're all trying to sell their rings. Saddudes.net. But no, yeah.

It was something literally called thediamondudes.com. I forget what it was. But I'm like, who are these fucking losers? And then you're like, ooh, this is very informative. I'm so glad they post here. Stuff where you're like, who would ever sign up for this? Right. Someone makes that joke.

Upside down, diamond's a pussy. They're like, no no that's not cool you're banned um but yeah so the the type of diamond that i had this guy was saying he was like yeah my fiance uh she wants her wedding ring to be this ring and i want to get it but i'm just worried about like the value and how much should i be paying for it and all these guys they're just like dude that thing is not worth anything so do you feel like you overpaid for it no because it wasn't a ton it was uh i think it ended up being like 4 500 okay so it's not i mean like i know i know guys that spent ten thousand dollars on a ring idiots yeah yeah uh so they're finding they're putting. Yeah. I'm sure.

Or yeah. You're like bro. Ten grand. Ten grand. And so they're basically saying kind of the same thing of like yeah you can get it if she really wants it. But the resale value is not this. And then also I learned like so much about selling like reselling diamonds.

There's a company. It's called GIA. And they're essentially like the end all be all of you send your diamond to them and they'll a company, it's called GIA, and they're essentially like the end-all, be-all of you send your diamond to them and they'll tell you what it's worth, like the appraisers. And they're like, I don't even think GIA would look at this diamond. God! So I was like, fuck.

And then it also costs money to send it to GIA. Right. So with the thought that it's like you give them a couple hundred dollars, then you are going to sell your ring for eight grand, but you paid ten or whatever. And someone who just has like a undergrad in chemistry yeah yeah with like the lupin like it's trash so i read that and i was like fuck i also so i also don't care because it's like it's money that was spent it's not like like it's just at this point it's already accounted for. So anything I get for it will be, will be extra in a way. So now that I have all that shit happening with my house, um, I'm like, fuck, it would

be nice to have some money to help pay for that. So I was like, fuck it, dude. I'm putting it on Craigslist. And I asked for 2000 guy hit me up and he was like 700 and I was like, buddy, thousand dollars and you can have it today. And he was like 700 and i was like buddy thousand dollars and you can have it today and he was like okay and so so then he was like well let's meet up uh he's like i live in pennsylvania can we meet can we meet at the outback steakhouse in hunt valley in the parking lot and i was like at 11 and i was like okay and it was a sunday morning oh i guess i read your text wrong i thought you said he wanted

to meet in the back of the parking lot no no no he just said the parking lot tip made me feel weird so yeah i texted so and then i was like all right this guy this guy's not gonna kill me or like rob me and then i got a little weirded out because he was like do you have any other jewelry you can bring and i was like no like i'm just a weird question and then he goes well do you have any musical instruments you want to sell and i'm like fuck this guy's like trying to be like what expensive stuff that i could resell could you also bring that so so then i'm like fuck you what's that all right and i was like maybe it's just like a normal dude and then i was like this is a little weird um but i was like could be fine i was like maybe i should a little weird. But I was like, could be fine.

I was like, maybe I should bring somebody with me just in case. So I hit you up and you were like, don't go. I would not do it. Doesn't seem safe. Sounded weird. Yeah. Also, it's like, dude, drive an extra 20 minutes. Come to my neighborhood.

Yeah. Yeah. But then I was like, I really want money for this thing. Yeah, I get it. I would be the same. So you were like, we should move it to the wegmans which was like right across the street and so we did that and then uh luckily my buddy paul who i love he was very nice i was like bro would you come out to make sure this guy doesn't

kill me he's like sure so he was there he didn't get out of his car but he was right next to us and i saw the guy the guy said he was going to be in a honda odyssey and when i was at the light pulling into the parking lot he was behind me and i was like oh he's like an older dude and then he also had uber and a lyft sticker as well so it's like okay he's on the grid there's no way unless he killed his uber driver and so so then we met in the parking lot and i swear to fucking god umar this guy was seven feet tall 350 pounds like massive massive guy which is also just if i was meeting this guy alone like again out of like central casting to be like oh i'm sure he's just a normal guy that wouldn't beat me right like if

he want he would have killed me i mean i could have run away for sure damn but it was like i was standing there and paul was like from he's like from the car he's like your head the top of your head didn't even go to his shoulder he's like it was like another three or four inches then his shoulder and then i had my trunk open because i had the ring in there so i got the ring out of my book bag in there so i had the trunk open he's like in his head was the trunk, like the way that like the hatchback was open. Yeah. Huge guy.

But he ended up being very nice. But he was just like, oh, I don't know. It's like not as clear. Oh, this is a S2 diamond or whatever the thing is. And I'm like, I don't know, man. It's, you know, just take it. And then like, he was like, yeah, no, it's pretty good. And he put it on his pinky and was like looking at it. I was like, look, dude, looks great on you for a thousand bucks. And then he was like, yeah, no, it's pretty good. And he put it on his pinky and was looking at it.

I was like, look, dude, it looks great on you for $1,000. And then he laughed at that. And he was like, all right, you're funny. And I was like, yeah. Was it cash? Yeah. $1,000, my guy. Nice.

So, yeah. So I got $1,000. So how do you think he's going to sell it? I think he's going to flip it on Craig's list or somewhere. For how much to make? I think at the most, if he hustled, he could maybe get $2,000 at the most. Because I also got another offer the following morning, $4,000. So it's like, I don't think I would have gotten much higher than that.

Yeah. But yeah, the work on my house so far is going to be like $800. That's not bad. So it's covered with that so yeah what are you gonna do damn man yeah crazy the journey of uh that ring what a time what a time yeah i was just happy to get rid of it so yeah it's not something you just want to keep around i mean it doesn't bother me but it was also like I would like to get something for it. That's all. Damn. So, yeah.

That's so weird. Just like the whole idea of like diamonds, engagement rings. It's just like it's all so dumb. It's a grift, man. Yeah, of course. It's all bullshit. It's like, can we just get married and I don't have to spend like an insane amount of money on a ring for you yeah also what's the rule it's supposed to be like three months it's three months of your salary that's so much

money that's insane it's ridiculous three months three months again what a waste. God. And it's like, what the fuck do you get? Nothing. For her to be like, good job. Yeah, we had a friend. He went out of his way. He made this really nice proposal. He lit all these candles. He had some excerpt from some book that they really like.

A dinner. All this shit. He bought a a ring he went to her parents house asked for their blessing which which is yeah nice i get it it's old school and then uh but you know she's a feminist sure so then like a couple days later they're on a date, and she got on a knee and asked him to marry her. I'm like, yeah. You didn't go to this dude's parents' house. You didn't plan a meal. You didn't light one candle. Fucking one candle. You didn't buy a ring that costs thousands of dollars.

Is that equality, you insane person? It's like, but this picture on Instagram will say this. But she's just like, I asked too. And it's like, oh my God. Don't think this is how feminism works. Yeah, how much was the ring you got him? Yeah. Oh, I didn't get him one. Mine was a gesture.

Uh-huh. It's like, okay. All right, lady. Okay. Oh, it made me so fucking mad when I heard that, dude. Yeah, they're all a grift. All right. All right.

Happy note to go out on. Happy notes. Yeah, follow me on the social medias at Josh Koderna. And Umar has his show this week. I got a show at the... I think they're both sold out. Oh, there you go.

Yeah. Nice. All right. Well, yeah, snooze you lose, you dorks. We'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye.