The Digression Sessions - Ep. 324 - Backyard Sessions 6(66) (SIIIIIIIC)

Episode Date: August 23, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are back together but podding from a distance on Umar's porch to catch up on Umar's birthday and Josh's neighbor trimming his bushes without consent. LIFE IS WILD. Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

hey now hey hey oh uh podcasting from uh umar's front porch yeah i got some new chairs there's an outdoor rug it's very nice it up very nice cobs out here being a sweetie um yeah man uh how are you i'm good yeah just chilling getting some grill stuff later we're buying a karen bought me a grill for my birthday yeah it was just your birthday yesterday yesterday it was fun you are 40 44 44 plus 44 plus 4 i'm plus 44 plus four plus 44 hey oof man i i went down a huge blank rabbit hole yeah it's a good thing i'm sitting down because you could knock me over with a feather yeah i mean it's insane because like you know obviously like whatever i'm a big fan yeah not really so much anymore i've realized it's not for me anymore but i feel like i'll listen on occasion yeah keep up with it they release a new single have you listened to it on occasion. Yeah, keep up with it. They released a new single.

Have you listened to it? No. Dude, I'll play you a little bit afterward. It's horrible. It's like they're doing Pennywise and Offspring and No Effects all at once. Oh, weird. Yeah, I like. Skiba.

Yeah, I like him, and I liked Alkaline Trio, but I feel like him with Blink-182 is a weird mix. It's so bad. Yeah. It's so bad. But the interesting thing is, sometimes I go on Pitchfork, and I just like to read reviews of albums from back in the day, and they never review Blink ever. Yeah, of course. But it's just nice.

I'll go on, I don't know, look at bands I listened to in college, because i also got into this thing recently where i like you're like i'm not into it anymore but it sounds like a girl you broke up with you like and occasionally i'll go and check her facebook out my ex-girlfriend's profiles every once in a while too yeah it just starts with like dude i'm over it anyway i'll go back to review from 2009 yeah well this is an interesting thing that i was talking to my buddy Dave about. He was always like my friend that we talked music. Yeah. And like, I don't know if you do this, but like I have.

Speaking of shitty punk rock, some guy just. A guy on one of those like unicycle. But it's a skate, but it's only a single tire. Yeah, in the middle. Yeah, single tire in the middle. And then he has a Marshall amp on his hip. Yes. Listening to what was-

Flogging Molly. Flogging Molly. Oh, no. Or Dropkick Murphy. Yeah, whatever. Oh, shit. Oh, did he just eat shit? Did he fall?

Oh, that car. That car just hit another car. What is going on? Damn, it's getting wild like an asshole you are yeah my back tire's all far oh mine's mine's a little out too because if i'm off it throws yeah because that's what happened to me the car behind me was off so anyway either way it's not our fault what's going on in these pitchfork reviews from 10 years ago my yeah well so i started like looking at album reviews of bands that i listened to in college because i kind of realized like no one i know listens to these bands that were so big like i feel like i've held on to music from when i was a child and uh but like anything that i listened to in college like remember how how big Arcade Fire was?

Oh, yeah. No one listens to them that I know. No one talks about them. What do you mean? Anymore? Yeah. And they won a Grammy for album of the year. Yeah.

For the suburbs. And everyone was like, who the fuck is this man? Yeah. Like Twitter was, like black twitter was hilarious well just twitter in general um because uh i think i forget who they were up against i think they were up against m&m yeah so 2011 so there was that it was i think there's a pretty big like pop artist too yeah might not have been um what's her face who's the blonde chick that's it might have been taylor swift or somebody in that

vein because i remember those people were like what are you fucking kidding me yeah she didn't win they were like this like you know they weren't like a radio friendly band yeah i mean they they started to get yeah they started to blow up a bit but uh yeah i was just thinking about them the other day they kind of went like a little more like dancey. I remember like a little more like techno. Everyone had. I think everyone did. Yeah.

Because I think that was like the next wave. Yeah. But it's just interesting, like because I was talking to my buddy Dave and I was like, dude, do you listen to Arcade Fire and like MGMT or like these bands? And like even who's that band that they would sing about an apostrophe uh they had a song called apunk not an oxford com oxford com i know what you're talking about they just had a record come out a couple years ago that was pretty big too phoenix all those bands and i'm like i don't know anyone who listens to this music anymore um yeah it's uh fuck what are they called the dude's dating rashida jones oh really oh my god what's his name

uh boyfriend what's his name ezra caning okay And he plays in Vampire Weekend. Vampire Weekend. We sound so old right now. Who's that? What's his face? Yeah. So I was just wondering, I wonder why no one really... It's weird how those bands didn't really persist. I mean, I don't know.

I think most pop stuff, it just shows when shit shit's trendy it just doesn't last yeah but so that's what was interesting is because they weren't considered like pop and they didn't really get radio play and who vampire weekend like oh yeah i feel like all those kind of bands like they never like i guess like wmt w mgmt mgm wmhuh. Yeah, but because that was like, I remember like that was the music like that if you were like cool. Cool. Like, yeah, that was like the music that like kids who thought they were cool listened to. Hipsters of like 2008.

Yeah, 2008 to like 2012. Yeah. Yeah, because those kids would be the ones who make fun of me for like listening to like pop punk. Pop punk, yeah. Meanwhile, four years ago before that, they were like, have you ever heard of M.E.S.T.? Yeah, exactly. Or like Good Charlotte.

They're so into Good Charlotte. And then it's just like, dude, you're not cool. You're not grown up. This music is also whiny. Go back and I dare someone to go back and listen to any of those bands and tell me they're not whiny. Oh, totally. Yeah, Pitchfork too. I like to look at Pitchfork, but I take all their shit with a grain of salt because they're not whiny oh totally uh yeah pitchfork too i i like to look

at pitchfork but i take all their shit with a grain of salt because they're so far up their own ass uh like every review i'm like does every review need to be six thousand words i know uh and just start out with like the insane story yeah yeah uh david cross did a mock pitchfork review and it's so funny it's just like from the dusts ofitchfork review, and it's so funny. It's just like, from the dusts of time emerged this new record, and it's greeted by the pale morning light, and you can still see the dew on the grass. And that's how you feel when track two starts or whatever.

You're like, shut up. Yeah. Shut up. Yeah, it's wild. But I guess Pitchfork does this thing where they go back and look at like iconic records and they did it for enema the state uh-huh and he so they literally first of all did not review the album they just pretty much summarize like the time the time and like how blink came up and like what was going on but like one thing that like i was too young that went over

my head was like that blink would get you're like enema of the state was a play on enemy of the state yeah did you know that it took me a long time to learn what an enema was i had no idea yeah educational band yeah and that's why like too like i'm in these like subreddit you know i like i uh i lurk on the blink subreddit again you're like i'm over it anyway i wake up in the morning i lurk it's just like something to do yeah you know and you're like but and it's also something you're interested in yeah it's interesting to see people talk about it now and then you realize like so somebody um posted a thread like i just realized what take off your pants and jacket jesus christ and then i'm like oh i'm reading the words of children like i'm reading

like probably from ages 13 to 16 and i'm just like reading like all these comments i'm like what the fuck am i doing with my life yeah it's pretty good it's pretty good yeah yeah because like people are like people like yeah they don't they were like yeah i got like most of those people probably got into blink like during when they were broken up. Because they were too young. Like, these kids were like... Oh, I thought you meant the kids went through a breakup and they found Blink-182. No, no, no.

Like, when Blink wasn't together. Anyway, the whole point was, the interesting part was like... We've been talking about it for a half hour. What I'm trying to say is I'm over it. I'm over it. No, it's like they were getting called out for like being sexist oh really yeah like and uh like spin called them out i think like rolling stones had a now new york times no back then oh they were getting called sexist because like because having that porn star

on the cover and so no like they were like kind of this band that like when they're on stage they're asking girls to like take their like clothes off, they would ask girls to show them their boobs. So many bands did that. Yeah. That's what I like. I yeah, I guess. But I think it got weird because when Blink started getting really popular, their fans got younger. Yeah.

And so they did stop doing it. Sure. But they still like, you know, they made these like dumb jokes. Yeah. I mean, again, that was also just the country, too, where it's like, do you know how many like, oh shit, it's a hummingbird. Look at that. Where?

Right. Little tiny guy. Yeah. It was just on your, do you see it? Look at that little guy. Flying over there. That way, that way towards the silver car. Oh yeah.

Nice. That's good. That's good pod right there Yeah When you point out a hummingbird and it takes nine minutes Then they would have these like quotes, like, because they interviewed them And like, man, it was, I mean, they're also like 22 years old Well, that's what I was going to say too, is that like all of the humor back then

And the amount of jokes that I made when I was that age Say from 12 to 32 or morning yeah before we started recording it's just like the amount of like gay jokes where it's like oh dude you're gay or like the funny thing is like wouldn't what have we kissed just yeah you're gay like you know like i was just talking to somebody and we were talking about how like no homo was a thing like you couldn't you couldn't compliment a guy that we were in college not even like not even like a compliment either yeah cops like i don't like this homophobia is pod so far there's been three incidences of talking about stuff going on around yeah it's it's an ambient pod we're very pandemic pod guys we're very npr

this is the pitchfork review it's like as we sit on umar's stoop and in the afternoon light hearing uh dropkick murphy's out of that weird kid speaker uh but yeah no i mean there's just so much of that humor like and also too like you couldn't compliment a dude like i never did it but it like because that was always dumb to me but it'd be like bro did you get a haircut like no homo but like it looks good like you couldn't even look in a mirror like guys do you remember that that was like a thing like you were gay if you looked like if you like checked yourself in a mirror to fix your hair i don't think i i don't think i had that i mean maybe but yeah it doesn't like stand out but that was like all the jokes did you guys ever do that like uh hey look at

your fingernails no and so like i guess like if there's like like either you do this, either you do it where you have your palm facing you. Oh, and smack your... No, no, no. Just to see if you're gay. This was like a test to see if you were gay. How you hold your hand. So if you did like... Yeah, so if you have your palm facing you

and you curl your fingers down to look at your nails, I think that's okay. But if it's like a woman checking her nails. Yeah, like out in front of you, your hand stretched. I think that's gay. That's gay. And also a thing like... Yeah, sure, that's gay gay but then we'll play the game where we tag each other in the nuts be like got you yeah yeah i'll actually touch your genitals yeah i'll cup your balls

be like no you're fucking like yeah we'll like pull our pants down and put our ass on somebody yeah just like nah dude you're gay you looked at it you're fucking simpler times simpler time can we get back to 2008 please go let's go um so yeah so yeah i'm sure the reviews aren't too kind to blink 182 yeah history i mean like and they're on record like all the time like just saying like horrific stuff yeah and it's also like the internet was around but it wasn't as prevalent as it is right so like you say a dumb thing in an interview it's gone you're like yeah i like to suck cum out of travis's butt yeah and they're like yeah it's like you said it to like an australian reporter and you're like i'll never see this again in my

life there was like a poll quote like uh it was real rough in today's, like, on today's, like, you know, whatever sensibilities. Yeah. Like, he was like, hey, like, I'm not, like, forcing any girls to take their bras off, you know? And it's like all this, like, all this stuff of us calling it, like, calling us misogynistic. Like, that's just like veganism bullshit. Yeah. No one wants to hear that. It's just like, yeah, I guess. Yeah wants to hear that it's just like yeah i guess

yeah yeah well because in their mind like dude we're just having fun yes and making millions of dollars but also that's like what pop punk is for like pop punk is sort of equivalent to like being into disney as a kid like it's made for that like pop punk when you're a teenager yeah it makes sense you're like i can drive i'm not paying any bills all my laundry's getting i don't have to buy food and like i can go fuck around like yeah of course you like pop punk it's like life is great but girls are hard you're like girls are this is hard yes i know that's also a weird thing because you're like 12 years old and you don't know anything about like a relationship but you're listening to all these songs about like breakups and like all these like oh you cheated on me yeah like newfound glory literally had a chorus where it's like some girls are crazy and i'm like some of them are

these tricks are wild this guy fucking gets it dude yeah anyway mom what's for dinner god i mean that's what it's made for so yeah that's why it's like yeah it's makes sense to like kind of age out of it too where it's like you can like appreciate it from like a nostalgia standpoint yeah but like yeah it and it's also dumb to review it in a sense where it's like this record doesn't have any artistic integrity it's like it's not made for that you know like you have to grade it on the scale for what it's there for it's like is this a good pop punk record you know it's like right it's like well how come terminator wasn't nominated for best picture of the year it's like because it's an action you know what i mean like yeah yeah i actually thought that very

recently because i there was like a record a pop punk record that i remember really liking as a kid and for some reason i was watching something on half baked and they're like oh yeah this band homegrown oh sorry it's real quick to add to the weirdness there's a man walking down the street with a crossbow in his hand oh yeah he has um so see that truck with the punisher the punisher logo i was sure logo on the back wheel of the jeep the thing about that how the punisher logo has replaced the superman logo yeah so he has a flag in front of his house this army flag that says don't tread on me sure then he has like a um ar-15 stickers on his car that also and then he also has like a uh info war sticker on his and you're not gonna believe this an npr tote bag and um the day i moved into this house uh all four of his tires are slashed damn and i'm like

i wonder why i don't know he seems pretty racist yeah i mean i'm guessing he was in the military i would hope i mean i hope it's not i hope it's not a stolen valor situation like a shithole which is always nice which is always nice but yeah it is funny how the punisher logo and it looks like the uh like the cop like blue line punisher yeah but how like speaking of like 2008 like remember like the superman logo was everything yes dudes like dudes were like yeah i have a superman or like superman tattoos superman shirts and tattoos were everywhere it's been replaced by the punisher logo yeah douchebags what's up with like all like conservatives in the punisher uh i guess because he was a former cop like turned vigilante got it so his whole thing is like i don't need the law to kill criminals now because like his family was killed uh like every other superhero apparently gets their family killed it's so funny

too like they'll never stop to think, conservatives who are into Punisher, that in their minds, what they would call gay libtards are the ones drawing those comic books. Yes. Yeah, exactly. It's not like some fucking army vet who did two tours and now is drawing the Punisher. Yeah. I guarantee you the guy who draws and writes the Punisher ain't voting for Trump. Yeah.

Yeah. He definitely is doing it while wearing a Black Lives Matter shirt. Sure. Yeah, exactly. Just like a huge nerd. Yeah. They'd be like, hey, fucking homo. Yeah.

I make the Punisher. He's like, all right, well, that's all right, I guess. So weird. And also the guys who like who they probably think comic books are gay 100 yeah what is the world yeah like dude do you like the punisher it's like the what what is that some gay thing or you punish ass what are you talking about what um speaking of uh weird neighbors i want to get your i want to get your uh your take on this so little backstory um the house so the way my house is uh row home end unit facing one way and

then i'm at a cross street and with the cross street there's row homes behind me in the alley so this one's like it's like perpendicular to my house so like if you go out the alley you would see the side of somebody else's house yes it's the side of their house yes if you go out the back back door of my house going to the alley you're the side of somebody else's house yes so when we built the deck a couple years ago the all the wood was delivered on a pallet jack like a wooden pallet jack and i didn't know what to do with the pallet jack because like well maybe they'll like maybe the uh trash will pick it up and just throw it in so i left it next to the trash can on trash day they didn't get it and

then i was like fuck all right i gotta figure i gotta figure out what to do with this thing and then so it was in the alley for like an extra day not like on it's like on the ground in the way it's like up against my fence out of the way and i was working from home one day and it's an older woman that lives in the house right behind me i saw her and i guess her husband i don't know i saw them grab the pallet and they were walking it up the side of the house well i didn't see him grab it i just saw them walking it up the side of the house i was in the kitchen i was like oh cool like this actually works out maybe they're gonna do like we're in hamden so i'm like oh they're gonna do like some art purpose yeah exactly like oh cool they're gonna use it for their garden and put plants in it or

they're gonna like paint on it or whatever and as they're walking around they were in the front of my house so i opened the door and they're right in front and i was like oh hey can i help you guys with that and she goes you can help me by getting it out of the alley and then they just threw it against the tree in front of my house and then walked away and i was just so taken aback by it because she's older too and like i was like it was so different of a reaction than i was expecting i thought she's like oh yeah we're gonna use it for the garden or whatever you can get an alley alley and i was like oh all right and so we haven't talked since and like also i'm like if it's really bothering you she lives the house

behind you in the house on the corner yeah so we share an alley got it so that's why she was like and i'm like all right but if it's really bothering you, just knock on my door and be like, hey, would you mind getting that out? I know, but people are insane. Right. So in that vein, cut to two days ago, I noticed she was trimming. So I have a bunch of bushes and trees on the side of my house. And the tree that is closest to her house, I her trimming that uh-huh and i was like okay it's technically my tree but i'm like fuck it you can trim it we'll see we'll see what you do

then uh yesterday she has now been uh manicuring and like trimming all of the bushes on the side of my house like halfway up the side of my house like she's done like three trees four bushes has not notified me that she's gonna do it does it look good it looks great oh glitter keep doing it she's cleaned all of it up too like she didn't like chop it and then just like leave sticks and like leaves and shit like she swept it she got rid of it so i'm like do i knock on her door and say thank you well what do i do here uh does she seem nice she seems i mean from that interaction i had with her she doesn't seem very nice is she like old hamden like blue collar no she's not she seems

she's like one of those people that would fancy themselves like a liberal i think like because i see her with like a yoga mat she has like she's older like all of her hair is gray but like one of those people that's like oh i'm so open-minded but i'm also a fucking nightmare you know what i mean like just a rude person maybe uh yeah i i don't know it's tough because it's like do you let her keep doing it? I would. It looks great. Yeah, just let her keep.

But then you're like, yeah, you want to say thank you. I also want to know. And then you're like, is she doing it? Because she thinks I'm a piece of shit. I think she is. And she's like, he doesn't do this. He shouldn't be doing this. And I was thinking.

I was like, oh, I should trim some of this. But it's not like it's unruly or like a mess. It's just big bushes. Like just the bushes have gotten like tall. so i'm like yeah and then do i knock on the door and then is it going to be a situation like why did half of it you finish it it looks terrible you know like it's just such a weird dynamic again why not knock on my door and be like i'm gonna do this if you don't or you know to not ask permission yeah i mean it's my property yeah why not say thank you and go from there yeah i guess yeah and then i guess buy a bush trimmer are is this gonna pick up in the podcast probably it's actually

that woman she's following yeah she's threatening me now god damn that's loud this is the most ambient podcast we've ever done. Yeah, this is going to be, whatever. This is a good pod. Good pod, baby. Yeah, knock on her door, say thank you. Right. And hopefully she doesn't ask you to do anything.

Hopefully not. Yeah, like, you owe me $500 for the work I did. I will say, you know, like, I was just telling Karen this today. Yeah. I was walking up to buy some eggs at the corner store, Chuck. Uh-huh. And I was like, man, you know what? Sometimes I wish we did have a homeowners association.

Because people do let their- That's a slippery slope. The weeds go nuts, dude. Uh-huh. And it just makes the block look terrible. So for those listening home umar said weeds but he held up a sign said immigrants yeah so full disclosure this is a welcome back to the punisher pod yeah yeah this it just looks so bad and i'm like god yeah

yeah we're gonna end up in the suburbs in that situation where it's like hey neighbor notice your grass got above 2.5 inches dude i don't think i can do the suburbs ever yeah i don't think i'm a suburbs guy but i was thinking i was like god i would love to be able to just report some of these homes to somebody i don't know that's probably how the woman feels about me like i think she sees me like moving around like musical equipment and stuff and like that thing she's probably like this guy's just a piece of shit yeah i mean but your house isn't like you know nice yeah you're not like um like there's no trash anywhere you're not yeah i keep it pretty clean and again the side of the house

everywhere i'll even like pick up like trash on the side of the house but yeah when i saw her just uh doing doing like cleaning up the side of the house but yeah when i saw her just uh doing doing like cleaning up the side of my house like this is so strange yeah i would just say thank you and then just be like uh you know i mean just you could just be like oh i didn't even realize that i you know that how nice the bushes look trimmed i bought a trimmer yeah yeah just you know yeah something like that yeah i guess yeah i don't know yeah and Just, you know. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. And hopefully she's like, I'll finish it. Like, that would be great. Yeah. That would be so nice, lady. Maybe get her a gift card to something on the avenue. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Get her a gift card to go get a surgery and get a bitchectomy. Get her attitude fixed. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I don't know i i it is weird though like how people like just are so quick to be uh negative like people one thing i realized is like the most people i in this country i mean don't step stop and pause to think like before they react like yeah what is another reason this person might be doing this that's a not a negative reason like what is like another perspective to view exactly i was gonna say to have some empathy and then also be like okay from their

perspective what are they doing yeah so i was at a versus like just following the narrative in your head where it's like this person is trying to destroy my life yeah i was the first car off and uh i was coming off 83 and at the off ramp there's a light to make a left onto the street yeah and i was one of the it was two cars and i was like two cars like there's two lanes so i was in the front and um light turned green, but I saw an ambulance coming. So I just like I started to go like I moved like six inches and then I stopped. And this ambulance is coming. So I stopped and the guy behind me just starts honking and he's like throwing his hands up in the air. Yeah.

And then he saw the ambulance drive by. And then I was just like I pointed at the ambulance and i turned around and mocked him and then he and then he gave me the hands like i'm sorry i'm sorry but it's just like why dude you couldn't even like half a second half a beat yeah to fucking be like what's going on what's another reason yeah you just think i'm some idiot who just wants to stop out of nowhere like what if someone's having a heart attack a child's crossing the road like what the fuck give it half a second yeah what are you such in a hurry for i'm both ways too where it's like when it's me i'm like can somebody else think about it yeah i'm like what fucking idiot is and like oh they're turning left okay fine that's fine yeah yeah and uh actually uh um there i saw downtown a car which ran a red light and

to this person's luck or unfortunate luck uh she ran a light where uh the light rails cross each other like but like you know um it's two-way light rail traffic on the road so yeah the light rail is both are coming and both of them got her car and she died her kid survived you saw that no someone posted it online oh okay yeah the light rail here is like our metro kind of like above ground train thing. Wow. She got tagged by both. Both. Yeah, she got stuck.

To do that with kids in your car? Yeah, man, but people in this town, like they're insane. People, dude, you got to think like a lot of this population is like they're like impulsive and like lower cognitive functioning and so like that with driving is not smart you know well yeah i mean that's the thing with crosswalks here people do not care like and people are right too when they're going to cross the street they're like hit me you know when they like don't have like where it's a green light and they're crossing like are you gonna kill me like no i'm not yeah i'm gonna be annoyed that you're walking in front of me but also like i don't know what their life is you know their life might just be fucking nightmare and they're

like yeah fuck you i'm gonna go across the street and i'm in my prius and i'm like i can't wait to get my iced coffee dude that pay attention to the rules it is a weird thing that whole like uh street crossing here it's like why is it that attitude it is such a fuck you attitude yeah and you're like dude i like i'm just driving i have the green light but you're you're looking at me like fuck you yeah exactly like how dare you what is happening right now? Like, I'm like, man. I can't imagine being that upset all the time. Yeah. Like those people who hang out in front of Royal Farms.

Dude, I went to. Their life is nonstop screaming. Well, yeah. I mean, it's a lot of drugs involved. Well, that's what I mean. For sure. A lot of drugs. A lot of drugs.

Yeah. A lot of internal screaming. A lot of external screaming. Yeah. I went to Royal royal farms to get my dad um it's so he's been working on on my house and he's great because he's like he's he's like yeah just give me some lunch i'm like okay and like we have so much stuff around here but it's like it's always like too hoity-toity for him you know which is so funny to me yeah i know but it's like like you don't like that something about like good ingredients he just wants simplicity it's not i don't know if it's

good ingredients but it's everything it's like it's like yeah we made a cheese steak but it's on like a ciabatta roll or something like a banh mi cheese yeah he wants it like standard is he not like an adventurous eater no not really not really. He likes his classics. He's an all-American diet. 100%. Yeah. 100%. So that's what he wanted for lunch. He was like, how about Royal Farms?

And I'm like, all right, my guy. There's restaurants all around here. Dad, I pay an insane amount of money in taxes so we can go eat at a charcuterie bar. Yep. I'm like, nope. You want a $5 thing? Dude, I was in Royal Farms, and it was like a scene out of a fucking movie of just what a mess it was. so we can go eat at a charcuterie bar yep i'm like nope you want a five dollar thing dude i was in royal farms and it was like a scene out of a fucking movie of just what a mess it was like

one guy uh had he had a mask but it was below his chin it was below his chin so he could have a cigarette like a half just hanging out half smoked cigarette in there yelling uh he was with the family uh there was another guy another guy that came in no shirt no mask and he got somebody to buy him like a slushie and he was like he's like thank brother it's just so hot out there you know it's just so hot i'm like yeah okay get the fuck out of here like it's just so funny too it's like god it's so hot can you get me a sugary slushie but so there was that you can't expect to know about nutrition and sure of course but it is it's just a funny way no i know i'd be like god damn it's hot could i get a slushy let me get a slushy um so yeah you got that and then there was uh

the family that the guy was with it with the cigarette they ordered sandwiches but then they're supposed to get three but instead they got two and then they were yelling at the woman making the food and then there was like the line was just filling up and like the the woman's like yelling at the staff and it's it was just so shitty i'm also like these people like they're not trying like speaking of like perspective it's like do you think they're trying to get one on you like this woman doesn't gain anything by not making your turkey club or whatever the fuck it is that you got like she's like fuck this i paid for three give me my three where the i'm tired of these what is a person the woman's like ma'am what did you order you know like i don't you know and she's

like waving around her like tickets and stuff and i'm just waiting for my food i'm like i hate that is an interesting human that i think about all the time because i do have to deal with it a lot in school yeah it's like dude no one here is trying to fuck with you yeah we made a mistake yeah but then it's like yeah so then i couldn't and it's also like you might have made a mistake too and not ordered three could you imagine being in a situation where you're like you just go inside and you're immediately like where the fuck is my sandwich like you're in like what's that guy from taken oh liam neeson yeah you're like liam neeson busted in there like there's some giant conspiracy like first of all it's hot out there yeah i need a slushy and where the fuck is my baconator it was insane dude insane i was in there for like 20 minutes just waiting for his sandwich but then i get him this Picanator. It was insane, dude. Insane.

I was in there for like 20 minutes just waiting for his sandwich. But then I get him this chicken sandwich. He said it's the best chicken sandwich he's ever had in his life. He was like, wow, this is incredible. Not going to lie. Rofo does have pretty good chicken sammies. Yeah. I haven't tried.

And it's five bucks. It has garlic aioli on there. I think I was like drunk one night and we got this. Oh, it sounds like, I mean, the wedges they have. Perfect. Oh, the wedges. A little box when you're a little tipsy. Oh, even not tipsy, though.

I love a wedge. But yeah, for sure. When you're tipsy, you're like, Jesus, is this the best food ever? I know. I woke up with two hangovers this week. It's not great. I got to slow down. One for your B-Day?

Well, this morning. Yeah. Yeah, for my birthday. But it wasn't terrible. I got over it in like a couple hours. Yeah. It was just a little late. I think it was mostly, I think most hangovers, because I'm not like a huge drinker, it's

just dehydration. Yeah. I've been trying to, I left it in the car, but I've been, I have a water bottle now that I'm taking everywhere, which I'm a big fan of. I do that all the time. You got to have the water everywhere. And I'm a big fan of every time I go pee now, I'm like, look at how clear that piss is. Yeah. Yeah.

Look at that. When I have yellow pee, which is so rare, it freaks me out. But then I'm like, my pee was completely, I was peeing Gatorade my whole childhood. It's electric blue. Yeah, it's just electric. I was pissing Baja Blast for years, my guy. I'm like, damn, check out these electrolytes. Look at them. Look at them.

Yeah, speaking of my dad, though, he called me and he's like, it's so funny, it's like nine in the morning yesterday. And I was like, hey, what's up? He's like, Josh, I was up all night. I was shitting all night i think i have covid i'm gonna die like okay easy yeah i don't think you're gonna die but it was just such a funny i was like hey good morning he's like i was shitting all night i'm like okay like might just be a stomach bug again the all-american diet and shitting a symptom

they think diarrhea could be but and then this is where i've had covid this whole time i've had covid for 32 years yeah um this is where he cracked me up because uh his you know it's like well can you still smell and taste he's like i can do that i i was worried about it but uh i opened a pack of oreos because i want to make sure i could still smell and i could smell the oreos and i said if i can't smell Oreos, I probably have it. I'm like, why Oreos? Like, that's the new Oreo commercial. That's so funny.

So, yeah, it was just so funny. He's like, I'm shitting. I shit all night. How's he doing? He's doing better. Does he think he has it? No, I got him. So I got him a, he's going to get a test tomorrow at CVS.

But, yeah, he can still smell and taste taste and he doesn't have any other symptoms. He's not like coughing or anything. I'm like, I think he like, there's still other stuff floating around. I know, dude. That happened to me. I've been like sick, like under the weather twice. And I was like, fuck, I got it. You know, you get this yin yang of air conditioning versus the heat outside.

I know. And you freak yourself out. Dude, but I don't know because there was like a week where i would walk up steps and bro i would be exhausted like out of breath uh yeah like just yeah i'm like you know like just tired and i'm like yes super I'm tired. Fatigued. Yeah, super fatigued. Yeah. My throat hurt. Yeah, but I think it was anxiety because that week was when we were going to be heading to South Carolina, and I really didn't want to go. Yeah. And I didn't. Well, it's also that stuff, too.

Once you get it, then you start thinking about it more. Yeah. And it makes everything worse too. And it makes – because your immune system gets fucked up when you're stressed out. Yeah. Yeah. So one day when I thought I was like out of it, I went for a run and I guess like I wasn't completely better and like I had to stop and just lay down. Damn. Because I was like, shit, I can't keep running.

And it was hot as fuck. Yeah. It was during like the heat wave. Yeah. It sucked. And it was hot as fuck. Yeah, I was going to say. It was during, like, the heat wave. Yeah. It sucked. And then I had to walk, like, two miles. Whoa. I had to walk two miles home.

And, yeah. Active street today. I know. It's all right, Cobb. Cobbito. Cobb stay. Good boy. Good boy.

Cobb so sweet. Yeah, anyway. Yeah so but you've been tested what twice now no ones once we did antibodies and we did the test test gotcha antibodies is blood yeah gotcha um yeah i got a test and that was cool got my results in like two days that was nice um but yeah so i was trying to get and yeah matt's not like good with technology so i was trying he's like doesn't know how to make an appointment for like online so like he can send an email and shit but like it's funny if he needs something on amazon like a car part he's like hey can you order me this and he'll send me a picture he's taken of

his computer screen on his phone versus like emailing me he has a smartphone he's sending it on his iphone he's using his iphone to take a picture of his computer monitor where he's looking at amazon and he's like can you get me this god damn dude that is rough yeah because my parents yeah my parents are the same way yeah and i i can't blame him he's just never had that uh experience with like he he didn't grow up with computers and stuff that has to like that's what's i was thinking about this the other day too because my dad wanted me yeah this is hilarious my dad you know like you have to you can renew your registration online now yeah and my dad's like i don't know what happened um i did everything and then it asked me are you a computer

and i said i'm not he goes into an existential crisis am i a computer he's like i mean is this like my brain is like a computer am i in control of my brain or is my brain in control of me i don't know so many questions anyways call me back i might be a computer so he's like it asked me if i'm a computer i said i'm not and then it wanted me to like click pictures of any picture that has a bike or a bus lane or something. Yeah, stoplight. And my dad's like, yeah, it only gave me 20 minutes.

And I ran out of time. 20 minutes. He's like, I don't know. You could probably do it in 10. I'm like, dad, I could do it in 30 seconds. No, but 20 minutes to put all your information from start to finish. Yeah. Even that, I'm like, dad, it would take two minutes i was like that has to suck like the world is being designed so like

stuff like this is so much easier you don't have to drive to a place right like fucking yeah haul a bunch of paperwork like literally you can just renew it and they mail it to you it's amazing it's done yeah like immediately yeah my dad like couldn't do it so uh and then so i was like all right just send me the link give me a picture your credit card i'll do it yeah hilarious yeah that's what i was trying to do with matt of like the insurance card i'm like okay i also have to submit a picture of your insurance like so send me a picture of your card and he's like i can't fucking do that i'm like yes you can settle down yeah but yeah he also like lives by himself and i think he just

it's easier to spiral to and if you don't know technology and like hey you're kind of being a dick trying to help you here yeah so i was gonna get an appointment at an urgent care in towson and the urgent care in towson says they have the 15 minute test there and i was like what like the 15 minute like rapid not good but yeah i didn't even know those were in merit i mean i assume they are no i saw them i saw that there's uh i saw some headline about like rapid testing yeah um yeah who knows the numbers are so down but i don't believe any of them yeah well also the the rapid testing uh did you see that all the rich people are using those no so like in the hamptons there somebody had a huge party at their mansion but they bought

a ton of uh rapid tests by tests if you're just a normal person joe rogan does i think you can do it i mean the same way that i wouldn't say joe rogan's well i guess he's a millionaire times over many times i mean the spotify deal is like a hundred million dollars i wonder guess he's a millionaire times over. Many times. I mean, the Spotify deal is like $100 million. I wonder if he's going to be a billionaire ever. Probably. And the thing is, when you have that much money, if it just sits gaining interest, if he puts that in, I'm sure he has accountants and stuff doing that. Oh, compound interest, man.

If you put that in mutual funds, forget about it. But yeah, so this guy was like, yeah, I'm going to have a party, but I'm going to test everybody. And you just do the 15-minute test. You're like, come on into the mansion. Oh, that's bad. It's crazy so yeah that's what like joe rogan does with all his guests yeah and i'm like how accurate i don't think those are accurate well tim dillon had he was talking about it and he was like isn't it funny that zero of joe rogan's guests have had covid like what are the what are the odds like he's had a bunch of guests in and none of them have COVID? Yeah. Speaking of Joe Rogan, like what?

You're just like, he's the man. I'm like becoming less and less of a fan of him. I listen pretty sparingly. I only listen if it's a comic that I really like. Yeah. The newest one with Tim Dillon is amazing. So good. So funny.

Like Tim Dillon is. He's on fire, dude. Insane. Yeah. Like so funny. tim dylan is he's on fire dude insane yeah like so did you see his latest sketch no oh it's hampton's antifa oh i gotta watch that dude it's amazing because it's like he was like okay welcome to uh the antifa the hamptons uh chapter of antifa we uh we we are about equality and we are gonna go after fred samuelson the guy that is fucking my ex-wife also i heard the irs is transphobic so just like a rich guy like you it's so good it's so good damn i gotta see that yeah i like that stuff because like i don't yeah

you're not on as much i mean i'm on, but just not as much. Yeah, so... Sorry, you were saying the Rogan thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just like, dude, so he's moving, I guess, for taxes or whatever? He's moving to Austin, yeah. Yeah, he's going to save... Apparently, he's going to save... He's going to save in one year what most people won't even make in a lifetime just on taxes.

Oh, my God. Isn't that insane? Yeah, and they were talking about like what you get for it too and like what a mess that is and shit life also he's gonna open his own comedy club too he is in austin yeah holy shit he's making it like a new podcast like center he's making he's gonna open his own club it's gonna be nuts so yeah burt uh burt kreischer was talking about he's like all he's like young comics all the time are like you know what should i do when they ask for advice he's like i would move to

austin now he's like wherever joe is going there's gonna be austin already has a scene but like he's gonna bring people there like more people are gonna move there and like want to be there so like austin might be the new wonder how many comics are gonna move there yeah i don't know i don't i don't know wait did cop go inside i let him in oh nice yeah yeah um wow i yeah that's another thing i was listening you know like because a lot of the la comics are moving yeah and uh like like think about like what you were talking about, where it's like, you're like, man, that person's weeds are a little tall. Like, think about it's like I paid twelve million dollars in taxes. There's like the city's a fucking mess.

What am I doing? Yeah. Like, what do I get for it? Yeah. Yeah. But then, you know, if like all these people like these big comics are like like Segura might move to Florida. Joe Rogan's out.

I think like Joey Diaey diaz diaz already moved to jersey and crazy um someone's going to nashville like oh yeah and so oh that makes sense yeah nate bargazzi's already out there yeah which is cool but once you're established so then but what happens like i don't know let's say like five years from now, like, do you think like people are going to move back or? Maybe. It's just so interesting to see. I think like podcasts right now are going to be the new stand up. And I do feel like people are kind of over stand up.

Yes. Like watching it on screen. People go to see stand up because they like the person's podcast now. Yeah. You know, like that's almost secondary. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sorry. stand up because they like the person's podcast now yeah you know like that's almost secondary yeah yeah oh sorry i would say burt was really funny where he was like yeah with all these people moving i'm like am i the best comic in la and tom's like no burr is still there relax yeah that's what he was saying he's like eddie murphy lives here you know like what are you talking about am i the best to stop. Yeah, but it's just so interesting because what comedy used to be is you get funny, then

you move to New York or LA, and hopefully you get on a talent agency, like an agent. Yeah. You get an agent and a manager, and they get you stuff. And then it changed to you got to have a following already, but you still have to be in New York and LA. Yeah, but you need a social media in new york yeah but you need like a social media presence you need yeah because you need you need that and then you need the you need to be where industry is right and then it's like if this all falls apart like everywhere if everyone's

moving out of new york and blah blah blah and some people are saying new york will never be the same again like i've read a couple of articles and they're like it's i mean i know it's click baity too to say like it's different yes new york's done yeah yeah um forget all the other articles that i wrote that already said it's different this time this is really different this one matters click it right exactly yeah but then it's like what happens to industry like and then how how like is it is the new path just you gotta somehow get a podcast that hits because what people don't realize is all these comics that we just named like people think they're so diy but like they were industry and then they were like because they came up during

when industry is what who brings you up yeah and then once they were established podcast came like oh we should do podcasts so they were already they use the industry to propel themselves like it's not like they started a podcast from the ground from the ground up like there's few people who've done that but they don't have the level of success that burr and burr and rogan rogan all because people were like on tv they're also tv wasn't they're also national headliners already that's what i mean yeah the venues they did the venues they did did get bigger but they were already headlining clubs like as far as like comedy goes they weren't household names but yes they're like doing conan and fallon and then they're doing their national headlines yeah and i'm sure the same i'm sure this happened to the music industry way before comedy because of napster but it's like because then you just it makes you crazy because you know

you're like yeah when we did the pod with ross and he i called myself like a hobbyist he's like you don't say that about it's almost like i'm calling myself like a piece of shit or yeah yeah yeah or like downplaying your own accomplishments or talent for people like a hobbyist is like someone who's not trying to make comedy their career right and it can be said in a negative way where it's like well yeah a lot of comics only say in a negative yeah but hobbyists can also be like oh they do it like once a month and then okay because then those people can be annoying where they're like i'm a comic too and it's like well no you're not like you know you don't you don't do showcases you don't do clubs well then there's also like those comics like uh like like

we'll say you're not you're not really a like a comic unless you're making it like a living yeah or or unless you live in new york or la yeah yeah yeah like unless it's like your sole means of income you can't call yourself a comic right you're still an open mic and i'm fine with that too yeah it's just like the older you get like who the fuck what's pop music what's selling out who gives a fuck yeah none of that matters yeah but um like that whole thing because of this like and people moving you're just like you're just like fuck like what is anyone doing right now because you go and you're like you do show like now you're doing shows like you're doing outdoor shows and it's fun and you are doing it because it's fun yeah at the same time there are those people who are like i'm gonna make this my thing and it's like

it's like god bless you if you can persevere through that but it's like hot like the writing on the wall yeah not great i mean it was rogan is moving to austin and building a comedy club yeah that's horrible sign of the times for comedy yeah i mean but good for austin and building a comedy club yeah that's horrible sign of the times for comedy yeah i mean but good for austin though good for them yeah i mean there are maybe it'll happen to dc because dc was a because in dc you have so many clubs and venues like in a small location where like if you want to live like on the outskirts and not pay the prices and you sure like you know yeah like someone like kyle canane he was saying like i think i'm thinking about just moving somewhere out of la but where i can still

pop in do shows and i'm close to an airport yeah like someone at his level yeah it's like yeah i live two hours outside of la or whatever you know yeah and it's like uh yeah it's just it just sucks because you're like man it like what the fuck like it all just went to shit it's a grind we found out this week that like one of the best venues in dc might be gone which one big hunt oh right right right but it might not so apparently the whole building is for sale right it doesn't mean that that club would go away like someone could just take over the building and let the business be there yeah still but yeah it's i mean it just all of that stuff was it was already close to impossible to make it in comedy before any of this hit anyway and now

it's just even harder yeah even fucking harder oh you know what's funny um that's why it's a girl who listens to the podcast she messaged me to say happy birthday first of all i just want to say shout out to any of the ladies listening yeah i didn't know you existed i know and she wrote the funniest um i was like oh she said something about the podcast here let me find it she said uh i listen she said happy birthday when's a new pod coming out oh and so hey we're recording one now you're a whore no i'm just kidding uh and um she said i and i was like oh wow thanks i didn't think anyone listens and she was like i listen i just listened to the one where you talk about your parents trying to bring your cousin to orientation and they oh my god oh i remember

that one now that was that was like a year ago. Yeah. At first, I didn't know what she was talking about. But then she wrote, also, I enjoy you guys saying you're quitting comedy every episode. Yeah. It's a disorder. It is. It is. Yeah. It's like talking about quitting smoking.

It's like it was my last pack. I swear. Yeah. That said, I had a blast. I did two outdoor shows. And I was like, this is fun. I was so ready to be done with comedy. And then I did that one show. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I can still do this and I was like, this is so ready to like be done with comedy. And then I did that one show.

Yeah. And I'm like, Oh, I can still do this. I'm good at this. Yeah. Yeah. It's,

it's also, it's nice to be good at something too. Like after not doing it for a while, like I, I'm also the type, like a person that I need, not even just like a confidence booster, but when you do something that you're like,

Oh, I put time into this thing and it's showing results and I'm good at it yeah it like feels nice yeah and that's really the saddest part is right you know i've been doing comedy since like 2010 yeah and you're just like and you're like finally you're like you're finding your groove you're doing well you're getting recognized by like people that you like it's cool yeah and and then and then you're doing well you're getting recognized by like people that you like it's cool yeah and and then and then you're like oh well i guess we'll just stop yeah and even but it's also like yeah i can do that too i i honestly just really like the hangs too i'm like so happy that i met you know yeah all these different comics and stuff like i was listening speaking of joe rogan i was listening to the latest podcast with whitney cummings and annie letterman um but they were they were talking

about so i guess they did a gig at the comedy store and they were saying like how much they missed it but they're like it was also like what we're talking about like just like the hang too that you miss oh yeah um joe rogan said that uh doug stanhope said he was like he's like i could quit comedy but i couldn't quit comics you know yeah like just being around like yeah it's interesting because i don't like outside of like you and chris allen like i don't have like comics that i hang out with regularly yeah i'd like seeing those people like like seeing matt deakins i love him a lot like yeah he's he is uh looks like white trash from virginia and uh he's very funny he's so funny i love that dude but he showed up wearing

a mask uh below his nose like way below his nose and i'm like hey my guy what you doing also so on brand for you as well yeah he's a guy um and, hey, man, let's not both pretend we're scientists and know what's going on. Yeah. Not pretending I'm a scientist, but let's not pretend I'm an idiot either. Put that thing above your nose, huh? And he was like, well, it's tough for me to breathe. I'm like, Matt, what are you doing? What?

He was also really funny, too. So I gave him a ride to his car. And because people walk by just think we're recording our diaries probably yeah they're like wait are they famous they look like losers though well they're not faint there can't be what is this um but this this motherfucker left his phone in my car and i didn't know i'm on like 295 out of the gig was in southeast dc tommy taylor's house and i get a call from jack coleman who was on the show he calls me twice i'm like what the fuck does jack want and it's deacon's like hey left my phone in your car and i was like

did you and then like i felt around i was like yep yep you did and i was like hey my guy it's like almost 11 i am not turning around I'm not going back to Virginia. And he was like, that's all right. I'll try to figure it out. I can come to Baltimore. I can come and grab it. And I was like, well, I could leave it somewhere. Do you want me to pull over and leave it, I don't know, like a gas station or something?

He's like, yeah, I'll come find it. What? So I pulled over in the Riverdale. Well, yeah, he was like, could you just hide it somewhere? I'm like, I could. I'll hide it. And he would use like the Find My Phone app. Well, he could.

Well, I guess. So I told him the address of where it was. And it's so funny. It looked like out of a horror film. It was like a rundown Sunoco. And so it seriously looked like from like a horror movie. Like there's, the sign wasn't even lit up. It was just this parking lot with like fucked up cars.

Yeah. So I went around to the back and just like hid his phone there. So he got directions from somebody else's phone. And I think him and Jack ended up driving to get it. So they had to like write down directions but i think jack used his phone since he went but he called me it's like i got it i was like great i was like i really hope you get it but i was i'm not turning around you know yeah dude i yeah oh when i did that show in gaithersburg chris called me and uh he's like hey man are you still there i left my sunglasses and they're like

they they're like special to him because they were like a gift from his sisters for something right sure and uh i was like almost on the highway but i was still like it was like a five minute drive back yeah like ah sorry man i'm on the highway dude what are you gonna do you're just starting your car yeah i can't do that. And then I hate when people... Yeah, because it's a long... When you just want to be home, that drive is brutal. Yeah, I'm already on 295.

I literally was already 20 minutes out from his house. To his credit, he was cool about that he was like you leave it somewhere he's like yeah i'll leave it somewhere he's like just pull over at the first exit i was like okay start out the window i left it my god man it's a world 295 you'll find it yeah you'll find it wow so wait where did you hide it so it was uh it looked like it used to be a sunoco gas station that they now made into like an auto body shop okay so i went behind the shop and there was um one of those electric meters uh you know i'm talking about where it's like the electric company comes to like read the meter

so there was like a wall and then the meter and then there was like a little like inch of space in between the wall and where the meter was like a little overhang. So I just put it in there. And like I took a video. I was like, here's where you get to it. And then I circled it like in a picture. And I was like, here you go. Dude, it's so funny if like a cop was like, hey, what are you doing?

And you have to explain the situation. I did an outburst. I'm hiding my friend's phone. Why are you hiding your friend's phone? It's like, oh, because I don't want to turn around. I'm on a tight time frame. I work in morning that's so funny oh my god oh dude that's so funny i was also just picturing somebody just watching me and they're like all right i'm gonna go steal the phone myself uh speaking of like uh like looking suspicious i uh so the day before

my birthday two days ago where are we uh we're at about an hour. All right, cool. Because I want to bear. I shouldn't put this story up front. I like that at an hour, that's where we put all of our stuff now. Yeah. So it was the day before my birthday. And I don't work in the summer. So you get bored. Yeah.

And especially during a pandemic. Really? It sounds like you're staying busy with all types of Blink-182 message boards. So that morning. Yeah. So it's interesting because I'll have all these plans when I wake up. Because Karen, it's so funny because I also wake up early just naturally. So I'll be up when she's up.

And I'll be on the couch sipping coffee. And she'll just look at me because I'm just on the couch chilling. I'm looking at my phone. I got a YouTube video going. Sure. Coffee. Coffee. And she's like, God, your life is something chilling. Yeah. Looking at my phone. I got a YouTube video going. Sure. Coffee. Coffee. And she's like, God, your life is something else.

Yeah. You know, because it is. You're an adult. And it's like. You're on summer vacation. You're on summer. It's insane. Right.

And but then I'm like, I want to like, I run every day now. Like, I've been running every day, which is real bad for my legs. But I slow down a lot. lot yeah my knee is like oh dude my feet when i wake up in the morning i walk like i literally walk like i'm so tight it's i'm like yeah and make like old man noise steps in the morning so what are you what are you 31 now 32 32 32 hey you look 31 my guy no i look 40 look 40. Yeah, I was hanging out with two chicks who are Karen's age, like 42 and 38, so like right around there. And when they found out I was 31, the literal shock on their, it was like so insulting. One of them threw up.

Because they kept them like, oh like oh yeah we're old and i was like guys i'm significantly younger than you guys like wait how old are you i'm 31 they're like they're like what you're like i was i was born in the late 80s they're like yeah yeah they're like holy shit yeah they're like, uh, not nice. Yeah. I was like, fuck. Jesus Christ. Anyway,

uh, yeah. They're like, Umar, you're like 50. Yeah. So, uh,

so yeah, you wake up one morning. Yeah. I wake up and I always have all these plans. Like, oh, I want to do something different. I want to get out of Hamden and North Baltimore.

Cause all I do is hang around here. And I was like, yeah, dude, I should just like park my car at fed hill and walk all around but then i'm like there's nothing open but like because there was one day where i picked up karen from the airport and we stopped by federal hill park which is the park that overlooks yeah downtown and it's beautiful and i was like

i should just come here in the morning. Have coffee. Have coffee, read a goddamn book. Yeah. And I've never done it. But. Right. Because then you're thinking, you're like, is it going to be worth it? I pee a lot. Like, what if I got to pee? It's annoying.

Where could I pee? I will say that the women down there, unbelievable. As my girlfriend's walking up the steps. Hey, babe. And anyway, so I'm like, I have this idea. I'm like, have this idea i'm like all right i'm gonna go to patterson park yeah i'm gonna park my car there i'm gonna get uh have some good times sure i like this so far and uh walk around and then i'll go from like i'll walk around patterson park and explore like that area then i'll go to fells Point and just walk along the water.

Taking the day. Taking the day. And it was beautiful. It's beautiful out. It's not hot. It's perfect weather. Right. You could probably wear jeans and be comfortable.

Anyway, so I roll up good times. I roll up some good times. I roll up my sleeves and I say say it's time to get to work on having fun yeah right yeah so then i get to the park and i'm like okay it's 11 30 i was wanted to be there like early but this was the day i started reading those blink i literally read like stuff about blink for two hours like straight with a cup of coffee it is funny too to be like yeah i should read more like you'd be like reading about like history or something yeah i read two hours straight because that article linked older articles yeah and because the

article anyway it doesn't matter and so i get there late i'm like oh shit you're like smoking a pipe and you look all dignified like yes, yes, Tom DeLonge, what did you say in 2009? Yes. Interesting. Yeah. So. Quiet, yes. Yeah.

So then I like, I have this joint in my hands and I'm like, ah, shit. I'm like, I don't smoke outside. I didn't know like, you know. The rules. Well, yeah. I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want someone to say something i don't yeah you know and then so i'm just like walking around and i'm like holding this joint

in my hands and i'm looking around like i look like i'm someone who's looking for a spot to do heroin yeah you look suspicious yeah but i just want to smoke like yeah literally two hits of a joint right right and so i'm walking and you're like like if you were like 14 or 15 again you know they're like where do we do it i honestly should just did it right where i parked my car like no one would give a shit no and then just throw it in the rest of my car yeah and uh so i'm like walking around and now i'm like the more i'm walking the more I'm around people. But then I was like, fuck, I don't want to walk all the way back to where I was.

And now, so I just pretty much smoked next to a playground. Sure. Yeah. Yep. Fair. And then, you know, so then in my head, I was like, oh, this is going to be tight. I'm just going to like be stone. Hit the monkey bars.

Yeah. I'll put on like Future islands uh-huh walk around baltimore and uh and then it's like i got stoned and then i'm walking and i'm like oh shit i'm like really far from fells point because i didn't know like patterson park it's yeah no you're up there yeah you can do it but it's way far away from pals so walking i'm walking and uh i'm walking it hits me hard hoard so i'm walking and now it feels like there is a gust of wind that is trying to knock me over so i'm like walking and i and it feels like or it feels like someone just keeps pushing me. And I'm like. You're like, come on, man. Oh, shit. This is bad. Yeah.

And because I've also fainted once. I fainted twice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so I, whenever I like start to freak out, I think that I'm going to faint. Right. And then that feeling comes like where my body is like tingly. And I'm like trying to talk myself out of it.

You get numb. Dude, you're fine. And I thought about just turning around, laying down and going home. Like I thought about asking the wind politely, don't knock me over. Yeah. And I'm walking and I'm just like, fuck. And I'm like, you know, I'm on like Fleet Street. It's a busy street.

Right. Also, like I thought there'd be like more shops around that I can just like pop in. Nothing's open. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, there's a bookstore. They're not letting people in. Right. And I'm'm like fuck what am i do i'm literally just walking around high high and it is now getting increasingly hot right it's getting hot as right right yeah i'm just like so stoned i run into two people a girl that I work with And her partner And I'm talking to them

And they're like what are you up to And I'm just like And I told them I was like I don't know I thought it would be a good idea to get high And walk around But now I'm like in that edge where I'm freaking out And they're like alright man So a real productive day for you huh

Yeah I'm just like god I'm a piece of shit But they're cool they're not like that yeah and uh that is the worst feeling that when you're high and you're like am i gross i'm fucking gross like yeah i'm too stoned i'm not maintaining yeah and i'm just like fuck and i'm like so then i i i was like man i need coffee i was like hey what's like a good coffee shop around here and they're told me the Daily Grind, which everyone knows about. I'm like, all right. So I got the Daily Grind.

Really good. Yeah. So I walk around with a coffee. Would you get iced? Iced coffee, always in the summer. Come on. Sure, sure. I still prefer a hot coffee in the morning.

In the morning's hot. Yeah. But while you're out and about. Out and about, getting iced. Iced. So then I'm in Fells. I'm like, cool. I'm in Fells. Stuff will be open. Nothing's open. the morning's hot yeah yeah but while you're out and about out and about getting iced iced so i'm in fells i'm like cool i'm in fells stuff will be open nothing's open or like i'm like too nervous to go in and i'm like i don't know like what am i doing you're overthinking everything i overthink

because i'm like dude like you shouldn't be like just casually shopping so i didn't go in anywhere because i was like i don't want to be a part of like spreading get you know like i don't want to put myself in situations where i'm being at risk yeah i just sit on this fucking bench and i'm trying not to freak out i brought a book um i can't see straight so i just listened to a podcast real quick uh you can't see straight because you're gay is it because you're fucking gay dude no uh so i'm just listening to this podcast called nice white parents like i wish i had a pair of those which is about like how like wealthy white parents come into like underprivileged schools and take them over and push out marginalized people it's an amazing five-part series oh interesting uh new york times serial people

released it. Oh, okay. I really like it. I want to check that out. So I'm just sitting on this bench. Nice White Parents? Yeah, Nice White. It's great.

I'm just listening to this fucking podcast. Yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck? Why did I think this would be fun? Yeah. And I'm just like, God. And I'm not even hungry. And I'm like, I should get some lunch.

So then I buy, I order, I order like Ikeben. Okay. Because there's an Ikeben down there. In Fells, yeah. And I'm like, I never eat this. It's whatever. Right. It's a six minute walk.

I have to wait 20 minutes for the Oreo. I'm like, fuck. Yeah. So I walk and it's just like unbearable. And then I was like, like yeah i'll just eat it there there's no place to eat it there so i have to walk all the way back to the fucking bench and it was just and then and then like i just walked to my car and i went home yeah and i am so tired right i go to bed at seven o'clock damn i wake up the next day yeah the sun's not even down

at that yeah sun's not down i'm just exhausted i feel fat as fuck right and oh yeah because i ate that huge sandwich then i come home and it took everything in me oh i had to stop at whole foods to buy stuff it took like all the willpower i had because i was in my car i was so tired yeah all i was thinking about was like dude you just got to get home and lay down and the world will be fine yeah like yeah i was like i was like this sucks i'm a piece of shit like yeah i am boring i can't like why don't i do cool stuff and right like i have every opportunity yeah i'm like i could have went paddle boarding what am am I doing? Shredding, dude. I could be in nature.

Yeah. I'm just like, I'm just getting stoned. I'm on a bench. Just what the fuck am I doing? Right. So then I'm like, but I'm so tired. But then I realized like, oh shit, I was going to make burgers and we don't have this and that.

Go to Whole Foods. And now I'm like thinking, I'm like, can I even do this? Can I park my car in a garage, walk down to the- This is two hits of weed. this and that go to whole food and now i'm like thinking i'm like can i even do this like can i park my car in a garage walk down to the this is two hits of weed two hits dude unreal i i know that feeling though when it sneaks up on you're like oh no yeah and you just feel so i think like this straight i gotta get rid of it just makes me so lethargic like so like like never like ever have i been that lethargic right and i'm just like well i mean you were out and about so that's that's true and i did walk i got like 11 000 steps in well yeah i mean and then that makes sense so you're also in the

sun like all day but i ate i wasn't really hungry i'm bloated then like i come home i prep dinner i make dinner karen wants to eat right away so i eat again yeah i feel so gross yeah pass it at seven yeah uh it was horrible damn dude it was so funny but i wanted to like do something cool and different yeah just like you're like why did you stay at home and why did i ever leave the house yeah but i have that too that grass is always greener speaking Speaking of grass. But it's like, yeah, if you did stay home doing that, you're like, well, fuck, what am I doing? I just wasted my day. But like, you're comfortable.

You're well rested. You know, you're in your house. The day before I had this idea to do this and I kept putting it off. And then it's like three o'clock. I'm like, you haven't done shit. You suck. Yeah. I was off yesterday and I kind of had that too, where I was like, well, I went home.

I made some food. I swept, and I mopped, and it was pretty chill. I jammed with Miles. But then at the end of the day, I was like, well, it's like 8. Now I'm tired, but I didn't really do anything. I didn't make the most of my day. Yeah. And then so the next day i wake up so yesterday my birthday

i wake up and i'm like all right i'm gonna be productive yeah some reason like i just made like a big breakfast for myself with the leftover potatoes and we had a bun so i made like a breakfast sandwich immediately felt like because i think i was still fucked full from the night right i don't know what was in my head yeah immediately felt gross uh i'm not gonna eat i didn't eat until like eight o'clock i think damn and uh maybe like seven sure but sure nothing crazy yeah so i just like cleaned the whole house yesterday just because i felt like such a piece of shit uh just and then i went for a run and i was like all right i think it's a good you went for a run and I was like, all right, I think it's good. You try to find, you're like, that was okay.

That was fine. Yeah. Yeah. I could have done less. I went for a run. Yeah. I think that's what I'm going to try to do today too. Yesterday I swept and mopped the whole house.

Did you listen to the latest episode of Legion of Skanks, by the way? So good. Dude. I know. I listened to that while I was cleaning the house. Same. Same. All timer.

All timer. Yeah. That was so, so funny. Every video. Anyway-timer. All-timer, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so, so funny. Like every video. Anyway, no one's going to know what we're talking about. Sure, but we're at the end. But yeah, you got to check that out. But yeah, man, I'm glad you had a good birthday.

Yeah, it was fun. Good low-key birthday. Very low-key. I had no plans. It was great. Yeah. We went out to this place called 11 57 really good drinks we only got like because still i wasn't even that hungry we just got two small apps that's nice 15 bucks each

you gotta go it's great okay we should go oh have you eaten out anywhere yet uh i actually just did in new jersey when i was at the beach. Oh, yeah. We got to talk about that next week. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was honestly just pretty chill. But yeah, that was like the first time I've eaten like outside. It was just real quick. We ate at a, like we got there and we don't know Seattle City.

I didn't even know it existed before we booked the Airbnb. But it's just like a cool beach town. It's like a more chill like ocean city essentially kind of like an outer banksy kind of vibe yeah we i looked into it uh it was pretty cool like a cool motel no uh so we stayed it looked like it would be like because they have all these motels i think that they like turned into like no this was like above a restaurant it was a part of like a whole complex so this was we stayed in like a big apartment um but yeah we were walking down the street and we

we got there on a sunday then it was like all right what are we gonna do like let's day drink i mean we're on vacation now so we went to this place like o'donnell's pub and then they had an outdoor thing set up with a bunch of like shitty astro turf and then they had signs up saying like cork is this way and like it was like okay we're not in ireland i don't know why you guys are taking it this far but it was chill i mean everybody was like five or six feet away all the servers wore masks and yeah you know so nice cool um but yeah um shit i forget where we were going with that it's probably good to end the podcast yeah it's good to get out of there. But yeah, I'm going to try to do that today.

I'm going to do a little bit of good times. That's why I like having the vape, honestly. Because you can kind of monitor that a little more. I think I got to take a break. I'm going to try another cleanse. Another sober month. I feel like I just went hard this month. Drinking a lot.

Tuesday, I drank like four strong drinks yeah kind of had an impromptu like birthday celebration yeah like we just went out with nolan nelly frank oh and uh speaking of nolan he he cracked me up because i posted that picture of uh oh hannah harry yeah harry and hannah gatsby saying like hey happy birthday om. This is my favorite picture of us. So he responded. We were joking around. And he was like, next time I see you, ask Nelly to do her Gatsby impression. And in quotes, he was like, let's talk about trauma. I like that.

And so I responded, I have autism, mate. The worst, worst dude She sucks Oh yeah Her comedy sucks I don't know about her as a person But yeah I would love to hang with those guys too Yeah Frank reached out

Nolan was very sweet I don't know if I talked about it on the podcast But he reached out and was like He was like hey man I listened to the pod And like heard you broke up or whatever He's like I got divorced And if you ever want to talk And I was like oh dude

Nolan and Frank are great I was like yeah we should do like a backyard hang at your place or something or like go somewhere i'm getting a grill oh so dude hang we went to this place called dutch courage oh that place rules rules i went there uh before everything happened maybe in like february great setup out back oh love it. And so, this is how nice Nolan, and I mean, I felt so bad because like, I was telling Nolan and, because you know,

Nolan's a freelancer now and so is Frank. And like, I am, me and Karen are probably like the least affected by this. Anyway,

so like, we're buying like, I had four drinks, Karen had three, like everyone's drinking, there's food and, yeah, they're all like cocktails.

I was going to say, $11, $15 a pop. and when they found out my birthday was on friday they're like oh dude this is on us i was like i was like don't do that yeah please like please don't honestly that was probably like 200 bucks and it's like nice of you to offer so nice thanks nolan i know he listens it was so nice i love nolan like fuck man that's insane but it was very appreciated and uh yeah and frank's frank's a real sweetheart too dude and like frank and nelly they uh lost a bunch of weight and there may be some like damn how are people losing weight this is insane bro i lost eight pounds during this shit i'm down to 150 nice but yeah well mostly it's like i got a bench press again my guy you know i need to get back

back in that gym as a gym rat yeah but anyway yeah just been drinking too much yeah it's nice to take a break yeah try out say something about nolan oh yeah we just so we ended up just being in prime it doesn't matter who cares that's cute yeah but yeah let me know uh let's let's hang sometime yeah let's do it do a little backyard hangsies all right uh shout out to the the meow ve she was the one who asked about the pot oh oh cool yeah she uh she just followed me on the gram too oh yeah she's very nice i think she seems very nice i've never met her but seems very nice i think probably met her at a show um yeah so as a cute kid um i mean i guess i don't know if you're into

that sort of thing i think she has a child i think so and is it cute I don't know if you're into that sort of thing. I think she has a child. I think so. And is it cute? I don't know. Who's to say? Well, that's Epstein. What am I, Josh Epstein? All right, everybody. Thank you for listening. Follow us on whatever social media. And, you know, we'll do some outdoor shows maybe.

And thank you for listening. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We'll see you next time.