The Digression Sessions - Ep. 325 - Backyard Sessions 7

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are back together but podding from a distance on Josh's porch to catch up on Josh's neighbor trimming his bushes and Umar's bday travels. Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

hanging fixtures out on on my porch this time it's the digression sessions everybody are we on this is me josh kaderna hey and i was just painting inside doing a little bit of weekend warrior stuff yeah i guess dude how i gotta say i inside. We're doing a little bit of Weekend Warrior stuff today, I guess. Dude, how? I got to say, I've been doing a lot of painting recently since I bought my house. Yeah. Very relaxing. I've enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it. Well, so full disclosure, we were supposed to start a little while ago. Hey, well, no, no. Up in the air. Well, you said. I tried to squeeze in too much. This guy. So we were going to do it later. And then he goes, how about 3.30? I said, all said. I tried to squeeze in too much. This guy. So we were going to do it later.

And then he goes, how about 3.30? I said, all right. Hey. And then he goes, hey, sorry, I'm at an extended brunch. Dude, I thought. And Alan is talking about sales at J. Crew. I can't miss this. All right, hold on.

So my buddy came over. He was going to hang a lighting fixture. And let me say this. Okay. So there's something wrong with the lighting in my dining room. Like the electricity? Like the wiring? Yes.

So the switch doesn't work. So literally for the last six months, the light has been on nonstop. But not on. No, on. Oh, and you can't turn it off. Can't turn it off. The light switch is broke, but the light works. Right.

So my buddy came over. He was going to hang this new lighting fixture we bought from West Elm for a great deal. We're not rich and uh it was like a 380 lighting fixture we got for 150 very nice yeah you sent me a pic looks cute it looks amazing hung uh-huh we hang it up where is it in the front room front room which is our dining room right light switch does not work so but getting it was up with such a bitch blah blah blah but i told my buddy i was like hey man come over hang this thing i'll buy you lunch and some drinks and uh they're they're kind of alcoholics i like that you show up drunk you're like these guys got a problem. They got a problem. Not me.

They're alcoholics. And so I thought we were wrapping up because me and Karen, we're done. We're good. Yeah, you're kind of like, we're pretty buzzed. Yeah, we do. And also at Rocket, we were at this place called Rocket. The drinks are strong. And then they were like, should we get one more?

And then Karen's like, yeah, let's do it. I'm like, God. See, but that's why I was like, from one yuppie to another. Damn it. I like that on a Sunday, though. I know. But me, dude, I'm trying to go for a run after this. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to cook burgers for me and Karen. Very nice. Both of those aren't happening. Yeah. One of those are happening and the burgers are happening. Yeah, I'll try to do like, if you do like the boozy brunch and then a few hours later, I can run. And then you're going to run. You're like, in my head, I was like, I'm going to do like if you do like the boozy brunch and then a few hours later, I can run and then you're going to run. You're like, oh, in my head, I was like, I'm going to run eight miles today. Not today.

The weather is very nice. You might get like one or two and be like, yeah, maybe sweating and trying to throw up. But today is so nice out. I was like, oh, I'm going to get eight miles. I've been running every day. And yeah, anyway, so then I felt bad. I texted you and I'm like to get eight miles in. I've been running every day. Yeah. And yeah, anyway, so then I felt bad. I texted you and I'm like freaking out. And then they're all like, dude, you're overthinking it.

I'm like, I don't know. He's mad. I hate myself. Oh, dude, I wasn't mad at all. Yeah. And now I was like, Karen's like, Umar, I'm not going to sit here for the rest of the lunch. You worrying about.

Oh, dude, I had no idea. That's why I told you. I was like, I even texted you. Well, I just busted your balls a little bit. Yeah, but I couldn't tell. oh dude i had no idea that's why i told you i was like i i even texted you well well i just busted your balls a little bit yeah but i couldn't tell and then karen's like i think you're fine because she's looking at the text i'm like i don't know he's mad no dude i wasn't i wasn't mad at all i was uh but no i did set up and then you're like hey it's gonna be a little longer it's like oh it's fine i didn't already set up so and then yeah i think i said like this guy thing i was like oh shit he's

mad i don't know i don't know oh dude i wasn't mad at all okay because i was just i was doing stuff around the house so now i feel bad that you like jetted out of there like oh yeah no they're still there and but it's fine i gotta get out of there i gotta fucking i'm still good i'm doing five miles later after this okay Okay. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. I'm so drunk, dude. I am fucked up. Oh, I feel so bad that you felt bad that I was mad. I wasn't mad.

Well, no, but I get it because I told you at 3.30 and I'm like, ah, I get it. It's a weekend. You got it. Yeah, but no, I was doing some painting in there as you saw. You went inside. Yeah, looks good, man. Yeah, so that's the first coat on the drywall. I think I'm going to try to do the rest of the wall.

But no, it's nice. First coat's a bitch because you think it looks shitty. Yes. And then it's also, too, it's like I – By the way, how many people who listen to this own homes where they can relate to this? Well, there are some people that paint, I think, when they rent as well. Yes. Some people do that, which this is like the first time i've ever painted any place i've lived let's give a shout out i it is humbling and very kind when we do skip a week or two and people message us oh yeah so nice so well also so i want to give a shout out to people too as well like yeah that is nice too and like hey uh where the fuck to give a shout out to people, too, as well. Like, yeah, that is nice, too.

And like, hey, where the fuck's the pod? It's like, oh, cool. Because I literally think no one listens. I know. I know. But that's kind of how you have to treat it, too. Because if you treat it as somebody's listening, then you're like up in your head and stuff. But speaking of that, last week when we were trying to figure out fucking Vampire Weekend,

I had several people reach out and be like it's vampire weekend because we're like you know the song about the was it a posture no it's a comma name those people because that band is not great no but everybody knows that song is better than vampire we settled down that's not what they're saying they're just saying they know it it's like saying like what's that movie and it's like terminator 2 you moron like we were seeing that song where they sing about the apostrophe because we couldn't figure it out oxford i just recapped it okay yeah you didn't say the comma part yes i did okay okay that's listening oh we're like yes he did yes because we were like it's an apostrophe no what is it and then like i was like he's dating rashida jaw and like everybody like several people reached

out there's like vampire weekend yes bam but god that's so funny also it's a if you like that band it's real bad blinkway 2 is better than that band oh boy i like sober umar last week is like i've outgrown them you know what that that music grown them you outgrown them. I am past Blink-Way 2. Yeah. Whatever they make from now on, I get. It's not for me. But they are better than Vampire Weekend. And Blink-Way 2 headline writing festival and leads festival.

Vampire Weekend will never do that ever in their existence. There's people screaming in their cars like, they headlined in 2012. You idiot. I bet you they've never headlined that show. I bet they've headlined some festivals. I think one of the best turnouts ever for Leeds Festival. Or Reading. Maybe. I mean, it's, you know, it's a festival.

A lot of people are just in general. What are you going to do? The guy who runs it said, we've never had this many people. Hey, could be a coincidence. I don't know. Could be a coincidence. Maybe they were waiting for vampire weekend who played after them maybe who know where the exit music wasn't that fun it's in an oxford comma they're like boo um but yeah regardless yeah i mean that is a funny thing too to be a band like vampire weekend and

to be like super artsy and stuff. And then a band like Blink-182 is like, take off your pants and jacket. They sell like a billion records. And Vampire Weekend is musically a way better band. I mean, Blink-182 has some really good stuff. But I will say too that the singer, Ezra Koenig,

he seems to have a really good sense of humor about his band. Yes. I watched this rick rubin documentary we have another ambient podcast by the way we're on my porch this time by the way very comfy chairs thanks man where'd you get these uh this is from uh i got it on wayfair great well i was actually ordering children and the chair showed up too and i was like bonus that is a bonus do you fuck the chairs instead yeah well i'm an ally yeah i mean i

made the kids watch i mean you're here you're here i'm queer i wouldn't do that it's like a bit by the way i'm just being like so like are you dating no actually i'm just kind of date myself for a while like wait so so you're gay like I mean, I guess with myself for a little while. That's my dog walker. Oh. Paul. Umar's dog walker. My dog walker just walked by. Another very ambient podcast.

But no, Vampire Weekend is a very talented band. Oh, real quick though. So in the Rick Rubin documentary, which is very good. Oh, where is that? I want to watch it. It's on Showtime. It's like a four-parter about his studio. But he... I don't know ezra caning was there and he was like recruitment so we'll like play me some of the new record he's like i don't know i always do this

thing with our music where i'm like is it great or is it bad or is it like to sing song he's like i feel like all of our songs could be like the soundtrack to a shrek movie it's like that's such a good like description of the music perfect yeah so at least he knows um my god okay but i want to give a give an update of uh last week go ahead we talked about um my my neighbor trimming my bushes yes yeah so recap. Hold on. Recap this. Yeah. Yeah. So last week I updated you guys.

I saw my neighbor who I share a house, or share the alleyway with behind me. I noticed she, so I'm in an end unit. Again, no big deal. Omar and I both, you know, we get a lot of sun in our houses. You know, a lot of people live in row homes. Not a lot of sun, right? But on the side of my house, I have a bunch of sun in our houses you know a lot of people live in row homes not a lot of sun right um but on the side of my house i have a bunch of bushes and stuff and uh the other day i saw my neighbor trimming my bushes without asking me just which is like it's not a bad thing i mean if she like ruined it i'd be a little miffed but i went outside and they looked great yeah also it's

a it's a lot of work to trim and discard she didn't leave anything there there was no like twigs or excess mess it was very clean so but i was like i gotta say something right you know yeah i haven't heard this yet yeah yeah i've been i've been waiting to tell you what was my advice to you i think you said talk to her which i knew knew that I wanted to do, but I didn't know how I was going to go about it. I said bring a gift card. Oh, that's right. So I brought the gift of words, Umar.

Okay, all right. Brought the gift of words. So I went for a run, and I came back, and I had the endorphins going, you know, and, uh, and I was looking, I was like, damn, that where she did her work does look very good. And I was like, all right, well, I have to talk to her. So I like went inside, put a shirt on. And then, uh, but first I like scoped out her house to see if, cause they're on their porch a lot. And then I didn't see her on the porch, but then I noticed there was something on her door and I looked a little closer, just got a picture of Jesus on the door.

Nice picture of the Lord on the door. Like, oh, this is going to be interesting. But she's like, we live in like a hipster, artsy, fartsy neighborhood, but she seems like that kind of person, right? You said she does yoga. I've seen her at the yoga mat, but I see her at the church too. She's burning sage. Possibly, possibly.

But we did have a tiff back in the day. Oh, yeah, I remember. I was living here. Yeah, yeah. So when we built the deck, just to recap for people that haven't heard, but when I was building the deck out back and Umar helped and we all did it, all the wood arrives on like a big pallet jack, and I didn't know what to do with the pallet, like the woodenet and uh it was just sitting i was like maybe the garbage metal take it and

then so i put it out with the trash they did not take it oh but so it sat in the alley for like an extra day beyond then where i was like all right i gotta figure out what to do and then one day i saw her and her husband grab it and they like walked along the side of the house with it and i was like oh cool they're taking it they're along the side of the house with it. And I was like, Oh cool. They're taking it. They're going to do like some art project with plants in it. Like again, it's like the Hamden hipster thing.

I'm like, Oh yeah, exactly. They're going to repurpose it for something. And so when I opened the front door, they were in front of the house now and I was like, Hey, can I help you guys?

And she was like, you can help me get it out of the house. And I was like, what? And then they just threw it against the tree in front of my house. And was like i didn't even say anything because i was so taken aback by it i was like what they just walked away so anyway cut to like last week she's trimming the trimming all the bushes and i was like this is weird and because we have not talked since then and then so it's like all right i got to talk to her about this bush thing so like uh i when i went

back in put a shirt on and then she was out there and she was doing a crossword puzzle i think and i was like hey how you doing i'm josh i'm your neighbor i don't think we've met right so immediately i'm just you know just being like hey let bygones be bygones we don't have to talk about that time you threw that thing in front of my house right and so like i totally just gassed her up and i was like hey i just wanted to say like the other day i saw you with shears um and uh on the side of the house but i thought you were going to your house and maybe you're doing some work and i just got back from a run yeah and i just assumed you must have done all that stuff on the side of my house and

it looks so good and i just want to thank you for doing that she was like wow well first off can i just say can i ask you do do you do you rent that house or do you own that house and i put a little hot sauce on it was still being nice but i was like i own you know kind of a way i just like stop you know like yeah this is mine you know and also like i'm gonna be here a while you know and uh she was like she was like oh well the the people before you maybe three people before you they dug up the side of the the sidewalk they didn't get permission to put all those plants in there from the city they didn't have permits so they put it all in there and it grows like crazy and i'm like oh my god that's such a bum i didn't know that i had no idea when i moved in i

just thought they'd been here for years and and i was thinking the other day i really need to trim this and again you did such a good job and she's like well thank you i i appreciate it i'm just gonna kind of leave it at that and i was like and honestly it looks so good like i would pay you to finish it would you finish it and she was like like really like that really like that and uh i was like i would i mean you name your price i'll do it and she's like well how about we make a deal you don't have to pay me i'll do the rest and you just make sure to keep all the trash off the side of it and i was like i will oh my god that's such a good deal because so those bushes it's so hard to get the litter out of there when it gets stuck because it's like these like sticker bushes and she goes she's like i know i noticed that and anyway i was

like again i'm josh was so nice to me what's your name she's like i'm marty and my husband's way what's her name marty marty short for martha martha so i just i just went in there just very very sweet of just like i was like hey you're kind of like amazing huh and she's like well like you could tell she wanted to be mad yeah but when i was like i would pay you to finish it she was like okay well wow good for you man you did you turn it around oh yeah oh yeah who did she finish not yet so i'm gonna be like bitch i've been picking up this trash all week i've been doing my part of the deal marty yeah that's great i want it out of my house that's great so yeah man first time ever uh i walked in my house today because i know me and you dealt with this yeah you lived here because

you you have an end unit yes and uh gotta say hamden uh hot uh hot neighborhood for uh litter drug addicts oh yeah well we had two drug addicts sitting on my, not my sort of. So I have a new step. No. So I have a, I'm an end unit as well. Yes. They were sitting, they were sitting on my stoop, but on the side of my house. So my stoop, there's a fence, but there's a little overhang.

They're sitting on the overhang in the alley. So it's still my property. Yeah. but there's a little overhang. They're sitting on the overhang in the alley. So it's still my property. Yeah. And we walked out and they're sitting on my stoop a little bit. Yeah. And Karen's like, hey, look. And then I'm like, do I say something?

Yeah. Because we're leaving to go get these drinks. I'm drunk right now. I drove here with a drink. I'm drunk. Sure. He's kidding, everybody. Just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm a responsible kidding, everybody. Just kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm a responsible member of society. He has some water. And I'm like, fuck, do I say something? But these are clearly drug addicts waiting for a fix. Do I say? I didn't say anything. Yeah. Because then you're like, I don't want them to fuck with something because we have a lot

of furniture. We have stuff on our porch yeah that's it's tricky tough tough uh line to walk because like you want those people out of there but they also know it's your house yeah and so if you piss them off like well fuck this i'll come back later and just like throw a brick you know we're like yeah the one thing though i do have a pit bull so no one's breaking into my house. Though I will say if you do break into my house, my people would be so happy to see you. He would love for you he would just want you to pet him.

He's literally barking and his barking is please pet me. Please come in and hang out. Oh my god. It's not I'm gonna fuck you up. It's please pet me. It's just his voice like are we friends? Are we gonna hang out or what? Get in the house. gonna fuck you up it's please pet me it's just his voice like are we friends yeah we are we are we gonna hang out or what yeah yeah karen started crying last night because uh we um we were watching ford versus ferrari sure it's all in the theater with my dad very very dad-centric movie i loved

it people hated it i really enjoyed it i thought fucking christian bale was great i thought both matt damon and christ Christian Bale were amazing. I love when they get in a fight. That was really good. Yeah, great. Yeah. Anyway, watching Ford vs. Ferrari, Cobb is not a lot. We got a very expensive West Elm couch.

Yeah. I don't like dogs on our couch. And he knows he's not allowed there but he was like very wanting attention yeah he jumped up on our couch where karen is and i was like cop off and then when he got off karen was like started to cry because she was like so heartbroken yeah because he used to be allowed to cuddle on the couch with her yeah we've talked about it before it's like in their nature to want to be with the pack yeah we let him in our bed sure so he sleeps in our bed every now and then that's nice but yeah but it's still also like he's like you're up there i want to be up there yeah

so then we both got on the ground and we like caught him which was nice that is nice uh yeah but it was like it's like yeah also, Karen is like the most sensitive person. So like, I don't know if you, have you watched Ricky Gervais' show Afterlife? No. Dude, great show. Yeah. Karen cried every episode. It looked corny to me.

It is an amazing show. All right, I'll check it out. It's great. It's very sad. And goddamn, dude, Karen cried her eyes out every show. Every episode? Damn. Literally every episode.

I've been watching a lot of Man Seeking Woman, and it's so, so funny, dude. What is that? Dude, it's on Hulu. And I watched, I remember watching like the first season and probably some of the second season but it's three seasons it's an fx show and it's this guy that's like trying to date again yeah but everything in the show is like hyper surreal so like he goes to a party and his ex is there and he's like i'm not ready to go and like his best friend's eric andre and he's like dude it's gonna be fine like you're working on moving on she's working on moving on like it's no big deal just like go to the party

and he goes to the party and she's dating somebody and he's like what and her boyfriend is here but it turns out her boyfriend is hitler so oh yes great's so good, man. Like, every single episode. And then, like, eventually Bill Hader plays Hitler. What's it called again? Man Seeking Woman. Yes, I gotta re-watch this. Dude, yeah, when he's like, she's dating Hitler? Yeah. Isn't he, like, a hundred? He's like, don't be ages, dude.

What the hell? Speaking of, I watched Jojo Rabbit. Oh, it's incredible! Insane! Such a good movie, but crazy because it's like, it makes Hitler like this fun, like, like a lovable kind of guy. The one scene though, because the director plays Hitler, Taika, I forget his name. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah.

So the guy that's playing Hitler is the director of the movie. And he's also like, he directed a lot of like the Flight of the Concord stuff as well. Oh, that makes sense. Similar humor. Yeah. He also directed the second Thor movie, I think too. But yeah, he's really good. But when the scene in the kitchen where like Hitler gets like really serious.

Yeah. Like, whew. Yeah. He really goes for it oh yeah yeah oh speaking of flight of the concords uh amazing show do you have hulu premium yeah that's uh that's where i was watching uh man seeking woman dude uh what we do in the shadows oh it's amazing so holy shit the second season of that show some of the best comedy writing i've ever seen first too i love all the first but it's good but the second does the second have jackie daytona yes he's like he's like laszlo doesn't care about high school girls volleyball but jackie daytona

that's my favorite episode yeah and i didn't know that the vampire, the evil vampire, that's Luke Skywalker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark Hamill. I didn't know that. Yeah, Mark Hamill, yeah. Dude, that episode, that writing, oh my God. Incredible. If you haven't seen What We Do in the Shadows, a TV show.

Please watch it. Watch it. It's incredible writing. I toured through it, I think, in like a few days. We watched it in three days. It's so, so, so funny. It's incredible writing i tore through it i think in like a few days we watch it in three days it's so so so funny incredible right the idea of like an energy vampire too is really really yeah insane i love when he becomes a troll he's like i can actually suck energy out of multiple people multiple times so so good oh dude since oh so uh i got a couple of big stories so karen and i went uh i feel like i

don't know because i'm drunk i don't know if this podcast feels like you're on cocaine but uh sure uh oh before you get into yours i'm gonna say real quick just to recap my story my loose ends from last week too i'm still sleeping my mescal. Pops. Oh, I thought that was wine. No, it's a mezcal. I've had two mezcal Manhattans. Whoa. Interesting. Yeah. Pops got the call from CVS yesterday.

No COVID. And again, I didn't think he did. I think he just had diarrhea. That was it. I've only been having diarrhea for the last seven years. You might have COVID, bro. No, I got IBS. I know, I know.

Oh, yeah. No, no, no. My dad called me and he was like, Josh, I was up all night. I was shitting all night. I think I have COVID. This is it. I think I'm going to die.

And I was like, what? Jesus. And I was like, because I know that diarrhea is a symptom, but I'm like, well, can you smell and taste? And he's like, well, yeah, I can smell and taste. I was worried that I couldn't smell. I had a pack of Oreos and I said, all right, if I can't smell these Oreos, then I have it.

Because Oreos smell so good. He opened it and he smelled it. He's like, I can smell the Oreos. I'm like, I don't think you have COVID, my guy. But anyway, I got him a test and yeah, he's all good for him yeah yeah yeah that's good yeah yeah oh and then my other shipment we'll get into yours the porch porch roof has been fucked up homeowners insurance paying to get it fixed how much they sent me a check for 5200 the bill from the roofers is 5700 so it's only costing me 500 because my deductible is a thousand dollars and my guy was really cool like nobody even from

my insurance agency came out to look at the roof no they were just like okay good for you fuck yeah dude yeah man i gotta do a lot of yeah Yeah, I got to... So, I got to... So, I got to get a brand... I'm getting a brand new fence. From the city. Sort of. Oh, wait. Is this a story?

Because I cut you off. I just wanted to wrap my shit up. Hey, what's up, bro? Good, man. How are you? We're drunk. All right. Okay.

Why don't we throw a wee in there? That was a weird drop off. So a recycling truck ran into my fence like in February. Yes. Fucked up like a third of my fence. So my buddy Dan, you know, he... Danny. I don't know.

I won't say his last name, but he has his own company. He's a general contractor. And without coming and looking at my property, he sent me an estimate. And I was like, oh, this is really high. And he was like, yeah, you never know. Also, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Then I get another guy coming out looking at it.

My buddy's estimate was $1,850. This other guy said just to fix three sections of a fence plus a door was going to be $4,500. Yeah. Then I get another guy to come out and look at it. He said $1,900. If you want to do your whole fence, it'll be $3,900. Sure. Just goes to show everybody's full of shit. They're just like, okay, materials are like $200, but how much money do I want?

And so I was like, so the city was like, send us another. So I sent them all three estimates. Right. Hello. And we're gay. Okay. It's okay and uh so all right again i'm not drunk i'm getting 1850 from this they're gonna the city's cutting me a check for 1850 love that the cheapest repair is gonna be 1900 right which is fine because it's $50 short. Yeah. But a brand new fence will cost me

30. So I'm only out two grand to get a whole brand new fence. So I'm going to buy a whole new fence. Yeah. But then it's like, dude, do I buy a whole new fence or do I just fix this fence? I think you just fix it. I don't know, man. Two grand. I'd hold on to that. You think so? Yeah. I have the money, though. I mean, if it's- I have plenty of the money. Listen, if it's no skin- I'm not rich. If it's no skin off your dick, then yeah, go for it.

It'll be some skin. It'll be some skin. Well, that's how I was with the roof, too, where I was like, all right, it's six grand. No one's relating to this, by the way. Well, I hope so. This goes out to the young Yuppie homeowner. Because my buddy Dan, who is it? He was like, look, if you can get away with getting a whole new fence

for $2,000, I would do it. Yeah. Because your fence? Yeah. That's how much it would cost. Right, right, right. So yeah, it is kind of like it's also like, when's it going to be this cheap again? And I got to tell tell you i would contact

your homeowner's insurance nah i don't want to you think so so what i did so i i lucked out so my cousin zach he is a roofer and he came over and he looked at it and he was basically like look for like he's like your roof is fucked up he's like because his house is built in like 1900 or whatever so he was like what they probably did he's like you probably have like an aluminum roof under here and then every so often there's like a new technology of like we put this membrane on there this thing it's like what they probably did is just stack shit for years and years on this thing he's like so what we could do is we could keep doing that build you a thing that would basically make the water just roll off of your porch.

Yeah. It's not up to code, but we could do it for like two grand. But if you want to do it right, and this is like the cheapest he could do, it was like the 5,700. He's like, we have to rip all that shit out, put this new shit in. And he's like, and I would just do it, just do like the new one. And I was like, cool. Does it bring your premium up uh no so the thing is

so it cost me so i have a i have a thousand dollar deductible yeah so again this is for nobody but i didn't like this is all shit like you broke pieces of shit who don't own hey ask your parents who you live with what a deductible from their homeowners insurances yeah um so basically saying like if the work is more than a thousand dollars then you can pay that and then the homeowners insurance will pay the rest essentially so they're kind of saying like hey fyi like the work better be more than a thousand dollars and cost you a thousand um but i was like well if it's costing me nearly $6,000, I'll pay a grand.

I don't give a fuck. Yeah. So Zach gave me that estimate. And the insurance company was like, okay, well, send us an estimate from a roofer. So I sent them the one that Zach gave me. And they were like, okay, cool. We'll pay it.

And I was like, shit. So what the guy did, which was very nice, is he bumped the estimate up five hundred dollars so i'm only five hundred dollars out of pocket because he's like i saw you had a thousand dollar deductible we're actually make it 6200 or whatever so what i'm saying is the damage so what you could do is you have the highest estimate send that to your homeowner's insurance and the most they can do is just say no. Yeah. Because then they might be like, well, it's $1,000.

You know what? You're right. It doesn't hurt to contact. Because the city's cutting me a check. Right. I'm going to get a check for $1,850. Yeah. So you can say, like, this shit happened. My fence on the whole other.

It's a little fucked up, you know, because people rented this home for 12 years. It would be nice to get a brand new fence, but they could pay for a whole new fence. Well. If they give me $4,500. You have to basically say, so what helped me was there has to be like an inciting incident. It can't be pre-existing shit. No, no. I literally have pictures of a recycling truck hitting my fence. That's what I'm saying.

So you have that. But I'm saying that the stuff where, you know, like it's 12 years and the stuff on the other side, don't say that. Say like this shit is fucked up here. Yeah. And say like, yeah,

it happened on this date. And they only want one estimate. Cause yeah. And so just send them the highest one. When I get home, calling my insurance company. Also, wait till tomorrow morning,

maybe. No, no, I'm going to do it tonight. When I'm drunk. And what about, also, what about like, uh, I have, uh, maybe. No, I'm going to do it tonight when I'm drunk. Also, what about like I have a... Just email him. Not homeowners insurance, but the...

What's the other thing? What do you mean? You have a... You have homeowners insurance, but you also have like a... Every year you can buy a uh um oh oh shit what's that called i'm i i don't know honestly not a warranty but a uh yeah yeah it sounds like a warranty no yeah maybe it's a home warrant like a homeowner's warranty oh via like the people that sold you the house yes what's

that called because i have that i got that for me i got you so yeah it's some type of warranty you can see if it's covered when you own homes you're not broke there's so much going there's so much going on but yeah so that was my thing was like all right well i could pay six grand out of pocket where it's like i'm not looking forward to it but i can do it luckily because i could buy a new fence but i'm saying it also doesn't hurt the worst your homeowner's insurance could do is be like no right yeah yeah so i would ask them tonight so i lucked out with mine because the roof roof is like with my roof i was like yeah the hurricane that came through fucked it up and they're like oh yeah we've heard a lot about that. We'll cut you a check. And I was like, dope. All right.

So, yeah, I would check with your homeowner's insurance. Because, yeah, I was like, what the fuck? Why the fuck do I have it? You know what I mean? Like, I'm paying all this money for if my house gets fucked up and my house is fucked up, like, fix it. Yeah. So, yeah, man.

Shit is good there. Okay, but I cut you off when you were like, me and Karen, you were like, I got some stories. Oh, I got two big stories. Here we go. All right. So, since last time we potted, Karen and I. So, when COVID first started, Karen was so pissed because she was like, oh, because we had two big things. We had her 40th birthday party, which is a big deal.

Yep. Had to cancel it. And she was like, do you think my birthday is going to happen? So the COVID happened in early March. Her birthday is April 24th. Yeah. I knew this was going to be a long thing, but I was like, maybe, but I was lying. Sure.

You want to be positive. We had a vacation planned in Asheville, North Carolina. We had Airbnbs. We had flights. Everything booked. Yeah. And she was like, do you think we'll still do that? And I was like, maybe, but I knew it was going to happen.

And I got our money back for 100% because I told. Love that. I told Airbnb was giving 100% money back for everything because they were being cool. Yeah. And then airlines, I told the airlines, I was like, hey, I lied. I was like, hey, look, we're both waiters, waitresses, waiters. We're both waitresses. We have no money.

We need this to pay rent. And they gave us our money back, which is whatever. Fuck the airlines. Sure. And so we booked two vacations this summer. We went to Ocean City. And then this vacation recently, Karen recently found a thing. We went glamping.

Yes. Yes. In the mountains in Pennsylvania. It's like four hours from here. Sure. In a place called Petticoat. Pennsylvania. Camping grounds. Mm-hmm. in a place called petticoat pennsylvania camping grounds in cedar run pennsylvania okay and i'm not gonna lie when karen was playing this i was just like ah i don't want to do this but karen wants

to do this fuck it i'll do it i'm a brown man i don't like I don't like being in the middle of stuff Where I can't control Where like you know like You don't know like what's Self service blah blah blah So I gotta say So we go there Great drive

So on the drive over Karen is like growing up Karen was like really into drugs. She's like 10 years older than me. Where does this story go? She was like dropping acid in middle school. She never listens to this podcast. If you do listen to this, don't tell her I said this.

I just said, yeah, Karen's like upbeat. What does this have to do? Like we went on vacation. Side note, she has shit her pants twice. Yeah, no, but like Karen was like really into like acid and shit when she was like in middle school which sounds crazy she did acid in middle school oh yeah big into acid middle school yes well she had way older brothers and they did drugs still like man i guess that's kind of the time to do it but it's a time it's like it's like a different time to be alive because like

when we were growing up like doing good in school actually meant something when she was growing up it didn't mean anything in the 80s yeah not really or like i guess the early 90s yeah of course it meant so what are you talking about well i don't know but uh anyway she was like a big into acid and so she kind of in the 90s fucked up school for herself anyway oh my god don't if you listen don't tell karen she's gonna look listen i need her to help me pay my mortgage and uh buddy listen yeah listen as a guy paying his mortgage by himself get all the help you can. No, I'm fine. It's very nice, actually. Anyway, so.

Listen, get this 40-year-old woman to help pay you. She wanted to do one more vacation. We did Ocean City, which was fine. But it's like, look, we go to Puerto Rico. We go to Mexico. Ocean City is not going to do it for us. Yeah, you need a place that ends in an O. Yeah. So we go to Puerto Rico. We go to Mexico. Ocean City is not going to do it for us. Yeah, you need a place that ends in an O. Yeah.

So we go to Cedar Run, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. And Karen wanted to go do this. We went glamping. Yeah. And I was fine not doing anything. I was like, look, let's just save her money we gotta do a lot of stuff to the house but she was like i want to do one more thing but i was like all right cool yeah and as far as covid goes that's glamping's where it's at and i was very like i was into it but

then i was like when it came to like a couple days before i was like ah why are we doing this this sucks i don't want to fucking drive four hours into pennsylvania sure so we drive four hours into pennsylvania i guess it we get to this place called petticoat yeah beautiful yeah and everyone at this campsite is amazing. Yeah. Like, everyone who stays there, who works there is so cool. Yeah. And it's like, dude, like, we're glamping.

We have a queen-size bed. We have a fucking huge tent area. We have the... So you rented, like, a big tent thing. A big tent thing With a queen size bed There's bathrooms In the area with showers You gotta put quarters in to get warm water

Right so you're still in nature But you're comfy We're in nature but we're comfortable Amazing So we get there on a Sunday Yeah we get there on a Sunday. Yeah, we get there on Sunday.

And this is Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Uh-huh. So Sunday we get there. We're like, ah, fuck it. Let's just build a fire. We'll chill. Our neighbors are super cool.

Mm-hmm. How close are the neighbors? Very close. Gotcha. So we get there. I'm horny. We're having sex. Sure. You know, when youny we're having sex and sure you know when you travel the hotel sex is great but when you're glamping you gotta be quiet a little quiet like

listen we are gonna do anal but you better be quiet and karen's like i'm gonna come i'm like all right be quiet and so we're like super quiet and then i come and usually i would come all over her but i'm like ah we're glamping we can't shower so i come all over the sheets i'm like let's pray to god they watch wash these sheets sure so i come all of these sheets it's all over the place uh-huh and uh so anyway saturday sounds very nice to be in nature. Yeah, we're making fires. We're cooking food on the fire. So then Saturday, or no, Monday, we wake up and we're like, hey, we're going to go for a bike ride.

So this tent next to us, they paid $18 for this map of where we are. And Karen and I, we do this mean this bike ride wait why are you paying 18 well they pay they paid for a map of like everywhere you can oh like but this is before they yeah okay like bike paths and stuff like that everywhere hiking all that stuff yeah and uh And so he was like, hey, take pictures. Take pictures of the map. You guys can go bike wherever you want. So we wanted to go see this thing called the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon. Sure.

Oh, the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon? From where we are, it's an 18-mile bike ride. To the PGC. And I was like, fuck it. Let's do it. I'm a runner. Yeah. I'm in shape.

Uh-huh. Karen's like, are you sure? 18 miles. Because Karen's a biker. I'm not a biker. And I'm like, Karen. It is. It is.

Listen, I'm really good at running, Karen. You're like, I'm drunk. I'll run five miles right now. I'm real good at running. Yeah. You're like, I'm drunk. I'll run five miles right now. I'm real good at running. Yeah. Karen was like, all right. So we set out on this bike ride. Yeah.

Beautiful. Like, dude, we're between mountains the whole time. Yeah. Also, the first night, I got to say, I could not sleep because where we are too much cum on the sheets black bears literally whoa that person did not stop black neighbors and uh oh my god yeah the black neighbors are everywhere and they walk through your campsite bears black neighbors yeah yeah blairs bears blairs and uh dude so i could not i did not i slept like three hours the first night right right because yeah it's also every little noise you hear when you

can't do any little like no idea stick break or like leaves moving like what was that yeah so this and then so so we go so the second night so when we wake up the next day, the guy let us, you know, take pictures of the map. He was like, oh, you got to go swimming at this place called Rattlesnake, blah, blah, blah, blah. What a terrible name. And I'm like, wait, why would I go swimming? I was like, dude, I'm not going to go swimming at something called Rattlesnake. I was like, are there rattlesnakes? He's like, oh, yeah, there's rattlesnakes everywhere. Yeah, he's like, you guys should go swim at Rattlesnake i was like yeah are there rattlesnakes he's like oh yeah there's rattlesnakes everywhere yeah he's like you guys should go swim at rattlesnake pit

yeah really fun literally what it was called and i was like wait there's black bears and rattlesnakes everywhere and you're like hold up what color are these rattlesnakes motherfucker pulls out his oh so then yeah so he's like, yeah. There's rattlesnakes and black bears everywhere right now. And I was like, are you serious? Yeah. And he's like, yeah. So I didn't know how serious he was. When I went to go to the bathroom, which you have to walk like 50 feet,

another camper, which everyone on this camp site is super nice. He was like, he said something to me and now we started talking he's like and he brought up rattlesnakes and i was like huh and i was like i was like wait how how like how prevalent are rattles rattlesnakes around here was like oh dude they're everywhere and then i look closer this motherfucker is a rattlesnake. So he's like, oh, you want to see a video of a rattlesnake coiled up rattling at me? And I was like, what? He was rattling at me.

We were driving down to the campsite and we thought it was a stick, but it was a rattlesnake. We almost ran over it. We pulled over and it was threatened. So it was coiled up and rattling at us. Yeah. He was like five feet away from this rattlesnake. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck?

Too close, my guy. Yeah. So then Karen and I go on this bike ride. Yeah. We biked 18 miles one way. Okay. No, 20 miles. 20 miles one way, bro.

That's pretty insane. Dude, we biked six hours that day. Round trip. Round. Well, yeah, because we did 40 miles in one day. That's fucking wild. That's going from here to D.C. a little more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Yeah, it's like a trip down 295. Insane. I mean, dude, the whole way back because the first 20 miles, you feel good. You're cocky. You're like, I'm in shape. The rest, my arms hurt. My legs hurt. I was

delirious. Yeah. How was your ass though? I mean, good bike seat. But I wore, I was wearing workout clothes. Karen wore jean shorts in a normal tank top. Wait, and then you guys also swam, too. No, we didn't swim.

No, why not? We were just so tired. I got you. But I was picturing also being kind of wet and then irritated. The plan was to swim because the swimming hole is at that place called Rattle Snake Pit or whatever. But the time we got back, we had three more miles. I was like, Karen, if we stop, I'm going to be dead. So you essentially went there.

We went 18 miles out. You went there to swim, did not swim, and then just turned around. Yeah. What a nightmare. Oh, by the way, the whole time it's thundering and lightning. Yeah. So the whole time we're out pacing a nightmare. Oh, by the way, the whole time it's thundering and lightning. Yeah. So the whole time we're outpacing a storm. Jesus.

Yeah. Yeah. And then the whole time back we're outpacing a storm. I love that's your vacation too. You're like, oh, fuck. Go, go. And like, it was crazy because we outpaced a storm. Right.

When we get back, I'm like, do you want to swim? And she's like, no, I'm way too tired. Yeah. Did you even see where you were supposed to swim? Oh, yeah. It looked amazing. Damn. I'll send you a video.

There's a video of us biking through. It's incredible. We're between two mountains. Yeah. There's a river next to us. Oh, there's elk who are super aggressive. They're not like deer. They're very aggressive they're

like right they're huge yeah it sounds like my buddies at the elk's lodge yeah there's rattlesnakes everywhere we are and bears so the whole time i'm looking out for all three of these things again i'm just picturing like bears and rattlesnakes disguised as people they're like actually you should yeah yeah come over you're like no it's a rattlesnake he's like ah nuts yeah and like that's the thing it's like swim also like going in like four hours into pennsylvania as a brown guy you're like nervous you're like everyone's gonna be a trump supporter yeah everyone's gonna hate me but everyone at the campsite is so nice the people on the left of us they're like from new england they're like super liberal the people on the other side of us we're not super sure we're there but like they're big public radio

fans and like so we all have a campfire that night we have s'mores we nice little communal hang yeah the best we have this amazing hang and like love it we're all just shooting the shit we're hanging out we're talking shit and it's like uh-huh so fun yeah but then uh oh okay two things that are embarrassing one woman is from mechanicsburg which shane gillis is from i'm like oh you might know this guy shane gillis she just got hired on snl he got fired for being racist she's like no and Karen's like Umar what are you doing she's a 65 year old woman she has no idea zero idea she could be neighbors with Shane Gillis is so small maybe it's not I mean it is but it's still like yeah maybe if she was like 25 you know yeah for sure yeah anyway so that was embarrassing and then uh we're all at the

campfire yeah one couple you could tell is super liberal the other couple yeah we're still unsure where they are because uh they uh the one couple was like whoa six feet because they put their chairs right next to us and the woman goes i'm so sick of this six foot real six foot rule because she's like uh yeah she's the head of the nursing department or wherever she works okay and so i was like oh shit they might be they must be because you know they but also if you're if you're a nurse older white people i thought they're trump supporters but they're all like huge straight uh but later we find out they're huge grateful dead people they're into the doobie brothers and blah but you can have that too or you can have somebody that was like uh a hippie and then they're like but we gotta build this wall

you know yeah yeah so i do we had a great night with these two couples were like stories and laughs. And it was so everyone was so friendly at this campsite, dude. Right. I mean, Karen and I bought a mug. We're going back. I bought a mug. You bought a mug. That sounds pretty official. Sounds pretty official.

It was one of the coolest things we've ever done. Yeah. Yeah. I want to keep doing more nature. Yeah. I think me, you and Karen, Evan and his girl, we should do it. I would love to. Yeah.

It was amazing. I might bring somebody out there. Maybe a Japanese body pillow. Do it. I'll bring something out there. Oh, and then so the second story. Yes. A couple of days ago.

Real quick, though. Yes. Let's absolutely do that, though. No, go ahead. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to be like, yeah, one of those things. We totally should.

We should. A couple of days ago, my rich aunt and uncle, they live in. Speaking of Trump supporters. Whoa, dude. No joke. They are Trump supporters. They, dude. No joke. They are Trump supporters. They're Pakistani people. Yeah.

But they're like, we're not Pakistani. We're rich. Yeah, he's a doctor. So he came here. Okay, so this is interesting. So in 1998, my aunt, my dad's sister, had an arranged marriage to this guy whose name is... Oh, shit. I'm so drunk.

So her name is... Well, I can't remember his name. But they had an arranged marriage in 1998. Okay. I was in fourth grade going into fifth grade this summer. So Pakistani weddings are five days long so right after my fourth grade year ended we went to pakistan because my mom is like the best person of planning weddings oh my mom they relied on my mom to azra bring it as her to organize plan a five-day wedding in pakistan i thought she

was the singer of vampire weekend azra caning thank you okay full circle yeah yeah three people get that joke but it's good uh so my so i do it so in yeah so in 1998 like eight yeah we're in pak i spent my whole summer in pakistan uh-huh my mom plans a whole wedding for these people anyway so these people this she marries a doctor it takes a whole summer to plan this thing yeah dude because it's five days right and they're huge i mean like 300 people go to these things jesus christ yeah it's like you're planning like a seminar oh by the way while i was there my uh one of my family uh one of the like my family's distant relatives yeah 16 year old girl i went to this wedding married a 30 year old guy crazy right he got her on wayfair yeah yeah

and i was up and uh anyway so my so we go there anyway so uh tharik that's his name okay all right okay uh so they're in town they live in uh virginia beast they own a huge gross like uh mcmansion there so they're in town for like the last week for their vacation and my mom's like oh they want to meet you they want to meet they want to see your home and i know they don't really want to but i know my mom wants them to want to see my home right right right because that's like such a brown thing like my son owns property yes both of my sons and here's another thing i own a very small shitty home in hamden like my home is not impressive you know like especially to brown people because like brown people like they want like brand new like they love like they don't like rustic like my

parents when i took them to woodbury yeah kitchen yeah they thought it was disgusting yeah i mean i remember taking even just you know my dad's not a brown guy but taking him i remember i took him to chipotle when it first started oh wow and he was just like oh yeah the whole he was just like he's like why why is this this popular i can see all the duct work, the ground. I mean, they must have saved 10 grand. This is just concrete here. I'm like, yeah, food. And he's like, I mean, I guess looks like a shit.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. So they're looking for like bells and whistles. They want to be like, oh, I press this button and the curtains close or whatever. Like the TV comes out of the floor. Yeah. So my parents hate Woodbury. The thing is

what is all this farm equipment sitting out front? Why is everything rusty? I don't get it. There's a disgusting wagon wheel on it. Mom, Dad, this is one of the best restaurants in Baltimore. My dad was like, Umar, if I took my

friend from Pakistan and brought him to Woodbury kitchen and said this is one of the best restaurants in baltimore it's like oh my god if this is one of the best in baltimore what the fuck does the worst look like right which is a good argument sure anyway so my aunt uncle they come to my house and look i didn't invite them i don't want them in my house because i know they're gonna hate it it's my aunt uncle they come in my house they literally come in they're like oh oh give zero compliments like zero just like this looks nice that looks nice they give zero compliments or like even try to flip it to be like oh you guys must like this or this must be like no not even that they just go

oh and you can tell they fucking hate and i just want to be like, fuck you guys. Yeah. And I want to be like, oh, first of all, well, yeah, it's just like, fuck you guys. I like it. Yeah. And yeah, it just sucked because now it's been fucking with me ever since. Really? Yeah. Because I'm like, I know my house isn't like, you know, my house is a very small you have a very nice house whatever but it's like i like i would get that fence fix if i was you i'd replace that whole thing yeah but

that's other than that it's it's pretty good i like my house it's cool it's character yeah they don't see stuff like but it's just like it fucks with you because you're like, do I suck? No, dude. A piece of shit. Yeah, but. Did I get, do I did a wrong investment? No. But then right after my house, they go see Rahil's house and I'm sure they're like, because Rahil's house is super nice. It's like flipped.

It's fucking amazing. And you're like, oh God, they're going to be like, oh, this is great. Blah, blah, blah. But they didn't give me $500. But. All that said. Yeah, oh, this is great, blah, blah, blah. But they did give me $500. All that said. Yeah, but it just sucks. They probably cut you that check and they're like, buy a second one of these with $500. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're like, wait, what? We're going to give you enough money to buy a new home. Put a third story on here. It was $500. Yeah, it sucks because you're just like, but like but it's like yeah this is what i like and well it's not i could have bought a more expensive home i looked at more expensive homes i didn't like them i like this house yeah and then you feel like shit because you're like yeah but you feel like you gotta prove stuff to people. And you're like, I hate my family.

I hate seeing them. And then two days later, my mom's like, hey, we're having pit beef sandwiches. Come over. I'm like, look, I don't think I can see you guys more than like once a month. You know what I mean? It just sucks. But your parents don't feel that way about your house. No, they do.

My parents hate my house also. I mean, I had that with Matt when I was looking at houses. Yeah, it's a whole thing. It's a cultural thing. But yeah, and then I talked to his, my uncle, his brother about it where, because, you know, when I was, the houses were like around 300K that I was making offers on. He's like, 300K? I mean, why? I wouldn't, I wouldn't offer more than 100,000 for this house.

And I'm like, right, because it's not for you. Yeah. In the same way, it's not for those people either. Right. And also, it is worth that much because people are making offers. Because, like, I was telling my uncle about it. He's like, yeah, I mean, this neighborhood is not for, you know, 65-year-old dads. Yeah.

And that's the thing. It's like, dude, I put down $200,000 on my house. And it's like, I was talking to my buddy who flips homes. He's like, dude, look, buddy Who flips homes And he's like Dude look Rent your house out Buy a new home Yeah

You'll be fine And that's my plan It's like In five years Caroline If we're still together We'll buy a home It'll be hopefully bigger

Yeah Well that's the thing too And we'll rent this house out Yeah And you can also And sorry to the people Who are too broke To do any of this Yeah Well there's also no way that so that's what i had to with with my house

of like what i put down for it like i freaked out because i yeah you put down a lot i put down 20 percent so that's a lot yeah but i knew that it would make my monthly right not lower which is great so then i have more and then also like i was freaking out because it was like it was like 70 grand you know it's a lot of money like so because that included but your house is very nice it's thank you very conveniently located yeah the location location is great too so yeah even before the house got like renovated they were people were renting it for like 1800 a month yeah so like mine mine is like 1600 is what my mortgage is anyway but what i'm saying is like even if you were to sell your house which for what you bought it for which you wouldn't yeah you would absolutely still get

your money back there's no way you're gonna lose money and so like that is what my dad was very chill about of being because i was like holy fuck this is the most money i've ever spent oh my god i'm spent he's like but you're not losing 70 grand he's like you're just moving it and if anything you're gonna make money too so it's like worst case scenario if you sold this house for what you paid it for it which you won't because just over years it's gonna fucking accumulate and go up you know because it is still an investment and then my uncle also said he is like he's like yeah you're not gonna like live here forever and i was like yeah you're well i mean maybe for a while

he's like i would be shocked if you're living here at 35 you know no trying to insinuate like if you have kids because like yeah i don't want to raise kids in this neighborhood you know like but it's also and it's still it's it's i don't know it's a huge fucking thing to own property man and regardless of where it is or what it is, it's really fucking cool. And you're in rarefied air to be like, this is mine. Yeah, it's cool. And it makes you work harder. Like, I take care of the property like I've never done.

Yeah, you're invested in it. Yeah, like I'm painting today. Like I said, I've never painted anything, any place I've lived before. Yeah, I painted my house. I've done plumbing work in my own house. Yeah. Fucking the yard work. And I mean, like, it's great.

Yeah. The whole idea of this whole fence. Of course. Yeah, it's yours. And also, too, like, your uncle and aunt, they're not the audience for you and also the bar is always going to be even if even if it was something like a mcmansion they'd be like well it should be this and if you're renting i'd be like aren't you aren't you thinking about owning like if you rented you're like you should own and now you own it's like well shouldn't you own something better

it's like the goal is always going to be moving but here's my thing i didn't ask you to come see my house totally and especially because i know you wouldn't like it yeah but it's like the goal is always going to be moving but here's my thing i didn't ask you to come see my house totally and especially because i know you wouldn't like it yeah but it's like just fake it just give a fucking yeah just fucking throw a couple out fake compliment out yeah literally got zero of that age and also yeah they suck yeah no they do and they do suck and then we went out to the true Chesapeake, which is a great place. Yeah. And I could tell they hated it. And it's like, you know what? My friend owns this place. It's a great place.

Fuck you guys. Also, yeah, who cares? Oh, this was great, too, because my uncle, who is a Trump supporter. Yeah. First of all, fuck you. You came to this country in 1998. As an immigrant. Oh, yeah.

As an immigrant, but with money yeah so i order a burger and at he looks on the menu and you know muslims like we can't eat pork uh pig products yeah there's like some sort of bacon mayo he's like oh umar there's bacon on this burger and i'm like oh yeah whatever yeah he's like oh i was like i'll say something but it's also like fuck you dude don't make me feel bad for being a bad person you're gonna vote for donald trump yeah you're gonna make me feel like a bad muslim yeah fuck yourself dude also you don't like i'm sure that guy does so much shit too like does he booze no really yeah Really? Yeah. No. Yeah. But it's just like, fuck you. My whole job is dedicated to helping people and fucking, you're going to judge me because I eat bacon.

Bacon is amazing. Yeah. And you're a cunt that you can't appreciate it. Easy. Easy. We are on the porch. The neighbors. But yeah, I mean mean you're not you're

not wrong but yeah it's like yeah anybody like that is just so full of shit and a hypocrite anyway yeah yeah where it's like well i am worried what a lot would think it's or like are you actually you know i know do you really care it's like yeah you don't care about your fellow human being but you're like yeah a little bit of bacon. You're going to pretend to be this pious person and you're going to vote for a guy who is literally destroying this country. The world. The world, dude. It's insane. And also somebody that has never cared about religion ever.

Yes. At all. Like, talk about faking it. Trump couldn't even. Holding a bible upside down yeah after gas after gassing people hey hey how you doing um how are you guys um but yeah it's like dude yeah somebody like that you're you're never gonna impress anyway or not even impressed but like it'd be different if it was somebody like really cool or somebody respected they have

a whole different yeah but it's just like yeah it's like god fuck you guys you're not cool it is shitty that they can't even say like one nice thing just say one thing i didn't invite you yeah did it but that's what i'm saying hey thanks for the 500 though it's that is true i'm gonna put it towards a patio there you go yeah uh karen i want to get we're gonna get a put it towards a patio. There you go. Going to get a fence. Yeah, so Karen and I, we're going to get a brand new fence, a patio, so in the fall we can do outdoor. I love that. Yeah. I love that.

Yeah. Come over tonight, dude. We're doing burgers. I'll make you a burger. I just might. I just might. Come over. I got to paint some more and shit, too.

Well, send me a text. Send me a text. Let me know. Dude, dude, look at this steak I made last night. I'm sure it was sick. I fucking killed it. Yeah, because you got the grill for your B-day. Karen bought me a very nice grill.

It's pretty expensive. Ooh. Gas or charcoal? Gas. Okay. Well, look at that steak I made. Ooh. Come on.

New York strip. Speaking of an ambient podcast, that is a good-looking steak right there. It was so good, dude. That looks very nice. That looks like a good looking steak right there. It's so good. That looks very nice. That looks like a perfect medium rare. I'm not going to lie. So we went to Whole Foods last night. Yeah.

We were running late. Yeah. I like stealing things. Me too. And I was trying to steal this $15 New York strip from Whole Foods. So we bring our own tote bags and we have a side pocket on one of them oh in the side pocket yeah karen would not let me uh i know i was like what the fuck karen it's a it is a little it is a little risky but no i a hundred percent could do it probably yeah yeah

i guess that side pocket yeah i used to love that shit at target where it's like anything on the bottom anything on the bottom like that's coming with me. On the bottom of the shopping cart. They got wise to that though. They started putting a mirror on the other side. So like if the cashier's on the left, they had a mirror on the bottom right. So the cashier could see what's on the bottom. But anything where it's like how many bagels are in your bag?

When you're doing like the self-checkout. Yeah. How many bagels? And I'm like one. And they're like put your bagel. And I'm like there's like four bagels are in your bagel when you're doing like the self-checkout? Yeah. Like how many bagels? And I'm like one. They're like put your bagel. And I'm like there's like four bagels in there. I took them. You know, little stuff like that is a nice

victory. Yeah. Yeah. How loud are these cars? We're by the way on Josh's front porch. Front porch. Front porch. He's got a you know, he's got a busy street in front of them. So we hear cars again. It's it's ambient. This is what you got a busy street in front of them so you hear cars again it's it's ambient this is what you got to do during covid you do some podcast outside uh but yeah let's say are we ending it what are we let's go out on that no we're uh we're over

an hour my guy holy shit over quick i know see those are the good ones making burgers come by all right yeah i gotta paint this fucking wall though Paint the wall. I got to build this wall. Build this wall. I got to paint this wall. All right, everybody. Thanks for listening. Find us on social media and all that stuff. We're gay.

We're very, very gay. Hold on. Yeah. We're gay for white power. Thank you. And we'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. All right.