The Digression Sessions - Ep. 327 - Backyard Sessions 9

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are back together but podding from a distance on Umar's porch to yell at strangers at gain. Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Ambient Podcast Oh, that guy Weedwax Here, we can get started I thought we were waiting for Paul No, we'll wait Paul will show up It'll be a fun It'll be a thing like

Oh, a guest just came by Oh, okay Like an old school thing We'll start We'll start a little Oh, by i feel like an old school thing we'll start we'll start a little oh who is this a guest uh yeah our buddy paul hudson will be stopping by later there's a man with no sleeves on his shirt uh weed whacking across the street i think he uh weed whacks over at um uh the bar across from my yeah i want to say he's uh yeah he like goes around ask people yeah for drug money um well it's funny yesterday i was sitting karen and i uh we i felt bad karen and

i kind of got like um we haven't been able to hang out like a lot not like hang but yeah we haven't like went out and did stuff together just the just the two of you, yeah. And so, and like I was like, I just like, I don't know. I've been dealing with like, I got to like get money from the city for my fence. Then our dryer just fucking crapped out. Hey, welcome back to the podcast, the Yuppie Podcast. We're homeowners. Hey, this is what it is when you're a homeowner. I tell you, I got taxes due to the city for my property.

Yeah, I'm looking to get a patio built. So it's just money, money, money. Money, money, money. Hey, here's the thing. I don't know who said it. I think it was Jesus. But easy come, easy go, huh? And yeah, so just dealing with that.

And then like, so we were like, we kind of were like for like two days, we would get these little arguments over stuff. And by the way, so we were, like, we kind of were, like, for, like, two days, we would get these little arguments over stuff. And, by the way, like, one time, so with the dryer situation, when we run our dryer, it smells like gas. And I, so I didn't know that dryers were gas powered to make heat. Well, I guess. Yeah. Your dryer's probably hooked up to your gas line. My dryer's hooked up to my gas line.

Huh. I figured it was electric. But, yeah, I guess. I've never thought about it. Yeah dryer's hooked up to my gas line. Huh. I figured it was electric, but yeah, I guess. I've never thought about it. Yeah, I didn't either. Makes sense. And so it smelled like gas. Here's the thing.

I just buy it and I use it. Same, dude. I don't know how it works. Yeah, and then so I was just like- That's what renters do. I was like, fuck it. I'll just buy a new dryer. And she's like, why don't you see if this one can be fixed before you buy it?

And I'm like- A thousand percent. But ours is old anyway. But they last forever. Oh, yeah. My dad, his dryer got messed up. So this is, I think, did I talk about this on the podcast? I don't think so.

I don't know, but it's so funny. When he needs stuff from Amazon, this is what he did. He sent me a picture that he used his phone, and he took a picture of his monitor where he was on Amazon. He was like, I need you to get me this. I'm like, what? Okay. Wait, he was on Amazon?

He was on Amazon. He was in front of his computer. He doesn't want to put his credit card on the internet. Well, he just knows that I have Prime. So he was like, wanted me to use that. Yeah. Oh, you know what's dumb? I just realized me and Karen both pay for Prime memberships.

Oh, yeah. You don't have to be doing that. Cancel that. Save a hundred bucks. But so Karen both pay for Prime memberships. Oh, yeah. You don't have to be doing that. Cancel that. Save $100. But so his dryer went up, and then he's like, fuck. And this dryer, I think, is the same one that was around when I was a kid. So I think this dryer is like 20 years old or more. But he looked up.

He was like, I think this is the part that's bad. And then it was like $30 for a few parts. He bought it, fixed his dryer. Yeah. So obviously, I don't know how to do that. But I called a guy. Well, anyway, so I was like, oh, maybe our dryer, maybe the vent. Because you know you got to get those dryer vents cleaned every now and then.

Yeah, with all the lint and whatnot. Yeah, I didn't know that. I was like, I do remember having to pull out lint and we have like it doesn't matter anyway so i was just like maybe it's that so i call i was calling one of those guys to clean my vent yeah and while like i'm calling karen i'm like yeah it has a smoky smell and karen's like it's not a smoke smell it's a gas and you know like when someone's but like when you're on the phone when you're on the phone and then somebody else is in your ear yeah i got so mad i was like karen if you want to deal with it you deal with it and like that's such a like couples like yeah like i'm i'm on the phone and she was like i think it has something

to do with gas and i'm like karen their dryers have nothing to do with gas and i was just like yeah they've this is why would a dryer have anything to do with gas like excuse me sir a dumb woman is talking yeah yeah and then I uh went downstairs and I looked at my dryer oh then I was researching dryers I was like oh they're gas powered and my dryers hooked up to my gas line sure so I was like oh she was right and then I was like being I was like yeah and she like felt mad you know her feelings got hurt's like, you never really take me seriously. Aw. Blah, blah, blah. You know, she's exaggerating. I am a bad listener.

Sorry, what? Yeah. And so I was just like, hey, I'm going to take you out tonight. She had to work Saturday. I'm loving this. You're like, yeah, I was shitty to you, babe, but I think I'm going to throw a little money at it. Yeah, no. Get you a couple cocktails and a crab or two and you shut the fuck up well yeah like friday

she wanted to stay in because she had to work saturday but then my buddy dan hit me up and we hung out that was fun yeah yeah we've been working on some music and then oh yeah then we did music saturday and then um so saturday night i was like i'll take you out it'll be super fun it'll be fun it'll be fun fun babe just keep your mouth shut and we won't have like, I'll take you out. It'll be super fun. It'll be fun. It'll be fun. It'll be fun, babe. Just keep your mouth shut and we won't have any problems. I tell you what, we're going to have a real good time if you're not a fucking bitch all night, okay? We're going to have a lot of fun.

Yeah. So Karen got this thing called Passport. Dude, you should buy one right now. Okay. It costs $15, but there it is. I thought you were talking about just a regular Passport. You can go to other countries, bro. Yeah, bro. called passport dude you should buy one right now okay they're it costs 15 but they're i thought you're talking about just a regular passport like you can go to other countries yeah bro if you want it's called a passport yeah uh so i don't know what it is but it's like it's a passport and we paid 15 for it and inside there's deals from restaurants from all over the city. It's all buy one, get one free like cocktails.

Gotcha. So worth it. So we've been doing that. Oh, that's cool. But then we felt guilty because it's a pandemic. Just ignore him if he wants to. Cobb wants to keep coming in and out. Yeah, this guy.

This guy can't make up his mind. So we've been doing this passport thing, and then we have friends who are waiter, waitresses, or bartenders. Servers. Servers. And one bartender posted something like, if you go to a bar right now and ask about happy hour specials, you're a fucking asshole.

And it's like, what? Yeah. So Blue Pit, around the corner from your house barbecue place they're doing 32 ounce beers for five dollars insane which is draft which draft sorry yeah which is like uh like two pints of beer and when i went to go pick it up i was like this looks a little small he's like that's 32 ounces like are you sure it's five dollars i'm like i don't know man looks small to me yeah like just take hey wait can i weigh this real quick yeah i don't know about you bring a measuring cup hey i'm a couple ounces short i just poured in front of him never

breaking eye contact i used to have that dilemma and uh and i've done it a couple times where like when i get coffee i don't need room for cream or sugar yeah oh you're like when they leave room i'm like ah could you just like put a little more in here or when it's like yeah it's like two sips it's insane that my brain is like i feel like i'm being cheated i i do that too well i have the same thing i do ask for room because i'm like oh i'm just gonna put a little bit of half and half in there and then they think i'm gonna put like four inches worth of half and half i'm like how much half and half do you think i'm drinking yeah that's why i like the self-serve at like gas stations that's the way to go that's the move that's us blue collar people give me that gas station car let me get in there and do it myself yeah i love shitty car i don't like coffee i'm

not a snob with at all i'll drink any coffee i i can be a bit of a snot like i'm not drinking folgers at my house you know no no i feel like 7-eleven's coffee is pretty decent 11's good i think gas station coffee's fine um and uh but i get like mom's coffee mom's organic which sounds fancy but it's eight dollars it's so cheap yeah i mean giants um organic stuff is like six bucks yeah it's fine yeah but anyway so uh we so we've been doing this passport thing and it always is uncomfortable going up to a restaurant who's struggling and you're just like hey we have a coupon dude dude yeah they're like uh that'll be 32 you're like i think it'll be 28 actually my guy well yeah so the first time we ever used it because most of the places are in hamden actually

okay and the first time we ever used it we went to this place on the avenue called the kitchen the avenue kitchen yeah and they have a window so we're like hey we just want cocktail we just have this thing cocktails to go yeah and they're like uh okay um yeah i guess just get whatever cocktail you want and we're like all right cool because like usually they specify oh yeah like the deal applies to like an old-fashioned or whatever right yeah and uh so the then a manager comes up. She's like, oh, yeah, you guys using this? We're like, yeah. She's like, so, yeah, it only works for the house margaritas.

And we're like, oh, well, they just. She's like, yeah, but I'm the manager. I'm the one who put this together for us. Like, I'm the one who talked to them to do this. And we're like, okay. I am the passport. So then she walked away. And then the guy brought us our drinks.

So good. I got like a fucking Manhattan on ice. They filled up like a plastic cup almost the whole way up. Karen got something similar. And someone's going up the wrong way on my street. Happens probably once or twice a week. They're driving pretty quick, too. Yeah, that happens with me, too.

And then the guy gives us our drinks. It's buy one, get one free. And we're like, oh, okay. Karen gives us a card. He's like, oh, no, you have the password. It's free. So we just got free. The first time we got it, and Karen's like, well, this thing just already paid for itself. Yeah.

Those guy kills are $15 each. Which is great for you, but if I was the manager, I'd be like, you're fired. What do you mean you think it's free? And he gave us like he gave us like nice like we were supposed to get like these shitty margaritas because we went back and yeah got the margaritas the next time and they were we threw them away they're gross uh yeah yeah i was gonna say that makes sense to me i bet what they do is they just do like uh they just make like a big like huge thing of that yeah it depends like where where you go. Sure, but I'm saying when you're getting...

When you're like, this is discounted, don't really zhuzh it up here. For sure. Yeah, so that was tight. Anyway, so then last night we go to dinner. We wanted to use a passport thing at this place, Nuna's, we really like. Yeah, I love Nuna's. It's like you just have to run into that because they're like,

oh, you guys are actually the first people who have used this here. You guys are the first pieces of shit. I mean, the first people. They're like, because, yeah, these things, Karen bought this before the pandemic. Yeah. And they released them like around summertime. Got it. Got it.

And so then the pandemic hits. Some of the places are closed, you know. So we called to the company. We got some of our money back. I'm paying for something I can't get. Meanwhile, people are destitute. Yeah. Anyway, so it just sucks.

So you go to this place and we're like, we're not getting any food. We just want the cocktail. Yeah. And then we're not getting any food. We just want the cocktail. Yeah. And then we're going to leave. But also, to be fair, we patronize this place a lot. They know us and all this stuff. Yeah, right. So we go, and the two people working there are new, so they all know us.

And they're confused. And we're like, God. They're like, okay, so I guess it's just any cocktail. We're like, figure. Because they want you to order. You scan a QR code on the table. You order online. They'll just bring it to you. But they don't know how to discount.

They're like, all right, just order through us. We'll discount. Anyway, it was nice. Great cocktails. Eight bucks. It was tight. There you go. Just tip a lot

yeah yeah and uh so then we're sitting at dinner yeah we're gonna go to this other place that karen really likes but then i get a call from my mother and i look at karen i'm like should i pick this up and she's like it's your mom all right so my mom's like where are you what do you do also every time my parents call me they're like are you at home and i'm like yeah and they're like okay and then they go into something completely unrelated to me being at my house huh like my dad will be i think they don't want me to be driving yeah or that like they're like do you have there's essentially saying do you have time to talk yeah yeah what a weird way to do it yeah are you home are you home i'm like yeah i'm like looking around i'm like yes are you yeah i'm like what yeah they're like, yeah. I'm looking around. Yes. Are you? Yeah. I'm like, what? Yeah. They're like, we're looking in your windows and we don't see you.

Yeah. So then my mom calls and she's like, oh, we're downtown. It's Omar's birthday. He's my neighbor. He's like 30. He just turned 30. His dad died recently and he was living with his dad. He is like, hey, Omar, boring.. Yeah, he was all these... He's a nice guy. He kind of like... No, Cobb. He kind of had like... He's just like... He had some crazy depression

and stuff like years ago that he still can't shake. Oh, interesting. His dad died. The guy whose birthday it was has depression. Yeah, and his dad died like a couple months ago.

So it was like... And it was all out of nowhere. He died of a heart attack and he found him. Whoa. And yeah, he was like the only person he really associated with, hung out with. Huh. And so he turned 30. My mom called me.

It was like, hey, we're downtown. It's Omar's birthday. Do you guys want to like have dinner with us? And I'm like, yeah, all right. But I should have known. I just like nothing is easy with my family like and it's just so i'm like where are you guys i want to i want to get into this too because i've been having that thing with my my dad too like especially working on a project yeah i'm just like why is

this so hard right now like yeah basic stuff but yeah go on yeah so it's just like i'm like here's the thing when you go out with like brown people it's it's already tricky especially when they're like if they have diet restrictions yes so my mom doesn't eat pork uh my mom also doesn't like drink um so it i feel so bad going out she's like we have a passport yeah discount well yeah well because usually when you show up like uh we went out to dinner a couple weekends ago i think i talked about on the podcast about my aunt uncle came over and like oh yeah hated my place yeah so but there's six of us at a dinner table that was so funny on the podcast because you're drunk you're like fuck you man yeah not for you yeah and so but whenever you go out like if we go out like it's like a like a bigger like extended family come yeah you see a table of like six ten

people you're like oh i'm gonna make so much money and then none of us drink yeah they're like more water please piss yeah no one's like ordering at like well we ordered us but like if you're not I'm going to make so much money. And then none of us drink. Yeah. They're like more water, please. Pissed. Yeah. No one's like ordering it. Like, well, we ordered us, but like,

if you're not drinking like that is, and I am like, I have this like feeling where like when they ask like, all right, what can we do for drinks? And I'm like, I'm like, uh,

they're all just going to drink water. Yeah. And then you just see it in their face. They're like, this sucks. Yeah. Cause then it's a lot of work, too, for not much. And then are you drinking in front of them?

I am, yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah, now I am because I'm just like, fuck it. I don't care. Yeah, I'm a big boy. And they'll make extra money. Yeah. And so my mom calls me.

I'm like, where are you? She's like, oh, we're like at the Sands place. And I was like, oh, the Sandlot, which i didn't even know was open anymore yeah yeah so i'm like okay she's like we just were we just parked and i was like okay i'll meet you at the sandlot we'll be there in 10 minutes sandlot is like this weird uh yuppie haven where it's like they made like a pretend beach for people to drink yeah on the water and the harbor yeah honestly it is really cool it's just not like my our people i like it but yeah it's it's a little more like yuppie yuppie yuppie it's uh like right out of college vibe and then yeah very like owning boat type dressed up people yes yeah yeah pastels yeah like we're we're pretty white but

they're really white yeah and i think it's also more of like a uh like a class and scene thing it's just like a different scene yeah right yeah so i'm like you guys all right so i'll meet you guys there so we get there we park and uh we're walking around i'm like where are you guys i call my mom she's like oh yeah we just left we're back up by the whole foods i'm like why the fuck if you told me you're gonna be there and i said i'll be there why would you leave yeah i don't understand i i left one place drove to across like i, I don't know, five miles to get to where you are. Well, also, it's fine if you guys left, but notify me. Tell me.

You can pick us up here now, actually. Yeah. We had to leave because of such and such. Yeah. So then I get there and I'm like, okay, so where are you guys? So then I have to find my parents, my mom. And I was like, where are you guys now? She's like, oh, we're at the Whole Foods, whatever. So I meet up with them.

I'm like, hey, what's up? What do you guys? So what do you guys want to do? And they're like, I don't know. And I'm like, you guys don't have like a plan. You don't know where you want to eat. And they're like, no. I'm like, it's a Saturday night.

It's amazing outside. Yeah around this guy's like every place we're standing in front of uzo bay yeah uh oh yeah the shitty was on the news shitty company yeah racist uh not letting like a black kid in for wearing a jersey well no he's wearing a jersey he had he not a jersey but it was like pants he had he had like athletic, but it was like... Sweatpants or something? He had athletic gear. Oh, he had basketball shorts on. He had basketball shorts and an Under Armour t-shirt. That was the best. And meanwhile, there's a kid right there, a white kid, wearing the exact same outfit. And they're like, no, that's different.

It's like, how? Yeah, that's the best. Yeah, that video was amazing because the mom had her phone and she was like, why can't my son come? He's like, well, he's wearing a basketball shirt. And then she just pans right over like, what about that white kid? Yeah, it was a great reveal. It's like, okay, that's why?

Well, look at this fucking kid. I'm like, what the fuck is this fucking Scorsese movie? Yeah, Rolling Stones. Yeah. Goddamn. So, yeah, so they have no plan. I'm like, all right. They're like, well, you know everything.

And I'm like, okay. And they're like, so my mom was like, what about Lebanese Tavern? I was like, that's a chain. Come on, mom, are you retarded? And then. You're like, hey, I'm going to make it up to you. I shouldn't have said that. I'm going to buy you something nice.

Yeah. So. And then. Get you a couple apps, sweetheart. The birthday boy, he was just like, yeah, I just like, I want something cat. Like, I just want to go get tacos. But his mom's like, I don't want tacos, he was just like, yeah, I just want something cat. I just want to go get tacos. But his mom's like, I don't want tacos.

I'm like, all right, bitch. It's not your birthday. I know, right? And then his cousin is there. She's 23. She's a pretty devout Hindu. Vegetarian. Not even any seafood.

So then I'm like okay uh so we're like thinking his mom wanted to do uh italian food and i was like i don't like no i mean we could that's so funny the birthday boy's like i want taco she's like interesting i want italian yeah yeah i want the opposite of a hundred but what about lasagna yeah yeah yeah and he's like what yeah so then i'm like man i don't guys like i don't know like we have to leave here like we can't eat there's gonna be no place in fells yeah i don't even want to be in fells it's so crowded right yeah a lot of like stuff has been happening down there yeah and so i was like you know what fuck it he wants tacos let's go to clavelle so we all drive to clavelle my mom's like well what about the address i'm like mom he knows how to use a fucking phone like he just puts in his phone so we get to clavelle it's way too packed i was gonna say saturday night like perfect weather also our parents aren't gonna sit

on like these shitty little stools rustic wooden stool yeah like wooden benches that don't have backs to them and they're hard and so then i'm like i love that they're like uh this stool's unfinished yeah yeah so then it's just like but they're also like they don't know the city that well so it's like taking them forever. And I'm like, I'm like now in a bad mood. Me and Karen are arguing. And it's like the whole opposite of what's supposed to be happening. Because I have all this pressure on me now.

And also now I'm like frustrated with my mom. I'm frustrated that like. See, I have that stuff with my dad sometimes where it's like you like you're starting at a six out of ten and then it doesn't take much to get you to an eight you know because it's and it's also just like little things here it's like no well we moved and it's like okay you didn't let me know all right i'm gonna roll with that punch right okay where do we want to eat you don't know yeah um so cool and then uh he just. Paul just pulled up. Paul can just park on that parking pad.

No one lives there. Oh, really? Just park on that parking pad. No one lives there. Yeah, just do it. If they come out, we'll just move. But no one lives here. Oh, sweet.

They cannot sell this fucking house. This house has been on the market since before I moved here. I'll tell you why. People keep parking on that fucking parking pad. That's true. I went inside and looked at it. It's just a shitty house. They're asking a lot for a house that they didn't put any renovations and gotcha nice little corner unit but yeah no so like yeah like my like working on stuff together where i'm like

he's like all right i need you to get uh it was like some type of like all-purpose adhesive and i was like okay is this it i'm like texting him from lowes he's like no i'm like okay i need a little more information of like okay where's what is the right one what is this yeah? And I'm like texting him from Lowe's. He's like, no. I'm like, okay, I need a little more information of like, okay, where, what is the right one? What is this? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, look, Josh, you don't know what you're doing. I'll just do it. I'm like,

all right, you don't have to be a fucking dickhead. You're there. Just tell him what it is. And I also never claim that I'm like, Hey man, I know what I'm doing. I'm like,

I'm coming to you saying I'm an idiot. You know what I mean? So yeah, we've just been doing stuff like that where I'm like, Hey easy you know yeah so yeah i'm just saying i i totally identify with that i'm just like every little thing is now like getting like worse and worse because now the whole night's on you for it's like okay it's this kid's birthday and then he's like i don't know what i want to do umar you figure it out it's like cool so he didn't even say that and like he felt bad that my mom invited us because he thought we were on a date night and we feel like some sort of obligation

so he like the whole car ride over apparently he was like guys what are you doing like they're on date night he thought karen was dressed up oh she just had on like wedge shoes and nice earrings or something yeah and i was like no man you're good like he's like she's out here looking like a fucking slut yeah it's like yeah we're trying to get some dome my man trying to get that top top and uh and so yeah yes and so so we i'm like fuck what do we do what do we do and i just think like my buddy owns true chesapeake oh whoa he has never done that before huh uh cob just knocked over the uh barricade cob there's sorry bro and uh uh all good uh that's paul that's cob uh. Paul just arrived, everybody. He parked illegally. We have reported him. Cobb, come here.

How's it going, everybody? Oh, boy. Sorry. He's like a... He'll calm down. Which one's mine? All of it? Oh, God bless.

All right. Sorry. God bless. Paul got here. Cobb's never met Paul. Cobb loves people. Cobb loves people. Just blowing up the pod.

Yeah, we were joking that you have somebody. What's going on? Chilling, dude. Like Cobb barking. Like if somebody were to break in. They were to break in like oh shit there's a dog in there but really cobs like get in here and pet me yeah come hang out so i was telling him this story about last night so yeah we go to dinner i'm like all right let's go to true chesapeake we they for somehow they had them they had room for six people on a whim. We show up. Oh, yeah.

And so we have to sit inside because it's six of us. But we were like the only table inside. It was better than sitting outside. We weren't near anybody. It was amazing. It was insane. A birthday miracle. Huge dining room to ourselves.

And my buddy Nick owns it. He was busing that night because they were so busy anyway so everything is just so difficult like so we have a vegetarian um in an oyster bar in an oyster bar and they they have one vegetarian option on the menu and she's like uh i don't like uh i don't like uh zucchini i was like you're a vegetarian you don't like zucchini you got roll with the punches here sweetheart yeah and it's like it's his man's birthday and just get a salad and then so there was they just made her a pasta dish they're like we can do something we'll do we got you that's nice when restaurants do that yeah so i we order a bunch of stuff and i feel bad so like i had i i was like do you drink dude this guy who just turned

30 and he was like yeah i was like all right good i'll get you get this so we get some cocktails his mom gets wine my mom gets bright uh his cousin doesn't drink she's also vegetarian and um so uh so then like the food comes out and it's good she though is like being weird she looks at her pasta and she's like uh and she's like you can like she's like and she's like trying it she's like and i'm like do you not like it she's like it's no it's not that i don't like it i'm like she's like no i never said i don't like it but i'm like but you don't and she keeps looking at it weird and she's like guys taste this and we're like uh what and so like we taste it and then my buddy nick who owns the place comes over and she's like um is is she's like hey excuse me is this vegetarian he's like yeah oh and while we were ordering it like the waiter you could, you could tell, was getting frustrated.

Because, like, my friend's like, can you just do, she's a vegetarian, can you just do, like, a vegetarian pasta? Like, no, like, clam sauce. And he's like, yeah, vegetarian. And I was just like, oof. He's like, so, yeah, no blood, okay? Yeah. Do you get it? You got it, right?

So, she, there's, they made her this pasta, and it looked so good. And I tasted it. It was great. And that's also a huge thing to be like, we're making you something not on the menu. Yeah, from scratch. Just for you. Right. And so she thought this thing in there was fish, like pieces of fish.

And it was just mushroom. And she was like, hey, is this fish to my friend Nick? And we're all, like the whole table is like, she's stupid. She doesn't know anything. See, that type of thing gets my skin hot. I know. Same, dude. I'm embarrassed.

I'm annoyed. So embarrassed. Nick, I get it. He's cool. I think he gets it. And it's just so embarrassing and then thank god my buddy said something because uh i felt so bad because i'm ordering i ordered like oysters i only like me karen ate them pretty much we ordered uh uh

i had two cocktails k Karen had a cocktail. He had a cocktail. That's like 50 bucks right there almost. Yeah, easily. Easily. Then I ordered two mac and cheeses for the table which are $12 each and they come in like a thing like a little jar that big.

It's crab mac and cheese. See, they throw the crab in. Yeah. Up charge. So good. I would have been a dick and called the waiter over and be like,

is there crab? Is that crab in this? Is this fish? What is this? And so, in my mind, I was like, oh, we'll just split this bill.

But his mom paid for it. She was like, no, I'm paying. No one's paying. I'm paying. That's pretty nice. Oh, yeah. I got out of a... I'll take a little cheesecake to go then let's play like a 300 some dollar meal yo damn yeah oh my gosh yeah it was expensive as shit but it's good it's really

good yeah turned out to be pretty decent and it was really fun uh yeah we were like just laughing uh i kept saying like i don't know why no one get offended please but uh my mom brought up this story uh my mom stopped talking to one of her friends because her friend thought i was gay and that like offended my and her friend uh also as her wasn't having that you were at my graduation party at my parents house a while ago for some reason i guess like i don't understand like these guys like like foreign people are so weird like oh they thought we were gay no no no that would be great she thought i was wearing makeup that day what yeah and so then she took from potentially you having makeup meaning like you're definitely gay i think she also also because like she is uh uh pakistani and so when you're i think like especially like

pakistani when you come over here you kind of gravitate towards black culture in a lot of ways and especially like your dress and all like and all that so like that's why your mom wears so much FUBU. Yeah. Dude, I wore FUBU growing up. There you go. And so... Poor Omar. You know, like, I wear, like, tight clothes. And so, like, that to, like, a lot of, like, fresh off the boat Pakistani people is, like, gay, I guess. Right. And you always talk about how perfect a penis is, right?

Yeah. I mean, gay or not, I mean, that's a work of art. It's the most perfect organ on a body. Yeah. And so, yeah. yeah so somehow that came up and then uh so then I was like I don't know I just kept making these jokes with the waiter about how we're gay together and we have sex all the time and he loved it he like every time he would just like uncontrollably laugh yeah well also yeah Karen is like why does he think that's funny? Yeah. And then also,

yeah. When we did the drunk podcast, like every, any person that walked by. So we did a podcast where Omar came over from like a late brunch thing and he was just hammered. And so like any person that walked by, cause I mean, if you're on your porch with microphones,

people look like, what the fuck? And we're gonna be like, it's okay. We're good. We're good. We're good. We're good.

And I'm like, all right. Okay. Yeah. But your mom also, when, I think when we were living together, you guys, I think she was like asking you about it and like asking about me. She was like, so does he have a good job? Oh, yeah.

You're like, yeah. And he's like, and he's single? She was like, yeah. It's like, okay, you make good money and he's single. What's the problem? I know. It's so good. It She was like, yeah. It's like, okay, you make good money and he's single. What's the problem? I know. It's so good. This is like basic economics.

She's like, what's the problem? Yeah. And so, yeah. So the bill comes. She paid. Yeah. And then, thank God, the guy whose birthday it was, he spoke up and he was like, hey, is like 15% a good tip?

Because that's what... Because he's like, I don't know. Because my mom goes to Cheesecake Factory. You know like he's like i don't know because like my mom goes to cheesecake factory you know like in yeah and like we don't know and i was like no i was like and i was like look it's not like i'll pay i'll put tape down but like thank god he said something before we left so we just threw an extra 20 on top of it love which i think is good totally so 15 plus 20 15 plus 20 extra bucks yeah, and the bill is 300. So it should be 20% would be 60 bucks.

Oh, shit. So 15 is, what is that? I think you're close to 20. You might have done like 18. Shit, that sucks. I think. Damn. Close enough, though.

Close enough. Definitely better than just throwing the 15% down, especially in a place like that. Yeah, but you know what? Because Karen used to be a bartender server and she's like you know it's like one it's gonna suck when he just sees the 20 and think that's all they left yeah and then uh but fuck that sucks i'll text nick but it doesn't matter yeah so 45 so i think you're i think you're it's like a 50 or no are you above you're close to it i think we're, I think you're, it's like a 50 or no. Are you above? You're close to it. I think we're close. I think she ended up paying like tipping. Like it was like, oh, you're a little over actually.

Cause 15 of 300 would be 45, right? That'd be $45 plus 20. That's 65. Okay, cool. I think so. Yeah. You're in there. Nice.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. A couple of mathematicians up here. Yeah. It took me forever to figure that out of mathematicians up here it's yeah it took me forever to figure that out of tipping of like what's 20 of this it's like just multiply it by two right move the decimal i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah my mom has one of those credit card things in her wallet that just gives you like tip percentage like a percentage table or whatever

yeah and like she constantly refers to that and she knows to tip 20%, especially when the service is good. And she knows the trick that I've taught her now 500 fucking times, which is move the decimal place, double it. And every single time it'll be a $20 check. It should be like, how much should it be?

Yeah. And then she'll be like, okay, so that should be $4. Like give them five. what's the extra buck yeah yeah yeah don't don't give them a five dollar back give them a little more remember growing up and everyone's saying you gotta tip at least 15 20 is amazing right but now it does and maybe it's like a city person thing and that's what i think it is because like when you're going to a Cheesecake, you don't feel a responsibility towards that establishment. Or even though it's for the people there, you don't think of it that way.

But if I'm going to somewhere like Bluepit, where now we have relationships with these people, you feel like you want to take care of people who you feel like take care of you. They know you by name. They know your order. They're nice to you. Yeah, 20 is kind of my standard though yeah you have to be like it has to be really shitty for it to be less than yeah i think no matter what like louis had a great joke about it it was actually in his leaked set ah at like when he after he was metooed and he was like it's like just hey even if the service sucks tip

20 like what are you a king who gets you like how was the service today right like who the fuck are you totally yeah i don't even mean like uh they didn't check in enough it's like yeah it'd be a real asshole everyone gets a shitty day 20 no matter what so yeah i'm like you're getting they're getting $7 an hour. It's fine. Not even, though. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like $3.50 or something like that. To just get treated like shit.

Yeah, their paycheck literally comes out to zero after taxes. I've never served. Have you served, Paul? Have we introduced Paul? Paul Hudson, everybody. He's been on the cast before before but we were hanging a little earlier and uh i was like come do the cast yeah i was over over at josh's place transferring some footage from a toilet paper commercial that i shot in his lovely bathroom that was that was very nice yeah

and then uh the uh the company is what is it lore what is it lore tush lore tush that's what i thought it was startup toilet paper company yeah it's a uh black owned bamboo toilet paper company in baltimore um they started up i don't know if they started up before the pandemic or right as a pandemic started but i know a big thing that they uh did was for you know however many rolls sold they would donate uh you know a certain amount to families in need across baltimore which at the time, during the heat of it, where you couldn't get it anywhere, it was a huge, huge thing. So, yeah, it's a great company.

Check them out. Actually, speaking of toilet paper, people, you should stack up on it right now because when October comes, it's not going to be great probably. Yeah. Because we bought a couple of big boys. Smart, smart, smart. Fucked up.

We got single ply. No. Why even buy it then? Because I didn't check. I suck. It was the only one there. I just didn't think to look. It's going to be so funny when that's like the big problem in the fall.

It's like, I have single ply, but who even fucking cares? I'll kill myself. Yeah, no, the commercial turned out really cool. Hell yeah. Yeah. Millie, who runs the company, didn't she hit you up and was like, do you have a cool bathroom or something? Yeah, I get a text and it says, random question,

what's your bathroom look like? I was like, oh, no, it was, can you film something? And what does your bathroom look like? And I was like, okay, we're going to have to have some more details before we go any farther with this one. It's the weirdest invitation of porn I've ever heard. Especially because at the time I had no idea that it was her company. I didn't know there was any association there at all. And then she said, oh, it's for this Lord Tush company and explained everything.

But yeah, it was great. Check out Lord Tush. I'm telling you, man. Check them out. Yeah, the commercial is really cool. They did a thing where it's a, what's the name of the mechanism where you could go inside the toilet paper roll? It's a probe lens.

Probe lens, which is, again, perfect for a bathroom. Yeah, exactly. But they had the toilet paper roll and then the way the camera worked is sort of like on like uh i don't know like a little not like like a track thing where it just goes in like very smoothly so like you know the beginning of like uh like james bond movies where you can see the inside of the barrel of the gun yeah it was like that but out of a toilet paper roll and it looks so cool that's nice so yeah so they ended up using my bathroom,

because Paul was like, yeah, my buddy has a big bathroom with, like, windows and a lot of light, so they shot that in there, and it looks really great. Yeah. Yeah, and she's super cool. And so, yeah, she gave me some toilet paper today and Paul, because they were, like, exchanging the footage. And it's so nice looking, too. Like, the outside of it's wrapped really nice.

I was saying, I was like, I'm going to keep two rolls for when company comes over. Like, the same way that people are like bring out the fine china i'm like oh i'm gonna have two on the side somebody comes over like yes my nice bamboo and it's funny too to talk about with her because we're both like yeah i can't wait to try it out which is like we're both saying like can't wait to rub this on my ass and see how it feels uh but yeah yeah paul came over and uh yeah he's been busy i've been busy i made an island with my dad paul made human life but anyway you know the island is nice thank you for the oh yeah there's a tile no paul uh just announced he's gonna be a fucking dad nice congratulations whole entire human child right yes it's a girl. Thank you. That's all the cake. Yeah, your gender reveal, somehow the cake caused a big fire in California.

Well, see, no. We just had a cake cutting, and then we went outside and just burned our backyard to the ground. Smart. So we really wanted a boy. I had posted a joke when I was drunk on Friday night or Saturday. No, I got drunk during the week. I've been drinking too much. I got drunk during the week. I've been drinking too much. I got drunk during the weekday.

And easy to do. I posted some joke. I was like, uh, maybe the world deserves to burn if we're pushing genders on babies before they can decide for themselves. And, uh,

deleted that bad boy when I woke up. That's a pretty woke take though. Yeah. But everyone's so sensitive right now. And people are like, I could see I'm making fun of, I don't know. Yeah. It's making fun of everything a little bit.

Yeah, I posted something making fun of it. And I was like, ah, I'm deleting this. I was like, yeah, gender reveal party causes horrible wildfires in California, but I don't think that's worse than the gender reveal lasagna I saw once. Yeah. Because there's a company in Columbia that makes those. So it's like you cut into a lasagna, and it's either blue or pink marinara. And the blue marinara just makes it look like it's moldy in there. Yeah, it's amazing.

And then the pink is like a gender reveal lasagna. Absolutely horrific. Why? Why? That's insane. So when did you find out? It's been about a month and a half, two months now. Yeah.

It's been a while. Actually, maybe even longer than that. Yeah, she's coming up on 16 weeks. Yeah. I'm looking at Josh's if he knows how pregnant my fiance is. Oh, I've been tracking. Hold on. Let me pull out my notes.

Yeah, exactly. But yeah, she's due February 20th, 2021. Yeah. That's insane. Paul slipped me the info a little early i was like hey i broke up with karen my engagement's off he's like oh not to one-up you but i got some news too i'm like paul it's not a competition come on i'm so excited yeah are you like uh do you have to like are you doing the whole like prepping the room thing right now yeah yeah it like it started the way our house is laid out we have an older house that was built in like 1932 so it's nice but there's no closets like you you cannot even fit a hanger inside the closet they're so small same that's how my closet yeah right which is yeah it's funny

too like technically you're not even allowed to call that a bedroom. Like none of my bedrooms have a closet. So like what makes a bedroom is it has a closet. That's so crazy. Oh yeah. Your bedroom don't have a closet. So you're in a zero bedroom building. Not to brag, but I spent 300 grand on a zero bedroom house. That's the funniest thing when you like show these, like I was talking about how I showed

my home to my aunt, uncle. People just like, if you're not- We're yeah it's hilarious but if you're not used to like city like homes and city like being in like a city like you just walk into these homes like what the fuck is this yeah people think i mean i guess like in a way like this is how people live like in the early 1920s, 30s, 40s. We're built in the early 1900s. These were built at the turn of the century. Yeah, and then also you had like 12 people in there too, like a whole generations of a family living together. Yeah, which is even crazier because that's before Hispanics were here.

Hey, don't get us started. We have a guest here. We can't trash Hispanics from Portland. Oh, yeah. He doesn't know we're a racist podcast. So you're building a closet? No. So the way it's laid out, we have three what you could call bedrooms on the top floor.

You got our bedroom. And then one is like our closet room. And the other was a guest room. So it started in the closet room kind of consolidating everything. And now our guest room is becoming the nursery. Slowly but surely. Yeah yeah it's so exciting also like just your your 2020 like we talk about like oh it's insane like i could only get single ply like now you're like fuck i made a human yeah while also opening a business yeah so speaking of true chesapeake uh your uh your your baby mama yes feeling saying um she uh she has homebody general store there which is great too but yeah it's like

you guys i mean yeah we were joking about it we were like what the fuck is next i'm like well just know like it can't get any harder than 2020 like well hey you get hit by a bus there's still there's plenty of things single-ply toilet paper yes exactly there's no going back like yeah like annie opened up her own business and like you're freelancing and stuff but it's just like yeah now let's make people yeah exactly that was super fun to go to her parents to tell them about that i knew full well that they would be obviously excited because this is their first grandchild but there's also like a small part of me like in the part of me like

in the back of my mind was like yeah but what if they're pissed like we're not pissed but like what if they're like oh oh oh like oh yeah because in like their mind like is this the right time exact i mean in our minds when we found out it was like oh boy yeah but then you know it was something that we knew that we wanted you know eventually and it's just like okay listen the one thing that every single person says to you when you have a kid is there's no right time. It's like it happens. Kids are like pandemics.

Right. It's inevitable. They ruin the planet. It's you sick as fuck and take everything from you. Oh, speaking of which. Economic turntown. Dude, I was. Downturn.

Turntown. How the turntables. Turntown. Sorry, I was. Downturn. Turntown. How the turntables. Turntown. Sorry, I'm having a stroke. I was in giant. Yeah, the left side of your face has been getting kind of droopy for the past five minutes. Oh, no, that's just the way I look. Does anybody else smell toast?

I was in giant the other day, and I didn't realize it was a giant worker until I turned around and saw her, but I just hear this voice from behind me as I'm turning a corner going, oh, don't worry, I'm not following you. I was like, huh? I turn around, there's this lady behind me, and I guess she was an employee but was also shopping, and she just launches into a full-blown conversation with me about, oh, yeah, I just got off work, so I'm doing my shopping. Got to get it done quick because I'm trying to get the hell out of here, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh, okay. And somehow, I don't know. I'm not following you i

just want a piece of your hair i'm making a doll is that okay um so somehow we get on the subject of kids and i she said something about her daughters or something and i say oh i just found out that i'm expecting my first daughter and she stops dead in her tracks turns around looks me dead in the eyes puts her hand out like a fucking oracle from dundalk and goes they take everything from you you will never sleep again they will take the food out of your mouth you will never have a restful night the rest of your life i was like jesus fucking christ i swear to god like her whole demeanor changed in that moment picturing you like looking around to see if anybody else sees it then you look back and she was never there. She's gone.

The lights went out in the entire building. It was just me and her under a spotlight. They're just like, all right, anyway, let's just say hello and cheerios. Yeah, disappeared into a puff of fucking palm oil smoke. They will take everything. Yeah, that's so funny. But also that's coming from someone who probably didn't plan much, doesn't make much money. Oh yeah.

You know what I mean? Like there's like, there's little, I realize like from the work that I do, like, man, it's going to sound bad, but so many people like,

uh, have no intention of, um, taking care of a child, care of children they just have them and they're it's like they're around but they don't understand like it's the work you have to put in to raise a decent it's like you're talking about when people get like i don't even have a kid like when people get like an exotic animal or it's like hey man that alligator is going to grow up you know like you gotta take care of that kid yeah where it's like so i mean i don't know this lady but that's like because it's frustrating it's like

the same thing like when i bought a house and uh most like like people like they're just everyone just leads with negative they're like oh get ready yeah get ready you gotta fix it all yourself something goes wrong. Yeah. And then they tell you like a disaster story too, where it's like, oh, I knew somebody. They bought a house. The floors caved in the first week. Right.

It's like, why? Okay. Yeah, exactly. Cool, thanks. Yeah. Like the worst thing. Yeah. They're like, it's so expensive.

I'm like, okay, but I mean, yeah, but like what are they? Also, what's the alternative? You just want me to rent the rest of my life? If some people want to do that, that's fine. Sure. But yeah, don't act like it's like a death sentence. So it's like, dude, this is I get it. There's downsides to it.

But like, why do you have to be such a cunt right now? When it's like my first time buying a house. Everyone's like like I remember on Facebook or on Instagram when i posted that i bought a house um uh one of the comments and i like i ended up just deleting like i don't even know who he was i just blocked him i was like fuck this guy like he was like welcome to never being able to call someone to do like uh to call like uh you know like a property management company to like do repairs for you and blah blah and it's like yeah i'm an adult i'll take care like it sucks i mean like we're running into really small issues but yeah it's fine it's still worth moving out of your parents house like all right

have fun doing your laundry it's like yeah that's a part of it but i own a house i'll call also do that with kids they're like oh boy you don't know what you're getting into. It's like, yeah, but you didn't know. Like, and you're a fucking idiot. I'm way smarter than you. Yeah. And like, oh, say goodbye to sleep. It's like, yeah, for not the rest of my life.

Right. Exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah. I saw a friend yesterday and was. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. It's like, I don't know.

Like, it's just so frustrating like i got um i made a joke about like during the pen something about like i don't know like guys uh something like about how owning a home is like great and somebody commented and i really like this person who's like wait till your basement floods twice and there's sewage that blah blah blah and i'm like all right man that's like a freak thing yes and also you have homeowners insurance right yeah you do just call them yeah get it taken care of god i love this podcast i know also a homeowner too so great guest great guest to have i'm telling you i had the same exact thing with people telling me all that stuff but like i don't i want to know what people's renting experience was like because oh you must have rented from some amazing people because i

lived in baltimore city for almost 10 years renting from three different landlords that all guess what it was the worst every single person literally had the worst you almost got into it you almost got in a fight with that guy but I've almost been in multiple fist fights with landlords, and I'm not the guy to do that. My landlord showed up. One of my landlords showed up. Say goodbye to fighting your landlord, pal. Oh, my gosh.

He shows up one day with a black eye and his arm in a sling, and literally we just started laughing at him because he's such a piece of shit. He goes, oh, it's not funny. It's not funny. One of my other tenants beat me up, blah, me up blah blah and gives us this whole sob story damn after that one time of seeing him he then started sending around his 13 year old son to go collect rent instead of him it's like the type of scumbags you find he's like also he's like you go to you go get the money kenny they made fun of me last time it's just so crazy that a guy like him owns property. Multiple. He also

owns pizza bullies. Not a franchise. He owns the entirety or half of it. How is that possible? What? That guy looked like such a piece of shit. He was. And he just seems like he's poor. It's insane. It's absolutely insane. Oh, wait. You might have

seen, you know, you saw the Hamdenite neighbor. Yeah. No, no, no. That's not that guy. I had another guy. His name was Saeed Shah. He was the Fels Point guy insane oh wait you might have seen you know you saw the hamdenite neighbor yeah i don't know that's not that guy i had another guy his name was saeed shah he was the fells point guy and he owned a lot oh that makes sense that's a brown name dude this guy owns a muslim company exactly yeah yeah because that's the whole big thing is like it's a lot exactly right so you can actually have like the pepperoni yeah i never realized that chicken or something yeah okay okay um but yeah so like everybody talks all this shit about oh you're gonna buy a house you know yeah you know you're gonna have to deal with it yourself i was looking forward to that like obviously i don't want things to go wrong in my home yeah

right the idea of like troll yeah if it goes wrong yeah i'm the guy and i get to make sure that this gets done right as opposed to the past nine years of my wrong yeah i'm the guy and i get to make sure that this gets done right as opposed to the past nine years of my life where i'm giving these dickheads my money and then when anything goes wrong like oh yeah yeah we'll get to it when yeah whatever when you're uh in your last apartment when like the roof was like caving in literally was it didn't there were two guys that came over to fix it didn't one of them have like a cane or something like one guy was like very very old yeah one of them was probably about 119 ish maybe pushing 20 um and then his other friend who was there to help him was probably i'll be honest he was probably 42 but he had the body of a 72 year old and was actively and i'm not making this up i genuinely mean it was actively nodding

off as he was holding the ladder for the 80-year-old as he's going up to my rooftop. So that's hilarious. Karen had at her old place, she had a leak problem. There's like leakage coming from under their tub.

Yeah. So the landlord sent over a literal heroin addict to fix it. He's literally a heroin addict jesus christ i've had multiple insane and like he'll show up he's like uh he's like hey do you guys have these tools and they're like no he's like okay i gotta go buy some tools i'm just like what he's like because i sold my tools on the way here well technically they're my boss's tools but i just needed to get some cash quick.

Oh my God. Dude, I had, did I talk about the electrician that came over my house? Yeah, the mask guy. Oh, that's scary. Well, you got like

in an argument where he's like, he was like a cute, not QAnon, but he was like, I don't know if I believe all these like COVID stuff. Yeah, he thought only 900 people

died from coronavirus. Oh God. And he didn't want to wear a mask, but I was like, hey, why don't you put a mask on? You're in house yeah i'm hungry to do a service yeah anyway not to like but like yeah it just sucks that people are so negative it's just like guys why just keep that shit to yourself because i don't give a fuck there's also a negative side to everything why like you know i mean like lead with the positive well just like what's your life like

that that's your first instinct is just immediately like ah it's like you look out you look at the sky today it's like nice it's a beautiful day outside and the only thing they see are the clouds we're also like well yeah it's gonna rain later in the week though you know who's like that yeah my mother it is insane i hate to say it but like our family has such a hard time with Margaret, I swear. She's the nicest lady in the world. And I think it's come with old age, honestly. I think she's just become a little bit more, not actually fragile, but I think that just in her mind, she's older and more fragile.

She's fragile now. That's her worldview now. It's like everything. Trying to get her to do anything. She lives just on the other side of the Bay Bridge, like literally where you grew up in Kent Island. Not far from Kent Island, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

So she's just there. I mean, the idea of her driving from there to my house is like impossible. Yeah, that's how my parents are. It'll never happen. Yeah. I mean, I think that she did it once. Well, and the craziest thing, though, is that she has a doctor at one of the hospitals in

Baltimore that she has to go to, like a cardiologist or something every once in a while. And she'll do that. Yeah. So she'll do that. But the idea of saying like, hey, go to the cardiologist and then drive 10 minutes up the road to my house is like, oh, no, what if I get lost or blah, blah, blah. And then traffic. There's so many things.

It's going to be a whole thing. It's just like, how can you live every day being so stressed out about the if I think about that about my parents but then I'm like they also did uproot their whole lives yeah true and they moved to a whole new country but then also like you know your mom had a whole family raised children

and I guess like they're just like hey man I'm done dealing with stress my dad kind of does that too where I'm like alright we'll come into the city. And he's like, yeah. You know, I drive to your, you know, you can't even say a distance thing. It's just like, all right, I'll come to you. Or like when he was working, he's like, I don't like to do stuff on Sundays.

Can you come? I'm like, all right. Yeah, you're like, I work, too, motherfucker. But I get he's way older. Yeah, he's going to be 65 this year. I'm like, yeah, I get it. You definitely earn it with age. Yeah. But yeah going to be 65 this year. I'm like, all right. I get it. You definitely earn it with age. Yeah.

But yeah, I was going to say, it sounds like, does she get passive aggressive with it? No. I'll give her all the credit in the world that she is very, she'll just tell you, like, I don't think I can do that. Yeah. But it sucks, though, because perfect example, my sister lives one street over from her, and her whole family, my brother-in-law's family owns a house in rehoboth and since they have local tags they can go to the state park and actually drive onto

the beach yeah and because of that you're like way away from everybody so you can actually have it's not a private beach by any means yeah but you essentially have your own locals only dude yeah you can bring your dog on it because we pay we have to pay like we pay like 10 bucks so we can go walk our fucking dog on it who didn't even really give a shit come on but yeah it's like they go there every single week throughout the summer because it's like their perfect little getaway it only takes you know two hours to get there yeah they always invite my mom to go who is like a huge beach person she grew up you know by the beach loved the beach always talked about how she wanted a beach house when she retired and everything. And she just won't do it.

Even though she'll just be riding in the car. She's like, I might have to stop. We'll drive you. It's all these little like anxiety things that are like, you know, well, you could make it if you just went.

Yeah. But I don't know. I feel bad. Like you said, it's like she, she lived her life. She was a special ed teacher in DC.C. in the 70s. Oh, boy.

You know, she raised three kids. Yeah. You know, she worked since the time she was like a teenager or, you know, younger than that. I think a lot of times what people do is they project their own feelings onto people. So, like, in our heads, we'll be like, man, our parents aren't, like, traveling. They're not eating here or doing this. So, they must be miserable. It's like, well well those are just all things we like yeah right and also those are all things that are their ideas sold to us that are where then we are convinced that they're our own ideas

and you should be doing that our own preferences when we live in like this crazy consumerist world. And these ideas, like the idea of traveling and that traveling makes you a more well-rounded person. And that makes you happier. That is an idea that companies came up with and sold to you to sell plane tickets, hotels. Cruises. Cruises, tourist industry. That's not like you can be a well-rounded person

and have perspective without going to India. Or a happy person. not like you can be a well-rounded person and have perspective without going to a happy person yeah right happy but like because people would say that to me i had friends like like before i met karen like i don't i'm not like even now like i think we were we talking about this on the porch on friday when people travel uh-huh maybe a little bit and they just everyone's like they make it seem like it's like the biggest deal in the world oh yeah yeah yeah like man it's just like it was life changing and then like i went to mexico i loved it i would never call it life changing i would never say it was like yeah okay we did talk about this yeah because yeah it doesn't have to be like

your entire life is different, but I think it does change you in like a tiny way. You know what I mean? Like it's cool that you got to see it. For sure. Yeah, you'd rather do that than not do that, having done it. But like, yeah, I don't know if it's like something that is is so crucial to my being or understanding my place in the world or understanding or gaining a perspective. Yeah, I don't have that.

More so, it's like I would like to see it. I would love to go to Italy and go to a beach there and then get some pasta. Because it's fun. Exactly. That's for me. That's all it is. When I got fucking loaded in corsica uh i'm a better person because of it yes have you been drunk in capri you know like

our whole yeah like people are just like like i have a like when i would tell people like yeah i'm not i don't really travel it's just not my thing i just it's it's because for me like i also have those hang-ups of like packing i fucking hate packing i hate like moving around a lot i hate like having to like live out of a bag and uh just all that shit and having to like when you're in a place then like figuring out what to do and getting the most out of it like there's this pressure like you want to do everything and see everything because people talk about like live it up every minute right because people are like oh you got we were doing this and that and like then you go and you're like hey this is it just feels like i'm hanging out in another city that's like

yeah i'm not feeling the whatever you're right right yeah but if you do it with that mindset going into it where it's not like i have to have a mind or like, right. Like life altering experience or whatever, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then like these just people like, they're like,

Oh, how can like, man, like I went backpacking and I stayed in hostels or that or staying in hostels seems like a nightmare to me. I don't want to do that. Yeah. And then,

but yeah, but people will say like, Oh, you're saying that cause you're like, you're a bougie bitch. And then, yeah, then but yeah but people will say like oh you're saying that because you're like you're a bougie bitch bougie and then yeah then it's like and then if you do go camping and like we went glamping and then people are like that's not real it's like all right go fuck yourself yeah yeah i'm like i'm here to have a good time i'm not here to fucking be survivor man out in the wild like in the 18th yeah and if that's And if that's your thing, great. Yeah.

I'm not buying a $300 tent to use it once every two years. Yeah. I mean, like, so Annie and I just went camping. And whenever we go, I... Oh, that looked fun. It was super fun. We found that the perfect amount is, like, three nights. Because what we always do is we always go car camping. So I've got, like, a little Ford Escape with the hatchback.

And I just built a really basic platform in the back so you can fold the seats down you have this little elevated platform with some nice padding on it so it's a nice bed and you have storage underneath of it and like it's great so you can just drive up to your camping spot and you know take out a couple of bags you know put some stuff on the you know picnic table but you're done you're not pitching a tent you're not putting out all your shit and everything and just as quickly as you kind of unload everything yeah hop in the car go to sleep overnight wake up the next day throw your couple things back in the car and go on to the next place yeah and my thing to say is

like it's not i'm not here to say like if you do those things it's stupid or it's just like but that's what you like right right right right i feel like everyone has this like need to like uh glamorize everything about their lives too like everyone wants to be like a social media influencer it's a big social media thing yeah it's like oh i found myself in paraguay like yeah you're on your phone the whole time you stupid bitch yeah what are you talking about yeah that's it's it's like a grander version of people be like um i just won saturday night like i hate when people post oh it's like hey you're on the same app i am okay just because you got a cookie you know doesn't mean like yeah that's kind of what they're doing like hey i'm

winning at life because i'm doing this experience okay cool you like it and like trying to commercialize it almost it's like what are you looking for sponsors or something like and like hey if you can get something like that and get some shit for free go for it by all means you can commodify that's tight but like yeah the idea that everyone needs to be so interesting and their lives are so exotic and also every minute has to be life-changing yeah man like honestly when i go on vacations i feel like i know that i do vacations right because when i come home from vacation i look through my phone i'll have tons and tons of pictures and videos and stuff like that but i'll have posted twice maybe just because like the entire time like i do want to take a picture you know it looks pretty whatever but like i make a conscious effort

in my mind to like pull the phone out take my two pictures put it the fuck away i'm not gonna sit there and post it right there i'm not gonna make sure the memory right because i want to have the memory but i don't want to sit there like you know i'm not on a photo assignment you know i'm not you know writing for my blog yeah national geographic is uh yeah footing the bill for your trip. Yeah, exactly. To the Finger Lakes. Yeah. Yeah, like I went to Cuba. It sucked. Oh, really? Yeah.

But there aren't like, and then I went to Tulum. Tulum. Beautiful. Nice. Where's Tulum? Mexico. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just south of Cancun, I think. Yeah, yeah. We went there too. So many people are going there now, though, that the- Why? Mexico is out of control. Really? Oh, Tulum was great. No, the coronavirus. Oh, out of control really tulum was great no the coronavirus oh no no i mean like saying like i guess i went like three or four years to get away

oh no no no no hospitals are over for no no no no no i mean like i mean it's been a popular spot for like i don't know the past like six or seven years but it got so like there's so so much tourism there that the septic lines and everything like the plumbing is like can't keep up with it now so it's like it's all fucked up and it's still pretty like primitive down there like they have very nice resorts and everything but like you can tell that it was like they built one really nice resort and then we're like okay we can build another and another and another but it's like you haven't updated any of the infrastructure underneath any of this stuff you've just built on top mexico is literally sinking yeah yeah it's like an inch city it's a big problem yeah that's wild in some places it's like nine inches a year

or something if i remember correctly yeah like it's a huge problem they're gonna face a water shortage like yeah and a lot of fucking people live there and they waste tons of water every year just from leaky pipes oh right right right i mean like an insane amount of water i wonder if that has anything to do with the sinking too if it's like if it's like so widespread that it would cause like ground precipitation uh yeah it's because they keep taking water from their aqueducts or whatever. Aquifer. Aquifer. Yeah.

I don't know what an aqueduct is. I have a sinking feeling that's not great for the future. Hey there. Nope. More ambient noise. More ambient noise. Yeah. Let's wrap up pretty soon. We're at about an hour. Oh shit. And you got to go watch the Ravens. I got to go watch some football. Yeah. Go see how Lamar Jackson is doing this year. Oh, shit. Where are we at? We're at about an hour. Oh, shit. And you got to go watch the Ravens. I got to go watch some football.

Yeah. Go see how Lamar Jackson's doing this year. Oh, yeah. Let's talk with him. How's he doing? No people in the crowd. That's going to be weird. Yeah.

No. Which is great, too, because I didn't know. Because the NFL didn't really announce what the plan is. But I guess every stadium is going to be different. There's only two stadiums, I think, allowing people. I think Kansas City and Jacksonville, I think. Gross. But yeah, man.

Thanks for doing the podcast. Thanks for having me. So excited. Yeah. Having a baby? Man. It is. Can't believe it.

So yeah. Due in February, right? February 20th. Woo. Yeah, buddy. Crazy. Oh, buddy. Crazy. Oh, man. Yeah, so are you like more...

I'm sure like you're scared, but also now it's like more excited. Oh, I'm terrified after my Dundalk Oracle experience. I don't know what I'm going to do. No, definitely very, very excited. I won't lie. At first it was like terrifying just because it was nothing but logistics flooding my mind. Just, you know, insurance insurance the store and all this stuff we're gonna have to

get a new car yeah now that we've like told some people now it's kind of like the fun part where it's like you realize like okay like you've got support family you know people are gonna be there you're like you know full well everything's gonna work out everything else i mean it's more serious but the same thing where we were talking about it where it's like yeah before you buy before you buy a house, you're like, fuck, am I doing the right thing? Right. Most money I've ever spent. Now, like, you know, you're a couple of years into it. You're like, yeah, what was I even worried about? Right.

Right. Well, it's like you were saying about people who have no intention of taking care of their kids. Like, I'm not going to sit here and say I'm going to be the best dad in the world, but I can already tell that I'm going to be a half decent dad just in like the small changes that I've made to my life already. Like just like my mentality immediately shifted from like just how I usually was to be like, oh, okay. Nothing that I own is mine anymore. Like none of my money is my money. You know, like if I want to spend that extra a hundred bucks on something, it's like, ah, that could be a hundred bucks. I could go to my kids. So I should probably like chill on that. Do I really need that?

Like, yeah, no. All right. So I think that alone is like enough to give me the comfort that like, this is going to be fine. We're going to be all right. And Annie too. I shouldn't just say I'm the only one changing. Annie's been drinking heavily and smoking cigarettes.

Oh yeah. Really taking a turn for the worse. She's got to be way more sure self than you. So I get it. Well, that's why she's smoking so much. Which, you know, I don't think is great right now, but if she could, you know, just wind that down as you get closer to February, that'd be great. I mean, all of her cigarettes have filters on them, so.

Right. And she smokes a Virginia Slim, too. Yeah, the Ultra XL Slim. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So as this lawnmower gets louder, I think we should wrap up, though. Yeah, yeah. All right, guys.

Yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. Oh, lawnmower's off. Anyway, but Paul, up. Yeah. All right, guys. Yeah. Thank you guys so much for listening. Oh, lawnmower's off. Anyway, but Paul, thank you for doing the show. Thanks so much. And yeah, follow us on social media and all that jazz

and we'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We'll see you next time.