The Digression Sessions - Ep. 328 - Backyard Sessions 10

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are back together but podding from a distance on Josh's deck to be yelled at by a stranger. Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

I guess I kind of want one of those I want a credenza for my front room Do you? I think I do Or I just need like something that's like I need a little something in there Are we recording? Are we good?

Yeah Okay, cool We're recording Yeah, no, I just want something Like right where you walk in. Yeah, I think that's perfect. A credenz. A credenz.

Or a buffet. Or sometimes a TV console nowadays can also be a credenza because it's all mid-century modern. Right. Of course. There's only so many shapes you can have when you only use straight lines. Yeah. And that's the problem.

We got to mix these lines up. Hey, mid-century modern is the most fascist of the furniture. It's all straight. It's all straight lines. It's all just straight light woods. Curves are evil. Yeah, obviously. We got to get rid of these curves.

Hey, man, I'm down. They're so dated and gaudy. Oh, yeah. Make the room look smaller. Yeah. Hey, everybody. Just yapping all the time. Speaking of yapping all the time. Welcome back to the digression sessions, everybody.

We are on my deck this time. Me, Josh Kaderna. Yeah. Umar Khan over there with the Yeti. You got a nice setup back here. You got two outdoor little couches. That's right. That's right. And a coffee table. Somebody's misfortune, my fortune.

Yeah, no, this couch is so nice. I need to get a matching one. I think this looks fine. Yeah, it looks fine. Yeah, not everything has to match. True. I think when everything matches, you know when you see like, we don't have to bring in race, but like the hat matches the belt, matches the shoes. the belt matches the shoes oh yeah yeah it's a bit

much i think asians go a little far with it is that what you're saying well yeah they're a little fast and furious with their dress yeah a little hey slow it down but yeah i think like it's good like things mismatch yeah i mean yeah they kind of go it's you know it's fine but yeah it's uh i tell you fall just really uh came in quick didn't it yeah didn't it we got our we got jackets on there's people in my news feed that are uh like i saw a girl she she posted something how she's like legitimately upset that the summer came and gone so quick yeah i was like well i don't know for a while summer was like i don't know just blistering yeah 100 degree days with 100 humidity yeah it's like last week it was like, I don't know, just blistering. Yeah. 100 degree days with 100% humidity.

Yeah, it's like last week it was like 90 every day. Well, she was just completely, yeah, she was like, I'm just like so upset that it's cold right now. I am mourning. It's really, I mean, I guess like seasonal depression's a thing. Yeah, but already, just for it to be like, it like got under 60 one day. It's like 58 degrees. You're like, God, I'm mourning summer. just for it to be like it like got under 60 one day it's like 58 degrees like god i'm morning that's so funny that like uh it's like look i know you suffer from seasonal depression but it's a bit early i'll allow you to do it but yeah you're like one of those people who complains about

people putting out uh christmas decorations before yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly i'm like let's just enjoy the fall come on bitch it's not even december i know let's get depressed in the winter winter yeah i want there like there's still leaves on the 5 45 and it's like darkest shit outside yeah exactly it's like there's still leaves on the trees uh yeah it's still light out at 6 p.m don't tell me you're depressed yet yeah yeah otherwise you might not make it through the winter i'm the exact'm the exact opposite. Like, I went for a walk. Did I see you this morning? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I went for a walk this morning, and I was just, like, in such a good mood. I was like, man, I fucking love cold weather. I love fall. You love an overcast, too. Love overcast. Yeah, this goes to the Umar being the whitest guy. He's like, I just love a light jacket on a crisp day. Yeah, because the sun is just so it's draining oh i love it it drains

me after a while but still i feel like i i feel like i've done something like if i'm out in the sun like do like running or uh you know doing any type of activity and i'm like clouds stop you from running yeah they do they do it just doesn't feel as fun i need to soak up that vitamin d exact i think like running with uh on like a dreary day or like uh yeah like overcast it's uh there's something like romantic about it feels like you're an indie movie see this is where this is goes back to the divide of do we like afi yes you like afi i don't and yeah i feel like they're they're into more overcast days. Yeah, I'm not a huge, like I can't listen to them ever. In high school, I was like every day, I was like, thought he was a genius. And then you read these lyrics and you're like, oh, they mean nothing.

No. And like I would, this is like what a 13-year-old writes in their like Zanga journal or whatever. You know, like, oh, it's so disgusting. I thought he was like so like, he would use all these big words you have to look up and he would always like he's always talking like moons and stars and like oceans and angels yeah what a genius man this guy's so fucking deep this guy didn't just say he's like yeah he didn't say he's depressed he said he's super depressed yeah what a genius yeah dude some of their lyrics are like legitimately like crazy like in say like insane i never got that though when guys were like uh halloween is my personality

you know like all right all right oh whoa i know several of those people true i mean i guess it makes it easier um yeah i saw uh at warp tour one year i saw him walking around oh yeah like leather pants you have a singer walking around leather pants no shirt and a black umbrella and i'm like come on my guy dude he's um he's fucking ripped oh i bet yeah he's like ripped dude yeah he's strong shit. I like, I felt him before. Okay. Well, I was in a mosh pit. He jumped out.

I'm sure. You're like, we're on a date. And you're just like, damn, this dude is fucking. This. Yolked. Oh, God. Yeah. And.

Oh, no. And, yeah, it's. Oh, no. It's crazy. It is crazy. Sorry, we get crazy. It is crazy. Sorry, we got an ambient podcast. What was that? Is that him?

Yeah, I think so. I think he had makeup on. He what? I think he had makeup on. Oh. It could have been a mask. I don't know. Yeah.

Somebody made a very weird laugh. That's all. Well, we're sitting outside and then, yeah, like we're elevated. Yeah. And then we hear this. And then I got nervous. I was like, oh, my God. I thought someone was laughing at us talking about AFI.

I thought someone was making fun of us. Yeah. Because we're in a hipster neighborhood. Yeah. All these pussies like AFI. Yeah. Hey, man, I think they're pretty fucking cool. Are you looking up lyrics?

I was looking up lyrics. Yeah, it was taking so long. It can't take that long to find stupid AFI lyrics. I just couldn't remember any song names. Oh, yeah. Try. If you can't stay... All right, here we go.

This is called The Lost Souls. It is the... Parentheses, graveyards are cool. It's the second song on their album. It's a banger. Second song on one of their earlier albums. The Art of Drowning. We're doing a podcast.

What's up? What's up? Oh, okay. All good. All good. No. We record it, then we upload it. Yeah, yeah.

It's pre-recorded. All right. We won't. Hold on. The guy that we were just making fun of for making a weird laugh. He was knocking on my door. Yeah, a little bit. We just didn't know what the hell it was.

Hold on. This guy sells. All right, hold on. So the guy who walked by and we commented on his laugh, he went, mm-mm-mm. Yeah. Oh, my. Okay. So you think that laugh makes people less nervous?

All right. So this guy sells. What's your name? Damone. Damone sells books and magazines. I think we have our first advertisement on the podcast. So he knocked on Josh's door. He came back and he said that he makes that noise because before he knocks on people's

door, he wants them to have a warning sign. He doesn't want to make them nervous. Yeah, because that doesn't make you seem like you're about to get stabbed. I'm going to laugh like a crazy clown to break the ice. I know. I know. Children's hospital donation sorry man thank you though sorry bro sorry damon sorry to let you down and the children great laugh good laugh hey hey how are you what an interesting guy that yeah i don't i never trust that stuff for a second i think he was just fucking with it

like the laugh like he just heard people and he was fucking with us i think so too but i mean like what he's up to of like yeah i'm selling this for like children also i love like his commitment like he's like they're lounging in the back let me just he knocked on josh's door but he knew we were out back so then he came out back and now he's in the sidewalk which is parallel to the deck that's elevated yes and then he's pitching us a magazine he's looking up at us we're on a deck it's so bizarre anyway shout out to damone i think we just i think we just had our first advertisement on the podcast yeah that's our first advertisement some uh children's hospital that we did not donate to. No. And I doubt it was for that. Sometimes I don't mind.

What a fucking weird racket. I make that noise so people know I'm coming. Yeah. And it's also like, well, I don't want to make people nervous. So I shout, I'm going to kill you. And then I break the ice that way. Damn. You know what's also crazy?

That guy dresses up more to do his job than I do. Oh, yeah. Well job any job where you go outside now he had a button down on and like nice he had slacks a button down he looked like the coolest mormon ever yes he definitely yeah yeah he definitely looked like the one black friend mormon yes yeah like let's because i thought that's what it was going to be. But he had a Kansas City. If that was, I would be like, get a microphone, sir. We are interviewing you for this podcast. There's so many questions.

Yeah. Like, sir, do you know AFI? Daman, how do you become a Mormon in Baltimore? Yeah. Is God real? Yeah. How many times was he called Damon growing up? Oh, sure.

Daman. I wonder if he has like an accent and an E on the end. Oh, like a little, uh, like on the O there. Is he a good name? Uh, could be. He's, he's a, I would say he had a good personality. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, he's dealing with a lot of people going door to door. He was like, oh shit, you guys doing a live radio podcast? Yes. Yes. Live radio podcast yes yes live radio he's like don't edit this out this is very important um yeah no uh excuse us we're talking about afi lyrics sir excuse me so yeah before he rudely interrupted i was just but the this album is called art of drowning jash i didn't know sure there is an art there and the song is called Art of Drowning, Josh. I didn't know. Sure, there is an art there.

The song is called The Lost Souls. Okay. So here we go. First, is it a stanza? Verse? First verse? But they're stanzas. I mean, if you want to get fancy about it, that's like a verse of a poem.

Oh, got it. All right. If you can't stand upon the water, I will see you on the ocean floor. When you blink, do you only find the misery between the lines? Then take my hand and walk with me. And as a 16-year-old kid, I was like, damn, dude. That's deep. That is fucking deep. Wow, that is really deep.

Yeah. Yeah, any type of lyric where it's like i feel so sad and lonely yeah i'm like yeah wow yes look at what you've done to me now you've made me perfect look at what you've done to me now all right no he's probably talking about his ab wheel or something yeah yeah i like that he's just like looking in the mirror like god damn too hot to be a goth look at what you've done to me peloton bike behold god's mistake look at me yep that's what's so fun like it's fun thinking about like this guy who sings in this not that there's anything wrong like mutually exclusive about working out and being in that kind of band but

you just wouldn't think a guy yeah writes those lyrics and like dances would be that tortured like a girl sometimes in the hair he has like huge long black hair that yeah he's just like thinking about reps and uh like p like you know personal goals maybe that's why he's so tortured he just wants pizza so bad yeah it's like god i wish i was dead look at what you've done to me now pizza look at what you've done to me god um how was your weekend great action-packed yes uh friday karen and i uh oh we just went out to get drinks on Friday. Yeah. And then Saturday. Did we rock and roll on Friday?

We rocked and rolled on Saturday. No, during the week. Thursday. We rocked and rolled on Thursday. Gotcha, gotcha. Which was fun. Very fun. Umar and I's band really coming along.

Yeah, we got to think of a name. Hmm. F-I-A. F-I-A. What's that stand for? Uh. Fucking. Uh.

Uh. Fucking ass? Uh, yeah. Uh. Fucking. Innocent. Ass. Mm-mm.

Dude, you know what I was thinking about, uh, the other day? I, uh, I was, I don't know why i can't remember oh uh we were talking about like comedy and like uh comedians who are quitting me and my buddy yeah and um we were talking about like people who like make weird like when you do something like comedy there's always like everyone's always like always thinking of what's my next step? Where am I going to go? What's my next move? Whether it's literally moving to another place or you're always thinking of how to get on shows, blah, blah, blah.

And then you, like, I don't, like, how did this come up? Like, there's just, like, people, it's just, like, people, like, there's so many people in comedy that are so bad. And we've talked about this before. And just, like, the crazy people you're around. And I don't know why, but I was just laughing so hard the other day because you were there when this happened. And, like, when you go to shows and you, like, you just, especially, like, open mics and stuff, you just meet insane people. Yeah. Comedy and open mics are the porch light to crazy mosquitoes. Yes. Like, finally, I'm so funny.

The whole world's going to see how funny I am. Yeah. And so, and then there's people who are like, yeah, they're just insane. Right. So, i remember one time it was like during the polar vortex and like i mean you were going to the same show at the wind up space and i parked my car and i the walk from where i had to like walk like a couple blocks and i was like fuck man yeah and i just remember i was like in there complaining about it and then

this one comic hurt like because he was the first coming to greet me when I walked in. He's like, Hey, what's up? I was like, man, I am fucking freezing. That walk from my car sucked or something like that. And he's like, Oh yeah. He's like, you drove here. And I was like, yeah.

And he's like, well try walking six miles here. And I'm like, okay, asshole asshole i'm allowed to complain about a polar vortex cold also it's what a that's not a flex yeah just because you don't have a car doesn't mean i can't complain about something that we're all allowed to complain about yeah like dude you're the one that sucks you walked six miles to perform to an empty room yeah i mean you're insane yeah that's also it's not cool it's like yeah you uh i don't know i should get a car i don't know don't go for an open mic stay home yeah like it's not like you're like i had to walk six miles to get insulin from my mom and i've god damn that was really tough, yeah, well, I showed up to the unpaid open mic too, pal.

It's like, all right. Oh, my God. All right. I just remember thinking that. I was just laughing so hard with Chris. Alan. It's, yeah. Well, such a weird thing.

It's like, because are you bragging? Is that? It's like, if you think I'm feeling bad, I don't because I'm cold. And now I'm upset that someone walked to perform. it's like if you think i'm feeling bad i don't because i'm cold and uh now i just i know i'm upset that someone walked to perform he like because i was complaining and i drove yeah i'm upset because i'm i'm gonna go to bed late now yeah yeah i'm not gonna get a full eight hours yeah oh man it was like stuff like that is fun um yeah i don't yeah i don't really miss any of that stuff you know where it's like the dread going to the open mic and then they're like oh yeah god yeah i don't miss the dread but i do

miss like um i just miss like stuff happening where like if you when you would like just say like oh yeah i'll do that who fuck it who cares and then you just the most insane things happen that true you just like you like wouldn't have this like cool story right right or experience yeah yeah that's what i miss because now everything is just so like predictable almost you know or not pretty but it's just like stand-up really gave you like such a like unique experience all like, all the time. Yeah, I guess I'm just talking about, like, the stuff that becomes perfunctory, though. Oh, for sure.

Of, like, okay, I'm going to go. I'm going to do the five minutes, drive to DC from work, and then, you know, just, like, a whole night. And now it's, like, I don't know. Everything's pretty open. And, like, I like that. But, yeah, I like the experience of doing just, like, the random show. Yeah.

That, like, yeah um that like yeah that's fun uh oh but so oh so saturday yes we i was like karen we're gonna clean this whole house we're gonna wake up early she's jazzed on that we're gonna clean this whole house well she cleaned like two pieces of furniture and and polished the step stairwell thing and called it a day. And I was like, all right, so I'll clean the whole house. Stairwell looks great. Thank you. Yeah.

So I cleaned the whole house. And then we went to, which is, it's such a good feeling after you finish cleaning and you just look at it. You just like look. It's kind of, you know what it's like? It's like when you go to the gym and you work out for like a half an hour. You do like two sets of push-ups and you look in the mirror and you pull your shirt up. You're like, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah.

I can already see him coming in. I go. You just feel like. Look at what I've done to myself. Yeah, yeah. Look at what you've done. I'm about to make myself perfect. Yeah.

I guess. Yeah, so it's cool you have that feeling. Yeah, that feeling of accomplishment. Plus, it does look really nice. Oh, yeah, and I mowed the lawn. Look at this guy. Great. Come on.

Yeah. I do love that feeling of just looking at the house and being like, God damn, it's so clean. Yeah. It's so nice. My feet aren't going to be dirty when I walk around. But then I have a fucking dog that sheds oh yeah cob does and i'm like i don't want to pet him because like it makes like hair go

over i'm like i don't want like him to walk around or like lay on the carpet right you're just like you just see it and you're like god this is never gonna be clean and then i'm like oh that's what like having kids is yeah like your house your house. Or at least for years. Yeah. Never clean. Yeah. You just have to accept that it's going to be pretty fucked up most of the time. Yeah, man.

I just remember like I used to fuck up stuff in my house like all the time. Like we would break the remote. Oh, yeah. You know, we're jumping on the couch. Yeah, I remember. If I saw a nine-year-old jump on my like yeah nice west elm couch i would lose my fucking you would be that stereotypical dad's like you know how much that costs yeah is that how you treat nice shit yeah i remember one time as a kid uh me and some friends were wrestling

and uh and like i landed on my my friend and uh we just crushed the ottoman in the in the room in the living room like i think i like push it like and be like oh like going to like land i think we'd like bounce off and it's just sandwich just like crush it's like oh no uh but yeah matt would come up with a lie no just like i tackled him on it or whatever like we were wrestling yeah and then when you're a kid you just think like everything is like the worst thing oh yeah like oh fuck oh my god yeah so pissed for some reason yeah my dad was just like oh i'll fix it and he just like drilled a screw into it like into the arm that broke or the leg that broke oh hell yeah dude i mean it looked fucked up but yeah in the

moment it was like we're gonna be in trouble yeah that's fun like i remember when wrestling was huge we would all like wrestle we even built like a wrestling uh ring outside oh really like pieces of shit it was just like and an adult dude how weird is this yeah so we got into like wrestling like the whole like neighborhood like it was like seven of us like like we were all around the same age we hung out all the time i guess they're called friends um and well one is just so funny because like back then everyone's so worried about being gay and being called gay and we're just like yeah putting our heads between people's legs and like oh just you're putting our heads between people's legs and like oh just you're just all up on people of course yeah like wrestling in itself is like so like

there's like the pageantry of it and stuff oh yeah sean michaels be like i'm sexy i'm the heartbreaker like yeah he's a fucking man dude yeah that is what's so funny it's like wrestling you're like just like like before you engage in fight you're like walking out to a song and like praying yeah and you're like make sure you oil my muscles real good what the fuck man good uh yeah that was like the 90s were a weird time because wrestling was reaching a new apex and then trampolines became popular and that's like a perfect storm right there oh yeah there was a lot of, yeah, like backyard wrestling stuff. Oh, that too.

But I mean, even just like- Oh, like us, like kids who are watching WWF. Oh, vertical suplex on the trampoline. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't go there. Yeah, just like, yeah. I think that's why trampolines were so popular too. Like, you know, it wasn't just like, oh, we're bouncing.

It was like, oh, we're going to wrestle on this. Dude, we used to- Powerbomb to we used to like jump through boxes like we were like slamming each other in boxes and like we used to hit each other with stuff like it was so dumb i mean we really used to wrestle all the like also just me my brother would wrestle yeah which is so weird we're just like yeah in the basement like pretending pretending we're doing a wrestling match. Yeah, well, you think they're cool, and then you have all that energy too, and you're like, ah. Yeah, I remember I tried to stone cold stun my friend Shane, and I hurt my ass so bad. I'm like, how does he do this?

I know. I thought the same thing. I was like, damn, he just takes a beating on that tailbone. My tailbone, yeah. We did it in the yard, and i was like jesus christ yeah but dude so uh we built this wrestling ring and um this neighbor this adult guy he was um he actually was a boxer when he was young and he actually trained uh uh he went to the 1996 Olympics because he trained one of the boxers

and he was our neighbor, Mr. Jody and he helped us build this wrestling ring, we just found like wood he had some wood and like a tight rope you know in the Olympics boys, we do it naked did you know that? And then we would all wrestle him yeah of course, he's like now the Greeks the original Olympics, they were naked all the time

there was no thing, and then you look back on it and he's like, now the Greeks, the original Olympics, they were naked all the time. There was no thing. And then you look back on it, and you're like, could you imagine? You're like 40 years old, 45 years old. Uh-huh. You're talking to 11 to 13-year-olds, and you're like, hey, let's build a wrestling ring, and I'll wrestle you guys. And then he's like. And then you don't talk to any parents. You're just like, yeah, I'll just you guys. And then he's like. And then you don't talk to any parent. You're just like, yeah, I'll just touch you.

I'm just going to be touching these kids all over. They're jumping on me. Tossing them, grabbing them. And, dude, he was strong as shit. And he was, like, not being. I feel like he was, like, taking out some anger on us. Yeah, was it, like, holding back? Yeah, I was like.

I mean, he was obviously holding back. But it was, like, I was like, damn, this dude holding out but it was like i was like damn this dude actually is hurting us yeah like actually working through some stuff yeah i'm like i'll show you anger issues rick so insane that that was okay yeah of course and i'm sure all you guys are like he's kind of the coolest yeah well i mean we all remember thinking something's like a little off okay but uh not in like that oak so then we have this thinking something's like a little off with him. Oh, okay. But not in like that oak. So then we have this. Well, he's like, I don't know.

He's a little weird for an adult. Yeah. I grew up in this neighborhood. It's a court. It's like a bigger cul-de-sac, I guess. Yeah. And there's this thing in the middle. It's like a median kind of, but it's bigger.

It has trees and rocks you can climb on and shit. Like in the middle of the cul-de-sac. Yeah, and then there's a lot of fields, and there's big rocks and shit that I guess architects, landscape architects... That's a funny thing. When you're young, I just remember thinking, I'm like, man, what a coincidence that all these rocks are here that we can play on. That's so cool. And then you get older, and you're like, oh, there's things called landscape architects. What are the chances that this all just yeah i literally just like dude when they were like

digging up the dirt they found all these cool big rocks i guess we just live in the coolest neighborhood and then you get yeah and then you get older and you're like oh shit like yes people paid for someone to put that on a truck yeah it was designed yeah of course yeah like we're gonna put seven rocks here. That's ridiculous. You design rocks? It's like you paid someone for a rock? Yeah. What?

Anyway, so yeah, there's like these rocks. And we started this tradition where we would camp out there once a year, like right before school would start. And Mr. Jody would just camp out with us. Jesus. This is going to get worse and worse as it goes. Isn't that crazy? So the thing was, Mr. Jody's shower broke one time.

So he came over and he didn't know how our shower works. So he said, Umar, why don't you just get in and show me? So I had to show him. Nothing weird, you know. And then I just remember like so there's like this big field and we would always play like like football baseball free ultimate frisbee or kick the can or whatever and uh yeah every now and then like he mr jody had like a he always had a golden retriever like it was so weird because i remember like one died and then immediately he got another people like that where it's like oh our dalmatian died now we have another one like yeah it's like if i like had a sweater that i really liked and he got a hole in

it i just go back to j crew and buy another the same exact one it is yeah just a living thing i'm just like oh so sad it's dead i'm gonna get another one yeah the exact same one uh no i never had like a neighborhood guy like that thank god yeah i mean he was just a nice guy i know it does it does get interesting where it's like is it somebody just being like altruistic and nice or like you know what i mean yeah i think he didn't have they couldn't have kids of his their own and oh wait so he had a wife yeah oh i thought he was just living by himself he had a wife okay and i thought it was just this loner guy no that was one of the rest of weird yes okay that's what i was picturing the whole time yeah so he had a wife and uh um yeah i guess they just didn't have kids, and he was just like this.

He was weird. I just remember he was, like, there was something about him that was, like, a little off. Right. Where, like, if he was a serial killer and they interviewed me, like, could you believe this? I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it also goes to where it's like some people are just off.

It doesn't mean that they are like molesters or killers or something. It's just like he's just a weird guy. Yeah. Honestly, like when I look, he's just like this old school guy who was like stuck in the 1940s almost. It was like bizarre. The 40s? Just like had that like old school. He shows up on that bicycle with the giant wheel in the front.

He had like overalls. I think he was like some sort of construction guy. You know, like so he and he always had like grease all over him he's like yeah my steampunk business went down and nobody wants to buy the bike with the big wheel in the front a blue truck like a blue if like i remember he had like a blue truck same with golden retriever his truck died and he had another blue truck his wife dies he's like no this is also bethany yeah like okay so weird anyway yeah so this guy mr jody like so we'd be outside playing yes he would bring his golden retriever

and he's like what are you guys playing and then he would just play with us it's kind of cool what do you do i wonder if he picked one of us and one of us got molested and i didn't oh no you weren't hot enough huh yeah i was chubby back then oh there you go there you go hmm how about rahil was he a good looking kid oh yeah he was in his good at sports yeah was he sounds real nice real he could have went after because i could i'd probably be the easiest one to catch true i was the only fat one out of all of us but then it's also like you catch one and yeah that's not as fun which that's true you know maybe it's about the chase too who knows who knows what jody no dude i never

had anybody like that thank god but yeah i feel like a lot of those neighborhood guys got away with that stuff yeah you know dude we used to just hang out like at the pool and uh i just remember like sometimes we would play like uh 50 like there because we had a basketball hoop like on the edge of the pool we played 50 or this game called sharks and minnows you ever played sharks and minnows in the pool yeah yeah yeah so fun people don't know you gotta swim across to the other side. There's one shark and all the other people are minnows. So they yell, swim, fishy swim or something.

This is where it gets weird. It's like, take your pants off and then the minnows close their eyes. This is where Mr. Jody came and asked to see my minnow. Yeah. He was like, I'm the shark that eats the minnow. I'm going to eat it. I was molested. no i wasn't uh but it's just crazy to think that no one was like what's up with this like all our friends parents didn't get together and like all our parents were just like checked

in with should we like uh be worried because today people would be like oh yo get the fuck away from my kids jody's done for but also maybe in small towns that is happening yeah i'm still yeah people knew him yeah but i think in like maybe like a city maybe that's they're like i don't know if i like jody hanging out with little tristan one time we came home from the pool and there were snakes in our yard. My mom saw this huge black snake and this other snake. And my mom was like, oh, my God. And she was like, go get Mr. Jody.

And then Mr. Jody comes over, grabs this huge snake out of the back of his truck. He's like, what do you got, a snake? And then he pulls the snake with his stake. He's holding them. He's like, you guys want to pet it? And so we all like pet this snake and he tells us about this snake and then we release it in the woods hmm it's a magical guy i was gonna say he sounds pretty cool he's a cool guy but when you just think about stuff like that you're just like bizarre so like matt bergman has a story about he was trying to do it as a bit for a while where he had uh there's his hockey coach

would like take kids to like bigger hockey games yeah like nhl nhl games and he was he's like yeah he would just take us to games but like one-on-one and he took me to a few games and he was a bigger guy and then at the games he would always like pull out like a granola bar out of his pocket and was like kind of like sweaty but he was like do you want one and i was like yeah i guess and we just watched the game and uh i know it feels weird in here right now but he just never molested me sometimes people are just nice but i think there are just sex of like guys that are just weird and awkward yeah you know that just like yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah but it is like yeah i don't think you can get away with

that in like a weird you know like there's no like a group of brooklyn moms would murder that guy you know 100 dude i wouldn't i i would be like i would be a little weird but it's weird because now like people don't know their neighbors and when you live in the city and then you're also assuming the worst too yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and uh oh man there's not. And then you're also assuming the worst, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, oh, man, there's this guy. Speaking of, when I was in Cub Scouts, this guy, we had, like, you know, you have your, like, Cub Scout leader. We had this guy, Mr. Ted. He was, like, this young guy.

Again, no kids. He was probably, like, in his late 20s, early 30s. And also, I'm in first, second grade, so he could have been 22. And I thought he was 30. But this guy, Mr. Ted. And for some... I mean, I get it. Me and my friend were kind of brats.

But he was so... I just remember something about him was so weird. And one time, we would do this thing. So Cub Scouts would stay after school at an elementary school. And we had, like, we used the rec room for our meetings. And there's only, like, six of us in our little, like, den. That's what it's called. Sure.

And... Yeah, all that stuff is so creepy. Shout out to Troop 180. And we always like to fuck with Mr. Ted. So, like, we would be in the room and he left. He's like, all right, I'll be right back. And me and Dan were like, guys, let's just fucking run out. So, he has to come find us.

And so, we run out of the room and he's just looking for us. And he sees us and we just bolt. And we're just know having him chase us when he got us he grabbed us each by the wrist and dude like he was being like aggressive like trying to hurt you like yeah squeezing the shit

out of him is just like like looking at us and like talking us to like you know like people are gritting their teeth and talking to you like you motherfucker you don't you run out of there oh and now I'm like, oh, yeah, this guy's unstable. Yeah, it's cool that he's working with children, though. Yeah, and then so he ended up getting fired. Oh, good.

Because when we were all camping, we'd go on like this. There was a weekend where we went to this campsite. And these two kids who were older than me, i think they were in fourth or fifth grade at the time when they went camping they each brought a teddy bear oh boy and mr dead saw them mr teddy bear goes into the tent oh no grabs each of the teddy bears like look mark and adam have teddy bears and starts making fun of oh no and they cry. And they cry. Yeah. But in my mind back then, I remember thinking like, oh, yeah, they should get made fun of. They're like 10 years old.

You guys are way too old for this. I was like, I don't even have a teddy bear. I'm in second grade. Yeah. I did pee my pants, though, so. In the middle of class. That is so funny. Yeah, you like pissed your pants in the tent.

You're like, look at these weirdos. Mock them and not me. Imagine, again, being a 30-year-old or even in your 20s, you're working with children and you're publicly shaming. If I was like 17 making fun of a 10-year-old or even like 50, like what are you doing? Why? Like the entire group. I've done comedy shows where kids in the crowd i never once thought hey let me just fucking shit on this kid yeah yeah exactly

like oh mr poop my pants used to play with toys oh what do you fuck your teddy bears i remember that was always a dividing line too where it's like i love playing with gi joes and even like wrestling toys and stuff yeah and then you're like, I don't know, man. I'm going to sixth grade next year. I know. I do, yeah. I don't know if I can do this anymore with the guy. It's Toy Story, dude. I'm all grown up.

Yeah. Yeah, you did feel silly for... There would be the age around 8, 9, 10 or whatever where you're like, am I lame for playing with toys still? Am I just a little kid still? Yeah. Dude, I don't think kids play with toys anymore, really. Yeah, I have no idea.

I mean, you just get on the phone or tablet. Or yeah, you have some type of app on your iPad or whatever. Yeah. But no, I had everything. Oh, me too. Because I was an only child, too. So I got all the stuff. So it was like Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, G.I.

Joe's. I had all that. Everything. Like, oh, the Ninja Turtles. Oh, I would get the Ninja Turtles. Yeah. The car. I was going to say the van. I had all that. Everything. Oh, the Ninja Turtles. Oh, the Ninja Turtles. The car. I was going to say the van. I had the van.

Fuck, that was... And you shoot pizzas out of it and shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the door went down. And then, like, yeah, I had the Ghostbusters. I had their home base thing that used to be the firehouse that had the pole on it that you could, like, spin. Also...

All that shit. Are those things actually worth any money because there's still people who have all that stuff they never opened oh i mean i guess it's it's like the same way when uh when i was buying a house i asked my uncle i was like i was like so it was a house like you know in this neighborhood worth 300 000 400 000 he's like he's like anything is worth anything if somebody's willing to pay for it yeah you know what i mean so he's like so with these things like i guess if somebody on ebay is like i'll give you fifty dollars for an unopened egon but it's weird because people for some reason but just like stocks you know like beanie babies was like if you look at Beanie Babies. I never understood why that was popular. But like sometimes some stocks are hot and then they dwindle immediately.

Right. And so Beanie Babies are the same way. Yes and no. But to me, like some stocks are hot. I know it's way different because you're like investing in like a company that will make more capital. Well, there's also a company that's like, here's the plan. And like people are going to be using our company for X, Y, like Zoom. Like, okay, you're doing digital meetings.

I never understood why Beanie Babies have value. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to look up how much Beanie Babies are worth right now. Yeah, but it's not like gold. It's like we only found so many Beanie Babies in the Sahara of Africa. Did you ever do Beanie Babies? No, no, no, no. It was wild.

Oh, I never did. I remember it. I did it. I was to all my friends, and we had a sleepover. When were Beanie Babies a thing? When I was in fourth or fifth grade? So, yeah, I'd have to say mid to late 90s, probably. Because I remember being at my cousin's when she was going

to frostburg so i had to be like i wasn't even driving then so like 14 13 maybe and she lived on the main i'm like one of the main streets of downtown frostburg and i remember waking up and hearing a bunch of people on the street and i was like what's going on it was like eight in the morning people were lining up because the store was opening to sell new beanie babies oh my god like down the block tons of people for and they're worth fucking nothing uh okay so created in 93 they have been cited as being the world's first internet sensation in 1995 yeah but when was like the height because 95 i was too i think i was not so i'm thinking like 98 maybe yeah because yeah 98 99 right yeah yeah yeah ty stopped production of the product in

december 1999 but consumer demand led them to reconsider wow anyway again why well dude my like and then mcdonald's started doing like mini beanie babies uh during their uh happy meals right and those were like supposed to be worth money my friend's mom's got into mike suburban mom's got i had a joke about i posted a joke about this i was like yeah no wonder our generation sucks with money because we're raised by people who thought they were going to be millionaires from beanie babies dude that that's a bit i should take on stage oh definitely yeah like fucking my friend's parents would drive like to different states and go to mcdonald's to get the beanie baby insane so insane and it's just like also that's how bored you are that you're like ah fuck it it's something to do i think i

think i'm driving to me imagine crossing state lines for a happy meal just to go to mcdonald's bro yeah and they're like do you have a kid in the car no just give me the fucking beanie baby yeah well they're doing it today with like hype beasts though um what's that uh like like dudes that wear like supreme and stuff like that like guys that love like limited edition fashion yeah like love like yeah like a limited edition like fucking like fanny pack and stuff but uh travis scott did a deal with mcdonald's so there's like a travis scott like happy meal or something or like a travis scott meal that comes with an action figure and people went fucking nuts for that thing yeah people love that guy doesn't he have like a shoe line that probably yeah yeah but like yeah it's i mean it's the same thing it's like the beanie baby of 2020 yeah you

know where it's like the hype based. Dude, I mean. Because they do the same thing. They buy Supreme shirts for like 500 bucks or whatever. Crazy. Or they'll like put Supreme on like a hammer. Yes. But what makes it valuable though is that the limited run. Because then Supreme's like, we're only going to make 500 hammers.

Dude, yeah. I think I was too old to be into Beanie Babies. I might have been like fourth grade, which back then when you're in fourth grade, you think you're like, I'm about to be a fifth grader. Well, yeah, it's that thing too. I'm going to be the biggest kid on campus. Well, same thing. Like, look, I'm going to middle school. I can't be playing my G.I.

Joe's anymore. Yeah. Yes, I love my wrestling ring and everything I'm doing in there. And I got some great storylines of my own going. But I can't do this forever. Dude, yeah. I had so many wrestling acting figures with the ring. Oh, I had yes act out like dude you're like but uh 100 yeah i'd be doing the thing too like oh no now it's don't go like i'm like coming down cd of theme music i had like a

belt like uh so oh i had so many belts i was like the only one i could get was the intercontinental parents like why you need this stuff yeah so crazy oh dude i uh vividly remember like because i would have all right in bed by 10 and then raw would start at like nine yeah monday night raw and then i was like it's like look i know i have to go to bed but stone cold steve austin just showed up and he showed up in an 18 wheeler and they said he might have he's not happy they said he might have a gun wrestle baby was last night i remember like he's got a gun it's like oh i can't go to bed now my parents let us stay up on mondays they were like all right you guys oh that's great and we would always

start getting sleepy at like 10 30 yeah and i would so rarely make it to the end of them yeah but uh what was i talking about oh yeah beanie babies and it was just like dude i remember like one time we had a sleepover and my friends like they all brought their beanie babies to my house that's so weird i think girls which is i understand it's 2020 we don't gender stuff and hey dude that's how woke i was yeah and i had a beanie baby sleepover uh-huh in 1998 well you also made fun of it the whole time right no we were into it yeah yeah you were we love beanie babies i was so into beanie babies but 98 yeah I think I was like fourth grade. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I think I must have been like maybe like seventh grade because I'm what, two years older? Yeah.

Yeah, so yeah. So I think it was that thing of like- Wait, what year were you born? 86. Yeah, 88. So you're like middle school while I'm in elementary school. Yeah, exactly. It's a big divide.

Big divide. So yeah, I might be in like sixth or seventh grade. But sixth grade you're like nah dude i listen to pantera now yeah like did you miss the pokemon thing then no i was around when pokemon was on but i had the foresight and wherewithal to realize it sucked yeah like i had friends that were very i did not i had friends that were way into it and i remember I was like dude this is so stupid Cause also they released Cause mostly on like Gameboy right And they're like you gotta get the yellow one You gotta get the blue one you gotta get the red one

I'm like guys this is so stupid Like why don't they just put it all in one Like they can't there's so many characters Wow to be fair back then I mean the little shit Yeah of course they just wanted to sell more Yeah but you gotta catch them all exactly well you know uh but so uh and then like the whole thing with beanie babies was like they would make like they were like the blue elephant was like the

most rare one and my friend dude this is how crazy it was my friend had a book that you buy yeah that tells you how many beanie babies they made of this specific one what it's worth yeah and so we'd like look through and we'd be looking for and it's just like and then you just don't understand like there's not going to be a rare beanie baby like at security square mall like which is like this shitty mall by my house so it's all made up it's all made up i mean it's it's the same thing with like diamonds though but it's anything where you create a false sense of uh scarcity that way you can drive up the value like i i remember like the dude version of beanie baby cards of uh beanie babies was magic cards yes if you have the black lotus the black lotus is like

the rarest card it's like why i know they all come from the same printing press and like with diamonds it's like yes they're found in the earth oh did this i have a fun story about pokemon cards but so i looked up beanie babies worth now so these are the 20 most expensive beanie babies i think in 2020 hundred dollars i'm gonna go for number 20, and then I'll just skip all the way to one. So 20 is Humphrey the Camel. He's worth $1,200. No. To who? Okay, let's just go to

the top three. All right. This is going to upset me. I don't want to hear all 20. No, no. I was going to just go to the one. Yeah, I wouldn't do all 20. That'd be insane. Yeah. All right um number three 15 inch piece bear and nine inch piece ringo and bones how much you think they're worth so if 20 was 1200 three grand 159 000 no no no no no number two no the bear five

hundred thousand dollars a half a mil so it's the first one worth a million dollars what's number one worth no not a million six. Oh, that's so weird. I know. It was a big jump. Yeah, but not much from like two to one. That's so weird. Who owns that? Well, yeah. What website? Is it like Ellen's mommy blog?

She owns all of those and she's like, am I number one? Is worth $600,000. Wealthygorilla.com. Okay. All right. Well, I don't think Ellen's that big. We need a producer so I don't have to do this myself yeah jamie can you pull that up pull it up jamie thank you oh dude so uh i might have told the story on the podcast but my neighbor that i actually had dinner with last week because it was his 30th birthday, which just goes to show

that when you're young, like, how big age differences are because he was only two years younger than me, but in my mind, he was like a child. And he was always like a little kid that I never hung out with. You're like, hey, bro, I'm six. Yeah.

All right? Yeah, yeah. And now, like, I hang out with him. He's cool as shit. And then you're just like, oh, we're like the same. Yeah. All right? Yeah, yeah. And now, like, I hang out. He's cool as shit. And then you're just like, oh, we're, like, the same. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not like you have two years. You're like, what do we even talk about? Do we have the same cultural? Do you know what Beanie Babies are? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

So, well, it's funny because if you're like, he's four, I'm six. He's still watching, like. Yeah. Nick Jr. Nick Jr. No, what's, like, the dinosaur? Barney. Barney. And I think that's, like, lame now. I mean mean i don't even know i watch cool shows yeah yeah i don't even know and so uh um he had a birthday party when uh we were like in middle school he might have been like in fourth

or fifth grade yeah so like pokemon yeah i, like, in sixth grade. And Pokemon was huge at the time. And everyone was collecting the cards. Yes. And this one kid, I don't know why. Kids would have, like, binders of cards. Yeah, and so there's this kid, Ryan Fowler. I remember his name. I feel like I went to school with a Ryan Fowler.

Dude, looking back on it, like the group and I don't think I, because I do remember feeling guilty when this stuff would happen. And I'm not saying this, like there were times where I was a dick, but I feel like we were like such little bullies. Yeah. And we were like not great. Right. Kids.

Yeah. Like we weren't nice. Yeah. Because we thought it was cool to be bad. Yeah. What also, I mean, it's the same thing that all bullies do probably, but it's like, no, I'm establishing that I'm cool, you know, or like, you know what I mean? That I, because you're also insecure too, where you're like, I'm not the loser.

Oh, yeah. You're the loser. So, the whole time I was like so insecure. Well, yeah, I was so insecure. I was like fat and I was just like i don't know i just always felt like i don't know just like lame but yeah uh so uh this kid ryan feller for some reason we were just mean for no only because it's gonna and look we were children like he was some like facial deformity and so kids are mean and we were people just didn't like him because he looked different.

So, you know, you have, yeah, I guess he's my friend too, but Adam and his name's Fishbine. Everybody calls him Fish. There's a kid and shout out to my buddy Blake. It was his birthday over the weekend. We went skeet shooting over the weekend. Nice. But his, i think it was his cousin like he had psoriasis but really bad all over his body and so it was like fish scales

and people called him fish oh and i'm like ah i hate that so bad i feel and for the record i feel terrible i have friends too i mean so this is, as you get into, like, high school and stuff. But, yeah, I have friends. Like, this dude, his name's Robert. And they just call him Fatty. Like, hey, what's up, Fatty? And he's not even, like, a massive guy. Yeah. But it's, like, it's so shitty.

Like, can you imagine if your nickname was Fatty? Well, yeah. It's not cool. Yeah. Oh, my God. Hey, how you doing, Fatty you doing fatty Oh fatty's on his way Yeah so Oh yeah Ryan Fowler

Oh there was one time we were in the pool We were playing a game called Rundown in the pool This rings a bell And where there's like two bases and you gotta run back and forth Without getting hit with a ball And in the pool you know you, you use those like squishy balls. Dude, my friend fucking beamed him in the face like in the temple.

And he threw it so hard his eye like was blood like it all like turned red around his pupil. Damn, like he bruised like his like eye cavity. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh, I felt so fucking bad. It's like, bro, I beamed Ryan Fowler so bad, I bruised his ocular cavity. Yeah, and he had a lisp. I think his parents were divorced.

Yeah. God, we suck. Yeah, kids are the worst. So bad. So we're at this. And then when you look back on it, I remember just if we people would be like, well, he's kind of a dick. It's like, yeah, well, he's only a dick because everyone is mean to him all the time.

Yeah. I should look him up on Facebook. Yeah. He's like in the Trump administration. He's hot as shit. Yeah. He just makes so much money. I bet he's in the Trump administration.

Oh, yeah. Just ruining other people's lives. He's now i'm in power yeah so ryan fowler runs the department of homeland security so uh i guess he was my neighbor's age i don't know i don't know if he was like no he was like my i don't know but he got invited to my neighbor's birthday party because i guess they somehow knew each other and um so pokemon was huge at the time he brought his pokemon cards yeah and everyone was outside and me and like my brother my group of friends were in and we were like yeah like walking we got invited even though like just because we're kids in the neighborhood and his mom is friends with my mom. Yeah.

And so. That was always funny, too, with, like, moms. Like, well, I don't like him. Yeah. But, well, you will. You're going to mind. And so I guess we, like, went just to go eat pizza and whatever and we were leaving. Yeah.

And we realized that Ryan Fowler left all of his Pokemon cards in his binder. Oh, no. Inside the house and everyone's outside. Mm-hmm. And he has the three rarest cards you can have. Mewtwo? It's like Mewtwo, Riot Chuu, or like, no, Blastoise, and like Charizard or something. Okay. It's Mewtwo, Blastoise, Charizard or something. It's Mewtwo, Blastoise, Charizard. That has to be something more than Charizard though, right?

No, I feel like he was pretty common. I think that was the most rare card at the time. Yeah. All good, I believe you. So, and I remember everyone was like, Raheel, my brother, and this guy, Matt Fox, were like, hey, should we steal these?

Damn. And I was like, I don't want to, like, I don't want to be a part of this. I don't, blah, blah, blah. It's also so obvious who took them. Yeah. Yeah. Shining Charizard is, like, the most rare pokemon shining one oh wow yeah so he had that i think or something yeah okay so how much are blastoise and he had

uh another like but then like so they stole all three of those and by the way his dad bought these like individually for him oh i'm sure and they stole all three of those and they stole a couple other like because the hologram ones or the shiny ones were worth more okay and oh like the shining okay and so my brother um took the charizard and my other friend took a couple of the others they like split them and and we were so then we were all just like standing outside

like at the rocks that we were talking about earlier sure we're like away from the party but close because we're neighbors and we're all hanging out and the party realizes the cards are missing and here's a funny thing these cards are in a binder and i like you know how like you have

those like things for cards yeah you put like two at a time yeah facing opposite direction so like yeah they're not falling out they're snug oh 100 so then like the like because god bless like the parents they just think like you know well i'm sure there were some parents like some jackass kids stole these but my i think the brown kids yeah well indian the family who's throwing the party sure uh yeah so sure they're like, oh, it must have just, like, fell out. So the whole party is now searching. We're flipping, like, the cushions. We're looking under the couch. We're looking in the grass outside.

And, dude, we're pretending to look, too. You're like, where could it be? Where? And. My God, dude. Oh, you know, wait. You know what? God. Yeah, yeah, dude. Oh, you know, wait, you know what? God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I didn't know yet that they were stolen. Oh, you weren't a part of it? No, yeah. Now I remember this. I don't think I was a part of it. For everybody listening at home, Umar is winking at me. No, no, no.

I wasn't a part of it because I think everyone knew I was like a pussy. And so I wasn't a part of it because I think everyone knew I was like a pussy. And so I wasn't a part of it. But so I remember while we're looking and then we like look and then we go outside. Yeah. And then that's when I found out that they, my friends had stole them. Yeah. And then so we're standing outside. Jesus.

So we're like now like we're out of the party. We left because I guess like in my mind now like they probably wanted to get away. Right. Right. And so now we're just standing outside and he's like so upset. His dad comes to pick him up early and he is like I fucking know they stole it. Because like obviously. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Obviously. What they just fell out. Yeah out yeah so so he's just like he's like dad i know they took it blah blah blah so then we're standing at the rock so his dad come him and his dad come out they leave the party they come to us yeah and he's like my son and he's like dad they have it i know that he's like crying he's going crazy yeah and i'm feeling so bad uh-huh and because you know now yeah and the father's like do you guys have my kids cards and his father

looked like he was like a really nice guy and he now they look like he looked like um the harry potter's uncle like the mean uncle the chubby guy oh okay okay yeah so that's what he looked like and so he's like asking us he's not being a dick he's just like asking yeah like sort of like come on like help me out here I won't be mad bubble yeah also like my kid is upset kind of I want my kid to chill out yeah and he's just like and we all lied to his fucking face and just damn no one broke wow and and then he was just like and i remember he turned to his kid this is heartbreaking and he was like son what do you want me to do they say they don't have it and then they just left crazy did you ever tell him no damn yeah crazy and then like my brother thought he could sell this card for like a hundred dollars Did you ever tell him? No Damn Yeah Crazy

And then Like my brother thought He could sell this card For like a hundred dollars So he gave This kid's like I'll give you a hundred dollars for it And the kid

He took the card And my brother never got the money That's a good deal Yeah Well that's good karma for your brother Karma yeah Yeah that's Cardma

Cardma Yeah I was just looking It's any It looks like it's anywhere from like A hundred bucks To five thousand bucks What it's worth now Yeah But it's any it looks like it's anywhere from like a hundred bucks to five thousand bucks what it's worth now yeah but it's also it looks like there's so many different additions and stuff oh yeah yeah yeah now like we wouldn't even know what's like psa 10 gen mint

five thousand one hundred fifty dollars so funny dude um god that poor kid, though. I know. That had to be maddening. It's like, I fucking know. Yeah. He knew. He was smart. Yeah. You don't have to be a fucking genius to be like, okay, the three rarest cards just floated away. I know. Wow. How did that happen?

That just sucks. Damn, that dad should have pressed harder, though. Because if the kid figured it out, then the dad should figure that shit out. Yes. The dad should be like, all right, well, I'm going to talk to your parents now. Like we need to figure this out. Yeah. I need that fucking Charizard.

Damn. Damn. I wonder if I found them just now. Probably. Owner at Ryan Fowler's Guitar Experience. That's not him. Oh. Oh,

man. If you had to pick from childhood, I could tell. Do you have mutual friends? Yeah. It might be him. I don't know. He opened up like a full Pokemon store just hoping to get that card back one day.

Yeah. I take trade-ins. Dude, I wonder if that's him. That would be weird. He's like really runs in the same circles. Adam, I wonder if that's him. That would be weird. He's like really runs in the same circles. Adam, bro. No, I got to see like an old pic from, like, you know, sometimes people post old pics. Yeah, you should just take a look, see what his summer vacay looked like in like 2017.

I know, I'm trying. Ah, this can't be him. This guy's so successful. We screwed this kid over so good. There's no way he's successful. I don't think it's him. No. Yeah.

I don't think I ever did that to anybody of like taking anything like that. Yeah. Yeah. I know at work at Lido, some kids took my CDs. I was so mad about that, but it was also like CDs. I would just leave at work, but it was the thing where I was like,

I couldn't prove it. And I was like, God damn it. I wish I was bigger and I could fight. It's just like, I know you have my less than Jake CD. And they're like, I don't.

And then you're like, all right, dude. I remember like, uh, when I work at Sam Goody andds were like 20 bucks at sam goodies which when you're a child yeah like 18 and change and then taxes so expensive because cds at best buyer like 10 bucks and especially when they're new release i remember best buy was a revelation

oh yeah dude dude that's where i bought all my cds but i remember uh i worked at sam goody when i was in high school and some of college and i remember um i think like uh i used to like turn like but people bought cds all the time from us and i guess like people like and one time this mom was like buying all this cd and i think i like she was just like i don't know is this being good and i was like i guess or like i don't know what why but i was like you know you can just get the cd for like 10 bucks way cheaper at best buy yeah and she's like ah when you're an adult and you make money you'll understand and i was like yeah now i kind of get it is that crazy that that stranger that one sentence that stranger said to me has stuck

with me? That is, yeah. When you're like, oh man, I'm going to make money one day. Yeah. I'm going to have money for $20 CDs. She's like, it's just not worth it to go drive. It's just like, yo, she's like, look, I know $20 is a lot, but when you have a real job, like, yo.

Good for her. I was also just like her, just like telling me I have a shitty job right now. But she was right. Yeah. I just remember thinking like, damn. Well, it is nice too, because she's like look you're poor just aim higher yeah aim to to not care about a 20 yeah yeah yeah and you're like and now i don't care about brunch at all what it cost oh this is fun when i worked at sam goody uh some guy came into the store and he was like hey

just give me a recommendation and i was like well what do you like he hey, just give me a recommendation. And I was like, well, what do you like? He's like, just give me a recommendation. I was like, all right, I really like this band Modest Mouse right now. And he had never heard of them. So I gave him one of the older CDs. And he loved it. And then he came back. And he was like, give me another recommendation. Oh, cool.

And he did that a couple times. And then I realized he, someone someone told me he is a guy who works at the hallmark store he's gay and he thinks i'm super hot there you go so i don't think he ever listened cared he just wanted to talk to me and dude but he was like a adult like he was probably like in his early 20s and i was like 17 to 19 i can't remember yeah there you go is it like hilarious just like yes i bet i bet his car was just littered with stuff from the mall he just thought he was hot like a ponytail i'm sure that modest mouse city was never open it's just on the floor of his car there's a sweater from the gap that some hot guy was like yeah this looks good he's like great and annie's pretzels he's like i don't even fucking like this shit yeah i i

remember i thought that like uh i think like maybe like a month ago i was like oh that guy never thought the music i listened to was cool he just thought i was cute 100 never even opened it he probably returned it when you weren't there he's like this is 20 so funny dude. I had a weird Chick-fil-A customer service moment this weekend. Yeah. Where it was, we were coming back from shooting some skeet over on the eastern shore. And we stopped at Chick-fil-A. And you know how they have like the people in like the drive-thrus, like people just standing there with like an iPad or whatever to like take take your order no really no so the way like most i haven't been

to a drive-thru since i was like a kid really teenager really so chick-fil-a is uh so the way they have is they just have people just kind of like standing there so like you rarely give your order to like a machine essentially i had no idea like a girl like anybody yeah they'll just come up to your window and be like okay what do you want then they'll kind of like pass through and then you can just like pay right there on like the little ipad thing um so yeah my friend ryan he drove and then we had to go like past ken island maybe like half hour a little more like past ken island so like deep on the eastern shore yeah and then we're headed back characters huh some characters out there oh absolutely some characters out there it was very funny we were the ski shooting was so fun uh getting a little better

getting a little better did you hit some oh yeah yeah i had some cool moments where like um you're not supposed to do this when you're shooting skeet like if you miss it you just miss it and you wait for the thing to fall but i had one where i was like tracking it and i missed it and then like just cocked the gun real quick then like hit it again like oh it's a one-shot deal yeah but you have like three in the chamber and you're also supposed to have two but i had three so you have like three shells so you have a shotgun and you're just like so is it because it's cheating or it's dangerous uh cheating oh so essentially it's like if you missed it you missed because you're supposed to keep score it'd be like hitting your golf ball twice if you're yes exactly and that's kind of how it's

set up it's sort of it's really cool it's really nice too so it's like you're on like a path in the woods and you just go from station to station oh shit it's really i thought you just stay in one place nope so yeah so you can if you're like practicing i think but yeah so it's sort of set up like like it's like golf or like disc golf or something like that where there's like a course that's tight and then every uh every little spot has four different options of the ski to go out so it's like one can go like super high up they have some on the ground it was so fun um but yeah so they had one that was going basically from left to right and just kind of like tracked over and so

i kind of missed it in the middle and then i just followed it to the right shot it then i was like what am i like fucking john wick yeah that's tight well i also had one too because isn't that more impressive than shooting it i i kind of thought so and that was like my last shot that was really nice my buddy blake uh his dad was there too and like at the end he tapped me on the show he's like nice shot man i was like all right yeah yeah um uh but yeah there was one too where sometimes when you like when you hit this the little like clay pigeon or whatever um the uh the the thing like usually just kind of explodes but i think i just caught the side of it and so like a little bit broke and there's still like a big chunk of like 80 of it's still there so i hit it and then i tried to shoot that again but i didn't realize that i thought i just missed

and then i tried to shoot it again and blake was like god damn you're trying to hit it twice and i was like i guess i guess but it's really fun man i want to do it yeah it makes me want to get a rifle it's really cool um but yeah this one was a lot easier last time we were using um so this was a 12 gauge again but my friend ryan his is a duck hunting so like the barrel is like way longer yeah we were shooting that thing i was like guys this fucking hurts like i ended up getting a bruise like the first time like way longer yeah when we were shooting that thing i was like guys this fucking hurts like i ended up getting a bruise like the first time like right here like on my chest where my shoulder is yeah and i was just like god am i the biggest pussy like also i don't understand how guns work yeah yeah i'm like do you have like a 12 gauge for a petite man

and so i was asking ryan about it he was like well my barrel's longer so there's gonna be more of like whoa ryan stop bragging it was long long barrel um but yeah my friend ben he had he had a rifle and it's like oh can i use yours and his barrel is much smaller so i also just thought that like 12 gauges i was like oh that's like the size of the gut it's like no that's just like the size of the hole exactly yeah yeah so the caliber that's in there so yeah that was much easier but then it's also so funny to feel like such an idiot too and you're like how do i put the bullet in oh yeah yeah like doing that stuff then like cocking it and i was like okay each time i cock it it comes out he's like well you're holding it upside down i'm like right right sure sure okay yep there's moments too where

it's like you're like pull and then i go to shoot i'm like ah fuck i sure okay yep and then there's moments too where it's like you're like pull and then i go to shoot i'm like ah fuck i had the safety on can you do that again so do you uh like you have to bring your own things yeah well you can rent but you can also just bring it's much cheaper i think to buy it first like you can buy rounds and stuff there not rounds the things you shoot the clay oh those are already there so those are at like every station so what that's kind of what you're paying for is for them to like load all that up got it um but yeah it's really fucking fun that sounds cool it was so good oh yeah but chick-fil-a on the way back um there's one on ken island now i guess it's been

there for a few years but like so chick-fil-a they always have people kind of like lined up of like oh can I take your order? So their whole thing is like, we're just very friendly. And, you know. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they're all like their whole thing is like, we have great customers. Yes.

And we're like, good, just Christian folks and stuff, you know, because they're like closed on Sundays for the Lord. I hated that. So, so it's like, fuck it. It's easy. Chick-fil-A. We'll just stop there. It's like right off of 50.

And there's a bunch of people in line, but it's like, fuck it. It's easy. Chick-fil-A. We'll just stop there. It's like right off of 50. And there's a bunch of people in line, but it's moving pretty quick. They have like two lines, you know, and like moving a pretty good clip. There's like, all right, well, let's just do Chick-fil-A. Yeah. And so the girl comes up to the window and she's like, ask for order. And Ryan, he gets a meal. So it's a sandwich fries.

Then he also want a sandwich fries drink. And then he wants a side of nuggets as well. And then I get a meal So it's a sandwich fries. Then he also wants a sandwich fries drink. And then he wants a side of nuggets as well. And then I get a meal, which is a sandwich fries and a drink. She's like, okay, that'll be $8.97. And I was like, $8.97, really? And she goes, oh, it's supposed to be $18.97. You know what? It's free.

It's on me. I shouldn't have done that. That's on me. I was like, no, I wasn't trying to be a was just i just want to make sure you had all the food and she was like no it's fine it's fine i was like okay what and then i was like so all you have to do is be a shitty listener to get a free meal but also like i wasn't even mad she said 897 so she just didn't say like she saw 1897 and i guess just said 897 and i was like wait are you sure and she was like oh it's supposed to be 1897 like it's all right and then so like we pull away

and i'm like is she gonna have to go to like a re-education camp now like she is in trouble they're smacking her with waffle fries right now i know being like the lord is angry dyslexic piece of shit yeah and then so and then we're in line and another kid comes up and this kid he goes he's like can i get your order it's like oh we just ordered with her and he goes oh god damn it i was like god you can't say that in chick-fil-a what do you he said god damn it he said god damn it i love it just a 17 year old kid who doesn't give a shit yeah that's the best god damn it that's the one thing i tell my kids it's like look you should learn how to keep a job but yeah if you have like a um like a cool moment where you could like tell your boss to go fuck

themselves just do it yeah your kid the boss is gonna be like hey i really appreciate all you do around here could you come in on saturday be like fuck you fuck you bro you don't tell me what to do my dad's cool because like in your mind you're like dude it's just like no one can just don't put them down on your shitty resume at the time yeah could you imagine if i did that like i'm just like i'll just get a new job yeah whatever fuck you i'm like all these h i have three hr meetings before i can officially resign or quit or get fired, actually. I know you said that I could suck your dick until you're dead, but can we do an exit interview? Yeah.

Yeah, but then a third girl came up to the car and she was like, can I get your order? It was like, it's for Ryan. She's like, oh, okay. 1897. And I was like, all right, fine. I go to give her my card. Then she walks to a booth. She comes back.

She's like, it's already paid for. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? Whoa, so do you think that chick paid for it? I don't know. I have no idea. I'm guessing she probably comped it somehow. Yeah, she just cares. But still, yeah, it was such a weird thing.

And then I asked for extra pickles. They fucking gave me no pickles. I'm like, Ryan, turn around. Let me get my money back. And at that point, you can't complain. You can't complain. No, no, no. You can't be turn around let me get my money back and at that point you can't you can't complain no you can't be like excuse me my free meal was off yeah i just loved it i was like god this poor girl damn she goes home and like whips herself or something that's so funny like just be like that's on me you know what your meal's free like it's just so different

than what we're used to here of like hipster service maybe that's why they have sundays off like every sunday like uh it's judgment day chick-fil-a so they read a list of everything they've done wrong yeah the past week rachel you had a pretty good weekend 897 you idiot yeah it's like whipping herself i'm. It's just that cow. The fuck were you thinking? That's tight. All right. I think we're good.

Yeah. We're past. We're 115. Whoa, we're way over. Yeah. Good cast. I will be doing a stand-up on Saturday at the Checker Spot. Okay. So I'll be under a bridge with the rest of the trolls.

Nice. With the head troll, Ramin Mostafavi, and the lovely Natalie McGill. And Mike Quinlan's hosting, and I think Garrett Harvest is on as well. So I think that's at 8 on Saturday on the 26th. So come check that out. If you want to see me be rusty as hell on stage. Yeah. This weekend, I think it's happening still.

I've not heard otherwise. I'm going to be hosting for Mark Norman at the Arlington Draft House. Chris Allen is featuring. It's going to be a great weekend. I think it's all social distance. It'll be my first indoor show. Yeah. A little nervous. Wild. But I distance it'll be my first indoor show yeah a little nervous wild

but uh i think it'll be fine yeah yeah listen you'll be fine i'll be fine little covet never hurt anybody i know and the green room is i don't know like eight by eight room yeah sure not even maybe oh definitely not yeah i'd say it's smaller than a jail cell. Yes. 100%. And no open ventilation. And that's the thing. Like people like, cause Mark Norman is like a comedian that like people like young comics like want to hang out with.

Yeah. And so what happens is the last couple of times you I've hung out with him. And he opened Micah in the tri-state area from a hundred miles away. It's like, I'm coming. Yeah. Yeah. And so they're all there and if i get it and but they all want to hang out afterwards and they all like want to hang out during and stuff yeah but it uh so i think that's uh but it's like right now like during covid you're just like hey man i don't want anyone around like i don't even know how like mark probably has covid because he doesn't give

a shit about anything true he's like he lives in new york he's been traveling this uh for the last couple months i'm sure he's not the the fiercest he was going like secret parties in new york city like during the shutdown yeah there's no way he's a hardcore mask enthusiast yeah no he yeah so uh and then so yeah there's gonna be three of us in the green room plus the wait staff that's gonna keep coming to make sure we have stuff and then like comics like oh we're gonna come hang like no you're no yeah i'm just gonna be in the parking lot yeah yeah i'll just throw that because the back door's right there i'm not it's getting cold now too i'm dude. I'm freezing right now. Yeah.

I know. It is so funny where it's like 58. I'm like, is it the coldest it's ever been? Dude, I turned the heat on this morning. I was freezing. That's such a funny. That's like the new, I mean, I guess it's been going on forever, but like the yuppie conversation. I'm just like, I'm thinking about turning the heat on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even know if I'm ready to turn the heat on actually i i might though i might turn the heat off it gets below 40 i'm turning the heat on that would be funny to know what like because i always think about like how we always talk about like adulting and things like that but it's just like if our parents generation had social media they would do the same like i feel kind of bad that they couldn't connect like with other people who are just like hey isn't it crazy like we own homes that are we have kids or like yeah we do this now or they're like our lives are so stupid no there was just so much of just like no this is just what you do yeah exactly i went and saw

my grandma i know we're wrapping up but i went and saw my grandma uh yesterday in annapolis uh speaking of secret parties at an old folks home gang gang gang um but uh yeah she has a picture of my dad like her holding my dad and his brother when they're like i don't know like three or four yeah and she's like 25 there so it's like she got married at like 18 probably they might it might have been younger like married at 18 kids at 20 yeah like that that would be like me having a 14 year old right now that's like a 13 year old god like even my parents my mom had me when she was 26 yeah like think about it you'd be like yeah i have a six year old right now yeah i mean i know a girl who had a kid when she was 26 sure i mean it's still it's still like

relatively like common but it's also it's just i'm still like at that age of just like whoa like yeah because we question it but them it's just like yeah you do it yeah i get annoyed when like on saturday morning i just want to relax uh or sunday morning because we like drank the night before and like cobb is like ready to go he wants to walk he won't leave us alone and I'm like yeah damn this sucks thank god this is Karen's dog I was like you guys have fun I just chilled yeah and then like with a kid you'd be like nah that's your kid yeah you feed him all right let's get all right everybody thanks for listening we'll talk to you next week.