The Digression Sessions - Ep. 336 - Covid is Over Now

Episode Date: January 1, 2021

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are back together but podding from a distance via Zoom to talk holidays and how masks are made up. Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

happy new year's everybody 2021 we're in no behind us it's a new year uh see in hell coronavirus you're out you're no longer hot anymore so there you suck yeah dude dude did you know that uh someone brought up to me the other day that the olympics are canceled and uh i don't even know we were having the olympics no one gives a shit about the olympics i think it was supposed to be in 2020 right because i think the last ones are 2016 every four winter or every two yeah well like they alternate winter is still every four i think so yeah winter was 2018 i don't know i don't know listen i just know i know that usa kicked ass we got the best ice skaters oh yeah it'd be a weird like uh patriotic thing to be like you seen our women's figure skaters they fucking triple axle

way better than the goddamn mexican ones yeah that would be cool if like the whole country like like really got in on like the olympics like it actually bonded people and like just rednecks and hipsters are watching like women's volleyball beach volleyball together you know cheering them on yeah they're like yeah spike it in that japanese woman's face i think they kind of do right like i think there's some of that um yeah just like for a second but it is funny to like care about shit that you don't like there's what's the one i think it's a winter one where you like ski and then you also fire a gun or something. It's like a three-part thing.

Yeah, I don't know what that is. I also love curling. Curling is what's up too. I don't understand curling. It looks so easy. Bocce ball on ice with brooms. Yeah, it looks so silly. I love it. Anyways, Biden will bring it back.

He's going to get rid of COVID and bring the Olympics back. Did you get your $600? Oh, no, you don't get a $600 check. Sorry, it's class warfare. And I hate hate to admit that but yeah not everybody gets a check and unfortunately that's the society we live in me and my good buddy jeff bezos uh not epstein thank you uh you know we're not friends anymore because he's dead but me and jeff bezos we don't get a check and honestly it's messed up damn dude they might get they might give two thousand dollar checks again now after the 600 nah i don't think that's gonna go through he said

he's gonna filibuster sure but i don't know mitch mcconnell hates giving money to poor he i think he's dude he said he would do it if they added into the military bill about uh people being able to sue social media companies for uh things people post on their websites and that's not gonna happen that would be ridiculous no yeah because yeah the whole idea right is that like if somebody on facebook was like trump sucks dicks he's like i'm suing you for libel yeah you can't say that yeah god crazy uh uh well yeah how are you man man how's the how's how's the new year treating you how was your trip well oh boy where to begin well i got in a shouting match with karen's parents and their neighbors about masks so that was fun oh that's fun that's good that's really good it's wild down there

that's the holidays huh dude and i mean like laws so traveling during covet is insane like dude if i didn't i told karen this i was like karen if we didn't get it i wouldn't go on this trip you know like i would bail yeah i would yeah because dude because you are the way yeah you're less likely to get it it's still risky but yeah i mean whoo yeah i think they said something like four million people traveled or something like that yeah that's what i heard so dude so go around we go uh we get to bwi it's pretty it's like empty it's dead and uh we're like all right and everything was closed except for like a coffee shop or something and we're like oh okay like it'll be fine but then like um Karen and I weren't, because I checked in late,

Karen and I weren't sitting next to each other on the plane. Oh, whoops. So this is how, this is like, and these are like the rules that get people upset, you know, where they'll say things. Real quick, were you upset you couldn't bring Chipotle on the plane? Yeah. Did that upset you? Deep callback.

Umar famously brought a fucking Chipotle bowl onto a plane and it leaked everywhere. What a fragrant food to bring. I know. And it's like literally just leaking as I'm walking down the aisle. Just bean water. Oh my God. bean water my god anyway uh that was an ordeal anyway so this is what airlines do they're like hey we'll block our middle seat and then we'll be socially distant so like if the yeah you have you have 13 inches between you you're fine but dude so during covid the airlines have been using smaller planes

because they're cheaper to fly so now not only do you have a smaller plane but uh so because you have the smaller plane you have a aisle that has three seats and you have an aisle that has two seats so then you would think that the aisle with two seats you would only sit one person per aisle right but they don't so then they had me and so i was sitting next to a stranger and karen karen was sitting next to a stranger oh my god how does that make four hours or whatever but uh it doesn't um i talked to the flight attendant and she moved us. So that was cool. So we sat next to each other.

That's nice. But it is crazy that they're like, yeah, I mean, it's just two people. It's not the same as three. That's fine. Had a beer at 10 a.m. at a Green Turtle. At BWI. Beer in the morning at the airport is always nice airport is great because it's just the no man's land where you're like what am i gonna do be productive i i don't think so i would never done it otherwise but karen's like let's get a drink

i'm on vacation i was like oh yeah i guess you're right and uh yeah exactly yeah so we get and it was just like so weird because uh like just people and like with mass it's just they're so bad at it like they're so bad at it like so this lady was dude i yeah i i was just gonna say i did a show over the weekend at uh in virginia at the at the tally ho and matt matt deakins who's a very funny comic, every time I see this motherfucker, mask below the nose. I know. Like right below it. And not this time, but the time before that I saw him, I was like, there he is, Deakins with the mask below the nose.

You know you got to cover that nose up, right, my guy? And he was like, look, let's not pretend we're scientists. I'm like, I don't have to be a scientist to know that yeah the particles that your mouth it works the same way i know particles going in and out of your nose in and out of your mouth like there's no point to wear a mask below your nose and he's like look you're not a scientist like yeah but i'm also not a fucking idiot you know yeah it's crazy i mean so so then we land in atlanta and now atlanta is like one of the biggest airports i think in the world and definitely i think the biggest in the country

it's fucking huge like you have to take a uh subway car like every time you travel there that's how big it is um packed i mean holy shit it's packed and uh yeah it was wild dude like like there's like uh there's like you know like a samuel adams bar and just everyone sitting at the bar they are like trying to social distance but it's like at that point it's like it just doesn't make sense um yeah you're you're drinking everybody doesn't have a mask yeah and then like the next day i saw like uh on uh i heard on npr that like you're more likely to get covid at the airport versus like actually on the plane yeah because the air is circulated i don't i have no i i don't know i'm not i don't know that's what they say hey man let's not pretend we're scientists no i just think if you're wearing

masks a hundred percent of the time then you're probably fine yeah right and they also do circulate the air on the on the plane so it's like constantly being refreshed but i think if you're just if you're just sitting in a airport bar you're just breathing in all the particles of strangers yeah man and uh anyway so it was crazy like so we go to karen's parents house and it's just weird you get off the plane and like her parents don't give a shit about mass or anything so now we're just in a car mess off with her parents and her brother well i mean at that point though you're gonna be you stayed in the house with them right yeah yeah so yeah for sure it's like the risk you take it it's it's also like yeah it's kind of silly to wear it in the car, but not in the house. I know. That's what I thought. I was like, all right, fuck it.

So then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And just I thought we were just going to be at their house all. But like, man, we like did stuff. And it's just so weird to be in this position. Yeah.

Like we went to a Trump rally. It was nice. Good vibes, good energy. We saw Kelly Loeffler. Oh, yeah. Dude, I went for a run around a lake. Lake Loeffler? So many Trump Loeffler signs.

Like all around. She's incredible because her husband is the in charge of the new york stock exchange he's in charge of one of the biggest money markets in the world and she's like i'm just like y'all a georgia peach a down home girl whose husband runs wall she literally like when she talks she looks like she literally talks like she's a character on veep you know like just like this insane like woman who has like no clue what's going on yeah like i never said that no i never said that oh my god anyway so we're in atlanta we go to we don't even we go straight to this fucking food hall and uh we're walking around and like it's just it's so packed i mean like it

makes no sense like people they have long tables and they tried to block off the middle you're just sitting next to strangers it's like oh my god the fucking south man it's it's just a whole nother world i was gonna say it's just completely different yeah i mean god i think it's crazy uh yeah mary and i were thinking about going to tennessee and then i think tennessee had like seven out of the top 20 cities for like they're not doing in corona it's yeah and then when you hear about states that just haven't done a mask mandate you're like what i know it's like like a governor's just like hey man just go about your business like you can't even say like please wear a mask mandate in georgia maybe atlanta yeah uh yeah i don't know uh our buddy uh friend of the pod eric glazer

um he went to atlanta for a work thing and uh by Magic City, which is like one of the big strip clubs in Atlanta. So many cars in the parking lot. Like a strip club in a pandemic is incredible. Yeah. I mean, it's so funny to get like a lap dance, but she's wearing a mask. Yeah, right, right. That's the sexy thing is like she inches down her mask. They're like, woo.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's see it. Damn see it damn she doesn't give a fuck yeah so it and yeah we did a bunch of stuff and it didn't feel safe um yeah and then i'm like i'm surprised her parents haven't gotten it right you know yeah because they're and they're what in their 70s late 60s yeah her mom wild turned like 72 recently i think their dad's a little older damn crazy man and then like oh so her parents are like trump people and her dad here wait what her dad keeps it to himself but her mom yeah cannot and like karen's mom like and uh i think karen said she's gonna listen to this episode because she wants to know what i said but yeah and just like my parents and most parents karen's mom like never stops talking like literally never stops talking and uh so then like you know a lot of times well that's that's that's

lovely and that's what i would say if karen was listening or not yes and uh that's very nice oh it's got to be so nice to hear her mom's thoughts yeah and then so uh she'll like always bring up politics and stuff so she'll throw in like little things about like i remember like we were in the car and she said something like yeah i don't i don't really think masks do much and i was like what and i was like where did you read that and she's like i just don't think they do and i and then i was like well yeah i just got it i got a feeling and then karen goes like mom science and she's like science or something and i'm just like oh science and then uh so then like 20 minutes later her mom's like trying to tell me like i should use sunscreen i was like well you know what just like you don't believe in mass i don't believe in sunscreen and uh because it's just crazy like i trust scientists on sunscreen but not mass i was like would you have a surgeon

would you give a shit if your surgeon wore a mask why the fuck do they wear masks it does something yeah why did also why did they even go to school science is stupid so weird and then why even be like trained or do research in anything ever like i got a good feeling about this guy so uh yeah so then and then like we go to this the next day we go to this huge warehouse, crazy that they turned into a food hall and shops. It's kind of like a modern, cool-looking mall, but it's indoor, outdoor, on the roof there's a bar and ice rink and there's putt-putt and all this crazy shit. Yeah, some type of just like yuppie mecca.

I don't know, man. The whole time I was like, fuck, I wish Baltimore had one of these. It was really cool, man. It was like Mount Vernon Marketplace, but like bigger. And with like a lot more cool shit. Right, with like a second story to it. And so we're there. it's so i even took a picture i'll have to post it i mean just unreal just packed and you're just like at this point yeah just take because i get it if at that point just take your fucking mask off it just like

because everyone's sitting around eating you know it's fucking unreal um yeah that's why like when you look at the numbers in this country i'm like how are they still so insane and then you're like oh yeah most people doesn't give a fuck and then they travel and like oh dude oh this happened here to me yesterday i was at whole foods grocery shopping or two days ago yeah two days ago man i've been so productive this week uh but anyway i was at whole foods shopping and uh you know mass blah blah blah uh this i was going to get a steak but this lady was looking at the steak so i was just like hanging back you know maintaining my distance and she looked at me

she's like honey i don't she's like i don't buy it you can come look and i was like i was like yeah i know but corona does i was like i was like are you i was like lady why are you wearing a fucking mask right she i was like i'm going to put my face next to your face. Like, that would be crazy. Yeah. I mean, it'd be an aggressive move without coronavirus, too. Yeah, that's true. Like, I don't fucking know you.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, it's not just the South. It's like around here, too. I think it's in every state. They just don't give a fuck. Like, even if there is a mask mandate, like there's spots where people just people are also just tired of it, but uh i went to pick up food and uh and uh and they were like oh yeah just come inside pick out your drinks and uh and i went in there and uh man people were uh eating at the bar yeah illegal i know that had to be a delicious burger yeah it was yeah the shit yeah

um yeah the just the stuff that people are risking their lives like the comedy show that i did i was i was glad people were there but i was like god damn you guys are ostensibly seeing nobodies you know they're like yeah let's go out. Let's go see some comedy from people we don't even know. We'll risk it. It's fine. Yeah. It was, I think, less packed than it could be.

I think they capped the seats. But it's like a rock venue venue so the floor doesn't normally have seats they just put in uh like stool uh tables and stools with like the barb table and stuff and there were a good amount of people in there like when i went on stage i was like it's like man a lot of people uh they don't know how they caught COVID, but I know I caught it in Leesburg, Virginia, baby. No one knows. They're like, yeah. But yeah, I'm like, man, I'm glad you guys came to the show

because it makes it more fun, but I wouldn't do that. So was it good to go see comedy like that? Was it good? It was good. Yeah, the show was very fun. They were drunk, but they were like a good drunk uh that's great uh before the show um a guy came up to me me and uh matt and uh he had an american flag mask on which is always nice um And he's like, you guys are comedians?

Like, yeah. He's like, oh, man. All right. If I give you $20, will you make fun of Melanie? She's my girlfriend. Can you roast her? And meanwhile, the way the place is set up is it's like a theater. So there's a huge second level balcony thing.

And so they were sitting up there so from there to the stage is like it's like 200 feet you also can't see anybody up there and we're like no dude that like you guys are sitting up here we can't even see her plus we don't want to do it and he's like we won't be don't be douchebags about it we're like all right i would have just walked away and deacons i i did and then deacons was like all right look i'll i'll take your money i'll do it and then so he went up first and he didn't say anything and and then deacons went up first and deacons went up first had the guy's money but didn't say anything i love that yes i i think the guy the guy because we were like no we won't we're not gonna do it and deacons like well i'll take your money but didn't say anything i love that yes i i think the guy the guy because we were

like no we won't we're not gonna do it dean's like well i'll take your money but i won't do it he's like come on don't be douchebags like all right guy already like what a shithead too that he's like make fun of my girlfriend can you make fun of her yeah the fuck is wrong with you also this guy had great this guy had gray hair so i'm like he's in his 40s at least like he like what um some people are so lame right yeah i think they were a little drunk too but you could tell the guy was so excited like i'm sure he was at home he's like oh man i'm gonna i'm gonna find the comedian i'm gonna pay him yeah to make fun of melanie like and also like well how do you think that your girl would like that?

That's insane. So Deakins goes up, doesn't say anything. And then Sean Savoy is after him. And then I'm up. So while Sean's on stage, we're talking about it. And then Josie was hosting. And Matt still had the money. And he was like, Josieie you should do it like you should

say something about the guy and then like make fun of him and take the money because you're hosting you should get like a little extra money um so when she brought me up she was like before that she said before i bring this guy up uh the next comic up before the show a guy way up there in the balcony paid me ten dollars to make fun of his girlfriend and like roasted him for saying like yeah like you want me to make fun of your girlfriend i can't even see him because you're too cheap and you got cheap seats next time get more money and sit up front oh that's great and so like that got a lot and so that got a laugh and then she brought me up and so i was like joking around i was like god you guys are so packed in and joking about like covid and stuff and i was like it's a really good crowd also josie

that was true she did take money from that guy that guy asked us to to make fun of melanie paid her ten dollars for that and he paid me eleven dollars to fuck her and i did and then people were like that's great that's awesome and it just and it just like became a runner through like my set of talking about fucking melanie and apparently at their table they're like why does he keep saying he fucks that's awesome uh oh stand up there's a there is a there are like two people up front like this very nice looking couple and i was like you guys are dating right he's like yeah and uh actually true story her name's melanie i was like oh my god i was like sir well is she free later and uh dude people were just so drunk uh

the uh there was a table in the middle and this guy he looked so preppy he had like a scarf on and like nice like really nice brown leather shoes with jeans it just looks so pretty where's tally and leesburg virginia oh my god yeah so he i forget i forget what he did he didn't like try to heckle me i think it was one of those things where you're drunk and you're like having fun so you're like i just want to shout something and be a part of it and like laughter was dying down from one of my bits and then he goes uh he's like i love your water and i was like what what is that also sir are you wearing a scarf are you like you're i think you're the richest

person ever heckle me or something and then so i was like riffing i was like look he doesn't even have the proper shoes on like and and and his girlfriend pushed him like kind of like not hard but gave him a push of like shut up but he was so drunk he fell off of his stool like right onto the fucking pavement like the concrete ground and again everybody was like yeah oh my god dude that's crazy it was so it was so fun but so weird at the same time like you guys are risking a lot here but hey this is fun for me yeah that's insane that's crazy that people be like yeah let's go to a comedy show i mean no do it for me like i'm gonna be in the goobies uh next weekend so oh yeah uh the whole the whole weekend uh i don't know because i got the email i'm very confused so he said do you want to money do you want to money do you want

money do you want money that's kind of what the what that's what every offer is i ate a cookie like an hour ago uh and it's kicked it's kicked in buddy uh that sugar uh having having good times on that i'm on vacation um i gotta go walk to to Howard Street to pick up Karen's goddamn car. Anyway. What was I talking about? Magoobies. Oh, yeah. So I get the email and Brian Regan is there on the 7th and 8th. I'm not opening up for Brian Regan.

But, yeah, I could not do that. There's no way I can work clean enough. I think you'd have to be squeaky. Yeah, I couldn't do it. Um, and then, so he asked me to do the eighth and the ninth. So the eighth overlaps. And, uh, Brian Regan on the eighthth is doing shows at 6 30 8 30 tony woods who i would be featuring for is doing a show at 8 p.m that's gotta be a mistake right i'm thinking i'm doing a late show like a late late show you have to be like after brian yeah so i emailed him about it but i don't know anyway but either way

guys next weekend i'm doing something at mcgoobies with somebody i'm featuring for tony woods there you go which is gonna be that's exciting yeah fun yeah a little Yeah. A little weird. Yeah. Magoobies is big, so that's good. But yeah, a little scary. Green. I got my. Oh, I got my antibodies test result. I'm posi, so it's pretty.

I'm invincible. I mean, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, also, if you had coronavirus, you should have antibodies, right? I don't know. Some people were saying, like, it's not a guarantee. You got to get tested. I don't know. But I have it.

That's weird. Yeah. Hell yeah. Oh, so. Yes. Anyway, so we're hanging out in Atlanta with Karen's parents. Like, every now and then then her parents would just like bring up like political stuff and i was like biting my tongue just i was biting my tongue

and like we were like all having a drink on the roof and then her dad was just going on and on about uh it was just me and him they went to go do something her dad like would not stop talking he's like i don't get like this whole mass thing like it's just like look corona 300 000 people died but like they're all people who would have died anyway and i'm like i don't think that's true and then but you're like yeah what are you all right and then what do you talk um died of what of what a diabetes heart disease and i was like yeah i don't i don't I think like that some of those people could have lived for a lot more years. Yeah.

Like just because you have diabetes doesn't mean you were going to die in two years. Right. Like you could live another, same with, same with a heart issue. He was just saying like, it's like you get like, you got it. You're not like, you weren't that sick or something. And it was just like, he's like, and if you know, if you had a, if're not, like, you weren't that sick or something. And it was just like, he's like, and if, you know, if you had a grandmother, she was still alive, like, and she was like, you know, like, I don't want to ruin my grandson's life.

And, like, like, so she's saying, like, she would be okay to die if, you know, just to, like, not have a shutdown to, ruin like her grandkids lives and i was just like no i don't think so i think if like a grandmother could live 10 more years she'd be like yeah let's just all chill for a year yeah let's get let's give it a give it a break yeah i'm also i'm not gonna die just so we can hang out. But I bit my tongue. And then. Also, aren't these the same people that are like pro-life? But they're like, hey, old people, you got to throw yourself on the grenade here.

I don't know if her parents are pro-life. Really? Yeah. I don't know that to be true. They might not be. Okay. They seem like it yeah i know i mean anti-mask trumpers but i'm just saying like but uh yeah so then we had to we were going home and uh we were like we had a uh i had a beer dude i got a high life on draft come on i'm really pumping this high life hey and uh you really had a whiskey on the roof i'm kind of buzzed so her neighbors are coming over um and

she was describing them earlier like they're like buddhists and blah blah blah really spiritual people and i was like all right cool like it sounds like you have like liberal friends They're like Buddhists and blah, blah, blah, really spiritual people. And I was like, all right, cool. It sounds like you have like liberal friends. And so they come over. It's a black couple. And I was like, oh, cool. Nice.

This is nice. It's just I don't know why. It's just weird to like see like black people come over like a white person's house. And you're like, oh, nice. You know, like you're just like kind of relieved you're like oh okay you know you're probably you're probably cool yeah so we're having dinner everything's cool um so the guy has a the guy has a son they share this name so it's a g uh terrence uh terrence also has a son or terrence has a son terrence jr so i referred to so terrence jr is this like 19 year old kid real cool kid on the spectrum like like he says it and um uh so it was just like a funny scene because it's like so we're it's like this 19 year old kid on autism me a black couple karen's parents karen's brother who lives at home uh and karen

and uh so we just started talking and um and and like the the black couple, they keep on bringing up energy. They're really into energy work and stuff. And when they found out it was a school psychologist, they're like, oh, you got to get this rock. It sucks out negative energy from around you. And you're probably around a lot of negative energy and i was like i let it go if i was like 20 i would be like that's bullshit but i let it go whatever then later on in the evening oh and also they kept giving his there sounds like a little like pudgy they kept like like telling hey go easy on the food go easy on the the cookies and it was so uncomfortable

and like he was like i'm this and it was just like oh my god i was just like just and then um their kid was like he's like this cool kid he um he like has two jobs he works at fedex he works at the grocery store and uh and he was just kind of talking about his future plans of like going back to college and his dad's like huh what what oh it's the first time i'm hearing about it he's like what's not gonna happen yeah we'll see he's just like this hard ass who's in the military he's in the air force not air force uh navy that's so shit that's so that's shitty to do anyway but especially in front of people i know and i was like motherfucker talk about negative energy your rock doesn't work you're spewing negative energy

this guy needs a bigger rock yeah and my god and his son was so cute get this guy up yeah get this guy a boulder his son was like pretty cute so they started talking about comedy because they knew i was a uh their parents thought i'm a comedian and uh they're like, oh, I really love Ralphie May. And I was like, yeah, it sucks he died. And they were like, what? He's dead? So then I had to tell them Ralphie May is dead. Well, how much could you love comedy?

And then I asked this. Also, they're like, the guy that was 500 pounds is dead? Yeah, I know. I'm like, are you shocked shocked uh oh so then also uh oh so the 19 year old all right it's a 19 year old black kid with autism who do you think his favorite comedian is oh um favorite comedian um i gotta go bill cosby on that no the uh blue collar cop the the the blue collar really the tour yeah he loves like they're my favorite and then he also likes fluffy nice fluffy people love fluffy my god yeah anyway so I'll just... I'll go ahead.

I can see... Well, he's in the... I was going to say, he's in the South, too. So, like, I could see him liking those guys. So, like, it kind of like... So, then when we were talking with a couple, like, I kind of could tell, like, oh, they're, like, conservative, too.

Because, like, they would say, like, little things. And then the woman who... They're're all very nice she said something about like oh they were like he went to the um naval academy in baltimore or annapolis annapolis and um yeah so we were like oh yeah next time you're in town just we'll hit us up we'll show you like a good time or whatever and she was like yeah it's not gonna be anytime soon if i gotta wear those wear those masks on the plane and i was like and then i just i could not let it go i was just like dude what the fuck and i was just like i was like wait you can't wear a mask and she's like no i was like why and then she goes uh and

i'm like pretty tipsy i've had a of whiskeys in me after we got home. And she said, dude, because it's just so fucking, it's just like wear the fucking mask. It's not hard. So then this lady goes, she goes, no, because they reduce oxygen intake. And I was like, can you show me where you've read that? Because they'll say like, oh, I know I've heard or I read it reduces oxygen intake and i was like can you show me where you've read that because they'll say like oh i i know i've heard or i read it reduces oxygen intake and i'm like no just i'll just show i'll google it just tell me where you read it's not true so then i showed her i tried to show her an article that said it's not true and she's like that's fake news mainstream meat like

throwing out all that bullshit and man, man, I lost it. Like, it was like, I started, we, like, I was raising my voice. Oh, earlier in the day, Karen's mom was just talking about how, like, people are, like, how we're, like, losing our rights all the time. And, like, recently we've been losing our rights. And she asked, she was like, oh, your parents came to this country to to be free right and i was like my parents were free in pakistan they came to this country for money yeah they were they were free to leave pakistan what are you talking about crazy oh and then what what rights is she what rights is she talking about who's losing rights and she couldn't she didn't want to answer and then uh, because I think me and her mom were about to get it.

Her dad and Karen could tell we were about to start something, so they both made us be quiet. So then later on, dude, during this whole mask conversation, and I was like, what? I'm so sick of you guys talking about losing rights and i was like all you have to do is wear a mask and like all the science supports it you won't believe it and i was like 20 brown people like blew up uh 20 brown people like committed an act of terror that killed 3 000 people and now our whole way of life has changed like why can't

you just wear a fucking mask talk about rights being take your rights aren't being taken away and like i was just screaming all this it was it was bad but the thing is these people fucking say shit beginning to look a lot like christmas but dude it's like people say shit like and it's like oh i've heard or I read. And then when I asked all of them, I was like, tell me what to Google. But I just want this like you didn't read shit. You didn't hear shit. The only thing you heard was some fucking idiot politician say something and you agreed.

That's it. No, but stop pretending like you read shit or you just you heard it on fox news or you read it on like fox fox news.com but uh yeah that's that's the thing there's so many things online where they'd be like yeah i did read it i read it at uh i read it at like patriot news.com and you're like that's not a real source or it's not reviewed um yeah i watched did you watch that documentary the social dilemma yeah did you watch that on netflix so good yeah jesus christ i just watched it we live in different worlds right and like yeah the thing about you can google the same question but based on your, it's going to auto complete geography and stuff that you click on.

Right, right. Yeah. So I get it. We're living in different realities, but they Google mask and it just like auto completes the hoax. Yeah. And then so, oh, man, we were like we were going out for like a half an hour. And the whole time we were arguing, all I wanted to say was, I was like, I'm not going to listen to shit about science from people who think rocks suck energy out of the environment. God damn. This is crazy and she sells jewelry that's like

has like all this like spirit like different types of crystals and energy and rocks energy certain it is and i'm like and you know science my god it's yeah it's it's a funny dichotomy to be an anti-masker but just a rock person like an energy have a spiritual leader let me tell you yeah they're like let me tell you these fucking libtards they need better rocks to get their energy and it was just so funny because i tried to they kept saying like no your work probably keeps you down and i was like guys you have to know something about me i was like i don't have feelings like most people have. Like, I just don't have,

like I come home, I turn, I don't think about shit. Uh, I just don't like, it does not bother me. And they're like, there's no way that's true.

And I'm like, yeah, man, people are different. You know, like I think your rock stuff is stupid and And I don't think that shit works. But you stand by it. I'm not questioning you.

Right. So then, like, later on about comedy, like, something, like, came up where he was like, you know, like, you're doing a service. And I was like, I'm not doing a service. I was like, I'm there for me. Oh. You know? Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And I was like, I'm there for me. Oh, you know? Yeah. A hundred,

a hundred percent. Yeah. And I was trying to explain to him, I was like, I understand like the consequence of the thing we're doing is some people feel good, but the, in our intention is to like feed our ego. And he just like,

couldn't like, he was just like, there's no way that blah. And I was like, that's all comedians. And they're just like, so now they just think I'm a psychopath, even though I'm telling the truth, but they think I'm like negative.

And then I heard Karen tell her mom, she's like, he has feelings, I promise. Yeah, of course you do. But I mean, to think that comedians are altruistically writing jokes, to be like to to just see the smiles on their face that's what it's about yeah you know it's not about me crafting the perfect joke or the adulation or feeling like a god it's about making people feel good i know just like all the it's so weird to see like comics uh say during this pandemic like i just miss making people oh i just like i just want to get out there and give people what they need like i like i like and it's just like what they need it's what you need motherfucker

yeah no it's it's a drug you're addicted to that feeling to those fucking um uh to that like serotonin that dopamine that's all it is yeah so but yeah anyway so then like oh man it got it got weird and uh karen was like freaking out because she hates conflict and but whoo it was yeah yeah it sounds like like they were just trying to keep that going. It sounds like they were trying to start a fight here and there. I don't think so. I bet you they just assumed that we thought like her parents. Really? Yeah, I think so.

Haven't they been around you enough to know like you're not on that tip i i don't know i think so yeah hmm damn dude yeah it's uh yeah just oh i was getting like the impression that she was like well i mean that's why these people wear these stupid masks anyway what's for dinner and it's like yeah what are you trying to do it's a i'm tired of hearing about masks it's annoying you're like you're so annoying if you complain about just fucking wear a mask it's not hard it's it's not hard it's just a piece of cloth if you go running i get it just put the mask over your face when you're near people take it off when no one's around it's fine exactly it's so easy yeah literally just slide it slide it down your face yeah i um yeah speaking of like family conflict stuff uh my grandma lives alone um She lives in like a, not like a, I guess it's kind of like an old folks home,

but she's in an apartment complex, but she's completely like self-sufficient. It's just like a regular apartment. Like full kitchen, bath, all that stuff. But I think there's like staff that can come by and then also in like the rooms. Instead of like next to like a light switch, there's like staff that can come by and then also in like the rooms instead of like uh like next to like a light switch there's like a cord you can pull if you're having an emergency and that like contacts like 911 or something like that but uh but yeah she's she's pretty self-sufficient she's in her 80 i think she's like 86 damn she is up there uh um still super smart super sharp um but she's like and she's lived alone for a while because my grandpa died in the 90s so i think like going on like 25 years or so

maybe maybe a little little less little more but yeah been on her own for a long time so when you're around her it's like very much about her which is also fine like you're 86 you live alone the sure i get it she has really bad arthritis too like to the point where her hand umar is like this constantly like kind of like clinched like she can't extend it like her arthritis is so bad but she can be very sweet but with like technology stuff she gets so overwhelmed and uh she's always talking about uh netflix and she has the netflix where you get dvds only so she's like i'm watching dexter on netflix and i'm like you're streaming it she's like i'm wanting it like she's like what does that mean what is stream what does that even mean that has to suck i mean they don't know what they're missing right don't they know how easy their lives could be so we're getting there we are getting there so

so because we went over there um i think like uh it was like two weeks after thanksgiving so we were going to go for Thanksgiving, but then we had like the COVID thing with you guys. And we're like, all right, well, let's just, let's just wait.

So got tested. We were all clear. And then went and saw my grandma. And that's where we're having the conversation where she's like, yeah, I'm, I'm watching Dexter and Ray Donovan on Netflix. It was like,

oh, I didn't know Ray Donovan's on Netflix. She's like, what do you mean? I have the DVD right here. I was like, oh oh you still get the dvds you know you can stream and she's like what is that and then i was trying to explain it she just cuts me off she's like and what's the cloud like i don't know i don't know how to explain that um but so she has an she has a uh older tv it's still a flat screen but it's not a smart tv so we're explaining like on your tv you could just stream like like treat it like a channel

like you could just watch whatever you want on netflix if you could connect it to the internet she's like oh that's wonderful so my dad went and got her a TV, a pretty nice one, like TCL TV, 32 inches. It was like $160. Oh, cool, like a smart TV. Yeah, exactly, because she didn't have a smart TV. So for Christmas, he's like, I'll get her a smart TV. And, dude, TVs are so cheap right now. That's what I'm saying.

A 32-inch and nice TV is $160 160 bucks so so yeah so we got her the tv and i was like yeah i have a netflix streaming account you don't even have to pay for it we'll just set up your tv with your internet and then i'll log you into the app she's like, that would be wonderful. So cut to last week. We bring the TV over. We're setting it up. And she's starting to get like a little overwhelmed, but not really. And like I'm trying to be nice to her. Like, that's all right. Also, she has her thermostat set to 78 degrees.

It is hot in this tiny apartment. So 78 plus like people in there i think it got up to like 80 just from like bodies being in there and uh so i'm getting a little tense it's warm and we get the tv set up and i'm connecting it to the internet and all that stuff like you know when you first get a tv it's like select your wi-fi doing all that stuff and she's looking a little overwhelmed at like just seeing a keyboard on her screen and i'm like it's all right we're gonna we're gonna work it out and then i'm showing her the remote so i'm like okay the remote has a cursor on it has like the up and down left and right and i was like so when you turn the tv on TV on, you'll be at the home screen.

And to get Netflix, you press the right cursor. And she's standing there. She's like, I don't know, like five foot four. And I see her eyes like welling up with tears. And she goes, you're trying to turn me into an idiot. And I'm not an idiot. What? What the fuck?

The fuck are you talking about? And she's like, I'm not an idiot what the fuck the fuck are you talking about and she's like i'm not and then like my dad and her start to get into it he's like mom settle the fuck down and like just yelling over this tea alls we're trying to do is get this lady netflix and she is melting down dude and it was so tense and uh and then like i like finally and i was like all right i'm gonna take a breather for a second you guys can work this out and then uh uh after a couple minutes i'm like all right well let's get you logged into netflix and so it's like here so when you select the app and again she's like shaking and like almost crying and i'm like i i understand that you're overwhelmed by technology but i'm not being shitty to you i'm trying to help like we bought you a tv and you're crying this is insane yeah

um so i'm logging her in i'm like so on netflix when you open it you know how it's like who's watching because you can have multiple profiles on your app so i created a profile for her and i was typing in the name and i was like i was like here so when you log in there's josh matt my dad i was like and here this is grandma that's you and she goes i have a name i'm like well i just thought it'd be cute if you know you're listed as grandma she's like well that's not my name oh my god dude you think she's losing it like just no because she's very like sharp and uh like keeps up on the news and all kinds of stuff and it's usually very sweet but with this it was a meltdown and it's just so funny with like grandmas you picture them as like nurturing and all this stuff and she's like and i'm like look your grandma she's like that's not my name so did she get it did she understand how to use it dude it took a while

like hours and i think she did but uh yeah and she's like well does this mess up my tv in the other room like no dude that's what's like okay so uh uh for i got karen an ipad for christmas like in a couple other things yeah but uh this just get this ipad was such an ordeal like i went to the apple store and then i'm gonna tie this into well just like so i went to the apple store and in the mall and it's the only store in the mall that like like that they created they made like the apple store like it's not normal anymore they created like five booths and they're all like separated with a window like with like windows oh so like you you like go up to like a separate like kiosk to buy something yeah it says you gotta they have signs outside they said download the

apple store app buy it there and put it for pickup at this location so i was like all right so then they're sold out of the ipad that i wanted and that's just like and there's no ipad uh anywhere close to um us and then the they couldn't get one delivered until like january 20th and i was like fuck so then i find uh i'm like i'm like ah god damn it so then i like go i look at like target best buy and then you know what i never think of walmart i've looked at wall i was like oh walmart had it yeah and they had it for 30 bucks cheaper crazy talk about us talk about uh no masks or masks below the nose walmart they love yeah they love it but i did walmart.com yeah so would you like get it shipped to your house or you pick it up so got

it shipped to my house but then yeah they're like they're trying to compete with amazon pretty hard too and they're like free shipping fuck it we don't care buy it here i got it in two days i think three days maybe but uh like but then i'm doing all this research on ipads and i'm just like because i got her the newest one of like just the base model there's like the ipad air and there's pro and uh we're just gonna use it to stream, you know, and like dumb shit. And anyways, so then, but then I'm looking at all these reviews and people are like, ah, 32 gigs is way too small. You're going to run out of it so fast. And, you know, it already comes with like, I think like eight gigs loaded on it or maybe even 12 or something. And you're just like, all right. So then I'm like, fuck i'm like fuck i gotta get her i gotta get her a bigger one and the bigger one you get four times the space for only

a hundred dollars more so it's like why not yeah hey that's how they get that's how they get you but then it's like you can use an ipad as a computer now it's so cool yeah there's like a trackpad on it it's amazing i'm on it right now oh boy anyway so oh boy then i'm like i find a bigger one at walmart.com i had to return mine that was an ordeal so i find the bigger one the bigger one won't get here until after christmas i was like perfect but i saw that it was coming from florida we're gonna be in georgia got it shipped to her parents house blah blah so i'm like nice nice yeah anyway so then karen opens it and she could like care less that she got an ipad was a bummer because it's like i buy a really nice you know trackpad keyboard attachment but you know what are you

gonna do but like uh it's just so funny because like also like me setting it up um it's essentially like my ipad i had to use my apple id because karen didn't know her password uh we have to use my amazon prime is on here because she didn't know her password she doesn't know her hulu password yeah i'm like how do you live i had this is crazy i had it i had to download my pornography onto it my only fans account so, how do you live? This is crazy. I had to download my pornography onto it, my OnlyFans account. So how do you not know one? I was just like, babe, do you know this? She was like, no.

And I was like, God damn. Yeah. Yeah, I forget that shit too. But eventually I just had to write it down. I just had to put it in a note. But getting back to just what people don't know they're missing out on with tech like having an iPad

is so sick like uh I've never used one before but like because my it's my cloud account it'll sync with my phone in cool ways where if like I'm on a website on my phone uh the safari app like just show your phone on top of it

and you click it it opens the site you were on on your phone uh like you can like make take like scan pdfs like all this cool shit like it's just like oh and then karen bought me these uh beat uh uh bluetooth headphones yeah they're beats bluetooth headphones like the i think like the newest model uh they're so cool dude they're so they sound great uh they're like i've never had like nice headphones and like um whatever device i'm using it'll just switch over to it because it's also made by apple it's just so nice if i take one headphone off it stops playing take oh it's so cool if you're on a call i love if you're on a call yeah um and you take one like it automatically goes to the right side or left side or something

but if i take this off then it'll switch over to the other side it's just like cool little shit like that i love that you're like just catching up you're like did you know an ipad's pretty cool i know but i just never needed to have what karen wanted a tablet for traveling because we travel a lot yeah no and they're sick for that is that oh it's perfect i love to load up the ipad with like a bunch of shows or download movies and stuff. I mean, really, that's all that I use mine for. If eating breakfast, throw something up on YouTube or something. Yeah, mostly just streaming shit. Other than that, I don't even have Instagram or Facebook on there.

But I thought because we will use it for that, then it'll just be nice for karen to like download a bunch of stuff not have to worry about it because there's already like eight gigs on here yeah exactly anyway no i love it dude dude bluetooth headphones are uh sick yeah i know everybody's like yeah they're fine but i love i love cooking with them like being like what i would do is i would also put something on the ipad like watching something i did that the other day bluetooth and cook and cooking it feels very very nice i did that the other day i remember did you like did your

friends moms always have like a tv in the kitchen like a mini tv some of them did like that yeah exactly like there's like small fat ones i kind of want to put a TV on the wall in my kitchen. And I might. Oh, wow. So many of my friends' moms did that, like had a mini TV. Because I just like, dude, now that I think about it, I was like, oh, yeah, it just seems like my friends' moms spent all day in the kitchen. As they should.

We got to make this country great again, dude. My friends' mom literally would just sit in the kitchen and watch tv the whole day damn like yeah watching like uh god who'd be on in the morning like regis yeah sure about regis and kelly jesse rafael yeah do you know why they stopped doing that show? No, Jenny Jones. Which one? Regis? No, but Jenny Jones, real quick, as far as young horny Josh would go. Oh, yeah. I'd come home.

She was pretty cute back then. I think Jenny Jones was on at like four or something like that. I think it was on right before The Simpsons came on. But all the time, they would be like welcome to jenny jones uh today's topic is are my breasts too big and i'm like nice yes yeah it was like plastic surgery gone too far and i was like this is now this is television dude so the reason it got canceled uh was because a um a guy went on there like they would do this thing like someone has a crush on you you want come to the show and find out who it is so this guy went yeah they're saying like one of your co-workers has a crush on

you so this guy went and the part his co-worker that had a crush on him was another guy and the per his co-worker that had a crush on him was another guy and the guy like he like lost it and he um he said he was like super embarrassed and it caused him like mental distress anyway that guy fucking killed that guy whoa yeah and then i think that's why the show stopped on this week's show guess who who's going to kill you? This guy. Yeah. Your coworker. Yeah.

Pretty crazy. Oh, my God. Fucking nuts. Woo. Yeah. Brutal. Brutal. Yeah.

That's, yeah. What was that? Like the late 90s? 2000 maybe? Yeah. Like pre-woke era we're like i with that i'll fucking kill you i don't think he lost it on the show i think he like stayed calm still yeah just to go kill the guy yeah i'm just because a gay man has a crush on you oh man but also not that the gay guy deserves it at all gay guy doesn't but let's look at this angle like kind of weird to take a dude on the show if you don't know if he's gay

or straight what's the point pretty big uh like a stunt pretty yeah you know be like i don't know jenny jones jenny jones is gonna to fly me to Chicago and pay me five hundred dollars. Whatever. Free hotel. Imagine. Imagine like being an adult and thinking it's a good idea to be a contestant. Like those shows just preyed on people with like low income, low IQ. Yeah.

Well, they also all the Jerry Springerer shit was fake too like none of those people for sure and i think a lot of the jenny jones stuff was probably fake and of course god what a dumb time in television like that like real like the talk show format like that like yeah and there's so many yeah oh and i like uh the i remember blockbuster getting the with my friend he had or he got the jerry springer like too hot for tv thing and it was like yes we're gonna see boobs because that was a big thing too is like jerry's like chicks would take their shirts off and be like i don't care fuck you i hate you don't know i know i'll be like yes we're gonna see the boobs not blurred out and that guy used to be a governor insane

absolutely insane he's doing something now too isn't he i forget what he's doing i have no clue yeah yeah and then the security guard got a spin-off show the like the guy oh right right the man so dumb god man america is fucking so much of america so dumb we're doing great we're doing really well man we're doing it if uh yeah close uh josh's closing thoughts. We got to get some more rocks to these people. Get rid of this negative energy. Rocks, negative energy. Oh, I did. So, yeah, watch the social dilemma.

And when they were showing basically how, and I already knew this too, but how your apps try to get your attention all the time. Like you get a thing where it's like, so and so posted an update or blah, blah, blah. So, Mary and I were like, like yeah let's just do 24 hours no social media like not even opening the the app and facebook was on my dick so hard yesterday i think i woke up this morning i had 21 notifications but it was like so and so posted an update i had six friend requests from people i

don't know who so i think they just like gassed up my profile they're like do you want to friend this guy you should send him a friend request what's going on with this like because they know you've been clicked on it exactly it's so weird yeah it's bizarre but anyway yeah i did 24 hours social media so I'm pretty good. Nice, you're cleansed. I'm cleansed. My vibes are clean, dude. I'm good.

Get some rocks. Good vibes. Got my rocks off. All right, everybody. Well, this is, yeah, happy New Year to you. Happy New Year. Come to Magoobie's June 8th and 9th. I guess Brian Regan canceled.

You mean January? January. Yeah, Brian Regan canceled. You mean January? January. Yeah, show up in June, everybody. Get your vaccine. Damn. Yeah. All right, everybody. Thank you for listening.

We'll talk to you next week. Happy New Year. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.