The Digression Sessions - Ep. 337 - Revolution Podcast

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are back together but podding from a distance via Zoom to talk about the storming of the Capitol. Umar was slow on sending over his files. Sorry for the delay! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

yes third time is a charm it's a charm everybody welcome back to the digression sessions podcast me josh kaderna here in my house umar khan there in his house uh we are fresh out of jail after being wrong true cute wrongfully accused of seditious acts in the capital uh we just wanted uh mike pence to do the right thing um but we're back yeah and uh i just walk just like the shaman said yeah you know the guy who wore the horns and fur. No shirt. Yeah. I think his defense was like, hey, I just walked through an open door.

Yeah, exactly. That's that's hilarious. Yeah. That's what you do. Like, that's why I just look for people that have their door open and I just walk into their house and I'm like, I'm not breaking and entering. Your door was open. You know, that's all I'm not breaking and entering. Your door was open. That's all I'm doing. No, I just walked through an open door that was open because people scaled walls, broke windows, and brought guns into a federal building. It's like, yeah. Listen, Your Honor, the only thing I'm guilty of is stepping over a few dead cops into a building that was already open.

Okay? That's all I did. I don't, I don't see any signs saying you can't do that. Yeah. I think the funniest thing about the whole Capitol thing was like, we're going to, we're going to make them make Trump president.

Like they didn't, but then they get in there and then they just all turned into like 14 year old Tik Tokers. They all just started making videos and like posting selfies. And yeah, it was like in, it was like in it was like they were like uh special ed kids on a field trip to dc yes and they were like in a museum right and also they were so excited to show off all their merch like for them it was like it's like over it's it's like over the summer when you're like oh the first day of school i'm gonna have the coolest outfit like you were so excited

to have your jinko jeans laid out like they were all so excited to have their flags and have like their q anon t-shirts and be like uh actually i have a maga hat but it's not red it's camo so it's like a little different and i cannot wait to take a picture in Nancy Pelosi's office wearing it. It's going to crush on Instagram. Also, what's so funny, too, is my buddy, she was telling me she... I guess she follows a bunch of those crazy groups on Facebook just to see what people are like. Yeah. And that day, before they actually stormed the capital that day and the day before

they're all like this is my hotel room this is my bathroom and they're making like videos like uh it's just like oh it's insane it's just like yeah you guys are like it's you're you're there to start a revolution and you're pumped on your like holiday in suite are you out of your mind yeah i mean that's that's exactly how george washington did it he was like hey i'm crossing crossing the delaware river what's up guy hey guys it's your boy george washington general the revolution check out all these dudes in my boat yeah carl say what's up to the people all right thanks guys but yeah like seriously that is the thing that i realized i'm like i do you think there would be as much of this like quote-unquote revolution without all the merchandise like trump made i

mean i'm guessing he's not making all of it and it's all knockoff stuff, but every single one of those people had like some QAnon shit or like some, you know, don't tread on me, Trump 2020, all that bullshit. Well, I wonder if it's like, if it's like, you know, when you go to like a game or if you go, like when I went to the Women's March or when we went i went to the that thing that stephen colbert and john stewart did oh there's something for sanity march for sanity or something yeah the rally for sanity or something there was yeah it was like all these carts like just selling merch and i wonder if people are just like hey fuck it they're gonna be in town i might as well sell some merch yeah it's it's like going to a concert

and then buying the shirt there. You're like, I stormed the Capitol in 2020, 2021. It was pretty sick. Yeah, exactly. Pretty sick. But I bet you like all those people, it's just like, it's just immigrants just selling these people merchandise.

Yeah, I did see that actually. Yeah, that it was like one young black kid that was selling like maggot sweatshirts and he's like i don't i fucking hate these people but i'll take their money yeah honestly dude way better than honestly you know would be what's cooler than like squeegeeing cars that have windshields windshield wiper fluid and wipers is yeah fucking sell merch on the side of the road to idiots to shitheads yeah yeah go to dc whatever's in town just sell that merch yeah exactly it would be so funny all the squeegee kids just buying a ton of q anon merch like oh damn this one with the eagle on it that's gonna do numbers right numbers right there. Oh, yeah, dude.

Well, they see. And then also they have like both. They have all merch for all. Like they see like an SUV pull up. That's MAGA pickup truck MAGA. They see like a Prius or Tesla. They're like, all right, let's get the Hillary stuff out or the AOC stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. They should. They should. But yeah, all of that shit they were so excited it's just so funny to see a revolution and they're like oh my god my i cannot wait to wear my sweatshirt that says six million jews was not enough you know people are gonna flip out when they see that wait did someone have that for real yeah yeah there there was like uh a guy that was wearing a sweatshirt that said it had like i think it said like staff at camp auschwitz um all that shit yeah damn dude one guy killed himself pretty cool pretty cool huh yeah what the guy uh this dad well here's another crazy thing you got like he? Because he got, like, he got.

Well, he got, he was going to be charged. And he was just like, fuck, I'm going to kill myself. He had, like, two kids. He was, like, he worked at, he worked as, like, an investor or something. He did something at some bank. He was, like, a middle, upper middle class guy. And that's another thing. Like, when you look at all these people. What a poser.

Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. upper middle class guy and that's another thing like when you look at all these people what a poser yeah well yeah exactly but when you look at all these people like uh at first like i was like oh they're poor and they're like you know they're no but they're like teachers they're lawyers uh they're like there was one guy there's their cops there was a guy there that was uh a fucking former gold medalist in the olympics yeah well i don't know if that means much i mean it's still it's i it's not like just some somebody from i don't know that's like living in a cabin in the woods like this person is a part of society like they've been competing at the highest level like obviously there's some money there you know what i mean some type of worldly involvement too so crazy i mean i just don't get like exactly i just can't imagine like if you're like middle class upper middle class i just can't imagine uh being so angry. Like, yeah, sure, some policies suck, but it's like, I don't know, your life is still pretty tight.

Like, what are you upset about? You're white, middle class, and you live in America. What are you storming the fucking Capitol for? Because Tom Hanks is having sex with kids. Yeah, like, what is their grudge? Like, what is going to happen if Trump, like they literally think we're going to like turn into China. That's hilarious. Yeah.

People who make like $40,000, $50,000 a year, which is good money. I heard a lady say something like, she said, I don't want to have to stand in line for a bag of rice. And I'm just like, lady, you're missing to have to stand in line for a bag of rice and i'm just like lady you're missing three teeth get in line for the goddamn dentist it's fucking insane like it's just crazy that you think this is gonna happen yeah i mean you should want that rice that's going right in between those teeth easy yeah you're getting a lot of rice in there yeah it's i'm a city cuck i'm a city liberal cuck and uh i've stood in line for a lot of food pop-ups and uh i gotta say standing in line for food sometimes is worth it yeah i mean

if it's gonna be like some fusion food some fusion food absolutely it's like the communist situation is more dire as they're in line for a fusion asian thai uh food uh their way the the lines now wrap around several blocks for their pad thai it's it's a horrible situation in communist baltimore yeah oh that would be funny like uh if like you know there's like a news crew going around baltimore and they see like a a bunch of people in line like getting bags of food they're like oh my god like it's just like what are you guys like are you guys all unemployed you had a food pantry he's like no i just paid 30 for a rice bowl at ikiben yeah exactly i'm not broke i'm fucking dumb as shit in fact i have too much money my god my i have so much yeah uh bags uh a bag of rice i'm buying a cup of rice for 16 but i just have some ikiben amazing yeah and also i'll tell you

this i'm paying for the rice but i'm not gonna eat all of it i mean the carbs come on come on i know oh man the carbs are killing me oh i i tell you i tell you um but uh but yeah obviously i mean everybody's talked about it but it just the whole thing was just so fucking stupid and the fact that they were like yeah this is gonna be a revolution like what are you guys talking about how do you know how did how did you think that was gonna work that's what's well also people i think the one thing that i wish and i know no one can say this like not even a person on the news can say this but it really is like everyone keeps saying like oh well like you know these people people are like, they're getting down. They're downtrodden, but also like they're just getting misinformation.

And, you know, like if a president is telling people something, they're going to believe it. It's like, well, no, that's the problem. It's like these people don't have critical thinking skills. They're all, they're taking all of their, um, facts from one idiot, narcissist, narcissistic guy.

And they're just taking his word at face value. They don't like cross reference. They don't read anything. They just listen to this idiot. And then they listen to other idiots who parrot him. And they're like, this is true. And like, so people just parrot him and they're like this is true and like so people just need to point out like we have like a huge problem with like idiots yeah

but you gotta word it better but it's like dude this is just if you think you can go to the capital with some handguns and even some bombs and take over america and turn the election i mean you have to be a dumb person now i'm not saying you can be educated you could go to college you could have a nice job but like that is someone who does not possess critical thinking skills the fact that you can be like essentially they're everyone says this but like essentially they're a cult you know yeah and i think that goes to the merch thing too like it's it's like supporting your team you're like yeah we're all down here we're doing our thing for the uh for the like maga people you know like they're not actually gonna do anything uh like i know it took a while

for the national guard to get there, but if they actually wanted the full American military might behind them, they would have crushed them so fucking quickly. I know. Yeah, it's completely insane. And people like my dad's like, I don't know. I mean, they're deep in the military, and there's people that are ex-military that are in it, blah, blah.

And there could actually be a revolution. I don't think there's enough of them. Yeah, there's a good amount, but no fucking way. Maybe. No fucking way. I don't think so. It's essentially like they're doing cosplay, right? They're like, I'm also a revolutionary.

And actually, well, I'm going to take off work to make sure I can get down to D.C. Got a pretty sick spot at the Holiday Inn. Me and the boys are going to dress up and we're going to play Storm the Capitol. Yeah, the revolution. Yes. The revolution starts with PTO. Yeah, exactly. you're submitting your form to your boss and it just says revolution yeah the revolution will be approved by your

supervisor nah oh no we're breaking up again. Oh, fucking Zoom. All right. All right. Let's pause. All right. Let's pause it. Fucking Zoom. All right.

We're back. We're here. Holy fuck. Guys. We're here. Listen, the deep state has been trying to shut down this podcast several times with Wi-Fi interference via Zoom for our very important and political podcast. If you guys have only knew the lengths we have been going through to record this podcast, this is the sixth attempt.

I was going to say there were short attempts, but still annoying for sure. You know what is worse, and it's worse like have we done this where we've finished recording or finished talking and realize we haven't recorded uh yeah that's the worst definitely dude i remember um when i would do like the solo podcast interviewing uh comedians that i was working with on weekends. One time I interviewed Jared Logan and I realized I didn't start the recorder and we were like 10 minutes in. And so I had to be like, yeah, so what was that thing we were talking about? Like trying to not let him know that I wasn't recording but to kind of repeat what he said oh my god and then there's been there were other times too where the sd card was full

and so you're like 45 minutes in and then you're like fuck it just stopped recording and you just lose the last 15 minutes and feel like the biggest asshole um god damn dude but yeah uh okay what were you talking about the revolution nancy pelosi yeah how we got to get rid of her what hey man she's got to go no i want her to forgive my student loans uh-huh uh-huh and then she can do whatever she wants it would be great if she's like a first order of business is is to forgive Umar Khan's student loans. Joe Biden gets behind it, too. It's a huge thing. Young man of color.

He deserves a chance. And we got to forgive his student loans. He's doing a good job. I think your Biden turned into Obama. I don't know why I sound like Barack Obama, but it's me, Joe Biden. And we got to take care of Omar Khan. He's making ribs and jerking off at home while he's working. So we got to take care of him.

Hell yeah, making ribs. We got to take care of him. Making ribs over an open fire, everybody. I love it. You're on your Joe Rogan shit. You're like a cave caveman you know except for hunting i went to giant uh my girlfriend's parents bought the bought all the fire pit grill stuff for us yes um yeah but except other than that and the not millions of dollars that i don't have. I'm like Joe Rogan.

Exactly like that. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. You had to hunt which ribs to get at Giant. You went in there. That's true. You snorted a line of Alpha Brain, and you were like, now I can see through the Matrix, you know? By the way, everybody, ribs are on crazy sale at Giant right now. I bought a whole rack of ribs for $8.

Which brings us to this week's sponsor, Rack of Ribs from Giant. Tell them the digression session sent you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's, I don't know. I was talking about this the other day with ribs. I've never cooked ribs. I don't think they're hard if you have a smoker, but I always hate... There's some foods that I just don't think are worth...

The effort. The effort, yeah. I don't want to make my own bao buns ever. I never want to do that. I never want to make my own dumplings. Yeah. Because all that shit requires so much prep you got to get all these especially if you're making like like you know like asian food or something like uh uh what's

the word exotic um i think i think you mean erotic excuse me where are your erotic your erotic foods i you have to go and buy all these special ingredients. And then sometimes you have to... I can't remember what I was making, but I had to buy a whole... They don't sell a little amount of miso paste. I had to buy this big yogurt tub of miso paste to literally use one tablespoon of it. And now it's just sitting in my fucking fridge karen won't let me throw it away i'm like we'll never use this again it's probably gonna expire by the

time we can get to use it yes and it's like uh uh here's a thing of fish sauce that'll be in the door for the rest of my life i'll probably die and this fish sauce will still be here yeah exactly so uh it's like that's like the i was just like should i do it because if i fuck it but then you're like oh they're eight bucks who cares if i fuck it up it's a yeah i that's that's how i feel about like homebrew people that get into making beer at home i'm like that takes like six weeks to do and then at the end of it you're like i hope it's as good as the beer i could buy for eight dollars down the street like yeah exactly just just go get it and then people are like oh i put cereal in this one so you have a hint i'm like

bro i don't taste i don't taste frosted flakes i I just taste fucking beer, man. It all tastes the same. Do you guys want to go down to the basement? I'm actually working on a new batch. It's called Unicorn Poop. I put Skittles in it. Do you want to try it? Yeah. Do you want to try that?

Dude, brewing beer used to be a thing that weird dads did, weird dads who needed a hobby. And they would just do it in their basement. And everyone was like oh what are you doing you're an idiot you're a loser yes yeah you know you're so less inclined to try that but it's like uh mr bill made his own beer and uh he made his own bottle caps and you're like ah get out of here give me a bud light but now we're like ew bud lights gross i want a craft brew. I'm making a prediction, dude. I think craft breweries are like not anytime soon, but maybe like 30 years from now, we're going to have like all these abandoned craft breweries just like we have malls. Yeah.

Yeah. Because the beer kick is not going to last that long. Everyone's getting healthier. I think people don't want to drink that much beer yeah and i don't know maybe this is just my liberal friends i still i still love a beer though i really do as much as much as i make fun of it anytime i go to wine source i'm just like oh what's the what what new uh new beer new ipas do we have like i i found myself i was looking up what different types of hops are i'm like what is a mosaic hop and what's the difference between that and a citra hop i was googling it i was like i am the biggest asshole ever well of course i'm we're being funny like yeah you have dumb like yeah we have dumb i mean like comedy is a stupid oh like

i was singing the other day with like uh you know people who yeah we have dumb i mean like comedy is just stupid oh like i was thinking the other day with like uh you know people who watch like sports center like i was gonna i was starting to make fun of like dumb guys who just have sports like talk shows on all day and then i'm like oh well i listened to like 10 hours of comedians gossiping about other comedians that i've never met and that nobody else knows yes exactly yeah uh i had on uh bobby lee's podcast and uh while i was while i was working out and mary's like doesn't he do the podcast with the redhead guy how many fucking podcasts does he have i'm like well so he has his one that he does with his girlfriend and then he has another one that he does with andrew

santina and i'm just like yeah it's like knowing about sports where it's like yeah dude he's putting up a lot of stats really good three-hour pod the other day really good yeah exactly and then like you yeah you know all this stuff about comedians you're like you're so intertwined in their drama that you're just like why am i in like a 40 year old fucking why do i care about like what argument a 40 year old got into with another 40 year old yeah that i don't know it's about the most inconsequential thing yes ever in the world but worse hey that's my cosmo magazine 10 ways to please your lover with a new podcast um yeah it's worse like not even knowing about the drama you're just like i don't know i i hear that um andrew uh he's trying to get his wife

pregnant so that's kind of exciting huh they might have a kid no but not even that but like yeah like bobby lee was talking about proposing to his girlfriend so that's fun for him that's good i know it's so silly knowing so much of their fucking lives um well and then like uh last night we went to go watch the playoffs game and it's just so funny because like you know we're with karen's friends so they're all like 70 and uh i'm just gonna give me a look uh turn the tv up i can't hear it yeah yeah yeah oh that was also a funny yeah so we were something like that did happen we were watching the game and everyone's like i don't know it's not loud enough and i was like i think it seems fine and like no we should go get our like

sound bar and then in my head i'm like all you gotta do is just turn up the volume a little bit more and also i don't know turn off the fucking uh music that's playing behind us oh yeah so karen's so mad right now babe i'm just i gotta hype it up for the people uh but they left alexa playing like fucking motown on and they're like i can't hear the game like just turn off the fucking music yeah uh turn up the volume and everyone shut the fuck up everyone just keeps talking this one guy's showing me me pictures of his pool, and it's above ground. Who cares? And then this other – Ew!

Ew! And then it's just so funny, too, when you're a dude and you're watching sports with other dudes. Even though I don't care, for some reason, I don't... He'll start talking. This one guy was giving me all these stats about the Bills quarterback. Josh Allen. I'm like, yeah, man. He's a beast. He's huge.

And I'm just throwing out words. I don't know what I'm fucking saying. I'm just like, yeah, man. He's like a monster. He's just... I can't... I remember I used a word and i was like i never talk like this yeah i don't know why i just didn't want to tell this guy i'm like

hey man i don't give a shit about sports i i don't i only watch playoffs and i uh i'm only here to like hang and socialize yeah you're just like i tell you i mean josh allen has a cannon but when he gets out in that open field he's running running north-south, he's dangerous out there, huh? Yeah, so then he pulls out his phone and he's just showing me clips of this guy. He's showing you pictures of Josh Allen's dick. I mean, he's got a hog on him. Huge dick. Look at him. I'm just like, yeah, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's cool.

His dick is big, yeah, dude. Yeah. Hell yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. That's cool. His dick is big. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Hell yeah. But I just wish I could just be like, yeah, man, I don't care. It's just like if someone started like a store, I wish it wasn't rude to just be like, I don't care for this. You know, like I wish I was. That's like when I'm so jealous of like Larry. I was going to say that's very Larry David to be like, I don't care.

Yeah. And then just walk away and go. Nah. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, hey, man, the Chick-fil-A nuggets are getting cold. I'm going to go get some more. Nah, not for me. I want the nuggets. Yeah.

Yeah. I watched the game. So my dad came over and then his friend Warrenren who he's known since college he came over that was pretty fun um and he's just casually dropping like yeah when i was in prison uh i remember my roommate and i was like what like i knew i i think he went for like some tax stuff but it was very funny because he was saying he was like yeah so i kind of i the way i got like protection in there um he's like because he was i don't think he was in for very long and he's like and when people find out that you're

about to get out they try to fuck with you like you're called a like a short timer or something like that because you're almost out and he's like so when i was a short timer i had i had uh this uh my roommate i love that he said roommate instead instead of cellmate. You're in prison. You're like, my roommate at the time. It's college. When I was in prison, I had this roommate. Oh, my God. He was crazy.

But he was like this big Italian dude. And I would write letters for him back to his family. Because he wasn't very good at writing. So I would write letters. And then I got protection from him, like back to his family. He's like, because he wasn't very good at writing. He's like, so I would write letters. And then I got protection from him, which was great. But then this guy, he put $20 in my locker. This Aryan guy, because Warren's Jewish. He's like, this Aryan guy puts $20 in my locker and told the security about it.

I didn't know it was in there. And then I get caught for contraband. And they extended my sentence. Also, as far as like an Aryyan guy in prison to a jewish guy like that's what like the nicer things you can do like it's not like he like attacked him in the shower he's like oh i'm gonna put 20 in his locker and he should not have that he's gonna get in trouble damn dude yeah it's so funny when people like casually bring up this that's so perfect because it's like it happened to me uh this past weekend when i was featuring at mcgoobies uh so this is my first weekend featuring at mcgoobies brian regan was supposed to be there yeah uh i think everyone knows but if you don't know brian regan is like a huge comedian

he's uh super famous yeah he works clean so everyone loves him mormon's fucking i love this he's a god in utah yeah dude he goes and sells out uh two weeks he's two weeks he'll just sell out a theater in fucking like. A massive theater, too. It's like... Hold on. Babe, did you flip them? Yeah. Did you baste them?

No. Can you... Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter. Babe. Babe. Sorry. Babe, can you baste the ribs, babe?

Can you baste the ribs? Anyway, so I was doing Macubi's my first weekend to feature, so I was super pumped. But I wasn't expecting it to be great. Cause the show got announced. I didn't realize that was your first weekend featuring. That's dope. At McGoobies. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It was, uh, and honest dude, it was great. I like every show, like some shows were better, but there was never a time where I walked

off stage and I was like, damn fuck that sucked. Every show I was like, Oh, that was good. That was good. Nice. Some shit, damn fuck that sucked every show i was like oh that was good that was good nice some shit like a couple shows i was like that was fucking awesome it is uh real quick just as a sidebar that is the weird thing about doing comedy indoors where you're like you people really want to be here so they're they're into it you know oh yeah anytime uh people got uptight at a joke and i would get like i was like guys fuck you you cannot be upset right now like you guys are literally risking your lives to be at mcgoobies you don't care about anything stop pretending and that would that made them laugh and like lighten up like you're right we are risking death okay we should

loosen up all right uh but so so Tony Woods is headlining. Tony Woods is a legend. So Brian Regan had to cancel. He got COVID. Oh, he had COVID? Yeah. That's why he had to cancel. Oh, shit.

I don't know if that's public. Oh, who cares? No, we're so deep in. Allegedly. Allegedly he has COVID. Yeah. And he's old, man. Is he? He's fucking old. Is he like 60s yeah uh and he's old man is he's fucking old is he like i think he's old 60s i think he's early 60s yeah that's wild that boy uh he likes to party too i

hear again this is like the that's what i heard yeah the gossip you hear on other podcasts that you're like yeah brian regan likes to drink a lot have Have I ever met him? No. Big drinker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got some more gossip that I'll tell you after the show. Hot goss. So we get there. Tony. So we're like the replacements for, you know, so I didn't expect much.

I was like, oh, man, like they didn't have much time to promote. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Tony Woods is a legend, but he's not like famous yeah um and uh every show was packed um and like considering like social distance all that one of them were sold out yeah like and as far as they can go right so what are they at like half yeah half capacity half okay so like 150 ish people um and honestly like dude it's the laughs are huge it just felt like a normal weekend at a club except you're wearing a mask when you're in the

well i'm wearing a mask no one else gave a shit but right um so i get there uh the host i've never met but super funny guy baltimore guy he's uh his name is justo so funny i love like he dude he like he crushed every opening set which is really hard to do as yeah as a host yeah to yes as a host it's the bar is very high to like crush like usually you just want to get out of there to be like that was pretty good i got him loose got some solid laughs but like to kill uh hosting is hard oh he killed man he was so funny um that's great or he is so funny and so uh but there was there was a lot of weird little things happening like all weekend uh so like justo's first time hosting, he just won like Magoobie's funniest comedian of the year competition. Oh, nice.

So it was his first time hosting. And like that's one of the prizes you get for winning is you get a host weekend. And, you know, so it's his like first time. And I get it. Like some people just don't. This is, like, not throwing shade at Justo. We've all made these mistakes. It's just funny.

Like, when you think of comedy, you don't think of it as, like, a job. And now that we're, like, kind of considered, like, older comedians. Yeah. Because we're 30. 34. But sure. Go on. 34.

Go on. I'm sure. Go on. 34, I'm 32. Go on. You know, like, in your head, like, you know, this is a job. You have to act somewhat professional, blah, blah, blah. And I guess, like, just some people don't realize that. So, like, just so we were in the green room and the person comes to take our order. Hi, Karen. the green room and uh the person comes to take our order hi karen oh no the person comes in to like see like you know how much telling us how much time we're all doing what music you want blah blah blah yeah and uh the light all that the kids talking to him and then justo just takes a

a facetime call in the middle of this guy asking him like when he wants the light and all that stuff and i get it just so has a bunch of friends coming they're like in the parking lot they're trying to figure out how to get there so i under like he has like all these people hitting him up he's annoyed also but it was just so funny yeah and i'm sure he's like excited to have people there and shit too yeah to like take a call and then uh and then it's just like his homeboy on the line and he's just like hey man come outside we have a blunt blah blah blah and and just was like ah i'm good i'm good man i'm i'm just doing the show so like but it's just so it was just hilarious like it's just like watching this you're just like i'm cringing i'm like oh

dude you're so funny don't do this stuff yeah and then uh the so then tony woods comes and he brings uh he brings a guy with him who did a guest spot the first show on friday cool dude uh but he like i felt like he threw some shade at me and i didn't know like how to like like i didn't know what to say you didn't know so i was like you didn't know how to clap back is that what you're saying i well it wasn't like i didn't even know if he meant if he knew you know how like sometimes people say something and you're like oh yeah that just you you i don't think you realize, but you're putting me down. He's like, Omar, you're pretty cool for a gay guy. That's nice.

Yeah. So we're talking and I'm like, oh, what's up, man? What's your name? Blah, blah, blah. And we're all – Yeah. And he's like, how long have you been doing it? I was like 10 years-ish.

And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm'm right there too i'm a little longer than that but um i had to take a i had to take a long break from like 90 from like 2000 2010 i was like oh damn that's a big break he's like no no man i was in prison and i was like okay i'm like that's still a break right like from he's like and he was just like no no i was excuse me okay sir all right yeah well i think he was he like trying to say he's like i would have been doing comedy and don't act like i'm some type of like slouch i wasn't lazy i was in prison yes show some respect yeah i don't think he wanted me to think he was like a bitch or anything he was just like no i didn't i didn't quit or i'm not a douche i didn't quit or anything uh yeah yeah but here's the thing uh you think you think i'm a bitch and i'm not i went to prison okay for making knockoff yeah knock i mean i was someone else's bitch in prison. I just told Karen's joke. She said that.

Wait, what'd she say? Karen said that when I was like, I'm not a bitch. And Karen said he was somebody's bitch in prison. Yeah, exactly. The whole podcast stopped. Bad connection for good jokes. I know. So then we're talking and I'm like oh cool so like you do normally like uh open up he's like yeah no i normally feature for

tony i go everywhere with him and i was like oh nice man i was like um surprised you're not featuring this or something and then the guy goes like he's like um oh i asked him i was like oh how um how do you think the first show went and the like the first show of the second night was they were like they were a fun crowd but they weren't as lively for any of us and and uh and he was like yeah man tony he just like he said he like he didn't think the crowd was feeling him and and he was just like man that's why i like you for me, because you know how to get them just right. And I'm like, OK, motherfucker, like, oh, why would you say that? That's like a mean thing to say.

So. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So and it sucks, too, because you're like, does Tony hate me? Yeah. And you're you're like, well, and then in my head i'm like but i'm doing very well like i'm like i'm doing well i'm like i'm i'm killing like i'm doing my job and the crowd's into it everyone's liking it and uh that it was just like it's just like and so when he says something like that i'm just like yeah okay cool yeah and that's another thing you realize like being deeper into comedy too it's like it's fun to be with the headliners and stuff and headliners are cool but and i get it from their perspective but they don't really want some guy they don't really know and i guess like

tony does know you but like they're never excited when a feature feature crushes you know they're like cool you know like all right now i have to do my job yeah or they just like they don't want to talk to you they don't like like it's just like uncomfortable like they like it's a comfort thing right so it's like it's just you'd rather have people you know you can say stuff in the green, you can say stuff in the green room, you can do stuff in the green room that it, you know, like. Yeah. Sometimes stuff happens in green rooms that's illegal. Yeah, you want to be comfy. Exactly.

So I get it. think maybe that guy was just saying like like it's just like a comfort blanket also for tony just like knowing like you know like um because i think tony woods is also kind of a very um he has a lot of anxiety and he's like superstitious so even though he's like a comedy legend dave chappelle gave him like a huge shout out when he got his like mark twain yeah award at the kennedy center he essentially said like tony woods taught me how to do comedy and if you watch tony woods and you watch chapelle you're like oh chapelle is doing tony woods basically yeah to the point where because i found found Tony Woods after Chappelle. And when I saw Tony Woods, I was like, who is this guy ripping Dave Chappelle off?

Right. and he's just doing like a like when he did my show or if he does like a another basement show in dc he doesn't want you to like list all his accolades so he'll he'll tell you to tell the crowd that this is his first time doing comedy first time yes first time this motherfucker has been doing comedy for 30 years if not more i was gonna say fucking three decades at least murders and then and then there's been nights where we're at big hunt i have to go on after a guy who the crowd just heard it's his first time like just like i mean destroys and then i have to go on uh they're like hey this guy has a free special on youtube or something you know and then uh you can't follow tony wood you just bomb and you're like oh wow this guy has a special on youtube and he sucks yeah they're like and he's been doing

comedy for 10 years so if the guy that hasn't that was his first time imagine how good this guy is going to be with 10 years of experience. It's Umar Khan. Yeah, yeah. You're like, ah, fuck. Yeah. God damn it. I know.

So funny. So I think maybe that's what he just, Tony, likes. It's just like maybe it's like a comfort. I don't know. It just fucking pissed me off. It fucking pissed me off. I was just like, there's no reason yep for you to say that there's just zero reason yeah uh but whatever yeah we get past it so then yeah

the host i've um so then me the guest spot are hanging out in the green room tony's on stage the host is like somewhere yeah uh this kid walks in this tall kid he's like hey what's up y'all i'm the i'm the opening act and we're amina the the tony's friend look at each other like the fuck yeah who are you he just came in with some weird energy a super nice guy uh like he is a nice guy i never met him before but he's cool he's just like man i'm just so grateful to be here for this opportunity to like open up this show and we're just like what then the host comes in and and and and the host is like it's his friend and he asked him to come here and the host is like oh dude you're not performing i just wanted you to tape my set and he's like what oh he's like man what like and then the he goes on this story about his like friend

just killed himself like blew his brains out he's like starts crying and it's like then the the the guest spot guy tony's friend just leaves because he knows it's about to get uncomfortable i get stuck on the couch and i'm like shit i can't leave in the middle like i can't just be like hey man real interesting story but uh don't care for it i'm gonna go eat some chicken nuggets you know yeah oh yeah so then the host was like realizing like he was spiraling so he took him in the hallway they're like i'm just eavesdropping on this like just insane conversation about this guy who his friend who killed himself he's fucked up over it he thought he was gonna be performing and it was

like putting him in a good mood and uh and i just want to be like hey man if it makes you feel anybody here better i'm featuring and I wish I wasn't here. So it's not that great. And I wish I was dead like your friend. Yeah. Yeah. But, hey, I'm going to go out there and kill it like your friend killed himself. You know what I'm talking about?

Hey, good talk, man. Hey, yeah, this guy's you should have been like, can you record my set while you're here? Would you mind? Yeah. Hey, yeah. Hey, man. Oh, and so the guy didn't even bring his camera, and he's like a really talented videographer and stuff. But I think...

And then the host, who I do trust, he was like, hey, man, I'm so sorry about that. He's not normally like this. He's just going through... I'm like, dude, I get it. His friend is dead. Of course. It's horrible.

Yeah. And then there was just a miscommunication but it was just like i'm just like man this is like i'm in a fucking sitcom yeah like this shit that's happening it's just so bizarre yeah uh and then um so then we we do the late show the late show is packed like so fun the late show. The late show is packed, like so fun. The best show of the night, which is always like the coolest thing. If like the last show of the weekend is the best show and everyone had their best set. Right. Well, almost everybody. And I'll tell you about that after. But I had a great set.

Justo had a great set. And yeah, then we just hung out, went to the bar afterwards. And I have antibodies, so I felt safe. The other people, I guess they just don't care about their lives. And it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Either way, you were having fun.

If you had antibodies or not, or if you were passing or getting COVID, everybody was having fun. Yeah, it was fun. God damn. Well, that's good, man. I love it. Yeah, the indoor gigs make me nervous, but I think Magoobies is pretty spread out, especially when you're on stage. I mean, that ceiling is so high, too. Yeah, the stage is high. The stage is huge. You're far away. spread out like especially when you're on stage i mean that ceiling's so high yeah so that's the

stage is high the stage is huge you're far away all the tables are far away from each other and like huge ceiling so pretty safe yeah exactly i actually talked to a pin uh i talked to this pandemic expert about it uh who i met after a show at an outdoor show. And he was like, well, he was like, honestly, man, like if everyone if people are like six feet wear masks. Yeah. You know, when they're not like sitting at a table like sign shows like all that stuff helps.

So it's not like. Yes. You know. Yeah. Yeah. You're not like guaranteed to get it. Exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. Nice, man. No, I'm doing I think I'm doing a bar show in the county on the 28th. So we'll see how that goes. That'll be fun. Nice. Which, where? Let's see here.

It is a bar restaurant. Let me pull this up here. We can wrap up relatively soon it is yeah comedy at the tower comedy at the tower in bel-air maryland um oh that's calvin's room yeah yes um i did that room like yeah i uh i uh Yeah, it's one of those rooms where you show up and you're like, I have no idea how this is going to go. And it was so fun. Great. It's very Trumpy, but super cool.

They love jokes. They love dirty. They love offensive. I made fun of them like i made fun of their stupid town and they loved it it was great hell yeah okay cool i'm excited yeah sometimes those i've really been enjoying those because where the bar is so low um like as far as like expectations um they're always so good where you can just fuck around with those people and they want to be fucked with in a way where it's like bust their balls but you know in like a wink

wink kind of way as well right yeah um hell yeah yeah i'm excited for that yeah i did um i did a i did the zoom underground comedy show that was a little weird oh that was it was pretty good but it was like i i didn't know like so sean was like conversational with me the host and he was like we're kind of like talking he's like all right so i'm bring up our uh first uh first comic he's from baltimore josh what's up and i was like hey man how are you he's like i'm pretty good it's like cool so you're doing all right and we were like talking then he's like so are you gonna do jokes and i was like oh i didn't know that was my intro like hey what's up they're like okay um but uh but it was very low-key it was fun there was a couple uh that was in the audience like one of like the zoom uh people that you could see and they're like yeah we've been together five years um and uh yeah it's going well and then

it was like are you guys uh gonna get married it's like i don't know but uh things are good so that was a little weird and there was like a person that was kind of drunk and they were saying that they do um they're like uh somehow like they do like like like online basically like she's like we are at we are engaged in war online every day. The country is at war. This is cool. This is a good crowd like they do like the cyber whatever. I'm like, okay, so you're just like blowing up nuclear plants and I ran from your couch and yeah, apparently during the show. Oh, that's her job.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Oh, I thought you meant it was just some crazy person who thinks you're doing something by posting on Facebook. No, sorry. She's like, yeah, I work for the Navy and we're engaged in cyber warfare every day. And I'm like, holy fuck. All right.

Yeah. Dude, great documentary on HBO about cyber warfare called the a perfect weapon uh it's so scary oh good times good times yeah uh but yeah it was pretty it was pretty good but yeah the online stuff is always a little uh a little goofy yeah but it's better than i thought it would be so yeah no it's better than nothing thought it would be. Yeah, no. And it's better than nothing. Oh, totally. And to be able to do it from your house and be like, all right, I'm done. Thank you.

And get paid. Speaking of, and get paid. Yeah, speaking of, thank you to everybody for listening. We're going to go now. Yeah, we'll try to get one out next week as well. Thank you guys for listening follow us on all the uh social medias and all that stuff i'm at josh kaderna and uh yeah come out to that show on the 28th if uh you're in bel-air um comedy at the tower um all right man

all right dude good Alright, dude. Good. Peace. Peace.