The Digression Sessions - Ep. 34 Matt Baetz!

Episode Date: April 28, 2012

"Cheap Lawn Chair" Hola Digheads! On this week’s show one of Maryland’s finest exports, comedian Matt Baetz, joins Josh and Mike (Finazzo) for an interview in the Dig Sesh HQ.  Comedian Mike Finazzo was nice enough to fill in for Mike Moran while he sets up his organic cotton candy farm. Baetz has performed all over the world and has appeared on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson 4 times to do stand up and over 50 times as a featured performer in various comedy sketches. He’s has also traveled extensively doing shows with the USO and AFE (Armed Forces Entertainment) in the Middle East and Europe with Craig Ferguson and on his own.  We discuss a number of topics for this episode including, but not limited to: what to do when you follow Louis CK, USO tours, working at ESPN, fortune cookie jokes, working at and with Craig Ferguson, performing at universities, pictures of Bob Costas on walls, official Sarah Palin thank you notes, and some much more! Matt’s album is available on iTunes! Oh, and Mike Finazzo’s album is coming out May 29th via Better Robot Records!   DigressionSessions.com !! PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @JKuderna @MichaelMoran10 @ThatMikeFinazzo @MattyBaetz

I haven't had a nacho cheese combo in like 15 years. It's like, oh, they're eating combos. That's cool. We'll capture that. We're recording. We're rolling. Remember the time we killed somebody? Yeah. Oh, my God, man. Let's not bring that up.

Oh, shit, man. Sonny Fuller buried the shit out of the body, am I right? I haven't paid my fucking taxes in years, man. I don't intend to do it anytime soon. Did you guys know Johnny Connard is real name is Joseph Coney? I haven't paid my fucking taxes in years, man. I don't intend to do it anytime soon. Did you guys know Johnny Connard is real name is Joseph Coney? Is that crazy? Am I right?

It's weird. 2012. He's running for real. You guys saw my video, right? All right. Let's start the show. I'm ready with the weather. Oh, shit.

I don't know how this dials thing got in there. Oh, shit. I don't know how this dials in. Oh, yeah. Calling up a good time on the digression sessions here. Right? So natural, yeah. Right? You guys might notice that voice. That's Mike Fonazzo to my left.

Fonazzo! Oh, shit. Mike Moran could not be with us. He's going under gender reassignment surgery. So Mike Fonazzo is filling in. Say hi, Mike. Hi. All right.

I'm going to act like Mike Moran and just talk awkwardly. It is what it is. I'll call you Mike if that helps. Yeah, help me get the character, buddy. I appreciate it. Yeah. How's it going going man i i'm good kind of raced over here after work yeah and uh yeah it's good working on your album yeah we we never see each other anymore yeah this is great because we're gonna have nothing to talk about yeah uh yeah we're working on this album it's coming up may 29th it's pretty good not as good as uh

matt betts's album not that he's here no or anything but yeah great guy i've heard really good good reviews yeah i looked him up on the google machine came up all pause so i'll pause on the googs yeah for the mats yeah we're gonna talk like we're a diablo cody movie jk simmons am i right word up huh yeah wizard well yeah your album's called stupid genius coming out on better robot records label yeah i hear that guy that guy who runs that label is pretty cool very i realize this is a very nepotism driven yes very. Yes, very much so. It's almost convenient that I'm here. It's weird, right?

Randomly, while you have your first legitimate guest of all time. How dare you? And dozens of listeners are going to be like, oh, the finale is back. My friend Jason Schwab does stuff. We grew up together. I forgot the dog's pretty legit. She's on every single podcast. Munson makes an appearance

Oh god And I'm knocking stuff over Oh dear We got a man down This is the best podcast The most professional Matt, are you glad you're here? I'm psyched, man

I was just This is the 10th best podcast I've ever been on Easily I'm just gonna do this Rubik's Cube You've been on But you've been on 11 podcasts right 11 total so we're not the worst um yes but the other one i've been on 10 times so

uh you guys are in between the uh episode 27 and 54 of the ones that have been on that one i feel good about that because this is not my podcast. So I've really got... Not my show, it's fucking up, huh? I'm like a substitute teacher. I can't help it. This county's grades are bad. Mike's just going to put on a movie and that'll be the podcast.

All right, guys. We're going to watch Rush Hour 3 today for physics class. And old Mike's going to work off his hangover. All right. Welcome to the show, Matt Betts. The most professional cast around. The digression sessions. Yeah, it's great to be here

in Hamden, Baltimore. It's pretty beautiful. I like it. You have like greenery and no dead bodies probably. I appreciate that you assume that. I appreciate that. That's awful nice.

I'm worried we're going to launch into a Burbs conversation. I'm not worried about it, actually. I would welcome that. I heavily underrated Tom Hanks movies. That should be the subject. Well, yeah. Well, thanks for coming by. You're a stand-up comedian for a while.

Been doing stand-up? Yeah, about eight and a half years. Right on. Yeah, February 4th is my anniversary. How'd stand-up go the first time you did it? The first time I did it, it went okay, actually. It went a lot better than I thought it was going to go. I did it at a Holiday Inn. There was this Holiday Inn outside of Orlando, Florida, where I am. Just went by actually to watch one night. And then the guy who was running it was walking around. And actually, it's rare because most open mics now that any of us go to,

it's hard to get a spot. You don't know when you're going to go up. And this is the only time this has ever happened. The guy was walking around the tables talking to people. And he's like, and me and this other guy sitting at another table we were both kind of like we just came to watch we might try it sometime in the future and the guy was like well we got room if you want to go up you're not even a comedian yeah he's like we'll put anybody on and that never happens for people who are thinking about getting into comedy like that never

you wait for hours right you're the most brutal and yeah, he was like, I got room if you want to go up. So I decided to say, yeah, go ahead. So you weren't even planning on going up? Like, did you have things that you knew you were going to talk about if you ever went on stage? Or just completely wing it? I'd kind of started writing stuff, but didn't have like a set together. I just wanted to kind of go and kind of observe how they how it worked right and so then when i went up i can't remember anything that i did um except for one fortune cookie joke

um and then uh that uh yeah just kind of wung it really but it went better because i think you think it's gonna go so bad that when so bad that you don't die. Right. And I guess you're not really thinking about it leading up to it. If you're not tense, like, oh, my God, it's going to be my first time versus some guy who's just like, hey, you, you want to get on stage? Hey, sure. It's the guy from 311. He's going to go on it.

Not the band, actually. The room. That's hilarious. Right on. the band actually the room that's hilarious right on so uh so did you i guess you enjoyed it enough the first time to keep doing it yeah yeah sadly keep going there have been times ever since then where i was like i wish i had just it hadn't been the thing for me because really yeah really i think that's an i i think i'm being very honest when i say that but i think there's a lot of comedians who when i've said that to them are bookers i did uh the showcase at mcgoobies in maryland a couple months ago from the montreal

just for laughs comedy festival and i was talking to the booker afterwards and he's we knew each other from working out in la and he said, so it's cool to see you here. How's it been going? And I said something like, there's moments in every day where I wish I could walk away from this bullshit. Sorry, can I cuss on this? Get out, man.

I heard you crushed the Montreal audition, by the way. I had a good time. I heard that fortune cookie joke fucking killed, man way. I had a good time. I mean, I feel like I get a good set. I heard that fortune cookie joke fucking killed, man. You've been building it for eight years. I was like, just keep crafting it. It's a four-hour bit now. Move this article around.

One-man show about fortune cookies. But what's funny about that show, I was like the third alternate. Three people canceled. I was going to be the next person up. And the day of, Andrew called me. And I was like, third alternate. Three people canceled. I was going to be the next person up. And the day of, Andrew called me. And I was like, this is my shot. And he was like, yeah, we need somebody to film the show as well.

You come down. I was like, no, I have plans. But I'm glad it went well for you. Yeah. I mean, I never heard from him. I cried alone. You're moving on to bigger things. Thanks.

I'm glad it's going well. I heard that you did great, and I heard Tommy did great. Well, Tommy packed the crowd, so Zimbazo can suck it. But he brought out all of Overly to come watch whatever town he's from. Well, the person who told me he did great also said that. It was like half a Dundalk was there to see Tommy. No, he did great. He would have crushed

it uh i mean yeah he had friends there because tommy has friends but that's what larping will do for you but like i don't know anyone anymore because i'm at that age but he uh he did great he did he did awesome yeah i i don't like following tommy at all and that's actually the spot i had that night um and that's a complete compliment to him. He's just like a tornado. And I'm more of like, hey, let's think about something. Hey, guys. I consider myself to be like the 7 millionth best comic on the planet.

But there are two comics that I hate following. And one's Tommy and one's Seton Smith. Just because not only are they so good It's like they have such a unique High energy. Yeah, you want to try to match? Yeah, right and you can yeah, that's it it was such an important thing like when you start out just like You try that a couple times to match people and you know I've learned over the years and it's been cool and it's happened where you follow a high-energy guy and

Really commit to who you are and have a good set do you just kind of yourself do you just wipe the slate clean or like what do you do when you go out to try to still still have the crowd but not really be fake about it with your energy like yeah uh i think you just i mean it's tough i think it's more difficult for high energy comed comedians to follow another high-energy comedian. It's a little bit easier to go out and just kind of be confident and just set the tone that you want to set. Right. Hey, this is my delivery. This is the type of things we're going to talk about. If you're going to enjoy this, you're going to adjust to me. I'm not going to adjust to you.

Right. this you're gonna you're gonna adjust to me i'm not gonna adjust to you right yeah it takes for me it took i still haven't learned that because i i think that like i it's not even like i intentionally want to match that energy it's like at first like it was like a subconscious thing so like i record every set i do and when i listen back to sets where i followed seton smith like it's so neurotic and all over the place it's like i, I'm almost doing, yeah, it's like, I didn't set out to do that, but you almost want to try to match it. So I'm still trying to find that balance. And you're trying to,

like you told me that, and Mike Storks told me that, to where it's like, if what you're doing is funny anyway, it's still going to get a laugh, no matter what energy level you're at following somebody. Like funny, still funny.

So yeah, yeah, it's, you still want to kind of go one way or the other with it do you always take the mic out of the stand or do you stand because i thought i and i've heard that before it's or uh yeah if you try to go the other way yeah are you talking about would you follow a high energy guy but no i've i've just have noticed sometimes in the past where i'm following a high energy person and i'll on purpose leave the mic in the stand to just like ground everything.

Right. This is a physicality kind of thing. Right. Just kind of stand there. Yeah. Like you're going to do what I want to do. Right, right. But this one time there's a show in L.A. that's great. And what's cool about just doing stand-up comedy in the communities that are in every city

is that there are lots of shows in every city, not just when you think about New York, LA, Chicago, but like in Baltimore and Denver and Atlanta where you can actually go see some really good people for really, you know, not a lot of money at all. And one that they do in LA is called What's Up Tiger Lily? And I followed Louis Cis ck there one night and wasn't supposed to uh they had the lineup written out and it was like matt's gonna

go and then louis gonna go and then he came in and he's like i need to go to another set so can i just go in front of this guy and i just remember how you were kind of saying about your seat and sets like i think i spent five minutes just apologizing for not being there. It'd be weirder if you didn't acknowledge it. Like, you're just like, so what's going on, guys? Bad guess. He's never going to amount to nothing.

Anyway, fortune cookies are weird. Airplane food. There we go. Men and women are different. Am I right? How i right you guys how long you guys have been together all right you're acting like you've heard this i'm sorry go ahead oh nothing i was just saying bye to amanda she just walked by bye amanda bye amanda bye um no

i was listening to jay moore's podcast and they were talking about Louis Anderson followed Jim Carrey. Yeah, it was Jim Carrey. And during a set, he spent the first five minutes of his set going, guys, give it up one more time for Jim Carrey. And he just kept saying it

and getting the cheap applause until the audience was sick of fucking Jim Carrey. Of hearing about Jim Carrey. Right, right. That's a good idea. No. Is there a video of that? I'm not sure. They were just talking about it on the podcast. Yeah, there's a good idea. Is there a video of that?

I'm not sure. They were just talking about it on the podcast. Yeah, there's probably some YouTube. Next time I follow you, I'm just going to be like, come with the Matt Betts, guys. We know he's funny, right? Give it up. Come on. Fucking Matt Betts. Man, following Louis C.K. How recent was this?

That was a couple years ago. 2007 or 8. That's still the height. Louis is still pretty big back then. That's like when Chewed Up came out and stuff. Yeah, I would say it was kind of before. I think it was during when Lucky Louis was on. Right, okay.

So that kind of time frame. Jay Zek has a similar story. He followed Louis C.K. the day he found out that Lucky Louis got canceled. And he just came in and ranted, apparently. And apparently it was great. And he stayed around and hung around with all the comics afterwards and just apologized. Those are always great shows, too, where you spend the rest of the night kind of pulling people aside individually to apologize. I know I was yelling at you up there, but you just happened to be sitting

where I was yelling at. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I feel like we've had shows where I've been like, Matt, I'm sorry I set him up there for you and I ate that giant dick. You had to follow it. It's funny that I think the people you're apologizing to never feel that way

or rarely do. It doesn't change the fact that you feel that way. I've had people say it to me and I was like, what are you talking about? I was thinking about myself. I don't have time for you. I don't give a shit.

I was thinking about what I was about to do and when I was done I was thinking about what I was about to do, and then when I was done, I was thinking about what I just did. So you never answer the equation. I wanted to talk about, you and I did a fun show last year in Delaware University, and this is why I think you're brilliant. It's going to turn into a complete stroke fest. I know.

That was weird. You were looking at me when you said that. Well, you are bringing him in today. Moran would have never said that. No, but a story I always tell. Here's why you suck and why.

Longest podcast ever. We had an email from Mike Moran, everybody. He's got some comments. I just got a Twitter. But no, we did this show and this is why I think you're one of the funniest comedians around you did mostly crowd work and it didn't come off as like crowd work like it was like wow that could

be a fully written polished bit but you said one of the funniest things i'd ever heard this show was in a cafeteria like a large hall and there was a girl sitting there studying and matt says to her he says uh what's your major and she's like art history and he goes well go back to study and that art's not going to remember itself and that was one of the funniest things i've ever heard and then the other one was you were reading the newspaper on stage the school paper and there was a doing that yeah there's an article on the front page about chipotle coming to new york newark delaware and there was a dunkin donuts in the hall and you started yelling at people

in line going suck it dunkin donuts chipotle's in town yeah i love uh i love the um whether it's school paper school paper it's always good but um also just if you're in a smaller town you know and you can grab the um it doesn't work as well like the city paper here in baltimore is good for it but yeah i always have that police blotter that who's gotten arrested and just the what the cops did about it and how many deaths yeah and out of drugs campuses it's always great because it's just you know stupid shit it's almost like the police they are also going to school to be police and they're just not quite ready yet.

Well, there's my mistake. I'd go to crappy open mics in Baltimore, read the University of Delaware school paper, and I'm like, Sanjay Sinktabha got his degree in theater today. Give it up, guys. Come on, give it up for him. Right on.

How many... Do you play schools often? I'd like to do it more just because to be frank, the money is pretty incredible. I don't know if schools are hip to that or not. Do they pay a lot? Yeah. They pay way too much.

That's pretty rad. You got paid a lot and then you just read their paper on stage. And I'm out, Delaware. Thank you very much. Thank you for the free t-shirt. Nice. Yeah, I enjoy doing it. I think it would be cool to,

if you did 40 or 50 colleges a year as a comedian, you can be set for the year. Yeah, there's a whole college circuit, right? Yeah, you kind of can audition for the schools. A lot of people do it different ways. Some people go to national conferences around the country. There's a couple different organizations that do it.

And you can submit to those. And if you get in, it's really just like organizations to do it um and you can submit to those and if you get in it's it's really just like going to a convention for like my dad sells uh or i grew when i was growing up he was selling office supplies and he would go to conventions and have like a booth there that people would come by and see what he's selling so you do that as a comedian set up like karaoke machine hey guys it's awkward man You know what's funny? It's better to go to these conferences and not perform. If you go and you're just in the booth. Just be yourself.

Yeah, you could show them if you have a good clip. You can show them that. If you go on in front of them and bomb, which I've done, then you've got to stand in your booth afterwards. You might as well have leper written at the top. These kids will jump your booth to get past you. Let's all forget the past 10 minutes. Come on over to my booth.

You'll taint the other booths in your area. These poor guys just trying to go pop. Shifting theirs to the side. Yeah, right. It's funny that uh what i've always heard about college shows when i've been to college shows you always think or at least i thought of as being like this huge gym or auditorium or theater and like when i saw stephen lynch in college you know it was you know 500 people there and when i was that when i opened

for you that was the first time i did a college i'm like cool me and matt betts are gonna do university of delaware we're gonna rock it it's gonna be 10 000 people there like there are even 10 000 people in delaware and then we got there and it's a cafeteria and i've done them since to where it's like even like that was actually a good setup for it like there was actually a stage at least like it was part of it blocked off for the show right um but yeah it's like it's uh yeah i've also done it i'm sure you've done it a million times where it's like comedy's interrupting whatever other people are doing we're trying to order a donut in the middle of well see you went out of your way and that's why i loved it is there was a stage and a curtain behind it you went out of your way to go around yeah you just sit there

and you're like this is the environment that they're looking at and you always think like people are in the audience are looking at this and they're almost a little uneasy because they're they're looking at it like wow like this must be the worst show this guy's ever done like he's in the middle of our cafeteria it's like don't worry like there's so many it's gonna going to get way worse, blue hens. Take it easy. Take it easy. But yeah, I love going to Delaware because my wife went there.

A cousin went. Did she go there? And you guys, didn't your wife go there? Yeah, Laura went there. So I just feel like it's close. I know it. You grow up near it. Sometimes when you're out in Iowa doing it,

a small private school. Feel pretty disconnected. Yeah, and you're out in Iowa doing a small private school. Feel pretty disconnected. Yeah, and you're not sure what to do. Because generally the rule is if you're doing a public school, and this may seem counterintuitive or what. Is that a word, counterintuitive? Mm-hmm. It makes sense.

If it's wrong, we'll edit in the right one. Counterintuitive. It'll flow real well. If you do University of alabama like you should probably err on the more conservative side but there are private universities in alabama where they're like obama 2012 am i right guys what's up yeah i just got my new bumper sticker from a prius am i in alabama right now so you kind of have to gauge that stuff yeah right right yeah i um i hear they can be rough too some sometimes the college gigs gigs because sometimes they'll be uptight yeah it's

a small like sampling of the uh you know all the people that come to the school like you get um at one girl at a school in utah had uh asperger's and came and sat in the front row and i walked her i didn't even know you could do that to someone with asperger's i just like give her like some crayons and she'd be all right but apparently she was you know well there goes all our asperger's listeners i don't have anything against anybody with asperger's i'm just saying like i not your people you can have a variety of people in the crowd. And the reason I walked her was because I was making fun of John Stockton. And if you can't, appreciate it. Wow.

John Stockton, Jeff Hornacek, you know, short, short jokes. He's the king of assists, you jerk. Screw you. Yeah. Sorry. Just not going to get along. That's where we part ways in the road. Yeah, you appreciate the mailman Carll malone more than john stockton i

actually did yeah yeah i did sure stand by it so suck it well uh are you from maryland yeah yeah i grew up here okay from monkton maryland i've never even heard of that where is that it's like by hereford um again uh 83 north past Hunt Valley before you get to the Maryland line. Closer to Maryland line. Okay. Yeah. Gotcha. And then you moved to Florida?

College in Florida. Then back to Maryland for a little bit. Then I was in Connecticut. Worked at ESPN for a little bit. Went to California. Worked at a summer camp. That's a natural progression. ESPN to summer camp.

Most people do that job met a girl fell in love moved with her to florida again to orlando that's where i started and then moved to la like right after starting and then really la for five years on the road for a little bit and now in new york wow so what did you do at espn? I cut highlights. Okay. Like I would watch, I would screen games for the remote. Like when you watch the NHL playoffs tonight, like there'll be a team of people who are cutting the highlights of all the other games that aren't being aired in front of you. Right.

Like the intermission highlights. Right. So they can cut to stuff from like earlier or whatever. Yeah. But where like SportsCenter, they have like minute-long highlight that tells the whole story of the game. Sometimes we would have to get a highlight in for the first intermission.

And in hockey, nobody scored. It's like, hey, here's three great cross-checks. Check it out. Were you looking for moments for cheesy catchphrases too? Like, that's a boom shakalaka. That's going to make it tonight. I would always screw that stuff up. Like there's that great Steve Martin bit

where he talks about always saying the wrong thing to women like you would meet them and say like, was it good for you too? Like I would do that with sports highlights where I would, you know, somebody just kind of came across half court in a basketball game and put up a three and I'd be like, he breaks down his

defender like a cheap lawn chair we would have this highlight supervisor be like he didn't do any of that so and i like a harlem globetrotters game more than yeah and the shot sheets that you use they kind of their little squares almost like a big tic-tac-toe board. Okay. You know, the setup, what happens, and the result. Right. And I just, being a comedian or I fancy myself a writer, like I would fill that thing up. Like brevity is not my strong suit. So not the catchphrase guy.

No, I was more like, hey, let's do a feature package. On dunking. It's like we need 15 seconds on the caps pens. I'm like, I, let's do a feature package on dunking. It's like, we need 15 seconds on the Caps pens. I'm like, I got eight minutes for you. Working on a documentary. Cool. Well, how did you get involved in that? Did you go to school for it? Yeah, I went to school for one.

I had a picture of Bob Costas on my wall when I was a kid. I swear to God, I wish that was a lie. Bob, if you're listening, I don't get it anymore. It's one of those things, like, a phase I went through. Yeah, I think he should just let his hair go a little salt and pepper. That would make him a little less weird looking, I think. Yeah, the dyeing is not. It's not good, especially in HD.

You can't really get away with that stuff now. Yeah. It's a little weird. And, yeah, salt and pepper. Chicks dig that, man. Yeah, and I don't. I don't find it attractive either. The dying or the salt and pepper?

Men in general. Whatever, bro. I don't fucking get it. There's some titties walking by. You can yell, hey, Amanda, all you want. There's no woman here. Bye, Steve. All these ladies just keep leaving my bedroom, guys.

This is embarrassing for the cast. It's so unprofessional. I always schedule these orgies right before. I think I would have learned after 30-some episodes. And then when you started doing stand-up, did you move to L.A. to do stand-up? Was that your goal, just to be a comedian? Yeah.

Yeah, it kind of was. It was, I think at the time I was doing improv at Sack Comedy Lab in Orlando, which is most well-known for Wayne Brady came out of there. Okay. So, I don't know. So, that's what attracted you out there well that's i don't know you're a big who's line yeah i'm like i gotta go to vegas and do uh let's make a deal but i didn't win and i came away with a giant uh now i'm doing a podcast with you and uh yeah so it was like um i i liked improv but i didn't like the

this is gonna sound bad i didn't like the team aspect yeah well a lot of comedians say that and then kind of vice versa that yeah like i think i prefer sketch or even working with an improv group that's kind of even a little bit more established but they're looking to get into sketch or video because i feel like i do better either writing ideas for sketches but uh but working with a team that's like ready to practice ready to do it when you're first starting out you got like you're trying to find a group of people to work with yeah one guy's a drug addict one girl's like married one person okay you don't have to make fun of my improv sorry directly all right It's hard to get everybody together, man. That's what you do?

Yeah, I'm in the Baltimore Improv Group. Oh, wow. Cool. I've never heard. I'm just kidding. Good for you. Who the fuck is that? I was just yes-ending.

We can actually kill the lights. My man. Fade to black. Fade to black. We nailed this one. Yeah, I've been doing improv for a couple years we just did the uh well not even really i guess it'll be two years in the fall so and that was just taking the classes like i've only been an official well i don't get paid either so you can't really

say like i'm an improviser i guess you can actually like particularly in comedy i mean there are people who yeah i don't think i'm a comedian and i've been doing this eight years right people have done two open mics and get a website that's a big pet peeve of mine yeah there's no i don't think there's anything to say you you know you are this like you are a doctor because you have that degree right i feel like maybe i don't know yeah i noticed when i went to your website i was going to do a little research and it's like let me check out this about section it's one sentence like thanks matt i'm gonna have fucking nothing to go on how do you feel it's like hi i'm matt that's about it it's like i i really hate those like third person and i'm probably gonna rag on your liner notes and your cd now finazzo but like third person but where it's like

matt and joey's yeah yeah and i'm like i was quickly rose to the top yeah i talked about my dog a lot so now yeah um what do you what do you think about uh because i haven't been at it as long not even half as long as you have at this point and but i it bothers me when somebody does two open mics and they have a facebook fan page for their comedy yeah i don't i mean i don't know who who is that can we talk about something like you know but yeah that's josh kaderna no what's his middle name it's a different guy right yeah yeah okay um but no like stuff like that drives me nuts or like when somebody has an official website yeah like to obviously to well i did something interesting with i thought it was interesting and i was actually talking to ben rosen about it one night i don't know if you guys know ben or not but he's a comedian around

here and uh he um lives up in new york now we're talking about i was like i shut off my facebook page and he was kind of like why did you do that? We need to have those. He grabs your arm. Hey, man. Come on, man. Don't do that. No, I know, Ben. It's probably just that concept is so foreign to him. He doesn't remember life without a Facebook page. Well, I don't know whether it's not really so much about his interest in it as much as like i didn't realize when i shut it off the responses i would get from people at how like crazy that is but i shut it off

because i had like and i'm not i'm not doing this for any other i'm doing i'll tell you i had like 5 000 friends or whatever you're bringing back my space yeah right i'm bringing back my space you're that guy i had 5 000 friends and i was like why half these people more than half most of them don't ever like come to shows like we're just friends for the click of the button that is a funny thing to go up and so i started a fan page and yeah i have like 200 people on there and i'm really happy about those 200 people because it's like i feel like those are people who notice that i wasn't on my other one anymore or noticed like i'm not getting this so it's like i feel like

that's a little bit more of a legitimate yeah yeah that does give you a false sense of fans or people that will show up to your shows like if i play playing a band like hey we're playing this friday come on out and you know you have 400 friends zero show up it's like you know these people aren't really your friends and most of it's just people you met at a party or like a friend of a friend yeah so yeah a guy in my band he was like well we need like 50 people to come to this show i mean you're friends with 400 people i mean some people could show up like i find that maybe like five and we have a lot of mutual friends so that cuts it down dramatically it really does when you start to overlap like that it's like actually you know five of them are my aunt's cats they're not all of them they're big fans but we're gonna burn them out man yeah i find most of my facebook friends

are people that i met at open mics that were trying comedy and then never did it again after that like it was like i'm a comedian too let's be friends on facebook and then never did it again after that. Like it was like, I'm a comedian too. Let's be friends on Facebook. And then they, I've never heard from them again. They just disappeared. It never had anything to do with comedy. So, um,

I, I don't know what the, um, the right way to do social networking at all is. I mean, I don't, um, I have Twitter and I have Tumblr and I have Facebook.

I still have my space. I haven't shut it off, I think, because I'm not really sure how to shut it off. It won't let you now. It's kind of retro to go back to. But I don't really know how to use it properly, I don't think. Like hashtagging and that's the pound sign. I'd like to learn.

There's somebody out there who's going to listen to this. Call me. Help me out with my Twitter, please. Please. I need help. Well, you seem to be doing alright social media-wise, I guess.

Right? I guess it's going alright. I'm happy about having that page be what it is. Right, right, right. If people want to find me, I'm not just there anymore. Right. But you tour all around the country, right? Yeah, a little bit.

I've had the fortune to go overseas, too, to London and Germany and the Middle East. Yeah, you've done uso tours right yeah so how does that go can you take us like from doing open mics in florida to la and then touring and colleges and then uso it's a pretty big uh career bleep i guess yeah i'm a good broadcaster retire like i'm ready for a memoir yeah yeah then I told Louis C.K. to suck it. End of chapter one. Tom Brokaw is going to help me write it. I'm going to do the

Lost Years or the Lost Generation. Not a comedian. Chapter one. I got rid of Facebook. It's a hard thing to try and switch gears from this career to another one. There have been times throughout the eight years where I've been like, maybe I should stop doing this.

It's not going to happen for me. I should do something else. You know what? I should just pitch for the Orioles. I should have just done it when I had the chance. Well, those are the worst things when you go out and shoot hoops one day and you're like, if I really work on my left hand, I can do it. I got a pretty killer hook.

Yeah, man. I'm like a tall John Socker. Trying to erase everything you've done is hard, especially with the internet now. Is that what you want to do, though? No, you don't. I was never a comedian. No, but I don't want to do that. But just the idea when it's crossed my mind before of how daunting of a task it would be to get like.

Yeah, it would be such a pain in the ass. Like, you know, some people are trying to be comedians and I'm trying to figure out how to. I could erase this. How to get out of Shawshank. Matt Betts crawled through 500 yards of one-liners. Came out snuggly. Setups and punchlines. It's like Matt Kaiser died in there.

Oh, man. I don't know what you were asking before. I'm just picturing Mike Vaninesse meeting you on a beach later when you're just cleaning a boat, repainting it. Brownsville's where he crossed the border. I think Sonny Fuller's like your Morgan Freeman. Yeah, right. On a beach.

That's where I'm going to meet you. Rape. I'm sure he was like Morgan Freeman. Tell you the truth, I didn't know what to make of Andy. Take that tall drink of water. What was the question? How do you go to one or one? No, like you're, I don't know.

I love doing this. I just know. I guess it is kind of a big question. Wander's in those direct. Well, I mean, like when you first did an open mic and then to go from doing uso tours is pretty big leap i don't know like just how you yeah how you got there like i i would say like a lot of it um there was probably two major things when i moved to la from orlando i uh because i had production experience i was looking for any jobs like i was working at Barnes & Noble

and this place called Pasta Pomodoro because they, you know, production work. Pasta Productions. Then Killborn, Craig Killborn left the Late Late Show. And I had a friend who I went to college with who went to high school with this girl who was a PA on Killborn's show. And when he left, there was all this shifting that happened on that show.

A lot of people left with him. A lot of people stayed. But mostly anybody in the office moved up the rung. And one PA position came up and getting coffee and lunches. And I got that job. Nice. And then worked there for the whole time pretty much that I was in LA and slowly moved up there but I was there for about a year and a half when I

started doing triple runs there there these tours of like Montana Idaho Wyoming you drive in between them so you have like 8 hour drives in between these cowboy bars bowling alleys where you perform and it was sometimes it's a cowboy bar and a bowling alley exactly those are the good ones we actually I'm pretty sure did a show

inside that shit pipe from Shawshank Redemption it was one of the shows that's the name of the bar is the Shit Pipe. So that was a good show. And that's where I got my tape, actually. Really? Well done.

No, I got a tape from up there. And when I got back, one of the executive producers was like, oh, so you do stand-up? Like, that's what you did on our vacation. Like, you drove around up there. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, well, let me have a look at it. And he talked to uh

ferguson who had taken over as host and one of the other executive producers and they're like well let's tape him one day with another comedian who we're taping anyway um in front of the audience and if he does well we'll air it and if not then you know and it went well it went like it's it would be hard pressed to have anything happen anymore that tops like how cool that was and just how supportive like, you know, that was that was like my coworkers, you know, and I remember doing it and thinking like I could come off stage here. And if I bomb like I still have to come to work on Monday. Right. Like other comedians and a lot of people were talking about nepotism before. But a lot of people are like, oh, you got that shot

because you were there. And that's absolutely true. That's totally true. Just because somebody opens the door for you, you still have to walk through it and do a good job. They've done that with some other people too who've worked there

and those people never made air. And I've done the show four times. Wow, four times? I'm so happy about what I've made out of it. And one kid who did it is such a fucking douchebag like i'm glad this set never made air his name chris harvey no but like you just he's never amounted to nothing and you're like the people who work hard they're like you want to see succeed and there's just so many people in la in that business and stuff where it's like yeah like there's some level of happiness that is derived from certain people right really being

shown how awful they are at something when they're so arrogant about it right yeah right that's just you know well yeah worked out for you though i thought it was cool and uh i definitely like most of my co-workers there and people that i worked with like i have a good memory of being there um but anyway so after i did it the first time though ferguson got an offer to do thanksgiving a uso tour in bahrain and after seeing me on the show he was like oh do you want to come over there and open for me so i opened for him hey yeah that's great wow that's pretty incredible yeah that was a was a trip. Yeah, I want to say that I know where Baja Fresh is.

Baja Rain. Baja Rain. But I have no idea. Iraq? I'm going to guess. No, Afghanistan. Bahrain? Yeah.

Is that a country? It's a country, yeah. We're editing all this out. I'm a dumb American. I'll give you a... You got to... You could guess where it is. Like, where in the world?

Canada? No. We don't have to do this together. Middle East? Actually, all that shit I said about my friend. Not my friend. The asshole from work. Like, yeah, you can take all that.

Or leave it all in. I don't care. No, I'll just overdub it. That nice guy. Take that part out. Leave this part in. So people on Twitter will get you some new followers. Yeah, right. Take that part out. Leave this part in. So people on Twitter will get you some new

followers. Who's that asshole? Yeah, how was it over there? It was cool. It was cool. I've done a couple tours now. I've done two with him. One to Bahrain and one to Germany and Kosovo and then three others that were armed forces. Germany. That's by New Jersey, right? Germany. Okay. Yeah. I knew that. I knew that were armed Germany that's by New Jersey right Germany okay

yeah I knew that I knew that East Germany right right right and then I've done a couple other with armed forces entertainment that was like Afghanistan Saudi wow Qatar UAE damn so are you flying around in Blackhawk helicopters and for those yeah some of the other ones it's all the ones actually that I've done with Ferguson, USO tours in Germany, Kosovo, and Bahrain were a cakewalk. I mean, no offense. Compared to the...

Yeah. Actually, going over there, and this will be another hot button thing. Going over there, you see... Controversy. You see how many bases we have in Germany and it's like,

I love doing these shows, but we could totally cut money from the Department of Defense to turn our economy around. Tell that in Alabama. People cringe at that. It's true. We could at least

re-channel that money to where it could be put to better use. Germany is alright right now. Pakistan probably could have focused some funds there over the last 10 years. Yeah, I think we have bases in over 100 countries or something crazy like that. Like some Marines left Okinawa today and it was like, what the fuck are we still doing? I saw it in the Washington Post, like, Okinawa closes down.

It's like, what is it, 1952? What is going on? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to get all political listeners. No, no, no. Like I said, we're't mean to get all political uh listeners no no no like i said we're just gonna cut all this out it's gonna be welcome to the 10 minute podcast i don't read so i have nothing to add and my improv skill sucks i'm like jump to a joke i got

nothing well well uh i'm sure mike moran's glad. Entourage sucks. Thanks. Thanks, Mike Moran. Hot butt. A lot of people didn't want to say this, but fuck Seattle's best. Oh, shit. I said it. I said it. That girl with Asperger's walked out again.

Oh, man. I forgot we tackled that earlier. I'm raring to go. Oh, no. Yeah forgot we tackled that earlier. And I'm like, where are we going? Oh, no. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, yeah, just the USO experience just seems pretty intense to me.

Just because you're actually on the base. And, I mean, there's no, like, special accommodations for the comedian, really. I mean, it's. No, no, no, no, no. Armed Forces Entertainment was, you were in some shit. USO, with all due respect to that. Oh, that's too different. Okay. I mean, USO, with all due respect to them, it's a... I mean, USO goes through

Armed Forces Entertainment. Armed Forces Entertainment is actually a taxpayer, I think, funded arm of Pentagon. It sounds like it could be a hip-hop label, actually. I actually have a luggage tag on the back of my book bag that I wear.

People are always like, wow, that sounds fun and scary all at the same time. More the latter. Yeah. But yeah, those are a little bit more intense. But USO, I remember when we went to Kosovo, they unlocked our doors and they put me in one room and I walked in and it was like this three bedroom, one bathroom, like Villa kind of thing in Kosovo and Ferguson. The next morning we were getting ready to leave and he opened his door.

Uh, and I think he asked me to grab something out of his room. And, it was like this like closet pretty much. What's up? Like, well, apocalypse.

But when I was in my room, I looking i was throwing something away and in the bottom of the trash can there was a comment card from the person who had stayed there before me and all their things were marked excellent and it was thank you very much camp bond steel Steel, sincerely, Sarah Palin. And I still have that. Nice. And it's like, yeah, somebody was like, you stole that. I'm like, I got it out of the bottom of the trash can. Somebody had thrown that away.

I don't give a fuck what Sarah Palin's in. Yeah, exactly. See, comedy has gotten you to the same room that Sarah Palin slept in. I wish I'd been there way earlier. Somewhere Craig Ferguson's telling a story about how he forged Sarah Palin's signature. He talks about it in the monologue as soon as he got back. And he talked directly to the camera to my mom.

He was like, Mrs. Betts, your son, he stole that card. That's awesome. And I was just like, you're just jealous because you didn't get, number one, the better room. Number two, you didn't get the comment card. And yeah, it was pretty sweet. I still have it. I've tried to eBay it a few times, but no takers. Really?

Yeah, I thought maybe I could get it. I don't know. Maybe they think it's forged. Maybe I took a photo of it, though. But how do you sell memorabilia online? I don't know. I mean like sign stuff. Isn't there a way to authenticate

that word? I tried to sell a Mike Messina autograph once. Couldn't get anything for it. How do you know it's Mike Messina? I mean I was there when he signed it. Trust me, man. My word means nothing. Yeah.

Make an account as Sarah Palin, maybe? Maybe. But it also says Kosovo, the name of the base, her name. Yeah. And it's more than just her signature, like a note written out. She kissed it, wrote, you betcha.

There were a lot of spelling errors. I rolled around in those sheets for a long time. It was hot. I imagined her librarian ass being there. Mama Grizzly. Mama Grizzly. Yeah. Good times.

Yeah. So when you did, I actually, I watched a couple of your Ferguson videos. That's cool. Ferguson, he doesn't stick around for the comedians anymore, right?

Isn't that a thing he does now? Like he just bolts at the end of the show? Well, he stays for me because I work there, and I think we have a relationship. You guys got that comic, right? But I don't think it's like a... It's not a slight or anything. It's funny.

I think actually like I've kind of... It seems like in his body language, he feels like he kind of has to because, yeah, he doesn't stay for practically anybody else. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know what the reasoning is. I think it's kind of shitty, to be honest, that he doesn't sit there. I mean, particularly somebody who started in comedy. Right.

To not support other comedians. It's the biggest deal for anybody who's on that show to do that. In front of him. And to have the host leave like that, I mean, it's rude that show to do that. In front of him. And to have the host leave like that. I mean, it's rude. He's the host. Right. Being at somebody's house after the party's over.

I thought that was a production thing. Because they film like 10 comedians or something. And then they air them all separately. So even if he films an introduction, it won't match the episode they air it on. They can fix that. Oh, well. They fix it with bands. They tape the bands out of order.

They tape bands multiple times. They tape comedians multiple times. They could fix it. I think it's kind of shitty, to be perfectly honest with you. Yeah, it's got to be weird for the comedian, too, because they just walk out, right? The host doesn't introduce you, and you're like, hey, you thought the show was over but it's not yeah the host isn't there yeah well to welcome them or to say goodbye to them yeah i just think it's i think it's a um it's like you're not it also makes people i think and rightfully so feel like they're not important enough to be on the

show you know just in case craig ferguson's listening uh i think that's a great policy i would walk out too open mics i walk out all the time same exact thing this may hate that comment like you're not getting on filling out your uh address label for fallon man no that's all right. Don't worry. We're going to hug it out. I'm not getting on anything.

Yes, you will. I'm getting on Bats' YouTube channel. Yeah. Do you have one? That's got three subscribers. Oh. Yeah. All your ants cats.

Three percent of my likes. We should merge and have five followers or subscribers. Two of them are probably the same people yeah brad hudson yeah no need no need yeah i just wanted to ask about that because i i heard that he does that like he just yeah maybe he's just burnt out i guess i don't know i mean i don't know i don't know i i'm not really sure the total reason why. I can remember doing the Laugh Factory show once that a bunch of people from CBS came to because we were working on a pilot for a show. Oh, cool. So they all kind of higher ups in the CBS development department came.

And he came also. And I remember I was standing outside because i just i don't i'm too nervous i was twice as nervous that day because of all of them being there right and um he was actually hanging out outside too and i remember chatting with him about it and i think it's maybe just one of those things like some comedians just it makes you nervous to see somebody else up there doing like what you do. Right. I mean, I don't know if that's, you know, justification enough. I mean, in the end, like I enjoyed like working there a lot.

Like we definitely like have a good relationship, but like, yeah, it's, it's definitely an interesting thing where you're like, Hey, this is a really a big deal for somebody else. So even if it is uncomfortable for you, yeah. Kind of bite the bullet. Yeah. I mean,

how many comedians do they have on a show like that? Like 24 a year, maybe. Right. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. It's not like it's every night.

Yeah. Yeah. So I didn't even think about that. Yeah. And if it is going to be an issue with like the wardrobe, not matching up or something like, yeah, that stuff out like the staff there is great like they got costume like wardrobe people that can you know be on top of that shit shoot them from the neck up yeah whatever yeah give us this shit this next person yeah exactly Yeah, so how long did you stay out in L.A.?

I was there for five years. 2009 I left. The Afghanistan thing is got the call to go over there and so left the show to go do that. Okay. And then when you came back, you moved to New York? No, I was on the road for about a year and a half, two years. I don't say that like I was sleeping in my car every day. I rode for about a year and a half, two years, just kind of.

I don't say that like I was sleeping in my car every day. Like I just would drive to like Chicago and I have friends there I'd stay with. And I'd try to do Zany's in the other rooms there. And then I'd go to Denver and stay with some more friends. So no permanent address. There was an odd night here or there. Yeah. Right.

Kind of just use my parents' address, which is sexy when you're 30. Absolutely. So good. So how was doing stand-up in L.A., especially when you're just starting? It's good. I remember when I first got there, one of the writers on the Late Late Show was like, she's like, you're just starting. And I was like, yeah.

She's like, this is a terrible place to start. That's what I always hear about LA. I'm here already. I've started, I've released. Yeah, even if she thinks that, she could have just kept that to herself. Number one, I suck right now. I'm making no money.

I just handed you a coffee. Can you make something about my day feel better gives you a gold star there you go kid hey good for you but i i liked it i mean uh it it was a you know it was where i learned so i don't know if any other place was better or worse i just knew being in orlando that there weren't enough places to get up every night. And I was a big, I heard that a lot from a lot of people that I respected out there when I started to just, you're going to suck,

but go do it as much as you can, like 30 sets and 30 days. Damn. So is that what you did when you first started? Yeah. I would try and hit that number at least, even if it was like, okay,

I'll do four, uh, four sets in one night and then not do one the next night and then do two, but try and do 30. 30 for 30 for you ESPNers out there. Bringing it back. Yeah, man. Bringing it back.

And it's a tag. It's circular. There it is. Boom shakalaka. That was as cool as the other side of the pillow. Whoa. With the whip and boom goes the dynamite. other side of the pillow. With the whip. And boom goes the dynamite.

Passes to the player. Right on. So now you live in New York, though, right? Yeah. Was in Denver for a little bit in between, which that was pretty cool. That was a good scene. And then moved to New York in about a year and a half now. Okay.

So working mostly Gotham and the Strip and about a year and a half now okay so uh working like uh mostly Gotham and the Strip and Dangerfields and Laughing Devil cool yeah that's pretty good for somebody who wants to quit comedy you're doing pretty good yeah I yeah man it's it's different different parts of it like I the hanging out like at the club like it's nothing against the other comics or even like the people who like work there it's nothing against the other comics or even the people who work there. It's just you start to want to hang out at home more. I want to not be at a club for two hours where I drink and smoke cigarettes. Well, I guess you got married recently?

January, yeah. Wow. So yeah, that's pretty recent. So yeah, it's better to be like, hey, honey, I'm just going to hang out with these guys. I'll see you at four in the morning, I'm just going to hang out with these guys. I'll see you at four in the morning, maybe. We're kind of getting to the point where she's like, no, you can go. It's fine.

You sure? Yeah, we have a very new age relationship, so it's really great. It's just like, she's like, just get away from me. That's a good feeling when you reach that point. You guys are so progressive, man. It's awesome. Good for you reach that point you guys are so progressive man that's awesome good for you yeah it's it's nice i'm enjoying it we um cool still in that honeymoon phase yeah yeah cool cool so how is uh the scene in new york treating you uh it's good i i like the um

just being able to get around and not have to drive everywhere. But really, other than that, this whole thing about New York versus L.A., that is the only difference. And the weather. But that's it. There's a lot of ambitious people, a lot of people who are poor, a lot of rich people, a lot of people running in different directions.

Sure. A lot of delusion. But New York, you can ride the subway in L.A., you have to get in a car. That's pretty much the big difference between the two cities. You're going to work out on bits on us. No, no, that's it, man.

New York's a little different than LA. I guess the pizza's better. Right? Sorry, no more bits. No, I like the scene there and the comedians. I feel like when you're in New York, any show you go to, the lineup top to bottom comedians. I feel like when you're in New York, any show you go to, the lineup top to bottom

is stronger. When you go to LA, I remember doing more shows out there where you had a couple actors or, no offense, but improvers on the thing. Well, on an unrelated note, this cast is over. It's just a different feel,

or you can tell people are maybe up there doing different stuff, whereas in New York, it's almost... It's just stand-up. You can tell people are there for doing stand-up for stand-up. Right. I was talking to somebody, and they said to them, like, they've lived in New York for a long time,

lived in L.A. for a long time. They said they became a better writer in L.A., but a better performer in New York for a long time, lived in LA for a long time. They said they became a better writer in LA, but a better performer in New York. Just because like in LA, it's more of an alt comedy driven scene. It's more forgiving. You learn how to write smarter bits because they're more patient audiences. But in New York, it's like you have to be there to perform

and you're more of a joke teller. Do you think that's true at all? I think depending on the rooms you're in in New York, that's true. But I think there's just as much of that. And maybe it started, it's weird how UCB and that kind of culture has gone from Chicago to L.A., and I feel like it's almost been slower to start in New York, whereas just by virtue of the fact that UC UCB and improv olympic have been

near groundlings in LA and some people have started to go there for like SNL and things like that yeah but then UCB is really the one out of all of them that has stand-up shows yeah this kind of crossover happening and so in New York with UCB and some of those shows are like places like the creek, the creek, the cave. You have all these people who are doing improv and more alternative stuff where performing is becoming more important. But if you go to New York Comedy Club or Caroline's or Times Square, like it is a little bit more of a traditional stand-up thing. Right, right. Yeah, last time I was in New York, well, actually, I guess the time before, we saw a stand-up show at UCB East.

I really like that, that there's a mix that the cultures can mix. Because it's not really that different, like improv and stand-up. I mean, if you're funny and you can perform. It's like New York and L.A. You know what I mean? It's like cars and trains. Come on, guys. Come on, guys.

Airplane food. Black people and white people are different, huh? I haven't noticed that. Keep it down, man. All right, see you later, baby. She's leaving again. All she does is leave and have sex with me. It's so weird.

I'm just happy we're laughing again i feel like there's like a 20 minute chunk in the middle there that was yeah i'm sorry dark no no i don't think it was dark no all right good no good what happened with every comedian on every podcast like anytime i listen to like mark maron or i never heard of him or like they do uh whatever those were cut those out no. No, no, no. I don't care. I listen to all those podcasts. Yeah.

But there's always like a point where either the host or the person being interviewed, particularly if they're comedians, are like, was this okay? Was this good? Yeah. Yeah. So I don't give a shit. We'll have a segment where we all cry. That's normally towards the end, though, because we try to keep the listeners around.

No. Well, you always hear about that. There's, you know, there's the light and the dark side to stand up where it can be isolating and then you just kind of get tired of it after a while but you also enjoy performing and then it just becomes a grind so it's like it's a job like any other job right i i think they're definitely um yeah just moments like that and well that's actually a cool part about improv or doing sketch where you have those other team members or people you're working with

like to go through it with you know when I was reading Tina Fey's book and hearing about their kind of second city travel yeah that sounds awesome doesn't it where they just get in a van and dick around. But I'm sure parts of that were difficult,

just like it's difficult being alone. But they weren't making any money either. So you're crashing on couches, eating fast food. It's glorious. Eat combos to a podcast, you know? I know, and I'm just like, now I'm married. So I guess this is better. Oh, man, she's going to love listening to this podcast.

She's not going to listen. Plus, we're like, what, an hour in or so? Yeah. Yeah, so she's like, yeah, she won't. Maybe she could fast forward. I'll tell her 103.28, honey, is the time. Maybe from 103 to 104.2. It's all you, girl.

I love you. I'm going gonna go hang out at a bar all right yeah well i guess we could uh we can wrap it up it's been about an hour oh i don't want to i didn't mean to but yeah whatever you guys need to do well i wanted to ask just because you said you did sketch and improv do you still do sketch and write just before we get out of here because yeah that's kind of my focus right now is to try and do uh like write for um late night okay i really enjoyed that aspect of being at ferguson like i right i was a writer's assistant before i left um but uh you know that's something that i always like admired the guys who were actually doing that. Is that, like, monologue jokes or is that bits or, like, sketches?

I enjoy writing monologue jokes. It's definitely, like, a – it's almost like a skill. Like, the more you – I know it sounds stupid. I guess everything is. But the more you do that, if you write, like – Right. I found if I try and write ten monologue jokes a day. Yeah, well, they all have to be topical, too, right? And that type of stuff. Yeah, and you kind of get wrapped up in the current events. you do that if you write like right i found if i try and write 10 monologue jokes yeah well they

all have to be topical too right and that type of stuff so you kind of get wrapped up in the current events and you know you start to kind of learn the the there's almost like formulas to the way they like misdirection or okay you know um nuke gingrich uh you know we'll talk about him being fat and uh right three wives i feel like feel like Jay Leno does a lot of those, like the zigzag kind of jokes in his monologue. See this, Obama? I can't think of any offhand, but I know that he does that. So I mean that, but also just sketches.

I could put together an SNL packet and some other ones and just trying to pitch those around. Cool. So would, would you try to be a writer on the show? Yeah, I would love to. I don't, um, I have such respect for the, the people who do, uh, actually who do improv and sketch, man.

I have a, for you guys who do it well, like it's, um, it's great. Uh, but just like stand up, like when it it's bad, it's a thing of beauty. Oh, yeah. It's like, oh, man. Yep. And the thing with improv, too, is normally if you're doing a 20-minute set, you're just like, okay, we got 18 more minutes to go. I feel with stand-up, you can kind of bail after a couple minutes, maybe.

Well, I guess depending when you're performing, like where in the night. Yeah, if you're getting paid to a certain you can't really stick right but right yeah that's true but you could get out early if it's uh yeah yeah yeah that's true if you want to see me do that come to high tops on sunday i always like to do a 35 minute set in 27 minutes right on um yeah so good luck with snl and uh writing so with uh with the late night shows are you just submitting stuff are you on a staff are you working uh no yeah just submitting to all of them right and whether it's stand-up tapes or um like packets for being in their writer's room right right um cool uh yeah i mean i'll still submit to Ferguson and if you need help with that, let me know. But like,

um, I don't, uh, it'd be cool to just do like, uh, another show just because I think they're probably, probably sick of me over there. Hey guys.

Hey, remember me? Yeah. Cool, man. All right. Well, let's,

let's wrap this up. Let's do our, let's do some plugs what do you think mike finazzo entourage sucks all right my man oh yeah this is a wrap it up music i'm not i'm not much of a laying it down on the ones and the twos no i'm more of a bacon brothers fan okay musically uh-huh thatically A little bit of Hall & Oates Christopher Cross Have you seen his show?

Daryl Hall In the house or whatever He has musicians I watched the Rob Thomas episode You want to talk about two of the coolest Whitest motherfuckers Give me your heart, make it real I think when black people think of white people,

that's what they think it is. Let's go to Daryl Hall's house and see Matchbox 20. Rob Thomas just hanging out. That makes sense. He should be there. Let's eat some mayonnaise, huh? Exactly. All right, well, yeah yo you are performing

this will come out tomorrow Saturday the 28th do you have a show tomorrow not tomorrow although Sunday I'll be at Sonoma's in Columbia and then over at High Tops and then Monday I'm doing

Sidebar I think as long as i can still do that yeah absolutely come to as long as you want um but more importantly you're at chuckle storm on tuesday night eight o'clock yeah everybody be there it's a good room it's a good show it's a nice mix of sketch sometimes i do sketch i guess and then i'll be'll be in Syracuse with Pat Dixon III through the 6th. And then real big, if you guys, if you don't mind me saying so, May 12th.

All right, we're not going to have enough time for the kids, sorry. I'm looking at the MacBook. This thing is filling up. Now it's time for my plugs. May 12th is the Cristo Rey Stand Up for Students benefit at Center Stage

So that benefits their scholarship Foundation for the high school kids over there So I teach a class There and so a couple of the students Will be performing as well as myself And Richie Byrne who's a funny guy Awesome, I'm hoping for him, he is a funny guy Center Stage May 12th

Please check out their website for tickets Hell yeah Mr. Fianazzo I have a CD coming out May 29th It's called Better Robot Records It's called Entourage Sucks Volume 1 I've moved on, Turtle Lost Weight, it's a good show

CD comes out May 29th Are you in town May 28th for some reason, Matt? I'm sorry. I'm trying to give you work. I'm trying to mess up your plugs with my combos. Son of a bitch. No, that's going to work.

We're going to get that combo money, son. Combos are delicious. Are you going to be in town May 28th, Memorial Day weekend? Or are you away or back in New York? Let me look, but I think I could be there. What are you doing? It's going to be kind of a CD,

not really a CD release party, but I want to do a show with like five comedians. It's a CD release party. We're going to happen to have the CD there, but if you want to come by and do that, if you're going to be in town anyway. Is Proud going to be performing? No, this is real comedy. Wow. Okay. But no,d comes out yeah it's all right it's all right go ahead mike yeah i was good your album turning yeah i was going for the record

the garage band's not that good so we have to michael winslow it right no yeah you're gonna have a great album mike keep talking no i'd love to do that. I've done two CD release parties now. They're fun. Well, this will be the worst one. Awesome. But yes, it's going to be at Sidebar May 28th. Everybody's got to know where their bottom is. We're just helping you out.

That's all. Well, I figured this was the bottom of your podcast life. Not at all. I'm psyched. I'm going to put the gun away now. Thank you for saying that. Besides, I go see Matt Betts at Chuckle Storm this Tuesday. Yeah, this Tuesday.

Come on out. And yeah, everybody should come out for the CD release party. We're working on the details, but you'll be performing at High Tops. That's Sunday, the 27th. Oh, yeah. Memorial Day weekend. I'm also at High Tops, the all-star show there. Seton Smith, Adam Dodd. Yeah, it should be a really good show.

And we're going to have some CDs and shirts and stuff for sale too. Hopefully we can get the official release party the day after. And that'll be free. It'll also be my birthday. Nice. I don't have friends. So, uh, Josh's friends that listen to this,

come celebrate my birth Like me on Facebook Exactly And I have a show With my troupe Today, the 28th At Mob Town Theater I think it's 7 bucks, 8 o'clock

Everybody come on out to that And yeah, thanks for listening everybody matt thanks for coming by thank you guys appreciate it appreciate it mike finazzo thanks for sitting there i'll see you tomorrow all right yeah eat your burrito everybody enjoy your taco Thank you.