The Digression Sessions - Ep. 343 - Your Uber Driver

Episode Date: April 12, 2021

On this week's episode, Josh and Umar are catching up on Umar's shows with Normand and his engagement, and Josh's Dad's health notes.

I can't do it. My God. Well, welcome back to the digression sessions. Hello. Hi. We took a took a couple weeks off. Yeah, I was traveling traveling i had some shit going on uh but here we are we're doing it we are back baby um yeah we're in felt we are in uh umar's house yeah i'm sipping some coffee out of the slipknot mug all right loving loving life yeah nolan uh friend of the pot well is he no well he's a friend of the pot he's a friend of us yeah well he listens to the pot but yeah he said his um i think he said his we invited him on the podcast once but he said his pussy hurt too bad yeah he couldn't come on open invite yeah nolan nolan i think he wants to do it actually and i think he will now since he's vaxxed up um but yeah so i just made a joke on Instagram. I said, hey, somebody buy me this Slipknot mug, and it's Slipknot with...

I know it's not... It's baby... I know... I don't know. It's what... Everyone calls it Baby Yoda. What is... Oh, I didn't...

I never noticed he has a guitar in it. Yeah, or a uke. A uke. Is it a guitar or a uke? Well, yeah, it looks like a ukulele. Yeah, anyway, so shout out to Nolan for buying me that mug. Shout out to Baby Yoda. Also, it's way too nice.

Open invite on the pod. Open invite. Please come. Love that Nolan. Yeah, he's the best. Cobb staring at me. He's comfy as hell. I like that he's exhausted from just licking himself.

He's like, I gotta take a break. Yeah, so yeah. I mean, anything new with you, Omar? No. Wow. I was in... There's so much to talk about. I was on spring.

I had the best spring break of my life. Woo! So, you went down to Cancun. Went to Cancun. Went t-shirt contest. Fucked some co-eds. You did? Yeah.

Multiple? Mm-hmm. You scoundrel. Shit. Carson Daly was there oh man did you get to hang out with uh jesse jesse yeah we did we did heroin together hey umar hey i'm 49 years old do you want to do heroin and listen to the strokes all right yeah that was like the was that the late 90s or early 2000 because they did that vj con remember vjs oh do i video jackie oh yeah oh do i um yeah that was uh all that kind of blends in where i'm like was that 99 or 2002 right i don't know either way i was watching it me too i was into it every day after school trl let's go baby yeah i remember the first time i voted oh that was a big election i'm glad dude

we got in there corn's freak on a leash was always like in the top four and um dude my friends and i would vote incessantly that bothered me because was like, all these people just now getting into corn. Wow. I had the self-titled tape in sixth grade. The tape, my guy. And I was like, who are all these posers? I got to say, I'm very looking back with 2020 goggles. I'm very happy I wasn't too into corn.

You know what I mean? I was in the perfect amount of corn where I only knew Freak on the Leash. Oh, buddy. I loved corn. Had the VHS. That was a big thing too when bands put those out i had that the uh yeah the first two uh i had the tape and then i remember going to tower records and i bought life is peachy oh wow i think i got that and ever clear so much for the clear so much for the afterglow i had a lot of range as a 12-year-old or a 14-year-old. I do not understand Everclear.

What's their biggest song? What It's Like. Is that them? No. Who's that? I don't even know what song that is. They have Father of Mine, which is pretty big. Oh, Everclear, the guy who always sings about his dad.

Yes, Art Alex Ox. Yeah, they're good. So much for the Afterglow is a solid album. They're a good just standard rock band. Woo. Yeah. After that, I was like, I'm not interested. They're like dad rock now.

But at the time, they were like, you know, 25. I remember my friend's parents like them. Yeah, I can see that. I mean, they were around for a long time but also yeah as like a child of divorce to i'm like yeah where is my fucking whatever who cares my dad where's yeah i don't even care but listen life is peachy and like have you heard that album no the opening song is called twist and uh jonathan davis doesn't even really say words he's just like oh yeah there's a video of

him online i guess he did a solo project oh he did and there's a video it looks like it's just a um a guy on meth so he got into uh jonathan davis of corn everybody yeah but he got into what's the uh um that new that shit fuck what is it called i feel so um it's like it's techno but it's like aggressive it's like new metal meets edm that's it yeah edm yeah he got really into that doing like solo stuff that's tough when you're like 50 and you're like actually i'm into edm stuff now yeah i mean, yeah, dude. It's like... Dude, did you watch the Tina Turner documentary? No. On HBO?

No. Very good. I think it's a great watch. I don't know anything about Tina Turner. Yeah. Just that one very famous song, What Love's Got to Do With It. Yeah. But I had crazy story, like the abuse yeah also like i

but ike turner still like ike turner abused the shit out of like battered this woman and he still was inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame yeah way after everyone knew about they're like come on he was the first he released the first rock album and he got some he got some good takes out of her did he not yes that's true bono's inducting him like while we don't agree with his methods he did make some hits she kind of talked about what do you do when you know you because she didn't really break until she was 50 and then um she still had a huge she was like the biggest pop star for a while yeah and then she said you know what what do you just have to fade out into the limelight and when you don't then you get someone from corn doing edm yeah it's also it's just what are you gonna do yeah like that's i mean i guess you could fade out but also, it's just, what are you going to do? Yeah. Like, that's, I mean, I guess you could fade out, but yeah.

It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. I think about that. I was thinking about that. With us in comedy. Yeah, sure. I'm like, what do we do?

You know? I was thinking about doing some EDM sets, actually. Oh, yeah. Do some bits over those. Yeah. Have a blessed day. It is hard i think about like why what point does it get silly for us to do comedy yeah or music you can just do in your house you don't ever have to release it but like

when does it get silly to stop playing like i mean i but i think about bands like if you're like just a local hardcore band when when do you hang that hat up you know yeah i think there's a way your gut hangs over your studded belt yeah i was gonna say there's a bad look there's a way to do it with dignity like if you're if you're still acting like you're in your prime and you're like i'm i'm this close to making it that's sad but i think if you're kind of self-aware yeah you can probably do whatever dude i gotta say uh fred durst i listened to an interview with him um do you remember that nickelodeon show we were too old for to watch it but it was like two dudes uh and oh my god josh and drake and josh drake and

josh i think that's disney though right right? No, no, no, no. That's Nickelodeon. It was Nickelodeon for sure. Oh. And Josh has a podcast now, and he interviews, like, you know, just famous friends. Tim Dillon was on it. It was very good. Huh.

But Fred Durst was on it. Yeah. Dude, listen to that podcast with Fred. You will love this man. I mean, he's a genius. Oh, and he... And he created, like,red durst was just uh like that guy it was a character he was doing um and his whole goal was to get into to making movies and the way that he like that was just so crazy about the i guess like entertainment pretty much anything before the internet or i don't even know there

was just like a time in america i also think it had a lot to do with being white but you could just like fall into a job in entertainment uh yeah uh so like fred durst he was he wanted to he got into hip-hop he was like this white kid that went to an all-black school he was like his dad was a cop he got beat up all the time and his dad hated rap music and tattoos and all that shit because all the people he was arresting like you know like that look like that yeah uh sounded like that so but so fred durst got really into hip-hop and he wanted to start like a rock hip-hop band where he's like the leader like you know he's a front man it's more like hip-hop inspired rock because he just said at the time no one was doing that yeah anyway so he just called a record label and was like uh hey can i talk to rick ruby nice you know the famous and they're like so they're like uh no he doesn't

work here so he kept calling and he would change his voice and finally someone had to explain him like rick rubin doesn't work for the label he's a producer that we you know hire to make who is he calling death jam he just what i can't remember what record label was but just the back of like a beastie boy or whatever yeah yeah yeah and then he got hip to the fact he's like oh so then he would call back and say hey rick uh ruben is interested i'm the manager of this band rick ruben's interested in signing or producing their album but they don't have a label yet and he wants label reps to come out and watch the band play and so they did and

that's how they got signed how fucking cool is that i mean that's insane it's pretty smart yeah well that is the way that a lot of stuff works is like if they it's all about the not actual content but the buzz around the concert so like if you can create that that they're like oh my god other people are interested in limp biscuit we better go check out these guys i know crazy that's yeah it's smart i mean he seems like a very self-aware guy like speaking up like where down to earth very humble yeah i mean they still do the tours and like they did like some type of uh new metal metal cruise a few years ago. Imagine being on that boat.

And who wants to go see Limp Bizkit on a cruise? But that's the problem that I've seen with some of our friends that have gotten famous. That you build this fan base. And at a certain point, you lose control over what it is and it's just like yeah you are making tons of money and you might not necessarily like all the people that are into your stuff you don't get to control that it's too hard to stop because you're making like so much money also what are you gonna do yeah exactly you don't really i remember tim dylan told me that like he was like dude at a certain point you don't care who comes to your shows you just care that they come yeah i mean exactly they're not like all right uh you can make a

hundred grand doing this cruise for seven days for the worst people on earth they're like okay yeah exactly you're like all right that will pay my mortgage for the year yeah or where yeah i'm sure they're doing fine but yeah and then also you're like all right fuck it we'll tour i mean if people are coming like we'll go to russia and play nirvana covers and stuff you know like people are gonna watch it crazy um so i thought yeah it just it's cool because like back then in like you know before the internet twitter and all and Instagram, you didn't really get to see... There was no inside into people that you... Celebrities or artists that you like.

So I think today it would be very clear that Fred Durst is doing a character. But back then, it just wasn't. I think he also... There might be a little bit of spin there's a bit of revisionist history there where it's like you know how i was kind of like a douchebag on like you know a 10 out of 10 scale for like i don't know a decade or more that was a bit i look back on it and i think like well was he actually being a douchebag of course yeah i mean no dude i should call up all my ex-girlfriends that like hate me because i was a piece of shit to them like hey listen guy i was

doing a character okay i can see how you would believe that but here's the thing i was doing a bit yeah and uh helping bring awareness to the me too movement so i was way early in on the game i was actually trying to put it out there of like this is bad behavior and trying to put a spotlight on that this is what women go through right in a selfless way i was trying to help yes anyway what are your pronouns babe also you're trying to fuck you're trying to fuck um yeah no i think also like the dude is just having the fucking time of his life like you put out a song called nookie like speaking of like trl like that song was huge it's like yeah i did it all for the nookie yeah like stadiums of people are like yes

but i also think i don't know i kind of want to believe that he just knew what would play what would sell yeah i mean there's there's that too, but I definitely think you're enjoying it. You know what I mean? Oh, 100%. But he did say he stopped enjoying it when he would look out into the crowd and see people dress like him that he was like, oh, well, I would hate you. You were the kind of people that bullied me in high school. Yeah. So I think that, I don't know, that might be true.

Who knows? Yeah. But it could be 2020. It just? Yeah. But it could be 2020. It just sounds cooler to say those things in 2020. What you're putting out and then what you're getting in return, you can't be shocked. You're like, when we put out hot dog, what was it? Hot dog. Or like chocolate starfish in the hot dog flavored water.

Yeah. We attracted a certain type of fan. We didn't know. Yeah. we didn't know yeah yeah we didn't know we would get people exclusively living for in trailer parks yeah like you have a song called i did it all for the nookie which means like i just fucked you like for pussy you know like yeah and then he's like we attracted a certain type of fan that i didn't like what are you talking about yeah like like that'd be like if you're doing like comedy and you're like hey men and women are different huh yeah like yeah for sure like if you're doing hack

shit jeff dunham yeah you're like i don't like my fans like well you're putting out a thing there for yeah it's the most interesting thing to see from being in comedy is um the you know the industry like the whatever the show business industry of every like music or comedy whatever they want to push something that most of america doesn't actually want yeah and so now you see um the biggest names in comedy and music they're not mainstream anymore or they're not like all over tv like like dude like i didn't even know that chick bad baby that catch me outside chick from dr phil bro do you know how popular she is i knew she was very popular i mean she's been popular for a couple years now no fucking clue until a week ago i was following she has like a war she broke records for being

like the youngest female hip-hop artist on the billboard charts and you know what i say to that catch me outside how about that? Also not that bad looking. That was another weird thing. 18. I was actually talking to Chris Allen because I forget what. He made a post. So, yeah. So, I commented back.

I think I said the laughing emoji. And he was saying that Robert Kelly's fans were reaching out and being like, you know she's 18. And he was like, you imagine having fans like that? I was like bad fans yeah b-h-a-d um but oh yeah just to say like if you go to like comedy central go to like netflix and the things the comedy they try to sell you is like all these and there's nothing wrong with it uh i think they're trying to i don't know what they're trying to do but be inclusive yes so they're putting up like these woke comics all different

backgrounds uh they're not really funny but they're kind of talking about more you know things that have to deal with their them being gay or ethnic or whatever. Right. Their story, their cultural kind of perspective. The comics who sell the most in this country are Tom Segura, Joe Rogan, Nate Bergazzi, Brendan... White guys. They're just straight white dudes who do... Besides Tim Dillon, yeah. Yeah.

Tim Dillon, he appeals to the same crowd. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah it's just middle white america it's funny because tim doesn't talk about being gay at all right like i mean he it's he doesn't hide from it but it's not a major part of his act but like uh so it's it's just so interesting like okay so like i guess we can get into the the uh i did uh i was in columbus ohio with mark norman and chris allen yeah at the columbus funny bone which is in eastern columbus and uh it's like a fake town yeah it's uh it's just a town it's a huge outdoor mall like any store you think of tesla ll bean aria like every fucking store yeah it's all like this outside they're trying to make it look cool like fake stone i was gonna say that's that's the new thing because they kind of have that in

columbia too like every like being a mini mall or a shopping mall they're like oh that's gross but what if we put in a fake facade that looks like an aged kind of stone yeah yeah oh yeah for sure but it's just made of plastic probably right yeah type of fake granite thing and uh so we um were lucky enough i mean chris and i were lucky enough that they have a condo that we stayed in yeah um and so uh oh by the way you took me to the airport yes uh which you know thank you no problem my flight got delayed oh i should have left at 11 30 departed yeah um but even before you picked me up my flight was delayed an hour and And I was like, oh, whatever. It's a free ride.

Bro, how much do you think it would have cost me to Uber to the airport? I mean, less than $50. $80. What? Yeah, there was like a surge because I think it was a spring break or something. Gotcha. So then I get to the airport, delay and then another delay and so i ended up being at the airport for five four and a half hours jesus christ just doing nothing jesus that'd be really hard not to booze in that situation because you're like what do i fucking

yeah so i walked yeah so i just walk laps around the airport i read a book or you know read and then i walked to this bar like flying dog has a bar there i walked up to it twice i was like what the fuck no fuck that dude it's 10 30 in the morning i know you're gonna pay 12 you're gonna drink two beers and you're gonna hate yourself for drinking yeah this early the calories fuck that uh so i just like just kept i just literally walked around the mall sat walked sat walked it fucking sucked but anyway good on you for for not boozing then i get on the plane uh the dude was like hey uh we're gonna have horrific weather the whole way just insane turbulence the whole way there it was pretty uh it was like kind of rainy and like overcast and yeah so um hey so dude the worst landing i've ever had in my life. I mean, we're shaking the whole time we're descending.

It's so windy. It's just like... Can you imagine if you were drunk on that flight? You're just vomiting. And you're like... Or people who take edibles. Dude, so we're like... And then the plane hit the ground.

It was like, boom. And, like, to the point where, like, everyone turned and looked at each other. Like, everyone locked eyes with each other. Yeah. And the pilot was like, and it was so bad, he had to say something. So he got on the thing and was like, ladies and joe yeah we uh he's like we've arrived and uh if that didn't wake you up then i don't know what will or something stupid and uh i just was like how about just say sorry yeah i know you're probably wondering and i am

drunk yeah yeah well we made it yeah uh anyway the shows are it's one of the best comedy clubs it's like a theater style seating where there's a balcony that comes halfway over the bottom floor it's like brand new but it's fucking awesome nice shows were every show was just sold out killer fuck yeah um uh and yeah it was just like the best weekend you just hang out all day yeah we stayed out until 4 30 in the morning every day jesus just talking comedy and uh that's another funny thing like oh dude also all right so yeah uh it's funny because like people like what are you guys doing let's go party and we're like no no fuck that and we just go back to the condo and we literally are just like uh talking shit about other comics or we're talking shit about like our relationships or whatever and then just like pitching joke ideas

to each other uh-huh it's just funny because people think like i think people especially because mark i think he lies a lot about how much he parties. Yeah. Because it sounds cooler. I think people think we just go out. He goes out every night and like- Rages. Yeah. We're doing shots and shit. Yeah.

So funny. Yeah. Also, how can you do that on every weekend, every night? No way. And, oh, so it's this fake town. And this is how much of a douche i am so uh we're in this fake town and you know we go out after the first night of shows uh we go out we go out to this place called like world of beers it's just like a shitty chain that's in the rotunda wait are you kidding me no oh really yeah yeah i think they closed or it was something like that but i think it's a rotunda

yeah it's just like a shitty chain so yeah so we all sit down and uh we um the waiter comes over and this is because i'm just so used to going to nice places, nice cocktails where people care about what you've become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Yes. A certain yuppie lifestyle. I'm used to going to nice places. I live in Baltimore. Oh, my God.

Excuse me. I order craft cocktails yeah um in baltimore they have exposed brick and the staff hates me yes um so i see that there's they have a couple of different kinds of old fashions on the oh no i go to order i just say i want an old fashion then the guy goes what kind i'm like oh that's not good yeah it's never and i was like oh well i said um which one do you like better this motherfucker this is how he answers my question he goes i don't drink things with cherries in them that's a got him and i'm like oh we're in the burbs in a fake because like uh old-fashioned nowadays like

they're not a pussy like he was calling me a pussy well to be fair you didn't go to world of old fashions you went to world of beer and you're like excuse me my good man to which old-fashioned do you prefer which one graces your palate in a more pleasant way he's like i don't know he's like order a beer and shut up yeah exactly and then everyone else is just looking at me like what are you doing and i'm like oh and then chris had to call me he's like umar we're not at a nice place just get a fucking drink and i'm like yeah you're right yeah and then so i did it again by mistake jesus so then we go to order food and i wanted a burger which filet mignon do you enjoy so i go to order a burger and i was like

hey man what uh what burger uh what burger would you say is the best he's like i don't know man they're all like that's how he answered me he's like he's like i don't know man they're all good and i was like oh okay you know it's just this guy's probably like what the fuck does this guy do also were they super busy or something why is that they weren't at all dude it was uh it was a thursday night at 10 o'clock i just love it he's like yeah come on let's go you're like he's just like i don't i just like fake it just say something this is your job motherfucker yeah you don't have to be excited like well i love the bacon burger you know like just be like yeah this one's pretty good so the drink sucked it wasn't like a world of beers i know oh my god it was horrible uh uh and now i get it after drinking that i'm like okay i get why he thinks this is like a pussy

drink it's just sugar chair it's like you know it's not there's nothing cool or fancy about it or like it's yeah whatever right right so funny um dude yeah to be awesome world of beers and he's like what's your fucking problem uh but yeah it was good weekend great uh crazy um couple of weird okay so one thing we're in ohio i guess it's kind of considered it has midwest vibes yeah um a lot okay so we met up with this guy uh chris's buddy uh very cool we're hitting it off he's a comic and um i can't remember his name but he's a really cool guy and uh you know he comes in and he's like just telling like him and chris started together and he's telling these he was on the road with jim brewer and oh jim brewer's lost his mind oh really i i don't want to tell that story on the podcast but i'll tell you off the interesting he seems a little nutty as is bro

you got if you listen to him on rogan and fitzsimmons he's like lost his mind oh wow yeah and it's way worse in private huh yeah dang um he's amer. He's really into Q or that kind of stuff. Oh, real quick. Have you watched the QAnon documentary? I'm on the third episode now. Yeah, crazy. Jesus Christ. Anyway, so I meet this guy and like, I don't know.

They're trying to do bits. He's like, then Barack Obama's like, let me eat the baby. Fuck it. I don't care. We're deep in. So like this guy is opening for Jim Brewer. Allegedly, Jim Bre brewer said more like jim q walks into the green room and he just closes his door he's like these fucking and i'm doing jim so no one get mad i'm doing jim brewer i shouldn't say this on the podcast

it's really bad okay i'm not gonna say it well it's not jim It's really bad. Okay, I'm not going to say it. Well, it's not Jim Brewer. It's Jim Cure. Yeah, I'm not saying it. Jim Cure. I mean, not that our podcast is... Well, what is it like... You don't have to exactly say it. He's just like attacking gays and trans people in the most vulgar ways.

Oh, my God. So this made-up person said that? Yeah, this made-up guy was uh on uh i'm trying to think of another night live sunday night live snl you ever heard of it uh yeah just real bad dude oh boy talk about yeah crazy shit anyway what a turn so this comic like and i'm like do you ever meet comics and just from there like you in your head you're like you think they're like super funny yeah but then you see them performing you're like oh you're not yeah that's i'm not saying this guy's like that because i haven't seen his act it's a bummer but yeah i know what you mean uh so i get off stage uh the first show

and like i was very nervous i still did well um but you're also hosting too so the room's cold forget that when you know you do a joke in a city versus a joke in like a town in in ohio you sometimes forget like maybe they're not gonna pick on just like very little things so like uh mark and that guy god i wish i could remember his name said um hey i don't think you establish like who you are so when you say like i'm dating an older white woman named karen people people don't know that you're not white like under the lights with your hat on you look like a white guy and you sound like you're from here yeah and i was like oh okay but i do say i'm like a 32 year old brown guy it's just these little things that people put in your head uh-huh so then and mark like didn't make i

think mark just will agree with people so he was just agreeing with this guy to agree with him so then i'm like yeah yeah you didn't even watch your studies like yeah you gotta establish that exactly yeah also he doesn't he's just thinking about his set he doesn't give a fuck doesn't care yeah and his whole thing is like he just wants to bring people on the road that like don't bother him because yeah it's like he was like i was like oh thanks for having me he's like no dude you're doing me a favor i don't have to sit back here and like worry tell someone like how i broke into comedy or give people advice or like you know like it's because it's like a bummer for them well it's also yeah that's that's

extra work for them yeah because that's that's a form of being on as well. You know what I mean? Where it's like you can't just sit and be like, okay, like sort of what we were talking about before the show of if you're about to go on stage and somebody is just in your ear, like you're like, can I just have a little bit of space to collect myself? 100%. And not have a kid be like, yeah, so when did you get started?

It's funny because it did happen to him. Should I move to New York? Yeah, that almost exact same thing happened to him yeah the cook one of the cooks came back and was like hey he's like are you the headliner and mark's like yeah yeah he's like could i ask you a question because i'm trying to i'm trying to get it get into comedy he's like when'd you start how'd you get in and mark's just like uh and then like i think someone saved him yeah but um anyway so then so now i'm in my head yeah because like i want to impress mark i want to impress the club you go on stage you're like i'm brown um make it real even worse not so so me and this guy

listen up whiteys he's so he goes like hey maybe you should say like my name is umar um i know this is like i'll be your host tonight and maybe your uber driver later and i was like oh okay like normally to me like i wouldn't really say something like that but i was like okay maybe i'll have to do that here like it's hack but it sets the stage it's hack and then it's also like he knows this is his home club yeah and i'm like oh yeah maybe i could even say like oh when you like see the name on the phone like you're like oh i hope this guy's like car doesn't smell like curry and he's like yes that's so funny to be fair like something like that would work it would murder at mcgoobies that would work it would murder in

85 of the clubs yeah so then um i'm talking and uh i'm talking to so mark and chris were all backstage after the show and i was like oh god guys i think i figured out how to do this and so i tell them and thank god mark said something because chris was being too nice mark was like what is this hack canistan like uber like curry like what are you doing dude like you don't need to do don't do that and i was like oh okay cool and then later chris was like yeah man i wanted to tell you like don't listen to anything that guy says yeah you guys are completely different you're a good comic and he always gives people advice and it's not always great and it's also it wouldn't feel natural for you i know but that's how like insecure comedy,

I've been doing comedy for 10 years and I'm good-ish and I'm just like, yes. But you also just live set to set too, where you're like, all right, I know I'm good. But then you have that one set where you're like, it was all right. It was like a B minus, you know, it could be better. And they're like, maybe you could do this.

You're like, maybe I could do that. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, yeah. That's one of the things like i have not been doing as much comedy just because there hasn't been as much i mean some stuff's like opening up and whatever but like yeah that stuff from like oh man i really don't miss doing that of like going like set to set and be like does this suck to i am i making mistake

well i know but then you have those good ones and you're like i'm back i'm the fucking i know i kind of had that last night oh oh oh but it was funny because after mark was like what is this hack can is like next do you want to compare like 9 11 and 7 11 it was just like so good but fuck mark because when i did a show with him in pennsylvania they recorded the whole thing and they released like this five minute yeah youtube video and i'm uh i have like a little like i'm in it a little bit and um so i'm on stage and then mark is backstage you can see me in the background on stage and then mark goes uber driver and she's like fuck you yeah yeah yeah but it's not on stage he's just being a dick just fucking around yeah of course i, it's an easy joke. And two more stories from Columbus. Yeah, please.

People are anti-mass in Ohio. I know it's hard to believe, everybody. What? It's a very conservative town, I think. I think, though, Columbus is more blue than the rest of Ohio. But it's so funny. everyone wants to take pictures without masks everyone uh okay so i was talking to this group uh it was a dude and two chicks one chick said she was an orthodontist and so we're just talking and i had a drink in my hand so i my mask was

down uh and then i was like oh shit i gotta put my mask up because i'm you know i forgot like you just forget and so i was going to pull it up this bitch uh and i don't mind calling her a bitch she goes reaches grabs my mask and says like don't put that on and before that even happened she kept bringing up masks in the car like she's drunk and she kept bringing up we're not talking talking about masks at all like this guy was like yeah i wanted to take my family to dc but it just wouldn't be worth it with the she's like yeah and you gotta wear a mask and i was just like ah so we and i ignored it yeah she did three more times then she did the mass thing and i lost it dude i was like you know what's so fucking annoying about you guys like all you guys do you

conservatives you talk about how liberals tell everyone else how to live their lives and what did you just do you're just now telling me yeah how i should live my life like if i want to choose to wear my mask i'll wear my mask then that's all you do and and I was like and then you call everyone pussies and triggered I was like you're so triggered by mad she's like no I'm not I'm like yes you are you brought it up in this conversation four times and you told me she's like okay yeah I don't like mask and she's like you want to know why and I was like go ahead please yeah I'm an orthodox she's like because you know you know they're not good for you and I was like well how are they not, please. She's like, I'm an orthodontist. She's like, because, you know, they're not good for you.

And I was like, well, how are they not good for me? She's like, okay, well, what are you drinking right now? I'm like, alcohol. She's like, do you think you should be breathing? I was like, bitch, I'm drinking it. It's in my body. Also, alcohol is poison to the human tissue. Do you think you should be breathing it?

Breathing in what you're ingesting? Are you an orthodontist? Also, she's drunk. She's drunk. Oh, and so I said, I was like, you're an orthodontist also she's drunk she's drunk oh and so i said i was like you're a knee and early in the conversation i i made like i was like oh you're inebriated blah blah and she's like i don't why would you don't that's not don't say that nice and then so we had this whole and i was like i was like breathing in i was like name me a toxin she was like you're breathing in all these tox i was like like what fuck yeah name one give me a chemical compound of a toxin and obviously she can't and then i mean she's stumbled like lit physically stumbled i was like and you said

you're not drunk you're drunk yeah you said you're not triggered you're triggered you don't know what the fuck you're talking. It got brutal. And I just had to walk away. Yeah. I was so pissed, dude. Thank you. Good night. Yeah.

I mean, you are exhaling what? Carbon dioxide, right? I don't know. But it's still like it's not enough to kill you or make an impact. Right. Also, you're not wearing your mask 24-7. Shut the fuck up. Yeah.

That is the funniest thing where they're like you guys are pussy it's like us wow i know dude it's just like hey man with a piece of cloth on your face choosing to wear this also i can run with the mask on i'm not a bitch like you got like yeah you can't even walk around a mall for 45 minutes right with a fucking mask on god dude it made it just pissed me off man and also like you touched my face oh yeah insane i should be able to hit you i like that you called her uh inebriated though yeah you're very classy on this trip you're like excuse me madam but you're inebriated and what is the best old-fashioned in this club? Pointed. Let me know, madam. And then, buddy, the whores on the road.

They're out there. They are out there. You have like one weekend. You're like, whew, the whores on the road. Well, I was just thinking. I was like, dude, it's just so fun. Like, there's this bachelorette party. Oh, that's so weird. They go to comedy club

they were very cool yeah i didn't know that i saw them they were sitting in the back yeah and there's only four of them oh that's not bad so after the show one of them started they were all sitting at table like oh umar so i started talking to them this one girl bro she kept saying weird shit like karen's a lucky girl no like thanks i was like yeah i was supposed to propose to her this weekend but i got booked yeah and she's like oh yeah so she's like so if uh yeah she's a lucky girl and i was just like cool and then she uh she was like you know so um let's say karen wasn't in the picture then what fuck me tonight and i was just like uh no what are you getting at friends were they were like we're so sorry she was like she's like just just say you would i'm going through a separation

oh my god my husband left me just say you'd fuck me yeah and i was like uh you're at a bachelorette party you should just be hanging out with your friends and blah blah blah yeah dude it was weird yeah um and then that's fine yeah but it was just like you're just like yeah damn dude yeah imagine then being like the headliner or it's just like non-stop i think i think a big part of it was probably just them trying to get to mark you know oh i'm sure there was like that shit was still into you but i'm saying like the level that you got versus like exactly yeah so like it's that great uh norm mcdonald joke about tiger woods when he's just like because everybody's like how could he do this like what are you talking is like

everywhere he goes women were just throwing themselves right like even if he didn't want it he's like he goes back to his hotel room he's like man that sure was great i just won the masters again wow i'm so accomplished you know what i deserve a turkey sandwich let me let me call up let me call up room service and get a turkey sandwich hi yes that yeah it's tiger i was hoping to get a turkey. No, I don't want the best blowjob of my life. Could I get? Yeah.

Crazy. And it was really nice because one of the other girls from the bathroom, she sent me a message on Instagram. She's like, hey, we're so sorry about her. Yeah. We don't really. I don't know her that well. She's weird.

And she already went home. She cried and left. we're so sorry about her yeah we don't really i don't know her that well she's weird and she already went home she like cried and left and sounds like she's yeah she's having a tough one i did feel bad for her but like yeah it was uh just great it's just and it's a thing uh it doesn't matter i don't know like yeah every everyone is a pig dude dude. Guys and girls. Everyone's a pig. Oh, especially when a bunch of alcohol gets in the mix. Alcohol. And if there's just a hint of like, I know I'm a nobody, but if you're on a show with someone of Mark Norman's caliber, because he's like on the up and up, people think you're like...

If you're in that orbit. Yes. Yeah. Totally. People think you're uh like if you're in that orbit yes yeah people think you're gonna be something it's just it's some animal shit where it's just like he's up there i need to i need to mate with that person they have the thing like yeah yeah and that's i mean that's it's yeah there's no surprise that's why like every fucking like rock band any anything where it's like i know you from the thing like you are right there's somebody but that happened several times over the weekend yeah really wild crazy like just weird shit like that

you're just like man that is i was like i wish more people said would bring up this kind of shit too like it's not unacceptable but it's like some of like some accusations of who's the meatball governor in New York? Cuomo. I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. That's what Tim Dillard calls him. One of the accusations, a couple of them were like, he asked me if he could kiss me. And I'm like, all right, well, that's not assault.

It's not assault but it was at a wedding to get into that weird like oh okay i thought it was because didn't you do that with like his interns and stuff yeah that's different it's like can i have a hug but if you're at a wedding and you're dancing with the guy he asked to kiss you i don't think that oh yeah i don't know that story but yeah i mean there's there's so much i mean yeah christ i've had that shit of like literally like going to take pictures and, like, older women, like, grab my ass and stuff or just being like, so, hey. And, like, I've had the thing, too, where, like, older women get shitty and they're like, oh, you think you're, like, better than this? Yes.

I'm like, nah, dude, I just, I thank you for being nice. They're like, oh, you don't want to drink with me? Yeah. But, dude, I'll say this. The crowds in, like like a red state yeah buddy they are fire they're fun sometimes you're like maybe you guys don't really understand why this is funny yeah yeah you're just a little hateful but it's nice to hear laughs sure laughs we fucking murdered like almost every show was just top to bottom, like just killer.

Yeah, I love that too. And also like you guys are all friends, which is fun too. Like you all know each other. Like the vibe is good. Sold out shows. I mean, anywhere with a sold out show is kind of fun. Right. I mean, it was still distance.

The one thing that sucked was they also had, not on the stage but uh in front of like every table they had the um plastic guards oh at every table uh so the it's like tiered a little bit even the bottom floor is like a ramp oh then you have like a like a like like a bar type thing running across yeah section yeah and on them they had uh each like uh so pretty much in front of every table except for the tables right on in front of the stage i got you um so it really fucks up the laughs yeah because it really stops like the laughs like um it doesn't sound from the stage as good as it sounds when you're standing in it literally like blocks the laughs yeah so that part sucked but at least they're being safe so yeah exactly yeah that's i mean yeah that's so fucking cool man um yeah i haven't i haven't done much man i've just

been hanging i've been uh trying to help my dad he's not oh. Oh, yeah. He's doing okay. I mean, so he. He got the surgery. He got the surgery. It was very fun seeing him. Wait. Also. Yeah. I don't think you told the podcast that his results were.

So, yeah. So, that was weird. I'll get to it. But, yeah. So, they cut it out. And then they cut out a foot and a half of his colon. So, like like you're ascending call. I'm showing umar now, but picture at home, if you will under

the teeth under on the right side, that's where you're ascending colon is. So like it kind of makes a like a like an l shape. So they cut that down. Yeah, upside down l. They cut that and then like the top part. So they removed all that and then the top part they just joined to like his intestine there um with staples which is insane that they're just like like the same thing you use for like yeah for like a report you're like let's stay they forgot it they just grabbed a swing line off of a nurse's desk ah sorry about that um so so yeah they did that and then um yeah he they sent uh his colon and then uh the tumor to a pathologist and they said turns out it's not a tumor it was just a massive polyp which i'm like but then we went and saw the surgeon this thursday and he was like don't forget the tumor was uh we

got good news on that so he still called it a tumor. I don't fucking know. I think a polyp could turn into a tumor. Doctors, please. Either way, it wasn't cancer, which is good. But yeah, I went to see him in the hospital and it was great because he was still like high on anesthesia. And he was in the best mood. He was so nice too. He cried thanking the nurses. He was so nice too he like he cried thanking the

nurses he was like he was like it's the doctors that you know they see you for a little bit but it's you guys you guys take care and then like later i was talking about it and he was like what you remember because they give you fentanyl well it's good he didn't say anything like horror he was like oh yeah he was like besides the black ones. You guys have been great. Yeah, no, he was very sweet with the like go see him and but yeah like his system is just adjusting. He said so he'll eat and feel okay and then he just feels like a ton of pressure. He's like it's so much pain to like because I guess your systems just getting used to it,

but yeah and they like they went in through his belly button and then they've stapled his intestines together and then they stapled there and went someone saw when saw the surgeon to get some of the staples removed on Thursday and my dad all the time whenever he goes to the doctor, he's always like he comes home and I'm like what they say is like I don't know. I mean, a bunch of bullet. But I'm like, no, what did they actually say? He's like, I don't know. So, so he was going to see a surgeon, get staples removed.

And he was like worried about his system. He's like, am I ever going to get back to normal? What is this? Blah, blah. I'm like, well, write down your questions. Just like, you know, I know the question's obvious, but just write it down. So you say, they're like, is this normal? When does this end?

Yeah. So we meet the surgeon and my dad. I saw he had like paperwork and I saw he had like some stuff written down and the surgeon comes in night like older guy. I think he has to be in his 60s like quiet like mild mannered dude. And he's like, well, how are you? And he's like, it's like and he's like it's like i actually i wrote some stuff down and this motherfucker wrote two pages he wrote a story and the doctor's like how are you he's like well okay i arrived at the hospital on a Tuesday. I'm like, oh my God. I meant like write down specific questions.

And he's going through. He's like, I arrived. I am in so much pain. I have not eaten, blah, blah, blah. And then the doctor's like, well, how are you feeling now? And Matt's like, I'm getting to it. I'm like, come on. And I'm looking at his notes.

He's like, I'm building, motherfucker. I'm building. It's called tension. Jesus Christ. Yeah. But like I'm looking at his he's like i'm building yeah i'm building it's called tension yeah jesus christ yeah but like i'm looking at you ever learn the parts of a story in elementary school rising action that's where we are right now we're not even at the climax yeah but i'm looking at like what he wrote down and in big word like big capital letters he wrote hell exclamation your dad turned into a 13 year old girl i know it's like dad you put this on zanga all right not for the doctor's office live journal yeah but also the surgeon you could just tell he's just

like dude i cut out a foot and a half of your colon and you were walking around and talking but he you know it was just so funny so i read all that and the guy's like, okay, like, how are you feeling? Like took out some of the staples. But he basically just said, like, that's just kind of what it's going to be for a little bit. Also, I didn't know they put gas in your body. Did you know that? No. When you get surgery, they put a gas in you that inflates you.

So it basically gives you room to work with all the organs. Oh, wow. Because it's all just like hanging there. So, yeah. So he had all that like gas in him that had to come out and stuff and yeah i've heard way too much about bowel movements related to my dad yeah i'm not into it and also the surgeon he's just like so how are your stools are you passing gas well i'm like what is your life i know it's just all shit related man that's crazy fuck well uh but he's like i mean obviously it's you're not gonna feel great when you're yeah exactly that's kind of what the surgeon was saying i was like you gotta give him a little more here

of like you will get back to normal soon or do this but yeah he's eating and like trying to do it um but yeah it's hard man because like i think he lost 14 pounds in two days or something like that because he wasn't eating and then the day before you go you have to like clear out your system you can't eat for 24 hours and all that shit it's pretty tight yeah i got him some uh soups from uh trader joe so he's doing all right but all right but yeah man it's it's gonna take a little bit to like get back to normal yeah man they cut out your colon i mean major surgery i don't think it's probably months of recovery yeah it was wild but i mean he was out of there in like two days yeah

which was nice oh it's gonna suck to go through that shit at some point you're just like i mean not that i want your dad to die but i personally was like where are we going here shouldn't i just shouldn't i just die well that's i mean there's so much of that like you need to have a positive attitude with your body with that shit and that's where i was with him where uh where he's like well i don't know i'm just gonna die i'm like now you're not let's have a little bit of a positive attitude yeah yeah you you're the um your attitude does help your recovery it does it's crazy you don't have stress hormones going because that is stress hormones are so bad for your body that's yeah kills you early yeah i mean and that also makes

everything yeah all of your organs are going through that stress too and you're releasing all those like it's affecting your hormones and all those chemicals and stuff yeah yeah at one point though he was like before the surgery when he like started to feel better he was like yeah i was gonna work out today and i was like what's the point i'm gonna die and then i thought what maybe i won't die and i was like there we go what if you don't die we're turning the corner there all right that's a positive attitude right there so so yeah i mean things are yeah it's like progressing a little bit. But, yeah, I feel for the guy, man. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. It's hard. I mean, it sounds like everything's going the way it's supposed to go. Yeah. He's just like, I just don't know what to do. He's like, it sucks because you have to eat. And then he's like, I want to eat. Then I eat.

But it hurts. I'm like, I don't want to go through all this pain and all this shit. So, yeah, they gave him a painkiller and, yeah, which he's been taking like one a day. But, yeah, I'm like, thank God he's getting it now because I don't know if he was doing this even like 10 years ago, maybe even five. They'd be like, how many Oxycontin do you want? Do you want like a million? Right. Yeah. That would be a bummer.

Yeah. That shit's tough. so he's doing good with that um and uh yeah man it's yeah it's yeah it'll be like yeah i had diarrhea this morning i'm like i don't need to know the full details of what's going on here man that's gonna hurt i don't need to know all that because you're eating and then your colon is probably inflamed it was cut open oh yeah wound still healing but food is passing through it it must sting so yeah so the colon doesn't have pain receptors oh that's cool which we found out but yeah he's just saying it's just like the pressure so i think it's just trying to have your system work normally. So he's saying like he feels like his body is like making more acid than normal and like all this stuff.

Like, yeah, dude. But yeah, I mean, the surgeon was cool. He was nice. I like the woman that works for him. This is like his assistant. She's great. She has a nice Baltimore accent where it's not too thick, but my dad was wearing a shirt with a car on it,

and she was like, oh, my dad had that car. I remember he had a car like that. We went down to Orlando, and he won a drag racing competition. I got the trophy at home. That's great. Drag racing, drag competition at home. But yeah, man.

So yeah, that's pretty much what I'm working with. Just like trying to make sure he's okay and all that. So, but yeah, you know, it's a weird part of getting older where you're just like falling apart other than that he's pretty fucking healthy good like blood blood wise and all that shit so you know yeah yeah good for him you know what are you gonna do what do you what are you

gonna do with these parents yeah you know what i mean you know what i'm saying all right what do we got what are where are we at We're about an hour. All right. I guess we can get into the... Speaking of getting older, everybody. I know. I mean, everyone knows, but your boy's engaged. Woo! Woo! You actually broke up with Karen.

You got engaged to that woman in Ohio. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I was like, hey, fuck your husband. I'll fuck you. Yeah. But yeah, it was cool. So I wanted to do it three weekends ago.

And then I got booked in Virginia to open up for Chad Daniels. Yeah. I was like, all right, well, I'll do it next weekend. Yeah. I got booked to open up for Mark Norman in Columbus. Yeah. And I was like, oh, fuck. And then we were going away to the Catskills.

So I got back we were going to the cat skills on last thursday yeah i was like all right fuck it i'll do it on tuesday no i'll do it wednesday right before the cat skills it was yeah rain so they have to do it tuesday i got our buddy reed be more yeah he's a local street artist he hangs these like wire signs um on power line so i got him to say one like karen will you marry me yeah i love that oh yeah it was very nice yeah expensive and uh he makes good stuff that we had him on the pot a while ago yeah yeah he's very yeah. He's a very cool dude. Yeah. And so he made it, and we came up with my buddy Anna. She's a photographer. We scoped out a place to do it.

I had to come up with like... That's the thing. You got to... All proposals, I feel like every woman always knows something's up. Yeah. Well, because it's like a surprise party essentially because you're like no let's go this way no actually can we leave now yeah and i wanted to do something cool because can't like the thing is is karen is very picky about like what she

wears like clothes jewelry every she's very picky so i I would not have any. She's the first woman I've heard of that does it. Folks. So I would have no idea what kind of ring to buy for Karen. And so I was like, look, we had been talking about getting married and stuff. And so I was like, Karen, look, you got to pick a ring and I'll buy like karen look you gotta pick a ring and i'll just i'll buy it it's dumb to buy a ring especially they're so expensive yeah i was very lucky that mine wasn't that expensive but even still you're spending money on a thing you're like i hope they like it yeah and money on a thing that i think is stupid you know so it's very tough um and i talked like

because i know uh well i've talked to friends who've been engaged and how they did it and the general consensus now like from our generation it's like no yeah like the chick picks it out yeah it's also it's for her it's not for I talked to our buddy Andres, how he did it. Friend of the pod. Yeah. He was just like, oh yeah, she picked it out. She went and bought it. She picked it up.

And then I just Venmo'd her for half of it. I was like, that sounds amazing. Pretty nice. And I don't even, I didn't ask if he proposed, but I'm assuming he did like some kind of proposal. So she knew I had the ring. And I didn't ask if he proposed, but I'm assuming he did some kind of proposal. Sure. So she knew I had the ring.

Yeah, so she knew I bought it. I had it. She picked it out. So I was like, all right, I'll try to make this a little special. Yeah. Because these bitches, that's what they want. These bitches want to be special. Do you remember there was a show on MTV where it followed like seniors?

Maybe it was Laguna Beach. Oh, yeah. They started the trend of making like asking. They almost made they started a trend of like when you ask someone to prom, you got to make it as big of a deal as like a proposal. I was when that was out. I was cool and I wasn't watching laguna beach i wasn't either but i remember sure sure my high school and my girlfriend was like well how are you gonna ask me i was like bitch we've been dating for a year and a half i have to ask you to prom you gotta make it a thing go fuck yourself yeah um how are you gonna ask me how are you gonna anyway and i was like and i was like one of those like you know like hot topic

kind of kids sure like dude all this is stupid which was right but yeah i was too i'm like yeah like who cares we're gonna go be in a room with people we don't like listen to music we don't like i was thinking about that i think prom is the first because everything i do in life like like an accomplishment or something like prom graduation college graduation master's degree career even like stuff in stand-up or whatever it never traveling it never is what it's never as amazing as i think it's gonna i'm just like oh yeah that's okay that's how like like everything in life has been interesting which it's not a bad thing but it's never like i don't know i've never went on a vacation and i feel like when people go there's like it it was, I remember like Evan came back from Spain.

Yeah. He was like, dude, it was life changing. I've never experienced something like that. But anyway, I think prom is like the first time, like it's so built up and everyone's like, it's this amazing night. And I remember I didn't even go. Dude, I would have loved to not go. It was great because also it's a vestige of the past.

It's like high school reunions. In the age of social media, you don't need to be like, what do you like? It's like the like this was like way before. Well, no, but I'm saying it's like that in the way that prom was also like, well, I can't wait to take my sweetie here. And maybe afterwards we might have premarital sex i'm like i've been fucking like i don't care what's gonna happen here like i don't know we dance in the cafeteria and it's this great yeah but it's yeah ours like has some shitty hotel downtown yeah altamore and you're and then you go and you're like oh this suck like this is tat

all this shit is literally at the high school just in the cafeteria you know and you're like oh this suck like this is tat all this shit is literally at the high school just in the cafeteria you know where they're like actually it's caribbean nights like who gives a fuck god that's horrible we also i think i've told this on the pod before but me and my friend brent we were going to meet people as they were like coming out to go to a party or whatever because yeah we had friends that went and uh we were in the parking lot and uh there is this weird priest that would chaperone stuff but he was also also like a cop at the same time okay so a cop and this priest they're like what are you two most dangerous combinations yes exactly it's like i really want to sexually abuse people yeah yeah

exactly i can't wait to step over the anyway uh yeah no so in that vein like we're walking up to the doors of the cafeteria gym or whatever it was um and uh and they're like oh do you boys have a ticket they're like no actually i mean it's over now so we're just meeting our friends they're like now you need a ticket to get in otherwise you guys should you guys should get out of here we're like what and the priest he had on uh he had on his collar the white collar and then he also had a jacket on like uh like a like blazer type jacket or whatever and then he pushes back his like side of the jacket to reveal his waist where he has his gun on his hip. And he's like, I said you guys should probably get out of here. And like showing his gun, I'm like, are you going to shoot us?

God, that is some small town white trash. You're going to shoot us? Shit. But also, even if a cop did that, you'd be like, whoa, this is crazy. Then also, but he's a priest. I know. What is this? I think you

boys better leave yeah like and if we don't you're gonna gun us down god damn that's so funny yeah uh yeah anyway so like um uh so i yeah so i got reed to do that me and my buddy anna yeah i want i then so now the goal is you have to figure out you're like okay well karen is going to be upset if we if i propose to her and there's pictures and she doesn't look decent she won't be like that upset but like she would but also like i do want them to look good also most people would prefer to look good in a situation where you're going to be photographed in that way you know because it's not just like oh i just took a few pictures on my iphone it's like these are gonna be some serious pictures so now i have to come up with an excuse for us to be dressed up yeah i have

to then figure out a way for us to go on like then i have to pick a restaurant in the neighborhood so we can walk there uh so then she can see the sign hanging off a power line right it has to be at a certain time a day so we can photograph it well and um so i texted her best friend annie and i was like hey just text karen or call karen just be like hey let's go out to dinner kids are on spring break we're bored and we really wanted to go that yeah we because they they hung out with us like a month ago we went out to uh by the way bureau techo they reopened i haven't gone that place in years same it's fucking great the pizza is killer is it affordable because it used to be really expensive well i mean

now it is okay it's not more more expensive than anything else we eat at. Okay. Well, I also... Yeah, I guess it's been probably... I mean, maybe like five years. A long time since I've been there. It was a long time. But I remember being like, what?

I wouldn't go... We don't do entrees. We do the pizza. It's like $16, $18. And we'll do like calamari. They do a grilled calamari. $16, $ 18 is not too bad for especially for a nice pizza and it's a 10 inch pizza that's good gotcha apologies

is doing 18 inch pizzas now i've done it so good new york style very good sundays are 12 bucks yes sir no 16 anyway so i was like yeah let's just say like like, we really like Bureau of Tech. We're going to go there. Yeah. So I'm like, cool. Karen sees me texting because I'm grilling outside. Nosy bitch. Yeah. But I do text all the day constantly. Of course. And Karen was waiting.

So at first, Karen was, like, nervous. We went down to her parents' house at Christmas. She thought I was going to do it then. And I was like, you thought I'm that big of a hack that I would propose on christmas you were like hey babe it's your uber driver do you want to get let's go full hack yeah do you want to get ooh married to me uh and uh yes then and she kept saying like she would talk to her friends like god when's he gonna do it yeah i want him to do it and well you've also had the conversations about what's the ring and she knows i have the She would talk to her friends like, God, when's he going to do it? Yeah. I want him to do it. Well, you've also had the conversations about what's the ring and what not. And she knows I have the ring.

Yeah. And then her friends are like, did you search the house for it? And she's like, no. I hid it in my snow boots. Oh. So. Yeah. I hid it in the kitchen.

Yeah, right. I hid it next to the broom i knew she'd never grab which is very true um i put it on the coat rack she doesn't even know what that is i know right look at her fucking key keys sunglass we have a place those are my those are my keys to be fair okay this is my horn though i brought it looks okay Okay. Anyway, so I have to have an excuse. Oh, so she's waiting for me to do it, but I have to have this excuse, so I get her friend to say the dinner thing. Yeah.

So she's like, oh, like, and then she thought maybe I was going to do it while we were away in the Catskills. Yeah. Anyway, so her friend Annie, I'm like, just say you want to go to dinner then i'm like prepping dinner and karen's and he's like all right i'll text her in like a couple minutes so then karen comes over he's like oh hey annie uh said jason's doing some work in town they want to go out to dinner after oh they're gonna come over after and i and i in my head i was like we're supposed to meet at the restaurant that's what annie did yeah you're like oh cool thanks annie that's what annie did say to karen like hey let's all go out to dinner but

karen's like yeah they're gonna come over so when karen said to me i was like what karen's like why are you responding like that yeah like i was upset you kind of revealed your hand there i know and i was like because in my head i'm like what the fuck they can't come here we gotta go yeah but she meant like we'll go get dinner and then come by after. Yeah, or something. Or just meant we're just going to all hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then that got weird.

Then like an hour later, Annie was like, bro, that restaurant isn't open on Wednesdays. They do like Thursday. I was like, fuck. So I had to like. So now the where we were going to hang it, it was going to be on the way to there. Yeah. We ended up making a reservation at the food market, which we wouldn't pass the sign. Yeah. Now I have to make up a fucking excuse. Take the long way.

To like loop around. To make this right. That makes no sense yeah literally the opposite direction of the restaurant yeah so then i was just like fuck so i had to come up with like this lie that like i was at chuck's this restaurant which it hung right in front of yeah i was like oh i was i ate lunch there i left my card there because i was on spring break and so i was home all day and uh so i was like oh yeah let's just stop there where they're gonna and karen's like well aren't they closed and i was

like i know but i'm friends with the girl on instagram that works there i'd messenger on so all this is just insane you know she's like in her head she's in her head she always like it's weird that annie and jason are coming down during the week they would never do that right it's weird uh and then when she and then she so earlier in the day she's like oh i think he's gonna do it today like that's what she was telling her co-workers yeah and then when she came home i'm just playing guitar and i'm like i think i was acting that's another thing you have to act you can't act you you want to act normal but when you try to act normal you're not acting normal yes you know yeah so i'm just like playing guitar being super quiet yeah and uh almost standoffish like shut up almost so karen's like getting ready i'm like

you think i'm gonna propose to you and uh so then i get a text from the photographer my friend and my friend anna she's a photographer she's like hey uh you can't see the sign at all so it doesn't really matter where you stand she's like i'm not gonna be able to photograph it i was like fuck and i was like can you see it in person she was like barely i was like i paid so much money yeah for this fucking thing that yeah we'll never use like there's no purpose right right for this thing yeah pretty much cost half what the ring costs yeah uh and um so i was just like well that so then like everything is just like completely like in like i'm just like deflated like a balloon i'm like this it's not going to plan sucks yeah yeah uh but

everything kind of ended up working out uh you um karen saw the sign she started crying we took uh so then we did go to dinner but um and it was like you guys should come back at sunset because then that's when you'll be able to get. Yeah. So the best photos. So we did go to dinner and then her friend like Annie had was really nice. Shout out to her. She she booked the reservation. She told them it was our engagement.

Oh, nice. So she bought us a bottle and bought us dessert. And so we told the we're like, hey, can we like leave for like 20 minutes and come back? They're like, oh yeah, totally. So we left, we got pictures. And then we went back and it was nice. That's great. Yeah.

The pictures are really cool. I love it. Yeah. They turn out really well. I was still, I was happy that we still got me actually proposing. Yeah. There's a couple of fake proposal pics, but I didn't post those. Sure, sure.

But I think Anna and Reed did. But I posted the original and then the ones where you could actually see the sign I posted. I love that. Yeah. No, it was beautiful, man. Thanks, man. Well done. We already have a date and a venue.

Dang. Moving quick. Moving quick. This bitch is 41 trying to get married. Thanks, man. Very well done. We already have a date and a venue, so. Dang. Moving quick. Moving quick. Yeah, this bitch is 41 trying to get married. She's like, let's go. Yeah. Let's go. Nuts.

Anyway. No, congrats. I'm so excited. Thanks, bro. I'm so excited for you guys. Well, cool. Let's wrap it up there. All right.

So bad. How long did we do? That was a long one. We're a little over an hour here. All right. Cool. Like an hour 10-ish. Somewhere in there. Oh, wrap it up there. All right. So bad. How long did we do? That was a long one. We're a little over an hour here. All right. Cool. Like an hour 10-ish. Somewhere in there.

Yeah. Follow us on social media. I'm at Josh Coderna. We got Umar over there at UmarKhan821. Yes. For all upcoming stuff. Cool. And we'll keep you posted.

We'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We'll see you next time. you