The Digression Sessions - Ep. 344 - Khanachella

Episode Date: April 19, 2021

On this week's episode, Josh and Umar are catching up returning items, Umar's wedding, and some shows.

are there guys that complain that they talk like that that complain about pollen out as fucking pollen cam probably through the roof today, I got a sniffles over here. Oh. Yeah, I think they probably talk about it the most. I think dads talk about pollen more than most people. Yeah. Than the average person. Then, yeah, I can't wait and be like, pollen count pretty high today, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Wish my bank account was that high. I never had allergies when i was a kid you said a little stuffed up a little bit no i uh i don't know what's going on man i've been partying too much on the weekends oh that's what it is that's probably is it allergies no actually i've been doing cool stuff yeah sorry man i've been doing blow no turns out i'm allergic to cocaine yeah i think it is allergies i didn't i ran out of claritin today uh but also like dude i just yeah we've been going too hard in the paint man i gotta chill it's easy to do oh speaking of

do you mind if i pour a little drink go ahead i don't we don't have anything though oh you don't have any whiskey sorry we don't have whiskey sorry i thought you brought something no no i'm not that bad of an alcoholic yeah you normally have a my own? You normally have a bottle here, though. I have a childhood friend who turned into a big alcoholic. And we went to go play disc golf several weeks ago. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's like, it's me, him, and a bunch of his friends from high school. And I didn't want to go because...

Oh, I think we talked about this. Oh, on the pod? I think so. But yeah, yeah no you can recap it oh which anyway like he was just drinking a shitty bottle of whiskey at noon on a saturday yeah um and his reason he was like yeah i gotta drink this my shoulder hurts and i was like oh that's normal that's what doctors say yeah if you go to the doctor and your shoulder hurts they're like you should probably get whiskey in a plastic bottle and he had just gotten fired from his job where he was claiming to make a ton of money and um he said i don't because they didn't like his good ideas yeah i always love that too when people are like they're like yeah management i was just out

shining them like yeah because you know i'm on the ground floor. Yeah. And they're not. You know what bosses hate? Employees with good ideas. Yeah. Bosses hate employees with unique ideas who work too hard. Yes. It makes them look bad. It makes them look bad. So you got to fire those people.

So then he said, well, I have a lead on another job, but maybe I should go to rehab, but I don't know. No, he didn't mean like physical rehab for his shoulder his yeah he meant uh for you know drug abuse those are usually the two options people have they're like should i go to a new job or go to rehab i know and it's and my thing is you know um if it's this thing or rehab, I'm going to say rehab trumps everything because you're not going to do anything else. Well, yeah. And then he also pulled the same. I mean, whatever. He doesn't listen.

He also pulled the same. I mean, I don't think you can get podcasts and rehab. Yeah. Oh, and then I made a joke and I said, I said, well, I mean, I don't know, man. You're drinking. I was like, you might. said well i mean i don't know man you're drinking i was like you might uh he was like i don't know you he said something like i know i got a problem but i don't know if it's like that bad and i said well you're dude you're drinking a bottle of whiskey in an afternoon to relieve your pain i was like but hey maybe you don't have a problem. Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Yeah, but he pulled the same move.

Bam Margera did where he punched his dad in the face. Yeah, he said it's four in the morning in my shoulder. It's real bad. Bam Margera's Instagram is wild. I kill. It's so sad. It's so sad, but it's I peep it once in a while. This is called playing disc golf with Umar and slowly disclosing that I got a problem.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's just a fucking mess, right? He's a mess, dude. It's real bad. But one day, we were texting, and I don't talk to him that often. Oh, your friend. Sorry.

I was talking about Bam Margera. Both of them. One day Bam texted me. He's like, hey, you more. I think they're both kind of like similar. Yeah. Like he's starting to blow up and look like his dad to my friend. You know, like it's absurd.

Yeah. Anyway, so then he's like, oh man, so I went to a therapist and I'm bipolar. And so I just got to get on the right meds and i'm like did your therapist know that you're a full-blown alcoholic yeah your therapist like we gotta get you on the right cheap whiskey yeah we gotta figure out which one is right for you anyway you might be a vodka guy but this is a part of the experiment if you guys know someone out there with a problem uh you know cut them them out of your life. It's annoying. Disc golf and whiskey. That's what you got to do.

That's our band name. Disc golf and whiskey. Yeah. And complaining. This song is called Complaining About Pollen. Yeah. Right, dude. Oh, man.

It's a bitch. Anyway. Yeah. No. Those. Yeah. Those people are. Yeah.

No time for that, especially as you get older. It's like, dude, I have no tolerance for any of that stuff. I'm like, yeah, it's just this thing or this thing people that are always like yeah i would but i got this that like whether they're saying it's something with that like the guys like you know i don't know it's my shoulder hurts my job it's this it's that people always find a way to complain about something yeah you know where it's never like really their fault either right right right that's's always a bad sign. It's wild.

But hey, what are you going to do? Oh, I wanted to say this. Last podcast, we talked about... I think we complained a lot, which is normal. I was going to say, you got to cut out people that complain a lot in their lives. Restaurants and stuff. But us complaining, you got to listen to us every week. But I got to say, I went to...

Last week, i did the show in virginia or doesn't matter but i went to an rei and this is why you don't want kids this is like a great example of why you should raise minimum wage uh-huh uh and have adults work sure because they actually care you know like i worked at like any retail store i didn't give a shit about anything people would ask me questions and i would just say like i don't know it's probably cheaper at best buy i would literally say that while working at circuit city i remember i told a customer i was like oh dude i just saw on um i just saw like in the newspaper today that best buy is running a sale on ps2s and the guy put the ps2 down and

was like oh okay cool because like i'm just like yeah what the fuck do i care yeah and not your company i remember it makes no difference you treated us like shit and i i said fuck this place i get paid the same 100 100 um uh yeah i went to rei i wanted to buy a rain jacket i need a new one guys my marmot was a little fucked up oh man sorry i didn't know you were going through it bro i know man and um so this lady just older lady um just so nice just like explained every jet rain jacket they had to me broke it down and this is how good she is at her job like i i tried on the jackets i took a couple of pictures you know me i got a small frame josh so it's hard for me to find things that i look good and it's tough to fit that big heart

yeah it's such a small frame big heart small frame uh the doctor smaller penis can't believe that my heart actually fits inside my small frame um so i texted carrot like because i had bought a rain jacket when i was in columbus on a whim like right when i touched it was raining i had my rain jacket but i was like you know what fucking i'm just gonna buy a rain jacket so i went to ll bean i didn't even try it on i just bought a rain jacket damn life on the road is crazy like as soon as we touch down i'm like where the hell being i'm like yo come on where's that denim at where's where's the sensible vest i don't dude life on the road like every time and i have i've only done it four or five times where i've done

weekends on the road you just turn into what you did in high school or middle school yeah because you there's not much to do. You don't have a car and you don't want to go too far. And every club is just in like a strip mall or some bullshit. Or it's near a mall. Like the hotels like across the street from a mall. Yeah, so you just go to a fucking mall or it's inside of a mall. Yeah.

Two out of the five clubs were inside of a mall. That's so wild to me. Wild. Yeah. But yeah, anyway, but the jacket was too big i took blah blah blah and i took it back but this time like at rei i texted karen the pictures of the two jackets i was looking at and she was like i don't know they both don't they both look kind of big on you and i was like yeah you're right so i put them back i started walking away this lady chris she said hey what happened i was like i don't know i think they're too small she's like oh let me help you try them on again and we found one and uh it looked great and she uh told

me everything about it i didn't need to know anything about it but it was just very nice just like oh it's actually insulated with this material yeah and she doesn't make commission she just she wants you to get that she wants a happy camper and i'm not literally to camp it's so funny too because rei they um they ask you questions like so uh what kind of like what kind of hikes do you normally do and i'm like oh this is like to walk to my car you know right right and so that's that's your hike yeah you're like i do live on an incline kind of do you go out normally colder climates or like because do you want to like just a thin one and i'm like uh no i mean i don't as you're going you could heat up yeah as you get closer to your car and she's like because this one has vents in it so you can unzip it under i'm like oh is that if like the heating in my car gets too hot i can just unzip those

like you know my anxiety kicks in and my pits need to air out a little bit and also it's like stop asking those questions you know 98 of the motherfuckers that come in here are not used but that's her trying to help you she's like oh well i think i think they tell that i think they're making us they're being passive aggressive. Oh, okay. I got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, you go to get mesh shorts just to hang out. They're like, so do you like wall climb or rock climb?

Yeah, exactly. You're like, no. Oh, you don't. Interesting. It was like me being at PacSun as a kid all over again and the woman finding out I don't skateboard. I was like, ah, I'm a poser. The worst.

They're like, oh, this is cool. World Industries. What do you skate? I'm like, no. Yeah. Tony Hawk. I tried. I was like, oh, I'm a poser. Oh, this is cool. World Industries. What do you skate? I'm like, yeah, Tony Hawk. I tried. I suck.

So that was nice. Yeah. Shout out to REI. That is nice. I don't think I bought clothes in a store. I mean, given like COVID and everything, but I've just ordered everything online.

I can't. I order online. I mean, the return policy, pretty good. That's another thing, dude. Returns. Do you remember being like scared to return?

Yes. Yeah. Speaking of like CDs, that was a real gamble. It's like if this CD sucks, I remember record and tape trader. I thought that was revolutionary when they were like, you can listen to it before you buy it. So how you know they have a sample copy. I don't actually. I think they just like you can listen to it before you buy it so how you know they have a sample copy i don't actually i think they just let you open it i think or that like they would have to do it and then you'd have to listen at like the little station i remember finch put out

a second record and i was like i don't know if this is worth fifteen dollars they had one good record yeah and uh it is very good a lot of people do um yeah you put out that one because you're like yeah it took us like eight years to make this and they're like all right cool turn around put another one out and they're like into fuck yeah which includes like touring and everything but i remember specifically listening to that finch record and it's so funny because i listen to the whole thing and like 45 minutes go by and i'm like nah i don't think so but also like you just have the time you imagine as an adult you just sat in the store and you wait what did you what did you do for 45 minutes i think i just sat there i probably it probably wasn't that long i bet i skipped

around it probably i also felt like a dork too because, because they're like, you don't want to spend $13.99 or whatever it was. Also, for people who don't know, Finch is like an emo-y, screamo band. Well, the cool thing about Finch was that they had heavy elements mixed in with more poppy elements. But isn't that all screamo bands? No. They didn't have a ton of screaming, per se. There was a little bit. I still listen to Finch when I run. Oh, really?'t have a lot of like a ton of screaming per se. There was a little bit. I still listen to Finch when I run.

Oh, really? Great running music. Yeah, I love it. I don't listen to them outside of that. Yeah. Outside with the windows down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cannot have people know that.

But they are like a screamo pop punk band. Yeah, I would say like lighter on the side of screamo. I think screamo just became such like. Or whatever. I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah'd say like lighter on the side of Screamo. I think Screamo just became such like... Or whatever. I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like they were, I think they were like one of the first of those bands. Because I remember being into heavy music and then Pop Puck.

And I was like, oh my God, they combined the best of both worlds. That scene of it warped to her. Like, yeah. That's like combining like Mountain Dew and Surge. You're like get the fuck out of here are you kidding me uh well i'll only bring that up because record and tape traders that was another store where i felt like intimidated to go inside yes and uh and i was very aware that the music that i listened to was considered gay because we could use those words

excuse me where do you keep your gay cds i'm looking for the gay pop punk section yeah do you guys have the new bleak 182 yeah it's in the gay section in the back uh so i wouldn't even like i would just like hey can i sample this finch cd and just sit there for like 30 minutes listening to it you're just like this yeah kid with like probably like you know like a fucking mop on the top of his head oh my god you know the emo look the pop punk look yes and then you're just like yeah i had my dicky shorts on and my yeah skateboard shoes it was like listen to this but yeah i remember being terrified to return stuff i just thought people were gonna be like you don't need to to this but yeah i remember being terrified to return stuff i just thought people were gonna be like you don't need to return this and then i would be like yeah you're right

and then but then also going through the process of it too like even just taking back to the stores of pain in the ass and then shipping stuff i also think returning used to be more difficult yeah like you really had to justify yes while why you were and i remember my parents would get into like 15 20 minute arguments about yeah like because you can be like oh it just doesn't fit and they're like sorry it's not our policy like the thing had to be damaged like you had to be like oh i bought it fucked up but also again who are my parents now that i look back on it one my parents are being ridiculous two they're talking to children yeah why didn't the kids just be like all right fuck it i don't give a shit i guess because they would get in trouble yeah but now

like amazon with some stuff they're just like you keep it and we'll give you the money back yeah dude and target they don't care about anything. They'll take back. I used to buy headphones, use them until they stop working. Yeah. Buy the same pair of headphones at Target. Put the old ones back in and return those. You know, I know a guy that did something very similar recently. All right, let's hear it. So I was just getting like free headphones for years.

Yeah. This is great. I know a guy that did something similar. Okay. And this guy is cool. All right. He listens to Finch. Let me first.

Okay. Do you know him? Really cool guy. Young, attractive, recently has a killer beard. All right. I don't even know why I'm bringing all this up. But anyway, he's cool he recently bought some chip and joanne uh uh sheets from target okay and they come in a so

he tells me they come in kind of like a knapsack yes i got some so what you could do this guy said if you're you know crazy you could put those sheets on the bed put your old sheets back in that knapsack seal that knapsack and then take it back to the store with the receipt holy shit dude i know that guy's that's not a bad idea that guy's crazy how much did you say who oh so this isn't about me oh my bad the guy did say the guy did think that when he when he went in he was like ah this might be a little risky what if they look in there you just say like hey what the fuck is this yeah like oh whoops uh yeah the guy the guy would be like oh i bought it like this but the the place that uh he went to uh went in there and then saw the lady working behind the uh the register had

her mask below her nose and i was like i mean he was like yeah this lady doesn't care about the details yeah yeah and it was so funny she's like back on the card like yeah and she's just threw it in a big bin you know it i wonder what the change was i guess like it everything just got so competitive and yes they said well i guess we don't do this and they're just gonna start going somewhere else i think yeah because i think amazon was the first to be like yeah we'll give you the label just drop it off and now having like ups stores everywhere yes makes it so yeah so fucking easy hey shout out to the shout out to amazon i gotta say man

i love amazon i know you guys get a bad rap but dick sash we love you shout out to Amazon. I got to say, man, I love Amazon. I know you guys get a bad rap, but Dick Sash, we love you. Shout out to those union busting sweethearts over at Amazon. Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no, no, no. Those people could have voted for a union. They didn't want a union. Yeah. I'm sure there was nothing else going on.

Yeah, there was no intimidation factors. I'm sure they weren't like, we'll fucking kill you and your family. It's just so crazy what people will believe they're like well amazon said if we get a union then we're not going to get raises anymore and they're like okay it's just great it's it's crazy it's insane yeah to think that the number one company in the world can't afford to pay you a little more i know it raises they do pay way more than everyone else and so i guess like people don't amazon like what you mean like other shipping like walmart they pay

more yeah they they don't pay minimum wage they pay fifteen dollars yeah but it's also just like the conditions too right like no for sure breaks and all that shit but i think but the point is i think those people would be nervous to lose that job because that's like the best paying job they could get yes yeah yeah yeah i mean it yeah it's a really tough position to be in yeah it's it's scary and you know you're like what if someone finds out i voted for the union it doesn't happen and then i'm like yeah and then they they don't fire me for that but they can fire you for something else just like oh wow you didn't meet your quota for x y and z or something like that it's crazy i heard a story about um they made it so you know you can't uh be make pro union speeches or hand out

pro union pamphlets or whatever inside of the warehouse so they started handing them out and talking to people at the red light right outside of the factory and then they noticed ever since they've been doing that the red light kept changing more quickly to green and all for a long time the employees were complaining that the light takes too long to change and they finally changed it and uh like npr somebody looked into it and they did they didn't change it but they said that they had planned on doing it for a long time isn't that crazy like yeah sure sure like that's how insane it is they're like oh don't let them huddle around the red light let's go go go keep it moving but yeah and then i'm i'm sure if you lean on the

town the town's like yeah we don't want to lose an Amazon factory or whatever. I was excited to get one here, man. Oh, the headquarters? Yeah. Or just the factory? The headquarters. What was it? Headquarters?

Yeah, they were going to try to do the second headquarters, but it's not like a factory, but like warehouse ship. There's one in like Dundalk. I know that. No, remember? Oh, but like the second headquarters. Yeah. They're putting it in Crystal City, Virginia. Where is that?

Virginia. So it's really weird. So like when we go to the Arlington Draft House, like two exits past the one you take for the Draft House, that's Crystal City right there. Yeah, that makes sense because the thing is, it's so weird people who are against the headquarters, because those were $100,000 jobs.

At least. You know, and it would have made property values go up, I think. It would have made the city pretty cool, or it would have attracted a lot of business for a lot of small businesses. Oh, definitely. And I think it would have brought property values up i get why some people might have been against it but um it's funny i knew balto i think what they did was very shitty in tricking cities into thinking they had a chance there's no baltimore stood note because baltimore new york was one of them someone wrote an op-ed and saying why baltimore will never get it and one of the reasons like one

they don't baltimore city itself doesn't have enough qualified people to fill those positions so they would have to convince people to move to baltimore yeah and if you're making like a hundred thousand dollars a year it's good money but it's not like the best money in the world then in a city like baltimore you can't use the public if you're making a hundred thousand dollars a year the chances you sending your kids to public schools are gone um and then there's you know it's not super easy to travel you need a car it's not people don't feel very safe so it's like one of the least appealing cities for those kind of people yeah we're gonna have no public transit and all that stuff i mean like

the bus and stuff but it's you know dude sometimes i do feel crazy for living in baltimore yeah you talk to people and you're and like um because usually we all make fun of like suburban people you know and uh yeah they're like they're so scared but make fun of like suburban people, you know, and yeah, they're like, they're so scared. But then, you know, they go, they're so scared. And then you're like, man, there was like a shooting, a murder right down the street the other day. Yeah.

But what did that person do? That's true. And you're like, but I get to walk to bars. That's nice. But yeah, I mean, then when COVID happened, like everything closed, I was like, oh, yeah, why do I covet happened like everything closed i was like oh yeah why do i need to be near this stuff like yeah oh walking to bars is great and then as you get older you're like i'll drive 20 minutes like it's fine you know like uh yeah i had this happen on friday my friend blake who's a dig head shout out to all right up, Blake? Blake. And he's actually the one that sent me the Umar Khan clip.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Umar sent in a question to the Kurt Angle podcast. I forgot about that guy. But Blake, I guess, listens to that podcast. And Kurt Angle was taking questions. It was like, Umar Khan asked, why did you quit WWE? Blake was like, I didn't know if that was a common name or not. But anyway, so Blake, he rules.

He's a sweetheart. He does HVAC and my... Fuck, what is the unit outside called? He's... What is that thing called? I'm blanking on it. He's probably like screaming right now. I have no idea what they're called.

But those big things. With the fan.enser i think condenser okay i think sure uh but that uh he was filling that up with uh with freon for ac for the summer just to make sure it's all right and i brought up my friend ryan uh who i also love and so we were hanging out but he came up early um because he lives pretty far away so we're gonna get breakfast and then i was like there's no like places open i forgot about chucks near you that was open for breakfast we had breakfast the other day so good god i felt so bad when i was like fuck chucks i never think about just out of sight out of mind but anyway we ended up going to lunchbox which isn't't the greatest place. Not great. Not great. But it was like the only place available to like sit down at that time on Friday.

And it was fine, but like not great. And then it was like kind of like overcasty and like gray and like a little cold. And like the neighborhood just looked a little gnarly. And then we get back to his truck and like we're saying our goodbyes and this woman it looks like out of like central casting of like i don't know like late 1800s gypsy like she has like a wrap around her head like a big like skirt that like go like like fans out doesn't match what she's wearing she has like like a plastic bag and she was nice but she just like goes she's like excuse me how do i get to the royal farms i was like god

i know god damn it dude it uh yeah because we were so oh man this was hilarious we were so, oh, man, this was hilarious. We were at a, Karen through worked, she like helped plan a surprise party for her really good friend that she used to live with for like seven years. Yeah. Jenny, she turned 40. So her. Jenny, shout out to Jenny. And Ted, Jenny's mom and another friend or two planned this 40th birthday party they put a ton of work into it like they they would meet on zoom like every week for like five weeks it was a little much but how connected they are and it just reminded me because it's

first of all i'm not a surprise party guy yeah like surprise parties because you're like why is this person here why aren't the people i really like here why didn't i wish you would ask me who to invite yeah yeah but are all your co-workers are here sometimes you're not in the mood to hang out with a bunch of people yeah yeah you kind of have to prepare for that a little bit it can be disappointing if a lot of people don't show it's just you know all that stuff but so you also, one thing like when I was planning the engagement or the proposal, I knew that Karen would be upset if she didn't look good. Yes. You have to come up with a reason for us to dress up, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. So we all get to the house like an hour, hour and a half before she gets there because she's very late all the time yeah and so we're just hanging out and then karen said oh ted texted and said jenny said she's not going to take a shower and also the ruse to get her there was that they were just going to have crabs her mom and her boyfriend were just going to have crabs. So, like, you're going to get dirty. Why dress up? So then, you know, we all huddle around.

We have this huge sign that says, happy birthday, Jenny, or something. You're 40. So she sees everyone. So she walks to the back. She walks through the house. You see her in the screen door. She sees everyone. Her face looks horrified yeah and she

like rolls her eyes and goes shit and then opens the door like halfway and just says i look fucking terrible looks like she's gonna like ball then the side of the door and what ran back in the house and we were all just like oh my god it was uncomfortable bro weeks of planning so fun but it's so funny and uh yeah it was it was very uncomfortable and the sign that you had that said you're 40 and dirty didn't help yeah you're 40 and gross yeah that sucks yeah because she's like well fuck it why am i gonna shower we're just hanging out eating crabs 40 and dirty didn't help. You're 40 and gross now. That sucks. Yeah, because she's like, well, fuck it. Why am I going to shower? We're just hanging out eating crabs.

Yeah, I felt so bad for her. But also, can you just fake it a little bit? A little bit. Just fake it a little bit. Isn't it worse to do that than to not have makeup on? Yeah, or be like, oh, my God, I'm so excited. Like, it's great to see you guys. I'm going to run upstairs because I didn't know people were here. Yeah, like, I feel like shit god i'm so excited like it's great to see you guys i'm gonna run

upstairs because i didn't know people were yeah like i feel like shit i'm so happy you're here but and i get it like some people are way more self you know i don't understand like how everyone imagine if you showed up in the wrong rain jacket yeah you showed up and they're like i don't know it looks a little big on you i'd be embarrassed yeah just run away show up on a hike and someone's like man your rain jacket's fucking lame that's lame does it have air vents yeah but and then it ended up being really fun she came out i think it was just like overwhelming and you know i get it because i've i've done the same thing at surprise party yeah karen was very uh also dude the best part about excited about it the best part about the party or the that

whole part of the party besides was chick being devastated it's in our like in these times we have to record everything so all of her chick friends have their phones out i didn't even think about one bitch actually posted it oh i'll show it to you is it still up yeah oh it made it on the grid yeah it made it on the grid not even like a story no she's old she doesn't do stories wow why would you post it i mean even in the story is offensive but on the grid the grid is a bit much because yeah it's crazy that's rough what does the caption say like i hate you denise like happy 40th and then like you can hear and she's like i hate this and then you can hear the lady who's recording she's a little crazy too uh she uh she goes she can see that she's upset and says something i'm

not wearing any makeup and then you just hear the lady from behind the camera go and you're late yes yes not only are you ugly but you're late ugly and late to your own party you dumb bitch oh my god and that's in the post yeah all right never mind that's good content so good dude, dude. And just like, oh, why, dude? Why post it? Oh, yeah. No, that's insane. Oh, man. But it turned out fun. It was really fun.

Also, it's just so, dude, it's so funny at every party, comedy show, whatever, hang. We're all like, they did all this planning with COVID in mind. Yeah. So we ended up, they thought like sub sandwiches would be like the best thing to eat because you can just pick up but i don't understand why that's any different than like any spread of food it's not like you go see a thing of food also i'm more likely to put my hand to grab a sandwich than like something that would need a ladle yeah yeah so they did yeah then k Karen touched every sandwich.

She was arranging them. Yes, of course. And then so they put all this thought. Like, what did you do? Sandwich chips. Maybe we'll try to get them into pre-wrapped. Yeah. What did they think people were doing before COVID?

They're like, oh, should I just get the chili with my hands? Yeah. There's like, oh, that's good. And then, of course, just like any party, you get a little boozed up sure most people most of us we all had the vaccines now we're just oh and they put all the food and the booze inside so where's everyone gonna be that's where you fucking yeah they had this big ass deck outside where they thought everyone was gonna hang out yeah we just hung out in the basement where all the food and booze was 80 of the party so there were no crabs no crabs

also that chick she's like where are my crabs i came here yeah i know bro pretty rough it was it was a good party but yeah that part was um i felt bad for her that's a tough start i felt bad for her then i felt bad for everyone that planned the party and i'm sure she went home that night and felt like bad about like what happened you know like oh now i'm embarrassed but like you it was just like a gut reaction yeah yeah exactly you're so on the spot yeah and you weren't expecting it at all yeah literally surprised so funny dude i it would have been i thought she went back home to put on makeup. Like, yeah, I'll be... That would have been...

I would have loved if that actually happens. Wow. That would have been fun. Oh, Karen, stop. Karen was very... Karen was... Karen can't stand secondhand embarrassment. Yeah.

So she was uncomfortable, and she got a little too tipsy that day. And what? And Karen was like... Yeah, let me tell you karen was she was too apologetic yeah we both drove separately uh-huh and uh because karen had to get there early to set up and so i'm like all right karen you're getting drunk stop drinking you gotta because uh at first the plan was like i'll just drive us both home i'm not like crazy drunk or anything yeah um which is the legal limit yeah crazy drunk excuse me sir i'm not crazy drunk yeah you know i pulled you over you sound crazy yeah uh and then karen's like all right and then i was like you

know what fuck this i'm not driving back here tomorrow it's like 25 minutes from our home like i was like you're just stop drinking now drive home karen disappears i go she's downstairs getting us another drink i'm like what the fuck are you doing well that's for the road she's like i'll just finish this quickly i'm like that makes it worse and that's what she was doing uh yeah yeah yeah crazy it's a goodbye drink oh my my. I had to pour it out. That's what people like to see on the way out. You're like, here's my ticket. Yeah.

Sipping this on the way out. Thank you. Unbelievable. So funny. Anyway, it was a fun party, guys. It was fun. Yeah. It sounds like you rebounded.

We rebounded. It wasn't too bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like you rebounded. We rebounded. It wasn't too bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't listen, right? I mean, certainly not like a half hour in. Yeah.

We're too deep in. Definitely not. Now, we'll cut this clip out and post it. Yeah. This will be the clip that we share on Instagram. When surprise parties go wrong. Go wrong. I left a surprise party.

Which one? When I was 16. But I've talked about it before, but my mom threw me a surprise party. I thought we were going to Olive Garden. Oh. We weren't. My mom threw a surprise party.

I was pissed, and I left, went to Olive Garden with my friends. Came back, I got a car. Nice. Yeah, so that's how much of a douche bag I was.

Yeah, you're like, sauce. And an iPod, when like no one had ipods a car and an ipod yeah i was 16 it was crazy you uh you're sounding pretty rich right now not rich my aunt gave me her old 99 corolla okay gotcha yeah i was like new car and new ipod no not new jesus like god damn azra azra i know my parents know uh yeah i don't think i've i've been at any surprise parties that have gone wrong right no i did see a clip that made me laugh a lot was uh

uh i think it was um like the caption was something stupid it's like why you don't do surprise parties in the hood oh this guy came. He had a sweatshirt on. And like he was so like where you open the door is the front room. And then the living room is off to the left. And that's where everybody was. And so like everybody on the left, when he comes in, they're like, surprise. And turn on the lights. And he was like, oh.

And he like goes for his sweatshirt. And then he was like sees it's his family. And he's like, hey. And he like clearly went for a gun that's crazy dude oh speaking of planning things so we got to plan this goddamn wedding wait you're getting married hey i'm also congrats karen and uh so a guy who wanted zero weddings uh-huh is now having to deal with planning three ways i thought you're gonna say now you want three weddings no you've don't yeah umar keeps saying this to me carrie keeps going it's my day yeah he keeps saying that he said ever since he was a little girl he's wanted three days

karen and my mom both say the same thing to me like you want it you're just acting and i'm and but inside they really like i'm it will be fun babe it will be fun but inside i don't think they realize how much i don't care three days yeah are you going through with the three-day thing we're gonna do a pakistani wedding of two days okay and then we're gonna do a our like the real wedding you know we're gonna do a brown wedding and a white wedding three days but they're spaced out the the pakistani weddings in august yeah and then ours is in october yeah so well i guess they're both hours this is like this is your conichella here yeah and oh babe conichella

and that's a hashtag huh hashtag conichella because they also split it up right then they have like two coachellas yeah yeah Conicella. So that'll be... The one is in August. And my mom first wanted three days. Traditionally, Pakistani weddings are five days. What do you do for all those days? I don't remember. But one day...

And also like our weddings, first of all, people have to understand they're dry. There's no booze. Yes. That's tough. And then there are three days. One day there's like drumming and singing. And then like there's like a day where I think that's like the day where like the bride side like teases the groom side.

The groom side teases the bride side. There's a roast? Sort of. Yeah. Or like a song. With a sexual tease. It's like a Bllywood film you know they're like they're like oh so you guys are gonna stomp the yard yeah we're gonna stop are

you serious and uh then like you put like um what's that shit you put on the hands henna uh-huh on the bride's hand i love that karen knows the answer yeah and then there's like tradition yeah and then there's like the normal then there's like the main wedding reception that's why we're just doing like the henna day and the reception day oh that's pretty cool i guess so uh the cool thing about the henna day well we're doing at my mom's friend uh who is indian uh-huh and she does drink and has, so she said, you know, we can booze it up at her house. Yeah, you want the lady drinking to do henna

on your hand. Yeah, that's true. What the fuck is this? He's like, ah, it's fine. I want to get like a 420 henna. Yeah, treat it like fake tattoos. Oh yeah, like they do at the boardwalk. They used to do henna tattoos. That's all I'm picturing, yeah. Dude, are you going to get a henna face face tattoo i should get a henna like fake face tattoo oh that'd be so you should get karen over like your eyebrow or something

and because in the summer i'm not working so i can walk around like that for six weeks you should that would be amazing dude get one on top of your head. Oh, yeah. Get like a full skull or something on there. That'd be nice. That'd be pretty rad. Yeah, so that's going to be interesting. And it's like... In August, too, that's like really quick. Very soon.

I know it's annoying. And picturing... Who's paying for all this? My parents are paying for that. That's crazy. Thank God. Dude, yeah, I looked into a wedding cake costs easily yeah twelve hundred dollars and so my buddy scott is going through that he's like we're what we're gonna do is just get a small cake for like

everybody to cut like that just to cut to cut and like give to them, give to the parents, immediate family. Everybody else gets cupcakes. And I'm like, that's great. Dude, so I think we are trying to see how expensive it would be if we got Waffy at our wedding to make waffles and scoop Taharqa ice cream on them. That'd be incredible. Because also, I got to say, wedding cake never knocks my dick in the dirt. And they're so expensive. Wedding food always sucks. It's not suck, but it's never like you're like wow that was great that's what

i'm saying for like what you're paying for with the cake versus what you get flavor wise is insane i know uh we thought i don't know cupcakes because i'm not a cupcake guy you know i think because there were more no queen no oh what you don't like a sweet potato um but yeah i think that was their compromise of saying like they cost so much and then also nobody really cares about no one cares well yeah it does get thrown away we can't stop we can't stop talking because no one's gonna hear her right you can say it into the mic just shout get shout babe whoa karen said a lot it'll most of it gets thrown away which is probably true well yeah and it's a good thing uh the mic isn't picking her up i've never heard her say the n-word so oh i know yeah that is crazy oh i hear a lot especially

in bed i bet you do she was like who's crazy drunk now you're fucking a black guy i'm being cucked oh yeah i'm just sitting on the edge of the bed like you like it look who's it look at you you're a job creator yes it's true yeah i prefer job creator over cock thank you yeah but dude wedding shit is wild and uh yes it's so fucking expensive it makes no sense to me i don't understand it i think it's like so dumb no offense karen and uh i'm sure she's not offended uh i don't know man like to me it's like dude like you're dropping i don't know let's say like 20 grand in a day yeah 20 grand in a day you could do so much crazy shit with 20 grand right, even if someone was like, you have to spend $20,000 in a day,

I would not have anything close to resembling a wedding. Oh, definitely not. Karen, you can't say things like that anymore. No, I would go eat at like, you could eat at whatever restaurant you wanted and still have like $ thousand dollars at least five hundred dollars left yes i could buy enough i would yeah you yeah i was gonna get married but now i'm a two percent owner of an olive garden yeah i mean you could just do so much shit with i mean the amount of shit you get for your house like even if it's not like crazy renovations you're like

i got an amazing couch and a 65 inch tv we could get a couch we could get a new fence that we need we could add uh hvac in here like oh yeah like all that shit could be done right under twenty thousand dollars easily but we are gonna and i'm gonna i'm we're gonna have fun babe and also it's a comedy podcast so i gotta play it up a little bit but we are gonna spend it i love she's like play it up mother and the thing is is like for the people the people throwing the wedding like and this one and we went out had dinner with our buddies nolan friend of the pod and ellie and um uh and the same thing because nolan has been married before and he said like and everyone says like you're not gonna eat on your wedding day and i'm like fuck that if i know how much we're spending on food i'm eating yeah there and then like what

am i gonna not why would i not eat there's just food everywhere i guess because they're saying you're gonna be like talking to people i can eat and talk i can carry a god oh yeah thing of like you can't eat it's just like get a fucking plate also i'll be you know what you can cut the line it's your wedding i'm going to be cutting the line i'm going to be getting seconds that's true, so you are technically cutting... I'll be cutting the line. It is funny. Yeah. It's like your birthday party.

Like, it's my party. I want it first. Give it to me. Yeah. This whole notion of people not eating at the weddings makes no sense. Oh, dude. I would have a plate on me at all times. Plate.

Oh, yeah. Especially if you know, yeah, like you're saying, how much it costs. Like, you see these mashed potatoes are four grand i'm gonna eat all of them i'm gonna eat all of them yeah that's why we're not letting kids at the wedding because like we're not gonna pay like you know whatever it's like 150 whatever ahead or whatever it is oh some asshole who's gonna like be weird about the food and can't drink. You make them drink? Yeah.

We're trying to have the least amount of Muslims at the wedding as possible because they don't drink. I was joking about the hate speech coming from the kitchen, but my goodness. It's going to be a real rally. My goodness. It's just crazy, dude. It's crazy. It's just like it's a bygone thing.

How do people do it? I guess it's like had to be a thing of like back in the day. It's like we are now joining two houses together and all this stuff. It's like. Yeah. But also now everybody lives together for a while. You already like for all intents and purposes, you've already done the thing. I know.

That's why another thing we got an argument of. And that's the thing. Like ever since the wedding, all we do is just, you've already done the thing. I know. That's why another thing we got an argument of. And that's the thing. Like ever since the wedding, all we do is just bicker at each other every night. Cause like Karen never listens. This is the only time Karen listens to podcasts is when she's around, when she's around and hears us recording it. But if she went back and listened to the other one, she would not be happy. But yeah, we just started bickering because she's like we need a

registry and i'm like babe we don't we own a house together we bought all this shit for the house baby better pick that shit up there's cauliflower flying into the living room babe that went under the couch uh yeah like a girl uh she threw cauliflower at me uh she's cooking dinner for the second time since we've been together i'm getting allergic to all these complaints from a woman yeah i know right what is she doing i don't know uh but the vodka is out everybody uh oh boy anyway so we in these arguments because she wants a registry and i'm like we own a house we bought everything we need for this house we have anything you can think of that you would need and she's and then i was like and i get it her argument is like i don't think i don't think you're crazy at all. You sound very not crazy right now.

Just yelling. Tell him I'm not crazy. Yeah. No, I totally, I understand that because it is an opportunity to, yes, you have shit, but you can upgrade some shit. I get it. Or get the thing you always wanted or whatever. But sure.

It's funny to like now, like, like, like what I was saying, like back in the day, it was like, here's a dowry for my daughter now it's like oh we're gonna get an air fryer i know yeah yeah have you gotten an air fryer yet no i don't think i can do it either i don't i it's technically it's an oil fryer like yes yeah people like it's air the only the good thing i hear about them is that they bring french fries back to life but i'm also like i ain't bringing home that many french fries from restaurants yeah and then the people who are like i use it every day i'm like well you're a fat fuck yeah like what are you eating you're not eating healthy why don't you

just grill some meat and eat some veggies and shut the fuck up yeah i've never heard somebody be like goddamn but broccoli in the air fryer i know dude it's always like french fries wings ooh mozzarella sticks. It's crazy. Oh, but so you got to get it. Apparently, you need to have a registry because if you just do like, you can just do what's called like a honeymoon fund where people just give you money and you can use it for whatever you want.

Yeah, what is it? It's like a honey, I don't know if it's honeymoon, but yeah, it has like honey in it. Newlywed fund or something? Yeah, I did something where a while ago for my buddy oh oh excuse me excuse me i didn't get that far for a friend uh they're like we have a registry and then we also have like what you're talking about and they're like we want to do um our like their honey where they yeah they're like we want

to take a trip to like ireland and i was like cool i contribute to that so this way they're like with this money we can afford this place whatever so like i'd much rather do that and like my friend ryan i talked to him about it when he was like our registry had like forks and knives he's like i have cutlery already why are we doing this bizarre like I'd rather pay for you to do a cool experience. So what will happen, what I've heard from my friends who have been married, who went through all the way with it. Is that what they call it? Yeah.

Turns out we're going all the way. All the way. If you don't have a registry with like items then older people will still buy you dumb shit so my buddy caroline even though she did make a registry she's from the south and all her southern people bought her stuff that said mr and mrs whatever their last name it yeah but she didn't even take her husband's last name she was like dude i have like six like picture frames things like like you hang on the wall, like, you know, on like the shitty wood looking like in Target decor or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It says Mr. and Mrs. whatever. And she's like, yeah, we're never going to use it. Remember to live, laugh, love, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And she's like, so that's a reason to. I'm like, but those people are going to buy whatever they want for you anyway. They're idiots. Just make it clear on the registry.

It'd be great if you had had guitar pedals on there and stuff. I know. That would have been hilarious. As a couple, we both want me to get a new amp. Yeah. Karen, are you going to take Omar's last name? Are you going to be Karen Khan? No, I don't.

That is a tough name, isn't it? Karen Khan is good. It's not bad. I mean, if you do end up on a viral video, you'd be like, my last name's Khan. That's not super white. Can't get canceled. You can't. You certainly could.

Karen wants to change her middle name to a name with a K as well, everybody. She certainly does. Yeah. Karen Kindness Khan. Wedding planning, man. your middle name to a name with the k as well everybody she certainly does uh yeah karen kindness con what wedding planning man it's so lame i hate it i you guys are on like such a condensed schedule too yeah we're getting married in october well august and then october yeah like but everything's done for most part like we got a photographer we got a venue okay karen thinks it's not done but most of it's done the hard part's done now

we just have to pick yeah i mean there's so much that goes into it yeah i mean look i've what's yeah i do like i've sold out a theater shot a special i put that together i think i can handle a wedding i built the backdrop for this special. Yeah, he's like, he's like, babe, I'm going to get paper plates. Yeah, the nicest. And that's it. Well, yeah,

we should get coral because also not a bad middle name with a cornhole. Also, but that's how we met playing cornhole. I didn't think of that part,

but I just thought like I want activities to do because we have the whole parking lot to an outside area. No, I got to say I went to a wedding in LA. So I guess it was 2019. They had cornhole there.

It was on a farm. I want into the mic, babe. All right. What do you want to say? What do you want to say? No, into the mic, babe. All right. What do you want to say? What do you want to say? No, into the mic. If there's 40 people outside.

We got to wrap up. It's been a really good pod. I'm sorry. We're just running out of room, Karen. I don't think. Karen, come here. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding here i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i'm just kidding come here we have like two minutes so oh someone's got it no but uh okay i don't think i break up the party my thing is it's like people are gonna be outside smoking stuff you know karen please

please babe do it all right anyway i don't think it'll break up the party i just think i want i just want the party to feel like a bunch of our friends just all went out to the bar together i don't want it we're not doing like we are gonna okay i know but i was willing to come oh this and this is another thing women do dude when karen and i first met and we like sometimes we started talking about a wedding like yeah you'll be fun just a party just like no ceremony yeah yeah now we're having a ceremony now it's conchella yeah now it's conchella we're having a ceremony uh you know i was like 75 people now it's 150 people yeah we got an oyster bar but also dude it'll be great it will be great and i'm saying a lot

of this for comedic effect but like it is funny like because i would be totally fine with just no ceremony maybe like 75 people we just i know it just escalates though because you have to because other people get involved also like it's family and then you know not to toot our own horn but we know a lot of people and then it's yeah it's just it's tough i know trimming down that list is tough it is tough there's gonna be some uh cuts i feel bad yeah there's some people who i would really like to come but uh my buddy i talked to my buddy he had a real small wedding his was 75 and he said we made a rule like if we didn't really like talk to or hang out with anyone in the last two years, we didn't invite them.

Yeah. And he said that included family. It's really hard. Like, family. Jesus, that's tough. Yeah. That's a tough cut. But, I mean, like, yeah, especially once you start doing the math.

Like, you guys are lucky that you're being, like, helped out with it and, like, don't even have to take care of it. But, yeah, it's. Yeah. So, yeah, it's very nice. But, it's very nice but uh it's a it just it adds up when you're like yeah i love this person but two hundred dollars a head i don't know if i love you know what i mean i know dude it's crazy it sucks but it'll be fun it'll be worth it uh are you thinking of taking karen's last name i would take Karen's last name. I don't care about... I literally could give a shit about anything, man.

Okay. I just want... Let's change your last name. Yeah, dude. To... Umar Mattis. But Umar Mattis isn't cool as Karen Khan. Karen Khan is cool.

Karen Khan is pretty cool. What if you both switch? She's Karen Khan. And I'm Umar Mattis. Uh-huh. All right. I like it. What if you change your name to Karen Khan?

Ooh. I don't know, man. Karen Khan. Karen Con. Another thing, too, I was thinking about this, about weddings. And I guess like when you're a comedian. Yeah. Or you do something like that. I don't know how to say this without sounding like a douchebag. I'm not. I really.

But you have. There's so many times in the last, like, whatever years where you're the center of attention. Like, people are excited. Yeah. That, you know, I don't know. People, like, come up to you after the show and you get all these compliments and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And so a wedding is very different i understand but i think a lot of people wanting a wedding is like they like that it's like attention it's about them

they get to look super nice blah blah yeah i also think it's um even it's before and after it too like especially in the age of like social media because there's a lot going into it it's before and after it too like especially in the age of like social media because there's a lot going into it it's like well you guys are doing the thing right like it gives you uh like a singular clout and but then there's also a focus on you for like a thing you're doing yeah yeah can't lie all those likes for that engagement great yeah you gotta keep it going gotta keep it going keep it going you're right so then like the wedding like yeah like they. You're right. So then like the wedding, like, yeah, like they're going to have the photographer and be like, here's me putting on my suit before I went. Yeah, yeah.

I don't even know if I want those pictures, like me getting dressed for my wedding. You will. It would be a really funny one if it's like you just be like, no, no, no, please, no. Yeah. I think it would be funny if we took like really serious pictures of me getting dressed, but it's just like my hairy back. You know, I'm my i think that would be fun but no i would love to see like yeah like a nice black and white photo of you seriously trimming your arm hair yeah be trimming my hair be shaving my unibrow i was gonna say take it a bick to the unibrow just like oh that's actually

not a bad idea the intense focus i would love that yeah and then have oh man that would be great you should have your groomsmen shaving you a little bit because i think that all the chicks get together and get their makeup done and stuff together yeah chicks do their makeup they're like uh hair and all that shit oh that's like more money that's like that that's wild it's a wild uh what's what's the what are you gonna wear we talking tux no i'm gonna buy a suit i think tuxes are out right yeah i figured i'm gonna buy a suit i'm gonna buy a nice dark blue suit i was thinking a tux with tails top hat the whole thing all right you know just lean into that i was gonna yeah just a suit, just a suit, brown shoes, tie. But now I got to buy another suit for the Paki wedding.

I was thinking brown suit for that one. Oh, that's it. Yes, Karen Brown. Like a light brown? Because you're wearing red. That would look good. Brown and red? I don't know.

Yeah. Like a... It would be like a bad poop. Hey, you got your hashtag for the wedding. Bad poop. Wait, you think brown and red don't go together i i don't think of that as a classic combo all right then what goes with red my mom wanted me to wear black but black suits are lame that's like for funerals black and red are fine i don't

want to wear what if you go like what if you go like early ors P. Diddy white suit? I'm going to go gray suit. Gray works. Gray's a great suit. Nice charcoal. Charcoal gray. Let's do it. I think all white would be the way to go. All white?

All white. Just a white out. Man, I used to dress like a huge asshole in high school. I used to wear like if I did have to dress up to career day, I wore a white shirt with a hot pink tie. Hot pink? Yeah. Goodness. And I got so many compliments on it i'm sure and then i used to wear like yeah i it was just so bad i did not know how to dress oh man i'm uh dude at work yeah i used to wear like vests and stuff oh i remember yeah like i thought i'll too i thought that i had to like dress up for work

and then yeah it's like oh yeah no one told me no one cares yeah you just assume that it's like oh this is what business attire is all my first day to uh when i had like my job out after college i had like a real job yeah i wore a tie to work yeah and i realized like oh no one's wearing a tie or even dress pants. Everyone just wears like khakis. Yeah. So like at lunch, I took my tie off and put it in the car. And someone was like, hey, where'd your tie go?

And I was like, fuck you. I'm a kid. It's fine. Yeah. No, my girl was like, you have to look nice. And she like took me shopping. I was like, all right. Yeah.

My dad used to tell me things. Well, because this used to be a thing. Like he was like, you can't have a five o'clock shadow. Yeah. A lot of places don't like beards. Yeah. Unless you already have a beard. Yeah.

My grandma's talking about the Mad Men era. You know? Yeah. She's like, you wear a vest, and then you smoke two cigarettes in the morning. Yeah. And then you blow your martini lunch. Yeah. And your secretary blows you.

Yeah. And I'm like, not bad, Grandma. Yeah. Not bad. Are we at an hour? do we are we at an hour because we're just about in an hour i was gonna say uh shout out to joe gonzalez i got the headline uh um dude i gotta say when i it's like one of those shows it was in a really swanky like cool like hippo uh bohemian whatever it's just like a very nice hotel restaurant bar uh-huh and then we

went downstairs and we were in this then we go downstairs and it's this room that looks like it's set up for like a prom yeah i was gonna say it looked like you were in like a banquet hall yeah we were and i was like oh this is gonna suck but and it was like a stop asian hate show it was like a benefit for that what does that money go towards probably bullshit just like did you see what's going on with black lives matter yeah that woman bought like two mansions no that woman bought four homes totaling like two million dollars oh my god anyway um that's tough um so she reached out to me and she was like hey do you want to do 30 minutes blah blah blah i was like oh okay cool then i didn't know until the flyer i was headlining and i like i don't know

like i get nervous and like you know you think like am i a headliner it's in dc there's way better comics right and um the lineup like some of the comics are like they're like really good i'm like fuck yeah and uh but i showed and it was for a stop asian hate show the lineup was pretty woke i was the i'm not i don't think i'm like offensive but i'm not thoughtful anymore on stage okay and um but i can't lie crushed felt so good fuck yeah it was so fun uh just and uh everyone That was so good. It was so fun. Everyone afterwards was so nice. I talked to this group,

bought me drinks. Shout out to Jill. Great show, man. That's awesome. It's always a good feeling, too, with the ones you're nervous about and then they go well. It's the thought process before you're like, I don't know if I'm that good. Then after you're like, I'm in crap.

Oh, the ego through the roof. Yeah, I don't know if I'm that good. And then after you're like, I'm in crap. Oh, the ego through the roof. Yeah, I did Sean Savoy's show. Oh, yeah. I don't want to brag, but it's in a business park. All right, Nottingham's. It's in a bar in Columbia, Maryland. Columbia, Maryland in a business park. That's where everything in Columbia, Maryland is.

It's atrocious. It's so weird. I'm like, why do people come to this? This is a nightmare here. Well, where everything in Columbia, Maryland is. It's atrocious. It's so weird. I'm like, why do people come to this? This is a nightmare here. Well, just what we were saying earlier. Yeah. Like, why do they think, why do we live here? There's so much crime.

They're away from all the crime. True, true. Yeah. But still, I'm like, this looks so stupid. I'd rather be close to murder than live in Columbia, Maryland. A hundred percent. Yes. A hundred percent yes a hundred percent especially because i'm like how do you even know about this place like unless you work not a building uh very

well known in columbia that's like the place to go to get fucked up isn't that wild that is wild they also had signs everywhere it said no dancing it's like what happened here that's like they probably don't want like black people there that's probably what it is dude that yeah they had some sign they had like uh that kind of resemble a uh show producer in the area but it was like no like white tees no uh i think show producer yeah i'm talking about it after but like it was like and also it was I think it's like no hats or something too. And I'm like, hey, we're talking. Yeah, but the show is I got to say the audience was like pretty fun and then Ramin was on it.

So we got to shoot the ship beforehand and stuff and like it was great to see him. Yeah, Sean Rami told me that Sean was even like you want to do the show. Josh is on it. He's like, all right, dude, that's how people book me now like you'll be like uh hey like mike quillen reaches like i got chris allen headlining you want to be on it i'm like yeah let's do it yeah i like that i because they're being mindful of like it'll make the show more fun for them yeah they do shows together so it'll be like it'll be a good show you know yeah i yeah yeah it was cool it was so yeah i haven't seen him in a minute either.

So it was good to catch up with him. And then like the show, they had a chick that was painting on stage. Yeah. So you sent me a picture. Yeah. And I was like on cloud nine taking pictures with audience members and having drinks, taking shots. Yeah.

And I was like, I'll get back to him. And then I totally forgot to respond. So Sean was like, this is the artist. I forget her name. She was very nice. But you tell just kind of stonery type. And she was like. Well, so explain Sean.

So Sean is a very nice guy. He's been doing comedy for a while. But he's very much into weed. He's very much into weed. He always does something new with his hair yes his hair is like purple and he also has a i think like a clothing he has a clothing line called nama blaze like instead of namaste nama blaze and i believe there's a joint associated with it somewhere in there. So, yeah. So, very much into weed culture. So, if you're into that and comedy, you're going to end up with a chick painting a canvas next to where the comedians are performing. While you're telling jokes, she's still painting.

She's painting. Yeah. Because in someone's head, that's cool. And if you're high enough, you're going to be be like but what if there's like pain yeah someone who's been doing comedy for 10 years thought that would work at a company doing weed for 10 years yes and it was fine but it was uh it was so funny so the dude that brought me up he was like he's like give it up for uh the artist um and again before the show she was very nice she was like you can also paint if you

want just so you know it is free paint so if you like feel the need to like add to the canvas you can yeah it was like short short paint your paint the world's your canvas absolutely like open mic open brush um and uh so the guy the the guy that brings me up he he's like, all right, so we got two more comedians on the show or whatever it is. Like, bring up this next guy, but give it up for the artist, whatever her name is. He's like, this is the only comedy club. And I'm like, comedy club? He's like, this is the only comedy club on the East Coast that has an artist painting while comedians perform. And the crowd's like, okay.

Oh, my God. And so, like like okay oh my god and then so like i was on stage and then just like this is the only comedy club that does it and you know why because it should never happen uh but it yeah it was it was fine and she was so nice but like uh the crowd was like okay and then i went up and i was like riffing on the room and all kinds of stuff and then i was like then we got the artist here huh i was like what uh what are you painting and she just goes i don't know abstract bro i was like at least you're honest and also then at the time she like painted kind of like this blue kind of uh like kind of pattern and then she had like a thermos that she had and she was using that to

trace circles on it and she was like i don't i don't know i was like at least you're honest like also he brought me up he's like this is the only club that does this i was like yeah no other club has a chick high out of her mind tracing a thermos on stage what are you talking about my god she made up she was making perfect ones and then you better believe i painted a dick on there oh did you yeah that's great and then she goes somebody does that every week and i was like that's fair like i'm was like, me? You're high out of your mind painting like fucking tie dye, bitch. No, she was so nice. She was great. It was funny.

I was like, why did you get rid of it? She's like, it didn't resonate with me. I was like, that's fair. It's so weird. That's what's so crazy about comedy shows is like Bill Burr has that great saying where you're like, most of comedy is like you're killing in obscurity because you're just like in these strip malls. No one like where you're like like most of comedy is like like you're killing in obscure obscurity yes because you're just like in these strip malls no one knows where you are no one's ever gonna see like this shit that happens it's just like yeah like that kind of

shit that's why i loved it like it's just so crazy yeah exactly it's like i didn't know that was gonna be a part of it but yeah that adds to them like comedy can be so fucking weird yeah like i was when i was closing out that show on friday i was just asking this guy i was like oh hey are you close with your family because i was like using it to get into a bit yeah there was this table of chicks that i was fucking with for most of the show and they just started chatting i was like hey shut the fuck what do you i was like what could you possibly be talking about right now and then her friend was like oh she just told me that she's very close with her family and then so i got to like i was like oh you know what's like you're so you're so

sweet that like you couldn't hold that in like you're at a comedy show yeah and you you had to like turn to your friend like i'm really close to my family yeah you can't be like oh i got something to tell you later so i asked her you know i said uh all right so if like you know because i'm not close to my family i wish i was i said so let's say like you went through a breakup would you talk to your parents about it and she's like oh my god i i wish i had a boyfriend just so i could go through a breakup and the whole room was like oh it was just like so funny. That's really sad. I wish I had a boyfriend to break up with. Yeah, you sounded so fucking funny. That's an emo shit.

Yeah, it was hilarious. I got it all on video. I'm so pumped. Oh, nice. Yeah, I wish I had some of that shit on video. All right, should we get out of here? I was thinking... Oh, go ahead.

Oh, just the comics, and I think people that do porn. Are they the only people that are like, God, I wish I had that on video? Yeah, no. Porn, there's this like this do you think they were like fuck real good ones they're like oof that would have been good that'd been a good tape i heard heard a porn star say when she goes to because she lives in colorado when she goes films in la she has like women come over her house and fuck her husband for her so she doesn't come home to a unhappy man. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Huh? Life. Huh? Nothing. All right.

All right. Let's get out of here. All right. Let's get out of here. We'll, uh, we'll both be at the DC improv. Oh, yeah. We get to be like one of the first shows back. Yeah. It's crazy.

I will be there. Um, with, uh, what? Great comic. Steve Byrne, baby. Oh, he's very funny. He was, uh, he was the last weekend of comedy that I had before everything shut down. He's like one of those comics that should be bigger than he is. You know what I mean?

He kills. Kills. Absolute killer. One of the nicest guys. Talk about hanging out after shows, going out, all that stuff. Him and Chad Daniels are both two comics that should be, I think like close to like the burr at least in that hemisphere yeah he's a great writer great performer been around a while super funny but yeah i'll uh i'll be hosting for him at the dcm pro uh april 29th through may 1st nice so you'll

get to tell me what it's like because it looks rough yeah ramin went to a show he told yeah but well we'll talk off. Yeah, yeah. And I'll be there May 13th through the 15th with Carmen Lynch. I'll be featuring for her. Kasia Patel's on the show, so it'll be good. Fuck yeah. So yeah, go get your tickets because they're probably going to sell out. So they're talking about doing like three shows on Saturday.

Yeah, they're going to add shows. Oh, probably for you, not me. Well, I mean, the room burn cells. The room only holds 72 people. I know, but I don't know, man.

I feel like they can do that for someone like Steve burn. Yeah, so we'll see. We'll see. But yeah, if they do, they're going to do a four o'clock Saturday show. That's better than the midnight show.

Dude. Yeah, you don't want those. I hate those. I hate those. I hate those. I'm like, I showed up yesterday for this.

I know it sucks, dude. all right thanks for listening everybody bye We'll be you next time.