The Digression Sessions - Ep. 346 - The Grift

Episode Date: May 26, 2021

On this week's episode, Josh and Umar are catching up on shows and whatnot.

yeah that's true yeah for like a full week towards the end of may essentially yeah and then in june you're like peace and then you're just like i'm there with her family so it's like and you love that i do love no it'll be it would be fine it would be a bit much a whole week is a bit much yeah after a few days you're like i gotta get the fuck out of here yeah but then you can't nope and then like so karen's family her mom's a talker and then they their best friends are this couple ron and jane they're very nice but they're talkers sure and you're just like and they're so nice they always are so like inquisitive and but at a certain point you're just man i don't want to answer questions anymore yeah it's like an interview well it's exhausting too it takes up like not just mental energy but physically you feel exhausted when those people talk to you a bunch right and then you also have to like you

can't really say what you want act how you actually feel which is also exhausting you know so they'll ask you something like so like stand-up comedy it must um that must be exciting it's exciting and it must feel good to make people laugh. And I can't... The real answer is like, oh, I don't even think about that part. I just... Oh, yeah. I don't care if you had a good time.

Yeah. I'm just... I just want my jokes to work. I want to feel good. This is all for my ego. Yeah, exactly. You can't say, I'm so broken, I'm using these people to feel good about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm manipulating them into making sure that i feel good about myself yeah yeah and then you know they'll say things like uh you know i don't know like sorry real quick can you imagine an audience member came up to you and they're like oh my god we had the best time tonight you'd be like uh-huh yeah is it because i was so funny well that was funny what's so funny is a lot of comics like hate the meet and greet yeah they don't know what to say yeah you know you just oh you can only say like oh thank you thank you all right thank you so many times thank you yeah yeah and then like the last time i hung out with rod and jane we went to go pick up something at their house and they live in columbia maryland and they live in a house where like it is 1994 in that bitch it's their living room could be like

a set from scarface it's insane what like just like that crazy over the top 90s furniture okay scarface took place i'm pretty sure in the 80s. Oh, not Scarface. Oh, fuck. It was also around the Miami. All right, maybe 80s. Maybe I'm thinking 80s. Okay. Because they are old as shit. Okay, because Scarface was also a Miami Coke dealer. Dude, I'm telling you, it had that Miami light blue, hot pink kind of vibe going.

So maybe like 80s, early 90s. That played into the 90s. lot of light colored wood yeah as well with the pink and then a lot of weird curved furniture and very polished like white like shiny furniture um and a lot of like like glass tables you know well that's what you do your cocaine off yes exactly and so we're just sitting in this fucking with turks. So they had like turquoise like carpet. Yeah. It was just so, I mean, they're so nice, but like.

Yeah, I mean, the turquoise and the pink is, it's a lot. And also white furniture. What are you doing? Yeah, exactly. White couch. You're never going to make a stain on that thing? And just being, just being in that house i'm just like man this is like a this is a bummer because like you guys are gonna die in like five years maybe if that you know if

you live that long and just it's just i i'm just like i was picturing the scene of like their kids coming in and look at walking around the house like oh my god this place is awful yeah i mean i don't know it's funny just to assume they think like you they're probably like this is amazing yeah no they're gonna fight over the white couch yeah their house is probably worth like eight hundred thousand dollars it's a big house it's a nice house but it's columbia but it's just decorated it's decorated so shittily yeah and so we're just sitting in there we're just having these this dumb conversation and we just went up there to pick up a goddamn plant and they're like come in and this is during covid they don't give a fuck well so like she's like very like progressive she was a social worker and he's like a trump boy sure and which is so funny that like old people

just make it work yeah like well that's that's him for you that would never happen today where like a woman if a woman found out her boyfriend or husband supported trump and she did it i think they would break up yeah it depends how old you are i think that's what i mean like someone like millennial gen z no way no way oh i'm sorry i'm dating a nazi yeah i don't think so anyway so then like he brings up some mask thing and then she's just like oh he listens whatever trump says that when he listened he's like no let me talk and i'm just like this is a nightmare what are we doing i was like i don't want to deal with that for a week no definitely because karen's mom's gonna bring up all that shit it's gonna piss off that lady it's just i was like i can't live yeah it's also one of those things where uh it sounds like her mom does the

thing where she'll say something knowing it's like i kind of like instigating red meat throwing it out there i'm like well i mean if that's what you believe and then you don't have to be in that position where you're like no that's not what i think or this you know like i know yeah so funny yeah but uh well um yeah being uh being being in florida in key west having like conversations about trump and all that stuff would be a nightmare oh it'd be the worst um but yeah man how are you you had you had a ton of shows yeah do we pod after the norman shows no we didn't no i don't think so okay oh man so many shows i had yeah i was telling you the other day yeah i have the best story and i can't tell it on this fucking podcast so sorry guys people love to hear that a lot i'll give like a very i have the most exciting thing i know i can't tell you about that's like sometimes that's

the only cool thing about having a podcast yeah it's to tell the story is when you're like living a situation where like it sucks and it's stressful yeah and it's just like what do you why am i doing this with my life the whole like at least in the back of your mind like all right well now i got something to talk about i can bitch about it on the pod for sure so me and mark norman like both had that like he uh he texted me he's like god this would be the best podcast fodder but we can't do it yeah i know it's such a bummer can you say let's say there was a little bit of a grift that's all grift occurred yeah not really he told a lot of it on his podcast but he definitely glossed over stuff so sure whatever i don't know maybe we'll go it doesn't matter but

stay tuned listener we might be we might make it towards the end. Maybe we'll put out like a... You know what? We'll do this. In like several weeks, I'll tell this story. Gotcha. Gotcha. Stay tuned, everybody.

Because that's what we kind of agreed on. We were like, maybe we'll wait like a couple of months, and then we'll tell the story. Like there's a statute of limitations on podcasts. And then it's not... Yeah, and it's not even that good. I mean, it's pretty funny. You're really selling the story. I know.

I have the best story to tell, and I can't. And you're like, in two weeks, I'll tell it. And you know what? It's going to be a bit of a letdown when I tell it. This is why we need a paywall. Exactly. To talk about all the illegal shit we've done. I know.

Oh, and just anyway. So yeah, I did a bunch of shows. I mean. Also, real quick with the illegal stuff. My friend of mine who shops at Giant at the self-checkout got in a little bit, almost got in trouble the other day. Oh, no. Somebody was like, what's this? What's this?

And that person was like, I don't know. I guess the thing's broken. And the lady was like, well, I think you need to go over to a regular checkout. And I was like, or I mean, that person was like, all right. I to go over to a regular checkout and i was like or i mean that person was like all right i mean i guess i think the machine's messed up oh damn you got caught or the person got caught what are you gonna do what was on the nothing how did it happen like what like so because they do have people watching you the whole time yeah yeah yeah and i try to be i, whoever tries to be pretty cognizant of that.

And it's not a ton of stuff, this person. Dude, just some stuff here and there. I think it was, what was it? I think it was the weight of peppers. Something this person actually paid for. Yeah. And then the scale was off. And then the lady was like, what's what's this what's this

and then a couple things that she pointed to were were paid for so yeah she was just up this person's ass this nice person well i don't know that's what's funny when people get caught doing something they shouldn't be doing they're like well that person was being a bitch and it's like well you were stealing i didn't say she was being that i didn't say you said that uh the the computer like weight system caught something but even that was actually off because it was peppers that were paid for by this upstanding citizen and then they came over they're like well what's this what is this You tell me. Damn. No, it was funny. I was just like, hey, it ain't me. This thing is broken. I'll gladly go over to a regular register.

That's so funny. All right. So I had a bunch of shows. Yeah. I feel like the pandemic's been real good for everybody involved. For everybody. We got less people on Earth. Less people. Less traffic. For everybody. We got less people on Earth. Less people.

Less traffic. Global warming. Apparently, we solved it. Nature's healing. There's dolphins in Venice. Which apparently wasn't true. Of course. That was made up.

But anyway, yeah, I had a bunch of shows. And I had a great weekend. Back-to-back feature weekends. Yeah, you were on a run. A run. I had the Chad Daniels, the Stav. I had Norman earlier in the year. So then Mark Norman was coming in Magoobies in good old Timonium, Maryland, everybody.

Yes. And Thursday through Saturday. And it was crazy because originally originally i asked even like mark and i are like friendly ish yeah i asked the owner of mcgoobies and i was like hey can i open for mark and uh you know to his credit uh he gave a very nice email back but he was like look man if he i gotta book a woman i for diversity purposes. And I was like, totally get it. Yeah. But then I got a text from him.

And I was really bummed because I was like, oh, that sucks. It would be so fun to do a weekend with him in your hometown. Yeah. He's going to sell out every show. It's 15 minutes away. And that's the thing. Every time we're doing doing shows like good shows or feature like yeah we're driving at the very least an hour yes and it's just uh it gets you

man not including parking and yeah like three or four days anyway so like two days before the show andrew unger the owner texts me he's like hey man um i know you guys are friends do you want a feature for mark and i was like yes and then i made a post about it and then mark was like you got in i was like yeah i thought you said something but he just texted me he's like oh no i i did say something and i was like oh sweet yeah that's that's the best that's great he's like yeah yeah i was like i told him i want you and i was like oh that's awesome yeah ultimately they have the say yeah yeah that's where it felt really good on the Steve Byrne weekend

where they had a host booked and they're like, he's like, I want that Josh guy. It was Kasha, by the way. There you go. Yeah. There you go. And so they gave her the, well, we'll bring it all up. She's still got a weekend.

Yeah. So anyway, so then Thursday, the show comes Thursday. D'Lo's hosting. I love D'Lo. Super funny. Cool. Yeah. but so i'm sitting in the green room and i get to shows very early i was there like maybe 40 minutes early and i was just writing jokes and stuff and trying to like think of like a couple new things to do this is the thursday night show thursday night show uh also a guys if you go see a show, don't go to the Thursday show.

Yeah. Don't. It's never. It's always the worst show. It's the warm-up show. It's the dress rehearsal. You get loose. You kind of knock the rust off.

Not that you're rusty, but. All my friends came. Not all, but so many people came. I would say like 20 people came to the Thursday show to see. Oh, man. For me. Yeah. I never want to know there's people there. Well, they always. We're coming. We're coming. people came i would say like 20 people came to the thursday show to see oh man for me i yeah i never want to know there's people there well they always we're coming we're coming they always let

you know they send the we're here oh we're uh we bought tickets blah blah and it's cool it's very nice it's very nice don't go to the thursday show yeah anyway so i'm sitting in the green room dilo's not that it's uh 10 minutes to show time. Go to the early Saturday show. Early Saturday, best show. That's the one to go to. That was the best show of the weekend. Always. So, 10 minutes before show time, D-Lo's not there.

And I'm like, oh, shit. Mark's not there. And they asked me. They're like, hey, where's Mark? I'm like, I don't know. Shouldn't asked me they're like hey where's mark i'm like i don't know shouldn't you guys fucking yeah yeah well you're friends with him so that i texted mark i was like hey where are you he's like dude my train's been super delayed i'm gonna like barely i'm gonna get there probably right when you're like getting off stage i was like fuck so you

might you might have to stretch yeah i might have to do like 30 plus minutes yeah and i'm like well this sucks yeah um but anyway so like dilo gets there super last second gets on stage and is right when i'm going up he comes in oh so like i was like thank god i can just like do a just a normal set in 2025 25 yeah yeah and uh it was the thursday show was okay for me like it was okay yeah wasn't great wasn't terrible yeah but just knowing just people in the audience it just you're like fuck this sucks yeah and then mark goes up dude he fucking murdered and it was funny because when i got off stage he was like hey how are they and i was like oh they're pretty good and then he just goes up and it's like boom boom boom boom yeah i mean he's just a fuck i mean he's yeah it's unreal he's a joke machine it's crazy and i mean another guy

that also is just performing all the time yeah like non-stop writing non-stop performing all of his shit is just so precise guy he has he has some great dumb little local jokes. He was like, man, Timonium, Maryland, Sin City. And for some reason, it's just when it's so like, it just like, I mean, that got like the biggest laugh. Yeah. And then he's like, man, I don't know what if I should go to a diner or do heroin. And like that fucking killed. I love great.

I love Tim Dillon's line. He's like like timonium what is this the fucking rest stop for human traffickers he called it a soulless hell like you're not wrong you're not wrong yeah but then here's the best part about working with norman and it's kind of like i mean your steve byrne weekend was insane. Yeah. But that's what is cool. It's like we just drink and we hang and have fun. Yeah. Like you have a buddy, somebody to share the experience with too. You have the coolest coworker in a sense.

Yeah. Thursday night, we stay in the green room until like 2 a.m. Just talking. Oh, I love it. It was so fun. Just me and him. And then Saturday, both shows. show oh we did oh friday shows were great we stayed in the green room until 3 a.m just talking and drinking did andrew hang

out with you no no not on friday and then um we were and uh dude i was so i had a i was let me count i was i did a drink in between the first and second show. I did a drink after the second show. I did two drinks when we were in the green room. I had a hard kombucha. Then he's like, let's get one more. I'm like, one more, motherfucker. I'm three drinks ahead of you.

He's like, come on. And I'm like, all right. So we go sit at the bar. And we do, we hung out till like 4 30 just talking comedy and life like it was really cool that's just like you get all these cool like little tidbits about other people yeah like comedians and like famous people you know and you're just like damn that's insane yeah it's funny how that stuff is just it's all the same shit that local comics talk about but just on a different

level of like stuff that they get and how much they got for a special and how to do this late night thing or whatever um yeah steve burn took a call from um what's his name theo vaughn he's like oh hey theo and you're like oh yeah that's you know that makes sense like you're both in nashville you're in the same circles and stuff yeah it'd be like getting a call from chris allen or something but we had that conversation like it was funny we had this cop we were talking about comedy or whatever and like careers yeah and he was like so what are you trying to do and i was like oh no this is it i'm doing it yeah and he's like what i'm like no this is it and he's like he's like damn dude he's like that makes me respect you way more he was like yeah dude you got your life's like, that makes me respect you way more.

He was like, yeah, dude, you got your life figured out. Like you have a home, you got a girl and you're featuring like how bleak. Yeah. He was like, there's probably like 700 features in the country that are worth having on a show. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, that is cool. And he was like, damn. He's like, why are you? He's like, i wish more people were

as realistic as you were yeah or are yeah and that was cool it makes it much more fun too yeah and i think it makes it fun for them or they it takes like a little they're not worried about worry like you're gonna bother them and all that kind of and be like oh could you put me in this thing or would you read my script or whatever yeah and he then we're just talking about like you know like all these people who like we talk about this all the time but just like all these people it's just like well what are you doing you you say you want to be a comedian but you're living in like bumfuck nowhere yeah and you're not like writing you're not like going on auditions you're not like in new york whatever like yeah you know you got it at

some point you got to take that plunge oh yeah and if you don't then yeah you're not like in new york whatever like yeah you know you gotta at some point you gotta take that plunge oh yeah and if you don't then yeah you're kind of being stupid yes yeah well at least yeah you're being uh unrealistic unrealistic in that sense that if you're thinking that you're gonna achieve this thing you really can't unless you make that video. And yeah, so then Saturday shows were great. They added a third show, so we did like a 7.30, 9.30, 11.30. It was crazy. That late night. How was that 11.30 one?

So fun. Really? So fun. I would say the Saturday second show was okay for me. The late show was great. Yeah. Those can go south pretty quick, though, because usually everybody's pretty drunk. Oh, yeah.

He did take a big dip in that show because they were really tired. Yeah. You're tired. You're drunk. For him, I think it was probably the most work. Because he goes on stage after midnight. After midnight. it's insane yeah you show up the day before they're all like there to see him but they were i think yeah like

the energy wasn't there yeah like even if they're even if you are excited you've been drinking you had dinner yeah but here's the cool part about that show so my friend liz we used to work together years ago. And her mom is a super cool lady, lives alone, but has a whole full life, friends, goes out. Yeah. So she's been coming to my comedy shows for a while. And she came to the Stavros show. And she sent me a very sweet text. She was like, thank you for that therapy session. We all needed it or something, you know.

And you're like, that's not why I do it. Yeah, you stupid bitch. Just tell me I'm funny. Tell me I'm hilarious. Anyway, so she came to the Saturday Late Late show. She was so bummed. She tried to buy tickets to other shows, but they all sold out. And she was like, oh, my friend is like a huge mark.

She goes to this bar. You know, like old people go to restaurants alone. Sure. So she has this bar she goes to in Mount Washington where she lives. And she'd bring a book. And I guess, but she's like, so she talks to this bartender. Oh, yeah. So she bought all these tickets but had no one to go with

because her daughter was like, my friend Liz was like, I'm not going to an 1130 show. She like also i saw his act whatever and uh already had my therapy session yeah yeah and so so she was like oh i just found out like my bartender friend is like a huge mark norman fan and i was like yeah bring him he's like he wants to meet him i was like well he'll do a meet and greet afterwards whatever yeah so she's in the front dead center with her bartender friend and his girlfriend because they're like our age and they carried the late show really i mean and like we mark even like god this table right now is just carrying and that i think like that made like made him feel so good and then this is like what was cool

it's like so he didn't want to do a meet and greet after the late late show because he sold all his merch he's like fuck it and i was like can i just bring like one group back he's like oh yeah and so i brought them back and it made them feel like oh yeah super cool like they that mark even shouted them out like yeah you got to go meet him yeah yeah yeah so that was nice like that you know i got to do that that's so cool yeah and then the next weekend oh no so then mark and i did salisbury maryland oh yeah uh and something might have happened there we might talk about it a couple weeks this is crazy because we were supposed to be there on may 6th yeah and i felt so bad so like i saw mark was coming to salisbury on his instagram story and i just wrote like how are you getting to this gig dude yeah

he's like it's gonna be a nightmare i'm taking a fucking uh plane and then i'm gonna have to get a car and i was like and he was like come hang out and i was like all right i mean i'll give you a ride he's like cool i'll get you on the show and i was like oh that's okay he's like no we'll see what happens yeah i mean if you're driving him to salisbury he made them at a second show so he could get paid more yeah and they were like i don't know if we can sell a second show he's like ah just add a second show and then he was like well i want umar on the second show and they're like well we got a guy and he said he was like well my guy's gonna be way better than whoever you have trust me so he put me on the show and i was gonna give him a

ride so that's like this is like maybe three weeks before may 6th before the show's happened yeah sunday before he sends me a text he's like dude i really fucked up he's like after the them buying me plane tickets a hotel getting you on the show adding a second show yeah i can't make it he's like i double booked myself he's like i'm in la all week and uh oh man and they like messaged me they're like they felt they you know they've these are like they're like what happened i think they're like fans they're djs in salisbury they're just big mark norman comedy fans they were like so bummed i talked to the one guy on the phone and he was just like oh i don't know what it sounded like someone died i mean i get it like just the vibe

it's a small town you're bringing this guy it's a big deal especially for them yeah and so uh man they were like would you want a headline i was like i mean yeah but it's not it's gonna be a huge letdown you don't know you don't want to do yeah i mean if they were gonna pay me i would do it yeah but also if it's like it's like they would tell them like you can still come to this show we'll give you your money or whatever yeah i mean no it's like it's like they would tell them like you can still come to this show we'll give you your money or whatever yeah i mean no it wouldn't be great they're like yeah we were here for mark norman and here's this guy yeah yeah yeah not nearly as good boo uh anyway so then they reschedule to may 12th so this time i'm like coordinating with them. They buy train tickets, a hotel in Baltimore City. So I'll drive.

I'll pick up Mark, whatever. Whoa. He ends up getting a ride from his buddy. I don't know what happened to the train tickets. Maybe they took care of it. And then so we're kind of like all riding together, but separately. Sure. In different cars.

Uh-huh. And. I track that. That makes sense. Yeah. Uh-huh. And so we get to the gig and you walk in and it's like this restaurant, Brew River, on the river in Salisbury.

Okay. The first show was kind of weird because it sold out it was 90 people and they built this huge stage the stage was way too big like made for bands probably yeah and they put out chairs in the front no one sat in the chairs like it almost looked like an empty orchestra pit and there's a bar like a round bar and then there's an area with huge round tables everyone's at the bar everyone's at the tables just it was the room looked empty it makes it feel like no one wants to be there yeah bought tickets to everyone bought tickets everyone is there to see this well they might just be there to see a comedy show even still

you paid money to be there yeah yeah you didn't just stumble into the bar you're like what the fuck's happening people are just like eating crab cakes watching a cop which is insane that's i mean that's also just that's what comedy is too it's a restaurant yeah yeah so the first show like i mean he still did very well but it just wasn't like great well it's tough to have that energy be good when yeah most of the audience is surrounding the perimeter of the fucking room yeah yeah and then so second show was oh so then we all have dinner together and uh it was just so cute like the two guys who brought him down like pulled out headshots and had him sign oh mark norman's head yeah yeah i thought you meant their own they're just like hey mark what do you think yeah i have a skateboard in this one that's when like the whole um tony hinchcliffe for those who don't know oh yeah that did you watch his the whole set or whatever

still wasn't great still bad yeah ari shafir put out he's like well let's just explain what happened uh so tony hitchclips is like he's like kind of like a shock jock comedian he's not funny he goes under the the moniker of being a roast comedian so right he goes after the audience he goes after everybody so real bad boy he had a asian american they've worked together before and um the i guess like the asian kid made a lot of like jokes about americans and i watched his set it was good yeah he was killing yeah he did he got like a ton of applause breaks and i think that's and it wasn't like hacky some of it was corny but it was like good jokes it was funny they're well-crafted jokes but yeah it was it was stuff like that it. Some of it was corny, but it was like good jokes. It was funny. They're well-crafted jokes.

But yeah, it was stuff like that. It was a lot of like, wow, in America, it's this. But in China, it's this. And what's this? So like stuff like that. And then so Tony, he brings up Tony Hinchcliffe. Very nice intro too. He's like, the man needs no introduction.

The one and only, it's Tony Hinchcliffe. And Tony comes up and like drops a hard c-bomb oh the other one uh oh yes uh you know the asian slurs yes yes yes so he drops that about about the guy before him he said give it up for that yeah and like then proceeds to do a really like hack asian accent and all this mocking his joke yeah and then the audience he's like and you just lapped it up you fucking pussies you race traitors yeah and uh yeah so that had just happened the day before that's like the thing real quick that people thought shane gillis did you know like that was so over the top and aggressive. And then so real quick before we keep moving, the Ari Shafir posted the entire that kid's entire set.

And then Tony's entire set. I'm like to give to say that it would give context. And so I thought I was waiting the whole time for Tony to be like, I'm just fucking around. Give it up. Give it up for this. Yeah, I would never, you know, like I'm just fucking around. He's hilarious. One more time for my friend or whatever this kid.

And he just never does that. It just shits on the audience. Shits on the kid. You're like, I don't see where the bit is here. I don't either. But I do think he was. Here's what I'll say. I do think you can't defend it.

He's going for comedy. But he was trying to be funny. He was on stage. He did book that kid. And I think what he said was gross, and you shouldn't say it. But I don't know if you should lose. I mean, he lost everything. I mean, that's just the...

But that's what... Even Rogan kicked him off his tour dates. That's the climate we're in, though. Like, you do that shit. You can... But that's the thing. You want to be like, I'm a bad boy and I don't give a fuck. That's what you're going to get.

Yeah, for sure. Unless you have your own infrastructure there to take care of you so you can do that stuff, which he does not. No. And he's not funny enough no to like no one's gonna pick him up he's not funny right like he's not a real talent no so um so yeah that's the thing like i feel like like what you're saying is correct of him trying to be funny but it wasn't still it's just it's so over the top and it feels it feels like outdated like form of comedy it is dated it is easy it is um i mean look i'll it definitely is ballsy to do

it sure but but and here's the thing why is it ballsy because you can get uh there's repercussions yeah that stuff oh yeah it's and it's like whoa not a lot of people are doing that it's like yeah but here's one thing i don't know if i if i was that kid what do you get from leaking that video so here's the thing the kid posted it yeah so the asian comic i and i sorry call i don't know his name i can't remember the comic before him posted the video yeah like here's how how Tony Hinchcliffe brought me up. Happy Asian-American Pacific Islander month. Which I totally...

You shouldn't... No one should be spoken to like that. No one should have to take it. I just think putting a video out like that is... It's a bit much. Well, yeah. And then I wonder, too, if after the show tony was shitty to him still i don't know so i heard from a comic who lives there and no um you heard from joe rogan i heard from rogan

oh he's called me saint rogie saint rogie uh i heard from a comic who lives there and knows that comic that he did try to talk to tony and tony blew him off well there you go so if that's true then yeah it's gonna you know that's what it seems like because if somebody did that to you when's like making fun of you and like this fucking pack you know like saying shit about you you'd be like hey uh what the fuck was that yeah you know and if off stage they're like it's comedy man fuck you you'd be like yeah fuck you too and here's another thing about hinchcliffe is did you know that he travels with bodyguards no that's it's crazy it's because he says so much fucked up shit that's so stupid he travels with and it's like okay man maybe if people don't know you're kidding yeah that's a problem yeah if you if if

you don't feel safe before because you think people hate you because of what you say on stage and i don't know maybe you are saying horrible things that is the funny thing of being like yeah i'm a comedian and i need protection yeah because like you know there's other comedians who write like offensive offensive quote unquote like uh what's his name jeselnik jeselnik doesn't walk around with bodyguards i was just thinking that you know like he says horrible jokes but it's so obvious that they're joking yes and if it's not so obvious you're joking i don't know maybe it is a problem or if like yeah exactly well i'm just roasting you it're joking i don't know maybe it is a problem or if like yeah exactly well i'm just roasting you it's like i don't know you're being pretty fucking malicious over the top

here like there's a way to roast and also be funny and yeah you don't yeah there's there would be a million ways to make fun of an asian comic doing easy what if whatever in your head you think are easy jokes about white people yeah you don't have to call them that word. And also, a lot of the time, too, you can fuck around and kind of roast the person before you. But then you have to be like, but for real, give it up for this person. And when they talk about, too, what type of comic would do that to Tony? I'm like, Tony was outwardly shitty to that kid. Yeah. So that's a great point. like what type of comic would do that to tony i'm like tony was outwardly shitty to that yeah

like so that is very yeah that's a great point like so tony can just call this kid a c you know whatever slur shit on him for like two three minutes and that kid and he's supposed to be like yeah this is the brotherhood of comedy it's like no he never once like let the guard down of like but for real that guy's really funny whatever whatever there's none of that right you're supposed to fucking do like there's if you want to talk about unwritten rules of stuff like shitting on the person before you like that just maliciously especially if they're not being shitty like that kid just did his act yeah i gotta say i think that's another dated thing is just completely shitting on a comic before you like if a comic bombs like may even like even a like i don't know i i like i used to be very common but now you don't see it anymore

no no no because i think the crowd also feels bad it's a it's a whole different thing now too where it's like when that was more prevalent of like, get a load of this fucking guy. Like now it's like, no, we're like trying to have fun. And you can fuck around for sure. But it's like kicking somebody when they're down. Yeah, that's how I because it happened to me a lot. And I was like, well, this is a bummer. Yeah, I was just trying to be funny.

And now I'm being just completely obliterated by a guy who's been doing comedy 10 years longer than and you also can't go back up and be like you remember that shit he said well that was yeah and you can't yell from the side of this because everyone hates you or not hate you but they're just like yeah this guy sucks like yeah shut up uh yeah that's yeah i think that's a dated thing too i i was so back to the oh yeah so salisbury show so all that happened the tony hinchcliffe stuff and joe list mark's podcast partner was doing rogan that day uh-huh and he was like he texted mark he's like dude i'm just here sitting waiting for rogan and i just i can hear him yelling at tony hinchcliffe over the phone i love that good is that crazy that's great he's like what the

fuck were you thinking and yeah yeah yeah and like he got dropped by his label or his agency i mean that he's that i'm not gonna say good but clubs kicked him off dates uh rogan kicked him off dates which is probably he's probably getting paid like five to ten thousand per show i was gonna say that i think that hurts the most oh yeah like that's all you have that's also like having your comedy dad be mad at you yeah i'm sorry joe i'm sorry mr rogan pretty wild well but that's the thing like that's where it's like wow he's so ballsy it's like well this is what happens you want to fucking do that shit okay yeah yeah and it's again just if you were more clever yeah yeah that's yeah it's there's no way to be like oh man that's hilarious the way he yeah you went after him i have a killer hitler joke right now

and uh it's very mean but it's very uh-huh um it's very obviously a joke sure and i have to preface but guys this is just a joke i have because it's so mean here we go not mean but it's just like over the top well this is perfect because i wanted to talk about israel and gaza and uh let me tell you i have thoughts all right but we are taking a pro israel stand sure are now tell me that killer hit like no uh anyway salisbury ended up being fun second show it was all college kids they all sat up front they were so fun nice i killed everyone killed uh and uh yeah it was like a great show yeah and then on to the fucking dc improv first time doing a weekend there um carmen lynch was a headliner she asked me to open for her so i got the feature there for which is cool it's a feature for your debut weekend very killing

very cool yeah and uh i gotta be honest i had six great shows yeah not a dud in one of them fuck usually you have a weekend where you're like ah fuck yeah that sucked like i did that last night i was in dc at martin amini show and I just fucking not ate it, but it wasn't great. Yeah. And you I just left the whole. I was like, fuck. Just felt like it was just so fun. Carmen Lynch is so cool.

Great. And Kasha was like it was the first time Kasha and I really hung out. She's super fun. Cool. Yeah. Great shows, man. It was a killer couple. Yeah.

And like limited capacity and all that. Yeah. Yeah. I think. Oh, man. It was just killer a couple of weekends. Yeah, and like limited capacity and all that stuff. Yeah, I think... Oh, sorry. I was going to say, I figured you did fucking great because, I mean, you've just been doing so many shows. And then like literally doing a feature weekend at McGuby's like almost a week before. Literally the weekend before. Yeah, back-to-back weekends of feature sets.

Then going there is like the best you can have let's like going to the gym a ton and then being like all right now i'm ready for the olympics yeah yeah yeah and so the i made a ton of money so i made like the most money i've probably made in a two week span of doing comedy yeah i was so pumped i was like i'm gonna put this all in my savings account hell yeah and then fucking Bitcoin. And then I had to get my car serviced. I spent all the money I just made, but $2. I was like, well, that's a bitch.

Oh, good. Now I can still drive to work. But at least, you know, I guess like it's play money in a way. In a way. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it sucks. You're like, I was getting a third paycheck, essentially. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, it sucked. Yeah. But to have it all go to the car and now you can just drive to work, you're like, oh, good. I can do the thing I've already been doing. And you never know when you're getting ripped off. Like, so, you know, you always drop your car off and then they tell you like a million things. Yeah.

I kind of trust these guys. But then I'm like, you know what? always drop your car off and then they tell you like a million things. Yeah. I kind of trust these guys. But then I'm like, you know what? Send me pictures of shit. Send me a picture of like, if this is cracked, send me a picture. I want to see that it's cracked. Or if this is worn down, send me like, that should be a thing now. Yeah. Because it's so easy.

It's so. And then so I went to go pick up my car, and this lady was there. They were talking about her car. Something happened where, like, apparently, like, rats, sometimes rats will get up in your car and chew your wires. Yep. So this lady just bought a new car, and this happened. And then so you can buy these things to put under your car

so, like, rats can't get up in there. Yeah. So I hear these guys talking like what should we do he's like oh well she's gotta buy this and he's like well which one's more expensive he's like that one he's like okay we'll do that one and i was like all right well i'm right in front of you guys did you guys do the same thing to me it's like yeah i kind of heard yeah i always want to be like what the fuck was that what the fuck was that which one's more expensive yeah i'm like i'm about to drop fourteen hundred dollars yeah the fuck i'm sure you could have paid probably half that probably i don't know because i went to the dealership and i asked them and i was like

how much would a hundred thousand miles serve just a hundred thousand mile service it doesn't include like the spark plug chain doesn't it didn't include uh transmission well the dealership's always going to be expensive 1100 theirs was like seven something six something and then uh my shock absorbers were broke like cracked yeah and so that was an extra seven something and i gotta say huge difference well yeah the dealership's always gonna be the most expensive well i mean also like i could like drive oh you felt the difference i'm like oh i thought we just i thought like my car was bouncing so much because of like the baltimore roads you thought your car was supposed to crunch yeah yeah yeah and i was just like oh holy shit i

drove like that for years yeah and it just gets worse as you drive it. Yeah. And then I drove. I was like, oh, my God, this is so smooth. This is like a new car. When did they redo the roads? The streets are really nice. I'm like, man, our tax money is paying off.

I feel pretty good about this. But yeah, God, it's so brutal to drop that much fucking money on one. But I get it. And, and you know it lasts forever it is gonna last yeah um but yeah it sucks spending that money and then just getting back to even like cool now your car is fine like i know good good good it's a bummer good um yeah it was cautious salty she didn't get the steve burn weekend no. Okay, good. I don't think she really cares. I think she got a weekend. You still get a weekend either way.

Yeah. Because you were like, we'll talk about that later. Oh, and speaking of weird, me and Carmen and Kasha were all hanging out and talking. Yeah. Carmen also, I guess the conversation came when I was also like, oh, no, no, this is it. This is all I'm doing. And even she was like, wow, this makes me like you more. And I was like, damn, I got to start telling every headliner.

You're like, I don't care. I don't have dreams, guys. Yeah. Yeah. It's very nice because you know it makes it more fun. Like the pressure is kind of off where you're like i'm doing this for me like i want to do well but i'm not like oh if this doesn't go well then i'm not gonna get this thing and i gotta get on tv it's like yeah yeah i'd like to have this extra money to put in savings and then also maybe i can

buy more property down the line that's true yeah for sure it's just easy money yeah and it's easy but it is i mean it's like pretty crazy uh well yeah i mean the amount of time you have to put into yeah that's true 10 years of bullshit yeah but you're like a kid you know we were kids of course it was just like back then you're just like hanging out having fun yeah and it is extra money like you said it's like a second income. But it is funny the stuff that you would do for shows for payment. And even now, I always think about comedians are just like hobos. They're like, oh, I sure would do my song and dance if I get a hot plate of chicken tenders. Yeah, just eat like a free meal.

Yeah, exactly. So Donnie Sendstack, he's coming up to do the show at Poppy's with us on Friday the 28th. Oh, shit. That's his Friday. Yeah. And he just got shirts made, which I believe he'll have for sale. Donnie's so funny. He has a stutter.

So his shirt is a picture of him and it says, Wet Hot American Stutter. It's very good. And Mary's going to let him and his girl stay at her apartment that night and he's like oh i'll give you a shirt instead i'm like again this is that comedian hobo stuff like oh if i could stay indoors i could give you some merchandise yeah i'm trading that also like well i guess donnie's like a kid kind of he's like 25 is he yeah i'm like i don't know i don't he could be 25 he could be 30 now he's not 30 that's just so funny i'll give you a shirt yeah yeah it's just like i mean i wanted i want one of his shirts yeah i would love to wear that i love donnie's so he is in

nashville now yeah and then uh when uh mary and i went there, we met up with him. And then his girl, his girlfriend grew up in the same town that Mary is from. Oh, nice. It was just like a small town. Cool. So I was like, oh, this is a nice little crossover here. We met up with them at some like soccer bar in Nashville. And I'm like, what? It's so weird.

Like people that, I mean mean god bless them if they're into soccer but i'm like wow there's even a soccer bar in nashville i know and it's so funny when you tell people like i'm not in soccer like although it's the world's most popular sport i'm like yeah well i don't give a shit i'm like that's great i'm glad they have that. Yeah. Yeah. And it's another thrilling game, zero to zero. Like, all right. And it's like the field is so big. The players, even on TV, look so tiny. And I'm like, what are we doing?

Yeah. But, dude, Nashville was very fun. Oh, yeah. How was it? I liked that place a lot, man. Yeah, it's cool. I was only down there for a few days, but yeah, such a cool town. I love Zanies is great.

It's so nice to that. They have people moving there like like a Theo Steve Byrne. Yeah. Nate Bargatze. Yeah. Bargatze. I don't know. Did Callan move?

I don't know. Chris D'Elia. Yeah. Lou don't know. Did Callan move? I don't know. Chris D'Elia. Yeah. Louie moved there. And then so like Kid Rock also has a bar in Nashville. Yes. And so Donnie went and did a show that night. And he was like, you guys should come through.

And like, we have to leave in the morning at like, we're going to try to hit the road by like 7 a.m and then his show didn't drive his show didn't start until like nine and we're like ah and then he text and it was like yeah have a good show man we're just we're gonna call it like we got to go to bed he's like all good and then he texted all guys like you should have been here kid rock is here like like who cares well he was he was kidding like he wasn't like dude you get down here kid rocks here but apparently like kid rock went with like an entourage to zany's oh to zany's yeah so he was at the show that's what i'm saying

kid rock he was at kid rock's bar no no no no no no no no not what i'm saying is like for some reason kid rock who is like a detroit white kid all the sudden is like yeah i'm just a down home boy you know yeah i'm a country guy that is i love america that's fun i mean i went to school with a lot of those kind of like white trash who ended up like you know like they were like i don't know if we're allowed to say that word anymore but like white guys who dress intellectual was that what you're gonna say yeah yeah who dress black talk black act black and uh and now they're like hey man yeah now you gotta respect cops nascar country boys yeah like what the fuck yeah but i guess like you know like that's what your parent and you're trying to like yeah it's a very but i kind of want to like message

one of them i'm like what happened like when you were in school you were wearing like pink and baby blue jerseys with fubu all the nike and now you're just like shopping at bass pro sports shop yeah he's like well i found out man this country is for us by us and does it i mean white people yeah yeah it's fucking wild and like and does that transition happen like slowly like how like you know yeah it's fucking wild and like and does that transition happen like slowly like how like you know yeah it's just so stark i think it kind of makes sense from an evolution standpoint they're just trying to fit in that's all it's like my group like who's the cool guys it's like all right these guys are pretty cool in high school i'm gonna gravitate towards these guys

and then you hang out with those people and then yeah you don't hang out with them and then what's in the news too is like we gotta build that wall and fucking right i love america it's just great like it has to feel safe to be like i love america who can be mad at that you know yeah i love my town so can you look and you're like damn dude you really you're like, damn, dude, you really, you were like destined to be white trash. I know so many of those kids. It's unreal. Yeah. Yeah. Like the first tattoo starts, usually it's some sort of like dumbass cursive font, like

of like their family member, one of their family's name. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just get. It says Tristan right here on my bicep, man. Yeah. I got it wrapped around some barbed wire. For my grandma, like, hey, how about you go to college for your grandma? Nah. You know, do something to make them proud.

A tattoo? Anyone can get a tattoo. Yeah, I got a big cross on my arm for Jesus, and I'm going to go get wasted and drive home. Oh, it's so weird. And then you're like, it's just like, yeah. And now you guys are all these crazy conservative, like conspiracy theory-ish kind of guys. I ain't getting no gay vaccine. Damn, so wild.

Well, yeah. It just hits you. That white trash just hits you hard. Well, it catches up to you. You become who you're supposed to. It's a natural evolution. Fuck, man. I remember remember what is the thing it's like you grow up like show me uh i don't know it's like you're liberal when you're young conservative when you're old but it's like you're wearing

fubu when you're young and then as you get older yeah you get that uh you get the punisher skull with the blue line and you know it's an evolution. That's so funny to me, too. Like, now when I look back, because, you know, when you're young, you think, like, oh, parents, they're, like, responsible, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And now I look back on, like, some parents, I'm like, oh, no, they were, like, dumb pieces of shit, like, white trash, racist. Mm-hmm.

This, yeah, they had horrible tattoos also bad decisions bad decisions you just assume because they're a little older and have kids and then as you get older too you figure out like my mom had me when she was 26 which isn't crazy for back then it's not crazy but it's just to think about like okay so i would have an eight-year-old right now yeah that's what mark has his closers about how like kids and adults reverse now adults are like doing drugs and like see at comic-con pussies yeah one of his lines and then he's like uh he's like yeah by the time he's like i'm 37 by the time my dad was my age he owned a home had a law degree and two kids, a marriage. And he's like, and I have Hulu.

Yeah. It's very interesting. Yeah, exactly. And it is a thing of like, oh, we just like, let's microdose this. We'll do. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Go out to Joshua Tree.

Well, I was thinking, I'm trying to write these jokes about like how, about my parents and how like, I think like immigrant parents, I kind of like annoyed by immigrant parents of like how they act like they're they did such a selfless thing they're like we gave up our whole life for you to come to this country i'm like okay hold on you you live in america yeah you you're you this wasn't all for us motherfucker like yeah you got to raise kids in air conditioning shut the fuck up yeah eating mcdonald's watching tv like the things we did for you i know it's crazy and then uh yeah and oh

and and uh um yeah it's not like they came on a boat either it's like i we flew here let me tell you it was right i mean are not in first class. I'll tell you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We flew in the sky. Wait, why did I bring the immigrant parents? What were you talking about just before that? Oh, everything's reversed. Yes, yeah. And now, because I'm engaged in my parents. They always are like, we gave you this nice life and blah, blah.

And they're like, when are you going to have kids? And I'm like, I don't know if we're going to have kids. I don't know. And they're like, when are you going to have kids? And I'm like, I don't know if we're going to have kids. I don't know. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm like, well, you told me my whole life having kids is a nightmare. It's nonstop work. You better hope you don't have a son like you. And yeah, so I'm not going to have a kid.

I'm not going to have a son at all. And it's like, you should be happy because you gave me such a good life. I don't want to ruin it with kids. My life's the best. Yeah. I just want to do drugs and chill on the weekends. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, and do come have a couple drinks here and there. Yeah. You know, play guitar. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like I don't want apparently the US is in like a weird like we could be like japan where because uh people aren't having kids or focusing on career money's harder to come by yeah so japan's had this issue where their older

population is gonna very soon outnumber their younger population right bad yeah and the u.s is head in that same direction well i mean yeah i'm also fine with that too i'm like don't we have limited resources dude well every we do but does every family need stain you need there's enough fucking people i don't know but it's gonna yeah so like one thing people are worried about is um there's not gonna be enough people to take care of older people like even in like like career isn't that why we were making robots i know that's what i'm saying i don't give a shit but they'll be fine i know we talk about kids and we still were like i don't know yeah we're not gonna do it yeah yeah i'd like to have kids i don't think i want i don't know

i wanted to and now with the pandemic and i'm like if something like have kids. I don't think I want. I don't know. I wanted to, and now with the pandemic, and I'm like, if something like that happens again, I don't want kids. I just like, could you imagine this whole past year having a child in your home? Like, when you talk to parents about how bad it was. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just how stressful that is. I mean, because not only do you have to do your job, too, you also have to be a teacher.

You also have to be a babysitter. Now you're increasing all your cooking and cleaning and like laundry, all that shit. Yeah. Natasha Leggero had a really good set on Amazon did a thing. It was like a funeral for 2020 or something like that. Oh, that's cool. She's so funny, man. Dude, she had great bits about her kid where it was like

or she's like can can this please just end my daughter is just at home going crazy telling me that i'm ugly and i can't cook good food and she doesn't like mommy and i'm like wow she's basically a trump supporter or something like that like she's like uh what is she a redditor commenting yeah but yeah just the man she's an old mom she is like 48 yeah they uh hot she is hot and uh mosh is very funny too i'm like their podcast is really good i like it a lot yeah i like both of them yeah her set was really good on that yeah their podcast is cool where they help people call in and they give them advice. Yeah. Which is like, usually, so many people do that, but they do it very well.

Yeah, the two of them are really good. So good. Yeah, I love that they... I think that they actually think that the other is funny, too. There doesn't seem to be a competition. Right. They're one of the few, I think, comedians of that whole LA alt that are like... I think are still funny today you know there's a lot that like like didn't last didn't make it or now are kind of like dated or whatever but like

they're very funny yeah um yeah mocha's hilarious um all right are we done i think i think we're we're at well we're a little shy but we're all right come on we're fine we're fine if i could tell that goddamn story uh you're good i uh yeah i do want to say because some people reached out about my dad my dad's doing well oh good uh dad's doing uh good um talks about his poops a lot you know i'm actually i'm trying to work on a bit about that that i might do at the stoop story they're kind of fold in where it's like the amount that he talks to me about his poops is like the amount that people talked about baking bread at the beginning of the pandemic oh yeah that's similar stuff to it's like i don't know if the consistency

is there yeah it's a little wet it's not coming coming together should i let it proof longer i'm gonna let it sit i think it's a little flaky um but yeah he's gonna do a bit of like uh paul hollywood judging his poop take a look at his poop and i shake his hand oh my god look at this your gi shakes your hand there it is right there well done uh all right everybody thank you for listening yeah we do have shows uh coming up i'll be at the periodic table in the aforementioned columbia maryland uh-oh headline in that on wednesday cool uh the 26 that's at eight and then friday will be at poppies in hamden oh yeah i'll be at Poppy's in Hamden. Oh, yeah. I'll be there, too.

Poppy's. Poppy. Is it Poppy's? Poppy's. I think it's Poppy's. Okay. Poppy's. Poppy's.

Yeah. Say it like that. That's how it's pronounced. And then on June 19th, I'm doing, I think it's Checker Spot Brewing. Nice. It's an outdoor show. Chris Allen's headlining. I'm on it.

Is that through Quinlan? Quinlan. Mike Quinlan. Local comedy comedian, comedy booker extraordinaire. Producer. Extraordinaire. He's got shows everywhere. Yeah.

And then I'm sure stuff's going to pop up every now and then. Yeah. Follow us on Instagram, Twitter, at Josh Coderna over here. And yeah, come out to the shows. Oh, and I'm doing the Stoop Storytelling thing on June 5th in Baltimore. All right. All right. Goodbye, everybody.

They're selling out. Yeah. We'll be you next time.