The Digression Sessions - Ep. 350 - Solo Episode Kinda

Episode Date: September 18, 2022

On this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down to do a solo ep but Tommy Sinbazo! broke into the house and we decided to let him sit down with us anyways. Produced by Paul Hutson.

uh hey now everybody welcome back to the aggression sessions podcast uh here we are being consistent again you know three weeks later right that's that's why we're number one in the podcast game yeah well you know we're going we're easing back yes exactly a year off uh podcast three weeks right maybe next time we'll take a week and a half yeah we'll get there also too yeah you take a year off and then you take three weeks off makes you appreciate it they're like whoa that was pretty quick could have been a year again it's it's tough man that would be so funny to do just an annual podcast just one but it's just two dudes just catching up and be like all right that's it all right i wonder who if somebody could get away with like if it was

like someone super super famous in one podcast a year i think chappelle could do it chappelle could yeah do one a year one a year yeah yeah oh if chappelle and obama had a podcast that would be the one true chappelle and Obama, one podcast a year. Yeah. Well, like Bruce Springsteen and Obama tried to do a podcast. Oh, yeah. Did you know that? Yeah.

Apparently, it got canceled. Well, I'm like, who wants to hear that? Yeah. Also, but it was called Renegades. It's like, you know me, a couple of renegades, one of the most famous men in the world, famous rock and rollers, and the president. You know, a couple of guys thatades the one of the most famous men in the world famous rock and rollers and the president you know it's funny guys that go against the grain bruce springsteen has that whole like born to run and all that shit yeah yeah he lives like a mile away from where he grew up

born to walk not that far not that far i gotta get out of my hometown yeah it's like ah you know what am i gonna do i still live here yeah he has a house in uh in new jersey shocking no but he has one near where my friend mike grew up and uh we drove by it and of course it's like a gated thing but he has like a gravelly kind of thing that leads up to the gated driveway yeah and i took a bunch of rocks from his driveway he also is a character like he never was like this blue collar though he's like i never worked in a factory and all that stuff it's just funny he's just like yeah you know like it's just he's he's like yeah he's a larry the cable guy i was just about to say that he's the original larry the cable guy yeah bruce the rock and roller guy that's so funny it's just like yeah he's just putting on it's a persona it's just so funny you can do like a working man's persona and just make

millions and millions of dollars i mean also even trump who like yeah it's like i'm a billionaire he's like but i care about you the working man they're like he does i'm like yeah why do you think that it's amazing why um like dude like our buddy scott sees the guy who's like killing it on yeah i mean to be fair like so scott is the he does all the ikea videos that uh have gone yeah like instagram and Facebook. And then TikTok. And then TikTok. Yeah. Where he complained. Like where, you know, he's essentially like making fun of people who shit on retail workers. Yes. Yeah. Like shitty customers and management. Yeah.

Yeah. But, you know, he's still doing that, but he's making like insane money being a comedian now. But he came from humble roots at Ikea. For sure. Of course. And then your suburban thing burned a burn. Working at Ikea seems like just course your suburban thing burned a burn working at ikea seems

like just a nightmare i would hate it they have a million things and then people are asking you questions you're just like oh shit also too it's so cheap too they're just like so is this good it's like it's a bed frame for 70 dollars yeah just buy it yeah just just Also, you know it's not going to last. It's Ikea. I used to work at Circuit City in like the seedy phones, gaming, all that. Oh, sorry. I thought you meant like the seedy section of Circuit City. I worked in a rough part of the city. Yeah. Circuit City.

No, I worked like it was like the biggest, like the middle where it's just like most of the stuff. Yeah. You know, and. The hub. You can't know everything about, I didn't know anything about anything. I was like 16 years old, 15 years old working at, it was like at that time, I was making eight bucks an hour, which was way over, minimum wage was like 550. Yeah.

They're like, so does this stereo have like a good mono sound? You're like, I don't know. Dude, it was nuts i would have to work anyway but these like this is when like phones like hey like cordless phones were you know a thing because cell phones were not like there were no smartphones yeah it's still like the nokia bricks so you know everyone wants like cool handheld phones that like can go super far and blah blah blah and i think like now they were having like some walkie talkie feature anyway all these people would ask me questions about like the phones yeah and i would have to just like like grab the box and go like uh yep it does that no No, it doesn't. Does this have call waiting? You're like, hold on.

People just look at me like you're an idiot. But I'm like, yeah, but you could have just fucking read. Yeah, I'm doing what you're doing. Yeah. And it's funny now to like go into a store and my dad will ask people. I'm like, dad, these people don't know. My dad's like, what do you think? I'm like, dad, this guy's 15.

He doesn't give a fuck he doesn't care he doesn't know and if he does tell you he's making it up bluetooth speaker is better yeah they're like this one yeah i remember and then i like have flashbacks of like being young we'd be in like radio shack or something and my dad's like i like asking questions having conversation and i'm just like oh this people probably just made up all that stuff and then my dad's like walking out it's like i bought the best thing yeah right right right um but also worth it if he thinks it's the best great that's true that's true yeah my dad has that with uh like he's big into uh cars and works on cars and so we'll go to the auto zone he's like these people don't know anything about cars i'm like it's just a job for that you know what i mean like they'll

look the same thing where it's like, do you have such and such oil filter? They're like, let me look it up. He's like, come on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you know, it's not like they're rich at AutoZone. No. It's like, yeah, you can't expect them to know everything about every car.

I know. Also. It's just such a fun world like older people live in where they're like, yeah, people work here because they love cars. Yeah. They just think like, I love cars. We are in the auto zone. Yeah.

No, these are poor people who are abused by corporations. Yeah, he's like, I don't go to the advanced auto parts. That place is a joke. I'm just like, they're just trying to make money. You know what I mean? They're not assholes. They just don't know everything about a 67 Camaro yeah that's hilarious um yeah man uh went to the uh i went to the ravens preseason game okay speaking of uh cars and men and cool stuff yeah um the uh the ravens were playing

the washington commanders which stinks they They should just be the Washington football team. You think so? Yeah. That's a great name. The football team. Washington football. Wait. That's what they were.

So instead of being the Redskins, they're going to change the name. So they got rid of that. Right. And then they didn't have a name picked out. So for like a season or two, they were just the Washington football team. Okay. And then they, it's not bad.

It's great. Cause then you'd be like, it's the Ravens versus the Washington football team. Um, which is kind of Euro when you think about it, it's kind of Euro when you think about it. It was like, they're like step into like,

it's Chelsea. Yeah. The Washington football club, the club. but, uh, so now they're the commanders, stinks that's not yeah it's not a fun it's like a name that like a six-year-old would make up yeah yeah it's like the commander yeah yeah um we uh so yeah we went to the game and uh it was fun like tickets were cheap it was cheap. It was actually, we had nosebleed seats, but it was, like, fun to watch. But at halftime, they brought out this middle school football team.

And I was like, oh, I guess there's going to be, like, a scrimmage between two middle school teams, and that's really cool. They get to play, like, where the Ravens play, like, on the field. Yeah. school teams and that's really cool they get to play like where the ravens play like on the field yeah um and so they brought them out and then they brought out a bunch of mascots so it's like the ravens mascot the oriole bird the washington capitol mascot loyola's mascot there's like 12 of these guys okay so then it's the mascots versus this middle school team. And again, I'm like, okay, this is just going to be like a layup for these kids. It's like a nice thing to do for the kids. Like the mascots aren't going to try.

Yeah. They're going to like pretend to tackle. And then the kid gets a touchdown. Yeah. Raven Stadium. And you're like, yeah. No, these mascots were going at these kids. That's awesome.

They are children. Yeah. And then it's men inside these mascot costumes. Middle school football players, you could be like 14 and big. You can, but also these guys were towering over them. Oh, that's hilarious. So like literally one kid got a touchdown. He's in the end zone.

And this fucking giant bear just pushes this kid. Like it would be a penalty in a real game like you're not allowed to like tackle them after the plays over it's like holy shit the crowd go like oh yeah everybody's like what's going on um and then uh after that so then it's the mascots uh turn and poe who's the ravens uh mascot he's the quarterback he gets the ball and uh he gets tackled by three of the middle school kids jesus now the middle school kids are like all right it's on like yeah these guys right so they tackle him and then poe doesn't get up oh yeah we think it's like a bit to be like oh they really got me and the best part is like he has like a big beak it is a bird but it kind of has a smile in it so it's just this like

motionless bird with a smile just staring up at the sky and uh he got hurt right i saw a picture so we're just like what's what's going on like he's really down there is he actually hurt then trainers come out they're talking to him and stuff and then what i didn't realize uh until after the night it's kids night at the stadium so like they kept showing kids on the jumbotron that's why they had the middle school team there so i think the trainers came out from a standpoint of like are you okay but also like do not fucking take your like helmet thing off it's kids night oh yeah we can't have kids see the raven take his helmet off it is just a human man writhing and yeah yeah yeah that's so funny so he was out there

for like 15 minutes what to the point where it was like they almost laying down they almost yeah more and more trainers came out and then it was like... Just laying down? They almost... Yeah, and more and more trainers came out. And then it was like... They almost got a penalty for delay of game because they had to start the second half of the game. So they had to bring out the cart that other football... Regular football players, when they're hurt, and they get on the cart,

they had to do that for him. So they put him up on the thing. And again, it's so funny because you know there's a human man just screaming inside that thing but he just has a big smile he's just like so they take him in there and then like a half hour later they bring out poe the and they're like he's okay but it's just another guy in the suit just like all right uh so our friend jay uh uh who did stand up he is one of the birds so i i texted him and i was like i was like hey what happened that guy he tore his acl whoa jay zek yeah wow yeah i didn't know that wow he's one of the birds then i was like how

much do they get paid he's like two like, $200. So he gets paid $200. A game? Yeah, apparently they switch out. Like you work a half or something like that. But yeah, that dude tore his ACL. Oh my, dude, how pissed is that guy? And then also like after the game and stuff, there's like press conferences

and the coach of the Ravens, John Harbaugh, he's like, yeah, Poe's he's gonna be all right he injured his uh his chicken wing it's like it's just a human man who's like i i have to go to physical therapy dude i don't know if i'll walk right and he probably signed something before like if you get hurt like this isn't on us yep yep so no workers caught dude that guy's that sucks i feel like they have since it's such a high profile thing now though they'll take care of them though i don't think so you don't think so i don't think we're gonna get another dude no one's gonna be like yeah we'll pay your medical bills also how does he go ahead and explain that to his regular job you know that he obviously has

like a normal day job so as you go i'm like hey so yeah pretend to be a big bird and i broke my leg with a bunch of middle schoolers they're like all right you're fired brian right all right you're on drugs but uh yeah dude it was insane to watch i was coming home from a show that night uh so i was driving through the city and it was like when the game was like ending yeah damn dude ravens fans or football fans in general hot rough look yeah real rough look you're just like god dude oh bro i sorry i there is a chick on that i forgot about this till you said that because i think i blocked it out of my mind uh the game was over uh i was waiting for i was with our friend evan evan and alex they were in town. Yeah. And Mary and Alex went to the bathroom that me and Evan were waiting. And,

uh, this woman comes out of the, uh, the women's bathroom and she is one of the gnarliest people I've ever seen. Like, just like she has like a tank top on, but it's like kind of like messed up and like her guts hanging out. Like,

and then she has sweatshorts on like her pepsi bottle tucked into her sweatshorts and she just comes like stumbling out like to me she goes hey man you look over there what's going on that's scary like you're scary what is that well and this is what i was gonna say like these are the people it's just so it's funny because like there are the people who shit on baltimore yes and then i like just kind of like you did the thing of just kind of like ignoring her and then she peels off and then her boyfriend and her kid are right there like that's a mom yeah dude i yeah it's funny because like these are the people who are like this city sucks no like no one knows how to like you know run this town blah blah i'm like i know but

look at yourself yeah you ain't doing great yeah you're not killing it either so i mean come on this is it's insane that these people and then like they just come they go downtown they go to their games yep they go home and they're like terrified of the city yeah and i'm like that is just one of the last things you probably have to worry about is crime in baltimore city like actually at a you're not gonna make it to 50 with both your feet true you know what about the crimes you're doing to your feet yeah exactly it's insane you know it's a crime how much sugar you intake every day yeah yeah yeah also too yeah at a ravens game it's like you're barely's a crime how much sugar you intake every day yeah yeah yeah yeah also too yeah at a raven's game it's like you're barely in the city you're gonna be fine there's a bunch

of police yeah it's insane dude yeah it's uh it was fun though that was it was fun hang oh yeah the uh speaking of that like in uh frederick last night i did my squeegee kid bit and there's a woman older older white woman and she was like she's like i have to go i'm a realtor and so when i go into the city you know and i i i see these guys and you know i'll just turn my windshield wipers on and i'm like and i'm like you can't do that that's like shitty to do and she's like well i i tell them not to do it it's like we can say no and if they do be like, I don't have any money. I'm like, treat them like human beings.

I know. She's like, somebody's got to do something about them. Like, yeah, it's fine, dude. It's, uh, yeah, it doesn't matter. Sensitive subject. Oh, man, I was, uh, what did I do? You went to the Orioles game. I went to the game. But since last we recorded, I went What did I do? You went to the Orioles game I went to the game

But since last we recorded I went to a bachelor party Oh yeah, yeah, yeah Mark Norman's bachelor party Oh, that's right Yeah, it's been a minute, yeah Yeah, it was nuts Because

That looks so fun That looked like comedy summer camp Yeah, so it was like What was it? It was like the last It was August Something Yeah, it was like, it was like the last, it was August something. Yeah. It was like, but the week, like the week before or like a couple of days before Karen and

I went to Myrtle Beach with like a family, which was cool. It was fun. But man, kids, vacations, nuts. Yeah. Just always need something. Always got to do something always yeah always have to be like on them yeah it's also well they're on you they're like hey what are we doing what's going on yeah yeah yeah i'm like oh i could never this is a lot yeah yeah i want kids but yeah it is yeah you see stuff like that you're like i'm like but yeah we had uh our um mary's um brother and his wife and yeah her

niece stayed with us and she's three yeah it's like it's yeah you gotta be they're like hey we want to do this let's do this but can we turn the tv on it's like yeah sure you know what i mean it's just like it's a lot but it was fun no but also too it's like it's like a weekend and i'm like yeah i could do that yeah knowing that they're cool. But also, too, it's like a weekend, and I'm like, yeah, I could do that. You know what I mean? Knowing that they're going to leave. I mean, I felt bad. We took their bed, and their kids were sleeping on the couch, because it was like a two-room suite.

I was like, oh, this is not. I'm sure, like, we're complaining about the kids. They're like, yeah, these fucking adults coming over. Who the fuck are these people? Yeah, they're just getting drunk. Taking my bed. Taking my bed. But we did that. Myr getting drunk. Taking my bed. Taking my bed.

But we did that at Myrtle Beach. We get back on a Saturday. I get back Saturday, and then I had to leave Sunday. So, yeah, something like that. Party boy. So we get back Saturday. I go for a run on Saturday afternoon after we got back from the airport, after we ate. Yeah. I'm like six miles in and my face starts itching and I'm like, fuck.

I've had this thing happen to me twice now. Oh, yeah. You went to the hospital. Yeah. I had to go to the hospital this time too. What is it? It's called exercise anaphylaxia so you go into anaphylactic shock so i know those i know those words but what is anaphylactic shock uh it's like

an auto i think it's an autoimmune response okay like your body is essentially just a crazy allergic reaction gotcha okay so like your body like like my body will just get crazy hives i'm itching like my face swells up like my whole body has hives all over it it's insane so i'm like six miles in defer it's happened every summer since 2020 and is someone calling me oh shit that's my mom god get her on the pod no uh azra what's good it's happened every summer once a year since 2020 you were talking about going to the hospital and something went off in her mind yeah i know she's insane are you okay no so my mother's running i'm like fuck so i was like six miles out i had to call call Karen. I was like, hey, you got to come.

You got to bring the EpiPen. Yeah. Yeah. So I like luckily there was like I ran to this. There's like a school. There's a Starbucks there in Roland Park. So I had Karen meet me there and she's like, go inside the Starbucks and get some water. And I'm like, I don't want to.

I look insane. I'm sweating. I'll tell you this. They'll definitely give you that water. You're like, hey, give me the water. My whole body is. I have hives. I'm like, like they're gonna think i have monkey pox you know like because and i like my whole body's and how it sucks and i have a fucking 7 a.m flight the next day and i'm like oh dude and it's our anniversary it's our pakistani anniversary so we were supposed to go

out to dinner that night and all this shit. And I felt bad because Karen had taken off work that Thursday, Friday, Saturday, so we could do something. And then Mark Norman was like, hey, I got this bachelor party. And you're like, babe, I got to do that. I was like, sorry, I'm going to go hang out with my millionaire friends. Yep. Friends.

And so we were going to go to dinner that night. And I was like, oh, shit. This sucks. Yeah. Can't do dinner. I hope I can go to this trip tomorrow. So she comes. I EpiPen myself.

Does that hurt? Where do you do it? You don't notice at all. You just stick it in your leg. I thought it was going to hurt. I was so scared. No, just right on the side. Okay.

I was going to say, I feel like you hit bone there. So you just do it on the side. Right on the side. The meat on the side part yeah it's just like a little needle that pokes you yeah um but you still have to go to the hospital yeah hospital i had to get steroids um yeah there's a bonus i was gonna say you're looking yeah uh steroids and then uh that human growth hormone the whole nine it just wipes wipes you. You're just exhausted. Like, you're exhausted. Yeah. And usually they give you Benadryl, but they were like, oh, if you want to go out and drink and stuff tonight.

So still made it to dinner. It's great. The doctor said that? Yeah. She was like, the doctor was so chill. I was like. She's a party doctor. Yeah.

She was like, listen, I know you got a rage tonight. Yeah. She was like, I will skip the Benadryl. Like, it'll make you sleepy. And you can't. If you drink, it i will skip the benadryl like uh it'll make you sleepy and you can't if you drink it won't be great and i'm like all right sweet but what if she you know it's that thing where she's like you can't i mean if you really want to yeah she was like it's really just gonna help with the itchings like so i was like oh i'm not that itchy anymore so it was cool and anyway so made the flight go to this bachelor party dude

it's craziest thing i've like oh ever done in my life so it's you mark norman joe list burt kreischer ari shafir joe de rose yeah joe de rose our kreischer was like the secret guest right they did three shows and you're We're in Tampa. And like, um, it's so Mark Norman for people to know, he's like a comedian. He's pretty decently like successful. And I opened for him. And so his bachelor party to pay for it,

they did three shows at the local club called, uh, side splitters. Yeah. Sold them out. It was a 3 PM,m a 7 p.m and a 9 30 p.m or 9 p.m and uh dude doing a 3 p.m show yeah is wild because you're in a comedy club yeah it it's dark it feels like it's seven o'clock it's like going to a casino though like yes they don't want you to know what time it is no natural light yeah yeah oh so yeah we land get to the club super early uh just hanging out it was cool like

everyone kind of comes in one by one like oh mark's here ari's here joe's here yeah and we're all like waiting for burt to get there yeah we you know we know um like we just we like it's fun for us to know like dude these crowds are gonna lose their fucking mind and burt's like a fucking celebrity and he's from tampa yeah i mean speaking of mascots he's like a mascot yeah like you know what i mean like people love him as like the guy but like he is like the party mascot and then he's from florida so like so first show he can't make it because uh somebody didn't tell him it was at 3 p.m so his flight didn't even arrive until after three so we're like all right that sucks yeah second show there's a bit of a drama i don't know i mean it's not like crazy there's like there's just like a dude in tampa that lives there that him

and burnt aren't super cool and is it governor ron desantis yeah i knew it paul cut this part out uh so we're like second show all right burt we'll do the second third show second show bit of drama that guy showed up to the club burt's like if he's there i'm not coming so then the club had to like tell him to leave it was like man this is a classic podcast thing and i hate it listening but i'm like oh tell me when we're done recording yeah yeah i will so guy leaves bert's still like i'm not coming fuck this i don't want to deal with this and we're like fuck mark got so mad he threw a chair into this little pond behind the club i can't picture him throwing a chair it was so i mean he did it as like a bit but yeah i was

gonna say like him mad and then meet him fished it out but uh anyway so burt ended up coming to the third show it was awesome like the first and second show honestly weren't that great because it's like a 3 p.m. show. Yeah. And our next guest is here. All right. How should we do this? I think, yeah, so we're going to pause it right there. Our guest is here and then we'll circle back. Yeah.

And then we'll just, but we'll just start a new podcast. Yeah, yeah. We're going to start with Tommy and then. What's up? What's up? Hey now. What a shithole is this? I know. I'm sorry, dude. Don't tell people how I live. We're going to start with Tommy. What's up? What a shithole this is. I'm sorry, dude.

Don't tell people how I live. What the hell? You have a plastic bag just hanging off of you? Oh, nice. That's his bathing suit bag. Tommy, come here. Come show your bathing suit bag to the people. It's from Marshalls.

It's Walgreens. It's a Walgreens bag. It's a Walgreens. You were going to make fun of this, huh? I bought my own soda. Just in case you... I didn't know if you guys would have soda. You know what's funny? Because yesterday we took the light rail to the Orioles game, and we brought our own food,

and you have to bring like a clear bag. So we put everything in a gallon Ziploc, and then we put that into a Target bag. And Karen's like, I don't want to be that weirdo having a Target bag. So then we just got our buddy Evan. He has a bucket hat on. He has this crazy Italian-looking button-down shirt, and he just has a Target bag.

I was like, dude, you look like the biggest tourist in the world. Yeah. I got my savings. Yeah, no, we're going to pause it. No, we're going to put a pin in this, and then we'll pod with Tommy Simbazo. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Hell yeah. And cut.

We're out. And we're out. Thank God. Thank God. Sorry. We had to take a break because our buddy Tommy joined us. Howdy. We did an episode with Tommy, and now Tommy's on the solo episode.

It's more Tommy. Yes. Two for one Tommy, they call him. I'm here. He's here. What were you guys talking about? Oh, I was at a bachelor party, Mark Norman's bachelor party. Bert Kreischer was there.

So we did three shows. So now Bert missed the first show. Flight got in late. Second show, there's all this drama. So we were like, is he going to do it? Comes in between the second and third show, and he's going to do it. We're all super pumped because we just want this crowd to like, we just want to see them go nuts. So we do our sets.

We introduce Burt. The crowd goes just, I mean, dude, people are jumping up and down. It's insane. Takes his shirt off. People go nuts. I got goosebumps. It's crazy. it's insane yeah takes his shirt off people go nuts like i like got like goosebumps crazy uh just for him taking his shirt off people love that shit just love it then he just you know murder murder did like 15 minutes killed it was great and just like the whole weekend was like

insane dude it was like we went fishing well this one is insane so we're like hanging out where's this at tampa Okay And so we did three shows Tommy were you not here for the first part of the podcast? No I was driving Oh yeah sorry We did three shows We're fucked up We've been drinking since like 3pm

It's now like 10, 11pm Probably like almost midnight And I are We're staying an hour away Our house We have like this huge house That the shows paid the show's paid for and they paid for our flights and everything like it was dope wild yeah crazy smart to do it that

way that's all the money they use for the week so anything anyone spent they just got reimbursed oh hell with that pot of money right it was great so we had an hour drive they all want to go to strip clubs i was like god damn it i don't want to go to a strip club uh especially i'll go i won't be one of those guys who's like i don't go to strip club you're objectifying women it's just awkward i don't like it i'm also too like yeah like we're just gonna sit next to each other and have boners together like cool you know you gotta go so i get in a car so this was another weird thing Like we all have our luggage with us. Cause we all have to go straight from the airport to the comedy club. So we're like,

what do we do with our luggage? Some guy that came with Bert, this like fucking handsome ass 26 year old Pete, coolest dude was like, Oh, I'll just, I'll throw all the luggage in the SUV and I'll take it to the place for you guys.

I'm like, well, how are you going to get to the strip club? He's like, it's okay. I don't need to go. And I'm like, what? So we go to the strip club. He's like, I get enough pussy.

Yeah. He's like, I'm done. We go to the strip club. Dude, the strip club. Don't need another pussy. Oh, and it was so funny because there's this local DJ there, Mike Calta. He's like huge. Is he like DJ Batman?

I think he was. He was Cowhead, right? Cowhead. I have no idea who that is. So we go. So Calta and Bert are friends. They know each other from back in. All the comics know Calta. Calta's like, go to the strip club. I called ahead.

I got taken care of for you. And we're like, fuck, dude. We're about to get hooked up. So we show up to this strip club. And all it was that we got in for free. And the cover was six bucks. It's still cool. I thought we were going to have like bottle service.

Private room or something. You can't have. Count is like, wave the six dollars. It's a completely nude club. So you can't have booze. No booze. It's a dry club Dry club?

Dry club So that's the exchange You can have titties and beer Or You can have titties and Beer Pussy out But if you do titties and pussy

No beer No beer Right Which I guess that makes sense You gotta be sober at a strip club? You pregame And you go lit up So we're all lit up already

But Dayhook does You're just sober You're like this this is wrong. Yeah. I'm feeling emotions. But I was like, I was buzzed, but I wasn't drunk. And for me, I was like, this sucks.

I don't want to be here. Yeah. So we also got this like little booth thing. The club is pretty tiny, but we had this little section to ourselves. And then people are telling the strippers, these guys, they're they're millionaires but not me but the other comics who are famous not him what did you tell the story i'm not uh yeah yeah i was like look i'm not they're the famous don't ask for money for i was like don't ask me for money so uh it was like right from the beginning was a nightmare so i'm like and it's like

we're on you have to like walk up these two steps to get to our little platform I'm coming down the steps my buddy Chris Allen's coming up we bump into each other

my glasses fall off it is dark as shit I'm like nobody I'm like guys nobody move my glasses fell off and people are like

okay I take one step crunch so first night of the bachelor party at a strip club, I break my fucking glasses. Let me see some titties. You're blind.

You're like, is she hot? Tell me, fellas. I need to feel her. How about those titties? I assume. Then a stripper's coming over and I'm like, not now. I'm like, give me your pasty. I'm going to take this back together.

So you stepped on your glasses. I stepped on my own glasses. It was so dark. I should have pulled out my. Give me your pasty. I got to take this back together. So you stepped on your glasses. I stepped on my own glasses. It was so dark. I should have pulled out my phone and did the light thing. Yeah. But I didn't want to get yelled at if they thought I was filming or something. Yeah, security just put you in a headlock. And I was like, I'm fucked.

But they broke in the perfect way. They broke on the side. I could just stick the lens back in pop them together and they would stay that was great nice that was cool yeah then i'm like now i'm like just i'm in like such a bad mood because i didn't want to be in the strip club anyway i just want to go to sleep or hang out at the cool house we have right and now this i'm talking to this stripper and i feel like the stripper i don't know if they make up stories and now this i'm talking to this stripper and i feel like the stripper i don't know if they make up stories or not but i'm talking to the stripper and i was like look i'm not

i'm not gonna i was like i'm not gonna do a lap dance i'm just here to you know support my friends and she's like oh that's cool she's like oh you married i'm like yeah she's like yeah i can tell she's like yeah you seem like a nice guy so now we we're talking, and she's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm a psychologist. And she's like, oh, I'm in school for social work. I was like, cool. So now me and this stripper are having this, which is fine, but we're just having this conversation.

I'm just talking to her. She's grinding on your dick. She's like, I'm a social worker. No, me too. We're just sitting there, and she's just asking me for career advice. So now I'm just talking to her about social work and schools and all this she's like cash off the ground yeah that's a good idea and then um it's kind of like it's kind of like um we were talking uh on the other pot about like how when

like a stranger like just does you know when you're like, all right, this conversation. I was trying to do it, and she just kept going. And then Mark comes up behind her. He's like. I was like, dude, I know. And then she was telling me how she used to be the nanny for Kelta's kids and blah, blah, blah. No wonder he's got the hookup. Yeah. I was like, all right, cool.

So then we go to the house. Get to the house, get to the house, and I'm like, oh, Pete is outside. Because me, Joe List, and Chris, and another guy, we all left early. And Joe had a car, thank God. Yeah, all the guys with wives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was it. We were the good husband's car.

Yeah. Yeah, we were all the married people left. Except for Bert. And so we go back back and Pete's outside. We're like, oh, dude, do you want us to help you with the luggage? He's like, oh, no, I got it all. I was like, what? He brought in 12 dudes' luggage by himself.

So who is the Pete guy? Then we stay up until like 5 a.m. Just hanging out. There's snacks. I'm like, we're drunk we're picking out it's so fun ari and uh another guy go to the beach they're like in the water at night which is insane because there's bull sharks yeah uh so uh then we're all talking we're like okay what are we doing are we going we had this idea to go deep sea fishing the next day but we're like okay what are we doing are we going we had this idea to go deep sea fishing the

next day but we're like guys it's 5 a.m like what time do we have to go like oh it's an early thing because when you fish you go yeah you gotta get you gotta get out of the sun stop stop it's so hard so we're like we're like fuck it we're gonna rally so we all go to bed at like five something and we have to be on a boat at 8 a.m yeah it's insane so i i get waken up by chris allen because we shared a room he's like hey uh we're gonna leave in 10 and i'm like fuck luckily pete called delayed it by an hour so we could sleep and eat a little breakfast so i wake up this guy pete is making breakfast for all 12 of us. Dang. Bacon. Scrambled eggs. He's toasting

bread. He's cutting bagels. I'm like, dude, this guy rules. Pete rocks. Pete rules. Then we get to the boat and he's taking care of everything. I'm like,

dude, I asked Martin, who the fuck is this guy? It's Bert's assistant. Oh, okay. Which and like he's taking care of everything already i'm like and i'm like dude i asked martin like who the fuck is this guy and it's it's bert's assistant oh okay which makes so much sense i just thought he was like stepping up and like just be like all right you know what i'm gonna be the responsible dude yeah it'd be great if you were the only one that saw him they're like who you're like this magical man no one sees him. They're like, who? This magical man? No one sees him? Yeah, dude, great. And the way they met. Magical call, Kate?

You don't see him? He used to be a mechanical engineer. He hated his job. And he started, like, he was like, I always wanted to work in, like, film. So he started, like, he was like a PA or something on a travel channel show for Bird. Oh, gotcha. They got stranded. They were filming something and they ended up being stranded in a hotel

together and they just became close and Burt's like, just work for me. And I think Burt pays him like a fuck ton of money and he just goes everywhere with Burt. And no wonder he's so chill too. He's like, I make a ton of money. I'll move your bags. I'll move your bags. Bro, we're in the beach. We're in the water.

This motherfucker's like, anyone want drinks? We're like, yeah. He goes up, fills the cooler with beer, brings it to the beach for us. Insane. Guy's good at his job. We go deep sea fishing. I've never done deep sea fishing. Anybody want a massage? How are we feeling?

Tense? It was great. We go deep sea fishing. Did you catch anything? There's a video of it, I caught a bonita. Okay, yeah. A bonita? A beautiful fish? Yeah. I know about that from the movie Step Brothers. It was like this big,

but it was hard as shit to get. They were strong as fuck. Oh, and also, I get so seasick. And deep sea fishing is rough, dude. It's rough water. It's choppy the whole time. And I was like, so.

And plus you're still kind of drunk from the night before. Yeah. Or at least hung over a little. And I didn't eat anything because I like, I pigged out the night before. I was like, I'm full. Mistake. I should have ate something. Yeah.

So I'm on the boat now. I'm just like, oh, shit. So I pretty much the whole time we're on the boat, I don't talk. Because I am just staring at the horizon. Yeah, you're like, I don't want to throw up. Don't throw up. Don't throw up. There's two boats.

I got on the boat. Where are you from? I'm from. Yeah. So I'm on the boat with Bert, Joe List, Ari, and Norman. Yeah. And then the other people on the other boat. So I got so lucky.

And now I'm like, I can't even enjoy it because I'm getting seasick. And then, dude, I... There was a point I was like, uh-oh. And I just start just puking. I mean, I puke so much. Are you puking off the boat? Off the boat. And then it's now... I'm puking

and just making Bert gag. He's like, because Bert can't hear people puking And then Ari's taking pictures With me, he's making fun of me Because they had a Salacuse, he's like this amazing photographer On our boat taking pictures So we got great puke pics

Great puke pics Nice stream A glisten from the sun Catching it And then that night we go More strip clubs Which were like We go to this divey strip club

Which we thought was going to be fun It was just sad Jokes on us And everyone was like There was like a 60 year old woman in there Who just looked like a... Stripping? Just looked like...

Dude, she looked like a grandma in Dundalk. So hot. She was hanging out at the bar. Was it Dame Helen Mirren? Was she like, let me show you my titty? And bro, yeah, she was a stripper. And we were like, what? And it was...

Did she crush beer with her tits? No, she didn't have huge tits, but she was just like... No one wanted to give her attention, so the way she would get attention... If you were sitting at the bar, she would just come massage you. Yeah, she gave Pete a nice massage,

and then he tipped her, but... Pete. So weird. He took up for the team, Pete. team yeah pete's like this is how you know this old lady like somebody yeah yeah and uh you know it was like it's an off night too it's monday by the way yeah or like something like that so pete uh or not uh somebody in the group made a joke because you know it was a bigger bigger bigger women that night, bigger gal. Okay.

Some she-hawks. And the bathroom doors had silhouettes of women. And somebody made a joke, even the silhouettes were fat because they were chubby girls. Which, hey, good for them. They're inclusive. Sure. But this is how you know a strip club sucks. Like, oh, we did that thing where we tell them Mark's getting married. So we did

like the bachelor um whatever whatever you do a bachelor dude they brought him on stage and you know they're dancing on him raped they someone brought a belt dude they made him get on all fours he didn't want to to. He kept trying to get on stage. I know Mark and I was like, he hates this. Dude, when I say they hit, I mean they hit the shit out of him with the belt. Like on his ass? Multiple times.

Dude, he got pissed. He was good, but he was mad. He kept trying to leave. Like, we're not done with you yet. And they're like... Dude, his ass. Just punching him in the face. His ass.

Getting married, huh? His ass looked insane after. It looked like he was like an abused child. Yeah. Like he got caned in China for spitting gum or something. It was nuts. Yeah. So then we go to another strip club because somebody told us.

This is how you know a strip club is bad. When the bouncer tells you where the better strip club is. So we go there and they did the same thing to market that strip club but they weren't as mean to him. Yeah, it was good. They weren't just beating his welts.

Yeah, but honestly the coolest day was the last day. We never left the house. We had this huge house right on the beach dude ukrainian gymnasts were staying in a house next to us in like they were all tens it was insane none of them they only talked to one guy the hottest guy in our group pete no not pete oh but here's a fun story so i left the second strip club early again with the good husbands you know club wake up the next day pete with the second the second strip club i mean just

tens like every shipper it was like a just hot as fuck yeah we might have to cut that last part out but uh i think we can probably wrap up pretty soon anyway so yeah that was it was just insane weekend it was like nobody fucked anybody and nobody. Yeah. I can't wait for the wedding. It's going to be nuts. Yeah. It sounds incredible. I mean, just the pictures alone of what you guys are doing. Yeah, I saw the pictures.

Like, oh, man, living the life. Like I was saying, it seems like comedy summer camp. It seems so fun. Yeah, but the coolest thing was it wasn't even like... It was just... It was just chilling. Just hanging out. Yeah.

It was great. And listen, we're going to do that now. We're going to jump off the pool. Let's do it. Jump off the roof. Not break our feet and have a good time. Hell yeah. Maybe throw up a little.

In the pool. In the pool. Yeah, so we have Tommy on the next episode. This is a weird timing thing. Check it out. But listen to both. Why not? Yeah, what else are you going to do?

What else are you going to do? Yeah, check out Tommy's podcast, The Laugh Finder. And all our dates on our socials. All our dates on our socials. I'm at Josh Kaderna on all that mess. And Truth Social, follow me on there. I think I'm going to release my special in maybe two, three weeks. So look out for that on YouTube.

I got to watch that. All good. Cool. Peace. Peace. Yeah. All good. Cool. Peace. Peace. Bye. you you you