The Digression Sessions - Ep. 351 - Nik Oldershaw

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

This week, Josh and Umar sit down with comedian, writer, and actor Nik Oldershaw! Nik started doing stand up in the DMV and recently wrote a movie that will be out next year. And check out Umar's new special on youtube!

hey hola hello dig heads we are back hey hey and this time we got a guest again again uh nick holdershaw what's up buddy what's up guys what's up man so it's been years since i did this podcast it has been years i'm excited to do this with you guys. I think we're both excited. Baltimore comic, moved to LA, sold a goddamn movie, made a movie, wrote a movie. I don't... We can talk about the movie a little bit. Oh, okay. I always feel weird talking about it because it feels...

I don't know. I let... Yeah, I did. Yes, I did. It's a weird thing to talk about. I think what is weird about it for me is that it's very um different than i think what a lot of people who are fans of me became fans of me for so i think i have like i've got like some insecurity about that well you also told me too it's

different than how you expected it to be like what you wrote and envisioned in the final product i already i already don't want to talk about it. I mean, never mind. We're already getting into territory where I don't exactly want to go. That's okay. Wait, all right. We'll take that again. So what you wrote, it's incredible. It came out visually.

It's exactly what you wanted. And you love it? Yeah, I'll say this. It was a very, very cool experience. And it's exciting. It's exciting to see something. It started as a writing exercise. And then before you know it, we have a set.

And we have an actor from fucking Star Wars. Right. And a budget. And it's cool. And now I'm watching VFX be done. And I'm like, it's cool to see the thing be finished. But it's so different. Who from Star Wars?

We're talking Mark Hamill. Who do we got? Yes, we got Mark Hamill. We got young Mark Hamill. Young Mark Hamill. We got young Mark Hamill from the TV show. Now, we have Kelly Marie Tran is in the movie, and she's amazing. I can't believe this is what we're fucking starting with, dude.

That's incredible. What else are we supposed to say? That's huge. You did an awesome thing. All right, hey, guys, hold on. Let's restart. Yeah. A failed comedian from Baltimore.

A failed comedian. He made a movie, but it sucks. He doesn't like it. I think it is one of those things where it's like, I don't know. I don't think I've ever like, I've just never seen anything actually get made. Well, that's what I'm saying.

Even if it's like different than what you thought or to have something get written and then made by a studio is super fucking rare. And it's the first one. It's, dude, it's like we were saying last night. I was saying last night, like, it's pretty much anything in life. You start out with what you think something's going to be. Like, whether it's like, even like when you're a kid, what you think you're going to be like as an adult.

And then think about like when we all first started stand up. Like, we thought we were going to be doing theaters. You know what I mean? Like, we all that's how matter of time yeah we're all like yeah well I'm going to be the next Louis CK or whatever doing an open mic at a pizza place you know you get humbled you did I remember thinking like

if I had like a Facebook status that got a lot of likes I was like I was like this is huge this is really good I'm almost at a hundred likes this is i literally one time when i was still doing um like opioids a lot i like i had like i thought you were gonna say open mics me too i was doing the opioid circuit probably the same effect yeah i was on i was having like you know how like uh when you're on a lot of hydrocodone, you get really vivid dreams. I don't know. We know. I do.

I know. You have to know. No, I was having a high. I was taking a hydrocodone nap and I had a dream that like one of my Facebook statuses got so big that they had me on Ellen and Ellen was asking me about. She's like, you got 58 likes. That's really incredible. Oh, yeah.

Staring right at the camera. Our next guest. 58 likes. But nothing is like, and then and then you know like you dance yeah your values your goals it all changes and then like you know you get whatever you get humble realistic and then you just gotta be kind of you know grateful for no of course whatever little success but also to like you doing the open mics and the opioids got you to making that movie though, which is really cool. Like you don't know the path that

you're going to be on in the beginning, but I'm a big proponent of just plugging away. It's like if you're doing stuff that you like and you enjoy, it's going to lead to something. Yeah, it's like people have kids in this country. I mean like half of them are on fentanyl now. No parent thought that was going to happen.

My parents especially. You're a hydrocodone guy. Look at you. You're fine. Yeah. Totally. Made a movie. Made a movie.

You didn't make a movie? This is all just a fever dream? Yeah. I did that. That is what's so funny to me when people have kids. They're like, he's going to go to Georgetown. He's going to play football. He's going to be a doctor.

There's way more of a chance he's going to be on fentanyl. Definitely. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that doesn't mean those other things can't happen. Right. For sure. You could be at Georgetown on fentanyl.

You really could. Fucking really? If you work hard enough. Yeah. So you moved out to LA, what? How long ago? Almost seven. It's about to be seven years.

Damn. It's funny. I was talking about this with Umar last. We were talking about this. The whole reason why I think I even spiraled about talking about the movie with you is because Quinlan said to me, I always thought you were going to be one of those guys who would make it.

I was like, well, I did something. I did do something, Papa. Yeah, my father. You know what's funny? I was saying this to Umar last yeah, my father. And, but it's, you know, it's funny. I was saying this to Omar last night. It is a really cool thing that happened. And it was like, you know, it's a very rewarding experience, but it also didn't,

hasn't made me happy in the way that like, I think standup would. Okay. Like it's not the thing that I like doing it. I want to do more, but it's not the thing that I love. I realized. Well, it's, I thing that I like doing and I want to do more, but it's not the thing that I love. I realized. Well, it's,

uh, I, I've heard it before, but it's also a thing too, where the, the gratification is so delayed that I think when people do that stuff, then they want to do stand up where it's like, I thought of something I can go do it that night.

Or, you know, you're getting a reaction then you're not like, well, I wrote it, then we got to film it, then we'll edit it. We'll see in a year if people like it.

Right. And you're in, and I think to the, to what we're, you're, you're in control of it like i'm like even if my set bombs i'm in control of my set yeah yeah it's the one that i want to do also people we're all people anyone who's like chasing any kind of goal and show business yeah we're all morons of what we think is going to bring us happiness of course you know what i mean like people are like it's gonna be like even like you're gonna even if if and when you do get success in stand-up it is not gonna make you happier god i want you to be i want you to be become like a famous movie writer now and

just be the most depressed just see nick get an oscar he's like it's fine yeah i want to talk about it yeah i'm gonna be an open mic tonight if you want to talk about that. That's going to be hard to do with like a thousand hours of a podcast that anybody can look up. It's going to be being a Hollywood writer pretty difficult. That's the other thing that I'm a little worried about. What can I do? I have made my bed. But like, you know, like the things that are going to actually make you happier, like friends, family, health, blah, blah, blah.

That was part of it. Hydrocodone. Yeah, hydrocodone. it's better than a woman uh but i part of it was like i you know when i moved out there i was like oh i would love more than i think i knew what would make me happy i was like an accomplishment that would look good to my family would make me happy something kind of like tangible tangible something that like he's like tangible you know tangible success and i would say this is that and i'm just like i think i miss i'm like i kind of wish i'd been doing more stand-up yeah because it because i will say you're right it's not it doesn't make a stand-up will never make me as happy as like my girlfriend right like family or stuff like that yeah but i do think in terms of like artistic pursuit yeah it fulfills like

a need desire for sure right right right yeah and then yeah and then you you are dating you got a lady in chicago right yes you're doing that what that chick lives in chicago she was in chicago she was a she was i don't know if i've ever like i think people have pieced together the story but like who she is she well she's a musician she's very talented i i don't say her name sure some of our listeners are so weird that I have to like, I've got to be very selective with what I will say about her. Sure, yeah, uh-huh. Oh, I've had a brush with crazy podcast people. Yes.

It's insane. Some of them are really like, I've met some really cool podcast people. I've met some people where it's like, oh, I wish they could all be this cool. But then some of them, I think, just think that they're your friend. Right.

And they come on way too strong way too strong but anyway so i had a podcast called coward hour and she listened to it and we would like we would dm each other on instagram yeah and it was like oh we fucking live in different parts of the country and then i don't think i've ever actually i actually haven't told this story in the pandemic you know in la we thought the world was ending. So I literally didn't leave my bedroom for like two weeks. I literally didn't. I was like, if I touch the doorknob, I live with other people in the complex. If I touch the doorknob, I'll die.

That was really what I thought. And so we started just like talking like for hours a day. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, for like once. And then after a while, I was like, it really, I mean, I don't know. I guess it's that movie Her is like what was happening a while i was like it really i mean i don't know i guess it's that movie her it's like what was happening to me i like fell in love with my computer yeah because also it's like you know it's a person but you've never seen or met her like physically you know so it could have been like i could have been getting catfished for yeah

right um and after like two months of that i was like i was I think I've liked you for a long time. My family has this remote cabin in Michigan. I was like... To be getting to a horror movie, there's no internet. This is completely real. Around

September of the first pandemic, whatever that was, I was like, how would you feel if I wore your skin flew out to Chicago I'll meet you at a fucking Airbnb and then we can drive six hours to the most remote location on Lake Superior that you can imagine and we'll see if we like each other

oh my it's a real test like I have never I don't do things in half measures so we did that and it was amazing. This is your next movie. This is crazy. You think it's going to be a horror movie the whole time

but it's just a romantic movie. I will say this. I've said this to people before. I think a vacation is a real bad barometer of not that your relationship isn't good no of course but like i know like people who've met like new like recently then they go on a vacation together and like oh my god this is like no everything's easy when you have no responsibility no response

just having fun you know what i mean yeah so drinking everything's relaxing yeah zero work yeah exactly yes we and we've definitely like thought about that but no chores i see her um like my schedule's flexible flexible enough that i'm able to see her every month i'll usually spend like a week to two weeks with her yeah so again it's still sort of been like maybe we don't you know we've like lived together for like and she can't we live together for like a month and a half at one point yeah it was like not nothing going on nothing going on well no this is actually post pandemic she was between hey we're still in a pandemic i don't think so i don't think it's over daddy joe biden said it's over oh he did he literally did yeah don't you like those people who like to remind you that it's not over yeah i love them like the

president he's like he's like yeah it's not over but now he is like it's over yeah but i think hundreds of people are still dying a day. But they die of everything else. People are always going to die. Yeah, like how many people die in car accidents? People always go with cars instead of like guns. Like, you know, like cars kill people? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but, you know, it's a little different. A little different. Anyway, so. But so anyway, the relationship, I guess the point of that is like the relationship is it's very fulfilling. It's good. Nice. Yeah.

Yeah. You were telling me, you were like, yeah, when we make dinner and watch a movie, you're like, I have a real pull in me to be like, this is what I want to do. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's the shit. That's where comedians are so stupid. Most comedians think that's gay.

And I'm here to tell you, I don't mind being gay. But that is what is going to make you i don't mind being gay but that but that is what is going to make you happy that's also the goal it's like so you want to get really good at stand-up what so you can meet somebody and be successful you know what i mean and like have a family like it only goes so far as to what you accomplish i guess if i was making like eighty thousand dollars a weekend i'd be like you you know what? Fuck dinner and a movie with a girl. But then the road, man. If you have a family and stuff, I'm like,

that's whoosh. I would say that the flip side of that is though, because I think that did used to be a component of like, oh, if I become successful,

family, all that stuff will fall into place. But now that I feel like I've found a relationship that I'm really happy with, the desire to do, it's almost like a more pure desire

to get better at the craft of stand-up because there's not like an ulterior motive like oh i want to like be attractive right for a potential i mean yeah that's what it was for like me it's i was like oh i'm totally fine being here and then you have fun doing it yes before you it's like miserable because you're like i can't get anywhere blah blah blah right yeah it's it's bonus and then it's like miserable because you're like, I can't get anywhere, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's bonus. And then it's like more fun that way. Exactly. So that's good.

Yeah. But here's what we might have. We actually do have to cut this out because the problem is... Where are we at? All right. I'll just, I'll let you guys know. Now, Nick, I understand you did 9-11.

Listen, our podcast, we cut so much stuff out. Yeah, it's fine. All right. But yeah, it's... You put in like a missing reel. Yeah, exactly. Scene missing. I can't believe you did that.

Anyway, Nick. All right, so what did we do before that? What were we talking about? I was talking about just the relationship being really fulfilling. Also, too, I'd say from where you were when you were in LA, you were donating bone marrow and shit. Oh, I was living in my car for six months, dude. Jesus Christ.

I was donating plasma. I just told this story in another podcast. It got so... And what's funny is... How old are you? 29. 29. So this was happening in like 20...

My first year in LA was pretty good. And then the wheels kind of came off. Yeah. What happened? The wheels came what happened the wheels came off i just wasn't making enough money yeah um and i was like repeatedly late with rent and my roommates are like nick we love you you like we can't do you know you gotta go and they're like you're gonna go back home and i was like what do i look like to you yeah i started uh i was in my car like for like i think a total of like six months i think and now so the way and nobody knew right like it was i did i did date a girl for like a

month who i who didn't know that i was homeless which was like which i'm proud of yeah like man you really love showering at my place. All the time. All the time. I would just show up. Because I've been sitting behind a windshield in 100 degree weather. And I'm like, hey, I was just at the gym. Do you care if I hop in your shower? I'm just working really hard on not dying. Wasn't this like a sitcom episode where someone was dating someone homeless?

Was it? Could be. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. It felt like a very dark sitcom. yeah yeah um but i would donate plasma um to make uh like if i was like between if i didn't have enough money to like get myself food or gas i would so the plot i was i was i would have my car parked in burbank sometimes i would park it down in culver city i would like sleep like there's like these these, the Culver City steps, and I think it was like Baldwin Hills.

And I got one radio station on my car, and it was... Jesus. I listened to religious pastors. I knew all of them, dude. I knew Alistair Begg. And the other thing was, they talk about all of God's wrath

and stuff like this, so I'm experiencing it, and I'm just like, this is so real. I need to get right with God. I listen to the Kingdom Man show, try to become a Kingdom Man. Dude, you're just sweating, eating Fritos. You're like, he ain't wrong.

He ain't wrong. He sounded more right than priest Alistair Begg. So, wait, what's... I walk to donate plasma. This will be the last thing I say. I would... My car would be parked in Burbank. Needles on E.

I'd be like, I've got to make 70 bucks. So the plasma donation. That's it? In the middle of the month. In the beginning of the month, they give you more, and then it goes down. Oh, why? And then it resets. Why?

I think because it's to motivate you to keep doing it. Because if you get down to the bottom, then it resets back to the big one. Plasma donation is not good. But I guess it helps. They do something with it. Somebody's drinking it. Somebody's enjoying that plasma. Hillary Clinton and the rest of them.

Probably. I wouldn't be surprised. I would walk six hours to donate plasma. What? I would walk six hours. Why couldn't you drive? Because the car had no gas in it? There's no closer plasma center I You're not allowed to go to multiple ones and I miss there was a closer one But that's not the ad that I want six hours to lose more fluid.

I work seven hours a day in a chair. And you're like, I'm tired, dude. And I get benefits. It's insane. So I would like – and the thing about walking, your levels have to be very – you have to watch what you're eating. That's what I'm saying. Is that good for your plasma to walk? It's not. But I have to do it, right? You have to like watch what you're eating like they take your blood is that good for your plasma to walk it's not so like so like you know but i have to do it right yeah i have to

you know um i guess i'm sure like at some point i could have like i if i had like called my parents and said hey guys i've been living in my car for three months yeah they probably would have helped but i also like yeah there's something inside me that will not allow you allow me to do that i like the idea of you walking six hours probably past like help wanted signs and stuff and you're like god i wish i could catch a break so yeah so then i get to the plasma center and it's just like you're you know praying to alistair beg that my fucking plasma is is gonna be good enough for them to take oh god allows me to have good plasma on this treacherous trip yeah you're like're like Moses in the desert, dude. I was Moses in the desert.

And then I got a little prepaid Griffles biopharma card, which they put like $100 on. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to go get McDonald's and gas money and do it again next week. Now, then you have to walk back six hours. But by that time. Are you drained? Like giving blood, I know you have to like take it easy.

I'm spending like five minutes at the water fountain. You know what I mean? Just trying to get it all in. You know what I'm saying? Do you ever try to hitch a ride? Do you ever get picked up? No. No.

You know what's funny? I've done a lot of dangerous things. I've never been dumb enough to hitchhike. Yeah. Really? It seems like a dicey. I don't want to repeat too many stories because I told this one on Dad Meet. Yeah. like it seems like a dicey i don't want to repeat too many stories um because i told this one on dad meet yeah but i did for a time i made a little money um cleaning uh gay men's houses like in the nude wait you talked about this last time you're on the podcast but i think we had to cut

it out because i think at the time you didn't want people to know you don't want your parents to know yeah yeah that went right out the window when i did it. It's like 10,000 views on YouTube now. Hold on. How much were you getting paid? You should be making insane amounts of money. It's like $65. You're less than the plasma. I only have two hours.

That's it. How much were you making? I was making a lot. It was enough for rent. It was almost like two months rent. Holy shit. Yeah. And would they ever try to touch you and stuff?

Yeah. I mean, I made it pretty clear that wasn't happening, which I think is why I didn't get asked back. Yeah. Because it seemed like there were a couple things that... Again, I've told this story, but the most bone chilling moment of that whole experience is like yeah i show up more like boner chilling yeah spine tingling uh i show up he opens the door and i walk into the cleanest apartment i've ever been like nothing yeah there's nothing that needs to

be done and he did give me like uh at first like he gave me like only stuff that looks like dicks to clean so he was like i've got he's like i have these 13 candlesticks here i need you to polish them and so i'm like my menorah is filthy dude he was he's gonna start with the candlesticks then the legs of all the chairs tables real that's not like no shit really that's so funny yeah he was playing i just want to see how you clean it he wanted to see how my the motion technique was. And that might have tipped him off that I don't do it too often. You go up to the candle and you spit on it.

I use my mouth. He's like, not bad. Not bad. Yeah, I suck off all the candlesticks. I make it disappear down my throat. He's like, the kid's good. He's got talent. Yeah, no.

And there were a bunch of weird things. He's like, now we've got to make the bed. Like, this is how it is. He's like, we've got to make the bed. And the bed is made. And he walks into the room, and he just rips all the sheets off the bed. And I was like, ah, this is a total charade. Like, this is just.

And I don't know what I thought. I think that I psyched myself up. Because, like, of course it's just horniness, right? Yeah. Of course it's like a a game for sex yes yeah yeah but i was like i don't know what i convinced myself right i i convinced myself that it was like he's like no he his house is dirty he needs help well to him it's dirty right damn it's dirty gay guys have different standards poor guy doesn't know what clean is you know he did

like all he tried to like neg me uh he was like uh he goes yeah you know you call that sucking a cock you dumb bitch he was like he was like you know the guy usually i do this you know he's very muscular he's very fit but you don't have to be fit to do this job and i was like what the fuck and what did this guy look like was he in shape no horrible like just like uh old fat old guy fat gay guy who was like uh he used to be a he put on a record of like um we were close to christmas time some of this money did go to buying christmas no no creepier creepier um so he used to conduct boys choirs how scary is that god everybody that gets in those jobs i'm like what are you doing here yeah so while i'm you know cleaning his house naked and he's naked too by the way i should have mentioned oh that yeah i

know it's 20 times does he answer the door naked he answers the door naked i mean he folded my clothes very nicely uh so when he gets to the door naked like are you just like like is there any you're like of course this is what's happening you know I have this kind of amazing ability which I credit to like which like I developed

like I think around the time I was 19 like when situations are fucking crazy I just go into like autopilot

you just gotta disassociate a little bit that's called disassociating it's people who've been traumatized yeah it's funny like

it's a defense mechanism right it's your body shutting down and it's protecting it from having memories defense mechanism, right? It's your body shutting down and it's protecting it from having memories of this event. Brian's like,

we're checking out, but we're going to get through this. I told this story on stage in Los Angeles at Nina Tarr had a show at Genghis Khan and I told the story and it went pretty well.

But afterwards, she came up to me and she was like, hey, Nick, are you okay? I was like, yeah, why? She's like, well, when you told that story, your eyes went completely black the whole time.

Oh, my God. She's like, you seem like you were really reliving something. She's like, you were crying blood. Are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And he's donated plasma. That's probably what it is. He put on, yeah, I was catching it.

I was like, that's good money. Yeah. That's money. Catches plasma. He put on a record of the Mormon Boys Tabernacle Choir. So I'm cleaning his house to just 50 underage boys singing Good King Wenceslas. It was crazy. Yeah, as soon as he puts that record on, I'm like, he's killing me.

I'm dead. Yeah. So I guess I told that story again. Oh, well. Yeah. Good. It's great. I love it.

I'm glad I get it out there. Anyway, so LA was, but here's the thing. That's the thing. LA is great. It's not all bad. It was all compressed, right? It was like, that was all like one really, really bad. It's also funny because like I would hear these stories of like,

like you hear actors like Thomas Jane. Thomas Jane's like, I lived in my car before I made it. Yeah. He lived in his car for like a week. Yeah. I was in my car for like six months. He's like, this for like a week. So I was in my car for like six months. He's like, this is just, I'm paying my dues. This is what you do if you want to be in movies by Paul Thomas Anderson.

I'm not the first guy to ever do this. Yeah. A lady's taking your spinal fluid. You're like, I'm going to be a star one day. She's like, you sure will, honey. Yeah, you will. That's crazy. Yeah, so it was nuts.

But then things were, you know, things post that. Things leveled out so then did you start the podcast like what got you what got you out of the car well I've covered this too I did

hot damn Nick I signed up for this is my other I need to I need to like come up with more stories it's okay because I have like a year

of crazy stories I guess that is a movie I don't know yes yeah I don't know if we have a lot of dad meat crossover but we might no I know well I'm gonna post this on my feed so I I movie. I don't know if we have a lot of dad meat crossover, but we might.

No, I know. I'm going to post this on my feed, so I hope my listeners don't get bored. But you know what? Fuck them. We'll get into some other shit. I did a medical study for $10,000, and $10,000 got me back on my feet.

That was a nice little thing to get me started. And then what was the study? They were just stabbing me in the spine with a five inch long needle. Taking my spinal fluid. Standard stuff. I did have weird hallucinations in that study. I'm sure.

You also hear stuff like that. Our friend Alex did a pot study for two weeks where it's like, oh, I just get paid to hang out for two weeks and smoke pot. But he had a fucking port in his arm the entire time you have to yeah because they have to be drawing your blood every day to test the level you also can't go anywhere it's not like you can live your life you're at this facility you have a thing where they're drawing blood like they'll wake you up in the middle of the night just to be like how's this and who are you telling

yeah yeah hey listen for our listeners out there oh well they did they had like you know because they have like uh i always thought about doing that because they have like mdma studies uh-huh you know but they but the problem with that is like you know they don't let you can't like fuck the nurses right like you know i'm like i don't know to do mdma with a bunch of like latinas and filipino women but it's not the right environment for mdma you can't ask i think you're gonna ask you're like what's the policy on fucking the uh big dirty nurses well what's the study what's the study but i'm glad you're getting back to stand up yeah i'm really enjoying it yeah you're always so funny stand up is it is i mean i don't do

anything else i've never done anything besides stand up but yeah it is so gratifying when you are like when you find whatever success means to you and stand up there's like nothing better i think yeah no i i've been really enjoying like it's funny it's been it's been nice in a way because even the show last night i do feel myself like i've done a handful of shows since i've been back and some like i did like 30 minutes in pennsylvania and i was like i was like oh my god i was like this is what i haven't felt like this since like 2017 right yeah right and then the show and then some of the shows have been very uphill where i'm like i'm um it feels like relearning a little bit

like knocking the rust off knocking the rust off yeah but it's it's good it actually feels really nice yeah it's like going back to the gym you know like i don't feel in shape but i'm like i'm on the path to something here yeah it, it doesn't feel totally hopeless. I'm like, every time I do it, I get some more muscles back. Yeah. So it's nice. Fuck yeah. Yeah, you've always been so funny.

Oh, that's nice, guys. Yeah. And I think this is a really good time, especially for you, because you're like, I don't know. I hate saying this word, but you're edgier. Your jokes are edgier. And this is like the time, like this is, you know,

it's all ebbs and flows with comedy. And right now when we started, we were talking about this last night, like it was very like nice guy comedy. Yeah. I think that informed a lot of my comedy as well. And then, and then also you're just not that good.

So it's hard to do mean jokes when you're not good. You don't really know how to cushion them. Yeah. Well, that's good. Or it goes the other way and you're just not that good. So it's hard to do mean jokes when you're not good. You don't really know how to cushion them. Yeah. Or it goes the other way and you're just too mean. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. You're trying to get just a reaction out of them. Yeah.

And so I think like, yeah, this is a great time to get back and you can just be completely yourself. Right. It does feel that way. Yeah. I mean, that's been the interesting thing about LA is like you've kind of seen sort of a sea change in every other city. But L.A. is still kind of, L.A. is sort of in a time capsule of like. Oh, really? Well, yeah.

I mean, I don't, edgy stuff doesn't fly in L.A. I mean, maybe at the clubs, right? Like the comedy store does. But if you're doing like a cafe or something. Do you think you were just in like the Brooklyn version of L.A.? Because New York comics will say the same thing. They'll say when you go to Brooklyn, they buy... Even Joe List, who for people who don't know, he's like...

He's amazing. He's an amazing, amazing, very underrated comic. One of the best working right now. And who is a really pretty innocuous, in terms of material. He makes fun of himself. He talks about anxiety a lot. He says doing Brooklyn sucks because they just think he's being like hateful that's so interesting because i've done um i've done comedy in brooklyn and i'm like oh this is very compared to los angeles yeah they can take more of a joke in brooklyn yeah um yeah but but you know there's

also there of course there are different parts of the city. Yeah, right. Where you can do different stuff. But there seems to be a prevailing mentality in LA that's, you know, it's the stereotype. Oh, you think you're so fucking funny? You know, tell you what, you can leave that version on your feed. Okay. You can leave anything that I wanted you to cut.

Yes. Leave it on your feed. Maybe we won't do a Swapcast. No, we'll cut. I'm being a bad boy. I'm being a bad boy. What the hell is wrong with you? I'm being a bad boy.

We're having fun. We're having a good time. But anyway, this feels so like, I don't know. I want to catch up with you guys, honestly. I feel like it's been a minute. I got to catch up with Josh a little bit when I came and saw his beautiful new. Thank you. Is this a ranch? You call this a rancher yeah just a little one level it's you know a little palatial estate it's all right it's just a rancher you got it you got

what what do you call it uh single floor kept woman yeah i got the kept woman we just got new garage doors they're insulated it's like whatever who cares oh yeah it's going on we got a 96 year old neighbor mel talk to him today yeah oh i was gonna say i saw i was telling josh when i came in because josh was like it's a very it's very you know who ish neighborhood and i saw the five like i saw like full hasidic woman when i was driving yeah yeah i didn't realize it was that i would even realize it was like and you yelled out the window you said christ is king i said and that's how i knew you were outside i heard you scream i do try to tell the jews about christ a lot i had a very uh like uh date like you know like movies are like depict we're in the burbs right now are we pausing it no no i'm just

you know they depict like the burbs as like this like soulless hellscape blah blah blah and uh which they are but uh so i was turning into josh's neighborhood it's mostly like geriatric jewish people here this is the second time in the row where i'm turning onto your street and this old ass lady is walking her small the same old ass lady is walking her small ass yeah yes and i'm like this is crazy this lady is just like exactly what you would see in like a movie that's so fun and then she'd always be like the nosy neighbor who's like checking in on you And I'm like, this is crazy. This lady is just like exactly what you would see in a movie. That's so funny. And then she'd always be like the nosy neighbor who's checking in on you.

You know what I mean? I was just like, ah, I got chills. That's what Mary and I said. Because also, too, she'll wave, but she kind of has a dead face. And she's like, ah! Let's get her on the bus. I think we could, yeah. Do you remember growing up? We used to have like, ah, Mary.

She takes her sunglasses off. She has no eyes. Because I grew up. Did you grow up in the burbs? I did. I grew up in suburbs. You didn't really... You grew up in like...

Is that the burbs or is it like rural? I mean, Ken Island, I guess you would call it a burb, but I mean, it's... I feel like it's pretty rural. It's a similar vibe though. It's like it's... Yeah. It's not like it's the sticks. You know what I mean?

No, right. We had a Kmart, you know? Okay. My mom used to work at one. Oh, yeah. And it became a big K and that was a big deal on the old ken island yeah but yeah i guess i mean it's yeah it was it wasn't like super rural where we had like one stoplight you know what i mean but well the eastern shore feels like

suburban people who have convinced themselves yes they're like country boys yeah and i do i do remember people like calling annapolis the city yeah well my the stereotype growing up because i grew up in like the catonsville baltimore county like yeah that you that eastern shore is like rednecks and blah blah blah like that i still think that's the stereotype oh and that is over there but it's funny yeah people try to embrace it where there's like yeah man i'm from ken allen it's like, we grew up in the same place. Why do you have that accent? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I met a guy. Also, people in Maryland are weird about the South thing, too. They want to be considered the South. Some people. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, I worked with a guy at Paper Moon. And I was like, where are you from? And he's like, southernmost tip of Maryland.

What a stupid, stupid point of price.most tip i know dude that's so funny so where is that yeah that's amazing people also get that way just about neighborhoods like if you're like yeah oh yeah i live in um they're like i live in ham that's not ham dude that's blah blah blah it's two blocks away you cunt yeah shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. It's the easiest way to say where you live. But oh, but like, you know, I like when I go to my parents' house, they only live like 25 minutes away. Yeah. When I was growing up, it was like a really cool place to like raise kids.

Now it's like dying. Yeah. And it's just so bizarre that there's such a divide in America right now between like suburban rural people and like urban like living in cities yes and i'm like well where you guys live looks decrepit there's heroin addicts it's like route 40 it's like this route 40 is like this highway like three two three lane highway with bunch of stoplights and like it just looks like a truck stop yeah i'm like how is it where i we're in hamden or like bolt like we have like

amazing parks and trails and like beautifully scaped homes and i know it's like burb by burb city by city but it's block by block but it's so funny that they're disdain for the city i'm like you guys are eating at panera right so that's so it's urban or suburban um fear of cities i have this a lot with my family where i live in a major city right yeah and there are parts of it that sucks yeah sure like anywhere i mean but i don't know like we have armed robberies in the fucking suburban place where they live yes yeah but they it's so funny because like every time i'll be home and then i'll take a trip to new york or chicago while i'm with them yeah and my dad just like hitting me with like he's like he's hitting me with crime statistics and i'm like do you understand like the percentage because like suddenly it's like all right well you sound

like somebody now who's afraid that they're gonna catch covid yeah it's the same it's the same thing it's like it's the same people who are like you guys guys live in fear. I'm like, you're the ones with the guns and all these, you need to be X amount of distance away from a neighbor and you need to have bunkers and all this shit. Who's living afraid? Right. And they miss it. And I do think the true thing, I just was talking about this with my friend, Benny. The real thing that people in the suburbs are missing is

like a sense of culture yeah and that sounds shitty but it's like it does sound douchey when especially like when younger pete like yeah what you just said about panera it's like it's like the excitement in the suburbs when a chain comes out like my my parents my parents have never dude they've never had a good meal in their lives but they think they have they think They think they have, but they've never actually had like eaten at a nice restaurant. Right, right, right. It's fucking crazy. With like super fresh ingredients, that type of thing. No joke.

When Panera, I was probably like 15 when Panera came to my neighborhood in like a strip mall. And it was, bro. Yeah. I remember I would go to swim practice in the morning. Like before it opened, every parent was talking. They can't wait, blah, blah, blah. One of the swim coaches was working there. It was like the biggest fucking deal that this Panera was here.

I still remember the rumblings that Chipotle was coming. Yes. Oh, yeah. That was a big deal. Yeah, on Ken Island, we got a Dairy Queen, and it was just like nonstop. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. Chipotle, when it first opened, rule.

No, of course. Of course. And Panera, but then the funniest part, too, is like now, also, we're all such idiots, or our parents, is we're all eating at Panera nonstop. Yeah. And we think it's healthy. And then I remember like five years later, like somebody, you know, they started putting stuff online, their nutrition.

It's no different than eating at fast food. Oh, it's fast food. It's so bad for you. Yeah. But because the place had like carpet, we're like, this has got to be healthy. And they give you an apple with the sandwich. Dude, I was tricked. I was like, damn, like this soup rules.

Yeah. Then one day I saw this girl. She was like, they're like, oh, we're rules. Then one day, I saw this girl. She was like, oh, we're out of broccoli cheddar. Hold on. She just brings this huge plastic sealed bag, rips it open, dumps it in the thing, and then scoops me out

of it. It's just a bowl of hot cheese. I'm like, what do we put? Dude, remember the bread bowl? Don't worry. You can eat the container. It comes in. Yeah.

And it's all carbs. I'm a douche because I want a parallel park. But you're eating the vessel your soup comes in. Yeah, exactly. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Like, the fear of cities thing.

Or even just, like, there's almost, like, a sense of, like, superiority over the cities. And it's like. Yeah. It's like, it's literally harder to, you like you have to be better with people and less easily shaken to live in a city so like what are you priding yourself on flexible too of just like interacting with people and like different groups of people you know your neighbor in a city you spend way more time getting to know your neighbors and like yeah being a fucking friendly person yeah yeah yeah and i'm not saying like look these things can

happen in the suburbs and there are probably our suburbs that are more like have like there's a lot of people have a community vibe and blah blah blah of course right i do i really do think you miss out on culture and you see it a lot um i was having this conversation with like a older person i work with he supervisesises younger school psychologists. And he was just saying it's funny because back in the day, you'd go to college. Before you went to college, you might have had a couple of jobs or careers. Then you go to college.

Then after college, you'll have a whole bunch of careers and life experience. And then you might go to grad school. So by the time you go to grad school, you're late 20s early 30s if not later and he's like now the whole thing is because of the way like um society is like everyone wants their kids to like they're in like their whole life a kid's like he's like every kid now that comes to me is the same they're in they're like 21 they're straight out of grad under or undergrad you know so their whole life is like school school school school work it's crazy you know it's wild it's fucking nuts but at least they're making money so that's good yeah they're not sleeping in their car donating on his feet i feel like i am

happier than a lot of people i don't know that sure that's true. Sure. I agree. Most people are in this... We're in a mental health crisis in this country. Well, that's how you end up with the fentanyl. People are like, your life's not going great. If you're like, I'll give it a shot. It's killing everybody.

I'll try it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fentanyl, you know? It blows my mind that there's this divide in America. And cities are carrying your states economically. I've been trying to work this bit out. I don't know if it's funny. I guess I'll do it for you.

But I always think it's so ironic when my cousins from the Eastern Shore, around 9-11, they share those pictures of the Twin Towers. Like, how could we ever let... And it's like, you guys hate New York. You should have been pumped when this happened. If it had been any other reason, you would have been like, twin towers like we this how could we ever let and it's like you guys hate new york yeah you should have been pumped when this happened if it had been any other reason you'd be like hell yeah

shout out god for knocking those towers down dude i posted a joke on facebook that uh conservatives uh it's so funny because like conservatives and liberals are uh they have um not like nationalism. So conservatives don't talk shit about America. Right. Liberals love shit talking America. Right. And then conservatives should talk individual cities in America. Right.

And then liberals will shit talk America. But if you talk shit about a city that a liberal lives in, they'll come at you so hard. It's a very interesting... It's the same thing. It's tribalism. Yeah, it's the same. Yeah, it's just the way they express their tribalism.

Exactly. It is crazy. The flip side of that is it is crazy how LA right now is in... It's in bad shape. I live there. I like living in LA. There's a lot of things. But the homeless problem is nuts. Crazy. That's right here, yeah. It's really bad shape i live there i like living in la there's a lot of things like but like the homeless problem is nuts crazy like it's right here yeah it's really bad even

when i came out there like years ago i was i was like god damn there's trash everywhere in la dude it is like it's the dirtiest city i think it was wild every time i'm in chicago i'm just like how the like it's that's the cleanest city i've ever been to yeah it's done chicago's great boston's great boston's amazing nashville's really clean too nashville ever been to. Yeah. It's done. There's no scaffolding. Chicago's great. Boston's great. Boston's amazing. Nashville's really clean, too. Nashville's clean. I mean, D.C. Well, at least the parts that we go to are amazing.

But you don't ever want to, like, you don't want to just, like, fucking pretend that the problems aren't, like, with anything. Like, the city's not going to get better if you just act like everything's fucking fine. Yeah. And that is the liberals' problem. Is, like, they're like, everything's, what are you talking about? You know? Yeah. Yeah. That's just the city Even with Baltimore Post pandemic has been

Rough How dare you So what Nashville has This fucking guy left I put my dime in I lived in Baltimore 10 years I got all my tax money I'm moving in with the Jews

I said Mel make some years. I got all my tax money. You're like, I'm moving in with the Jews. I'm moving in with the Jews. Yeah. I said, Mel, make some room, buddy. I'm coming in. Art, eat a scooter over. I'm coming in. No, I love being out here. I mean, we are like 15 minutes from the city. But yeah, it's like there ain't much out here.

There's like the smoothie place by the Wegmans. But if we want to do cool shit, we are going to the city. Right. But I think Baltimore would be so much better off because there's Baltimore City and then there's the county, which I don't think people understand. It's still Baltimore. It's one of the few places in the country where the city and county don't share a tax base.

Right. But so Nashville is so clean and the city itself is that way because the tax dollars from the surrounding counties go into that city. Oh, that's so interesting. But it's so annoying because people in the county are like, the city's disgusting. It's like, well, give us some of your fucking tax money. I know, but then they bring their fat asses to the... Bro, I was coming home from DC after a gig one time, and a Ravens game was getting out.

Yeah. It's disgusting. The worst. Just the fattest people and grossest people you've ever seen in your life just like walking their asses across like uh and it is great too they're just like lamar's yeah i've got to play better across russell street you're just like jesus christ you have the nerve to fucking uh make fun of the way I live my life. Yeah.

That is the craziest thing. It is. It is. I will say the one coastal elite thought that I do have every time I come home is I'll just be in the grocery store. I'm just like, God damn, everyone here is ugly. Yeah. They all look awful.

If you're hot, you leave. You leave. If you're hot. That's what I do. That's why I've said I shop at Whole Foods because it's nice to shop next to rich, attractive people. That's why on TV, everyone's attractive and rich. It's better to look at. It makes you feel better.

Dude, the giant here that I went to the first time I went to it, it's the fucking Walking Dead in there. They are so old. Literally, I turned turned the corner the guy was like a zombie he was like like making a noise it was wild i remember one time years ago just because my girlfriend at the time and i were there we just ended up shopping at a giant in arbutus yeah holy shit bro like not only is everyone ugly but we like i look in their carts it's just like mama so like stacks of mama celeste just like stacks of soda like yeah you remember that shit are you i know mama celeste off of it dude i loved it as a child i call her mother celeste but this is so funny that like like yeah cook it on the box in the microwave.

That's healthy. Cook it on the box with all these chemicals on the, you know, to make the picture. It's plastic, right? Yeah, it's just melted. Yeah, putting that in the microwave. It's like, I'm going to go in the city. I might die if I go in the city. What do you think is like your mom is telling you to make a mama's lesser lunch, and then she yells at you for standing too close to the microwave?

Because I remember when are on microwaves it's not good for your brains all parents should be in fucking jail it's insane every generation there's no way to do it right I don't think no I wonder what it is now that we think

is good that's not I haven't no I'm not going to say it the thing that parents are doing we think is good, that's not. I haven't. I won't say that on the podcast. No, I'm not going to say it. The thing that parents are doing and saying is okay right now that's definitely damaging and dangerous for kids. Oh, okay. All right. Fair enough.

Save that one for Steven Crowder's podcast. I think Wi-Fi and Bluetooth shit is going to be wild. I feel like parents or the kids are going to be like, wait, you slept in the same room with a router? I think the thing with this, I've made this point before, but TikTok. In China, TikTok is limited. You can only be on an hour a day. Over here, there's obviously no regulation on it. That to me has always felt like the way that we like sent drugs to destabilize South American countries.

It's like that feels like them doing that to us. Like, yeah, here's the thing that we know is bad for you. Yeah. This thing that we know. TikTok is destroying our community. But I think just, you know, people have made that point before where like TikTok also in China will show kids like engineering videos and like math videos. And here it's like, you you know it's just whatever you want

disgusting hot girls yeah it's like yeah 18 year old girls um but algorithms are a reflection of society totally for sure yeah if you're if you're clicking on the titty videos you're gonna get more titty yeah but that's what i mean where it's like i think that like china in terms of like regulating social media and this is not look see i just made a conservative i made a stephen crowder point now i'm about to be full communist i was just picturing merging the two they're like watch this chick with big tits do math yeah check out this big titted scientist i would have had better grades if that had been in school dude if i had a super hot science teacher in eighth grade. It was.

Did you pay attention? Yeah. Because my brother had her the year before. And do you guys remember when thongs were kind of a new thing? Also, they would go up over the hip a little bit, too. Yeah. Well, my teacher wasn't doing that. Oh, okay.

Yeah. But I like it was kind of scandalous to wear a thong like because but you know when i or at least maybe when you're young you're an idiot you thought like you wore a thong because you're like you want to like fuck a lot or something it's really just because you don't want people to see your underwear lines yeah but the mind of a 13 year old boy what yeah but now that like i've like seen thong like they're not even super sexy no

it's not like truly scandalous underwear beg to differ not scandalous but always hot always hot sure but I think I thought

thongs were like g-strings I was excited for g-strings yeah and then I got thongs I said well I thought it'd be I think Karen my wife

probably wears a thong almost every day oh yeah well yeah yeah same just because jeans are tighter and

yeah but so anyway so i was uh going into eighth grade my brother had this teacher last year he's like dude she wears a thong every day and so i told all my friends secrets out she would bend every time she would bend and she was so just a great figure great body uh miss fernoni shout out eighth grade uh eighth grade uh science um every time she'd bend over we'd all be like oh my god we like it was just so obvious it was so hot sometimes it would like poke up it was insane what like maybe like in 2015, I was like, I went through, I was just like,

I got to find this woman. And, uh, I got to find this woman. That's awesome. I just wanted to know if she maintained. Uh-huh. Not at all.

Oh, dang. Big, big decline. A little drop off. Too many mama's legs. She was probably like your teacher in her mid twenties, right?

Probably early. She was probably like 23, you know mid-20s Probably early She's probably like 23 But she seems so much older Of course, I had a teacher Who I legitimately thought That I was going to have sex with How old? Like 8th grade?

No, this was 10th grade And I was cutting up, I'd always make her laugh in class I thought I was so funny, dude On the last day of school yeah she had turned around I had gotten one of my I wasn't telling enough I got one of my friends to like fold a $20 bill into a ring wait what grade were you in 10th grade okay so I know my friends to fold a $20 bill I can do a ring yeah and then I had a little ring box that I put it in and while she was

turned around on the last day I got down on one knee whoa like with the ring in front of the whole class the Dude, I was crushing. In front of the whole class, got down on one knee, had the ring box. So everybody's laughing now and she turns around and sees it. And I'm proposing to her. She didn't even get mad.

She just blushed and smiled and laughed and was like, go back to your seat, Nick. And I was like, I'm totally going to fuck Mrs. Fuller, dude. I was like, I'm definitely going to smash Fuller. Because also, too, she didn't say no. She didn't say no. She seemed very charmed. like i'm totally gonna fuck mrs fuller dude i'm definitely gonna smash for a thousand because also too she didn't say no she didn't say no she did not say she seemed very charmed and i was like yeah i guess this is how you do it this is very charming dude oh stupid bro in high school we had a teacher she wasn't attractive there's uh this teacher craziest big ass like just a big not even like a sexy way but it was like it was just so in your face right right

last name butts no yeah then this woman gets married oh hyphens her name why new name fuller no joke fuck dude like you know that's crazy this is like ouch I'm married you hack just go miss Fuller no this is my

this is my that's amazing Ben Giant I am gonna take his last name that's why feminism is really just gotta take a back seat

Fuller ass that where she was like she was like she's almost like a prop comic it's like a wink and a nod yeah

she's like that's my thing she's like I know what you all look at it's just wild i know who i am i mean honestly what you know shout out to that lady that sounds like she had incredible mental fortitude yeah i know confidence there yeah you know she was such a bitch i hated i hated her so much we had i had a really cool cool... The coolest teacher I ever had was... So my senior year... So you remember that... So the class that I proposed to the lady in 10th grade English.

I failed the first half of the year. Christ! I graduated with a 1.9. What? That's wild. It was bad. That ain't great. My parents were worried.

And obviously for good reason. When you graduate with a 1.9, is it even a celebratory thing at that point? It's like, it was like, you did it. You did it. Yeah. You got there. Yeah. They're like, he's going to end up living in his car one day.

In his car. Yeah. But so the teacher that I had before her, because the first half of the year, you have a different teacher. Yeah. And the second half of the year, I was with Fuller. And the person before didn't like me. I didn't charm them as much with my wiles and tricks.

Sure, sure. So I failed that. So my senior year, I only had half days, but I was with my guidance counselor. She was like, wait, you don't have a complete credit for 10th grade English. So you have to take 10th grade English. And I had to take it with my girlfriend's sister. And I was like, I was like, we got into class, we're sitting next to each other. I was like, you cannot tell your sister that I'm fucking repeating a grade.

Oh my God. But my teacher for that class was this lady named Alyssa Beers. I still remember. She was so cool. Like hot Jewish lady, young. Mrs. Beers. Mrs. Beers. She was the best.

We never did work. She just like brought in, she she's like have you guys ever seen the movie brick with joseph gordon levitt we would just watch brick i love brick good noir she was like she was like she put it on and she was like yeah i had a friend who died of a heroin overdose and like that was the lesson for the day we just like talking about her friend and then midway through the year she quit she was like teaching such she's like this is a racket she's like this is no way to reach kids and she quit wow and she like all the teachers i ever had yeah she left like the greatest impression on me of just whoa do what the fuck you want yeah my favorite teacher was the math teacher his name was mr ickus and he was built like a garden gnome like this. He was bald, but like had hair on the

sides, big beard, and he had a weird like growth in his pinky, and he would like riff around and just like talk crazy and stuff like he'd be at the board. He'd be like all right. So when you divide in this guy, this boy right here right here, and he's like just tapping on the board. Yeah, like with his like back to the classroom, and then he's just going and then he goes and then the old man went crazy it wouldn't stop tapping this guy rules we and i'm sorry i was just saying but he had like this weird growth in his pinky and he's like and he would say mr kudurna that's what he would call me he's like mr kudurna he pays attention my every move especially

my misshapen pinky i was like no i don, I don't, dude. No, I don't. We had a dude named, we had a teacher named Mr. Crockett, and his full name was, I shit you not, his name was Dave V, middle name V, Crockett. Yeah. Dave Crockett. Yeah. And he talked like this the whole time

because when he was a kid, he told a story. He got kicked in the mouth by a horse, and it like, it fucked his speech up forever. As he's traveling across America, you know what I mean? The wilderness, but the really fucked up, he taught science,

right? He, and he taught like the most, but I was in his science class. Cause it was like, the class was called like earth and rocks. It was the lowest level of science, literally like earth science. It's like the bullshit science. Yeah. It's the bullshit science, but they won't let you're not allowed to touch chemicals of science. Literally, like earth science shit. Earth science. It's like the bullshit science class.

It's the bullshit science class. You're not allowed to touch chemicals at all. No. And so everybody would always make fun of him. We'd try to get him to say the word peanuts because it sounded like he was saying penis, all this kind of stuff. Oh, my God. And he told us that he got really serious about us making fun of his voice.

He's like, you know what happened to me? He's like, I was kicked in. When I was a kid, I was kicked in the mouth. I hate that I have to talk. He got really upset. But the weird thing When I was a kid, I was kicked in the mouth. Like, it's not, I hate that I have to talk. Like, he got really upset. But the weird thing about that was, in the back of the classroom, he had a wooden statue of a kicking horse, like a horse kicking two feet in the air. Whoa.

Which, I don't know what that means. Does it, like, he's, like, recreating the trauma or something? Like, is it, that's exactly, like, I've thought about this a lot maybe there's like like what did he do that for himself or was it for us you know like the end of usual suspects when he puts together that he was just telling a story of stuff he saw right maybe he was just born like that and he saw the horse and he's like yeah horse kicked me and you're like oh my god oh my god yeah you know when was a kid, I tried to eat a bunch of rocks. And now I talk like this. Yeah.

I had no idea. I was eating all these minerals here. Yeah. So I don't know. So many fucking weird. We did have one substitute one time. We had a substitute. He was like 96 years old.

Yeah. This is a guy. He was like, you know, clearly like fucking almost dead. Yeah. And he would put this black stuff. He would dye his hair black still.

And he would fall. So we loved getting him because he would fall asleep in class. Hell yeah and he one time there was a fire drill it was like a full-on it was like a fire drill like a school shooter drill yeah long goes off yeah we we leave the classroom and leave him there and we leave him there for like an hour he slept through that he slept through the whole thing god damn as we're coming back in fuck and and like the black shit in his hair has like run down the front of his face oh my god yeah he we i mean i've teachers it is crazy to realize especially now because like my mom's a teacher and it well you know this

yeah do you work in a public school yeah are your class sizes fucking insane um yeah i'm a psychologist but yes. Oh, okay. Where he's at like over 30 kids. Oh, yeah. My mom's an art teacher. She has like 40 kids in her class. That's nuts.

Does she have a helper? Is it just like one on four? Yeah, but still, that's a lot of kids. And that's why they're paying like 90 grand a year right now to get teachers, right? No. My mom was literally like if you- Where does your mom work? She works. So she works at, um, do we want, do we want to say that on the podcast?

We do not. We do not. Just edit it out. All right. I don't even know why I asked. I wish I could have a fucking normal podcast. I wish I could just have like normal fans. Just bleep it.

Can we bleep it? Yeah, we can bleep it. I got it. Yeah. We're going to bleep. God damn. She works on the it? Yeah, we can bleep it. I got it. Yeah, yeah. We're going to bleep. God, damn. She works on the moon. No, you're fine.

Yeah, she works. Go to the moon, folks. Go check her out on the moon. It's so funny because being on the other side, being an adult in a school building, one, it's so funny how no one cares about anything. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. It's not like it.

What do you mean? Like faculty or like admin? Yeah, faculty. Yeah. Or like the things that kids like, oh, my God. say yeah it's not like it what do you mean like faculty or like admin faculty yeah like or like the things that kids like oh my god like okay i remember like being yelled at and you're like oh this teacher like i think this teacher is like thinking about this the whole they don't give a shit and they're probably laughing about it with the teachers you know like they don't but to you

as a kid it's like the biggest deal in the world that but yeah they're like man i really yelled at umar he was scared yeah yeah yeah and you think like biggest deal in the world. But yeah, they're like, man, I really yelled at Umar. He was scared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you think like they hate like, I don't know, like they're just thinking about it all day. And like you're, I don't know. You think they're like genuine authority, which they are.

But like it's they're not, you know, it's not the cops. They're not like super principled. But yeah, kids have learned that because no one listens anymore. Yeah, that's what I hear. It's insane. Like it's your phones are nuts too. I was just about to say, how do you even manage that? I don't, but it seems like it's a nightmare for teachers.

I mean, not you. I've just seen in general. No, they don't. You can't. Right. The other thing is what I would tell parents, I mean, I can't say this, but I would just be like, look, either your kid is going to just do the right thing or they're not and like you can't expect us you can't expect adults in a school building um to make your kid do the right thing

yeah they would they want to have to do the right thing because here's the only here's the only way i can get your kid to try to do the right thing hey please stop doing that and do your work yeah and if that doesn't work if your kid doesn't want to listen to an adult yeah that it's it you can't do anything but parents will blame you're not doing x and y i'm like what the fuck can we do hit your kid there's a great scene you want me to drag your kid and like because kids yeah they'll just be like dude like i remember i was in a classroom recently and a kid was on his phone where and he was and wearing a hoodie you're not allowed to wear a hoodie anymore and um the teacher

was like hey please put your hoodie away put your cell phone away and the kid was just like no i do you did used to be able to I feel like at least like you could at least like emotionally destroy a kid with words before you can't do I had teachers who like I had I'll never forget my Spanish teacher like man he went off on this kid and just like told him that like he was going like he was gonna be a failure like like yeah like he started like he was like did he do it in Spanish though the kids dude I remember one time a math teacher, he was super funny. But now I look back, I'm like, this guy must have been, his life must have been a mess.

But we were, he asked his kid to like, you know, like sometimes kids are like, all right, can you go collect the trash so you can get jobs? And he'd be like, all right, Mr. Anderson's practicing his future, so please give him your trash and it was like yo yeah he got it so good but you can't i mean even back then we had i think he got in trouble for saying that so we we had so we had a teacher miss warren who is the english teacher and her son whose name was downsie downs downs by the way and he later got in a car accident and got down syndrome okay well that's not how that works but that's what she said she was like that's what

we're like okay uh but anyway so we were in mr gary's class mr gary so this is seventh grade he was the math teacher his name was also gerald gary so his name's gary gary or gary gary gary gary gary uh and he was always like you guys gotta learn this you're the you're the future i'm 50 i'm dead i'm basically dead and when i die i don't even want to be buried i just want to be thrown in the river behind my house but that's illegal i looked into it like what do you say but one time miss warren's class so we had this kid marvin and marvin would act up marvin was a black kid. She brought him into Mr. Gary's class because he was a little more authoritative.

She was like, I'm bringing Marvin in here. He's been acting up the whole time. He's just been going crazy. What the fuck led to it? He's acting like a crazy monkey. Mr. Gary was like, we got a monkey.

I was like, you can't. A black kid? Yes. Oh. It was brutal. Did he get fired? Did he get in trouble? No, I honestly don't think he met.

Sure. But still, you can't. No. But I'm just saying, if he did that today, over. Over. And it'd be on camera. Right. Oh, yeah, you'd be viral on YouTube.

Dude, I don't break up fights. Yeah, no, you can get in trouble. You should not be on camera. Right. Oh, yeah, you'd be viral on YouTube. Dude, I don't break up fights. Yeah, no, you can get in trouble. You should not be touching kids. No one should break up a fight. I used to go down this rabbit. I mean, it's like, so I go down a lot of YouTube rabbit holes, but one of my favorite ones

is like teachers, kids pushing teachers to their breaking point. I would love to see your algorithm, just like what's in your feed. My algorithm is nuts, dude. It has to be. My algorithm is like uh it's like uh biggest outbursts at life sentence hearings like top 10 yeah teen sentenced to jail outbred it's

crazy yeah um but anyway i've watched these these videos of like uh oh annie's here she has paul's wife yeah oh sorry come on are we running long no no we're we're a little over an hour. Cool. But I'll watch these videos where these kids just like, they push teachers to the point where like, if you don't respond, you're the strongest person.

Yeah. And they respond and then the teachers get fucking fired. Yeah, dude. It's crazy. Right, right. Just like screaming at them and yeah, cussing.

I can't tell this on the pod, but afterwards I'll tell you a great story of a viral video from Baltimore ofimore of oh i've seen that that i knew people like people who knew her and it was just like hey baby just walked in we got a baby on the pod hi ruthie yeah i will say the last thing i'll say is we had an amazing i actually never had her but my friends had this teacher in high school m Mrs. Robertson. Mrs. Robertson refused to learn anybody's name. She assigned numbers. She assigned like one through 20.

All right. Shout out to Mrs. Robertson. She was like, number 19, solve the problem on the board. Yeah. She would end the whole year. She never learned their name. That's kind of incredible. I wonder if that makes you a better teacher.

You're like, whatever. You're just a number, but I got to do my job. You can depersonalize a little. Yeah. It's also funny, too, because now there like a big attack on schools from the conservatives uh you know like whether it's uh they're indoctrinating kids or grooming kids and it's like okay but your kids are at home for a year and you guys lost your goddamn mind yeah figure it out yeah like what do you want and also when kids were home for that year

uh child abuse was insane you know what i mean so like yeah god it's i mean i feel like what are you gonna do what are you gonna do it does kind of feel like i don't know just in general the world well it's the end for it's the end for this empire yeah absolutely yeah it feels like too many things have spun i don't just i don't know i think that like it's the end for it's the end for this empire yeah absolutely yeah it feels like too many things have spun i don't or just i don't know i think that like it's a variety of factors right yeah we've reached this point in life where like it's impossible to control all of these yeah the the different contribute whatever the thing is to contribute it's like yeah you can't fucking control like what they're teaching your kids you can't control how much time you're on

social media you can't control the influence that you're having on you i don't know it seems bad but it's also it's so overblown like all that crt shit none of that's in schools what's what's crt uh critical race oh yeah yeah yeah none of that's in school that was never in that was never in elementary school i work in school i'm working so i work in in a predominantly black you know i work in a predominantly black school district, and there is no CRT. There's no, like, I don't see any, like, liberal agenda or anything. I think that, like, they find real examples of it in, like, one school somewhere. And then they just blow it up. Right.

Be like, this is happening everywhere. But then you compare that to, like, you know, just, just like the history class that i had when i was i was like and a lot of times like flat out wrong yeah we'll just like fully incorrect oh yeah or just yeah i mean lying to be like and columbus showed up and then we had thanksgiving and everybody loved it and it was right it's cool it's it's weird um there was a school where they had kids picking cotton to teach the kids what the slaves

went through. They had kids picking cotton so they could get a bunch of cotton. This woman made a cotton field and they went outside those are like the one but that's so that's what did all the kids pick cotton yeah like black kid like so a black girl went home like her mom picked her up from school and she just like was like what's going on she's like yeah we need to do this and yeah but was it dude yeah i don't know i mean that shit's

crazy that is crazy like working with that teacher and seeing her in the teacher's lounge like what the fuck are you doing stephanie well how did no other person be like wait what are you building outside outside for three hours this woman is like she has a whip this This woman is this teacher. I don't know if it's a woman. This teacher is going like above and beyond to make a fun in her mind. She's spending her own money. She's teaching them

slave songs before they go. It's called a spiritual kids now. We're going to rehearse. She's just like this. I am the best teacher. It's honestly like, I'm the best teacher. It's honestly like when you have like a, it's like when a new comic has like a bit that they think is going to kill.

It's like some rape joke. And they're like, I don't understand why this isn't working. I mean, this is great. Too much for you guys? Yeah. So I guess there are instances, but like, it's just so overblown. It's crazy.

There's instances of everything, but I don't know. But it does also feel like it is getting harder and harder to, I don't know, get a handle on just what the fuck is going on. Public schools especially. Public schools are nuts. You're right. And then I think what's happening is there's just this general if you're like a well-off enough person which like i'm middle class i'm just like i can't care about anything except for myself and the people around

me yeah like my friends and family right i don't give a shit who's president i don't give a shit what people are saying online i don't care what Congress is like. I just don't care. It's like the Little Mermaid thing. I'm like, who actually gives a fuck about that? I'm like, is it like 15 people, but they're like, I can tell conservatives are mad. I'm like, I don't think they give a fuck. I mean, there are some people, I'm sure. The problem is, though, this is just what I'm experiencing when I come home.

I will say, going down the rabbit hole. You're like, with my tweets about Little Mermaid, here's what I'm experiencing when I come home. I will say going down the rabbit hole. You're like, with my tweets about Little Mermaid, here's what I've experienced. Yeah. But get her out of the water. Well, I will say like Evan sent me. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Evan went to school in Pasadena, which is like a really trashy area of Maryland. The Dirty Dina, they call it.

Dude, he'll send me screenshots of his people he went to high school with. Oh, yeah. It's wild, bro. They are mad about that. They are the black mermaid. They're mad about a black mermaid. But the thing is, they only feel that way

because there's a talking head and a YouTube algorithm. And it's probably a Russian-influenced farm. What are they called? Yeah, troll farms. Troll farms. But it's also people like Ben Shapiro. Yeah.

And these other, like, YouTube talking heads. And the thing is, like, I have this problem with my dad. He gets so, my dad's, like, likes everybody. Like, if he meets you. Yeah. Karen's parents are the same. They're huge conservative Trump supporters. They're so sweet.

But her mom will, dude, her mom sent her a text like please don't get the booster please you need to move out of that state you need to move to a red state i'm like what the they get they get so which is a sweetheart right my dad gets so whipped up about like trans issues i'm like dad when are you even gonna fucking meet a train yeah like yeah just relax it's never gonna be an issue for you yeah right. Right. And, oh, fuck, I was going to say. Oh, and it's funny, too, because you were talking about how the lowest point in your life you're listening to these preachers. Right. But that's what's happening now.

For real. There's this whole segment of America that they're poor, they're uneducated, they are living in a shit economy and even maybe people who did what they were thought was the right thing like go to college but now they're in debt and life is just one big struggle bus for them and they listen to people like ben shapiro and jordan peterson and their brains are getting filled with this insane propaganda of white men are being held down. You shouldn't be ashamed. It also makes it easier to be like, oh, my problems are not the result of my own actions. Which is so anti-conservative. Yeah, lift yourself up.

If it's a problem, you fix it. I think the biggest thing that it does, though, is that it gives them a direction to funnel all of that haste and unhappiness. And not themselves. Right, exactly. And I think that if you go down those holes, you can start to feel a real sense of purpose. Yeah. Like just aligning yourself with that fucking ideology.

Right. And then once you realize that like uh uh you know we post clips and if enough people we kind of touched on this like maybe a podcast or two ago if enough people see your clip yeah they're most people who see a thing don't like it so when millions of people see something there's gonna be not good comments yeah and like so recently like i'm releasing a special everybody i know go check it out by the time this is out youtube umar khan who cares please for the love of god it's called who cares but uh i got a you know uh i released a trailer for it and then yesterday i got a bunch of people to share it which is really nice yeah so i got a lot of views and then i saw one negative comment uh that was like uh

hard pass if um if this was the highlight reel there's nothing funny about this i'm not gonna watch this and like for a second you're like okay mad when i wrote that yeah i was drunk dude but for a second you get upset yeah and then you realize like imagine the person and their life if they have to comment that on a stranger's of course a thousand percent also too like yeah can you like even not even doing comedy it's like would you ever do that never a band or even if you didn't like the record i just didn't like something i would move on like at yeah this sucks at them this guy had to watch something and then so you're like these are crazy people yes yeah for sure it's that's been it's funny because like there's still and it's an insecurity in my thing

we're like even still want to get those comments it hurts no it's not that it hurts but i comfort myself with that thought and then i'm like but then what if i meet them and they're just like in a trip like like every they are great i'm like that could also be true it's honestly impossible yeah like that that person would be Yeah but that would be funny Like critic And they're really good at something too Damn that's pretty good criticism

I could have put a better highlight reel out Sometimes people will say things And it hurts because You think that of yourself too Of course Oh terrible I've had like yeah a few things on tiktok but also too like you get dozens of comments positive good and then you get the one and you're like fuck this yeah exactly yeah but yeah they just treat it too like you're

just anybody else like yeah like you're not a human being you're just part of the content right well that is a weird thing that like people feel this entitlement like when you even if you're making something for like no money yeah you feel an entitlement to be really brutal with you yeah he's like wow you put yourself out there and you know to an extent i kind of agree with that you can't put something out there if you if you want to be completely precious about it and not expect any comments but there is but it's like but there's all you can tell the difference between somebody who just like thinks they have the right to like fuck with you yes yeah and wants to fuck with you too like yeah it's intentionally negative to be a cunt yeah yeah damn it's weird well hey look i'll start a podcast i'll take negative comments

on this special whatever's getting that algorithm going get it going yeah if you hate it comment that you hate it, please. Just have a whole conversation about your opinions on the Jews in my comments. Those comments still count. Please, do whatever you need

to get this algorithm. All right, should we wrap this up? Do we want to cover the Jews before I... Well, let's save that for the Patreon. We're actually going to invite

my neighbors on. I think it's beautiful. Do you guys do Patreon or no? No. No, we'll try it we'll try it yeah

let's wrap this up Nick where where can the good people find you my podcast doom scroll

you can follow me on Instagram it's also it's at doom scroll cast at doom scroll pod on Twitter and Instagram

at Nick Oldershaw on Twitter Instagram everything else yeah that's that's kind of all I have to plug yeah

yeah all my social media stuff is at josh kaderna i'm posting more clips on youtube as well doing some youtube shorts you know they're very funny man i really i have to say i've really enjoyed um watching i need to get into posting reels but i've really enjoyed watching your reels and watching uh your reels oh thanks man thank you and i just made a website to joshcoderna.com so all right and please just watch the special share it like it comment yeah who cares youtube all right thanks guys fucking great bye you