The Digression Sessions - Ep. 36 - Jim Meyer

Episode Date: May 12, 2012

"Prehensile & Gretel" Hola Digheads! On this week’s show veteran comedian, writer, scuba diver, actor, voice of the Iron Birds, Hyundai owner, Jim Myer, joins Josh and Mike MORAN for an interview in the Dig Sesh HQ. That’s right, digheads. Mike Moran is black! Wait…I mean back! Jim has been called the “White Bill Cosby” of comedy (by Mike Moran). Jim has been performing the stand ups all over America for over 10 years now. Jim recently earned his Masters in writing from John Hopkin’s University and lends his talents to Baltimore’s City Paper, Grist, and Urbanite magazine. During this ep, Jim shares some great stories about some of his worst shows. While they may have been terrible shows for Jim, they make for fantastic podcast stories for us! These stories involve audience members riding horses, flashing guns, and what to do when a BET audience turns on a comedian and the promoter pays the comedian little to nothing. But, it’s not all bad. Jim also shares some of his best and most fulfilling stand up moments. We discuss a number of topics for this episode including, but not limited to: brag club, fighting rednecks and kissing them after, Cracker Jack, laughing like Seth Rogen, performing for BET, what to do when hecklers have guns, elephant sex, prehensile penises, 28 Days Later vs. 28 Days, what “CT Scan” actually stands for and much more! Did you know Mike Finazzo’s album “Stupid Genius” is still coming out May 29th via Josh’s record label Better Robot Records!? WELL IT IS! Please check it out! Have something to say about this ep? Or do you have anything else Digression Sessions related / unrelated to say? Should Mike Moran cut his hair?!?! Say it on our forum!! DigressionSessions.com !! PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @JKuderna @MichaelMoran10 @Jimmy2Bad

I think that's my one good feature. It's my stunning ears. Yeah. But... Stunning ears. Yeah. Jim Meyer action figures with stunning ears. Is this the same microphone that Tommy Simbazo had to, like, Deep Throat?

No, I think it was that one. Okay, I feel better about that. He did put that one in his book. Yeah, it was definitely this one. I don't mind his butt. I know where his mouth has been. Oh, just not his butt? Yeah.

So you're better. He's done some filthy things with his mouth. He was definitely this one. I don't mind his butt. I know where his mouth has been. Oh, just not his butt? Yeah. So you're better. He's done some filthy things with his mouth. He was on this podcast. Yeah. That's why I asked. Right. If this was the microphone he'd used. Because I listen to your podcast.

I don't listen to your podcast, but. Of course not. Are we podcasting right now? That was the worst attempt at lying ever. I listen to you. I don't listen to your podcast. Or it was a great attempt at sincerity. Yeah. Huh? It was, you know was a great attempt at sincerity. Yeah.

It was, you know, the sincerity welled up. Right. Mid-lie. Sure. Yeah. Conscience kicks in. Absolutely. Wow, you've got a diploma?

Yeah. Did that come with the house or is that yours? No, no, no. I've been trying to get that fucking thing off the wall for days. What's your last name? Kaderna. Kaderna. Mm-hmm. Who knew? What did you think it was? Well, I didn't know. off the wall for days. What's your last name? Kaderna.

What did you think it was? I didn't know. I knew your first name. I didn't know your last name. But you sounded like you were blown away. What is your last name? That is weird though when you don't expect a last name for someone. You know what I mean? I don't know. I picture first names for people

but not last names. Like Hitler didn't have a last name. He was just Hitler. He was like Cher. Yeah, Cher, Hitler, Pol Pot. Madonna. Pol Pot didn't have a last name. No.

I'm pretty sure it was Pot. No, Pol Pot's one word. Really? I think his real name was Pol Pot Jones. And before he got into the hole. I, Pol Pot Smith. I went scuba diving. With Pol Pot?

No, but close. But I went scuba diving, and the dive site was called Papa Doc. With Idi Amin, actually. Papa Doc, really? Papa Doc Duvalier. That's scary. Yeah. And the people there, they were trying to run guns to Papa Doc, and the boat sank.

But then the boat rotted away, so they sank another boat where the first boat had sank in honor of Papa Doc, which seems a weird way to put that. Why aren't anyone sinking boats in my honor? Oh, they are. Is it because of my grammar? It might have something to do with it. They're just not doing it in the water. They're like sinking boats all over Glen Burnie

in honor of Mike Moran. Alright, let's officially start the podcast. Jim, I know you're a loyal listener and you've been waiting for this intro song. So sing along. You're blown away. I'm really excited to be here. I know. And the Degression Sessions podcast.

I'm just glad you know the name of it. Yeah. That's a lot better than most of our guests. Right. Later I'll be like, hey, would you mind tweeting this link or posting on your Facebook? Like, sure. And then they'll be like, hey, I was on this podcast. Check it out.

Like, yeah. The Degression Sessions. That's us. This podcast. You just linked to the nerdist. Damn you. You know, if you called your podcast some podcast, you'd probably get a lot

of hits. I bet it's taken. People are always like, you know, it was on some podcast. What's your podcast name? Maybe it's going to be some podcast. You should see if that's taken because if it's not, you kind of look like a white Bill Cosby. I feel like a white Bill Cosby. I like sweaters and jello.

I like their old stuff. Put it in a salt hat and cut their hair. All right. Oh, shit. Oh, snap. Oh, goodness. That's an intro song, Mike. Bring out your dead.

I don't know what that means. I don't know either. It's a reference to a movie. Well, maybe. Sorry to interrupt you guys. It's a reference to a movie. Well, maybe. Sorry to interrupt you guys. That's all right. You guys were doing banter. We had something really good going there.

Yeah. You ruined it. If we get a really killer banter, I've got a name for it. What? Tony. Tony Banter. What about Bruce Banter? That works, too.

But I like Tony Banter because it's more obscure. Who's Tony Banter? Tony Banter was a character in the hit TV show called Taxi. He was played by Tony Danza. Oh, okay. I know him. Who's the boss? Tony Danza.

Oh, okay. All right. Or Angela. I mean, I guess you could argue. Yeah. Well, welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast, everybody. Welcome, everybody. I'm one half of your favorite pair of earbuds, Josh Kodernan, sitting to my right.

Oh, Mike Moran. Hey. There he is. How are you? The other half of your favorite pair. What's going on? Welcome back to the podcast, Mike. You've had a little bit of hiatus.

Hiatus. Yes. I've been gone. That's what hiatus means. I've been podcast, Mike. You've had a little bit of hiatus. Hiatus, yes. I've been gone. That's what hiatus means. I've been gone, too. You've been on a hiatus from the podcast. Yep. Yeah?

What were you doing, huh? Well. Explain yourself to our loyal listeners like Jim Meyer. Well, this is really exciting. Waiting on the edge of his seat. Okay, I know you all have been waiting, and it's, you know, I've been well, I've been working. That's it? That's it. You didn't have time

for this? Yeah, well, my schedule got really full and I just couldn't make it. Huh. So you're starting a podcast? Yeah, I am. We're going to bury you. Really? You think so? And you're going to bury us or you're going to bury us

Symbolically through the podcast Like a digital burial? No I meant like marry and bury you You're going to marry and bury us You're going to force us to marry you And I'm just going to get you guys Really stoked with hookers and blow That's how we do it in my podcast

I'm pretty sure it was crack not blow Yeah I appreciate that you would give us Coke, though. Yeah. Right. Hey, I care about America and the future. Yeah. God bless you, sir. Yeah.

Well, I want to officially welcome to you to the podcast, Jim Meyer. Comedian Jim Meyer, everybody. Hi, Jim Meyer. Comedian. Writer. Actor. I said comedian. Ninja.

What have you acted in? Hyundai owner. What have you ninja-ed lately? Well, I don't really like to talk about my ninja work. That's the first rule of Ninja Club. I don't like to brag. Actually, I do like to brag. That's the first rule of Brag Club.

Don't brag about Brag Club. Dude, I'm in Brag Club. Dude, shit. We really should have rethought this club. Yeah, I've been in a movie. A movie? A talkie? I was a star.

I played a clown. You really? In a motion picture? In a motion picture. In a motion picture? Yeah. It was basically I played myself where my life was one step shittier in every direction. And they didn't mean it that way.

That must have been really shitty. Like, instead of a comedian, I was a party clown. Right. And I had a job at an office, which at the time I did, but it was a worse office. And what else? Did a podcast, but it was way worse than this. Yeah, way worse.

It was just, yeah. Well, it's tough because we're the best. And I've been playing. Lonely at the top. I was the king of medieval it's tough because we're the best. And I've been in plays. Lonely at the top. I was the king of medieval times. Oh, wow. Really? I think I knew that. That's acting. What plays have you been in? Raisin in the Sun.

Color Purple. Color Purple. Purple Rain. Don't Be a Menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood. That one, too. That was a good play. Juice the Musical.

Juice the Musical. I was in Alien God King in last year's Baltimore Rock Opera Society production. Oh, yeah? Oh. Which one? I forget what it was called. It was the double feature one, right? Yeah, it was the second half of the double feature.

So it was the better show, but everybody left. I was blue and had horns and a pink kimono. When did you come out? Like early. Really?

Yeah. I was in the whole goddamn thing. I don't remember seeing you. I was Elder Ozier.

You sure you're not lying to me, Jim? I'm pretty sure there are pictures on the Facebook stuff. All right.

We'll trust you. They're having a play this week. You guys should go. Valhalla. Valhalla. Val. Val. Hela. Valhalla. Valhalla. Val.

Val. Hella. Valhalla. Valhalla. Valhalla. When is that? What is that? No, when is it?

It's this weekend and next weekend, I believe. All right, because this will drop Monday, May 14th. Oh. Well, it's this past weekend and this coming weekend. What a great show that was. Yeah. Oh, my God. We saw six a great show that was. Yeah. Oh, my God. We saw six times.

It was crazy. Yeah. Six standing ovations before they even got on stage. When Mike took his top off and threw his pants at the audience. The audience cleared out of there. Yeah. Quick. Fire hazard, Mike.

Yeah. Fire hazard, Mike. Because your pants are so white. Fire hazard, Mike. Hey, it's fire hazard mike and josh smoke alarm led zeppelin rock block coming up september september september every timber well um every time what else let's keep these credits rolling if we can.

Oh, I do stand-up comedy all over the country. I don't think I mentioned that. And I write for magazines. Really? Yeah. I write for Grist out in Seattle. Grist? Okay, what is Grist?

It's an environmental comedy sort of thing. Environmental comedy. Yeah. What is the deal? Have you guys seen these loggers? Loggers, come on. Yeah. What's the deal with global warming?

Ice caps. Can you wear them on your head? You ever notice that the polar bears are fucking the grizzly bears? It's on. It snowed this winter. Does that make him a bipolar bear? That wasn't a fake laugh, by the way.

That's Jim's actual laugh. I stole that. He's dying over there. And an urbanite in city paper and Baltimore mag and style. Awesome. And Mike Moran quarterly, which comes out twice a year. It'll be a segment on my hair getting longer. Yeah?

Yeah. How long are you going to let that go? I don't know. Why don't we let the listeners decide? How long should Mike Moran's hair grow? Post in Digression Sessions Forum. Yeah. Do you have an active forum?

Same as plug for the forum. Yeah, we have a forum. Define active. Like, is it just you guys? No, a friend of ours has posted something. We just actually, I don't think anybody has known about it, but we have a website, digressionsessions.com

and I want to get the forum going, but that would be really lame if it's just Mike and I like, so what did you think of the last episode? I thought it was wonderful. Mike Moran. Mike Moran says of the Digressions Sessions, I like Mike Moran. Mike should talk more. Mike's mom.

Mike should cut his hair. Mike's mom. Maybe you should cut your hair. I don't know where the remote is. Mike. Fix my cable. Mike's mom. My what?

Cable. Your cable? No, your mom's cable. Oh, okay. Or is that code for something? You're going to fix my mom's cable? Yes, I am. So you should post on our forum, Jim.

Or also our listeners. You could say your haircut, for instance. You look smashingly like the ugly monkey, like Michael Nesmith. Oh, thanks a lot. His mom invented whiteout. See, Jim, you could have just said you look like one of the monkeys. You could have said one of the lesser monkeys. But I'm trying to alienate your audience so that I don't steal them when they hear about my fantastic white house.

Do you know how many people in our audience use White House? What? Eleventy. Yeah. What? His mother invented White Out. My mother? No, Mike Nesmith's mother.

Mike Nesmith's mother? Wow. Yeah, he's a billionaire because of it. That's why he didn't always participate in the monkeys' reunions throughout the years. He's too busy wiping things out. But you can have a contest. Don't cut your hair until 100 individual posters suggest it. And that will drive traffic to the forums.

Look at you. You are internet savvy. You're not dealing with a chimp here. I'm like a bonobo. Right. I was going to say orangutan. You're bisexual. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. He does it right for Style Magazine being a heterosexual male. Come on. I got in a fist fight when I was in college with this redneck dude. And this was before everybody knew about the bonobos because I'm an old man. I know I look great. How old are you, Jim? I was going to say, are you old enough to be drinking that beer?

I'm 39 years old. That's not that old. It old are you, Jim? I was going to say, are you old enough to be drinking that beer? I'm 39 years old. That's not that old. It's pretty old. That's not that much older than me. Like for a squirrel, it's ancient. Right. Yeah. But anyway, so I got in a fight with this redneck dude at this redneck bar, and I was

trying to defuse the situation, and I said, let's settle this like bonobos, and he said, I'll settle it any way you want. And so you touched each other's genitals. You guys have been together ever since. It's a really cute story. Did you really say that? Let's settle this with bonobos? And then when we fought, I had really long hair at the time,

and at one point he yelled at me to stop biting him. And I said, I will if you let go of my hair. But eventually I held him down and kissed him which i really yeah this could be a sex story instead of a fight story the way you describe it you stop biting it's like you let go of my hair and i kissed him but his friends still like years later i guess would still give him shit about that i'll bet and then i was like i was all drunk and i was a hippie and we were walking back to the bar

and I was like, man, I can't believe we got in this fight. That was stupid. And I walked up to him and I was like, man, we're both really drunk. This should never happen.

No hard feelings and he just stared at me. I was like, no hard feelings and he just stared at me and then I punched him again. Really? We fought a second time.

Like, all right, never mind. Wow. But you were walking home with him. Yeah. That story made it in my act book in a slight live version.

I combined two fights in the one fight. Uh-huh. Let me ask you this. Are you still friends with the guy? No. No. It was one of those things like, you know, there's only one bar where I went to school, really. Right.

Two bars, really. Where'd you go to school? St. Mary's College of Maryland. Oh, I know where that is. And I graduated from Johns Hopkins University this past week. Most recently. Yeah, you got your master's? I did.

Wow. In what? Writing. Writing? Wow. That's awesome. They're going to just be a master master's? I did. In what? Writing. Writing? Wow. They're going to just be a master of writing? I am a master of writing. I had no idea.

That's pretty incredible. I was wondering why you were wearing that cloak. I wasn't going to say anything. It's raining. I just thought I wanted to fit in here. No, it's raining. It's raining outside. Yeah.

Well, you know, to cross that moat, you got to look a certain way. I'm just going to let that drawbridge down for anybody. So that guy's a master. You might need a drawbridge soon. It's pouring rain here. At Dig Sash HQ. Anyway, sorry about the digression. Sessions.

Hey, guys. We have fun here. Wow. We have fun. When do the wacky sound effects happen? They're going to happen right now. Right now. Three, two, 1.

Go into negative numbers. 0, negative 1, negative 2, negative 1, 0. There we go. Was it worth the wait? This is a Cracker Jack operation.

In that I think you got that board out of a box of Cracker Jacks. That is Seamless plug for our sponsor, Cracker Jack. Cracker Jack sounds like just a meth dealer somewhere, doesn't it? Yeah. I run this trailer. I'm Cracker Jack. I got a shitty surprise from Cracker Jack. He's like, oh, fuck him up.

It's a pirate-themed redneck meth dealer. That's right. A pirate. I didn't know meth dealers had fun themes like that. Well, Crack a Jack does. And I didn't even know they combined genres like that. It's so popular. They have the crossover.

It's a big thing. Wow. Piracy and the distribution of meth amperes. Well, it probably is if you think about it. Pirate meth? Well, I bet a lot of modern-day pirates are also familiar with the world of drug dealing. You know what? I started to stand up for my own.

Well, there goes our pirate and drug-dealing audience. Thanks, Mike. Or maybe they feel included now. Maybe they're like, finally. There was a love letter. Consider it a love letter. These guys get me. It's like the way...

Far, where be me teeth? The way Hot Pockets has embraced Jim Gaffigan making fun of Hot Pockets. Yeah. Matt Thieler's a pirate swore. They kind of use him, though. Did you know they would, like, go outside of his shows? Whenever he had a show, they'd have a guy, like, dress up in a Hot Pocket. I heard something about that.

Outfit and advertise. Right. Well, that's fair. I mean. I think so. I mean, he did a whole bit just completely dogging their product, which, you know, is funny and fine with me. But they are Hot Pockets. It's not like they were putting out health food.

They're like, wait a minute. He's pointing out how terrible our product is. Yeah, but he's saying that their product is crap. And it is. Everybody knows. There's nobody who's like, I want my kid to be healthy. So it's three Hot Pockets a day. Like, nobody.

Josh Jemire actually brought Hot Pockets for all of us. I did. I did. They're all hidden in that cloak he's wearing. Yeah, they're full of seal meat and broken glass. Burka glass? Burka glass. Burka glass.

The glass burka. It's a new thing. It's a terrible thing. It combines the tradition of covering your face, but you can see you. Right. Right. But you kind of block out bugs and harmful UV radiation. Sure.

So it's all the benefits of a burka. When will they be able to make the virtual burka? Or it's not actually there, but it just shields. You mean the V burka? Yeah. Yeah, they've got them. Oh. Yeah, Canada mostly.

Oh. Yeah. And then the glass burka, which I think we just described.-Burka? Yeah, they've got them. Canada, mostly. And then the Glass Burka, which I think we just described. That funky burka? Funky, funky burka. The Glass Burka is a terrible thing in this country. France, you can't wear it. For Muslim women, how they can't break through the Glass Burka. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

If the Glass burka fits Then Cinderella will Acquit It's all good Alright What are they, glass slippers? Yeah, they're glass slippers What was the big deal about glass slippers?

I don't fucking read fairy tales, bro That's a type of fag, am I right, Jim? Oh, you're right about your homophobia Thanks, man. Hell yeah. This guy kisses rednecks when he can't beat them in fights. I did beat him in the fight, or I wouldn't have been able to kiss him. Yeah, through biting.

That's sound logic right there. Yeah. We were fighting for his honor, and I won. That's going to be written on your tombstone. I did beat him, or else I wouldn't have been able to kiss him. And then your tombstone will just be you making a kissy face. Yeah. Yeah.

And then the rednecks from all over the land can come and kiss my... I was going to say copper. Kiss my bumper. Oh, my goodness. You ever had him on the show? Oh, that would be a get. Jimmy Bumper. No, Kiss My Bumper.

That guy. What's his name? Jimmy Bumper. Spanky McBumper, that guy. What's his name? Jimmy Bumper. Spanky McBad Jokes? I don't remember his name. He still performs stand-up in the area, doesn't he? Yeah. He still does the...

He talks about Kiss My Bumper. I hope he's listening. Kiss My Bumper, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Kiss My Bumper, eh? Write this down sounds good so jim you've been doing stand-up for how long um 2000 september you sound like seth rogan sometimes people say that all the time but i'm older than he is really i don't see it so no i didn't say

say like he looks like him sorry was saying he sounds like him. I wasn't even told I laugh like him. No, that's what I'm saying. I don't hear it. I guess I should have said. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just thought that was very Seth Rogen.

Seth Rogen kind of has a triple that Jemire lacks. Kind of has a nipple. And a charm. And a personality that Jemire lacks. Yeah. Yeah, his personality is different than mine. Are you implying that I don't have a personality? Because that would be hurtful. I mean, I came on your show. How are the good graces of my heart?

These are the tough questions we ask on the podcast. We didn't ask a question. He just made a statement. These are the tough statements we make. Jim Meyer, you're an asshole. Go. Take the Larry King approach.

It's a horrible shirt. Go. He looks like a big mint, a big peppermint in this shirt. I feel like I should be hiding in this shirt. Like Waldo? Yeah. Or like Tony. Jim is wearing red and white stripes. I saw a really good comic the Tony Jim is wearing Red and white stripes

I saw a really good Comic the other day It was Waldo At the bar He had his beer Grown out And he was really sad Holding a beer

And the caption was Nobody asked How's Waldo That's awesome It was perfect Just like the one cell Oh wow That's great

Yeah That's great I've been doing comedy since 2000. The year 2000. The year 2000. The year 2000. Yeah. September 11th, 2000.

Really? One year anniversary. No one gave a rat's ass about the year anniversary. How come no one's at my celebration party? Like, why isn't everybody laughing? This open mic is empty. What the fuck is going on? Can we turn the TVs off?

I'm doing stand-up. Yeah, Jim Myers pissed off at their show in 9-11. Okay, so it was like a year later, two years after I started comedy, but it was maybe like eight months after September 11, 2001. I was doing comedy in Miles City, Montana,

which is a, that's probably where Cracker Jack lives. It's the most meth-infested shithole I've ever been to. That's where that guy you kissed is from. No, he would get eaten alive by more powerful kissing rednecks there. I mean, people showed up on horseback for the show. Like, I mean, there's... Nah. Horseback? Yeah, they call it cowboy crack for a reason.

They were like straight fucking cow... Well, I'm assuming they were straight. But cowboys showed up. Wow. And the stage... I can't remember the name of the place, but the stage was... The backdrop was painted with the skyline of New York City. And then after September 11th, they didn't know what to do. Right.

Or I guess they did know what to do. Just what they did was a horrible idea. Did they just white it out? No, they hung two black curtains. That monkey showed up. I'll take care of this. Mike Nesbitt showed up to save the day. So there were two black curtains hanging over the Twin Towers.

And there was a birkhead now. And then they had candles and shit up. So there's like a tribute to the fallen dead that I'm standing in front of to tell dick jokes to the people of Montana. I'm laughing already. And the gunplay ended up that night. It was crazy. Gunplay? Yeah.

There's just the worst heckler. I was still featuring at the time. I'd say a heckler with a gun would probably be the worst heckler. On a horse. But she wouldn't shut up. She just wouldn't shut up. then right floyd phillips was the other comedian a great comic and he's a black dude and she just wouldn't shut up for him either and uh oh no and uh she drops the n-bomb and oh shit you know and finally she's like

the audience starts heckling each other like there's cowboys heckling her right like it's just getting weird. And finally she's like, fuck you. I'm going to my truck and getting my gun. Wow. And the dude who'd been anti-heckling the heckler says, fuck you, he's funny and we all got guns. So she leaves and he puts a nickel-plated.44 on the table. Well, Floyd's like, what the fuck do I do?

Get the fuck out of there, Floyd. The dude says, don't worry, I got you, man. Puts the fucking piece on the table. Well, Floyd's like, what the fuck do I do? Get the fuck out of there, Floyd. The dude says, don't worry, I got you, man. Puts the fucking piece on the table. Floyd had to do another 40 minutes of comedy, because he had to do an hour. This was like 20 minutes into his set. With a gun on the table? And he destroyed. But every time the front

door would open, he would jump off the table. But he every time would have, I wish I could remember a single one of them. He had the best one-liner every time he'd get back on the stage. It was, man. And then I almost went to jail that night because I went to this dance club

in Miles City fucking Montana. Why did you do that? Because what the fuck else am I going to do? I'd already said no to all the crystal meth. So I'm at this dance club and I'm standing there and I'm not really talking to anybody. Do you even know how to achy breaky?

Well, they weren't properly. There was like a butt medley. It was like, I like big butts. It was like all the butt songs. The electric slide. Electric butt slide. All the butt songs. Of the 80s and 90s.

Wow. All right. There for you. Anyway, this story's almost done. So this dude is passing weed around, right? And I just take the weed, and I pass the weed to another person. I don't even hit it. Wait, just a...

Oh, okay. Like a joint. Okay, gotcha. And I pass this joint to the next... He's passing a bag. You eat some. You eat some. Just throwing weed in the air.

So he passes a joint and I pass the joint. I don't even fucking hit it. But I just feel like a hammer hand hit me on the shoulder. Just like this... And then my other hand just gets in like a vice grip and wrenched up behind my back. And a deputy sheriff, like the pot is still going that way. And he just grabs me and I go to the jail. And they were like, what are you doing here?

Because they know everybody in town. And I'm like, I'm not them. And they gave me a choice. Either go back to my hotel room and leave in the morning or go to jail. So you literally got kicked out of town. I got run out of town in Miles City, Montana. That could not have been more of a Wild West story. What did they think you were doing that was so terrible?

Corrupting the minds of the youth? It was either that or the hemlock. It was the hemlock. Yeah. I think it was the marijuana. So they thought that you were the one passing around the marijuana. I don't think they thought anything. I'm sure they just saw me touch it and were looking for an excuse to get rid of, you know.

I had long hair. I wasn't from there. Your long hair got you in a lot of trouble, apparently. And traveling with a black dude didn't help in Montana. Like, I mean, we got pulled over for a 72 and a 70. And they searched the car. Like, man, that trip was... Anyway.

No, no, no. Read all about it. An audience member held everyone else at gunpoint. No, no, no. Read all about it. An audience member held everyone else at gunpoint. No, he didn't hold anybody at gunpoint. They all had guns. So he's like, fuck it, I got one too. Yeah. She's like, if she comes back, I'll shoot her in the eye.

He didn't say that, but it was the implied sentiment. Is it legal to carry a gun around in public places in Montana? I guess. There's all kinds of weird laws in different states. As long as you're not black. In Virginia, you can walk around with a gun and a holster, apparently. In Minnesota, you can have a concealed weapon, too.

I mean, I guess you gotta have a permit, but that's fucking scary. In Darfur, you can shoot an orphan with a tank. Where is this? Darfur. Oh. If you have a tank. Orphans are easy. Wow. If they were good tank. Oh, yeah. Orphans are easy. Well, there are some controversy about that. If they were good, you know, they'd still have parents.

You know what I mean? So, obviously, it's effective. The college my dad works at with allowing students to carry their gun holsters into class. Just the holster? No, the gun in the holster. Okay. Like, I don't think there'd be any law preventing you from wearing a holster. It's just...

I keep Froot Loops in it. He's got a cell phone in it. Power drill. So is that the worst show you've ever... No, no, no, no. That show wasn't so bad. It was actually kind of fun. That show wasn't so bad.

Yeah, the show is not as bad. I've heard all my other shows. I've had some really... Oh, you know what? There's one show I always said was the worst show I'd ever done, but then about a year and a half ago... About a little less than a year ago, the last time I was at the Comedy Factory,

and this might be why I haven't been back. In Baltimore. In Baltimore. Baltimore Comedy Factory. At the Power Plant Live. Yeah. Get yourself down to Power Plant Live. See every kind of douchebag in existence.

You like douchebags? We got them. Power Plant Live. But, yeahchebags? We got them. Come and laugh. But yeah, I had the worst show. Dude, I had a heckler follow me into the green room to continue heckling me. Usually I try and get a laugh at the end of the show, but I was just like, at the end, I was like,

you know what? You're not worth it. I can't believe I said this, and I dropped the microphone and walked off the stage. Damn. It was miserable. What went so wrong wrong the audience was screaming at each other and yelling at me and there was like racial shit going on and like i just didn't want to be a part of it and then this guy this guy who'd been like hanging out with me him and his wife had been hanging out with me

before the show like oh you're the comedian can't wait to see you can i buy you a drink blah blah blah it's exciting to meet a person who's a comedian and then i get on stage and they just won't shut the fuck up just won't can i say fuck on the discretion sessions that would be shows over um and uh and they they wouldn't shut the fuck up to you or to each other me to each other to anybody just picture them giving you two thumbs up like, Jim, you're doing it! God, shut up! The guy follows me into the green room. That guy? That guy.

What? And goes, he has two thumbs pointing down by the way and he's shaking them angrily at me. He goes, you're terrible. You're fucking terrible. It was nearly a fight and then it was nearly a fight again. But that was bad. The. And then it was nearly a fight again. It was...

But that was bad. The show I traditionally say was the worst was at a casino out in the Olympic Peninsula. Where the fuck... Where's the Olympic Peninsula? You know where Seattle is? Yes. It's not there, but it's close.

Okay. Like that big jut of land covered in mountains and rainforests below. Is that... It's the Olympic mountain range. Olympia is where it kind of, Olympia is here, and then the peninsula goes out from Olympia. All our listeners just saw that. Thank you so much.

This isn't in 4D. For those who are listening, Olympia is by Jemire's forehead. Yeah. The peninsula is by his own. And then it goes past his hair. Yeah. So if you're looking at Seattle, and then you look down to Olympia, and then you look left, that's where your Olympic peninsula will be. Gotcha. So if you're looking at Seattle and then you look down to Olympia and then you look left, that's where your Olympic Peninsula will be.

Gotcha. So I'm out on the Olympic Peninsula. And I've been to this place twice and they're both two of the worst shows I've ever had. The first one, like... I like that you went back, by the way. Well, there was the two-show, two-night run and the second night paid really... Both nights paid well, but the second night was awesome. It was all like dot-com billionaires in this fancy i you had to go to an island and it was just oh yeah

it was like for no anyway and it was a cr everyone had a hot tub instead of a chair oh yeah everything was made of chicken that's how fancy it was everyone had a chicken Which is made out of beef. Hot tub. Hot tub. Yeah. Anyway, I won't tell that story. But the second time I was, the first, you can tell stories on podcasts, by the way. Well, I don't want to monopolize. You're the guest. Oh, well, in that case.

It's not like we accidentally put a microphone. Who the fuck is this guy? I'll be the. We're hoping to have an audience. Of one. To listen to Mike. All of Oh, he thinks that he can. I was going to make a clever Monopoly joke where I was going to say, I'll be the thumb thing. But I couldn't remember the name of it.

Thimble? Thimble. Thimble. So anyway, it's this Indian casino. Oh, and also my girlfriend lived up that way. And I lived in Portland at the time. Okay. So it gave me an excuse to go up.

She was living in Olympia. All right. Many reasons to go back. Right. Plus, that's how I paid my bills. Anyway, so the first time I go there, it's this giant fucking casino, right? And there's a lounge

in one corner, but the lounge is elevated about three feet above the rest of the casino, but it doesn't have... Like a pharmacy? Like a pharmacy. I don't know what that means, but yeah, just to keep you shut up. I remember the pharmacy used to be a few feet up. The pharmacist, yeah. He'd be looking down at you. Yeah, his hover chair. Is that right?

Hoverboard, I believe they use. Extreme pharmacist, maybe. Yeah, he grinds. Here are your pills. He's got the soaps on his shoes. I was just doing a mean ollie on my hoverboard and making you some fucking antidepressants. Making you? He stirs them up in the back.

Little more paprika. That should take the smile off your face. Let's do them in heart shapes. With little positive messages on them. Don't off yourself this week. Should marry Valentine's

candies with depressants. Guns taste terrible. Anyway, sound advice to kids out there. Yeah, calluses on the roof of your mouth are not good things to have. No. From guns. No. From guns.

Yeah, from big old fatty cocks. Is okay. As my mom always said. Let me get a sound effect on that. Sure. It's all good. Thank you. Kicking your stories in.

The lounge is three feet above everyone else. The first time I go there, so I go into the casino. You're on your hoverboard. No, I'm going. I just got at the casino, and I'm talking to the guard out front. I have my dog in the car and whatever,

and I talk to him, and we're just bullshitting, and I'm like, by the way, you know where the comedy show is tonight? I'm one of the comedians. He's like, oh, you're one of the comedians? Well, you can't be here. I'm like, what?

And he's like, you have to go through security. And I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? So he's like, I'll take you. So we're going to security. I'm going with the security guard to go to security, whatever the hell that means. Right. And I'm walking with him and he's walking and he's walking faster. And I'm keeping up.

He's trying to lose you. And then he takes off in a run. And I'm jogging along with him. And I'm walking with him, and he's walking, and he's walking faster, and he's walking faster, and I'm keeping up. He's trying to lose you. And then he takes off in a run, and I'm jogging along with him. You're jogging? I'm jogging through a casino with the security guard until I get to the reason why he's jogging, because an old man has had a heart attack at a slot machine. And I'm like, well, there's no joke that will help this situation. So I went off to the club. And so this giant casino, right? It's all a big open space, except to the club you know and so this giant casino right it's all a big open space except for the um the club in the corner but the it's not completely walled off

there's like a wall that goes about three feet then a smoke glass partition that goes up about 10 feet and then just empty space for another 20 feet so all the sounds of the casino are just in there filtering in and then in the far cornertering in. And then in the far corner of that, which is already in the far corner, is the bar, right? And the bar is actually decessed. Like there's a moat. So there's like a row of people playing video poker, and then there's a moat that the bartenders are standing in. So they're like three feet below everybody else. So you're like, they're looking up at your belly button when they're making you drinks.

And then behind them, it goes up 15 feet is the stage right and perfect for comedy yeah so you're towering over a moat over a bunch of people playing and then the crowd it's fucking ridiculous right anyway so the show starts and the first comics their first ever paid gig and she's nervous as shit and i'm headlining and it's just a shitty place you know and all of a sudden like the security guards come running in yelling that she can't be on the stage and they pull her off the stage oh my god because we hadn't been through security so they take us out to the front of the bar like the front of the they take us out and they make us when at first they take us to the

security door at the back of the casino and the security guard in there says we can't let you in to the security because they haven't been through security so we had to go back out the back of the casino, and the security guard in there says, we can't let you into the security because they haven't been through security. So we had to go back out the front of the casino, walk around the outside, and then go into the back door by the dumpsters into the security thing. But that door was equidistant from the desk we were going to to the door they wouldn't let us in before. And they made us wear badges and shit, and we'd get up there, and it was just nobody gave a shit.

Nobody was paying attention, so I was just, nobody gave a shit. Nobody's paying attention. So I was just calling out advice to them. Cause Oh, the best thing is the way you're standing, you're actually above that partition. So for the rest of the casino, it looks like there's just an idiot hovering in the corner with a microphone for no ranting about his dick. Yeah.

So I'm screaming out like blackjack advice to people who are trying to play. And they didn't like that. But the next time I came back, I was working. Split! Split! I was co-headlining with this woman. I can't remember her name. She was a comic out of Seattle, and I was like 30, 29, 30 at the time.

And she was like in her 50s, right? And she had polio. So she's like this fat black woman with polio who is the filthiest comic in the world. And so impossible for me at the time to follow. That old cliche about fat black polio ridden women. She was an amazing comic. But because of her, she couldn't make it up to the stage-a-lith. And she was late.

So I ended up doing an hour at this crowd. So they had me set up on the dance floor. So I'm set up on the dance floor. I didn't think anything could be worse than the other stage. I'm set up on the dance floor right so i'm set up on the dance floor i didn't think anything could be worse than the other stage i'm set up on the dance floor and there's an active buffet behind me so people are walking around me to get fucking shrimp fritters and there are tvs on either side of me with the mariners game on sure and so there's two tables right in front one table is like enjoying the comedy show and one table is enjoying the Mariners game. And they're literally from me to you, which the listening audience can't see.

It's only about a half a mile. Half a mile. No. That was pretty bad. Two or three feet. That was pretty bad. Yeah, that sounds pretty bad. Oh, I've got worse.

Have me on another time, and I'll tell you my other worst story. So this is what we have to look forward to in the world of stand-up. Can I just say, this is telling us one little bit. Sure, go for it. So it was also, it was a place called Pete's Flying Aces. It was this black club in Sea-Tac, like Seattle, Tacoma. And it was a 500-seat place. And I played there the first time, and it was awesome.

It was just fucking awesome. Sure. And my girlfriend at the time, the bartender just kept giving her drinks. And she's like, what's that about? I was worried what this was going to be like. The bartender kept spanking her. Banging my girlfriend behind and I'm trying to tell dick jokes, but all I'm thinking of is

a dick in her ass. So I'm telling the guy to keep going. Keep on pounding that shit. Now he's at every show I do. He's my muse. So they have the show and he's buying her drinks and finally she's like why she's like your boyfriend is brave because he's only like we've never like he's only

the third white comic we've had here in two years so let me get you wasted and he's the first one not to get booed off the stage and only the first like the third opener not to get booed off the stage you know so yeah so like they're and then then later, the place was part of the BET comedy tour. And the woman from BET was there that week. And she's like, you killed it, man. This place thinks it's like Apollo West. So it felt pretty good. I'm bragging here.

But this is to set you up that they had me back to feature. So I come back to feature. Then they had a last minute cancellation. They had me back to headline. And it's two nights, three shows. First night goes swimmingly. I don't come back to the hotel because I'm staying at Catherine's place. And anyway, this story's gotten way too long.

I come back to the hotel that morning right before this two-show Saturday. And I come back. No, it's two shows Friday, one show Saturday. That's right. So I come back and my hotel key doesn't work. I'm like, what what the fuck so i go to the front door and they're like oh we just thought you were gone why i don't know why and they threw all my shit they threw all my shit away you never checked out so we thought you left yeah so they knocked on the door we didn't hear an answer it was weird so they threw all my shit away they threw my clothes in a sack and threw all my toiletries away. You left all your belongings and didn't check out.

We thought you left. Yeah. What the fuck? So anyway, so I quickly iron and run over the show. And there's some big famous comic that was in town, some famous Def Jam comic that was in town. So nobody was there. It was like 200 people in this 500 seat place, right? And first comic, second comic, third comic.

And I get up. And there are 200 people there like i don't even get to the microphone oh and this woman yells oh no mr dj that white boy's time is done and of the 200 people that are there like i shit you not a buck 20 walk out before i've said a word just get up and start walking out. Of the 80 that remain, half of them turn around and start talking to the other half. The only three people who are looking at the stage is that woman who just keeps yelling,

that white boy's time is done. And these two dudes in the front row who've got their feet on my stage, they've got their feet on my fucking stage, and they're just repeating everything I'm saying in stereotypical white guy voice, like, I don't know how we talk, but you know how we talk. Wow. That must have been fun. But then they start digging it, so they're just repeating everything I'm saying in stereotypical white guy voice. Like, oh, I don't know how we talk, but you know how we talk. Wow.

That must have been fun. But then they start digging it. So they're yelling, hey, guys, shut up. He's fucking funny. And I'm like, whatever, man. And this guy in the back turns around. He has to turn around to heckle me because he's not looking. He turns around and he yells something.

And I'm like, dude, I don't give a fuck what you say. I get paid the same no matter what. And at this point, the DJ, there's a DJ on the stage. The DJ starts up which means get the fuck off. So I get off and Jay Tibbs, who's the booker, says, I don't know what you thought you were getting for the weekend, which was

$500, but you're getting 50 bucks. And I was like, I'm supposed to be 500. He's like, you take 50 bucks or you can take nothing. What the fuck? The hotel had none of my information. So I took his $50 and I stole everything in that hotel room.

I took the microwave. I still have the iron. I took the ironing board. I took all the fucking rack, the things that you hang your clothes on. I couldn't take the TV, but I got the remote. I took the sheets. Shower curtain. Everything. I don't take the TV, but I got the remote. I took the sheets. Shower curtain. I don't think I got the shower curtain, but I took just about everything.

I made like three trips. Jay Tibbs is going to pay his 500 bucks. That's awesome. That's my story. That was pretty bad, too. That's good. At least the Sandman didn't pull you off stage. That would be bad. Yeah, because he would...

Whatever Sandman do. You know, the Apollo guy. The Apollo guy. The broom. And he has like the cane or whatever. Remember on the Nat X show on SNL, Chris Rock? He would have the Sandman kick like freaking Colin Powell or whoever offstage. You remember Barbacon, right?

Yeah. That was one of my first ever open mics. You were hilarious, too. That was a Golden West show? Yeah. Josh was Bacon, right? Yeah. Yeah. That was one of my first ever open mics. You were hilarious, too. Thank you. That was a Golden West show? Yeah. Josh was there, right? Yeah, I was there.

Yeah, it was a couple years ago. Was that a monthly show you used to do? Yeah, a monthly show. And the first time I did it, there was a big, the city paper did a nice picture and story and everything. And the picture was- Well, you wrote it is what I mean. I didn't write it.

Chris Landers, great writer, wrote it. Nice. He also did the first ever story about anonymous it's a great story he was terrified when i went out but uh that makes sense anyway so it's me getting pulled off stage with a giant hook but um my girlfriend at the time ex-girlfriend at the time got me the hook because her mom because she wanted to see me dead yeah because her mom is the secretary of the Archbishop of Baltimore. Like not Catholic. Oh, that guy?

What's the one? Diocese? I can't remember his name. Not Catholic, but the British Catholics. Protestant? Yeah, but they're like the Church of England in America. Episcopalian. Oh, okay. So he's got a shepherd's hook. And the thing that we were using as our prop was... Why does he have a shepherd's hook? From like the Christmas play?

That's what they do. They're bishops. They're shepherds of men. They heard sheep all the time. You haven't seen those running through the streets of Baltimore? No, because the bishops are on it. That's right. That's exactly my point. No, you haven't. You can thank the archbishop,

motherfucker. Or this place would be crawling with sheep. It would be bad. Oh, wow. We love it. Yeah. Or this place would be crawling with sheep. Wolf or days. It would be bad. Oh, wow. It's all good. Yeah. That was a long digression. Was that, yeah, a sound effect, or was that Josh Kaderna? It's all good.

Either way, it's all good. That was Jim Meyer. Jim Meyer. Who is that chick? That's the Digression Sessions dancer. Her name is Tiffany. Tiffany? Yeah. Don't you see her? I do. Radio magic.

Radio. Oh, my God. It's all good. It's amazing that she's still able to dance with the deformities. Yeah, well, don't make her sad. She's a little sensitive about having male genitalia. And polio. When you brought that up. But you know what?

What does that say? It's all good. That's just one voice, and you just do that with effect. No, there's a girl standing in the corner that we just discussed. That Mr. Wizard we had earlier. Do not peek behind the curtain, Jim Meyer. All I'm saying is you're a wizard of sound magic. You don't want to see how the sausage and the drops are made.

Who's this handsome little puppy? That is Munsa. That is my dog Munsa. Munsa. Yep. She's a good dog. Was named Munson after Roy Munson because my girlfriend's mom found her

at a flea market in the Amish. We're selling dogs. You're talking about flea market? Yeah. It's just like a mini mall, right? What? Sorry, continue. I'm confused.

I was quoting that. We're talking about Flea Market. You know what I'm talking about? The guy who sings the song. It's about furniture or whatever. Yeah, you showed it to me. Yeah, yeah. I forget how it goes, though.

I haven't seen it in a while. It's the Flea Market. Just like a mini mall. I'm going to zip my Yeah, yeah. I forget how it goes, though. I haven't seen it in a while. It's the flea market. Just like a mini mall. How does it make sense? When I saw the Avengers, the opening don't bring your cell phone

or iPad in here little commercial had him on it. We need to make that sign for some people. Oh. I was like, people. Oh. Mine's like, yeah. Absolutely.

That's shit. I hope mine doesn't ring. Your iPod, can it ring? No. I mean, iPad. My telephone could. It could ring. I could probably download a telephone ring app.

Yeah, your drop would be out of the air. I'm so important. Break, break, break, break, break, break, break. This non-telephone is ringing off the hook. That's how much people want me. Excuse me, that's my iPad. Just holding an iPad to your face. Hello, Mr. President. Just talking into an iPad and holding a bumper

of Mickey's just so I look like a tiny person. No, Richard Branson, I won't be able to go into space today. Maybe eating one of those slices from Angelo's. Do you think if you saw a midget with a giant rocking chair? Do you think if you saw a midget with an iPod, you might mistake it for a normal person with an iPad? Probably. I'm really gullible for midget shenanigans. Do you know gullible is not in the dictionary?

I didn't. It's all good. It's all good. It is all good. Oh, but what I was saying about my dog. So she was found at an Amish flea market. And I was told it was a boy when they brought the puppy home. It was tiny. And I was like, well, let's name it Munson after Roy Munson in Kingpin, which is one of my favorite movies.

And I noticed that Munson had nipples. All dogs have nipples. But like a row. All dogs have two rows of nipples. You remember that Disney movie, All Dogs Have Two Rows of Nipples? Yeah. It's just like that. One of the best sequels of all time.

But yeah, that's what my girlfriend, she was like, well, you have nipples? I was like, touche. All right. And then she started peeing, crouching, sitting down to pee. Your girlfriend? My girlfriend, she was like, well, you have nipples. I was like, touche. All right. And then she started peeing, crouching, sitting down to pee. Your girlfriend? My girlfriend did. And I was like, hey, come on. Don't do that.

We're talking about the dog. All right. But no, my dog started doing that. And then I was like, why is he sitting down to pee? She's like, you sit down to pee? And I was like, all right. Now and again, maybe. Sometimes if I'm really tired.

Yeah. But then we took her to, or him. You need to rest while you're peeing. If I want to check my facebook or something you know or make fake phone calls on my ipad i want to sit down while i pee and uh so we took her to the vet or him to the vet and this very large butch um vet tech female comes in she's like that's a girl it's like how do you know then she picks up her front legs that's how i know it's like we'll just call it months uh not months yeah and now i have to explain the story to everybody that i don't know what dog genitalia looks like which i think is a

good thing i'm not some perv i don't know what dog vaginas look like listen i've never seen a rhinoceros cock but i bet i could tell the difference between a girl rhinoceros and a boy rhinoceros. Well, they probably have giant cocks. This is a puppy. You ever seen an elephant cock? She either has a huge vagina or they're prehensile. What does that mean? They move like a monkey.

Yeah, they have muscles in them. It's crazy. What? Yeah, it's insane. If they had the cognitive ability, they could do a dance with it. Apparently, the lady bits inside the elephant are really convoluted. So they need the prehensile wiener to reach up in and over to get to the place where the seed goes. Man, and I thought sex with my girlfriend was difficult.

Am I right? No, it's really easy. Jim? Jim? I had to. Jim? Somebody, the audience was thinking it. You know what? First of all, they all know her. It's all good. I'm to. I had to. Like somebody, the audience was thinking it. You know what?

It's okay. First of all. They all know her. It's all good. I'm sorry. It's all good. She's a very charming lady and now I feel like a dick. No, no, no.

I'd like to take that back. I thought it was funny. And Jim's a very charming dick and I feel like a lady. Well, it's all good. That was you. Don't try to pull one on us. It's all good. I'm going to fucking, next time I come on, because clearly I'm coming back. That was you. Don't try to pull one on us. It's all good.

I'm going to fucking sample. Next time I come on, because clearly I'm coming back, I'm going to have a little tape recording. I'm going to just play it. That's not part of the deal. Or when you do stand-up. You didn't even go through security, did you? I didn't. The dog licked the shit out of me.

That's my security. My right arm is apparently delicious. Apparently. I'll confirm that. He doesn't taste like a terrorist, and he's high security. My right arm is apparently delicious. Apparently. I'll confirm that. He doesn't taste like a terrorist, and he's quite salty. I said, let's get him in front of the mic. Oh, yeah. And by the mic, we mean this mic.

That guy. Mike Moran. One has two thumbs and is you. Prehensile penis. No? Prehensile and Gretel. You guys know how most mammals have bones in their dicks? Yeah.

I'm not so fucking dead yet, Jim. Jesus Christ. Yeah, we all have bones in our dicks, right? No, you don't have a bone in your dick. Oh, okay. Unless you're a fucking walrus. I mean, I kind of do right now. Are you a pinniped? I prefer to be called Caucasian.

Jim, you know a lot about animal genitalia. Oh, don't I? Last time I saw you, I was at the Pratt Street Ale House. Oh, shit, I was talking a lot about animal sex that day, wasn't I? Quite a bit. Oh, it was a fun day. Why do you know so much about animal sex? It's not that I know so much about animal sex.

It's that I know so much about so many things. I learned Pepe. Learned. Learned Pepe? Yes. Okay. And you're a master in writing. I'm a master in writing.

But not Pepe's. No. I've never mastered Pepe. Pepe's like the wind. This podcast is just starting. Give it time. I don't know. It's just animal sex is funny to me.

It's like Mike Moran's act. I can't get enough. Right. Animal sex is like Mike Moran's act. Can I put that on my list of credentials? The only way to stop

is with a fire hose. That's good. Or with a neutering. That's good. Magoobies, here you come with a quote like that. Jim Myers says something that makes no sense about Mike Moran. Jim Myers, eh?

Somebody you've never heard of said something that doesn't make sense. Put that on your business card. Oh, that Mike Moran. See what the critics are saying about Mike Moran. So you just find animal sex interesting. I find animals fascinating. Okay. And sex is just a part of it?

Sex is a big part of animals. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think I was talking. What was I talking about? I know I did the blanket octopus sex story. Yeah.

Oh, and I talked about, oh, God, I'm trying to remember because I haven't done comedy in a while. Really? Squirrels. I talked about squirrels. Yeah, I think squirrels. I remember octopus was there. What did the octopi do? Well, specifically the blanket octopi, which is the animal in nature with the biggest size difference between betwixt male and female.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, you told me about it. I've heard you do this. I've told audiences. You're so personable. There was another one me about it. I've heard you do this. I've told audiences. You're so personable. There was another one that I was doing that night. It was new.

Both the squirrel one and that one were new, and I don't remember what they were. I want to say it was like insects or iguanas or lizards of some type. Yeah, why not? Just start naming them. It could have been elk. Yeah. Lizards or insects or elk or Frenchmen, some animal. I think it was mastodons. Mastodons.

I think it was mastodon sex. Dude, I would totally bang a mastodon. I don't think you could. I could. I'd do the step ladder. She wouldn't know. I do not have a prehensile winner. And I'm guessing most of the elephantine.

All right. I'm glad you said it. I didn't have... Cadernuses. Cadernuses. Isn. Cadernuses. Isn't there three ways to say the multiple of octopus? Octopussy. Octopussy.

Octopie. Octopie. Oh, that's delicious. Octopusses. Octopins. And there's one more. Which I can remember what that third joke was. Octopinto beans.

Octopinto beans. I'm pretty sure. Did you guys see the really sad sign on... Octomoms. Octomoms. That's a good one. See what sign? The really sad sign on... Octomoms? Octomoms. It's a good one. See what sign? The really sad sign on 83.

Which one? The one that says we're looking for this killer? No, it's a picture. It's a giant billboard. Oh, Preakness. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's how it is.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Jim. Man. It's a... All right, that's all the time we have. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jim. Man. All right, that's all the time we have. I'm sorry, Jim. What was it? Maybe you guys can help me come up with a bit about this.

It's a, what do you call it? The Utz potato chip girl. Right. And it says, I practically raised you. Really? Yeah. That's kind of an insult. It's kind of horrifying.

And then there's this Natty Bo guy, and he's like, and I helped. Yeah. I helped. They're saying that Baltimore parrots are so pathetic that they're practically raised by junk food mascots. No, just sacks of potato chips, I think. Just, here's a bag of crab chips, son. I'll see you when you're 12. That's how boring we are. It's like, stare at that bag for a while. Papa's

going out. Stare at that sick plate and it's a bag. So, like, it makes me hate the Utz potato chip woman. They should have thought that through before they launched that. It's god awful. Like most women, I liked her a lot more before she started talking. Am I right, guys?

Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And like most women, you can't just have one. Ha ha. Right? Oh, no. Sorry.

And like most women, they're made out of potatoes. And skin and salted and fried. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. Like most women, they come in a foil bag. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of which, have you ever heard of Mike Stork on this show? Who? Mike Stork. Never heard of him. Never heard of him. He's a funny guy. I've had him twice actually.

You guys have the same or very similar. Jim just pulled out his notebook for funny ideas. How do you know that's what it's for? It could be his writer. It's also got my dive. This is my dive ledger. Dive led is that scuba diving oh yeah i think you talked about that at the beginning of the podcast but we digressed come on guys we're having fun i was hoping that that joke would be in here the one i can't remember but it's not beautiful story i really killed this fucking podcast. I think there's something there, though.

I don't know. What else to say, though? I wish. What do you guys want to talk about? Me? Mike Moran, what's up? What did you think of the Avengers movie, Jim? I thought it was awesome.

You're satisfied? I was satisfied. Are there things after the movie? Somebody asked Samuel L. Jackson to join in. I saw it at a sneak preview when they only had one of the two things, so I didn't see the second thing, but I know what it was. Oh. I didn't

stay for this. I figured the mid-credit scene was what we were waiting for. I didn't realize there was a post-credit scene as well. Yeah. There was a post-credit scene. Always adding these scenes. Do you a post-credits scene. Always adding these scenes into the credits. Do you want to know what it is? It's them eating in a diner, correct? Shawarma.

Shawarma. Because of the shawarma references that go throughout. It's a very, you know, you can't have shawarma in the first act. Spoiler alert. What's that called? Like someone's law? I think it's called Pavlov's Law. Pavlov's Law, right?

Pavlov? Sure. Pavlov's Law. You can't set up the gun in the first act without somebody using it. I don't think it's Pavlov? Sure. Pavlov's Law, you can't set up the gun in the first act without somebody using it. I don't think it's Pavlov. No. Spoiler alert, someone used the gun in the third act. Well, Avengers is ruined for me.

It's happened with 28 Days, that Sandra Bullock movie. People confused with 28 Days Later. Oh, boy. Was 28 Days the first of the 28 Days Later movies? No, no. That'd be kind of awesome. A friend of mine watched a half hour of 28 Days, so that's the Sandra Bullock movie. Without realizing it wasn't about zombies.

Yeah, he was just waiting. He's like, I don't know how zombies are going to show up in this fucking movie, but I want to see. And then he didn't realize it's 28 Days Later is the zombie movie. Wow, that's funny. I once had a joke around that. I can't remember it. For years, I thought... It was probably pretty much that.

I thought Dazed and Confused was Sleepless in Seattle. Really? For like a decade. Dazed and Confused in Seattle? Yeah. Like, I came in five minutes in, and everybody was wearing grunge clothes. And so I was like, is this Sleepless in Seattle? My friends were like, yep.

That makes sense because it takes place in Seattle. Does it? Sleepless in Seattle, I assume, does. Yeah. That was my theory. You're saying the people in Basic and Fuse were wearing grungy clothes? Yeah.

That makes sense because it's Seattle. Tom Hanks is in both movies. As far as I know. We're wearing grungy clothes. Yeah. Okay. And so you're like, well, that makes sense because it's Seattle. Yeah. Okay. And Tom Hanks is in both movies. As far as I know. Yeah. I've never seen the actual Sleepy Wilson Seattle. Really? No.

Do yourself a favor. You see that like it's mortal. And don't see it. I think Dave Chappelle is in that movie. Really? He's like the friend. Yeah. He's Tom Hanks' friend. Wow.

He must have been very young. Yeah. Well, he started stand-up when he was like 16 or 17. Right. Seven. He was two years old. But that's a far... Doing stand-up as a teenager is a far stretch from co-starring in a romantic comedy as Tom

Hanks' best friend. But he was so good and started so young that I think he shot up pretty quick and got into movies and acting quite quick. Yeah. So therefore, it's not that far of a stretch. And we lost all of our listeners. In Seattle. Do you guys really have listeners?

No. Well, besides Mike and I and Mike's mom. The dog's listening. The dog has been so bored this entire time. We've got a small fan base. No, we've been downloading like 30 countries Something crazy Yeah, it's really weird So to all of our listeners in Bangladesh

I'd just like to say All of our listeners in North Korea I don't think you should be listening to this We'll talk quieter To all of our listeners in San Francisco That's not a country. I would just like to say... Good luck with your podcast.

Good luck. You think it's part of Homo Slavia? Hey, now. Sorry, that's a Bobcat Goldthwait callback to a joke he did 10 years ago. I like that Bobcat. He's amazing. He does, too.

He was telling me about him the other day. Really? Did you guys, did you see his latest movie, God Bless America? I haven't. It's good. I want to. It gets a little ridiculous movie, God Bless America? I haven't. It's good. I want to. It gets a little ridiculous, a little far-fetched, but it's good.

Is it basically Natural Born Killer? Whoa, comedic movie getting ridiculous. Sort of, but not as dark. It's, you know, it's got a comedic tint to it. Do you consider Natural Born Killers dark? Uh-huh. I know. I know.

I'm vanilla. Wow. I'm pretty vanilla It's good Vanilla chocolate in the morning You actually thought it was chocolate And considered eating me And chocolate

I do call you white chocolate to all my friends Mike White Chocolate Moran Coming to the stage. BET's favorite comic. Mike White Chocolate Moran. White Chocolate Moran sounds like a dessert, doesn't it? White Chocolate Moran. White Chocolate Moran.

Yeah, so what are some of the best stand-up experiences you've had? I guess we could round it out. Besides watching me do stand-up. Well, I giving mike his nickname yeah i think it all starts and ends right there um i don't know like the first time i i was doing the san francisco comedy competition and uh one of the nights was in uh i forget what college it was but this college north of san francisco and it was like a 700 seat place and it was like packed to the gills like that's fucking insane 700 people yeah and it was just one of those it was more than that because they over packed it was a college kids and it was like they were sitting on the stairs

and they're standing in the back and it was just like i mean i don't know if you've had this yet but it's like this it was when this this moment where somebody in the audience said something, right? And I said something that wasn't mean, but like responded. And then somebody else immediately yelled something. I said something to them and same kind of thing. And then the third person said something. And I said something that not only shut him up, but tied all three things together. And it was like this beautiful moment where my brain had set my brain up without letting me know.

That's awesome. And it was like I was completely invested in whatever joke I was telling, you know, like just every bit of my brain like this the higher brain that was like removed and was almost like watching that and was thinking three moves down the line like there's a part of me that was three jokes ahead and it felt like the room was one big energy orga organ organ organism yeah right and like i felt like the brain or the... And when comedy's at its best, that's what it feels like. And that was the first... Maybe the second time that I really felt that. And it was...

But that... It's just like you're larger than yourself. You're just... The room and you, there's no wall. Is that something that happens more and more as your career goes on, the more you do it not like to that extent like that was ecstasy you know like but i mean but there are there you know like i what i think for me the difference has been as i've done it more is i can take a room by the balls more like i can go into a room that's kind of low energy and just fucking shake the piss out of it and like the thing that I really like doing is playing rock and roll rooms now

where the audience is standing and they don't know there's going to be a comic. And there's like 80, 90 people and they're milling about waiting for the next band. Right, right, right. But if you can get 15 or 20 people in that arena into you, it's just this great feeling. I don't know i mean but why is that you know it's just something because i think you have to be larger than life at least i do you know and it's more spontaneous like it took me a long time to figure out how to handle those

you know what it is and it's changed my act in general is i've always excelled at those kind of rooms or i have for a couple years and where other comics really hate doing those kind of rooms. And I've thought a lot about what that is, why I do that well. But then, like, Magoobies, you know, like, is a job where 300 people paid to come and see comedy. Right. And I started thinking about the energy I bring to those shows

and just doing it everywhere, and it's completely changed things. It's like, I'm not afraid to go off script and do crowd work right i i mean like when we worked together a couple weeks ago like i would you know i like that you say work i appreciate that yeah we did we did you know and uh you know just where address somebody i'm working with umar again tonight actually oh yeah okay yeah so at the at the Pratt Street? No, he's headlining Red House, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Shout out to Umar. That's a great show he's doing, by the way. The Pratt Street show. Have you been back? Yeah. I've read tweets at three of the, I think all of the shows now, actually. But I'm, yeah, that's all of them. If you want me to, I will

Are you doing it tomorrow? Probably He hasn't asked me, but I probably will He wants me to DJ actually But I'm not really prepared But I can probably throw in some of these That'll get the crowd going What I really want to do is sample Umar's laugh

And play it for him While he's performing Because he misses out he's never had the Umar laugh what's his laugh oh yeah a few octaves higher than that yeah and it's usually delayed too like a comedian tell a joke laughter dies down then you hear it's like a toucan is in the audience thank you toucan Umar thank you that's my favorite cereal mascot. Just Umar yelling.

In parts of the Middle East, you know, when you buy Froot Loops, it's Toucan Umar. Follow your nose or we'll cut it off. But you know what you should do for the tweet off one time? Cover your nose. Is read one of your tweets that's just a link to something. Like HTTP colon slash slash. Or a response to something else. Like, yeah, that sounds really good. We'll see you there.

At Barack Obama. Definitely. What? You can respond like Barack Obama's on Twitter. Oh, okay. Oh, this is a response i sent to barack you can send him i mean it's not like he reads them oh he does right well mine he reads mine yeah yeah you're special you're you're part of the discretion sessions

welcome to the discretion session i'm sorry i can't talk about that i'd like to but so you always saw our podcast goes every time. Well, you know another... Nah, I shouldn't talk about it. They play with the local news. They break to tell you what's on the real news. Oh, spider sex. Spider sex is on the real news?

Yeah, I said insects, right? Yeah, you were. I thought it was insects. Sorry, so you were saying it was on the local news. And then they'll break for what's on the real news, you know? And it'll be like, you be like Dan Rather or something. It'll be like, okay, thank you, Dan, when they come back, as though they're talking

directly to Dan Rather. Come on. You don't know Dan Rather. That's White Chocolate Moran's new catchphrase. Come on. Dan Rather. You don't know Dan Rather? Come on.

That should be, that would be awesome. If you just became like that guy Hamburger. Did you ever see him? Hamburger. He could be White Chocolate Moran and you'd just be like, what was his catchphrase? Come on. Come on. Women in the military.

Come on. There you go. That could be Dan the Man's catchphrase. Oh, yeah, your alter ego. Do you ever do the improv stuff? Yeah. Josh and I both are members of the Baltimore Improv Group. Do you guys know the game Slogans?

No. Maybe. It's where the audience gives a name brand product and you give the rejected slogans. No, but that sounds awesome. Sounds much like Terrible T-Shirt. Yeah, that's World's Worst. World's Worst, yeah. It's a little different than World's Worst, but similar.

Let's try it here. Okay. I'll throw one out. Okay. Animal crackers. So good, you'll fuck them. That's pretty good. Now with 50% less bonobos.

You can hardly taste the Chinese newspaper. Did you see those Chinese baby pills? No It was on the internets In Korea they busted somebody Trying to bring in these energy pills That were made of fucking powdered baby I think I saw a blurb about that And I was like this is too ridiculous

I'm not even going to click on it Some fetuses and some babies And there's apparently like ovens Are they murdering infants? They're murdering infants There's some fetuses and some babies, and there's apparently ovens. Are they murdering infants? They're murdering infants, too. Well, I didn't say if they're murdering them or just finding dead infants on the street. They say in China the streets are paved with dead babies. Right.

Well, that was a newspaper headline. That was the slogan for the Great Leap Forward, wasn't it? That was the newspaper headline. It was, Baby Energy Pills. Happy accident? When do you guys give us a name brand product? Kit Kats. Kit Kats. Kit Kat?

Kit Kat. Kit Kat. Yeah. Delicious. Kit Kats. They taste like poop. Not funny, but that wasn't. God bless the edit button.

What if there was just a button that's like edit? I'm going to edit that as well. It'll completely edit memories from all of us so we can't even go back to it. Somebody said Volkswagen the last time I did that one. Uh-huh. That was fun. Created and divorced Nazi Germany. I said, my line was, Hitler was right about the Volkswagen.

Which you could see why they would reject that. With a trunk up front. Just like an elephant. That's pretty good. Thank you. Which also works for

elephant crackers. Animal crackers. Elephant crackers. Bug your local car dealer about the new Volkswagen. That's all I got. Just like the British Beatles, only cheaper. And don't play music, really. They break a lot.

Too real. All right. Well, there goes that wagon sponsorship we're working on yeah that was gonna happen yeah it was jim it was one more one more good you throw out one mike um peppermint patties um cinnamony all right that, that was terrible. Jim? Mm-hmm. For the fresh breath Irishman.

Good one. See, Jim knows what he's doing. Yeah, I said it louder. That's what I did. Oh. Try yours again with like a fancy voice. Mmm, cinnamony. Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you. Confidence. That's what it's all about. The key to comedy. Confidence. Oh, yeah. All right about. The key to comedy. Confidence. Oh, yeah. All right.

I think, should we wrap this thing up? We haven't even talked about Mike's big dick. No, we usually talk about that. That's what we're getting to. That's the wrap up. Brought to you by Mike's big dick. MBD. Now come up with some rejected slogans for Mike's big dick.

Now with 50% less bonobos Sure it has teeth But you won't notice Warty for her pleasure Where's Mike's biggest muscle? You'll have to find out Find out next On the next segment 410

So what is Like This goes on the internet Stan? Yeah They broadcast this out on the radio. Don't worry. Yeah.

We'll let it out the past ten minutes. Don't worry about it. Oh, sweet. Yeah. We have a website. We have a website. We have a website. We have a website.

It's going to be three minutes long. Jim Myers here, and that's going to be it. Hey. You don't even get to finish an entire word. No, just my obnoxious laugh. Yeah, so I have a story. Should i tell my lump story go for it um found out the president of the united states of america song yeah lump no i just read the lyrics to that song lump um i was scratching the back of my left ear and i noticed that i thought my bone i was like man my bone kind of sticks out behind my left ear a little

bit there. That's where my thought process goes. I was like, I wonder if it's like that on the other side. Your skull bone? Yes. I have so much brain. My skull bone is connected to the spine. See, I have such a big brain, I was worried that it was just leaking behind my ear. Leaking bone. Yes, exactly.

My brain bone. Your brain is so big that it's bulging out your brain bone between us we're pretty good um so it's like oh no that's a lump and then like the first thing my brain goes to is cancer i'm dead the first thing like where do you find a lump because i've never had a cyst or anything so i googled it and a lot of people said that they've had it before, and it was just a cyst, whatever. But I was still freaking out, so I went to the doctor yesterday, and she felt it. She's like, oh, I'm not really sure what this is.

I mean, don't worry. You're pretty much out of the woods as far as bad things go. She didn't want to say cancer or anything. C-word. Yeah. She didn't call me a cock. She did not call me. It's not an extra cock.

You have a cock growing behind your ear. You have a stage two cock. Is it orgasmatic? Well, I'd be able to pee out of it. But she's like, well, I'm not really sure, so I want to do a CT scan, which freaks me out. It's cock and testicles. She wanted to make sure. She brought in all her coworkers and said, is this a cock or testicles? It her testicles it was terrible she showed you pornography to see if it grows grow a little bit

my lump is gay everybody so i've just so i went to get the ct scan this morning just that sentence freaks me out like going to get a ct scan of a lump in my head and i'm thinking about like what if it is cancer blah blah like my thoughts just, like, going down that rabbit hole. And my doctor said that it wasn't going to cost anything. She's like, your copay today should cover the CT scan. I was like, oh, great, great. And then I get to the desk at the radiology department of Kaiser this morning. She's like, that'll be $100.

And immediately all that cancer stuff, like, went out of my mind. Like, I wasn't thinking about my own mortality. I was just more pissed off that it was gonna cost me $100. Mm-hmm, and I just think that's funny That's just how my mind works. Like if I have to pay $100, that's worse than having cancer Called off his family's like I've got bad news Turns out I'm gonna have to pay we kicked his ass in the big one World War one the word that'll end all wars Now he's running our fucking insurance, this Kaiser. Mm-hmm. We even named our roles after him.

Yeah. We got that Kaiser on the run. So, yeah, that's my story. And I'll get the results on Friday. But I don't think it's going to be cancer. Will you text me? Yeah, you'll be fine. I mean, I'm sure you'll be fine.

Yeah, I think so, too. Like, I've gotten moles before that could be potentially cancerous, and they just remove them. Yeah. Yeah, you'll be fine. I mean, I'm sure you'll be fine. Yeah, I think so, too. Even if, like, I've gotten moles before that could be potentially cancerous, and they just remove them. Yeah. Yeah, so. I had a superfluous third cock. Third? Yeah. But the two you needed.

The third one's superfluous. Because that's, what are you going to do with that? It's redundant is what it is. When I say there's enough for me to go around, that's what I mean. Redundant. Hey, now. Yeah, this is not a finger. Redondant. Hey, now. Yeah. This is not a finger.

This is an extra cock. Oh. That's what I point at you. It's a come on. I don't know why you paint the nail of it. Literally. Well, I like to look good. All right.

So I think we did some bad improv, and we talked about a pre-cancerous mole, or possibly cancerous mole. Or possibly prehensile additional penis. Cock and testicles. Cock and testicles. Cock and testicles scan this mole. Just for fun. I hate this kid.

That'd be great if that was just the doctor's excuse to teabag you. We all do this. You've heard of CT scans. Are you the doctor? Now shut up. What do you think it stands for, wise guy? Find dive cancer. See if I care.

What is it? Did you ask what a CT scan stands for? No, I didn't. You got one. You didn't even think. No, I thought it. Well, she was saying CAT scan, and then she said CT. So I don't know.

You're going to look it up on the interwebs. Yeah. You guys banter. What's a terrible CT scan slogan? CT scans. We'll rub a cock and testicles on you. We put the cock and testicles in CT scans. It is

a computed tomography scan. Tomography. Tomography. Tomography, I pronounce it. Tomography. Tomography. Tomography. All right. Tomography, I pronounce. Tomography. That was my favorite police record. Is it still going?

Yeah. Everything just catches fire. Terrible podcast. Terrible podcast. Terrible podcast. All right, let's wrap it up. Let's bring the energy up. Wrap it up.

Wrap it up. Let's get Jim to freestyle. Jim, can you freestyle for us? Swim? Yes. Yeah. We asked most of our guests to do the backstroke, but if you can freestyle. I can freestyle.

We'll just need to get to the rich man tub. Did you mean rap of some sort? Yeah. I can't really. Come on. Someone's being modest. Here's a little story I got to tell. This one goes out to Ad-Rock.

He's dead as hell. That's all I got. You didn't say he's dead as hell. It's not Ad-Rock. No. MCA. Yeah. Two guys in the band named Ad-Rock.

This comes out next week. You know something we don't know? Yeah. Well, someone's been plotting Ad-Rock's death for a long time, and fucking this is going to take the thunder out of it. You know, Um khan killed steve jobs actually yeah yeah we had a little eerie incident there yeah let's bring up umar again how did he kill steve jobs well we recorded an episode and i think somebody alluded that he was

dead and like no he's not dead then umar's like i hope he is and then before the episode came out steve jobs yeah so don't mess with umar, everybody. He's got powers. Middle Eastern people have that. Yeah. We brought the energy up. Let's wrap this thing up, everybody. Josh is the only one awkwardly clapping. Come on, guys. There we go.

Podcast. Podcast. Podcast. Wrapping it up. Jim, where are you going to be? Where can people find you on the internet? JimMeyerExperience.com has got all the lowdown. You can find out where I'll be, when I'll be,

and how I'll be there. You need to update that, by the way. I do need to update that. Unless people want to see you in 2011. Yeah. And I'm also going to be the stadium announcer for the Ironbirds this summer. Wow. Well done.

So if you're a sports fan, come on out and listen to me talk about baseball. Or a Jim Meyer fan. Or a Jim Meyer fan who hates baseball but loves me that much. You can pay to hear me say, stretch three. Like that. Just a guy in the crowd like, screw this baseball, more Jim. Yes. That's a big foam number one.

That's a Jim Meyer. The hat with my face on it. Just gym. Says a big foam number one. Says Jim Iroh. The hat with my face on it. Just a hat that's my head. He's the one who pulled out the nickel-plated gun and put it on the table. They don't have tables at baseball. We're big sports fans on the discretion. Well, where do they put the cards? How do you yell bingo?

What do the card girls do with their cards That's a good question Is it really still going Yeah Jim we're still rolling Oh man So how long Do you play this whole song

Is that the way it works I like to play it in the intro And the outro I know you listen to every episode Thanks for filling in the new listeners I appreciate that You like to play this song At the beginning and the end

Actually the song is usually different. Depression session. I'm just not feeling it. I'm just not feeling it, guys. Remember when we talked about antidepressants? Yeah, I remember that. We should reminisce about the last hour. Stuff we talked about the last four hours.

Those were the minutes. Oh, boy. And then we did some improv, and that went great. That went really well. Yeah. That's a good advertisement for Mike and I. A good old hour. Yeah, yeah.

We talked about Mike's hair. Uh-huh. White chocolate. He's got a shiny coat. Is it Alpo? It's a Purina blend. Yeah. No, no, I got it from Kohl's

Thank you though You got your hair from Kohl's? No, my hat My coat My coat Coat, everyone Coat Oh yeah

Ice caps How do they work? Remember when we had glass burkas? Oh, that was nuts People are going to be talking about that on the internet tomorrow. Remember that guy Cracker Jack? Cracker Jack, the pirate drug dealer. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Remember when we started the podcast with just like that banter? Oh my God. Do you remember when we talked about remembering the glass burkas a couple seconds ago? That was really... When was that? It couldn't have been more than a minute ago. Sorry, man.

I'm having too much fun over here. Remember when Josh said he was having too much fun over there? No. I don't even know. Yeah. All right. So jimmeyer.com for all your... Jimmeyer Experience.

Jimmeyer Experience. Jimmeyer.com is if you want to get racing parts. Okay. But that's also your business too, right? It's not my business, unfortunately. That's none of my business. All right. And then, so you're published in a bunch of magazines.

Yeah, I think I'm in Baltimore Magazine this coming month. Cool. And I got a thing coming out in City Paper in a couple weeks. All right. All right. Oh, there's some stuff on Grist right now. Grist.com, everybody. Grist.com.

All right. Mike Moran. How about you, sir? What do you got going on? This will drop May 14th. I don't believe I have anything coming up, actually. Okay. We were just accepted into the Del Close Improv Festival in New York.

Yeah, 24 hours of improv. That's right. Hell yeah. That'll be at the end of June. Yeah. Other than that, we don't really have anything to plug. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. So how much funny in 24 hours of improv? How much funny? 14 minutes. Imagine like 24 of these podcasts. So a lot. So gold. A lot. of these podcasts. So a lot. So gold.

A lot. Nothing but chuckles. Right. And you will be back for our 24-hour podcast, right? Oh, yeah. Excellent. Did you do the McGoobies 75-hour comedy and propaganda? No, did you?

Yeah, I did a thing for NPR. Did 73 hours. Really? I kind of wish I did. I didn't realize that the names were actually going into the Guinness Book. Yeah, if the Guinness Book part happens, I haven't seen it yet. That's the only thing I was excited about. Yeah.

To be in the Guinness Book. That would be cool. All right. Josh, what about you? Well, just a quick note. You know who did perform there? Mike Fianazzo, whose record is coming out on Better Robot Records at the end of the month. Did you guys see that?

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. The Fianazzo. What's that? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. The FNAZ. What's that record called? It is called Stupid Genius. It will be available on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, all that stuff. And, yeah, I'm really excited about it. Available at the local Sam Goody?

Yes. It'll be in Tower Records everywhere. Excellent. And, yeah, I'm excited. I was editing and getting it together. So that's going to come out. How long is it? It's about 45 minutes.

Wow. It's got some bonus material in there, too. Really? What kind of bonus material? Deleted scenes. You're going to have to buy to find out, guys. Director's commentary. Just some stuff that didn't really fit with the proper record, but it was still funny stuff on its own.

So we included some bonus tracks, which should be good. So I'm really excited about that. We're doing a free show at the Sidebar on Memorial Day on the 28th. So we're trying to get some people to perform at that show as well. It's normally an open mic, but I think we might do that as well. But there'll be CDs and shirts and stuff, which look really good. And also, if people could post on the forum, that would be great. Jim, I know you're going to get that started on the forum.

DigressionSessions.com. You're not going to be able to get me off of the forum. Because until 100 people say cut your hair, you're just going to let it grow. Yep. Got to let it grow. That's the deal. That's the deal. All right.

Well, I think that's all I got going on. I think I've been proud of shows, too, but I think they will have passed by the time this comes out. So I had a killer show on Saturday the 12th. It was fucking awesome. Thanks, man. Where were you performing? At the Strand Theater. Where's that? Charles Street. Rain Pryor

just bought it. Really? Yeah, you know where the Hexagon used to be? That rock club. Was that a rock club before? Yeah. That's been tiny. Alright, so let's end on a high note, guys. Rock Club. Was that a rock club before? Yeah. It's been tiny. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right, so let's end on a high note, guys. Jim, thank you for coming over.

Thank you, Jim. I'm going to speak for all of me when I say Excelsior. Okay. All right. All right, everybody. Excelsior bust. Enjoy your taco. Bye-bye.

Bye, everybody. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. bye bye bye everybody oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

oh yeah Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Living room, bedrooms, dinettes. Oh, yeah. You can find them at the market. We talking about flea market. Montgomery, it's just like, it's just like a mini mall. Oh, yeah. Come shop with us. I said flea market.

Montgomery, it's just like, it's just like a mini mall. Hey, yeah. Come shop with us. I said flea market Montgomery. It's just like it's just like a mini mall. Hey, you heard me. Come shop. Living room, bedrooms, diners. We got it. You need it. You'll find it. It's just like it's just like a mini mall. Amen.