The Digression Sessions - Ep. 40 - Ben Kronberg!

Episode Date: June 17, 2012

“Nose Whistling at Girls” Hola Digheads! On this week’s show we are joined by comedian Ben Kronberg! Ben has a unique style, which blends one-liners and observations with catchy songs that he performs while playing instruments like the guitar, casio-keyboard, and loop-pedal. Much of his material has been inspired by girlfriends, who are now incidentally ex-girlfriends. Ben has performed on Jimmy Kimmel Live and Last Call with Carson Daly. Ben has also appeared twice on ABC's hit game show, Wipeout — one time as a normal contestant, and most recently in the All-Star Episode. Would he go back for a third time? You’re god damn right he would. Ben is also one of the costars of the hilarious web series, “Ted & Gracie.” Check them out here. Also, if you’re in the Baltimore area go see our friends Dan & Alex at Chucklestorm on June 19th for their second anniversary show! We also discuss a number of topics for this episode including, but not limited to: Trader Joes vs. Whole Foods, bleu cheese vs. ranch, soap opera sex, booger construction, Weird Al Yankovic parodies, paying 5 dollars to strangers to run your errands, and so much more! Don’t forget that Mike Finazzo’s album “Stupid Genius” is available via Josh’s record label Better Robot Records on iTunes, Amazon, and Spotify!? Only $3.99 on iTunes! (BetterRobotRecords.com) Have something to say about this ep? Or do you have anything else Digression Sessions related / unrelated to say? Should Mike Moran cut his hair?!?! Say it on our forum!! DigressionSessions.com !! PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @JKuderna @MichaelMoran10 @BenKronberg

Oh yeah! Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast, everybody. Hey, everybody. How the hell are you? You're about to get a whole lot better. That's right. It's going to get a whole lot more diggy. And a little bit more seshy. Oh, dig sesh.

Dig seshy. I, dig sesh. Dig seshy. I am one half of your favorite pair of earbuds, Josh Koderna. And I am the other half of your favorite pair of earbuds, Mike Moran. First time I got that right. You nailed it. I've been practicing. That pause was on the verge of uncomfortable, and then you swooped right in. Exactly. That's where you want them.

You want them to be on edge. You don't want them getting too comfortable. Right. Remember that in Waterworld where you almost tossed the match into the oil? Yes. You got to keep them on their toes. Yes. That's how I learn all my life lessons. I'm working on growing gills right now as well. Yeah. Gills

what? Gills. Oh, I thought you meant something for Gil. No, no, I'm working on that for Gil, my neighbor. Putting together it's Waterworld Ways. Was that Kevin Costner's

name in the movie, Gil? Gills? I don't know what his name was. Just Gil? Yeah, what about Gil? Gil sounds cool. Yeah, but Gil's

an actual name. Yeah, but Gil sounds cool like bones, but gill is an actual name. Yeah, but gills sounds cool, like bones, you know? Remember guys named Bones? Do I remember guys named Bones? Uh-huh. Like in elementary school? Yeah. No, I mean, I just feel like that was a thing in the 90s.

Like, snowboarders were named Bones. Oh, really? What about Batman? Was he named Bones? No, but there's a trend to nickname people Batman for some reason. Bones Wayne? Is that what you're talking about? No, do you know what I'm talking about, though?

Like, people will be like, yes, my boy Batman. No. I swear, that's like a popular trend. No. Yeah. I think both of these things have happened to us once, and somehow we think that everybody does it. No. Ask Louisa.

We've had this discussion. Batman is a popular nickname. I've met everybody does it. No. Ask Louisa. We've had this discussion. Batman is a popular new name. You've met multiple Batmen. Yeah. I don't believe it. I don't know if I've met multiple Batmen. I've met at least one Batman and I've heard of others. There's this Dark Knight fella.

George Clooney, apparently. Val Kilmer. Michael Keaton Anyway Missy Elliott But we digress, huh? We certainly do Oh boy On this week's show we have comedian

Ben Kronberg Ben Kronberg, very funny man Yeah, we did a phone interview with this gentleman He was nice enough to carve out an hour From his schedule on the podcast. Very funny man. Yeah, we did a phone interview with this gentleman. He was nice enough to carve out an hour from his schedule of attending Trader Joe's and talk to Mike Moran. Trader Joe's and me.

And myself. Just right into my dramatic pause. Sorry. It's okay. See that? See that? But yeah, Ben's super funny funny he was going to be performing at chuckle storm which is uh they're coming up on their two-year anniversary uh tuesday two years already yeah just fly by they get so big don't they they do those chuckle storms

yeah i remember when they were just a tiny chuckle storm. I know. Getting big. All of a sudden they're applying to colleges and getting arrested for misdemeanors. Masturbating in various locations. Forgetting to delete the cachet and the cookies in their mom and dad's computer. Yeah. Well, Alex and Dan have been doing well. So yeah, two-year anniversary of Chuckle Storm. Tuesday, June 19th. I think like 7.30, 8 o'clock.

It's going to be a really good show. Ben was slated to perform, but something came up, so he had to cancel. But he was nice enough to still wash his hair. Yeah. It's weird. So who's headlining? I just hope it's that adorable Gallagher character. Mike Racine. Mike Racine.

Mike Racine. Mike Racine will be headlining Chuckle Storm, so check that out. I think I've seen him perform at Chuckle Storm before, and he's very funny. You know, my favorite part in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids was the Mike Racine. The micro scene? Yeah. You know what my favorite part of this podcast is? What?

When you said that micro scene joke. That was good. I worked on that for several days. I know. It came to fruition. Yeah. It came, it came good.

But, uh, yeah, Ben is, uh, he's, uh, based out of New York now.

And, uh, he does a really funny series with Jennifer Friedman called Ted and Gracie, which everybody should check out and uh yeah without further ado let's just get into this let's just jump right in let's just you'll never tell that it was on the phone by the way no no way see if you can tell i don't think you'll be able to but uh dig it dig it huh dig it dig it dig it dig it it. Dig it. You're really excited.

Dig it. Don't do that, aren't you? Dig it. No, that's called acting. Dig Szechua Chicken. What if we marketed that? Szechua Chicken? Dig Szechua Chicken.

Dig Szechua Chicken. I like it. All right. All right. What else can we do? Shovels. Dig Szechua Shovels. Dig says shovels? Yeah. It's got the dig in there.

Exactly. The shovel. Right. Well, the dig. Dig is enough. Remember that show from the 80s, Dig is Enough? That could be the slogan for our shovels. Dig is enough.

Oh, boy. All right. All right. Enjoy the episode with Ben Kroger. Love you, boy. All right. All right. Enjoy the episode with Ben Kroger. Love you, guys. I also love you. You want to hang out later? Yeah, I'm washing my hair.

I love you. I love that Hey Hey Ben Hi Hi it's Josh Koderna Hi Josh how you doing Good how are you I'm Good. How are you? I'm good.

Can you hear me okay? I can. Okay, good. I'm here with my co-host here, Mike Moran. Hi, Ben. Oh, hi, Mike Moran. I know Mike Moran, but it's not you. Oh, really? Are you sure? Or is it you? I think it might be me.

Maybe it's you. What? Did you guys want to Skype or do you just want to do phone style? It's up to you. I don't care. I mean, I do have this new MacBook Pro. I think Skype sounds better, doesn't it? It doesn't have retina display. I'm wearing a tank top. I mean, what the fuck? Yeah, I'm trying to see your pores.

You don't have the retina display? I guess that only works for you. I don't have the retina display, but I'm reminded that I don't have it every time. The, you know, it's the Apple. Yeah, is that still your homepage, the Apple page? I could change it, but you know what? I don't, in honor of all that Apple has done for me, I will gladly keep them in the loop of my purchasing.

Right. RIP Steve Jobs. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe, you know, whatever. I mean, or we can, or I'm fine with talking on the phone too,

because then, you know, maybe I can lay down and do, I don you know, whatever. I mean, or we can, or I'm fine with talking on the phone too, because then, you know, maybe I can lay down and do, I don't know, whatever. It doesn't matter. You want to just do a text interview? You want to just do a text interview? Sure. You don't sound too excited, Ben. No, I mean, my excitement, you would just feel in my warmth, not necessarily in my voice.

Right, right. That's true. Well, while we have you on the phone, I think we could just roll with that. Cool. Perfect. Okay, cool. Well, thanks for taking the time to join us on the Digression Sessions podcast. We just digressed, didn't we? We digressed before we even got into the podcast about digressing.

Exactly. You're good at it. You are so good at it. Oh, yes. I mean, it's not that I'm good at it. I'm just regular at it. What about above average? What if I say you're really good at being humble? Well, then I'd say you don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Nice Guy. All right. No need to call me that. My dad was Mr. Nice Guy.

Call me Josh. Okay. All right, Josh. Fine Guy. Call me Josh. Okay. Alright, Josh. Fine. Fine. Alright, fine. Fine. So, what's the story?

What did you tell me? Well, I was just going to say, comedian Ben Kronberg, thanks for joining us on the podcast. Thank you for having me. Yeah. What are you up to today? Thank you for having me. Well, today was a very productive day, and still is, I guess. I mean, I'm East Coast, not that you're East Coast, too, so you know what living in the future is like. But when you live in the future, the future of America is on the East Coast. You realize how, you know, than other coasts our day is almost gone right at the time California is starting their day, you know?

Yeah, those lazy bums. And we have kind of that collective day that we all experience that is somewhere chunked in the middle, but then all the fighting. I don't know. I think because when you experience time first, you experience it. I don't know if that's right. I don't know.

Anyways. Okay. It doesn't matter. I don't know if that's right. I don't know. Anyways. Right. Okay. It doesn't matter. I'm doing good things today. Just know that I'm doing good things. I shopped at Trader Joe's. I've eaten healthy and delicious. I have not looked at pornography once.

Not once? Not even at any organic pornography at Trader Joe's. Scandalous. you know and i was there early morning like what are they doing to these women shopping and trader joe's giving their chai spiced coffee in their can with cream oh man organic sex sells you know i guess it does i guess if something something happens something happens in that place that is magic that keeps me coming back. Oh, yeah? Why Trader Joe's instead of Whole Foods? Tough questions, right up top.

Tough questions. Well, let's say... I would say the per bag average, you know, if you fill up your bag with a good amount of stuff, not just, like, all veggies, but, like, you know but a variety of things. Granola bars?

It would be $50 or more at Whole Foods, whereas each of my bags that I caught at Trader Joe's today were full of good food varieties for $20 a bag. Not bad. You do the math. You do the math, Josh. I don't know. Maybe I did bad math, but if you want to go over my math, I would love it. We're not doing any math. Okay.

That's not why we're here today. I mean, I definitely think people are happy at Whole Foods but also a bit high-strung because they ultimately know they can't afford it and shouldn't be shopping there. Right. Everybody that goes into Trader Joe's is so excited and if they're with people they can't stop talking about how great of a deal everything is and I think there's the serotonin release and the endorphins that get going at Trader Joe's that actually make it. They give away free coffee and free samples and there's the serotonin release and the endorphins that get going at Trader Joe's that actually make it to give away free coffee and free samples. And there's one sample station, and it always has coffee.

And it's predictable, and it's not a lot. And there's really no other places to graze. And Whole Foods has to have all this signage and politics about it because of the... So you don't like the bureaucracy of Whole Foods. They decide to have a, you know, pay-per-pound open-air salad bar with yummy food that most of the time just goes bad and gets thrown out. Well, they have to tell people not to graze. And it's like, oh, you mean because people are humans and animals

and just get fucking hungry and if there's food there we're all the fucking same it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor we all want a free sample right so it's environment right it's environment and like i mean you know if i could afford to shop at whole foods all the time and not not that night for sure i would oh so if you did have the money, you would prefer Whole Foods over Trader Joe's? Yes, I would because then I could do it worry-free. Like I said, I wouldn't go in there with that sort of anxiety

knowing that I can't afford it. It's like, well, actually, I need more things to spend my money on. And this kind of helps me spend my money because I don't really spend my money on. Right. And this kind of helps me spend my money because I don't really spend my money on anything else but food and drinking and weed and pussy and strip clubs. What about that gold toilet? What's that?

What about that gold toilet you just bought? What about that gold toilet? Well, you know, yeah, I don't know. I hope it cleans itself. It certainly wasn't cheap. I hope it cleans itself. Right. So wait, so you're paying on a daily basis?

Are you paying for these things? Weed, pussy, groceries? You know, I go, you know, I'm probably, you know, usually buy 20 sacks. So I go around probably every couple days. I need 20, right? Right. They sell pussy and sacks in New York? I don't know.

I don't know, man. Oh, come on. You can hear from me. All right. All right. We'll bleep all that out. You know, but food is like usually, food is the most expensive because it kind of, it is what I'm spending my money on and focusing on. Right.

You got to get off of food, man. You're spending, you got to get off of food. You're spending all your money and energy on food. I mean, you've got a daily habit, it sounds like. Multiple times a day. I've just chosen to work, because that's what I've talked about is food, so it makes it seem like I'm all about food. I mean, if you really followed me around, you would see that my day is a lot more varied

than you see in food, but it's what I'm choosing to talk about now, because it's so good when you eat good food. Did we just get a visit from the justification fair? And that's my goal is eating good food and that sort of motivates me more than a Corvette or a house. What's your favorite food? Me being able to eat good food whenever I want. That sounds really weird, but I don't know. Is that weird?

It does feel nice to be able to eat whatever you want, whenever you want, right? Right. Like, to be able to just grab one of those $12 grab-and-go sushis that you always look at but never grab. Like, to be able to fucking grab that?

And it's not even that good for you. You're just like, I just like the idea of having sushi right now. Well, I mean, it's got omega-3s. I think sushi is great. Sure. Salmon, aside from all the mercury content that it might have, I don't think salmon even has mercury in it. It's got, it is inflammatory, the salmon. It's got some things that aren't the best way.

But anyways. Well, let's not even talk about the soy sauce and the sodium content. Let's just not talk about it. All right. Well, I go for the half. Nor the ranch dressing that you pour on it. You know, ranch is overrated. Blue cheese is where it's at.

No, no, no, no, no. As far as the creamy dressing, I think blue cheese over ranch for sure. Blue cheese is like, that's like the Pepsi of salad dressing. It's too much. It's too sweet. There's just too much there.

Ranch is subtle and beautiful. I got to disagree. I'm going to agree with you, Ben. I think blue cheese, sure, it's awful rich, but you don't need that much. A little bit goes a long way. What do you think, Ben? I think it does have a higher concentration than ranch, so you don't find yourself needing to use it as much but i have to say that i i will

actually um i mean if you get a chunk of blue cheese along with some of the dressing to me that is like on celery that's a decadent this is this is pure classism is what this is i well no respect for the agricultural society no we're talking about dipping our agriculture in the lush waters of blue cheese. Yeah, well, if it were called, like, you know... I mean, you know, celery. I mean, celery is great. Where does celery come from?

Stocks. Celery stocks. You can do it in... You can do it in a bloody marriage. Celery is great. Sure. Ben, let me ask you this. Do you ever dip a carrot in blue cheese?

Yeah. Well, you know, carrots are an interesting thing. I don't really... You said it. I will. If they're served with... If the carrots are served with... A steak. With hot wings. If I get hot wings,

I come to some carrots and celery. I will have gotten blue cheese if they have it. And then get the carrot in that. But I've never purposefully went to the store and got carrots and blue cheese and made them.

You haven't lived, my friend. You have not lived yet. I've actually never done that. You ever put ranch on pizza with hot sauce? Oh, yeah. I think I've done that. I've definitely done that. I think the ranch with the hot sauce, that's a perfect combo.

That's like a Jupiter storm. That's like a Jupiter storm. That's like a beautiful... Right. You don't see anybody putting hot sauce on blue cheese. Except for everyone who eats wings ever, I guess. Yeah, I mean, blue cheese mixes well with hot sauce.

They kind of complement because they cut each other. And they're kind of both so powerful and potent, like alone, that together, they kind of have this pacifying quality. Their union sort of creates a, you know,

kind of like a, you know. Kind of like the Holy Trinity or the Holy Duo. Yeah. The Holy Trinity of snacks. It's like Batman and Robin. Yeah. The holy trinity of snacks. It's like Batman and Robin. Yeah, Batman, yeah.

He finally had somebody to hang out with. Captain America and Bucky. Captain America. Did you guys like the Avengers? I did. I enjoyed it. Ben? Are you talking about the Uma Thurman movie from, like, 95? Yeah.

No, I'm talking about the... Come on. Come on. This. Come on. Come on. Come on. Sorry.

I liked it. I thought it was really cool. I thought it was nice to kind of see the personality dynamic and who, you know... Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was really fun. It was real savory. It was a savory film. Yeah, I didn't... It was like ranch. Yeah.

It was tasty and it was fun. Yeah, I didn't see any of the movies leading up to it. I didn't see Thor, Captain America, or Back to the Future 3, I think, was one of them. I missed that one. The second Wall Street, I think, led into... Yeah.

That was like a... I didn't see... Madea goes to jail. I missed that one. I missed that one. The end credit scene where Samuel L. Jackson comes in and recruits her. He tries to get Madea. I ain't joining no Avengers.

How you getting my house? Thank you. They are doing a Madea versus Big Mama, I've heard. Really? No, I just made that up. It'd be like the new Aliens versus Predator. I wonder if... Tyler Perry should do a movie where he dresses up like Martin Lawrence

and Martin Lawrence should do a movie where he dresses up like Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry needs to rejoin Aerosmith and get rid of him. And it should be Big Mama goes to jail with Bedea. That's really catchy. That's a smooth title. Hey, you ever think about working in the movie business? You know, I feel like I'm in the idea business and the way that I'm making my money with ideas right now is comedy. Right.

I have all these other ideas that I have that I want to learn how to figure out how to sell, but it also is sometimes inappropriately distracting from my main goal or where my momentum is going. So it's like these things that I always have like, oh, these things I always have like oh maybe I should do this now maybe I should do this now it's like right what if I'm 35 years old like and I've been focusing on comedy but it's like it's still you know it's still a grind where in comedy you have to find other sources of income so you're never just about comedy until until you're all about comedy and then you're trying to find different sources of income so you're never just about comedy until until you're all about comedy and then you're trying to find different ways of doing comedy right like it goes from like i'm just trying to do comedy to trying to do comedy all the way sure so you're waiting for that big break

when tyler perry taps you on the shoulder to trader joe's and he says, hey. I would love, yeah, I would love, I mean, you know, there's certain ironic successes, things that I would like. Like, I would, you know, at one point, I really wanted to be on George Lopez for its ironic value because I thought it was such a cheesy weird show. On the man or on the show? Fun. The show.

What's that? You wanted to be on George Lopez, the man or the show? Oh, the talk show like performing um yeah not his not his sitcom

um uh I don't know but like yeah I'd like to be in interesting stuff I think if it's

interesting it's fine like even soap operas in certain contexts can be interesting right

like a certain there's a certain context where they can kind of be respected and interesting. Yeah, James Franco's attempt to do everything in the world. He was on a soap opera for a little bit. Yeah, he probably got all that. I don't know.

People on soap operas, you can never have real sex because they're always shooting a soap opera and leading the second life. Right, wearing a second life. You know? Like, if you don't just put a lead in another life and get paid for it. There's some time off?

Do you think they get time off? I don't know. I've never... Do they take a break? Is there like a... Do they take a break in the summer where they show reruns? Oh, I don't know. How could you film five days a week, 365 days a year? That's the thing. I think they knock out a few episodes in a couple days. Right.

Yeah, so I don't know. I don't understand how any show can operate like that, like every night all year, or almost every night. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. But when you get in that loop of being a part of it, you can definitely make some of that money and energy that it's generating. And that's kind of what is motivating people, I guess. I mean, maybe they always want to be doing something creative and cool, but a lot of shit out there that's kind of what is motivating people i guess i mean maybe they always want to be doing something creative and cool but a lot of shit out there that's happening

isn't that cool or yeah you know something you know could be criticized you know like uh it's fine but it's reality tv yeah i'm an editor i can edit but it's for reality or you know i'm a i'm a graphic designer but i designed for this fucking paper plate company or you know i'm a i'm a graphic designer, but I designed for this fucking paper plate company. Or I'm a photographer, but I've got to fucking take pictures of dicks all day. Good work if you can get it. I'm a construction worker, but I'm only into booger construction because I'm bigging my nose. Right, right. My grandfather actually worked in booger construction and it was a pretty difficult

trade to master, believe it or not, Ben. His nose was always whistling at girls. Yeah, so how close did you come to getting on George Lopez's show? Did you actively try? I never, well, I kind of came close. In my mind

I had, there was some possibility of it, yeah, at one point, before it got canceled, because the producer who I worked with when I did Jimmy Kimmel, he had producers, and everybody did move around shows, and stuff, so he ended up at George Lopez doing that, like, booking, booking his comedian. So I found, because I had already, you know, I had already had this experience, it's like,

it's one of those things where, oh, that's just a relationship I need to foster. Like, I've already opened up that pipeline, you know,

but it was still a thing where, like, I never, I never came out and fucking asked him if I could, or even asked him to submit.

I just played it, played it over and over again, theoretically, in my mind. When I get on that stage yeah so so never made it

that's tough it was a thought that I put out there but like you know like I did I did Carson Daly I never

I never wanted to do Carson Daly I never and again you're talking about the show not the man right what's that? again you're talking about the show, not the man, right? What's that?

Again, you're talking about the show, not the man? I'm talking about the man. I never fucked him. I never fucked him. Right. Well... He was too drunk. His dick didn't get hard, so we couldn't fuck. Oh.

Jeez. That's going to be awkward. You know, you don't have to be hard to receive. I know, but that's my job my job is a catcher you want to be a catcher but you're working as a booger construction guy yeah

I want to be your catcher's mitt right a power bottom yeah I want to be I want to be your freshly powdered power bottom powdered power bottom. Yeah, I want to be your freshly powdered power bottom. Powdered power bottom. That sounds like a vocal exercise. Powdered power bottom.

I'm predicting some chasing, so I'm already going to splash some powder on there. Good thing to prepare. Absorb some of that stuff. But yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Yep. I think that's how most podcasts work. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, and I'm really trying to break... To me, there's so many podcasts happening. I want to be a part of as many of them as I can until I can actually organize myself to do my own, you know? Yeah, it's not too hard, you know?

But it's nice probably because it kind of gives you some things to regularly do and focus on, but I'm like, does that help me or will that distract me from... But I don't know what I'm doing anyway. What would I be doing otherwise? Right. So it's like you're a comedian, but you want to be a podcaster, right? Well, podcasting is so big right now.

And somebody recommended in the business, recommended to me, he says, you know what? I think it's more important than having your own comedy CD to sell at shows and online. Really? Is having your own comedy CD to sell at shows and online is having your own podcast. Wow. I think they all kind of help each other, so it seems like if you have the exposure with the podcast, you're going to get more people at your shows

and more people that enjoy your type. The podcast will help. Yeah, the podcast, I think, should, you know, I don't know. It's all, ugh, ugh, ugh. It's a headache thinking about it. Do you hate talking about that stuff where it's like kind of thinking about comedy as a business like that?

Like, hey, you got to do a podcast and you got to tweet and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, well, ugh, ugh. Oh, man, I think we've driven them to a dark dark place integration i think integration is the key to me the headache is in where everything is fractured and doesn't necessarily jive with it not jive with each other but okay the things that that are integrated like you know facebook to twitter to to Instagram and all that sort of snakey... To schools in Alabama.

Yeah. Pretzel thing. It's like... The pretzel now. That to me... Those things are key. But it's like you can get caught up in that loop and then it's to the point where you're not being productive.

Like, oh, I haven't fucking promoted for anything in a while or I haven't reached out to anybody or I haven't blah, blah, blah. And a lot of it is just kind of hanging out, right? Like, you can't always force these interactions. Sometimes it's literally just seeing somebody online, clicking their chat thing, and going, hey, what's up? Can I do your show? Or, hey, what's up?

Do you want to do my show? It doesn't have to be so deliberate as in like you know i am gonna email 20 people to me that that automation is like if you're gonna just be automated like that you might as well just outsource it you know outsourcing yeah have you guys done anything on Fiverr? Fiverr? Yeah, check it out. It's this really cool website basically where you can pay people to do weird shit for $5. And they'll post things that they'll do for you for $5. And you can also make videos posting your service of anything that you'll do for $5.

And you get paid via paypal and the website takes one dollar and it's um it's this really interesting craigslisty socially interactive sort of nice weird thing that people people like get followers or give you hits for five bucks like you could go say like i'll give you get you like a thousand hits on this video for five bucks like you could go say like i'll give you get you like a thousand hits on this video for five bucks legitimate hits or whatever right what's the uh have you used it before like to purchase services i have a friend that has used it like that i've only i've only looked at it and been thinking like what would i do for five bucks or what do i want done for five bucks but there is actually a show i'm doing in mi in July that I'm like I don't know many people but if I could pay like somebody or multiple

people to just work on that for me you know and I pay say like I pay five people five bucks or one person you know yeah 25 bucks you know to do that that task that they would do for 25 bucks to do that, that task that they would do for 25 bucks would be quite an effective task that I don't have to do spreading the word yeah trying to be a business

yeah, I would do that but I would feel like people would suck just be like, can you get this person on the show? I'd be like, uh, nah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Maybe they wouldn't. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that, I mean, there's always a danger of that anyways, right? Like, we're susceptible to just like a hot girl out on the town on a Friday night in a miniskirt with lipstick. Right. We're susceptible to all the stereotypical interactions that will ever happen to us. Yeah, this Fiverr, you know, lady, sure she's all dolled up

and got a short miniskirt on, but I just don't know what's going to happen. Maybe I'm going to wake up in a tub of ice and missing a kidney. Yeah, I get the idea, and I haven't engaged, like I only talk about it, but like, I really... Maybe you'll wake up in a kidney just in a tray of ice.

I don't actually have butt sex. I just talk about it while having a vagina sex. Right, so you're just kind of like, oh, do you like that in your butt? It's a fantasy type of thing for you. Sure. Actually, it's quite effective. It's quite effective, and it, you know, saves a lot of people from humiliation afterwards because, you know, sometimes when you're in the mood for it, you's quite effective. It's quite effective, and it saves a lot of people from humiliation afterwards

because you know, sometimes when you're in the mood for what you're feeling, you're passionate. Right. I do that with oral sex, too. That's when it's weird, though, because it's like, oh, your butt feels so good on my penis. But she's blowing me. Your face butt.

Right. She doesn't like me comparing her butt to her face. Like, oh, my penis feels so good inside of your butt. Women. Am I right? I know. Right, Ben? I hear that's what heaven is supposed to feel like. A mouth butt? Basically, well, when you're having sex, you're almost experiencing life through your penis. You're experiencing the universe through your penis.

I know, that's what I always try to say. I feel like that's what Neil deGrasse Tyson would say. That's like his dirty talk. I'm all up in this universe. How long have you been doing comedy, Ben? I would say say you know i i can track it by like the different shows that i've had that have like we're having our blank year anniversary and oh i was at the first one um and there was a nine year anniversary of the comedy thing that I started at probably, I don't know,

three months ago. And, but I started comedy like a little bit before that, but that was like the main first show that I ever kind of regularly went up on in Denver. It was a soap of Mike's fit. It lasted for a long time, stopped, and then, and then kind of started up again but yeah and it's like when i evaluate okay sorry continue um sorry i was just gonna say um when i think about like when i've been doing it for like nine or ten years i feel like oh i should be because there's all these, you know, but so many different people, everybody's career is different, so it's a weird thing to think about, and that's one of the most common questions that, like, comedians will

ask another comedian, interview style, or non-comedians, that's one of the most common questions, is, like, how long have you been doing this, because it's this interesting thing to be doing for any given period of time, right? It's weird to be doing for one month, one loan, but learn 10 years. Yeah, I mean, it's a weird thing to try to entertain strangers

for a living. Yeah, and especially friends. It's really hard to entertain friends. Can be. Yeah, yeah. There's, like, so many people that hard to entertain friends. It can be. Um, yeah, yeah. And like so many people that want to try it, like you still, you always encounter people that like haven't done it or weren't trying it the first time

and they talk to you and it's interesting doing something for a while and having somebody fret so much over one moment of what you've been doing for a while. Yeah. Cause it's like, oh, the only thing is, is just getting past that one moment of what you've been doing for a while. Yeah. Because it's like, oh, the only thing is is just getting past that one moment. And I think that's like anything in life.

It's like there's all, we always get hung up by these moments that we're seduced by this idea and we'll play around with it in our mind endlessly and we'll read books about it and we'll Google about it and we'll watch movies about it and we'll consume it from a spectator standpoint. But when it comes to'll Google about it and we'll watch movies about it and we'll consume it

from a spectator standpoint. But when it comes to actually engaging in it and doing it, you never do it. You always keep it in this sort of virtual, outside, separate experience zone. Yeah. I don't know. It's like, what's the... You know, but I don't know. Is that people that really want to do it?

If people are asking you, should I... I don't know, do you think I should perform? Should you tell that person? No, because that type of person won't eventually become a big comedian. Or does that even fucking matter? You know, like, I think you should just try stuff if you want to try stuff. It doesn't have to be, you know, you don't have to commit to anything, right? Like, you can get married and get divorced. You can still be pregnant and kill the baby.

There's ways out of everything. You realize you are on a right-wing Christian evangelical podcast, right? Yeah. My next question is going to be... We're eating Chick-fil-A right now. Yeah. My next question is going to be... Absolutely.

Well, yeah, and that's why I bring these things up. Right. And Jesus is your co-pilot? Well, yeah, Jesus is my automatic pilot. Shouldn't Jesus be flying the plane? You should be the co-pilot if Jesus is... Hasn't Jesus done enough for you, Mike? Yeah, that's true.

He dies for your sins. Yeah, you're right. Jesus should be the main pilot. I should be the co-pilot. Oh, come on. He dies for your sins, and you say, oh, I'm too tired to fly. Can you get this one, Jesus? Really?

Well, if you've got Jesus there, you don't even need a plane, or at least not a working plane. Why? He can make it fly himself. What? He has superpowers now? Yes. Have you not heard of Jesus? Wait.

Ben. I'm sorry, Ben. Ben, can Jesus fly? No, can Jesus? Well, he can walk on water. Exactly. And shoot webs out of his wrists. He inspires people.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about the webs. He fires people or anything in Donald Trump? I think Jesus inspires people. Oh, inspires people. Jesus would be better. Yeah, inspires people. I think he would be better as a flight attendant, a pilot, because he could actually bring a good

vibe and help people and provide for people, touch them, bless them while on the plane. I think that's a better place for Jesus on the plane, not actually in the cockpit. That's a good point. Do you think he could be all stretchy like Mr. Fantastic?

Well, I think if he maybe wanted to and put his mind to it, he could. But because Jesus is humble and not a show-off, Mr. Fantastic, just by his very name, is a fucking show-off. Jesus, you know, Jesus... Mr. Mediocre. ...is a martyr, but not necessarily a show-off. Right. But, I mean, maybe he could...

I mean, he's... I guess because we always see him in that stretched-out sort of pose, maybe we think he wants, you know... But if you did Stretch Armstrong, how about Stretch Armstrong on the cross? How about that? That would be a funny image.

That would be good art. Like, let's make a toy Stretch Armstrong and put him on the thing and make him sort of, you know... It has that big... Let's make some sort of postmodern commentary about. Right. Sell it to the Museum of Modern Art. Yeah.

And he'd just have this. He'd have a big grin on his face the whole time, you know, that Stretch Armstrong has. Anything with a crucifixion in it is automatically controversial art. Yeah. Am I right? Oh, yeah. And also somehow redeemed as high art as well. Right, exactly.

Like, oh, what a statement he's making. Oh, yeah. And also somehow redeemed as high art as well. Right, exactly. What a statement he's making by putting that crucifix in a glass jar full of urine. Good for him. It says so much about society. Every other movie, there has to be a guy in a crucifixion pose for some stupid statement at some point. And maybe some Nazi metaphors. Maybe both. Right.

Maybe Jesus is... Wow, this movie is deep. Didn't know Ben Affleck could reach these limits. My goodness. Yeah, well, so yeah, I mean, you do comedy.

I mean, you do stand-up, but you also are... You do music and films too, right? Or like, kind of like video editing and stuff yeah and that's it's funny because the order the order that you say them in or mention them in is like the opposite order of how i experienced them which is the same for the same reason it like i started out doing movies then started doing like i went to film school so i kind of flirted i would say with that and then and then kind of end of end of school got into music i mean i always kind of been into music but passively and then did that started doing that more but then that turned in music

turned into comedy quickly and then and then i just you know music has kind of always stayed coming in and out of it but i you know the guitar songs are hard i started out using the guitar and i have these two songs that i've been doing for quite a while that are still good and I can still do them without feeling hacky of myself, you know? But my other songs, I can't necessarily. My other songs are just way too weird in my brain to do them, so like... Right, like Eat It.

You know? Yeah, yeah. What's that? Didn't you do that song Eat It, the cover of a parody of Michael Jackson's music. I did Eat It. I do parodies of parodies. You're a Weird Al Yankovic parody artist, right?

I'm Weird Al Yankovic to Weird Al Yankovic. So you write serious versions of his funny songs. You're Strange Ben Kronberg. Yeah, I'm like the jumping cash to Nine Inch Nails. Right. Odd. Or not.

That was too cool. That was being way too cool. Yeah, when are you going to cut that out? Well, how about now? Okay, alright, cool. Thanks. But mean i i just think i think it's easier in uh in this day and age is modern era just to be versatile and it's there's way more access uh to things like to make to make a video and put it online or record your own songs and do a podcast

do comedy and yeah i, if you're creative, it's much easier just to be in all these different worlds at the same time. Yeah, because there's so many opportunities and crossovers and things. And sometimes you can really saturate yourself in the comedy world. So other worlds will accept your comedy,

like the music scene can be a lot more excited about your particular comedy maybe than a comedy scene that you're regularly participating in because it's just like, well, I keep doing the same shows. Right. You know? Right. They're not as jaded. Same way with, like, musicians who see the same musicians all the time.

They might not respect. Right. Yeah, they talk through the whole set you know that i also kind of like music i like music this is a vibe because it's a good you know it's good because you don't really have to talk to anybody or i don't know it's a different experience than comedy it's just like a nice just listening to cool you know yeah yeah, I really wanted to go see Radiohead. Never heard of them.

Where at? It's in Canvey, New Jersey, right across the fucking, from Philadelphia right there with some, you know. Fucking cheesesteaks, dude. Right? Cheesesteaks. Ben, did I lose you? There's cheesesteaks, dude. Right? Cheesesteaks? Ben, did I lose you? There's cheesesteaks in Philadelphia, I'm told, right?

There are cheesesteaks, and there's cheesedicks in Philadelphia. I'm going to write this down. There's... I highly recommend the cheesedicks because... Uh-huh. They last longer. Oh, okay. So the cheese steaks,

they just disintegrate in your hands. Cheese sticks, built to last. What sort of food... I mean, are you in Baltimore? Yes, sir. We are. What is the food of Baltimore? What is their fleet cheese steak? I is their flea chews thing? I think the go-to thing is normally crabs.

Definitely crabs. Yeah. We're going to have crabs this summer? Everyone talks about crab feasts. Let's just get a bushel of crabs. Let's do it. Want to go down there? Get some crabs?

Maybe drink some Natty Bo? Yeah. Everyone has this affection for National Bohemian. It's really kind of obnoxious. It's so cheap, though. Right. Which makes it easy. What is that?

Is that a beer? Yeah, that's a beer. It used to be brewed here. And then I think Anheuser-Busch bought it. And then they moved the factory from here. So now I think the same people that distribute Pabst Blue Ribbon also distribute Natty Bow. Or National Bohemian.

National Bohemian. Well, I can't wait to try it. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to try it when I thought I was going to try it. I didn't know I was going to try it. But now I have something to really be disappointed about. Yeah, Chuckle Storm be damned.

You can't have a nanny dog. Yeah, that's what that situation is. It's like I hate canceling a show. I don't condone it. Look, if you're listening, I don't condone it. I don't do what I do. Hey, no one's listening. This is for all the haters out there.

All the haters out there, Ben. Tell them. For all those haters. For all those cheese dick haters. Because shows are like, it's not like, I'm not rolling in shows and I'm supposed to really hustle for shows and I like shows especially where I can like close powder headline or blah blah blah because And especially different things that aren't where I'm at, you know, like New York is good But like I only do like five ten minutes here, you know order, right? or like, you know

You think that's doing colleges that for people that don't even give a fuck. Just joking there. They give a fuck. Sometimes they don't because they don't even know a show's going on. Like it's like noon in a cafeteria and then it's like, okay, do a show. The most conducive time for comedy and place, a cafeteria at noon. Free talks. Yeah. A cafeteria at noon. Free talks? Yeah, yeah.

Second only second only to funerals. Do you make the lunch ladies laugh usually? What? Do you make the lunch ladies smile and laugh? The lunch ladies?

Well, you know, sometimes. Sometimes they're lunch dudes. But they're not jumping out of their hairnets. Sometimes it's a Subway sandwich artist. Ooh, that must be intimidating performing in front of an artist.

I just did, I recently performed in my last school semester at the area College, and that was a noon show. And there was a subway there, and they gave me a subway gift card. Oh, yeah? Did you spend it yet? Yep. I actually paid it forward to my mom because she actually loves Subway.

Uh-huh. Really? What? Because of Jared? Or was she a fan before? You know, she likes it, I think, because she can get some lighter options. Sure. Like, you count the calories, and she's very health conscious.

Uh-huh. But she also loves a deal. She also loves to get the deal on something which deals and deals make everything taste better do they not you know sometimes they do sometimes they don't sometimes you can tell the cheapness in something like when you get it for free and i don't like that like like say for instance a croissant at a continental breakfast it's been like probably refrigerated or frozen over and over again that you're getting it on like the third fucking round of being out and you can taste it you know and it's like oh it's free but now i don't like

croissants at all you know you ruin my fucking flavor to this fucking item and luckily sometimes we can distinguish like I can eat a shitty burger and know that there's good burgers out there but sometimes you eat a shitty one thing and you're like

no I don't like that thing at all. Right. Yeah. I think that can be true for sexual preference as well. Yeah. Yeah.

True. Yeah. I guess it can be. I guess you're right. Alright. Well I was going to send you a gift basket of croissants, but... Yes, they go back in the freezer. Yep, back in the freezer.

I said a freezer salad. I'm going to make you a salad from the vegetables in my freezer. Oh, all right. That was a stupid pun that I just thought of. A freezer salad. Cool. Freezer salad. Cool. Wait a minute. I missed it.

I don't get it. I don't get it either, Ben. I'm sorry. Freezer salad, like, instead of a Caesar salad. Oh, right. Sorry. Right. A freezer salad.

Like, that's what the mistake would be. Like, the person thought you said Caesar. Right. Like, with the croutons and anchovies, but you said freezer. What about a mouse salad? What if I served you a mouse salad instead of the house salad? Ooh, I like that one. Or what if I served you a Robert Frost salad instead of a tossed salad?

Full of Robert Frost remains. Turns out it works with everything yeah what if I gave you a tide salad full of laundry detergent instead of a side salad that would be good too I would a laundry detergent just make sure it's no perfumes no dyes because I'm very

sensitive on the inside and out you got sensitive skin Benjamin? I do have sensitive on the inside and out. You got sensitive skin, Benjamin? I do have sensitive skin. I mean, I get murdered by mosquitoes in the summertime. Like, I'm talking about, you wouldn't even fucking recognize me some days because of how many bites I have on my face. Well, maybe you can make that work for your comedy.

You can be Mr. Bitey Face. Do you want to use that? Be Mr. Bitey Face? Feel free. Hey, you can get a corporate sponsorship with like off or something, you know? Yeah. Off. Yeah, or like pretend to have some ailment so I can capitalize on all the comedy opportunities

in that world. Like pretend like I'm in a wheelchair so I can be really funny and in a wheelchair. Yeah. Have you ever thought about making yourself a little person? You seem like you're a tall guy. That's probably a hindrance on your comedy. Yeah, well, I could do that. I could little person it.

I could do... LP it. That's what we call it in the biz, LPing. What? Oh, LP? Yeah, we call it in the biz lp what well lp we yeah we call it lp-ing in the business when you want to be a little person yeah i gotta go lp yep yeah yep don't get that confused with uh urinating in a taco bell by the way yeah or lincoln park oh i love lincoln park do it i love lincoln park wait jace i love the lincoln park pc album what um yeah so before uh before we let you go ben you uh you have some really funny videos uh the ted and gracie series that you do with, with Jenna Friedman. Yeah.

Yeah. So those are super funny. I'm just going to do my Chris Farley, best Chris Farley impression. Remember when you did those? Those are awesome. No, I just wanted to ask you about those.

Who writes and directs and yeah, like where the whole idea for that come from? Well, it's not, it's not me. I tell you what. It's Jenna Friedman. She's the creator. She writes them and she co-directs it

with this other filmmaker who's primarily a filmmaker. He's great and they do that, and rotating crew, and things, and I've just been sort of like, you know, performer, actor, in the thing, which I've been really cool with, because it's nice just being a part, like, I've done stuff projects before where i'm at the helm and things like that and i really enjoy just being a part of one part of the fucked up process right like the exxon valdez they did yeah yeah yeah that didn't work out and you know and i go over it because like i just want to do do this, you know? Yeah, just show up, act real creepy,

and then get the hell out of there. Yeah, show up, act creepy, and then go home. Yeah, your character's really funny. There's still moments and things that are interactive or improv-y during shooting, but it's definitely, like, her project, she's, we have one more, like, season finale coming out, hopefully, hopefully this week. Oh, right on.

And, and so there's another one, and it's a pretty good one, I just saw it, I think I'm, I'm excited, but it's always, like, they're short, so it's like, oh, well, you know, and we, oh, we just shot, you know, for a day or two, and then now it's all over, well, they're short, so it's like, oh, well, you know, and we, oh, we just shot, you know, for a day or two, and then now it's all over, it doesn't matter, you know, so like, once it almost, once it's posted, it's like, does it even matter? Really? You don't enjoy it, like, seeing it? No, I'm just saying for the, no, I do, but I just want to, it's like, you want to keep doing them, but now it's sort of like, but we've been doing them sporadically, so there's

sort of that not satisfying, like, it's nice to say, like but we've been doing them sporadically so there's sort of that not satisfying like it's nice to say like shoot a bunch of them and then release them and experience like okay it's coming out now it's coming out now but this is sort of like make one release it make one release it and that's like a different kind of more truncated process that it's, you know, it's just different. It's not as, you know, it's fine. I love it. I love it, but... Yeah, it's... No, but it's, you know...

I guess it's not as, like, fulfilling since it's just kind of sporadic, I guess. Yes, exactly. Like, I'm looking, you know, I would like to just kind of make it, touch it, and kind of put it out there in some different realms and try to get some

money for it and produce and you know take it to the next level because it's something we've been working on and all the episodes are kind of I guess the later one, I mean they all kind of have the same vibe, there's some common elements but like the later one I mean they all kind of have the same vibe there's some common elements

but like the first one to like what they started to become is kind of different you know it started out very documentary parody and now it's more

you know it's more fiction-y still you know with the doc but just a part of the story more than trying to you know yeah for people for people that haven't seen it.

Some things are interesting to see how it develops, you know, like. Yeah, so. How it actually, I don't know. What did you guys think about that? Did you guys notice that or what's? No, I really, I enjoyed them. So it's like, it's like mockumentary style. Do you feel, do they feel to you like they have the same vibe?

Like, have you seen the first one? I've seen the first three. Okay. Yeah, so they all kind of have the same vibe, except as you progress to murdering people. Yeah. Which, yeah, I mean, so it is like it's mockumentary style, but it's also kind of farcical in a way that wouldn't these people report you once they're documenting you kill

people. But but yeah, it's just really funny. So it's like it's a it's a take on like the New York Times kind of series. I think they did on people getting married and they're kind of going through the motions and they're like, oh, so this is our wedding planner. So like when when Ben and Jenna do it Ben is wearing the wedding dress and He's a little a little creepy got fired. Maybe a former taxidermist, I think Yeah, he has a history of things that he's been involved with and things that he likes to do. But it's almost weird, like New York is a perfect place for somebody to tend to live because there's so many different people.

Right, he can be so eccentric and not really stand out. Yep. Yep. Well, cool. So yeah, so the finale is coming out soon? yep yep well cool so yeah so the finale is coming out soon yeah I don't

have an exact date but that's okay because it'll eventually happen and then and that's it

and then it's there forever and never if the lord wills it if you put something it's there forever and never right yep

and you'll be eating tied salads on your gold toilet, living the life. Just you and Ben Whole Foods. You and George Lopez on a private jet. Me and GL. Mm-hmm. So are you going to perform in Baltimore anytime soon? I really enjoyed you the last time I saw you.

You know... We need to talk, Mike. I'm going to be performing. Well, I was supposed to be performing on the 19th, but, you know, that blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So, you know, it's like I like staying in this area of the East Coast because there's so many close, cool places. How close? Is it on the way to Virginia?

Yes. Baltimore, yeah. Are you headed to Virginia soon? What are you going to Virginia for? Just another sort of like another maybe similar show or another similar you know like smaller indie show at this record store there's also another bar

that I could where Richmond? you know Beard Money sort of cool scenes I don't know Richmond

Richmond oh right yeah when are you doing that? well tentatively talking about a show in August, but I haven't locked anything down yet. Right on. It's just been up there.

Yeah, and I don't know. My summer is so fucking spread out and sporadic. I don't look like there's no momentum through it. It's just all isolated incidents. And I try to, you know, if I, if I'm doing like a small show or something, I like to do, you know, try to get more just to capitalize on the fact that I'm in that place or, you know, make it, you know, make it more functional. Have you thought about going to Fiverr.com and hiring somebody to organize your schedule?

Right, shouldn't I? I mean, that would be a good idea. I mean, can I trust them with my schedule? Yeah. Nope, probably not. Probably not. Well, that's the thing. What do you trust somebody with?

How far away can you keep them? Yeah. I wouldn't want some stranger who will do things for $5 to know where I live and personal information and stuff like that. Right, right. There's probably some anonymous ways. I mean, I don't know, but there has to be a background check. I mean, if anything happens, you can always reference the Fiverr video, right?

Yeah, and then maybe you could hire somebody for five bucks to do the background check. How about that? Oh, that would be great. Could you do a performance background check on me? On me, yeah. I just don't trust my... I'll perform a background check on you? On me, yeah. I just don't trust my... I'll perform in the background and check on you for $5.

I don't trust myself anymore. Alright, Ben. Is there anything else you want to chat about? We're about at the end of our hour. Yeah, yeah. Not necessarily. I guess that keeps that will be twitter my twitter yep ben kronberg twitter my twitter at ben kronberg ben kronberg.com

yep at ben kronberg ben kronberg.com is a little neglected because it's a tumblr that i haven't been able to integrate as much as I'd like to. Yeah. But yeah, and then everybody should check out Ted and Gracie online. Those are on the YouTubes, and then they're also at benkronberg.com. And yeah, man.

Well, thanks so much for joining us. Hopefully you guys can reschedule something for ChuckleStorm, or whenever you're coming to Baltimore, let us know. Cool, dude. All right, man. Thanks, man. Well, thanks for talking to us, man.

Good to talk to you. Work. Take care. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. you