The Digression Sessions - Ep. 45 - Wendi Townsend

Episode Date: August 1, 2012

“Hit That Button!” Hola Digheads! This week Mike and Josh are joined by comedian Wendi Townsend. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, funny man Alex Braslavsky takes on co-host duties as well. Wendi has been doing stand up in the DC, Maryland, and Virginia area for a few years now. In her act, Wendi attempts to take on issues that are normally taboo for women to discuss.  Wendi’s style has been described as a “brazen, no holds barred approach to comedy which is executed with confidence, timing and biting wit.”  Wendi shares some good stories during this episode, including the time she was attacked by a crackhead while Wendi was on the throne right before she was going to perform.  Mike also shares a story about the time he was jumped. Alex Braslavsky has never been assaulted – not even punched in the face once. And people are too afraid to accost Josh. He usually walks around with his arms raised in the air to make himself look bigger.  Also… one of the people on this show reveals they are not circumcised. Alright, we’ll narrow it down for you. It’s either Alex or Wendi. We also discuss a number of to pics for this episode including, but not limited to: Penis prep school, Picture & Picture the cop duo, the Ravens, getting nailed to the wall, staying young forever, Olympics talk, Alex being from Moldova, and so much more! Have something to say about this ep? Or do you have anything else Digression Sessions related / unrelated to say? Should we start an Olympic Curling team?!?! Say it on our forum!! DigressionSessions.com !! PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @SweepAlex @WendiStars RATE AND SUBSCRIBE! WANT A SHIRT? EMAIL JOSH – [e-mail]

Let's get it on. It's all good. Yeah. Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast. Welcome home. Welcome home to the Digression Sessions podcast. When have I started referring to our listeners as family. Oh, I like that.

Isn't that what the Juggalos do, though? Yeah. Family, family. I think we should be Juggalos. Violent J, we haven't introduced you yet. Shaggy 2 Dope, we'll get to you, okay? Not so dope. Not so dope.

I'm one half of your favorite pair of earbuds. Josh Koderna. And I'm the other half of your favorite pair of earbuds. The solipsist with a slipped disc. The guy that gives himself his own nicknames. Mike Moran. Wendy, if you hit that microphone

with that cup again, you're fucking out of here. I'm sorry. You have never podcast in this town again. No, seriously, this is making me uncomfortable with the drinks here, the equipment there. It should. It should. Be on your toes. It's a risky podcast.

It's like risky business. Only less underwear and sunglasses and more train sex. Exactly. We have a special co-host joining us today. Hi. Mr. Mike Moran. Shaggy co-host joining us today. Hi. Mr. Mike Moran. Shaggy 2 Dope, everybody.

Hi, guys. All the way from Detroit on here. It's Shaggy 2 Dope Talks. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. Hey, everybody. I'm 2 Dope. This is going to be magical.

Mr. Alex Broslovsky. How the hell are you? Josh, I'm doing good Alex B for short Whoa I call him Al You're getting shorter and shorter Let's go shorter

AB Let's just go AB Let's go shorter ABC That's longer Let's go A to C I'm just going to look at you We're doing improv

That's a short Okay I'm just going to communicate with you telepathically this whole podcast Let's do a telepathic podcast. What am I thinking? You are thinking about how beautiful my eyes are. I was thinking about that. And how they don't match up with the rest of my face.

We're going into some heavy stuff with Mike Moran today. Heavy stuff with Mike Moran today. He's fooled himself about his eyes, but he hates the rest of his face. Well, at least he likes his eyes. Why do you hate the rest of your face? Because I... Do you know what this thing has done

to Mike Moran? It's a gift and a curse. To your name? A curse. Literally has to beat the ladies off. If they're not beating me off If they're not beating me off If they're not beating you off Be a good character

Is like the The narcissistic guy Who's like Saying how he gets laid all the time But no seriously I'm very lonely In all seriousness Well how are you Mr. Mike Moran

I'm pretty good, can't complain got an improv show tonight I do how did your improv show go last night it went really well, it was a lot of fun it was a packed house it was fun the Strand Theater on Charles Street

station north what up and Alex you're doing well Grand Theater on Charles Street. Station North. What up? Yeah. So, and Alex, you're doing well? Is that a question? No, wait. Is that a question or are you telling me that I'm doing well? Or was there a comma before the well? Like, well, you're doing well.

You're doing well. No, I'm doing very well. Good. Good. Moving on. I'm here to answer your questions. Keep them as curt as possible. It's short, please.

Alex, what do you think of this whole presidential race? You know, it's going to come down to one of those two guys. I think so, too. Who wants it more? Independence, you are out of this one. Shaggy 2 Dope, what do you think? I'm not voting. Shaggy 2 Dope, you're not voting?

Not going to vote. Wow. Why? It's a burden. True. That's why I don't vote. All right. Well, our guest, you've already heard her smash her cup into the microphone.

She's a comedian. Sorry. She's relatively new to the podcasting world. Very new. Very new. This is my first time bopping my podcast. Miss Wendy Townsend, everybody. Woo! Woo!

Woo! Alright. Alright. I wish I could whistle. All right. All right. I wish I could whistle. Oh, yeah, the pinky thing. I have no idea how that works at all. You stick your pinkies in your mouth and it makes you whistle. You put it under your tongue.

You got to stick the pinkies really deep into your mouth. Really? Until you hit that button. Hit that button. Hit that whistle button, dog. You get that whistle. If you touch the thing hanging down. My man got that button. That whistle button, dog. You get that whistle. If you touch the thing hanging down. My man got that whistle. If you squeeze that thing.

The uvula. Yeah, if you squeeze your uvula with both pinkies. That's a whistle. Like really hard. Like a gusher. Juice will come out. A whistle pops out. A gooey whistle.

Oh, boy. Well, Wendy, thanks for joining us. I saw you do stand-up only once, and that was a long time ago. And before the show started, you said it was one of your worst shows. It was. And I didn't think it was that bad. Thanks for remembering it. What show was it?

The one at Illusions. It's like a magic club. Magic club? The one that Ben Rosen was doing? Yeah. Was I there at this one? Yeah. I'm pretty sure. The guy from that show was on America's Got Talent. Yeah, I heard that Ben Rosen was doing. Was I there at this one? Yeah. I'm pretty sure.

The guy from that show was on America's Got Talent. Yeah, I heard that the other day. Someone was telling me that. Oh, Spencer Horseman, yeah. His name's Horseman? Yeah. That's his real name. That's his real name.

Are you automatically just picturing a man with a horse head now? He was picturing a centaur doing comedy. No, centaur is the opposite. He does magic and gets out of a straitjacket and things. Oh. He fell one time. Not doing comedy. What he was like for?

He accidentally tripped on his elbow. He made news by falling on his face one time. Oh, he was on a crane, right? I don't know what the setup was. I think he might have been hanging from his feet on some kind of wire. And he just fell. With his arms tied up.

So he just slammed into his... Did he permanently disfigure him? Nope. He looks adorable. He looks like a horse. He's a small man. He's tiny. He looks like an 11-year. Yeah, I've had him. Yeah.

He looks like an 11-year-old. I've fed him. I've brushed him. I've brushed him. Who wants their oats? Mr. Magic Man. He and I jumped barrels together. Oh, that's nice.

But yeah, I don't remember the show being bad. I just remember you talking about diarrhea. Yeah, it's one of my better topics. Okay. Is that a common theme for you? Just sort of female taboo. Like I'll do gag reflex jokes also. Really?

And anal sex jokes. Sure. Yeah. Go with what you know. Yeah. You know? Cannibalism. Yes.

That's taboo for both. That's taboo for both. Yes, it is. But I like to touch on subjects such as that. The game taboo. Talk about that. Love that game. The game taboo for both. For both, yes, it is. I like to touch on subjects such as that. The game taboo. Talk about that. The game taboo, yeah. The board game. You can't say certain things.

You can't. It's taboo. And that's taboo. It's taboo. In case no one knew how to play. And that's taboo. That's what it says in the directions of the game at the end and that's taboo play now go for it have fun uh but how long you've been doing comedy wendy um on three years oh wow yeah right on why'd you get into comedy um i don't know everybody said

i was funny and i was like the good storyteller and then i tried it and i just became like addicted to it how'd the first night go? Where'd you do stand up your first time? A Gooby Stroke house when it was in the basement of the Bowman. Oh, okay. So. Was it like competition or?

Yes. We competed against you. Yeah, you were with someone else on stage. You were doing like a duo. Yeah. That must have been weird for you. Yeah, Biggie, Wesley, Gage. Is that something you do?

I have to do stand up with this guy doing stand up next to me? Yeah, Biggie, Whistly, Gage. Is that something you do? I have to do stand-up with this guy doing stand-up next to me? Yeah. It was, they over-packed. They over, like, they had too many comedians. So you had to do it at the same time? They had one too many comedians, so they put two of us together. That is an improv exercise, where you're both giving a monologue together at the exact same time.

Without, like, cutting off each other? Yeah, what are the rules for that? Yeah, you're both speaking at the exact same time without like cutting off each other yeah what are the rules for that yeah you're both speaking at the exact same time and yeah you can take what they're saying and kind of use it to talk about your thing as well one of the mics had an issue and you guys had a really hard set because the microphone one of the microphones wasn't working so you had to pass back and forth uh usually we just one will just yell yell Whoever's mic doesn't work I do feel like a lot of venues The microphones aren't really that necessary

Well we do improv We don't use microphones That's a good point I don't know Let's test it out Maybe these microphones aren't necessary Let's do that telepathic podcast I feel like most of our listeners live in this house anyway.

Yeah, really. Our neighbors. Our biggest fan, the neighbors. Anyway, big deal. They love us. So what else is going on? I don't get it. Alex is going after Dan Lyle.

Oh, Dan Lyle. I thought you said Van Wild. Why are you going after Dan Lyle? Because he's dreaming. Every time I've been on the show, somehow his name comes up. And he's in New York now, so we're thinking about him. Yeah, it's a son of a bitch. We're thinking about you.

You up there in New York. Dedicated to Dan Lyle. Thinking about the big man. 1971 to 2012. But yeah, I see you, Wendy, perform with Mickey Coachella a lot. Yeah, we have three shows tonight. Oh. Three?

Yeah. Wow. I've never done more than one show. Seven, nine, and 11. Damn, weird. Where at? The Baltimore Comedy Factory. Oh, okay.

Are you a regular there? That was my first weekend there. I had two shows last night and then one on Thursday. How'd it go? It was awesome. Last night was awesome. Really? Yeah.

Was it packed? The second show was packed. The first one was a little rough. Right. Yeah, like that edgy, I just got out of work, let's hurry up and get to the comedy factory. I'm pissed at my wife. We're not getting the kids ready in time type of crowd. They better fucking be funny.

Yeah. It was like, thanks guys for coming. Okay. Yeah. Did they just want to see Mickey or were they open to I think I'm a little too edgy For an 8 o'clock Bring on Mickey

With their ripped off sleeves And their mullets Mickey Coachella is a morning DJ Of a rock station here in Baltimore High school I was In a band with his cousin Alex how do you know Mickey Any relation Baltimore, so that makes sense. In high school, I was in a band with his cousin. Alex, how do you know Mickey? Any relation?

Let's do... I mean, I'm not trying to brag. I might have seen him once. Okay. In person. Ooh, Mr. Big Shot over there. I'm not trying to brag. I'm not trying to brag. Yeah, you're cool.

Mr. Insiderpping everybody. I'm not trying to brag. Yeah. You're cool. All right. Mr. Insider. Yeah. I've actually been in the 98 Rock Studios. So have I. Yeah. I've probably seen the microphone. Might have seen him once. Always with the one-upmanship.

I asked somebody I was with, I said, is that Mickey? They're like, I don't know. And then we moved on. Really? Yeah, that was it. You haven't been on the show? The morning show? Yeah.

No. We were at the noise in the basement. Oh, with Matt Davis? Yeah, but he wasn't there that night. Yeah, I actually got to meet him, though, because I went on with Mike Fianazzo. Oh, that's right. When he was hyping his record. Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that.

Tommy Simbazzo were on. The first time I ever met Matt Davis, I got beat up by a crackhead in the bathroom at 98 Rocks and I was in the basement. Really? Beat up by a crackhead? I was literally going to a female crackhead. That's horrible. I was going to the bathroom before I was going on stage.

One or two? Number two. Because I get nervous before I go on stage. Really? That's weird. Yeah. I'm a nervous pooper. Nervous pooper. I am. I can't help it. Alex, are'm a nervous pooper Nervous pooper

I am I can't help it Alex You a nervous pooper I'm just gonna openly admit I'm not gonna say Come on Alex Yeah he does

We're all friends here I'm not a nervous pooper It's all good It's all good I can't relate to you guys How bad did you get beat up I'm a confident pooper She busted my lip

Like I was bleeding It was insane And I couldn't defend myself Cause I'm pretty brute But I couldn't defend myself Because my pants pretty brute, but I couldn't defend myself because my pants were over my ankles and I had high heels on. Did you consider throwing poop? It was like, do I risk a yeast infection of not wiping?

I don't know how to take this situation. Right. Where's bathroom attendant ever? Finally got her off of me. Security gets her, and I go on stage not realizing what I look like, and there's blood all over my face. My mascara's all over my cheek. Wow.

That's honorable that you went on stage after that. Oh, I just walked up, and I was like, this is what I look like and there's blood all over my face. My mascara's all over my cheek. It's honorable that you went on stage after that. I just walked up and I was like, this is what I look like after sex. Everybody. All of the jokes. Why did she attack you? She was looking for her purse. She kicked down a locked door because she had kicked down all the other open doors and just assumed that I was hiding it. I was like, where would I be hiding your purse?

My pants are around my ankles. Holy shit. Did she get arrested? No, she didn't get arrested, but she was on probation for assault already. And she didn't get arrested? She didn't get arrested. Do you guys still talk? No, I actually blocked her from Facebook and everything. Oh, so you know

who she is? No, I didn't know who she was, but Matt Davis was a connecting piece, and I just had to... He was the... Oh, it was pretty crazy. Davis was a connecting piece. And I just had to... He was the... It was pretty crazy. I was one of four girls who pressed charges against her. She was attacking everyone.

I feel like there was something like that going on when we were there. There was weird people going in and out of the bathroom and acting rowdy. It was insane. The venue was really afraid I was going to sue or something. It's a rock club where you do comedy at midnight on a Monday. Yeah, but it's not like a piss on the seat punk rock. No, but I'm just saying the people that hang out Monday night at midnight don't exactly.

They're like, well, I'm going to be late for the meeting in the morning, but I'll hang out. They're all just people that are probably doing coke. They'll be late for their meeting. They'll be like, Mike Moran is going to go on. So that's worth losing my job. The Johnson count can suck it. I'm going to watch Moran. Make some jokes.

You've got a big Wall Street following. It's good for you. Matt Davis is a nice guy. Matt Davis is really nice. I've never been assaulted. Really? Never? I don't mind being assaulted if I can defend myself, but you can't when you're like

pantsless with high heels. You're like, well, this is awkward. You've never been punched in the face, Alex? I've never been punched in the face. Wow. Wendy? I didn't ask for it. I wasn't like, I'm going to beat you up, girl. Yeah, no one's saying that. I only mentioned it because I'm always paranoid that something's going to happen, though. Really?

Yeah. All the time? Well, just like walking around Baltimore. Yeah, you should be. Have you taken any self-defense classes or anything? No, I haven't. Krav Maga? Done that?

Archer. Krav Maga? I mean, if you're walking around in regular neighborhoods during the day, I don't think you should be that paranoid. There is always the threat. It is Baltimore. It's just based on statistics.

I feel like everyone I know has had some sort of... If I was going to attack somebody, I would attack you. You look like you would be easy to attack. I think. I just heard Alex's confidence slam onto the floor. That was a nervous poop. Nervous poop. Did I just hear your ego crack? Nervous poop.

Well, you know, like, if he's, like, a tall, huge, ginormous person, you're not like, oh, attack that guy. Well, you can make yourself look bigger with, you know, like animals do. Shoulder pads. That's how you scare a crackhead. You put your hands over your head. You make yourself larger. You don't want to fight me, mister.

And then you let it eat your garbage. I try to make it seem like I don't have anything on me. Even with my posture and my leg. You pull all your pockets out like old school. A homeless vaudeville guy. You have sad clown makeup on. You wear a barrel everywhere. And a bindle on your shoulder.

Barefoot. Yeah, I think about that, too, that I should probably take some type of, like, boxing or some type of self-defense class just to be prepared. Or just carry mace. Carry a mace, like a medieval mace with, like, the ball. I don't want to fuck with you't know what he did just swinging it casually walking the dog i mean it is it's something where in baltimore if if somebody doesn't have a gun and they want your money they're probably going to start hitting you yeah and i mean i've had

that experience before and i've you've been jumped yeah i've been jumped and held a gun point whoa my mom isn't listening to this episode was Was it her? It was your dad. Don't you tell your mother about this. Give me your money. No, I used to, like, walk anywhere and everywhere in Baltimore, like, all hours of the night. Like, when I lived, I lived, like, a block up from North Avenue when I was, like, 22. Like, back when it was, like, really bad. North Avenue still isn't very bad.

I'm sorry. It doesn't get better? But it used to be, to be legendarily bad. It was a place you really wanted to avoid and let your mind crack. There are some nice parts now, but even when you're walking to Joe Squared or Wind Up,

it's still a little sketchy. It's gotten way better than it used to be. When I would work at Ixia i would walk back like through north avenue at like midnight with like all my tips in my pockets that's crazy nobody actually ever screwed with me doing that like right but uh i i did uh at the time i i remember like when my roommate and i also worked at paper moon and we worked at midnight shifts

and i remember like one night we went to uh gas station, like, at, you know, 1 in the morning or something. Yeah. Not that that has anything to do with working a midnight shift, because why would we be at the gas station if we were? But anyway. Are you high? We got held at gunpoint there outside of our place. Whoa. And, yeah, he kind of had a nervous breakdown and moved back home.

Wow. Yeah. I hear about that happening, like, he kind of had a nervous breakdown and moved back home. Wow. Yeah, I hear about that happening, like, all the time. You're just always freaked out, like, you know, sketched out by anything and anyone. Right. Right. And this guy was basically Josh.1. What? This guy was, like, are you talking about my new show, Josh.1?

It's going to be on after tosh 0.0 no i the guy i lived with was like when i met you i was like oh this is uh mclean 0.2 2.0 wow oh yeah josh so essentially josh what do you think held a gunpoint outside of my apartment i don't i don't like that i'm my own man yeah i wouldn't like that either. I'm not a McLean. I don't know if you are. I'm not a John McLean. I hope he dies hard, that guy. Yippee-ki-yay. Oh, yeah! And another time I got jumped in Charles Village walking up from the moon.

So what happened when you got jumped? Did you know it was coming? No, I had my headphones on and people started punching me in the back of the head. Oh, you can go blind from that, getting hit hard enough in the back of the head. Yeah, I know. That or masturbating. What? What? What? I've heard stories.

Old wives tales. You never heard the old, like, legend that you could go blind from masturbating? Oh, yeah. Sorry. He's like, what? I missed that one. Even once. If you just touch yourself once, you might go blind.

Okay. Yeah. I instantly was like, hey, stop it. I'll give you my money. I think that's the key. You got to be like, hey, stop it. I'll give you my money. I think that's the key. You've got to be like, hey, let's calm down here. I'll give you the money. Treat it like they're a nuisance.

Come on, guys. I'll just give you the money. And then the cops told me that I was drunk and were total assholes to me. Oh, yeah. And I stormed off and cussed them out. So I was going to sue them. Did you hand them the money or did they take it from your pockets? I handed it to sue them did you hand them the money or did they take it from your pockets I like no I

handed it to them I like reached I couldn't fucking like find it too because I was like walking home with my tips from work and I couldn't find

where my like wad of cash was and they were like hurry up they're getting really impatient I can never find anything we have things to do

the city cops are the worst yeah they were total dicks to me yeah when I was pressing charges against that girl they were just like they just assumed we were all drunk and putty. And I was like, look, I'm not even drinking. I'm performing tonight.

And they're just like, yeah, I didn't care. I do know a million times. Yeah, they're like, I went to shake the guy's hand and he was like, no, I don't touch people. And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with the cops? What's wrong with you? There are some cool city cops that I know. Do you want to name them? What's that?

Do you have their badge numbers? There's Philip Amp. And there's Donnie... Microphone? Apple? And who can forget good old Sergeant Glass. Oh, yeah. Those are all good guys.

Sergeant Philip Glass. All good guys. Censorship. Yeah, I've never been jumped. My man. Knock on wood. I'm knocking on wood with you. My man.

There he is. You know what I've got? There's a guy I know that got held up with a shotgun. Really? Yeah. And it was somewhere

in Charles Village. He was like, holy shit, that has to be... Did he have the shotgun? No, no, I'm sorry. He was jumped and the guy had a shotgun

and like pulled it on him. Right. It's like, Jesus Christ. Just walking around with a shotgun. Yeah, so... I would always hope

if there was a gun involved it would be like the scene from Clueless. Where she just gets on the straight and counts and then he just runs away. Right. I almost prefer the gun robbery. Knife? Why?

Because you don't want to get hit. Because if somebody just has their fists, they're not going to be like, give me your money or I'll punch you. Right. They'll just start punching you. Yeah, that sucks. I don't know if I'd prefer weapons though. I don't know. I mean, I could possibly survive some punches.

I can't survive a gunshot to the head. I did get a moment of when the gun was pulled. If this guy just shoots me anyway, even though we're giving him our money, I would have died. The gun's such a wild card. It's nervous.

That was months after my friend had been shot to death just for being a That's the part where I don't. Yeah. The gun's such a wild card. Right, right. Yeah, if he gets nervous. Yeah. And that was, like, months after my friend had been shot to death just for, like, being a witness to something. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. How do you still live here with these stories? I live, like, a block away from where my friend was shot to death, honestly. Yeah.

Well, how do you do this? Like, I live in the county, and I'm afraid to walk, like, 20 feet to my car from where I work. Because I don't want to live like a life of fear. I mean, there's so many. I found living like. I mean, there's like so many other places to live. This is so insincere. Be careful.

It's terrible. I mean, my friend who was shot to death was living in a halfway house where a guy was dealing drugs out of. Right. So it wasn't just a random. I mean, it was random in a way. It wasn't his responsibility. He was dealing drugs out of. Right, so it wasn't just a random... I mean, it was random in a way, but it wasn't his responsibility. He was trying to get sober. Yeah, but it's not like he was just walking down the street

and then got shot to death. He was kind of in that area. Yeah, but that's what you get for trying to better yourself. You're trying to be sober, and then you witness something crazy, and look what happened to you. That sucks. I mean, the odds of that happening are pretty slim.

It's Baltimore. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's statistically things are getting better every year. Crime across the country has gotten better over the last 30 years. And I used to do a lot of stupid things, too. I used to just like walk anywhere and everywhere like at any time. And I still walk everywhere pretty much.

Yeah. But not in the middle of the night. Although I do occasionally walk home from work, which is probably not smart. I wouldn't do that. How much would a cab ride be? It would take too long for a cab to get there. It's such a pain in the ass to get a cab. Really?

I only live a few blocks away, but there is a fairly... Just get people to drop you off. I do 95% of the time. Just walk around like a machete. Get a Razor scooter. Remember Razor scooters? It's because you bought all those Razor scooters.

I have like 16. I'll give you one. I came here with a Razor scooter. They all fit in my backpack. Yeah, I used to work at Paper Moon as well. And then you'd get off at 2 in the morning or 4 in the morning. And it was always really sketchy. Also because everybody, yeah, you'd have your tips. And then you'd walk out to the parking the morning or four in the morning and it was always really sketchy also because everybody yeah you'd have your tips and then you walk out to the parking lot at like

two in the morning and it's not it's a decent part but there you know there's always people just walking around that you know sketchy people and stuff but for a second it's one of you was massaging my foot with your foot it's the dog laying on me alex what can i say uh i remember the first rule of footsie club is you do not talk about um yeah paper moon one time there's this guy who swore up and down that somebody stole it was a customer swore that somebody uh stole his cell phone and that really freaked me out like he came in after we were closed and he was just walking around looking for he's like no one y'all got my phone really he was accusing you of stealing his phone? Well, basically, he said he left it at Paper Moon.

We didn't find a phone. He's like, well, I know when y'all got my phone. I know you got it. That's pretty creepy. I think this person is black with the way they're talking. Sorry, I'm doing that Jewish stereotype. I know when y'all got my phone. I know somebody has my phone.

I know when y'all got my phone. This is the only place Iall got my phone. I know somebody has my phone. I know where y'all got my phone. This was the only place I was with my phone. Hey. The filter. It's a Kafka phone. Yeah, but then the guy, he actually later called us. It was in my car. I apologize.

That was nice of him. I'd like an apology to the face. Yeah. For making me scared. I'm glad. You said it on the phone.. For making me scared. Apologize to my face. Well, I'm glad. I'm just kidding. You said it on the phone. Yeah, whatever, buddy.

Apologize to my face. All right. What is the deal with people getting upset with apologies? Last night, somebody was like, yeah, some customer was like, hey, sorry about being rude to you earlier. Apologize to me now. Don't be rude to me. Don't be rude, yeah. I don't know.

I don't agree with that at all. Like, if somebody apologizes to me, then I'm like, good. See, not me. I'm like, why were you taking it out on me in the first place? But don't we all do things that we regret? I am the messenger. Yeah, they shoot the messenger.

Don't we all do things? I mean, don't we all lose our temper sometimes or get emotional and say things that we don't mean? I mean, don't we all lose our temper sometimes or get emotional and say things that we don't mean? I never do that. Not to wait, Steph. I wouldn't mess with someone that has your food. Right, yeah. Are you a server, Wendy? I bartend.

Oh, okay. Where? Outback Steakhouse. Oh, yeah. Good night, Mike. Bloomin' Onion. Going down under. That was beautiful. That's our new drop. Did you guys hear that?

You sounded like an English schoolboy in the choir. Let's hear that new drop again. Going down under. That's an Outback thing, right? Yeah. Well, it's in Australian. It's not even Australian theme, though, right? It used to be more. It's more and more contemporary now. Right. We, it's an Australian. It's not even Australian themed though, right? It used to be more.

It's more and more like contemporary now. Right. Like we have all black uniforms now. Yeah, in keeping with the native population. It's just really like...

Oh, yeah. The Aussies? Yeah. No, the indigenous people of Australia. Yeah, they're like in the middle of... Aborigines.

Aborigines, yeah. We used to have like Australian named food. We had all the aborigine cook stuff. The food was not that good. And an to have Australian named food. Aborigine cook staff. The food was not that good. And an imperialist waitstaff.

Yeah, that is Outback Steakhouse. Nobody ever said Australia steak. Whoever made those correlations. Do they even have cows in Australia? Probably. Probably not originally.

Cows come from the Middle East, right? Well, I'm sure it's 2012. I'm sure they have cows now. They got their first cow. iPods and cows. They cut the ribbon and brought a cow in. Do you like working there? I do, actually.

I've been there since 2003. Oh. Wow. Make good money bartending? I live solely off of that money And I live by myself You live in the city? No, I live in the county

Parkville? You went to Parkville High, right? I did for like three months Parkville 70s Back before they had the car. 1995, I think. Oh, wow.

That was well before my time. Really? Yeah. I thought you were like my age. I'll be 30 in a month and a half. Yeah, I'm 30. I went there in ninth grade. In ninth grade, I was 97.

And I graduated in 2000 And I graduated in 2000. I graduated in 99. 1991. Alex? We're 25! I'm out of here. We're still in the prime of our lives. Absolutely.

So am I. Quarter of a century. Prime rib of my life. Ew. Prime rib. Outback. You realize we're going to live to be 130 years old. Did anybody see that correlation?

Correlation. Cooler relation. Correlation nation. Correlation. We're talking reef coral all day. That's not a good question. Are you going to get a 10-year bonus? We don't get bonuses

But we get more vacation time And we get a pin that costs like $800 Do you automatically have to go to Australia For your vacation? No Can you sell your pin? They don't want us to They're like please don't let me see this on eBay

That is bullshit Or in a pawn shop somewhere What is the point of having a really expensive pin If you can't trade it for something that matters? I'm sure people do all the time, but you have to keep it covert. You can't just be like, I sold it. Yeah. They melted it into something else.

Hey, guys. Sold it. Sold it. Sold it. By the way, I spent $800 on this TV. Well, you bring your TV to work. No. And it's only like 10 inches tall.

No, I just got a 40-inch from Best Buy for like $300. Like, TVs are cheap as shit now. Yeah. It's technology. It's nice like 10 inches tall. No, I just got a 40-inch from Best Buy for like $300. Like TVs are cheap as shit now. Yeah. It's technology. It's nice. Good flat screen. Is it a flat screen? Yeah, flat screen, 1080p.

It's nice. Does it have a magnifying glass over the tube? Nope. Is it a Samsung? No, it's an Insignia. Oh, it's an Insignia. I was a little weird about it. Does it have the picture in picture?

I don't know. Remember that? Does that still exist? Yeah. Picture in picture. I think so. I don a little weird about it. Does it have the picture in picture? I don't know. Does that still exist? Picture in picture. I don't know what it has. It has a power button. They're identical twins. Does it have the image of each other? That's how they always

outsmart the villain. But wait, you're here. You're behind me too. Does it have the glowing puck when you watch hockey? I think they did away with that because that was like a network thing. Yeah, they don't do that anymore. Because sports I do watch.

What about the glowing football? You're a sports fan, Wendy? Yes. What do you like? I love football. Okay. I love it. Who's your favorite team? The Broncos? No, the Ravens, of course. The who? The Ravens.

I haven't heard of them. The who is a rock band. The Baltimore Ravens. Oh. Do you think it's weird that they named them the Ravens? No. I mean, they took a vote on the name. Who did?

Like, back in the day, they were voting. Ray Lewis did. I didn't vote. I don't remember being asked about that. Don't blame me. I voted for I was in 7th grade when they named the team and it was out of like three different names. Really? No, you were in

8th grade. I was in 7th grade. You were in 8th grade because I was in 9th grade. I remember. She's younger than you. Yeah, one year. What? You graduated in 2000. What? Think about it. I guarantee you were in 8th grade. Okay. Because. I guarantee you, you were in eighth grade. Okay.

Because I definitely lived. My later years in middle school. Wow. It's going to be tough for you to do the podcast after just getting nailed to the wall by Mike Moran on that one. Not even in the way that I wanted to be nailed to the wall. Welcome back to Nailed to the Wall. I'm Mike Moran. Think about it.

You were in eighth grade. You were about to get nailed. Boom. Dummy. Well, you. You were in eighth grade. Boom! Dummy. Well, you know, Ravens is good. It's keeping with the bird theme. We got the Orioles. We got the Ravens. The Baltimore Blast.

The crazy birds. The blast bird. There was the Baltimore Bullets. Why were they the Bullets? I think it's supposed to be a train. Is it a train thing? No, they're the Washington bullets. No, it's the Baltimore bullets.

They were. They were, yeah. The Wizards used to be the bullets. Was there really a reference to that? Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was an actual bullet in the logo. No, it was hands shooting a ball. Oh, right, right. But that was D.C.

That was a guy shooting a basketball getting shot. That's what it was. Getting gunned down. That was D.C., though, wasn't it? It wasn't the Washington Bullets.

It was the Baltimore Bullets. And then they moved to D.C. And became the Wizards? Yeah. The Wizards? No, they must have been the D.C. Bullets for years. They were Bullets

for a really long time. And then the Wizards was in the 90s. So Baltimore had a basketball team, is what you're telling me. And how long ago was this? Before my time, not before yours. Yeah. We're 25! Not before you.

Young forever. I love being young. So, yeah, just football? Into the Ravens? Yeah, I like football. Baseball's okay. It's a long season. Baseball's boring.

And it's like every day. What about swimming? Swimming? I mean, not really. Like Michael Phelps would be attractive if he didn't look like Michael Phelps. Right. He's got a good bod. Right.

Change that face, baby, and call me. Right. Mike, if you're listening. If you're listening. I know you're preparing for the Olympics, but maybe get some face surgery. I mean, just inside. Just get the ears removed. Go win the gold.

I don't like the Olympics. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. This is not the summer for you, buddy. Boy. Every four years, you must go through this. I guess. Why do you hate the Olympics?

Maybe because I wasn't born here. I have no horse in the race. You weren't born in Maryland? Why would that have anything to do with anything? Because I feel like there's patriotism involved. Because you weren't born in America?

Where were you born? In a little country called Moldova. What? You should probably root for America because nobody's heard of this country. Where were you born? In a little country called Moldova. What? Surprise. You should probably root for America because nobody's heard of this country. Wait, does Moldova compete in the Olympic Games? I think they do, yeah. Do you guys have a bobsled team?

For the Summer Olympics, yeah. Moldova. Wrong Olympics. I'm Moldova by air. Lack of patriotism for Moldova. Wait I'm Moldova by air Lack of patriotism for Moldova Wait, are you being serious? I'm being serious What do they speak in Moldova?

Moldova That's what I said Moldova I thought that was the name It's Moldova They speak It's a combination of Romanian and Russian. I'll tell you how split up it is.

Lived in an apartment building where everybody spoke Russian. Across the street, went to a Romanian kindergarten. Truth. Your country was only as big as the street? Yeah. It's a really small country.

Really poor now. Was this a former Soviet state? It sure was. How long were you in Moldova? Until I was six years old. Are you serious? Yeah. Speak some Moldovian or Romanian or whatever the hell you want.

Prove it, freak. Cock to be a nestedna. Mike Moran. Whoa. You could have just made anything up. All I heard was cock and then Mike Moran. I made up the Mike Moran part. That's all I ever I was saying umbrella

Where is your umbrella? Wow, that's so weird Wait, cock is umbrella in Moldova? Cock is what? Or how? How, how? Cock K-A-K, yeah

Love it Cock! Growing up, my parents would like They'd talk loudly in Russian cock K-A-K love it cock growing up my parents would like they'd talk loudly in Russian and you'd occasionally just hear them go cock my sister and I were just cracking up did your parents not realize that's

one of the funniest words here no connection so how long did it take you to learn English did you use that something you learned? Maybe a couple weeks, two, three weeks. Really? What are you, genius? When you're young, you...

I forgot to say Jewish. You brilliant. What are you, Jewish? What is this? Phenomena, the movie with John Travolta, where he learns languages really fast. Is that what this is? He's possessed. Do you read like 12 books?

I don't remember how long, but I remember... Two or three weeks I was thrown into first grade Is it true That you learned English from Police Academy movies? From Jakob Smirnoff What a country

So, yeah, this is interesting I thought you were an American citizen For your entire 25 years No Yeah, I just thought is interesting. I thought you were an American citizen for your entire 25 years. No. Wow. Yeah, I just thought that last name came with you. It did. It came over on the plane.

Why did they shorten it to Ellis Island, first of all? Don't forget your last name when we go to America. Did they test you for polio? They tested me for all kinds of stuff. Did they ask you if you were bringing plants? They saw I was bringing plants. They didn't have to ask me. They knew what I was about.

Was the steamship crowded? And who played the sad violin? Do you feel good about yourself? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. But that is not the issue here. Yeah, I feel good. Man, another immigrant stealing.

Any more questions? Were you circumcised? I was not. Really? You've got an uncircumcised? That's an umbrella. Can we see it? He's got an umbrella.

Dude's got the anteater. I'll show you. His cock has a cock. Porn is discriminatory towards uncircumcised people. I'm totally okay with that. Yeah, I prefer the circumcised look. Really? Although mine is like I think mine is like groomed enough

that it's not a problem. You had like a penis grooming? Yeah, you sent it to a school. I went to Pet Value. You're just like, look, can you make this more like a mushroom? I know I'm a human being, but can you? Penis prep school.

Take a look at this. Treat it like an anteater. That's cool. Treat it like an anteater. I think. Can those things really suck up stuff? Penises, that is. Your penis.

If I laid out like a line of raisins. I thought I was the only one. And just through life, I found out that more and more people that I wouldn't expect. You found a support group. Name some celebrities that are uncircumcised. Ben Affleck. Casey Affleck. Matt Damon. You should do like an Adam Sandler

ass songs about uncircumcised people. Younger Pete from Pete and Pete. I'm making that up. Danny Timberlake. Danny Thomas. Danny Thomas. What? Dave Thomas. Ask your question, my friend. Would you guys, if and when

everyone here has children, would you have your boys circumcised? I don't know. I would. Josh? Why? I think so. I just think it looks better. Yeah, apparently you don't need it. It can be really traumatic, though. I don't want to offend, but I'm an avid porn watcher. And I just think it looks better. Yeah, apparently you don't need it. It can be really traumatic, though. I don't want to offend, but I'm an avid porn watcher, and I believe that it looks more aesthetically pleasing. Well, have you ever seen a porn with it uncircumcised?

Yeah. Because I haven't. It's kind of weird. I'm going to look that up. Watch your words. I know. It's fine. I don't care.

It's disgusting. Moving on. You know what it's like? One of those water jelly sticks. Yeah, yeah. That's what it reminds me of. That's. You know what it's like, one of those, like, water jelly sticks? Yeah, yeah. That's what it reminds me of. That's how you treat your penis, too, right? You're just grabbing.

But you can make yours look like a classic penis by, like, pulling it back. You have to clean it more because there's some dirt. I shower on a regular basis. You get in there, clean it out a little. Do a little more. Is there like a special gel you can buy? Uncircumgel or something? Silica gel.

Like for flowers. Keep your penis fresh. Do you ever use hand sanitizer? For my hands, yeah. Don't put that near anything. When the swine flu is going on. So why did you come to America? To get circumcised and get no luck.

Why? Do you want to know the real answer? Yeah. This is a comedy podcast, so if you want a jokey answer, I'll give you one. Well, thank you for telling us how to run our own goddamn podcast. Let me tell you what digression sex is all about. Since I get up on stage and determine how Chuckle Storm should be. If you say genocide, I'm going to laugh.

Is it genocide? Genesis, the band. Was playing here in Baltimore. Mama, Papa, I want to see. I want to see them. So you tied up your local friends. Peter Gabriel? Yeah.

Was in Genesis? Yeah. Yeah, he was the original singer. Phil Collins was the drummer and replaced him when they couldn't find a singer. You're getting schooled. I am. I always just assumed Phil Collins was like the main piece. No, he was the replacement.

Everybody thought they were going to fail. They tried to find a singer, and then they realized that their drummer could sing. That's why he was the drummer who also sang. He still was always their drummer, too. On the albums, he did all the drumming still, even when he was a singer. That was like the romantics.

Yeah, but he didn't play drums on stage, though. He was the one-armed drummer, right? No, that was Death Webber. When he was in Genesis, he was the one-armed drummer. And then he became a multi-armed singer. As soon as he started singing, he sprouted another arm. It was evolution. Yeah, that's true.

That's how it works. That's how it works. I know. I didn't know that. That's good to know. So did you come to Baltimore? That's what you get for growing up in Christian Parkville. Parkville.

I know rap artists because I grew up in Parkville. Were you born in Parkville? I like to say rap artist No I was actually born in the city but we moved I wish you said you were born in Moldova What part of Parkville did you grow up in? What part of Parkville? Is it that big?

I don't know You know that weird No Carney is a whole other side I grew up in her She's quite large You know that weird I grew up in her. She's quite large. I grew up on the other side of Carnie Wilson. You know that weird neighborhood that's like a bunch of row homes and it like goes around? It's right by Double Rock. Oh, but the bro home.

I actually grew up closer to Lock Raven because the way they split up the zip codes, I got shafted and had to go to Parkville because I went to Lock Raven Middle School. Alex wishes he got shafted. Am I right? I grew up on Taylor Avenue. His penis is different than ours. Do you know that weird neighborhood near the park that's like a bunch of row homes?

I lived there for a while. Why is it a weird neighborhood? I don't know. It's just different. It's closer to the high school there, right? Yeah. And it was like a weird semi-private neighborhood or something. My aunt lived there. While we're talking about Parkville,

is there a restaurant called The Barn in Parkville? I wouldn't say it's a restaurant. More of a barn. Right. It's more of a restaurant. A barn that's called The Barn. It's like a Raven's Roost crab house. Isn't there another restaurant called Abandoned House in Parkville?

Or where there's like a stage. Gotcha. Gotcha. But like Versus the Earth used to play there all the time. Who did? Versus the Earth. Oh, I remember that name. Yeah.

That sounds like a 98 rock band. It sounds like a local crappy something, something band. Yeah. Right. Versus the Earth. Right. Yeah, but like people would just follow them. Were they Martians?

Yeah, they were. Was that their gimmick, I mean? No. Were they dressed as Martians? We're versus the Earth. We're versus the Earth. We're some Jams. It would have been more entertaining if that was.

Kick out the Jams. Our first song is called Take Us to Your Leader. One, two, three, four. How do you know the barn? My dad is the manager of that place now. Oh, my God. What does your dad look like? Because that's like my local bar.

Like, I can walk there from my house. He's a Jewish man. He's got a comb over. Is your dad estranged? An estranged Jew? Oh, from me? From you. Oh.

Because you pose that as, hey, is there a place called the barn in Parkville? I'm looking for it. I'm looking for it. No, my dad just got a job there. It's in Parkville. I am there. That seems like a thing. Probably like two or three times a week.

That's the only thing I know about Parkville is the barn. It seems like it's like a certain thing that there's a barn in Parkville. But you were like, is there the barn? Is there a barn? I think, yeah. He claims to send me postcards. I don't know. He's got a second family. Is he well? barn in Parkville, but you were like, is there the barn? Is there a barn? He claims to send me postcards. I don't know. Is he well? Have you seen him?

How does he look? Does he have other kids? Actually, yeah, my dad had to have two circumcisions. Really? Two penises? That's much foreskin. They were like, this thing is just monstrous. Miles and Miles are foreskin.

This child is gifted. Keeps growing back. He's got a GT pin. No, the moil was drunk the first time he cut it. My grandma explained this story while she was drunk one time. I don't think she was drunk, but she has really bad arthritis, so she takes a lot of pain pills, and she drinks a couple glasses of wine.

She gets really chatty. And we're at the dinner table for something. It been thanksgiving with some like family thing and she just points to my uncle and my dad like we're all having like cross conversation just in the middle of everything she goes which one of you had to get two circumcisions again and everybody's just like oh my god where is this gonna go and i could just see my dad was so pissed off and then she had to tell the story that the moist like well the moil see my dad was so pissed off. And then she had to tell the story. She's like, well, the mohel was drunk. He was so drunk. He locked himself in the bathroom and couldn't get out.

And I was like, was this before he cut my dad's penis? She's like, oh, yeah, it was before. It's like, before? Like, this is how wasted it is. Like, oh, let me help you out of the bathroom. Now here's the knife to chop up my son's penis. Oh, my God. I wouldn't do.

She was like, this is totally normal. Yeah, go ahead. Go for it. So then she took him into the doctor for a checkup like six months later. And the doctor was like, what the hell happened here? She's like, oh, we got him sick. That's not a penis. What the hell happened here?

Yeah, so they had to come. That's a penis. That was a horrible. That was a down joke. Going down under. Yeah, so then the doctor had to fix it. It'd be amazing if your dad had two, but your uncle had none. Put his back in all his circumcisions.

So, okay, we cut off Alex with his story. You didn't cut me off. I don't get it. It's all good. My ding dong. My ding dong. with his story about coming to America. Oh! I don't get it. It's all good. Just kidding. My ding dong. My ding dong. What a great name.

My ding dong. Go on. So, okay, you're telling us about... Go on about my ding dong. You're telling us the dark, brooding story of how you made it to America. Yes. Here's the quick story,

and then we can move right on. We're Jews in a country where Jews aren't accepted. Really? Political refugees got to America. Wow. Damn. So why were you living in a country that didn't like you? I mean, my family has been there for generations and generations.

So the country became increasingly intolerant of Jews or it was always something? Yeah, I mean, with like the World War II and the Holocaust and all that. Why would that make them dislike Jews? I feel like it made everybody else like Jews more. Hitler and other political leaders were able to instill propaganda into their citizens. But Russia

hated Hitler. Yeah, but they weren't big fans of Jews either. Nobody likes the Jews. I like the Jews. I like the Jews. We all like the Jews. Well, by the end of the podcast, I think we're going to make you change your mind.

That's the new theme of this podcast is they have to convince me to like Jews. I don't know. Make me like Jews with Josh Kudron. Make me like Jews. Do you remember any like – Just like little visuals of where we lived and stuff like that. But was there like any anti-Semitism that really like drove you guys out? I didn't know. I had no idea.

I found out later when I was like maybe like 11 or 12. Yeah, I don't really remember much of it. I do remember there was this one girl in my kindergarten class who in my mind I think she was black. But there's no way she was black. And she was probably just like a little no way she was black. She was probably just a little tan, maybe Wendy's color. I just had no point of reference because there's no black

people there, so I just remember her as a black girl. That is so amazing to me that there is that level of anti-Semitism within the last 25 years in Europe. It's just always been there. It's really weird.

Serbians raped all the Bosnians and killed them and stuff. Are you guys Hutu or Tutsis? I don't know, but I'm freezing my Tutsis off in here. Did you ever tweet that? Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, that's what it was.

Is it cold in here? Yeah. You know, Josh kind of does have that wide face, that wide cockroach. What are you, Wendy? What am I? Ethnicity-wise? I am English, Irish, and German. My last name is English.

33% of each? Yeah. My dad is Irish and English, and then my mom has got a German background. Right. Oh. Yeah. So that's why you work at an Australian restaurant. That makes no sense.

I get it. You don't. What are you, Josh? German-ish, I think. I've Googled my name before, and a bunch of German people pop up. What's your last name? Kaderna. Kaderna.

Uh-huh. Right. Kaderna Stein. Yep. Last name? Kaderna. Kaderna. Uh-huh. Right. Kaderna Stein. Yep. Last name's Hitler. Truly. I think I'm sure. Has blood relatives.

Last name Hitler? Yep. Kaderna Hitler. Kaderna Hitler. Did you know Hitler has blood relatives living in upstate New York right now? Really? Yeah. They changed their name.

Don't they refuse to have kids or something? I never heard that. That was a pact they had, so they could never... I don't know. Possibly. They definitely changed their name and no one is to be known by anyone. They don't believe in nurture versus nature. Nope. Can't spawn any more of these.

We got that fascist blood, you know? We gotta cut it off. Did you know Hitler's last name was originally like something way less catchy? Steinberg? Yeah, it was something like that, like something really long. And historians are like, would he have had the same power if he had some weird long name? Really? That's where his power comes from?

Well, I mean, would people be like Hail Braslovsky? I would hope so. I say it. I say it. Have you seen that guy? He's got 25. See that guy's ant- 25. We're young. See that guy's anteater?

I'd do anything for him. Young, crazy, and in love. Oh, yeah. World is your oyster. Always. Forever young. Oysters. What is your heritage, Mike Moran?

Mostly Irish. A little bit of English. I think my grandmother was completely English. Wait, no. That's not right. I knew that wasn't right. Nailed to the wall.

My grandfather was 100% German. Mostly everybody else was Irish, but with a little bit of English. Do you have any Germans? So you're German, English, and Irish? Yeah. Same Zs.

Don't you guys hate when comedians do the, I'm half Irish, so I drink, but I'm half German, so I drive a Volkswagen when I drink. I lock people in camps. Do comedians do that?

Just the race, like, here's who I am, so this means blah, blah, blah. I would roll my eyes at that. Kid from Kid and Play. I would just roll my eyes like, way to go with your topic. Stupid. Kid from Kid and Play for the third time.

It's an easy way to go if you're a minority. Especially if you make a bigger point that refers back to your heritage or whatever. I think if you're creative enough with any topic, then it's not a cool topic. Pretty much. I'm with it.

Why do you just get really uncomfortable? I was going to do a dumb segue to the Tosh thing, but I don't want to go there. You don't need a segue. Just be like, let's talk about rape. Rape. Rape segue. You ever been raped?

Anybody? Anybody raped on a segue? You? You? Well, you're going to get on stage. Come on stage. Yeah, the Tosh.0 or Tosh thing saying rape. Doesn't bother me. Me either. Alex, how do you feel? He didn't do it in the Tosh.0 or Tosh thing saying rape. Doesn't bother me.

Me either. Alex, how do you feel? He didn't do it in the clever way, which is, I guess, the biggest problem. If you're just like, hey, what if she got raped? Yeah, but you get defensive when you're getting heckled. It's like you have to do it really fast and shut them down. But the original joke itself didn't seem like it was clever. Oh, I thought he was just just made an offhanded comment.

I didn't know it was a joke about rape. He was going into a joke about rape to which the woman yelled out, you shouldn't make jokes about rape. So we didn't even get to finish the joke, so how do you know it wasn't clever? Because it's Tosh. Do you hate him? Do you hate this man? I don't enjoy his comedy.

I can see why other people do. I thoroughly enjoy his comedy. I think he's, like, okay here and there. I that is attackable sure right lucky for you you already coined me I'm gonna go for the foreskin. Yeah, just rip it right off. Just punch the foreskin. That's my person. Why does it keep moving? Oh, no, my foreskin. Oh, I need my ample foreskin.

No, we're not going to fight. Everybody has their own little favorites. Yeah, comedy is subjective. Yeah. I learned that. I mean, I think it's like there is a – I have a problem when comedians are like going onto that. Yeah. I mean, I think it's, like, there is a, I have a problem when comedians are, like, going on to that bully tip. Yeah, I don't like just for shock value.

Just like, I'm edgy because I talk about rape. And I don't really know what exactly was going on there. Yeah. I can't also say, you do kind of have to expect, like, like, I've had some kind of, like, jokes that were, like, racially offensive, but I didn't really think they were offensive. And I, like, I've been, like, I, like, kind of got heckled. But I kind of just, like, accepted it. Like, okay, well, maybe I am crossing the line there. Like, because I don't want to be that bully comedian, you know.

I have a Mexican joke that I think is, like, it can be taken either way. And most of the time it's accepted. But I've had experiences where they're just, like, that's a really god-awful racist joke. Yeah, I think we all have to find that line, unless you want to be the asshole shock comedian, which to me is just kind of stupid. But does anything really offend any of us? No, nothing. Yeah, I get offended sometimes. You do?

Yeah, occasionally. With what? Well, I mean, there are instances of just blatant attack on people at the show that's obviously offensive, but that's kind of in a different area. But you personally, can somebody say something to you that

will offend you? You're a white male. Not, well, I wouldn't say that really offends me, like hurts my feelings. But there are certain things people could say where I'd be like, that's kind of in poor taste. I don't have any experiences

that you could bring up that would bother me, you know what I mean? I don't have any trigger words, but I do have some things where I think, you know, that's kind of mean. Right. Like you're kind of being a dick. Yeah.

And it's just that line between being the village idiot, which the comedian often plays, the guy or girl who doesn't know what's acceptable and what's not acceptable, what's offensive and what's not offensive, and just being a dick. I agree. I agree. have you ever been offended uh no i i do like uh the commercials where the white guy like it's always the dad who's like an idiot for like whatever they're selling just like don't let dad make dinner and like shows him like pouring milk in a toaster or something like that seems to be like the tropepe of the dumb white guy. I think that's the only fair game that you can go for is making fun of white guys. I think that's just code for having children makes you stupid.

I like the mayhem commercials. Is that what it is? I read that as men get even more stupid when they have children. We have intelligence in our sperm, and we're just losing it each time. I like the Geico commercials with the gecko. Those are good. Those are really cute.

Those are good. Those are good. I'm not even chuckling at that. Oh. Oh. Why? Because I don't... Are you going to chuckle storm it?

Oh. Chuckle storm. Good point. I got to chuckle on that. Chuckles storm trooper over here. Whoa. Call Justin Jones. He'll help.

1-800-Justin-Jones. Absolutely. JJ. I know. I got to the bottom of mine, and I was like, Mike, I don't know what this is. But I don't think it's supposed to be there. That's coffee beans. Look at this.

I didn't know coffee beans were involved. It looks good. It looks good. The problem for me is I don't really care about how coffee tastes, and I know other people do. You're just using it for a jolt, yeah. See, some people enjoy coffee. If you want to get high, climb a mountain.

Yeah. Bringing it back. Bringing it back. All right. Well, we're about at the end of our hour. Wendy, you got anything going on you want to plug? This will probably be up at, like, the end of July. At the end of July.

I'll be next weekend. I don't know. I'll be in D.C. on the 26th at RFD. Okay, cool. And WendyTownsend.com. Yep. And at WendyStars on Twitter. Awesome.

Well, thanks so much for – Thank you for having me. Thanks so much for coming by. Thank you. Come back anytime. Hang with us intellectual folks. I think you did fine. Oh, thanks.

No, thanks. Keep us updated as to whether the barn exists or not. Yeah. Also, if you see my dad, just tell him I'm – He's looking forward to his call all right and then he'll probably punch me and run yeah that's how he does yeah absolutely now let's get some let's get some outro music yeah yeah alex what do you got going on oh josh you didn't have to ask me but thank you for asking

uh this is going up at the end of July? Somewhere there. We're backlogging a lot of these. I'm not going to risk it. Next ChuckleStorm is Sunday, July 22nd. Alright, I'll get it up before the 22nd. Put some pressure on you. Sunday ChuckleStorm?

Sunday ChuckleStorm. Part of Artscape. It is Fartscape. Whoa whoa you added an f at the beginning to make a flagellus joke yeah that's the only difference i got you that's the only thing we did i can see that all right i see um and august chuckle storm i don't know when it's gonna be so 20 seconds 20 seconds whom is headlining? Whom is headlining? I love that guy. He's great.

Whom is hilarious? Question mark. Question mark. Question mark about what? Question mark is headlining. Hey, it's question mark. He's always asking questions. He asks the audience.

Right. Quest Love from The Roots will be headlining. Yep. Okay, cool. Mike Moran. Actually, Kuda Kente from The Roots will be headlining. Yep. Okay, cool. Mike Moran? Actually, Kudakente from The Roots will be headlining. Oh. I read that wrong.

It's Kudakente. That guy, Toby? Stupid name, Toby. Have you ever met, like, a really cool Toby that you admire? Toby McGuire. You admire that guy? I admire him. Your name's Toby.

I don't know why I'm making fun of you. He said, have you ever met one that you admire? Oh. Well, I haven't met him. Yeah. But I'd like to. I could sleep in his eyes. I might have seen him once.

Yeah, I might have. He played a jockey once. I don't know. He did. Yeah. I don't think he was that great of a Spider-Man. I'll say it. I'll say it.

I'm okay with you saying that. I agree. Apparently, this Andrew Garfield fellow did a good job as the Spider-Man. Well, that and Emma Stern is adorable. I know. There she is. Yeah. It actually had a romance that I thought was pretty adorable.

Well, they're dating in real life, don't you know? Are they really? Oh, yeah. You know who would make a really good Spider-Man? Sinbad yeah. You know who would make a really good Spider-Man? Sinbad. I think Sinbad would make for a really good Spider-Man. I totally agree with you. Thank you.

Just kind of hanging out a little bit. That suit is magical. How many times do you think they considered making a Sinbad pirate movie starring Sinbad? Sinbad what movie? The Pirate. You know how Sinbad was a pirate? That's where that name comes from. How many times have they thought about it?

Yeah, like have they considered making a Sin... Kind of like when they started getting Chevy Chase to do Chevy Chase thing commercials. Did they do that? That's brilliant. I think they probably sit at a round table and laugh about it. It's like not a serious suggestion.

Right. Mike Moran. They did get, what's his name? Dick Wolf. No, what's that? Dick Butkus. Dick Butkus. Like Viagra commercials or something.

A guy named Dick Butkus does Viagra commercials? You know who Dick Butkus is? The famous football player. Yeah, he's the linebacker. He's like one of the fiercest linebackers ever. No, I'm sorry. It was not. No, it was Jimmy Johnson. He does Viagra? Yep.

That's a good guy to do it. I don't know if he does Viagra. Are they doing the Viagra? I would love to do that. Next episode, Jimmy Johnson. Yeah, look forward to that. Mike Moran. What's up, fella?

What do you got going on? What do I have going on? I don't think anything in the next week. Other than working on patch improv tonight. Yeah. I'll follow Mike on Twitter. I have a Brad Warner book review coming out soon. I don't know where.

Okay. Other than that, just follow me at Twitter. Michael Morantin. At Michael Morantin. Alex at Sweep Alex. Sweep Alex. Can you share your super group tweet about the Black Keys and the Roots? Oh, yeah.

The Black Keys and the Roots should start a super group called the Blackies. I thought that was one of the funniest things ever. They still do. They still do. It still holds up. It still holds up. And, yeah, follow me on Twitter at BetterRobotJosh. The podcast is at DigStashPod.

DigressionSessions.com. And leave a review and rate us on iTunes. And, yeah. Thanks, everybody. Thank you, Josh. on iTunes. And, yeah. Thanks, everybody. Thank you, Josh. Thank you. Going down under. Woo! Oh.

Oh. Are we done? No. It was fun. That was a warm-up. That was a warm-up. That was a warm-up. I didn't want to keep talking.

Ready to get loose? Good? All right. Thanks for having me. Yeah. I think so.