The Digression Sessions - Ep. 5 Putt Putt Pop! - w/ Mike Finazzo

Episode Date: September 30, 2011

Comedian Mike Finazzo joins the daring hosts Mike Moran and Josh Kuderna to take on a myriad of powerful topics such as Jeff Dunham, the Naked Cowboy, putt putt, Murtaugh and Riggs, Star Wars, open mics, podcast nerdom, Tom Cavanagh, masturbation privileges, awkward silences, dickheads, and of course entourage. Check out MikeFinazzo.net Mike Finazzo will be hosting an open mic every other Monday The Sidebar Tavern 218 East Lexington Street Baltimore, MD. It starts Monday, October 10 · 8:00pm - 11:00pm. Like our facebook page!  Digression Sessions (Podcast) !  

oh shit it's another motherfucking digression session snap yo mike what's good? I don't know. All that is absent of bad, I suppose. What's the standard answer for what is good? Wait. Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, God.

Hold on. Fuck, where's the it's all good drop? Either way, it's all good. All right. That's what I was trying to say. You remember that song by MC Hammer? Yeah. Too legit, too legit to quit?

No, it's all good. Oh. Mike. I think we should redo this intro. Why? Because it's going almost too well. I don't want to embarrass all the other podcasts out there, you know? All right, fine.

You take the reins. No, no, no. Let's start. Let's start this show. All right. All right. So, big news for you as of late. Yep.

Mike Moran, stand-up comedian extraordinaire. Right. You are going to be opening for Jeffff dunham at first mariner arena right uh no no not yet i mean well maybe maybe it's possible i haven't no one's ever suggested that nor have i thought about it or but it's not impossible you want me to call jeff later mention it to him do you know him can i talk I talk to Walter, the old curmudgeon? Probably. He's my favorite. He's hard to get a hold of.

Oh, he gets so cranky about so many things. I know, a cranky old man. Isn't that a terrorist puppet? Oh, God. My mic started working. Not going well. Here we are. He doesn't have a terrorist puppet. I think he has like a Middle Eastern looking puppet. No. And it's not sparking

outrage he has like a middle eastern puppet that wears like a uh a turban and like says like i'm going to blow up your embassy all right let's bring uh let's i think we should bring our guests in this conversation about jeff dunham the master all right let's do it sorry i didn't mean to jump in no please all, please do jump in. We should really start prepping. I feel like every week we get upset when our guests come in and we're like, no, you're not supposed to talk yet. God damn it. We didn't put a microphone in front of your face to talk.

We did not ask you several times to be on the show very nicely for you to interrupt us, okay? All right. All right, so it is Mike Furnasso. I know. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, yeah. What was that sound that was like, I know? There's a bunch of them on here.

Take me up. Let's see. What was that? Take up? No, that's her favorite coach, favorite football coach ever. Oh, Dicka. Mike Dicka. Oh, okay.

Dicca! Mike Dicca. Mike Dicca! Right? Please drop that in every time I tell a joke. Oh, yeah! Then we got this ready, too.

So, if anything goes good, we'll be hearing a lot of that. Yeah, so we won't be hearing much of that. All right, local comedian Mike Fonazo. Mike Fonazo. Welcome to 2921 Studios. I think that's what I'm going to name this place, 2921 Studios.

I don't remember discussing that with you. Just because you do all of the editing doesn't mean that I can't have a stage. You own all the equipment. You do it at your house. I seem to be the one getting the talent on this show. You're not talking about yourself, right? I'm talking about the comedians that I've gone to painstaking lengths to book on this show. I think you're opening up for Jeff Dunham's terrorist puppet that's gone to your head.

He's like, we all know who the brains behind this operation is. Yeah, otherwise you'd be interviewing Amanda and Paul every week. Those would be pretty good, though, I think. Like, honey, I love you. You love me, too? Now let's discuss how you're ruining my life. Oh, Amanda's my girlfriend, by the way. She's upstairs.

And Paul's his roommate. Yeah, Paul's my roommate. Also upstairs. Hopefully not in the same room. I think I just heard the bathtub and two sets of feet. Could be. Are you applying to the band that has four legs? My girlfriend's a centaur. I should just be honest

right now. I love her though. She's beautiful. It's very expensive to feed her though but uh i love her so mike finazzo how are you i'm good thank you for having me thanks for being on the podcast uh i was doing some research on you and you made it pretty easy got your own blog i do which is thank you for being the one that reads it no problem i also read your blog fairly regularly yeah what's the exact address it's a blog spot right it's mikefinazzo.net is my website and the blog's on there um or yeah you can find it on blog spot um but yeah i i have a blog where i basically for the most part i just talk about each stand-up show I do. I try to do like a little blurb on everything.

Yeah, yeah. I read your piece on playing Caroline's recently. I did. Yeah, I did Caroline's in the last week of August. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. Yeah, the piece is really good to read, too, because you could kind of see your retribution. You've been there before, and you said it didn't go as well, and now you came back and killed it.

So I don't know. It was written really well, too. Yeah, I try to be really honest when it comes to when I suck or if it's a shitty situation. I had a lot of curse on here, right? Okay. Oh, yeah. Well, we just turned to the explicit tag.

You know, it's way better to lie about your flaws to people. Yeah. That way they think you're wonderful. It's better to walk around with a girl going, oh, yeah. Fuck. Fuck. I don't even know what it is. It's all good.

Am I going to have to bring on a woman to do those sounds live? I think we should. What if we had like the digression sessions dancers or something? Like a whole backup group. And you just hear like feet. Well, they could be like chorus. Oh, yeah. Oh, we have a juggler on the

show today wow look at that whoa almost dropped that one juggling chainsaw that's amazing too bad our viewers can't our viewers our listeners can't see that jesus this podcast is going good oh yeah so yeah what was it like playing carol? It was pretty awesome. Just, like, I think the first time I went there, I was a little freaked out. Right. Just because, like, every great comedian's been there. Jeff Dunham's been there. Jeff Dunham had his puppet, his racist terrorist shoe-bombing puppet. Well, he's combining all three now so you could just be as racist as possible

but uh yeah so like the first i was like kind of intimidating and i think the second time i was more ready for it right it was it was awesome and uh it was i was on the same show well the put it perspective and i don't remember if i mentioned this in the blog the first time i went um they always say that on these shows, like a national headliner drops by. Right. And so you're like wondering, is it going to be Louis C.K. or Seinfeld? Right. And the first time I did it, it was a guy named the Naked Cowboy.

The Naked Cowboy. Wasn't he in some music video in the early 2000s? Yeah. And he's been on Howard Stern a few times. But he's kind of like, does like bar jokes and plays the guitar. I didn't realize he was, I thought he was just a street musician. I think he is, and he does the same exact thing he does

on the street on stage. He's trying to be a comedian now. Oh, okay. Because he was the guy that was just in Times Square for the longest time. You could see during TRL, like wearing a diaper and a guitar or something. Wouldn't he be freezing in the middle of winter, or did he only come out in warm months? No, I think he still does it during the winter.

That's like his whole shtick. Yeah, that's what he does year round. And I think he actually has a few guys that call themselves the Naked Cowboy. I think he's like Enterprise it. Wow. Because I've definitely seen a different person wearing that. What happens if he gets an erection? Hey, man. You play through it gets an erection? Hey, man.

You play through it. Show it off. Right, right. Suffer for your heart. So, yeah, the first time I did it, I was, like, pumped about who. Naked cowboy being that. I was like, I'm going to do a show. Yeah, already in my head, I'm like, I'm going to do a show with Chris Rock,

and then the naked cowboy pops in. Yeah, in your mind,ris rock's just gonna pick you and be like let's do a show together you're like yes okay yeah great exactly yeah you you have all these like fantasies in your head and also you convince your friends right i have a few friends in new york that i was like you never know who's gonna drop by yeah i'm not gonna say anything but it's gonna be seinfeld and and then, yeah, like, I walked in and saw the dude in his tighty-whities and an acoustic guitar, and my heart just dropped. But, yeah, the second time I did it, it was, like, Judah Friedlander.

He's awesome. Yeah, a great stand-up. He's from Maryland, too, actually. Yeah, he's from Silver Spring. Yeah. Yeah, he's on 30 Rock. He's the guy that wears, like, the hats, say, like, World Champion and stuff like that. Oh, okay. Okay, don't you have one of his books in your crapper right now? Yeah, he's on 30 Rock. He's the guy that wears the hats, say, like world champion and stuff like that. Oh, okay.

Okay, don't you have one of his books in your crapper right now? Yeah, I do. It's a perfect book for the crapper, which sounds like a terrible thing to say, but it's mostly just pictures. It's like, it's mostly pictures. My toilet loves this book. But it's him explaining how basically to beat up anyone or survive a situation, and he's taken so many pictures pictures and the descriptions are hilarious.

Next time it's like, say you run into ninjas on the train. And then it's him in New York on a train with these ninjas. And then there's one where he's training strippers how to fight and stuff like that. It's good. My favorite joke he told when he dropped in at Caroline's was the toughest part about playing miniature golf is taking a dump on the golf course and watching the people behind you putt around it. Which is so dumb. It's hilarious. Yeah.

Let me ask you this, though. How do you feel about people that call miniature golf putt-putt? Tough question right away. Wow. He turned into Barbara Walters. I'm going to cry. I really have no emotional feeling towards this at all. Really? Josh, how do you feel?

I don't care either. I call it putt-putt. What? That is outrageous. I don't know. I think I've heard both terms. It doesn't really bother me. Well, it puts a fire in my soul. Is it because when your dad walked out on your mom, he said, I'll be right back.

I'm going to play putt-putt. No. And never came back? I mean, psychologically, that could be part of the reason on a conscious level. Right. But essentially, I just don't like the term. Like pop. I think that's like a Midwest thing.

I'm pretty sure. I don't care what it is. I'm not talking about the origins pretty sure. I don't care what it is. I'm not talking about the origins of it. I don't fucking support it anywhere. Wherever it happens. I'll try to justify it. Jason, past guest on Digression Sessions. He lives in Minnesota.

And he said people would make fun of him. Past guest. He said past guest on Digression Sessions. He passed gas on this show. I'm pretty sure. But he was a past guest as well. But he lived in Minnesota for a while. And he'd be like, can I get a soda?

Like, a soda? What? You mean a pop? Really? No. But it's not like they call it pop on TV and in movies and stuff, do they? I don't think so. Not since like Happy Days or something.

Right, exactly. Shouldn't it be like accepted? That it's just soda? Well, it just doesn't seem like you could go anywhere in America and be like, soda. And they'd be like, what? Hey, look at Mr. East Coast over here. A Yankee. Yeah. Mike Fonazo, how do you feel about the term pop?

I've never called soda pop. That's not what we asked. I'm not a member of the Communist Party. Have or ever will be. I've got socialist anxiety disorder. I actually did have a teacher in middle school that used to call soda pop, and it drove me nuts. Yeah. Well, that's how I feel about putt-putt.

All right. I forgot about that conversation, so thank you for bringing it back up. All right, Mike Moran, thanks for bringing up that important topic while we discuss Mike Finasso's budding career. Speaking of Mike Finasso's budding career, you got to meet Chris Rock recently. I did. Yeah, I'm name dropping today. I dropped that name. So the naked trucker brought you under his wing, and he's like, I'm going to introduce. I dropped that name. So the naked trucker. I expect the favor to be returned.

The naked trucker brought you under his wing. And he's like, I'm going to introduce you to all the heavy hitters. Naked trucker? There's a naked trucker too? Oh, fuck. No, naked cowboy. I mean, naked like. There's naked trucker and T-bones, which was like a duo of, fuck, what's the guy?

He's in like Anchorman and everything. Yeah, it was David Koechner. David Koechner and another guy. And the dude from Freaks and Geeks who was the guidance counselor. Yeah. Mr. Rosso. So a lot of naked people taking over blue-collar jobs these days. Right.

The naked rancher. Yeah. The naked electrician. So the naked trucker, the naked cowboy. Yes. And Chris Rock. Yep. This kid's going to the top.

I actually didn't meet Chris Rock during anything stand-up related. My wife and I, on our honeymoon, we went on a road trip up to New England. On the way up, we hit New York. Oh, there's a New England? Yes, there is. A jolly New England. I prefer classic England myself. Well, you also call soda soda yeah

you fucking elitist um christ but um yeah we we stopped in new york and we saw chris rock's play and the motherfucker with the hat the motherfucker with the hat which is called i didn't know that it is which was actually a great play really Really? It's not running anymore, but it was an awesome play. And yeah, I got to meet him afterwards. Nice. And it was pretty exciting. There was this girl who really wanted to get her picture taken with him, and she kept going, oh my God, I'm literally going to shit my pants. And I'm like, don't do that,

because it's going to make it awkward for Chris Rock. More awkward than it already is by you saying that and then she said something to him like uh uh i had a really deep conversation with i was just like i'm a big fan of uh of talking funny which you did and he was like thanks man and then he moved on to the next person that was the whole. But then this lady was like, we'd make a great couple to Chris Rock. And he just went, calm down, white girl. But no, it was pretty cool.

Yeah, I would love to actually have a conversation with him someday. Well, you're in luck. Come on out, Chris. Chris, that's who's upstairs in the bathtub. Calm down, white girl in the bathtub. That was my Chris Rock impression. Speaking of impressions, can I try this out on you guys?

Yes. Are you guys familiar with the movie Lethal Weapon? Yes. I don't know if I've ever really seen it all the way through. I saw part four in the theater. Okay. Well, I'm glad you bought the best one to watch. That's Chris Rock's in Lethal Weapon 4 the theater. Okay. Well, I'm glad you bought the best one. That's Chris Rockson.

Yeah. He's the weapon for it, actually. Jet Li. Yeah. Um, but the Danny Glover's character's name is Murtaugh. Mel Gibson's character's name is Riggs.

And, uh, Danny Glover or Murtaugh, he's always saying, uh, calling Mel Gibson by his, his character's name, which is Riggs.

He's always like, Riggs. Right. Okay. And that's it. That's just my impression Riggs. He's always like, Riggs. Right, okay. And that's it. That's just my impression right there. That's good. I like it. But I was trying to think of different things I could turn it into, just asking him questions.

Be like, and Bertall, what's your favorite of that cookie? It's that Newton type of cookie? Figs. I like it. I'm going to go get a pack of something. What do you want me to get you a pack of? Six. I just don't think that'll work at a stand-up.

What is bacon made out of? Pigs. I feel like you had to think about that. I was like, pigs? Pigs. Horses. No. Pigs! Horses? No, pigs!

I don't do impressions, but I started driving my wife crazy by doing a John C. Reilly impression. Oh, can I hear it? It's just like I would follow her around the house and speak, hello, it's me, John C. Reilly. You may recognize me from films such as Boogie Nights. And it's really bad, but it pissed her off so much that I kept doing it. And finally she was like, I will take away your masturbation privileges. Wow. She's in control of your masturbation privileges. She is.

She gets real when you do a John C. Reilly impression. What if you start masturbating as John C. Reilly? Then I think it's all fair game. Yeah. I would just be masturbating. Be like, I'm friends with Marky mark so uh i'm gonna keep doing this i like it it's teetering on the edge of kermit but i think yeah which is just my voice i'm just it's uh i'm very limited it's good though it's good i like it i like it i like it

so yeah so caroline's went well and there's another comedian there that you got to meet there was yeah that was a very smooth yeah that was a setup yeah smooth move x lax it would have been smoother sorry would have been smoother if i didn't point out how smooth it was just like yeah it was uh you're right no well actually like uh I felt really good about my set, and I had to, like, kind of leave the showroom just to kind of, like, get my shit together. Yeah, you killed it, by the way.

There's a YouTube video on MikeFernando.net. Yeah, it had a really good set, and I walked out to, like, the bar area, and there's nobody out there, and just at the bar was Bill Burr. Yeah, did you get nervous? You were like, eh. Kind of, because, like, I just wanted to go over to the bathroom. It was weird because I went from

the mode of, I just wanted to go to the bathroom and collect myself. I was trying to, in my head, avoid the awkward encounter to the person they have in the bathroom who gives you towels and shit. I hate that. What a useless scam. What a useless

scam. What a shit gig. You've got a crap job. Oh, yeah. Wife at home, how was your day? Crappy. Crappy. In my head, I'm already like, do I have to tip this guy again?

Oh, because you've already been in there once? And then your kidneys get all damaged because you're trying not to pee very often. Right, exactly. And, yeah, I walk out, and as I'm thinking about this, I see Bill Burr. And I'm just like, fuck it, I'm going to go talk to him. Bill Burr was the bathroom attendant at Caroline's? Yeah. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. It's on hard times yeah i love your podcast thanks man thanks man

need a condom um but uh but he was at the bar um and just like eating and uh-huh uh i actually like had an icebreaker because we did the same podcast which actually mike did too uh called sloppy seconds yeah i don't know if you got fucking bill burr on their podcast i didn't know Breaker because we did the same podcast, which actually Mike did too, called Slobby Seconds. We got fucking Bill Burr on their podcast? I didn't know that. We got to step our game up. Yeah, they get Bill Burr, you guys get Mike Farnasso. Sorry. No, I didn't mean that as a bad word.

No, no. We could wrap this up anyway. We got to call Bill Burr. Give me Burr on the line. Maybe we should flash the light during our podcast on people that are talking. Wrap it up. I think we can do that in real life. That's a good bit.

I'm writing it down. Flashing the light. There was a similar thing on Chappelle's show. Yeah, I know. They did that with the Oscar music or whatever. Sorry, I got to give my dog a treat or something. Sorry, you can keep telling the story. I'll be right back.

Yeah, so I saw Bill Burr, and I was like, yeah, we did the same podcast. dog like a treat or something but sorry you keep telling the story yeah so i was uh i i saw bill burr and i was like yeah we did the same podcast i'm from baltimore and we just talked for a few minutes right and it turned out he wasn't there to do a show he was there because he was on letterman and just basically that's a tradition for him he celebrates by going to eat dinner at caroline's which is like right across the street okay I talked to him for over 10 minutes. Really? Wow, that's awesome. So he's super nice, sounds like. Yeah, super cool guy.

Really generous with his time. It was really neat. Did you guys just talk about comedy? Just kind of give you some advice? Just kind of shoot the shit? A little bit of both. I didn't want to be like, I'm a comedian

too because i'm sure he gets that all the time right so like mainly we talked about like you know uh when he was down uh in baltimore doing a show at the wrecker yeah i saw him there and joe de rosa opened it was oh i didn't realize joe opened up that shit yeah he's a great he's amazing man uh joe de rosa really good new New York comic. Yeah, Joe DeRosa. Why are you on a first-name basis with the mic? Because I can be. They used to play putt-putt together. Bring it back!

We were drinking a soda together, or some people call it pop. Joe doesn't, but I do. No, I've seen, I saw him at McGubyies about a year ago. Really, really funny guy. Really nice, too. He has a new CD that just came out. Yeah, I got that one recently on iTunes. It's pretty cool. It's like the way he describes it.

It's not his second CD, but it's more like a companion to his last CD. It's kind of building on the same stuff, but he's really fucking funny. It's like GNR Lies. Yep, exactly. Use Your Illusion. No, no, Use Your Illusion was an actual album. GNR Lies was just kind of like a companion to Appetite for Destruction.

Welcome to the Guns N' Roses cast. But yeah, he was really cool. You can tell he's like a genuine dude. He remembered the people's names at this shitty little podcast. Yeah, fuck this Lobby seconds pod. No, but he remembers Andrew and Sasha.

I'm sure he does. That's good, because I can't remember their names. Now that you've opened up for Jeff Dunham's puppet, you've forgotten all the little people. I'm just kidding. They're super nice, fun, cool people. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he should have one. I mean, the dude does Opie and Anthony regularly, and I'm sure he mean the dude does like opie and anthony regularly and

i'm sure like beats a million people and every city does yeah he's doing interviews like that so just the fact that he remembered them and uh it's really cool and just a good guy yeah i met him after the show too and um do you listen to joe rogan podcast every once in a while i actually listened to bill his when he was on there last time. Yeah, did you hear? It was like the huge argument that he had with Brian Redband, who's also on Joe Rogan's podcast. About Stitcher? Yeah, about RSS feeds and stuff like that. What's Stitcher?

It's an app that you can get on your phone or mobile device, which basically it's like Pandora for podcast. And it fucks up other people's podcasts because a lot of them depend on their download numbers. It's through iTunes to get advertising and stuff like that. And then they charge for advertising Stitcher themselves, and they weren't paying Bill Burr and stuff like that. Oh, I see. Yeah, and they did the same thing. Mark Maron made sure his was taken off, and they screwed a lot of people.

Yeah, we're in litigation right now, Stitcher. I'd like to speak more about it right now, but our lawyers. You're in litigation because they're not stealing your podcast. Exactly. Josh's lawyer, you can't see this at home, but Josh's lawyer is here shaking his head. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And his finger. But, yeah, I was just telling him. I was drunk after the show. I was like, you're so right, man. At first I was trying to joke around with him and be like, hey, if you don't want it out there, don't have an RSS feed. He's like, what?

I'm just kidding. I agree with you. It's the last thing he wants is somebody just busting his balls about something he said on a podcast. Like, you're wrong. You're stupid. Then I already had his DVD too, so I didn't buy his DVD. I just wanted to get get a picture and then like he kind of had his dvd on the table and i was like good to meet you they're like kind of slid by so it's like this awkward thing a free sample well kind of just like like are you gonna buy it dvd dvd and then i bought joe de rosa's cd after

that so it kind of made it even more awkward it It's like, you're great. Joe, you want $20? I think it was Bill Burr, but he actually talked about that on a podcast. Really? About Josh? About when I met him. Yeah, he was like, son of a douchebag. Probably runs a podcast out of his kitchen, the douche. Right.

No, but he was talking about how it's always awkward. Feature acts have T-shirts and CDs and stuff. I guess that's a good way to make some quick money, though. It is. There was a featured act at McGoobies. It was last weekend who had four CDs and a bunch of T-shirts. But that's great because it's extra money. And also, if you have clever merchandise, people are going to buy it.

It's kind of like a meet and greet that you can make money on. Definitely. But it's always awkward when I see opening acts who don't do well or something, and people are just walking by like, oh, nice. Yeah. Right, yeah. T-shirts, pins, handjob. I opened up.

Shiny shoes. Signature. I opened up for somebody at McGoobies who had like 100 T-shirts, and you could see the huge box they had right by the door like didn't sell one all weekend wow and that's kind of like you not buy Bill Burr's dut it's just like people like they see the merch and like in their eyes it's like yeah I'm not I'm not gonna buy this but hi I wanted to tell him too like I just the moment just slid by too fast and be like I already own it even though he probably wouldn't believe that either right but you know

you got my money for the ticket, so whatever. Yeah. He was really funny. I love Bill Burr. I think he's one of the best out there. He is. I think he's very underappreciated, too. Yeah.

Or maybe I feel like he's just starting to get his due. Yeah, definitely. And he's been in the game like 20 years or something. Yeah. So how long have you been doing stand-up? I started around the same time Mike did. It was like February of, I guess, 2010. So, like, we're coming up

on two years. That's awesome. You guys are moving along pretty good. Yeah, I'd say we both have had pretty successful careers thus far. I mean, for doing it for so short a time. Well, you're doing a little better than

I am. I think so. You haven't even officially dropped your news yet because we've been fucking with you. Yeah, but you've... No, I'd say you've been more successful than me. Mike is opening for the Naked Trucker. At Wembley Stadium. I'm opening for the Naked Tobacco Farmer.

You can see me in Times Square. Now, Mike Moran, you will be opening for who? I love that guy. I don't know. Some guy. Michael Ian Black. Michael Ian Black. Oh, yeah.

Mike. Can you just follow me around with that thing? I would love to I want to be at work And just do Oh yeah It's like Mike Did you send me that email

It's like yeah Twice Oh yeah Boom I gotta get that one too It's all good That's when you could be Kind of sending to somebody

Or something But I'm Michael William Black If you lose your voice Like Robert Ebert Maybe you could like Throw some If you lose your voice like Robert Ebert, maybe you could throw some of those on your voice thing. If you ever get debilitating mouth cancer,

I will follow you around. Thank you. You can just have your own. Just hit button. Nobody can say anything. Now I'm out of a job. Thanks, Mike. It would have a certain charm

if Josh followed me around. That's how the market works, Josh. That would be great. I'm your hype man. Just in life. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's how the market works, Josh. I'm your hype man. In life. Oh yeah. It's all good. Oh yeah.

Yeah, but that's fucking awesome, man. You'll be opening for Michael Ian Black at the Auto Bar Saturday, November 12th. All right. Sounds good. It's like I'm giving you the news for the first time. Like, okay. That sounds good. Yeah, I will be doing some time

before it might be... You're going to prison before the show? Yeah. Just to get hard. Get hardened. Hard. Get hardened. Yeah. Got really fortunate with this. Apparently some people put in a good word about me and

yeah I'll be performing before Mike Lee and Black. Are you worried that you're too excited? I would say right now I'm about at my most excited and I am concerned yes. You're concerned? concerned yeah how long are you gonna do 20 minutes 20 minutes minuto jail yeah minuto they'll be there 20 minutos

that's how I measure time how long how long Ricky Martin was in minuto so I think it's like a few years I saw I saw his bite part of his biography yesterday actually and they meant he left when he was 17. You had to leave Menudo when you got to 17 or to a certain height. Yeah, it was 80. You know, like the biography channel. So he had to leave Menudo. That would be awesome if Vern Troyer was a member of Menudo.

Just like a 30-year member. Like he's 55. What? The greatest member. I never got kicked out of Kid Rock until he died. He was in it for life. Too soon. Who are some other little people we could make fun of here?

Did Josie ever do a solo album? I don't think so. That would be awesome if he did, but it was all just hype work like he did with Kid Rock. He rapped a few times. He had at least one rap. He was 3'9 with a 10-foot dick, if I do remember. He had his little rap at least in one song. Yeah, so what were we talking about?

You going to jail? You featuring for Michael Black? Yes. Michael Ian Black. Right. Apparently Mike is just so comfortable with every comedian that he can just go, You're opening for Mikey? That's great.

MIB? You're opening for MIB? MIBs. Make your head move. Welcome to Men in Black. Men in Black. Yeah, so what are you going to do? Like 20 minutes?

Is it just going to be you and him? Mike Bowen is, sure. Well, I think it's going to be Dan and Alex, Mike Moran, Mike Lee and Black. Nice. I thought Dan and Alex were breaking up. No, that's just for one show, I think. Yeah, I think they're still engaged.

Those kids are so cute. But yeah, he's not sure about how much time I will get at this point. But I will get some time. It might be like 20 minutes. That's pretty good because, yeah, you're featuring, right? I guess so.

I don't know. That's a feature act, right? The person right before the headliner. Yeah, I guess so. But there's only three people. It's probably like two openers and the headliner. Right. You know?

And by three people, I mean four people. I think in the biz. I know how the biz works. Right. You know? And by three people, I mean four people. I think in the biz. I know how the biz works. Yeah, he does. And, yeah, you're middling, featuring. Middling, featuring. That's awesome. Yeah.

Congrats, congrats. That's funny. A lot of people know Michael Ian Black from, like, The State. You know a lot of stuff he did with, like, David Wayne and Stella. The H1. I love the blank. I know Michael Ian Black from Ed. Does anybody remember that show?

I do remember, but I never watched it. Didn't David Letterman produce that show and it opened with a Foo Fighters song? He did. Next year. Yep. I've seen every episode of Ed. I don't really know. I own a big label DVD.

Really? Is it really good? It's actually a really good show. It was one of those kind of arrested development, never quite found its audience kind of shows. And it's very weird and quirky. My So-Called Life. I actually never liked My So-Called Life. I didn't either.

Jordan Catalano? Oh, he's so douchey, though. He was dreamy. Yeah. Not a fan. No. No, Michael E. Black was very funny on Ed. How many seasons did Ed go?

Like three and a half. Oh, they got cut off in the middle? I think they did wrap it up well, but the last season was really short. Like 12 episodes or something. Wasn't the main character of Ed also the brother of Zach Braff's character on Scrubs? Yes, Tom Cavanaugh. Wait, the characters were brothers? No, the actor played a different character.

Sorry. I thought we were going for some sort of TV show universe thing where people are related. No, when Ed met Scrubs. Or crossover shows like Flintstones and Jetsons. That would be a great quirky Godzilla meets King Kong.

Ed versus Scrubs. all of scrubs word all right how do you guys feel about tv uh crossovers uh i'm not familiar with too many of them to be honest i can't name one oh yeah the simpsons and the critic i think it's probably one of the best there's plenty of episodes where he man and shira hung out full house and and Family Matters. Yep. I remember when we were talking about that. Family Matters and Step by Step. Oh, and I found a flaw in the universe of those shows through that episode.

What's that? Wow. Hold on. Urkel was black. Urkel? Is that the flaw? Urkel appeared on Full House as Urkel, right? Right. As, like, a real person. Like, they're all Urkel, right? Right.

As like a real person. Like they're all real in this universe. Right. But then, if you'll remember a little show called Mr. Cooper. Yeah, Mr. Cooper. Michelle also appeared on that as Michelle, right? So we're now assuming that all three of these shows exist in one single universe, correct? I guess that'd be a fair assessment.

You totally lost me. Because I probably shouldn't say this, but as soon as you said Haggit with Mr. Cooper, I have a friend who opened up for him. And apparently that dude's the biggest cokehead in the world. Really? Yeah, like Mr. Wholesome, TGIF, Mr. Cooper. Finally some drama that's going to get this podcast on the map. Mike Bonazzo alleges Mr. Cooper's

a cokehead. The massive amounts of coke that he was starting. Apparently, this is I won't say the name of the club, but it rhymes with the small-to-more somony-dactory. Figure that one out. Goobies?

Autobar. Apparently. A black comedian at the Baltimore County. Alabama? Is that who you're talking about? He's not a comedian. That guy opened for Doug Benson when I saw him a little while ago.

Doug loves movies? I wanted to go, but I had another show that night. It was awesome. I bought it. I usually to go, but I had another show that night. It was awesome. I bought it. It was weird, because I usually buy and pay for episodes. Yeah, I do too, but they got fucking wasted, as you could tell. My favorite part was Anthony Jeselnik talking about

how he went to the bathroom, and it was like people waiting for the Holocaust, which never happened. Call back to a previous episode. Waiting for the Holocaust, like waiting for the holocaust like waiting for the gas chamber yeah he was like he was like this show's been going on so long i went to take a piss and like there are people standing in the bathroom it's like they're waiting for the showers to come on at the holocaust jesus christ yeah man the the show went on i think for like almost two

hours i think it was just four comedians getting wasted and wasted and wasted. And I love Doug Loves Movies, but yeah, that one was a long haul. But I stayed, I listened to it till the end. Yeah, they got, it was so long, yeah, they took a bathroom break in the middle. They were just like, Doug, is this going to end? I have to take a piss. He's like, well, go piss. We'll wait.

He's like, what the fuck is going on? So we all just sat around and waited for them to go pee and then come back. We've got to go see The Nerdist, by the way. Oh, yeah. You down for that, Mike? I'm down. They're coming to the 930 Club. Are they really?

Yeah. They're all going to do, like, stand up in the beginning and then do, like, a kind of podcast. I love Chris Hartwick. He was just on Marc Maron. Yep. And it's a really good interview. He's a really interesting guy. But, yeah, he's a really funny guy. Okay, so really interesting guy. He's a really funny guy.

Back to Mr. Cooper. My friend was opening for him and he walked into the dressing room and Mr. Cooper was just doing coke. Apparently, that was a theme that ran for the rest of the week. Every time he walked in, he was doing coke. Really?

Maybe he just does it before he performs. Any single room he's in. Maybe he's necessarily a cokehead. He's in the bathroom, in the green room. There's rumors that Conan O'Brien does it before he performs. Any single room he's in. Maybe he's necessarily a cokehead. He's in the bathroom, in the green room. There's rumors that Conan O'Brien does coke before he performs. Really? Have you noticed all the for years when he's on? Well, I do that, but I just have sinus problems.

Right. But that's from years of doing cocaine. Exactly. It's a chicken-egg situation. Definitely. Definitely. All right. Well, let's take a break and have a word from our sponsor.

Alright, sounds good. These guys are doing great. They've been sober now for three months. Still doing at least five meetings a week. Seeing them turn their lives around has been phenomenal. When I first met them in that church basement, they were in bad shape. I do wish they would share a little bit more at the meetings. I do disapprove of Joshua and I'm with stupid t-shirt with an arrow pointing to a picture of Bill Wilson.

But otherwise, they're okay. Keep it up, guys. Thanks, sponsor. Now back to the show. Oh, sponsor. Now back to the show. Oh, yeah. And we're back. All right. That was great.

And we're back. All right. So what were we talking? Comedy? I think we were talking comedy. No, I'm pretty sure it was sci-fi. Oh, I think so. I think so.

Was it? Does the first Alien hold up? Mike Fonazzo, you first. I've actually never seen any Alien movies. Get the fuck out of here. I've actually never seen Star Wars. Talk about Ripley's Believe It or Not. I've never seen Alien.

I've never seen E.T., but I've seen Mac and Me. What is Mac and Me? I saw Mac and Me. It was like a total ripoff of E.T. But it was made by McDonald's, right? I don't think McDonald's was ever officially part of it. I think they did product ties. I think it was actually made by McDonald's.

But if it wasn't, then it was the biggest product tie-in ever. And there's a bunch of them throughout the movie. They drink Diet Coke and go to McDonald's. There's a bunch of them throughout the movie. They drink Diet Coke and go to McDonald's. It's just ridiculous. After I saw that, I was like, I don't need to see E.T. I know what happens. It ended with

we'll be back or something like that. A sequel that never happened. Yet. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Eminem 20 years later. yet fingers crossed fingers crossed Eminem 20 years later as a rapper? no, as me

oh I thought you were going to say Eminem will reprise the franchise somehow he'll play the older, whatever the kid was I don't know I'm not a big sci-fi guy either I'm not either, but-fi guy either. I don't think. I'm not either, but Alien is

awesome. Aliens 2. The first two were good. Predator. That's a solid Alien movie. Predator 2.

A really good movie. I've only seen the first one. There they say. Where's that Griggs? They're like,

what is that thing? It's a Predator. Wait, that's not going to work. It's a Pred. Wait, that's not going to work. It's a predator, Riggs. Danny Glover, great replacement for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Like, well, we can't get Arnold back. What's the closest thing we can find?

Danny Glover was hot, man. Lethal Weapon 1, 2, and 3. Yeah, he could take over the franchise. I think that was all right what about uh so they're working on what apparently i think started as an alien prequel and now it's becoming some little thing by ridley scott who did the original called prometheus but how come you've never seen these movies mike i mean have you i'm just not a big sci-fi fan right and yeah i mean well the star wars in particular everybody told me yeah i'm not a big sci-fi fan. Right. And, yeah, I mean, well, the Star Wars in particular, everybody told me.

Yeah, I'm not big on Star Wars. So I'm like, fuck this. Really? You did it for punk rock. Yeah. Anti-establishment. I'm not seeing Star Wars. You did it for the same reason that I wouldn't like Green Bay High School.

Fuck you, too. I'm going to watch Mac and Me. Yeah. Exactly. Like, I'm not going to watch Star Wars, but I'm going to watch Armageddon, ironically. Don't waste my time. You must hang out at Red Emma's. Mike actually does Mac and Me fanfic, I've heard.

Fanfic, yep. Fafik. It's really underground compared to all the Doctor Who fanfiction. I don't understand that. I've only seen a little bit of Doctor Who. I watched one episode. I think it was the first episode of maybe the newest series of it.

Some girl forced me to watch. Really? Yep. Held open your eyelids? She threatened my dog. I apologize for my mother's behavior. She is nasty.

She's a big Who fan, though. Yeah, loves herself some Doctor Who. Gotta respect that. That'd be really embarrassing if you were an Asian physician. Just in general. If you were an Asian physician and your last name was Who.

Or if you were Hispanic and your last name is who? Or if you're, you know, Hispanic and your last name is Pepper. Is that a popular last name? And your first name is Jalapeno? Oh, God. Yeah, Dr. Pepper. Hi, I'm Frederick Pitt. I'm not some fancy doctor, but I make a good pop. You should drink it.

I'm Mr. Pibb. DJ Snippy. If they made a ghetto version of Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper. What's another prefix we can use? Esquire. Admiral. Mountain Dew Esquire. All right.

So, Mike Fonazo, you were telling us before the mics got hot, before they got hot, that you were going to do an open mic in the Baltimore area starting soon? I was. Yeah. Tentatively, it's looking like it's going to start October 10th at Sidebar. And it's going to be every other Monday thing. So all comedians welcome. Yeah, I just wanted to create a spot that's just really friendly

for comedians to come out and try out new material. I think there are a lot of bad open mics that you can drive up to an hour to do, sometimes more. Like I do a few times a week. In D.C., what is that like? Do they charge you money and stuff? I've heard some open mics you gotta pay five bucks, you might not even get to go up. Really? York, you do. I don't think there are any in D.C., what is that like? Do they charge you money and stuff? Like I've heard some open mics that you've got to like pay five bucks.

You might not even get to go up. In New York, you do. Yeah. I don't think they're any in D.C. But, no, it's just one of those things to where I think that wherever – and there are also some good open mics in New York where you can pay to do. Right. That like five bucks or whatever.

And it's totally worth doing. Cool. But it's just I found that a lot of open mics are going to be all comics. Yeah. And I find that, like, a lot of guys were coming and doing the same jokes in front of the same people repeatedly. Right. Yeah, that's pretty weird to do, especially at an open mic session. Right.

And also, like, there are a lot of people that, there are a lot of times where it's like you drive two hours to do a crappy open mic. So it's like, I want to, you know, create a situation where it's like really close to home where guys can come and experiment. And it's okay to fail. And it's okay to work on new bits. Right. And actually, like, the main motivation for me is I'm going to record my first CD in February. Wow. Nice.

Congrats. Oh, thank you. And actually, my opener is Mike Moran. Really? You lucky bastard. And the future has opened up for Mike William Black and Jeff

Dunham's Puppet. How can you refer to Bill Barr as Bill Barr? But Mike Moran is Mike Moran. Okay. First of all, I'm going to go on Mike Moran on you. First of all, it's Bill Burr. That's what I said. I pronounced it that way. You said Bill Burr. No, whenever I say Bill Maher, I say real time with Bill Maher.

That's what his name is. You think he ever brings that up in the bedroom? He's like, this is real time with Bill Maher. That's politically incorrect. Boom. No, I say, I always say your whole name even when you come up in conversation with Laura. I always say it

because there are a million fucking Mikes. Yeah, me too. In this room, there's at least five. So when you're in bed and you're like, what would you do to Mike Moran if he were here right now? You always say my whole name. Well, Mike Moran's the name of your penis as well, right? And blowjobs. I was like, can you give my Mike Moran a Mike Moran's the name of your penis as well, right? And blowjobs.

I was like, can you give my Mike Moran a Mike Moran? And it's really weird. I had one hell of a Mike Moran last night. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how to get back to the topic. Just do it. Just do it.

We're going to derail you every time you try to bring up your CD. It's okay. It's all right. Talk blowjobs, Mr. Cooper. Open mics. I wanted a place to where I can just work on material for that. And it's hard to do that when there aren't as many close.

And I think we're actually starting to get a pretty good scene. Like a guy that Mike and I know, LeClerc Darwick just started an open mic on tuesdays and i think really where um it's all-star bar and grill on utah street okay um and last week was the first one it was actually pretty cool tuesdays and that's gonna be every tuesday okay um so i think monday and tuesdays that'll be awesome right so and like T-Brad has high tops on Monday. Oh, okay. On Monday? Oh, it's Sunday.

I'm sorry. I thought you were saying there's a second one. So I think that like the hope is like every night of the week there's going to be a place to go to work on. Yeah. That would be amazing. So yeah, like for me, I don't have many shows and I've tried to like not book a lot of shows over the next three months because I just want to constantly work on writing yeah and stuff yeah and uh so I'm gonna hit as many open mics as I can including my own and just work on the new material yeah and then in January

and February I'll get a bunch of shows to polish it and then record it wow are you are you recording it for any record company no I'm actually gonna do'm actually going to do it all myself and just release it on iTunes. I'm going to do a small pressing of CDs. That would be fucking awesome. No cassettes? Have you ever heard of 8-tracks? What? That would be awesome if I put it on a special edition 8 track

that would be cool like thanks Mike how the fuck do I play this right I figured out a way to where I can do it to where if I sell 50 copies I'm going to break even it's kind of like a low risk just in general like 50 on iTunes

break even with everything like renting the hall and everything I've actually worked it out to where like, that's not going to cost any money. Um, and it's going to be a free show. I don't have the, the date looks like it's going to be February 18th,

but I haven't finalized yet. Um, and where is it? That's good. It's actually going to be at the windup space. Okay. Baltimore. That's a good,

that's yeah. It's an awesome spot. Intimate space. And I think it'll just, it's one of those things that if you get 50 people in there it's going to sound like 500 yeah right yeah um and uh yeah so we're going to do back-to-back shows and then cut it together um you should say there's 500 people out there like you're the prettiest 500 people i've ever seen wind up space i've thought about actually doing a bit. I feel like the Spartans when the Persians attack.

I've actually thought about doing a bit to where early on in the CD, I'm going to say the second show, you guys are such a great crowd. I'm not even going to use a minute from the first one. And then later in the CD, you'll hear, you know, you guys first crowd's so great. I'm not going to use a minute from the first one and then later in the CD you'll hear you know you guys first crowd so great so hopefully I didn't spoil it for people who listen to the CD

well we have over 200 downloads 200 down nice that's it it's not bad for only having a few shows so far yeah yeah I'm at least 150 of those so one all right am i opening for both of those shows uh i think we're gonna use a different one for each oh that's bullshit sorry i don't know how michael e and black does it but who else is gonna open uh it's actually where do they live what's their social who else is currently open social Social security number, please. Well, I think the way it's going to work out now, they're going to be short shows. But my friend, or our friend, Ben Rosen is going to host the first show. Ben Rosen, doesn't he live in New York now?

He does. I've already talked to him. He's going to come down and host the first show. Didn't he say all that shit about you, though? I hear he's a huge coke head. though that's gonna be crazy when a megabus crashes like the day of the show coming from new york um wait what i just implied you would kill ben rose um it was it was really intelligent that joke's on top of the mountain someday you'll catch up it's up there with the uh the theory that you were talking about earlier. Relativity or something.

Or a Pavlov's dog. Black magic, as I call it. It looks like it's going to be Ben Rosen hosting one show and Tommy Simbazzo hosting the other. And then you're going to be a guest spot on one and Dale and Morrison's going to be a guest spot on the other. Nice. It's a murderer's row to be a guest spot on the other. Nice. It's a murderer's row. Oh, yeah. Baltimore comedian.

I also wanted to try. And New York comedian, I guess. Yeah. I also wanted to try to do a tour. Mike and I started around the same time. And Ben and I started around the same time. And just kind of like I thought it would be cool to involve a lot of friends that have been doing it around the same. Yeah.

That's like my dream. About two years at that point. I want to do either music or comedy, just traveling around with friends, I think, seems like the fucking shit. Yeah, I agree. That would be great. So yeah, with that, part of the motivation

is to get a CD out there. So when I have shows, I have something to sell. Yeah. But also, for me, I have bits that I'm starting to almost outgrow. Right. Yeah, I kind of want to do that with my material soon too yeah so i thought i thought setting like the benchmark of like i'm gonna do this show in february and a few of these bits i'm gonna retire right that would be a good excuse to do it yeah and that's good too i mean to have a deadline basically rather than be like well soon i'm gonna get rid

of it i'm gonna keep working it for a little bit. And then it gives you enough time to work on something else. I try to be pretty good about that stuff. Like right now, I only really have about like three bits. It's probably about five minutes that I've been doing for about a year now. Right. And so, like, yeah, I think by that point february would make two years so it's like wow some of them would be a year and a half someone would be a year i think that's a good

right cut off you're gonna be married for like five years and be like so i just got married i've already cut that is funny when you like hear comedians that are like you know oh you lost your job oh that was four years right right i just still use that. I've already started cutting out the cheap applause. So I just got married recently, which I hate doing. Really? Well, it sets up your material pretty well, though. I mean, you can just be like, my wife, or something like that. Yeah, so now I try to, like, I have a joke early on in my set that I do

where I just reference my wife, and then later I can just kind of talk about it. Yeah, I hate that stuff too, the cheap applause breaks. A lot of pretty ladies here tonight. Give it up for the ladies. There was a comedian I saw and I'm trying to I wanted to do a bit about this but then I was at a show where the

comedian right before me basically did that. Really? Yeah, the bit I was working on was just talking about there was a comedian I saw me basically did that really yeah the bit i was working on was just talking about there was a comedian i saw that he did five minutes and i swear three of them were cheap applause where it was like ladies where my ladies where my black people at where and by the end of it he was like where are my women whose mother slept with holland oats on the man and they forced her to get an abortion on Christmas Eve. And I'm like, that's really specific.

But the whole crowd went nuts. Became a support group. What's that? Talk amongst yourselves. I need to visit that book in the bathroom. Well, I tell you what, let's take a break. Why don't we hear one man's opinion from Michael Norma.

All right right sounds good so uh in that movie home alone kevin has this tv that he uses throughout the film in the kitchen where he's watching that gangster movie and that tv is very small but it has amazing sound. I would love to find out who manufactured that TV because it was able to fool the pizza driver into thinking that someone was shooting at him even though it's just some shitty little TV in the kitchen and then it also fooled the robbers as well into thinking that there were guns being fired. So they really managed to make some kick-ass sound come out of that tiny little TV with its tiny little speakers, which really impressed me. So I think that might be a stretch. I think that might be some movie magic. but that's just one man's opinion.

Hey, Digression Sessions backup singers, give me an oh yeah if that was an excellent one man's opinion. Oh yeah. And we're back. Oh, wow. Went potty, feeling good. Right? Potty, yes. How do you feel about that when people say potty?

I don't really hear people say it. When they say it kind of jokingly, like sarcastically being childish or childlike. I don't think I really like it. No? Yeah, I think it's a little obnoxious. Controversial stand. But it doesn't tear me to shreds like putt-putt. It tears you to huh to shreds any sleepless nights ever putt putt yeah yeah there's it's like i'll be having a great day and the thought just like sneaks into my head wow you must hate going

to the beach in ocean city maryland because there's lots of mini golf courses around so i bet you hear a lot of conversations revolving around putt-putt. By the way, my favorite part of that was Josh did air quotes on mini-golf. Mini-golf? Like it doesn't exist. You know, I'm not the hugest fan of mini-golf either. It's miniature golf. But it's just so dwarfed in comparison to the obnoxiousness of putt-putt that I'm willing to let it slide.

I'm just hoping one day your Mike Moran is taking, not the blowjob, the actual person. Get a Mike Moran while you're playing pot pot? I hope that one day you're taking public transportation and somebody's like, do you want to go to pot pot? You're like, it's fucking miniature golf. Are you not American? I'm hoping that someday I take public transportation. Thanks a lot. Please edit all that out.

Well, you work for the Maryland Transit Authority. You just want to get the word out. Exactly. I understand. I understand. Well, what if somebody had a stutter? They're like, could you put, put? You're like, no.

It's mini golf, dickhead. Will that ever happen? No? Will it ever happen? And my guess is as good as yours, it's certainly possible. All right. I say it's mainly, mostly unlikely, but it's possible. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Speaking of possibilities, how fast is your CD, Mike Panazzo, going to hit number one on the Billboard charts? Do the Billboard charts even exist anymore? Well, first of all, I don't care about the Billboard charts. I'm looking out for the iTunes Baltimore comedy charts, if they exist. It's a popular chart. I don't want it to debut number one. I want it to be just a really slow burn to where it's like Pink Floyd's The Wall.

Just like 20 years later. It's peaking at number four on the charts or something. Is that what happened? Yeah. Pink Floyd was a slow burn. it's peaking at like number four on the charts or something. Is that what happened? Yeah. Pink Floyd was a slow burn. Yeah. Yep.

All right. Actually, I don't think so. I think that was pretty popular immediately. I think it was popular at the time, and it's still popular. Right. Basically what I'm saying is I want good numbers. Right.

So you want kids to watch The Wizard of Oz on mute while your record plays and they drop acid. I get it. Okay. Yeah, nothing like dropping acid to Wizard of Oz on mute while your record plays and they drop acid. I get it. Nothing like dropping acid to Wizard of Oz and hearing Sir Blupkins. Now, is your comedy CD going to sync up to any classic movies? What's the plan? Do you consider Alien 3 a classic movie?

I don't know. I haven't seen it as a classic. Director's Cut or original? Actually, David Fincher's first movie. A lot of people don't know that haven't seen it as a classic director's cutter original actually david fincher's first movie a lot of people don't know that he's disowned it though because he feels that it was compromised and then he made social network yeah he did you know they're making a sequel called uh anti-social network what yeah it's gonna be most for realsies most boring most boring movie ever it's just somebody at his house watching tv right not talking to people i'm actually wasn't a huge fan of social

network i thought it was pretty good i thought it had like i thought it was good i thought it had a lot of potential right and i i like all the players like i think fincher is a great filmmaker i thought it was perfectly cast but it's just after a while i'm just like i'm watching a bunch of dicks complain about how... They're the worst people, yeah. There's really not one redeeming person in the movie, except for the one guy who... Gets screwed over. Yeah, Andrew Garfield plays, who apparently in real life was the biggest dick.

Really? Yeah, I hear that guy do it. He's the new Spider-Man, and he does interviews. He's like, I just don't want all this fame. It's like, well, you're going to be fucking Spider-Man, you idiot. Right. If you don't want to be famous, do a little independent mumblecore movie. No, but I mean the guy he plays in Social Network in the book, Accidental Billionaires.

I heard a lot of that was kind of the author took some liberties, though, with the truth. Well, the real guy is a producer on Social Network, which is one of the reasons why I think he's redeeming in the movie. But also, I think, because they just couldn't have eight assholes or whatever it is. That was the working title. The guy, like Mark Zuckerberg or whatever?

No. Co-founder. Alleged co-founder. I forget his name in the movie. It's not his real name in the movie. They changed it. That's not fair real name in the movie. They changed it. That's not fair. It's like Alejandro? It's like a really

Latin name. Apparently, that guy screwed over as many people as Mark Zuckerberg did. Really, the movie's basically just about rich white people problems. That was the working title, by the way. Eight assholes.

It's eight assholes, white people problems. Profile pic. The Facebook story. I can't wait for that Friendster movie to come out. It's going to be shit. Joey and Monica.

Let me ask you guys this. Do you have to be an asshole to make it big? I don't know, Mike. How did you open for Michael Ian Black? Screwing over the little people. Assassinating several foreign diplomats.

Foreign diplomats? Foreign diplomats. International foreign diplomats. I don't think you have to right i i don't think so either i i think that like ultimately the people i i know that are dicks i think they're gonna stay at whatever level they are at well that's not necessarily true though we'd like to think that the assholes don't ever finish on top. But, I mean, a lot of famous people are dicks, aren't they? I've heard tale.

I watch a lot of E. Apparently Jennifer Lopez. Not nice. Yeah. Not nice. Really? No, I think. Not nice.

Not nice. I think, yeah, I mean, it's going to happen where, you know, assholes do well or get to a certain spot. But I don't think it'll last. Maybe for some it does, but I think, like we were talking about Bill Burr, he was really nice to you. If I heard he was a dick, I wouldn't be as invested in his career. But when you meet people that are nice and they're promoting goodwill and being cool to people, like Bill Burr could have just been like, nah, I just want to hang out. Leave me alone. Yeah. But I think also in comedy it's a little bit different because are you guys a fan of Mike Birbiglia at all?

Never heard of him. Yes and no. The notorious Birbiglia. Birbiglia Smalls. But Mike Birbiglia has this bit that I really like. I'm just going to blow right over it. But with Mike Birbiglia, he talks about how if stand-up comedy, if people don't like it,

it's not like a movie to where people are like, oh, I didn't like the script or the lighting or this one actor. If they don't like it, they don't like you. So I think that you can't sustain being a dick for a long period of time

because ultimately people have to buy into you. Yep. And, like, actually, like, Lisa Lampanelli on Marc Maron's podcast, which you can tell we're all nerds that listen to way too many podcasts. Yeah, I fucking love podcasts. Yeah, me too. That's all my goddamn life. I can't imagine going back to not having podcasts at this point in my life. I know.

It's amazing. But she talks about how, like, her stage persona is, like, such a bitch. Yep. And people talk about how like she's heard like stage personas, like such a bitch. Yep. And people talk about how she's so nice. And she's like, I don't think you can sustain having a persona where you bitch at people for 60 minutes and right off stage. You're just like,

well, fuck you. You can't do that. And I think that you might get successful, but I don't think you can stay successful that way. Right. Cause eventually, I mean,

people will like you. You know, like I think kind of Eddie Murphy kind of got some of that, just getting like way full of himself and picking up transgender hookers and stuff. That's what happens when your ego gets big. Right. But that's how you know you made it, though. You get that transgender hooker in your car. What was the deal with that?

Did they ever figure it out? Did he ever admit to it? Well, you watch the E! channel. Yeah, I watched the... They had a marathon about it the other day. That hooker died, right? I don't think so.

I think she fell to her death trying to swing into her apartment window after being locked up. No. I'm pretty sure this happened. I read this about someone, and I'm pretty sure it was the prostitute that Eddie Murphy You know these mics are going to...

Do you want this to go out there? Yeah. Eddie Murphy will come after you. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe in the fat suit. He'll be sleeping one day, and then you just hear, uh, uh, uh. And you say, Ricky ricardo get out of here

what i'm trying to say is ricky ricardo and eddie murphy have a similar laugh how come eddie hasn't aged in the last 25 years because he hasn't been doing anything he does like every movie that's offered to him he was like every shitty movie he started out really really young though he was like yeah it's true 18. Yeah, I guess he looked like he was like 40 when he was like 20. Yeah, when he was on Saturday Night Live, he was like 17 or 18. Yeah, really young. He was like really, really young. And black men age really well.

They do. Look at Denzel Washington. So handsome. Oh, I will. Black guys can dye their hair black, I think, for as long as they want to. Because you can't really tell. Like, it's already just black. They can also pull off the shaved head and look

young too, which I don't think a lot of white guys can. Are you guys going to dye your hair when you get old? I'm not going to have hair to dye. You think you'll be completely bald on top? My prediction is by the time I'm 30, I'm not going to have much hair.

You're almost 30, aren't you? 27. I think I'm running out of hair as the days go by. Really? You can see it receding? Mm-hmm. Damn. I keep it short now to where you really can't tell.

But if it gets a little bit longer, you start to see bald patches and stuff. But you look good with a shaved head, though. Thank you. You got a nice melon. I'm married, Josh. Back off. What are you going to do? Are you going to be the guy who's bald on top are you gonna shave it completely or you guys i'll just shave it i mean i i think uh i my my father looks ridiculous because he's been balding forever

and has spent like thousands and thousands of dollars on hair transplants that was the famous story in my household was my dad couldn't help me out with college, but he spent $11,000 on hair transplants. They probably look like shit. They do. And now he's just bald. And he's a 53-year-old bald man. So did he get them removed?

Like, did he get hair plugs at some point? He got plugs. I don't know exactly how it worked. I think it's where they took like uh i guess follicles from a different area like his back you just went right to your butt i know yeah i think that's what happened i don't think it's your actual ass why can't they just use someone else's hair i don't or like old i think what if you save your hair um i think that's called a wig show to the doctor the ziplploc bag. Right, right.

What can you do with this? But, yeah, I think I'm just going to crop it short. I basically shave my head every two weeks now. Right. Well, hair plugs are coming along. Look at Jeremy Piven. His hair looks kind of natural. I don't know how the fuck he pulled that off.

He was a bald actor for the longest time. Then all of a sudden he's like, full of hair, right i think it was he wasn't known as being a bald actor oh it's john cusack's friend and now it's ari from hunter right right yeah well if they uh reboot entourage in It's funny. With him, though. Vinny Chase. It's funny because he's such a dick on that show, on Entourage. And I think Brian Poseidon was like,

Jeremy Piven was this goofy actor for years, and then he finally made it playing himself. Because apparently he just started playing the guy everybody knows he was, running around town kind of being a dick right and it just made him famous well it's based on um ari emmanuel yeah he's actually rama manual's brother who's that uh rama manual is a former white house chief of staff now mayor he's mayor of chicago mayor of chicago yeah yeah but ari emmanuel is like one of the most famous like hollywood agents like yeah like he's basically who jeremy pippin plays on entourage they just changed the last name oh yeah i feel like entourage used to be such a cool show to like and now it's a cool show to shit on. Well, it's just the premise just gets stretched.

I mean, they were on for eight seasons and everything was. And now they're making a movie. Right. But everything was pretty much the same. It's like, Vinny, you might not get the part. What? Right. Vinny, good news.

You got the part. All right. Let's smoke pot and fuck people. But see, I think the show was pretty cool until he went to, like, started doing drugs. Right. Because then it became, like, a cool industry show. It went from being that to, like, melodrama. Right. And, like, every other show.

Well, I guess they didn't really have anywhere else to go. Right. They should have just ended it after season four. Right, right. Never seen it once. It's actually pretty good. Some of the dialogue, like, Iillon Kevin Dillon nailed that role like yeah Exactly another person who made it is playing himself

He has a show coming out Like a sitcom and it's like it looks like it's out of a movie like if they were gonna have a shitty sitcom in a movie This is what like I know I I haven't seen it, but I was flipping through a magazine and they had like a full-page ad it was like it was like it was like how guys act or something like that and uh i guess johnny drama or kevin dylan is whatever character he is now is living with like a straight laced guy and like kevin dylan has like a cheeseburger that he's eating i'm sorry i can't not acknowledge that you had that it's not what it looks like face. Guys.

That's my attack dog. They get in the house. She's really prompt with her reaction. I'm not going to let anyone get in this house. Kevin Dillon's story in this whole thing. Fucked up. No, I just think it was fine, because I think it was going fine. Two people walked in. You kind of acknowledged it, but they were like, entourage, entourage.

We've got to focus here. straight here all right so don't forget what happened in sodom and gomorrah when they were rude to their guests sorry they them yeah that was the least of their problems we're gonna go these people just walked into my house in the butt and then kill them all right just don't look back all right unless you're low on salt all right let's take a break uh let's find out what's hot with scott and then we'll be right back all right sounds good what's hot what's hot what's hot what's hot with scott what's hot what's hot what's hot, what's hot, what's hot, what's hot with Scott What's hot, what's hot, what's hot, what's hot with Scott

Hey guys, I'm Scott and I'm here to tell you what's hot Starting off my hot list this week is gonna be mummies Not werewolves, not vampires, but mummies are all the rage with tweens. Expect high-volume numbers of costumes this Halloween from ages 12 to 15. Also hot this week, Ciroc vodka. P. Diddy wouldn't sponsor it if it wasn't, am I right? Sure am. Finally, what's hot this week? Boiling water. Hey guys, when you're

cooking some noodles, don't stand too close to that pot. The water will come up and get you. And that's what's hot. That's what's hot. That's what's hot with Scott. That's what's hot. That's what's hot. That's what's hot with Scott. And that's what's hot. That's what's hot that's what's hot that's what's hot with scott and that's what's hot that's what's hot that's what's hot with scott what's got oh i'm burning outros oh yeah oh yeah outros outros got it outros outros got it Outros, outros, gali. Outros, outros, gali. All right. And we're back, I think, for the last time. Going to say our goodbyes and thank yous. Farewell, so long.

Bye to Mike Finazzo. Maybe next week we'll have Tommy Zimbazzo. He's a better zo. He's a better zo. He's a funny kid. Yeah. You guys did a really good thing together at High Tops. I think you covered Older Bastards. Oh, you were there for that.

Oh, I was there. I'm sorry. I was there. That was an interesting evening. Can you describe that for the listeners? Just give them a nice picture as we leave here. So basically, Laugh-A-Palooza's show that I did,

Tommy Sabato did, Mike Moran did. Mike Moran. Deluctible, fresh. I heard Michael Ian Black was there, and that's how he got that gig. He didn't perform,

but he was just hanging out to see Mike Moran. Right, right. It was weird. Jane's Addiction. He had a poster of the TV show Ed behind him the whole time.

And he was just flaunting that Sharpie in between his fingers and tom cavanaugh holding the poster ed was holding the ed poster behind michael ian black tom cavanaugh was asking for a hot meal anybody please and people were like zach braff he's like i'll work for day old bagels please um but oh yeah so tommy was like I had this thing that I used to do. I used to play music, and I used to. Gave up on the dream, huh? I did. To, you know, pursue something obtainable in stand-up comedy.

Your dad was like, you quit this music stuff, and you start doing comedy. Right. Like an adult. My boy's not going to be a musician. So when I would get bored with music i would do stuff like cover old dirty bastard on the acoustic guitar and tommy was like you should do that at a stand-up show and i really didn't want to do it but he was like i'm gonna make t-shirts he'd made t-shirts yeah and then it turned into i already made t-shirts so you're gonna do it

what did the t-shirts say you guys were each wearing a t-shirt said fuck uh-huh mine said cunt and i wore like a beanie with which was a bear face right head yeah and uh i actually used that the t-shirt the very next night i never thought i would wear it again but i did a dirty show oh uh and i that's dirty i wore the cunt t-shirt and i did you say anything about it you're just on stage i didn't acknowledge it until like halfway in because i didn't want it to be obvious and i said uh i i did i wrote a whole set that i've never i never did before or since right and uh i opened the dirty i said something about, you know, my mother just died. I wear this T-shirt in her honor.

Just be like, excuse me for these clothes. I just came from my mom's funeral. That was the hard part about doing that show because it went great. But usually with regular stand-up, I do open mics for weeks until a joke gets right. But I did all this stuff I never did before. After the fact, I thought of so much shit that would have been better. I still had a really good set.

I actually lost... You know Sonny Fuller. Is he a local comedian too? Who's the dirtiest comedian I've ever heard. He kind of has a higher pitch voice. What was his joke? He did something. He does a joke about fucking a cat.

Yeah, he did one too. Something about the apocalypse. If like a meteor was coming. And they would just rape everybody. Yeah, he's like, they wouldn't call it a meteor. They'd call it rape day. Because that's what we'd be doing. We'd be raping.

And everybody's like, oh my gosh. Yeah, he's the dirtiest comedian I've ever heard. So when he does a dirty contest he just doesn't set and then i actually did a joke that uh ended up like i it was weird i i knew it was like a topical joke and i'd end up hearing it a million times afterwards but i ended up hearing the same exact joke on doug loves movies like the next week really which was uh i don't know if they worded it the same great minds great minds exactly yeah me and uh i don't know if they worded it the same minds great minds exactly yeah me and uh i think it was anthony jesselmike but uh it was a joke i was like i went to the movies i

saw the one where the apes rise it was called the help oh my god they kept making a bunch of yeah like i saw that uh apes movie and it was just like so obvious what they're gonna do they did like three doug loves movies like uh like three days in a row. Bumper shoot. Yeah, and there was just a racist joke about the help. But it was funny. So I feel like I got in just under the wire. Right, right. But the sad thing is that's still the longest laugh I've ever gotten.

Really? Wow. I have it on video. It was a 25-second laugh. Holy shit. So all I have to do is be racist. That's what I learned from that show.

So the dirty show, does that kind of include like racy material, offensive stuff? Yeah, it isn't necessarily like sex. It's the most offensive stuff you can do.

You know, I kind of want to do that because I do have like a dump of stuff that I've written that I just won't do. I think you would translate I like to refer to your dirty stuff as a dump of stuff.

I think that's's the best way to describe your cachet of dirty jokes. Sadly, I thought of two jokes for that that I've ended up putting in my regular racist jokes. Not racist jokes. When I say I don't do racist jokes, I mean they're just not jokes.

I'm just like, so black people, they take the MTA. I was going to ask you about that swastika you were wearing on your sleeve. More of a manifesto. But yeah, so I ended up wearing that cunt t-shirt that Tommy made, which he insists cost $40 to make. Each? So the fuck shirt was $40.

If he's right about that, he's retarded. But, so we did... They were good-looking shirts. And the sad thing is, like, Laugh-A-Palooza was a really weird show. Right. And, like, Drew Landry went up first, and if you go first, you're kind of the sacrificial lamb. Yep. Like, you're a warm-up guy. And I went next and, like, killed for, like, six minutes.

And then I was like, I guess we're going to do this now. Like, I very reluctantly went to it it was yeah you're doing really well then like okay if I could do this thing and then you're like putting the guitar and the shirt I wish I wasn't doing this and it's like it didn't go poorly no like if I would have done another four minutes of material I think it would have gone much better um but that was a lot of fun well at least now you have funeral clothes to wear. Exactly. To Tommy's funeral.

And when is that exactly? You tell me because he's on my show. You want to be on it. All right. Speaking of shows, as we wind down here, the Dig Sess. The Dig Sess Pool. Oh, you dig heads out there. So where are you guys going to be performing?

Shows coming up? Anything? For me, I'm going to start the open mic on October 10th, Sidebar. October 10th, Sidebar. That's going to be every other Monday. It's going to be, what, like around 8, 8.30? Yeah, I think it's not finalized, but I think the sign-up is going to be at 8, and it's going to start at 8.30.

Cool. Somewhere in there. And then I'm going to be at the Comic Strip Live in New York on August 14th. Wow, nice. And then while I'm up there, I'll get on as many shows as I can. Yeah, definitely. Until then, I'm really not doing a lot. I'm more working on stuff for the CD.

But if other random dates pop up, my website's MikeFanazzo.net. MikeFanazzo.net. Yeah, and come back on any time, especially when the CD is coming out or when you're working on stuff. If you ever want to hype anything. Thank you. I'll definitely be back. Even if you don't want to do a quick 15-minute thing. Like, I'm Mike Fanazzo.

Buy my CD. It's out now. It's out now. We'll release, I don't know. We'll just loop that for like two hours no i i like this show a lot so thank you for having me cool thanks man mike moran uh we have some improv shows coming up next month the baltimore improv group that's right with my true 6, we will be doing the Corner Theater on October 9th. That is a 7 o'clock show. And also, Magoobies the 26th.

Okay, that's improv at the Magoobies? Yes. All right. I believe that's a first. I'm not sure. A first improv show? Yeah. No, they're usually like once a month.

Oh, do they really? It's on a Wednesday, right? Also, I didn't know. It's on a Wednesday, right? Also, I don't know. Also, October 17th of Monday, I will be attending dental school. 9 a.m. It's going to be on the fourth floor. Alright. Look out for Mike

there, everybody. Dig Heads. That's where he'll be. Yep. And Michael Ian Black. Opening for Michael Ian Black at the Auto Bar. November 12th, I think I said. Friday night. Saturday night. Saturday night, I mean.

Anything else I should know about this, Josh? Let's see. And guests, TBA. Other guests, TBA. I love TBA. All right. All right, well, thanks, guys. Thank you so much, Mike.

Oh, yeah. All right, this will be one for the ages. Thanks, everybody. Thanks, Dig He. So much, Mike. Oh, yeah. Alright, this will be one for the ages. Thanks, everybody. Thanks, Digheads. We love you. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. Oh! Rude. What was that?

We're being you. We'll fix that. How to be a gentleman, only CBS. Oh!