The Digression Sessions - Ep. 50 - Chris Hudson!

Episode Date: September 15, 2012

“What Happened There?” Hola Digheads! This week, Mike and Josh are joined by the young budding comedian, Chris Hudson! Chris has been doing the stand up comedies for a little over a year. When he���s not gazing at power plants in his hometown of Curtis Bay, Maryland, he’s performing all over the Baltimore and DC area.  In this episode we discuss the tougher aspects of performing comedy, especially the difficulty of performing while in the throws of your first acid trip. That’s right, Chris shares the harrowing details of performing at an open mic after taking acid earlier in the day. He though it would’ve worn off in time. It did not. And it makes for a great story.   We also discuss a number of topics for this episode including, but not limited to: Bombing on stage, Mike Tyson, awful awful Godsmack, learning, powerpoint power plants, speaking ill of the dead, Get Rich or Die Trying – THE NOVEL, chicken breasts or chicken tits, Josh confuses Ramona with Rhoda from “They Mary Tyler Moore Show,” and so much more!   Have something to say about this ep? Or do you have anything else Digression Sessions related / unrelated to say? Should we start distributing powerpoints with every pod?! DigressionSessions.com !! PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @CWHudson RATE AND SUBSCRIBE! WANT A SHIRT? EMAIL JOSH – [e-mail]

Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast everyone. Howdy Calpokes. How the hell are you? I'm one half of your favorite pair of earbuds Josh Kaderna and I'm the other half of your favorite pair of earbuds Mike Moran. There he is. So we just want to get our plugs out of the way up front. As always visit digressionsessions.com, Follow us on Twitter at digseshpod. Follow me at betterrobotjosh. Mike, Michael Moran 10. And our guest, comedian Chris Hudson. Where can we find you on the internets?

Oh, you can find me at CWHudson with a D like the river because it sounds like I'm saying T. And some dates. Yeah, yeah. What do you got going on? What's coming up? Well, on the 20th, I'll be at a show at the University of Baltimore called Fall Laughing. I'll be hosting that.

Oh. And one of my friends, Owen Bement, is going to be performing there. It's going to be a nice night. Good times. On the 25th, I'll be at L-Wife, Free Range Comedy. Ian Brown's. Yep. Shout out to Ian. Awesome. Good show. Good guy.

On the 4th of October, I'll be at the Pretty Good Comedy Show, Pratt Street L-House. Excellent. Umar's thing. Right on. Oh, sorry. Continue. That's it? That's good. You's it? Well.

That's good. Yeah, you got an action packed next couple of weeks. I'm hosting the sidebar on the 17th. I don't know. Oh, yeah. Mike Fonazzo's open mic. Yeah. That's a great room.

Great guy as well. All right. Yeah. So check it out. Let's see what I. We're doing a benefit for Chris LaMartina, former guest, upcoming film, The Call Girl of Cthulhu, that it will be at the Wind Up Space on the 29th, September 29th. Good times.

At 9 o'clock. I will be doing stand-up as well as some other people. So come on out. Absolutely. Josh, what do you got going on? This Saturday, which is... Saturday! Yeah, fill time, be my hype man Saturday

Figuring out the dates Gonna click it, not make you wait What? Saturday the 15th at 8 o'clock I'll be doing improv At the Strand in Baltimore And that's gonna be fun There'll be 15 improvisers And the audience gets to pick who improvises with who and puts together troops.

I didn't realize 15 people could fit in the Strand. Yep. We're going to fill it to capacity. If the fire marshal is listening, be cool, bro. Yeah. Be cool. Remember that favor we did for you. Always so uncool, those fire marshals.

No, we love the fire marshals. All right. So this was fun. uncool those fire marbles. No, we love the fire marbles. Alright, so this was fun. We got our plugs in and we get into the interview. It was a quick one. Short but sweet. I had a lot of fun. It was good. We're definitely going to have Chris back, but he tells a harrowing story.

A harrowing story. No, it's acid, not heroin. Oh. He tells a harrowing story. Harrowing story. And yeah, we get into some other fun stuff, so everybody check it out. Chris tells a heroin-ing story. Heroin stories. And, yeah, we get into some other fun stuff. So everybody check it out. Chris, thanks again for joining us. Thank you, Chris.

Thank you again for having me. And, yeah, come back sometime. I will. Sometime. Sometime. Soon. Okay. Let's just keep staring at each other.

Oh, yeah. I know. This is sensual. The intro's going to be like 45 minutes long. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. Let's just get into it.

Let's just get into it. Let's just get into it. Chris, we're going to find an Eskimo. You've been replaced. All right. That's fair enough. Okay, good. I'm glad that you're being amicable about this split.

The Eskimo has, like, an internal compass, and I just don't, so. Right. Well, now they're fitted with internal GPSs, actually. He was here half an hour ago, you know. Yeah, welcome to the podcast, Chromedia. Chromedia. That's what Louis Black calls himself, Chromedia. Welcome to the Chrometheus.

Isn't that like the prequel to Alien or something? Yep. Where it's just a cranky old alien. These humans, get them out of here. These aliens today with the mouths coming out of the bigger mouths. Do you really want to know how old the galaxy is? 6,000 years. It says so in the Bible. Well, welcome to the podcast, comedian Chris Hudson.

Thank you. Comedian Chris Hudson, how are you? I'm doing all right. Doing well. Got you some water. Yeah. I'm holding it very... I like it, yeah, very spry, like you're enjoying it.

Yeah. Don't be afraid to put it on the table. Be afraid to knock it over, though. I cannot stress that enough. Well, yeah, I'm going to put it right there. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Not on the mixer.

Well, that's pretty much, I mean, you know. Whether it falls over on the mixer or four inches from the mixer, it doesn't make much of a difference. I can tell you're a fan of the show because you know that we call Mike's penis the mixer. I like that. Yeah. That was good. Yeah, I was, I mean, that's where I was putting the cup. Yeah.

Right? Radio magic. And why do you carry an athletic supporter around with you at all times, Chris? Well, you know, it just, I feel like it makes you run just in general. Right. Because you have an athletic supporter yes supporter all right we should stop playing russian roulette while we do this as well at least let's wait till the podcast is over right okay all right well yeah well chris welcome to the show thanks

for coming thanks for having me where uh where were you coming from where was i coming from i was coming from Curtis Bay. Okay. Curtis Bay. South of Brooklyn. It's got a lot of bridges. Ah. Is that where you live?

A lot of factories. Yeah. Okay. You live in a factory? I wish. I mean, the factory is towering over everyone's house. What kind of factory? Chocolate?

It's actually a power plant. I just keep calling it a factory just because you see smokestacks. You're like, that's a factory. You don't think power plant. Do they pay poor British children to clean them? Yeah, that's why there's no jobs in my area. It's just all British kids.

I thought you said PowerPoint. They just project factories on the wall to keep everybody deprived. I'm sure there's somewhere where they manufacture PowerPoints, even though it's the PowerPoint factory. They're just churning them out. Yeah, well, thanks for coming by. I think the last time I saw you was at Hamden Fest. Did you perform for Hamden Fest, Chris?

No, I didn't perform for Hamden Fest. That was a festival here in Baltimore where they had stand-up outside in the middle of the day at a little street festival. Here you had to compete with a band that was playing at the same time, Mike Moran? Probably, yeah. I think so.

So stand-up outside in the middle of the day. Yeah, it sucked. It was horrible. I'd say it's probably one of my worst shows ever. But the thing is, the environment sucked, but I sucked as well. What, you just didn't have the energy?

Yeah, I just, you know, I was kind of lacking sleep. Unfortunately, I'd like to think that I'm at a place where I can kind of just get up there and go. But I really, I have to admit, I kind of have to stay pretty scripted most of the time. Yeah. At least for now. Which is weird because I can do improv, you know.

Yeah, well, it's not as conducive to your style of comedy. You're not just a one-liner comedian, but you're kind of in that vein. Right. You're more kind of like a set-up punch. Yeah, yeah. But I would like to be able to improvise with stand-up. Right, but it's just a harder juxtaposition to be conversational. Honestly, I think it's more of a psychological thing than anything.

It's just, you know, it's not like I... The power of Christ compels you not to do it. I get it. Yeah, God's been trying to ruin my career for as long as I can remember. Trying to God smack you? Yeah. Trying to put a tattoo on your face? Like the singer God Smack? Does he have a tattoo on his face? Yeah. Are you sure you're not thinking of Mike Tyson?

He's not the singer for God Smack? I don't think so. Chris, who's the singer for God Smack? I'm going to have to go with Mike Tyson. I'm afraid you're wrong on this one. Damn it. See? He's always been the singer of God Smack. Yeah.

That's their act. Exactly. Mike Tyson's God Smack. Yeah. Why not Mike Tyson and God Smack? If you have the name recognition, you want to put that up front. Both of them. Like Mike Tyson and the God Smacks.

Right. Kind of like a Rockettes thing. Yeah. I like it. All right. So, yeah. I don't think you should feel too bad. tyson and the god smacks right kind of like a rock cats thing yeah i like it all right um so yeah i don't i don't think you should feel too bad it's just this no i don't you know bombing is a part of of comedy yeah what was tough people were confused they're just walking right yeah because it's mostly music and street vendors so i think people were confused to see one man just talking into a microphone right and psychologically it is when you get up there and you've got your first joke and you always want to make sure your first joke will kill.

No matter how many times you've done it, you've got to get that first kill in there. And when it bombs and there's nothing but silence, then you know you're in trouble. Right. And psychologically, that's just a terrible place to be. You'd rather have room to breathe than dig yourself out of a hole the entire time. That first laugh kind of gives you some... Well, it is important to have that confidence right up front. So you want to have something

that's... The first joke is not the place to be creative and fresh necessarily. You want to have something that works, that you know works before you get into newer stuff. Gotta crack that nut. And when that one doesn't work, then psychologically it does something to me right well yeah it it's it shakes you i mean same thing with improv too i think you know in your first scene not just you like your first

scenes mike if this applies to a lot of areas of your life like like the way you treat your family the first thing you say to your mom. You were not killing it with your mom on the phone the other day, by the way. That opening line. I know. I opened with... It was so happy.

Yeah, I know. You know, I even tried to close with I love you, which I haven't gone for in a long time. Yeah, you kind of forced it, too. It's just... Yeah, yeah. I have been doing that one for years. Do some crowd work with your mom on the phone.

So where do you work? Mike, you know where I work. Uh-huh. Okay, that's cool. Where are you from? Chris, when's the last time you were in that situation when you bombed? With my mom on the phone? With my mom or on stage?

Bombing with your mama. Bombing with my mom. Jeez, last time you bombed last bombing with your mama bombing with my mom uh geez last time i bombed i mean it was fucking recently i should remember um a few weeks ago this might be a shitty question too it's like yeah let me bring up that shit all right now tell us about the worst thing you've ever done to anyone like regrets do you have any go Go Well, like the most recent memorable bombing Yeah Was when I did that open mic at Coco Lane Oh, yeah, when I saw you a couple weeks ago

Was I there? No, you weren't there Yeah, you did some hallucinogens Yes For the first time Oh, I heard about this, though Yeah Wow It's a good story And I didn't tell anyone You did some hallucinogens for the first time. Oh, I heard about this, though. Yeah.

Wow. It's a good story. Let's hear this. And I didn't tell anyone. No one knew except me because I decided that it would be a great idea to do with somebody I didn't know that well. Oh, yeah. A girl I didn't know that well. And I was like, this is either going to bring us closer together or I'll figure out why. Or she's

the devil there's only one way to find out gonna work and it was the latter so i uh turned out she was a demon yeah yeah and then like she was like all psyched to come with me and i was like all right there's gonna be one other person that knows what's going on right so it's not gonna be bad but you didn't do acid like 15 minutes before you were going you thought you thought it would have worn off i thought it i thought it would have worn off yeah and she told me it was going to wear off i was like i was like i have i'm gonna you know be doing comedy tonight you know when is this going to wear off and she was like ah you know you'll be fine so you did it you did it what in like the middle of the day yeah yeah like midday midday yeah and um and she was all down for like for going with me right and then. And then one of her friends who is also, I guess, one of my friends.

I don't know if she's my friend anymore. I don't know. But she came and I was like, oh, cool. It's another person that knows what's going on. This is going to be a good time. Were you guys winking at each other and nodding, giving the okay sign? Like, ask it. All right.

Actually, no. I think I made it pretty apparent to like anybody that was like even sort of inquisitively looking at me that i was just like you know i was you know moving backwards and just wide eyes right yeah but so you were tripping pretty hard then by that by that point yeah and but i was like you know it's gonna be fine because it's gonna be yeah two people that know well adding to it yeah it was your first time why is that like your safety blanket that these two people know well just because if i had any questions they were like they were my they're my faq you know they're my they're my fact right no i get it it's if you're when you do hallucinogens for the first time like it's scary because you

don't know first time yeah yeah that was my first time that was the other part that i left out it was my first time ever so i was like oh i was left out. It was my first time ever. So I was like, wow. So you're like, this girl's going to be my Sherpa up the mountain. And then you found yourself without oxygen tanks and no Sherpas. She didn't know how to climb. Right. Right. She didn't know how to climb at all.

And just abandoned you. Yeah. God, that's brutal. In fact, there's a bridge in aicott City above the Patasco River. When we were walking around that bridge or walking on it, she looked back at me and she was like, oh, my God, I hope you don't fall off this bridge. You have to have a non-tripping person with you, I think, is the key.

Not that I've had this discussion since high school. That's who showed up, though. Or just a positive person. You don't want to say, hey, you could definitely die right now. What are you like? Oh, my God. Didn't someone die on that bridge recently?

Or off of that bridge? Well, there was that train wreck with the coal that killed the two students. What happened there? If we may digress for a second. That was like weeks. I think that was weeks after. That's the name of the show.

What happened there? That would be a good title, actually. What happened there with Josh and Mike? So what happened there? I was legitimately surprised. I was like, you're digressing? Really? We're normally very linear with this show. Linear sessions. So what happened there? I was legitimately surprised. I was like, you're digressing? Really? Right? Yeah. We're normally very linear with this show.

Right. Linear sessions. As I look at the poster, I'm like, what's going on? Right. Yeah. I'm not really sure. I'm pretty sure the coal just buried them and just killed them. Like the train derailed and this coal buried them.

Did it derail because they were on the tracks? Like the train tried to swerve out of the way? The train? Isn't that what happened? He steered the train off the tracks? I'm pretty sure that's how trains work. Or maybe he braked suddenly and that caused a derailment. Yeah, with all the force coming behind it.

And then what? They kind of ran off? The force. Let's not get Star Wars involved in this, Josh. Okay. Darth Vader was there and just cut these kids in half, I'm pretty sure. We shouldn't make light of the situation. No.

But I seriously don't know what happened. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they got hit by the train. I think the coal, because there's a lot of coal that spilled, and I think that might have killed them. Or the train might have killed them. Right. Yeah. For people that haven't heard recently, there were two kids that were on top of a bridge that only a train goes over, right? Yeah.

So it was a stand-by-me situation. Yeah. Similar. An SBM. Your standard SBM situation is basically what we're talking here. Yep. I like how you said, like, let's not make light of this anymore. It's just like stand by me, right?

Unless we have something really clever. Your Star Wars joke. You disrespectful son of a bitch. No, what he meant to say is don't make light of this. Let me, like, make light of this. I'm saying don't make light of this. Allow me to. Right.

I mean, my kids have already grown up and gotten to college. You're just starting out your life. Let me take the fall for this one, Josh. Let me besmirch the fallen, Josh. Please. Yeah, so they were just on top of this bridge where only a train is normally supposed to go over. Right. And they were tweeting right before they were killed.

Really? That's creepy. I didn't know that. What were they tweeting? One of the girls tweeted a picture of her legs hanging off the bridge. Oh, yeah, I knew this. Yeah, it's pretty sad. That is very creepy and sad.

How old were they? I don't know. I think high school to junior college age. Yeah, I think they were college students. Okay, continue with the acid story. Anyway, let's go from one depressing story to the next this girl says you can die rwandan genocide go yeah yeah so she freaked me out about about the bridge and so like for the rest of the night like no matter what

happened i had to run over that like i had to run over that bridge i wasn't able to walk because i like felt too creeped out how many times were you going over this bridge? Uh, I went back and forth cause I kept thinking that I forgot something in my car, but I didn't. Um, and I parked on the Baltimore County side, right. Which is on the other side of the river. I never,

I don't think I ever took a psychedelics to the point where I like really didn't know what was going on. It's scary. Yeah. And she, yeah. And they were, they were both down to go, you know, into the audience or whatever.

And she was like, oh, you know, you should go check in. Because it was, like, getting close to, like, 930 when they started. And I was like, oh, that's a good idea. So I went ahead of them and checked in. Let me just run to make sure I don't die. You guys stay here. Yeah. So I went and checked in.

And then, like, I came back outside and they were gone. That was it. That's serious. was a reason ever given for their disappearance um she's she's freaking out and she wanted to leave okay i don't know okay i guess well it's reasonable but uh i guess yeah but yeah i mean you know you have to forgive people for being in that state i guess but are you saying there was a sober person there? Yeah. Okay, so you're resentful about that person. I was actually negotiating with her through text messages. I was like, could you come back?

Did you consider just not doing the open mic? It didn't even run through my mind. Right. Yeah, you just had to do it. Wow, that's interesting. That would have been the first thing I abandoned. As soon as the acid hit my tongue, I'd be like, let's do something else. Let's go in the woods.

I don't want to. To make matters worse. Let's go have a spiritual awakening. I had found this book. Like, it was on the street. It wasn't, like, on the gutter or anything. Somebody was selling it from one of their shops. It was, like, a 50-cent book.

It was a book about 50 cents. Yeah, it was about 50 cent. Yeah. Yeah, it was about 50 cent. Tripping for dummies. Unfortunately, no. That would have made it better. Get Richard Dye trying the novelization of the film. That would have made it way better.

But no, it was like one of those scholastic young adult novels called Ghost Twins. And it was about twins that were dead and their dog's dead and they're all ghosts. And they solve mysteries. And this was about twins that were dead and their dogs dead and they're all ghosts. And they solve mysteries. And this is based on a true story? I would suppose so. Wow. 50 Cent wrote that? Yes.

Sorry, I'm trailing in and off here. Buy 50 Cent. Or buy it for 50 cents. There's a picture of him in like a turtleneck, like the old author picture. About the author. Little glasses on anyway sorry yeah i well the worst part about it was that i i like i looked at the book and i was gonna be like i was like this is automatic this book is ridiculous i'm gonna make this my act now

tonight because right i just was i thought it was the best idea in the universe yeah yeah better than the wheel and i didn't read the book exactly better than the wheel better than the cure for cancer i didn't read the book or sterilizing stuff in the hospital kiss my ass indoor plumbing i found a book with dead teenagers and a dead dog yeah take this physics I've got ghost twins. Yeah. Refrigeration, suck it. And I was like. Washing your hands before surgery. Meet your match. The DVR, kiss it goodbye.

Taking out your recycling regularly. Forget that. Forget it. All right. Sorry. Continue. Continue before me and Josh think of other terrible ones

very serious please go on yeah I I was like I was like I'm gonna make this my act and plus to make matters worse

the girl that I was with like I was telling her about this and she was like that's a fantastic idea you should do that you should go for it and I was like

she's my you know cheerleader and of course you know she wasn't there gone so sharp up the mountain I uh and what I I didn't even make it like my whole act And I was like, she's my cheerleader. And of course, she wasn't there. Sure, but up the mountain. I didn't even make it my whole act.

I went on stage and then instantly the comedian part of me kicked in. And I started doing my act. But then I kept saying while I was doing my act, I kept saying, why am I doing this? I really just want to talk about the book. And no one knew what I was talking about. You said that out loud? Yeah. I said everything out loud. Everything that was going through my mind yeah came out okay came out well fortunately while you're doing stand-up though you're not doing a lot of a lot of thinking

generally right like i mean when i'm doing stand-up i'm pretty much only focusing on talking which is right which is different than normal because normally I'm naked woman with my, I mean. You're a naked woman? I was trying to make a meta joke there where I was talking about what I was thinking about. You're subconscious, yeah. Yeah. That was illicit too. Naked woman.

Yeah. You guys ever seen, I got a picture of a naked woman. No. Yeah, you want to see it? I was trying to imagine you in like a woman bodysuit under your shirt, just like with, you know. Breasts. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Well, I call them tits, but you can call them breasts. We call them titty wiggles. What if you called chicken breast tits? Y'all want two tits? I was talking with somebody about that. Deep fried tits. Y'all want two tits? I was talking with somebody about that. Deep fried tits. Chicken tits. You want some chicken tits?

Y'all want a leg or a tit? Put some shake and bake on these tits. Just the way mama used to make them. I'm a tit man myself. Clayton ate all the chicken tits. All right, so you're on stage. And so the acid is still bubbling in your brain. Would you say you're at peak acid level right now?

Yes, I was peaking on stage. God. At an open mic. Yes. Just outside of Baltimore City. Strong acid. Well, acid lasts for like eight hours or so. I only really did it once when I was like 17 maybe.

And I don't think it was that strong. Yeah, I did mushrooms twice. I never did acid. I did a lot of mushrooms like maybe ten times. Wow. I loved it. That was my favorite drug until I had a bad trip. Right.

It is weird when you do mushrooms. You're like, why the fuck did I just do this all the time? And then when it's over, I kind of feel like, ooh, made it out of that. I mean, I enjoyed it, but it is tough. Yeah, because it definitely does reveal things. Anything that's in the back of your mind is going to come right to the forefront. I remember thinking, like, every time I would do it, I'd be like, okay, I got to hang on to this feeling forever. I got to stop being afraid of things.

I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. 38 specials fades in. Hold on loosely. And then you go on your trip and you ride a unicorn. Yeah, exactly. Have I explained this to you before? I think I read it in your book. My unicorn by my brand.

I know exactly what you're talking about when you're like, oh, I'm going to hold on to this good feeling. Because during the day I was like, I felt like the most funny I had ever felt in my whole time of life. Of course, I didn't have that feeling on stage. But throughout the whole day, it was just like the parts of it that were good. Because I consider it bad since most of it I was just like by myself trying to figure shit out. Right. Yeah. I think it's the people you're with, too.

Yeah. Yeah. And getting on stage and just with the feeling of alienation as well like yeah you're tripping yeah and when i finally got to the book i like didn't have anything to say about it and i hadn't read it so i was like i was like looking at it and i was like i had the cover in my hand and i was like pointing at it and i was like see this book these twins they're ghosts they're dead and they're solving mysteries what's this about have you seen this have you guys seen this yes when was this book from by the way was it like like an old 70s like battered up uh you know judy bloomer or something i it was yeah it

was uh i think it might have been maybe 80s, maybe 90s. Or in the wildest. I was a late Judy Bloomer. Because it seemed like it was specially designed for, you know, kids, big type and stuff. Right. Like, they didn't do that in the 70s. They just were kids. What books did you guys like in that young adult phase? Were you fudge boys?

I'm a fudge man, but I was a Goosebump. You know, I don't know why I never get... I guess that was a little bit after my time. Yeah. But I think I would have loved Goosebumps. Yeah. Goosebumps was great. There's also another one.

Animorphs is in the same kind of... Oh, yeah. What is it? Animorphs. What's that about? People morph into animals, and they stop these, like, centaur aliens from... Right. ...collecting blue goo or something.

I don't even know what they were doing wrong. They were just aliens. They're just sweeping up the blue goo. They're basically custodians. Where does this goo come from? Hey, that's our blue goo. Turn into a leopard. Yeah, I had that, and then I remember

the Choose Your Own Adventure books. I thought that was the coolest fucking thing ever. Those were pretty interesting. You're like, finally, yes, you can pick. And then if you picked one that sucked, the Choose Your Own Adventure books. I thought that was the coolest fucking thing ever. Those were pretty interesting. You're like, finally, yes, you can pick. Yeah. And then if you picked one that sucked, you're like, yeah, we'll go with the other one.

No take backs. Yeah. What about Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days? Can't say I've read that one. Obviously, I haven't read it. Look at me. I haven't read that book. He had to put broccoli around his neck for some reason.

Oh, really? Barockley. Barockley Obama. What about Ramona? Did you read the Ramona? Oh, yeah. No. I only read Ramona and her father.

Isn't that the spinoff of the Mary Tyler Moore show? Is that the novelization of that spinoff? I think you're thinking of Happy Days. No, there's definitely a Ramona. They weren't all Happy Days. No, Ramona, what are you talking about? Yeah, there's a spin-off from Mary Tyler Moore. The book series of Ramona is not a spin-off of the Mary Tyler Moore show. That was a callback to the 50 Cent, the novelization of that.

Come on, guys. I think Josh is on acid. Keep up. Keep up. Especially you. You in the corner. Come on, guys. I think Josh is on acid. Keep up. Keep up. Especially you. You in the corner. 50 Cent. You big, beautiful man. Fitty. Fitty in the corner.

That's Fitty in the corner. I just can't imagine being on stage and tripping your face off and then be like, the book. In the back of your mind, you're like, ah, the ace up my sleeve. The book. Have you performed since?

Yes. Okay. So it hasn't scarred you to the point where you don't want to get on stage? No, but I did lose two days after that. Like, I don't remember what happened the two days after that night. Just because, like Josh said, it takes so much out of you that, like, you're just recovering for the next two days. So you were blacked out for two days after doing that? Well, I was blacked out for one day, and then the second day

I was like, hey man, you want to hang out? Because I was supposed to hang out with somebody on Thursday, which was the day after, because the open mic's on Wednesday. And he was like, what are you talking about? It's Friday. And I was like, what do you mean it's Friday? I literally thought it was... So what were you doing that whole day?

I think I was just in bed, I guess. But you have no idea. In my house. Is that normal? Is that like a normal acid hangover? You black out for 24 hours and have no idea what you did? What? I don't know.

I don't know. I just was like. That's kind of scarier than the rest of the story, isn't it? Well, I mean, I didn't leave my house, so I feel like it's a victory. Right. So you probably just kind of laid around and slept most of the day. Yeah. I think I talked to a lot of people, too, that day.

But you have no idea what you said? No. So you could be in hot water. Sure. Probably. You know you called me that day. Did I? And I don't appreciate you having those views on black people.

Let's cut to the audio right now. Well, I don't say I didn't like him i just said i just don't think they should live on this planet is that so wrong if they could stop breathing up all my white man air i'm fine with him living on the moon sure or mars yeah wow that was bad You shouldn't have said those racist things. Oh, I'm sorry. I know how the Mars connection with the black culture is pretty sensitive. Yeah. Especially since the rover. The red rover.

Well, the white rover. The white power rover. No, the red rover, that was communist. Oh, yeah yeah that's right that's right i'm getting things confused now red rover red rover since stalin on over um going back to childhood with that one aren't you childhood because i grew up in the 1930s yep uh all right so when you were on stage and then when it's over. A lot of people don't know that I'm 89 years old.

They do now. You gave away my age. I'm sorry. I do look young. Yeah, you're very pristine. Right. For 89. He moisturizes a lot.

Yeah, I just can't imagine tripping. In front of people and then just being completely lost so when you get off stage where people like so what the fuck was that um no like people just thought that was because i didn't tell anybody people just thought that was just like you're just trying something yeah yeah it was like my yeah i guess that's a good place to be like you know like chris just stared at the wall and then counted the alphabet. It was really weird. I mean, there's certainly many performances or stand-ups that I've seen bomb.

If they came off stage and said, I'm on acid, I would not be surprised. But I don't suspect it, you know. Yeah, actually, the one person I did tell, I actually did tell one person after the standup set and he was probably the only person there that knew until like later when like, I think I mentioned it when I was on stage, when I was there last time and I was like all angry about it. It was bad. Yeah.

But, um, I actually like, uh, told Brian Preston cause I was like, if anyone's going to be cool with what's happening here, it's probably going to be Brian Preston. And he didn't really know who I was.

Hey, man! This is just between us. Who are you? No, seriously, it was like that. It was exactly like that. And then I was like talking with my act about him, or like with him, about him. I was talking about him, and then I was talking about with my act about him or like with him about him. I was talking about him and then I was talking about my,

no, but, uh, I was like, I was like trying to like discuss the book thing with him. Like, like seriously. Right.

Cause I was like, now that he knows what's going on, we need to hash this out. Right. Somebody has to answer for what happened. Wow. Uh, yeah,

but he's cool with it. I talked to him since. Yeah. I'm sure he's like, yeah, it's whatever, whatever, man. Yeah. But he's cool with it. I talked to him since. Right. Yeah. I'm sure he's like, yeah, it's whatever. Whatever, man. Exactly like that. Yeah.

Well, how long have you been doing stand up? Over a year now, I guess. Yeah. It's. And that was the anniversary. I'm just going to do some acid to celebrate. It could have been. It could have been the anniversary. No, I know the only anniversary i can remember right now would be i guess in february

would be the anniversary like the first time i did like a feature oh wow so that's february yeah so like oh it's over a year but i only feel like i'm like still like starting to like yeah me too yeah get into it you know i definitely and i i very much feel like i'm still starting to get into it. I definitely am. I very much feel like I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I'm still going up there and just kind of saying funny things that I've thought of, basically. I hope at some point I can really become a stand-up comedian and really feel like it. Well, there's different avenues. I mean, there's people that are really good

at what they do and they just say silly things right and that's fine like you know as long as that's who they are well one day mike is going to say serious things on stage and get tons of laughs and you'll respect me hoping this comedian shit will end so you can go on your lecture series and what aristotle meant by that and we see slide two if we're speaking about immigration early christian mythology what got you in the stand-up well uh i feel like i feel like i've always wanted to do it and i've been like doing it through other things like through because i was an english major in college so i felt like i was using my writing to like be funny right and like people that were

trying to be serious hated me for it right because they were like you're not what is this right you're not taking this seriously did you ever do like funny uh speeches in school that's i feel like that's kind of where i started yeah i i got like a taste of that like i played in a lot of bands so i was like the funny band member or whatever and uh and i don't know like uh i don't know i played this uh um when i played with this cover band like this basement show or whatever and i like was just i was just like letting i don't know i had some drinks and stuff and i was just like letting loose and after that somebody was like somebody was like dude it was like really good

but like why in between it you like made it like it was Letterman or something and I was just like I don't know it's just the way you shouldn't have done that top ten list

in between songs that was fucked up did you really need to have sex with your interns and confess it on your show because you were being extorted but I don't know I just

I feel like it was always something right you know right it's always something on your show. Yeah. Because you were being extorted. But, I don't know, I just, I feel like it was always something, you know. Right. It's always something. It's always. It's the name of Chris Hudson's first book.

I can't wait till the day when we have to make confessions on the podcast, like serious confessions. About what? About, you know, corruption.

You've been sleeping with Munza the entire time. Yeah, like, yeah, I have had sex with Munza before. Hey, so have I. Really?

Yeah. So then we don't know who the father is. I mean, judging by the glasses that the baby wears, I'm thinking it's yours. Instead of calling Maury. I'm sorry, Chris. Continue. Do you have his phone number? No, but I do have Professor Griff's phone number.

Let's ask Professor Griff a question. Do you know who Professor Griff is? No. Do you know the band Public Enemy? Yes. He's kind of like the third guy in Public Enemy. Did he come in after Terminator X left? No.

They replaced Terminator X with some DJ. He's been there from the beginning. Okay. He was kicked out of the group at least once and returned. For making some inflammatory remarks about Jewish people. Really? Yeah. He left and Flava Flav stayed. Yep. Alright. He might be back.

Is he back? Yeah, he's been back in the group for like a decade. So, there's hope for Mel Gibson, huh? What do you think the... Well, it's not like... How long do you think it takes before we forgive people for saying terrible things about Jews? Well, Hitler's name is still pretty synonymous with... Hitler who?

Not being white. Oh, God, I'm such an asshole. I keep telling Dan Lyle to call me, and then I keep missing his calls. Dan Lyle, former guest of the show. Okay, so, Chris, what question do you have for Professor Griff? Well, my question for Professor Griff

is... Okay, let's see. All right. It's going to be hip-hop specific. Okay. I'm a white boy from Baltimore. Is there any chance of me making it in the hip-hop game? Okay.

So let's say, Griff, what do you think the odds are of a white boy making it as a rapper? Sure. Yes. What do you... Follow-up question. Are dinosaur bones just put here by God to tempt us into not believing in him. And that's going to be the subject of my first hip-hop song. I like that.

Dinosaur bones is fake. No, they're real. Have we talked about that before? What? The creationist theories on where dinosaur bones come from. On dinosaur bones. Don't they think they're put here by the devil? Well, there's several different sects of thought on where dinosaur bones come from by people who think that the world is 6,000 years old. I think I got that.

One is that they were put here by the devil to trick us. Two is that they were put here by God so that archaeologists could have jobs. Wow. I honestly, I dated a girl whose parents honestly believe that how many how many archaeologists do you think are on the planet right now like 500 out of the 7 billion i know why did he put more like coal on the planet or like well what about like oil there's literally like 32 million people in america who are impoverished let's not even get started on what's going on with Africa. But no, God's looking out for us.

He has a thing for archaeologists. He has a soft spot for archaeologists. I mean, they spend their entire lives chasing something that doesn't exist, apparently. Digging in the dirt. Right. And the third explanation is that humans walked alongside dinosaurs and every other creature. That's the Flintstones explanation. Right.

The Flintstones theory. And they throw in the added evidence of, well, where do you think all these dragon myths came from? Primitive man walked with dinosaurs, that's where. Supposedly, the mermaid myth came from pirates seeing manatees. That's very possible. You think so? Manatees aren't very attractive looking and nothing human about them.

Really? You're not attracted to manatees? No. Chris? Tough question. Sorry. You didn't know you were going to get ambushed like this. We should ask Professor Griff that.

You should. You're attracted to manatees. You should. Dear Griff. Would you with a manatee Yeah you fill in the blank Yeah So you went to school

As an English major Did you graduate as an English major Yeah I just I stuck with it Because it's It's one of the majors that you do well at If you Just read the novels and pay attention and write well and yeah right well and you can write yourself out of any situation

basically yeah uh similarly did you did you get a job related to english actually new but uh i mean i don't know an office yeah that's yeah i a history major, and now I'm a budget analyst. And that's the writing thing. That's what it's like. Well, I do a lot of writing. Well, you just can convert that into whatever. I majored in general studies. And now you're a general.

Yeah. Are you the general, the insurance guy? Yeah, yeah. Call the general and save some time. Yeah, it's not something I like to advertise. He's embarrassed. I mean, I saw you wearing your general helmet

when I walked in and I was like, this guy might be the... That guy has a mustache too, doesn't he? Yeah, but, you know, who knows if that's real? Right.

Right? Ask Griff. Ask Griff if that shit's real. We're waiting for a response. So you're working the day job doing comedy. What's the ultimate plan? Do you have one? What's the final solution?

Well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to round up my neighbors. Okay, let's see. Wood chipper. I'm not really sure what... Yeah, I mean, that's what I call... How did you know that's what I call... A lot of comp thing. Yeah, a lot of...

Hey, yeah, yeah, all this comp thing. Excuse me, can you... He just goes on and on with the comp thing. Have you read this thing? Can I get my meal comped? Here. Yeah, I went there. I was told I would have mine comped.

You hit it out of the park. There you go. I had a friend that thought that mine comped meant mine book. Wait, you just said mine book. Well, yeah, okay. He thought the El Camino meant the Camino or something like that. I would love it if it was actually called my book, because I could imagine him being, my book!

My book, my book, my book! That's how I did my book! Mine cookbook. Why is the Bible called the Bible? I just thought about that. What does Bible mean? Ask Griff. Let's see if he's answered the...

No answer yet. Bible. What does it mean? I know it's a pretty broad question. You've only been in comedy a year. When you got into it, it was mostly just like, I really like stand-up, so I want to give it a shot. Do you have any visions of maybe in five years

where you'd like to be with stand-up? I bet he did when he was on acid. You're like, I hope to be dead. My brother and I will be solving crimes. Yeah. You're like, yep, that's exactly it. Yeah, I want to be a ghost that solves mysteries.

I don't know why those kids didn't go to heaven, and now they're just on earth solving mysteries. Well, they're probably Jews or something. Bringing it back. Bringing it back. That is, when you think about it, if the average Christian evangelical believes that everyone who's Christian goes to heaven and everyone who's not Christian goes to hell, then Hitler went right to heaven when he died. All the Jews that he tormented went straight to hell.

Mm-hmm. Which point? I'm saying we should convert to evangelical Christianity because heaven's way better. I'm sold. You know, speaking of heaven, I saw this on the back of a locksmith truck downtown. It said, drive carefully. Then it had, like, an ellipses, you know, the dot heaven, I saw this on the back of a locksmith truck downtown. It said, drive carefully.

Then it had like an ellipses, you know, the dot, dot, dot. Ellipses, that's great. Because that's my English degree. There's an ellipses there. Right. That's it. You know you're not supposed to look directly at an ellipses unless you're wearing 3D glasses. While driving.

It said, drive carefully with the ellipses because we have no keys to heaven. That was their warning. That's good for a locksmith. Wow, that's interesting. It's like I've seen porter potties with the slow, or porter potty trucks that had a bunch of them on them delivering porter potties. Porter potties? Porter potties? You mean porta potties? Porta. You call them porter potties. Porter potties? Porter potties? You eat porter potties?

Porter. You call them porter potties? They're only for porters. Is it porter? It's porter. Are you serious? I am serious. You're nearly 26 years old.

I always said porter. Wow. You know, I think this might stem from there's a kid named Danny Porter, and we called him Danny Porter Potty. Did you think that he was of the lineage of the lineage that made the porter bodies you were like that's why he has so much wow exactly yeah yeah that's port a potty ah yeah port a potty wow that is insane you know i don't think i knew that the word crayon was not crown until adulthood. That's bad.

Oh, well, let me just say this real quick. There is a porta potty truck, and they said, we're number one in the number two business. Really? That's hilarious. That's great. Good for you, porta potty company. Do you know in World War II, a lot of the GIs, their toilet seats would say Crapper on them because Thomas Crapper was someone who designed toilet seats. Really?

Yeah. The urban legend is that the toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper, the flushing toilet, but it's not completely accurate. And I think the word crap existed before that and they thought it was funny. I don't think it was a matter of

that's where the word crap came from. Right. It was really invented by Thomas Shithole. Alan Feces. Yeah, Jane Poo. Everybody will know the name Jane Poo. Send in Dr. Poop. Remember that one?

What? That SNL where, I swear this bit must have been improvised. It's with Will Ferrell and they're in a doctor's office. And it's just completely absurd and ridiculous. And he's like, he lost their baby, the couple that comes in. I left it at a Boat Heaton's concert. And then he's like, Erica, send in Dr. Poop. And yes, laugh at his name if you want, but this may very well be the man that will save your child.

And Tim Meadows comes in and he's like, hi, I'm Dr. Steven Poop. I can't save your child, but I can do the robot. That's amazing. All right, Chris, we've run out of time, unfortunately. Thank you so much for coming over and doing the show. Thanks for having me. Yeah, come back, Chris. Yeah, it's all right.

I should have told you there was two Buena Vistas. Yeah, I was in the wrong Buena Vista. Let's see if Griff has answered you. My whole life. He must be eating. We'll follow up. Is that what he tells you when he doesn't respond? Sorry, I was eating you.

He has a strict no eating and texting rule. Right. Yeah, well, it's dangerous. The two shall never meet. We don't have the keys to heaven, so don't eat and text. He poked himself in the eye with his fork while he was texting. No. Never again, Griff said.

Never again. Griff said. Never again. You know what the worst slogan I ever saw on a truck was? Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians? No. Oh. There's a trucking company called Kane, and their slogan is, Kane is able. Hmm. Hmm.

Biblical. Yeah, but that's not why it's bad. I mean, if it was a clever biblical reference, then I could get down with that. You know. Hmm. Yeah, but that's not why it's bad. I mean, if it was a clever biblical reference, then I could get down with that. Cain is not eating shellfish. Isn't that a rule in the Bible? Yeah, it's in Leviticus. I think wrestling has ruined the name Cain for me.

Oh, yeah. Cain. Sugar has ruined the word Cain for me. And old people. And my cholesterol. I mean, it was fine when he was just a murderer in the Bible. Oh, I thought you were talking about sugar. Sugar is a murderer.

It is. Right. It kills billions. Let's just say billions. Billions of people. So basically, a huge percentage of people that have ever lived Have been killed by sugar The scourge of sugar Yeah

I mean they always They all had sugar in their system when they died Right So Did you know it took until the year 1900 For there to be a billion people on earth? And now there's seven billion That's cause we can't stop fucking right?

I can't Yeah Literally You can't No metaphorically It's like speed, but with sex. Speed the movie. You have to keep having sex or you'll die.

On a bus. On a bus. Yeah. All right, so I think this is one of the weirdest endings ever. It's the weirdest ending since that alternate ending for Butterfly Effect. Where Ashton Kutcher got pumped in the fetus. In the womb as a fetus.

What did he do? He strangled himself with his umbilical cord so that he was never born. I feel like he couldn't do that. What did he do? He's a really good actor. I was picturing him tying the umbilical cord to the lung, like a rib, like a noose.

And he just jumps in the fluid. Well, I think his normal, like, his 20-year-old self, or however old he was, was in his infantile state somehow. Like, his mind was grown up. So he's like, oh, I guess I should, you know. Yeah. That was his Morris Code, like, thing. I should. Yeah. Yeah. That was his worst code. Well, Tommy. All right.

Well, Chris, thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. And digheads, check out digressionsessions.com. Chris, you're on Twitter, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. At CW Hudson. All right.

Follow him. Actually, let's do our plugs in the beginning. How about that? Yeah. Yeah. All rightW Hudson. All right. Follow him. Actually, let's do our plugs in the beginning. How about that? Yeah. Yeah. All right. So thanks, everybody, for listening. Yeah.

Don't forget to check out digressionsessions.com. Do it. We love you. We got shirts, stickers. Buy it. Hit us up. Yeah. Do it.

Buy it. Do it. Do it. Buy it. And we'll let you know what Professor Griff says about Chris's question. Yeah. We'll let you know. We love you. We love you.

We love you. But not in a creepy way.