The Digression Sessions - Ep. 53 Doug Powell!

Episode Date: October 27, 2012

.ShopDogDoug. Hola Digheads! This week, Mike and Josh are joined by a wildly talented feller – he’s a musician, farmer, comedian – Mr. Doug Powell! Doug has been writing and performing comedy around Washington DC and Baltimore for over a decade. Beginning his career as a comedic songwriter, Doug has begun to find his voice onstage as a storyteller and a joke writer. 2011 marked the release of his latest stand-up album/DVD “I Am You An Hour From Now,” recorded live at the Frederick Cultural Arts Center by Fool Martyr Productions and Hahaas Comedy.  Get it on the ol iTunes! Doug shares stories from his journey as football playing Marine to Jehovah Witness debater and hilarious comedian farmer man. We discuss a number of topics for this episode including, but not limited to: Bootlegging gasoline, community college, conspiracy theories and 9/11, the depressing yet exciting aspects of creativity, Shop Dog Sam, Deadliest Warrior, mentally wrestling with a Jehova witness, the great Eazy-E vs. Dr. Dre debate, and so much more!   Have something to say about this ep? Or do you have anything else Digression Sessions related / unrelated to say? Should we start distributing powerpoints with every pod?! DigressionSessions.com !! PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 RATE AND SUBSCRIBE! WANT A SHIRT? EMAIL JOSH – [e-mail]

Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast, everybody. How the hell are ya? I am one half of your favorite pair of earbuds. Mr. Mike Dramatic Paws Moran. But I am flying solo on this intro, so I just wanted to get a couple plugs out of the way before we get into the episode with the multi multi talented and hilarious Doug Powell, the musician, comedian, farmer, lover, dare I say lover with Mr. Doug Powell. This is a really fun episode. We get into to many, many things from bootlegging gasoline to Doug's experience at community college to 9-11 conspiracies

as one does. And then into Doug Powell's journey. That's right. We peel back some of the layers of the tasty, tasty onion that is Doug Powell. For instance, did you know Doug Powell was a Marine? I bet you didn't. And if you want to see Doug Powell, you can see him every third Thursday at Cafe Nola in Frederick for his show. It's called The Big Picture Show. It's every third Thursday of the month at Cafe Nola in Frederick, Maryland. I think it's a mix of stand-up, sketch, and just kind of all-around talented for a uh for a variety show and i'm and if doug powell's involved i'm sure it's a good time uh you can check him out at digdougpowell.com for more info uh our own mike moran you can check out his uh current book review of brad warner's

new book hardcore zen strikes again skeptic magazine that's online and me josh cotton candy kaderna you can check me out friday november 9th at the autograph theater in baltimore i'll be doing the improvs at the first ever baltimore fringe festival that's friday november 9th at the autograph theater it should be fun as hell fun as hell all Fun as hell! All right, so that's it for the intro. I don't want to ramble too long, but check out digressionsessions.com. Follow us on Twitter at digseshpod.

I'm at betterrobotjosh. Mike Moran is at michaelmoran10. And Doug Powell's not on Twitter. Can you believe it? He's not on Twitter. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. How does he laugh? Anyway, yeah, enjoy the episode and keep those reviews coming on iTunes.

We really appreciate it. And you know what? Tell a friend about the show. All right. We love you. And ties. Ties was not on there but it I think white does help yeah there is there is another interesting white race where it power and an interesting fact from that one is that if you're like strong-looking men are positions of power more yeah if

you're a black man you have to have a cute physical attribute as well so people aren't intimidated by you. The one about making people like you, having a brand name on your clothes makes people like you more. Is it really? It makes me not like people. I'm the lower part of that scale, that demographic.

That might even be a reaction to the status quo of people being liked who wear things like that. All of our morals are going out of our hands. I'm trying to bring down society yeah that's exactly what that is yeah i just don't like the but but apparently it's the same as saying like i'm someone you can trust right like you can rely on me you can rely on me i can afford this well i don't even know so much of it's that i guess that's part of it but it's just kind of thing like i care i care enough right it's like do you trust this company you should trust me right i buy the expensive clothes I guess that's part of it. I care. I care enough to show you

who should trust me. I buy the expensive clothes. I'm trying to show you that I want to fit in. I want to be part of this whole thing. I'm making the effort here. Trust me. No, no, no. Cilantro. Cilantro.

You have a terrible cilantro habit, by the way. That's my favorite habit. You're just hanging out behind a pizzeria Hey man I know y'all got that cilantro Come on man Y'all ain't gonna use all that Doug get out of here Don't give him any

It's just cilantro He's just gonna come back I need to get something to eat that's not cilantro He's just gonna spend it on cilantro Don't give him Doug has a sign Why lie? I'm just gonna to buy cilantro.

Brother needed cilantro. That'd be funny if you had a fake funny sign that's like, I'm not going to lie. I'm starving today. I was driving home last night. And I was near Mount Vernon, coming into Mount Vernon. And there's this homeless woman across the street. As soon as I pull up to the stoplight, she's like, of course, the light turns red as I go there. And she walks up.

So I go like, all right, I guess we'll do eye contact. Well, I was just like, I'll roll my window down and see what she does. And she's just like, it's such a weird situation always. But she was just like, hey, we're trying to get over to this. Can y'all give us a ride? I'm like, I mean, a ride? I think the ride pitch is usually they know you're going to say no, so then it becomes – that's prestige.

Oh, man. So these guys are like economists. That's building credibility. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And then it becomes like, all right, man, just give me some money for the bus. Oh, yeah. That's what she said.

That's exactly what she said. I think that's usually how it goes. That's so bitch. I actually, I had that situation once outside of BCCC years ago during the day. Yeah. And because I'm slightly less retarded than I was back then, but still pretty retarded. But the woman, I was going to give her a ride. I was like, okay, well, yeah, sure.

We can, yeah, I'll give you a ride. No problem. And then she started stacking on reasons Hold on, my wallet's on the seat. One sec. Get in here. Come on. So then she started talking herself out of it. Yeah, it became like, okay, well, we have to go pick up my kids too.

I've got like six of them. And you just keep saying, yeah, yeah, I love kids. I have car seats in the back. Yeah, and then when it became impossible for me to drive her, it became, can I have some money for the bus. When it became impossible for me to drive, it became can I have some money for the bus. I see. In which case I said, I've actually got a bus, Ralph.

I can go. I own a bus. I'm Mike Greyhound. Come on. Come along. Michael Greyhound. And to the fortune. I love Doug Luberg fortune.

This story, I've seen you tell it once where it was uh there was a fight at a gas station i think when he first moved to baltimore and the guy was like i'm gonna own everything here get my lawyer i'm gonna own all the gas station it was like some guy at a gas station that was like he's on his defense to being like he was being kicked out of a gas station that was like his defense to being like he was being kicked out of a gas station for fighting for first i don't know what right okay but i can't imagine what you would like i've been kicked out of a few places right and a gas station never again not one of those play like what is below gas station etiquette i'm not sure but he had broken whatever code of answers yeah anyway he was like yeah he, they were getting in a fight,

and he was like, I'm going to call my lawyer. I'm going to own all. It was some grand prize. You probably should have warned him of the difficulties of owning a small business. That's what I'm saying. Why would anybody want to own a gas station in the street? That's where you want to invest your money. It's very time consuming.

People rarely use that vending machine anyway. I'm going to own this. I'm going to own that. I'm going to own that. Everything's done digital nowadays anyway. Come on. Don't you know anything? Don't you know anything? People get their gas online.

Does anybody order online gas? I do. I actually get my gas online. You're a busy man. Yeah, I got stuff to do. Like, do you order from a state where it's cheaper? No, I bet you could. Yeah, you can outsource. Yeah, the price order it from a state where it's cheaper? No, I bet you could.

Yeah, you can outsource it. Yeah, the price of gas changes. You just make your own. You just make your own gas. I have a still in the paper.

Bootlegging some gasoline. Right. I can't wait for the mafia to get involved. That was old-timey mafia music, by the way. That was old-timey,

yeah. It's going to be dangerous, though, when the president comes to town and starts breaking the barrels of gas into the streets. I'd love to see Obama do that.

No more bootleg gas. Not in my town, not ever. You hear me, gas barons? People are breaking down dinosaur bones in their basements. Filing down a triceratops head. There's a process to it, yeah. Fossils are disappearing from these here. There would become like the entire, like the whole

micro brew brewery like brewery fanaticism about like homegrown gas. Right, right. We're going to hit a couple of micro brews. They got a sick 89 octane. I don't know if you've had it, but it's really good. Very good. Best paleontologist

this side of Mississippi. Knows what he's doing, good. Best paleontologist this side of the Mississippi. Knows what he's doing, man. I swear to God. Yeah, he does. He does. He got a great fall. Really has a paleo-ethnolithic taste to it. Almost mesozoic, but not quite.

But not quite. But not quite. Oh, boy. This is my favorite holiday I started. Well, Doug, you're studying science stuff right now. I'm actually going to be. I'm not yet. I'm actually going to Baltimore City Community College.

Yeah. And, Mike, you said you went there, right? Yeah. I got my associate's degree there and a bunch of other credits because they were pretty much free. You got street cred mostly for going there. Yeah, I did. That's the main credit you get for going there. Mike Moran gets 97 street credits.

Congratulations. I know. I don't think get for going there. Mike Moran gets 97 street credits. Congratulations. You know, I've never thought of that joke before. Why do I not get street credits for Mike? And you know, weirdly, they send me a Dean's List award every semester still. You blew away the competition. You're probably one of the

few on the Dean's List, so they're probably like, let's try to get him back here. Let's see what Mike's doing. It's like when they vote with dead people. You're keeping the GPA, the overall GPA of that school. Right. And Mike Moran is just a legend at BCCC. He just doesn't

know. There's a huge statue of you just drinking coffee in the courtyard. Professors talk fondly of the Mike Moran theory. It's already become a legend legendary all these things in berating their students they say the mike morans of this world they say that when mike moran went here he only wore a loincloth and studied 30 hours a day hey like even i try really hard like i don't live a depressing life but it's still it's like the

flu it just doesn't go away unless i take meds it's one of those things i wish i didn't have to yeah i kind of have that too to an extent we've talked about this before but it's like generally i'm pretty happy but in my mind i'm always like i'd rather just be sleeping like or just like eating food laying in bed but like that's just you're just lazy but that that too that too but i mean like that would just be like and that's kind of like the driving force though is that like oh everything sucks i've got so much to get done but once i finally accomplish something it feels really good right that kind of wears off like the day after yeah which is weird so you're an artist and we're all artists here right that's exactly that's what i want to ask you is that what you kind of go through doug is like you're kind of always like chasing that feeling yeah

looks like you naive son of a bitch oh boy let me tell you something how much space you got on that computer that was your age you dumb idiot no um yeah man, man. It sucks sometimes. And then other times it's fucking amazing. But that's what you're always kind of chasing though, right? And it sucks all over again real hard. And it's amazing. Well, that's life. That's how life is supposed to go.

Right. But when nothing ever feels good at all. Or barely ever feels good. Even your accomplishments. You just don't have the... Yeah, like the mental incentives are not there. I mean, yeah, doing something really fun is

great, but not when you have the flu, you know? Yeah, absolutely. Right. So there's always kind of

that tinge, that shadow on everything. Yeah, there really is. And, you know, I've tried every natural remedy.

I've tried, like, to do everything besides take medicine. It just doesn't really seem to work very well. Do you feel like even when you are

on your meds does that because that's what i've always heard about uh pills that treat depression that it's kind of like there are no highs and lows everything is just flat lines uh no i think it depends on what kind you take but yeah you don't seem that way you seem to be able to function and experience like highs and lows yeah definitely i i, I'm not on a very high level. I do. I have amped up my exercise and health regimen a whole lot, which, you know. Yeah, that helps. And I used to be on a lot higher dose of medication.

Like I try to keep it as low as possible. Right, right. But, you know, although sometimes I think I could be getting a whole lot more done if I took more. Yeah. So. It impedes I took more. Yeah. So. It impedes you pretty bad. Yeah. I mean, I still definitely feel sick from depression.

Yeah. But I can. You know, it's weird. You guys both have. You have a girlfriend. Do you have a girlfriend? I don't. You don't have a girlfriend. Okay.

In relationships, when you have something like depression or anxiety and the other person does not. Ugh. It is. It's interesting. It's it is uh it's interesting it's a challenge because it's in it's really difficult it's hard to relate yeah it's hard to explain you know especially a person who's a generally happy person to like that are just like what's why are you sad like there has to be a why there has to be like why are you this way it's like well i don't know i right i just i just is like it's gonna be like this all the time that's my mode yeah this is i'm work i work on it every day and that's what kind of makes it worse too is that you're like oh this person's not that way and they're like hey share this with me and

you're like i don't know if i should you know what i mean like i don't want to be the chocolate ice cream and your vanilla that takes over the bowl that metaphor metaphor works. You know what I mean? Right, right. You do run that, like, you're in that bandwidth of, you go between very normal to potentially crazy in both highs and, I do, in highs and lows.

Yeah. You gotta, you just gotta maintain it and check it and balance it and pay attention and be the responsible adult in this. Yeah, I think with,

with modern science, we, most of us have the option adult in the center. Yeah, I think with modern science, most of us have the option to treat the disease. And I feel, you know, I've known people who have mental illnesses that are so bad that they can't treat them, even when they've tried really hard. Wow. I mean, I lost a friend this year who really tried very hard to treat her mental illness.

She went to the groups. She took the meds. She worked very, very hard at it. She didn't lead a depressing life. She did what she had to do, but she just couldn't handle it. It's so strange to think, too. Sometimes the chemistry in your brain, that's what it is.

That's your hard wire. It's not even that crazy to think. That's what we're all made of. It's so crazy. It's just one variable to one way. I think it's crazy to think that we's like that's what we're all made we're made of you know it's so crazy it's just one variable to one way I think it's crazy to think that we all are pretty normal I think like the fact that we all like don't just go crazy and kill each other all the time is pretty humans in general I think so I think just like and I don't think that's necessarily crazy because it's normal yeah the primitive but when you really think just like, and I don't think that's necessarily crazy because it's normal. Yeah, in the primitive world.

But when you really think about like how delicate the balance is between everything, between good, bad, sanity, insanity, like it's a very delicate balance. And I find it interesting that we don't have more social chaos. That there's just not a meltdown every day. Some guy just pulls over on the highway. He's like, fuck it. Whatever. I think we went through when you look at the Stone Age to the Modern Age. I think we went through a whole lot of that.

That's a good point. We're kind of fortunate to be living at this time. Other societies haven't quite gone through that transition completely. You know who I think though for that is the people with all the money who run our lives, who give us wonderful entertainment to zone ourselves out all the time so we don't pay attention to the real facts. That brings us right to our sponsor for the week, the Illuminati.

Thank you very much. Alex Jones, ladies and gentlemen. Props to our reptilian overlords. Keep it up. We will be having a guest appearance by Dave Mustaine later on. Oh, which brings us to Ask Professor Griff. Are you familiar

with Professor Griff of Public Enemy fame? Yes, I guess I am. I'm familiar with that name. He is a big Alex Jones supporter. Okay. A big conspiracy theorist guy. And I've got his number.

Okay. And each episode we ask him a question. Do you really? It can be conspiracy theory related or not. Whatever you'd want to ask him. Actually, I was just watching a conspiracy theory documentary today. Really? What were you

watching, dog? It was called something about 9-11. I was hanging out with a friend last night. No, that's a different one. Sounds like a romantic comedy about 9-11. Something about 9-11. Starring you, Grant, and Jennifer Aniston. It was like the Titanic about 9-11. Something about 9-11. Starring you, Grant, and Jennifer Aniston. It was like the Titanic of 9-11. You know what's going to happen at the end.

Right, yeah, exactly. How they're going to get there. What happened to your husband? I don't know. Something about 9-11. Then they fall in love. Right. They should just remake Titanic with every disaster.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Everything is disaster. As Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet age as well. Yeah, that's a good idea. As Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet age. He's holding her on the top of the World Trade Center. She's like, I'm flying! 747 right ahead!

That was pretty funny. That was pretty fucking funny. Oh boy. Oh, boy. All right, so do you have a question for Professor? Yeah, I do. I do, yeah, sure. Okay. What would you like to ask Professor?

I'm going to just ask him. We should ask him, does he believe that 9-11 was a conspiracy? Oh, okay. I mean, or was it actually what they said it was, which was planes hijacked by terrorists flying into a building? Or was it a conspiracy put together by the government in order to take down the World Trade Center?

It was a conspiracy by somebody. But was the American government involved? It was the American government involved. What are your thoughts on that, Doug? I don't know. It's interesting. This documentary I watched today... Was it Loose Change? It wasn't Loose Change. It was something with the word 9-11 in the name.

Tight change. It just was interesting. They showed footage of the supposed plane that hit the Pentagon. But there was just, I don't know if you remember, but there was just no wreckage. Yeah, that argument was made a lot. They also said that about Pennsylvania, too. Well, there wasn't any plane wreckers.

There was none. Was it Zeitgeist? There were no... Zeitgeist was the one that also had the Christ myth theories. No, I don't know. And the Federal Reserve. Yeah, it's broken into pieces. But yeah, in Zeitgeist, there's a huge chunk on IOL.

No, it wasn't Zeitgeist. It's been pretty debunked, and I think that guy's actually disowned his own film. No, he hasn't. Which one? The Zeitgeist guy? No, he was... That's what I heard. I don't know. He was just on the Joe Rogan podcast not too long ago talking about it.

Maybe it was the Loose Change guy that disowned his own film. One of those guys did. Well, Loose Change gets a little weird because they say one of those planes that crashed is still around and flying today. And it's like one of those kind of sketchy things where they don't really give evidence. They just show a plane and they're like, ah, look at that. For 9-11 conspiracies, the biggest factor against it would be

how do you keep... That would be thousands of people keeping their mouth shut. The president cannot get a BJ in the Oval Office without somebody running their mouth. That's a good point. Government conspiracies happen, but they are not nearly as cool as we would like to think. Like thousands of people being paid off.

I don't know. But it's Watergate is a conspiracy. Whitewater is a conspiracy. The Iran-Contra scandal is a conspiracy. Yeah, but what about the USS Tonkin that got us into Vietnam? What are you Tonkin about? Tonkin that got us into Vietnam. What are you Tonkin about? Tonkin about? Well, they said that the USS Tonkin was attacked by the Vietnamese, and that was completely fake.

Yeah, that's true. There was also the Louis C. Tania, which was sunk, that got us into World War I or World War II. Well, I think the Tonkin thing actually happened, but they blamed it on the wrong people. No, we faked the whole thing. Really? Yeah. Well, I don't know about that, but I would still, I i mean the whistle's been blown on that i seriously doubt but that's what i well more of what i'm trying to get is that we have a history of faking things to get into wars when like the louis ethania um was carrying weapons from this before we were involved in the

war and it was i think it was a passenger ship that went from new york to england and um i think it's world war one because that's when germany had all their u-boats and germany is like hey we're gonna sink this fucking thing because you guys are sending weapons to each other and america's like no we're not doing that and they're like they're like all right we're gonna sink it and even the german government even paid for an ad in the new y Times advising people not to take this ship. Are you serious? Yeah, same, because we're going to sink this thing because your government is sending weapons when they're supposed to be neutral and all this. So people were on it and the Germans sunk it.

And then the U.S. said, like, oh, they just attacked us out of nowhere. Now we got to get in war. And then years later, when they found the Louis Vuitton on the of the atlantic it had guns all in the bottom of it so like so the u.s government knew the whole time yeah i mean there definitely are many wartime lies and well i mean not even just wartime lies but things that are predicated upon us getting into war like having our own people be killed or faking things to get into war yeah and my biggest thing too like i i'm one of those people with 9-11 that's like i don't know because trade center seven is the biggest thing for me yeah i think that's i don't know there's a good skeptoid

episode on that one you should listen to okay just i mean that's the other building that fell wasn't hit by anything else and no other building around the towers fell right it just so happened that one that one went down too right there's a lot of there's a lot of interesting things that don't add up yeah i just started i watched like the first half hour of it and then i had to go um but i saw the footage of the wreckage at the pentagon um and there was just there was a hole in the side of the building. About 16 feet wide by 14 feet high or something. Something like that.

The third and fourth floor and the first level were still intact. The roof was on. So if this 757 hit that at full speed, it just would take the whole fucking wall out. There's no way it would fit through this hole. There was no plane debris, no people,

no baggage, nothing that had to do with the plane. Just a big hole in the side of the Pentagon that looked like a missile hit it. I don't know why that's crazy. There was no wreckage. There's also been no video released of that.

They have one picture. It's from a gas station. Yeah. Across the street. I would just say look up the debunking. Yeah, I'll have to look those up too. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because that's a pretty tall order for a conspiracy.

It's interesting. The thing that is weird about that is like, because I don't give, I give people credit for being people. You know, the government is made out of people. Right, yeah. And people are bad. They're bad people and they're good people. Yeah.

And it's a capitalistic society and capitalism encourages corruption in general. It just does. Lobbyists exist and that makes people corrupt. And so money, you know, it's all about money. So I don't put anything past the government anyway. in general. It just does. Lobbyists exist and that makes people corrupt. It's all about money. I don't put anything past the government anyway. I'm always willing to be like, I fucking knew it with conspiracy.

The thing about this one is that it's so damn evil that if it were, it would really turn your stomach in a way. Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are willing to do that. They might be cruel, selfish people, but are they murderous sociopaths? Right, and that's a good question. Are they?

I don't know. Yeah, that's the thing, is that you don't really know. I don't know. You know, I think everybody's a little psychopathic. Right. And when you are in that position, you do have to decide when people die if you're president. Well, also, yeah yeah like things things change too with what what you know like obama signing the national defense authorization acts which is

pretty insane for a democrat to sign right um which basically allow which basically turns the u.s into a war zone so he can arrest anybody right as a quote-unquote terrorist and they don't have to be tried in public courts or anything like that and he was like well i didn't want to sign it but he secretly signed it at 11 30 p.m on new year's eve when nobody was paying attention right and then he goes well i'm not going to use it it's like yeah well even if that were true that you that you don't use it and i don't think we would know there's going to be other presidents besides you that will have this power. The only thing that, like, in a day and age like this, I don't think something like that is necessarily that dangerous,

at least not for the average person, maybe for the minority. I mean, that's like... But if the economy were to crash or something and we suddenly regress into, you know, a less civilized... Like a totalitarian state. Basically what I mean is the fact that anybody can be arrested for speaking out or anything like that.

Speaking out of both sides of their mouths about the internet too. And they're like, hey, good for Egypt. They organized. It's like, yeah, but they shut down the internet. And they're like, oh, Egypt's so bad. Meanwhile, we're working on SOPA to try to pass the same thing where we can shut the internet down. I think once you get into that position you learn so much of what's going on with intelligence reports about how fucking crazy it is out there and like how many and how how do you

control a bunch of people that's really what it is it's like right there are all these people and so many people are just stupid and crazy. Not saying that to be offensive. In an age when there's nuclear weapons that are missing. Right. We're all pretty dumb. For the most part. I'm not a smart person. That's what the founding fathers did. I don't understand how politics work.

There are some really smart... I was in math class today. I was looking at my math book and I just started marveling at the fact that there are these really thin pages. I'm just like, I have no idea how to read these things. I wouldn't know how to make that thing. I was talking about if the people from the future plucked him up to tell them about his civilization. They'd be like, so how do you make the sweater?

I don't know. Yeah. Right. No idea. Absolutely. I mean, we do live in a marvelous age, though, in many ways. I am grateful in many ways to be living in this era. Oh, yeah.

I'm pretty optimistic about the future for the most part. I do think war is declining. I think human rights are getting better. And technology is solving problems that we've had since, like, the beginning of time. It's also making more problems, too. Right. It's a very dichotomy. It's a weird dichotomy that goes on between how great and how shitty everything is.

I think generally the great is outpacing the shitty. Also, I think people live longer than ever. I don't think that's a symptom of modern time either. The fact that there's good and bad. I feel like that shit was always going on. I would not want to live in the freaking Stone Age.

Right. I mean, the way we live now is just like kings. Seriously, we're sitting in this heated room. If we want food, we can just go down the street. I think I'd rather be on minimum wage in 2012 than be royalty in 1600. Oh, absolutely. No way. I would totally be royalty. 1600. Oh absolutely no way Like age 40 that's good With like dying your harem though, and you're eating like yeah Oh a turkey leg every meal would be a turkey all of your toes

Right a huge goblet. Yeah, all of your toes have gout somehow. I don't care. I'm a king. I'm a king. I have a wizard and a court jester to entertain me. And an entire society of serfs who are looking to revolt any chance we get. Good. Let them try. Let them try. Let them try. Somebody else figure it out. Guess who's got a castle?

I got secret passages where you wouldn't believe. I don't know if y'all have GPS, but find my castle. Because I'm a king Because I'm a king. I'm a king. I learned something the other day that in America, we have the highest amount of prisoners in the westernized world. Yeah. Percentage-wise.

Yeah. Which is pretty weird. Well, the prison industrial complex is a moneymaker. Yeah. Yeah. And there's so many other like other markets that are related to it like even like laundry companies or people that make like weird stun guns and defense whatever and yeah let's apply the food to these prisons

good I was gonna say it's like the military industrial complex with companies like Halliburton when you know Halliburton recognizes that if this war happens they can jump on all of these ways to produce things for that war and make billions of dollars I definitely would agree to the conspiracy of when something like 9-11 happens there are many interests

who will jump in and see how they can profit from it that is a slippery slope it's outright dangerous when you have Dick Cheney who was the the ceo or chairman of halliburton and all of a sudden he's vp and then halliburton's getting a gabillion like no bid contracts yeah yeah that people definitely won't capitalize on war happening yeah and that's that's what makes

me think that yeah there is some evil out there but if they were going to conspire to start a war, I don't think they would do it like that. You do not want to get the whistle blown on fucking killing 3,000 Americans at once. But that's how you get your war, though. Why not just blow up a ship or something? I don't know if you'd get a war for that, though. All right, let's find out. Let's blow up a ship. Let's ask Professor Griff which ship we should blow up.

Yeah, I don't know that's the thing like i'm not one of those people like i know they were involved because nobody fucking knows and we'll never know for sure yeah but i i like just questioning those things and kind of thinking like i mean it's the same way that like critical thinking is definitely right it's the same thing as when you're saying like are those people as evil i think it's both sides are thinking just as naive to think like no they wouldn't be that mean or yeah they are that fucking evil to do that you know what i mean so it's like and it is i mean when you're in that type when you're in the white house you have to have whether you're obama or anyone you you have people's lives in your hands and you have to

send the troops out to die right and that's kind of what i feel is that they see so much that they think the good outweighs the bad i'm sure it changes your perspective when it's like well people are going to be dying under me right anyway i can't know what I feel is that they see so much that they think the good outweighs the bad. I'm sure it changes your perspective when it's like, well, people are going to be dying under me anyway. I can't imagine what those intelligence reports say like every fucking day of the craziest shit that's going on in the world. Yeah, I wouldn't want to know. Right? That's the whole point. I wouldn't be able to carry that on my shoulders. Yeah.

So I am suspending my bid for president. Come on, man. That's just because you have that crippling cilantro habit, right? You'll make it through. We can personalize that. It's easy for you to say. You don't know what it's like. Sitting there.

That is the worst habit. I was thinking how it goes with everything. And I might want to make a bid out of this. It sucks for fat people. Their addiction, it's so hard to romanticize it. Yeah, right. Like cigarettes or smoking is kind of dangerous and cool. Yeah, cool.

The girl wants the smoker. You're addicted to heroin. It's like, I got this dark hole in my soul, and I got to fill it with something. But with food, you can't really do that. It's true. Thank you. It's not the rock you can't really do that. It's true. It's definitely, thank you. It's not the rock star way to go.

Right, it's not. It's too bad. I know. Because food's pretty awesome. You can be like a foodie, though. Yeah, there's that. I guess that makes it a little softer. There's a whole foodie girl.

There are all those foodie girls that are going to like you. Yeah, that's very true. Foodie girls. Oh, my. Foodie's a are going to like you. Yeah, that's very true. Foodie girls. Foodie's a term, yeah. I know, but isn't it, have you guys noticed it becoming more of a trend lately? Oh yeah, it's disgusting. Or has it always been like that and I'm just becoming an adult?

No, it's coming around. It's like you can't go eat dinner without your waiter telling you what's in the food. People take pictures of their food. Tons of people do that. They hang it on their wall at home. Or Instagram it. Instagram is like

pictures of food. Pretty much. With a weird filter. I've seen a burger. What is that? A pizza? It's like harmless. That's like a harmless thing that annoys me, but it still annoys me. Yeah, annoying is annoying. Gotta let it out.

Don't hold that in. Food fucking food. The tough thing with quote unquote food addiction too is that you need it to survive. It's not like heroin. When you quit heroin, it's not like you're like, well, I do need to take some heroin. It's so true. You can't quit cold turkey. Literally. Has's so true. You can't quit cold turkey. Literally.

Hashtag literally. Take a picture. The real problem is like anorexic and bulimic people. Right. Like it's so hard to overcome that. Because then that's a disease. Oh, yeah. That body dysmorphia.

Right. I have a friend. Well, I haven't talked to her in a while, but I have a friend who has it pretty badly. And there's like a really like a very very small recovery rate and they it's because it's psychological i guess that it takes so much you have to eat i mean it's like really the only solution is if you can keep a very healthy regimen i've heard like because you never lose the body dysmorphia thing right no matter how you look you're always gonna be too fat or whatever right that's so sad man yeah. Yeah, it is.

I mean, I think no matter what I do, I'm dumb. But that's like, I don't have to stop eating. You can't fix stupid, right? Mr. Gravy just took a bite out of a burger and the buns are donuts. Like, I'm dumb, but I can't stop eating. Guess who's still here? Exactly. Yeah.

I love food I couldn't I couldn't do that do you guys actually call somebody and ask them Professor Griff we texted him

oh you sent the text oh did he yeah he won't respond but he will cool yeah I thought you were actually

going to call him we could we could I don't know we tried a few times he didn't answer I feel like that's a little intrusive too

we don't want to bug him too much yeah hey do you guys watch ShopDogSam? Have you seen that guy? Never even heard of it. Oh, sweet. Okay. Do this when you're on your computer.

ShopDogSam. ShopDogSam.com. All one word. Or just YouTube it. YouTube ShopDogSam. All one word. It's just like Hillbilly and his trailer in Arkansas doing a cooking show out of his trailer.

Wait a minute. There's Hillbillies in Arkansas now? Oh my God. Yes. They just got there. That's new. Obama. I'll tell you what. Obamination. I've never heard that before. Obamination.

You've never heard that? It's weird, isn't it? What movie is this trailer for heard that before. Abomination. You've never heard that? Abomination. What? Or maybe I haven't. It's weird, isn't it? Abomination. So what movie is this a trailer for? Oh, it's not a movie. It's a series. He does like 10-minute, 15-minute cooking shows where he cooks out of what he receives from the government-subsidied food that he gets in the mail.

And he makes like a- They mail you food there? He gets food in the mail. He has people that go get food for him too. One girl's the duct tape girl. I'm talking down the duct tape girl. He's got a real thick accent. Nice draw.

All you see is his white beard and these big serial killer meaty hands preparing the worst food. He he just talks this non-stop stream of inbred consciousness that is like... You can't not laugh.

It's so funny. Sounds like my neighborhood. Where are you? Except for with food instead of crack. At Remington. Okay. Yeah.

Little Arkansas we call it. Little Appalachia. Little Appalachia. Little Appalachia. Yeah, anyway, I watched that with my fiance, Sarah, and we just laughed. It's just on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's how you cook it. It's amazing.

Does he do interesting stuff with the food, or is he just making crap? It's just hysterical. Yeah. The recipes are hysterical i was picturing with his hands in the flames his hands are just in the food and then and then every time you cook a boot well he'll prepare something that's absurd like uh he made a marshmallow mustard sauce like a dipping sauce what was he dipping was a dipping sauce? What was he dipping? I wish I could remember. It was just as amazing.

It was just as funny. It has to be like another M word. He has. All M words taste great together. That's a fact. He's like. He's dipping Confederate bullets that he found. Jefferson Davis pie.

Oh, hoodie. Yeah. He like has little helpful hints like he duct tapes an egg and shows you how to crack an egg. No sweat. So he has like all these strips of duct tape hanging off his counter and he's duct taping eggs in half and little bang on them just like this. And then you pull them. Look at that. Look at it.

He solves the problem. Look at how easy that is. Why duct tape the egg? So you don't get any shells. You don't get any shells? So that you don't rip it apart. Because his whole hard-boiled egg is like, that's his whole thing. You ever try to, he offers you with a problem.

But you know, you can't do it. There's egg everywhere. It's like the infomercial style. It's like, you ever try to use scissors? And it just shows somebody like cutting their finger off. Like, God damn it. Like, gotta be a better way. There's a great David Cross bit where he

talks about the egg wave. Have you ever heard that bit? Same thing. He's like, the egg is defeating him! There's gotta be a better way! I just thought of an idea for a video game today at work and I was gonna verbalize it and I forgot to until just now.

What is it? Like civil fights. It'd be like civil rights leaders versus fascist leaders. It'd be like a Mortal Kombat style. That is genius. That's amazing. Like Du Bois versus

Stalin or something. That's amazing. Do you guys watch Deadliest Warrior? No. I feel like I've heard of it. Yes. Okay. And anybody who's listening deadliest warrior shop dog sam you're welcome deadliest warrior is like a bunch of guys uh that are just nerds like fight nerds right uh basically pitting uh through statistics historical figures in battle right like they do on espn right kind of yeah it's basically when you're a kid

and you're like, my dad could beat your dad up and your friend's like, no, my dad works on cars and you're like, my dad can pick me up over his head. He owns a dealership so he owns a lot of cars.

Whatever. I call my dad Jesse. I don't really. So it's like that. That was always weird though when your friend would call his dad by a first name. Was it not his dad? Yeah, because it was a stepdad. Yeah.

I remember that kind of rolled me off for a while. Sorry. Well, it's either one of two things. The kid has either taken a stand and is just like, I'm going to call these fuckers by their first name. Yeah, there is that. Yeah. That's always the best stepfinger. Or it's like, yeah, you're not my dad, Jesse.

Right. Did you guys ever have a friend whose stepdad made the person call him dad? No. Not that I recall. But I'm sure it happened. I probably didn't know. I was just hoping you guys. I just wanted to hear some business stories.

I had one whose stepdad made him call him mom, which was weird. That's weird. That's so weird. That was stupid. You will call me mom. Professor Griff's response. I'm beating out of you. Griff, do you believe the American government was involved in 9-11? Yes One word response, simple

Very simple Like a magic 8-ball Looks doubtful Ask again later It is decidedly so 8-ball doesn't say that It does It is decidedly so.

I think it says something like that. Isn't that the same as yes? It is. But I think they had to come up with like 12 ways of saying yes and no. Yeppers. You betcha. You got it, buddy. Darn tootin'.

Hey now. Five H's. It just keeps rolling through. Go ask your mother. Or Jesse. Go ask Jesse. Go ask Jesse. Jesse!

Do you guys ever read that book, Go Ask Alice? Middle school? No. I haven't heard of it. The supposed diary of a drug addict girl. Yeah. I think it was mostly fabricated. And then there was another one called Jay's Journal about a boy who got involved in. I think it was mostly fabricated.

And then there was another one called Jay's Journal about a boy who got involved in satanic cults in the 80s. Was it like a Christian? Yeah. It turns out. It was one of those things where we found out like 20 years later that it was nearly completely fabricated. Yeah. The boys one was called Jay's Journal.

And it was I remember just being like, so I just couldn't believe this shit. Damn. Jay crazy. I mean, it was i remember just being like so i just couldn't believe this shit damn jay crazy i mean it was like ghosts it took it to like the world of the supernatural where like what it was supposed to be like this warning to parents and teenagers about ghosts about joining satanic cults basically huh but it turns out like there's some parents on the fence like i was gonna let jacob join the satanic cult but now that i've read this book i don't know there's literature i mean i find it completely fascinating that there's this huge mass panic in the 1980s I was going to let Jacob join the satanic cult, but now that I've read this book. I don't know. There's literature.

I mean, I find it completely fascinating that there was this huge mass panic in the 1980s about satanic cults to the point where parents were having church groups meet with the kids and talk to them. And it turns out there was nothing. Well, people who go to church, they're going to hold church groups. They're going to find something to church group about. Look, we're already here. Let's have a group. Let's have a group, guys. We're already here let's have a group let's have a group guys we're already here let's discuss the mass panic what do you guys think that devil guy

pretty bad huh next topic yeah I I get visits from the Jehovah's Witnesses around here yeah me and my lady were going for a run in your neighborhood and we passed by some fellas in white, black ties and book bags.

Oh, they're going to see Doug. We don't get Mormons. Yeah, that sounds like a Mormon thing. Oh, they didn't come by? Were they white people? Yeah. No, those are Mormons. White Mormon, black Jovies.

I'm going to write this down. I wish the Mormons would stop by. I only get the Jehovah's Witnesses. So when I first moved here, I moved to Baltimore in November. I work from home. I like to keep my front door open and my window open. And the first time they knocked on my door, I was like, I didn't know what to, I was excited because I was like oh like authentic authentic jehovah's witness women are here like i've never had real live like baltimore jehovah's witness um so i like come

to the door and i step outside and she doesn't even like she introduces herself and then she just goes right for it she just goes do you think that that people who believe in God are generally happier than people who don't believe in God? And I was like, yeah, I think so. I think that, you know, any system of like belief that you can place over the top of your worries and anxieties and questions that you can't answer, anything that answers those questions is going to satiate those fears. Gives you hope for the future. Yeah, it gives you hope, gives you something to think.

It basically supplies you with an idealistic approach to the world and that's going to make anybody a little bit more at ease than the people who feel like there's no safety net. And she goes, huh.

She's like, I never thought of it that way before and I wanted to say you've never not once you are going door to door trying to preach shit to people and you haven't even considered anything outside of that little box

what was her reason was her reason that God rewards you with happiness by believing in him? Yeah, basically. It's basically that happiness comes from God. God grants you

those blessings in your life. What's that? That's the funny part. I have had multiple groups of these women and I ask them all to sit down and talk to me. As they're trying to convert me. I'm trying to I'm trying to blow their minds.

My whole goal with Jehovah's Witness ladies is I'm going to fuck these ladies. But like so I talk about all I offer all kinds of ideas. The last group that was there, I was talking about like all that. I've been really fascinated with them. I get really into physics and I've been really fascinated with um i get really into physics and i i've been really into simulated reality lately just like i just duncan trussell's this comedian and he has this awesome podcast and i was listening to his podcast and he was talking about these physicists who basically they use these mathematical equations to get down to the very to understand the nature

of reality right and at the bottom of these equations is this really simple binary code computer program. Right. I've heard that too, that throughout the universe, you can technically find this binary code anywhere. That's what they're suggesting. Is it up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, so let's start.

If you want 30 lines. Yeah, yeah. If you want to have 30, yeah. They're basically just suggesting that woven into the fabric of reality is this computer program and that we live in a digital reality where things are measured in these tiny little microscopic unseeable measures of time and space. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're saying that we

actually live in a digital reality? That's the concept. So this entire scientific theory is coming out of this and scientists are like believing it so there's basically this religion that is being born right now of uh of science it's it's called they this whole website that they have a document in this is one of them is called church of numbers and it basically suggests that a superior uh the first race of humans has, when you get to certain points in science, you simulate things that we've been simulating since the beginning of science.

Like as soon as we learn to work with something, we try to simulate that. And we've been doing that forever. And then you get into technology and technology advances. We're simulating everything. We simulate car crashes. We simulate everything. But why not make it like heaven then?

Why do we, why? Well, here's what they think. Here's what they're saying anyway. At some point, humans got to the point where computer speed just got so. Yeah, singularity. So intense. 2030, baby.

Yeah, there's just so much ability to, with more computation, develop. You basically would just have to. It evolves on itself. Yeah, you basically can create this computer program that sets into play all of the laws of the physical universe. Yeah, whatever it needs to do. And consciousness. Somehow through this computation, they have this consciousness. So they're basically suggesting that reality is synthetic, is simulated.

And we're just these parts of this machine that's kind of waking up and becoming aware of itself. And I like that idea. I don't subscribe to it necessarily. But I like it because it suggests that there is a God and he is a fucking nerd. He's living in his mom's basement. He's not even like, he's like an autistic child that like is so hyper-functioning. But they can't socially connect. So he created this world so people love him. And he loves them back because all he knows how to do is love.

Okay, let me get down to the root of this, though. They're suggesting that a former superior race of humans, basically we're living in their virtual reality. In a sense, in a ton of, basically hundreds of thousands of ancestor realities that were created in order to basically set something in motion and watch it grow. Which essentially will be the future of mankind probably. It won't be long before our world is a simulated reality most likely. Because why wouldn't it be? Kind of. I was listening to this

American Life. It was either that or Radio Lab and they were talking about technology and whether or not it's natural. A natural phenomenon. Is technology something that is constructed strictly from some sort of external idea, or is technology a natural evolution in life? And so it's almost like this natural growth of something where, I mean, if you look at it, if you break it down like,

if there's a God god there's this energy it creates all this stuff right it creates everything right and then that stuff some of those things can create stuff

right and they make stuff like a beaver can make a dam right right and a bird can make a nest we can recreate what things look like or sound like

we can do our own evolution right we can play god a little bit or nature or whatever. Right. I lost my train of thought. Sorry.

No, that was me. Where were we going with that? So you're saying that that's happened many times before? Well, the concept is that we just, as humans get to this point in evolution where we have the ability to do this we just just like people buy the sims and right play the sims except with more computation um there's more of an ability for the uh for the i don't know the i the subjects within the computer program to become

sentient somehow. Right. Oh, okay. It's like a domino effect. It's beyond me. It's like a domino effect in a way. It's like I created these people and now they're kind of doing their own thing and then they create something. I don't know. I don't know if that's what they're suggesting, but maybe.

You know, I don't know. Yeah. Interesting. So I like the idea of God being not what we think God is, though. Like if you think about Greek art. And I am. And I do. Always do.

Oh, and I do. Everybody, all the gods are so buff and, like, beautiful, chiseled. That's not the kind of person that's going to spend minute focus on like minute details of like caterpillars. And that's not the world that God would create. Photosynthesis, motherfucker! Athenians are pretty thoughtful, aren't they? Yeah. I mean, we got like some of the greatest thinkers in history up to that point.

Yeah. Yeah, but not the gods. I guess they developed calculus. Well, the point of making. Yeah, I'm not talking about the gods. Well, the point of making... Yeah, I'm not talking about the gods. Well, the point of making is that... Hercules was one of the greatest minds of his time. Yeah, you're right.

Things that Apollo could have never done. The point I'm basically making is that man makes gods. Not the other way around. Absolutely. I think that, you know, my opinion, but like we made this idea of this god that looks like a man. Right. And the thing that's funny about it is because if this simulated reality were real, God would be this computer program geek. And nobody would ever like to hear that because no one wants to imagine a God that they can, like, beat up.

Right. You don't want to picture your God that, like, you can. I don't know. When Buddha was in his more emaciated days, I think I could have taken him. I understand he was a wrestler. Ah, yeah. He would have invited you in. Right, right.

For tea. Yeah, that's true. In his mind. And he would have dissolved you in a consciousness. Right. I bet I could take Jesus after two days. He would have called you Mara. Right.

Yeah, oh yeah, totally. Or if he got off that whipping post, I could have taken him. Oh, boy. Yeah, and he comes back from the desert and he's all emaciated. Yeah, I got that totally. Or if he got off that whipping post, I could have taken him. Oh, boy. Yeah, and he comes back from the desert and he's all emaciated. Yeah, I got that shit. I got it. That's when you want to fight a messiah

is when they're back from the desert meditation. Yeah, you want to kick them while they're down for sure. Yeah, when they're in that existential crisis. Yeah. Come on. Right. Come on, dog. How old are you, 33?

What? Walking around the desert, no job. Uh-huh. Out here wasting your mom's money. Whatever. You were adopted, dog. You got childhood issues. Talking to snakes.

Talking to snakes and shit. Shit. Water to wine and shit. When your best friend's going to kill you. Why didn't Jesus just leave if he knew one of them was gonna betray him isn't that a part of it though i guess so i guess that he had he had to die yeah he right well then why drag judas into it it's just you know all part of the story if you ask the jehovah's witnesses they'll they'll tell me it's because that's god god's. Right. So the Judas didn't really do anything wrong.

No, of course not. He was just evil. What do Jehovah's Witnesses believe? Pretty much what Christians believe, but it's kind of the way they believe. Right. Yeah, like they don't have holidays or believe in flags. It's more of a community-based thing. I think it's more of a ritualistic, ceremonial approach to the Bible because it is the Bible.

But it's more of like they stick to the script. When you have a conversation with two Jehovah's Witnesses, one of them will talk to you and the other one will be on book duty. And while you're talking and they're on topics, they will be finding scripture that coincides with that topic.

And they will have you read it. They even will offer you literature. Direct them towards slavery next time. Well, I want to definitely try to find some passages that contradict one another so that I can bring those up. I don't know if those exist in the Bible. Good luck, Dave. I appreciate it.

A couple things I don't think that's Jehovah's Witnesses there is a specific number of people that could be Jehovah's Witnesses to get into and that number has been like

tripled many times yeah I don't know it's more of like here's the thing they'll like the egg beater

commercial guy where they give you a problem like hey are you tired of this basically what Jehovah's Witnesses do they're doing sales they come into your house and they want you a problem like, hey, are you tired of this? Basically what Jehovah's Witnesses do. They're doing sales calls. They come into your house and they want you to think that what they think is cool. Sick of existential nausea.

Yes! There's gotta be a better way! Tired of all those sleepless nights. Believe! Believe! Much so am. You're like sacrificing a goat at home. Tired of all those heathen religions?

What? You mean there's more than one? And all the mess. Just make a pentagram of blood on the wall. They're big doomsday prophets, though, too. They believe the end is coming. And they predicted it so many times, inaccurately, mind you, that they've stopped predicting it. Yeah, it's probably a smooth move. There's a whole list of updates that have

come and gone. If you look at their history from 1922 to 1963, they predicted the end of the world 14 times, and then they just stopped. Maybe those moments they predicted actually came, but what it really was is

within the simulation, the player just paused, and we didn't know whether time stopped or anything. Like a CD. Living on a CD, yo. CD skip, dog. That's a glitch. Next track.

Next track, yo. Maybe he fast forwards all the time, too. That's why time feels like it goes so fast. Time is relative. That's the suggestion. When you're simulating the Big Bang and all of these particles flying together, it takes like 100 million years.

However long it takes. 4, 6, 8, speed that. Let's just speed through the dark ages. That's what I'm really glad I wasn't alive. Holy shit. You know, it really wasn't.

That's kind of a myth, though, honestly. I'm sorry to interrupt. It was so bad. The Dark Ages is actually, the original reference is just that it was called the Dark Ages because there wasn't a lot of information on that era when it was being researched. I mean, it was in the sense as far as knowledge and art being moved forward, I mean, it's not as cool as the Greek period or the Renaissance. And also, I think there is just a real repression of ideas. It's a time of war and conquest.

There was a huge slave class in in greek and roman cultures i mean there's horrible things that happened afterwards it's really not like that well yeah i guess any time besides now i wouldn't want to be alive yeah i just want to be alive in 1994 i don't i wouldn't be able to live without my ipod right yeah that's crazy like in the past you know if you were to go from like 1950 and travel back in time to 1900, it would be like, wow, yeah, I guess things have definitely come along, especially within that period of time. Think of 1890 to 1840.

Not a lot would have changed. Now if you go back in time to 1994, you'd just be like, what the hell? What the hell do I do? It's evolving so rapidly. Think about like trends, like clothing trends. We see them come and go within a few years.

Back in the day, if you look, you know, historically what people wore, it was like the same for hundreds of years. Like if you look at like clothing styles of medieval people, it really didn't change

from like 1400 to like 800 to 1200. That's one main reason I would want to be a part of that time is most eras is clothing. I would love to be at a time where people made their own clothes or wore really different.

I hate the clothes that people wear. I hate everything about it. It's one thing that really bothers me. I love style i i love people i love good fat good style somebody who's got their own approach to something what i what i hate about it is just the humdrum like boring like trying to fit well no just like going like going to a store and there being like 20 of the same shirt. Right. And this is just one store of 20 in this region. Right. And if I buy this shirt,

I'm going to run into like 150 people wearing this shirt. That is a shitty feeling when you see that and don't really feel the same, to be honest with you. I can't stand it. I don't want to wear the same clothes as anybody. I know. I just don't really care about my clothes, honestly. I just don't give a shit. Yeah. I mean, I kind of do. I'd be lying if I said I didn really care about my clothes, honestly. Like, I just don't give a shit.

Yeah, I mean. I mean, I kind of do. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care at all about how I looked. But for me, it's just stressful. And partially because I'm colorblind. Are you really? Yeah. Cool.

You are? Not completely, but yeah. I didn't know that. So, you know, my whole life I was always, like, looking like a fool because I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. But, yeah, that's just, like, one area where I just really don't care. It's less about clothes and it's just more about mindless zombie-ism. It's a thought process. There's something about it.

It's a thought process that is behind it. But it's kind of, I mean, I try to look at it like a monk doesn't give a shit. They just wear a comfortable robe so they can express themselves in other ways. It's true. Yeah, that's a good point. And that's how I feel. Sure. And I'm fine with people, you know, much like the foodies.

I'm perfectly fine with people being into fashion. For sure. I'm into things that are weird and probably dumb to other people that don't really matter. But I don't know. For me, I just don't really care. Don't get me wrong. It's like I don't really matter. But I don't know. For me, I just never, I just don't really care. Don't get me wrong. It's like, I don't even care. Like, obviously, I don't really care in what regard my clothes go on.

I just like, there's something about, like, I was sitting in line at a, I was, like, eating ice cream with my daughter this summer, and we're just in the line, and we're in Mount Airy, Maryland. It's kind of middle American-ish as far as the East Coast goes. It's very middle American. And just, I don't know. I watched, I looked at, like, 30 people in a line, in uh mount airy maryland it's kind of middle american ish as far as the east coast goes it's very middle american and just i don't know they were just i watched i looked at like 30 people in a line and they were all wearing like the same thing and it just was like i just got this queasy feeling i was like we suck we all suck yeah so what you're saying is kind of like the ideology

behind it where it's like oh oh, this is what people wear. I should wear that or I should buy this fleece pullover or whatever. It's just a personal preference. I just like, I don't, I'd like to, I don't know. I think for me, part of my aesthetic is kind of rebelling against the parts of my life where I compromised my morals, you know, or tried to fit in, you know? And I think when I contrast my current self with, like, my high school self who would buy clothes to try to look cool or try to fit in, and it's like I don't want to be part of that anymore.

You know what I mean? I hear you. So I do the opposite. I'm with you on that. Right. Yeah. Fitting in is not the idea. Right.

The weird thing is, though, is though no matter how much you avoid I guess the main problem is I hate being I hate recognizing that I'm in a demographic I don't know why there's something visceral about it you want to be an individual but it's inevitable and it's impossible of course you're going to be

so you have to be able to laugh at yourself I remember I was walking I had a dog who was like a chow mix a brown chow mix and um it was winter time and we're walking through the neighborhood and i've got this big like reddish brown beard and i'm wearing this big fluffy brown coat and i just was like i'm that guy that looks just like his dog everybody's everybody's like oh look at that guy he looks just like his dog yeah so So it's even little things like that where you're just like, I'm a...

Josh has that problem with his iguana. I'm normal. Yeah. I wear my tail. Normal people, man. That's my biggest fear. Yeah. Yeah, like even when I like take my dog for a run, I feel like the biggest yuppie ever.

I'm like, well, it's good exercise for it. It really tuckers her out. You know what? It's good for me too. And it's just like... But I It really tuckers her out. You know what? It's good for me, too. But I actually feel that way. When I take my dog to doggy daycare, it's great for her because she can socialize

with other dogs. People are like, doggy daycare? Are you high? I think it's good in life to do what is right for you, be it mainstream or not anti-mainstream enough. You know, whether it's, you know, you shouldn't go with the grain if it's wrong for you.

You shouldn't not go with the grain if it's wrong for you. You shouldn't feel pressured to be punk rock. Yeah, exactly. If you, whatever category you may happen to fall in, if that's you, then that's great. Be yourself. Yeah, my problem with fashion i think is those people especially as a guy i always feel like when you see those guys that are trying to peacock it bothers me so hard and like like trying to like

as in like a peacock shows like all its colors so to attract like the female right when like guys do that and and the girls don't know it, but as a guy, you know exactly what they're doing. The guy wearing the suspenders and has the vintage jacket or whatever, and you're like, nah, dude, that's not you. You're just trying to be like, hey, I'm so fashionable

and cool. And the girl's like, he's cool. No, he's not. God, that bothers me. Does that bother you? That's my main fashion thing. I feel like sometimes you just gotta dress out. Sometimes you gotta. Yeah, I concur with you. Sometimes you gotta throw.

I don't know, but like, there are those people. Maybe it's more of like a hipster thing. I mean, it's just. I don't know. I don't want to see people compromise their own morals. I'm with you, yeah. But certainly we all want to be attractive to women. Yeah.

And some people just like looking good and dressing up some people are just into it that's fine i feel like those people you can kind of tell but with some other people like it's just you can tell if they're just trying to be like well i'm different i'm right like there's a few people like where i used to hang out in annapolis where i grew up on ken island annapolis women's far away but like there's this one guy who'll show up to bars and i'll have like paint under his eyes and like you are rich. It's like, no, that's not you. He's got to figure it out.

You do. You got to figure it out. He's so cool. No, he's not. If I did something like that, that would be selling out. If that's what you're into, I would be so fucking proud. You just had some red and green paint under your eye. Please start doing that.

I like the way rock stars look. Which ones do you like? Slash. That's why you're wearing the top hat right now. Buckethead, which is why I have the KFC hat on top. Leather chaps. What's the rock and roll look that you think is like that? If you were going to be a rocker, how would you do it?

Well, Mike Moran at 31, you're asking, or younger Mike Moran? Go younger and then go what you would do now. Well, I can certainly remember. I mean, being a child of the late 80s who got into MTV a little bit younger than normal. 81. 81. Okay. I was born in 79, so we're roughly the same age.

Were you a part of the Glam Rock I started I started jumping because I'm from Iowa And that's what you do is Meth and hair band Hair band music They're still doing that probably

A can of hair spray The logo Aquanet Is the official mascot of Iowa When I A can of hairspray. The Poison logo. And some chaps in a coffee. Aquanet is the official mascot of Iowa. When I realized that rock music exists, I think La Bamba was what turned me on initially. And then I got into modern rock music, which at the time was the hair band eras.

And I thought that was awesome. I remember drawing pictures of myself with a guitar wearing spandex and big hair and stuff. I had this fantasy band with my friends, and I'd draw pictures of all of us. What was the name of the band? Yeah, I do. The name that I settled on mentally was The Black Knights. That's pretty badass. That was my fantasy band name for years in my head.

How was Night spelled? It was spelled normal, although it did— No, but I mean which night? Night time? K. K. Okay. But I do remember my dad suggesting, you know,

what if you do this double entendre? And that just blew my mind. But I stuck with K, and I had the logo in my head, and I think I probably drew the logo several times. Okay. But, yeah, that was my fantasy band. Well, what did you look like when you drew yourself? That was Doug's original question. It's like, what is rock star?

At that age, I don't remember exactly, but I certainly remember big hair. I remember I really liked David Bowie's hair in Labyrinth. I decided I wanted that. I remember picturing myself with that. I like his codpiece in Labyrinth. I would love to see you with all of that. That should be your Halloween costume this year. Yeah. I did

for Halloween in like maybe third or fourth grade, I was a rock star and I got to spike my hair up. Nice. I didn't get to have a wig or anything. Who was your favorite band when you were a kid? When I was a rock star and I got to spike my hair up. Nice. I didn't get to have a wig or anything. Who was your favorite band when you were a kid? When I was a kid, Bon Jovi for years. Oh, yeah. From the age of probably like seven or eight until like, you know, until like kind of the grunge era.

I think Bon Jovi was my biggest one. I missed grunge altogether. Really? Why? Hip hop. I got into hip-hop. See, when I was in the hair band phase, my sister lived in Florida with my mom, and she's two and a half years older than me.

And I was really getting swept up into the hair band, rock scene. All my cousins were into it. And my cousin was the kind of girl who had pictures pulled out of every rock magazine of Sebastian Bach and all the guys from motley crew yeah so uh that's who i was hanging out with and then i went to visit my sister and i was watching mtv one day and it was like you know ricky was a young boy like sebastian bach and

she comes in and she's like what the hell are you watching like what do you mean what what no i was were you impressed by the guy with the earring connected to his nose i thought that was the coolest thing i think i drew myself with that well then she was like uh she was like no turn that off and she turned it off and she's like come in here and brought me in a room and uh played tribe called quests's low-end theory for me. And was like, that's music. Wow. You can't. Don't listen to that shit anymore.

That's garbage. So from then on, I was just kind of a hip-hop kid. And then did you jump back into rock at any point? Yeah, I mean, I loved rock. Were you around for the rock metal era? The rap metal era, excuse me. Yeah, I didn't really like the rap. Exactly how long were you doing it for the Nookie?

Approximately. I didn't do it for the Nookie, yeah. What? No, I couldn't do it. You're going to have to hook a lie detector test up to you. I didn't like Limp Bizkit, yeah. That's when I fell into it. Korn was the first band that I heard.

I was like, oh my God. Because I remember just listening to the radio and bands. Korn blew my mind when I first heard them in high school. The self-titled tape. I was like, I've never heard rock music like this right yeah and i was i was hanging out with my cousin and i think i was like 10 or 11 and my cousin was like yeah maybe like 17 16 and i just thought she was the coolest uh we were listening to that it's like oh my god like i didn't know like because i remember seeing kiss in bands like that, like 80s metal band, quote unquote metal. And when they're just like,

Rock around, rock around the clock. What? What is the rat song? It's like round and round. Round and round. That's what it was. Whatever it was. Round and round.

I was like, this is heavy rock? I was so confused. Yeah, I remember as a kid, there was a big distinction between metal, like the thrash bands, and the distinction between metal, like the thrash bands, and the stuff on MTV. And the thrash guys hated the hair metal guys. Yeah.

So that's what I thought was the heavy music. And then when you see Kiss, they're like, Kiss, they're like the devil. And it's like, ah, I want to rock like that. And I was like, this is... Then when I heard Korn, it just blew my mind how heavy... That first album was pretty amazing. Like seven string guitars. It how heavy, like playing. That first album was pretty amazing. Like seven string guitars. It's like seven strings.

It's like the Gillette Mach 3 Razor. It's like he's got eight strings. What? Yeah. So that's where. It was a strings race in the time. And that's where I was. And I remember just being like still mad about like my parents' divorce or whatever.

Right. And like falling into like. I was a total metal kid for a long time. Yeah. I kind of was too. I was excited about new metal when it started. Like I thought it was going to be this like, you know,

like, you know, I, I, that, that first Korn album was awesome. And I thought that the rest of new metal was going to be just as awesome. Yeah.

I remember loving. No, I never can. I can't do metal. I've tried, you know, I give everything a shot. It just makes me feel anxious and like

uneasy every time I listen to it I'm just like alright right if I listen to it I have to be doing something like

I hate saying this it sounds really lame but when I work out and I listen to metal it's fucking great yeah that's what I try to run to if you're like

lifting weights and you're like it's like crazy you know like double bass it has been proven that music does help you

exercise better yeah what do you listen does help you exercise better. Yeah. What do you listen to when you exercise? I don't know. A lot of stuff. Yeah. You know, probably my best runs I would get into to like a Metallica song or something, to be honest with you.

But I don't know. But I'll go through. I'll do whatever. Like if I'm listening to a podcast, I don't think I work out as hard. Me either. But I hate listening to podcasts while I work out. Right. I hate hearing people, like, riff on bits when you're like, yeah. You're just like, you fucking assholes are joking about the most trivial shit.

But, like, blood's, like, blowing out of my ears. Like, I hate you all. But I have weirdly discovered this thing of, I don't know what this is, but I'll listen to sad music, and I'll listen to sad music and I'll actually start crying while I'm on the elliptical. What? And I don't know. Yeah.

It's weird. It's just like this. That's awesome. This whole like, I don't know what it is. Just like getting down. It's like that raw emotion. Yeah. When I'm like exercising, that helps me get like into that pure state of mind.

Okay. And yeah, I've been doing that like, because I've had a lot of sadness this year. I'm sorry to hear it, but you're just like, I just picture you on the elliptical. Just make sure the door is double locked. Just bawling. Yeah, totally. I was doing it yesterday. I'm so happy.

I feel wonderful. I'm the type of person who, like, my depression will bar me from my sadness. Yeah. Because instead of being able to feel that emotion, I'll just feel this weird, awkward, uncomfortable... Just kind of numb. ...drab. Exactly. And so when I can clear away the depression a little bit

is when I'll let myself become sad and experience those emotions. Yeah. It's interesting. You have to walk through that door. And running helps me. You do. You have to like...

It is, yeah. I'm with you on that. I mean, definitely, yeah. Getting down to like facing it. Yeah. Just facing it. Just feeling it. Feeling whatever it is that you feel. My fiancee doesn't feel that kind of thing.

So when I am feeling down, I have to tell her, I'm just going to be down for a little bit, like a day. Yeah, that's right. You've got to let me do this. I'll be better in like a day. This is where I'm hanging going to be down for a little bit like a day. Yeah, that's right. You've got to let me do this. I'll be better in like a day. This is where I'm hanging out at. That's a good way to approach it. I try to do that.

When I was younger, I would think like, well, the world's over. I'm miserable, but now I can recognize that. It's going to last forever. I think the more you handle it and work on strategies to overcome different types of anxiety disorders or depression, it's different in all people. But I definitely have learned that as you work on it, you do get better at a lot of it. And some of the things that I've gotten better at specifically are the mental parts, which is like, all right. Hey, anxiety, what's up? You're back. It's just like having a cold.

Just being like, I'm going to feel crappy for a little while. I'll get through this, you fucking bitch. It's just like having a cold. Just being like, you know, I'm going to feel crappy for a little while. I'll get through this. Right. Yeah. It'll pass. But you got to go through it. The more you resist it, the more it hangs around, I feel like.

Yeah. I feel like you got to face it. It's like a bully. You got to just turn around and be like, what do you want? And don't have any important conversations with anyone. Fact. Don't have any conversations

where emotions could be at stake because that's the worst idea. Yeah. It's true. It can get really bad. That's what bothers me a lot, too. If you're in that mood, I feel it's really hard. It's like, now I've got to go to the grocery store.

Just be with normal people. Listen to them talk about shit. Right. Well, the weird thing is, do I mask how I feel? I don't want to be a dick. Yeah. My thing is try to be decent get through it

Don't do anything that I'm going to feel bad about later I always feel like don't make the way that I'm feeling It's everybody else's problem Either don't hang out with people or when you do just suck the fuck up I try to just tell people now instead of faking it or taking it out

and just be like hey guys I'm feeling a little bit weird I'll be better I think it helps i think it definitely helps you feel like all right cool yeah it helps with yourself too because you accept it you're like all right this is what it is not gonna be here forever yeah not a big thing back to the depression sessions. So rap really changed you. So in like the early 90s. Yeah. So was, well, no, not Public Enemy.

You said Tribe Called Quest. Yeah, Tribe Called Quest, Dougie Fresh. Then that was around the time, that was like middle school for me. And The Chronic had just come out. And that's when Snoop Dogg really hit. And my grandma bought me doggy style talked her into it wow it says it's got bad words on it i'm like it it's fine not only does it say

it has bad words on it the cover is like a bent over dog with like a giant female dog yeah yeah grandma got it grandma give me one on me grandma got that doggy style. And yeah, that's, you know, when Bone Thugs in Harmony. Oh, yeah. Was that. Wow. I was into Eazy-E. And. What side did you take on the Eazy-E, Dr. Dre feud?

Eazy-E. Really? Really. You were one of the few. Interesting. Yeah. I feel like a lot of people went with Death Row. Because Eazy-E was real.

Eazy-E was. Yeah, Dr. Dre kind of contrived his image somewhere. I'd say so. He was a dirty. He was a dirty, poor rapper. He was a good rapper. What did it? What sold me on Easy E? Not only was his sense of humor in his rap. He's really funny. His raps are hilarious.

But he also, when there was the beef between Dr. Dre and Easy E, Dre came out with Dre Day, making fun of Eazy-E. But Eazy-E came back with this song called Real Motherfucking G's. Did you hear that one? Yeah, I remember that one. And he basically makes fun of Dr. Dre for it. Even though he was making a song about him, he used the music that was produced by Eazy-E and still got money for him.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And the way that he just, like, his rhymes were just better. And I thought he won the debate, basically. And it was edited for the radio to real Compton City Gs. Oh, is that what? Yeah. Compton City Gs. And the video featured them, like, going around, like, beating up Dr. Dre and beating up the

Eazy-E impersonator that they had in the Dray Day video. Yeah, yeah. Eazy-E impersonator that they had in the Dre Day video. And it showed actual footage of Dr. Dre from before NWA when he was in some silly 80s hip-hop group. Yeah, he dressed like a nurse, basically, or like a doctor with a stethoscope and stuff. Were we talking about this the other day? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah, so just all that. I really got into that. Man, there was all kinds of hip-hop that came out at that time, like side bands, like the Loon's came out and had the song I Got Five On It. You guys remember I Got Five On It? I do not. About buying marijuana. About buying weed.

That was like when I was in high school, maybe freshman, sophomore year. That was the song that was like every time someone started up their car. Because when I went to high school in the Midwest in 93 to 97. Is Iowa still? Illinois side. So I was on the Mississippi River. Iowa, Illinois. car because when i went to high school in the midwest in 93 to 97 is iowa still uh illinois side so i was on the mississippi river um iowa illinois um and everybody the big thing was everybody had systems in the trunks of their cars everybody that's something no one talks about i got a system everybody has systems everybody does that anymore no i don't hear i don't hang in the same circles i mean i hang out at high schools pretty frequently,

and I never hear anybody mention systems. I feel like, though, if I were hanging out with those same guys, they would be talking about their systems right now. Really? Yeah, because they're just into that. But that was really the big thing, and I feel like during that period of time, every time someone's car started,

the beginning of the loonies would come on. I remember being in a park playing softball and two people are going to their car. One guy gets in his car, shuts the door. The other guy, about a couple seconds later, both start, both pull out. And as they're each pulling out, it's the same song. It's such a popular song.

Your mom's picking you up from high school. She starts to sing that song. Five on it. I remember being in Chris's dad's car and him blasting I think trading actually by my roommate Chris was it just on the radio

or he actually enjoyed it he's very corporate middle aged that's how he just gets loose he just kind of had a sense of humor about everything hey Chris I just got a system by the way That's how he just gets loose Yeah he just kind of had a sense of humor About everything Hey Chris I just got a system by the way Yeah it's funny

Being a white guy And having the majority of my childhood Be scored by hip hop I guess it's pretty normal in this country Yeah it's a novel thing I think in this country But yeah a lot of people went through it It i think in this country but yeah a lot of people went through it definitely it's interesting because i hang out with a lot of people who are who listen

to modern music as as do i you know everything and uh you know uh for example i work from home i'll be sitting on my computer listening to spotify and sometimes i just feel like rapping as hard as i can and so i just put on whoever, you know, Outkast, you know, and just like I'm cutting it up for two hours. I think that's fun. Were you a Pac fan? Oh, my God. Yeah.

Were you sad when he died? Of course. You are aware that he died, right? I'm aware. Yeah. Talk about conspiracy theory. When Tupac died, I had this friend, John, and John was he loved Tupac so much he just like

quoted him all he just was like really into it and when he died it messed with him really bad like he was very upset really

that Tupac died was he happy when Biggie died no he was sad about that too yeah that one I was I think I'm more upset about really I think so

I think with Tupac I saw him getting killed I was like that guy talks a lot of shit. He really started running his mouth off. Somebody's going to shoot that guy. With Biggie, I was like, damn, man. And it's so bizarre that they both knew.

They're like, yeah, whatever. I'm going to die. Biggie's albums are Ready to Die and Born to Die and shit like that. It's like, you don't have to be that way. Live for a while. You know what I mean? Ready to die. 26, Ready to die.

His debut album is ready to die. Right. All right. That'll just about do it for me. I just got here, but y'all can kill me now. About time we start wrapping her up, don't you think? Wrapping her up? Come on.

I know. So who do you think killed Tupac? That's still... I don't know. The U.S. government? You think so? We should ask... We wasted our one question.

Oh, Griff. Who killed Pac, yo? Who killed Pac? Who killed Pac? I don't know who killed Pac, man. Who do you think killed Pac? I've done a tad bit of casual research. I've read a book or two, and I've researched...

What is casual research? Yeah, what is... I mean, it's not like i can claim i have uh evidence i'm not like going through the files i haven't visited the crip files to go through their uh you know i haven't visited the libraries of the bloods or anything the dewey decimal system for the bloods yeah crips you know but uh it seems that it it stemmed from a um an altercation that took place earlier when that's actually on video of Pac and Suge. It was in a hotel lobby.

The lobby of the casino where the Tyson fight was. They beat the shit out of some guy who they had been feuding with. Like a rival gang or something. They stomped the shit out of him. I think basically his boys got together and shot him a few hours later.

That'll happen if you fuck with someone's boy. In a casino. Yeah. We've all been there. According to the guy who they beat up though, he was a fan of Tupac's music before and after. Huh. That says a lot about your music. I feel like there's no

way I could, no one would ever say if I had stomped them into the ground that they were a fan of my comedy either before or after. Yeah. Yeah. I hated him before. But man, Doug's mushroom bit. Woo, son.

A professional mushroom taker. Whoa. I dread the day where I meet the celebrity that I idolized who's a total asshole. Oh, yeah. Because I don't know if I'd be able to listen to their material. Yeah, right. Or read their material. I don't know that I would either.

I mean, it would be difficult. Unless they were just amazing and I was just like, all right. Like, I feel like... Yeah. But I feel like people like that, you expect them to be assholes. Like Joaquin Phoenix. I expect him... I really don't.

I expect him to be a little crazy. I expect him to be unpredictable. Sure. Like, I don't expect him to... I expect him to be annoyedholes like joaquin phoenix i expect i really don't i expect him to be a little crazy i expect him to be unpredictable sure like i i don't expect him to be annoyed like the same way that i'm annoyed with homeless people right but i expect them to at least be like decent to me i mean you know what i mean like unless i'm doing something really annoying the people who i think i really admire at least say like hey you know right right right yeah and then most do you know as far as i've i've encountered it depends on people, like, you don't think it's real, you know, until you meet a celebrity and they're like that. And you're like, huh. I mean, I can see easily how it would happen, much like, you know, half the chefs that I've worked with are total assholes.

Right. Because people can't handle that tiny little bit of power. But I expect you to be decent to me, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But I still, as a human, I still expect you to be able to maintain a decent...

Be a human being, right? No, absolutely. I agree. But I'm just saying that's what fosters that kind of power. Yeah, definitely. Well, and also, culinary culture is a French culture. It's like an abusive French culture. So it's just kind of thing. And also, culinary culture is an abusive French culture, so it's just kind of like

part of it. We've all had the experience of having the boss who's making $3 more than you a day and thinks that they're like fucking God. Just those little bits of power that corrupt people. That brings up an interesting point because

not everybody knows how to be a good leader. It's true. People don't... Not everybody gets it. Everybody does it differently. Not every way is right. Not every way is wrong. There are definitely some ways to botch that.

There are some really shitty leaders out there in leadership positions. And some really good ones. It's interesting though. I think over time they get Darwin'd out to some degree. And there are some really shitty leaders out there in leadership positions, you know, and some really good ones. Yeah. It's interesting, though. I think over time, you know, they get Darwin'd out to some degree. I mean, people who can't lead a business will eventually fail. Hugo Chavez listens to this podcast.

So everybody be cool. Don't name names, OK? All right. All right. The whole the power thing, it's weird how it can go to your head like that i guess it's kind of like what we were talking about earlier it's like once you're president you kind of see like how fucked up everything is and you're like let's bring it in a little it's there's definitely a responsibility that comes with power right so right we got peter parker right but like it's

like being a parent just because you are making the decisions by yourself or with another person doesn't mean that you should be an asshole to everybody. It doesn't have to be that way. And I think that's the thing. There are different leadership styles because it can work multiple ways. So the real point is that it doesn't have to be one specific way. So if somebody's an asshole, they don't have to be. And that makes them a real asshole, I think, in a lot of cases.

Do you think people that are assholes do you think that's kind of their mental illness like they're doing something that's harmful to themselves or do you think they just have a different level of empathy than other people I think that's a good question you know

how China is going into Tibet and breeding out the Tibetan monks, basically moving Huns into Tibet and basically trying to not only claim Tibet as their own, but torture the monks, try to just kind of eradicate their culture and way of life. I'm not super familiar with the whole Tibetan. Yeah, or their current tactics. I know that they're just... I'll take your word for it. Yeah, they their current tactics. I know that they're just,

yeah, they just took over and they're basically like, no, this is ours. But I have heard that the Tibetans really weren't treating their own people very good before that happened. Okay. But I don't know how true that is.

The thing that I'm bringing up is that, um, the, there are studies where Tibetan monks, um, who had been tortured by, uh, Chinese military personnel, um, were tested for post-traumatic stress disorder.

I think I read, there's a guy named Thich Nhat Hanh who's a Vietnamese Buddhist. these Tibetan monks had no signs of post-traumatic stress disorder after being beaten and brutalized and tortured, you know, physically and psychologically by the Chinese government. Very little PTSD. And so they, you know, in the questioning, they came to find out that the viewpoint that they had, their worldview, was basically that if somebody can beat you and torture you and do those types of things to another person, if you can do that, what must you be feeling to do that? Because they're at such a heightened state of awareness that they know all of the sensations that are in their body, even the littlest ones.

So any kind of discourse in their body, even the littlest ones. So any kind of discourse in their body, they're aware of it because they focus on that. And they recognize that not everybody does that. And some people are living in this state of, and I think that's a great point because I think that's how we all live. I think everybody's kind of in this state of just, we believe what we think. We believe that what we think is real. We don't recognize that we have a choice in the thoughts what we think. We believe that what we think is real. We don't recognize that we have a choice in the thoughts that we have. Most of us just think thoughts and believe them.

And instead of saying, okay, that's a thought. I can believe that or not. And I can also choose which ones to make. So all this psychology behind that. But I think it's interesting because here are these people that are being beaten and abused. And instead of hating the other person in a reaction, they respond with empathy. Their empathy is, yeah. So you're saying the empathy of the abuser can extend to forgiveness to the abuser or understanding. Well, it's an empathy that comes from an understanding that

the person that's abusing them, while they may be getting the best of them physically or somewhat psychologically and are putting them in this bad situation, they feel forgiveness and compassion for them because they recognize that they don't understand that they're actually in a living hell and what they're going through is causing them great harm. Absolutely. Yeah. In the long run, they're losing. Is that true? My question is, is that true? I believe that. I think I believe that it is.

At least for the majority of people. Because I've experienced it. And when I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, like I was saying earlier, and I don't know that that's what it was or is, but I know what it's like, as most of us do, to be just trapped in a story in your head of what's going on and what's real and what's right and being emotionally connected to that belief. Allowing your emotions to overrun your logic.

And that's what happens is you have these beliefs and these ideas of what's life, what's real, what I believe, and you react emotionally to those things and you're unaware of it. For the most part, you're just not aware of it and you go through life like that. I think a lot of people choose their politics that way too. Explain that. I think a lot of us, we connect more with politicians who can connect to us emotionally. Okay. You know, just watching the debates the other night, like so many of the...

One phenomenon I noticed is when a politician can't or doesn't want to explain themselves with just facts and figures, they appeal to emotions. Like, well, I knew a man named Sam the Butcher. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

That's a common evasive tactic where i just say what specifically would you do on taxes like mike thank you for that question now first off i want to tell you when i came into office you were way gone i just you know i think we can uh think more critically and and just statistically i really think like you know it's way more boring to just say like well these numbers you know we have evidence that if we do this, these numbers will increase. These jobs will increase. We can bring taxes down by doing this. You're not necessarily allowed to do that 100% as a politician because you have to appeal more to people's emotions.

You have to talk about the integrity and values of our culture and these great people. And the people are not stupid. I really want to do an onion quote of, like, the people are stupid. Politician forgets microphone is on. God isn't real. Yeah, they all must laugh their balls off behind closed doors about how dumb everyone is. I feel like some people, just the same way, i feel like some people just the same way i feel like some people buy into it like right i feel like some some politicians some people in like

high office that they're just so far down they're just so unconscious they're just so they just believe right they built themselves into something yeah they think that that's what is right and what's wrong and they're, and they're crystallized in this concept. And I think that you can justify a lot of things from a crystallized perspective. I think that if you have on your blinders of what's right and what's wrong and what's absolute, coming from a perspective of a single little person on a big, vast-ass, unimaginable, you know, we've only got five senses and they're you know it's crazy to think so I think that when people get crystallized like that a lot of harm can come out of that and has come out of that in the

past and like I don't know but it's you know I don't I think humans are mostly good though you know I can forgive us for doing things like that because we're human beings and that's what we do and we like there's actually a really good column I read recently on how we

remember things more as historical events and media stories if they fit into our three-act narrative that we're familiar with, which is why we're so obsessed with World War II because it just fits so well into there's an evil, we go to fight the evil,

it ends with a bang and a big climax. You know what I mean? Huh. But, you know, that's humans. Right. Like, here's the intro. Here's the good guys. Here's the bad guys.

And then when you have a story like our current war, we lose interest in it because there's no, the hero, we're not exactly sure who the hero and the villain is. It's a bit more ambiguous. Where it's not clear cut who's the good, who's the bad guy. There's no big final climax you know kind of slowly changes and yeah goes on and on yeah you know it well it's just it's gotten to the point where it's it's uh once something goes on long enough you kind of forget that it's happening if you go to watch a movie at first you're like sweet movie and then you start watching the movie you're like i love watching movies you're eating popcorn if that movie just keeps

going for like 10 years you're just gonna not pay it's just right oh yeah that movie just keeps going for like 10 years, you're just gonna not pay. Oh yeah, that movie that's always on. Yeah, that reality just kind of meshes with your reality. It becomes part of reality. Yeah, like the Shawshank Redemption is on 24-7 on CBS. What a great movie. It's like the Christmas story of prison movies.

Just nonstop 24-hour run. Andy Dufresne got that BB gun in 1932. The warden hated that lamp that was a lady leg. What did you call me? Fragile. Solitary, Two months. Andy Dufresne's tongue was stuck to that pole for 10 years. Boy, did he regret it.

We cannot do a podcast without mocking Morgan Freeman. That's a pretty good Morgan Freeman. Oh, thank you. It's so fun. Morgan Freeman. One of our favorite ones, Doug, is to joke about if the Shawshank Redemption had Spider-Man in it and he went to prison. Spider-Man spent 17 minutes inside these walls before he web-slinged out of them. And that's just the end of the movie. Spider-Man just crawled over 17 feet of filthy wall I could only imagine.

I later met him on a beach. He didn't know who I was because he didn't have to meet me. We never met, but we built a boat later in life. You know, they forced that ending upon the movie. The book ends with Morgan Freeman getting in the bus and just hoping, just experiencing hope. Because, you know, hope is kind of the theme of that. Get busy living or get busy dying. That's where the book ends, and that's where the film originally ended.

But they made him go back and shoot that beach ending. I like that. I'm glad they put the... I'm kind of glad they are, too. I mean, we earned that. It's what I agree with that. It was an earned victory. We want to see those two hang out again. On glad they are too. We earned that. I agree with that. It was an earned victory. We want to see those two hang out again.

On a beach too. You want to imagine that people who have withstood so much hardship, that they can actualize those dreams. And they're just in Mexico in the 1950s where there's no law. They can just build boats and fall in love. That's right. Yeah, it's a good movie. What do you think they did

from then on? What did you see in the later years of Annie? Yeah, what if they just got really bored with each other afterwards? You must think at some point there had to be

some awkward tension at some point in their lives if they're living... And all they have to talk about is the prison days. Remember the laundry room? Maybe that could be room maybe that could you know much like uh the theme like that's all they could talk like one of those things like you

realize your relationship is predicated upon prison yeah yeah exactly like uh like the movie hannibal should have explored that more with like hannibal's out of the cell oh with clarice he's achieved his dreams but now he's unhappy Clarice has gotten rid of the lambs Yep And she thinks that'll make her happy But it doesn't But instead we just get brains being eaten

Yeah Yeah exactly Yeah I think we should see Shawshank The later years Shawshank The Shawshank reunion Is that what we call it? Just yeah

Shawshank reunion I like that idea of them only Reunion? Is that what it's called? Yeah. Shawshank Reunion. I like that idea of them only having prison to talk about. That's so funny. Remember the maggots and the mashed potatoes? The warden survived that gunshot wound just so they could bring him back to the sequel. Yeah, yeah.

It was a hospital scene at the beginning of it where they're like, I think he's going to make it. Yeah, yeah. Even though a hospital scene at the beginning of it. Or they're like, I think he's going to make it. Yeah, yeah. Even though he was shot in the brain, he's going to make it. Yeah, so I think we've talked about fucking everything in this one. Yeah, it was a good conversation. Yeah, it was. I don't know.

What do you guys want to end on here? That's a good point. What do you want to end on? I don't know. What do we guys want to end on here? That's a good point. What do you want to end on? I don't know. What do we end on? Science. You're studying science. Isn't that what we started with?

We started with that. Environmental science. It turns out I'm not studying science. I'm actually, I will be. You made that decision in the last hour. No, I am. I will be. I'm studying like general studies at Baltimore City Community College.

I think it's like i think it's like the nba it's like going to school at the nba it's very similar yeah kind of very like waiting around misinformation when i was sure you bring your ipod you're gonna be waiting it's great it's a culture shock for sure it really like i'm it's a little intimidating yeah it's going to school there three miles from here yeah it's a little like i'm i'm pretty white i'm like yeah it was a good experience overall for me i think it's good like three miles from here. Yeah, it's a little like I'm pretty white. It was a good experience overall for me. I think it's good to go outside your comfort zone and your norm. Just like class experiences are completely different than any class experience I've ever had.

Just the general culture of, I guess, Baltimore black culture is just completely different. I met a lot of great people there I learned a lot of things I learned a lot of things about different ways people grow up and you know

there's some knuckleheads but for the most part I found those people to be very cool I'm meeting some pretty awesome people you're always going to have that in community college though

it's just 13th grade you know high school anybody anybody with financial aid can walk in off the street and go to school there so there's no acceptance policy so it's like it's just 13th grade, you know, high school. Anybody, anybody with financial aid can walk in off the street and go to school there. So there's no acceptance policy. So it's like, it's super entertaining. It's like my, uh, my math class is like, um, there are some characters in there.

They're like, just really, there's a guy who's like in his forties who was like in math and he just asks, like, he asks the dumbest questions, but they're so, you can't believe it that they're, you know, he'll like the professor was like, oh we got a test coming up and he's like, what's gonna be on the test? Well we went over to class and I was just like yeah, no.

That's fairly valid. The funny thing about him is then he'll say another thing, he'll go like she's like, your tests are great. And he's like, the test we just took? And she's like, yes. He's like, oh, but chapter eight? And he'll just keep reiterating.

You're going to grade us based on the answers I wrote down? On that piece of paper? With my pen? This pen? You ever seen Air Bud? My grade corresponds to the paper with my name on it. Can something both be and not be at the same time in the same context, or is that a fallacy? I'm sorry.

This is algebra. No, he like, she'll start doing a, she was doing problems on the board, and I heard him from the back of the class. She was like, okay,'s a lithuanian or uh ukrainian i think maybe ukrainian so she kind of talked like this and she turns a lot of speak on the end of the yeah yeah so she like turns the board and she's like okay we do number 13 number, I have to find a slope, so slope is M. And I hear from the back of the class, this guy go, 13. And he's like flipping through his book.

So he's like, he's not even, he hasn't even been stumped by the equation yet. The fact that we're, have traversed ahead to number 13, it's like, is wrecking his song. It's just like, wait, a slowdown? Hold on, 13? What about 1 through 12? That's as far as he can go with math as the page numbers. That's difficult enough.

Okay, so if I go four pages from number 12, then I will be on page eight, right? It's definitely funny. There's definitely a lot of funny stuff. Josh, you gotta do your Hotel Rwanda impression. You think it's too offensive? No, I can do it though. I just feel like it's a lot of pressure here.

I had a joke. I'm freezing my hoot-toos and tootsies off in here. You didn't do the... My hoot-toos. Oh, yeah. How they emphasize the wrong syllable. I'm freezing my hoot-toos. The 13 guy, though. I'm just picturing him telling that

story later when he gets home. How was class? Well, baby, let me tell you. We just went right to 13. Not one, not two two not even 12 13 well he goes we the first test happened and uh i i get to class early because i'm a nerd i like it i like to yeah i was that guy like i just need to be on top of it not be the guy who was answering every question. Well, actually, bitch, it's those. Yeah, I know. But I'm a nerd.

So I get there early. And that guy got there. And we had a test that day. And I helped him study. We spent like a half an hour going through things. I talked to him about how to set up the equations from the word problems. And it was great. It was like, I feel like he got it.

And we went in the class. And so we take the test and then the next week comes around we get our grades back and she that's when she's like we got our grades back he's like the great from the test we just took from chapter eight you know that's when he did that and he went up and he looked at the test and he saw his grade and he goes oh shit i passed and. And you could see it on his face. He was like, he was shocked. And he was like, he was like so, he goes, shit, I just passed, that's all that matters. And he like was so proud of himself. And he was walking back to his desk and he goes,

I just like, that was like instinct. I was just like, I didn't even study. And so I'm like, wait, he's not even factoring in that we sat out there for like a half an hour, and I walked him through all of the equations. He's like, I have an innate ability. He was like, he just was walking back to his day. I'd like to thank Instinct. I'd like to thank my own mind for being so brilliant.

Praise the Lord Jesus Christ. Also, my innate ability to find slopes is also incredulous at best. Everybody that supported me on Facebook, Twitter, shout out to my top eight on MySpace. What was funny is he was so amazed at himself for a minute. He was like, you could see him just being like, I'm a genius. You could see him. And then I was thinking like, like all right so he's not gonna acknowledge that i even helped out at all so whatever i don't care and then all of a sudden

he goes as if he saw me and and it's and it clicked for the first time he was like no that dude i was studying with you man man with you like he was like i knew that white guy looked familiar where have i seen that white guy before? You were just in his dreams or something. Oh, he's real. Oh, snap. I've seen you in my dreams. You're an angel.

Yeah, you're an angel that came to him and explained to him. Oh, and by the way, get ready to recognize every single white person that goes to BCCC for the rest of your life. I'll still see people at like Holy for Holies or something and be like, BCCC Science Class 2004. They stand out. Only other one can. You guys are veterans of some war. Right, yeah.

We made it. We made it through. Through the muck and the mire. Oh, man. Well, Doug, thanks so much for joining us, man. I feel like we could talk forever. You live right around the corner, so please come back. Yeah, for sure. Any old time joining us, man. I feel like we could talk forever. You live right around the corner, so please come back. Yeah, for sure.

Any old time. Yeah, man. You've got a lot of... You're an onion who has many layers that I'd like to peel. You were in the Marines. That's insane to me. Were you really? Yeah, I was a Marine.

Did I know that? Did we just go sail last time? Maybe. Do you want to get into that real quick? I don't care. I'm not going anywhere. I mean, it's up to you guys. Yeah, we can do it.

Oh, yeah, I'm not editing any of this. Oh, you're not? You're just going to put it all out like this? Yeah, absolutely. I don't think there's been anything to be edited. I mean, I can take the remarks you made about African Americans out if you want. Leave that in there. Let people know. Yeah, but so when did you decide to go into the marines like

how did that work coming out of high school i i enlisted when i was 17 so i was a junior in high school coming like to the wow so you had one more year to go and you're like i was already signed up already that's what i'm gonna do yeah so that's wild to me. I have some friends that were in the service and a friend that signed up for the Marines and seeing his evolution of excited about it because it's so off in the distance that he didn't think it was going to happen. Just something that makes you cool for a year?

He thought a school shooting would take care of us. Maybe not even cool, but just knowing that he had a plan. It doesn't matter. When I graduate, this is what I'm doing. And then I remember being at his house because we had a going away party the night before. Like, he's going to get on that bus at six in the morning. You can kind of see in his eyes, like, what the fuck did I sign up for?

At 18, I would not have been able to handle that. Yeah. Like, leaving my mom and dad and going to some place where people are going to yell at me all the time. Well, not even that. We graduated in 2004. He graduated in 2003. And so he's going to be in the Marines for a couple years. I mean, that's when Iraq and Afghanistan got kicked off, like, a few years after that,

or right then, actually. So it was just like, I don't know. So what was that like for you, that experience? It was weird. It was like, when I was young, I was a lot like Forrest Gump. I just, like, one thing to the next, Didn't really put much thought into anything I was doing. Just like, seriously, just kind of like, here I go. You know, going to kind of go, here I go. I didn't think about anything I was doing.

I went just on instinct. I was just like, I want to play. You were like that kid taking the test. I was just from my gut. Yeah, I just was like. Oh, shit, chapter eight. Yeah, that's how I lived when I was a kid. I didn't care about school.

I wasn't interested in school, so I didn't want to go to college. I wanted to play football, so I played football. Everything I wanted to do, I was like, I'm going to do this. Were you just completely reborn in your mid-20s? Yeah, I was. I had a spiritual shatter in age 27. Yeah, that's like a 27. Yeah, you see. Yeah, that's like a whole different Doug Powell to me.

Football playing, marine, joining, hip-hop listening guy. The hip-hop thing makes sense. I can see that. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that. But that wouldn't have been my first guess. I would have said like you were like a deadhead or something in high school. Right, like if young Doug Powell was here and seeing old Doug Powell, I'd be like, what? Yeah, it would be mind-blowing for sure.

I like that I'm now old Doug Powell. Old Doug Powell. Crawled through 50 yards. Old Doug Powell. I was a different person for sure. I don't know. There was a young Andy Dufresne. Young Andy Dufresne. Young Andy Dufresne.

Crawled through miles of shit. Signed up for the Marines. Big fan of hip-hop. Loves to humiliate Jehovah's Witnesses. Q-tip was his jam, if I do recall. Yeah, I don't know, man.

We just liked him immediately. I'm just an impulsive... If my younger self't know, man. We just like him immediately. I'm just an impulsive, yeah. If my younger self were here, none of us would like him. I mean, in a lot of ways you would. In a lot of ways you would be like, oh, that's Doug. Right, not so much that you wouldn't like him,

just different than you. I'm an intense human being. I just am. Yeah. And I struggle with it because it's off-putting it's weird it's oddly intimidating to people and i don't know i don't intense i have an intense personality i just like you get intense about certain things like once you figure out what you want to do like that's just like that's like your laser target like people use the word intense

uh when they just being and i not necessarily with you, but when they just mean they talk a lot. You know what I mean? Sure. She's so intense. Yeah, did you see American Idol? Intense. It's like nothing changed. No, I feel like I definitely have,

there's a lot of, and just coming from people that I've lived with, women I've dated, there's a lot of me. There's a lot of energy that I convey and gather and smart and sharp and yeah so it's it can be um when i was younger and i didn't know how to it was like a puppy that had too much energy and you were just like ah get the fuck out of here like driving me you're annoying let's play i'm gonna eat your shoes ah right so um so i think maybe the marines was a good thing and i

think ultimately it was um when i look at my life now um it got me out like when i look at my i love my family but when i look at like that situation for me specifically i mean it works for those guys but for me specifically i i just couldn't be there was that pre-9-11? I got out of the Marine Corps. My end of my active service was in July of 01. So September 11th was a couple months after. And I was actually, I was still living near D.C. I was married at the time, had a daughter. And I had just gotten married.

And I wake up in the morning and it's like, they're bombing the Pentagon. My wife at the time is freaking out. I'm like, you don't understand. It's a whole long story. I wanted to get out of the Marine Corps so bad. I was so ready to be done with the Marine Corps. How long were you in? Four years.

That's what you have to do when you sign up. You just have to stay in. It definitely got to a point where I got in a lot of... It but i ended up and i started out as this fantastic marine i like was the thing i wanted to do so i laser point zeroed in made that my made the marines my bitch i like was the first person i was uh you know the guide of my boot camp platoon and first squad leader i was the first one of the group that came to become a team leader, squad leader, you know, really was like, this is what I'm going to do. And then, you know, I was young and naive. And so as that naivete was shattered by certain things that probably should have already dawned on me through common sense, but just me being such a intense, hyper-focused, I don't know,

like I just blind myself to certain things, especially when I have a goal in mind, you know, especially as a young kid. So when all, a lot of the floors fell out of a lot of theories and things about just human behavior and like the military in general, I just kind of was like, Oh wow. Yeah, this isn't, what this isn't for me. Uh, well there were the big thing that really ended up, uh, and you have to understand it on my story is, has a lot to do with me being an immature person. I just was incredibly immature at the time. And the way I handled things was how a kid would handle them. So I basically started out,

busted my ass, you know, got into leadership positions and was really, really good at my job. Very proficient. I was like, I was 19 years old and I had the job of a squad leader, which is normally a sergeant's job.

Sergeants are normally 21, 22 and older. I had 13 people that I was in charge of when I was 19 years old in an infantry platoon. So I was like doing the shit out of it. And then people started getting promoted to a rank higher than me, not based on proficiency or technique or skill, but based on a point system, points that you can earn. Like, for example, if you, uh, when you're signing up for the Marines, if you get a friend or two to join, they give you points toward your promotion. So some people are picking up non-commissioned officer before me, people that I'm like, I'm tying these guys boots and reprimanding them for, you know for infractions on their uniforms daily.

And now they're the squad leader, and they're looking at me being like, how do I do? What do I do? I'm just like, well... Right, and you're saving these people's asses. And they're just like, hey, I got another warm body over here. And they're like, more points for you. Like when you're at work and you feel like you have to tell your manager what to do. Yeah, I feel like...

It was just like that. And it was a good year. My first year in, I had my platoon commander was, what a cool guy. What a great leader. My platoon sergeant was the cool. I mean, we had the team our first year. I felt so good about it because these were all men that were like, I'd follow those guys anywhere. They were just good leaders.

You just wanted to hang out with them. Did you fit in with these people? When I was that age, yeah, for sure. When I was a kid, I loved sports. Just a total jock kid. Well, you were very eager, too. And eager. This is my new reality.

I'm just going to nail it. Let's get it going. You've got to understand, I jumped in the Marine Corps blind. i didn't know what it was about i didn't research it i didn't read about it all i saw i saw full metal jacket a couple times and was just like let's i didn't like read the history i didn't i just like was just that's that's me in a nutshell but i feel like full metal jacket maybe this is just me not the most glowing review of the military like like what what attracted you to it just here here's what it was the military in general yeah coming from my hometown and uh wanting to do something my cousin just had come back from the from navy boot camp

he looked fit he looked like he had it he was i don't know there was something about it that made me feel like that made me feel like i want to feel that. I've got nothing going on. I'm about to graduate high school. I don't want to go to college. And so I went to the recruiting space station where the Army and the Air Force. The recruiting space station. The recruiting space station. The international recruiting space station. Where they recruit space.

Guten tag. So I go in and it's like all of the different armed forces are in there. Air Force, Navy, everybody. And I just, I'm an intense guy and the Marines were just intense guys and I just like got them.

We got each, I don't know, like out of everybody there. I just was like, they were the guys who were like I could talk to and relate to and be like, everybody else was kind of like a little nerdy, a little kind of like desk jock.

These guys were more like guys like me. They were just like, get in here. What are you doing out there? Come on. You know, they were salesmen for sure. They got me. And they showed me this video of like people creeping behind enemy lines. I was just like, ah, I can't do that.

I want to do that right now. Right. I was just a dumb, eager kid who just hadn't read anything or didn't know. I was just stupid and eager, and that's what I wanted to do. You kind of wanted some direction, too, it sounds like. I wanted to just do something. I wanted to succeed at something. I wanted to go try something out.

I was the complete opposite when I graduated from high school. Sorry, continue. No, please, go ahead. What did you do? At that time, that was very much a time when I really didn't understand my depression, and it made me a lazy person. Although probably being lazy helped too, you know. It's a vicious circle.

I think that's the time when, you know, like you were saying, you just kind of go along with whatever your brain is telling you to do. You don't really think about it too much. Right. And so my brain was telling me to sit on the couch and watch TV and work, you know, a minimum wage job and get drunk whenever possible. Yeah. See, I wish my brain was telling me that because when I was in the Marines, I told myself that I'm going to do something big later.

Not today. Not today. Right. Or tomorrow. Yeah. Right. But I'm going to take some time off and, you know,

then I'll, then I'll really kick some ass. Yeah. I was like that with everything though that I did. I did. That's how I started comedy. It was the same. I was in the Marines when I started doing comedy.

I was just like, I'm just going to do this. I'm going to. And I didn't research. I didn't really study a lot of comedy. I watched them when I was young. But I wasn't like a nerd about it. I was just like, I'm funny. I have these ideas.

Here's what I'm going to go do. And I just jumped in and learned as I was falling all over myself. So same thing. Okay. How long did it take you to really hold your own as a comedian? Well, you have to understand that your own as a comedian? Well, you have to understand that I started as a musical comedian. I started with like a two man musical band kind of where one guy would like

beat box and I would rap or I would play the guitar and we would act, do scenes almost. And, uh, it was more theatrical. Um, so I didn't really get into like standup comedy. I mean,

I did a lot. I, I think most of my success early on was musical comedy um and then i started writing jokes and kind of presenting those uh and then um i i think that soon on when i i mean it could you know a lot of people i think i say that it's because of the musical act because mostly probably because people attribute it to that like any comedian that would see me. Comedians hated me. I was not accepted in any comic circle. That seems to be a universal thing.

If you have a guitar, that's a crutch. And people will tell you that. They'll flat out tell you that. And I suppose that it could be, but I mean, if you're up there and you're using it as a crutch, then I suppose so. But if you're writing songs and presenting music,

whatever is funny is funny. It's like what why does it matter i mean it doesn't but that you're gonna have those uh those fundamentalists in any religious society yeah so like the jehovah's witness he still needs the bible he's still on book um see well let's link it real quick so when the marines so you got into comedy while you were in the marines yeah so where did you perform around like i was stationed in southeast dc at the barracks the marine barracks down there is that how you got to this part of the country it is yeah yeah um and uh i was living out in alexandria like there was a whole bunch of us a whole group of marines maybe like 19 people that all lived in this one apartment complex. It was chaos for like a year.

It was a lot of fun. It was it was a good time. But I performed around like that area, like northern Virginia, D.C. area. A lot of bars, a lot of restaurants, a lot of, you know, a lot of just dives and just drunk people. There were only a couple of comedy clubs going on. There was Wise Acres back then in Virginia, but it was such a closed loop. It was such a like,

you either come in here and suck up to us and tell us shows that you like us so that we will finally be nice to you, or I'm not going to really, you're kind of not welcome here in a sense. You kind of put that feeling out. So I don't know. I kind of ended welcome here in a sense you know emotion you know kind of put that feeling out so I don't know I kind of ended up it's interesting I started here in in the DC area and then I and then I was gonna go to school move to Illinois and then when I was in Illinois I was going to school my first

time I went to college it's my fifth time Wow still chasing that associates baby that tells you about me and all um so then i started doing uh musical shows in illinois when i was going to school i just like i kind of stopped doing the stand-up route and i started just really hitting the musical part i got a guy who played drums and uh in my hometown for like a good two and a half years from like 2003 to 2005 ish something like that um i produced like two or three albums of musical comedy and did shows and like bought my own pa system put on like three hour shows where we would just crowds would come and sing the songs and it was yeah it was fun yeah so and i felt like i had done what i

could do in my hometown and then we came back out here and that's when i jumped into kind of playing around like the jillian's arundel mills area with like the Eric Myers and Jim Meyer and Sean Savoy. And T-Rex was just moved to L.A. then. And then I came over and got in the D.C. scene with like when Rory Scoville and Ryan Connor and Seton Smith, Justin Schlegel. Justin was kind of Baltimore, too. And John Mooma and Danny Ruyeh and Jay Eastings and that whole crew. So, yeah. Wow.

Yeah. That's good timing. That's insane, though. Yeah. So you never thought that would be your trajectory. It's that whole crew. Wow. Good timing. That's insane, though. You would never have thought that would be your trajectory. It's a weird trajectory, yeah. And then I get into storytelling. So then I stopped playing the guitar. So I got to this interesting point

where I felt like I was going to get kind of successful and was working with some pretty big-name comics and having good rapport with clubs and then just had this spiritual blast to my soul and my brain, and I just like, I don't know. There was this period of time for like a month maybe where I was so awake.

It was the first time in my life where like it didn't, I was awake for the first time, so I was understanding what that meant and that that was a thing, and I also, it was easy it was like now when i you have to refocus and have all these approaches to being conscious in your life and to focusing on what's going on in your life as opposed to just like being a zombie once you real once you once that happens to you you realize oh i have a responsibility if i want

that type of thing in my life wow so i had this big like mind altering like none of this matters and i'm performing to people who i don't even care if i i don't care what i'm and i'm neglecting everybody in my life that i love and like i'm just out here hustling all the time and i'm not that happy about it so yeah i wanted to kind of ask you about that too what that's like as a traveling comic like performing for people that aren't necessarily your audience it's just a group of drunk people that you're trying to corral it's it's okay for a comedian it's fine if you're gonna go up and just if you look at it like my job tonight they're gonna pay me to just go entertain these people if your jokes work awesome your job is easy if your jokes don't work you

gotta just pander and deal with it and that's part of the job of being a comic right like a regular comic but for somebody like you who is more of a storyteller and who's more it's more like a like a two-way street with the audience like a shared experience almost a little bit it wasn't so much always when especially when i was younger it was more like i think i either like a crowd either liked me or they didn't they really didn't and uh and i remember one time i got booked to, uh, I tried, I, I tried working with this agency called, uh, Oh Jesus. I can't remember the name of the agency.

Um, Stork would know the name of them. I think he worked with them too. Um, comedy zone. Oh, right, right,

right. I think we talked about that last time. Cause they have a bunch of clubs. A bunch of clubs all over the place. Yeah. And, and I just had a bad experience cause I, they just,

I feel like they just took me as a variable and and inserted me into some equation that they hadn't researched they weren't like oh doug would be great for this place because this is his demographic they would really like him yeah instead he was just like you're a comedian go to this room and go be funny which is you know part of the job but it really was uh it could, it could suck because you, I felt like as you know, you work really hard on, on things and you, you really put your time into it and you really, that's, you spend your time thinking about it and, and working these things and you, and you know how to do it. You get to the point where you're like, I know how to do this.

Like I'm getting better and I can, I'll only get better from here, but I feel like I grasp how I do this. And then you go present it to people and they they don't spend that time on those things in fact they don't spend much time on anything some people right you know and it can be very frustrating to really fall fall flat to people who just are like yeah so you get her done and you're like i you know what right where they're just completely unreceptive and completely passive. Right. And so that just wears on you after a while where you're like...

Sometimes. I mean, it definitely... Comedy is not easy and it's not supposed to be. No. And that's the weird thing is that it is so incredibly hard. And then so weird too as an art form. Like as a musician, you're going to kind of go and do your thing. The crowd's going to be into it.

But as a comedian, it's really weird. Like it gets to that stage where you almost kind of feel like a jester in the core it's like make me laugh it's like well that is kind of the thing but not really not that way like i'm not like a like a one-trick pony in that way but you have to play to it and you have because that's the act i mean that's you gotta when someone speaks up and says something stupid you gotta just be ready to be funny yeah and and turn it back on them and please the crowd because that's what you're there to do ultimately. So, I mean, it's one part like studying the science and the art behind it and finding your own way of doing it and hopefully finding your own crowd.

And I think that it's another part of just like sucking it up. And sometimes, you know, I feel like one thing I've definitely learned in comedy is that it transfers over into a lot of things. I've hosted a lot of shows because of it, hosted Christmas parties for companies, just things that are like, they just, you're like,

oh, Doug, I host a film fest in Frederick that's going on this weekend. Like, it's just things where it's like, do you get up there and talk to me? I don't want to talk to these people. And you're like, all right, cool.

I'm used to talking to people. And that's like Tina Fey said that in her book, Bossy Pants, about improv. It's that when she understood how improv works, yes and theory. As lame as it sounds, it's like whatever is presented to you, if the person in the scene is like, we're on a two-man bicycle, you're on that bicycle.

And there's a way that you make that work. So in life, if they're like, ah, there's no way around this. What do you mean there's no way? There has to be a way. And that like it kind of opens you up in a way. It's like anything is possible at the same time. Everything is possible and not possible. So you make that work.

Yeah. So it's weird. And it's weird. Like, it's really cool how I think in your life, how you've gone through all these different avenues and trajectories. But yet you're making them work as one. You know what I mean? Like, they're not separate. They kind of bleed into each other.

One thing influences the other. Well, the interesting thing about when I quit comedy in 2007, I should quit it. Which is, I understand, but I mean, not blowing smoke up your ass, but you're a phenomenal comedian too, which is crazy. I just needed to quit. I i just needed i don't know i just was like that's it made the most nothing made more

sense in my life to me than just like i just don't need this i don't need to like feel like this all the time that was the biggest thing was like i'm i'm honestly just not happy right so i need to i need to stop doing what i'm doing and that's how i can figure that out seven or eight years of your life dedicated to this thing yeah it was yeah It was a good getting close to eight years that I had been doing it. I just needed to figure something else out. There's more to me than

laughing. There's more to me than jokes. There's more to me than comedy. I don't know what it is, but I feel it pulling me and I need to just figure this out. I've been presented with whatever this opportunity is, because right now I've never been more awake than I've ever been in my entire life. And the things that are, were important to me just are for whatever reason, incredibly trivial.

And I see that for the first time. So I wanted to like, so I just read a bunch. I started going to therapy and I just needed to figure this out. And the interesting thing was after about a year and a half, I started becoming creative in all these different ways. I started getting into photography and I started, I was just really playing music more. And I, little by little, I think I went to visit my sister in Texas and I'm walking around her neighborhood and I'm just taking all these, this cool little neighborhood in Texas, like this little weird suburban, you know, things are just different in all the right

ways. And I'm taking all these photos and this guy, i'm taking a photo of his chihuahua he's got this little square cut out of his fence and like chicken wire so the chihuahua can come bark at people when they walk by and so i'm like taking a photo of this furious five pound animal and the guy leans over the fence he's like what are you doing and i was really surprised by it because I didn't know anybody was there. And I was like, I'm sorry, I'm just taking photos. And he goes, why? And I literally go, because life is beautiful. I was just like, ah, I didn't know that you were going to ask the question.

You're lucky that you pushed my existential button, fella. Now move along. I was trying to make sense of of what was happening and i started i it i began coming back to art and i began recognizing that i'm not a comedian i'm just a person who's great i'm a creative person and if i want to dedicate my creative energies to one thing or another i can get good at those things and uh and so then i started coming back i started doing stand-up again and the coming back to it was amazing because I no longer needed to be anything through it it didn't make me anything

I was already who I am and who I am is unique and that's why I'm different so I didn't need to become anything I already had that and so the reason that I'm doing this is because I am I enjoy it and it's an extension of me. And then through that, writing comedy started becoming really, for the first time for me, making sense of life. It really became like, here's what I think of things and here's why this is funny to me because this is a universal truth that's just flipped on its head a little bit

or here's something that's pulled from this idea that everybody thinks that's like, ah, that's the catch right there. Sure. While it might be something that's pulled from this idea that everybody thinks that's like ah that's the catch right there that you know sure like what while it might be something that's personal to you in the larger scheme it represents something that everybody goes through so so that was my big yeah that was like coming back to comedy was more and i and i i'm i'm in and out of it i'm not always in it you know some if i need time off i'm just like i just don't feel like doing it and i don't need to and um so you feel like self-discovery is really part of your comedic approach? Yeah. Yeah.

Just your life approach, it seems like. Yeah. And that's, well, yeah, that's incredible because that's going to make you a better comedian. Because if you know who you are as a person, I feel unless like your whole thing is like I'm a character on stage. Right. Like, you know, you're writing for a persona. But if you're presenting true life stories, you got to know who the fuck you are if you're going to get on stage and then also get something out of it so when you're performing at the comedy zone it's not sucking your soul out because you're performing something

that actually is uh viable and interesting to you right so you know who you are versus like i'm just telling jokes just to tell jokes right yeah this is like yeah this is yeah it's more like i know what i'm doing here i know what this is all about right so what do you think your future with comedy is i mean i guess you don't know i mean if you continue at this rate like you know you might just be really interested in environmental science and kind of just go that route um i i don't know i think that um i'm trying to find ways to pull it all together. I really like, I like storytelling.

I don't, you know, I like stand-up too, but even when I do stand-up, it's more stories. I like to, I think that when I, because I was, I went through songwriting, writing songs, that was my life. I just wrote song, I just spent my days writing songs. And then I got into jokes, and I started writing jokes and like started getting, my whole thing was like, how can I find a different way to tell a joke?

I listened to Steve Martin and was just like, Steve Martin would tell a joke that wasn't that funny from this perspective, but he would tell it from this angle, which would turn everything on its head and make it hilarious. And I just would study people and like started writing jokes but then i realized like when you tell a joke sometimes that's the joke it's the punch line and it's over and then you tell that joke a couple more times and eventually you're just like i don't want to tell the joke anymore i guess that's part of comedy but yeah i started recognizing that if you can craft a story and you you write jokes throughout the entire you take a story and you write jokes throughout the entire, you take a story and that's your vessel

and then every door that you open within that story, within that vessel is a sidebar, an idea, a philosophy, a thought on life,

a hilarious situation. It's full of all of this richness. With little jokes peppered in between. Everything. The whole thing can be hysterical.

And not just like a punchline like, and then she said cotton candy. It doesn't have to be that way like i don't get it which i do love comedy like that like i love i love one line joke comedy but uh for me i felt like i was it wasn't that in that in uh enticing or thrilling right yeah we should say too that the music you're writing was like had a comedic uh yeah tint to it as well so it's kind of like a natural progression to being a stand-up too so wow that's awesome man like uh it's really inspiring as like as somebody who's like just getting into like following comedy and getting

into the arts like i always played music but as far as like comedy it was really weird like when i signed up for an improv class. Because, Mike, I knew that you did improv. And that was kind of one of the first things where you're like, people just sign up for it? That's what you do? You know what I mean? Learning that you can take these classes, you're just like,

comedians, you don't know how people get filtered into these things. And so it's been really great doing the podcast and then doing improv. And it's like all these different avenues that are under a creative umbrella that are all different things but it's all the same thing in the end just being creative which has been really interesting so especially in a place like baltimore where it's a lot of the same people it's yeah it's like kind of an up-and-coming scene as well like um as far as comedy music art in general and yeah it's really exciting so it's really cool. I'm really glad that you'll hang out and share your stories.

I don't know, just getting into the arts and being creative comedically. I don't know, it's so weird. You always just joke around with your friends. You're like, man, we're so funny. Let's go get something to eat. You never take what's there and then it materializes into something. So getting into the avenues, I'm writing a few scripts with my friends and stuff it's just i don't know it's really cool to see that you can take especially in this age with the internet

you can do so much yeah you can do a lot so yeah yeah so thanks so much for joining us oh man yeah have me over more yeah yeah i mean you're right around the corner so you're gonna write down the street yeah absolutely cool well doug uh thank, Doug, you have a website, right? DougPowell.com? It's DigDougPowell.com. DigDougPowell.com. I just bought the Doug Powell Show, so I'm going to, I think, transfer it to that eventually. The Doug Powell Show.

Right now, yeah, DigDougPowell.com. Oh, okay. Awesome. All right, Doug. Well, let's go have another beer. Let's do it. But let's end this show now. Yeah. Okay, let's end the show. Thanks, everybody. Yeah, thank you so much for listening. Thanks, Doug. Well, let's go have another beer. Let's do it. But let's end the show now. Yeah.

Okay, let's end the show. Thanks, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. Thanks, guys. Thank you.