The Digression Sessions - Ep. 59 - Jon U

Episode Date: December 23, 2012

- Secular Succotash - Hola Digheads! This week, Mike has to work and Josh flies solo for a conversation with their friend and fellow improviser, Jon U!  While Jon started doing improv several years ago, saying things like, “Yes, and!” “Pass the clap!” and “Let’s start a dog fighting ring in my basement! This isn’t a character saying this! I really want to do this in real life!” it isn’t shocking that he’s one hell of a hilarious improviser. During this episode, Jon discusses how he got into improv, informs Josh he’s so much more than poop jokes, and tells him about a dream where Josh and a mystery girl steal from his parents…yeah, a dream! Most importantly, Jon shares the story of his journey from “super Christian” to atheist. It’s an honest, yet funny conversation. Jon and Josh don’t believe in God, but you better believe they believe in spirits, ghosts, and aliens!  PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! WANT TO LOOK FLY AS HELL IN A FREE DIGRESSION SESSIONS SHIRT? EMAIL JOSH – [e-mail] Have something to say about this ep? Or do you have anything else Digression Sessions related / unrelated to say? Should we start distributing powerpoints with every pod?! DigressionSessions.com !! Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10

Okay. All right, take a sip of that. What do you think? Oh, that's piss. That's piss. Did you piss in the cup? I urinated in your cup. There it is. Merry Christmas. Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast, everybody. How the hell are you in podcast land?

Welcome to a very special holiday edition of the Digression Sessions podcast. I am one half of your favorite pair of earbuds, Josh Coderna. My main mayonnaise, my jelly and peanut butter in one jar. My co-host, the hilarious Mike Moran could not join us on this episode. I believe he was working, but he was in our hearts in this one. He was in our hearts, much like he is all the time, everybody. But in this episode, I go one-on-one with the very funny improviser, John Ulrich. It was a fun episode.

John and I do the improvs together, so I know him kind of well. But he shared a story about how he stopped believing in God. How he grew up super Christian, and then now he's an atheist, pretty much. So how's that for the Christmas spirit, huh? How about that? God's not real. So this Christmas season, do as you please. Do as you please all the time. But what you should be doing in the month of January,

specifically January 10th through the 12th, you should go see John as a cast member of the Baltimore Improv Group's completely improvised play entitled Unscripted at the Mob Town Theater in Hamden, Baltimore. You can get tickets at bigimprov.org. The show will also be going on the 17th through the 19th and the 24th through the 26th of January. So definitely check that out.

It sells out every year. It's super fun, super hilarious. And if you want to see me, Josh Coderna, in the month of January, I'll be doing stand-up at the Mugshots Cafe. I'll be hosting an open mic there January 18th. I'm fortunate enough to be a part of the first super comedy show at Dionysus in Baltimore, hosted by the lovely Umar Khan and Stavros Halkias, those hunky, hunky men. They'll be performing as well alongside Doug Powell, Adrian Rodney, and Tim Heckel.

And then on the 19th, I'm lucky to be a part of the Doom Hilda show at the EMP Collective. I'll be trying to do a little stand-up there. And I believe Umar and Doug Powell are going to be doing stand-up there too. So definitely come out to that. Check us out at digressionsessions.com, at DigSeshPod on Twitter. Follow us there. Also, follow me, at BetterRobotJosh. And follow Mike Moran, at MichaelMoran10.

And John doesn't have a Twitter. So to recap, Merry Christmas and God's not real. But we love you. All right. So let's start recording. Let's go for it. Okay. I'm ready for it.

Let's go for it. I'm ready to ready for it. Let's go for it. I'm ready to record. Just say go. John Ulrich, go. Yes, ready. Here we are. Yes. Hey, buddy.

Hey, man. Hey, how are you? I'm doing all right. You look good. Thank you. Thank you. You look really, really good. Are you just saying that?

No, no, I like that shirt. Thank you. It's a manatee. It's a manatee. It's got something it's eating there. Kelp. Or French fries. Okay.

Kelp fries. Could be kelp fries. Kelp fries. They sell a lot of things in Whole Foods these days. Oh, you've got a smart combo going on. Oh, stop it. You've got something going on there. That's really kind of you.

You're wearing a cardigan vest? That's how I would describe it. Sweater vest. Sweater vest, you might say. Button up, though. Looks good. Looks good. Looks good. Snazzy dresser.

John Ulrich joining me on the podcast today. You want a little fashion tip? Just a tip. It's a fashion. Please stop. You're coming in and out. Oh, yeah, I am. Oh, God.

Yeah, I am. Just a tip. Just a tip. Oh, yeah, I am. Oh, God. Yeah, I am. Just a tip. Just a tip. Joshua, anyway. Mm-hmm. Jonathan, just a fashion tip. Stop. Please stop doing that.

Just a tip. Just a tip. I feel like you're not. Go ahead. Go ahead. There's a place called Forever 21. Oftentimes, girls shop there because that's what they sell is girls' merchandise. Well, guess what, Joshua Condurna?

There's a male Forever 21 online. You can buy their merchandise. What? You can buy men's merchandise. Wow. And guess what? It's cheap and the quality is shit. Really?

That's what I'm wearing right now. Men's Forever 21. Men's Forever 21. That does not make me gay. There's other things that make me gay. Let's go through them. I enjoy homosexual tendencies. That's not true.

I'm not gay. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Now, wearing Forever 21 clothes, is that embarrassing at all? No one knows. Tell me the most embarrassing story from sixth grade. Oh, the most embarrassing story.

No, we talked about it before the show. Let's forget about it. Johnny, Johnny, you. Hey, hey, buddy. I'm not going to lie to you. Your microphone, it's in and out a little bit. It got a little loud there. We only have the best equipment here, so it's very odd. I was very impressed by your robot butler.

Yeah, he's from the Rocky IV movie. He slapped my ass while I was walking by. Well, you shouldn't be waving that thing around. It's going to get slapped. That's offensive. Are you saying I had it coming? Big time Do you think compliments are offensive? Sweet dick

Please don't call me sweet dick We've talked about this Sugar balls Fine, sugar balls I'll do Yeah you will Thank you Hey yo, watch out now So John, thanks for joining me on the podcast.

Mike Moran, indisposed today. Could not make it, yeah. He's in our thoughts and prayers. Sure. For sure. John, you're a very funny improviser, funny man. Thank you. How long have you been doing improv, buddy?

It's a good question. I wonder how many fellow improvisers have this story. I was sort of always doing improv. I sort of grew up doing improv with my friends but not knowing it. You guys are just passing the clap and you're like, what are we doing? Zip, zap, zap. I don't know. What's coming over us?

I have no good mind, guys. Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny. This is Harold thing. Right. Yeah, that's your coming of age story. You're just crying in the bathroom. I don't understand. Yes, I am.

No, no, but, no, but. No. No, it doesn't feel right. Level up. Level up. Your dad's beating on the door. Jonathan, what are you doing in there? Go away.

Are you improvising again? No. I'm a pirate. What? No, it's me, John. All right, son. I had this game. I have a friend named Sean Butt who I wish would return my text.

I feel like he's blocked me out. Can you do that? Just blocking a text. I don't know. I don't know. It kind of hurts my – I wish he would – I just wish that he would call me. I miss like he's blocked me out. Can you do that? Just blocking a text. I don't know. It kind of hurts my... I just wish that he would call me. I miss him. Sure. Sean, if you're listening, call me. I miss you. John Butt? No, it's Sean Butt. I'm going to send him

this link and hopefully he'll listen to it. Tough name. Sean Butt. Sean Butt. Yeah, B-U-T-T too. Really? Yeah, he had to do that. B-U-T-T too. B-U-T-T, too. Really? Yeah, he had to do that. B-U-T-T, too. B-U-T-T. No, there's no two, but it is B-U-T-T.

Anyway, Sean and I would play this game called Next Man Walks In, right? So you and I, or let's say you're Sean. Okay. I'm Sean. You now have the last name is now Butt. I went to school with somebody whose last name was Butt Savage. No. But it wasn't Butt. last name was Butt Savage. No. But it wasn't Butt.

It was like Butt Savage. But that's pretty close. But of course, people would say, hey, it's Butt Savage. How could you not say Butt Savage? Butt Savage. It should get me. What a terrible name. Change your name.

One of the worst. How do you sit your son down and you're like, I understand that kids make fun of you, but we come from a long line of Butt Savages. We're a proud group of butt savages. We are ferocious. Unwielding butt savages we are. Never back down! It's the butt savage way.

I knew it just in breast. I mean, it was B-R-E-S-T, but still. But still, I think butt savage is probably worse. Butt Savage, yeah. Worse than breast. Yeah. Anyway, so you're Sean.

We're sitting on the couch, and we go into improv mode, which is, of course, suddenly we're two different people, and we're pretending. And one of us would kill the other one in some way. That's healthy. Right? So let's just say you shot me, and I'm dead. So now I say, okay, next man walks in, and I literally physically get up and leave the room and then come into the room as a new character. And I look as if there's a dead body on the couch or wherever.

And I say, and, you know, I've got a multitude of choices. I could say, what happened? And now you can play the course like. I don't know. I didn't do it. Exactly. And then we're going to continue to interact and one of us is going to kill the other and then the next man's going to walk in wow and there's going to be many

many rounds of this this is a healthy amount of murder you kids a lot of murder and each body stays i mean it's a cumulative body count so each new person who comes in stacking up more and more confused about why there are so many bodies in one survivor. Wow. Yeah. So we did stuff like that. Healthy, again? Perfectly normal? Perfectly healthy. Just like you or me. We all have that story.

Me in this context. So there was a fair amount of that. Okay. And, you know, things like that. Sure. Interacting like that. That's good. You're working on character work very early.

Very early on. Justifications, all important in the improv world. Thank you. And also, if you ever run into a room where there's dead bodies. I'll know how to handle myself. Absolutely. I've been there many times. Good training.

How old were you when you were doing this? Oh, man. We were probably in middle school. Okay. Okay. Probably middle school. And I mean, could it have... I mean, I don't even want to say I didn't do things like this in high school, because I'm sure that I did. But it wasn't mean i don't want to i don't even want to say like i

didn't do things like this in high school because i'm sure that i did but it wasn't i don't think we played this game necessarily but i think that i would have interactions with friends and i would pretend to be someone else okay you know like the improv thing so i sort of have been doing improv in a way for a long time so what what got you into the classes? What attracted you to that? Yeah, so I was reading this blog. It was like a personal development blog, and this guy was talking about how he took improv classes. I said, you know what?

Maybe me too. I had seen a show called Whose Line Is It Anyway? And had enjoyed it heartily. Okay. And so I said, let me take a look, see, and see what's around here. What's cooking? Well, as it turned out, Joshua Kaderna. Hit me.

They were teaching improv classes. Come here. Give me your soft, warm belly. Here I come. They were teaching these classes about 500 feet from where I lived. And I said, well, if that's not a reason to do an improv class... So if anything's happening 500 feet away, you're there.

I'm in anything. Name a thing. Crochet. I'll do it. Genocide. Yes. God's eye making. Why not? Okay. Did you say God's eye me? God's eye making? God's eye making? Those God's eyes? Have you heard of those? I don't know what that is.

Yeah, you do it if you're 500 feet away. 500 feet, I'm in. Practicing kissing boys. It could be more than 500 feet. Could be more. Could be more than 500 feet. Could be less. Could be two feet.

Oh. Could be a table. How far would you say we are from one another right now? Five inches. It's five inches too many. Did you just fall asleep? You son of a bitch. How dare you?

I apologize. I apologize in full. So anyway, you start taking... No one's done that to me since Martin Butt Savage. Butt Savage! Butt Savage! So you start taking the classes. You're enjoying them.

Sure. When it's... Whoa. My mic just comedically fell. Lost control there a little bit. Sorry. Getting too excited. This is everybody.

Not me. Not me. Not often. Doesn't happen to me. My mic is normally upright and ready to be talked into. Oh, boy. I don't mind. So you're taking the classes. When are you taking the classes?

What is it, like 2008? Yeah, I think something like that. How old are you, John? How old are you? Right now? How old do you think I am? 32. Take a guess. 65. No, you're too high.

Here we go. 50 years young. You're close. There we are. Closer than 65. No, you're too high. Here we go. 50 years young. You're close. There we are. Closer than 65. Okay. 17 years old. I am five. Five years old.

That's it? That's a period on that sentence? You're five years old. Done. Okay, now you're lying. End of conversation. I know Mike Moran's not here and he's the enforcer on this podcast, but I'm not going to take any

shit from you or fucking that fucking dog over there. Hey, hey, how old are you, sir? Hey, don't be afraid to answer the question. How old are you? How old are you? How old are you? Okay, I'll answer. I'll answer it. Yeah, you're goddamn right, you piece of shit.

Not because you're talking to me like that, though, because I want to answer it. Yeah, you'd like it when I talk to you like a piece of shit. No, I'm not a piece of shit. You're mean to me. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. You're real mean. I deserve to be mean.

You don't deserve to be mean. I'd scoop you out of a dumpster, and I'd eat you, and I'd'd shit you out and you'd be better off than what you are now. You're not making me want to tell you my age. Okay, tell me your age, please. 27. 27 years young. Good for you, buddy. Thank you.

So you graduated in 03? You better believe it. I do. You're sweet. I graduated in 04 from high school. Yeah. So what? I guess I'm only a year older than you. That's right. Wow. That's right. You're wiser. What? Yeah. So what? I guess I'm only a year older than you.

That's right. Wow. That's right. You're wiser. What? No. Wait. Oh, a year wiser.

I thought you were saying you're wiser. As in I'm wiser. No. No. That would be a foolish thing to say. Oh, boy. Oh, come on. Okay, that hurt.

No, I didn't mean it. We're having a lot of fun, but that hurt. We're the same level of wise. That hurt. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. You didn't have to qualify that. You didn't have to qualify that. I didn't mean it. We're having a lot of fun, but that hurt. We're the same level of wise. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. You didn't have to qualify that. I didn't mean it.

I'm 27. I've been doing improv for three-ish years, is what I saw. Three-ish years? Something like that. And you are in plan B of the Baltimore Improv Group. It's true. That's short form, so that's like whose line is it anyway? the stuff that got you into it

and I guess that feels good huh it feels pretty good we should clarify that I'm sort of on a break from plan B at the moment but I am performing with them on Sunday for the first time in a few months so it will have already happened when this podcast comes out

you did great thank you it felt good to be doing it again. I can't believe you did a backflip so many times. Sometimes you just do whatever the universe wants you to do. When the whole front row blew you and you justified it to make it work in the scene. I can't take credit for it. I had a lot of good support.

Sure. My teammates held your balls. Everybody was getting in on the action. Big time. Sure. That's important to on the action. Big time. Sure. Big time. That's important to me. Don't name my penis.

Big time. You know, I assume that you're going to put this on Facebook at some point. Probably. And I'm going to have to, like, de-tag myself. Really? Because there's... Is there bad stuff here? All of...

I mean, my mom is my, you know, my Facebook friend. I can't do that. I've blocked most people that I work with so they don't see my updates. I blocked my aunt because my uncle was like, yeah, I was talking to, yeah, I was talking to, I'm not going to say the name because I'm friends with some of my other family on here. Yeah, it is making it weird now, huh? Right? When I pod, I don't even think about the outside world. So this is weird for me.

I shouldn't. I live on the edge when I pod, you know? I like that you say pod. That's a cool verb. Yeah, exactly. It's like a drug use or something. When I pod. You want to pod?

Yeah, let's pod. It's time to pod. Let's set up some microphones and a mixer and a computer and let's pod. Spill some coffee on our equipment. Pod. Yeah, let's pod. It's time to pod. Let's set up some microphones and a mixer and a computer and let's pod. Spill some coffee on our equipment. Pod. Let's pay for a hosting service and then pod. Yeah. I just want to pod with you.

Yeah, man, you're podding a little too much. You know that? Hey, back it down, man. That's a chill. But they were like, yeah, here's your status updates. And she's like, what's going on? I'm like, ah, those are all probably just movie quotes. And I'm like, yeah, that's what they are

from movies. Not from my immature brain. I never thought about that. I don't make comments about dog poop and boners. That's not me. That's not me. That's something far more juvenile. That's my fourth book. Dog poop and boners. That's not me. No, that's not. That's not me. No, that's something. Far more juvenile. That's my fourth book. Dog Poop and Boners. That's not me. By Josh Kodern. I like those subtitles. Maybe that's my favorite part.

That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. Who is he? That's why I would read that book. Who is he? Yeah, the cover of the book is just me with a confused look. That's not me. That's not me. Like a shrug pose. No. Wrong. shrug pose. No.

Wrong. No. Nope. And it's like one of those cards that makes noises when it opens. When you open the book, every single page is like, no, no. You're so much more than dog poop and boners. Oh, that's what I want people to. Yeah. Can you blurb that on my book?

That'll be on the back. Sure, I'll be your first recommendation. This guy is so much more than a book. He's so much more. Read the book to find out what he is. He's not all just boners and dog poop. Sure, that's what you know it as. Can we segue?

Can we transition hard right now? Because it just occurred to me that I had a dream. I had a... Here we go. Yeah, let's get into it. I had a dream. Here we go. Yeah, let's get into it. I had a dream about you last night. So you're not going to be able to share this podcast with anybody, huh? Well, I can.

Uh-huh. But I'm going to see, I assume you're going to tag me and I'm going to have to detag me and then I'm going to have to repost it. I won't. To a select few. I won't tag you. How about that? I won't tag you.

And then you just post it to a select few. Okay. All right. That's fair. I don't think we have any overlap family wise. Your mom and I don't talk anymore, it to a select few okay all right that's fair i don't think we have any overlap family-wise your mom and i don't talk anymore so it should be fine yeah that's fine okay okay so anyway she does i just want to say that when i ever mentioned your name she sort of looks forlorn like into the night sky she looks at the moon yeah she just sighs heavily

you know sometimes i i look up at the moon and uh I can't help but think that we're both under the same night sky, looking at the same stars, the same moon, and wondering what could have been. That's okay, though. She met my dad. Yeah. Here I am. And everything worked out better. Yeah, it's fine. Go ahead, buddy.

Did you want me to tell you the dream that I had about you? Yes. You should have opened with that. I'm going to go ahead again and preface with this is going to be an incredible climax. I'm not sure if I said that before we had gone or not. We don't call you Johnny Incredible Climax All Rick for Nothing. I go all or I go home. I say incredible climax or no climax.

That's my way. Except for this story, in which I'll go ahead with mediocre climax. So I had a dream last night. It's like a boring rollercoaster we're about to get on. An old wooden rollercoaster. You want to kill a couple minutes doing nothing inspiring? There's a gator painted on the side. That's fun, huh?

Look at it, kids! Look at the gator! Oh, side. That's fun, huh? Look at it, kids. Look at the gator. Oh, it's smiling. It has a cowboy hat on. Let's ride. Now the ride's over. Goodbye. Good use of our time.

Thanks, King's Dominion. Yes. So I want to just say first that this dream, perhaps you've had a dream, and you've been through the experience of... What am I, Martin Luther King? Come on. That's not what I meant. But anyway, you've had a dream and you go through it. And while you're going through it, you're like, yeah, this makes perfect sense.

And then you wake up and you're like, what the fuck? I feel like most stuff in my dream... I never really question what's going on in my dream. Sure, sure. I think it's because it has to do with... It's in a different part of your brain, the non-questioning part. I don't know for sure. Yeah, I guess that's what lucid dreaming, you start to question.

Anyway, you go ahead. Anyway, so I say that because I can't just tell this dream because it would make no sense at all. So I'm going to tell sort of a consolidated version of it as best as I can piece it together. Okay. So I am at some sort of a summer camp, I think. Some kind of a, I don't know if it's a vacation place. I think it's a summer camp.

At my current age, which is 27. We may have alluded to. So some stuff happens at the summer camp, which I don't really remember or understand. But it's like activities. And you're there. Okay, but nothing sexual. No, no, no, no, no.

I didn't mean to imply anything sexual. When you say some stuff happens, I go right to the... A little bit of hide the monkey. Racist. We're supposed to get all the racist stuff out of the way before the pod, buddy. Monkey. Oh, no! Stop!

So you're there, and there's also this girl there who's probably a little bit younger than you and there's there's various other people sure so uh random girl you guys know each other i think maybe you and her are sort of like helping run this experience somehow okay so uh you you two i believe take me. Bono and the Edge take you home. Sure. Okay. You'll be the Edge. Okay.

I think you're more Edge than Bono. Hell yeah. You have the hat, right? Mm-hmm. And a goatee. And I play guitar. That's all it takes. Yeah.

Case closed. I'm the Edge. There it is. I rest my case. Good pods. Case closed I rest my case Good pod So you're taking You and this girl are taking me home Now I don't know why you're taking me home To my parents house

You're not taking me home to my actual home You're taking me home to my parents house So we get to my parents house For some reason I decide to go into my parents house In the back Like in the back porch entrance Don't look into that I'll lick it and I decide to go into my parents' house in the back, like in the back porch entrance. That's a metaphor. Don't.

Don't. That's a metaphor, buddy. Don't look into that. I'll lick it. I'll lick into that. Stop. Please stop. Fifth book.

Please stop. Anyway, go ahead. So I go around the back, and I realize that the door is unlocked. Now, my parents aren't home. In fact, I think maybe my parents were at the summer camp. I don't know. Whatever it is, my parents aren't anywhere in the scene.

This is a wild, wild camp. But what I realize is that this door is unlocked and it shouldn't be. And so I go in and I start looking around. Well, you are there with this girl, right? Because you dropped me off and you come in the house. Well, you guys disappear. So you kind of slip away unnoticed. Okay.

And I'm looking around this house. And then I go to the front of the house. I look in the street and there's this van waiting and there's this guy, this creepy guy waiting in this van. And what I realize is that he is there, he's

trying to do, he's doing some illicit activity. He's doing some sort of criminal intent. He's watching Law and Order criminal intent. He might be. Well, I go back in. I find out that you and this girl are stealing things from my parents' house and you're working with this guy.

Really? And you're going to take the things and get in the van with him. And somehow, you guys, this is all like a scheme. This is weird. This whole summer camp was a scheme. And you're a part of it. Now, I figured out the plan, and I'm confronting you guys, and you guys now feel like assholes. Sure. We're sorry we're stealing.

Yeah, from my parents. From your parents. Sorry. That's about where it ends, but I was pretty surprised that you and this nameless girl were stealing from me. Oh, man. Me and nameless girl. Yeah. We made some mistakes back there.

Oh. And I'd like to apologize. I don't. This isn't something you just bounce back from. That's true, but it'll take time. Now, let's go to your parents' house and steal stuff. No? Okay.

We'll work on it. Pass for now. Here's. Later. Oh. I mean, well, maybe. We'll see. I. Pass for now. Here's, here's, oh. Well, we'll see. I've got a question for you. What do you think that means? Are you a type of person that reads into dreams?

Do you feel like me? Sometimes. Do you feel like me and random girls are stealing your past? Yeah. What do you think that is? Your upbringing? We're taking away from, because you grew up a Christian gentleman. I did.

It's true. Do you feel like I'm, since I've introduced you to DVRs, zippers, and heroin, do you feel like that's taking away from who you used to be? And that's what that dream is? Maybe so. That I'm chipping away at the foundations of former John Ulrich? Maybe Jesus is planting images, imagery, about the corruption that you're doing to me. I'd have to listen. Also, you remember that time that you kind of crept into my sleeping bag? Yeah, I crept right in it.

That wasn't cool. Wasn't the worst thing that ever happened. I'm just saying, i didn't appreciate it well the other guys thought it was pretty funny yeah they did but let's talk let's just talk about something no what do you what do you think what do you read into that what do i think what do you if you were to if you got a dream dictionary out sure sure looking for some symbolism okay well, so I'll be honest. I do like to think that sometimes dreams have meaning, but I also think that sometimes dreams are just random ass shit.

And I think in this context that this is just random. Because we were hanging out pretty much all night. Yeah. Okay. Did you go out? No. I helped Mike Harris, the director of the Baltimore Improv Group, to his car. And then I was like, hey, where'd everybody go?

And I texted Kelly Lloyd, who's in Bully Union with us. And she's like, hey, where's everybody at? She's like, oh, I just went to my friend's house. I was like, okay, I'm going to go make a pizza and watch Scrubs. With carrots, with blue cheese. That's what I did. A little bit healthy. A little bit healthy.

That's what I did. A little bit healthy. That's right. I went to the 7-Eleven and they have Coca-Cola in glass bottles with regular sugar. No high fructose corn syrup. It wasn't that expensive either. Did you enjoy it more than a regular? I did. It tasted pretty

much the same. Maybe a little better. I don't know. I'm reading this book right now to get... Because you were tired of laughing, right? I was going to ask you to stop reading the book while you do the podcast, by the way. I can't help myself. I just love to learn, Joshua. I know.

You're a good multitasker, though. Thank you. Thank you. I'm reading this book called Mindless Eating. Yes. Do you like how I clear my throat and burp into this microphone? I hope that's coming through. John, I'm going to be i don't like it i love it oh keep going that coming keep going uh so uh this book is all about how we eat um it's you would think that we eat until you're

full right you'd think okay i'm gonna eat until i get the sensation that i'm full not true no there are a billion different factors that influence how much you eat i I go by what Louis C.K., how he defines when he stops eating. He goes, the meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself. And I tend to go with that. Right? That's cool thought. Yeah.

That makes, yes. So that is consistent with this book that I'm reading. But I brought this up for a great reason. Here it is. Here it is. I don't know what the reason is oh no i do know hey you were talking about natural soda yes and there's studies that show people can't for the most part tell the difference between like a brand name like a coke

yeah and like an off-brand sure coke yeah cola if you will. Right. Like Mountain Dew, a Food Lion brand is like Mountain Lion. I think they also sell a Dr. Perky. Okay. Instead of Coca-Cola. It's a weird... Could you tell the difference between the... I've tried their cola, like regular

cola, and I could tell. Do you think you could? I have no idea if you could or not, but I'm going to go ahead and just be contentious and say, bullshit. You can could tell. You think you could? I have no idea if you could or not, but I'm going to go ahead and just be contentious and say, bullshit, you can't tell. That's what this podcast needs. You can't tell. Some heat.

Get the brand name soda. Let's have a taste test. Right now? Right now. I'll be right back. Okay. Walking away. And I'm back.

There it is. Okay. You've got them both. Here we go. Here we go. Brand name first. Okay. You've got them both. Here we go. Here we go. Brand name first. Okay. Wait, I shouldn't know that.

Yeah, this sort of defeats the purpose. Oh, another flawed experiment on the digression side. Close your eyes. I'll do it. Okay. All right, take a sip of that. What do you think? Oh, that's piss.

That's piss. Did you piss in this cup? I urinated in your cup. There it is. All right, now let's try the That's piss. Did you piss in this cup? I urinated in your cup. There it is. So. All right, now let's try the brand name piss. Okay, try it. Okay.

Sex. Okay, that's still your piss again. Both my urine. I'm getting tired of this game. Sorry about that. Okay. Here, try what's in this thermos. Here we go.

Okay, first one, shame on me. Okay. Second one. Don't think about this. Just follow your gut. There we go. Okay. I think you're going to like this.

That's good. Do you like that? Do you taste the tannins? I do. It's a little dry. Yep. But a solid oaky aftertaste. Sure.

Picking up some earthy tones. A lot of earth. There's some fiber. That's pissed you put some dirt in, isn't it? I mixed my urine with dirt. It tastes good. Very good. That's free. Thanks, buddy. You passed the test.

It was close. I didn't know if you'd do it, but you did it. Yes, it happened. You've drank my urine three times, once mixed with dirt. Yeah. So good. It felt great. It felt really good.

And it's exfoliating. Wow. Your skin looks radiant. Thanks for throwing piss in my face. I'm going to be much better. Sorry about that. No. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So, John, you grew up a Christian gentleman. It's true. Christian household. Are your parents still devout? Oh, they are. Now, do you still believe in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christo? I believe his name is.

What if I did? How would I not be? I mean, I might be insulted by it. I mean, the Lord and Savior Jesus Christo? That's his name, right? That's not his name. Jesus Christo. It's never said that way in the Bible.

I don't know. Ever. The Lord and Savior Jesus Christo? I didn't say Christo. You said Christo. Okay. Maybe I inferred. Maybe in a Spanish Bible.

No, I didn't. Donde esta Jesus Cristo? If you want to get a little bit of insight, you can check out my story at stoopstorytelling.com. Stories at the stoop. But since you're here, let me get the abridged version. The abridged version. So, yeah, I was super, super duper Christian. Mm-hmm.

Long time. Right. Long, long time. My man. And. Now, what does that consist of? What does a super Christian young John Ulrich do? Sure.

So I'll tell you what he doesn't do. Uh-huh. He doesn't drink. Oh. He doesn't do drugs. Uh-huh. He doesn't even attempt to have sex. Those poor girls.

So deprived. I feel bad for them. I do. What the world could have had. Yes. Don't think that I don't think back on those years and think, what did I do? Anyway. You got to feel guilty. You know. those years and think what did i do anyway you gotta feel guilty uh you know so uh and this

lasted until about my junior year of college i really i mean i was in it to win it i went on missions trips i'm gonna win a trip to heaven that's what this is all about uh jesus take the wheel come on bro take the wheel come on I've been driving for like 12 hours. I'm getting really tired, man. You haven't done anything. This is bullshit. You got that burrito. You've been farting up the car.

Stop it, Jesus. Stop farting, Jesus. Stop. You're an asshole. Come on. So, yeah. So, I read a book called The Da Vinci Code. You ever heard of that?

You ever heard of that book? Mm-hmm. I was working at the Maryland Science Center at the time, and I read this book. Just walking around, be like, nope, that's not real. Jesus. That's fake. Jesus. I actually had a stamp. I would stamp people's hands.

Yeah, mostly. Osmosis. Jesus. Cells. Jesus. Protons. Jesus. Neutrons. Jesus. Electrons. Let me think. Jesus. Uh-huh. Cells. Jesus. Protons. Jesus. Neutrons. Jesus. Electrons.

Let me think. Jesus. It was an easy. Just stamping kids' foreheads. I was my own scientist. I played by my own rules. Christian scientist, huh? Ah, I see what you did.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. So I read this book, and it made me, so I thought that it was historically accurate. Really? Because at the beginning of that book, there's a page that makes it seem like it's historically accurate. It's Dan Brown saying, hey, this is historically accurate. Yeah. Now on with the story. Presenting the magic.

He thanks all these prestigious historical institutions for their help. But then if you Google it, you find out that some of these institutions, he never contacted them. I'd first and foremost like to thank ITT Tech and the University of Phoenix for their help. Could not have been done without you guys. Oh, man. What's that other one? Is there an ST one? Strayer University.

Strayer. That's what I was looking for. I was coming up with Stanford, which is not going to make sense. Well, my dog keeps licking your forearm. Your dog is licking the hell out of my hands. I can get her away. Do you want her to stop licking your hands? I think I'm good on the hand licking right now.

You know, it's nature. It's nature and Jesus trying to say, hey, come on back. Come on back to the path. That's what her licks are saying. She just licked the microphone. Yep.

Okay. So Munza is gazing into Josh's eyes right now. She's up on her front paws on the chair. She's not licking his face, even though he's presenting his face to her. She just looks sort of contemptuous? Contemptuous, maybe? It's like she doesn't want any. Oh, there it goes. There's the tongue on the lips.

Oh, she stuck it in his mouth. That's great. I think she wants... I think she got teeth on that one. Definitely lick my teeth. I'm going to let her out now. Okay, I'll just... I'll just keep talking. I'll keep the Jesus story going. So, yeah, I read.

That seemed like an appropriate interjection. Sure. So I read that book, and it made me start doubting. Wow. Because I thought I was historically accurate so I needed to read a book about the historical accuracy of that book and so I went and I did it was a secular author

and so I learned one that the Da Vinci Code is like not historically accurate in the slightest. Two, that when the Bible was created, that there were all these other books of the Bible. Not included. Not included. And that there was this meeting of men to assemble, if you will, to determine which books would go in. Wasn't that like hundreds of years later as well?

After what? Like after Jesus lived? Yeah. Yeah. And all these stories were written? I'm pretty sure. Oh, another interesting fact about the New Testament. I believe that the time between when Jesus lived and when the first book was written.

John, I'm not a devout Christian, but I'm pretty sure it's called the Old Testament remix. Not the New Testament. Pretty sure. I don't want to upset you, but I'm pretty sure. That's what it's called. I mean, I've been a Christian for the majority of my life. I think I would have heard that. Well, you think you would too,

but some people just aren't good at this religion thing. So, anyway, go ahead. I'm trying to be vulnerable with you right now, right? I'm trying to share a little piece of me, and're correcting don't don't do that don't don't do that please don't please don't do that what you're doing i'm done i'd appreciate it go ahead sexual i know what you were doing it was a section thing. No, it was not. It was.

No, it was not. Put your shirt back on. Put your... It's hot in here. Nope. Now my pants are chafing. I'm glad that everyone remembers that reference. I'm pretty sure it's been referenced on here.

What's that? That. My pants are chafing. Maybe the Mike Fianazzo episode? I'm not sure. Listen, my pants chafe me a lot. Oh, okay. So, I don't know.

That's fine. Anyway, I'm sorry. That's okay. So, the New Testament. Oh, yeah. So, the time from when Jesus died and when the first book of the New Testament was written was like 40 years. Right. Okay, that's what it was.

So, it's like, oh, good gracious. It's like shattering your worldview. I like that's what it was so it's like oh good gracious it's like shattering your worldview i like that's what you said like good gracious golly that's what christians say right that just does not seem right goodness me oh fiddlesticks that's a long time right yeah so there were things like this and like the whole um answered thing, that kind of got to me too. It would bother me. So first off, at the time, there was a lot of Christians who I felt were like super hypocritical. That attributed to this. Right.

You're supposed to be very loving and, you know, turn the other cheek and accepting and that type of thing. Yeah. Without being on your high horse and judging. And for whatever reason, I felt like a lot of these Christians were, uh, they weren't walking the walk. Also,

I really, to be honest, and this will guarantee that I can't post this on the Facebook without very careful. I worship Satan. I, I, uh,

I really wanted to have sex with my girlfriend at the time. Oh yeah. Um, but, but Hey, no sex before marriage when you're a Christian. And so that contributed. Side note about that story, I think it's sort of maybe ironic

that when we first started dating, this girl and I, she was not Christian. I was super Christian. I sort of converted her. And then she became super Christian. And then I stopped super Christian. I sort of converted her. And then she became super Christian. And then I stopped being Christian. So you guys are like in these parallel lives. Well, for a while we had the same thing going.

Right. So you're going one way, she's going another. You're going to sync up for a little bit. Right. After a while, you diverge. We had it going, and then we diverged. And I felt very confident that she would just let this go or she might change. Because I had done a lot of, like, really nice romantic things for this girl.

Let's go through all of them. Okay. The most. Well, now I can't because, you know, I might have to try to use elements. Anyway. So this girl breaks up with me because I stopped being Christian. So, it was a little bit, you know, I sort of, I don't know, a little bit ironic. How long are you guys dating?

Three and a half years. Oh, my God. Three and a half. Wow. So, not only is your faith shaken, this girl breaks up with you. She broke up. And to be fair, it took about a year of transitioning for me to go from, like, super Christian to. Right.

Yeah. I'm not Christian. Yeah go from like super Christian to. Right. Yeah. I don't think. Not like an overnight thing. But still, I mean, that's got to be a tumultuous time. It was difficult. Absolutely. Absolutely. Are you guys.

Do you guys talk now? Are you friends? Almost never. We're still friends. I mean. Yeah. It's like a friend that you just never talk to. Right.

A friend like that. Yeah. Yeah. Friends. You know. People you don't talk to right a friend like that yeah yeah friends you know you know people you don't talk to it's like you know the majority of people you're friends with on facebook yeah it's like one of those people yeah it's it's very strange that you can be friends with like 500 people but you always end up like your news feed is like the same 15 people yeah that's all you really care about um she she got married in fact you know if you're listening no no no hard feelings but i'm pretty sure she started dating this guy like three weeks after we broke up which you know that's a little bit did she know this guy while you guys were dating i believe she did I believe this guy was sort of pursuing her. And she's married to him now.

It's actually, I mean, it's fine. It is fine. I'm just bringing it up because it's interesting. It's not like I lay awake thinking about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's adding some insult to injury there. Three weeks later. Pretty sure it was like three weeks later.

You got to give it some grace period but to his credit i believe he was super into her and he was like really pursuing her so he did the work yeah good for that but you know i mean i think it's better that you're not that you're being honest with yourself living your life as you uh deem fit and you know and she didn't want to be a part of that so that's not gonna work yeah that's not gonna work yeah so to so today though you're you're still a uh would you say you're a christian still no really no man not at all really you thought i was still christian i yeah because i think you can have a little bit of both i mean it doesn't have to like there's people out there that believe in science and all that but are still uh faith it's true it's true um

so i guess my thing is that the bible says that it's the word of god right so either it's the word of god yep or it's not like you either got to take the whole thing. That is the one thing that really drives me nuts. Like, hey, it's what God said. It's like, is it? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure dudes wrote it.

But inspired, Joshua. Inspired. Wouldn't that be sweet if you could just write something and be like, well, God inspired that. I'm going to do that with all my tweets as of late. Just terrible tweet. Hey, inspired by God. Word of God. What are you going to do? That should be one of your subtitles to one of your books.

Inspired by God. Boobs, boners, and farts. Inspired by God. The Josh Kedern story. Josh Kedern is so much more than boners and dog shit. That'll be my reference on every one of your books, regardless of the title. It'll always be that. could do to so much more than boners and dog shit. Inspired. That'll be my reference on every one of your books, regardless of the title.

It'll always be that. Sure. Sure. Oh, yeah. One of the other things that would bother me, apart from people being hypocritical on the fact that I wanted to have sex. Immigrants. Right? That was number one.

It was immigrants. Uh-huh. No, it was that people would attribute things to God regularly. And I felt like you couldn't know that. They'd be like, okay, I'll give you a story. And I can't let my mom listen to this. We've already established Miss Ulrich is not ever going to hear it. Mom, if you're listening, turn off the podcast.

She's a big fan, so this is going to be tough for her. She has no idea what a podcast is. Is it an alien? He's not a Christian and he's hanging out with aliens. I've lost my son. I like that I gave my mom like an old croner. Oh, no. Oh, Johnny.

Come back to Jesus. Stop hanging out with aliens in their pods so I remember there was this one time that I was in the kitchen and she had this piece of wood like a square piece of wood in her hands and she's like

you know what I needed a piece of wood and I went and I looked under the porch which is where we kind of keep our random wood scraps I found the perfectly sized piece of wood. And you know what? Sometimes God just works in the small things. Right.

He's like, maybe there was just a piece of wood that you found. Right. Yeah. Like, really? You're saying God did that for you? Yeah. Of all, like, there's, what, at the time, probably 7 billion people on the planet. And he's like, what's that?

Ms. Ulrich needs some wood? Boom. Bam. Did it. You're welcome. Darfur, keep it down. Let's. Keep it down.

That's too much work. Let me focus here. Let me see what I can do. That's the little things. Yeah. She's a big fan of mine. Has been for a while. Let me give her something here.

Gotta give the people what they want now and again yeah so instances like that yeah it's very common for people to attribute stuff to god i like that i feel like a lot of people go through what you go through but they choose maybe to ignore that stuff that it be too um like earth shattering for them be like i've invested so much going towards this path and if that's not true then like what is true and it's like no there's there's more to it like you can see you can be secular but also thoughtful it doesn't mean everything needs to be thrown out so i like that you uh that you did that i think that takes courage thank you yeah thank you i mean it because i mean there's people like you know know, like Rick Santorum and those type of people that I think of that just go.

I mean, maybe he doesn't even believe what he says. You know, he just wants to get elected. And that stuff bothers me, too. It's like, hey, I'm a Christian. Sure. Like, eh. Sure. Are you really?

You know, all the hate that you espouse. Yeah. Is that very Christian? Yeah. No, it's not. Yeah. Or, like, look at, like, TV evangelists. I can't think of the guy. Pat Robertson. Maybe. I mean, he's not. Yeah, or look at TV evangelists. I can't think of the guy's name.

Pat Robertson? Maybe Pat Robertson. I mean, he's probably one of them. There's a guy who's sort of foreign looking. I can't think of what his name is. So you already have a problem with him. That's the first problem. That's the first problem.

But I remember seeing some kind of news segment where they were following him around. And he lives in L.A. or he lives somewhere in California.ia he's got a giant mansion he drives these really expensive cars yeah huh okay right you know and like outside the vatican there's tons of homeless people and stuff and it's like what are you doing yeah you have tons of money and the pope literally wears prada clothes and things like that exactly exactly and then you look at like Warren Buffett. Right. Or Bill Gates and people like that. And yeah.

Well, I mean, Warren Buffett, Warren Buffett lives in the house that he's always lived in. Oh, yeah, that's right. His son does that, too. I think his son's going to take over his stuff or like his company soon. He has a couple of sons, but his one son, he still lives. I don't know. Like they're from

somewhere in the midwest right and he's like a farmer and he basically he goes to other countries and this country and teaches people how to make a renewable source from farming and helps them out and subsidizes and it's like yeah you're actually doing the real work of helping people but you're also a millionaire so you're putting your funds towards something good versus being like, hey, gays shouldn't marry. No condoms in Africa. Excuse me, poor person. You just step over them. And send me money so I can build this church.

And keep that money coming. Yeah. But just the fact that Warren Buffett has got like billions and billions of dollars, and he drives like a Camry. Like he drives, whatever he drives, it's like a simple car. And he gives away tons of money too. And so does Bill Gates. And like I love that. And yet those people don't get as much respect.

They're like, hey, the Pope. It's like, well, let's go to the section of the Bible where it says there should be a Pope. Oh, yeah, there isn't one. So what's happening here? What is happening? Don't think about it, Josh. Just don't think about it. Right.

And I think that's one of the things that bothers me about religion the most. They're like, no, no, no. This is exactly how it was. We've already figured it out. Don't think. We've got the answer. It's right here in this book. Right, right.

Whereas they disregard all of these passages in the Old Testament or wherever. Right, right. I don't want to think about that part. Yeah. Leviticus and those types of things and slavery is okay. Yeah. Yeah. There's some weird stuff in there.

Like you could murder your wife if she touches you if you're in a fight or something. Well, I don't have a problem with that. Yeah. Sorry. I agree with some of it. I misspoke. I make mistakes sometimes. And that was one of them.

That was one of them. That was one of them. So what is it like with your parents if they're still walking the divine path? Yeah, so there was a time where I kind of thought that I would be open to discussing it with them. So my dad is very super fundamentalist Christian, but only for the specific, like every other Christian or most other Christians, just the very specific parts of the Bible. So he's very anti-homosexual, very anti-homosexual. I guess I shouldn't... I know, they're not going to listen to it.

Hopefully no one listens to this who knows him, because I feel like'm like talking shit about my dad, which I'm not trying to. I'm just. No, I don't think. I mean, that's what he believes. Yes, it is what he believes. It is what he believes. It is. Yes.

Yeah. And so there are times and he's very opinionated. So he'll just let you know. And so there are opportunities for me to have conversations where it might delve into like, have you thought about what you're believing? And there was a time when I had this conversation with my parents, it was sort of a long,

generally not long after I had really sort of converted all the way. And the conversation started to go down this path where I was sort of causing, opening the door, I think. Like, I think they were honestly, so the way the conversation went was like, my dad would be like, well, but what about all these people who believe it? Like, you know, Billy Graham fills stadiums worth of, you know, with people, fills stadiums with people. And I was like, well, I mean, look at World War II, look at Hitler.

Like, just because there's tons of people doesn't mean that. That's like Hitler sold out, I don't know, the Lachschen Stadium in Germany. And it was crazy. It was amazing. The guy's got to be on to something. He's selling out theaters, John. Right. And he was like, well, you know, that's a good point.

And I was like, I mean, there's all these contradictions in the Bible. And he was like, well, maybe you could show me some of these contradictions sometime. And I was like, I mean, there's all these contradictions in the Bible. And he was like, well, well, maybe you could show me some of these contradictions sometimes. So it was like, well, he was kind of open to it. And so I was in a really weird position because my parents get a lot of, um,

they spend a lot of time with the church. They have a lot of friends in the church. It's a big part of their life. Sure. Yeah. So part of me was like, well, I should fuck this up.

Like, ah, guess who's right. Your life is a a lie i'm out of here i'm out yeah yeah but then i think the bigger part of me was like i don't want to ruin especially because they're in their 60s you know they're getting older they're getting yeah people are gonna start dying before too long it's just i think it's i yeah it's a tough thing because you're like, well, I don't know. You don't want to be like, well, did I waste time? Have them think, did I waste time on this? I don't think some people will be as – I mean, I don't know your parents, but it's got to be a hard thing to react to if you're dead set and like,

this is correct. I mean, it could be earth-shattering or it could be like, oh, yeah, that's right, kind of like how you did. Like, oh, I'm just going to move on with my life. Yeah. Hey, so that's tough. Yeah. I didn't push it.

I was just like, oh, no. Yeah. Maybe you could show me. Nope. I have to go for an unrelated reason. Never talk about this again. So they don't know? No, they know.

I mean, the way we got into the conversation was because they were kind of asking me, like, so you're not going to church anymore? What's up with that? What's up with that? Something like that. So we don't really talk about it anymore, which is okay with me. And my mom is probably disappointed that I'm not doing it, and she's probably concerned. Maybe later in life I'll come back to her. I've heard good things about the Unitarian Church.

I'm open, yeah. And that it kind of has that feeling. I never really went to church as a kid. I didn't have religious parents at all, really. So my mom and dad got divorced. I was pretty young. I don't know, maybe like five or six, somewhere in there. And then my stepdad came along, and he grew up Jewish.

And as most adult Jewish people, he's an atheist now, as that goes. And so the only time that I would really go to church would be if I stayed at a friend's house on, like, Saturday night. And they're like, well, we're going to church in the morning. I'm like, great, I'll go. And I was just like, you know, you don't know the hymns and you're just faking it like water bellowing you're just like i am one of the worst people like i'm definitely going to hell after this one so did you want to go to church no it was like i wanted to hang out with my friend and then like well he's like but i gotta go to church tomorrow like i don't let's

watch saturday night live and forget about it cut to the next morning i have a t-shirt on and everybody's dressed really nice you're the bad influence well my friend wasn't really into it either it was just like his parents were like oh we're gonna go i think it was more out of guilt that they wanted to go to church and stuff too so um so yeah i wasn't't very religious guy either, but, um, never was like,

eh, I could go just one way or another. It just wasn't part of my life. And then kind of the same thing, kind of doing research into it and being like, well, did God say that? And kind of what we were talking about earlier,

like, you know, what Jesus purportedly said. And, you know, you have this, uh, I don't know. You always point to Jesus or like religious said. And, you know, you have this, uh, I don't know.

You always point to Jesus or like religious people. It's like, but are you really doing what Jesus was saying? Like Jesus was hanging out with poor people and, uh, prostitutes. And those are the people you guys look down on. So what's happening here?

Yeah. Uh, there's a passage where Jesus says like, um, you know, if you really want to follow me, go and sell all your possessions. And it's like, huh, I don't see a lot of people doing stuff like that.

In fact, I don't see any people doing that, especially the most wealthy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And, yeah. So what do you believe? What do you believe now, John? You know, I don't, I feel like I'm like everybody else.

And it's like i'm spiritual okay yeah so i'm kind of that way i think there's more going on than meets the eye i'm more of a i don't know i i um have you ever done mushrooms before no oh i think we've talked about this before a little bit but you definitely feel like a connection to like nature and things and you kind of get this heightened sense and i i mean, it sounds hippy dippy. That's kind of where I'm at, though. I'm definitely of the mind that everything's kind of connected. Like I'm into energies and vibes.

And I think people I think that's more what I'm into. And like, I really bothers me when people are like, well, without a religion, what's to stop us from doing whatever we want? It's like, no, that's not how it works. Let's fuck the animals. Josh, I think you just want to fuck animals and kill people. Stop us from doing whatever we want. It's like, no, that's not how it works. Let's fuck the animals. Josh? I think you just want to fuck animals and kill people. Doing good feels good. You want to do good because that's how you like to be treated,

not because there's a guy in the sky who's watching every move you do. I don't think that should be your motivation either. That's like, I'm just acting good now because I want to get into heaven later. Later. Suckers. Otherwise, I'd be killing hobos all the time you know what i mean like no you shouldn't be doing that yeah so yeah i'm so i'm more into that i'm more like a vibe kind of guy and i don't know if that's like ardent atheists would agree with that you know i don't know probably. I don't know. Probably not. I don't know what happens after we die. I like the idea of spiritual craziness. It's sort of hypocritical of me because I like to believe things

that are just really far out, having no proof, which is kind of why I left Christianity. So I can admit that maybe this is all bullshit, but I like the idea of believing it. But there's this one train of thought where it's like we came into the world because there's some other dimension or some other realm. Is this Scientology, John? Well, hear me out.

Hear me out. So Xanadu dropped all these hydrogen bombs. General Xanadu. Yeah. That's not the general. Is it Xenu? Damn bombs. General Xanadu. Yeah. I don't know. That's not the word. It's Xenu. Is it Xenu?

Damn it. It's Xenu. Xanadu, who is that from? I think that's a movie or a song. I don't know. I think it might be an elephant. I'm not sure. My first son, Xanadu.

Inspired by God. Joshua Kudura. My son, Xanadu. Inspired by God. By Joshua Kudurna. My son's Xanadu. Inspired by God. Josh Kudurna is more than boners and dog shit. He also has a son. Anyway, go ahead. So I like the idea that there's some other dimension where there's all these life forms, like life energies.

And we were somehow given this purpose. There's something that we're supposed to given this purpose there's like something that we're supposed to learn and it's determined that we're going to come into the earth realm or whatever and take a body and we're going to have spiritual guides so there's going to be other energies there that are going to um help sort of guide our course yeah i'm uh i i i see what you're saying i kind of have that too I think I wish Mike Moran was here Because he's like The total opposite

Of all this stuff He'd be like This is bullshit Yeah exactly Whenever I try to speak to him About that stuff I'm more into That Sixth Sense movie

Do you like Sixth Sense? I love Haley Joel Osment Anything Haley Joel Osment has done I mean like Just kind of like That inner voice Where it's like No no, no, go left instead of right or something like trusting your instincts.

And I think that's one reason that I kind of really like improv. And I don't know if that's like a, I don't know if it's a spiritual thing or just kind of like, it's like another muscle you can develop. You know what I mean? With like improv, you kind of turn your brain off and it is all kind of like instincts, you know what I mean? And then like gelling with people in that group mind. i don't know so i'm kind of there i'm not so much that there's like maybe a realm of other beings that are like no there is josh i know it i'll

tell you all about it yeah here we go i prayed for good weather yesterday and the realm made it happen so good big ups to the Realm. Thanks, Realm. Haven't let me down since. That'll be my book. Thanks, Realm, by Jonathan Ulrich. Big thumbs up. To the sky. You did it, Realm. Yeah, so I like to believe stuff like that,

acknowledging that it could be total bullshit. But it's fun to believe. Like, I like psychic stuff. I like ghost stuff. It's all interesting and maybe not real. So you like exploring the ideas. Even if it is BS. Even if it is BS.

It's interesting. And it's always interesting to talk about. Yeah. I have a couple ghost stories. Oh. Do you? I've talked about them on this podcast before. I haven't.

So if you don't want to go into it... You don't have any? I don't have ghost stories myself. I have ghost stories that other people have told me but none that have happened to me so i'll tell you this one i don't think anybody's listening at this point anyway who cares let's just go into it keep going let's just go into it let's do it um i was i think it was i don't know maybe like 15 i don't think i could drive maybe 14 or 15. And my cousin was going to school in Frostburg in Western Maryland. And, uh, she was saying like that her building was haunted. I mean,

maybe this had some influence there, but I don't think so. But she, uh, she was telling me that weird stuff, weird stuff has happened before, like, uh, in her apartment. She was in, she was moved. Okay. That's what my aunt and I went up there to visit my cousin. And I, she was in, she was, okay, that's what, my aunt and I went up there to visit my cousin. And I think she was like 18, maybe 19. We used to hang out all the time. She went to school. And then it was like, oh, Sophie's going to be moving. Why don't we go up and help her?

And I was like, okay, cool. So she was moving from one apartment to another apartment in the same building. And the apartment was set up sort of like a long hallway. You walk in and then to your right and to your left is just a long hallway. So you go down the hallway, there's the kitchen, go to the left, there's another room and all along the hallway, there's different rooms. There's a bathroom. And so there are boxes everywhere and we're helping move. And at the end of the day or at some point, I walked in the, I think like the living room area and I was sitting on a couch looking at a book and it was just me and Sophie and she was in the bathroom and in the hallway there was a crate of stuff that she was moving. Like those old like plastic, like milk

crate kind of things. Remember those like DJs would put records in there, those types of things. It had, had a bunch of books in it and I was in the living room and this, this crate was by the bathroom, which is like 20 feet away from where I was in the hallway. And, uh, I was talking to Sophie. I was like, all right, well, I'm going to read this. She's like, okay, I'll be in the bathroom. I'm sitting down reading all of a sudden it's like, boom. And I look over and this crate is just in front of the doorway in the room that I'm

in. And I'm like, Sophie. And cause I thought maybe she had, she was done and just threw it. She's like, yeah, I'm still in the bathroom. I'm like, OK. So it slid? It didn't slide. Like something, I mean, to me, something picked it up

and just dropped it right in front of the door. It was like, boom. How far would you say it had moved? Like 20 feet. Wow. So you could have looked up door. It was like, boom. How far would you say it had moved? Like 20 feet. Wow. So you could have looked up and seen a floating crate. It was, well, I guess it was behind me. My back was to the doorway and there was like, boom.

And it was like, ah, because at first you don't want to be like, that was a ghost. You're like, Sophie obviously moved it. She's out of the bathroom at this point. And then I called out to her still in the bathroom and I asked her, but I was like, I didn't move anything. It's like, okay. And she had told me before that in her old apartment in the same building, several floors up, weird stuff would happen. Like a wine glass fell off the counter in the kitchen, fell on the kitchen floor, didn't break, rolled under the table, stopped, and then shattered. What?

Just weird stuff like that. I know it sounds nuts to say this, but it definitely happened. Maybe there's an explanation. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. And I've done things like go to haunted places. We went to a, I think it was a middle school.

It might have been a high school in Annapolis. Was it like that sanitarium place no it wasn't that this was like a high school that supposedly um it was when desegregation happened and the school was desegregated and black kids started going there and then all these fights broke out like even kids were like murdered and stuff and like when you go to this school they're like hey let's check it out like immediately i was like is it still a school no it's all when you walk in it looks like every single horror movie ever like it's like burnt out there's spray paint ever abandoned yes and there's like old lockers with uh that are like rusted out there's spray paint and garbage everywhere if you go upstairs there's just it's like hollowed out

rooms basically and they're like hey let's keep going it's like i don't want to keep going at all like you walk in one part it's like i am not fucking with this and it's nighttime too so we have flashlights and oh it's so creepy but and two they're just like hey this is where kids were murdered it's like even if let's get the spot even if kids you know if ghosts aren't real but why like why would be like, this is pretty cool. This is where kids were murdered. It's like, I don't want to fuck with that vibe and that energy. Like, no thanks.

Let's get some good karma. Right. Yeah. No thanks. So those have been my experiences with that. The one story that I can think of at this point is when I was traveling in Europe, I met this girl who was from Toronto. And she had spent a lot of time working at like the, what would you call this? Like, you know, a store that's just very like they sell like crystals and tarot cards.

And like maybe you'd call it like a spiritual store. Right, like a hippy dippy place. Kind of, yeah. Smells like patchouli. Ragey, maybe something like that. Right. Incense burning. Yeah.

So she worked at this place. It was like the store in Toronto, like the biggest one. And it was in this old building. So she said that every week they would have a tarot card reader who would come in, who was also, I guess, kind of psychic or whatever. Yeah. So the way it was a two-story place. It was an old building. In the basement, they had this inventory room,

and you had to walk by this room to get to the bathroom. So they were doing some remodeling or something, and they were rearranging things in this inventory room, and there was this old chimney in this room. And so they had pushed some boxes into this chimney so around this time she said that uh she had started to feel sick like a lot of people were just feeling sick and it wasn't i guess they didn't really think anything of it they didn't know what what was happening i don't know if they attributed it to like a

spiritual thing or not but they just knew they didn't feel well yeah so this tarot card reader at one point had to go to the bathroom this one day, and when he comes back up, he's like, do you guys know that you have a spirit in your inventory room? And it is not happy. I'm picturing

this spirit that's locked in. It's like, guys, let me out. Cut the shit, guys. Very funny. Very funny, hippie story. Let me out cut the shit guys very funny very funny hippie story let me stop playing um y'all don't do the spirit like that he's like uh yeah this thing um it has it sort of feels like uh has some type of ownership over this chimney and it doesn't like that you pushed boxes into the chimney so take the boxes out of the chimney and so they did and then they all started feeling better it's like there was some kind of like instant change yeah this made

me think of uh another story a friend of mine now i can't speak to the validity of this but he um he swears by he's a he's a really honest guy so he uh he's probably not bullshitting with he's not bullshitting yeah that's that's what i'm trying to establish here so he was staying at a at a row home in dc and just weird stuff would happen all the time like um i don't know like doors would open and close and things like that just throughout the house and uh and i remember what was he telling me oh okay yeah that's what it was uh somebody had turned the tub on the tub was just like overflowing and his roommate was like i didn't do it and you know it's a weird thing to lie about and he's like all right and just like weird stuff would

happen throughout the house stuff would move the tub was on and then one time he my it's my buddy mike not mike moran different mike he was sleeping and he woke up and there was a man in the room like an old man and he said he just froze with fear didn't scream didn't do any like basically just paralyzed with fear and like he walked towards the bed and he was like freaking out and he's looking at this guy and he had like like a weird, like a unique kind of hat. It was sort of, I don't know, like a, maybe like a colonial. Like an Amish hat or something. Something like that.

And I think it might even have like a buckle or something like that. But it was definitely a unique hat, and he had like gray hair. And as he got closer, I think Mike like closed his eyes for a second, and then he was gone. And he's like, what the fuck? Wow. And the. How do you go back to sleep after something that happens right and the realtor um i think the realtor of the house was the um her parents had the house and either way it was her family's house and uh mike was telling her this story like oh you're, you're not going to believe it, blah, blah, blah.

And she goes, well, what was the hat like? And he described it. She's like, that's my grandpa's hat. What? Huh. It's interesting. Yeah. And holy fuck.

And then he moved out of there pretty quick. Yeah. It's like, I guess that'll do it. Ghost stalking you? Yeah. Yeah, but what I don't understand is that some people are totally okay with it. They're just like, oh, a ghost? Oh, yeah, I've seen a ghost.

I've seen a ghost. Whatever. What's it going to do to me? You know, it's like, oh, no. Well, that's what he said. He was terrified. Sure. And I don't know.

Yeah. I just didn't see it. But the fact that, like, this girl couldn't have known about her. Maybe she was just fucking with him. I don't know. But she was completely sincere. Yeah. It was like, oh, that's my grandpa. That's why why and i wonder what mike moran would say to this that's why it's all shit yeah well i just feel like there's so many stories and so many people who are just absolutely convinced and i mean again you could say well there's been

other people who've been convinced of things that weren't true yeah absolutely but it just seems like it's gotta be real i can only speak from my experience. I don't know. Maybe there's something that I missed there, too. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But that box moved pretty far in that apartment.

Do you think there's any possibility? Well, I mean, you heard a clatter, so clearly it. No, the box moved. It wasn't in the doorway when I went into the room. And then I look back after hearing the huge noise in the boxes there. Needless to say i did not sleep at all if i'm mike moran though and and i believe you but if i'm mike moran what do you say i i would say it's very common occurrence for people to generate a memory and this happened

so long ago that maybe you've remembered it this way so many times is there the pot i mean there is the possibility that somehow maybe this crate was, like, bounced on something else and it just fell off. But the weird thing... It's possible, but it fell, like, right side up. You know what I mean? Like, it would have just been picked up and then dropped.

So it didn't, like, fall over. It wasn't akimbo. Stuff didn't spill out. It was just dropped. Yeah, I don't know. I've definitely heard enough stories. And even those ghost things on TV, like, I don't think that that's the producers making shit up. I mean, maybe it is in some instances.

I do. I don't like that stuff. It's like, spirit of Anthony, show yourself. Say hello. Talk to us. Right. We're going to give you 30 seconds, and then we're out of here, so you better show yourself. Like, I don't think that's how it works.

I haven't seen that many of them, but when I've seen them, I guess because in a lot of them that I've seen, nothing happens. So it's like, well, they're probably not fucking around. Right, right. But, oh, I was going to tell you. Do you want an alien story? Ooh. Because, you know, we're kind of the same wavelength. We're out of time.

Sorry. Are we out of time? No, go ahead. Go ahead. So my uncle and cousins and aunt live up in this, or used to grew up on this dairy farm in upstate New York. Real close to camp. Middle of nowhere. So when I was in like seventh grade, my cousin tells me this story.

And he tells me about how he's driving home. Remember, middle of nowhere, just farmland. He tells me he's driving a friend home. And as they're driving they see something in the distance and it's these lights. It's some kind of a craft that has these lights and it's really far away. So it

they're driving, they don't know what it is all of a sudden it like shoots up to very close to them. And it's like on the other side of these trees. There are these trees that are on the side of the road and it's like on the other side. And he describes it these trees that are on the side of the road it's like on the other side and he and he describes it as it you know just you can just tell there's tons of lights that are coming down that are aimed down right so somehow he drops his friend off and they're both freaking out and he keeps going and this thing comes out from sort of

being like unclear and comes directly over his car and it's like it's it's just hovering over his car as he's driving so he pulls into a house driveway and he's he described it as he's trying to look up through the windshield and he's ready to blare the horn to wake up whoever is at this house just to get their attention like in case this thing starts like sucking him up into the vessel or whatever yeah he described it as a big cross like it looked like a like a 3d cross like laying down gotcha all these lights right so this guy's a jokester like he's a funny guy and i'm in seventh grade and um i hear this story and i'm like whoa whoa and oh and the end of the story was that he drives home it's like two in the morning he wakes

up his entire family and he's crying because he's so freaked out. Right. So, okay. So he tells me this story when I'm in like seventh grade and, and years pass. And I think back to the story and I'm like, you know, that was a crazy story, but this guy's a jokester and it's probably, he was probably messing with me, which is something he would do. Sure. So several years afterwards, I'm at a Thanksgiving and I see him and his family's there. And I'm like, do you remember that story you told me about that alien thing like that was bullshit right you got me

right and he's like he's like no that actually happened and like his whole family was there they were like yeah he came home and he was crying like they woke he woke them all up so well did he honk the horn when he pulled in that random no because oh okay so eventually it just like flew away it like it was it was over top of him and then it just sort of turned and like flew away and he said it moved really fast and it made no sound like it was silent so um yeah so i you know who knows maybe he was high on mushrooms he doesn't seem like the type who would do drugs i don't know yeah um yeah but he was absolutely convinced and it wasn't like a blip you know it was like a it's i don't know what the time period was but it was hovering over his

car so yeah i'm yeah i'm definitely open to all that stuff i mean the and how big the universe is and what's happening there has to be other life forms of some sort i mean it could also be some kind of government thing yeah exactly like roswell there's a bunch of like secret experiments and really you know crazy planes that we don't know about but who knows yeah i'm it's yeah i'm the same way i'm skeptical of a lot of stuff but i'm also open to a lot of stuff too like when i hear that i'm like yep i knew it i knew it but at the same time you know somebody's like and there are angels, I'm like, yep, I knew it. I knew it. But at the same time, if somebody's like, and there are angels, and I'm like, yeah, bullshit. Really?

You don't do the angels thing? No. I guess that's kind of what you're talking about, though. With the spiritual guys? That's kind of what it is, right? I think so. So you think there's somebody assigned to you? Are they watching you beat off?

Or do they take a break? They probably watch. Yeah, they probably watch. Except I don't do that. That's the only flaw in my logic. You don't mess up. That's how I know my theory is true. They would, Josh, but I don't.

Slam the mic. Game, set, and match. Slam the mic down. What was I going to say? Oh, man. I had. Slam the mic down. What was I going to say? Oh, man. Oh, yeah. No, I had a conversation with a psychic once. I did that, too.

But I don't know. It was at a time in my life when, like, I was starting to question a lot of stuff, too. And, like, I was going through a breakup and just kind of depressed. And, like, I had always been open to, like, the, that like extra stuff that's going on you know so there was uh there's a woman in annapolis who did tarot cards and i did that and i think i don't know i just didn't i wasn't i did it twice and the first time i think same woman yeah and i was just kind of like blown away a little bit but i think i was giving her too much credit like i wish i could watch it on film or have like a uh outside like objective

view yeah because you want to believe i was that person so like i think i was probably giving her information uh-huh you know and then and then you kind of want to it's like exactly i want this to be real good but but they say so much general stuff they're just like john you're a little hard on yourself and who's gonna be you're right yeah it's like it's like you're a good person and you do really well but there's something you're holding back it's like what you're so yeah you're a little hard on yourself and who's gonna be you're right yeah it's like it's like you're a good person and you do really well but there's something you're holding back it's like you're so right you're so right and you know what you do you're really good at some things in life but you have struggles with other things I do I do and it's like it's like I can tell that you're that you're talented maybe you should foster those talents somewhere it's like stuff that you want

yeah exactly exactly so you're like yeah I used to draw and then she's like exactly yeah you know and you're like oh like yeah so so okay go ahead we're gonna finish that thought no yeah basically i was just gonna say i did it but i don't you're not convinced she didn't give me any earth shattering stuff either that it's like you know like your real your mom's your mom's name is you know without me saying something like so bertha kaderna bertha kaderna i love it married into the wrong family um so i but savage married kaderna i want but savage to come at the end i just feel like that's the perfect exclamation point sure um so i have had two psychic conversations one was uh actually pretty recently. But the more notable, and I've recorded both of them.

So I can go back and listen and have. And what I can say is that, you know, for probably the most of it, you can't say, oh, yeah, this means anything. Because I was helping. But I will say that for one of the discussions, the way this woman operated, and actually she's kind of where I learned about this belief or this theory that there could be spiritual guides that are helping you. I wish that I was there when Mike Moran is listening to this because he's going to be like, oh my god, this is so much bullshit. He's just punching holes in walls. And he's punching himself in the face every time. Spiritual guides are real like yeah um so

anyway so she would say okay whatever your questions are um write all of them down right write your most important question down give them to me and then email them to me in advance along with your social security number i'll blow your fucking mind your name is uh so she said, okay, this is how I operate. Yeah. I basically open this channel with your spiritual guides and what they call your higher self, which I guess it's like your spiritual energy on the other side of this dimension or whatever. Man, anyone who's listening to this podcast is going to be like, what does John believe? I just want to reinforce, it's a maybe.

I'm not saying this is interesting to me. I love that you're like, hey, Christians in the Bible, let's get it together, all right? Let's quit fibbing. You guys are idiots. But anyway. Anyway. Alien. My higher self has been speaking to me.

My spiritual buddies. Yeah. So she's like, so I channel in with your spiritual gods, your higher self or whatever, and I send your way whatever it is that you need to hear. I have a quick question. I don't want to kill the momentum here, but it's kind of like you've told her what you believe. Like how does she – No, no, no. Well, at this point, you have told her nothing.

So she doesn't know about your spiritual uh did you have this belief before or after you met with this woman that there's kind of like a spiritual realm i know this is just tangent to your tangent but i can't even say this is what i fully believe i want to believe this i like the idea you're flirting with that idea i think it's an interesting novel idea that i like the idea like the same thing like i like the idea that ghosts are real i think it's interesting i can't conclusively say it's true. Sure. But it's like it's very different than when I was a Christian and was like, this is my belief.

Right. This is totally real. This is a maybe thing. But anyway, go ahead. What was your question? Did you have this idea of your spiritual realm before? No, I learned it from because she had this blog. Blogs are changing your life.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. At the time. At that time. This was sort of all around the same time. It was this like hardcore personal development phase I was in. Oh, no. I need to –

Is that a phone call? That is a phone. Is that a phone call? This is so awkward. Do you want to edit this out or should I just keep going? I need to talk to this person like soon. So we're going to have to wrap this up in like five minutes. That's fine.

We'll wrap it up after this story. Can you do it in five? I can. We'll have you back when Mike's here. That would be nice. We'll dive. Right. And you can just go to town on me.

So I didn't have the spirit. I learned about this idea from her blog. Yeah. I can't say that like I absolutely believed it or not, but she makes it very clear what she believes. But her saying that rings true with you. Like that sounds like it could make sense. Yeah, man. That makes me sound like a crazy person.

But yeah, I'm like, yeah, maybe. I don't know. Well, it's good to talk. Why not? Like anything could be true, right? I don't know. You know, who knows? I concur. This could all be a dream. We could all be good to talk it out. Why not? Like, anything could be true, right? I don't know. You know, who knows? I concur.

This could all be a dream. We could all be in the Matrix right now. We are. Spoiler alert. Woo-woo. Go ahead. So what's this broad, this nutty, psychic broad? Oh, what did she tell you?

See, that was people that didn't want the truth. That's right. They gave me this faulty mic cord. It's my spiritual guy. I feel like I'm, like, betraying my spiritual guy. I feel like I'm like portraying my spiritual guys because I'm like, oh, maybe they're real, maybe not.

They're just like, fuck, John, we've done so much for you, man. This is how you play with us, bro? Really? Okay. God. Guess what happens tomorrow?

You're wrecking your car, bro. Sorry. That's how it's going to go. Anyway. Okay. So I wrote down my questions. Yeah. And my biggest question was, should I be some kind of a public speaker, motivational speaker?

Because at that time, I was really into the idea of being some kind of a speaker. Okay. So the way this broad works, she says, don't say anything. Like, you pick up the phone, you say hello. I'm going to, like, get in touch with you guys, and I'm just going to start talking. Oh, it's over the phone. You pick up the phone. You say hello. I'm going to get in touch with your spiritual guides, and I'm just going to start talking. Oh, it's over the phone. It's over the phone, yeah. Oh, okay.

And then I'm just going to go until I stop. Sure. Right? Yeah. So the slightly consolidated version of this story is that she starts talking, and have you ever heard of chakras? Mm-hmm. Okay, so there's different colors, and they're supposed to mean different things. Who knows, maybe total bullshit, I don't know.

If your chakra's not open, you're supposed to you're not living like the most healthy life. You're like stifled somehow. You're hiding something. Something's wrong, I guess. You're not open to the universe. So I've never really been all that much into them, but she's into them.

So she's like, okay So she's like, okay, she's like, your communication chakra, which is like the one in your throat, the blue one for those listening at home. Like the Power Rangers. Just like the Power Rangers. Your triceratops chakra. Zordon is closed off.

Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. What was that thing's name? That was Alpha. And it's awesome that I remember that. You were very quick on that. We're in a time crunch, but, aye, aye. What was that thing's name? That was Alpha. Man, it's awesome that I remember that. You were very quick on that. We're in a time crunch, but we'll get back. We'll come back to the rangers. Sure. Next time.

So she's like, your communication chakra is bigger than all your other chakras combined. She's like, when I see this in someone, it generally means that they are a singer, they're an actor, they're a salesman, but there's something where they're using their communication. Got it. And she eventually goes down this path where she's basically saying, you should be some kind of a speaker. Now, I can't say that she just came to that on her own because as soon as she started saying that,

I was like, yeah, that makes sense. And so I helped her. And so that's where it's like, oh, fuck, I wish I hadn't have said that. And you told her before. It'd be interesting. I would like to try to do this. Wait, what do you mean I helped her. And so that's where it's like, oh, fuck. I wish I hadn't have said that. And you told her before. It'd be interesting. I would like to try to do this. Wait, what do you mean I told her before?

That you wanted to be a public. No, I didn't tell her before. I thought that was one of your questions. It was. I wrote down these questions. She says, write down your questions. She doesn't say say them. She says, for your own edification, write down the questions.

I thought you sent her the ones before. No, I didn't send her these questions. So she knew nothing about me. She just started talking. Interesting. And the first thing she said was, and I have this on recording, so I can play this recording for you at some point. But she basically said that I should be a public speaker. Wow.

But before, and I kind of helped her to that. But the chakra thing, I didn't say. Now, so my first thought is, maybe she says this to everyone who calls her. Sure. And she says that their communication chakra is the biggest one. It's nice to hear that. But if you read her testimonials page, because of course she's got a website. Her testimonials pages are all over the board.

I mean, if she was telling everyone that they have a huge... Yeah, but she could have also written it, all those, herself. That's true, but wouldn't you think that... Well, I don't know. I guess she could have. Does that shoot a hole in my... I mean, it would make sense, though. I mean, I would think, though, that she would want to cater to people she's going to tell have a huge communication chakra.

I'm thinking that she would just be like... Yeah, I mean, you could write whatever you want. You could. Like, whatever, you know, like, this changed my life. And how did she know this? And blah, blah, blah. Like, nobody ever lies on the internet. And I know that sounds weird to say that. Have you read Wikipedia?

I haven't. I mean, it's all good. It's good stuff. I've heard good things. Go ahead. I don't know if we're on the same wavelength with this logic, but what I'm thinking is, if she's going to tell everyone that they have a huge communication

chakra, in her testimonials, she would, to appeal to people who are communicators, they would be very focused. Her testimonials would be very focused on those. I agree, but I'm of the mind that those could not be real as well.

There's a possibility those are fake. And then also if you say the communication thing, it's – and then I'm seeing it's very high. And they're like, oh, yeah. And then if that's a vein that she feels like shouldn't be mine too much, she can go to the next chakra. I feel like – She could have. Right. She was in the waters

right so it's like one of the five is something so and i think maybe they latch on to that and be like hey but you're um i don't know your spiritual one or your sense of self or i don't know what all the chakras are but yeah but where they align so you kind of mention that and then when somebody's like oh really yeah boom you got them so you keep going right but that's my that's my uh my skeptical yeah sure and i that's what i would say to you as well okay i can't really say anything i mean i could play this thing for you at some point i'd like to hear it i'd like to hear but i really don't think that it's yeah conclusive i mean it could be did she hit the other questions um i mean we talked through them but i mean the biggest sort of like what thing was that she thought i was this excellent

communicator which at the time i was like i you know yeah it was pretty good interesting side note not that this means anything here we go um this was really before i was really into improv and before i was really doing it. I had done no stand-up at that point. She's like, you are a really funny person. Really funny. And I was like, okay. That's cool.

But now, look who's right. That's psychic. Incontrovertible proof. What's the word I was looking for? Inconvertible? Convertible. Is it a... No.

In a convertible's proof. In a Corvette convertible proof. Psychic. In... God, what is the word? Incontrovers... Incontrary... What is the word? Incontrovertible? Incontrovertible. I think it's incontrovertible.

It's incontrovertible. I know what you're trying to say. I know what you are trying to say. Inconceivable. I don't know. That's okay. I have an improv show tonight. I'm glad my mind is nice and limber.

I don't know, man. Whatever. Who knows? Man, I hope no one listens to this podcast. Really? I just feel like I'll dug into some deep stuff. I like it, though. That's kind of what I want this podcast to be.

I love joking around and riffing, but I'm into this stuff, too. So I don't ever want it to be a podcast where it's like, oh, yeah, so you're gay. You're stupid. If you try to say something meaningful, you actually believe, yeah, good one, loser. If it's funny, let's joke about whatever. But if it's a serious thing, let's talk about it that way, too. Can we do the Professor Griff segment? No. No. No, we cannot cannot i don't have his number i apologize if anybody's still listening to the show at this point um i'm

sorry that mom and dad got in a fight on that last episode we're working it out that's that's mike's mike would have been here that's not why he's not here. I don't think that Mike and Josh are speaking. We're doing fine. We're going to podcast couples therapy. And it's going okay. Mark Maron is providing a service. Do you listen to Pete Holmes' podcast? No.

You should. What's it called? It's called You Made It Weird. And he's a comedian. You should probably cut this part out where I talk about another podcast. No other podcast before the one true podcast the digression sessions it happens all the time but i mean that's i work in an office so that's all i listen to is podcasts but um he he's pretty much exactly like you he was a devout christian his whole life and kind of uh started to see the

cracks in it was asking questions. And I think the big thing for him was he went on a, he went to Israel and then he started thinking about like the Jewish faith and how his faith basically, basically said, if you're not saved or believe, you know what they believe you're going to hell. It's like, well, why are all these people going to hell if they're good people or just cause they have something different. So, and he kinda, he does the same thing that we do that. He's like, you know, he,

I don't think he's an atheist, but he also says the same stuff. Like he loves to entertain like the goofy hippie ideas or the idea that when you're dead, you're dead, but it's fun to explore all that stuff without still knowing. So I don't know. He,

he has a lot of parallels I think to your life as well. So you should, you should check it out. Did you say pete holmes pete holmes it's called you made it weird all right and i think all the episodes are up still for free but he goes over it's like comedy love and god basically like the three things that come up that's pretty cool but yeah and what he does too it's like you know we can riff and joke about whatever and and then if something seriously comes up talk about it yeah because i don't think

like we should hide it i mean if that's what you believe let's, talk about it. Yeah. Because I don't think we should hide it. I mean, if that's what you believe, let's fucking talk about it. I think it's interesting for people to listen to. I think, yeah. Because, I mean, a lot of people must feel the same way, you know? Yeah. I mean, not exactly like you. What you believe is nuts. Yeah, I know.

It's kind of nuts. But. I feel really supported. But, yeah, come back on the podcast. I would like to. I feel like there's a lot more we could talk about. Absolutely. You're a good guy. Oh, like to. I feel like there's a lot more we could talk about. Absolutely. You're a good guy.

Oh, stop it. I like you, John. I'm glad that we are doing improv together. I am glad that we are doing improv together. And that we're naked right now. And we're just... We're just spooning. We're cradling each other.

God bless these long mic cords that made it all the way to the bedroom. This is why I'm not a Christian anymore. For this. That should be a commercial, I think. And this is why. And this is why. That's also Christian anymore for this. That should be a commercial, I think. And this is why. That's also the name of my second book. It'll just be a picture of you and me spooning. In the nude.

It'll just be our upper half. Sure, you can assume. I'm picturing that John Lennon and Yoko Ono famous picture where Yoko's naked and then John's like cradling her. I haven't seen it, but I can show it to you. I'd like to. Because it's going to be us very soon.

Side note, did you see that Yoko Ono song? She did the cover of Katy Perry. No. It's worth watching the first 30 seconds to get the gist of what it is. But I'm not going to spoil it for you. Just go ahead and... Yoko Ono Rainbows. Check it out on the YouTube.

You're going to really be confused by it. I'll check it out. Well, John, thank you for doing the podcast on a time crunch. I appreciate it, buddy. It's been fun. Is there any websites people should go to? Do you want people to friend you on Facebook? I do have a website. It's called Facebook.com.

Spelled just as it sounds. I am on Twitter as J-O-N underscore U-L-R-I-C-H. That is my Twitter handle. I have never tweeted. I was about to say. If you'd like to follow me, go ahead and do that. You want to be there when the first tweet drops. It's going to be monumental.

You don't want to be those people that heard about it afterwards. You want to see it in your feed. That's right there. Okay. If you follow me and send me a message, maybe I will make a tweet. Maybe. So maybe, you know. All right, buddy.

We're out there. Well, thanks for joining me. It's been fun until the next time, sir. I love you. I love you too. Okay. All right. Bye.

Bye. Somewhere. Good. Alright. Bye. Bye. Somewhere else. Good. you