The Digression Sessions - Ep. 67 - Thomas And The Bible! (Mostly Thomas!)

Episode Date: March 18, 2013

- Tiny Bag of Spaghetti - Hola Digheads! This week, we are joined by the fellow podcaster and funny man – Thomas of "Thomas And The Bible" and "F This Podcast!"  Two episodes in a row we are joined by a funny Thomas.  On "Thomas And The Bible," Thomas goes through the entire bible, seeking to learn it while also poking fun at its absurdities. Whether you are an atheist like Thomas who wants to learn what he’s up against, or even if you are religious and want to set this foolish atheist straight, you are invited to listen and join him in this journey.   On this ep we discuss tons of stuff like: Podcasting for free,  rants about movies, BIG PUSSY RIFF, staying in a small town because you have a good paying job, improv in small towns, how goofy the bible is, is it possible to like a job?, Christian Mingle advertisements of girls with large breasts, Mike has a spaghetti sack in his nutsack as well, stadium seating balls, Arabian Goggles, clichés in movies, PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts! "Like" Thomas and the Bible and F This Podcast on Facebook! Follow us on Twitter! @DigSeshPod @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10   WANT TO LOOK FLY AS HELL IN A FREE DIGRESSION SESSIONS SHIRT? EMAIL JOSH – [e-mail]

Oh yeah! Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast everybody! Hey there! How the hell are you in podcast land? I am one half of your favorite pair of earbuds, Josh Kadernas. And I'm the other half of your favorite pair of earbuds, Mike Moran. There he is. Nice dramatic pause, buddy. Thanks, I've been working on that.

That sounded really good. It's what you don't say that counts. Yes, yes, yes. Silence speaks volumes, huh? Mm-hmm. Our guest on this week's program is Thomas of Thomas in the Bible fame and F This Podcast. One of my favorite podcasters out there. I've been listening to him for years.

Yeah. Very happy to have him on the program. He's been in the podcast game for a bit, and we were happy to have him on the show. You told me about his show, and it's very funny, and he is very funny on this show. He Skyped in from a remote location, so there is some cross-talk and that type of thing, and I tried my best to delete most of that. Thomas is a professional, and he sent

over his audio portion because he recorded his himself. So I did my best to try to get rid of the Skype-y effects of over-talk and that type of thing. For the first minute, the quality is kind of bad, but it gets better. It gets way better.

It's like those PSAs of It Gets Better. This is ours, but with podcast audio quality. So, enjoy that. And if you like Thomas, and you think he's funny, which you should, and we do, check out Thomas and the Bible

and F This Podcast on iTunes, and they both have Facebook pages, but they're not on the Twitter. Not on the Twitters. Not on the Twitters yet, so that's all right. But you know who is on the Twitter? Segway. Tom from MySpace.

You just made the move. No, you and I are on Twitter, Mike. Yes, we are. Oh, boy. What's your Twitter handle, Mike? My Twitter handle? Well, I'm glad you asked. It's Michael Morantin, capital M's.

I don't think that capitals matter. Really? Yeah. Well, they do in state law. Sorry. Sorry. I forgot about that. You do in geography class.

Yes. And you can find me, Josh Kaderna. Josh, Joshua Kaderna. I'm at BetterRobotJosh on Twitter. And the podcast is at DigSeshPod. You can check out past and future episodes of this podcast on iTunes and DigressionSessions.com. Right? And then check out Mike on northbaltimore.patch.com for your column. I just changed the name of my column.

I know. It was Open Mike. What is it now? It's Baltimorean. Oh, I like that. I really liked Open Mike. It's kind of cheesy. It's on the nose, but it's good.

Right. It works. What do you got to promote, Josh? I will be in New York City with my improv troupe. Gus will be performing for the New York City Improv Festival at the Pitt Theater, the People's Improv Theater. 11 p.m. in New York. If we have any dig heads up there, that would be really cool to see and come on out. And that's about it for right now.

Cool. So, yeah, if you enjoy this podcast, we really appreciate you listening. If you're new to the show, we normally interview comedians, musicians, authors, fellow podcasters, just interesting people. Anyone doing any creativity that we find interesting. Yeah. So we chat with them. So hopefully you like this show. If you do, tell a friend, give us a rating, download some other episodes.

And, yeah, that's about it. All right. Enjoy the program, guys. Thank you so much, Thomas. We love you. let's give thomas and the bible a call i give the bible a call every evening. I pray to it. Hello, Bible? Get me Ezekiel on the horn.

Corinthians, is that you in the background? Can't wait to hear this exciting business offer. Hello. You look like an old-timey. Hello there. how's it going you guys are videoing huh oh yeah oh sorry nothing but the best that's my bitch that's some creepy lighting you got like back lighting so you're all on we're actually in

the 1800s right now or are you guys just like really really african-american well yeah it's like super dark people yeah we're filming from compton right now that's not in south africa i have to attend to my dog hold on and you said our podcast starts slow come on how's it going yeah pretty good it's cool to be talking to you. I've been listening for a while. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Cool, man. I think I discovered you through cognitive dissonance.

Oh, yeah. I just went on them the other day. Yeah, I heard it. It was good. Yeah, it's fun. So F This is on hiatus for a while? Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it does suck. I really like it. Yeah, it's fun i yeah so i i don't know if you guys are are uh interested but like i had a couple things i've been wanting to do this for a

while this is my dream this is like meeting stephen king and him being like if you have any ideas you know if you if you want to uh riff on some stuff with me please wow i'm really flattered i yeah weird yeah no i think you're great man you should totally convert some of your stuff into stand-up comedy oh i totally want to i gotta i'm living a shit town right now though i gotta move and maybe uh you know once i get moved to someplace that actually has stand-up comedy i really want want to do that. That'd be fun Okay, are we are we not gonna be able to see your beautiful face? I don't know if I want to mess with that on my network. I feel like it's already

Sorry, it's questionable enough as it is I think my routers fucked up because I just crashed twice like that like Skype just crashed twice while you're trying to call me or Whatever or something. I guess I could try it. But if the audience... Well, I'm recording my own... Well, if the timing gets messed up, let me know. No, we're good. I want to see this guy's face. Wow.

Mike is a really big fan. What are you wearing right now? I'm glad I'm wearing anything. I'm not big on clothes, but... We actually don't have a podcast at all. It's just a ruse for Mike to get to see you. That'd be funny if one of his videos turned out. Oh, here we go.

Hey, what up, bitches? Hey, that's our catchphrase. Yeah, I know. Try to fit in. Yeah, well, Thomas, thank you for joining us on the podcast. Is the Bible around? Can we speak to the Bible? Are we going now? Are we a go? Yeah, we've Thomas, thank you for joining us on the podcast. Is the Bible around? Can we speak to the Bible? Yeah.

Are we going now? Are we a go? Yeah, yeah. We've been a go. We've been a go. Like you said, we'd like to start this podcast. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's really late.

Gotten heavy from the beginning. Yes, Thomas and the Bible. I have a couple of Bibles here. Thomas and the Bible. Oh, a couple. You know, we have one of the best editors in the business on our payroll right now, by the way. Oh, he's showing us the text. Oh, here we go.

There it is. A leather-bound Bible. The NIV? Yeah, I was just reading my King James, but I got really sick of people bugging me about the translation. So I started reading that just to kind of understand it better. But who cares? It's all the same shit. It doesn't matter.

Either way. Yeah, it's all made up anyway. It's not like I read a better translation and was just instantly awestruck. Yeah, you were talking about it. It completely changed my life. Like, okay, now I'm a Christian. The funny thing is I haven't even gotten to the part that has jesus in it so it'd be funny if i was a christian right yeah i mean it's funny how that would work like how much longer do we

have until jesus dude you don't even it's like we're talking like 2015 maybe this bible is this podcast is going in real time so i expect in 500 or so years uh you know we'll get to the New Testament. It's going to take... How old is the Old Testament, by the way? Well, it ranges from like a million... It ranges from the beginning of the earth 6,000 years ago. Right, right.

So I guess you could say it ranges from the beginning of time and then say that's billions of years. So I guess the Old Testament is, in reality, billions of years old no but it has it has thousands of years over billions of years yeah yeah there's they should have put in that many blank pages just to show like there's like just tons from the big bang until like the first amoeba just miles of just blank pages where it's like it's just dot dot dot like god's just kind of then a rock rolled down a hill yeah and stayed there for 14 000 years yep well um so

thomas uh you started the podcast in what uh 2010 right so you're you're almost three years in sounds right i mean as my official bi, I kind of count on you to know these things. Yeah, yeah. You had an omelet for breakfast. If you say so. Tough decision. Find out next on Negression Sessions. Let's take a break.

Yeah, how long do you think it's... I listened to some of the older episodes and then the most recent ones, and you're on Kings. And I'm not familiar really with the Bible much at all. So I don't know where Kings is in the. No one in the world is familiar with the Bible other than people that listen to Thomas and the Bible. So like how deep are you into the Bible?

Are you guys not hearing me now? Yeah, we can hear you. Oh, I just I just did like a-minute monologue and you didn't hear. No. Yeah, it's getting a little Skype-y. Here, I'm going to mix this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

You can leave the Jewish slurs at home. What? He is at home. Oh, okay. On with the Jewish slurs. What the hell were we talking? Is it working now? Yeah, we're good.

We might have to go without the visual component. Yeah. Go ahead and knock that. Can I turn off yours? I don't want to look at you guys anyway. I feel like it's taking up my network. Why? Why?

I don't know. Don't you want to look at us? Hey. What did you just ask me? Where are you in the Bible? Where is Kings? How deep are you in the Bible of reading it for about three years now, podcasting for about three years? How far are you in?

Kings is on page six. Holy shit. What? No, he's joking, Josh. Oh, okay. Josh thought you were serious. I did. Like I said, I don't know much about this Bible.

Page six. I'm still in the introduction. Are you bitches hearing me or what? I feel like we're not communicating here. We can't hear you at all. Oh, great. Hold on. Thomas, we're going to call you right back, but without the video component.

Gotcha. Hello. Hi, this is Mike Moran and Josh Guderna calling for Thomas. Ahoy, hoy. Who is this? Yeah, he's not in. Yeah, ahoy, hoy. I can't see you now, so I don't know what's going on. I'm really disoriented.

This is crazy. Now, what are we talking about? We were talking about how far into the Bible you are. Like, you're on Kings. Oh, I'm not very far in. I'll be honest. Really? It's a little daunting.

Well, the fucking first of all. So we're never going to hear about Jesus. No, he doesn't exist. The first of all the the old testament is enormously long like and and i love how no one gives a shit about the old testament in reality right all that happens i mean christians anyway like any any you know everyday christians that you might come across like they don't even if you quote the old testament they'll be like what are you talking about except for when they're talking about gay marriage.

No, I mean, I don't think, I think that's sort of a very, well, I guess I can't speak to the numbers, but I don't feel like there are that many people who quote Leviticus on gay marriage or anything. But even if, let's say, Christians who are not necessarily that anti-gay, but are just your everyday Christians, they don't even consider the Old Testament part of their religion. Like, it really, if you mention anything, they're just like, oh, what is that? I don't even, what are you talking about? Isn't, like, Jesus is kind of supposed to be, like, an amendment to the Old Testament, right? In their minds, yeah. But, you know, he himself has said many times that, you times that the whole law applies and that he was a Jew. Jesus believed in the Old Testament, so good enough for Jesus, I'd say good enough for me if I were a Christian.

But I don't know. You should print that on a shirt, if I were a Christian, in parentheses. Yeah, if I were a Christian, I'd kind of believe in what Christ might have believed. That's right. But I do feel like every now and then you'll hear, because there's so few

quotes about homosexuality in the New Testament, when people do quote the Bible, they do go back to the Old Testament for stuff like that. I mean,

they don't go to like the kill the gays section of Leviticus or whatever. But I feel like you have to dig in. To get to the really hateful stuff, you've got to dig into the old. Yeah, to get into the more ridiculous stuff. And honestly, I'm this close to just fucking skipping.

Oh, wait, you're an F word full language podcast, right? Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm this close to just skipping the fucking thing and just going to the New Testament. I was almost thinking I might do it concurrently and start on the New Testament every other episode. You should. You should. That would be awesome. Yeah, I might need to.

You'd be like Tarantino of podcasting. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'll say like chapter five when it's like the first chapter right exactly throw in a little book of mormon uh-huh uh-huh also i like that we can uh besmirch god and say he doesn't exist be like can i cuss am i allowed to yeah good call please don't say the f word we have have a family fan base. Yeah, yeah. God's not real. Everything you're doing in your life is pointless.

We're all going to die. It doesn't mean shit. But please don't say H-E-L-L. Yeah. S-H-I-T. Double hockey sticks. That's how we spell it around here. H-E double hockey sticks.

Thomas, I have a tough question for you up top. How many cubits tall are you? I have no idea. What exactly is a cubit? I'd have to look it up. It's a form of measurement in the Bible? I think it's a little more than a foot, but I could be totally wrong. It could be like 90 miles.

I don't know. Maybe it's a mile. Solomon's house. A kilocubit is three miles. What's a millicubit exactly? It's 45 centimeters. So maybe it's a mile i don't know solomon's house a kilocubic is three miles what's a billy cubit exactly it's 45 centimeters so is that like a mile i have no yeah how long is a fucking centimeter i don't know yeah is that knows how many centimeters in a foot god damn i don't know that that's that's some we threw off uh british tyranny to not worry about shit like that, right?

Yeah, true. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Finally, some truths on this podcast. Okay. It's a foot and a half. There you go.

Boom. Okay. So answer the question. How many cubits tall are you? Well, I'm four cubits then. Okay. Goes in nice and easily. Well, the rumors are true.

Have you ever had any threats from any Christian groups or anything? No. I have not at all, and it's kind of disappointed me. I was looking forward to that. You're really nobody until the Westboro Baptist Church hates you. Yeah. No, I'm not significant enough for anyone to hate me, but I have had

a... Well, I keep worrying that i've repeated myself from shows you've listened to but fuck it your fans probably don't know me so i'm just gonna yeah i might be repeating myself from previous uh you know the show we just uh cognitive dissonance you're repeating yourself from this show already yeah i uh i had one review that was really like i couldn't even understand it on iTunes. It said like I could try to find it. It was honestly I think it was like hatred.

Is it the one that was like if you lived in a Muslim country, you'd be stoned to death or something like that? Yeah, something like that. But it didn't even really say that. Like that would be a coherent way of putting it. But it said try this in a muslim country and watch you get stoned to death so like it could they could have been theoretically saying like yeah those muslims suck because they'll stone you or they could be saying like you know i hate you why don't you go to a muslim country so they'll still yeah i really don't know so you may as well have been just like why don't you go surfing in the shark tank yeah why don't you take a long walk up a short mountain?

I don't know how that works. But yeah, I really don't. That's the only thing. I really haven't gotten any hate email, really. That's disappointing. No, you'll get there. You'll get there. I appreciate your faith in me.

I really do. I do want to get there someday. Don't let it get you down. Yeah, I want to post my first. I'll frame my first hate mail. I'll say you fucking pussy cock ass faggot.

I'll have it framed over my computer. Parents come visit. What's that? Well, I hit it big, mom and dad. Take a look. Guess who the Westboro Baptist Church thinks is a fag? One time Josh and I got damned to hell by a homeless guy. Oh, yeah.

It didn't have anything to do with our podcast. No, not at all. Not at all. I mean, maybe it did. Maybe it was a setup. He could have been a fan. Right. His only possession was an iPod that he was listening to your show on?

Yeah. He's more of a Marc Maron kind of guy, which is fair. That's fair. Yeah. thing to your show on? He's more of a Mark Maron kind of guy, which is fair. That's fair. I wonder if people ever accidentally find us instead of Mark Maron because my name is so similar to Mark Maron's. Mike Moran.

Maybe. Just a bunch of dyslexic people. So if you get letters that are like if you get hate letters that are like the letters are all switched around, you know, that's all you know. No, Maron, you are Mark. That's how dyslexia works. People must love palindromes, by the way.

So easy. They're big NASCAR or race car fans. What? Race car. Oh, right, right, right. Okay. All right. Here we are.

We're probably interrupting you a lot, Thomas, because I feel like we can't hear you when we're talking yeah shut up no i'm just kidding sorry i'm not saying anything the skype is being a being a little weird i told you so i don't know what it is i have my connection your connection i think it's a full moon out tonight oh man hey it could be the good lord himself upstairs interrupting i feel like there's something going around skype this is this is totally random and not related to anything but do you guys ever have that time i don't know what all your beliefs are obviously or if you're totally skeptical people but we're hardcore christians hardcore christians i just mean in general because just last night i had the I was at a party with my girlfriend.

I had the someone say, I'm skeptical. Oh, well, you know, you're I'm a I'm a you know, I'm a fucking let's give me one of the astrological signs. I'm a cancer. So, you know, naturally my relationship, you know, like just start talking as though that made any fucking sense. I just love that. The full moon thing reminded me of it. It's just like I love when someone just goes into that and i personally i'm a shitty person because i cannot even deal with it i'm just like

shut up like someone asked me after that yeah yeah but thomas that's because you're a libra so you jumped oh my god yeah that's not your fault yeah and and he's a being a fucking uh taurus or what the fuck what are any of the other ones i don't even know orion's belt i think yeah he's an atari or a uh i don't know i'm a big aquarius him being an aquarius you know i you know that's our incompatibility yeah that's what yeah yeah no but he's just like what's your sign dude what's your sign i was like i don't i don't know he's like you don't know what's your birthday? I said, well, okay, I know what it is, but I just don't give a shit.

Like, I don't want to answer you because I don't even want to hear you. I don't know. Yeah. I was born in North. Yeah, I could see where this is leading. I'm going to have to withhold some information. Yeah, that's the word. Or like when, yeah, I hate conversations like that.

Yeah, I tend to go with it just on the positive stuff because they're like, hey, Scorpios are great in bed. I'm like, yeah. If it's something good, then I'll believe. You know, they say Virgos have giant penises. Rumors are true. Yeah, even the women that are Virgos. No, they all have giant penises. Males and females.

Astrological signs are one of those things that I don't believe in. And I am a very skeptical person. I've been published in Skeptic a couple times. What about Braggadocious Monthly? Once. But I swear to God, the astrological thing is one of those things where I don't believe in it at all. But I've had several experiences of people being dead on with guessing either my or somebody else's sign. Yeah.

Yeah. So God is real. Yeah. In conclusion. I just always want to ask, and they never will fucking actually engage you, but I always want to ask them like, please give me one possible explanation as to why that would be true.

Just one, just any possible, I'll go, just anything. Just make some, just why could that possibly be true that everyone born in a given month, like be one personality and and there's like a day cut off if you're born on like this day you're one personality the next day you're totally different personality like like any fucking shape of the fucking stars and gravitational poles is going to do that within a day. Well, maybe it's like, remember how that guy pointed out how if you're born, like if you start school when you're older, you end up being smarter and like getting a better job and stuff.

Yeah, I was going to say the one where he noticed that everyone, like most professional athletes, were a certain sign. And it turned out to be because they were right on the cutoff to go into the next grade. Right. So they got a year ahead. So they stayed back a year. That was the one.

I thought that's what you were talking about. Yeah. Who would have thought the older kids in the lower grades were the successful ones? That's right. I got nothing for that. If you get held back, that's a good sign is what I'm saying. Oh, okay. It's a good sign indeed.

Well, it wasn't getting held back. It was that you had the option to put them in kindergarten this year or the next year, and you're right on that. Like, you could have either put them in kindergarten at five. My parents could have fucking done that, and they didn't, and I was way too young, and now I'm an idiot. But yeah, that's because your parents are both Pisces, right? I was four in kindergarten and I graduated when I was 17. Hey, good for you.

Next article for a braggadocious monthly over there. Graduating early. I didn't graduate early. I was just young. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was too. If I have kids, my plan will just be to not put them in kindergarten until like the 10, 11. Yeah, they're too. Yeah, if I have kids, my plan will just be to not put them in kindergarten until like the 10, 11.

Yeah, they're going to fucking crush in kindergarten, right? Oh, yeah. Blocks, colors. They figured out that shit a long time ago. By the time they get to basketball in seventh grade, they'll be fucking dunking on kids and shoving them out of the way. They're playing tetherball, just like wrapping the ball right around the pole immediately. Yeah. Driving to school on their big wheel.

Maybe a bike with training wheels. We'll fix it in post. The teachers are having them do arts and crafts and shit. And they're like, fuck you. You're not my fucking boss. They're like way ahead and talking back to the teacher. I'm going to go read Goosebumps or whatever. Whatever kid is that age.

No, that was better. I can't relate to a 10-year-old. You saying Goosebumps was like the best thing that's happened to me today. So, Thomas, how far do you think you're going to go with the podcast if you're like barely kind of cracked it over three years especially if new revelations are revealed to profit right right oh yeah no at this rate there's gonna be tons of new fucking bible books by the time um yeah no i want to go all the way like the thing is i just don't have time and it's a lot of work and like i don't know i i want to do it i'm trying i'm getting back to where i'm doing it weekly. So that puts me on a fucking five-year pace, which sucks.

But I've already gone through two of that, three of that years or something. I don't know. If I could just somehow have infinite money, I could do this like every day. And then I could start doing other fucking projects. But, you know, you got to work. You got to pay the bills. Yeah. Doing a totally free podcast for

people who think they deserve it have you ever had those comments on your for your show uh you mean like people getting shitty about a free podcast i know yeah that like it's so funny i i um oh that was one of the things i was that happened to me this week that i thought i should mention on your show because i don't have f this podcast um i uh got let's see every once in a while i'll get those people on on facebook now when i post like hey new episode coming out um that like feel like they need to to make sure i'm grounded you know like make sure the wild success of a totally losing money on a podcast for free like make sure that doesn't get to my head because they'll be like,

oh, okay, nice of you to do an episode. They'll post something sarcastic like, what's that? Nice of you to join us? Yeah, nice of you to fucking take hours of work to post a show that is totally free for people who, yeah, anyway. Yeah, and it's totally free.

Yeah, I noticed in, I think it was one of the more recent episodes, you're like, all right, I got to get to hockey. Let's finish this fucking thing up. Like, it just seems like the Bible would be so boring at this point, too, and just how ridiculous it is. Oh, I don't want to make it sound like it's a, no, I love doing the show, and I don't want people to think it's just like this pain in the ass that I don't even want to do and begrudgingly publish. It's not that.

It's just one of those things. It's like a really good – it's like a food you like, but you just kind of forget to have a lot. I like doing it. I just don't always have time every single day. Have you ever volunteered for something, and then somebody complains to you? That's all it is. When it's totally free and there's complaints, it's a little rough. But whatever.

Who cares? It's funny. I laugh at it. And then I'll put out an episode this week and it'll be fun. I'm glad people like it. Honestly, I just started doing it three years ago. I didn't advertise it. I didn't do people like it. Like, honestly, I just started doing it three years ago and just, you know, I didn't advertise it. I didn't do anything with it.

I think I posted it like in one weird directory thing that probably doesn't exist anymore. And somehow it just went from like, you know, five, 10, 20, like it just eventually over time, just more and more people found it. I would have stopped doing it if no one had ever found it. I would have, you know, if I had 10 listeners, I'd be like, all right, I guess it's not worth the work, but it kind of took off. And, uh, you know, the cognitive dissonance people really helped. Um, those guys got me a lot of new listeners and I'm really grateful to them.

And, uh, now it's just like, well, if, if people enjoy it, I'll, I'll fucking do it. And then it's fine. Yeah. I mean, well look at Jesus. He only started out with 12 guys and, uh, now he's a superstar. All you need is a Roman emperor to impose your podcast upon a nation. Are there any Roman emperors available now

that might be willing to do that? There's a lot of Roman emperors that listen to the show. I'm sure somebody will reach out to you on Twitter. You guys are big in the Roman emperor. At Caligula. I follow Nero on Twitter or something. You guys are big in the Roman Emperor. At Caligula. I follow Nero on Twitter. You guys are real big in the Roman Emperor community.

So you have some rants? You have some FBist podcasts? Oh, sure, sure, sure. They're not funny or anything, but I just thought I'd ruin your show with some terrible rants. Yeah, no, I was just thinking of of uh the one thing we like to do sometimes is just stupid shit in movies you know or tv shows and one thing i saw

the other day that i love is every single fucking time it's like it's like people who write scripts have just a stamp that has this text already written on it like once they get to this part of the show and they just stamp it they're like yeah i already know these lines because every single time someone says how do i know i can trust you what do they say how do they how do they respond every movie how do i know it's the only choice you got you don't yeah exactly it's always you don't know every single fucking time like right when they start the sentence of how do i know i'm already like fucking i already know what's happening. I already know these lines. Like, shut up. And

what I want to see is, like, one time, why can't someone say, like, how do I know I can trust you? And then the guy says, Oh, because I have verified evidence here. Thank you for stepping on the entire point of my rant. It's good. Awesome. So next rant. Anyway. No, so I want someone to say, like,

well, you know, here's a list of references. I'm a very trustworthy guy. I give to charity. Honesty is the best policy, really, I think. So if you look. I picked you up from the airport that one time and kind of went out of my way. I'm also a Python. Yeah, that one time I borrowed your car. i returned it with a gas equal to exactly what

was in it at the time yeah so yeah why wouldn't you trust me with the gun let's yeah why wouldn't you trust me with this shady business deal we're doing or whatever the fuck it is yeah and it's like yeah i i was thinking too like uh in movies or whatever show i'm uh i'm watching the west wing because it's on netflix i never watched it before but i always like in movies or whatever show i'm uh i'm watching the west wing because it's on netflix i never watched it before but i always like in movies or shows when somebody quotes the bible and either the main character the villain it like you know it says like yeah who are all these people that know every single verse of the bible that like they can relate to i don't know whatever i've had that same but you might be able to be that person are relate to, I don't know, whatever crazy person in the movie.

Are you kidding me? I don't know fucking anything. I had that same exact thought just the other day. Never mind. You're not taking notes of inspirational quotes from the Bible? Oh, I will, but none have come up yet. No, I had that same thought the other day. It's so funny you should mention that. That thing, yeah, the villain will always know

like, Matthew, yeah, you're totally right. And it's like no one fucking knows that shit. No one, you know, unless you're an ordained minister, even then you probably don't know every. You know how big the fucking Bible is? It's huge. I'm doing a podcast about it. It's so crazy that people fucking, like, for century after century copied that thing word for word with, you know, ink and parchment. That's it?

The Bible? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's not like they had printers back then. Well, yeah. It's the word of God. So it was a big deal.

They could have just skimmed through the boring stuff, though, and just brought us the highlights. And Thomas says our show isn't edited at all. The burning bush is uh talking and moses is making the jerk off symbol like all right get to the important stuff yeah moses and the burning bush that old yeah um are you guys there can you hear me is this on check check yeah so uh let me try my other terrible rant. The other thing. Oh, it's another movie thing. Hello? Am I good?

You're over here. What the hell? What's going on over there? Sorry. Can you hear us? Okay. No, my other thing with movies that I was going to do is. Oh, yeah.

Every single time there's like a gun battle, right? There's a heat of a gun battle. Lots of people shooting each other. And then the one character who's probably a main character gets shot and it goes into slow motion, you know, and they get their hit. They're down. The whole fucking firefight stops and they always do the thing where they look down and then they spread their shirt to reveal the bulletproof vest every fucking time i i feel like if i were in a fucking gun battle and someone goes down i'm like i'm not gonna notice first of all because i'm just trying to shoot the other team you know like whoever's trying to get me and then maybe like like an hour later after everything's done you're like oh hey did you get hit earlier oh yeah i'm

wearing a bulletproof vest oh okay cool awesome so so you're not dead. Yeah, man, sorry. I didn't notice. I was too busy trying to kill other people. They always stop the entire movie. I was looking over, and they spread the... I feel like if I got hit and I had a bulletproof vest, I'd fucking... It would hurt, and then I'd run for cover. I'm not going to take the time to gingerly

unbutton my shirt to show no one that I have a bulletproof vest. It's so stupid. You're screaming for a pack of ice or an ice pack for your bruise. Guys, time out. Time out. It's mice. Got a little bit of a bruise sitch going on. It's like the how do I know you can trust you? You don't.

I want someone to find me a movie where someone gets shot with a bulletproof vest and that doesn't happen. It's every single fucking movie or show. it's so stupid yeah anyway i love how those things just exist what about uh what about in movies when when a character gets stressed out they go into the bathroom and splash water on their face yeah i don't do that yeah i've i've done that though really yeah i've never once done that

well i'm not really like stressed out but the stressed out, but coming home from work or something, it feels good. Do you stare at your reflection? Yeah, I loosen my tie like, Katerina, you can't do this anymore. No, it does feel good. It's refreshing. What about you, Thomas? No, I'm never stressed at all, so I never do anything like that. I'm a no-sitter.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot you're a Buddhist. No. What about when they find gold coins yeah and they bite them like they might be chocolate or something is that what's going on every yeah back in like the 1500s someone dropped just a shitload of those fake candy coin things so like a lot of people got burned with that. So you got to check. They had an Ashton Kutcher type go down to the quarry and throw in a bunch of fake chocolate coins.

No, I think it was when America declared independence from Britain. They tossed all those European British chocolate coins out of the harbor. Yep. That's what happened. But even if it was one of those chocolate coins, you'd probably unwrap it first, right? Like, wouldn't you take it out of the wrapper before you eat it?

Yeah, you just give it a bite. Save the foil. You're like, ooh, that's a quality foil right there. I'm going to build something with that later. To go on your point you were just making, was there a lot of other metal biting to get to that point? Like, was there a lot of like, oh, okay okay this is what iron feels like when i bite it you know like is that something they learned in school yeah like you just have to bite a different bunch of

different shit like every day just to get oh okay this breaks my tooth in this way if i bite this copper like yeah well before they could like test stuff and verify it you you know, they had, they had to go on taste, I guess. Yeah. Like babies. Yeah. Maybe that's, maybe that's true because like little kids will like put

all sorts of shit in their mouth. I wonder if that's like a stone age human type of thing that you do to like, yeah, is this poison?

It actually has nothing to do with it being gold or not. It's just, you just find something and you're like, I don't know. Yeah,

they put everything, they find like a rock and put it in their mouth. That's a rock. That's a rock. I'm going to put it with all the other tasty rocks. Yeah, I sort my rocks by taste. Pure granite. I love a good limestone.

Remember that scene in the Shawshank Redemption when you bit it and you found out it was horse poop? I haven't seen that. Is that real? Well, I was corrupting an actual scene where they... Remember, they're looking for rocks for Andy and the one guy finds petrified horse shit

and thinks it's a rock. That's awesome. They're like, come on now, Heywood. Get your head out of that sand. Is there another part in that movie where someone says, how do you know I can trust you? Well, you can take a bite out of me. Yeah, they should do that.

How do I know I can trust you? Well, here, you can bite my arm, and then if it doesn't break, then I'm gold, and then that's how you know I'm, yeah, anyway. How would a golden man betray you? Ask yourself that. Yeah. That's it for my crappy rants. That's all I got for now.

No, I liked them. Thank you for sharing. That was exclusive content that you're not going to see on any other podcast. So who's your favorite basketball player john stockton yes actually probably yeah i always appreciate it like five foot nothing or you know five foot eleven six foot white guy who somehow is really good like how can you hate that yeah apparently he was really dirty too oh really yeah like uh under the hoop when people would go up for a rebound, he would just nudge him a little bit or put his foot out so people would land on his foot and people would roll their ankles. He'd do that thing where he taps their ball sack really hard.

Does that happen? Well, I mean, if he's that short and people are like 6'8", over 7 foot, maybe he's biting their nut sack. I don't know. Just saying. He's biting their nut sack to see if he can trust him. Yeah. You might have golden nuts. How am I supposed to know?

Yeah. Carl Malone. Carl Malone, the mailman with golden nuts. Yeah. This is my favorite James Bond movie, by the way. The mailman with golden nuts. Yeah. It's a good one. Yeah, it's one of the best.

People like Skyfall, but I don't know. I don't know about that. Man, I do like Skyfall. That movie was good. I haven't seen it. I thought, yeah, visually it was really good, but I don't know. I really like James Bond, though. I enjoy it.

I don't either. That's why Skyfall was good. They're starting to just try to make good movies rather than to make it. I don't either. That's why Skyfall was good. They're starting to just try to make good movies rather than to make it really James Bond-y. Even though the middle one sucked. That one wasn't any good. Casino Royale and Skyfall were really good.

Yeah, it's less kind of kitschy kind of stuff. Oh, this is the girl I'm going to bang. Her name is Big Pussy. You know what I mean? It's not like those kind of... Sasquatch cunt. Now, Big Pussy is the evil corporation

that's behind all the... We got tired of this Big Pussy lobby. Alex Jones talks about it a lot. And here comes Big Pussy with all the dollars that they're lobbying that they can do. Big Illuminati pussy forcing their ideals on us. Controlling the sex toy industry.

Putting KY jelly in our drinking water. Look, did you vote for big pussy? I didn't vote for big pussy, but they use their funds to take control of the government. This guy's in the back pocket of big pussy. He's in the pocket pussy. This guy's in the back pocket of Big Pussy. He's in the pocket pussy. This guy's in the pocket pussy. Yeah, all those politicians are up to their ankles at Big Pussy. Up to their eyeballs at Big Pussy.

How do you make all your money, sir? Is it Big Pussy? Is that what it is? You will be held accountable to the american people yeah uh all these lobbyists on the fiscal cliff um so so thomas so you don't do stand-up though you should you should get into it man i feel like you have a wealth of material to pull from yeah i mean hopefully when i'm doing stand-up my audience isn't via skype because that's just this is not yeah this is not if it goes like this and when i do stand-up i'd probably be

somewhat discouraged and right yeah there's a nice delay yeah are you guys laughing are you guys laughing yeah i said big i said big pussy guys you guys hear me i'm just staring out at the audience like just my eyes like wide open like uh yeah you guys yeah what do you think of that like hold on that joke was really good i'm gonna power cycle my router there's no way that yeah there's no way you couldn't let me uh yeah let me get comcast on the phone that was that was funny shit. There's no way you guys didn't laugh at that. I don't believe it.

Router be damned. That was funny. Yeah, I want to do stand-up. I'm in. I got to move to a better town, city or something where they actually have stand-up. Well, how far away are you from a big city? A couple hours. I don't know.

That is a long drive to go do an open mic or something but three people will show up at yeah you get to do five minutes um yeah do you guys do stand-up yeah mike and i mike's been doing stand-up a little bit uh well actually like two years longer than i have but i just got into it and uh we both do uh improv as well oh that's awesome i love improv i've done it like one time and I loved it. But again, there's nothing really around. Really? There isn't a single improv troupe in your town?

There might be, but they probably aren't funny, you know? You're just like making all these assumptions. They're probably a bunch of jerks anyway. No, I mean could you guys handle doing improv with people who we're terrible or something like i couldn't handle that no i i know what you mean but it is funny to like

grade a town based on their uh their improv uh capabilities that's actually like the defining yeah yeah it's based on other i've graded my town and then just i'm applying that grade to the likely improv troop right right like the cv itpe. Right. Right. Like the CV, it's probably at the same level at the CVS is that. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

The CVS isn't funny. Why should the fuck. Those guys do nothing for me. Yeah. That pharmacist is the worst. Yes. And or I've ever. Yeah.

They try to do bits and I just don't even, you know, I don't even get their premise. Like they're constantly contradicting each other. Right. Yeah. Talking over each other. The worst thing.

Maybe they'll be at Rite Aid level at some point if they really try. So what do you do in your town? It sounds horrible. Well, that's what I was going to ask you. What's keeping you tethered to your town? Are you in school or town? I have a decent job. I've been looking to get out forever.

I just, you know, like it's one of those things where life plans change. You know, I've gone through, you know, I've gone through a couple of wives, a couple of divorces. No, not really. But I owned a few businesses that went under. Right. Yeah. A few businesses went under, a few wives that went under the ground.

Got in and out of the. I had a few wives that went under the ground. Got in and out of the... I had a few wives that went under. My wife went belly up. Thanks, Obama. Yeah, it was the economy that killed her. My wife went belly up. It wasn't me with this murder weapon you found. It was the economy, goddammit.

Always blaming the little man. My life plans have changed a few times i'm trying i'm trying to get out it'll happen i just it's hard when you know a few years ago things went to the worst possible fucking job market ever like i didn't really want to leave a good job because i have a good job um yeah yeah it's not i don't like it but is it possible to like a job i don't even know yeah uh i'd rather not be at any job exactly like i i don't know because people ask me like well are you happy there do you you know you fulfill it's like no of course not like that's not that doesn't happen though it's not i wouldn't do it

for free it's not like i yeah i dreamed about being in a cubicle ever since i was a young boy now i feel so fulfilled yeah well even if it's just anything where you're working for someone else, you know, it's like, and you're not doing, unless you're doing some cool charity, weird, you know, like some awesome thing. Like, for the most part, you're going to have an office job that's kind of like whatever other office job, you know? It's like, yeah. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm trying. I'll get there. No, yeah, I hear you. I'm kind of in the same boat, too. I have a good job So I'm trying. I'll get there. No. Yeah. I hear you. I'm kind of in the same boat to have a good job that I also hate. And yeah, I'd like to maybe move to New York or Chicago or something like, you know, some cool comedy towns and have a go at it.

But it's also like I make I'm pretty comfortable. Like I love going to the grocery store and not worrying about what I want to buy. You know what I mean? Like, oh, yeah, I'll take that and I'll get a couple of it. Oh, yeah, just having money. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, having money is nice, right? It is nice, yeah.

Because I make a killing from this free fucking podcast I do, which is why people have to keep me grounded, you know? They've got to remind me that I'm not a celebrity. You can just do whatever I want. Yeah, yeah, no, it's not. Yeah, it is tough. Yeah, what do those people, going back to that, what do those people expect that I'm going to like,

oh, wow, I really expect you for bringing me down a peg from my not position that I was, like, yeah, if I were famous, okay, go ahead and try to knock me down a few pegs. But, like, what are you trying to do? Do they expect me to, like, respect them for it? Like, goddamn, that guy's a straight shooter. That takes tenacity, sir. I respect that.

I know. What are they expecting from me? I don't get it. I'm going to send out the Thomas in the Bible chopper to pick you up and bring you to my compound.

Wear something nice. Dinner's at 7. Also, you're not posting anything that's bragging. You're not bragging about anything. Like, oh man, I just got my millionth download.

Yeah, I know. Thomas has this massive ego. Yeah, I'm not feuding with Taylor Swift or any shit like that. Yeah, I'm not doing any Twitter feuds or anything like that. You're not like Kanye West or something. We are feuding with Taylor Swift. Oh, how's that going? Oh, really? She hasn't responded yet. Yeah. We are feuding with Taylor Swift. Oh, how's that going? Oh, really?

She hasn't responded yet. Yeah. We posted several. So would you say maybe she's winning the feud currently? Well, I mean, she hasn't said anything. She hasn't stood up for herself. I really think her silence speaks volumes. So, you know, if she was a man,

then she would stand up and face those allegations. Yeah, with her penis. Oh, someone's home. Oh? Yeah. Uh-oh. Sorry, recording now, hon. All right, we're good.

Anyway, yeah. So what the hell were we talking about? I don't know. Taylor Swift? Oh, of course. I should have guessed that I was talking about Taylor Swift. If Thomas is talking, you should have another podcast, Thomas and Taylor Swift.

No, I'm really bad. Speaking of Twitter feuds, I don't have Twitter. I'm really bad at the promotional kind of stuff of life now. I'm not good at that. I'm glad I have a Facebook at least, but I got to get on that. Have you tried MySpace? Oh, yeah. It's totally the wave of the future.

Friendster? Huh? ChristianMingles.com? ChristianMingles. Oh, you've listened to the show. But yeah, I saw a commercial for that the other day. It's so good. Oh, did you?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was a good one where you're saying, like, God never hooked anyone up until like three years you? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was a good one where you're saying like God never hooked anyone up until like three years ago. Yeah. Well, the first joke is that Christian Mingles is a really hot like sitcom star from the 90s.

I'm really glad you brought that up because I haven't seen the commercial, but I've seen like a little banner on websites and it's like Christian Singles or Mingles dot com. And the chick has huge tits. Like, yeah. What? What do you... Christian mingled. Yeah, it's like... So do you have to pass a test

for the be Christian? Did they just accidentally pick you to be the model for this wholesome website with your oversized breasts? Yeah. Yeah. I would have loved to see

that marketing room discussion on that one. We've got to get the big tits to bring in the wholesome Christians. No, I'm sure they all were pretending it was some other reason. Like, oh, yeah, she's got the morals. She's really wholesome. She has the morals of King David. They're all trying to find some other way of saying it.

She's really wholesome. She has a big, round set of beliefs. She's got pepperoni. She just has jugs of righteousness. Soft, fertile beliefs. She could probably go tit for tat with me

on Bible quotes. She's no boob when it comes to religiosity. Yeah. You guys are good at this. Thanks. Yeah. Thank you. We're riffing.

We're riffing like crazy over here. Pun to the lowest form of comedy. Are they? So we got plenty. That's what some people say. I don't know. I think you're punishing yourself. So let me ask you this, Thomas.

Other than Cognitive Dissonance, what other podcasts do you like? Other than the digression sessions, too. Oh, I don't really listen to any. Really? You know what? I might be wrong, but you guys listen to Adam Carolla, don't you? Somebody does. I does.

I've heard you say like two or three things. Yeah, Adam Carolla is the only real show that I listen to. And I just got in the habit of it like five years ago now i just i just listen to it every day but that's the only podcast really really yeah he uh he actually yeah i think he had a big influence on my comedy because i listened to loveline like crazy when he's on and then when i got to college i think he had started his la show in the morning show, and then somebody made, I think it was lovelinearchive.com, and they had just years and years of Loveline episodes that I just listened to all the time in college. So you could finally find out what your weird, like, pussy, penis, like, just destroyed penis is about. I had a fear for years that I had testicular cancer when I was a teenager because I had some weird shit behind one of my balls.

And I seriously was too scared to talk to a doctor about it because I was just too shy to talk about my balls with anyone. Except us. And for years, I thought I was going to die from testicular cancer. And Dr. Drew cleared it up for me from someone else's call. Oh, really? Yeah. What was it? Well, it's some weird condition that like 10% of men have.

Really? Called testicular cancer. Hey, wait a minute. That's the thing Mike was worried about. He just didn't know what it was. Oh, it's cancer. I never get to like a happy ending to that story. Like, yeah, I was worried about. He just didn't know what it was. Oh, it's cancer. Yeah, I never get to a happy ending to that story. Like, yeah, I was worried, and I'm still really worried.

But now I know what it is. About 10% of men can have it. It's called definitely lethal testicular cancer. Like 10% of men will die before the age of 40. So wait, so what is it? I forget what it's called, but there's some condition. Oh, Ovarian cancer. That a lot of men have. I suffer from ovarian taint syndrome. You have an extra,

like a little ovary in your testicle and that has cancer. No, it's like a tiny bag of spaghetti. I swear to God. I swear. No, look it up. It's some condition where like fluid backs up and fills up like a artery or a vein or something no yeah i'll show you if you want i don't want to see a little bag of spaghetti we're gonna have to call thomas on the video i was gonna say you better read yeah you better call me back it causes one of my testicles to hang lower than the other everybody's one everybody's yeah everybody's supposed to be uneven though really yeah well yeah that's because of an evolutionary thing it's the same you know how there's that i think you're skypey again am i

coming through yeah yeah we can yeah it's it's i think it's a similar to you know there's that one nerve and fucking like that giraffe that goes from their heart like up to their like throat for no reason and wraps around a bone and comes all the way down. It's something weird just because as evolution, as their neck evolved. Yeah, the murder nerve. It's that kind of thing with the testicle. I think one of the tubes goes up and over fucking something.

It goes over your heart, wraps around your kidneys. Dr. Thomas explains why my balls hang. No, I'm just trying really hard to defend my lower testicle. Just trying really hard to make that sound normal. Mine are like stairs. I have like stadium seating balls. Yeah, one ball can really see. My balls were complaining that they couldn't see.

There's an obstruction here? Yeah. Called a penis yeah i mean you only notice it though when it's really warm and my balls are really hanging yeah and on your face yeah you're honest when my balls are on your chin and it's a certain angle yeah the sun has to hit it just right yeah there's nothing more embarrassing than when i'm covering each of a girl's eyes with my testicles and she notices. I believe those are called Arabian goggles

by the way. And she says, take those ramen noodles off of my chin. Hey Chef Boyardee, get those fucking noodles off my eyes. And then I start crying and I have to explain it.

Yeah, you need to find a girl who has a wonky eye. One eye is a little weird. Yeah, you need to find a girl who has kind of a wonky eye. Like one eye is a little weird, a little lower than the other. I've tried. That will clear up your problem right there. Yeah. You know what? That's good advice.

Yeah, thanks, Thomas. Thanks, Thomas. No, see, I'm a jack of all trades. I can solve anyone's problems. Wow, yeah. This has been tremendous. To be fair, most of the problems I solve involve testicles. I guess I specialize.

Right. Mm-hmm. Well, maybe that's the job you need. You got to do what you love. Yeah. Now, I do remember in the locker room, they used to call me Spaghetti Sack. It was really that noticeable that people were seeing it? Hey, linguine nuts.

I never even thought about it as being pasta-like until I looked it up and it said, it's like a small sack of noodles. All right. Yeah, I'm done. I'm done with the spaghetti yeah sack i'm sorry but also just i'm just picturing a sack of spaghetti it's such a weird like i just want to know if you're ever stranded in the desert like if you can crack that thing open it's like your last resort spaghetti you know that's what it is he has the reserve that's why i keep a little pack of the ramen powder with me at all times yeah and that's how we're gonna have to identify your body if you ever get in an accident check his balls so you got spaghetti that's him that's him yeah they go to

the identifying you know the morgue and it's just a table that has like just a nutsack and you're like that's right they have have the tiniest blanket. Yeah, they do the lift up, the little cozy. Yeah, they have to do the little reveal, and then his mom looks away and starts crying. Oh, yeah. The mom always does the instant go to someone,

like hug someone else. Yeah, those are his balls. Hugs the cop that she just met. Yeah, I know his balls anywhere. That the cop that she just met. Yeah, I know his balls anywhere. That's him. Also in this scenario, Mike's mom knows exactly what his sack looks like. Yeah. Yep, that's my boy's.

Yes, yes, that's his. I could swap my boy's sack a mile away. A mother always knows. Well, what if when you were little, the sack was the same size, like the spaghetti sack? Yeah, I was born with the world. size, like the spaghetti sack? Yeah. You had this giant spaghetti sack on your ball, so that's why she knows what it looks like. Yeah.

They were just dragging on the floor, head calluses. Yeah, that's why they named me SpaghettiOs. That's what they nicknamed me. Oh, Mike SpaghettiO Moran. All right, Thomas. Well, we're at about an hour. I'd like to thank you for joining us. Yeah, we should definitely have you back on and try to fix this Skype situation.

Yeah, it's been great. I wish we had a little more. It sucked that we couldn't hear each other. But, yeah, no, it's really fun. I'll come on your show anytime. Didn't suck for me. Yeah, and if you're ever in Baltimore for whatever, a testicular

conference of some type, come join us in studio. Naturally, yeah. Let's do it. Do you ever make it out to the East Coast? Nah, I don't do anything. I don't go anywhere. I'm too busy. I'm a bit of a shut-in. I'm too busy not reading the bible

you're a good Christian boy God said thou shalt not travel to the east coast just one last question was there ever a time where you feared you might turn into a creepy religious guy that only reads the bible all the time because that's essentially what you're doing

no I've never even come close to thinking it would be real. Is that what you mean? Like, there's never, it's not even a question. Like, even if I believed in God, there's no chance the Bible is from that God. Like, I could be a thousand percent convinced that there is a God, and still I would never think the Bible was from that God. It's just not even close. not even close it's so stupid right i wonder why people were so convinced by it i don't know like it's well ask your uh you know your your uh emperor listening audience that you

know it was that we'll holler at him on twitter direct message him yeah that's another thing yeah i guess yeah that's a really good question. But yeah, before we go, another thing, too, like, there's so many, as you get older, there's so many, like, you realize what a crock of shit it all is. And, like, this whole thing that's going on with the Pope right now and how they have to pick a new Pope, it's beyond me that

men on Earth are the ones that decide who is the voice of God. Like, one day you're just, I't know joe schmo the next day you're infallible because eight guys said so you know what i mean like i know i was thinking i had the exact same thought process process i was like yeah one of those fucking assholes in there like today he's not the pope and then like tomorrow he'll be the pope it's like what the fuck he's like this worship you know this guy you gotta worship and carry around in a stupid

fucking like thing like it's so weird it's so important that that happens yeah it's it's like how does the pope still like have any clout at all you know before this person's pope nobody gives a fuck about them and they're like oh now he's the he's the uh the word of god on earth like oh yeah yeah if there was someone who really was like that, like, you know, it was really that holy and was actually chosen by God. We would have known about him already. Wouldn't he be like amazing,

like miracles, super smart. Like, wouldn't we already know about him essentially before you elect him and then just decide like, okay, that's the guy. It's pretty clear who the Pope is. Well,

don't you, don't you wish that like politicians would still get all crazy and declare themselves to be gods or to be speaking to god i think some of them still do like george bush said he talked to god yeah it's true god uh or he prayed on things yeah i'm gonna pray on it i'm gonna pray on right. Yeah, you guys are like totally the last string of Skype. It's just barely about to die. Sorry, we were just saying some really prophetic and kind of vulnerable yet honest things. Well, I'll have to tune into your show to hear what it was.

Oh, please do. Please do. Yeah, this sucks that it's breaking up so much. It's the will of the Lord. God works in mysterious ways. This is how we want it to be. Hey, this is God's plan. Yep.

All right. It was fun, man. Talk to you guys later. All right. Thanks, Thomas. See you. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We'll see you next time. Thank you. you you