The Digression Sessions - Ep. 68 - Mike Turpin! (Color Me Funny)

Episode Date: March 25, 2013

- Spin on Home, Boy! - Hola Digheads! This week Josh and Mike are joined by comedian, actor, spin-teacher, and one-time slam poet, Mike Turpin! As a member of local comedy team Color Me Funny, Mike’s uplifting brand of eccentric, often-improvisational humor blurs the line between stand-up comedy and performance art. Don’t let the fact that Mike Turpin could kick your ass lead you to believe that he isn’t intelligent, kind, and totally weird. A physical trainer by day, Mike has also has been flexing his acting muscle in both Color Me Funny’s series of web shorts, as well as in the upcoming Baltimore-based sitcom, Charm City. Also, Mike has recently been appearing on 98 Rock’s morning show with Mickey, Amelia, and Speigel, though sadly this format does not allow for those stunning Mike Turpin visuals (sorry ladies). In this episode we discuss Mike’s younger days as a slam poet, why Mike Turpin doesn't drink, Faces of Death Videos, his comedy influences, and more! It was quite the fun ep! Find all things Mike Turpin at Color Me Funny’s website – ColorMeFunnyComedy.com And if you get a chance please help us out by leaving us a quick comment on iTunes and maybe rating, if you’re nasty. And tell a friend! Spread the good word!   Thanks, Digheads!! Follow Us – @MikeTurpinCMF @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast. A Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young and handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting

yes who's the guest this week on this week's, we are joined by comedian Mike Turpin. Also spin teacher. Yeah, also slam poet. Very nice guy, very funny, very good episode. Yeah, this was a lot of fun. I've been hearing good things about this Mike Turpin fellow. I've never seen his stand-up, but I heard good things, Michael.

And I've never heard good things about this Mike Turpin fellow, but I've seen his stand-up. Yeah, so it was fun to meet in the middle on this one. I think we did a really good thing. And Mike Turpin runs with that Color Me Funny gang. Indeed he does. And you can check out

all their videos and all their upcoming dates at colormefunnycomedy.com. I think they just released a new video, and I think they're trying to do those weekly. And there's some funny sketches in there, so check that out. And you can also follow Mike on Twitter, at Mike Turpin CMF.

As far as your favorite earbuds, we got some plugs too, huh? Well, Josh, I'll be trying out some new stuff uh tuesday night at sean bowens in bel-air i believe that starts at nine come on out that's march 26th and wouldn't you know it that show is also hosted by mike turpin weird uh and i will be doing some stand-up this week as well thursday, March 28th, I will be in the green room of the Arlington Giraffe House in Virginia doing a guest spot on a show. And Seton Smith is the headliner. I'm super excited about that. So come check that out.

And you can follow me on Twitter at BetterRobotJosh. You can follow Mike Moran on Twitter. Michael Moran 10. There it is. And you can follow the podcast at DigSeshPod. Check out past and future episodes on iTunes as well as DigressionSessions.com. And if you like the show, we'd really appreciate a rating or a comment. Tell a friend.

Bone a friend. Bone a friend. 50-50. But while you do, tell them all about us. Ask the audience to download our podcast. Would you like to ask the audience to download the podcast? Go! That was my Regis Philbin impression.

Yeah. All right. Well, let's get into the episode with old Mikey Turbin. Thanks, everybody. Thank you, Diggheads. We love y'all. Can I hear your caveman sound check one more time? Check, check, one, two. Check, checkity, check, check, check.

Apparently he comes from a superior breed of human. Well, no, just earlier before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, no, just earlier before. He's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You would be a good rodent, Mike. Yeah. They get the center stage.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Which button do I press again, boss? Hmm. Hmm. Help me. Yeah. All right. I think we're finally started.

Our guest today, comedian Mike Turpin. How the hell are you, sir? I am fantastic. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, thank you for having me. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I haven't seen you do stand-up, but I've heard good things from all my stand-up cohorts. Oh, sweet.

That's awesome. Not about you, just good things. No, just in general that they love stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fold you into that. You have friends that say good things in general. Thank you. I'd love to meet your friends.

Positive people. Yeah, I'm sorry, Mike. I just want to brag about my positive people. Josh surrounds himself with that kind of people. I have a good group of friends. What about you, Mike? I don't know who the hell you are. We're here to break you down emotionally

How did I get on here again? It's like we have no idea who this guy is Oh man God damn this open door policy we have I can tell you guys did your homework Mike Turbin That's weird Is that a family name?

This is the worst open door policy since that Willie Horton scandal I don't get it I policy since that Willie Horton scandal. I don't get it. Really? I know the name Willie Horton. Al Gore had like an inside out program for violent offenders. Inside out?

What does that mean? Like they had an open, like they could leave, they had like weekend furloughs. And then they'd come back. Oh, okay. And one dude like raped and murdered. Simpsons made fun of that too, right? I think Silent Bob. Yeah, I think that was. Oh, okay. And one dude raped and murdered. The Simpsons made fun of that, too, right? I think Silent Bob. Yeah, I think that was it.

It became famous when he was, or I'm sorry, not Al Gore, Michael Dukakis, during the Dukakis-Bush-Wan elections. Oh, okay. And they made an attack ad exploiting that, the fact that Willie Horton, while on one of these weekend furloughs, murdered two people. That is odd that a weird program like prison during the week, go home on the weekend. Don't get in any trouble, do you? Right. Come back on Monday morning. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that made me get the joke anymore, but no.

I still don't. I don't even remember what we were talking about now. We're just describing something. Yeah, it's a long walk. No, I get it. Very wry. Yes. Well, Mike, you run with the Color Me Funny crew.

Yes, I do. That's your set. Yeah, that's what they call gangs. Oh, yes. Like the Bloods and the Crips are a set. Like a clan, yeah. Yeah. Those are my cronies.

I don't know if that's what the clan said. Hey, what set you running? Throwing up hand signs. I think people are just joining gangs for the hand signals. Yes. Yeah. The Blood one's pretty cool. I'm doing analysis.

They've definitely got the best. That would be incentive for me to join. Yeah. The visual of the Blood hand signals goes over really well on a podcast. It does. That is going to sound amazing. For the listeners at home. Can you show me the Color Me Funny hand signals? Yes. Right here. Oh, my God. It does, yeah. That is going to sound amazing. For the listeners at home. Can you show me the color be funny hand signals?

Yes, right here. Oh, my God, it's amazing, isn't it? Wow, I can't believe it. All those words plus portraits of all six members. Do I have to use my penis? I mean, come on. Hey, that one represents Fez, Brian. You can't do a good penis without Fez.

Absolutely. Or a good penis without Fez. No, you cannot do a good penis without Fez Absolutely Or a good penis Fez without penis No, you cannot do a good penis without Fez That's my favorite I know from experience That's my favorite morning duo Fez and penis, by the way

Great Great try Welcome back to Fez and the penis in the morning Traffic on the 8 Hey, penis, what'd you get into this weekend? Yeah, I thought so We'll be bringing you out of the work week With the Walk Like a Campbell song.

Oh, Penis Faye is going to be down at the Target on Saturday. Kick them in the nuts, get a free sticker. Seventh Color gets a free $20 gift certificate to Cantoontina. Our favorite can-can related shop. All right, Mike, let's quit dicking around. what's going on with this color me funny guys you guys run like nine rooms you make your web videos you've only been around a year yeah yeah and you're already taking over yep we have the whole scene actually you're like hitler investing in um goobies joke house and oh really yeah andrew hunger's gonna join our group next and then really we're

gonna move on and spread out into la and then just wow way across the coast and wow you're like the the persian empire yes are you at all scared of the spartans uh no they will join us um you know we've been around for 300 yeah are you afraid you're gonna get kicked into a pit by uh gerard butler at some point uh not as long as uh we join sides with gerard butler gerard come on out this is a monopoly let's go down to the pit he's making the rounds he was just on howard stern recently oh yeah they're making 302 right seriously they are what are they gonna call it's called like uh i think it's called xerxes actually i think it's a prequel. It should be 302. Yeah, 302.

Oh, that'd be amazing. Yes. That'd be amazing. It has to be a prequel because they're all dead. Yeah. It would be like the most. Yeah, but I don't think it has, Xerxes was still, I don't think it stars the Greeks. I think it's about the Persians.

Oh, okay. So it's not really a sequel. Yeah. It's like a spinoff. Yeah. Xerxes was in. Okay. I'm picturing Aes. It's the Scorpion King of 300. Right. like a spin-off. Xerxes was in... Okay. It's the Scorpion King

of 300, is what you're saying. Yeah, I guess so. I'm picturing the opening credits like an 80s sitcom, like Xerxes opening a door. Like, oh, oh, my. Runs a Persian rug place or something.

How long have you been doing Oh, my. Runs a Persian rug place or something. All right. Well, anyway. How long have you been doing stand-up? I got questions because we've never met before. Awesome. So I'm guessing you're a Maryland native. Yes, sir. I grew up in northern Hartford County.

Noho. Yes. Noho Co. Noho Co. Most people confuse that with North Hollywood. Yes. Not a bad idea. No ho-co. Most people confuse that with North Hollywood. Yes. Not a bad idea. North Hartford County.

Yeah, I grew up there, and I started doing comedy about almost two years ago, maybe a year and a half ago now. And about a year ago, the Color Me Funny thing started up, and that's when I started doing comedy more regularly. And you did poetry before that, right? Yes. color me funny things started up and that's when i started doing comedy more regularly and you did poetry before that right yes i did slam poetry from about 2000 and like the end of my high school days i got into it and i really yeah and i was like big into it in like 06 07 08 and like travel with the national team and oh wow like toward like the east coast a little bit really got out of it in oh national team what's that about uh there are at the time there were 72 poetry slam inc certified teams which were allowed to send people to these uh official competitions so it'd be like we had a team of poets that would go and compete at a

national event right um and like it was Austin, Texas. Wow. All across the nation, they would have them. Yeah, that's amazing. What separates slam poetry from classic poetry? You make it up, right? No, it's competitive. Well, the other, you plagiarize. Yeah. That's what I pondered.

We write our own poetry. Every other kind of poetry, no. We have our own alphabet and everything. It's competitive performance poetry is the definition of slam. It actually, it's just three minutes or less, typically memorized at a big competition, based both on performance and content. Right. competition based both all performance and content right and there are five judges selected randomly zero to ten scale ten being the highest zero being the lowest they take the middle three scores you

get a score typically two rounds um and that that's how it works it can be structured anyway but that's how it is it at official competitions but okay the team, there would be group pieces. It's kind of intricate. I kind of, I like the competitive nature of it, though. Right, right. I definitely enjoyed that. I didn't care for just writing poetry. I liked competing against other people.

Yeah, sure. You seem like an intense guy. I can kind of see that. Yeah, I enjoy that. I definitely, like even in comedy, I feel like I'm fairly competitive. Right. Well, that's I definitely, like even in comedy, I feel like I'm fairly competitive. Right. Well, that's really good. Against everybody.

You don't try to be like, I'm going to fucking bury this guy. Yeah. You don't talk shit about people. You try to. I mean, I think we all aim for that. Don't we? To stand out. It's in the biggest competition ourselves, you guys.

Right? Let's take a break. No, I'm a. Yes. No, I am no competition at all, not even to myself. You really suck, Mike Moran. Like, you're going to kick your ass, pal. Yeah, I just saw that.

Well, you were just on the show, right, where you had a Color Me Funny. It was poetry and comedy. Yes. Yeah. So I guess you're the reason that that happened. Yeah. The guy, Steve Rogan Buck, is a friend of mine that I met coincidentally in no way in regards to my slam poetry. I just have a couple of buddies who are kind of in the hipstery outlet kind of thing. And I saw these videos he had that were more comedic than anything.

Right. And I liked his vlogs. Right. And I didn't really know much about his poetry at the time. Right. And I would talk online with him him and he has this weird vernacular he uses he's like always talking about boosting and 666 and justin bieber and just a very strong intense vernacular that doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means i think he's just reading from the necronomicon though yeah i think that's the problem yeah that's it yeah and he oh so I talked to him online a lot and he was in the

area about six months ago and it was the first time I met him in person and needed a poetry reading and I told him you know I mean you should do a comedy just try comedy one time because a lot of what you do appeals to the comedy scene and he said sure next time I'm in town you know we should hook that up and he let me know and then we booked him for a show yeah i got some of my literature friends and some comics i thought would go over a little better with that crowd yeah yeah and it was a really good show i mean in all honesty like mike's done delia foley's before and that's kind of a tough crowd typically it's yeah that is not the place that i would think of for like alternative poetry yeah and this this show actually everybody it went great really well yeah it went great Yeah, that is not the place that I would think of for alternative poetry.

Yeah, and this show, actually, everybody went over really well. Yeah, it went great. All the comics were amazing. It was so much fun. So do the poets do stand-up, or do they just do comedic poems? Just poetry, anything. Really? Yeah, it wasn't all comedic. It seemed like they were kind of leaning more towards the comedic, but it wasn't blatantly comedic.

Yeah. No, not at all. I told them all that they could do anything they wanted, but it was aiming to be a funny show. Right. That outlet scene in general is kind of tongue-in-cheek, ironic, and lots of comedy involved. Sure, sure.

So that worked out. And then the slam poet I invited to come out was always about wordsmithing kind of puns and comedy typically yeah so it just worked out but i mean somebody could have gone up there and had a poem about their dead grandmother and it would have been fine the most funny thing in the world it would have been amazing we would have laughed our asses off she's so dead how dead is she yeah it's interesting i just did uh just a couple hours ago i just uh performed at a poetry show down the street on the avenue actually oh sweet yeah did you do poetry or comedy i did comedy i did uh i just i did a great poem uh wait what no it's

just funny like uh like you both just had comedy poetry shows. Yeah, well, so did you. Like, these things happen all the time. I know, right? Like, I actually got in a fight with my girlfriend about it because she was trying to be supportive. That I was like, I kind of got roped in doing this. Well, I knew it was going to be bad. A friend that I used to go to school with, she does poetry.

And she's like, oh, you should do comedy at one of my things. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. And I was kind of like, this is going to be be bad but maybe i'll get a story out of maybe it'll be so bad that i can turn it into a stand-up story or something and earlier in the week i go i was like hey what how long am i doing at this show by the way she's like um 20 30 minutes because i told her i do improv too she's like well just improvise something like it's literally impossible to improvise by yourself you gotta be like hey what do you think of this garden that we run i think it's great like you can't do that together so like

crowd work right so i just did uh i did a story that i'm working on it's like a comedic story it's less of like a bit i mean there's like punch lines and stuff throughout and then we did improv based on that story and then like the other poets that uh performed earlier and it was okay it was but it was at sunday at saint patrick's day today when we record this but it was four o'clock in the middle of the day and then the perfect time for comedy yeah even better for poetry so i think it went as well as it could have. There was a guy, like an old guy, that kind of heckled me, though. Really? What did he say?

Well, not really, but he just interjected. Like during my story, I get to a part and I mention shingles. And he's like, I had shingles. And he's like, you're going to get shingles. It's like, well, let me finish the story. So we're getting there. And then at the end, he's like, so what were the shingles? And I was like, finish the story sir we're getting there and then at the end um he's like so uh what were the shingles it was like uh the doctor said it was related to stress

he's like huh 26 stress like i'm not up here saying that i'm the most stressed out individual ever 26 be less stressful than any other age i don't know it was it was still funny the guy he was kind of falling asleep during other people's like what kind of guy are we talking here because i'm picturing he was old and kind of curmudgeoning right uh he he definitely marlowe's up front no no he was um tool belt on he's probably one of those guys that's like so pc doesn't realize he's an asshole you know what i mean like a little so self-righteous that like that he thinks he's this free and kind of giving guy, but kind of a jerk. What kind of guy is he? It's 4 p.m. on a Sunday, and he's by himself at a poetry reading on St. Patrick's Day.

Something's wrong. I mean. What I'm trying to say is he's a real winner. We're going to have him as a guest next week. You're much of an APC guy. Yeah. Next week week tune in speaking of st patrick's day i just learned this about mike turpin you do not drink and have never

drank never never never why never never tried it i i just never have i just it's the same reason why some people have never tried certain drugs i guess you just you think it's wrong for a lot of reasons because they're pussies no Yes, that's exactly what it is. There's a big giant pussy. It's oozing out the mouth. Vaginal juice all over this microphone. Very wet pussy. Whoever the guest is next week,

just make sure you come and clean all this pussy juice. Make sure he doesn't get any semen on there because the microphone might have a child. It's even worse because I'm on my period. There's just blood all over in the digression sessions studio. It's a bit have a child. It's even worse because I'm on my period, so there's just blood all over the digression sessions studio. It's been a mess. It's a massacre. Right now, your voice is kind of hoarse.

You have a metal shirt. You know what I mean? You seem like this party, like it was St. Patrick's Day. A lot of people celebrated last night. I would picture you as the guy that closes down the bar and then fights everybody. Here's what happened here's why my voice is the way it is uh last night i was up really late because there were ufc fights on and

i was at a buddy's house and i was kind of screaming a little bit during that and i actually am a spin instructor at a gym get the fuck out of here swear to god you're a spin instructor poet comedian yeah ufc, sludge metal listener. You broke the mold, right? Yeah, so like this morning. This is Fight Club. This is the result of Fight Club. Don't you feel like there's been a wave of like existentially aware, artistic, but yet still manly?

Yeah. Since Fight Club made that okay. You missed pretentious but yeah we'll take it extremely intellectual people came as a result of the movie fight club yes that's brilliant i am jack's pretentious palm um no but uh and i have to yell over top of the music and i didn't get much sleep and i didn't have anything i didn't drink anything on the way in and i just right yelling over top of this music. And my voice is shot most Sundays.

Really? Oh, because it's a UFC every Saturday night? No, it's just that Sunday mornings I have spin every Sunday morning. And sometimes if I'm yelling over top of the music for everyone to hear the instructions. Yeah. I work at the Social Security Administration in Woodlawn. Not to brag. Breaking the mold. Social Security Administration. Yeah, I work in a chemical. Cam in Woodlawn. Not to brag, but... Breaking the mold.

Social Security Administration. Yeah, I work in a chemical. Camity. Yep. Jingles. Camity's LOL junkie. Oh, my God. Dog owner. Wow.

House liver-enter. Recovering sex addict. Hair-haver. Necrophiliac. Member of the Neo-Nazi Party. No no that makes sense that makes sense yeah now uh we have a gym at work and uh you can hear there's a gym and then there's like a little studio where they have the spin class and there's a guy he always shouts over this uh the uh spin class music the guy that uh like teaches it i guess whatever but he always has like this 80s

music that i never know what it is but i think it fires him up but i don't know if it fires anybody else up there's this one song blasting holland oats but he like screams over it too he's like one two three four talk to your lady and you're like i don't know what that song is the lyrics yeah he like does it's like karaoke yeah Yeah, he screams. Would you consider doing that, Mike? Sometimes I sing out randomly, but it's far and few. Right. It's definitely not what he's singing. Yeah.

Do you get to choose the music? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I play some. There are some deep tracks in there, man. There's some stuff that's pretty cool. Any sludge metal? Never sludge metal.

The heaviest stuff. What about Everlast? I've never played Everlast. Never once played everlast yeah never never once played uh everlast i did do house of pain really but yeah just jump around you know it's there's some i played i played pantera in there really yeah wow like four or five pantera tracks in there but you change it instead of walk it's cycle it's like yeah yeah what do you say spin yes it's like the kid bops version it's the spin bops it's just me spin on home boy instead of becoming god size you're becoming a healthy size for your body type we're becoming healthy sized no way spinners

that's awesome man yeah so so no drink you just never done it oh yeah it's been so long at this point that you're just i guess it's just one of those things that like think of the age you were when you first rank and some people are like 14 and i can't remember when i was three yeah exactly like this analogy doesn't work for everybody but you know people who didn't drink until they were 18 or 19 right yeah and at that point in time it was a conscious decision when they were 18 hey i'm not drinking and they're at the age where you're like why don't you drink right and whatever their reason is just imagine i just had that the rest of my life i just never decided to do it doesn't really appeal to me i guess the thought of being drunk isn't that intriguing

whereas like maybe doing shrooms or something like that's more intriguing but i've never done anything like that right really i just never done anything like that. Right. Really? I've just never done anything. The thought of being drunk doesn't seem the least bit interesting. Right. Yeah, yeah. There's definitely times where it can be this gross kind of destructive thing, but sometimes I'll do that knowing, like going into it, that I'm going to walk home.

Like I'm probably going to get pretty drunk tonight, but that's fine because I'll walk home and I'm usually pretty responsible. Why is walking around drunk okay? I'll probably get beaten up. I don't go to the bar and get wasted. Time to drive. You do things safely.

It's more like let's blow off some steam and you're hanging out with your friends and I'm not getting in fights. But at what point are you having a better time because you're drunk? I don't know. As soon as the alcohol kicks in, I take it. As soon as that cold liquid touches my lips, Mike. As soon as memories of my father start to slowly fade.

I completely understand, but the reasons that most people have for enjoying drinking. If you can have a good time, then why even go down that route? I'm not one of those people. I hate that when they're like, really? You don't blah blah. That's what they've chosen here.

Why don't you do that? Why don't you blah blah? That's our mission statement here. Everybody blah. It sounds like an 80s song. You're spinning it out of work. Everybody blah. It sounds like an 80s song. You're spinning it out of work. Everybody blah blah. Everybody blah blah.

I tell somebody who's a vegetarian too, they're just like, you don't eat meat. Well, what do you do? Blah blah. It's like, what the fuck do you think I do? I survive. I'm okay. I'm not like It's weird how that's like equated with like being a pussy like you don't slaughter animals it's like why don't you go kill an animal yourself like like

you know like people that are like really defensive of like meat it's like yeah you're such a man because you can order a cheeseburger right also yes you're not going out and killing it and skinning it i go kill the thing yourself i think i just ripped that rant off for beth's podcast by the way i think they made that point yeah that's that's fair i'm sure i'm sure many people have made that point yeah but it is pretty we're pretty separated from the shit that we eat you know right right yeah i mean if you're out there hunting and killing yeah then that's one thing good on you good on you but i mean i'm not a killing, then that's one thing. Good on you. Good on you. But, I mean, I'm not a vegetarian.

And then there's the people who find out you're a vegetarian, and they start listing it. They're like, you mean not even chicken? Right. Turkey? Yeah, I'm a vegetarian, but I eat chicken, turkey, and beef. What about seafood? What about seafood?

And you run into the cousin of that, too. They're like, oh, I'm a vegetarian, too. I mean, I eat chicken, but, yeah, I'm a vegetarian. Really? People are claiming to be vegans. I They're like, oh, I'm a vegetarian, too. I mean, I eat chicken, but yeah, I'm a vegetarian. Really? People are claiming to be vegetarians. I know no red meat, but I'm a vegetarian. People are claiming to be vegetarians and still eat chicken. What? I've definitely met a girl or two that's like, yeah, me too, me too.

But I mean, I eat chicken. That makes no sense. What about turkey? You can eat turkey then, right? Yeah, no. I'm sure they eat. Nothing with two layers of brain. Only reptilian. Yeah,ilian yeah no no if it

has feathers that doesn't count no that's that's completely different mike you're not a vegetarian i feel like that goes with your mix that you got going on yeah no i am like i wouldn't be surprised you're like i'm gluten free yeah no i am i eat meat a lot i eat meat at almost every meal really i eat so much i really really like meat as well oh yeah i wish i did i tried to be a vegetarian but i like my body just craves it like i felt sick the entire time i wasn't yeah well i did uh last summer i did what was called meat month because i was a vegetarian for six years and i was like what if i just feel so different i don't even know it right you know mean? It's been so long I don't know what normal is. So let me eat some meat.

Because during the summer I also get really jealous. You smell that steak on the grill and you're like, fuck, yes. So for a month I ate meat and I didn't really notice any difference except I was eating delicious meat. When I started again, my whole body got sore because my muscles

were rebuilding. It was so weird. But I ate really shittily as a vegetarian. Yeah, my whole body got sore because my muscles were rebuilding. It was so weird. Wow. But I ate really shittily as a vegetarian. Yeah. Well, now I eat fish because now that I've had that, I still kind of crave it. It's like tuna steaks and salmon and stuff. So I get a good amount of protein from beans and rice and fish. I feel like the trend is people are going to eating meat again who are in like that.

I'm doing this because it's a scene. I've never been latched on to straight edge. I don't do like I've never been latched on to any scene. But I remember when all of the hardcore kids were straight edge and then now they're not. They broke it. Yada, yada. Well, same thing with like the I was really in with kind of like the some guys were into the anarcho plus like punk cross scene in Baltimore. And now they like one of my buddies got married and I went to his wedding and it was a pig roast. to the anarcho-punk cross scene in Baltimore. Now, one of my buddies got married.

I went to his wedding and it was a pig roast. It was a bunch of people who were all vegan or vegetarian at one point, probably 90% of them. They were eating this pig's brain. I want to try the brain. Oh, yeah. They justified it. They're like, well, if not, it's wasteful. The bride's squeezing the brain. What's the, well if not, it's wasteful. The bride's like squeezing the brain.

What's the anus? Yeah, they were trying everything. They tossed the brain. Who's going to catch the brain? Yeah. With the blood. They throw the placenta on the ground

and smash it with their feet. Now they're like animal eating aficionados. They know every little thing about all of it. Yeah, that's a good flank cut right there. The nutrients from the brain actually, they tell you everything. Two years ago, they had never even eaten the shit. Right. a good flank cut right there. The nutrients from the brain, actually. They tell you everything. Two years ago, they had never even eaten the shit.

No, I'm not crazy. There's a good reason why I'm eating brain. You understand, Mike? You guys remember, did you ever see Faces of Death where they had fake footage of people eating a monkey's brain? Yeah. Apparently that happened in China or something, right?

I'm sure there's cultures that eat brains, but they don't put a live monkey in the middle of the table and smash it to death and eat its brain right out of its skull. I don't know. They're all well-dressed, middle-class people. I've got a surprise for you. Here comes the monkey. Was that fake? I know a lot of those. It was very fake.

Okay. Yeah. There is some real death in a lot of that stuff. Like even people dying. But it just wasn't. The whole point of like a snuff film is that it needs to be for the purpose of film. Well, yeah. It wasn't a snuff film in that they were killing people in order to make a movie.

It was just an early collection of actual people dying. Yeah. So they have a bunch of footage of people dying. Yeah. Right. I've seen a couple. I think it was associated with it, but it was a little girl that got hit by a train.

Did you guys see that one? That's really disturbing. Was it a little girl? I don't know. It was like a grown woman. There's multiple ones probably. No, they made it work. Yeah, it was like... I can barely even think about that stuff anymore.

The fake stuff, I don't care, but the real stuff will give me nightmares if I start thinking about it. Oh, it was terrifying. Because I didn't know what I was watching either it's a friend of mine he's like check this out you're like holy i had a friend i'm now a changed person because yeah i had a friend who was doing acid i think maybe for the first time or maybe shrooms or something but he was like tripping really hard and somebody put on one of those videos and it was the bud

dwyer footage of him shooting himself and Whoa. And it like ruined his life. This could hurt someone. And like we worked together for years and I would like I would say the name Bud Dwyer and it would freak him out. Yeah. Runs up a tree. Oh yeah. Leaves the side. I would change the lyrics to songs to Bud Dwyer like.

Can you take Bud Dwyer. Yeah. He's like no I can't that's actually in spin bops just bud Dwyer they don't know what we're talking about PowerPoint of bud Dwyer playing behind you yeah let's go um no I was thinking is how ironic it is that it is this video and faces of death all of these real captured deaths on film and then then they fake a monkey brain-eating scene. Well, I think... Like, we got to fill this out.

We only have 47 minutes of real death, Ted. When they first made it, they had very little real footage. I mean, because that was, like, early 80s, you know? Yeah. Cameras were everywhere, like, passing tapes around. So I think they only had, like, a couple reels of, like, actual human death. That was, like, war stuff. Yeah, but that was all like aftermath stuff yeah

like there wasn't a whole lot of action i don't think you know yeah i can't remember they spliced together like real stuff and fake stuff and i think like the animal footage and like the autopsy stuff like that was real right but there wasn't a whole lot of like action scenes of people dying yeah i like how too it's like it's like the the music, it's like the gritty days, we couldn't really get our hands on death videos. We had to do what we could, you know? Those were the lean years. Those were the 80s. Come on.

Faces of death behind the music. I honestly can't remember what was there. It was like faces of death, traces of death, faces of gore, guinea pig. I had a buddy who was into that stuff. Yeah, I remember being in the horror section as a kid at the video store and those would be like peppered throughout and i'd like dare to look at the back and then put it back you know yeah sure like someone mutilated on the street or something yeah i do the same thing with like uh like almost nudie movies that used to be

a blockbuster like the suggestive ones you'd have to like pretend like you'd be there with your mom and then you'd be like, I'm just going to loop back around. I don't really find. You'd go to the lap. I didn't know it didn't really seem. You're going to eyeball everything one more time. Seductive seamstress.

What is this? Hoping to see a nipple on the background or something. Dude, I do remember there was certain box covers that I knew showed breasts on the back that I would just check out every time I was in the video store and put it back. Yeah.

Yeah. I would definitely pretend to be the inquisitive. Like, what is this? Breasts, huh? Scratch my head. What is she doing with them? Rub my chin. They had a special room at the video store that I went to growing up.

Yeah. And that major pain, pointing at the door like a big poster, a major pain, it said like, you have to be at least 18 to get into this room. Oh, yeah. Yep. i had one of those two we had an independent video store and that it had it had like the saloon uh like doors yeah like fan kind of doors it's like god i can't wait to be 18 and go in there yeah i remember having like fantasies about like running like five or six videos at once and just staying up all night i remember like our video store had the tanya harding wedding tape what oh was oh was that like the like was that like a sex thing like yeah oh

wow it was like tanya harding's wedding night those celebrities and that that was that was one of the ones that i could look at the back of and see a little bit of nudity because it showed her ass up in the air oh wow yeah uh what what uh celebrity sex tapes have you seen mike i mean there's the pamela anderson there's the what the kim kardashian yeah yeah i i've seen i've seen the tommy lee pam one yes yeah what what's the the girl paris helton i've seen clips of that yeah that's that's weird because it's in night vision too like you feel like a sniper watching Yeah. That's weird because it's in night vision too. You feel like a sniper watching a sex scene or something.

China. The WWF. Gigantic clit. Yeah. You know what that is? That's from steroids. Steroids. They don't do that?

Apparently. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All these muscly chicks, like the professional ones, all the testosterone makes them more horny too. Really? It makes their clit get like giant. Doesn't it do the opposite to males doesn't like make your your nuts shrink uh that might not affect how horny you

are yeah um it does it's natural sperm production because your natural testosterone stops producing i don't know the exact reason for it but that you do not produce because yeah because your body's getting artificially so your body's like alright let me shut it down. I remember in one of those health class videos about steroids the guy was explaining his experience and he was like and my nuts shrank to the size of raisins.

Yeah. Room just explodes in laughter. Like 8th grade just like rolling like talking about it all day long. They said nuts in a health class video thank you lord but it made my dick look huge i remember once i shaved let me tell you it's like another weird one i remember a educational like cartoon about the medieval times in some history class in 10th grade or something.

It showed the toilet that they used in the castle. It showed a guy shitting. For some reason, they added a shot of him lifting his ass up so that his dick and balls were hanging down just really quickly. Then he went back down. Isn't that bizarre?

In a high school educational video? I swear to God this happened. Collegula. Speaking of Fight Club, it's like some Tyler Durden editing. Let me sneak in a quick testicle shot. What do you guys think of that? Mike, you got testicles, right?

Yes. Let's see them. Moving on. Let's break them out. Prove it. This is going to go great for the podcast. Mike, can you show everybody your desk? Oh my God, Mike! They're the size of raisins. Big raisins. Raisinets. Those big, pruney raisins

that are still kind of raisins, you know? They used to be grapes, guys. We're trying to go for that Howard Stern shock stuff. I never understood that. It's like, we got two strippers here. They're hot. Like, well, I can't see them. I think Rock does the jugs for plugs.

Oh, that's right. They just get everybody to take their tops off. What are the plugs? Do they make you take your tops off? What happens is if you have a business, you can plug your business so long as you bring a girl in studio that's going to show her tits the whole time. Wow, that's mature. You plug your, yes. Don't tell me you wouldn't do it though i don't think i would be able to find a girl to do that yes i mean on digression sessions yeah we should we should play who the fuck would we

get we're gonna dress you up mike we'll put some that's fine i'll do it now i'm just picturing like the aspca like and here's t She's going to take her top off. We're trying to save dogs and cats. If you could help us, please. For AARP. This is Gertrude. She's 65 years young. Oh, boy. You were on 90 Rock recently, right?

Yes. I'm actually going to be on there Tuesday as well. You do shows with Mickey. Yeah, I got three of them lined up really that's that's big time yeah man are you are you featuring no i'm just hosting them yeah so that's that's awesome it's cool where we're at mcgoobies no they're uh the lafontaine blue and glenn bernie that's a big one that has like justin schlegel and stuff on it he's great he's hilarious man yeah and then then two saturdays after that at the wellwood in northeast i did that one previously and then two saturdays after that it's the volunteer fire company in the

maryland line like right off 83 so nice pretty big shows yeah i'm amped about him that's awesome yeah very very cool how did you get uh hooked up with him well between the first way that i had a connection was i'm in the tv pilot charm city i haven't heard of that what is that do you know mason ross's yeah yeah the wham city crew yes it's a tv pilot that was filmed in Baltimore, loosely based on Baltimore, kind of over the top, kind of a raucous, goofy, zany thing. I play a Chewbacca-looking character, big footy kind of creature named Footsie. And I was in the TV pilot, and they were on 98 Rock twice. And they also sent out an email saying, hey, one of our guys is a comedian, Mike Turpin. You should get him on the show. And then coincidentally

I'm dating Wendy Townsend who's done a lot of work. She's been on the show too. She's on the morning show a lot. Exactly. She does a lot of shows with Mickey. So that definitely helped. He came out to a Color Me Funny show right when Charm City asked me to get on there.

Right when I sent an email out to Scott, Amelia, and Mickey. And right when I started dating Wendy all to get on there. And when I sent an email out to Scott, Amelia, and Mickey, and right when I started dating Wendy, all to get on there. And I got on there, and it went over pretty well, so they wanted to have me back and do shows. Wow, the stars aligned for you. Yes, yes. Very nice. That's awesome. Music's pretty exciting. I'm stoked, hopefully. Hopefully it goes somewhere. Hopefully it goes well, you know.

Do you have to, like, is it hard to not curse? I think that would be my problem. On the radio? Do you have to like, is it hard to not curse? I think that would be my problem. No, because I've spent a lot of my life with jobs where I can't curse. Like at the gym when I'm instructing classes. Let's fucking spin you first. I want to say stuff too. Random.

So in my head I think of all these funny things. Being a comedian, you think of things that you want to say, but can't, you know, just fucking don't be a little bitch. Just do it. I see you over there, Maria. Suck my ass.

Here we go. Let's go up the hill. I guess also you guys are on a podcast where you can cuss. So you think, God, it'd be so hard to censor ourselves. But when you don't know any different, it's not that big of a deal. I actually, I didn't cuss so you think god it'd be so hard to censor ourselves but when you don't know any different right it's not that big of i actually i didn't cuss but i did make an anal

sex reference where they had to do it they had to do a dump button i think uh so is there a delay that's apropos though sex dump button come on yes yo i i remember one time i i called up 98 rock and tried to win some contests and i accidentally accidentally cursed, and they kicked me off when I was like 18 or something. Yeah. So you were on 98 Rock, too. No. Well, yeah. Josh and I were once.

Oh, yeah. I was on that. You were on there when you were in a band? Yeah. Yeah. I was on there as a comedian when Tommy started booking comedians through them. Yeah, yeah. Is that still going on?

I know the show's moved to the auto bar. No, it is no longer going there. The comedy's not going on. No. Yeah. I mean, it's a tough gig. It's like midnight on Monday night. Yeah, I mean, that is about the toughest gig I can imagine.

I loved it. I did it twice. Really? And the first time I told everybody at the end of my set I was going to eat a tablespoonful of cinnamon, and they stuck around and had a blast. How'd that go? I did it. Dude, I fucking did it too. I did it. I did it and I did it. I knew absolutely nothing about it. I had never known anything. Me too. And I had heard that someone about an hour before I did it

said that they did it on Mythbusters and if you have a little bit of saliva in your mouth it can turn into... I totally did it. I put it in my mouth. I just let it sit, and then I chewed it up and swallowed it. Really? Yeah. I've tried it once. It went awful.

Me and my friends did that when we were in high school, because you read about those. You can't do the gallon of milk in an hour. We did cinnamon. The saltine crackers. Yep. Yep. Yeah, we did that. Then you can't eat a piece of bread or something in under 30 seconds, which is actually on television.

Yeah, we did that, too. We made that show. I'm still getting royalties. I love it. You can't eat a piece of bread in a minute? Yeah, something like that. What? It's white bread.

Because it expands. It's really weird. I think you might be able to cheat if you ball it up before you eat it into a cube. Right. But it is really hard. It tends to expand. But are people choking to death doing these things? I don't know.

I don't think so. Cinnamon was brutal. I want to see you guys do the cinnamon thing after the show. I could send you a link. And then the next time I was there, Tommy and I and this intern guy, Joe, did a habanero pepper eating competition. What? Yeah.

Nice. I mean, I just thought it was fun to do these. I didn't feel like doing my material. I just felt like they're not real. Yeah, that's definitely somewhere where if you're not in the. You can't just do your material because it's it's like three or four people and then the staff cleaning up at those shows. So it's like, let's just be in the moment and have fun. Yeah.

The the cinnamon thing. I did that. Did that once. It was awful. And then I challenged somebody I used to work with when I worked at the Paper Moon Diner. It was really slow. And we had we had a thing of sesame seeds because we used to pour that on one of our salads and then a thing of cinnamon which

used to put on like the pancakes or the waffles and this guy charlie you know you know mike he is like he's like i bet you can't eat all those sesame seeds like well i bet you can't eat a teaspoon of that cinnamon so fine i'll do it i was like no charlie you can't like i i'm just fucking around you can't do it no i'll do it no, I'll do it. I'll do it. And it was slow, so one of the other managers came over, and this guy, Charlie, he goes to do it, and he has this shit-eating grin on his face. Sorry.

My dog's a big Charlie fan. She hates this story. I am out of here. Leave Charlie alone. Charlie goes to eat it, and he has this grin on his face, and then he realizes he can't swallow it because all the cinnamon just cakes to your mouth. And he has this look of desperation for a second, and then he coughs, and this cloud of brown smoke

comes out of his mouth. It was so funny. And then one of the other managers, Jack, who is this kind of boisterous guy, goes, Ah! It was great. It was so funny and then one of the other managers jack who is this kind of boisterous guy it was great it was so funny charlie and i were uh challenging each other this weekend to say stupid things to tables yeah um what did i have to say i had to say uh i'm feeling more and more like smarty smurf every day how did you how'd you get that i just I just dropped it on some girls and walked away. And they just laughed nervously.

And I had to drop off a check as Dracula. That one was more embarrassing. Because that was like, I'm trying to be funny. They just thought I was trying to be a funny waiter guy. So they just politely laughed. And Charlie had to talk to a table like the crocodile hunter.

The whole time, though? No, no, just for one interaction. Right, right, right. That's really weird. That's even weirder, I think. Yeah, I know. It's funnier when they think that you're trying to be funny and you're just looking stupid. Yeah.

But he thinks he's a comedian. Very funny asshole. You should do stand-up. Stupid. All right. So, Mike, what else you got going on? You guys are doing the videos now? You Color Me Funny folks doing your web sketches?

Web shorts going on. We got a show, at least one show a week. We have three different venues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All kinds of stuff's going on man uh the web shorts are really starting to crank out at a higher rate we have a few different people who are shooting and we just shot two one might be dropping tomorrow so check out uh okay facebook for that this will be up in like a week okay well it'll probably be out six days ago

we're gonna be dropping our next web short. Oh, boy. It's going to be great. Oh, boy. Yeah. And then we're shooting two more Easter-ish. And should start shooting two at a time more frequently and some shorter ones and some less intricate higher production ones to just get more out there. So it's tough, though.

It's really tough to get out there on it's it's tough though it's really tough to get out there on youtube because you have to play the game um there's a lot of people doing it who are into social networking and um you know you got to do reddit you got it there are people out there like that have spotted views and yeah i've just started posting this podcast on reddit and it kind of get lost in the sea of everything. But yeah, because, yeah, it's one of the good and bad things we talk about all the time on the show that you can produce. Anybody can produce a video or a podcast or whatever. So but luckily we are the cream of the crop.

Not anybody can be Mike Miranda. No, not anybody. Josh Kaderna. Well, you can do it. Yeah. Josh Kaderina You can do it Mike starts a chainsaw Josh Kaderina That sounds nothing like Mike Moran What are you guys talking about? Our voices are very similar

All three of our voices are identical Maybe we should just pretend to be one person Whoever has the wittiest remarks Our last guest was putting it out on the set. All three of our voices are identical. Maybe we should just pretend to be one person. Whoever has the wittiest remark chimes in. That was a classic Mike Moran right there. There it was. Can we be Mike Moran? Come on.

Let's talk about it. You want all of our good jokes, don't you? We'll talk about it. Mike Moran. Let's talk about it. You've already. Okay. Let's talk about it. Okay. You've already got a jingle. Oh, yeah. Come on.

That's not fair. That's not fair. Josh Coderna, he's the best. That's my competing jingle. That was Mike Turpin singing his Josh Coderna. I'm about to do some slam poetry, you guys. You ready? Here we go.

We're here with Mike Turpin Special guest Mike I don't know anything really about you Could you tell me about yourself? I don't have anything I like to do a spin class I have a lot of fun doing that I listen to sludge metal

I also like sludge pie Breaking the mold Thank you Satan broke the mold when he made me Alcohol's stupid Thank you. Satan broke the mold when he made me. Alcohol is stupid. Thank you. Good night. But have you done any drugs?

You said you'd like to do mushrooms, but you haven't. No, I don't even know if I would like to do mushrooms. If I could pick to feel any high, it would not be drunk. Right. What do you think it feels like to be drunk? Maybe a little looser. At what level of drunk? The first stage would be looser, more relaxed, a little looser at the tongue,

maybe a little emotionally not quite extreme, but a little bit more. If you're happy, you're a little happier. If you're sad, you're a little sadder. It numbs the anxiety. A little confident, a little comfortable. That's what I think. Then it gets more extreme. You get a little dumber.

Right. But you also could be even more happy. It's just a more extreme version, I guess. That's what I think. But honestly, I have no clue. Right. I've never drank. That's just why you stick to heroin, though, right?

Yes. Yes. Any high that I've never tried tried which means every high other than heroin i've never snorted heroin though i'd like to try that i've just injected don't you think that's kind of the equivalent of like when christian girls won't have vaginal sex because they're saving their virginity but they'll have anal sex like don't you feel like that's just like going right to heroin instead of like trying marijuana like that's a gateway drug i don't want to mess with that anal sex is like heroin it's completely addictive it's just euphoric yeah there's women on the street that will do anything for anal sex for

a dick in the butt does anyone start with heroin you think maybe i would say they're in the minority but i'm sure it happens i mean yeah uh speaking behind the music i think anthony kidis did that right when he like accidentally when he had done he had done other drugs oh i thought he was like 14 yeah he was he didn't know he was but he he had already like he thought it was cocaine right and that's why he snorted it gotcha but yeah he he was uh his dad was like a uh a drug dealer i think well yeah something like that so he would probably had it like 14 weeks then like three like negative yeah not eight negative eight months he was already a month right instead of baby bottle that baby syringe it's like a little cute pink one you know don't you think like sometimes people already still lie about like when they started drinking or using drugs

as in like they say an age that's younger? Yeah. To be cool? Yeah. Yeah. No. I don't know. I don't really run into that. People still are like, yeah, no, I started smoking when I was in fifth grade.

I remember getting drunk when I was, like, eight. It's like, come on. They romanticize the past. I mean, it's exaggerated. They might even believe it. Who knows? Yeah, I like that that's romantic, too. Oh, I was getting six packs in the sixth grade. Oh, better time yeah we were more free back then you know economy was better

we were in obama's economy you know what i'm talking about pass me some tar heroin i need to get some sleep oh but i do guess if i could pick any high it would definitely be some sort it would either be rolling is something that seems very intriguing to me like you know ecstasy just because that's one that i can't really wrap my mind around stripping uh would be interesting salvia seems pretty wild but that just seems like you're dreaming because you're not even moving physically so i'm not i'm not sure what i if i could pick anything it would probably be some sort of hallucinogen or some very intense high. Sure, sure.

Something that makes you actually feel and think differently instead of just feeling good. Some sort of psychedelic. Okay. You a religious guy, Mike? No, not at all. Yeah. Josh is still fishing for the answer. No, I'm just curious.

Mike, tell me about your parents. Were your parents alcoholics? Is your dad still alive is he around uh did you have two dads did you watch my two dads growing up do you not know which one of two people is your dad do tell sorry this is standard questions we ask everybody i still have a list to go here mike yeah no uh yeah both of my parents are addicts we've talked about this before so it's like i kind of worry about that stuff but i don't really have it in me i if i you don't seem to yeah if i if i drink it's normally during the weekends or it's never if i'm drinking to excess it's very rare and it's not like as soon as i wake up let's get it started again so yeah yeah i worried about that for a while but i'm fine yeah you don't seem to be somebody

yeah i'm good i'm good yeah i had a couple beers today in the middle of the afternoon but i crushed it a poetry show i deserved deserved it. Those seven people that were there, they'll tell you. How are you feeling so far about the idea of having a few before you perform? No, it was after I performed. Have you tried

performing with a few drinks in you? Yeah, it was fine. Like on Wednesday night when I went up at Mugshots, I think I had a couple beers before. Did it help, sir? It did help a little bit because I was doing a story that I've never told before, so I was feeling a little nervous.

But it's a pretty supportive room. I know pretty much everybody there. Yeah, it does take the edge off a little bit. Not to the point where I'm like, whoa, where am I, man? You know, it's just, I don't know. Audibly saying, whoa, where am I, man? You know, it's just, I don't know. Audibly saying, whoa, where am I? Why are you acting like that while you're drunk?

It's more like you're on LSD. I'm drinking a pint of LSD. Hey, man! Who turned the floor into lava? Yeah, it's fine. It helped. He thought he was doing a lot better. Yeah.

With all the dolphins in the room, I crushed. They were helped. He thought he was doing a lot better. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah. With all the dolphins in the room, I crushed. They were great. They really loved me. So it was fun. Yeah. I've never really performed like drunk or anything.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel like if I could drink, I would probably have a few before I went on. But it's probably not a good habit to get into anyway. Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel like if I could drink, I would probably have a few before I went on. But it's probably not a good habit to get into anyway. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not worried about that either. I'm not like, I got to get a six pack in me or else I can't do the improv. Or else I can't get out of bed.

Yeah. Or else I can't drive to work. Or else I can't think about my feelings. Do you have any weird superstition like you have to do a certain thing before you perform no there there have been times where i i did like i'm just starting stand up i just really like started doing semi-seriously in december and i i did really well wearing this one flannel shirt so for like three shows in a row i wore the same shirt yeah and uh all those shows went great so that's what i'll be wearing. Work for Kirk Cobain. But no, yeah, that's the only thing.

Yeah, I do with clothes that, yeah, I've had shirts that I think I've performed better in. I don't do as well with nicer looking clothes if I do my weirder set. If I get really kind of like bizarre and kind of goofy, if I'm wearing like a button up and i look a little clean cut and i have nicer shoes on and nicer jeans it doesn't it doesn't really fit the bill so usually like just like a a random t-shirt usually goes over a lot better yeah i i think it's a thing you trick yourself too because you're like oh now i'm gonna do better but you feel more comfortable like it's a subconscious trick you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah what uh so tell us about your your comedy you have you have kind of a unique style. You improvise a lot, don't you?

Yeah, it depends. And you've typically seen me on my own turf, or if you have seen me somewhere else, it's an open mic where I'm not getting paid to feature or headline. I am heavily influenced by both one-liner comedians and more bizarre people like andy kaufman that that kind of thing but i do enjoy trying to tell stories like a dave chappelle or like a louis ck so i try and mix every style into my set but i think at the end of the day i'm pretty high energy kind of upbeat kind of a goofy, likable. I think at times some of my jokes have a tone of Andy Dwyer on Parks and Rec. Like just kind of silly.

Yeah. You have a lightheartedness. Yeah. You don't take yourself too seriously. You seem to have a love for the craft and for the audience and respect. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big thing, too, that I've've noticed too is if if somebody's having fun up

there it makes you like them a lot more like i've gotten that before from a couple comedians like you gotta kind of sell your jokes more which feels like a weird thing to say but if you are doing the same material you know for a few weeks or a few months you get tired of it so like you kind of go on autopilot acting comes in you got to be a good actor for yeah and i think that helps with improv too because if you're uh meshing the two because if you're like i'm gonna improvise a little bit like you're gonna be in the moment more you know what i mean versus like doing this material that you've done for a while so mixing it up so yeah yeah i've had that before like no the jokes are good you just gotta sell it more and then i'm like that sounds weird but it's true you know when i when i first started i was much more polarizing i rubbed more people the wrong way like some people

really liked me yeah and some people would be like oh you know either get offended by some of the things i said or just thought i was kind of dark and weird but now i'm much more colorful and animated and generally people like me like i have a lot of people after shows for some reason like maybe middle-aged women who don't really get my comedy too much might be like, oh, well, he was just so adorable. I'm just kind of like, oh, he's just so sweet. So I do have kind of like that light, airy, happy-go-lucky kind of feel on stage I go for. That's awesome. That's why I enjoy hosting a lot.

So you can kind of talk to the crowd a little more be a little more fun like because the host job is to keep it fun yes right right so like like hypothetically but my set as far as like when i headline like uh i did a 50 minute set at sully's chantilly uh this year and i yeah i did that room a couple months ago sweet yeah i did just a quick guest spot but that's awesome yeah yeah cool yeah and i did you know i have like my stories i go out in the audience i have like a camera where i tell people i'm filming my special and go and like give people high fives and noogies and spin around circle i played like the the boxer game that was in the side bar during my set i told the other bar jokes that i thought went over really well that they didn't get to hear and like i bring an audience member up on stage i

have t-shirts that have slogans written on them i bring you know sing a song with the audience like get him to chant so it's a variety it's a variety show at the end of the day yeah yeah that's what it sounds like yeah yeah Do you have bits? Oh, yeah. I've done like 20 minutes outside the hard rock that were just stories that were PG comedy. So I have a lot of material, but I think when the train comes off the track, things usually go the way I like it to go. I don't like to have to rely on my material. I don't have that five minutes that just

kills. I don't have seven minutes. I don't have a list that just pops every time I say it. I want to get to that point where I'm not relying on my material. But I don't think I'm anywhere close right now. But that's alright. It's not for everybody.

I think your styles sound just a little different right now. Yeah, definitely. But I don't right. Yeah, it's just not for everybody. You know, I think your styles, they sound just a little different right now. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. But I don't know. For me, the biggest thing is I can't I don't want to rely on my material forever because everything's been written. You know, you can't just rely on written material because somebody else has done it somewhere. Well, I wouldn't say that. I mean, it doesn't prevent other comedians from writing material.

Name a comedian that doesn't write material yeah right i mean no i'm just saying i i want to also be able to prove to myself my audience that i can be funny in the moment yeah yeah yeah rely on well that's i i i think there there can definitely be a marriage between yeah too like roy roy scoble i think is the biggest uh champion of that right now like because he i think he has an improv background too and he did stuff with the washington improv theater but most of his sets like i think he can get away with like i'm just gonna improvise on this topic here and then maybe mix in a bit with it and judah friedlander is one of those people he makes it seem like he's improvving a little bit like he'll talk to the audience about a subject that he already has a bit on so i think he i think i saw him at mcgoobies and he's talking about a subject that he already has a bit on. I think I saw him at McGoobies

and he was talking about a presidential race or something. He's like, well, what I would do if I was president. And then it makes it seem like he just made it up. You know what I mean? So, yeah. I would like to do that, too. I kind of like telling the story the other night. That was kind of fun. Like messing around and

figuring out how it goes. It's also scary doing that because you're like i don't know where this is gonna go it could either like go great or crash and burn you're stuck in it yeah once you start yeah yeah absolutely yeah i mean i agree i like to mess around at open mics and do things that i would never do in my mind like i always have these ideas yeah exactly yeah i like to do this You just bring a keg on stage. Yeah. Like, I just want to go to the sidebar and just put a boombox on stage that's, you know, I press play and then go sit down in the audience and it's George Carlin playing through the speakers, you know?

Like, I just, there's things I want to do that I probably wouldn't do during my set. Or like, hypothetically, how you just saw how I wrote that one poem that was for that show. Well, what happened was at 6 p.m on wednesday night i uh no monday night i found out that one of my clients canceled so i was like i'm just gonna write this poem last minute and then go do it at sidebar or somewhere else i wound up going to fish head cantina and doing it and it's like the poem's not hilarious it's not the most funny thing in the world but if i'm doing a 45 minute set and then 30 minutes in i just pull out this weird quirky poem that has some tongue-in-cheek humor in it it might go over really well and it's a good

addition to like the variety and it's that's the kind of the approach i have it's like if i can try a style i want to do it it's like my thing is i hear dave growl hypothetically he's a really well respected musician right not many people hate on dave kroll even if they don't like the food fighters they say he's down oh he was in probot he was in you know nirvana he's great okay that's cool but why does he play just watered down basic straightforward rock like if he's this musical genius why doesn't he want to play you know straight up blues and it's like no he does he's in them crooked vultures and like no it's still pretty much watered down just kind of rock meets a little bit of queens of stone age meets a little bit of blues but it's still just straight board spoon-fed music well i don't understand it why

doesn't he want to try and do a straight up folk song why doesn't he want to do hip-hop if he is this musical god right right i mean that's my my approach is why can't I tell a story? Why can't I do one-liners? Why can't I do any style of comedy? I think the era of the one-note comedian has kind of passed. Yeah. Well, I think there's always going to be room for that. And I think that now that there's more variety, I think you're going to have your straightforward people that are kind of hacky to maybe some people that kind of know what's going on.

But you know what I mean? It's great that there's all these different avenues. You can have a one-liner. You can have this guy that does different stuff. And then somebody that's maybe a little more down the middle with the kind of jokes that you've seen can see coming from a mile away. But some people don't. Some people like that stuff. Everyone's always going to have their thing.

And that's my big problem is everybody always tells me that. that's like but you have to find out which one is your thing and i'm like well maybe my thing is kind of not having a thing yeah doing a little bit of everything you know yeah i don't think i don't think you i don't think audiences really are demanding that all that much these days well everybody has their thing we have a we have a local audience to get big though sometimes you do need your own shtick you need your own selective audience. That's how people fall into that. Your get-or-done stuff. It's easily digestible.

That's the get-or-done guy. Get it. I understand. We're not going to our own audiences. We're not going to audiences that are coming to see our brand of comedy. You're right. There is not that one thing they're looking for. They're not even looking for you at all. They're just looking to go to the bar and laugh. So that's kind of a misconception, I think. And when you look at your biggest comedians, they do have a demographic or a style that they are promoting. Even like, what about Reggie Watts? What about Reggie Watts? I mean, he's as out there as it could be. I mean, he doesn't tell straightforward jokes. So it's not – there aren't many people who don't eventually find their one thing.

Like you see earlier bits of Louis C.K. being a little different, a little bit more animated, doing impressions, weird stuff. Yeah, he was more of almost a one-liner kind of guy too, pretty straightforward. Yeah, and he lost that and he found his thing and he sticks with it. And, I mean, I respect that, but that's just not what I want to do I don't think. Yeah, and that's great. I think we we should be doing that especially in the local scene like make it interesting make it fun to go out but that is a problem that people like comedy i want to go see comedy and that yeah you don't know all these different variations of what comedy can be you know yeah just because you're not this flavor doesn't mean that you're exactly funny it's just to that person

that's what they don't like you know it's like i think mark maron said it or maybe he got it from somebody else but people don't see music on the marquee of a bar like hey i like music could be metal could be bluegrass it does it's all under one umbrella but it's very different yeah and musically i was always into kind of stuff that was scattered and all over the place and more distinct and like very unique like that so it's just kind of that as well um and uh shit i had something very important i wanted to say damn it go do it uh comedy what what is it to me? I have something very profound to say. It all comes down to comedy. The biggest struggle with that is.

Sorry, Mike. We're out of time now. I want to package something that is still accessible. Like I am hosting for Mickey Coachella. I want to work at McGoobies. I want to be accessible. And theobies i want to be accessible and the thing i described is not very accessible so it's difficult trying to make it accessible and that's the problem yeah and in the grand scheme of things it's if you keep at it you're in the

fetus stage of being a comic too you know what i mean so i mean like louis ck it took 20 years before he became the fucking giant happy guy is today. Happy guy that he is. Yeah. Right. So, I mean, it takes such a long time. So, I get caught up in that, too, of being like, oh, it's got to be this guy. It's like, just fucking get on stage. Yeah, it's a more will be revealed type of thing.

Yes. The more you do it, the more you learn. Exactly. I think you, what do you guys think about the, do you think you can get more funny with time? Or do you think you just become a better comedian? A little bit of both. Yeah, definitely both. Yeah, I feel like you're accessing something.

The same way that you become a better guitar player if you keep playing guitar. I mean, if you're serious about it. You can also become less funny. You just change. People just change, you know? Yeah, I would love to be so rich that I'm unfunny. That'd be great. Like you're Eddie Murphy.

It is so weird how the most successful people just hit that peak. Well, it's because you can't really relate. 30 Rock did a really good job making fun of that with Tracy Morgan. He was as Tracy Jordan. He's like, why am I not doing well on the road? It's like, because none of your material is relatable. He's's like don't you hate it when you're getting lobster on the boat and it's overcooked and they're like what like i was you know is that really the reason why though i mean like eddie murphy well just i mean i think so i mean creative person it's like they always

hit this peak and then it's just like mediocre stuff for the rest of their career really any any uh pretty much like think about any like band or actor or musician like that's not director yeah not not everybody but like generally like comedians eddie murphy's ago and adam sandler's one were like the times that maybe passed him by but i don't even know he's changed a ton yeah i don't yeah he does like these horrible rom-com movies maybe he's just doing it for the payday, but at a certain point, he's been a millionaire for so long. I don't think he needs the money for these dumb things that he does. I actually like Punch Drunk Love, which was his first rom-com. No, that's not a rom-com.

It's kind of funny, and it's rom. It's not packaged rom-com. Yeah, it's more artsy. It's a wes anderson not yeah no pt anderson pt anderson yeah one of the anderson's yeah i love that movie but i wouldn't say it's like straight up wrong okay it's a romantic comedy any art house he kind of right like the one he did uh jack and jill okay yeah yeah i'm adam sandler and i'm also adam sandler but i'm his woman sister Like him playing

That's my boy and apparently I didn't see it but apparently that was very Similar to his older style And I mean the wedding singer A lot of them have romance with Big Daddy I don't know if they're rom- I don't know Almost every movie has a romance in it Well I want to say I don't hate rom-coms

In general I just mean that he's doing the Cheesiest of the cheese rom-coms. Like Jack and Jill. I'm going to play my sister, this over-the-top fat chick who falls in love with Al Pacino. Which is exactly. They made fun of that same concept just a few years earlier. In Funny People. In Funny People and in, what's the one where they're in Vietnam?

Tropic Thunder? Yeah. They've been making fun of those movies for years Oh, Tropic Thunder? Yeah. Yeah. Right. They've been making fun of those movies for years, and he's still doing them. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, yeah, I guess he's making millions of dollars. Who the fuck knows? There are still bands that are making, you know, that are creative, that are still being creative. Right. Yeah. That definitely happens. Yeah. I know you said Dave Grohl earlier.

I love Dave Grohl. That definitely happens. Yeah, I know you said Dave Grohl earlier. I love Dave Grohl. The Foo Fighters don't have some of the best songs right now, but I think he's super talented. He's really funny, too. The stuff that he's doing, he just released that Sound City documentary. Did you see that? No, I didn't see it. Oh, it's awesome. It's about...

Where did you see it? The theater? No, it's on Video On Demand. Really? It sounds like we're doing a live read right now. Video On Demand? Josh, that's not in the theater. Where did you see it? The theater? No, it's on Video On Demand. Really? It sounds like we're doing a live read right now. Video On Demand? Josh, that's not in the theater. Where did you see it? Well, Mike, it's available on iTunes, Amazon. I bet it cost you an arm and a leg, right?

It did. I killed my girlfriend and I sold her on the international sex trade. No, it was on Vudu. I don't think they take dead people. No, the reason I use Dave Grohl is because he's respected, not because of my opinion of him. I think it's all right. It is just straightforward rock, though, and everyone acts like he's a virtuoso. He has this brain for music, but no, he has a brain for rock.

It's just straightforward. Better than having a rock for brain, am I right? All right, that's been our show, everybody. Find me on Facebook, Twitter. Facebook.com slash rock for brain. Find me on Google. All the Googles. Yes.

Sorry, go ahead. No, no, it's cool. But Dave Grohl, that example was for that. Me personally, I mean, all right, talented, funny, Justin Timberlake. I just don't care you know i'm just not my thing i like dave i like i like the food fighters i guess it's just not really my thing some good songs they got some good songs i are you looking for my approval do you want my approval yeah it's not it's not extremely important i think i mean

yeah like there are songs like that i think are cool like ever long or whatever there are some songs the singles come on mike no i mean i've heard expecting him to know like the b-sides now i do i mean all right the shapes and color track 14 on their sixth album i know the albums and i i've listened to them top to bottom i mean for the most part except for like the really couple i'm an album guy they're like mediocre i only listen to albums i can't imagine myself listening to a band that i think is mediocre all their albums all the way through i it's one of those things where i go through a phase where i want to hear rock so i'll listen to a lot of stuff like local age and i'll listen to these bands and and i only listen to

albums i only listen to albums top to bottom i don't listen to individual songs i don't skip around why is that it's just the way i like to hear music i just like to take an album and listen to it i definitely remember like the days of like middle school like becoming because i owned like so few albums like becoming obsessed with a great album and like listening to it every night and learning all the lyrics and everything yeah i guess i guess my uh my favorite bands don't typically put out an album that's mediocre with a single right typically they are solid solid albums where not one song stands out as being that one track. Yeah, I love that when you fall in love with an album.

You're like, oh, the whole thing's perfect. How do you feel about conceptual albums? I like them, but you definitely have to listen to them top to bottom. I mean, you can't no shuffle. Yeah, that's true. I mean, give me an example. Some are supposed to be concept albums, and then they're really not. Right.

Like, maybe The Wall. But, I mean, name a concept album that, like, really flows from top to top. Can you think of one off the top of your head? Tool's last album was supposed to be a concept album. That didn't make, like, a difference, I think, if you listen to it. Really? Most radio head albums are concept albums, aren't they? Yeah, I mean, I primarily listen to radio at top to bottom, but I'm not, I don't know,

I'm not huge into it. I mean, like, I like Kid A, I like some of their albums, just don't, I don't know. Weird Al's Bad Hair Day? Yeah, that was, yeah, that's definitely a concept album. Yeah, that's true. That one was strictly parodies, I think. Yeah. Yeah, that was a real divergence for him, too, yeah.

Actually, you're both incorrect. Weird Al Yankovic albums are about 50% original songs. Yeah, they actually are. That album? Was that one? They all are. They all have about three or four original tracks. No, no, they're like 50-50.

Half the album is just original songs. He always puts out like a poker or two, which is like one or two tracks that are a bunch of tracks like medleys or whatever I call them and then he has like some straightforward parodies and then he has originals like he had a Christmas original I think on the bad hair day. I used to like weirdo. Yeah, I owned Alapalooza and Off the deep end. Oh, yeah Yeah, he's a talented musician. And I listened to Running With Scissors all the way through once.

Do you know how his parents died? Yeah. Weirdo. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. Yeah, they lit a fire in their fireplace, but the flume wasn't open, and they died of asphyxiation. Yeah. Wow.

That's depressing. Yeah. I think he, like, walked in and found him, didn't he? No, he was on tour. He got a call, and then he still had to perform that night. That's crazy. He still performed, though. Yeah, he talked about that on some podcast. Yeah, yeah.

Was it The Nerdist or something? I don't know. It might have been WTF. Yeah, no, it was on Celebrity Rehab. He talked about that. Yep, yep. He was addicted to polka. Weird Al has as much a chance of going to rehab as Mike Turpin.

So you're saying there's a chance that I might become Weird Al. Is that what you're saying? You keep growing that hair out, man. Absolutely. Yes. All right, Mike. Well, thank you for joining us on the show, sir. Thanks, man.

It's been a lot of fun. Anything else you want to get into or plug here at the end? We'll plug all your stuff up front, too. But you got you on the twitter jugs for plugs i am on the twitter i think i am uh it's either cmf mike turpin or mike turpin cmf but if you start typing in mike turpin that thing pops up i'm sure of it you don't even need you don't even need the twitter handle that's true for me too when i start typing in mike turpin that thing pops up yeah i don't understand my Everyone's always like, here's my Twitter handle.

It's something. Just type in Mike Turpin. If you are a comedian listening to this, I am sure I am the one who's going to pop up. Right, right. I guarantee it. All right. No, no, no. I don't have anything crazy.

Check me out on Facebook. Color Me Funny on Facebook as well. Our web shorts. YouTube. That's it. Plenty of fish. Match.com. I go by an alias Mitch Banana.

ChristianMingle.com Absolutely. Cool. Nambla Date. The Maryland Sex Adventure Registry. I'm at the top, baby. Number one. Three weeks running. Alright, well, cool. Thanks, Mike. Thanks, baby. Number one. Three weeks running. All right.

Well, cool. Thanks, Mike. Thanks for coming over, man. We appreciate it. Thanks a lot. you