The Digression Sessions - Ep. 70 - Mark Miller & Kathy Carson!

Episode Date: April 12, 2013

-PODCASTCASTLE- Hola Digheads! This week Josh and Mike are joined by multi-talented comedians, Mark Miller and Kathy Carson! Mark and Kathy are both Baltimore based stand ups and improvisers. Mark has a dry wit, a penchant for one-liners and a delivery that relishes awkward silence. While Kathy has more of a story based approach to stand up, which mixes in a healthy bit of social commentary as well. Mark is also a member of the Baltimore Rock Opera Society or BROS. Their next feature-length original rock opera is “MURDERCASTLE.” Set in Chicago’s 1893 World’s Fair, MURDERCASTLE recounts the disturbing tale of America’s first serial killer, H.H. Holmes – the empire he created, and the brutal fate of his victims. MUDERCASTLE opens Friday, May 10, 2013 at The Autograph Playhouse in Baltimore. And you can see Kathy performing with her BIG troupe, Lekker, Friday April 19th at the Mobtown Theater at Meadow Mill in Baltimore. During this ep, Mark shares stories about his battles with bullies in middle school and high school, his contributions to BROS, his start in comedy, and the music he makes under the moniker, MARKITECT. Kathy talks about working with children for her past job at Lifetouch, growing up with goats, comedy, and her love of Gain detergent. Find all things Mark Miller at @MARKITECT_ROCK on Twitter and all things Kathy Carson @Kathy_Carson on Twitter. And if you get a chance please help us out by leaving us a quick comment on iTunes and maybe rating, if you’re nasty. And tell a friend! Spread the good word! Thanks, Digheads!! Follow Us – @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting yes

who's the guest this week we're actually joined by two guests this week two very funny multi-talented people we are joined by musician improviser comedian mark miller and fellow member of the baltimore improv group and comedian herself ms kathy carson this is uh this is a fun app we've been meaning to have uh mark on Mark on the program for a while, and it was fun to sit down with him and see what he's all about. He is currently helping to put together the Baltimore Rock Opera Society's next show, Murder Castle. Murder Castle.

Which sounds completely insane, but also awesome. And he will be a part of that. And that premieres May 10th at the Autograph Playhouse here in Baltimore. And you can find tickets at BaltimoreRockOpera.org. And for all things Mark Miller, you can find him on Twitter at Markitect underscore rock. That's spelled M-A-R-K-I-T-E-C-T underscore rock, as in Rock Opera Society. Rock and roll! Mark also has himself a website.

It is markismarkitect.wordpress.com. And he's been blogging over there and you can stay abreast of what he's been up to. I think he posts some of his comedy sets and just his musings in general and some of his past works that he's done as a musician under the moniker Marketech. So check that out because Mark's an awesome guy. So go support him. Also also you can find all things kathy carson on the twitters she hasn't tweeted in a while so it'll be special you want to be there you want to be on the ground floor when she finally makes her triumphant return to twitter and you can do that at kathy underscore carson and if you want to see kathy Carson in the flesh, you can see her with their

Baltimore Improv Group Troop. Baltimore Improv Group Troop. Group Troop. You can see her with Lekker at the Mob Town Theater on April 19th at 8 p.m. For tickets, go to bigimprov.org. And we've had Kathy on the show before, but it was great to have her back on. She's a super funny lady. No, beyond that, she's just a funny human being. They're both, Mark and Kathy are both awesome. And they both have a background in 4-H. Who knew?

In this episode, Kathy will tell you all about selling goats to Jamaicans. Because apparently that was a part of her life. Again, who knew? Who knew? Which brings us to our ad for Hulu. Hulu. Who knew? No, I'm just kidding.

We don't advertise for Hulu. Would be nice, though. Are you listening, Hulu? Are you listening, Hulu? Are you listening? And if you want to see your favorite pairs of earbuds, me, Josh Kaderna, and my co-host, Mike Moran, you can do that as well, because we have some shows coming up. We'll be doing some improv ourselves.

Wow. If you're listening to this today, Friday, April 12th, I will be at the Mob Town Theater at 8 p.m. performing with my Baltimore... I just choked on my own spit. I'll be performing with my Baltimore Improv Group troupe, Gus. And it should be a lot of fun. And Mike will be there tomorrow, Saturday, April 13th, performing with his troupe, Pop 6.

So go check him out. Also, you can see me this Wednesday in Baltimore. I'll be co-hosting Chuckle Storm with Alex Broslowski at the Auto Bar at 8 p.m. Come on out to that. It'll be super fun. And for more shows for Mike and I, you can go to digressionsessions.com and click on the calendar page. We have all of our shows' upcoming performances listed there for the month of April, and we're updating May right now. So go check that out.

Come see us live. Follow us on Twitter. At Dig Sesh Pod is the podcast. I'm at Better Robot Josh, and Mike is at Michael Moran 10. Though enough rambling, let's get into the episode we love you also tell a friend about the show thanks there you go hey just be natural about it there you go tres. Yep. There you go. Hey, just be natural about it. There you go.

There you go. They were, like, genuinely funny, were they not? Welcome back to There You Go. Bert and Ernie. They were genuinely funny? Yeah. Don't you feel like that was, like, your first introduction into actual comedy? Waldorf and Statler were actually the ones I liked the most.

Who the hell was that? The old guys in the balcony that would always just, like, insult and everything. They were on the Muppet Show. I always liked Foz like Fozzie bear oh yeah Fozzie's a good one Oscar the grouch I like all of them I like Tully but he wasn't really funny he was just kind of sweet I like this knuckle bear yeah we'll be right back let's discuss this yeah I mean the fabrics oh yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Funny thing about Fozzie Bear is I got one of those Fozzie Bear, like, plastic mask costumes. Uh-huh.

I probably had a picture of Fozzie Bear on my torso. I went over to show my neighbors my sweet Halloween costume, and they threw tomatoes at me. What? Really? Did they just have tomatoes on hand? Like, here comes the weird neighbor kid. Was it for Halloween? Yeah, it for Halloween?

Yeah, it was Halloween. I was like 17. I mean, but were they throwing things because it was Halloween? They were throwing things because they were assholes. Okay, that's like regardless. They're probably always going to be assholes. But what I'm saying is since it was Halloween, did they have produce to throw at people? Yeah, it sounds like you grew up in like the 1800s. Yeah, there's just like a stockpile.

Were you in a stockade? Collect the rotten fruit. Here comes the neighbor boy. Make a stew. Being in league with Satan. Their swing set was like right next to the garden. Oh, those types of people. Wait, so how much older were they to you?

Like five or six years. Oh, okay. So they really are just assholes. They were just ass five or six years. Oh, okay. So they really are just assholes. So they're like teenagers assaulting a small child, essentially. Yes. And one of them a couple years later trapped me in his backyard and terrorized me. Oh, my God. Wow.

Kathy, what have you been up to? No, I'm just kidding. Anyways. What do you mean? A couple years ago he terrorized you? No, when I was like seven years old. He was 29 years old. He was terrified.

29 years young and he cornered me. So you had scary neighbors that terrorized you. Yeah, they were jerks. Why would you go show them your cool new Fozzie Bear mask? Well, this was before I realized they were jerks. So that was the introduction. So you were just trying to be friendly. I was just an innocent little kid.

I do remember there being incidents when you're a child where all of a sudden, like, your friends or someone you trust, someone your age, just, like, turns on you. And it becomes terrifying. Right. You know what I'm saying? Well, because you have no idea. Right. Probably. Because you've got to test the waters.

You've got to be like, I think I peed myself. And you're trying to tell them in confidence. And then they just, like, tell everybody. Well, yeah. I mean, so i've heard like that's an example that's a thing that could happen in theory right that didn't necessarily happen yeah yeah no i'm not to josh did you guys ever like as a young child no yourself in class or anything yeah yeah i remember uh times yeah not in class sociology. The year was 2004. No, I was.

The whites, right? We're still out there. It becomes like one of your years. We were just catching on to that Jack White's genius here in America. He's just been reelected. Which is good for everybody. I was over the summer and I was at like an all day, not daycare, but when you're too young to stay home by yourself? It's a daycare.

Daycare. There you go. Okay. You know, like cool care? Is that what they call it? So your parents wouldn't let you be a latchkey kid? Yeah. Not the entire summer.

You were slightly above a latchkey. Aftercare? Slightly. Maybe, but it was during the day. It was like aftercare at school, but over the summer. And there were older kids there, and they were cussing and uh man i thought cussing was the funniest thing ever just because i could never do it and then the kids and then the kids are just like man this fucking uh fuck her like talking about you know one of the instructors and i was like oh my god like they were the funniest people on earth

and i just i pissed my pants and i was, I was, like, sitting on the sidewalk. I remember, like, Indian style. And then I got up and there was just a stain there. I was like, that's been there. Oh, my God. You said it out loud before anybody noticed. Right. Been there.

Like, I just peed myself. This fucking cup is leaking everywhere. Yeah. One of the instructor people, not teachers, but one of the adults was like, let's get you to the bathroom. I mean, you can. I didn't pee there. If you want. She probably wants to fuck me, you guys.

Fuck. You were in super denial as a child. It was terrifying. Did the other kids find out? Oh, yeah. How did the rest of the summer go? Pretty good. I think I lived it down.

Right. They just didn't mention it again. Yeah. I don't remember it being too traumatic after that, so it must not have been too bad unless I buried it deep down. I feel like with stuff like that, though, and especially at that young of an age, everybody's done it. Everybody's doing it.

All the cool kids. Yeah. Billy Madison aside. I mean, I really genuinely think that enough kids did it that they're just like, oh, yeah, that's no big deal. Hey, man. Don't worry about it. Welcome to the fraternity of pee-pancers. You've arrived.

My greatest fear as a child, and I feel like I still get this fear irrationally, is peeing somebody else's bed or like peeing in like a sleeping bag like when you spend the night somewhere i went to a sleepover where a girl had like a pad because she had a problem with wetting the bed so she had this like pad that she brought with her wow yeah embarrassing and i didn't go to that many sleepovers so i was like did i forget my pad i know do i have bad? They didn't tell me about this pad thing? Can we just not afford the pad and that's why we don't have it? Are we too poor to have a pad, mom and dad? That's extra comfy.

Why don't I get one of those? Yeah, there was somebody that I was friends with in high school who it seemed like every time he got really drunk, he would end up pissing himself. I never did that once. Me either. Me either. Thank God. time he got really drunk he would end up pissing himself right yeah what is it i never did that once it's me either thank god yeah i heard a story from this guy who uh he was like it was his freshman year and he had the hots for this girl like all semester and finally like she got real drunk and they hooked up and then um when his roommate comes home, he's like, oh, he sees him in bed together. He's like, oh, man, where to go, buddy? Where to go?

But when he looks and the guy's got like this horrified look on his face and he's like, what? You should be happy. And he's like, she peed in my bed. It was great. I probably did. They keep. I was about to say Did they keep dating or anything? Did their love endure?

I don't know what happened after that He's like Don't fucking stay there We gotta clean it up Don't just sit there We gotta take care of her You don't have to fuck her again Don't let her lay in the pee Yeah just don't let her lay in the pee all night.

Yeah, just don't let her lay in the pee. That's just not polite. A gentleman never lets his caller. I'm pretty sure that's an Audrey Hepburn movie. I believe it is. A gentleman never lets a lady sleep in pee. Like, madam, you're sleeping in your own urine. I'm sure.

I don't know what you're talking about. Bum, bum, bum, bum. I don't know what you're talking about. At Mugshots last night, Kathy Carson, which you hosted, the open mic and improv show. I did. You told a story about, because you work with the little chitlin, right? I used to work with kids. I don't know. Oh, okay. Yeah.

As like two years ago, I was still doing like photography and stuff. Right. And can you tell the story of the girl? Do you know what story I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. I feel like a morning DJ, like, so, Kathy, kids? That's the only setup? No, but this is 100% true story.

I did not make any of this up. True story. I was at this. Seven strangers. We did a lot of schools. Bill. story yeah i was at this uh strangers we did a lot of schools bill we did a lot of schools in uh all right okay that's good yeah if there's it's all good if there's an air horn on this thing on this soundboard i got home like a half hour ago i really wanted to load one on oh i bet you did i didn't have enough oh my god it drives me crazy anyway anyway so uh we did a lot of schools in like southern maryland and pg county

and stuff like that and i'm pretty sure we were in pg county this time and it was an elementary school and i'm getting this little girl like ready for a picture and you have to kind of like, they call it grooming, you know, because you're getting their hair looking nice and their clothes and all that stuff. And she's like, she couldn't have been more than six or seven. And this little black girl. And she was adorable. So I get her all ready. Little black kids are the cutest, by the way. They are.

They're the cutest kids. I love them. They're like so often, because a lot of times white they are i love them they're like like so often because a lot of times white children are just like they look they're they're not they're not fully formed like you can tell like it looks like they came out of the oven a little early yeah little black kids they're just like little tiny people yeah i think that's why they've got a lot of like personality and character in their face but anyway so so i'm getting her ready and i'm like you look good you look good great honey you know we're gonna get you ready and you're all good to go

and she and she goes good because i thought i looked like a fag and i was like wait what did you just say to me and and it was just so weird because i was like she's six seven so she must have heard it from like brothers or somebody at school or something. The Westboro Baptist Church. Yeah. Probably her dad when he's leaving for work. Like, honey, do I look like a fag? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you look good. So it was just so funny to me that that was like- The park. Do I look like a fag? I'm not pushing you on that swing. Can you put that in the recycling? Do I look like a fag to you. Let me try to light him up.

Try to light him on fire. That's okay. But yeah, that's basically it. I was like, no. I was like, you probably shouldn't be saying that. Did you know it was a bad word? I don't think so. That's the thing.

She said it like it was such a nonchalant thing to say. From the mouth of babes. Yeah, but I think she probably just hears it enough in her. I remember when I didn't know ass was a bad word, and I said it, and my sisters told me it was a curse word, and I cried. Oh, really? I never said a curse word before. The year was 2004.

The first time I ever said a curse word, I was so upset with myself, I washed my own mouth out with soap. No kidding. You must have been raised Catholic. No. My mom was like, what are you doing? I'm like, I said a bad word today. She's like, relax, Burke. You don't need to eat soap.

That's awesome. Just don't do it again. Do you remember what kind of soap it was? Probably Dial. Okay. We're talking liquid or bar? Bar. Bar. Dial soap always makes me Probably dial. Okay. We're talking liquid or bar? Bar. Dial soap always makes me think of old people.

I feel like that smell I associate with old people. Hold on. Mike just said he wanted to stick his head in the washing machine, right? Dish machine. Okay, we're gonna get to that. You said dial smells like old people? The smell of like the yellow dial, it reminds me of old people. Like the hand soap? No, well like the hand soap and the bar soap smell the same. Yeah, that is kind of like the yellow dial no well like the hand soap and the

bar so interesting because I actually enjoy the smell of ivory actually I associated with like the social hall of the Methodist church in the town I grew up in, which was rife with old people. Am I right? Are you right? You know, smell is the most closely associated scent. Of all the scents, smell is the one that's tied the closest to the most. I've definitely found that to be true. Every now and then I'll be like, hey, it smells like my first grade class in here.

Yes, yeah. Very specific. Hey, it smells like here. Hey. Like, hey, I peed on the sidewalk, but nobody saw me. Let me just claim that this puddle was already there. There's a specific name for the smell of the ground when it starts to rain. And I really, I always forget what it is, but I think it starts with a silent P, like P-T-R something.

The smell of the ground? Like the water brings something out of it? Yeah, when it first starts raining and the ground's dry and then the rain starts. Gets it wet? Yeah, there's a specific name for that smell and i wish i could remember what it was because then i feel like i would sound even more impressive right now i don't know if that's possible i don't know either i don't yes like peat moss peaty like a peat bog yeah peter frampton sounds like peter frampton yeah yeah okay do you smell like i smell yeah i do

i definitely do you feel what i'm cooking um so we have guests today john what yeah i thought we've been talking to ghosts this whole time i know so yeah we are joined by two funny people mr mark miller next week next week we have two two funny people. Mr. Mark Miller. Next week. Next week, we have two really funny people. Jerry Seinfeld's coming in. And Jerry Sandusky. Oh, you mean WBAL's Jerry Sandusky?

Oh, no, what station does he? I thought Jerry Sandusky was the Philadelphia molestation. Yeah, there's also. Alleged, alleged. No, he didn't. He was convicted. Okay, convicted. Convicted. No, but there's also a local

sports caster, sports reporter guy named Jerry Sandusky. Really? Yes. He's the voice of the Orioles and the Ravens. Yes. Wow. You'd think you'd want to change that. I want to be known as Jerry S. real quick, or whatever my middle name was. Jer Sand. Jer Sand.

Jer Sand. Jer Bear. That probably wouldn't help the child molester. Leader of the Sand people. quick yeah or whatever my middle name was and Jeris and James and Jer bear that probably wouldn't help the leader of the sand people he's the one that calls all those games pitches ball guy hits it all hail oil Donny I get it I get it out of here glass something because sam turns into glass glass dong yeah glass dong glass dong that sounds like glass dong glass dong and those do exist like glass uh what's with the glass dildo i'm not sure a lot of people prefer them the question wasn't for you is for mark mark what's with the glass dildo did you need to bring here? Why are you holding that thing in our face? What's with the glass? Well, you asked me to bring it.

I know. I know. I know. I just didn't think you were going to have it out the whole time. I don't have a goldfish in it. There's something crystallized on the inside. Like a real? Oh, I thought you meant like a goldfish that was alive.

What? Well, you know how like those shoes? Yes. The disco shoes? I want a dildo with like water that you can put a goldfish in. I don't feel like that's a great idea well the greatest idea I'm sorry Don Draper sorry electric eel put an electric eel in there yeah that could be shocking and those are a lot cleaner than the old gas-powered eels, I heard.

Yeah. It's true. The smaller carbon footprint. This slide is a lot cleaner than the old gas-powered one. So wait, Mike, you wanted to put your head in the dishwasher? No, you misheard me. Okay. No, I was merely ripping on Mark's putting his own face in the soap.

Oh. Why? Because you have a dirty mind? So you have to put your own face. Yes, sanding it. Oh. Okay. Forget I said anything.

The dish machine did always seem kind of refreshing, though. You think so? Yeah, like when you open it up and it's steamy and it smells. See, I don't ever think it smells good. Dishwasher? The dishwasher? I don't ever think the smells good. Dishwasher? I don't ever think the steam smells good. It's always got that faint pasta saucy odor.

It doesn't have shit on the dryer vent. That's what it's all about. Your dryer vent, man. Like you're walking by somebody's house and they're doing their laundry and you're like, hell yeah. It's that dryer sheet. Do you a preferred uh detergent smell uh no because i just get the cheapest detergent i get extra okay which actually costs less let's take a break no um yeah i don't know why what's yours because i gain really yes iain. Really? Yes. I feel like you either love the smell or you hate it because I'm

dead serious. It smells like futon cookies. There are people that are way into Gain. I talk about this way more often than I should. There's nothing in between. I've done a lot of research on this. Yeah, I do. I do discuss these sort of things way more often than I should. Mark, how do you feel about the smell of Gain detergent?

It's pretty good. Okay, what's your favorite? I'm kind of neutral on all of them. My favorite detergent smell? Plain. Plain. Unscented. Original, that's my favorite.

Original. Classic. Classic detergent. Where did you grow up, Mark? I grew up in West By god virginia what weird wild and wonderful wet wet wild and wonderful oh almost heaven oh yeah uh-huh pretty close to it and what uh what brought you to there's very few gay people oh there's yeah now that mark's gone let's take a break oh yeah uh mark mark how'd you end up in Baltimore well I

moved out here to work as a landscape designer uh-huh are you still doing that Then the economy. Oh, man. Obama. I can't see it every time. Thanks, Obama. I'm just grateful to have a job. I'll tell you what. It's tough these days. Well, we had a lot of state and city contracts, and they just decided that they weren't going to build the stuff anymore.

Right. And my boss was just mean and didn't like me. And I think she saw her chance to get rid of me cleanly. And so she just. Why didn't she like you? I guess she didn't think I worked hard enough, maybe. Mark, can you move that microphone closer to your mouth? Or is that too much work for you?

I'm sorry. I think I had a hard time getting to work on time. And I don't think she thought that I worked efficiently enough. Got to work smart, not hard. Yeah. Anyways, that lasted about three years, and then it was off into real America. But, I mean, after three years,

I already found enough cool stuff here that I wasn't gonna retreat yeah and you remember the the Baltimore Rock Opera Society yeah which I didn't know until last night when you asked me if I knew anybody that owned a theater in Philadelphia yeah and I don't do you guys it's a real theater magnet. I mean, I wouldn't expect anybody really to know anybody, but. So when did you get involved with the Baltimore Rock Opera Society? After I lost the job. Like, fuck this.

I'm going to join a punk rock opera. Yeah, I mean, essentially, like, all through college, I played in bands and stuff, and I always wanted to do, like, other things. But my parents were like, oh, no, use the degree, use the degree. So I did that. I used the degree for three years, and then it didn't work out. So I'm like, well, screw this. I'm going to play music and be in shows and do improv and stand-up comedy and do that whole thing because nobody wants my degree. And you have music out there under Marketek?

Marketek, yeah. Well, what's the next Baltimore Rock Opera Society show, the next bros show? Our next show is currently in production. It's called Murder Castle. It debuts May 10th, I believe. How's the landscaping on the Murder Castle? Well, it's mostly inside.

Oh, okay. I'm right that there's not a lot of landscaping. It's not Murder Castle in the park? No, no. Okay, the interesting thing is it takes place during the Chicago World's Fair of 1893, which was a seminal achievement in urban planning and landscape architecture. The park grounds themselves were designed by Frederick Law Olmsted, who also designed Central Park, Druid Hill Park.

Really? Yeah. Jinx. And he is the father of modern landscape architecture. No shit. He did Druid Park. That's awesome. But most of the show takes place in the murder castle.

Wait, so you are using your degree then? Yeah. You just dropped some science. I'm using it to tell random podcast listeners little bits of history. I like it. I mean, I'll probably go back to school podcast listeners little bits of history. I like it. I mean, I'll probably go back to school for it one of these days. Get your master's, you mean? Yeah.

When you get your master's in something like landscape stuff, is it like a piece of turf? And get a master's. Do they just give you a piece of turf as your diploma? Yes. Some sod? It's a nice welcome mat. Welcome to your future. It's a nice welcome, Matt. Welcome to your future. It's a 12 by 12 square of Kentucky bluegrass.

That's the best. Or Bermuda grass. I feel like people enjoy that. Or is that the bad one? I don't know. It depends. I got to show you my backyard when we're done here, Mark. I need some tips on growing some grass. For a price.

Okay. Also, I need some tips on growing some grass for a price okay okay I need to need to download some Barry Manilow CDs yes so actually murder castle it's I am doing the props I'm the props acquisitions minister for that show. Are you ordained? Yeah. We got an ordained prop minister to take care of it. We make up goofy names for ourselves and I thought that was props acquisitions minister. It sounds very British.

Yeah. That's like prime minister. Have you taken this up with the prop minister? Exactly. It's going good. We've got lots of cool stuff It's going to be an awesome show It's going to be very dark Very black metal

Like living color Lots of body glove Wetsuits Dreads Hopefully some Bajas Some Bajas You remember those? The pullover thing with the big pockets here?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they kind of looked like a blanket or something. That's not black metal. Kathy, get the fuck out. I know. Drive your car down the wrong way down my street and get the fuck out of here. This particular, this rock opera is based on the H.H. Holmes murder spree, correct? Yes.

Yes, it's based on H.H. Holmes and his... Long dong. His thing is... Whoops, sorry. If you're not familiar with H.H. Holmes, he's this sort of weird... He hit your microphone. He's like America's first serial killer. And he designed this hotel...

The story is insane with all kinds of like hidden passageways and like gas chambers and stuff so he could kill people yes we could kill people use the world's fair he called his hotel was called the World's Fair Hotel which he used to Laurie and all these tourists then they come in and then he you know check him in do the whole thing and then he'd check them in and do the whole thing. And then while they were sleeping, gas them and torture them and kill them. It was insane. This just shows you how shitty cops are too.

Like, well, 85 people checked in here and they're all dead. They're all missing. You know anything about that? No, I don't. There was a lot of people. H.H. Holmes from the late 1800s to rally against the police force. That's the pigs, man show yeah well i mean just

how you could get away with anything just being like no i don't know like okay have a good day we're going to uh we're going to slaughter a pig on stage you are not that's a fake one but don't tell anybody okay this has been disbelief but um yeah it was crazy and because like people were disappearing all the time. And the cops were like, okay, like, you go and you report a missing person. Like, okay, yeah, yeah, we'll add it to the list. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. Yeah, right?

See, that's what I'm saying. They're all checking into one place. Yeah. The 1800s. Right. And people just, like, dropped dead of the flu, you know? That's what I'm saying, how easy it was to be a serial killer. I mean, come on.

And this was before fingerprints. Yep. This was before. They were just relying on people's statements for, like, solve mysteries. That's what I mean. Putting people to death. Why would he lie to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's Mr. Holmes. This was before, like, camera phones. Well, how exactly. GPS. Can you explain to us how he got away? I mean, were the police questioning him regularly? They were, he had a lot of stuff going. Because he had a lot of scams going.

Like, his whole hotel, like, was furnished with, like, forged checks. And he'd, like, make up identities and buy things on credit. And then when the creditors would come he'd like charm the debt collectors and then like never pay for anything. And then kill them. Just stay in my hotel for free. And the other thing is all these people that he killed

as part of when they'd sign into his hotel he'd sell them a life insurance policy. Jesus Christ. He'd kill them and then cash in on their life insurance. I don't see anything weird about this here's a complete stranger being like better sign this you're gonna sign that over to me about all these people disappearing around here yeah well that's nothing of it I'm sorry I don't have time to tell my yeah it's like in case you die on the Ferris wheel. I think the Tesla's doing a showcase down at the harbor.

By today's standards, you look back and you're like, Einstein will be electrocuting an elephant to death. They call it a roadster. It's a crazy thing. I think it's witchcraft. It's crazy. That period in time was like sort of they still had kind of like the old-timey like thought processes but we're starting to have like more modern gadgets and stuff right stuff that's basically unbelievable yeah like so it's totally unbelievable yeah that period of time it was very wise like steampunk yeah

right so it's just crazy stuff more of a steampunk fan. How they eventually caught him. I'm a steampod. Sorry, we keep cutting Mark off. They caught him because he got sloppy, essentially. Right. He had a... By what? Killing hundreds of people in his hotel? He was running a life insurance scam on his partner. Oh, he was gay.

And then his business partner. He was gay for a living. And so it involved faking his business partner. He was gay for a living. And so it involved faking his business partner's death. But then he actually really killed him for real. And then he kidnapped the guy's kids and was running all over the place. And then there was another detective that was after him. He should have never started running all over the place. He was fine.

And actually, I guess what really got him was he got arrested for stealing cattle. Oh, jeez. That'll get you every time. He got arrested for stealing cattle. And then while he was in prison, he ran his mouth off to his cellmate. Are you kidding me?

Yes. I'm not kidding you. He was talking about all these scams he did to his cellmate I thought you were going to say he buried the lead He's just bragging about the cows 16 cows And that was the nail in the coffin And the thing is

They suspect him of doing all these murders But they only really convicted him Of 5 or 6 Some people think he may have been Jack the Ripper Correct? No kidding convicted him of five or six yeah no kidding well yeah so what would there well he could have been in London and there's evidence that he was that he was in London at that time but Jack Ripper only killed prostitutes it sounds like a different mo but sometimes I can happen maybe he was like on vacation so that's

like his vacation maybe just got out of a relationship. I need to relax. This spring, it's only prostitutes, you guys. I really need to relax. There's a lot of stuff out there. They're making a movie with Leo DeCappo. Yeah, he got his rights. It's called The Great Gatsby.

Yes, I do want to see that. It looks stunning. Yeah, that's Leo's next vehicle. It's a Baz Lu Gatsby. Yes. I do want to see that. Really? It looks stunning. Is that coming out? Yeah. That's Leo's next vehicle. It's a Baz Luhrmann movie, too, so that means visually it's going to be crazy. Who knows Baz Luhrmann? He did Romeo and Juliet, and he also did, there's a movie called Australia with Hugh

Jackman and Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's horrible. he did three movies called the Red Curtain Trilogy I really like Baz Luhrmann Strictly Ballroom, Romeo and Juliet and Moulin Rouge

was the third one I feel like he did Moulin Rouge so it's all very showy and very ridiculous very colorful and very like everything's all over the place. He's got nothing on Julie Tambor. Oh, yeah. Tamor, you mean?

Or whatever her name is. Did you see Across the Universe? Yeah, Jeffrey Tambor is who you're thinking of. I mean, it's a little cheesy, but it's kind of a cool looking movie. Was that the Beatles movie? It had all the Beatles soundtrack. I noticed she got- Jim Sturgess and Evan Rachel Wooden. There's Bonos in it. Bono who? movie was that the Beatles movie oh okay why no she directed that by every single

aspect of the Lion King stage production she got nominated for like every single category that exists in the Tonys That's awesome Wait, what? She has something to do with the Bros show? Wait Oh no, she's just a director She also did Big Fish Oh, I like Big Fish

I like Big Fish I'm pretty sure She produced it But I think she directed it Oh, awesome I mean, we have the internet at our disposal If you want to prove me wrong, feel free I mean, since you brought it up

I mean, Julie Taymor's got nothing on the bros sure I haven't seen a bro show but I heard really good things about Valhalla that was it was a big shining and I think I saw that one was that the one with the King no it was I saw the double feature one double feature yeah that was good when I was in that one yeah nice Val valhella i had like the smallest amount of involvement of any of the shows so it's a bittersweet thing when everyone's like oh valhella and i'm like yeah it was great see that snake costume i glued a couple things on to the prop minister i got i only got a special I got a special thanks in that

program okay I mean it's great you know we're doing great stuff we're trying to put together the reason why I asked you about Philadelphia's we're trying to put together a tour of our original take it to Philadelphia and D.C. Who writes these things? It's a collaborative effort. This one, Murder Castle, is written by Jared Margulies and John DeCampos, Kathy's favorite person. Yeah, he's really good at softball, you guys. Super good at it. Jared and J.D. kind of collaborated on the story,

and then the music is J.D. and Erica Patoka. And it's, I mean, they kind of helmed the ship on this one, but then it's kind of a collaborative thing amongst everybody. Right. The double feature was um basically two different writers chuck green wrote the space one and uh aaron keating and i think dylan kohler wrote the historic one with the king that you're talking about ampion um i mean a Aaron and the original bros, the five guys are Aaron Keating, Dylan Kohler, John DeCampos, Eli Breitberg-Smith, and did I say Jared? Jared McGullies.

I can't remember if I got them all, but they know who they are. You know who you are out there. They're the original five bros, and they wrote Grundlehammer. Okay, I've heard of that too. Which was the first show that we did a while ago. I can't remember how long ago it was. That was the first show that we did. We did that twice, basically.

And then from there we did the double feature. Ball Hella was written by the first lady of bros uh michelle jen tidings who jen tidings jen tidings and jen tidings to all yes um do the bros own that theater no no that i because i remember we were there for the charm city uh fringe festival and uh the apex theater right on what is it 25th street is that what it's called uh it's autograph playhouse that's yeah okay that's it but it's huge it's it's quite large but i i heard the the landlord she's uh she was upping the price on the rent. Yeah, that's what I hear.

So are you guys going to, is the next show going to be there? Do you have a new location? Well, we have a deal with her, and we're, I mean, Murder Castle is going to be there. What about the next Fringe Fest? I don't know anything about Fringe Fest. Come on, Mark. Great. But, I mean, I hope she gets it going as, like, you know, real legit something good that's happening. Yeah, how many seats are in that theater?

I don't know. It's huge. I know. I love it. I wish we could do stuff there all the time. I don't know anything about numbers. It feels like a movie theater. Nothing? Didn't it used to be a movie theater?

It must have been or something. How old are you? I mean, Bros doesn't own it. How high do you count? But now anybody, I'm not trying to start shit. it must have been how old are you I mean bros doesn't own it but now anybody I'm not trying to start shit I don't speak officially for bros

but in my opinion that theater would not be where it is if it wasn't for bros yeah that's the only reason I know about it I've heard similar things from other people

we got people in there we cleaned it up we cleaned out all the rat shit that was under the stage we built the stage we did a bunch of work on the place. And it wouldn't, there's no way.

Well, that's the way of it, isn't it? There's no way that she could have, there's no way that it would be where it is if we hadn't gone in there. Yeah, the backstage area looked like a Viking funeral. Like it was all the bros stuff back there. Like props wise. Now, bros now has like our own permanent home of sorts at Bell Foundry. What's that? It's a kind of an art space down in Station North.

It's on Federal and Calvert. But we took, there's, like, kind of, like, a punk venue type thing in the basement now, but we took over like the whole first floor and that's where we're, that's where we're building our shows. We're having our rehearsals. We've got a band rehearsal space down in the basement now too. Oh, so we've moved,

we're trying to move all our stuff out of autograph playhouse so that we're not beholden to them for anything else. So that we can just use it for performance and then we can store and build everything else at Belfond. That's smart because she sounds crazy. I mean, I wish her the best. Not me. Mike's taking a stand.

We need a good space like that. It's a little shitty that she raises the rant on us. But like I say, I'm not making an official. I just do the props. He's just the prop minister, you guys. I'm just the props guy. I just go and I just dig through the trash on behalf of bros. Said the same thing at the Nuremberg trials, man.

Well, I stand by it. I was just a prop minister for the Holocaust. I was just doing my job. Yeah, so that's that. So where does comedy fit in? When did you start doing stand-up? Oh, I guess. I think I've been doing it about three years now.

I got into, I can't even remember the whole process. I was doing improv before you're kind of looking at the graduating class of like improv 2010 or something yeah i mean i got into improv at the same time as mike and kathy i mean that's how i knew mike and kathy's from uh our improv class i think probably well, well, I don't know. I think I saw you guys open for a big show once. I'm pretty sure you were in it. Did you guys used to have an opening where you would, like, drop stuff? Like, you would say, like, an object or something?

I don't remember that. Not you guys. Well, I had a troupe that did that. Yeah. You know, an independent, one of those mythical independent improv troupes. Yeah, I remember seeing you guys at Bell that. Yeah. You know, an independent. Right. One of those mythical independent improv troupes. Yeah, I remember seeing you guys at Fells Creek. Oh, yeah, Potluck.

You were at Potluck. Yeah, I had Potluck. That was my thing. Yeah. But, I mean, I guess improv, I can't remember when I started doing that. But that's how I knew Mike and Kathy. Did that for a while. Mm-hmm. I was one of many temporary jobs I had was going door to door and getting people to switch their energy supply over to Washington Gas Energy Service.

Oh, boy. And in the process of doing that, I happened to knock on Mike's door while he and Dan Lyle were working on stand up. And I was like, ah, fuck this. It's cold outside. I'm just going to stand here and hang out. That's awesome. Is that real? Yeah, it's true.

I think maybe I'd been going to the open mics with you guys maybe a couple times before that. So it wasn't the first time they met you? No, no, it's not the first time that I met them. Okay, because that's super weird. Yeah, that would be a little odd. It's like, you know what? Fuck this shit.

Let me hang out with you guys. No, I knew Mike before. Basically, Mike started inviting me to go do the stand-up stuff, and then there started being more open mics that happened, and then there was a short-lived

one at I can't remember what the name of the place was. Leon's? I don't know. Is that one that I and a dookie ran? Oh, at Pidonia Station? Pidonia Station. Yes. And I went one time and watched.

I went a second time, and Kathy was like, well, you should go up, Mark. Why don't you go up and perform? And I was like, all right. All right. All right. I did some crummy jokes. And, you know, it's the same first time I did stand-up story

every stand-up ever has. Hey, I didn't ask you how it went. It sucked. It's okay. It's the same first time I did stand-up story every stand-up ever has. I didn't ask you how it went. It sucked. It's okay. But I was hooked. You seem like you're a natural performer. Look at you. You're doing your Baltimore Rock Opera Society, your improvs, your rock and rolls.

Yeah, I feel like you got pretty intense last night. Usually you're pretty laid back, but you got a little crazy. Yeah, I don't know what happened. At mug shots? I kind of liked it, though. I had a drink. He was just... I had a cranberry.

He usually has a pretty even keel when he does stuff, and he kind of got a little loud last night. Do you think it was better that I got a little bit more emotional? It's nice to see a little switch up. Okay, I shouldn't say emotional. No, yeah, it wasn't like he was... I'm trying to get more dynamic and animated

and get myself away from looking at the notebook for the next joke. Sure. Sure. Yes. And so that's the last two sets that I've done. I did away with the notebook, and I just did it from my head. Yeah, that's good. I think last night, mug shots is mostly supposed to be an open mic,

so I think that's fair game to use a notebook, especially when you're trying new stuff. Yeah, I mean, well, anytime I go to something that's an open mic so i think that's fair game to use a notebook especially when you're trying new stuff yeah i mean well anytime i go to like something that's an open mic i don't it's not that i think there's anything wrong with using a notebook um it's just that it's not like i'm doing new material like i feel like yeah what i need to work on is not using the notebook yeah so that's where i'm you know memorization is it's a great film though i mean i enjoy the director's cut i'm sure it's seven hours long i'm sure everybody saw my tweet last night i tweeted i did i appreciate that yes uh it's still it's silly i was listening to peter muth talk about the uh all cows eat grass whatever mnemonic way. Well, we were talking to Pete about stand-up and his style because he's a one-liner guy. And you have to cram so many more jokes into your set. If you're doing a 10-minute set and it's all one-liners, it's basically like 20 jokes.

I mean, it's like a joke every 30 seconds about. So we were asking him. Unless you let him breathe. Yeah. Give him some space. Sure. How long can you get with that one-liner? He yeah give him some space it's still a decent amount i mean in 10 minutes if you're doing you know bits it could be like three or four versus like you know 15 jokes or whatever but um he says he uses a mnemonic device to try to remember like the first uh word of each uh each joke so do like the letter and try to like

form like a a word or whatever I got myself very I would just say it on into the mic I was doing more than like six or seven jokes it's worked so far I mean last night my mnemonic was nice socks giant why don't you read a poem to Rosa Parks, you Confederate colonel? That's long. I don't remember you doing that many jokes. I didn't. You had that many in the chamber ready to go.

Another new one. Never suck lemons, something, something. Doesn't matter. Your Aunt Sally. Yeah. My dear Aunt Sally. But yeah. So I've been trying that, and it's been working pretty good so far.

To remember the jokes. Good. I think it just comes to repetition if you're doing the same set a lot. It gets easier. I read recently that world championship memorizers have a technique called the memory palace where you

picture your house or an area that you know very well and you associate you walk through it in your mind and you associate whatever you know your list of things that you're trying to remember uh you associate each one with like something like there's the lamp there's the the ottoman right i've heard i've heard like a summary of that so if you're studying for a history test if you're able to structure your like your memory and your mind like that that's so interesting to me yeah my memory is not great it's not bad but my memory is nothing i have nothing with short-term memory yeah nothing it's so weird like i feel like that's the only reason i like thought i was stupid for so many

years in school because i just like i have no memorization yeah i can remember bits and pieces like my long-term memory i worry about that fading do you guys have that at all because in schools because I just like I have no yeah memorization yeah I can remember bits and like my long-term memory I worry about that fading do you guys have that at all absolutely because I always my long term is way better than my shirt really because I always hear on a podcast or whatever inside the actor's studio like I was seven years old and then my aunt comes in the room and I always feel bad and like I don't remember shit like I remember peeing my pants but you're like was it traumatic the rest of summer I don't remember shit. Like, I remember peeing my pants. But then you're like, was it traumatic the rest of the summer? I don't know.

I think I have a lot of repressed memories. I mean, that's a problem that it's your brain. I thought. No, I mean, I just sometimes I find myself like there's like huge amounts of of memories just suddenly like come flooding back. And it's not necessarily anything negative. It's just you just repress meaningless. I just repress meaning meaningless stuff. I'll's not necessarily anything negative. It's just... You just repress meaningless stuff. I just repress meaningless stuff.

I'll have, like, flashes of things. But it doesn't necessarily mean that I remember the whole situation. You know what I mean? I'll have, like, a flash of, like... Yes. Things we'd never do again. But they'd always seem right.

You know, I'll have a flash of, like, getting into a car or, like, putting on my shoes. You know, but it's not attached to any... Right, yeah. right you know you'll have a flash of like getting into a car or like putting on my shoes you know but it's not attached to any right yeah I have those two then I'm like I'm just making that shit up it was a warm day when I put my shoes on like you don't fucking remember I do I do have some things I can't remember if if like if it happened to me or if it was in a movie I was thinking that too like it's mixed with the movies i was being chased by a liquid metal man i had a robot protecting me oh gosh i'm pretty

sure that happened yeah there my avatar was eye on the prize for that unobtainium it was a wild summer and then i saved a bunch of jews from being executed and then my neighbor turned out to be a porn star fourth grade yeah i don't remember much other than that saving a bunch of Jews from being executed. And then my neighbor turned out to be a porn star. Fourth grade, yeah, I don't remember much other than that. Saved a bunch of Jews. Then an alien made my bike fly, I think. An illegal alien made my bike fly. His name was Elion. Elion.

Elion. Elion Torres. We called him E.T. Can I do my Alan Alda impression for you guys? Yeah, sure. I'm working on it. You ready? Really? Alan Alda? Yeah. Alan Alda impression for you guys yes you're working on yeah I'm Alan Alda that's it okay that should work well in the senior center That's my big clue. I have a Charles Barkley impression. All right, let's hear it.

That's terrible. All right, all right. All right. Okay, what would happen if Alan Alda and Charles Barkley met for the first time? I think it would go a little something like this. I'm Alan Alda. That's terrible. And scene. There we go.

Well done. Very nice. I could feel that. Yeah, I could see them, too, just walking into it. I'm pretty good at impressions, too. Let's hear one. What's your best impression? Charlie Sheen's my best impression.

Here we go. I think he's crazy. I think he probably needs some professional help. That is a spot-on impression. That's just the impression that I get. Yeah. That was a spot on impression That's just the impression that I get Yeah You know when I performed last Saturday Another comic did that joke

You've been doing that for a bit too I mean not like Charlie Sheen but he's like here's an impression Give me a name I'll do an impression And then he Welcome to the world of comedy That shit happens all the time And I knew he was going to do it before.

I was like, oh, shit, listen to this. Oh, no. And my girlfriend's like, what? And I'm like, bam, my joke. Have you ever seen him before? No. He's like a new guy from D.C. I'm willing to bet it's just a coincidence.

It's totally just a coincidence. The only thing that makes me worry is that he won the contest. Oh, I see. And it makes me worry that if he hears me do that joke, people will think that I stole it from him. Did you have your notebook notarized? Just talk to him about it. I've had that. Do you have a YouTube video of you holding a dated newspaper?

I have a YouTube video of me doing that joke years ago right well that stuff happens all the time like i had uh that um uh what's his name uh brandon um wardell well one of the color me funny guys has here no no no no rick who's the other guy whose girlfriend is kim bez grind oh um justin justin yeah he uh he has a white beater joke that's fairly similar to mine and we just talked about it I was like yeah just you know we just probably should do it yeah yeah my diarrhea joke like the guy I think he may have actually stolen it a little too close to home I was it almost verbatim like no it was just the same which okay that wouldn't that wouldn't uh

raise my suspicions but somebody else told me that he he had seen me perform like a week before yeah and that's uh yeah you don't know if he stole it i guess if it's verbatim it's pretty obvious it was not verbatim okay that's one of the shitty things about like seeing other comics perform if you're just riffing. You're like, oh, where did that come from? Oh, yeah, I watched Mike say it three days ago. There was a time when I would take stuff out of my set if I watched a stand-up special and they had something similar or I heard another comedian.

But now it's like, fucking everything's been taken. If you thought of it, just do it. Yeah, I had a situation like that where I wrote a joke and then i saw i saw part of like a daniel tosh special and it was really really similar like the joke and what i wrote and i was like man i can't do that to myself i hate that guy i worry a little bit about like um post-hypnotic suggestion because sometimes i'll fall asleep while listening to uh like comedy radio on pandora and so i worry that it somehow is like seeping into my brain and i'm gonna like

i think you just do like an eddie murphy bit verbatim a lot of people come up to me and they're like hey bill casby and i'm like but no yeah you're right it just happens because i think there was a dinosaur there was uh i i saw uh john mulaney's uh twitter you know i subscribed to his tweets and he tweeted a joke that is the same as a joke that i've made yeah michael leon black tweeted something that was very similar to one of my tweets but i'm willing to bet it's just coincidence i really think yeah i bet you the four of us will come up with jokes at some point that are yeah and there's a lot of stuff out there i mean if you're going uh also if you're going after the same subject i mean yeah it's like you have to do stuff that people are gonna relate to right so it's like it's not like there's i'm told that somebody did there's somebody that did did that my Chick-fil-A joke almost the exact same way.

No kidding? Yeah. Damn. But I don't know if it's just coincidence or if he saw me or what. Or if he's just an asshole. I mean, it doesn't matter. Because he could just be an ace.

I mean, I hate to be all like, oh, we're just both a- Okay. Right, right. All my're just both. Okay. Right. Right. Yeah. All my friends are guys. Yeah.

Sure. Coincidence. Yeah. It's still weird, you know? Yeah. I tweeted a while ago, 7-Eleven is an inside job. And Ben Kronberg did that joke live at Chuckle Storm. He got a big laugh.

Me, I got zero retweets, zero favorites. Right. Yeah. Not saying he stole it. That is I got zero retweets, zero favorites. Right. Yeah. Not saying he stole it. That is the worst when you think you're going to kill with your Twitter. I really think a lot of the tweets

that I see, like famous people that get retweeted, like a lot of my stuff should be getting more heat if I was famous. That makes me feel good, though, because then it's like

we're not that far off from famous people. Exactly. We're really not. I tweet better than Jason Bateman. I'm not that far off. Yeah. I'm not that far off. Star of. We're really not. I tweet better than Jason Bateman. I'm not that far off. Yeah. Star of Teen Wolf 2. Yeah, and Arrested

Development. Coming back, baby. He was in Arrested Development? He's Michael Bluth. Mr. Wendell in Tennessee. Which guy was he? Wait, what? He was in that band? Mr. Wendell. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Tennessee. Tennessee. All right, Mark, what else you got going on with the stand-ups? Working on new stuff. I saw you're applying to festivals and things. I applied to AFestival. The AFestival? AFestival. Cape May. T-Brad said it was a good one.

Yeah. I just did it. I keep fucking you up. I'm sorry. Mark Miller is too funny. I applaud you. He signs up for the AF Festival. He thinks he can just kick Mike Moran's mic stand.

He's kind of a big deal, man. I'm thinking about applying to some other ones, but I'm not going to tell you about them. Why? Because you think we'll steal your spot. I don't want to. Or we'll talk shit to the promoters. I don't want extra competition. Competition.

No, actually, I noticed they're going to do a comedy showcase at Artscape again. Oh, cool. Oh, good. I was thinking about applying for that. And see if there's any room in the Fringe Fest. Okay, the one at Artscape that was was at Wind-Up Space last year? Or is that separate? That was ScapeScape.

Gotcha. I'm confusing my scapes. Artscape is like the original Scape. That's the big one. What about the classic Scape? That's the one that townies say they don't go to, and yet there are a bunch of people there all the time. Thousands and thousands of people there all the time

Who's gonna host it Jason Weems, whoa damn so gives a fuck you said fuck him I hope he dies I heard you Jason Williams good guy actually at the first time I did stand-up comedy is it the same show Doug Powell brought you there right he did look at you are you around some very funny man first time I guess that's good because you probably didn't know how funny Jason was there maybe he was did you see him go up yeah I did I did end up seeing him I'm pretty sure I did where was that was I there that was it no it was at Rira in Arlington yeah that's a cool room yeah it was nice the stage is really tiny I Really tiny. Yeah, it's very, very tiny. I wasn't very good, but I wasn't bad.

I tried telling a story. If you don't have something funny every few seconds, stories just do not work. That's a big first-timer mistake. Yes. Josh Katerna actually pulled it off fairly well a few weeks ago or a month ago. Oh, yeah. Last time at Mugshots. Thank you. That was one of the uh early pullings off of the story i've seen oh thanks man

we you were there yeah i was there no it wasn't you'd have you had funny bits yeah i i knew parts that i was gonna hit that i guess i was hoping would be funny yeah well the difference that you've done actually you've done more jokes before that. You didn't try and start with a story. Well, no, that was it. That was my whole set. No, you've done other jokes in your lifetime. No, no.

Josh has never made a joke. All the jokes you've heard from him have been in the last month. Yeah. Since then. I've been a very serious man for 26 years. He's retconned some of his life, yes. But it wasn't your first time on stage doing a stand-up set. Gotcha.

I understand what you're saying. You had done other stand-up sets. No, that's what I did the first time I did stand-up. That's pretty much it. Yeah, see, I'm just talking about the noobs that are like, it's my first time. Here's a story about my grandma. Yeah.

She was eating popcorn. Of course, you can't have popcorn. Oh, my gosh. What do you think about that? There's this 17-year-old kid that comes to Sidebar. Sidebar? Oh, he's come back more than. He came back again.

How does he get in? Does he have to be 21? No. I mean, you just get the X's on your hand. Right. Yeah. Yeah. He was.

The first time he was talking about beating up immigrants. Like, it was funny, you guys. It's OK. I think one of his friends is an immigrant. Oh, sure. That makes total sense. I know. And he beat up his friend when he got off stage.

He was. Oh, man, this kid was terrible. And he's just like he's just like telling stories about getting suspended and like beating up immigrants. Yeah, probably. Having a mad test tomorrow. And like and drinking like and drinking alcohol at his friend's house like cuz you know when you're 17 that's a huge deal and pogs Jackson but it was just terrible and he obviously thought he was awesome

obviously yeah it was did he flinch it all on stage or he just like no man like he really was like it was in school but you get the day yeah I got suspended one time too yeah yeah me too I got detention one time I was never play I suspended for five days once really yeah I got detention once. I got kicked out of the play. I was suspended for five days once. Really? Yeah, I was out when you yelled at the girl. What'd you do? My ex-girlfriend was, we were in high school, and my ex-girlfriend was a part of it. We were in a high school.

We're 23 years old. We're in a high school. I got suspended after high school. I didn't even go here. No. She was in the... They said this lip to Sharon Hiscock. It doesn't exist.

That's the name I gave him. My name is Sharon. My girlfriend was in the chorus, and for some reason, I think it was around the holidays, maybe that's why the chorus was singing at our cafeteria our cafeteria our high school was uh two stories two levels and this there was a stairs

that came down from the second level to the cafeteria and during uh our lunch they posted up in the middle of the stairs and like sang to all of the cafeteria oh my and we saw my girlfriend uh at the time priscilla was up there and for some reason they're like let's just scream priscilla sucks dick sure sure why not and so like four or five of us get up and we scream priscilla sucks dick and unison in unison like priscilla sucks dick was there a one yeah yeah two i think we kind of felt the energy. It was like group mind. You did all those guys. Okay.

Did you do some warm-ups beforehand? Yeah, we did some zip-zaps off and kind of got in the mode. And then the teachers just descended on us, this one particular teacher. Get in that room right now, all of you. And he was really sweating. My friend Daryl. He said, I cannot believe you all said that. Do you know what you said? Dl say what you said and so um didn't you have a huddle first yeah we we all had gotten

together to be like uh priscilla she sucks you told me that you guys got together and decided that what you said was priscilla can't sing that's what it was yeah okay yeah that's what it was and uh so we all decided that because like he left the room for a second we're like we got gotta get on the same page of what we said and so that's we said like and he gets in Darryl's face like what do you say Darryl would you say you want to be a man you could say in the cafeteria can't say it here say it and he goes uh that is no you said well what did's like, you said the chorus sucks dick.

He's like, no, we didn't. Yeah, right. Well, technically. But we can't say that. We can't be like, no, we said Priscilla sucks dick. So none of us confessed to it, but we all got five days out of school. That sucks. Yeah.

Because it's like, yeah, we did something we shouldn't have, but we did not do what you said we did. That's not quite game theory. You know, I think that's game theory. Oh, where you don't know if the other person is worse. Yeah, if you don't know if the other person ratted you out. So, like, you have a better chance. I think you have a better chance of not saying anything. Right.

Than saying anything. See, at my school, what they would do is they would put us in separate rooms, and they would make you write a report of what happened. Yeah, and then compare. Yeah, that's like some law and order shit. I was really good at writing incident reports by the time I got out of school. Good job. Really? You were a bad kid in school?

I got in a lot of fights. Why? Because you wanted to show your costume to the other kids? Because I was a nerd. I was like nerdy looking. First of all, I was eye patch kid in kindergarten oh did you have like surgery or something no I just I had a lazy eye so I had to like Pat we had to come up like I didn't like this and what made it

worse was like I didn't like like the feel of it on my skin yeah we just taped over one side of my glasses so which made it look even worse um your parents are like okay yeah so i started off as eyepatch kid and then i was just like weird big thick glasses quiet guy uh and like all the bullies would go along and uh pick on everybody but like i uh were they sprinkling like bully dust on everyone yeah they're speaking um but the thing is like they would uh you know as we've already established there was a lot of there was a lot of assholes on in my neighborhood so i was used to getting picked on like by bigger kids and and uh i wrestled and played football and all this stuff.

And none of these bullies had any way of knowing that. So they'd go along and they'd pick, pick, pick. Oh boy. Then they'd get to me and I'd kick their ass. Well, that's pretty cool. That's how you do it in West Virginia. I was the anti-bully. And they never saw it coming. And it was amazing

because I'd kick their ass the first time and then they'd be all embarrassed. They'd be like, all right, we're going to fight. No more of that faggoty wrestling shit. You cheated. And I'm like, well, I cheated because I used moves that you can't defend against. That's not cheating. That's called being a good fighter.

That's true. And there ain't no such thing as a fair fight. I was doing ground and pound way before MMA. It was great. Comedian comedian mixed martial artist people would uh look out joe rogan haha i'm just kidding no i'm not i'm not you're the next it was funny though because like apparently what are your thoughts on 9-11 uh that was an inside job just like 7-11 yeah that's what i heard. My mom would get these calls all the time.

They'd be like, Oh, Mark's in a fight. Don't worry. He's on top. What a great. The same thing happened when you lost your virginity. Yeah.

Mark's having sex. Don't worry. He's on top. What is it? What's with those parents? They're just like watching the fight from the window. Like, well,

they would give it a play by play. They would drive by, like they would drive by and they would they would see because we'd be on the way home from school. Sure, and they can't pull over. The only thing to do is call your mom. And allegedly, since I only... How long are these fights lasting? Well, not long. Not when Mark's involved.

Not when I'm involved. Grounded power. And allegedly, since I was always getting in fights with the bullies, the teachers were like, well, he had it coming. We didn't. I mean, we stopped it, but we didn't real jump in there real quick. It sounds like you were like the guy that every nerdy guy

I was like a superhero. You were. I was an elementary school superhero. You were a vigilante. That's what you were. I still got in a little bit of trouble for it. That's cool. I wish I was that guy. That's awesome. I have nightmares now, though, that I have to get in a real adult fight,

and then I can't. I hit somebody, and nothing happens. Yeah, I had that, too. There was a kid in high school. I really hated him. He keyed my car, and I would have dreams where we were going to fight, and it would just feel like I was punching in the water.

It would just go so slow. It would suck. We never actually fought, so I was punching in the water it just goes so slow it sucked like even we never actually fought I don't think I can handle myself in an adult fight yeah we're like little kid fights sure I killed a little kid fight a lot different though I mean adult fights they might have a knife or they might have like, you know, or there's a better chance that they actually know how to fight if they're like getting into fights. Yeah. I feel like as an adult, you know, you have more experience. I mean,

I still have like muscle memory and stuff cause cause I wrestled for 13 years and I took Taekwondo. Did you ever lose a fight in high school? No. How many would you say you got in? In high school, not many because I feel like by the time I got there

So we're talking middle school. Actually, we're talking elementary school. Damn. I'm peeing my pants at cuss words and you're beating up bullies. See, when I got to middle school... I'm sticking my head in the dishwasher. When I got to middle school, my dad actually sat me down

and he's like, Mark... Kathy's cutting the balls off of goats. My dad says, now look, Mark... I never had to do that, but we did dehorn them. I grew up on a goat farm. Did you cut them off or did you use the rubber bands? No, we used... When they're babies, when they first start

growing in, it's basically you're cauterizing it. It's like this big iron. It's a flat iron kind of thing. You literally hold it where the horns grow in, so it cauterizes it shut. It's terrible and they scream. Imagine that except more high pitched and way scared. I love you. Do you eventually slaughter them?

We would sell them at auction. What is the relationship? Jamaican people would buy them a lot for food. Give me that gold. What is the relationship to a farm child and an animal knowing that the animal will eventually... I love them.

I feel like it's like having a pet that you know is going to be slaughtered. Yeah, you do. I had two market lambs when I was in high school, and I named them Lunch and Dinner. So I knew from the get-go, and everybody knew from the get-go, these things are getting eaten. I didn't really think about it because I just really liked them. And goats are really social creatures. So if you, like, bottle feed them, which we did, they're very friendly, you know. I know.

It sounds terrible because it's like, yes, you're my friend. And then we just sell you to these Jamaicans. It's like even more heartbreak. You're bottle feeding them. We breastfed a few. I really just like... It was like, that's what you did, though. Right.

Like, it really didn't phase me. It's the circle of life. Or the footage of the goat with the bottle on The Simpsons. Yeah. The news kept accidentally cutting to it. Oh, it's obviously not the footage. Ah.

Anyways. I'm doing it. Back when The Simpsons was still funny. When it was funny, it's still my favorite show of all time. Well, I just want to finish my thought. Yeah, I'm sorry. I wanted to circle back to that, too. Props to my dad because he sat me down and he's like,

Look, Mark, you've gotten in a lot of fights, but you're getting to the age where if you get in a fight, it might go further than the principal's office. If that happens... You're 13 now, Mark. That means you got to move out of the house. You might be sent up to Shawshank. This is West Virginia. If that happens, there's not much I can do for you. If it gets to a point where the police are involved,

you made your bed. That's where you lie. Be careful. By the time I got to high school, for one thing, in my town, it was, the schools kind of consolidated as you got up. Sure. As you went up the ranks. So all the bullies that had gone to school with me, like, all the way through, like, knew me and were actually friends with me by the time they got to high school. So then whenever all the bullies from the other schools tried to start shit with me,

I'd talk back to them, and then the bullies from my other school would back me up. Nice. Because there was a time where this kid, he kept yelling, like, hey, faggot. Hey, faggot. Hey, faggot. All the time.

And I hadn't even noticed that he was talking to me. He had OCD, and that's all he could say. Your name's not Faggot. Hey, faggot. All the time. I didn't even notice that he was talking to me. He had OCD. That's all he could say. Your name's not Faggot Seymour? I thought you were Faggot Seymour. That's all he could say. Hey, faggot. Hey, faggot. It was several weeks before. I just picture a guy driving a horse and buggy

with mutton chops and a little mustache. Yeah, that's kind of what he looked like. Like faggot to everybody. Hey, faggot. I screwed up the story. faggot here's what he would this is what he would yell he would say hey skater hey skater yeah there was a thing with skaters and rappers and i didn't even realize he was talking to me for like several weeks so one day i was like i was like dude are you talking to me? He's like, yeah, I'm talking to you, skater. And I'm like, really? Because I just thought you had Tourette's or something.

And he's like, yeah, skater, what the heck is Tourette's? And I'm like, dude, you're obviously not very good at this, are you? And he's like, good at what, skater? I'm like, look, I skate. That's what I do. You're just calling me by the verb, which I use in my free time. I'm like, here's a tip. A lot of people, they try and add something else

in there, like skater fag or something, because I'm not a fag. So that would be theoretically insulting. So then the next day... Oh, nice. You made him call you a fag. You took him to bully school.

The next day, he's like, hey, fag, hey, fag. And I was like, hold on. And I looked at the girl next to him. I was like, do you remember yesterday when I told him to call me that? And everybody laughed. And I'm like, this dude doesn't even know how to make fun of me. I got to tell him how to do it. Yeah.

And then he was really pissed. And then the third day is when my old bully buddy was like there. Old bully buddy. And when the guy, and he was on the football team, he was a big dude. Sure. And and the guys like, hey, you're fake. We're a. And then that's that's when like the old bully of mine was like, it's like, hey, you got a problem with Mark. You got a problem with him. You got a problem with me.

Oh, no. I wish that was the end of it. I've always wanted a situation like that. We're somebody's got a problem with I've always wanted a situation like that. We're so busy problem with Cassie Yeah, I was me I've never like been in that situation, but I've always wanted that like happened. Yeah, I don't think it would happen I had your backs. Just don't Yeah, I feel comfortable as an adult like getting in people's faces because I'll just call the police if they punch me Also, Kathy, I defended you to my neighbor when you were driving up our

one-way road. You were saying that women can't drive? It was funny. Your female neighbor was saying women can't drive? She was. If you have a problem with Kathy, we'll talk to her. We'll work it out like adults.

If you've got a problem with Kathy... We're going to have a private word with her. Write her a note and we'll give it out like adults. If you've got a problem with Kathy. We're going to have a private word with her. You write her a note and we'll give it to her. Yeah, that's good for you, man. You were like the bully hero. Yeah, I like that. You're the bully killer. I feel like you should write a screenplay.

Yeah, you should write a children's novel. Ooh, that'd be a good one. I don't know who would be good. Because most parents, most people don't want their kids to get into fights. Yeah, but see, but you realize that. And it's redemptive because you become friends with the bullies.

Exactly, and you understand their plight. So the first act, you're kicking a lot of ass. That's what draws them in. Then you realize what's wrong. Never start a fight, but you can finish one. Sure. Amen. And on that note, we're're gonna wrap up the podcast now that would be a good wrap-up boy um kathy i want to hear about you uh let's talk about kathy let's talk kathy how's kathy hey who is kathy let's go let's go to our next segment kathy corner

both spelled with k kathy's corner. Classic Kathy Corner with all K's. Yeah, so you grew up on a farm. I did. You were a farm gal. Yep. I couldn't see my neighbors. Dee Horning. Because they were black. Yes. You weren't allowed to see them. Well, she doesn't see color. Did you have a love affair

with a farm hand worker who went on to be a pirate? Oh, no. We never had anybody else working on the farm. There weren't hot guys with their shirts off, tempting you. But we did have people steal our goats once, actually. Oh, that is lame.

Did they have sex with them? No, I think they just stole them to raise them and sell them. That is bad. We woke up and one side of the fence was bent bent over and some of our ghosts were missing did you retrieve them no i don't think we ever found out who did it but like it's pretty pretty amazing that somebody took the time and energy to bend down our fence to take our goats i've got a question that i can apply to the both of you i've heard that in

somebody told me and swore to me that in a small town in West Virginia that's used to camp in, that they would regularly find small animals like goats that had been raped and beaten to death the night before, surrounded by beer cans. Oh, jeez.

I don't know. That's a waste of a good goat. Yeah, I would think so. I mean, if you're gonna rape it and beat it, you may as well eat it. Yeah, and the milk is really good, too, because people make soap out of it, and it's easier to digest than cow's milk. So a lot of people drink, or it's like really low lactose or something. I'm not exactly sure why. Goat soap, eh?

Never heard of goat soap. Goat soap, yeah. Goat soap. Hmm. What do you think about that? Goat milk. Goat milk. I'm sorry. Goat's milk soap. Goat's milk soap. Goat soap. Goat soap. Goat milk. I'm sorry. Goat's milk soap. Goat's milk soap.

You make it with the goat's milk. Goat's milk soap. Goat's milk soap. I feel like we're doing a mnemonic thing. I know. Goat's milk soap. One of my neighbors had some bunnies. He raised bunnies and somebody stole the bunnies. Aww. And it was like and it was really annoying, but then he was

like, man, they're going to be in for a surprise because that bunny was pregnant. Oh, nice. And in about two days. And then suddenly there was a guy at the carnival selling lucky rabbit sheep. Sure, right. It was so weird.

Yeah, my girlfriend, she grew up in a rural area and uh her friend had had horses in like the backyard had a barn and like this huge kind of like sprawling backyard and the girl went to go check on her horse one morning and she found it with its leg blown off jesus christ yeah somebody must have thought it was a deer i guess well no people were just having like target practice in the woods. And they went and they saw beer cans not too far from there, so they were just drunk, like shooting.

God, that's terrible. That sucks. Can you imagine coming out to see your horse? It looks like a war scene. It's like, holy fuck. Did the horse die? Did it bleed to death? Well, it was still alive when she found it.

You'd have to put it down. They did, yeah, they did. But it was just even more horrible because it wasn't completely dead yet. And horses have such a strong personality. I mean, they're really smart animals, so you do really develop an emotional bond. Yeah. Did you have horses?

No, we were too poor for horses. Did you take them to the fair? Yeah, I used to be, well, I mean, I was in like Pee Wee Showman, like for 4-H. Were you in like FFA? We were in 4-H. Yeah, yeah, there's a class called Pee Wee Showman, like for 4-H. Were you in like FFA? We were in 4-H. Yeah, yeah, there's a class called Pee Wee Showman for like 4-year-olds.

You were dressed up like Pee Wee. No, no, no. Tiny Pee Wee. It's for like 4-year-olds, like young kids. So you're showing like younger goats, you know what I mean? I don't even think I was. But we didn't stay in very long when I was old enough to like be in it, but we were in 4-H for like my family was for a really long time I was big for a what is for a new exactly what are the

four aces sample you want to handle this no you know better than I at the same time Kathy first word I had no I actually don't know okay so 4-h stands for it's a four-fold development program. It stands for head, heart, hands, and health. Yeah, head, hell. Yeah, right? Head. Head. The pledges. Hands.

The pledges. I pledge my hands to greater thinking, my heart to greater loyalty, my hands to larger service, and my health to better living for my club, my community, my country, and my world. Aw, yay. Wow, you cute little brain. That's nice. I was in 4-H all the way up till I was 20 like did

collegiate 4h really but I volunteered at 4h camp for five years as an adult I might go back this summer that's awesome I was like hella into it it may be into the person I am today really I used to love going to the fair and stuff. I used to love all of that. Virginia. I love the Frederick County Fair. Yeah, the Frederick Fair is pretty badass. I go every year. My girlfriend's from Frederick, so we go every year.

Good times. Well, that's funny because this week's sponsor, Mike, is the Frederick County Fair. Read-a-leed-a-leed-a-lee. Frederick County Fair. What else do youlee-da-lee-da-lee. Frederick County Fair. Well, what else do you guys want to do? I think we should probably wrap it up. You guys want to talk about anything?

Want to plug anything? Anything on your chest? We'll plug anything. Well, yes, but I don't want to talk about that. We want to talk about your boobs. Okay. Yeah, we're just going to start. Talk about Kathy's boobs're all gonna go to

circle I've never really noticed that she has boobs no never kind of rude no I get it though they're a cup okay a cup they're forgettable hey wait the a cup festival so you're saying Kathy's boobs are forgettable ones. Forgettable. That's what you are. Forgettable a cups.

I think they're just fantastic. Mike, how do you feel about Kathy's boobs? Absolutely stunning. Amen. Stunning. That's how we like to end all of our podcasts. We talk about all your boobs. We talk about Kathy's boobs.

All of my boobs. In closing. Not just the two on my chest. Oh, three or four of them. The two back at your goat farm. When is Murder Castle? When are those shows starting? I should have looked that up for certain,

but I'm pretty sure it's May 10th. And then I think we're doing. I know we're doing at least two weekends after that. Nice. I think we might actually even be doing some Thursday shows this year. Oh, cool. Well, yeah, look it up. We'll plug it in the beginning.

Yeah, I'll look it up. Plug it at the beginning. I think I'd rather just I'm just gonna stay silent on that and i'll look up the actual information okay um that's good you can plug all that stuff at the top hell yeah and you're at market tech rock on twitter yeah then underscore twitter is at market tech underscore rock uh i now have a blog, which is, I believe it's Markismarkitect at wordpress.com or something like that. Nice. I have all kinds of, it's a lot of spellcheck poetry.

Some different writing things. What is spellcheck poetry? It's a thing that I started doing where I take just gibberish or stuff that's in different languages. And then I run the spellchecker. And then I let the spellchecker determine what I'm trying to say okay and then i kind of pick and choose and and do some juxtaposition to try and make it make sense uh but it yields some really crazy stuff i'm sure nice that's something that's on there nice any shows coming up anything you want to plug just doing open mics uh yeah i'm just basically doing open mics um murder castle's coming up uh

nothing too exciting really uh no that is exciting murder castle's exciting no well okay yeah that is exciting but nothing as far as if you want to see me on stage doing a thing i don't have any big like feature things i'd like to yeah i don't know I don't even know how you do that. I guess you just ask people if you can do their shows. See, that's how I feel. Yeah, I feel weird about asking. I usually ask, though, if I'm comfortable. Give me five, seven minutes. want to say time, but like you guys got something. Yeah. Give me five, seven minutes.

Let me do it. I feel like I feel weird. I record my special when I don't ask. I'm like, how come nobody ever asked me to do a show? Yeah, right. Funny asking these people. Right. And I think it's like maybe doesn't want to do it. Yeah. Ask. Yeah. Ain't no shame. Because I'm notorious.

Ask right now for being picky. We're going to call. You're going to ask. I was like a sleepover. We're going to call and ask him. Yeah. Do you guys want to call someone cute? Oh, yeah.

All right. Call a cute boy. Ask if he'll be your boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? So obviously her. Oh, let's prank. Let's prank obviously her. Let's prank call her.

I want to, but I don't have her number. I used to. I changed my phone. It always comes up blocked. She starts 6-7. But it's always clearly her voice. Hey, Josh Katara. Is that all she says? Because it is a really bad prank call.

She did once when I went to Paper Moon. It was like she's doing Is that all she says? Because it is a really bad prank call. She's just like... No, she did it once when I went to Paper Moon. It was like she was doing a black voice. Like, I saw you at Paper Moon. I just wanted you to come over and wash my hair. Or something like that. Boom. And I was like, I know what you're doing.

That's totally... You can see through that. Because black women will not let you touch their hair. Yes, correct. Maybe she wanted to wash my hair. I forget the details. But yeah. Good point. You got to know these little. I forget the details. But, yeah. Good point.

You got to know these little cultural things. That is true. That is true. They're very particular. These are things I did not know before I moved to Baltimore. Oh, somebody's breaking in downstairs. Amanda. Get up here now. You are in trouble.

Now. Oh, it's Trisha, too. It's the police. Trisha, too. The party police. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Let's get it started.

What? Barry Manilow. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? That is so weird. Hold on. No, you don't understand. You really don't understand.

The fact that you're wearing that shirt is some type of weird universal kismet can you get do you have cds um yeah yes no because yeah no yeah you're not gonna believe this but our my neighbor uh amanda's neighbor linda we we have a share for the podcast listeners we share a porch and uh everybody from the show we're kind of hanging on the porch for a second and she's like you look like you're into music I'd like you're into music she's like I'd like to get it but I'd like to not pay for it like say like some free music

she wanted Pirates of Barry Manilow it's like she wanted to hook her up with some drugs oh my god oh my god Oh my god She's great She seems like a really nice lady But that's a lot of

Let's get her some Barry Manilow Let's do it Let's send some Barry Manilow to Linda I think what is she 3613 Buena Vista Avenue No don't worry about it Nobody's going't worry nobody's in the mail but it was just so funny that she asked about it she's like I'm going to the show and I don't know too many of his songs so 3609 okay 3609 that's right we're giving

people's addresses send Barry Manilow and threats to 3609 but yeah it was just it's weird. Oh, my God. Like, at her job? At First Mariner. Who's he playing with? He's the headliner. Wow. Oh, boy. Wow. Poor Barry. Wow Oh, boy

Poor Barry I mean, the First Mariner Arena, though Think about the First Mariner Arena It's an arena Most fans, yeah They don't always, like, completely sell the place out Yeah I saw Guns N' Roses there a few years ago

It wasn't completely sold out, you know Yeah, it also wasn't completely guns and roses. Guns and roses did sell out. Hey. Bite your tongue, Mark. We're wrapping up the podcast here. Trisha, if you don't mind, you can hang out.

Kathy, what do you got going on, lady? I'm always doing my shows with Lekker with Baltimore Improv Group. You're always tweeting, too, because I tagged you in a tweet today. I was like, oh, is Kathy on Twitter? I am on Twitter, but I barely ever look at it. We don't know.

When's the last time you think you tweeted? Was it when Cher Bear was still around? Yes, Bear Cher. Cher Bear. That's a care bear, I think. That was Cher dressed as a bear. Yeah. Burp. Share bear. That's a care bear, I think. That was share dressed as a bear. Yeah. Babe.

Salmon. Hibernate. I just need some salmon, babe. I got to get my fat out. Do you believe? They do not do share bear impressions. Yeah. Nobody's listening at this point.

It's fine. This one's just right. The last time I tweeted was probably like over a year ago. Yes, it was just under a year. It was April 2012. I forget the date.

I don't know. How do you know that? Because he was looking at my feed, I guess. I tagged her in a tweet today saying that they were going to be on the podcast. And I was like,

when was the last time Kathy was on the podcast? Or when was the last time she tweeted? Yeah. Okay, so you got your shows with Lekker. I do. With the Baltimore Improv Group.

And I'm just doing open mics. I don't have any stand-up shows coming up. Okay. Because people don't ask me. Hey, you've got to ask me. I've got to ask them. It's a two-way street. It's not just Lecture Mark on.

I know. I didn't lecture him on anything. Well, then lecture him. Lekkerish. Lecture. Lekker. Cherhib. Lecture. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker. Lekker.ish. Lekker-ish. Lekker-ish. Lekker-ish. Actually, I'm doing a show with The Movement.

We're doing The Movement show again. The improv show. Yeah. I cannot for the life of me remember when that is, actually. You know, I should actually also mention another show. It's not Bros, but it's equally awesome. A show that I'm involved with.

It's called 1814, the rock opera. Oh, okay. It debuted several months ago at Creative Alliance. It's loosely based on the Battle of Baltimore. Okay. That took place during 1814 as part of the War of 1812. They've got a Kickstarter campaign. They're trying to get money

to do the original cast recording right now. And they're like almost to the goal. So we should definitely throw that out there because they need honestly, bros is fine.

1814 is a little bit sort of under, well, they're not as, yeah, they need more support. Well, they just, I think they probably don't have as much recognition. Yeah. You never got out of a chair before. Sunlight. Okay, cool. We'll plug 1814. Kathy will be at Sidebar most Monday nights.

Sideboob. Sideboob. Every Monday. Yeah. Mr. Mike Moran. I have got some improv shows. This Saturday we will be doing. Yeah.

Yes. Mob Town Theater. I'm also in that Saturday show. 8 o'clock. With the Magnet Theater Touring Company at NYC. Yeah. That's April 13th.

Mob Town at 8. That's pretty much all I got. Follow him on Twitter at Michael Moran 10. As for me, I will be in a show at Mob Town when you're listening to this. This Friday, April 12th, 8 o'clock, I'll be performing with the ladies of Gus. Gus! And, yeah, that's it.

You can see Mike and I's all of our dates at digressionsessions.com slash calendar. And it should be updated through May, so check that out. Alright, well thank you guys for being on the show. Thanks for having us. Sorry it's warm as shit in here. I see you, Trisha. I see you. Will you eat a bottle?

It's exfoliating. I'll shower when I get home. Yeah, I'm sorry it's so toasty in here. But I blame Obama. Thanks, Obama. Blame Al Gore. Obama, no-bama. Right?

Yes, Bama. Maybe Bama. Mark, can you speak into that? No. Keep talking. Testing, testing. Put your papers from one to three. The answers will be a...