The Digression Sessions - Ep. 77 - Mike & Josh Solo!

Episode Date: June 11, 2013

@BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod Josh Kuderna - Vine BetterRobotJosh - Instagram --- Hola DigHeads! On this week’s podcast, Josh and Mike interview two of the country’s greatest comedians. That’s right, it was difficult but we managed to get Mike Moran and Josh Kuderna on the program!!! etc. Yeah...so there’s no guest. Anyway, who needs some greasy ol’ guest muckin’ up The Digression Sessions anyway? We’re perfectly content interviewing ourselves till the cows come home (cue the self-sufficiency speech from the ending of Atlas Shrugged). Seriously though, our conversation turned out pretty funny. This shorty should hold you over ‘til next week! We discuss shark attacks, translucent crabs, Breakfast At Tiffany’s for some reason, and some other crap. Speaking of crap, please subscribe to the Digression Sessions Podcast on either Stitcher or iTunes. Like our Facebook page and check out the Digression Sessions website for a calendar of upcoming Josh and Mike improve and stand-up shows. Thanks DigHeads!

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast. A Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting yes who's the guest this week there is no guest this week? There is no guest this week. Oh, what?

Oh, no. It's another solo episode with your two favorite pair. And we will go solo. Your favorite pair of earbuds. Josh Koderna here. And Mike Moran over here. How the hell are ya? You talking to me or the people at home?

A little bit of both. Okay? A little bit of both. Okay. A little bit of both. They're doing all right. They are getting on my nerves somewhat. Really? Yeah, a little bit. You do seem a little agitated.

It's not, you know, you think that when you become a celebrity, your fans are just going to adore you. But it's really kind of like homeless people. They want more from you and they get on your nerves. Really? Well, I mean, I love our fans. Right. In fact.

What's the difference between you and I? Okay. I hate them. I love them. Hey, but we have shows coming up that we just wanted to plug. Well, first of all, there's no guests currently. We wanted to have an episode up on Monday. We're trying to be diligent about having shows up every Monday.

John Diligent. However, our diligent escape plan. Anyway, listen. Listen here, everybody, who I love in my case. You sounded like a diligent pickle over there. Oh, boy, dilettante. Anyway, I don't know what's happening right now. Shows, that's what we're plugging.

I've got shows coming up, Mike. We have shows. I've got shows. We've got shows. In different area codes. You've got shows. She's got shows. We've got shows.

Remember that song by Public Enemy? She's got shows. Yep, I certainly do. You've got shows. She got shows. We got shows. Remember that song by Public Enemy? She got shows. Yep. I certainly do. You got shows. Anyway, this Friday, June, what is that? June 13th. Uh-oh.

Nope. Nope. Friday the 3rd. Nope. That's Thursday, Mike. You fucking idiot. Sorry. That is Friday the 14th. I will not, wink, will not be performing comedy on the avenue in Baltimore above a certain Mexican restaurant.

I will not. I'll tell you who else won't be there. Jim Meyer, Violet Gray, Stavros Halkias Umar Khan Tommy Sinbazo Won't be there Where will they be? Listen, Mike, it's a big world They're big boys I don't know

I can just tell you where they won't be It's gruesome all the time I can narrow it down a little bit Right And I can tell you I won't be there Okay And I can tell you we won't all be doing stand-up Well, I, wink wink, will be there because I have an improv show that night.

What? Wait, be there? In this universe, I will be there over a Mexican restaurant because I will not be at a different theater. Not that the Mexican restaurant is a theater. If it existed, I will be doing improv somewhere. You sound like... We should do plugs.

We should be at Holy Frollies, though. When I have a gun to your head, you shouldn't read your plugs. And I will be doing improv. It will be fun. Thank you. And you got on me last week about chewing on Mike. Listen, I'll chew on you whenever I want. I did.

I'm sorry, guys. I just ate a carrot. It was a big carrot. And I thought you were going to fill time in between the chewing. Yeah, well, you overestimated my improvisational skills. Anyway, I'll be doing improv this Friday. That's right. Where?

I'm pretty sure the Fells Point Corner Theater. What time does that start, Mike? 8 o'clock. That's when every improv show that's ever happened starts. I don't think that's true. It is true. Have you ever performed improv at another Mike? 8 o'clock. That's when every improv show that's ever happened starts. I don't think that's true. It is true. I don't think so. Have you ever performed improv at another time besides 8 o'clock?

Yeah, we performed improv together in the Bromo Seltzer Tower at like 3 in the afternoon. Other than that time that we performed improv together. I still like, that's one of those memories that now that you mentioned it, now I'm confident that I didn't dream that. But it's just like so random that now i'm confident that that happened right yeah okay uh-huh so all right what is there some other stuff you could think of that you might have dreamt uh is it just do you have a certain like uh there's a certain mile marker like once it gets once it's like two years away just kind of starts to fade that i regularly get confused about these things but yeah but that

could if i that's like such a weird memory that's barely there that okay if if it was if i just randomly thought about it yeah i would have like a 50 50 shot of it being either a dream or have really happened. If I really thought about it, then I would know that it happened. Right. But just as the memory lingering, my first reaction would be like, did that actually happen? I like that you have a file, though. It's like, could be a memory. Could be a dream.

I'm going to put it in the maybe pile and see if somebody else mentions it first. Right. And then. I will tell you what I cannot tell. Remember that time we flew around that building? You're like, yes, I do. I thought that was a dream. And you were made out of aluminum foil.

But it's real. I'll tell you what I can no longer tell at all, though, is like when in the 2000s something like that happened. Okay. I know it's after high school. Yeah. I'm bad with that, too. But that's pretty much it. Was that 2010, 2012?

I have no idea. I am bad with that, too. And they're just like, oh, that was probably like, I don't know, 2004. And you're like, oh, yeah. So it's like, what, a couple years ago? Right. I don't know. That's seven years ago or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so stupid. What if time is actually speeding up? What if it doesn't just feel like it is? What if it really does? Nine years ago. Wait, what?

Sorry, I was doing my math in my head. I mean, we all agree that time feels like it's speeding up, right? Sure. And everybody has an explanation, but they don't really make any sense. I don't know, except the, I just, you know, I'm a Bible man. And as Jesus said, time flies when you're having fun. I didn't realize that was a biblical passage. That's the origin of that. Time art fly when thou art having funneth.

Huh. Yep. Wow. Yeah. Read your Bible, pal. Get with it. Get with it. Get with it. Yeah, I don't know.

I was just on vacation last week, so that's why we don't have a guest and we're late on this episode. Right. But that was perfect, man. That was just the ideal day. I would have liked to have been able to work on music or do comedy or some creative stuff. Did a bunch of vines while I was on vacation. That was fun. But, God, those days where you just wake up around maybe like 10, we got an omelet.

We were in the Outer Banks, and it was my girlfriend and I and our dog, and it was just the best. Then we'd go get something to eat, and then we could bring the dog to the beach. She played fetch in the water. Then eventually it's time to get lunch or something you can bring a beer over to the beach and just oh god that was perfect i don't really like vacation all that much really why not um i mean i do yeah but i i uh number one i feel healthier when i'm getting stuff done yeah there is a certain part where you kind of have to turn that off a little bit. And, like, kind of grant yourself that. When it becomes, like, the afternoon and all I've done is ate crappy food and laid around, you know.

Yeah. Well, I was trying to be active. Like, actually going out and swimming and then playing with the dog. I did some. I do like the beach a lot. Yeah. The beach is the best. I got a raft and I was riding that and the waves and stuff

Yeah it was great Shark problems? No I did feel like an idiot though I had like a little scratch on my leg And I was like oh boy this wound's open I wonder if I'm going to attract sharks Then you realize how fucking vast the ocean is And like I was

You know I'm going what like I don't know 30 feet into the ocean at most. Yeah, it's extremely. Is my boo-boo going to attract a big white? But it's still such a horrible thought that it is a possibility that a giant fish with a mouthful of horrible teeth. Just rotating sauce. Start eating you. Yeah.

Eating you. Yeah. And you wouldn't even see it coming. No. No. It would be too late. Like, you'd think you just got hit by a wave. Right. And you wouldn't even see it coming. No. No. It would be too late. Like, you'd think you just got hit by a wave. Right.

And, you know, you just wouldn't even realize it. And then your blood everywhere and your leg's gone. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was thinking, too, they always hear the stories, like, you know, like some Australian guy surfer gets beat. He's like, oh, I just punched it in the nose. Right.

And, like, I was thinking that, too. It's like, but when you're underwater, how do you get that traction going? Like, I was thinking, like, I would like, but when you're underwater, how do you get that traction going? Like I was thinking like, I would just, because underwater there's so much, so much force coming back. Like by the time my fist connected, if I would already be a torso,

I'll show you a thing or two pal. I'm doing the old, yeah. I'm doing the old school, like fisticuffs. Challenging doing the old school fisticuffs. Challenging the shark to a fisticuff. When white guys used to box. You want to take us to the reef, bro?

Even less than that. When white guys used to box for 50 rounds in 1910. Listen here, sir. They had their fans in those circular motions. If I just even tapped this, it wouldn't even notice. By the time I threw it where I was going to get to my target, the shark would already be gone. well i don't know i think they stick around and

eat you to death usually really um well it depends there is one theory that uh a great white at least will usually bite you and then leave you alone once it realizes you're not a seal yeah there are those which is usually enough to kill you anyway right or at least you know leave you with one leg for the rest of your life they that also well that's just great whites number one and also there is some um debate as to how many people are actually killed by sharks because it could be a lot more than are reported because beaches because they're dead they're usually well people that get bit and the shark leaves them alone have a much higher chance of survival and the dead ones

no then the ones where the shark sticks around and keeps eating them oh okay i got you but uh there is hey i'm dead i'd like to report it uh shark there's like a million lost at sea death reports all the time where the body just disappears what's going on this scourge there's see there's a lot a lot of people fucking drown I mean, not that you should be afraid of it, but, you know, there's probably, you know, there's a good amount of people that just drown and disappear. Wow. And a lot of those may be shark attacks. So there may be more sharks.

Sounds like you're planning on killing someone and taking them on a trip to go swimming or something. What does that have to do with what we're discussing? Let's try to stay on topic. That's true. But let's try to stay on topic. Sounds like true, but let's try to stay on topic. Sounds like you're working on an alibi. That's all. Either way, I had a great time at the beach.

But there's also that element, too, that I hate the feeling of not knowing what the fuck's underneath me. Right. Ugh, I hate that. Yeah. And then I saw, do you know what a ghost crab is? Have you seen these things? Sounds, like, horrible. No.

Sounds worse than a shark. They seem to be really scared, but it's a fucking, basically, it's like a clear crab. A translucent crab? Yeah, that lurks the beach. There's tons of them. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's back on up here. You're talking about an invisible thing. Basically. How clear could it possibly be?

Is it like glass? Basically It's kind of like the first Predator When you see he's in invisible mode You can kind of make out the shape in the woman She's like Diablo And he's like what did she say?

She said the jungle came alive It's like that with the beach. The beach comes alive most of the time. But anyway. See-through crabs. Yeah. Can you see their internal organs? They move really fast.

So I couldn't tell. They look like they're, I could kind of see its eyes. And then there was like a little bit of yellow in there. These things are normally pretty tiny. Like maybe, I don't know, maybe like an inch wide, I don't know. But they seem to be really afraid of people, but it was funny to see the dog chase one of these.

It was like out of a cartoon. There was one of them that was bigger. It was probably like five or six inches long, and it had its claws up like this and was moving like to the side. Right. She chased it right into the ocean, probably where it died because it can't live. But still. No, crabs can live in the ocean.

Some can, but I don't know about these. They live in the sand. They burrow under. Well, that's a bad idea. They should move to the desert. Yeah, big dummies. Live right next to the biggest body of water ever. Yeah.

And then we can't swim. But yeah, as we get later, we would be on our towel, and then we'd look over, and there'd just be, like, 16 of these things, just tiny, just moving on the beach. And then Munzo would chase them. But still, that shit weirds me out. All that stuff is going on the ocean floor all the time. Yeah. Yeah, the ocean is kind of creepy. I wish they could do something about the whole animals living there thing.

Figure it out. Like eels and stuff, you know? Oh, yeah. Or when you rub against a about the whole animals living there thing. Figure it out. Like eels and stuff, you know? Oh, yeah. Or when you rub against a fish. Oh, yeah, you're weird about fish anyway. Like fish eyeballs. There's usually not a big fish problem at the ocean. Have you noticed that?

No, but there are these maniacs. Not that you brought that up. These maniacs that are fishing from the goddamn beach. Right. Like 50 yards down, there's a guy throwing a lure out basically in the same depth Where I'm riding my waves on my raft

Like what are you doing you psycho You're attracting whatever Because I don't want these He's going to attract fish Maybe some fish have teeth Michael There's not You're never going to be afraid of the fish Eating you if it's not a shark

I still don't want it around me You know in the true story that Jaws was based upon The shark showed up In a stream miles and miles off the shore Of the ocean and started eating children Oh yeah yeah yeah you told me about that I thought you were going to say like showed up to the beach In disguise like

I'm a fish My name is Bill Thompson Bill Salmon I'm a salmon Anyway let is Bill Thompson Bill Salmon I'm a salmon Anyway, let's all get in the water Last one is a rotten egg Let's all show our delicious skin I mean, don't forget to put sunscreen on

Anyway Barbecue flavored preferably That'd be great, White. Oh, but anyway. Anyway, you can tap the nose of a shark, supposedly, and it turns around. Just tapping it? It's not about punching. I think Australians just punch everything when they touch.

That's just what they do. Here's your newborn baby. Yeah, they get in the elevator and they start punching the buttons and shit. Punching the nuts and shit. So you're telling I'm going to pull a Mike Moran here. Back up. You're telling me that if I just touch the nose

of a shark, tap it. Like how much force are we putting on this thing? It's not about force. Just touching it? Well, I can't say for sure. I don't know this for sure. I've learned that in the past. I've heard it anecdotally. Yeah.

And I've seen, I've definitely seen videos of people swimming with sharks where they regularly, like when they're surrounded by like little sharks that might kind of bite them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll regularly tap it on the nose. They don't like swim around. Okay. They can't fucking turn around.

So like any time they're up against something, they're probably instinctually going to turn to the side. Yeah, sharks can't swim backwards. Oh, all right. Maybe that's why they're so angry, huh? They don't even want to go towards the beach. They're just like, oh, no reverse button. That's pretty optimistic to me. A shark can't swim backwards.

Hey, man, I'm like a pencil with no eraser, man just i just go like a shark man i can't swim backwards i'll die if i don't move just from one coast to the other the sharks are just constantly going from yeah from europe to america some weird game of pong and then they just like go up on the on the beach and that's it and they just die there that's hey man that on the beach. And that's it. And they just die there. Hey, man. That's the fucking hand I was dealt. So I'm pretty sure I brought this up on the podcast before. But I tried watching America's Funniest Home Videos briefly recently.

AFHV? Yeah. It was just on. It was on at my sister's house or something. Yeah, Tom Bergeron hosts it. Okay. Do not besmirch Tom Bergeron. I shan't.

Also hosts Dancing with the Stars. Dances with the Wolves? Yep. He hosts that too. Okay, so I swear to God, the winning video was of an infant nearly being eaten by a shark. Sounds hilarious. Or if sheaces of death or something. This is what it's come to. This baby's

gone a little too close to the shark. This baby likes the shark tail a little too much. I have a feeling somebody's parents are going to need therapy for several decades. Somebody's going to have a murdered baby on their hands.

It was clips of a family playing with an infant in the water maybe like a one-year old uh-huh in the very shallow beach water and then they're like oh shit and the camera well they don't say that good there's a baby present and uh and the camera like goes to the left and there's a giant shark stalking them and coming upon them. Is it the same one from Jaws? He's like, oh, you thought it was a shark. I'm not. I wasn't going to do your painting.

It's a mix-up. I'm a businessman. So anyway, the shark won the money. Good for him. $10,000. Give that shark the $10,000. He got hit in the nuts with a uh uh ghost crab yeah is that how the video ended they punched the shark in the net where are the fish's nuts by the way

sharks don't have balls mike that's an important shark nuts yeah i think we brought that up in one of my improv classes no way yeah we actually named you know how after you do the class and at your showcase you get to name your troop at your showcase we named ourselves shark nuts because we were talking about truck nuts and then somehow sharks came up but yeah that's true that would be funny you have like the douchebag shark who has the metal balls like you know like a trucker i don't i don't i'm not talking talking about sharks adding decals to themselves. I understand. But their balls are inside of themselves. So they're trying to look cool.

Right. And have them hang out. Right. It's not like sharks put racing stripes on their bodies. They could. They should do that at the aquarium. Make the sharks look really cool. That's what the National Aquarium is trying to get grants for.

Reading over your two-page proposal here to make sharks cool. You know the Baltimore Zoo is in trouble when they're putting ads for Jiffy Lube on the elephants and stuff? The penguins brought to you by Red Bull. Red Bull gives you wings. But not penguins. Well, I mean, they have them. They just can't fly. Red Bull won't give penguins wings. But not penguins. Well, I mean, they have them. They just can't fly. Red Bull won't give penguins wings.

That'll work. In parentheses, that'll work. That'll work. Anyway, great to be back. Glad we could get this mini podcast in. Mike, you are well? Yeah, I can't complain. You're good?

Okay. And we also have this show on the 18th with Sean Bolins. We do. So everybody come out to that Tuesday in Bel Air. It's going to be a free show. Free, free, free show. I'm excited about that. I didn't talk to you at all last week.

What time do you have to go, Mike? What time is it now? It's quarter after six. Quarter after six. I got like 15 minutes or so okay i let me just uh let's just catch up how are you how was last week um you went and saw social d i did saw them last night how was that it was pretty good yeah it wasn't amazing it was uh there wasn't a whole lot of energy you know seem like they're a boring band to begin with.

And then they got old. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting a little bit more. It really was the crowd more than anything. It was kind of a bland crowd. People weren't that excited. I thought people were really passionate about social distortion songs. I don't know.

And there's a lot of fights, too. So much... Like, I love getting in the front, you know, like, getting right up close. Uh-huh. But there's so much negativity in that space. There's always people fighting. Really?

Yeah. There's always somebody who, like, pushes past you. Yeah. And it's stupid. Yeah, I do hate that when, like, an inch will open up on the bar up front and then somebody, like, wedges their way in. Yeah, yeah. Like, calling their way in. Yeah, yeah.

Like calling their friend over. Right, yeah. Brian! Brian! We got spits up front! Overall, it was fun. Yeah, and I'm picturing the dudes that are getting in fights that are like middle-aged, bad tattoos. Yeah, yeah.

Wife beater. Like, fuck you, man. Yeah. Step off. And there's always like two guys that think it'll be great if they start a mosh pit. Yeah. And who are those guys that feel obligated to start the pit? People at every show, especially shows that are very clearly not heavy metal, that think it's a great idea to start a mosh pit right in the middle.

Like they completely take over like a third of the floor. You know what I mean? Yeah. With violence. Isn't that like the first rule of civilization is that you can't violently force people to move i do like that though like all right we could clear a space i know it's packed in but we need to push each other so everybody could just put the rational mosher the polite i know it's tight but we need to

you know punch each other because we can't work out our issues healthy in a healthy way. Sorry. Thank you guys. Cool. Alright. On with the show. Mike Ness. Is it Mike Ness or Elliot? Elliot Ness was the gangster. Okay. I'm sorry. He was the cop who hunted down Al Capone. Second Kevin Costner.

He was in Breakfast at Tiffany's, right? Yeah. Okay. Bring it at Tiffany's, right? Yeah. Okay. Bringing it home. Bringing it home. But you had a good week?

Yeah, I can't complain. A lot of working. Very busy work. Yeah. What did I do? Did I do an open mic? I'm pretty sure I did an open mic. I did a guest spot at Sean Bolin's. Uh-huh.

That went all right. But you worked on new stuff? Yeah, I was working on newer stuff. That went okay. Right, right, right. But yeah. Okay. Cool, cool. How about you? Yeah, same. It was just vacation. It was fucking excellent. Kitty Hawk was cool. It was fun to go to a

beach town that's not like I mean, it's kind of touristy, but it's not overrun like here in Maryland. Everybody goes to Ocean City, and there's one strip of highway. Then there's stoplights every 10 feet and the boardwalk. And it's kind of like the people we were just talking about. Hey, bro, bro, bro, bro.

Starting mosh pits on the boardwalk. Yeah, don't do that. Come on, guys. I always have to ruin the ocean by moshing. Yeah. We just had the beaches right across from our place. It was really nice. come on guys i always have to ruin the ocean by moshing yeah we just said uh yeah the beach is right across from our place it was really nice and uh there's a tropical storm that was gonna hit us that we missed which was cool um the most delicious storm of all try our new tropical storm

um and uh yeah it was great man and then we uh watched some movies caught up on some stuff so it's that type of thing i did some work on the podcast did some vines if you're on vine by the way uh why follow me and yeah you should i'm i'm uh here's my username josh kaderna okay how'd you think that up i don't know it came to me in a dream and uh what else what else oh amanda wanted to go some thrift stores and uh we found uh seinfeld season seven i got that for nine dollars and it was uh it's a good season yeah what are the highlights of season seven a lot of good ones uh george gets engaged uh there's the soup nazi. The one where Kramer gets mistaken for a pimp, which is pretty good.

That was kind of the peak Seinfeld era. Yeah, I learned that was Larry David's last year. There's an extra thing on there. I didn't realize he was dead. Yeah, that was his last year on Earth. And actually, it's really good. On his tombstone, it says like 1934 to season seven. You'll have to catch the DVD extras in heaven.

There are no special features. But it sounds like the cool Christian pastor, like pastor, like he shows like, you know, some PG-13 movie or something. May God's commentary keep you warm forever. You want some cool commentary? Check out the Bible. How about that? And, oh, fuck, what was I going to say? Oh, yeah.

I don't know. I'm just kind of bullshitting about Seinfeld. It was really good to see. The guy, Larry Charles, who directs a lot of... He directed Religious and Borat and a lot of Ali G. He was one of the main writers for that show. I was like, oh, I didn't know that. For Seinfeld? Mm-hmm.

Weird. I didn't know that. Yeah. See, that's interesting. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Do you know Borat's cousin is a great nonfiction writer who writes about sociopathy?

He's one of the leading experts. Oh, you mean Sasha Cohen's real cousin? Yeah. The fictional character's cousin? Yeah. They have this whole other spinoff. It's hilarious. It's just very serious.

He just gives this straightforward TED talk. All right, guys. Well, I think that's it for us. We will have another episode up on Monday. Don't know who the guest is going to be, but hopefully we can find somebody this weekend. Aren't we getting Justin? Justin Hancock? Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. Yeah. I did see the shit show at the auto bar on Saturday, too. That was really good. Oh, yeah, nice. shit show at the auto bar on saturday too that was really good oh yeah nice and that's uh run by justin's uh girlfriend uh kim ambrose and uh mike quinlan yes nice nice good show it was really good

right on right on who was there uh the headliner was um uh uh larry lancaster boom i hear i hear he's hilarious yeah he is nice that's awesome oh That's awesome. Oh, and okay, cool. Well, so hopefully we'll be back on Monday with Justin if he's free this weekend. And follow us on Twitter. I'm at BetterRobotJosh. That's also me on Instagram. I'm JoshCoderna on Vine. And if you want to play me in words with friends, I'm at BetterRobots.

I'm back in my cubicle job, so I got a lot of time to fill during the day, people. Now that you're not on vacation, you have plenty of time for words with friends. Exactly. Exactly. And the podcast is at DigSeshPod. And also, Mike, we had a weird thing where only the past 50 episodes were on iTunes. What? Are you sure it was iTunes

and not Stitcher? It might have been both, but I fixed it. So all 76, 70-something episodes are all on there. All the classic ones. They're all on there.

They're all free. Seasons one through three. Yeah, they're strong. Really hit our stride in season three. A lot of callbacks. I feel like we grew as people and podcasters.

Follow us at digseshpod, digressionsessions.com. You can email us, digression.sessions at gmail.com. We have free t-shirts, so anybody that's sending us email, we'll send you a free shirt and some stickers.

Yeah. Every time I just point to you. You know that's right. So, I love me some pancakes. You know that's right. Okay, cool, cool. You know what's cool?

Boobies. You think so? I mean, yeah. I think so, too. I like it when girls I like it when I can see girls' boobies. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. All right.

Thanks, everyone. Thank you, Digghead. Bye-bye. Nice. Right on cue. Sit, Ubu. Sit. Bonus.

I'm sorry, Zat. Oh, I thought up a sketch like after we hey think of a historical sketch oh yeah yeah what if uh perfect timing i thought of this song before but as a sketch like what if what if hitler was like trying to like plead his way into heaven with St. Peter. And he does a rendition of John Lennon's I'm Sorry That I Hurt You or whatever. Or Jealous Guy. But it's like. I'm sorry that I hurt Jews. I didn't mean to make them die. I didn't mean to hurt Jews. I'm just a jealous guy.

I like this accent I was feeling insecure after the silly first world war I began to read Nietzsche I thought he was speaking right to me. I'm sorry, Zach.

Then an angel band comes out of nowhere and starts to back him up. St. Peter's washed away the tears a little bit. John Lennon could actually come out and sing it with him. Think that he's dead and all. That's true. And if uh commie lover was in heaven yeah right yeah that's something we gotta always remember right that's really what keeps hell so shitty is lack of competition

pretty much anybody can get in there right yeah all the cool people you know you're uh i don't know they're all like oh let's relate let's get rid of the the social order of rings and dante's inferno everybody just gets push the rocks up the hill everybody can go to the buffet now i guess great fine yeah what are there other people in hell that had to go there because of, like, way back in the day when they were much more stringent on things like Leviticus rules? Like, when a woman has a period, she can't make eye contact with a man. Right. You know, and she probably went to hell for that. Yeah.

But now, you know, you get away with that type of thing. Well, I mean, I'm sure law changes over time, Josh. You have to conform to what society says. So do those people retroactively get to go to heaven? No. No, you are in there for life. I'm actually kind of unclear on, do people that go to hell go to hell forever, or do they eventually get out? Well, Mike, I'm glad you asked.

It's a new segment on the show, the Bible Hour. Got to go through hell to get to heaven first. The digression session uh okay and what about purgatory uh what is that like it's just like just like boring but not terrible yeah it's like indifferent right right it's like uh it's all right it's like watching like i don't know a movie movie like on TBS. There's some commercials and bad voiceovers. They're like, hey, shut the front door up. Okay, so it's like watching.

That's a good analogy, Josh. It's like when the Shawshank Redemption comes on. I was going to say Shawshank. Let's go with the Breakfast Club because that has more cursing, doesn't it? Probably. Okay, so the Breakfast Club comes on and you're like, ooh breakfast club uh-huh uh but you gotta deal with commercials you gotta deal with time edits you gotta time edits deal with the bad voiceovers voiceovers like you said the bleeping you gotta yeah i don't know what that andy rooney fellow is talking about no who is

who is it is it andy rooney who plays like isn't there a really offensive Asian guy or like an Asian stereotype in that movie in The Breakfast Club uh no and if there were it wouldn't be Andy Rooney Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes Mickey Rooney that's who I was thinking of it still definitely would not be Mickey Rooney I'm pretty sure he's thinking of Mickey Rourke no no Mickey Rooney. I'm pretty sure he's... You think you have Mickey Rourke? No, no. Mickey Rooney, the old man from... Yeah, hold on. I'm looking this up. He plays a really offensive... There's an offensive stereotype in, I believe,

16 Candles. Did you say Breakfast at Tiffany's? No, I said Breakfast Club. Breakfast Club. Sorry. Next you're going to bring up Tyler Durden. Okay. Breakfast at Tiffany's. Next, you're going to bring up Tyler Durden. Okay. Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yeah, but it was weird when Mickey Rooney was a ghost at the end of 16 Candles.

You got to admit that. And the other guy. You got to admit that. Captain Lightsaber or whatever. Just getting lazy. But, uh... No, Mickey Rooney was like an actor from the 20s

or something. He's in Breakfast at Tiffany's. He is not. Oh, maybe. Did that come out in like the 30s? No, it's from the 80s. It is not. What? Breakfast at Tiffany's? I thought that was an old-timey film. What are you, kidding? I thought that was one of the talkies.

No, it's... God damn it. I don't know. It even comes... Didn't it even have, like, an ad for the war effort before? You said breakfast. For rubber drives.

Grab all the old rubber you can and come down to the pot. Our boys need your rubber. We've got the Kaiser on the run. And your rubber is going to help him stay on the run permanently. All right. Hold on. Let's see this Mickey Rooney Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Oh, man. Oh, boy. Let's see. Breakfast at Tiffany's. Oh, yeah. It looks kind of old. You're thinking of the song, Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yeah, yeah. It looks kind of old. You're thinking of the song, Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yeah, but what about...

Did you think that that came out with the movie? Like that was the official theme song? No, I did not think that. You heard it on the radio, so you figured it was like a contemporary movie. No. No, Mike. I did not think that. I just thought...

I thought they had a Breakfast at Tiffany's soundtrack. Like Young Guns 2. They could have. I said, what about Young Guns 2? Okay, Breakfast at Tiffany's came out in 1961. Oh, so you're only off by like a third of

the history of movies. Well, you're awful judgy, Mike. Yeah. Or since you became a judge. This is one judge you should dread judge judy and executioner over here judge you should that's the that's the lazy log line for judge Dredd. There's one judge you're going to dread. Or the tagline is just like, you get it? The last name has a double entendre.

That's it. Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's got a. Who's the broad? Audrey Hepburn. Either way, Mickey Rooney plays a really offensive Asian stereotype. All right, fine. Fine. Okay. All right. Who's the broad? Audrey Hepburn. Either way, Mickey Rooney plays a really offensive Asian stereotype. All right, fine. Fine. Okay.

All right. Are you ready to start the podcast? Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Thank you.