The Digression Sessions - Ep. 81 - Eric Frost & Nick Carter!

Episode Date: July 18, 2013

Hola DigHeads! This week, we don’t screw around with formalities, format, or foreplay. This one is short but jam-packed with all sorts of random nonsense! This caffeinated, anxiety attack of an episode features stand-up comedians, Eric Frost and Nick Carter. Eric is a former Baltimorean who has migrated to New York where he spends his time being funny, designing web sites, and not looking like the sociopathic teen from that movie “Kids.” We didn’t get a whole lot out of Nick this time around (we will have him back at some point), other than the fact that he has been doing comedy for three years, is jealous of his namesake’s website, and has already prepared what he is going to say upon entering heaven. Topics of discussion this week include: how boring super-hero movies can be, James Lipton’s lurid past, and which philosopher makes for the most bad-ass sounding name-drop (hint: depending on your pronunciation, it may rhyme with pizza). Please throw Digression sessions a little bit of love (hey, this is free people) by rating us on iTunes, subscribing on Stitcher, or maybe posting your favorite episode on your Facebook page. Come See Us LIVE! DigressionSessions.com/Calendar Follow Us on Twitter: @FinTranslation @NoBackstreetBoy @BetterRobotJosh – Josh Kuderna on Vine! @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast. A Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting yes who's the guest this week eric frost and nick carter join us on this week's program. This was a quick

ep due to a scheduling snafu. So if you want more of these guys, you can find them on sweater. Eric Frost is F in translation at F in translation and Nick Carter is at no backstreet boy. And I guess his

name is similar to a backstreet boy. I don't listen guys. I don't know. I'm all man. I'm, I'm, I'm spinning a nickel back all the time. So I don't know. I don't know. But they also have a websites. I do know that you can find Eric Frost. He is frost in translation.com and Nick Carter is the dash carter.com and you can check out all their upcoming shows. Eric is native to the Baltimore area, but he has moved to New York

so he's doing a lot of shows up there and he's also on the road, but you can catch him July 18th at the Stables in Westminster, Maryland and our own Mike Moran who you can find at MichaelMoran10 on Twitter. He'll be performing at the Golden West Comedy Night,

hosted by our main man, Mickey Freeland, and that's a super fun show, so please make it out to that if you're in the Baltimore area. That's at Golden West, the Comedy Night. It's a bunch of really funny people, and I think the show starts around 10 o'clock. I will be at RFD in D on the 18th. And Mike and I are performing together on Saturday, July 20th. We'll be at Joe Squared. And I'll be playing drums for Polaroid Rage, my old band that I had to quit. But they got a new drummer, but he's on vacation or something, so I'm filling in. So please come check us out. We'll be at Joe's Squared. I think we go on around

10 o'clock this Saturday. And I'll also be doing improv as a part of Artscape this Saturday, July 20th. And that will be at four o'clock, and it's a free show at the Theater Project on Saturday. So come check it out. All right, that's enough for the plugs and everything. We'll get right into the episode. It was great having Eric on the podcast. It's the first time I met him. I know Nick a little bit,

and we didn't get to talk to him too much, so we'll definitely have him back on the show. But if you like what you hear, please tell a friend. Please rate us on iTunes. Follow us on Twitter. Follow me on Vine. i'm doing some goddamn great work over on vine doing the lord's work i tell you and i am just josh kaderna no at just josh kaderna on vine all right guys so that's it let's get into the episode this was a super

condensed super kind of frantic episode but it's a lot of fun and uh most importantly we love you uh-huh but they're to think that there's going to... But they're going to be like, this is famous comedian Eric Frost and Backstreet Boy Nick Carter. There's got to be some sort of golden medallion. It can't just be a book bag. Right, exactly.

Are we already on it? Yeah. I don't know. So pull that thing right to your... Yeah. But pretty much lips touching. Yeah, especially with that that mic make you look like your face is obscured for uh privacy purposes for television yeah i mean i feel

like this seat you feel like the less appreciated of the two guests i can talk like this i can talk like your microphone yeah exactly professional quality mic given you take i was feeling jealous I can talk like this You got a prettier microphone You're giving your take I was feeling jealous that you had the prettier mic I was like oh I'm jealous If you want to switch I would be the first to My audio quality is probably crap And you probably sound beautiful Well his face is obscured

And your voice will be distorted Are you guys videotaping this podcast? No I have video cameras set up at my house That's what I was like. I'm like, who gives a shit what you look like? Yeah, no. It's streaming live. It's a sliver kind of thing.

Am I supposed to comb my hair? Because that's not happening. Oh, well, I guess thanks for coming by. Interview's over. In no respect, I see how it is. I see how it is. I haven't combed my hair since like 2010. You know, if Vern could remember to bring a comb when they went to go find that body,

I think that you could bring a comb when you come to. I have a comb. It just only has four prongs. That's all right. He's holding up a broken comb, everybody. He's holding up a broken comb. I grew up in a home with one prong on it. Well, if I didn't know that this was one of these high echelon podcasts with their own banner in the background.

Pretty good, right? I know. We stole that from the Real Digression Sessions podcast. This is a tribute podcast to the Digression Sessions. It's a cover podcast. We redo other podcasts word for word. You guys got your scripts, right?

You're playing Joe Rogan. You're going to be... Hmm. Stereotypical. I don't like cocaine. Joe Rogan doesn't do. And Joe Rogan. I don't like cocaine. Joe Rogan doesn't do cocaine. No. I don't think so.

He's more of a mushrooms kind of guy. He's more addicted to conspiracy theories. Anyway, but on the podcast. There's nothing wrong with doing cocaine if it makes you happy. I just tried it and didn't like it. That's all. Didn't make you happy. I think the problem is it does make people. There's probably nothing wrong with it.

If it doesn't make you happy, then it's perfectly fine. See, I felt like it would have did when I did coke, was it like basically just lowered my inhibitions. So I basically, I think what cocaine does, it gives you the balls to do things that you wouldn't normally do. Like talk people's ears off. Or like hit on chicks or just act crazy. Right.

But I do that anyway. So all it did was make me do things that I didn't want to do, like hit on my friends' girlfriends. Just picture you with Coke right in your nose. Like, I'm sorry, but you're hot. I wish I could stop this. Holding your hand back. Yeah, no, I didn't like it at all.

It was not a big thing. No, Coke doesn't seem too fun to me either. I've never done it. I think it kind of looks awesome, to be honest with you. Well, no, my friend, that's the thing. My friends were all hooked on some of them going to jail and shit right you know dealt coke and whatnot and i was like well maybe it just got bad pr you know what i

mean like maybe it was just like it was this awesome drug but it just had like a bad you know tesla sure like bad pr for electricity yeah yeah like but no but that was like the edison of this story yeah yeah and like it got a better PR team, so I gave it a shot. Crack brought down Coke with it, you know, the same way Edison brought down Tesla. Right. By releasing a video of an elephant being electrocuted to death. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Got you there. Yeah, Edison was a real cunt. Yeah, he was. What was the deal with that guy? He, like, killed animals in the neighborhood and blamed it on Tesla's style. He says, suck my balls. Yeah, take that, pal. And America's the only one that fell for it.

Everyone else still went with the alternating current. Everyone else has AC in the world. Wow. Yeah. You know, that's why Hollywood is in California is because they wanted to get as far away from Edison as possible because he would, like, sue the pants off of everybody. Really? I heard that.

Really? All right. Well, on the podcast, Eric Frost. Say? I heard that. Interesting. All right. Well, on the podcast, Eric Frost. Say hello, sir. Hello, guys. No, sir. I like that. Also joining him is his driver and fellow comedian.

Good morning, Mr. Frost. I'll take that. Mr. Nick Carter, how are you? Pleasure. I am about a nine. You're about a nine out of ten? Actually, I'm around a six. Oh, I'm sorry.

Is it this heat? Nick, can we speak directly into the microphone? Yeah, we can do that. He's at a six. Can you guys hear me? He's not going to get any better with that. Not going to get any better if he sounds like shit on the mic. Yeah, that's true. I don't want to bring down his self any better if he sounds like shit on the mic. That's true.

I don't want to bring down his self-esteem even more when he listens to the podcast. That's true. I like that your self-esteem is hinged on the fact that we're going to bother listening to this podcast. Yeah, God bless you guys. A man can hope. God bless you guys. I will just out of curiosity, I've never done or listened to a podcast before. Really?

Wow. You must not have a cubicle job. No, not at all. Nice. I heard the Bill Burr one I can listen to all the way through. But even like Marc Maron, who I think is very awesome, but I can't listen to it for that long. Yeah, I rarely listen to an entire podcast.

Okay, so I'm not the only one. It's not like an Avengers movie where you've got to wait for the post-credits scene. You do have to wear 3D glasses, though. I fell asleep during the Avengers both times I watched it. I didn't think it was... Did you see it in the movie theater? No. I think that's the way you've got to consume that.

That's where you went wrong. I'm a comic book fan. I just thought it was... What? Really? I love Thor. Thor was amazing. Didn't see it?

Thor. Didn't see it. I can't really do the comic book movies these days unless they're really, really, really good. Yeah, I didn't really see any of the lead-up movies to the Avengers besides Iron Man 2, which was just basically a commercial for the Avengers. It's like, hey, you should join the Avengers. It's like, nah. No, but really, you should join them.

Credits. That was the whole movie. I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers. Yeah, exactly. Have you ever considered the Avengers? I just thought it was too campy. The Avengers? It was too playful.

It was fake funny. You thought it should be like The Dark Knight? I thought Iron Man was a good... That was the first one. Iron Man was a good idea. But when it was time to get serious, when he was fighting for his life, he wasn't throwing out quips.

Not everybody can be Deadpool. That's how we've got to live our lives. Spider-Man's a different type of snarky. That basically makes everybody like Deadpool. All these little quips. Yeah, a little snarky. Did you see Avengers, Nick? What did you think? Did you fall asleep?

I didn't fall asleep. Are you talking to the microphone, please? Are you falling asleep currently? I liked it. Did you fall asleep? I didn't fall asleep. Are you talking to the microphone, please? Are you falling asleep currently? I'm kind of tired, but Adventures was... Thank you for coming by, by the way. The Avengers and babysitting. At least I can do. It was cool.

I liked the Hulk scenes. Yeah. That's the first time they got Hulk right. Took him three times, but they got it right. Right. Yeah. Mark Ruffalo is a good Hulk. Yeah, that was good. He played it well. yeah that's the first time they got hulk right took him three times but they got it right right yeah ruffalo's a good hall yeah that was good he played it well um i hadn't seen iron man i hadn't seen anything before the avengers like my first thing uh-huh uh i mean it was funny iron man was funny folks kind of funny i wanted to know who the girl was scarlett johansson yeah

i thought she was pretty cool I like how they made a lot out of her Which is like a couple of scenes I thought what they really got What they did get right was that Admitting that all the Avengers aren't kind of equal Yeah Hawkeye and Black Widow

You guys can't really battle with the other Captain America without your shield you're nothing But to still give them all different Points of value Because you're a fan of to still give them all different points of value to make them part of it. Because you're a fan of Nietzsche, and so you like to admit when everything's not equal. I don't know. Not everybody's equal. Everybody deserves

equal opportunities. That's why I'll spin off. I'll go one up beyond Nietzsche. Right. Like Hawkeye. You can shoot an arrow. I've only read a couple pages of Nietzsche ever. I just thought the reference was good. Right. That's one of those things you just have to agree.

You're like, uh-huh. Yes. I saw that. I know that. If you just bring up like intelligent sounding references. Like, oh, well, as Plato said, you know, shit be crazy. As the great Buddha Foucault once said, lambs cannot become lions. Uh-huh.

I went through it. Really, I just went through a bunch of really famous thinkers, and whichever one sounded the coolest was the one I picked. Right. And Nietzsche, you can kind of say with some hate. Yeah. You can't. Frost doesn't really.

Yeah. Yeah. Eric Frost is a good name. He sounds a lot. I was thinking Robert Frost, which is why I picked Eric. Ah, really? Okay. How long have you been doing comedy, Eric Frost?

Nine years in September. Really? Wow. When did you start? Nine years ago. Okay. What age? In September?

21. Okay. Wow. I know I look prepubescent. I wouldn't think in 30. Yeah, I'll be 30 in August. It's going to be fun. I recently heard that people that look very young be fucking a lot.

And that's the reason they look so young. I wish that was the case. Okay. Debunked. I've probably done more than the average person. But most of them were like, I don't remember half of them. I was really drunk most of the time. Okay.

It was still fun, though. That's healthy. As long as you had fun. No, no. I've lived to be about 60 or 70. So it was better than cocaine for you? Yeah, no. I gave all the drugs a shot except for crack, heroin, and meth

because it doesn't really seem like the risk didn't meet rewards. But alcohol was the only one that I really had fun with. Heroin is something that I never understand why anybody tries it. Nobody has a heroin success story. Crack is worse. At least heroin gets you high for like hours and hours like crack is like oh my god i feel sick i need another hit yeah it's

like a half a second long well heroin too the best part is basically when you pass out pretty much you know what i mean like it's not like like people like you get high you get drunk you can make music you can still hang. You're still basically creative. You know what I mean? You could never sleep. That first time I did heroin. And now that's why I'm the Fortune 500 executive that stands before you. There's never a good heroin story.

I think you either try it when you're an idiot, like when you're a kid, or you just kind of ease into it as an adult. You start with painkillers or something like that or some prescription, and then it just eventually becomes heroin. But yeah, I doubt a lot of 29-year-olds are like, oh, you know, I want to try some new stuff this year. Yeah. Skydiving lessons. That sounds optimistic. You would never – I think it's more like my life.

It's like kind of like you've got your own self-fulfilling prophecy. Like the more negative you are, the kind of how it snowballs. Yeah. And you're just like, well, my life sucks already. Let's try this. And then, oh, my life sucks more. Might as well try crack. Might as well try. It doesn't matter.

It's like slow suicide. You don't have the balls. You don't have the sack to just kill yourself. You want to slow it down a little bit. You're suicidal, but you're a pussy about it. That's what I'm going to call heroin. That's good. I like that. And they're not but you're a pussy about it. That's what I'm going to call heroin. That's good. I like that.

And they're not strong enough to do anything about it. That's right. That's what I say to junkies when they ask me for money on the street. Take it from me. If you can take it from me, you can have it, you fucking junkie. You pussy. You suicidal pussy. I might keep that premise.

I like that. That's good. Thinking was kind of my anti-drug. I feel like you're actively talking away from the mic. I think I am. Unconsciously, I'm just trying to leave. I don't know. I want to see your beautiful face. I can't fault you for that.

But for the quality of the... That actually works. Hello, people. Now you just look like a Muslim woman. I've never gotten that before. You're all eyes. Pretty, pretty eyes. You're like all black from the eyes down.

I wanted to write a comedy screenplay where it was all about Muslim women. And it would be just the girls. It's the burqa, right? It's called the burqa? Yes. And just have the girls and you see their eyes. But every time you switch to the woman, it would be a different woman. Like a fat woman, a skinny woman, a white woman, a black woman.

But you'd just all be wrapped in the burqa, but we treat them as the same character because that's how Muslim men treat. Oh, that's deep. Like Nietzsche, bro. That's deep. Hey, be careful when you open your mail after this airs, by the way. You hear, though, how they allow the eyes. Do they have the address here? Because I should.

I haven't memorized. But why the eyes? Isn't the whole point to dissuade sexual attraction? I mean, the eyes are like, I'm not falling for Nick right now. There are those burkas that have the mesh covering up the eyes as well. That's the type of burqa I think. Well, you gotta realize

when they thought this thing up, what, six, seven, 800 years ago, Mazel? Six or seven years ago. 800 years. Maybe like 2003. In a 90s kind of world,

we gotta cover up these guys. I got my burqas. They probably didn't have like mesh and hard plastic like 800 years ago. They probably wanted to cover up everything.

Look, we need you to at least see so you can pick up the groceries and the children. Not a lot of the groceries. I don't know. It's probably practical. Go lift that. I can't see it. Okay, we'll cut a hole in the eyes.

They're originally wearing full-on ghost garb. Yeah, exactly. And I bet men protested that, too. It was like a crazy liberal idea to let them show their eyes. Like, whoa. Yeah, exactly. And I bet men protested that too. It's like a crazy liberal idea to let them show their eyes. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're going to descend into mass. How am I not supposed to rape her

if she's showing off her whore eyes? Just give her one eye. And then she had like no death perception. She kept running into shit. You got to be able to see something. Yeah. Like you can't just see like a black thing.

Let's not talk about black. Racist. I'm black. Somebody said Trayvon Martin. Do you think before that, the naughty Muslims were going around flashing their eyes every now and then, like spring break? Naughty Muslims.

You naughty Muslims. V burkas where they go down Beneath the crest of the nose Little tip of the nose You can almost see nostrils You fucking skank Naughty Muslims That should have been the name of our podcast Naughty Naughty Muslims

That's why it's Cotterley Somebody dropped their coffee Oh yeah Is that a first for digression session? Coffee drop liquid? Uh-oh. That's why it's got a lid. Hey, somebody dropped their coffee. Oh, yeah. But you're going to have to guess at home. Is that a first for digression sessions? What's that? Coffee drop liquid? No, I don't think so.

I'm pretty sure I do that with some frequency. I know that if there wasn't a lid on it, I would have called it in midair. That's what I'm saying. I would have. Whoa. Very quick movements. Yeah. And then we've been talking about how cool and quick I was.

Yeah. That kid was scary quick. That's your superhero move. Like somebody goes to drop something, you just catch it real quick. I do believe that I have two superpowers. Okay. You'd have to assume that because. China and Great Britain.

Sorry. No, but like. That's my favorite. We wrote these comic books about people that can fly and people that can teleport and unlimited healing. But we'd have to progressively get there. So I think my two superpowers are much smaller. No matter how hungover I am, when I take a shower, I look like I haven't drank anything when I come out.

And I can finger-bang chicks very well. I think it's almost like a step above other people's fingers. So that's like a little superpower. They'd have to baby-step into it. Okay. What about's like a little superpower. Like they'd be like, they'd have to, you have to baby step into it. Okay. Right. What about your third superpower? Class.

Class. I can finger bag chicks. And I'm classy as hell. For those listening, I'm pretty sure Eric used like you were bowling. He used your middle and your ring finger. I can finger check. You definitely used the middle, too. Really?

Maybe I just have a better technique than you guys. I guess. I'm trying to think. I just never had the opportunity to try it on anyone but myself. Are you talking about bowling or what? Yeah. Maybe I'm just giving guys tips. Maybe it just came natural to me.

That's true. I'm not the winner. That's why it's your superpower. You're saying I'm not special. I just got lucky and stumbled onto something first. No, I'm saying you are special. It's latent in you. In the comic book universe, all sorts of different stuff calls superpowers.

Can we call it frostbanging? Can I coin that? Yeah. The vagina is ice cold when you're done. Like, ooh, frosty. I should probably lay out that I have not been with a woman intimately in about eight to nine months. So whatever I'm doing might not be the right way to go. Like, I'm pretty sure I got this figured out.

This could smooth the shit. Nope. I can fist a butthole like nobody's business. That's my superpower. That's a terrible sexual, like, resume. All right. Hey. I completely ignored my premise that I threw out there.

Just powered through. What premise? Go back. I winked at you. I winked at you. It was good. Oh, thank you. You couldn't see because you had that goddamn thing in front of your face.

You don't forget the premise. Who the hell are you guys? Eric Frost. Eric Frost. Nick Carter. Let's start with Nick Yeah, because we have about 10 minutes left in this show And we have no clue

I didn't know there was a time limit What the hell are you doing here? I didn't know I thought we were just supposed to get up here and talk about crap I had no idea this had a poignant end Yeah, this is crap talk I had no idea this had like a No, no, it isn't

No, we just fuck around But let's get to know you guys a little bit When you get to heaven, what do you want God to say to you nick nick you're first yeah all right that's what he said you know i i saw that headline i've been meaning to look it up but i swear to god it said that the guy from inside the actual studio used to be a pimp he claimed he was but i think that's a lie because uh adam krola brought it up it's a really good point when all these like washed up people have books coming out, they mention, they're like,

hey, by the way, I was molested. They're like, really? And it's all in my new book. And I think that's one of those things where he's like, there has to be some fact. There has to be something you can point to and be like, yeah, that's what I meant. I paid a woman for sex one time.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Well, I mean, you got anybody that ascends to that level, you have to appreciate without darkness, you can't appreciate sunlight so for every like again with the nichi is that from nichi kind of like you have to go you have to go through uh times naturally it happened that great mind had them before sure socrates that's why i'll be like at your shows like yelling at you for ripping off nichi like joe rogan yeah hey that was from Thus Spoke Zarathustra, asshole.

It only counts if I read the book. I can't get accused of ripping something off that I've never read before. Right, that's true. Well, if I thought of it too and I didn't read it, it must not have been that fucking clever. Nietzsche slam. Nick Carter. Who are you? Nick Carter.

How long have you been doing comedy? What's your sign? I don't think I got a question though Okay Yo let's go for all three I just wanted to say what's up Like I wanted to Uh huh

I wanted to be chill Personable Yeah You know sociable That's why I think When I think about black language It's like Yeah

I'm talking to you You know I just wanted to say what's up And then you know You can come in Hey you wanna hang out? We got uh We got drinks in the fridge Yeah yeah You know? Mm-hmm. I just want to say what's up. And then, you know, you can come in. It's like, hey, you want to hang out? We got drinks in the fridge.

Yeah, yeah. We've got to keep it down after, like, 1130. The neighbors get all upset. But we can come in. We got beers. It's cool. It's real cool. We're probably going to make some cold cuts.

Yeah. I want to get there and, like, have a party and get shut down, you know? We're going to have worse parties than here. Really? Yeah, you don't want to ruin heaven that'd be a bummer right yeah yeah that way i would feel bad if i was like the one that screwed up heaven for everybody heaven was so great until you came around here i think hitler already ruined heaven did hitler go to heaven i don't know it depends if he had good intent i mean he was a christian and all i had to do was say sorry at the end. I do feel bad that all those.

Whoops. Yeah. Yeah. No. And all those Jews, I mean, what he did to them was nothing compared to what God did to them after they died, right? Well, I mean, all he really did was copy off Christopher Columbus's blueprint. Woo.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Hitler totally Carlos Mencius Columbus. Yeah. That's good. Hitler, Carlos Mencius, Christopher Columbus. He's good. Hitler, Carlos Mencius, Christopher Columbus. He's like, oh, man.

I'm kidding, Nick. I don't really. Is Hitler even really like his real name? No, well, actually, his original name... Yeah, like Carlos Mencius. It kind of was.

Yeah. His real name, his original name was like something weird like Schmugenlagen. Really? Yeah, and like it changed. Yeah, like I think

his mother changed his name when he was really young. She married somebody else or something. But historians have questioned what his name would have been. That's funny. He had a funny sounding name. So there is some Carlos Mencia overlap there as well.

Carlos Mencia's real name is Ned, by the way. Really? Which is very, very white. Yes. My real name is Pablo Rodriguezulo rodriguez a lot of people don't know yeah yeah but you chose that you chose smart we were really smart businessmen we would all pick jewish last names right use people right well you know not me yeah heritage uh-huh that's like my shtick you know yeah being irish that's why i needed to

change my name to Mike Moran. Mmm Absolutely, there was just another comment comedian in Baltimore with a similar name and I figured I'd just change my last name Really? Did you actually change yours? Legally, I mean it doesn't make sense legally to change your last name because if you have a stage name You can just be like anything that you say on stage you can but that's my business, right? And then it doesn't involve who I'm going to be. None of your business. That's what you tell them.

Christina Millian's mom told me that. Really? I don't know who this person is. That's the really hot chick from – she's an actress singer. Don't worry. I never really met her. I served her at a restaurant. Oh.

Yeah. I don't know her. I just served her at a restaurant in the Inner Harbor, and her mom gave me tips on my comedic career. Nice. Oh, good. So what's your real name? Miser. I don't care. Miser? M-E-I-S-E-R.

You're from Baltimore, right? I live in New York now. What part of Baltimore are we from? Mostly from Parkville, but I've lived pretty much everywhere. Did you go to Parkville High School? I went to Parkville High for part of ninth grade. Small world. Then I moved to Delaney, 31 part of ninth grade. Whoa. Small world. Then I moved to Delaney.

31. So we're pretty close. Class of 99. How old are you? 26. How old are you, young man? 24. Wow.

Running the gamut here. Huh? Huh? Huh? Still get carded. He's being the oldest and probably the most successful. I do too. I get carded all the time.

It depends on how we're measuring success. It doesn't matter how we're measuring success. I have a lot of couches that I can sleep on. I measure mine in centimeters, so it sounds bigger. Wait, we're talking success? Sorry. Sorry. All right.

So you've been doing comedy how long, Nick? Three. Three years? Three years. And are you from Baltimore as well? Yeah. Born and raised. What part?

Long way. Northeast Baltimore. Actually, the Parkville area. Oh, really? And you're not from Baltimore. No, I'm from Kent Island. Eastern Shore. I'm making a statement because I heard him enunciate the T.

Oh, Nick, and you're from Baltimore as well? You're not from Baltimore. That's what, and you're from Baltimore as well? That's what you deduced that from? That's really what you deduced that from? Yeah. Interesting. I can tell you pretty much how close you live to the inner city by how you say it. I grew up in Virginia, though. I didn't move to Baltimore County until I was

almost 14. Well, right when your speech pattern starts to change. I guess so. I still have some southern drawl and some of the things they said because I went to college in North Carolina. So some of the phrases that I use still have, like, a Southern twang. Uh-huh. You don't say the N-word, though, right? Same joke, same time. No, I haven't written a joke for that yet.

Zach Galifianakis. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I was really shocked that Paula Deen said the N-word, like, really. Yeah, I made a joke about that, boy. Oh, boy. I was really shocked that Paula Deen said the N-word. Yeah, I made a joke about that, too. CNN was like, is this an isolated incident? It's like, a fat old white woman from the South?

I doubt it. Thank you for the report, CNN. Is she from the deep South? Does it matter? It does. The people that are outraged are just the people that think it in their heads more than other people yeah right oh I can't believe she said that because you said it in your head

like two minutes ago and that black guy cut you off on the highway well in what context did she say it does it matter does she say like I hate it when people use the word or did she say I hate those I think it was more of a direct statement about a group of she. She wasn't talking about

slavery historically and brought it up in reference. Horrible people use this word. I never do. Back when those horrible slave owners, insert racial slur here, I hate saying the N word because I feel like I'm saying the word anyways. Would you want to just say it?

Her book deal? Her books? Buying off the shelf oh yeah no i uh for her i made a um i made a joke about paula dean on facebook and i wanted to tag her in it like a while ago so i'm still like following her page so i still get updates and she posted something i forget what it was and i saw that it had like 12 000 comments and i went to look at it and there are all white people like, leave Paula alone, give her a break, blah, blah, blah. Like, that's insane. Like, you people are still defending her.

They're like, she has great recipes. Dude, the best thing I heard, there's a comic in New York named John Moses and he is hysterical and he had a tweet that just said, the difference between Paula Deen and Lisa Lampanelli is that one of them can cook. That's pretty good. I hate Twitter, and I very rarely laugh out loud at anything that I read on the internet,

but I was literally in fucking tears. Yeah, sometimes there are some really good ones. I retweeted something from somebody else that retweeted. I forget the comedian. I wish I could give him credit. But he tweeted, he's like, I just flew back from florida and boy are my arms tired from shooting whoever i want oh my god that's so good i like that oh god that's the best one i've heard so far and it's like a domestic because i have this new domestic violence joke it's like it's

it's it's pro like locating people that are hitting women. It's not like a let's hit women. The sticker on the hat joke. Yeah, exactly. Those are good ones. The people that have stickers on their hats

are the people hitting women. Nick, you don't have a sticker on that hat, do you? And I think it makes logical sense because people that have stickers on their hats listen to hip hop.

Hip hop talk about hitting bitches. It glorifies it. So it actually makes sense. Right. But this kid's got a joke. I don't know who it is. We were talking about it the other night.

It was funny because there was a comic up on stage, and we were talking quietly in the back. Yeah. And the kid told me this joke, and we started laughing out loud. And the comic thought we were laughing at him. We weren't. I'm not going to say that comic's name. Sure. But the joke was, I would never hit a woman.

But when I get in a fight with my girlfriend, I hit everything around me just so she knows what I'm capable of. I thought that was so great. That is good. I just pictured him just looking at her in the eye, punching everything. Like bending a golf club. I could do this to you anytime. But I'm not.

What do you want to watch on TV? You sure you want to watch The Bachelor? Let's do it. I'm in on TiVo. I love you. So where in New York do you live now? Story of Queens. Really peaceful. I lived in Manhattan for a year. I hated it. Really? Yeah, Manhattan seems like

a lot of hustle bustle. Overwhelming. And very expensive. If you're a millionaire, it's probably fun, but I'm not. Yeah, I know. My podcast is over. I couldn't believe. One of those brash millionaires that doesn't comb his hair. fun, but I'm not. Yeah, I know. My podcast is over. I know. Yeah, I couldn't believe. I was one of those brash millionaires that doesn't comb his hair.

Does anybody ever mistake you for me? I know you guys are like, that's why he didn't ask us to pay him to be here. Yeah, right. He's fine. That's why he didn't even quote us. Yeah. Does anybody ever mistake you from the guy from Kids? Oh, you're a cunt.

Oh, boy, Mike, you don't go out like that. What does that mean? Yeah. Well, he wasn't a bad looking guy he just got down syndrome how many girls he got in that movie because he lied to them he could date rape any girl he wanted i don't want to be associated with the kid that gave everybody in the world aids he was pretty good looking when he was on the wire too he filled out oh when he was a heroin addict no i googled it because some girl

told me we were in a show and some kind of you look kind of like the guy that gave everybody aids i guess kind of in the face but he looks so much more like oddly proportioned but i mean like there's some resemblance but fuck you for noticing it all, well that's all the time we have. We're going to close out on me being the AIDS kid? No, no, no. I didn't mean to insult you. I didn't mean to get screwed up that you give so many people AIDS. I don't take that offense at all. You look

kind of like that guy that they're looking for in the police scanners. I don't know what they're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Officers, you can come to 3615. Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure, show up there. Come on. Bill the Razorplate Simmons.

He's quite a looker, if you ask me. The guy that's raping all the young white girls. You got to say that or else no one will pay attention. Yeah. All the senators don't. Who's going to arrest Nick when they get here? Probably. Take my hat off.

Does that guy have a sticker on his head? Get him. He used stickerless. Not me. If the stereotype that I invented actually resulted in people getting busted for domestic violence, I would consider that a W. You're welcome. So you're in New York. They got frostbanged.

Whoa! Oh! You got frosted. So you're in New York trying to make the stand-up thing work? Recently, yeah. I kind of stopped drinking like a lunatic this year, and I've been focusing, and it's been working out really well. Do you have a day job? I design websites.

I do graphic design. So just something a little like that. Yeah. Just kidding. I get to do it whenever I want. That's a good job. I expected you to be busting tables. Yeah. Just kidding. I get to do it whenever I want to. That's a good job. Yeah. It's pretty weird. I expected you to be like, yeah, busting tables.

I served tables in Bar Thunder for a while, but Hurricane Sandy literally destroyed the bar job that I had. Really? That sucks. Like, it's not even open again. Wow. But it was a really cushy bar job. It was really nice. Yeah.

Really laid back. They're never going to reopen? Not in 2018. The Howard Hughes Corporation decided to shut down the whole place and rebuild it so they can make some super mall. That's Howard Hughes, sure. Yeah, because he's still alive. We're going to have jars of urine store there.

A jar of urine store there. He's dead. It's kind of like Walmart. The guy that built Walmart initially was probably a really great guy, but his kids are bloodthirsty assholes. You know what I mean? He did marry a vampire. A vampirist. A vampirist.

Okay. That's why his kids are bloodsuckers. Yeah, you weren't reaching. All right, but yeah, we do have to wrap it up. You have to go somewhere. We all got plenty of time. Oh, yeah. Hey, you guys stay at my house.

I got to go. Yes. Yeah, anybody that was listening to this podcast was like, wow, we would like to hear more about what Nick Carter had to say. If you're gonna put him on for 30 more minutes, blame Josh. Hey, blame Mike Moran.

I said, Mike, 6 to 7 would be perfect. He goes, okay. Shows up today around 6.20. He goes, I told you they were coming at 6.30. I said, Mike mike no you didn't goes checks his phone he says josh you're a handsome man and you're correct all that story is true i don't remember saying that you were correct i'm pretty sure you do okay i was calling you handsome but not correct no thank you guys for having me i had a great time how long are

you going to be in maryland i'll be in baltimore until friday this time. I'll be at the Dave Chauffeur Room Triple L on Wednesday, and then I'll be at Coco Lane after that and the Comedy Lab before that, and then Thursday I'll be at Stables in Westminster with Tony Woods. Nice. You know Tony Woods, right? Are you close with him?

I wouldn't say I'm close with him. Is anyone close with Tony Woods? I don't know. Apparently, yeah, he's a dark soul. I mean, he's black. I'm just kidding. He has a reputation, I think, of being kind of curmudgeonly. I don't know. Is that true?

It's kind of one of those people. He's teasing with everybody. And then it's like sometimes he just kind of lets you in. And then right back at you. He just kind of controls the distance. You get a little preview. Sometimes he's completely serious. And then most of the time he's just kind of in his own head. Oh, okay.

But he's a really cool guy. Yeah. Okay. Tons of fun. Like an old school comic. Oh. Yeah, he's been around for a while. I heard Jay Moore drop his name the other day when they were talking about something going out to L.A. or something like that.

All right, well, thanks for doing the show, man. When you come back to Baltimore. I'm sure you guys have millions of listeners. Several million, yeah. On digressionsessionspodcast.something. Digressionsessions.com. Yeah, that's what I said. Digressionsessions.com. Of course.

I'm learning to be marketing. This is what I've been doing the past 90 or 100 days. Focusing on. Frostintranslation.com. You can follow me on Twitter at Fintranslation. Fintusing on. So frostintranslation.com. And you can follow me on Twitter at F in translation. F in translation. Like F in translation. It made it fun for me.

Oh, that's good. You got to have fun. You got to have fun. And Nick Carter is no Backstreet Boy. Yeah. On Twitter. No Backstreet Boy. Yeah.

Is that got a website, too? Oh, it's it's barely a website, but it's there. Uh-huh. It's called the-carter.com. Very simple. The-Carter. So you decided you didn't want to be confused with Nick Carter, but you wanted to be confused with Sean Carter. Let me tell you something.

Nick Carter has an awesome website. And I hate that. I hate it. You have to compete with that. Yeah, I have to compete with him. It'd be great if you could take his site and just Photoshop your head on top of, like, whatever pictures or anything he has. If I was good at Photoshop, I would do that tonight. You should get in touch with a graphic designer.

Yeah, I won't charge you too much. Well, cool, guys. Thank you so much for coming by on the show. Sorry this was such a quick ep. Nick and Eric. And whatever your other guy name is. Yeah, whatever. The Backstreet Boy and the other kid that we.

Yeah, we'll have the Backstreet Boy and Nick Carter back on. All right. All right. It's better being considered the kid with AIDS. The kid with AIDS and the Backstreet Boy. It was a great show. All right. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you. you