The Digression Sessions - Ep. 86 - Grant Lindahl Returns!

Episode Date: August 14, 2013

Hola DigHeads! On this week’s podcast we bid farewell to Digression Sessions ally Grant Lindahl! Grant is not dying, he’s merely moving to another land, a Port-Land! We were grateful to have Grant for one last romp around the cast this week, before he ships out (Dearest Martha, how I long for your bosom).   Grant has kept the flame of alt-comedy- nerdiness burning strong in the local scene over the last few years. He has smashed guitars at stand-up shows, sketched other comedians in action (check out the drawing of Josh and Mike from the Chris LaMartina ep on the website), and now has a cartoon webseries called “Damaged” going with New York comedian Liz Miele! Check it out!   We chat with Grant about Damaged, Grant’s near-joining of the military over art-school (what?!), Grant’s curious habit of tormenting his Mother with photos of a non-existant cousin, and Josh’s adventures in performing comedy at a local Gay leather club. Spoiler-alert: no gay sex (what?!).   Thanks for stomping in Grant, this was another fun and interesting discussion!   Hey DigHeads, if you haven’t yet please vote for us in the City Paper ‘s “Best of Baltimore” pole. We really, really, really want to win podcast of the year. Vote here ---à CityPaper.com/Bob/Poll   And follow us on twitter!   @GVLindahl @DamagedWeb @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod

Do other Baltimore podcasts cause ear cancer? Well, I've never heard them deny it. And if they've never denied it, it must be true. Other Baltimore podcasts cause ear cancer. But there is one Baltimore podcast that hasn't caused a single proven case of ear cancer. And that podcast is the Digression Sessions. The Digression Sessions podcast, Baltimore's premier comedy podcast,

is looking for your vote in City Paper's 2013 Best Of. We need a change around here. Vote for The Digression S sessions as the best local podcast at citypaper.com slash B-O-B slash P-O-L-L. Say you've had enough. Vote for the digression sessions. Citypaper.com slash Bob slash P-O-L-L. Best local podcast is located under the news and media section. Again, go to citypaper.com slash bob slash p-o-l-l. First round of voting ends August 15th.

So please go to citypaper.com slash bob slash poll spelled p-o-l-l. And let's nominate the digression sessions as the best podcast in Baltimore. Paid for by the digression sessions and the podcast lovers association of America and uh don't sue us welcome to the digression sessions podcast hey everybody I'm Josh Kaderna and I'm Mike Moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a Baltimore based comedy talk show hosted by two young and handsome stand-up comedian slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting.

Who's the guest this week? Grant Lindahl is our guest on this week's program, and he's making a return appearance to the Digression Sessions, but this time, a bittersweet one, because he's moving to Portland, breaking all the young ladies' hearts in Marylandland and he's going to chase his animation related dreams in portland uh grant is a stand-up slash kind of performance artisty kind of guy but he's also one hell of a goddamn animator and he's currently involved with this project called damaged which is a animated web series created by liz mealy uh uh, comedian Liz Mealy. And it's about, uh, two damaged, damaged, uh, two robots who are adopted by humans and they're trying to navigate their way through life as these quirky robots. And it's, uh, it's a really cute, really funny, uh, show.

And you can check that out at damagewebseries.com or on YouTube if you type in Damage Web Series. And they're on Twitter at Damaged Web. There's a bunch of really funny comedians involved beyond Grant and Liz. I think Ted Alexandro did a voice. Jermaine Fowler. This guy Josh Coderna does a voice of this ninja cat in episode four. So, you know, I don't want to play favorites. But, you know, if you want to start somewhere, maybe start with episode four so you know i don't want to play favorites but you know if you want to you want to start somewhere maybe start with episode four

i'm not biased that's just a good place to start but no uh grant everything looks great in the cartoon and grant and his partner ben luce aka ben luce, do all the animation. And they have a production company called Safety Head Fred Productions. And you can see their other works at safetyheadfred.com. So, best of luck to Grant and Ben and Liz.

Damage was just accepted into the Portland Film Festival, so they'll be doing that later in the month, and we wish those guys all the success in the world. But speaking of success and wanting great things to happen to great people, big heads, as you may know, we are at war. Yes, that's right, an audio war. This year, the City Paper, Baltimore City Paper, as they do other years, they have a best of. They want you to decide what your best restaurant in Baltimore is, best music venue, best shoe cobbler.

But this year, they've added one very important category that makes all the other categories just pale in comparison. That's right. They have added best local podcast. That's right. The city paper wants you to vote on what the best local podcast is. And God damn it, people. We want to win this Mike and I, your favorite pair of earbuds. We want to be the best podcast in Baltimore and we need your help. We need your help. We want to get one of those plaques that the city paper hands out that it's like sparkly and kind of goofy looking. I want that on my wall. I want it to say the best podcast in Baltimore is the digression sessions. Now to do this, we need you to vote and where you can vote is citypaper.com slash B O B slash P O L L citypaper.com slash B O B slash P O L L. And, uh, you just have to give

them your email and your name and you have to vote for 10 categories. Vote for whatever you want. There's tons of stuff on there to vote. But what we're looking for is Best Local Podcast, which is nested under the News and Media section. It's the last little piece in the News and Media section. So please go vote for the Digression Sessions as the best podcast. The first round of voting ends on August 15th. Then from there, they'll reopen the voting with just the top three. So even to get in the top three would be huge. And

we really appreciate it. Like seriously, everybody that, that listens and tweets about it. And yeah, we appreciate that so much. So thank you so much for listening and please, please vote. Tell a friend. If you want to see us live check out digression sessions.com slash calendar check out damage web and that's it for the plugs we really appreciate it we love you guys and uh let's get in the episode oh also real quick grant tells the story of how damage got started and it takes about an hour to get to the point where he goes from meeting Liz to talking to Liz to actually getting the show created. And yeah, this is just one of the more frantic episodes, and everything gets pretty divergent. There's definitely a bunch of digressions. So apologies for that. But stick around and then you'll get to hear the whole story and also my experience at a local open mic at a place called Leon's Leather Lounge.

All right. Now that's really it. Please, please, please vote and enjoy the episode. We love you. I don't know. There's different. There's good creative dances as far as. Nope. None. There's different, there's good creative dances, I suppose. Nope. None.

There's not a single one. No. That was my entire middle school year. It's just a bunch of awkward dances. You were only in middle school for one year? I, you know, I was accelerated into high school, but then I was held back for three of those years. This guy's on the fast track. So you were in high school for like half your childhood.

Wait a minute. My brain grew for one year really fast and then just stalled for three. Okay, well. It's actually pretty common. One in six people that happens to. Really? Yeah. I can't tell if Grant's being sarcastic or not right now.

No, I don't think so. Sarcasm. There it is oh he's retired seemed like it i'm on the spectrum were you did you really skip grades in school no i'm a bad student okay i went to art school because i actually visited your alma mater, UMBC, and I felt dumb. Go Retrievers. Why did you feel like just walking on the campus? I don't know. Look at that building. I'm an idiot.

I don't know how to use these stairs. These complex academic stairs. So where does the trash go into the trash can? He's on the elevator. Can you push three? What the fuck are you talking about? I went to art school. Look, college boy.

Either help me or not, I'll pull a gun on you. Yeah. I'm sorry. You can talk. You may speak now. I was just trying to think. Those are so many, so much better than what I was thinking when I was visiting UMBC. I mostly just looked at the bike racks with the

rain covers and was like, what the fuck is that? Uh-huh. And then my mom's like, those are for bikes. And I go, you know, if I can't even understand that, probably like when the woman gave the tour she goes, here at UMBC we are a

learning institution, but we're also a active institution where we actually learn to create. So we're not a fun college. If you're here to just have fun, that's not what we are. And then she looked directly at me. And every other kid was like, what? But you're so nerdy looking. I feel like she'd be speaking to

the bro with the uh dave matthews hat on and and they uh i think she just saw the dead look in my bag of roofies in his pocket i had dead i had roofies in my pocket right you know i i those are for personal use right yeah that's that's nothing to get wild that's just a normal are roofies a good sleep aid? I mean... They have to be because it's the date rape drug. Right.

Do people roofie themselves to get to sleep? I do. Actually, yeah, I mean, Grant does. I do while I'm driving. Apparently, GHB, aka the date rape drug, was a pretty popular just drug

to take in the 90s. And then, like, they figured out that, oh, people kind of pass out when they take these. Maybe I should give them to a lady. I see. So if you take a large amount, you'll pass out. I think if you take a little bit, it'll fuck you up. So why would people take it recreationally if they're falling asleep?

People like getting buzzed. They do. Apparently. Spread your wings and fly. Buzz, buzz, buzz. I had some wild times on the UMBC campus back when I was a young whippersnapper doing it all for the nookie. Now, Mike, I don't want to sound rude, but that's not what that campus is for. It's not. It's a serious learning institution.

Oh, no. I mean, I had fun learning physics and stuff. Yeah? Did you go to the Flat Tuesdays? Just to clean up. Yeah, that makes sense. Actually, we did comedy at Flat Tuesdays a few years ago. Did Stav host the show?

Yeah, Stav still hosts that. Oh, wow, I didn't know it really existed. I didn't actually go to UMBC, though, but I hung out there several times. Okay, cool. Yeah, no, UMBC is definitely a wasteland of fun for the most part. I was really depressed about what my college life was. Like when I first got there the week before classes started like everybody's got together in the dorms they had this orientation week and they had like events planned for everybody and on our floor

our RA wanted everybody to get together and like kind of the the break room and kind of just do you know like dumb like uh not not sort of like team building yeah stuff like that so we had to go around in a circle and say our favorite movies and then we had to do stuff like you had to say somebody's name but you had to say a food with their name as well so you would have been like grape grant and i was josh jalapeno or jalapeno jaw it was so lame and then like alliteration with name and food. Yes. I was an orientation leader at MICA for three years. Yeah. And I had to do I'm Grape Grant.

But I think at MICA we do that, but then it just gets weird. Yeah. And then it just ends in a naked dance party. No, I'm not joking, though. That's what it ends in. Sure. I mean, it has to. That's part of the orientation.

Look at my Facebook. There's photos of ends in. Sure. I mean, it has to. That's part of the orientation. Look at my Facebook. There's photos of naked dance party orientation. Really? Is this stuff I'll be able to masturbate to? Yeah, sort of. Well, with me in it. Yeah. The shot's a gram.

So, yes. Grant, I thought you were going to say, look at my face. Okay? Everything ends with the naked dance party. Look into my eyes and tell me I'm lying. Yeah, there was, at my orientation thing, when I'm lying. Yeah, it was at my orientation thing when everybody was saying their movies, there was one kid.

It got to him and he had to think and he was like, favorite movie? I'd have to say Aladdin. Aladdin's my favorite. With no sarcasm or irony. It's not so bad. It's a fucking children's cartoon though. It's a wonderful movie. It's a classic. I think though It's a wonderful movie It's a classic

I think it's kind of accepted among Adults that That's your favorite movie No that's not what I'm saying As you get older I'm saying this kid it's insane This is like everything you hear about college It's like this is where you start to like

Experiment with drugs you party You drink you have fun and this kid's like I'd have to say a Disney movie's favorite like you can still do drugs and enjoy a lot i mean it's not just drugs i think it was just a level of maturity that i was working with over there guys uh-huh you're just too you're accelerated yeah yeah his brain was stolen what did you list is your favorite movie mr Mr. Oh, Cheech and Chong's. No, I don't remember. Debbie Does Dallas.

Mine's the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Don't judge me on that. I'm not judging you. I'll fight you. Look into my eyes. I'll fight you. Look at my face. There are no lies in these eyes. Grant's eyes don't lie.

Grant's first book. There are no eyes in these eyes. Grant's first book. There are no lies in these lies. Grant has a book, don't you? I have that little zine that I produce. But right now I've been working on the animated series and a bunch of stuff. Yeah, our little Grant Lindahl's been a busy bee over there. Huh? Yeah. Oh, our little Grant Lindahl's been a busy bee over there. Huh?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And there it is. Great, Grant. I was nervously waiting for that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've been working on a bunch of different projects.

Oh, no. I got it. A bunch of different projects. And just trying to keep my sanity up at the farm. Vote for us for best pot. Pussy. I sit at work. It's all right. His favorite movie is Aladdin.

That's the type of person you're dealing with. It's so good. The Aladdin and the three Kings or whatever. They remember how there was like sequels to Aladdin. Yeah. And like Arabian nights. Yeah. And the original voice actors don't come back.

Aladdin and the Arabian nights. There there's, I'm an animation major. I trust me. Arabian. I thought Arabian nights was like a, a movie that took like 40 years to make and nobody saw it because it looked like an Aladdin rip-off. Oh, you're thinking of

the... There is a Aladdin rip-off, but it's made by this famous Canadian. Right, but it wasn't really a rip-off because it was 30 years before it. It was like the cobbler. It didn't come out until the 90s and they started it in the 60s. Yeah, my friend has a bootleg of all the

original director's cuts. Yeah, it has a bootleg of like all like the original director's cut yeah it has a weird history or like a lot of like it's kind of gained a cult following but i remember when it came out and it just came and went really quickly and i saw something about it being in production for like 35 years and i was like really yeah because it shifted hands and it was i think it was produced out of canada and the animation the quality and style was so ahead of its time that the director wasn't able to get enough artists to really do what they were doing. It's a sad story. Yeah. But it's game to Cold Falling.

I believe it was called Arabian Nights when it came out. They retitled it Arabian Nights. But the director, when he started it, wanted to call it The Prince and the Cobbler. And it was really good, the original cut. But then it just shifted a bunch of hands. Yeah, they like Disney-fied it and put songs in it and stuff. Yeah, like the original probably would get made today. I've heard it was really like a feat of artistry, though, for that time.

It was like the rendering, the computer renderings, how precise that is. He was able to figure out and use techniques and do it in 2d that was mind-blowing right guys you know what my major was in college female anatomy i heard you studied abroad or two but i have a serious question about your education. Was there a muffin to it? Call back to something that our audience was not privy to.

To an inside joke. I'm an inside joke. Call back to an inside joke button. It seems to happen almost every time we podcast. By almost, I mean I can think of one other example. The last show. Hey man, but that's how you got to live your life, man. Just go forward.

Don't worry about that. If people notice a pattern of two things, they will insist that it always happens. Yeah, sure. Like you hit the dog once with the car and then you do it again. You're going to be like, this always happens to me. Yeah. No, it happened twice. I'm driving a dog magnet, basically.

You know? Pretty much. You know? Did you have a question about my education? No, not really. I was being sarcastic. Pull that microphone closer to your face. No, not really.

Yeah, Josh and his microphone face proximity ocb sorry i i'm uh i'm a microphone nazi i love microphones and hate juice i'm like a microphone nazi too except for race what was i trying i've been messing i don't right now i've been working crazy at the federal reserve because i'm trying to save some money to move out west and uh my i come home and the only people i hang out with all week are my parents and my mom's a middle school teacher and my dad's ex-military so their sense of humor is not really there so my sister's very funny and when she's there we kind of gang up on my mom and lately i've been uh i i bought a wig for a comedy bit I want to do.

And it was like a Beatles bowl cut wig. And I cut the head out of this smiling guy in a Beatles wig. And I put it on the fridge. And my mom goes, who's that? And I go, that's our cousin. And she's like, I don't remember us having a cousin. And so she's like, it's creepy, Grant. Take it down.

This is after like three days. And then she takes it. But I find it. So I hide it's creepy, Grant. Take it down. This is after like three days. And then she takes it, but I find it. So I hide it in her medicine cabinet. She gets really mad and throws it in the trash, but my sister found it. And so we made like 20 copies of it. We scanned it. And when I leave to go out to Portland, I'm going to paste them and hide them all around through the house. So she has something to remember me by.

Your dad's going to fight it. All right, pal. You get out of my... Oh, there he is again. You can't escape him. She still doesn't understand where the picture came from. That's the best part. That's not our cousin. You can't fool me. We have like 40 first cousins. I don't remember having brothers and sisters.

Yeah. Pretty sure you're a figment of my imagination, too. I might be dreaming right now as well. So that's another layer of the onion of reality being filled back. You mentioned you're moving. Yeah. Let's dive into this because I was joking, but I was serious when I said earlier that my major was pussy. But also that you have been quite busy, sir.

You're a multi-talented fella. I'm just, you know, I don't have much of a social life outside of the comedy scene. Mostly I hang out with comedians or animators who make comedy things. So a lot of times the way I socialize is by making art. That's a good way to do it I don't really like going to parties unless there's something related to what I was doing art wise I guess

if somebody invited me anybody in podcast land if you want to invite me to a party Josh I guess I want to get me to a party, it's... Hey, me too. And Josh, I guess you can come. I want to get invited too. Look, don't invite... Come on, let's just come clean.

You want to hear about Aladdin all night? I know, right? He gets drunk and he calls me up and starts telling me about Aladdin. He forces me to sing A Whole New World while I hold his hair. Okay, all right, all right, guys. Let's settle down. Let's circle up. Grape Grant, Mel and Mike.

Jalapeno josh we're having fun we're having fun uh what about jello josh i mean jalapeno doesn't really jalapeno jello it would really suck if yeah if you're a bigger guy like a jello joe over there all right We got Butterfinger Bobby. Okay. No, but you went to school at Michael. Placenta, Paul. Some people eat the placenta. Yeah. Tons of nutrients in there, you guys. People that are, like, obsessed with placenta are freaking weird.

Grant's looking at me like he's into placenta. That's a weird thing. I'm going to show you some cool videos on my phone but we'll save that for later naked dance party he just throws his placenta sandwich in the trash i couldn't agree more so much protein come on i wasn't gonna eat this burrito anyway part of my culture. Don't judge me, you guys. Okay, so you went to school for animation at MICA, and then you did stand-up for a bit. You're still doing it here and there, but you're very busy.

But throughout your stand-up adventures, you met this broad, Liz Mealy. Liz, yes. I was at High Tops, and I had just done a set, and Liz was the closer for the night. I think I was there for that. I dropped the microphone on the ground because I thought I was Sam Kinison. I don't remember that. And you went, oh, oh, oh, oh. Right?

Something like that. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Definitely. Come on. That's my Sam Kinison impression. Remember?

What? Okay. What? That's what Sam Kinison did. I remember him being in the intro to a Bon Jovi video when I was a kid. That makes sense, yeah. In his later career, he went and did that whole cocaine rock kind of thing. He thought he was a rock star.

I saw him on VH1 Classic in 8th grade. Wasn't he ironically killed while sober by a drunk driver? I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, he was getting sober. He was getting sober. I believe the word was he's toning

it down or whatever. He's only doing coke in the afternoons now. He was a preacher for a while. Yeah, so weird. No, but I totally feel it. I mean, I lived in a pretty religious town. I was always impressed by the fury that a preacher has. What did you grow up in?

Like a Pentecostal type of environment? Well, I was Catholic, so I grew up around like really kind of like boring church. Yeah. What the hell? No snake handling. No dancing. Yeah. You know.

No freaking, no fire and brimstone preaching. Seriously, it's just very dry. And molesty. God, I am. A little bit. It's actually a total myth that the Catholic Church is more molested. It's totally. Yeah.

I, you know. Sure. I can't. I remember the church itself. Hey, not from my experience. Go ahead. The church itself being like horrifying when I was little. Like it was dark and gothic.

And like there's, you know, Jesus was like right in the middle, crucified, dying. And there's pictures. There's like a series of pictures all around the church. stations of various states of torture yeah oh my mom was like grant you love art church is full of art you mean the horrific images of a guy dying like yeah and like like they give you uh at my sunday school i had to go to they give you iron nails in a cross to represent the nails driven to god like jesus and you're like oh my god like that messes with your and i was a bad kid in school like i was a really bad kid in uh sunday school because i it was boring but also it was never like how can we just like talk about star wars and loosely adjust it to that you know yeah like

let's make it so these kids can understand but when i was in high school it's like urkel is jesus i met urkel and he was like do you want to join a band and i was like okay but he's like it's a christian rock band i was like i just want to be in a band and have friends right and uh we've all been there oh yeah that's where i am right now it's a lonely road hey so you joined a christian rock band i joined briefly joined a christian rock band what were they called uh and in urine i think what is that a biblical reference? I was there for three weeks. In urine. I in.

It's like something from the Bible. It's like called in urine. Okay. And I was the substitute bass player. So I was even good enough to be the bass player. Right. Yeah. But we would go to these like revivals and like Bible studies.

And like I've just seen the basic bare bones catholic church i've never seen pentecostal and i saw like people like being touched and stuff and like saved like you know we're molested like they put that on the head i guess touching the cabasa and like i don't know just weird stuff about that just right wait Wait, so this wasn't a Catholic rock band? No, no. All these other kids were like evangelists. Right, right. They weren't against the Catholic hanging around?

I was the substitute bass player. I wasn't good enough to be that. I mean, I don't think they knew that I was Catholic. I didn't say anything about it. We should probably not tell them. Yeah, we probably shouldn't let them know. Hey, guys, if you're listening, be cool. Okay?

Handle some snakes and chill out on Grim. He's moving away anyway. I'll be trying not to hunt me down in Oregon. Okay. Yeah, let's circle back. I know this is called the digression sessions, and we're asking everybody to vote for us for best podcast in Baltimore. It's citypaper.com slash bob slash poll.

But if we could just circle back to Grant here. Liz Mealy, you're at high tops. So I'm at high tops and I like to draw all the comedians. I like to keep like a little book and write a little bit about it. And I like to document because it's such a cool scene around here. And I love comedy. I've done it in a lot of different places but uh being in baltimore is where i started my roots and really kind of just figuring out who i am plus doing comedy really you know yeah really it's the rarest thing like you can't talk in the way that you talk to people normally when you do it in comedy.

Yeah. Well, even like you were saying, hanging out with comedian friends. Like, most of the conversations we'd have, so many people would be offended or think we're insane. I try to have those at the government. Oh, no, no, no. It's impossible. I'm writing a one-man show about being like a fake magician. And it's insane.

Like, I steal a baby from the crowd and i'm gonna try saw in half with another guy i tried telling somebody at work and they were like wait what what kind of nightmares are you having yeah it's like oh god i'm so dead inside yeah yes is it it's it's not so much that we talk that we can relate to other comedians though i mean it's just a specific type of person don't you think it is oh i think it's i think it's both and that we can relate to other comedians, though. I mean, it's just a specific type of person, don't you think? It is. I think it's both in that you know that that person doesn't have the filter that other people have. Right.

They're more willing to joke about the morose or weird or whatever and not judge you. And, you know, they say it just joking. And also you can, like, bust balls and, you know, nobody's going to get offended very easily. Yeah. They just accept what you're saying at face value and they don't overanalyze it. That's what's nice. Like, yeah, you know, I can just say dumb stuff. Like, I think, you know, going to Pinnacle Castle churches were really hilarious and insane, but also super creepy sometimes.

Yeah. And like some people would get offended. But if i was in like a comedy scene with people at a comedy party i guess yeah like hey aids diarrhea africa sometimes it goes even way too far because nobody has a filter yeah yeah i uh i got in trouble at work sort of when uh this uh this girl cindy that i work with, I forget what I said. We were joking around. One of those things like, hey, good one, blah, blah, blah.

Somebody said something. I was like, hey, at least a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while or something like that. Just like a dumb saying. She goes, wouldn't it be easier for a blind squirrel to find a nut since its sense of smell is heightened? And I go, I don't know, Cindy. Let's blind you and see how fast you get to the cafeteria everybody i don't think that's a that's she was she a big lady yeah there is that well we're talking about food and sense of smell and yeah right but yeah it just like she just came out how is sensitivity treated yeah right but no there definitely was like a like just

yeah that's so weird how that works like i feel like it's sometimes with improv too it's kind of hard to transition because there's certain things that are accepted in stand-up that are not accepted in improv i think with improv and i'm slowly figuring that out it's way funnier to allude to the crass thing than actually say it and then that also gives you way more room to heighten and kind of play within it and i think the crowd appreciates that more because i would do stuff like that all the time. Like, you know, like, hey, it's diarrhea or whatever. And people are like, oh, okay. But, like, we had, there was a scene that we were doing for Artscape. And before the show, we were told that an eight-year-old was in the audience.

And the woman that was running the show at the venue, she's like, well, what do I tell the mom? She wants to know, is it okay for an eight-year-old? And heather who's in my troop she's like well we're normally pg-13 which means like you can kind of say some stuff but not show boobs once yeah you're allowed one fuck and one tit it's nice and then you can get through it but uh we had uh there was a scene where um bridget and i we were like playing this kind of religious couple, actually. We were talking about religion, but we were playing this religious couple. And she's like, well, if I win the bet, you know what you have to do. And I was like, I don't want to.

She's like, what am I going to get if I win? I was like, we're going to push the bets together. And that alludes to sex. Wait, what? Slow down down let me write this down uh but and then um she's like well you know why don't you wanna we should it's been so long i'm like i i don't know i i heard it has teeth just saying it but you're not like the eight-year-old wouldn't really exactly but the eight-year-old wouldn't know but like people But the eight-year-old wouldn't know, but like people that are older. And then like really quick, Bridget just goes, well, I just went to the dentist and like smiled.

It's like, oh, those teeth. Yeah. Good. So, you know, and it gives you more wiggle room versus like, I heard your pussy has teeth. Yeah. I don't really like to, unless it directly relates to my life. I don't like super vulgar things. Like, I don't mind.

We can cuss on this podcast right oh yeah I don't mind fine saying like fucker shit whoa I walked into that we mean like maybe a hard darn here and there I'll accept a dang one dang

we can do one dang per podcast per you know, as Apple. Welcome to Christian Comedy Podcast. Oh, jeez. I might have to take a break and clean the mic. Oh, Lord. How many Hail Marys is that going to get you this week in confession? I don't know.

I wore my Harry Potter shirt to the confessional. Whoa, whoa, magic. It's the devil's tools. Jeez. Thou shall not suffer a witch to live. I know. Whoa, whoa, magic. It's the devil's tools. Jeez. Thou shall not suffer a witch to live. I know. Goosebumps.

So that brings us to high tops. Liz Meade. We're never getting there. We're never going to get there. Okay, power through. Okay, so I drew Liz, and she was pretty funny, and I was like, hey, Liz, here's a drawing of you. Why did you say it like that? I don't know.

And you were also holding up a six by six poster board of a stick figure with boobs, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just like rubbing the poster board and just kind of like, you like it? And there's a picture of you with muscles next to her. But it's really well rendered. Yeah. It looks just like perfect yeah yeah you know i just i'm so narcissistic i just love money coming out of your pocket you look like my my package is huge yeah no it was nothing like that actually this is really i love liz's stand-up and

i it is funny but i think in certain parts it kind of makes me sad in a way. Why? Just some of the stuff she does, it creates a feeling of melancholy. And I think a lot of the shows like that, too. The part where Bambi's mom dies. Really? Yeah. In a way. I feel like when I watch her stuff, some of it is kind of, it's very personal.

And I love that. Do you think it's intentionally melancholic? That's just how Liz is. I mean, Liz is very caring and nice, but I think she's very honest. Do you think she's actually trying to evoke other emotions other than humor, though, intentionally?

No, not intentionally. I think that's just who she is. Well, yeah, and if she's telling true stories, you know. That is always pretty amazing when a comedian can invoke other emotions besides yeah i think that's always kind of the most fun to watch i mean there is an improv scene or or yeah anything if it's yeah there's definitely some type of uh revealing thing going on or they're letting you inside to like what they actually think or stuff that

actually happened it's definitely engaging so yeah it's really great when you don't realize it, too. Like you're watching it and then you're like, what world am I in? Oh, fuck. I'm invested in this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I had no idea my comedy was so sexually stimulating. It really is. Yeah.

Like you get up there and you're like, I got this black shirt on. Yeah. And I'm lost in your eyes. He has diarrhea from all that diarrhea. I'm about to cum. Heartbeats. Uh-huh. A lot.

With every syllable. Okay. So you draw life. So anyway, we're talking about me. Yeah. More Mike Moran all the time. We got more Mike Moran coming up soon too. I was drawing Mike Moran and I was like, man.

Mashed potato Mike over there. Anyway, sorry. He definitely looks like. What's that like corporation that everybody wants santo santo mike on the mic gm oh yeah everybody we've got grape grant jalapeno josh and we got months oh that would be funny if we did have to have, like, a corporate sponsor. Like, Monsanto Mike's sitting in.

We all have names. Pepsi Josh. We're, uh, this is the digression. Is it okay if we call you I Can't Believe It's Not Grant? Yeah. That's what my dad calls me when he's disappointed. And Monsanto Mike, he's just just like whatever we're talking about he's like oh i know i think it's cool to patent seeds like these great seeds from on stage

we've got watermelon baby cucumber um yeah so so i was drawing liz and i i've been drawing comedians for a long time and i I think – I don't know. I think some of these people, something big is going to come out of the Baltimore comedy scene. Oh, absolutely. Either a crazy murder or maybe a movie. Something. About the crazy murder of two comedy bookers. You know?

Something like that or crazy – like hatfield and mccoys of comedy yeah well i think that's starting but um so you draw liz and she's like oh that's pretty cool no no she actually later on thought it was creepy she thought after her senior she thought it was really creepy and she wrote that on our website and didn't tell me. Right. So I thought she really liked it. And so I was like, oh, that's cool. She liked it. And you're like, how dare you? I was going to ask you for a vial of your blood.

But no, not now. And a tooth. Just one. I know whose garbage I won't be going through to help. I'm not going to collect your credit card statements anymore, Liz. Good luck. You're not getting more of those Fabri fabric softeners sent from me.

Maybe I'll just send this pig's heart with a nail through it to Monsanto. Monsanto, Mike. Speaking of Monsanto. Do tell. Sorry, continue. Genetically modified. I invited her to this comedy show at Micah because I did this blood drive for the last two years.

And I thought a great way to boost blood drive, blood, was to – That's kind of blood. Donations of blood was to give out comedy tickets to this comedy show and get these comedians that I thought were really cool that i were like headliners i saw at shows i did so i got rob control who is an amazing comic and then uh we were originally trying to get because the guy was doing it we wanted to get one of rob's friends and i wanted liz in the beginning but uh my the restraining order and all that yeah yeah it was a little difficult but we finally we couldn't get the person that the school wanted, so we got... Carrot Top.

We got Carrot Top, but he canceled. So then we got... Jeff Dunham. We got Jeff Dunham, but he had a puppet conflict. His puppets are in rehab. Sure. And then finally, we saw Liz walking down the street and like hey want to do this comedy show and she was like you saw her walking down the street you were watching her with a

telescope from the top hey uh he wasn't watching her you can see somebody without they're not i was standing in the median with my telescope right looking at birds sure and. And I go, hey, do you want to do this comedy show? And she's like, I don't have anything better to do. And so she did it, and we're sitting backstage. That's the enthusiasm. Yeah, yeah. We're sitting backstage, and she was talking about how she had pitched this cartoon show called Damage about these two damage robots

that get adopted by parents. Sounds a little bit like a small wonder ripoff to me it is okay um that's the twist yeah um but what ends up happening is uh she she wasn't able to sell it to nickelodeon and i was like well i got this friend i make all my films with he's my best friend he lives out in Portland right now he just quit his job and he's freelancing out in Portland Ben Lucci oh my god I should call him that

I don't know how you say his last name but now I'm going to call him Ben Lucci well yeah it's L-U-C-E so I didn't know if it was I don't know I know a girl whose last name is that and it's pronounced Lucci as far as I know really? well last name is that, and it's pronounced Lucy as far as I know. Really? Yeah.

Well, he calls it Luce. He's living a lie. He's pretty fast and loose. Yes. He is my... It's all good. Any which way but loose. This podcast has gone awry.

Man, it's gotten nuts. There's an army of dogs in here. This podcast has gone awry. it's gotten nuts there's an army of dogs in here this podcast has gone awry there's like 12 different dogs a bunch of dogs in Josh's house he's a hoarder he's an animal hoarder if you're an animal hoarder and you love podcasts the digression session

is good for you yeah to get to the microphones you have to step over piles of dead dogs and diapers and newspapers it's so weird when you go to somebody's house and they have like seven animals. Yeah. Well, I live on a farm, so that's pretty commonplace. Well, yeah, besides a farm.

We had neighbors with ostriches. Really? They smell so bad. Really? Don't ever get ostriches. They look nasty. There was a guy where I grew up on Kent Island on my bus route. Somebody lived by a house that had

ostriches. And they were just like when we'd be going by on the bus, the ostriches would just go up to the fence and they'd just have these nasty looks like, fuck you kids. They're scary. Their kick can kill you. Yeah, can't they kind of like stampede and kill people? Yeah, they're huge. Do people actually race

on them or is that just like a novelty thing? I think that's a novelty thing. You can't. Because they can go really fast, right? They're really wobbly. Yeah, they can go fast. Birds are scary. Yeah, they really are because they're just lizards with pretty feathers.

They're mad because they used to be dinosaurs. Yeah. And now they don't rule the earth. It is kind of a downgrade if you think about it. I think alligators and crocodiles are handling it with grace. They could learn from them, right? They took think alligators and crocodiles are handling it with grace. They could learn from them, right? They took to the water.

Reptiles are freaking disturbing. They're like the sociopaths of the animal world. Well, there's some cute turtles, sea turtles. They're amphibians. They're amphibians? Oh, yeah. Turtles? Oh, yeah.

Okay. I like turtles. They're like the only amphibians that I'm aware of existing. Mike, if I find out that you're amphibian, you're going to be in trouble, buddy. I am. Amphibian. Okay, so Liz has the idea for Damaged. So she's like, I was like, well, there's this guy that I make all my cartoons with. He's my best friend, and we want to start this animation.

His name is little Ben Lucci. Ben Lucci. He's going to kill me. And she was like i was like oh yeah so i'll give you his contact information and maybe we could like start a kickstarter and make like a web series out of it and it'd be really cool because she did this web series called apartment c3 that was pretty popular uh with like a bunch of other comedians like carmen lynch and uh i think maybe like dc benny might have been on it but uh yeah a bunch of other comedians like carmen lynch and uh i think maybe like dc benny might have been on it but uh yeah a bunch of people from new york that she's done stand-up with and so then we did

the show and i didn't really hear from them because i was doing my thesis for about like two months until ben like ben honestly ben loose ben loose lucet um has been the lyninchpin of the entire project and he holds it together because sometimes I get really tired of doing it and sometimes Liz gets tired but Ben is the steadfast. He's our Spock. If we were any Star Trek reference, I would be

Kirk. Liz would be Picard. And Ben is Spock. You guys both exist in the same universe? We're talking about the generations? Next generation or original? Are you guys in the Nexus? I also like that Grant makes himself the cool one that gets laid all the time.

If anything, I'd be Captain Kirk. I'd be the guy from Enterprise. Scott Bakula. Who would Josh be? He would be the He'd be one of those weird alien things. No, no, no. He'd be the female red-headed captain.

What's her name? Oh, oh, from... Voyager? Yes. The horrible one. Whoa, how dare you? I don't like her. What's the deal with Voyager?

What are we doing there? I don't know. Was that... All right, never mind. Who cares? The woman that played the captain is now on Orange is the New Black. Oh. A little trivia for you.

Oh, is that her? Is she the cook? Yeah, she's the cook. She's red. Whoa. Mind blown. She aged well. Right?

Not well at all. Oh, my goodness. She's probably like in her 40s on Star Trek, right? No, but she's got, it looked like like she shrunk two feet and went out two feet. She plays like a Russian woman. She's red with Sam Kinison. This isn't like Cinemax prison television. Well, I'm not saying she should be pretty.

I'm just blown away that that's the same person. That's all. I'm going to start a new show called Pretty Prison. It's all a bunch of really pretty people. It's like the OC, but it takes place in prison. Oh, that's all i'm going to start a new show called pretty prison and it's all a bunch of really pretty people it's like the oc but it takes place in prison oh that's fine like every prison every women's prison movie ever made yeah yeah but it uh has guys and girls in the prison it's a co-ed prison co-ed prison for overcrowding i like that it's like high school that's what it is it's high school oh yeah i mean high school is a prison, right? I could go back to high school. I could be cool this time.

I would support that. Let's do a Kickstarter for Mark Moran. To commit a felony and go back into school. I'll rule this town. You guys like iPods? Fake ideas aren't free. Yeah, right.

I got a Nano right here. You guys like rock music? Cool. Yeah, so Voyager, I don't know. I think they're just cashing in probably on Star Trek, Trekkies, you know. Of course. Let's give them another show. Well, yeah.

I mean, why would you make anything if it's not for them? You asked the question. I know, but I'm saying what was the storyline with Voyager? Was that after Next Generation? I don't remember. I was watching it when I was really young. Yeah, I don't remember. I knew it wasn't very good when I was watching it as a kid.

Okay. Okay, so anyway, so I didn't hear anything for a couple months, and then Liz was like, or Ben called me up, and I was doing my thesis. I was working on a film, and so I was really preoccupied, and he's like, we're doing it. And I'm like, we're doing it? And he's like, we're doing it. And I'm like, we're doing it? And he's like, yes.

So we started working on the intro. And we were able to get it done by January. And we kicked off this Kickstarter. And we were able to raise our money really quickly. And we had a lot of support from people. And it's been an extreme learning experience. It's been a lot of fun. But it's also been so many different things. It's a a lot of fun, but it's also been, it's so many different things.

It's a great experience. So it wasn't like UMBC. I'm pretty sure that UMBC is the worst institution. Wow. I'm pretty sure. Apparently you've never heard of Shawshank. Yeah, gee. never heard of shawshank yeah gee i'm i'm just jealous because i got rejected before even applying to umbc by some broad on the tour apparently they they must like hire the worst people to do that

because uh my girlfriend amanda she was she goes there and she was smoking one day she had a break and one of those tours came through and uh it's it's really weird like the people that get to do that are like these like where i'm out going and i have a 4.5 gpa somehow or whatever and they have like these they have like these uh little like microphones on their ears and then they do they got this weird intercom and then there's like an intercom thing on their belt they just look like the nerdiest people alive. Like, here's the atrium. Yeah, basically. And a helmet. No, I had a really tired and upset

African American woman who hated her major and told us how, alright guys, I'm like a international affairs major or whatever, but I gotta ask you guys, do you know what you want to

do in life and this was as she's tightening a noose and like testing out a rafter like putting it on she's actually at flat tuesdays drinking during the dark time but when amanda she's smoking one of these tourists goes through and the girl, she goes, and by the way, we will be a smoke-free campus by 2014. And like looked Amanda's way like, okay, on to the library. Should afflict her. Amanda was so pissed. She was like, that little fucking bitch. Micah has been smoke supportive since.

Actually, it keeps getting more restrictive. But, you know, whatever. The Surgeon General says smokers are jokers, so that's good enough for me. The digression session would like all smokers to know that they are jokers. So vote for this podcast. If you like to joke and smoke.

Joke and smoke. Mondays in the morning. Only on mondays but the rest of the time they have um lung surgeries uh so you have this thing going you got the kickstarter for damaged and then so you get it you get the first episode out and now there's like there's five episodes out currently right there uh march's there. March, April, May, June, July. And we are working on the August one right now. Yes. And how many are you going to do for a season? Twelve.

Okay. And so we'll finish up. We're actually kind of merging some episodes. So it might be. I think we're going to finish up in December. And then we're going to take two months off to raise money and get stuff going i think me and ben might be starting we're going to be doing two web series i think we're going to start our own too uh but we're really right now we're really focusing on the storyline and really trying there's a huge story

arc and for the last five episodes we've been trying to introduce the characters and stuff so you've seen the mom the dad the cat the the tj and emily which are the two robots the cool robot dylan and then you've seen some of the bullies in a random in the guitar which is a side character that is my favorite uh-huh yeah it's a humanoid guitar he is a humanoid guitar as he's a flying v are we still talking about star trek voyager yes uh so so i produced the show star trek voyager when i was eight i'm a bit of a doogie hauser no wonder the show wasn't very good they just go to what did they have they had that thing where they could like they could make anything or whatever it was it was like the holodeck yeah

grant's holodeck it's like i came holodeck uh uh um sandbox engaged i had just gotten off of a huge workout at the Jamboree. Holodeck. Moon bounce. Engage. I just went to my friend's 5th grade birthday party. There was a moon bounce. Make it happen. Do you think people are constantly sneaking into the holodeck and having sexual orgies? Oh yeah!

How would that not happen all the time? Let's make a porno right now! If that type of technology becomes real, I don't know how I'm not going to spend like 20 straight years just indulging every sexual fantasy holodeck rape murder fantasy like you just die of dehydration or something yeah i would need them to like hook another guy drowning his own cum in the holodeck but no it'd just be a bunch of like 15 year old suicides through holodeck death by holodeck new band name name, I call it. Get the Drano.

Jerk this dick clean off. Let out. We got another one. Music on the digression session is provided by Death by Holodeck. You can get their CD at WYPR 8702. We're at borders. Oh, God.

This is how kind of strange my town is. i appreciate it more the older i get but uh i was at the pool and some redneck came up to me i was swimming in the pool and he goes hey you want to hear a joke and i and i think i went to high school with him or something but he knew my friend and he goes i was like no not really and he goes what is a mexican's favorite store and i said your mom because she's open 24 7 and then he said no it's all good all right go ahead it's okay i said and then he said no it's borders I said, that place is closed, dumbass. Oh, yeah. And then I said, exactly.

Yay, book. No, I was in Gettysburg the other day, and somebody had a George W. license plate on their car. I was going to the Gettysburg Theater. Nice. And I was like, are you kidding me? That doesn't even say George W. It says GERG-BUSH. I love, like, George W. Bush, the stuff that he's doing now as, like, an ex-president is so funny.

What is he doing? I thought he, did he just go to the hospital? Yeah, well, he just went besides that. But, like, most presidents, when they're done, they start a foundation that, like, Jimmy Carter has, like, the, like, what does he have? Habits to have for humanity. He got rid of um uh like typhoid or something he's like got rid of a disease on the planet yeah like from his research and his firm right the bill clinton foundation does tons of stuff in africa and outreach and uh i saw it was a few months ago uh there was a little headline when i was looking at google news it was like george ago. There was a little headline when I was looking at Google News. It was like, George Bush is a part of the biggest gathering of people wearing sunglasses.

Wait, wait, wait. Is this senior or junior? Junior. George. Yeah. And it just shows him. He's like. Okay.

We're all going to put on some trades. I swear to God. He's at a baseball game. He has this big smile ear to ear. Oh, man. It's probably really hard for him to put those on. Top judging a best buns competition. Did you see his paintings that he made?

Well, that was my next thing. He's a painter now, and he paints weird stuff. Awesome. He did one of himself in the shower did you see that yeah that one's my favorite i want to get a poster of it somebody hacked into uh his computer or something like that and there's just a weird like selfie that he painted in the shower where he's looking in the mirror and you can only see kind of his face a little bit right and then yeah you can see his reflection in the shower head right okay but it's but it's

like painted from the perspective of you'd be looking at his back like if you were helping him have a shower that's right really which is a personal fantasy never mind it's taken care of the holodeck's like oh i just have weird i'm not a Republican but I have weird Republican sexual fantasies of you know Gingrich in a shower

with Bush and they're planning a space station on the moon but then Romney comes into the mix oh yeah he does the white knight

he is and he brought some coconut body spray. Sure. He always travels with that. But he slips. Uh-oh. He's got a bruise.

What are you going to do about it? No, man. I haven't really gotten that far in my fantasy. My fantasies are slow. Yeah. Take a long time. I have to picture every detail. Sure.

Yeah, no. Soap scum. Yeah. I won't come now. I'll wait. Sure. Soap scum. I won't come now. I'll wait. So on that note, Damaged is available online on youtube.biz

youtube.biz youtube.xxx youtube.xxx It's at pornhub.com I remember when I was a kid I thought that there really was like X, double X, and triple X

Like I thought that there was like Dirty In the 50s R-rated films were called X Oh yeah that was up until like the 80s Oh was it? Maybe the late 70s I'm pretty sure the whole rating system got an overhaul right before I was familiar with it.

They were like, Mark's getting pretty familiar. We need to... I know that the PG-13 thing kicked in when I was really young after Temple of Doom. Yeah, I feel like that was probably a part of the just say no, like Reagan kind of era. Yeah, and I think the R, I think X existed until the porn industry took on the triple X moniker. Yeah.

Interesting. Interesting. I always check my porn films to make sure they're rated triple X. Yeah. Is there anything else? Uh-huh. Right. I don't feel like I'm old enough.

Big booty bitches. Okay. One X, get out of here. Nope. Nope. That is way too crass. I like good Christian pornography. Oh, don't we all?

Don't we all? Something wholesome that you can share. Nunsploitation. That was actually a genre in the 70s. There's balloon porn. Really? Yeah. You know, like prison exploitation and things

like that i can see that as a fetish wanting to bang some nuns that makes me uncomfortable because the nuns at my church were creepy i never there were no nuns at my church it was so weird yeah there's no nuns there's no brothers like well we had all of that we were no black people i was near mount saint mary's shrine so there was a – where all the priests go to retire. So we got like the priests that were like – it was like a hospice for priests. And so they would give all like the homilies and everything. And they were all like 85 to 90 years old and just bitter about life. Well, that's the thing.

Like people shouldn't be surprised that these nuns like when you go to a Catholic school are beating you every second they get. Because they're the most frustrated, aggressive people in the world. Like, they don't do anything. They have no sexual release. Their whole life is controlled. They get to spend eternity in paradise. They should be happy about that. Oh, good call. People that are religious and think that I'm going to burn in hell should be really nice to me.

Because they get to go to paradise forever. Yeah, that should be true. See, I like that idea. That's paradise forever. Yeah, that should be. See, I like that idea. That's really smart. Yeah, that's sweet. I like butt to barbecue, but I don't think you can do that in heaven. That sounds like a spring break film. We go straight from but number two to barbecue.

Butt barbecue. Hey, guys guys you're at the Barbecue You can't wear pants What? It's the subtitle of a direct to video Van Wilder sequel Yeah exactly Grant Lindahl in Van Wilder 7 But 2 Barbecue But 2

But 2 Barbecue Boogaloo But 2 Lost in New York Butt 2. Butt 2 barbecue boogaloo. Yeah. Butt 2 lost to New York. Would you like a rump roast? Oh, my God. Oh, man. So I do stuff.

Yeah. Okay. So, no, let's put a button on this. Damage is, yeah, it's really fun. There are a bunch of comedians that are involved doing voices like ted alexandro jermaine fowler there is this one comedian um he's such a pain in the ass oh yeah his name oh boy jalapeno uh-huh josh cadena oh i've heard the worst things about he plays the the cat character in our one episode over, our fourth episode. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think it's episode four.

He was such a little bitch. He demanded back rubs. I had to fly him to Japan to get the... You had to listen to him make racist jokes about borders. Oh, my God. Yeah, I had so many. So many. I mean, he has a hot mom, but I was like, I felt bad about that joke.

Yeah. That's, well, you know, the thing is when somebody has so much talent, I don't know this guy, but I hear that he's just, he's just oozing that stuff. You know, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. He's slimy with talent. I think you heard something. I think you heard wrongly about exactly what he was oozing. Really? Yeah.

I don't know about that. I check jalapenojoshcoderna.tumblr.com a lot. Jalapeno. Fuck yeah, jalapeno. Jalapeno Josh's catchphrase be. That's spicy. The digression session. Now that's spicy. The digression session is sponsored by a spicy little number called Damage Web Series. You can view Damage at DamageWebSeries.com or you can type in DamageWebSeries at YouTube.com

or follow us on Facebook as Damage Web Series. Look up Liz Mailey, Ben Luce, grant lindahl for fun fireside chats you guys are like the economy is pretty bad but this cartoon's pretty good what about that this guy slips on a banana but it's a robot banana and on twitter at damaged web at damaged web i liz runs the twitter feed and i mostly just she runs all of our – she's our producer, so she does the stuff that we don't want to do. Right. Like Facebook and stuff. Is she writing the episodes?

Well, she writes a draft, and then me and Ben will go into it, and then we'll come up with stuff for it. Like for our episode with Dylan, our Dylan episode, which is about this really cool robot is our second episode, which is probably my favorite episode we've done. Besides episode four with Jalapeno Josh Cadernas. That one was a nightmare. No, that

was good too. No, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Are you really sorry? Yeah, I'm horribly sorry. You're making Josh sad. You're making jalapeno Josh weep. I'm wilting over here. He is crying some pretty luscious tears. Even my tears are spicy.

The more you rub your eyes, the more it's going to burn, Josh. Oh, but it feels so goodge It's an endless circle of suffering I don't mean to get all Buddhist on you But that's what it is I don't mean to get all Buddhist on you Let me rub your tummy for good luck Oh man I don't know what that means

That's a part of real Buddhism When I was in I'm not super buddhist like i don't meditate a lot but i will rub the belly of that uh i like rubbing my own stomach in public so that makes me better right good uh okay and so um so so uh liz and i go back and forth we're mostly the dominant force in writing it. But Ben really picks up. Like I'm the translator between what works in animation and film and what works in comedy. And so Liz brings ideas. Ben brings ideas.

And then I kind of sort out on both sides. Like what's feasible. Yeah. Like when we were doing episode two, Liz wrote a really basic outline. And we're really trying to amp up this larger storyline about their origins yeah and that's going to start unfolding in the next subsequent episodes and they'll be pretty linear um and not just these random introduce interludes um right uh so so what ends up happening is uh liz came in with the story about dylan a cool robot and everybody

thinks he's cool. And our main character, TJ, this uncool little robot, goes, you know, what's so great about Dylan? And this one guy goes, oh, he's so amazing. And that was the basis. So there wasn't a lot of jokes in there. Because what she did was she took her pilot and broke up a lot of things from our pilot into a web series. And what we're trying to do now is take root ideas from it and then incorporate this storyline of finding your origins as these two little robots trying to find their parents and their origins. While also at high school and stuff.

And so what ends up happening is I had this idea of thinking about the robots in the world. And I thought, you know, a lot of kids in my high school, the ones I thought were the biggest dickheads were really good at guitar. And I think it was just because I suck at playing guitar. I'm like, the greatest level of guitar I could do is Bob Dylan covers. Three chords, dragging out your song lyrics. Right. But these kids could shred. Yeah. But they would play

Metallica covers and like, Metallica is great for like, don't hate on me, but like, it's, you know, whatever. But like... You were going to say great for fucking too, right? Yes. Yeah. Me and your mom are a lot of times... A lot of times at bible study we listen

to it and i know talk about your sex life i know and i know that your pet nickname for my mom is sandman so enter sandman is kind of exactly right yeah no i can't please don't beat me after mark is uh locking the door right now and they are threatening to beat me in the studio. Oh, Mark's doing that. Oh, Mike. Sorry. Our intern, Mark, who is a clone of Mike. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. I'm sorry. Now you're talking about Josh. I'm sorry. Closing the blinds. Blinds closing the blinds blinds closing the blinds if you enjoy beating the guest on podcasts vote for

digression sessions where they make sure to they have a jar of teeth from every tooth they've taken from every comedian on you we're putting together quite the necklace of teeth it's going to be very beautiful they're going to feature at Artscape next year did you guys do improv at artscape this year uh i did i should yeah i i did a mural and i did 12 hours a chalk mural and it got rained out after 12 hours and i it's on facebook

if you look me up grantlin on facebook um you can see me my face of defeat as I stand in front of it as it's pouring. Yeah, I saw the picture on Facebook. You're like, I worked forever on this, and I got sun poisoning. I did get sun poisoning. I was delirious and vomiting. And I got two parking tickets because I took one parking ticket. It was drenched in rain. I don't mean to one-up you, but not only did I not get a parking ticket.

That's not one-upping. I don't know what I'm saying. My car was towed. Oh, man. Did you go north-aft to go pick it up? No, it was not too far from Druid Lake. Not too far. I forget where it was, but it was right around that area.

Not too far from Bundalman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's near north half right no it might no no no no that's farther sorry i'm off yeah it's um yeah i forget the place it was called but it was just that area is so sketchy yeah i talked about this i forget on which podcast if you like sketchy areas uh enjoy vote for the digression sessions because we put the sketch in sketchy um no vote for the digression sessions. We put the sketch in sketchy. No, but the place that I went to, it was just a huge lot and then

a big trailer connected to this lot. They took my car. How much do you think they charged me for that towing? Last time I got towed, it was $350. Whoa! You're outdoing me. It was $280. $280 because I was 20 minutes minutes late in the parking lot that i parked it was there's still a bunch of spaces and what fucked me up is they're on military time and i

should have known but i parked there in the morning and i wasn't really paying attention are they european no i think it's a thing to fuck with people because where i parked was right by north avenue and i think most of the people that are going there aren't really aware of like military i mean you can put it together what military time is. Where was the show at? Oh, God. What was the theater called? It was called like the New Movement or something?

Like New... Night Shift? Night Shift. I forget what it was called. I know Single Carrot. I know. Is it by the Charles Theater? No, it's actually by the Lyric Opera

House. No. I know what you guys are talking about. I went to some weird Russian play there. It's called New Something. It was really cool. What was it called? No, it's not New Movement. That's an Austin theater group.

Improv group. Fuck. I forget what it's called. Who gives a shit? You're right. Sorry. But, yeah, it really sucks. So I paid until, like.

Oh, I was right next to you. I was in the parking lot right across from it. I was on the rooftop doing a mural for this big partnership. And the lady there was, I guess she was preoccupied. But she couldn't be more indifferent about me doing the mural and like it just sucked like it was so hot and like and then that rain oh yeah rain pretty much every day so yeah for those listening that don't know artscape is just this big outdoor street festival and then it's hot as shit during the day and then for some reason in maryland our weather every single day it seems to be like hell on earth and then around five or six

o'clock it pours like a monsoon it's pretty much vietnam flashbacks of when i was in nam yeah except for more killing yeah no there's definitely a lot more yeah way more tunnels that are dug and blown up and baby murders that was actually my minor in uh college was uh it was baby murders oh you could tell i dueled inside infanticide excuse me you decide digression is definitely the definition of this no yeah we have yeah We have, yeah, it probably took like an hour for you to tell a five minute story. I think when I first went in

on this podcast like a year ago, I was like, I'll be, it'll be like Mark Moran. I'll be like the WTF. I'll be able to tell my mediocre story of stardom. Yeah, you could be famous like Mark Moran.

Well, I think you're, again, it's Mark Maron. Mark Moran. So uh again it's uh mark mara mark mara so i think that's why mike moran i don't have time for names yeah all right i i am hoping that maybe people will confuse me for him at times and and give me i can i'll start tagging that on uh itunes and one of the tags i've been putting some creative tags on some of the episodes just to get some eyeballs. Like I've been doing MMA, side boob, USA, new, new, Louis CK. You got twinks on there. Oh, I got, oh, I think we have time, but I have a twink related story.

Well, we all have twink related stories, Josh, but we can't just tell. Is it a Christmas story? Twink-related Christmas story? My Twink story begins in Bethlehem. About 4,000 years ago. 4,000 years ago. We three kings were merry at night. You realize that our calendar starts with...

We're starting early. This is a really good story. So get into the old test here. Old testies. No, to wrap up the damage thing, it is a really funny web series and cartoon, and it looks great. You guys kill it.

And there are some really funny comedians involved. Tell your twink story. Hold on. Don't wet our whistles and then run. No, I'm teasing it. Teasing the twinks. But you guys were accepted into the Ball Portland. The Portland Film Festival.

Let me finish. The Ball Portland. The Portland Ball Festival. Nuts out with your shuts out. I don't know what a shut is. You'll go nuts for our balls. Are you a blind squirrel? Well, then you'll love the Portland Film Festival.

Sounds like a Roman festival. Like Greco-Roman. A celebration of testicles. The guy from Fight Club will be there. He will be Greco-Roman wrestling random fourth graders. I have a bunch of digressions to go on, actually.

I do want to plug this. I've flied out for it. I'll be in Portland next week interviewing for a job. And then I'll be – I actually invited the people for this job at the skateboard company to come and interview me during my Q&A after my film shows for the job. So I sent out about 25 cover letters to a bunch of different jobs going, come to this film festival and interview me for the job. Don't ask me about the film, but directly ask me. I'll send you a copy of it.

It's really funny. Wow. And I got responses from it. Yeah, the skateboard company sent me an email going, we can't wait that long. We thought you were hilarious. Come out and show us your design portfolio. And so I'm flying out on Monday to interview to be a graphic designer.

And your resume is going to be a skateboard. I printed my resume on a skateboard. Really? Yeah. And I just arrived in Portland. Oh, my goodness. I did this design. Did they like it?

They're a real eccentric group. Did you send the skateboard right to their office? No, no. I'm going to give it to them during the interview. I'm going to do this. I'm going to be like, so I brought a hard copy of my resume. Wow. So either that, it's the make or break moment of the interview.

They're going to either be like, what the fuck is this? Be a fucking professional, Grant. Right. Or they're going to be like, what the fuck is this? Be a fucking professional, Grant. Or they're going to be like, this guy is so cool. Or they'll be like, let's put some wheels on it and see that he sucks at skating. Yeah, let's see that. Let's watch him cry as he goes, I can't do it. That would be great if you're still

as verbose about it even when you fail. Guess who can't grind? Look who can see this bone sticking out of my femur. Yeah. You have a bone within your femur. I do. You're double boned? I'm double boned.

You're reinforced? Some people are big boned, I'm double boned. Some people have all the work. I don't have any muscles. Born with no muscles. A lot of bone. But yeah, so we're in the Portland Film Festival, and That will be fun. And then I have a film. It almost sounded like you said the porn festival.

We're in the porn festival too. We produce Christmas-themed twink stories. Yeah. Josh actually wrote one. You want to tell us about that? Well, I did stand-up recently at this place called the Triple L in Baltimore. And the Triple L stands for Leon's Leather Lounge. Now, I knew that this – I assumed this place was a gay bar.

I assumed. Yeah. I don't know why. You know, we all have gut feelings about things. Right. But I showed up to Leon's Leather Lounge in Mount Vernon, Baltimore. And it wasn't, wasn't too overt. There was some weird stuff.

There was a mannequin wearing this weird leather outfit. It kind of looked like... And Borat, when he has that weird green thong, but there's pieces that go up over his shoulders. There was that, basically. You mean Bruno? No. Bruno's the gay one. No, but I think in Borat...

No, no. Borat wears the weird green. No, but I think in Borat. No, no, Borat wears the weird green. Yeah, he had that. But this was in leather and had more straps. And I was like, okay, that's a little eccentric, but whatever. And then there was a cage on the stage. And, you know, just kind of weird stuff. But when I approached the.

What's the cage for? Well, we'll see. Wild game. That they play. The most dangerous game, man. I'm going to open a gay bar and call it the most dangerous game. G-A-Y-M-E

game. We're going to go in together as business partners. He got game. Okay, so I go to the bar and this guy goes, can i kill you for your hair like oh you can't kill me i need to be alive completely literally can i put you in a hole yeah shave your head well no i want to be cautious

for as long as i can you see it's it's my it's my first instinct to be honest with you i'm going to put you in a hole. Shave your head. Well, no, I want to be cautious for as long as I can, you see. It's my first instinct, to be honest with you. I'm going to tie scissors to a string, but you're not allowed to touch them. They're two strings attached to scissors. And me and my life partner, Derek, we move back and forth as we slowly clip your hair. We might snip you. A little bit. But that's just the name of the game.

So that guy's name was Gene. Talked to him for a while. He was very handsy. Has there ever been a straight Gene? There's mean Gene. Gene Wilder. Oh, yeah, Gene Wilder. His last name's Wilder.

Hey, and he was in that Chocolate Factory movie, a.k.a. Butts. It was released in Germany under Butts. Charlie's Butts. If you look up the Wikipedia page, it says, like, a.k.a. Butts. Willy Wonka and the Porn Markets. The Russian session podcast is produced by the German film castle. The film Bast. Bast.

Bast. Bast. Now for City Paper. So just Jean, just very handsy. Just kind of like, he was telling me, luckily Kathy Carson arrives, like a female was there, and I was just like, you immediately just grabbed her poop.

Hey, i'm enjoying this well i quickly learned to be like wait this was a comedy show they were doing comedy yeah no it's it's an open mic there well ready years ago too when i first started doing stand-up ironically uh dave chauffeur runs it because it used to be uh i think that he was saying the same guy that owns or part owns red house tavern also owns a Triple L. I heard a rumor that David was born in Leon's Leather Lounge. No. And conceived, actually, yeah. He was a butt baby.

And raised. That's what I hear. There's so many articles. The Economist. He was a butt baby. Oh, my God. We're accusing people of being, was a butt baby. Oh my god, we suck. We're accusing people of being quote, butt babies.

Okay, let me just say the rumors, if you get an email from other bookers, the rumors are true. David Shover is a butt baby. He's been telling Clayton that he's a butt baby. Find out next week who we accuse of being a butt baby. Find out next week who we accuse of being a butt baby

on the depression session. You gotta step back because I know there have been some presidents that were butt babies. A lot of my best friends are butt babies. I'm just joking. I dated a butt baby for a little while. Yeah, I think I might actually be a fourth butt baby.

My cousin was a butt baby. It's the chin. I was looking at it. I didn't want to say anything. Yeah. Butt baby. So this guy, Gene, just very, very handsy. Somehow he managed to put his hands on my chest by telling me the story of his dad's quadruple bypass.

Oh, man. Yeah. Oh, right. He also had testicular cancer later you're like all right i gotta go wait where grunt and cough i i'm uh i was a nurse in uh my in the um in the in star trek we had this holodeck and i was a nurse i had to help out a lot of young boys in there um so and then i i do my set and uh it's nobody's really paying attention there's like 20 20 i feel like i would kill at leon's leather well yeah i wish i would have had josh's hair yeah i would kill his hair i should have had more fun and like riffed around but uh yeah i wanted to

i should have said like afterwards the old riff around all riff around. Yeah, give them a riff. But I wanted to be like when I went up there, be like, hey, guys, it's really good. This is my first time here. Lots of really nice people here. But I'm getting a lot of compliments, which is great. But nobody has said no homo afterwards. I'm starting to think you guys are gay. I wish I would have said that like that. Like as soon as I don't know, man, I don't know if that would have worked.

It's one of those things that like if the the audience knows you and they're on your side. Well, I think. I say take that risk. I don't think they would draw and quarter you. I feel like you can bounce back from that, though. Probably. I would have said it with a wink. It is astonishing how sensitive audiences can be.

Well, these guys, well, let me just tell you. These gay men men they were just right to the point with everything so like i get off get off stage um and uh this one guy i go to the bar and back to the bar he's like hey uh do you want to do you like my watch he tells me something about airtight gets his watch less than my butt uh so i'm at the bar and uh this guy this guy goes uh he goes you're slightly funny you're slightly funny but you got a fat ass but you got a fat ass so you got that going for you what was that when i read that i go do you guys have fat asses yeah i don't know Is that something within the gay community where they're like, dude, he's got a fat ass?

I don't know. I gotta ask some of my gay friends. That dude would be bouncing. What's my most attractive feature to a gay man? That is weird, like, how the conversion works with, like, gay dudes, like, what they find attractive in other gay guys. Like, they kind of,

you know, like, a lot of them like big dicks the same way that we like big breasts. Uh, I guess. If you're into that sort of thing. I mean I don't know. I don't know. It's just weird. I'm more into elbows. Right. Pointer. Bows. Pointer the better. Yeah. Absolutely.

Cut me with that thing. Yeah, right. Josh is more into emotions. Yeah, right. Good luck having sex with that. Okay, thank you. Thank you for the good emotion. Yeah, right? Good luck having sex with that. Okay, thank you. Thank you for the good luck. And so, like, that hurt. You know, it's been like, forget this comedy thing.

You got a fat ass. Not hurt, but it was just funny. What's the golden lining on, like, a gay man telling you you have a fat ass? Like, well, at least I have a nice ass which women don't care at all about right well like

well I'm willing but there's like maybe one woman and like yeah women like toned bodies to some degree but it's not like

women are into men's ass it's like oh I gotta get my hands on that ass I think some I think chicks like butts some girls like butts

I would say this is a question. Please email the digression session. Yep. Digression. Girls like butts. Digression. Digression.sessions at gmail.com.

Dot butts. Trimming my. Dot butts. Because I need to know what kind of landing strip I should have there. That's true. I think you should do flames. You think so? Around the landing strip.

Well, that would be easy if I went to Leon. Hey. Oh, that's true. Or like you should do flames. You think so? Around the landing strip. That would be easy if I went to Leon. Hey, oh, that's true. Or like a bear claw. Right. You should have a bear claw down there. Oh, yeah. So I would say. What about a Tribble?

What's a Tribble? Star Trek. Oh, I don't know either. Is it the little point? No, there's some weird episode. I think it's like a fan favorite episode of the old series where a bunch of little like kind of roundish little animals. Oh, the stuffy animals. Yeah, those are cute.

I don't think people get it though. Right. So then I go to buy a drink and the bartender goes, your beer's actually been paid for by that gentleman over there. And I look behind me, Big black guy's like, oh lord. Could you guys be any more cliche? That's awesome, man. Wouldn't it be awesome if ladies, ladies, listen up. Buy me a drink. I need

attention. I would say it felt nice. If you're looking for some compliments, I would say go to Triple L. But then I went over. I felt really bad. Let's do it friday night or saturday or whatever this is actually we're actually in a space station right now and uh we're circling there so we don't know what yeah so we'll figure it out wherever we want to drop you know um but yeah i went over and i just felt bad like it's like i'm not gonna do anything for

this guy what would you say i was like i might jerk him off a little bit, but that doesn't warrant a beer But no, I just like you don't have to do that. He's like no it's already been done It's already been done. Are you straight you straight like these guys like we're just right to it. Oh, yeah Yeah, I know I had gay roommates. Yeah. No, they just go for it like not like well It depends on that the person I mean they yeah All the same blanket statements are nothing on this show grant uh but no it was like he's like oh no i don't mind i don't mind but you straight it's like yep i got a girlfriend like eventually like i learned it's

like every conversation is like well my girlfriend my girlfriend says my girlfriend hey my girlfriend reminds me of my girl that sounded like my freshman year roommate at the beginning. And then later, he was like, you're straight, Grant. You're straight. Yeah, that's what he was saying. He's like,

and then I was like, yeah, I'm straight. I'm laughing because this whole thing is ridiculous to me. And he's like, you didn't feel flattered at all? I did.

It was very nice. But I was like, no, I'm straight. And he goes like, all the way straight? There's not like some give? What am I working with? Yeah. And then he's like, all the way straight? There's not, like, some give? What am I working with? Yeah.

And then he's like, what? Can we high five? Yeah. Sexually? With our dicks? He's like. There's five in your dick. We'll show you.

Mike has five penises. He's like a Medusa's head of two. Two of which I was born with. I was worshipped as a god in India for a short while. The others are stapled. Yeah, then he goes like, oh, man, you're funny. And if you ever wanted to masturbate on the internet, you'd probably make some money. No.

That's awesome. What? I swear to God. How's that career going? I masturbate on the internet all the time, and nobody pays me anything. Are you recording yourself doing it? Yes. Think about how many Big Macs you can buy.

What do you think, I'm an idiot? You're not insulting my intelligence, Josh. Of course I am recording myself. You record yourself? To watch the tapes. You sit down on a bag of ice and then you watch the tapes and go, this is where I'm not underperforming. You break down the game film. Yeah. You don't do that, Josh?

Yeah, apparently, no. You must suck. I know. I'm not that good at masturbating. Was this fellow suggesting that there's an underground market for straight men masturbating? Yeah. Well, he actually said that could entice more gay men because I'm straight. It's called gay for pay. Yeah. Yeah. Can I do that, or am I too ugly? Yeah, well he actually said that could entice more gay men because I'm straight

Yeah Can I do that or am I too ugly? No, you can do it I'd watch video of you masturbating I would but I watch it with friends and family Christian movie night Mike masturbating Zahn He's gotten better He doesn't cry anymore Afterwards He's in a bunch of open mics He's actually pretty good He's in a smoking jacket

Well hi there I didn't see you come in I did the artwork Oh hello I'm Mike Moran Can I make an animated version For a long long time Mike Ian. Can I make an animated version? You know, I've been masturbating for a long, long time. Mike, I'm going to make you an animated episode. I remember when my grandfather used to tell me about masturbating in the old country.

Fireside masturbating chats with Mike Moran. Can we do that, please? Yeah, I'll animate it. Awesome. We'll put you in a green screen room. Come out to Portland. We'll put you in a green screen room. Come out to Portland. We'll put you in a green screen room. That'd be amazing. I definitely want you guys to come out to

our studio apartment in Portland. We're going to get a boat. Okay. We're going to put the digression session on there. Uh-huh. And we're just going to go. Yeah, right. That sounds great. What do you mean by we're going to... That's going to be the name of the boat? What's the name of the boat?

Where are we putting the digression? I'm inviting you to do an episode to come out here to Portland, Oregon, and we're going to put you on the boat. You realize we're not in Portland, Oregon right now, right? Right now. He's inviting us out there, yeah. You're invited. You said here in Portland, Oregon. And we're going to put you on the boat, and we're just going to go.

So would you put us on the boat um I would put you on the boat but then there's a boat episode in a while yeah yeah we could figure it out we're gonna put Phil Collins on the boat. And we're going to interview Phil Collins. Really? It's not the Phil Collins. It's our neighbor. A guy named Phil Collins. He prefers to go by Philip.

Yeah, he's Philip Collins. I have a good friend named James Woods. Uh-huh. Maybe get him on. It would be funny if you were like, I have this good friend, James Woods. The actor James Woods. Do you guys know James Woods? I know James Woods.

I worked on this movie called Jamesy Boy and he was an actor in it was it the James Woods story he was the I know I made all his props

I made a bunch of I made his naval military certificate I'm in charge of your props you are so awesome

big up to you dog he like I he saw me once I introduced myself didn't see him for two months then I was at the rap show or the rap party.

And he comes up to me. He was rapping and he got off stage. And I was eating some cheese. And he comes up to me and he goes, Grant Lindahl. No way. He has an eidetic memory. He remembers everybody's name. Wow.

He has like a photographic memory. And so he goes, you did all those props for me. You did a great job. And I was just like, thanks, James Woods. So he's a nice guy? Very nice guy. Yeah. He was at the Home Depot in Annapolis that my friend worked at.

He must be like a local or something. I think he has a house somewhere like around here. But he was good. I watched him do his movies. Yeah, he's great. I like James Woods. It's a cool guy. Diggs Town's a good movie.

And he's in one of the best Simpsons episodes of all time when he gets a job at the Quickie Mart. Oh, yeah. I forgot that was him. He's so funny in that. I forgot that. He's like scraping the cheese out of that microwave. It's the only time they've bleeped something out on the Simpsons.

Really? Yeah, when he's like, this goddamn motherfucking cheese, and he's like scraping. Yeah. What season are we talking here? That was during the classic years. Yeah. No, it's pretty early on, but it's when Homer takes

Apu to the quickie mart in India on top of the thing. To learn the slushie. Well, to ask for his job back. That was when Apu came and lived with the Simpsons. Who needs the quickie mart? Yeah, that was a great episode.

The quickie mart is really dope! And then at the end when James Woods is like, it's like, all right, well, I got to go. I got to go fight space aliens on Mars. And Mars goes, oh, that sounds like a good movie. And he goes, yeah, movie. Because he's so method with everything that he does. That's why he got the job at the Quickie Mart

We're all going to die at least It was cool because he would go up to everybody That was doing a job there And he'd be like Catering was getting stuff out Hurry up You're fine He set me on fire

Just for his amusement Now dance, fire boy, dance. No, but he's like catering. You're doing a great job and all this. But he was doing the jerk off motion with his hand. No, he was jerking off while walking, which is hard to do. So my bit's been stolen. Or done before.

Yeah. You know, he's watching your videos online. Walking and jerking, yeah. Walking and jerking yeah walking jerking he he pretty much you know um jerking and walking yeah you know that's that's the dream but yeah so um i've been working for the last i've kind of taken a little break from stand-up because i've been living in the middle of nowhere on a farm and then working in DC.

Yeah. You're working in DC long hours and then damage takes up a bunch of time as well. Yeah. I go home and I just do that. We're doing, I have a company that I own with Ben. We were starting out there. It's a legitimate company. It's called Safety Head Fred Productions.

Let me write this down. Safety Head Fred Productions. company it's called safety head fred productions let me write this down safety head fred productions we have a website safetyheadfred.com and we do animation videos and we do graphic design and illustration and we're doing a commercial for an australian company right now cool and ben is finishing up a music videos for some nice tempo and we do damaged and uh we produce a bunch of different commercials and stuff and it's starting to pick up so if that really gets traction it's cool because i can do this graphic design gig at the skateboard company and then also um manage because ben's usually the head director and i'm more of the the manager of

the company right so it works out it's like my side business that's great man yeah it's and if uh you know this australian commercial thing takes off they would be like safety head fred australian for commercials huh ah yeah definitely you're hired you're you're a head of marketing. Yes. And you're head, Moran, you're head of our boobs and viral mess. I was in the boobs department looking. Great boss. We have an entire section on, Ben's going to come in, revealing this, but we have an entire video section of people masturbating.

Really? Where we get straight men to masturbate. You're going to make so much money on the internet. You're going to make tens of dollars. Tens of dollars. We're going to be able to afford a cat. Yeah, I told John Bennett that story. I might have to ask him if I can use it for a bit.

But he was saying, he was like, I'm laughing so hard at this guy trying to convince you to quit your job job and masturbate online because it's like you could make literally hundreds of dollars like have you ever seen a webcam video where it looks like they're living a good life like the room they're masturbating in is like no windows and make a minimum wage by masturbating all day yeah but how much could you do that i could do it forever if i could power my house by masturbating i day. Yeah, but how much could you do that all day? I could do it forever. If I could power my house by masturbating, I'd totally do that. If I would sell power back to the electric company. Somebody figure out a way for me to make minimum wage by masturbating, and I will quit my job.

You just have to start. Same thing with stand-up, man. Right now? Hey, no time like the present, sir. I mean, I think, you know, one thing that I want to talk about that's on my mind uh yeah that i've done stand-up in a lot of different places in the country and like it's totally different on the west coast than doing it in new york really here

yeah because like i feel like here you get away with a lot more and like la and uh the portland vibe is like super like you know hipster culture i've kind of heard that too yeah san francisco and stuff yeah but it's stronger every comedian i see though that gets up because they have a stronger scene too every comedian that gets up there is gold like they have open mics but it's tough like it's really tough so a lot of people don't survive but like here i feel like it like it's a great place to really grow. But I feel like people sometimes, crowds are too nice in a way. But if you want to take your ego down, you just go to Parkville or something on Friday.

I've actually had some decent shows at certain places. UMBC. No, I did a show at UMBC and it was an entire Asian audience it was like a Korean youth group or whatever had gotten out and they were like let's go Stav had like had to like pull in this group

of kids that had gotten out and I went up and did my weird bits about how scary moments in Baltimore. And these kids don't really go into Baltimore, so they don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. And there's just one kid in the back who's a comedian just going,

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All the other kids are just confused. I did this one bit. I go, nobody in my hometown wanted to make out with me because I wasn't related to them. And everybody in the audience went, aww, I was so confused. I did this one bit. I go, nobody in my hometown wanted to make out with me because I wasn't related to them. And everybody in the audience went, aww. I was so confused. Poor guy. I was like, oh,

he wasn't related to me. I wanted to be in an ancestral relationship. I hope that kid can make out with a family member or something. Oh, no. Well, Grant, is there anything else you want to plug

as we wind down here? So safetyheaddamaged. grantficdesign.blogspot.com But if you go to safetyheadfred and just click on illustrations. So is it safetyheadfred.com or safetyheadfredproduction.com? Safetyheadfred.com.

Boom. Our full title is Safety Head Fred Production. Safetyheadfred.com. SafetyHeadFredProduction.com? SafetyHeadFred.com. Boom. Our full title is Safety Head Fred Production. SafetyHeadFred.com. Nice. Just check it out. DamageWebSeries.com. And just I don't know if anybody is listening to this in Portland. We're going to be at the Portland Film Festival between the 27th and the 1st.

And we'll be doing some workshops. August 27th? August 27th to the 1st and we'll be doing some workshops. August 27th? August 27th to the 1st and we're going to be doing Q&A after our screening of Episode 2 Damage Dylan. And then, yeah, so look out. I also make, I put those skateboard resumes online and I sold a couple to art students. So if you've been listening and want your resume on a skateboard, I'll design it and I sold a couple to art students so if you're listening and wants your resume on a

skateboard I'll design it and I'll make it look really cool and so like when people tell you get a job you can present them your skateboard that is really cool that's awesome man um yeah I'm I'm really happy for you man and everything that you're doing it's it's pretty great yeah because yeah I saw you do stand up and I was like oh like, oh, this guy's more eccentric. He's like, you came up on stage, I think at Sidebar, and like a papoose, like an adult papoose. No, that was Umar's thing at the ALY. Was it? Oh, it might have been that. Oh, no, you saw our insane show where we got yelled at for breaking the microphone at Yellow

Sign. I felt so bad. That was at Yellow Sign. But, no, I've seen you do a bunch of weird, like you smashed a guitar there at sidebar uh you might have well yellow sign is where you smash the guitar and then at sidebar you came up and you had like an africa medallion on and like hip-hop and you were shirtless and right now i'm doing this can i tell you what my magic comedy bit that i want to do with my friend sure Sure. So I have this character named Jonathan Schnitzel, and he's like this German Eurotrash guy. Uh-huh.

And then my friend has this character that's like this esoteric, like very sardonic guy named Jonathan Kitzel. And his name is Jonathan Kitzel. I'm going to do a little bit of this. I'm going to do a little bit of that. And he's really mean. Uh-huh. And he's based off this like really mean, sarcastic gay guy.

They have those now? Apparently. Ever since Obama got elected. Right. He's going to go up and he wears this black sleeveless turtleneck and then leather pants. He goes up and he's like...

It's a good look. It is. It's great. Then he wears this beatles wig sure and he goes oh my magician partner jonathan left me so i guess i have to do this comedy show magic show and so he gets an audience member and we have this guy in the audience and we go pick a card pick card and they keep doing the card and you can't get it right and then i'll be in the back of the audience go and i'll be holding the correct card and i'll go is this your card and i'll run to the front and uh jonathan kitzel the main guy will take the card and be like what is this and they'll set it on fire magically and then he'll go i'll show you real magic and he points at the guy and he goes and he puts his finger on the guy's lip and the guy goes oh he pulls the card out of his mouth so we're working on that trick and then what ends

up happening at the very end you'll have to come see but there's handcuffs and we get arrested but how do we get out of that and someone dies yes from everyone dies from enjoy from uh they die from overuse of holodeck it's a scourge really it's an epidemic at this point but no man i'm really excited for all your success and you know damage getting picked up with federator and going out to portland by federator allied media and we love partnering with them and it's this new thing where we're hosted on their YouTube channel, and we have a great partnership and mentorship. Fuckin' A, man. And they foster some of the future of animation. Hell, yeah.

Well, yeah. No, I'm seriously super excited for you, and please stay in touch when you go out to Portland. I'll be coming back and forth. Yeah. Come see us. Yeah, let us know when you come back. So congratulations with everything. And, yeah, if you do that spinoff with that fighting ninja cat, you know, let me know.

Let me know. Actually, we're trying to land that commercial, and we want you to do your Morgan Freeman voice for another commercial. So we'll be definitely on call. Interesting. But, yeah, I'm going to miss the Baltimore scene and all the people I know. The Baltimore scene will miss you. Yes, it's true. It's true. They'll be like Grant who? I'm going to miss the Baltimore scene and all the people I know. The Baltimore scene will miss you. Yes, it's true. It's true.

They'll be like Grant who? I'm sure. Oh, Grape Grant. Grape Grant, that irritating guy that broke all those microphones. That's who you're talking about. But, yeah, I'll be back. But, yeah, I'm going to miss you guys so much. Oh, man.

It's a Green Day song, time of our lives. We'll have that fade in, right? Just kidding. No. Oh, okay. Cool, cool. Yeah, but thank you so much for joining us. And then you're on Twitter as well, GVLindahl, right? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So follow Grant. That's G, letter V, L-I-ahl, right? Yeah. So follow Grant. That's G, letter V, L-I-N-D-A-H-L. Yes. Yeah. Nailed it. Yeah. On the cross.

Boom. Like Jesus on a cross. I nailed it. Bringing all these back. And if you could do us a huge favor, not just you, Grant, but our entire listening audience out there in podcast land. Help us out. I don't know if we mentioned this, but the City Paper of Baltimore every year does a best of contest.

You have a list. Best restaurant, best cross-dresser, best guy that breaks wireless microphones at the Yellow Sign Theater. Best towing yard. Yep. And best parking pass that has military time you can vote for it all um and uh this year there's a category of best local pod what i know we should try to win that you think yeah okay i was just bringing it up to bring it up but i took my time off work and i was like, you know, the future of financial systems and government can wait. I'm going to vote on this.

I'm glad you have your priorities straight. Yes. Let your voice be heard. Absolutely. So there's two rounds of voting. The first round goes until August 15th. And you have to vote for at least ten categories. And you can write whatever you want.

Your favorite restaurant, favorite bar, favorite shit about whatever it is. I'll give you a shit if you vote. Yes. Grant will mail you his shit in a Lucite case on top of a skateboard if you vote. It's a job description printed upon it.

You ordered the resume skateboard but you get my resume. You don't get your own. No, no. That's an important caveat. However, so if you go to citypaper.com slash B-O-B slash poll, P-O-L-L Or you can just Google citypaper. Let them get a pen out. Let them get a pen. Just a second.

Listeners at home, the guy, we know you're in your mom's basement. Ask her for a pen. Okay, she got you the pen. Thank you. Now, write it down. Write it on your skin. Write it on her fucking forehead.

I don't give a shit. Tattoo it. I don't, yeah. People at Reed Street. People at, you know, the Sinners and Saints. People at, you know, Randy's New Experience on the east side. Fucking, yeah. Write it down.

Just write it down. So citypaper.com slash Bob slash poll. Vote for the digression sessions as the best local podcast. Best local podcast section is under the news and media section. Last item on that list. Last item on the news and media section. The whole thing literally takes two minutes. Yeah.

So yeah. All you have to do is just give an email, vote, and we would really appreciate it. Even to get in the top three, because like I said, it's broken up into two parts this year. So they get the top three, and that will be decided by August 15th when the first round ends, and then the next round you vote on the top three. So even making the top three

would be a privilege. Even if you're against voting and you live in a canoe. Even if you are pro total dictatorship and believe that democracy has softened the world from the heights of the Greco-Roman era. Yes.

You can still vote. You can. It's true. And we would fucking appreciate it. So thank you so much for listening. Grant, best of luck and success to you, sir. Thank you so much for coming by again. That's fun, guys. Thanks for having me.

Please go vote and we love you to death. Bye-bye. It's all good. I love you. That was really fun. Thank you guys for coming. But yeah, I was pitching to Ben, your Morgan Freeman voice.