The Digression Sessions - Ep. 88 - Mike & Josh Solo!

Episode Date: September 4, 2013

Hey! Follow us on Twitter! @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshPod And come see us perform improv and stand up live! -> DigressionSessions.com/Calendar Thanks again to everyone who took the time to vote for us in the City Paper poll. It means a lot that we are one of the three most popular podcasts in Baltimore! If you get a chance, please show some love on our Facebook page and subscribe to us in iTunes. Thanks everyone. We love you! --- Hola Digheads! We play this week’s Digression Sessions take on that oft-controversial yet endlessly fascinating topic (to them) of Josh and Mike. Josh accidently deleted Jay Szech's  first appearance on the Digression Sessions but thankfully Josh and Mike were eager to fill in for a quickie, cash-in (except they don’t get paid). These intimate, no-guest eps are just what the doctor (and no one else) ordered! We kid! We love these eps and hope you do too! Two friends get to go in-depth with where they are at mentally and emotionally in the world of local comedy  and maybe share a few thoughts on the Westboro Baptist Church less popular signs and some drankin’ stories. Our apologies to Jay Szech for the accidental deleting of his existence on Digression Sessions. We swear we will have you back soon Jay!

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting

yes right like they're all on the same page. Right. And that's what makes it good. You know what I mean? If you ever see. That's what makes the Westboro Baptist Church good. It's ridiculous. That's what I'm saying. But they're so committed to it.

They're all on the same page. Right. Yeah. You're not going to get a lot of flim flamming with them. No. Uh-uh. They have a very strict. Flop on Corinthians.

Anti-flim flam. They hate fags. They hate flim flam. If there's two things the Westboro Baptist Church hates. Anything that begins with an F. Those are less popular signs that says God hates flim flam. Yeah, that would be funny if they just had an arsenal of like really kind of like mundane ones that everybody kind of, you know, follows. God hates when single single drivers uh drive in

the hov lane that was a big sign that was an early mistake for them right you know hey what are you gonna do yeah maybe they're just unaware of the new testament that's why they're so full of hate like the what like where's where's the you, God hates you when you don't forgive, you know? Where's that? God hates rich people. I don't, yeah. That was an unpopular statement, though, you know? Okay, so that wasn't as popular as God hates fags and thank God for dead soldiers.

There's a lot of that, too. Jesus. Gather round, everybody. Word on high for my dad. My God. I'm sorry. Sorry. My God, my dad.

My real dad, not Joe. That asshole. Mr. Joe. He calls him Mr. Joe. You call me dad. No, I'm not. I'm going to be able to spend the weekends with my dad. Everybody gather round. My dad, my real dad.

I don't know. He wanted me to say God hates fags. There's one thing he loves more than resting on the seventh day. It's dead soldiers. Everybody have a good one. I'm going to turn some water into wine, and let's fucking party. One time we had one of those improv practices that I wished

God was on stage, you know. And there's no God, so it didn't happen. But it was a scene with Jesus and it was kind of like what we were just riffing on. You know, like Jesus in today's world or whatever.

And I somehow was pulled over and I got to end it with, no, officer, I'm just drinking water. Oh. Uh-oh. Yeah. That's so good. Yeah. Yeah, there are those improv practices where you're like, oh, that was great. And then there are those improv practices where you're like, oh, I'm glad that was practice.

I'm not familiar with those. Enlighten me. You know, where you just, you don't have a bad practice, but it's kind of like. Literally, you don't have a bad practice. Josh, get here and set it right here. Mike Moran has never done bad improv. Ever. Ever.

Ever. improv ever well it's the same thing with uh with stand-up where um at open mics you're supposed to be trying new stuff right stretching out and then catching out you know i didn't realize i was supposed to be doing stretches at open mics of course that's what it's for you got to get loose so you do yo open mics are for two things. Yeah. Yoga and new material. Yes. Okay. Downward dog, upward dogs. Namaste. Continue.

No, in improv, you're supposed to, you're like, I'm bad with object work, so all my scenes are going to be me at a desk. You're bad with objectivism. Yes. Right. Yeah. I mean, people are just people to me. Hey, I just think a woman's beautiful.

I don't know. I have a tough time being like, hey, look at those tits. Is that what they're called? I wouldn't know. Oh, you don't know either. So, yeah, you need to practice. Are women called tits? You just call them tits.

Is that your grandma? Yeah, tits. That's my grandma. What's up, tits? How you doing over there? I'm pretty sure that's not a thing, but I want it to be. I want there to be a type of human that's so deplorable that he refers to women as tits. I'm sure there's people out there.

I've never heard anyone say that before. Hey, you got to get in the real world. Get on the streets. I've been auditioning repeatedly for 20 years and they won't let me they let freaking john from alabama pedro puck pedro from alabama on the show pedro's lover died recently and not from aids weirdly what was What was it? Gay cancer? No, he was gay and he had cancer, but it wasn't the gay cancer. Oh, wow. That's ironic that it wasn't the gay cancer. Right.

Which is out there. Well, that's what they called AIDS initially. That was what it was called on the streets. Well, it was called grids. Yeah, but the slang term was gay cancer. Gay cancer. Yeah, gay cancer. Same way that you have um uh the cats have

aids feline aids but it's not really aids what is it i don't know grids gay cancer gay cat cancer grids yeah it was like gay related immune disease or something something like that yeah yeah why do they change it oh oh right okay i mean i know it affects they tried to put black people in the title people come on i want it to be i want it to be catchy we need to be politically correct let's add black to it gribbs what the hell is grips you people aren't even trying mcgrids oh man please edit this mcgrids is bad mcgrids oh man that's what that's what they should call like the ghetto uh hiv uh uh clinic or whatever. The clinic. The McRibs. Yeah. The McRibs. Oh, Jesus.

Jesus. Yeah. I'm glad this... Sorry. I'm glad... I'm definitely... Let's have a black person on soon to smooth this out. Grib.

Let's have a... We gotta have more gay guests. Have we had a gay guest? Oh, yeah. Dan Lyle's been here a few times. I'm sorry, Dan gay guest? Oh yeah, Dan Lyle's been here a few times I'm sorry Dan No, I love that Dan Lyle

Even though he has gay cancer I don't know if we've had a single homosexual on here Let's think back Yes, we have You weren't here though the uh is that around when you got mcgrids it's all making sense now no uh it was uh double duchess which is a gay electro duo pop a gay duo electric pop band. I didn't know gayness existed in the world of electric pop. Yeah, they're recently infiltrating that market. But I don't know. We'll see how it goes.

What? Let's see. Well, I'm glad that, yeah, no, they're right there on the wall. Whoa, you're telling me those guys are gay? Is one of them a female? No, it's two dudes. Oh, yeah. No, I remember from listening to the episode.

Thank you for... I enjoyed it. I am waiting for a bus. All right. McRids. So, can we circle back to what's important no um i'm glad that we're doing this episode because i accidentally deleted the episode that i did with uh jay zek is the host and guest co-host uh wait did i say jay zek is the host yeah god i am start over i'm fucked up

uh you got hammered at golden west didn't you i had two beers but are you a little buzzed a little bit you feeling a little better about things uh yeah what does it feel like it's been so long since i drank alcohol uh there's just kind of this general euphoria right the fears and anxieties lift a little bit a little bit i pretty much get the same thing from working my cardiovascular system, though, I have to admit. Yeah, that is a good high. I mean, it doesn't compare to heroin, but yeah, keep doing what you're doing, man. Keep it up.

Okay, so you deleted Jayzak off of your Facebook friends. No. Well, yes. However, that doesn't have anything to do with me deleting the episode where he was the guest and Mike Fonazza was the guest and mike finazzo was the guest co-host and uh what i've been doing is i've been recording the all the episodes in the same file in garage band and what my normal protocol is when i start a new episode i delete the old one and i realized going through the mike stork episodes that had deleted the Jayzak episode.

Alright, Nerdatron. Just get to the points. What I'm trying to say is God hates facts. Listen, Captain Picard. Yeah, so sorry about that, Jay. No, we're going to have him back on. Maybe he'll be here. Maybe he'll show up.

Why are you winking so largely? What? Just kidding. Huh? What? Yeah, sorry about that, Jay. Also, I brought this up in the intro of the last podcast, but we took some time off because I was trying to backlog some episodes.

Right. And I realized that was unfortunate timing because we get nominated for best podcast and then we just go so punk rock. We're like, oh, we're one of the best podcasts. Guess what we're going to do? Take the funny and run. We're not even going to put a podcast out for like a week and a half. What do you think of that?

I don't think that's so bad. For an indie podcast, we've stayed pretty consistent. Yeah. I mean, when you check out, like, the other little guys. Yeah. Well. You know, they're so inconsistent. Well, yeah, that's true.

And then a lot of the other people, they have people that are editing the podcasts. Right. And, like, you know, God, it would be so easy if we just had to show up, just talk, and be like, all right, now you disseminate it and put it everywhere. That's what I do. Wait a minute. That is exactly what you do. That is exactly what I do.

That is exactly what you do. Wait a minute. That is exactly what you do. That is exactly what you do. Yeah. So thank you, everybody, for nominating us. I really appreciate it. And, you know, we're currently in third, which is strong. We're in the top three. Yeah. I'm just happy, you know, we got a lot of support.

We got a lot of love on that one. Yeah. Our people came out for us. Absolutely. You know, I think we quickly kind of realized that it wasn't, you know, a contest that was something we really wanted to. Yeah. Well, they're, you know, the bros, the Baltimore Rock Opera Society, they definitely are good at rallying the troops to vote. Because the Baltimore Improv Group is currently engaged in a war.

I don't want to say war, but I don't know. A skirmish? A violent skirmish. Genocide? I think genocide is what I want to say. A search and destroy mission. They're napalming entire villages. What I'm trying to say is we're killing the bros over there so we don't have to kill them here.

You understand? Yeah. Now, the Baltimore Improv Group is up for Best Theater and up against the bros. Right. And I think the bros are winning that. And then an innocent-looking bookstore has the bros army behind them. Oh. Yeah. So what you're saying is we need our own bros army well i was gonna say we should kill them but yeah yeah right sure yeah say i suppose

i suppose that'll work well you know i you know i'm just grateful we uh so many people helped us out and took the time to vote and absolutely you absolutely at least now more people know who we are yeah being in the top three was fucking awesome so i mean and that was a lot too where you had to vote for 10 categories and give them your email and all that stuff and now with this one it's just a click of the mouse yeah but if uh if you want to vote early and often go to citypaper.com click on blogs and the news and section, we're at the bottom of the second page. Any vote can help. Go ahead. I'm starting to hate the vote early, vote often.

Hey, get out there. Everybody has this. Vote early and vote often. That's like total NPR humor. Like every election, somebody has to say that. They sound so smart and so funny. Vote early and vote off. Hey, vote late and rarely.

Let's take a break. Yeah. Mike, how the hell are you? I'm pretty good. A little stressed. Been a stressful summer. Why? What are you stressed about?

Mainly just working a lot. Yeah. And kind of more than I need to, you know. How much are you working? Are you over 40 hours? No. No. Yeah.

But, you know, that combined with everything else I've got going on. Like what? Like showing up here and talking and leaving. So stressful. Stand-up comedy, improv, uh-huh um and just uh not being able to sleep yeah why can't you sleep i i heard you still have that horrible cough air conditioners like murdering me slowly i wouldn't be surprised if like somebody came in my room and measured it and there's like poison gas there has to be because well i don't know if anybody's heard of it mike has the cough of like

a 90 year old uh emphysema suffering man right still smokes yeah it'd be like it has to be the air conditioner, though. It's mutually existent with the air conditioner. We're mutually exclusive with each other. Yeah, exactly. We worked out a deal. Why did you not get a new air conditioner? Well, why would a new one? It is new.

It's off the sprint spanking new. And it's killing you already? Yeah, I think it's not killing me. It's just drying out my throat and giving me a really bad cough. Wait a minute. Do you have windows in your room? No. What do you think I am, a billionaire?

Wait. So that's the crux of this is that? I have no windows in my room. So I don't know exactly how an air conditioner works. No. I'm not pumping the exhaust into my room, if that's what you're asking. That is what I'm asking. At first, I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.

Because I thought the whole point of a portable one is that it didn't have an exhaust. Right. But I got it, and it was like, no, you've got to hook it up to a window or something. Well, what I'm picturing is that you have a window unit right next to your bed, just chugging along. You're like, oh! No, it's a portable unit. It's like a little... Why am I sick?

It's like an R2-D2 looking motherfucker. That R2-D2 motherfucker, he killing me. But, yeah, okay, so this is genius on my part, by the way. Oh, Mike Moran's going to speak highly of himself, guys. No, this was the best idea I've ever had. All right, let's hear it. I took out the vent for the heat, and I plugged the tube in there, the exhaust tube. So it's just shooting into your house and your roommate's rooms?

No, it goes down to the living room. Nobody's around tonight anyway. Still. All right. It's not like it's like toxic fumes. I mean, I'm sure they go in a window for a reason, though. Yeah, it takes the heat out. Is that all it does?

I don't know. I don't know either. Mike Colligan knows about that stuff, and he said it was okay. And he said it was a genius idea, and he helped me tape it in there. Oh. Hey, well, Mike Colligan said it. If anything, it should be killing people downstairs, not in my room. Yeah, that's true.

So why are you getting so sick? I think it's just drying out my throat. I'm not really getting sick. I'm just getting dehydrated. It's not just your throat. You have like a guttural thing going on. Maybe it's drying out my gut. I don't know.

But I put a humidifier in my room, and it's a lot better. You're peeing that thing? I consider it every night. I can't not think about it. That was some weird kismet. I love that we're talking about peeing in humidifiers and Mike Stokes is like, what? Did we already discuss? Did I tell you about?

You're getting that from me, right? My peeing in a humidifier story. One time years ago when this dude, Brian Quancy, who may be a Lister, I'm not sure. What up, Brian? When we were horsing around at the moon and we were playing a what would you rather do type of scenario.

And you remember Jack? Yes. He kept insisting that he had actually done these things. What? What were some of the scenarios i remember i can't i know one was tearing out a uh toenail with pliers and one of them had to do with like eating out a gigantic woman or something after you pulled out her toes her toenails with pliers uh for those, Jack was this guy, kind of like a middle-aged guy.

Yeah, kind of a blue-collar fella. Yeah, but he came from money. Right. Just a weird guy. He's just a very, like one of those guys that's kind of always living in the moment, but almost to his detriment where he's not really thinking about his actions. Kind of a blue-collar city guy. Yeah, like he was just very

just like, ah, it's this. Ah, they need to do this. He was just very like I don't want to say not brutal, just very curt. Just boom, boom, boom. Let's do it. Like when he would be seeding people, you know, normally you're like, hey guys, how you doing? He would just go

four, follow me. On one particularly bad day, he just handed people a bunch of menus and, like, pointed to the back and was like, work it out. Those were his exact words. We're all adults here. And he swears this never happened, at least as of the last time I talked to him. But I swear he, like, told a customer to throw something out for him once. He, like, handed it to him, and he was like, throw that out for me.

He blew his nose. Can you throw this away? So Jack, what an interesting guy. He has several family members that have been on the Dr. Phil show. He was on the Dr. Phil show. He was on the Dr. Phil show. He was on the show. Yeah, yeah. I tried in vain to get the tapes of that.

And I even Googled it to see if there's any way of YouTubing. Well, he told me a story just speaking of really gross stuff. He said he was out on a date with a woman, and they were fishing. And he took the lure, and he was going to throw it out in the water and of course you have to whip it back and when he whipped it back the hook got stuck in the top of her head and he's telling the story

like in her skull or like in her skin yeah like on top of her head like dug into her skull yeah it didn't take into her skull I mean it was in there it was probably in the skin whatever i don't think a tiny little fish hook would like penetrate it's not that tight well there's not a lot of room between your skin and your skull on top of your head yeah but i seriously

doubt it penetrated the bone well he told me he's like and i'm yanking the fucker out of there it was our first date too or something like something. You're like, Jesus Christ. Wow. Isn't that how Jill lost her vision in one eye? Another co-worker, Paper Moon. No, she didn't get hit in the eye with a fish hook, did she? I feel like that's what I heard. Maybe not.

I thought that's what she told me. She's just spreading all these brutal rumors. At least your eye doesn't look wanky. That's the important thing. Yeah, you don't want that wonky eye right well she said uh that your eye can actually become more wonky because it's like a muscle so you can't really you can't really see too well with it right uh it's gonna get lazy yes it's literally gonna get lazy right and it ruins the vision of your other eye because your other eye is because your other eye is compensating.

So your other eye is working harder and harder. Well, it should. Yeah, but then, you know, it's like, you know, it's like working an immigrant. It's like ovaries. When you don't, when one dies, the other one, you become like even more fertile. Yeah, that is how it works. Fertile. Fertile. How are you doing, josh uh me i'm doing okay doing all right why just okay uh i got in a fight with a girlfriend

last night oh did you leave the toilet seat up and god damn it i'll do it again you wouldn't ask for directions after i left the toilet seat up how to put the toilet seat down i said put football on she said it's not on tv so i punched her you understand uh no it's just yeah just regular relation broad being broads and that's how tits are just tits being tits i don't know we just got we got in a fight and then we didn't really work it out today so it's like one of those things it's just kind of lingering uh never good never yeah and she's at work there's very little in this world that you can't talk out with reasonable people yeah and yeah and we both are but she, no, I don't want to talk. Uh-huh. All right. You got to respect that.

And so I think we'll be okay, but it's just, I hate having that looming over. Yeah. I know what you mean. You know. You just don't know. Right. And I kind of said some shitty stuff. I think it's just, you know, I just hate fighting in general unless it's, you know.

Yeah. My policy is always note what you did that was wrong right away and apologize and right as soon as possible but don't you know if there really is an issue don't just because there is that temptation like after you get into a fight where you just want to apologize for everything and be like i'll love you forever yeah yeah where you want to do like the mea culpa and then and then you like just ignore the pressing issue yeah well, well, that is one thing that Amanda and I have always had. And just be honest. Even if it kind of hurts in the moment, we're going to benefit from it in the long run.

There is a magic hand of honesty. I think so. And it's right here. It's the hamburger helper glove. The country crock people should have started a rivalry with that guy with the hands yeah remember they actually had a baby what i swear to god nobody else remembers this but the country croc people had like what a crock i think they actually were trying to um instead of just making one-offs with them, actually add a little bit of a storyline.

So they tried to have like a spin-off thing? Yeah, I guess so. Communicate everything through like their hands? Yeah, yeah. And I swear there's one where they like, it was like a very special country croc commercial where they had a baby. And I think like the woman like pulled out like a baby glove or something. I don't know. The hands are like delivering the baby. There's just like placenta and stuff all glove or something i don't know the hands are like

delivering the baby there's just like placenta and stuff all over the hands they're at the table exactly there's like a midwife off screen you know like you see her bloody hands anyway try our cholesterol free butter so this lubrication isn't working why not try some country crack simple different no cholesterol delicious i've been watching this show uh drunk history why not try some country crack? Simple. Different. No cholesterol. Delicious. I've been watching this show Drunk History. Never heard of it. It is made by Derek Waters.

Never heard of him. We tried to get on the show a couple times. He was going to be. He was down for it. And then I started talking about my views on Hitler not being that bad of a guy. Right. No, I think he...

What are they? You know, I think we were talking to him right before the Comedy Central deal, and I think he got, like, super busy. Yeah, that makes sense. But, no, he was really nice. Yeah, I'd love to have that. Yeah, I'll harass him again at some point. Hey! Do our show!

He's like, okay. I need some more details. I will kill you. Why won't you love me? And everything that you hold dear. You will love me, Derek. No, it's such a good show. I wish I came up with that idea.

I know, I know. God, we just need one solid idea like that. One good idea. Let's see. Just trying to go through. What about if we did that but with an alarm clock on it? We just added an alarm clock to Drunk History.

There's a clock in the corner. That way people wouldn't have to look at their clock. That's good. That's good. Drunk History with a clock. What if we do stoned history? For me, Clarendon D history.

Air conditioner history with you. And then George Washington. And you have some actor. Tony Hale is just coughing up a lung. Drunk History is awesome, but do you think it'll really be sustainable as a regular show? I mean, is it something that can go on for years and years? I'd say at least two or three seasons. Because it never gets old seeing the perfect sync up of these people in these times using the anachronistic language like

there's the one in chicago is really funny um they did a story on uh the i forget what it's called fire no not that there was like the hay something riots or something like that in chicago and uh kyle canane Kinane was telling the story. Sorry, I'm kind of touching your leg with my foot. It's always awkward when somebody doesn't realize that the thing that they're lightly tapping with their foot is a part of you. I'm just jerking you off.

Oh, sorry, is that your dick? Sorry. No, Kyle Kinane just got so drunk and it was so funny. It was supposed to be like a union leader guy speaking to an audience and say just stick to you stick to yourselves don't cause any shit you know seeing this guy in like this early 20th century garb and then most people throw up which is really funny to see and it's just like oh, oh, brutal. But when Kyle Kinane got so drunk, but he had this brilliant line at the end,

he goes, throwing up on drunk history is crying on Barbara Walters. It's like, oh, my God. That's perfect. Even in like, because they drank a whole bottle of tequila, or he drank pretty much a whole bottle by himself. Jesus Christ. And he's just wasted in his kitchen. He's like, let's make TV.

Let's make TV. What is the tolerance of an average 26-year-old male like yourself these days? Me? What's the tolerance going for these days? Oh, in the Northeastern market? Yeah. What's the tolerance going for these days? Oh, in the Northeastern market? What's the Dow on that? Exchange rate is good.

I am steady. I can have two or three beers and be okay. Now I'm talking draft in a glass. I don't know how many ounces that is. 12, 14? I think they're a little bigger. 16? I think it's a little bigger. 16.

I think it's 14. Yeah, probably 16. I think it's 14, and then in England it might be 16. I don't know. Right. They use the barter system over there. Whatever those godless fucks do over there. They don't have the number zero over there yet.

Yeah, whatever the Iron Lady tells them to do, they do it. Yeah, I don't know. She was pretty good in the avengers though i gotta say i hey so but but you could never drink like an entire bottle of tequila could you no i don't i don't really drink liquor that much shots that type of thing doesn't really uh do yeg shots i mean yeah when i'm crushing puss right yeah that's got to put me in the mood yeah you know i mean if i'm sucking a fucking uh if i'm just sucking and fucking right i'm high so what if you were to get drunk though what uh how many how many were we talking uh well it has a lot to do with what i'm eating. So I try to, if I, you know, I try to have. You're eating rum cake.

Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah, I get kind of drunk. I get a little bit drunk. No, I think last night I had like five or six beers and I got pretty drunk. Right. And I think that was part of.

That's a pretty low tolerance, isn't it? For like a full, I mean, maybe. I don't know. Well, that's the thing. I didn't have too much to eat. I had three slices of pizza at Johnny Raz, which is like this thin kind of pizza. So that's what I was saying. If I know that I'm going to be drinking more, I try to eat more so it kind of soaks some of that up.

What is drunk to you? Is drunk like almost puking, like browning out, or is it just like? Now when you say browning out, that's shitting my pants. Is that what you're saying? Is that really what you did? I shit my pants. I'm drunk. I'm drunk really what you did i shit my pants i'm drunk i'm drunk i guess really funny i never thought about it before i browned out i browned out pretty like for you like five or six drinks are you like sloppy or are you just

like not sloppy but i think you would be able to tell, like, oh, Josh has been drinking. You know, and then I wouldn't be like, hey, fuck you. No, I would just be not as bad as we were recounting this last night, Halloween, a couple years ago. We were at our friend Trish's house. No, no, no, you were there. Oh, I wasn't? Yeah, you were. I was there for the New Year's. That's how drunk I was.

Thought it was Halloween, but it was New Year's. Yeah, you were. I was there for the New Year's. That's how drunk I was. Thought it was Halloween, but it was New Year's. Yeah, you are correct. And let me tell you what happened, you sober motherfucker. That was a fun night. On their bathroom, they had a sign that said head. Yeah, I remember. People called it the head. I'm telling the listeners who don't know.

Oh, wait. I'm pointing at the computer like I'm telling the listeners. I'm telling the listener. Yeah. I'm telling myself as i'm telling the listener uh yeah i'm telling myself as i listen back to this uh no on the on the door it said head and i was already kind of drunk and so i was just your drunk puppet when you were sober you're like man that's where they keep the head where they keep the rest of the body you should ask people you told me i should

ask screaming at people hey Hey, that says head. Where do you think they keep the rest of the body? And then it became an Italian. Like for some reason I had an Italian accent. Where do you think they keep the rest of the body? Oh. Yeah. So that type of thing.

Like I was drunk that night. Right. That was probably easy to tell. But so you never get like fallen on the floor like. I don't enjoy that drunk though. Well nobody does. But I mean. I don't know.

No. No. I try to avoid that. I've definitely had some fucking awful nights. I had one that was so embarrassing. It was at this place Rocket tous which i go to frequently and that made it even more uh embarrassing because it's not as bad if you're like hey we're traveling i'm in north dakota i got wasted here i'll never see these people again uh and adding even more um

embarrassingness to it was i was out with my improv class. Oh, yeah. I think I remember this. Yeah. So my whole life. This was like when you first joined, right? No. I wasn't even in. I wasn't even in big. I was just taking classes.

And Catherine was there, who I'm in a troop with now. She was the teacher of the class. And I think we were towards the end of the class. I was like, yeah, let's all go out and get drinks. Yeah, let's do it. So it's like 13 of us at a table. And where I was sitting i was kind of like boxed in i couldn't easily get up so i didn't go pee so i think a lot of that alcohol

was just sitting in me as well i don't think that's how it works i think it does because you can't get it out of you it's still less you pee the more drunk you'll get i'd have to say so really yeah so do you like really alcoholic people that like try to hold it in? If you can only afford a jug of wine, you hold it in as long as humanly possible? Yep. Like a pothead that like sucks it in as hard as they can. Same deal. Same deal, man.

You just proved my point. So it has to be sitting in there and then kind of permeating into your body and your bloodstream. I think once it's in your bladder, I don't think it will. No, man. That bladder is leaky. It's going to permeate the walls. All right. Mike, shut up.

You listen to me. You going to listen to me? You guys should test this. I want to do a controlled test. Yeah, I bet we could look it up. If your pee makes you drunker. I bet it could. There's got to it up if your pee um makes you drunk i bet it could uh there's got to be alcohol in your pee yeah that's true uh so we're at the table and we're getting pitcher and pitcher after uh another and the beer that we're drinking i think it was

like eight percent alcohol which is pretty this is a lot of beer and i remember katherine being there she's sitting across me and i know that i was well she said she knew that i was kind of drunk when i was just like what are you doing here she's like what do you mean and i was like we're just your class and like you're good at improv like why are you hanging out with us she's like i like you guys and it's like what that's another thing too it's like i'm just drunk like we're all pieces of shit hey three cheers for katherine everybody it's happy birthday fuck us right old restaurant katherine thinks she's better than us because she's hanging out one time with a dog with this drunk guy like stood up and made the entire restaurant sing

happy birthday to the head chef. Was it even the chef's birthday? Yeah, it was. But it was just so embarrassing. This fine dining. In the monotone, like you're at church. Happy birthday. You can tell they're really not happy.

This guy was wasted. So we're getting pitcher after pitcher. I only had a little bit to little bit to eat too which i think was part of it when i was sitting across from katherine and everybody was pretty drunk like even katherine when she spilled some wine i remember she scraped it off the table into her drink it was as she was like joking around but you're like oh my god that's so funny uh so i'm sitting across from katherine and she said at one point I just shut down like it looked like I was a computer like I was just like

like I just kind of made this face where my like face was melting and she's like are you okay and I don't remember this at all because then I guess I just blacked out so like my mind just switched off but I grabbed a pitcher one of the pitchers we had been drinking out of and I just threw up

right into it in front of the whole table. Oh, my God. I don't remember that part. No, it's horrible. It gets worse. So I'm in the middle of the table kind of like Jesus Last Supper style, except I'm like, You're teaching in parables. You're predicting future events.

Uh-huh. And I'm like, hey, Judas, fuck you. What the fuck did I do to you, bro? Give me a real dick. Yeah, so I throw up. Totally snitched on me. I did a lot of shit for you, man. So, yeah, I throw up in the picture.

And, of course, everybody's like, oh, they get up. And I'm just so drunk. I'm kind of leaning. I don't remember any of this. And Amanda's outside smoking. And somebody goes and gets her. And I'm like, hey, Josh should probably of leaning. I don't remember any of this. And Amanda's outside smoking. And somebody goes and gets her. And they're like, hey, Josh should probably go. Right.

And I couldn't even stand up. That's how drunk I was. Oh, my God. And she goes to kind of prop me on her shoulder. And my weight just wasn't going with it. And I lean on another table and a glass falls off. Glass breaks. It gets even worse.

I don't remember any of that. I killed a guy on the way home. I voted for Nader. I was like, fuck. I had toe shoes on. I was a mess. So I laughed at NPR humor. Carrot Top made sense.

It was fucked. So it's kind of like the way that I think about it is Kind of like in a movie When Or like that Nine Inch Nails video For Closer Where it's like Scene missing

Scene missing or deleted Well they did that on The Simpsons Didn't they? Probably I'm sure I'm not the first person To think of this But yeah

Remember like Homer's Remembering his night out And there's like a scene missing And he remembers Like he's like running around with like pixies or something like yeah is that the one where they drive through the school or whatever and like wreck all the lockers and maybe maybe but i feel like it was an earlier one than that yeah i think it's happened a couple times but um yeah so that's kind of how it was i just remember we're at the

table joking around and then cut to i'm in the driver's seat of my car with the door open and i'm throwing up and i was just so drunk i just wanted to go home right and i just wasn't comprehending that i shouldn't be driving right and i said leave me alone don't touch don't touch me no i when i said i got uh my friend mike was telling me that i said uh it's like, take me home. Don't touch me. Don't touch me, drunk guy. He's always a little scary. Don't touch me because I'm throwing up.

I'm incoherent. And then, you know, I wasn't getting through that. If I just slide over two feet to the passenger seat, he'd gladly take me home. But it was horrible. So, you know, your whole class sees you at one of your lowest moments it was awful so so you wake up the next day how do you feel uh great invigorated ready to take on the world one of the best days of my life now i i felt like shit that was another day too or then you know like i said stuff to amanda because she was trying to help me and it could have been anybody's like don't fucking touch me fuck you and then like

no just immense amounts of guilt uh-huh um did you have to work the next day no oh i did but i called out okay i had at least enough foresight to be like i emailed them that night and my my work is pretty cool you know if you just email them like i'm trashed and fuck you the subject line was don't you stink i just i don't want to be touched right now right let's see just just don't touch me right i don't like being touched by people i don't know but i was real cordial at the end too it's like sincerely joshua and then you have like an inspirational quote from like maya angelo or something gandhi be the change you want to see in the world here's a picture of me throwing up into my phone face um yeah yeah so how did you uh how did you approach your the people that you

embarrassed yourself around? Luckily, everybody was pretty cool. I was really embarrassed. Did you show up next week or did you email people? I texted Catherine the next morning and she didn't get back to me right away because she's a teacher and she's at her job. So you're like, oh, my God. Right. If you don't get that immediate response, you like oh fuck everybody hates me um no the whole day i was throwing up is one of the worst hangovers i've ever had um wow and uh no i i texted her and i just like god i'm sorry i'm i'm the world's biggest

asshole but luckily everybody's like we've all kind of been there right is what she basically said and you know it's just she's like said. And, you know, it's just, she's like, you know, nobody was like really judging. It's just like, ugh. It's like mostly everybody just felt bad for you. It's like, all right, good. Yeah. But I have had successful blackout nights.

Really? A successful one? You accomplished something while blacked out? I'm the owner of the fortune 500 company country crock uh that would be funny actually a country crock commercial where they're wasted at the table the guy just has like motor oil on his hand for some reason he's just like a lot of aggressive pointing yeah you don't fucking believe in me my ideas about shit fuck you

and then at the end he comes face first into the country crack we finally see his face he's like oh he's just like oh my god give me that and he comes back the country crack thing is full of puke he's reading it no cholesterol

wow nice yeah so one night you just pee under the table reading it. No cholesterol. Wow. Nice. Yeah, so one night I... You just pee under the table. No, you did, you bitch. I went out drinking with a friend. I probably told this story on the podcast before, but I'll just tell it real quick.

I went out to happy hour with a friend. And that started at five o'clock. We drank from five to seven, met some other friends in Mount Vernon, just kept drinking. It was one of those nights where you drink, I think you probably drank from like five to one in the morning.

Right. We took a cab from Rocket to Mount Vernon, then from Mount Vernon back to Rocket. And that's where we met. And the guy that I was hanging out with was Mike, different Mike, Mike Normile, who I worked with. But it's the first, one of the first that i was hanging out with was mike uh different mike mike normyle who i worked with but it's the first one of the first times we've hung out outside of work right and i'd never been to his house before which is uh important to the story so i just

uh same thing like uh like movie style the end of the night for me was like we take the cab back to rocket and we split our separate ways like the movie would end with me closing the take the cab back to Rocket, and we split our separate ways. Like, the movie would end with me closing the door of the cab. Be like, all right, man, see you later. Door slams. That's the end of the movie. Roll credits. Kind of a lame ending for a movie. Well, but that's not how it...

Is there going to be a song that plays or something? Yeah. Like, is it going to pan out? Samuel L. Jackson shows up and asks us to join the Avengers after the credits. I guess. No, so the next morning I wake up, and i don't know it at the time but i have one contact still in so i'm hung over his shit and i open my eyes and i'm looking around and everything's kind of blurry but in focus and i kind of rub my eyes i can't figure out what the

hell's going on and then i go to the bathroom to go pee and then i see my contacts uh case and i'm like oh there's only one in there and then i realized that was a mess and then i go to the bathroom to go pee and then i see my contacts uh case and i'm like oh there's only one in there and then i realized that was a mess and then i find my pants which are right next to the toilet and they're just accordion down basically you ever done that like i need to take my pants off right now so you just take them all the way down just flatten them basically then you just step over them so that's where my pants were and i was supposed to pick up uh our dog munsa she had just gotten um spayed she got spayed the night night before and a part of the process was she had to stay at the vets i was supposed to pick

her up in the morning i'm supposed to pick her up at 10 it's like 11 o'clock when i wake up like oh fuck and then i realized like kind of that same thing when you wake up from a night of drinking like you have that thing like all right what did i do to do well you're like trying to piece it all together that's like oh fuck i didn't even pay for the cab i should have paid for the cab i barely i barely know mike he probably thinks i'm an asshole like i don't remember i'm pretty sure he paid for it i didn't give give him any money. So I text him, uh, on my, like, as I'm getting dressed, I text him. I was like, Hey man, by the way, uh, super fun night last night. So sorry. I didn't pay for the cab. I'll get you back on Monday. And he goes,

he takes me back. He's like, what are you talking about? You paid for the cab. It's like, I don't remember that at all, man. Jeez. And he's like, yeah, I i mean and then you drove me home holy shit oh my god wow so and the the worst part is when he's like you drove me home it's like get the fuck like i thought he was fucking with me oh man he's like no no you drove me it's like mike if somebody put a gun to my head right now it's like drive to mike normal nor miles house or we'll kill you they'd have to kill me because i i literally had no idea how to get there but yeah wow so he must have been just as drunk as me because he's like oh you seem fine like we're both wasted out of this cab and he goes can you take me home so then i have that immediate panic like oh fuck if i drove mike home maybe i made it there but then the drive back to my house wasn't that far

from his. So you go to see if there's a person embedded in your grill. Multiple people. Right. So there's like maybe we probably lived about maybe like four or five city blocks from each other. Right. Which isn't too far however in the city you have

that parking on the side of the street and immediately i i think to myself like holy fuck i hope i just didn't like bumper car yeah bumper car my way all the way home so i look at my window all the cars in front of the house and across the street from the house are fine right and then like oh well where the fuck i have heard stories like that before where people like look down the street and see like every car yeah yeah oh remind me uh speaking of that i have another story about that but not about me um so and then i'm like all right well i gotta get the dog i'm late to pick up the dog and then i had the realization i don't even know where the fuck

my car is because i don't remember i don't remember driving it right so it was in a parking lot across from my house not too far like sometimes i parked there and it was crazy it was one of the best parking jobs i ever had like it was just right in between the lines i even put the parking brake on because it was on like a slight angle so i got really lucky i got really would you get fired from your job if you got a dui no i they wouldn't know uh i i guess i mean if they took away my license i'd have to figure something out like how to get to work but uh no i mean more i would just never want to do you i like i just never want to i would just feel like such a piece of shit i think if i fucked up like that especially not you know i feel even worse because i wasn't cognizant doing it too like the whole thing i thought we were great

because it's like let's take a cab like that's the end of the night like we did the right thing yes we're probably too drunk we shouldn't be this drunk but hey we took a cab see you monday so yeah that's like the way to justify chronic drunkenness we did it right as long as you cap it with a cab nobody's dead and uh so i go to pick up the dog at um at the vet and i'm still kind of drunk a little bit and i think she can probably smell it coming out of my pores all the alcohol and i just wasn't really making sense of what i was saying and uh she had recently gotten a shot um kind of for some vaccines and stuff and i didn't know how else to say it except i was like um yeah while i'm here can i get the thing that says she's up to

date on her please she goes what i wasn't prepared for that it's like like, you know, it says that she. Yeah, there is nothing worse than when you don't really know what you're talking about and the other person, like, doesn't know what you're getting at at all, you know? You know that thing with the thing. Well, yeah, it just flustered me even more because I was like, you know, you work here. And she's like, a flea collar? I was like, no. But what I was really looking for is,

you know how dogs will have that medallion that basically says they're up to date on their shots? I said that she's up to date on her fleas. And she's like, what? You're giving her fleas intentionally? Is she up to date on her fleas? Apparently my sister was like, they didn't want to tell the vet that it had been so long

that they'd taken their cat to see a vet. But they started blaming it on me. Just being like, oh, no, my brother had the cat until recently. That piece of shit. It got to the point where the vet was like determined to call me and shoot me out about it. You would have been so rude, too. Like, I don't know what you're talking about, lady. They even warned me that that might happen.

It's like a Larry David Curb Your Enthusiasm thing. Like, you have to back me up on this lie. Circling back to like, you know, the thing like, oh, man, I had a dream where I hit a car or whatever when you're like you're drunk and it did happen. In high school, a friend of mine, he came over to my house, and he had been drinking. I didn't know that he had, but he was like, oh, man, I pulled in the wrong driveway coming down, and I just totally burned out in the driveway on accident. He just spun wheels in the driveway. I was like, oh, I hope nobody saw you.

The next day, I'm driving to work, and I see my neighbor's yard has two tire tracks in it. He didn't even know. He's like, oh, man, I messed up their driveway. I remember one time on Acid, me and my friend, like, thought we were at, we went to his apartment, his parents' apartment when we were in high school, and we thought we were at the wrong apartment because there was little girls inside. It was so weird. Like, fuck, man, they don't have little girls.

Yeah, no, it was his house. And, like, there's these little girls inside it was so weird like fuck man they don't have little girls yeah no it was his house and like there's these little girls running around like we looked in the door there's like little girls and we just like both walked away like what and we're like looking around what the fuck and it turned out it was like some girl's sisters or something right like her his friend's sister's friends or something so did you go inside yeah eventually yeah and also yeah his seven hours later like probably wouldn't give a shit if we were on acid yeah at the most you would just yell like once or twice and then be done with it right um cool and also yeah before that we were at my my little high school girlfriend's house although maybe we were broken up at that time but like your little high school girlfriend's house. Although maybe we were broken up at that time. Your little high school girlfriend?

Yeah, like my little relationship that I was in. She was seven years old. Yes. Yeah. She was nine years old. No, we... And it was the day before the senior party or whatever, like senior barbecue.

Okay. And my girlfriend and her mom like made a cake for it there's like a cake contest and me me and my friend were like downstairs like as as the acid was kicking in and we're all like don't you know like stop laughing like you know like trying to hide it from her mom right and uh and getting like way too paranoid about regular things like quiet she's gonna know and. And we went upstairs to look at this cake like right as the acid is kicking in. And it is the ugliest cake I've ever seen in my entire life. Like neither of us, we were trying so hard not to laugh.

What was the cake that they were going to enter into this cake contest? Looked like a concrete O. It was gray? It looked like a hunk of concrete. It was gray? Yeah. I don't know how they made it gray, but it was the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. And the next day at the barbecue, there's these cakes that are cartoon lion heads and shit.

Yeah, like Ace of Cakes type of thing. It looks like a real race car. It's like, like a ring of rocks. It's so bad. And we're just like staring at it, disbelieved, like trying not to crack up.

And then we both leave and we're both like, dude, was that, was that like the most hideous cake you've ever seen? Right. Did you lose it in front of it? Like, no,

I think we held it together. I think we were just kind of just staring like, what? I kind of can't imagine being on acid in front of other people i've never done that was the only real acid trip i ever did yeah and it wasn't even like that heavy you like you know i wasn't hallucinating or anything or seeing colors but it was i remember it lasting a long time and and uh later that night it was one of those long epic nights right you know like high school up all night kind of thing. Yeah. I went to bed at like 4 a.m.

Yeah. No. Yeah. But I remember like. This acid's wearing off. Let's make it an early night. I remember Rob Zombie's Dragula. I'd just come out.

Oh, God. And I heard it like blasting off of somebody's stereo. I think a weird little impromptu outdoor party type thing was going on. And to this day, that song is like, and then I saw the video when I came home late at night. To this day, like when I hear that, it like brings me back to that weird place. That's one of the worst people you can see on acid. It's like a zombie with dreadlocks. It wasn't like I was like to the point point where I'm freaked out by things or whatever.

But it was just, I don't know, just burned into my psyche forever. Right, right, right. Yeah, I've done mushrooms twice. And no, both times I've hallucinated really hard. I think I'm really susceptible to that. Yeah, I did mushrooms a few times. And it was always great until I had one terrible experience. Yeah. really hard i think i'm really susceptible to that yeah i i did mushrooms a few times and it was always great until i had one terrible experience yeah but i never like hallucinated

like i never was like so out of it oh really it was more just really fun just felt really good yeah no i i hallucinated hard even um uh recently in new jersey we had a small amount of mushrooms and i didn't think it was kicking in we We went outside, and where we were, there was like a fire pit outside. And once I saw the fire, it was just kind of these crazy colors. Like, we were fine just kind of sitting there. And this girl started talking, and it seemed like her voice was in stereo. And I just felt so bad. I don't think i ever had experiences like

because i because she was talking to me kind of like you and me like she was just across and she was kind of talking to the circle that we were in she's like yeah and then i did this it was when i looked at her her uh what she was saying wasn't coming from her mouth it was coming from like the sides and it's like oh my god i i couldn't handle it because everybody else didn't seem to be tripping. I was like, is everybody else here? This is nuts. But, no, I've had stuff where I've seen, I saw trees hug the first time they did it. I've never had anything like that.

I've seen, it was insane. It looked like I was staring at the sky and stars started to rain down. Yeah. But they would kind of freeze as they were coming down, and they would be cold. It was insane. Yeah, I did. The first real mushroom trip I had was on the golf course in Cockeysville. It was so much fun.

Did you play golf? No, it was like at midnight. It was like the best spot to do drugs and drink. Yeah, you're out in the woods. Yeah, there's like woods and just open weird spaces and right weird graveyards randomly oh my god yeah there's at least three graveyards and i in like it's kind of a historical spot too like there's an old mansion and uh an old slave house right and there's like a a lone child's grave out in the middle of nowhere it's a weird whoa um and

there's like this big stack of coffins. What? Yeah, like these. Wait, you saw that while you were tripping? Yeah, and other times. Holy. Okay, so you knew it was there. It was right near my Delaney High School.

But you knew it was there before you tripped? Yeah. Okay, so I feel like that's a pretty big discovery to make while your brain's in this super fragile state. I think it's, like, the things that, i think they put the coffin in a sarcophagus and then cover it like i think there's like a double coffin okay you know what i'm saying like there's like a big iron thing that they put it in yeah it's like a guitar case for your guitar case exactly and there's like a big stack of those like a big that's where they kept them for some feeling that'd be terrifying like hey look at that green oh my god there were there

were terrifying things in this in this golf course adventure. That's what I noticed when I was on shrooms was, like, everything was fun and great, but then if there was something scary at all, it was amplified by 100. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I remember getting really creeped out repeatedly. Well, I'm pretty sure. And even driving home, for some reason, I kept, like, thinking of spooky things. Right, right, right.

Just any type of thing, like somebody's in the backseat. Right, yeah. But I don't want to look. If I don't look, it's not real. It's not there. Now, I had that the first time that I did it with my girlfriend at the time.

We heard like a loud noise. We were up on my roof on top of my garage, and it sounded like maybe like a bunny or something ran into the fence. It was just this loud bang, and we both heard it.

It was one of the, we didn't say it, but we looked at each other like, oh, that's good. And then we we continue talking about whatever and then there's a gigantic bang on the garage door oh man and i to this day i don't know if it was real or not don't know what did you both react at the same time yeah huh but what could it have been it was like somebody just hit it as hard as they could well you know i mean it could have been an animal or something. Yeah, but I don't know.

It's weird. Why would it run into it that hard? And I don't know. It was a stupid animal. Oh, like somebody with gay cancer. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe some gay lumberjacks cut it down. I don't know. Gay lumberjacks, they'll cut down whatever they want. All right. Let's wrap it up here Mike I enjoy these conversations me too

and I think we should do these more often I agree but no I definitely get what you mean you're like I gotta fucking go over there and record a podcast

I talked to look at Josh I talked to Tim Heckle about this once and I have the same thing where it's like maybe

like say me and you are like oh oh, man, this was fun. Let's get dinner tomorrow. Oh, yeah, let's do it. Then the first thing that I would do is I would wake up and be like, all right, how long is my day going to be? I got this. Then I got to fucking meet Mike for dinner. And I would regret making that decision up until once we got to dinner.

I'd really enjoy it. But I have the same thing. That's usually how it is with everything. I have this fucking same thing. Like, that's why it's important to just sign on for things in life and just show up. Yeah. Yeah.

But no, it's the same thing. Like, you know, you're going to have fun. Like, why the fuck did I say I was going to go to that orgy at that moon balance? Oh,

I am so tired. I think just anxious, just in life. We're just so anxious about things that like adding anything to the schedule is scary. Yeah. I think I enjoy being lazy so much, though. I do and I don't.

I have a weird relationship with laziness. I do, too. I love laziness so much that I don't want to ruin it by being too lazy. Do you know what I mean? No. Okay, let me explain it. I think you'll get it. Well, okay.

Some of my favorite things to do in life is just to have a good meal that I've made. Maybe something like some nice sockeye salmon that I cooked up with some barbecue sauce. We got some baked beans on the side, broccoli, maybe some cooked carrots, and a baked potato. Wow. And you got this big old meal, right? Oh, yeah. And then you're like oh i just started watching the sopranos let's fire up the sopranos right i'm gonna lay in bed eat that shit enjoy some good tv now if you do that all the time you'd be a lazy piece of shit right yeah moderation for

everything good of course yeah so that's that's all that i'm saying yeah basically is that just like if you drank all the time. I would ruin it. Right, right. No, I know what you mean, but see, my relationship with laziness is weird because laziness kind of ruined a lot of my life. Right. Partially in conjunction with depression, which is like, you know, when I was a teenager. That's a vicious circle. Yeah, I thought that I just wanted to be lazy and not do anything.

And yeah. And it really became awful, you know, for like a year or so I was just so lazy. Like I just don't want to return to that at all. You didn't have that energy either. I mean, part of it was like,

you know, I was just a dumb kid who didn't understand my depression. And the other part was just, I was just a lazy piece of shit. Yeah. But either way, that's like, I'm so scared of returning to that that it that i like you know it's like from a hot flame like once i get even honestly even when i was uh really sick last week i like i

couldn't do more than like a couple hours of just like lying around and being sick i'm like well right i could probably write something yeah i could probably like practice a few songs yeah but uh yeah i i think it's just for me i'm scared of getting addicted to laziness again right that's kind of what i mean it's like then yeah it wouldn't be enjoyable after that that's what makes it so enjoyable like oh i did all this shit well yeah i mean yeah you know everything in moderation i do i do do. I think I am starting to get the place in life, though, where I need to learn to calm down and relax and have that relaxing time. And I just put. Oh, boy, excuse me. I would put a quick caveat on what you just said.

Everything in moderation, except when voting for your favorite podcast in Baltimore. Get out there, vote early, vote often, delete your cookies, and vote until your heart's content. Right? Sure. That's your choice to make. Let's not forget that magic hand of honesty. That's true. It has gotten me far.

You're talking about the hamburger helper. I got you. All right. This was fun, Josh. I enjoyed it. Thank you guys for him. Yeah. Okay. I got you. All right. This was fun, Josh. I enjoyed it. Thank you guys for listening. Check out digressionsessions.com for past and future episodes and check out digressionsessions.com slash calendar.

September is pretty full for us. We're going to have a bunch of shows. And I don't know if you know it, Mike, but you and I have a competing standup show on September 6th. What? Yeah. Oh, you're going down. I don't know.

Yeah, we'll see. I'll be at the Single Carrot Theater, and you will be at Club Bed Dump. Yep. I will be at Club Bed Dump. Don't they have the toilet fixed by then? Hey, I don't know. How's that rodent problem?

Good. Actually, one of the raccoons became manager, and they've really turned stuff around. All right. And that's still a whites-only, right? Yeah. Good. Actually, one of the raccoons became manager and they've really turned stuff around. That's still whites only, right? Yeah. So what you want to do when looking for single carat, just look for the old abandoned Indian burial ground. The theater

is right on top of that where it used to be. And then there's Club K. You never know what celebrities you're going gonna be able to see and hang out with there sure sure how it kind of goes there absolutely um suzy esmond yeah yeah i'm pretty sure they're doing the free massage thing still oh drinks are 12 for a dollar i think uh do those uh really busty women still serve drinks out of their cleavage? Yeah, but for some weird lull, they have to be topless now.

Wow. Hey, good luck, Mike. Good fucking luck, man. And follow us on Twitter. And yours is sponsored by Chick-fil-A, correct? Yeah. Single Carrot was the name of Hitler's second book, right? Yeah, so follow

me on Twitter at BetterRobotJosh. Mike Moran is at Michael Moran. That's popular. Mind comp 2. Electric Boogaloo. Mind comp 2. Maybe Jews aren't that bad. And the podcast is at DigSeshPod. Thank you guys so much

for listening. Thanks, everybody. Sorry, Jay. Hey, JKay bye-bye bye i'm ready for another peak