The Digression Sessions - Ep. 91 - Mike & Josh (Solo)

Episode Date: October 1, 2013

Follow us on Twitter! @BetterRobotJosh @MichaelMoran10 @DigSeshpod And come see us do some live stand up or improv - DigressionSessions.com/Calendar  !!!!! **** This week, Josh and Mike ride solo (and so low) once again! Noooooo, this doesn’t mean no one wants to guest on the show (Mike had the freakin’ original singer from Pantera locked in!!) but we are (surprisingly) getting good responses on these Mike and Josh only deals. And it saves costs on all the amenities we offer guests (five star hotel, chauffer, fine wines before taping, etc.).  This week Josh and Mike jump from the ever controversial subject of whether or not using ones bra as a wallet is socially graceful, to Mike’s recent surprise birthday party (surprise! You have friends!), to a heart-warming ending where Josh and Mike agree upon the idea that man’s empathetic nature gives him emotional incentive to treat his fellows with decency (or some shit). Thanks everyone for your support! Mike gives a special bonus shout out this week to the DigHeads that made his recent birthday extra amazing (especially Chris Carman). If you get a chance, find us on Stitcher, rate us in iTunes, and perhaps tell a friend or two about the DigSesh. Oh and all of our stand-up and improv performance dates are listed at DigressionSessions.com/Calendar !!!!!!  

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey everybody, I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence as we interview local and non-local comedians writers musicians and anyone else we find creative and interesting yes

who's the guest this week about I'm being induced myself. When Jesus was born. Alright, so let's do some plugs in the beginning. In the beginning, there were plugs. And Jesus invented plugs. First off, fuck your crew.

I know. Fuck your pitch and the crew you claim. Wow. That Tupac song. I don't know. We west side players come equipped with game. You know that song? It's the one that ignited the East Coast, West Coast feud.

Oh, is that the one where he's like, I fucked your bitch when you were making me a pancake. Yeah. What? No. You just agreed to that when you were crocheting me that really nice at once i'm looking somewhere else you give me to like sign my penis away you're gonna give me your penis right yeah sorry i'm checking emails whatever whatever whatever you agree with anything if i'm looking at my iPod. Mike Moran, not the multitasker. So first off, I was going to say, the guest this week is the love between the two hosts.

This is going to be a boring one. Oh, that guy's back. Let's welcome the love between two hosts. Mr. Umark. No, there is no guest this week. No guest. We had the Jim Meyer episode, and now it's just Mike and I catching up on us. Follow Jim Meyer.

It's tough. It's tough. You know, you got to pull the goalie. You got to burn the candles at both ends. Yeah. If you're going to make it, make it. You got to be building with at both ends. Yeah. If you're going to make it, make it. You got to be building with bricks. Yep.

Yep. If you want to blow that house down, you better build it out of hay. Oh, man. Why don't people say that? The opposite stuff? Hey, if you want to have a successful insurance scam, you better build that house on sand. That's what Nietzsche would say. I know.

He was my builder. He was a real son of a bitch. There is a line from some book where he says, like, build your houses on sand. He tells you to do that? Yeah. I don't. That's not up to code. Well, he was not the best carpenter from what I understand, but he was an excellent philosopher.

I think his point was to live fearlessly. Hmm. Stupidly. It's such a long-term dangerous thing to do. That's a weird thing. It's one thing to say, go on great adventures and sail the seas, but just to build your house in a stupid

place where there's no adventure there. You're not taking any risk. You're just doing something stupid. stupid also i don't even know how you're going to get the permits for that yeah i know that's that's impossible right yeah who's going to cover that that's the caveat to his advice now if you can get the permits right it's lesser known book on uh red tape code building. Yeah, so no guest. But I'm still excited to be here. Still excited to be doing this show.

Oh, that makes fun of us. Just kidding. Things to plug up top, as always, go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. And that has all of our upcoming shows. You heard it. And it has the location of the shows and ticket info and all that stuff. And I'll be doing the Doom Hilda show at Zissamos on the 28th of September.

Improv or stand-up? Stand-up, I reckon. Excellent. So that should be fun. So come on out to that. I think those shows are free or cheap. They're usually pretty cheap. I think they're cheap, yes.

Like five bones somewhere in there somewhere along those lines so yeah that's what i got and then some stuff in october so check that shit out and we'll be trying to do an open mic every wednesday starting in october at the new uh big theater big theater so which is the mob town theater but i thought it had a different name now oh since because yeah it was the Mob Town player. Midtown, right? Meadow Mills. Meadow Mills.

It's just a Meadow Mills theater. McDonald's. Come to McDonald's and see us doing some good old improv. McGoobie. McGoobie's McDonald's. McGoobie's South. Yeah. All right.

So that's it. Follow us on Twitter. I'm at Better Robot Josh. Old Mike Tugboat Moran over there. Tugboat. That's your new nickname. Why is that? I don't know.

All right. Kind of came to me. That's fine. I don't know. As long as somebody cares enough to give you a nickname, I don't care if it's bad or not. Oh, Mike, reliable pedophile Moran. Any nickname is fine. And he is at Michael Moran 10.

And so follow us. And we're on Facebook. Find us on the Facebook page. We love all the comments and all that stuff. It's super fun. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Yeah.

So it's good to see you, Mike. You too. It's a nice Sunday night here. It's the first day of fall. Is it really? I believe so. How do you feel about fall? I enjoy it.

I've got a flannel or two. Uh-huh. So you like it when it gets a little more chilly out? No, I'm a spring-summer guy. Right. I like that. Do you get the emptiness? What do you mean?

Do I order emptiness? I mean, these are kind of the months that are designed to make people like me kill themselves. Like it's, you know, I mean, when I was younger, it's like school starts again. It starts getting cold. It gets dark early. And then, as they pointed out on F This Podcast, then they make it daylight savings time so that it gets dark at like 5 p.m. It's already getting darker earlier. Right.

And that's a thing I never understood either. I was like, oh, it's for the farmers. It's like, but why are we changing it that hour? I genuinely have looked into this, and I shit you not when I tell you that nobody really knows why we do Daylight Saving Time. Farmers don't exist. No farms, no food. There are several states that don't participate. Yeah. I know Arizona doesn't do it.

I think it's only Arizona, isn't it? I thought it was Hawaii, too. Really? I don't know. Maybe just because they're way the fuck out in the middle of the world. It's so weird how that's a state. Hey, good for us, huh? I guess so.

Go white people. Go America. We claimed it. Yeah, no. Anything that has to do with your despair, I support. Okay. So you're saying we should stop. And that's all the time we have. Mike's despair.

Let's keep that despair coming, guys. Follow us on Twitter. Do you think it's possible that people have just forgotten why we have Daylight Savings Time? Yeah, maybe. Some Illuminati. Nobody really knows. Really? Well, that's what everybody says, like farming. Farmers.

There's several explanations out there, but there's no evidence. As far as I can tell. I don't know. Is daylight saving time like the new Chupacabra or Bigfoot? No. Are there any pictures of daylight saving time? What are we going to do about

daylight saving time sucking all the blood out of our goats? I'd say it's the new, those canals in Rome or whatever. They just forgot how to do them. It's like, oh, shit. Did you do these? No, like in the Middle Ages, people just completely forgot how to do all the cool stuff they had in Rome. Oh, you mean like the Dark Ages? Yeah.

That was a weird time. Yeah, it was awkward. We were growing. I am surprised how that doesn't happen all the time. For the amount of people that know how to do shit versus the people that do. You know what I mean? Okay.

The amount of people that know how to do shit versus the people that don't. See, I'm one of those people. I thought you meant like the people that know how to do it'm one of those people versus that don't do or don't see i'm one of those people i thought you meant like the people that know how to do it and that will actually do it oh well they know how to shoot no i just mean dumb people like me who can't form a sense here's the thing here's the thing hit me we're all dumb if if you put you and me in in the stone age yeah we would have no i wouldn't know how to make a shirt. Nothing. The thing is, though, we live in a world of trade.

There's a good video where a guy points out that nobody knows how to make a computer mouse. Not one single person on the planet. He put the expert on computer mouses out in the wild. He doesn't know how to make a computer. He might know how to order the parts and assemble it. I'm just picturing the guy that invented the mouse, but he doesn't know how to make a computer. He might know how to order the parts and assemble it.

I'm just picturing the guy that invented the mouse, but he doesn't get any props. He's like John Q. Mouse. What do you mean? I know how. No one knows. But okay, John Q. Mouse invents the computer mouse. He has to trade with other people to get parts.

He doesn't know how to get the oil to melt the plastic and shit. The crank to power is wooden cranked yeah exactly we all depend on each other in this world i i agree to get things done i agree but i'm just saying the amount of people like i don't know how to do any of that stuff though but a lot of people don't i know but isn't that weird though yeah yeah all right it's kind of amazing too though it's kind of yes but i'm saying that's how far we are from the dark ages, that we are that goddamn dumb, that if the grid did go down and shit went down, we're fucked. I don't know how to do it.

Well, I wouldn't go that far, because I think we've got backups in place. Like? Like books. There's our new mayor when the power goes down mike moran anybody got books well i you might remember his campaign slogan uh books question mark dot dot dot question mark just like a picture of me like the shrug shoulders that's our mayor everybody no i do i do think there are a lot of bad like. The shrugged shoulders. That's our mayor, everybody.

No, I do think there are a lot of bad. I mean, yeah, there's like the doomsday scenario of what if like everything on the internet ever like just got erased. Right. But still a lot of stuff is backed up on hard drives and whatnot. Well, I mean, just like the entire electricity grid goes out. Like we don't have electricity for. I'm pretty sure the backups are pretty secure on that. You're pretty sure. Again, that's our mayor. I haven haven't looked into it but my gut tells me we're good right right but it's it's not the dark ages in many many ways no well i mean i'm saying just we're we're close i'm saying

it wouldn't take much for us to go back to there that's all i am saying it would i don't think it would take much yeah for us like as people like if, for us as people, if we had to move to the moon or something and couldn't bring anything with us. It's not like we're necessarily much smarter. Right, that's what I mean. I don't think you could say it wouldn't take a lot to send us back into the medieval times. I think it would take a little bit. Like what? What could possibly happen?

That's what I'm saying. If we had no electricity. What could possibly go wrong? Possibly I go wrong. That's the only thing to ever go wrong. You know, just no electricity. Our electric grid goes down. But why would that happen?

I'm just saying if it did. I don't know. I don't think there's just one. Jesus hating know. I don't think there's just one. Jesus hating terrorists? I don't think there's one for the entire world, though. All right. The U.S. There's just, like, one building and, like, somebody unplugs the one plug.

Oh, sorry. They plug it back in and everything's lost. My bad. My bad. I think there was a terrorist fear of a smart bomb, which could really disrupt computer systems and whatnot. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I mean, there are those fears. There is, like, also a nuclear terrorist attack could happen and really.

What do you know that we don't know, Mike? I know that it is something that the government is concerned about and should be. Oh, yeah. But it would be fairly difficult to pull off. Sure. But not impossible. Oh, yeah. I think that's kind of what I'm getting off. Sure. But not impossible. Oh, yeah. I think that's kind of what I'm getting at, that it's not impossible.

Right. In fact, there's a lot of people are lobbying for the superpowers to completely get rid of their nuclear arms for good. Because the superpowers don't really fight with each other anymore. But the danger is that a terrorist could get their hands on one. Right, right. Just not have them at all. Right, right, right. Yeah, and there are those people that actually get paid to think of these doomsday scenarios. Yeah.

So, like, they develop them. Actually, we have one who requested to be on the show. I shit you not. Brian Preston. Who? Jenny. Who's Jenny? I remember Jenny, my friend that I brought to the show. I think so. I think so. I think so. She was one of those people?

She was at the improv show, and then we went to the bar, Chuck or whatever. Club Chuck. Club Chuck. Club Charles. It's such a college name to call it. Where's this? They got a Chuck. Yeah.

Well, yeah, for those listening, there's a bar called Club Charles, but people call club chuck yeah if you're in the know if you're cool right if you're not a terrorist hating mouse inventor if you're not a terrorist hating look mike i don't know i'm not you're a terrorist you're a terrorist loving yep mouse destroyer and what of it mike and what of it uh but there is something i want to get to here. You told me that besides getting in an argument with me about us going back in the dark ages, you got into an argument with

a stranger today. I did. It got kind of heated. It was one of those rare occasions or something like that happens. Wow, what happened? So I went to my nephew's birthday party. What if I just pick a fight with you?

What happened? What happened, you fucking dumb dildo? You're just saying stuff out of your breath. I'm agreeing with the guy the whole time. Good point. You should have kicked your... Jesus Christ. No, so I went to this birthday party for my one-year-old nephew.

Did you get in a fight with a one-year-old? At an outdoor kind of pavilion type of place that has like a tire park for the kids to play on. Okay. And like a park, basically. Like a playground? A big park, yeah. But out in the woods, there's different like... When you say tire park, what does that mean?

They built like a playground out of tires. Okay. With wood helped along the way. When you say tire park, what does that mean? They built a playground out of tires. Okay. With wood helped along the way. Shout out to wood. Yeah, shout out to wood. James Woods. And also the ground is made from old tires.

We're all like, we're using tires for stuff. Yeah, I've seen that. That makes sense. Kids fall down, they just bounce right off the rubber. Yeah, you're just dropping them. Drilling kids left and right. They fly out of the Earth's atmosphere. I'm like, spiking kids.

And microphones. Spiking mics. Spiking mic is what they were calling me. So this guy, there's just like the i guess like kind of the standard old like crotchety forest ranger type guy who uh okay wait is that a stock character i don't i don't think so just like the guy who's like really into the rules and like i think there's kids can't be partying here type of thing you know you one-year-olds and your rubber tires

but uh so i pulled in and i'm i'm you know i'm like getting the GPS, and it's, like, a weird thing out in the woods. I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm looking around. I'm trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be and stuff. Yeah. And you can't be GPSing out here. And I just hear, I just, like, I'm just kind of, like, looking around. I guess I, like, kind of drive by the ranger station. Yeah.

That's, like, the entrance, and, entrance and the guy starts yelling at me. Like, oh! I just hear one of those. Oh! And I'm just kind of... My first instinct is to just keep driving. Help me! My first instinct is to ignore him.

So I do. And then I meet the guy that I get in a fight with. No. That guy's long dead. So anyways, that Lumberjack's dead. This guy wants to talk my ear about

how I let that guy die. So hopefully he can cut his own leg off with a pocket knife. 127 hours. You are nuts. Okay. So the guy yells at me

and I stop and I'm like looking around and I'm like, around and, uh, and I'm like, Oh, Hey, you know, like,

um, I was like, do I need to talk to you? Like, I was just like, do I, do I pay you? Or like,

cause I knew there was like an entrance fee, but I didn't fucking see him. I just like, you know, there's nobody there. Right. And then he was like, that's why it says stop.

And I guess there was like a stop sign or something, which I don't, I don't really remember if I stopped for it or not, but it was just like it was just part of the weird like you know fence entrance thing so i didn't really like i was driving like an 80th of a mile per hour anyway you know to get in here and uh he's like yeah yeah he's like you mania oh yeah he okay so he like yeah he yells at me and then he's just like really hostile to me. And it's just, I'm just, like, I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, you know, I was like completely nice to him.

I was like, oh, sorry. I wasn't sure what was going on. Yeah. And then he was just like, like, I don't know what he said. I think he was like, can I help you? And I was like, yeah. I mean, in my head, I'm thinking like, you just stopped me. So don't ask if I

like you're the one can I help you pulls you over what do you want you know yeah exactly like flagging somebody down and like what so and I was just like uh do I pay you or yeah and he's like three dollars or whatever and I so I like paid him and I was still like fine and then he just like was like where are you going and I was like uh I'm not really sure because I you know I was still, like, fine. And then he just, like, was like, where are you going? And I was like, I'm not really sure. Because, you know, I was just going to, like, call my sister when I got there and see where the pavilion was or just drive through it and look. Right. And he's like, well, how are you going to find it if you don't know where you're going? Or something like that.

He was just being a total jerk. Yeah. So I just looked at him and I was like, you know what? I don't. Or no. These are my words. I don't know. But I don't like talking to you. That's such a – anything you could have said could be boiled down to that statement, but you just went with the bare bones.

Right, yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's like I want to go right now. I'm not enjoying this conversation right now. And I'd like to leave it. I said it with some force, but I was just being blunt. I wasn't freaking out and screaming or anything. And then I just pulled off

right then, and as he was doing that, I heard like, well, I don't like hearing people... Wait, no. I don't like talking to people that blow through my stop sign! Oh my god. So I... I calmed myself, because I'm going to a first

one-year-old's party, so I can't be in Called myself Because I'm going to like A first You know A one year old's party So I can't be in there Like all hot headed And I kind of like Mentioned to my family Yeah I kind of just Got in an argument

With the guy at the front Uh huh And they were like Yeah he was acting weird to us But then other people Were like Yeah he's really nice But apparently

Apparently he was really rude To my mom too Really Yeah And so I was like Fantasizing about what I could say to him On the way out Yeah you're George Costanza-ing it yeah i'm doing that thing in my mind where like

the rational store called right right and okay i forgot to tell you this he had one working eye that was obvious one was not working and so i decided i was going to call him slick rick on the way out i called you an 80s era hip hop artist. Who also has one eye. That you've probably never heard of. Yeah. I couldn't think of any other one eyed person. I don't know.

Every pirate ever. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I could have called him Long John Silver or something. Cyclops. Yeah. But then, you know, as I'm playing with the kids and stuff, I get less vengeful and raging. I'm thinking, like, I should just let it go. Yeah. But then, you know, as I'm playing with the kids and stuff, I get less vengeful and raging. I'm thinking, like, I should just let it go.

Yeah. I mean, don't get you wrong here. I mean, you're still vengeful and rageful, but you're less as you're playing with these kids. And then, you know, and I'm just like, you know, what if we come back here? I don't want to, like, have a situation where I'm like, I can't come back somewhere because I got no fun. You know what I mean? Because, like, everybody was having a good time. And he wasn't even there when we

left anyway. So you couldn't have your rebuttal? Right. Leave it with the guy? I was pretty happy with... I felt like I won. You kept a level head? I kept it cool and I was blunt. And that's all you can really do.

You didn't shield your feelings. And I didn't freak the fuck out yeah but here's the question I don't know how I feel after after a confrontation like that I kind of feel victorious but I also kind of feel icky you know just like an ugly situation I'm really bad I'm like the I don't know what I hate getting those situations too where you meet uh I think when you're saying that type, there isn't like the old crotchety park ranger. Right. But I think that's more of the stereotype of those people in these shit jobs that act like they're like the king of the world. And you're like, where the fuck is this coming from?

Especially when they're rude first. Yeah. I run into that, too, where they just say, well, that's not how we do it. It's like well i don't know i can't think of an exact example there was um uh there's a woman that works at we have like a small kind of post office where i work and uh i remember everything like oh can i uh could get a stamp she's like not now or you know or something like that and you're like well okay like what did i you know it'd be different if i walked into like the candy shop i was like hey you got any stamps or you know i don't know right you also have a

candy shop at work uh um no i have the same thing i actually got into um a uh a little thing on facebook somebody accused me of being a bit of a racist. Really? Yeah. When was this? This was on Friday. I didn't see this. This was on Friday or Thursday. Who accused you? This girl that I went to high school with. And so let me try to pull up this status here.

It was a dumb joke. I'll admit that. I wasn't thrilled about the joke. However, it definitely, I make myself the butt of it. So here's the joke. Maybe dog meat makes you really good at math. You don't know. And you have no right to judge, you racist jerks.

Okay. So the joke there is that maybe eating Asian people is a stereotype that they eat dogs. So I'm saying, but maybe them eating dogs makes them really good at math, so let's back off. So it's a total dumb joke. So this girl who recently had a baby with an Asian fella, so I think that's why she takes umbrage.

She wrote, I understand that you're quote-unquote trying to be funny. Unfortunately, raised jokes via text are not funny. Save them for your stand-up routines. Whoa. So she'd say they'd be better in stand-up? Why would that matter?

This guy, Migs Rodriguez, who's really funny, he commented below her comment. He wrote, so racial jokes are only funny if set on stage. Must be a new quote-unquote rule that isn't true. Yeah, I wish I would have seen that, too. I'm bad with confrontations like this stuff. At first i was like well wait am i being racist am i right i was like no i'm i'm making myself to butt a joke right clearly it's just i'm just kidding right you're making fun of the stereotype more than anything right and kind of like that pc culture where people like it's so funny when you're somebody's pc they think they're defending

somebody but they're defending them because they think they can't defend themselves. You know what I mean? Like, whoa, leave those people alone. Okay. They're trying. It's like,

they're belittling them at the same time. Right. Like that type of PC person who's like, so PC to the point where it's like hurting their cause. So, yeah. So what I wrote, I was like,

fortunately it is a joke. And I understand that you're quote unquote trying to be helpful, but no thanks. So it's just like, I was like, fortunately, it is a joke. And I understand that you're, quote, unquote, trying to be helpful. But no thanks. So it was just like. So was there anything after that? No, she didn't comment again. But I was thinking about that. And, like, I had the same feeling, too.

I was like, what the fuck, blah, blah, blah. And I was getting all angry. And I was thinking about it at the gym. And I was really distracted. And I ended up dropping a 10-pound weight on my foot. Really? Yeah. Are you okay?

Yeah, it was fine. It's a little bruise I mean yeah it was right on the bridge of my foot it was fine but uh yeah I was I don't know I I don't handle it well either especially when you get into those things you're like well yeah you're stupid yeah it's a weird thing because I I honestly don't know if it's better to be vengeful sometimes. Yeah. Because I don't think turning the other cheek is always... It's definitely not good to have resentment and anger inside you all the time. And plotting and obsessing over stuff. Right.

But at the same time, I think it is important to stand up for yourself. And it's cathartic, too. There's something to be said about pacifism. But at the same time, you want to show this to stand up for yourself. And it's cathartic, too. There's something to be said about pacifism, but at the same time, you just want to show this person how wrong they are. How dare you? I usually find blunt frankness,

which might be redundant, is the way to go. You know what I mean? Going right up to someone. And that freaks people out, too. If someone's an asshole, go right up to them and just look them in the eye and tell them exactly what you're offended by. Right. That,

that really shuts a lot of people down. Yeah. Well, I get caught up in the thing where you try to be like cute and witty at the same time too, with like a comeback. Right. And then I'm like,

well, maybe you're the one who is not good, you know? And then you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, so if you would just be direct. That's that same thing with what that girl said. It just annoys me to no end. Yeah, it's minorly offensive, but all this stuff, it's a total joke.

I just hate it that it just hit on something close to her. So she's like, excuse me you can't say that right but i make fun of everybody and in that joke i'm mostly making fun of myself i just i hate that stuff you can yeah i do think that there is like some line between bullying and joking sometimes sure sure um and and it is kind of different for different people i think yeah but uh whatever what fuck her bro no i mean something like that like you're i think she just doesn't get that you're not being stereotypical. You're making fun of stupid people, basically. We just met.

We've been friends on Facebook for a while. I post dumb stuff like that all the time. But she probably thinks that you're just making a dumb racist joke. Right. Which kind of. But it's more a joke on people who would actually think that that's funny. Right. More satirical than...

Yeah. Right. And it is also kind of poking fun at the political correctness of it, too. Yes. I mean, it's a great joke. Very multi-layered. It's worth any and all controversy.

I agree. I agree. I can't combat you on that. I would like to. Also, speaking of work, here's something I saw that was interesting and gross. Baby. I do?

Yeah, kind of. That's weird. Amanda says I smell like a baby. Really? Yeah. No, she says you act like a baby. That's right. She said I have the dick of a baby.

That's what it is. We have a cafeteria at work as well. We've got a candy shop. We've got a candy shop. We got a post office. And at the cafeteria, they have pizza boats. No, no pizza boats.

But we have, the way that you order breakfast in the morning, you get breakfast sandwiches and eggs and stuff. Really? Yeah. It's pretty nice. But the way that you order is similar to like a Wawa or Royal Farms or Sheetz, where it has the digital display.

And then it prints out digital display. Right. And then it prints out your ticket. Really? So she's in front of me, this broad. She gets her ticket, doesn't hesitate, grabs it right out of the machine. Right. Places it in the cleavage. Oh, wow. Right in the cleavage.

Right in the cleaver. Now, this woman's a little gnarly. A little gnarly. Short squat woman. What age are we talking? 60s. 60s. So I'm like, wow, that's really weird. It's a little gnarly. A little gnarly. Short squat woman. What age are we talking? 60s. 60s.

So I'm like, wow, that's really weird. Because with this receipt, you later have to give it to the cashier because they scan it. And then you have to pay for it that way. And so I'm like, all right, man, is she going to hand it to that cashier? And so I go follow her. Yes, she pays that way. But also, the money that she's paying with comes out of her vagina. Right out of her vag. No Okay, also from the cleavage so just completely unabashedly like receipt cleavage extra money cleavage back in there

Wow, and just nonchalant about it Wow. I didn't care for it Not not first thing in the world what what was so offensive to you about that? I don't like I mean first of all money's one of the filthiest things in the morning. What was so offensive to you about that? I don't like, I mean, first of all, money's one of the filthiest things on the planet. Yeah, but I'm not a germaphobe, but it's still weird to be placing that all over your chest. You're just a homophobe. Yeah, no. I hate Jews and gays, but other than germs. Germans I'm okay with.

Germans I'm really okay with. No, but we're at work. We're at a workplace setting. But does that really offend you personally, or are you just pointing out the ridiculousness of it? No, not offended. Not like, how dare she? But you just think it's amazing that she's getting away with that in the workplace. That's what I'm getting at.

Isn't that insane? Yeah, that's pretty nuts. Right. Okay. All right. So that's it. But I kind of say more power to you I am 100% in favor

Of not doing things That there's no reason to do In other words, traditions Sayonara Just do things Because they feel right Except for As long as you don't hurt anybody Hippy dippy over here Okay. Just do things because they feel right. Except for as long as you don't hurt anybody.

Hippy dippy over here. Seriously, if you want to keep your money in your boobs, then do it. Sure, but it's weird in the workplace. It is weird, and I'm saying that's the problem. But in a sense, it is hurting somebody because you're putting that money that's all over your sweaty, nasty tits, and you're handing it to somebody else. Well, you know. But I bet you it's not hurting them. But would you? What are the odds that they're, like, catching?

I'm just saying it's rude. Okay. Like, I could keep money. So it's more about just being on sweaty skin than the fact that a boob's involved. The reason that I find it so weird and mildly offensive, their sweaty, nasty tits, is that it is infringing on the rest of society. Right? Okay. She's basically saying, like, hey, fuck everybody.

Okay. I'm going to keep this nasty stuff on my nasty tits, and now you have to touch it. So it's just more about body sweat and germs than the breast. No. But beyond that, it's just her forcing her lifestyle on us, going against what you just said. It's not hurting anybody. I don't know if I would agree with that 100%. Like, if I kept money in my crotch and I just handed it to you, Mike.

That's disgusting. That's a normal you, Mike. That's disgusting. That's a normal Friday. No. That is disgusting, right? Yeah, but it's not the, it's not, well, first of all, your crotch probably smells like pee up close to some degree. My crotch smells like a baby. But that's different than like it was on her vagina. What?

Well, we don't know. We don't know. But what we do know is that it was on her vagina. What? Well, we don't know. We don't know. But what we do know is that it's on her breasts. Okay. How about this? I agree with you that just getting oily, nasty sweat and germs could, in theory, be offensive to another person. But it probably would not be. Okay.

Now, not offensive in the sense that there's germs. It's just you're hoisting your lifestyle onto me. I could agree with you in theory. All right, what about if I just kept money in my armpit? That would be gross. That's the same thing as her sweaty tits. It is not the same thing unless she has the nastiest person. Hey, do yourself a favor.

Go to Google, type in boob sweat, image search. This is why I take issue with that. If it smelled and it was actually damp. I bet it is. Then that's disgusting. Yeah. But because you're actually getting a smell on your hand or something. No.

But if it's just germs, I don't think that really matters. You're getting skin all over each other all the time. That's just germophobia. You wouldn't mind if some of the nastiest women that came into Paper Moon, and they all paid from their cleavage. You wouldn't mind that? No. Really? I don't

think so. Maybe if there's some warmth on it, that might bother me a little bit. You drop off the check. The next time you see that check is when it's coming out of a big old nasty brassiere, and they're handing it back to you. Now you have to touch it. You've got to mix it in with everything else. It's the same way people say, like,

people that are chronically late when they show up to stuff. That's nothing short of an attack. No, it's just... It's nothing short of a smart bomb. Yeah. No, it's just rude. It's people's way of, like, taking power back in this weird subconscious kind of way. Yeah, the it's just rude. It's people's way of taking power back in this weird subconscious kind of way.

Yeah, the late thing is rude. Yeah. What if they show up late with a bunch of sweaty money in their tits? I feel like the sweaty money tits... If it's really sweaty, then okay. But if it's just kind of warm because it's touching your skin,

we're coming into contact with each other anyway. That's just our complex that we have that doesn't make any sense. Look, John Q. Pocket didn't invent the pocket for us not to use them, Mike. All right. That's all I'm saying. A lot of people prefer the brassiere, so that's all I'm saying. I don't think so. I keep mine on my jock.

And you said that's wrong. You said that's wrong. All right. All right. All right. I right. All right. I guess we'll agree to disagree. I can see your point, but I can't quite get there. I think you empathize.

I think you get it. I think you had to just see this one. I do. If it was really sweaty and nasty, if you're actually getting your nasty sweat on somebody's hands, then maybe. But if we're just talking body warmth and just normal skin touching, you do that all the time anyway. Any phobia that you're going to have of somebody having money touching their boobs is purely fictional.

I just think it's rude. That's all. All right. I'm not begrudging any woman that's going to place stuff in their cleavage or brassiere. Go for it. But now we're in the public setting where I've got to touch all that stuff, put it around the house. You want to put your phone in there? I don't give a shit.

I don't give a shit. In the public domain... You'd be terrible in jail because you'd be like, dude, did you just pull those pills out of your butt? Oh, gross! Disgusting. Man, somebody was telling me once that a lot of crack dealers, the way that they do it, they'll have

crack in their mouths. Really? And they just spit it in your hand. Oh, maybe it was Kevin Smith. Really? Somebody I talked to. I would be surprised. I think it was a podcast I was listening to. He was talking to Jason Mewes, who's in all his movies, plays Jay, when he was addicted.

He said that's how they would do it. So they just spit in your hand. So they spit a couple rocks in there. And I guess that would work too So if the cops come you just swallow them Jesus I did witness recently a guy Buying heroin

Right in the alley He didn't care that Mike and I Were walking behind them You think it's just because he's a heroin addict? Yeah but You gotta be a little secretive about it no matter what's going on.

The worst part was he pulled heroin from his cleavage. No, but I think he put it in his butt crack or attempted to. He dropped one right in the alley in front of us.

He dropped the heroin? Yeah, and he went, what's dropping shit? And picked it up. Like, he kind of looked at us and was like, dropping shit. Dropping shit.

And then he kind of put it in his crack. And there was a cop right around the corner, too. Interesting. You ratted him out, right? No. He said, I'm running for mayor of when we break down in society. The new dark ages.

Okay, but anyway, back to what we were discussing. Is it not the job of each generation to swipe away the useless norms and mores of the previous generation. Oh, yeah. I'm with that. No, I think, yeah, find a better way to do things. However, I just, you know, speaking of society breaking down, we had everybody just storing money all over their body wherever, willy-nilly, wherever they want.

Chaos would ensue. A lot of Romans used to carry their coins in their mouth. All right. Well, how many Romans are left now? I don't know. Just forget it. I don't want to talk about it. They're fine.

What are they doing now? Yeah, I don't like it. Don't like it. I don't like anybody that forces their shit onto me. Right. I don't like that. But there's always going to be a lot of gray area because we're social animals. Yeah.

Like thievery to one person is not thievery to another. Okay. That's just because you stole my computer last week. Is that where this is coming from? Is that what? Well, that's the one rule of morality is don't steal. Well, speaking of not stealing, you had a birthday party. It's like,

well, nobody stole your happiness on your birthday. Yeah. Like a bad news reporter, like 65 dead. Anyway, there was a football game. Speaking of death,

mayor, blah, blah, blah. I'm just dying to tell you about this next report. I feel like that's like a... An issue of new stand-ups is that they try really hard to force segues when you don't really need to. So you'd be like, oh, and while I'm the subject of monkeys,

I do think there's another thing with fur that I should probably address with this next story. Wow. You're going to do my act right in front of me. Wow. Wow. No, I try to do that, work in a Segway or two.

Yeah, but you're fun, but you don't have to force them. Right, right. But a lot of newcomers think that it has to be super linear, you know, and has to, you know. Yeah, I mean, assholes have probably been doing it, what, like less than six months? What? I've been doing stand-up since December. But, you know. No, I'm with you. I haven't noticed that too much, though.

But maybe you go to high tops. Are there a lot of people trying new stuff there? Yeah. And, I mean, when I was new, I remember with you. I haven't noticed that too much, though. But maybe you go to high tops. There are a lot of people trying new stuff there. Yeah. And I mean, when I was new, I remember trying to do that. So I assume that everybody. Okay. Right, right, right, right. Well, no, let's talk about that birthday party.

Let's talk about it. Let's give them something to talk about. Bonnie Raitt was there. We planned a little surprise party. We did. Mike's roommate, Chris, who's a very sweet man. He is. He said, let's do something for old Mike Moran's Big 32.

Yeah, yeah. And God damn it, we did it. You did. So we had your family take you out to dinner. Right. Against their wishes, by the way. That was the good cover. You had to pay for them. We had to fly them in from all by the way. That was the good cover. You had to pay for them.

We had to fly them in from all over the world. Every Moran for five generations from Ireland. They all came over for a sack of potatoes and a Molly Hatchett CD. That's right. That was it. That was all it was. Is Molly Hatchett even an Irish band?

I don't assume that. I have no idea. Molly Hatchett. She's right. That was it. That was all it was. Is Molly Hatchet even like an Irish banner? I have no idea. Ah, Molly Hatchet. Ah, she's shy. Oh, Molly. It's like a Civil War hero that killed a bunch of people on the field with a hat. Right. Ah, it's Molly Hatchet.

No, so your family took you out to dinner, which is a perfect cover. You thought it was just a birthday dinner. And then instead of doing the traditional surprise party, we did a little bit of a flash mob thing that was a lot of fun. So we sent one person in. And, you know, somebody was like. Yeah, I'm still not, like, clear on what the structure of that was. Because it was, like, a couple of the surprisers, like, introduced, like, came up and said hi first. Yeah. So we just wanted to...

The original idea was maybe get there before you guys got there. And then there'd be a table of two or three people. Some people would be at the bar. And it would just be a weird coincidence. We'd be like, wow, what are you guys doing here? And then more and more people show up. And then we all say, surprise, you dumb bastard. After everybody's there.

And I say hi to everybody. Surprise! Right, right, right dumb bastard. After everybody's there, I say hi to everybody. Surprise! Right, right, right, right. I don't know. No, well, then that's when we finally decided, like, let's just send a couple people in. So we sent in some moles. We had a mole in there. John went in and said hi.

And they're like, oh, hey. And he's like, oh, it's just passing through. Which is not uncommon. Right, right. And then that's why, I don't know, we just wanted to have fun with the surprise party. And I still was none the wiser when Aaron and Mike came in. Yeah. Because I figured like, oh, wow, running into more people.

Because they live in the. I look cooler. You look way cool. And then, yeah, because they live in the neighborhood. And they're there often, I think. And then the owner was like, oh, you guys can play music if you want. So he played Fugazi's waiting room. That's when.

Okay. So then that came on. And I went to turn around to figure out where Mike was to be like, oh, my God, Mike, they're playing Fugazi. Yeah. And then I see him dancing. And then we, there's about 15 of us just run on in. And I say, what? And then, okay, I still wasn't positive then.

And then I say, like, Chris Carman and Amanda hang out? What? What are these people doing? I still, honestly, at that point, thought I was just running into more people. And that we all came in, like the ten of us. Yeah. That something was up. After I got all these birthday presents, I said, wait a minute.

And then after the surprise, I said, wait, is that in reference to? Three days had passed, and I said, you bastards. I stood up in bed. You stood up, and I said, there was no coincidence about this. Yeah. So happy birthday, my friend. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

That is the first surprise party I've ever had. It was a good one. Sometimes I feel guilty about how much love and support I have for my friends. Do you want me to knock you down a peg or two from now on again? You got it. Now, like a few years ago, now on again? You got it. Now, like a few years ago, Chris, at my 30th birthday. Spit in your face.

Filled up my room with balloons and streamers and stuff. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I came home to that. And I was like, holy shit. And there was like balloons and stuff outside. Oh, that's crazy. That's very nice. Megan Murphy is always really sweet.

Oh, my God. Yeah, she had custom M&Ms made for you. Yeah, yeah. That had your freaking face. Had your freaking face. My beautiful face. Then there was, it said, happy birthday, Mike, on a couple. There was your bass on them. Was that my actual bass, or was that a?

I think it wasn't yours personally, but it's the Macon model. It was definitely a Fender jazz bass. Yeah, it was very touching. Very heartwarming. I had a lot of fun. I was glad it came together. And actually, there was a time when you came over to podcast, and I was on the phone with Chris.

Really? And I was like, I got to go. I got to go. And then Chris was like, and also I talked to his mom. I'm like, oh, cool, man. Yeah. Well, I'll let you know. Chris can be difficult to get off the phone.

I remember one time, like, and I feel bad for talking bad about Chris. But, like. No, it's a good thing. He was being very helpful. Yeah, no, it was sweet. But, like, he, like, one time I was, like, trying to take a nap and he, like, called me. Yeah. And he, like, just wouldn't get off the phone.

I was just like, dude, please. He's like, oh, what is it? There's another thing. If you could be home at like five. That is how Chris talks. There's some space in between. He's definitely one of my best friends. I've known him since I was 15. Only person I've had in my life.

Wow. Always like the guy I can rely on. Yeah. Like always, if I need honest support, he's there for me. I need a body gun. You know, obviously, Josh Katerna does not fill that role. Nope. Just kidding.

Too busy. No, but yeah. Shout out to Chris. Absolutely. And thank you, Josh, for helping out. Yeah. I am insanely grateful to have so many awesome friends in my life. Anyway, fuck you, Mike.

No, I loved it, man. I absolutely loved it and chris he's like well if we're gonna talk on the phone i think mike's coming home so we should have a code word like and it's like why don't we just say a different name like it's that way he thinks you're talking about somebody else he's like no let's let's call him big jelly really yeah so like yeah that like, that would definitely... If I came home, my roommate's like, yeah, Big Jelly is going to...

I'm going to ask you about it. I'm going to fucking ask who's Big Jelly, and then you're just going to have to form a web of lies. And why would you be playing Fugazi with his family? Right. He's like, yeah, I talked to Big Jelly's mom. Like, all right, this is a little close. Yeah.

You know, so. Yeah. But anyway. For somebody with so much love and support, I sure do feel bad for myself an awful lot of the time. Well, that's because you're a piece of shit. Yeah, I know. See, I'm trying hard not to.

I'm evening you out here. I don't want you to feel too much love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Yeah. Well. Yeah, no, I'm just like, it's just so awesome that we're, like, at this place in our lives, you know.

I enjoy it. I enjoy it. We're, like, doing everything we want to do. Mm-hmm. We're living'm just like, it's just so awesome that we're like at this place in our lives. I enjoy it. I enjoy it. We're like doing everything we want to do. We're living the dream. Good core group of friends. Yeah. Yeah. I really, I watch this documentary called I Am.

And it's kind of all about, it's actually the guy that directed Ace Ventura. He directed Bruce Almighty. He directed another. Soul Plane. Lincoln. Lincoln. No. Lincoln. He created LinkedIn.

No, it's the director. I have no idea what that is, by the way. I've been getting requests since like 2007. I have no clue. It's like Facebook, but for jobs. Okay. It looks boring. Well, yeah.

No, it's not supposed to be like a fun thing. It's supposed to be like. If I can't pimp my LinkedIn, then I'm not interested. Who's your top eight? I got my Cool Limb Biscuit song on my LinkedIn page. Sorry. Continue. Yeah.

And we'll wrap this up soon, too. He directed Ace Ventura, Bruce Almighty. Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls. Yeah. Like a bunch of Jim Carrey movies and kind of. Young Ace Ventura. Comedies. Wasn't there a young Ace Ventura with Nature Calls. Yeah, like a bunch of Jim Carrey movies and kind of comedies. Wasn't there a young Ace Ventura? I think there was.

So he was like this super millionaire. I think the deal that he took with Ace Ventura was a percentage thing. Yeah, and as he says at the time, he took a risk on Jim Carrey because back then he was known as the white guy on Living Color. Yeah, I remember that.

So I think he made a bunch of money. And throughout the documentary, he kind of Michael Moores it in a way where he kind of makes it more about him versus the subject you're exploring. But he talks to some really cool people. He Bud Dwyer's it. He shoots himself in the face. He said way more about himself than the subject. Well, he actually was going to kill himself. Really?

Yeah. He just got really serious. Yeah. He actually was going to kill himself. Anyway. Back to Ace Ventura Jr. When he spoke with his ass. He was showing his suicide note with his ass.

Excuse me. He's budwiring it by talking with his ass excuse me he's bud wiring up with talking with his ass so just take a second this is only take a minute he pulls it up he pulls out a manila envelope oh god now you got me thinking that oh okay uh oh anyway so he was uh he biking, and he took a, and he wrecked, and he had a concussion. And he developed, I forget what it's called. It's like prolonged concussion syndrome or something like that. Basically where the symptoms of a concussion. Yeah, I think that's what it was. But the symptoms of a concussion don't last just about a week, which normally like a concussion does, where you're dizzy, your ears are ringing, you you kind of feel depressed you're just kind of all over the place uh with his syndrome it's just extended and they

don't know when it could end it could just be extended so it was uh i think he said it went on for months and he was just finally he was just going to kill himself because he was he had vertigo all the time he had a constant ringing in his ears he couldn't get away with it uh did all types of medicines um then then did like eastern philosophy type of stuff and then he's like fuck it i'm just gonna kill myself and then once he was uh kind of wrestling done wrestling with that like all right i'm just gonna end it he started to get better and he had kind of peace of mind and then he was thinking all right well if i was gonna kill myself what would be my lasting thing what would i want to say to the world before i kill myself and he

realized he's living this empty life and this is where he kind of michael moore's it a little bit he shows he's like and then i bought this 7 000 foot square house or whatever and it shows all this and he's like i owned an estate with three houses on it and all this stuff and then he just talks about how competition is most people say that um the natural state of our species and of nature is competition, but there's also, you need, we need to focus on cooperation and all that stuff.

Yeah. You can't make a mouse without it. Yeah, exactly. You're not going to have a mouse and a pocket without, without competition. I see what you're saying. But,

um, but the one thing that they got at, they went to this place called the heart center, and they're basically saying how much the heart is responsible for everything in your body. Most people think the brain sends the information to the rest of the body, but the heart actually sends a lot of information. Wait, what? Okay, so for instance, your heart and your body emit electromagnetic waves, basically. When people say people have good energy. Did Deepak Chopra make an appearance in this? No, no this is a real sign there's a bunch of scientists they say it's this documentary

called what the bleep do we know no it's called i am but it has some similar similar stuff to that um but uh no it's just the same thing basically say like it basically says like you know you can feel i don't know like a part of it is saying like doing good feels good helping out your other man sure that's what they're kind of saying like a lot of people like so it's like our but i don't understand what that has to do with like information getting sent from the heart do you mean that metaphorically uh no but actually they basically said like they can measure stuff like the uh in between so if uh if we're measuring the beats of your heart and basically on like uh like a graph you know it would have like the ups and downs.

Kind of like an EKG where they show your heartbeat. So in between the beats with like the peaks where it's like boop and goes up, what's in between they've measured. So if you're feeling good, that has a certain thing to it. If you're angry, there's a certain amount of information they can read from there. Okay. I get what you're saying. So I'm not doing as good a job explaining as much as I probably could be. You're just saying basically your heart rate is an indicator of your peace of mind.

Yeah. Well, it can be. Not even heart rate, but they're saying the information in between the beats. Like the way that the wave is shaped corresponds to certain emotions. But basically what they're saying, too, is that, you know, it makes sense. And then you emit an electromagnetism, you know, the same way that people say, like, you have good vibes and stuff like that, like, actually happens. I don't know if I can quite buy that.

I believe it. Anyway. I believe it, but not really in those terms necessarily. Why? Well, I think you do kind of naturally radiate a feel and a vibe. Yes, but they're just saying there's more to that, like, you know, your mood and stuff like that. Right. But anyway, a big part of it was that they mentioned just, you know, cooperation and like my long-winded story is basically getting at, like, it was awesome to see, like, just you being happy and, like, excited and, like, surrounded by your friends and, you know, like, that type of thing.

And as hippy-dippy as it does sound, it's so fun to actually have that stuff. Yeah, definitely. And then there is the dichotomy of when somebody's like, hey, I'm a dick. And you're like, yeah, you are a dick. And then you're like that. I think that's why you have that icky feeling afterwards because we're striving for the other thing yeah yeah but it but it's i i think it is a balance though i i've i've really like i've lived kind of both ends in my life like i was i was like a i was a decent kid and then i was like

kind of a selfish piece of shit like in in my late teens, like into kind of 21. Right. Um, and then I was like really striving to be ultra selfless for a long time. Like, right. Like volunteering a lot of time to, to trying to help other people and money and stuff.

And I still do that, but not as much. Um, and like really kind of feeling guilty about not doing it more, you know, and kind of feeling like that's all I should ever be doing. Yeah. And I think I kind of went too far with that, too, you know, because like I feel like I'm happier now that I'm with selfishly pursuing my own interests, but still trying to be a decent human. Right. Right.

But, but not like self-sacrificing for the sake of charity all the time. Right. Right. And not being a dick either. Like still enough concerned about yourself, but not to the point of detriment of others. Right. Like you're not some psycho is going to put cash in your fucking chest.

What? Yeah, exactly. We're going to end up. Cash in my chest. Oh, that woman earlier. Oh, right. Right? Yeah, exactly. We're going to end up... The cash in my chest. That woman earlier. Oh, right, right. The cleavage woman. I would never be that selfish.

Yeah. I am listening to a really good book about you know, one beautiful thing that I've learned from being involved in the world of skepticism and science, you know, a lot of people think of it as like a cold, dark, kind of godless type of worldview. But,

um, it'd be funny if you're like, and it is, however, no, but like there is very much a natural inclination towards empathy between people. Yeah.

Especially like, since we don't have to like kill each other for resources. Right. Well, that was, that was one of the really cool things that they talked about with, um, ah, fuck. Now I sound like a real dummy the uh what is the darwin's book the big thing where uh where it came we're saying like uh competition was best it's like something of the species like

uh origin of the species origin of the species they basically said he mentions competition twice and then within the book he mentions love 95 times really and one of and not in that book but his first book he mentions that from an evolutionary standpoint humans aren't that great as far as like having to take care of ourselves like we're you know like most animals and everything else in the world doesn't need they don't need clothes they don't need right you know they're whatever they are is fine they can can hunt. They're fast. They have big teeth. I thought you were going to say big tits. They got big old titties. But we don't have anything like that.

Like, we need each other. That's what you're saying. So evolutionary, the thing that we have is cooperation. Kind of. You know, as much as I've studied this, I've never actually thought about it in those terms. Oh, yeah. But bringing it full circle to what you were saying, that we work in this world of we depend on everybody else that's our strength it's kind of saying so and the big point in his documentary was that like our our world is driven it's like the individual has to do this you

gotta compete to be better but blah blah but actually what we're supposed to be doing and that's why so so many people i think get depressed in this world of like you're supposed to be an individual and it's all about you like where it should be more focused on the community and trying to help each other you know so yeah that's that's uh we we can end on like this lovey hippie hippie-ish kind of thing but i i do agree with that shit man i i agree and i disagree kind of with that with that last one. I do believe that we should be selfish but not self-destructive. I think there's a difference.

I think that selfishness has kind of negative, cruel connotations. I think you can be selfish. I am happier when I'm very selfishly pursuing the things that i love in life but i would be unhappy if i were decadent and cruel about it

yeah i i don't want i think that you know the the one the one rule in life is don't steal don't steal not just property and money but don't steal another person's happiness. Don't steal another person's right to well-being. Don't steal their right to happiness. Don't steal their right to repetitiveness. part of being selfish is

being selfless because I feel good for being selfless. Right. Well, then also you take care of yourself. You can take care of other people. Exactly. Yeah. I'm with you.

So it's like, you know. Okay. So, yeah, I think what you're saying, I'm not saying to that extreme where, like, we're all supposed to help each other. Like, cooperation is the best. It doesn't mean, like, you have to give all of yourself away. But, no, like, more so than not than everything is like focused on competition and competition can help but at a yeah you got to have the balance you got to have like you got it you got it because because you can't live that life of guilt and

constantly feeling like you got to do yeah what everybody else wants you to do you got to be true to yourself but if you're completely self-centered then then you're not. Empathy is something that's ingrained in us because we can understand that other people exist. Right. So it does feel good. And there is something that I even think kind of goes beyond evolution as far as empathy. Because I don't think evolution necessarily designed us to feel for our fellow man, at least outside of our own group. But it did. I think it might actually just be a byproduct.

I think it might be like, man got so smart that we understand that we don't want to hurt other people. Well, they say it's kind of, they say elephants have it, dolphins have it, and I think something else. Basically the same reason when you watch a skateboard

video of a guy just eating it, you hurt too right like so evolutionary we evolutionarily we do have that there's some type of system that's actually built into us i forget what it's called but it does but we generally on the tribal level we only really have that with our own tribe yeah yeah yes and no and our own like group of cells and people that we mix with yeah and it's but i I think that we do have that empathy, but I almost think it's just a byproduct of us just being so intelligent that we can understand,

like, I don't want to kill that guy from the other tribe because he hurts like I hurt. But I don't know if evolution did that on purpose. I think it just might be something that's unique to us. Well, that's what I was saying. But no, like, they think dolphins have it and then elephants, too. And I think another species. Right. The tortoise. No, like they think dolphins have it and then elephants too. And I think another species.

Right. The tortoise. No, I don't know. I don't know. The great trout of St. Louis. Did I just break something? I think so. Anyway, let's wrap this up on the yin to my yang.

Mike Moran, always good chatting with you. You too, man. I like these headier conversations. Me too. It's like something else that I'm not informed about all the way that I'd like to speak on into a microphone with my friend. Well, that's, you know, that's everything. I like people that can admit that they don't know everything about everything. Well, you must not like me. Because I know outside of, like, the Friday the 13th series, there's nothing I'm an expert on.

Hey, outside of pussy, I'm lost. You know what I'm saying, dog? Outside of Metallica's discography. Out of Dave Mustaine's solo records, I don't know much about it. He doesn't have a solo record. Well, I don't know what I'm talking about. Well. All right, guys.

Thank you so much for listening. Thanks, everybody. Love you. Digressionsessions.com slash calendar for all the shows and past episodes. If you like a friend, tell somebody. Or, you know, find us on Facebook. If you like a friend, tell somebody. I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

I like this guy, Andrew. Is that all right? I just thought I should tell somebody. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. So I like this guy, Andrew. Is that alright? I just thought I should tell somebody. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. That'll be the new sign-off. If you'd like somebody, tell somebody. Is that what I said?

If you'd like a friend, tell somebody. You're just like spouting randomly. Hey, if you... Just leave a comment with a lover. I don't know. If you have iTunes, great. Alright, thanks.

Comment on Stitcher when you're on iTunes. Thank you. Alright, thanks guys. I've been Mike Moran.