The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 101 - The Death of George Washington

Episode Date: July 29, 2015

Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the death of the first president (actually 8th) George Washington SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH 

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I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is. What do we say? How do you say twice a week? Double week. Why is it? We'll figure it out. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Stay okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly Clot. You are Queen Fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to Mingle and do what? Pray. Hi, Gary. No, I see you done, my friend.

December 12, 1799. President George Washington, 30 months into his retirement, now 68 years old, rode his horse during a heavy snowstorm to inspect his plantation at Mount Vernon. That's his home for people who don't know. The temperature was 30 degrees Fahrenheit. He was outside from 10 in the morning until 3 p.m. He was late for dinner and because he was proud of always being on time, he stayed in his damp clothes throughout the meal. This is just something that they weirdos did back then. This is a classic weird old people thing. I mean insane. It's fucking nuts. Just go change your fucking clothes.

No one cares if you're late. You don't accidentally join the polar bear club on land. I am not going to be late for this here meal. You're wet. You're a walking icicle. No, I don't want to be rude. I don't. Rather die. Rather sit here and perish. Rather die. Well, the next morning, Washington said he had a sore throat. Yeah, yes, he did. Yes, he did. Because he fell in ice on land. But he still got on his horse and went back out into the snowstorm to mark trees he wanted cut down on the property. When he came back into his home, he sounded a bit horse. Oh, I mean, this is the first president of our country. Yeah. Actually,

actually, he's more like the sixth, but we don't talk about the first five. Well, okay. And at this point had no teeth. Right. He was still in good spirits and read passages from the newspaper to his wife and his personal secretary, Colonel Lear. Okay, that's weird already. I love that his personal secretary was a Colonel and named Lear. Well, he's with his wife and he's like, I don't think it was like a literal Dave. Listen, I'll I'm having fun and I'm gonna continue to have fun. Lear wanted Washington to take some medicine, but George was not down. Quote, you know, I never take anything for a cold. Let it go as it came. Classic

Washington quotes. Yep. They don't they talk about the cherry tree one, but they don't talk about that quote very much. No. No, I wonder why late that night around 3am Washington awoke and told his wife that he felt quite ill. Yeah. Yes. He was having difficulty breathing and could barely speak. Martha wanted to walk to another building on Mount Vernon and wake up their maid Caroline to go get help. But George thought the cold air would make his wife sick. Well, then what the fuck was he doing? So he knows. Well, she had just gotten over a cold. So what he knew he knows the cold makes you sick and then he sits in his house in his wet

clothes because he doesn't want to be late. And he goes out the next day. Yeah, well, he's got stuff to do. He's going to die. I know that's what's about to happen. You don't know what's happening. You don't know what's happening. He's going to die. The title of this episode is called the death of George Washington, by the way. Well, here we go. So he forbid her, his wife from going outside. He just sat in bed. No, no, no. Let me die instead. He just sat in bed suffering. I've got this, Martha. Martha, no, I don't want you to, even if you bundled up and didn't go out in wet clothes, you might, you might get a cold.

Just forget about it. I'll just die. Oh, that's us coming out of me. Oh, when Caroline the maid came at sunrise, she found George in very bad shape. He was having severe respiratory distress. You want to you just want to believe that he was a very smart person. Well, Steve Jobs could have could be alive, but he tried a homeopathic cure for cancer. Don't get on the guy who made the iPod's case. Caroline went to get Colonel Lear, who was then sent who was already watching everything who then sent for Albert Rollins, the estate overseer. Rollins then prepared a medical concoction consisting of molasses, vinegar, and butter. Okay.

So he's giving him beer taffy. Yes, well, he's giving him beer. I mean, apothecaries existed in like the 1600s the foot like how the fuck is that if you can't swallow you get some molasses, vinegar, and butter and you actually stir it all up and you take a chug. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is the greatest combo on earth. Wait a minute. I think what we're talking about is Vegemite and he's about to drink that. Washington tried to swallow it and he went into what is described as an episode of convulsive suffocation. Boy, that has got to be real crazy when you're like here give him this and then

he's like worse right away. Well, Jesus. I really thought the butter would work. I really thought that butter would break that molasses down better. Look, if I have a cold, if I'm having a really bad coughing attack or a sore throat or whatever, I will just eat butter. Oh man, nothing suits it like butter. That's why they have I can't believe it's not butter, throat spray. That's right. Yeah. So then Washington decided that bloodletting would be the way to go. Okay, so at what point is somebody who knows what a good option is going to come into the picture? Soon. Okay. Washington was a big believer in bloodletting. He had used it on his

slaves many times with great success. He told Rollins to put a needle into his arm and take some blood, specifically a half a pint. So Rollins did as was told. Rollins was the one who performed the bloodletting a lot of the slaves as well because he was the estate manager. So he had a little bit of practice at this. Yeah, my guess is right now it's not going to help. Martha was opposed to opposed to bloodletting and pleaded that they not remove much blood. After the half pint was removed, a piece of flannel was dipped in salvatola and placed on his neck. I could not find anywhere what salvatola is. Well, I think we know what we're

dealing with for the most part. So it was a terrible decision. Had a bit. Then his feet were put in warm water. I mean, like, you know, not that that's a bad decision, but he's dying. We don't know that. He's just got a cold. He told me the title. Well, they don't know that yet. Messengers were sent to summon local doctors. Dr. James Craig, his personal physician for over 40 years, Dr. Gustavus Richard Brown and Dr. Alicia Colin Dick. The name is Colin Dick? Colin Dick. C-U-L-L-E-N. Dr. Colin Dick? Colin. There's not a loophole that gets this person out of a little bit of a snicker. I mean, his name is Dr. Dick already. Dr. Colin Dick. Like,

he's calling for Dick. He is calling for Dick. Hello. Hey, is Dr. Colin Dick there? This is Colin Dick. That's it. Bye. That's all you need to know. Oh my god. I can't wait till the phone is invented. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he's outside the window. Hello. That's what Craig calls used to be. When Dr. Craig arrived, he was alarmed at the condition of Washington. Craig quickly applied a painful quote blister of cantherides, better known as Spanish fly at the time. He applied them to Washington's neck. This was a preparation of dried beetles. And the blisters raised by this tonic stuff would supposedly draw out the deadly humors causing Washington's throat inflammation. What?

What? What the f- It's medicine. Okay, remember when I said they should get a doctor? Yeah, they got one. Don't get doctors. Don't get doctors. My god, he's dying. Put beetles on his throat. Hurry. It was a different time. It was a different time. The application of the beetles led to a spontaneous bowel evacuation. Jesus, I mean, this is the first president. They just put beetles on his neck and he shit his pants. Yeah. I mean, this is quite a day. This is a terrible day. This is not good. This is a very bad terrible day. God, he's so far they've poured molasses down his throat. They've taken a half a pint of blood out of him. Yeah. They put

blister beetles on his neck and he just shit the bed. He just shit himself. So now Crank then took more blood. What? About 40 ounces. I mean, that's a lot. He could sell an old English. Then he prepared a solution of vinegar in hot water and tried to get Washington gargle it, which doesn't sound that bad. I mean, vinegar and hot water, that could be something that I would say that might work maybe. Yeah. But this led to near suffocation and about of horrible coughing. Oh my God. So he took more blood. This is this is tough to hear. I feel like I've been I feel like I'm watching this. So he took more blood. Another 40. Why is he

taking more blood? Because it's helping. He's a fucking psycho. He might just be selling president blood. Washington was still strong enough to walk about his bedroom for a bit and to sit upright in an easy chair for a few hours. His real challenge was breathing once he returned to lying flat on his bed. Dr. Dick arrived at 3 p.m. and immediately removed 32 ounces of blood. Okay. All right. So okay. Now, are they okay now? So they're just taking all of his blood out of his body. Well, it's only helping. No, no, no, you know that that's not true. And so they're just taking a tremendous amount of blood out of him. It's fine. It's not

fine. It's not fine. It's hurting him. He needs blood. You don't know that. No, no, no. I know how bodies work. He needs blood. Well, maybe. No, for sure. No, for sure. Especially when he's sick. I would say that he should have a lot of his blood. When Dr. Brown arrived. Don't fucking tell me that he took any of his fucking blood. No, his name is Dr. Brown. Okay. He took Washington's pulse and decided it was best to give him an enema. Oh, my God. So Dr. Brown, Dr. Brown is the enema guy. I mean, that didn't have any effect. Brown then suggested Calamel and Tartar for him to gargle, which would guarantee to make Washington vomit with

the vengeance. What are okay? Are they there? So they're trying to kill him. It's a contest to kill him. He thought he would throw up the thing in his throat. What is the thing in his throat? I think it's his throat. Yeah, it's nothing. It's an invented thing. They've invented a thing that's in his throat. He's just really sick and needs his blood. At this point, Washington started to get the feeling that this was all in vain. Well, I mean, literally, they're just taking his blood from his veins. Well, they're giving him medicine, too. No, they're not. They're not giving him medicine. Up his up his who hole from Dr. Brown. He just, he already shit.

Making him throw up. He just shit the bed. Dr. Brown comes in, he's like, let's get him to shit the bed again. The buttered molasses. I just took all of his blood. Maybe I'll just get him to shit the bed. Let's put ketchup in his asshole. Okay, everyone, I've got a good idea. Let's put ketchup in the president's asshole. He called Colonel Lear over. Put a cigar out on his eye. Everyone treat him like an ashtray. We'll help him. Come on, guys. Come in here and kick him in the head. Kick his head really hard, guys. He called. Stab his dick. Everyone take one of these letter openers and stab his prick with them. There we go. I think

you'll get better. He called the colonel Lear over and gave his death instructions. Was it let the doctors continue? Quote, I find I am going. My breath cannot last long. I believed from the first that the disorder would prove fatal. Do you arrange and record? Do you arrange and record all my late military letters and papers? Arrange my accounts and settle my books as you know more about them than anyone else. Let Mr. Rollins finish recording my other letter, which he has begun. When Dr. Craig came back in the room, Washington told him he was dying. He then told all three doctors, I feel myself going. I think I thank

you for your attentions, but I pray you take no more troubles about me. Let me go off quietly. I cannot last long. He then thank the three doctors for their efforts. That last part's insane. I mean literally if he hadn't called the doctors he probably would have been okay. They're helping. No, they're not. I mean I remember when the Beatles on the neck was crazy. That was just nothing. That's before Dr. Brown came to make Browntown. The three doctors remained by his bedside throughout the night. At 8 p.m. ignoring Washington's request. What? No. Dave, Dave, Dave. What? He was very clear. He was probably just being polite. No, no, I'm

dying. You go, everyone go. They applied blisters of the dead beetle stuff to his arms and legs and a soft wet mass of wheat bran to his throat and kept it in place with a wet cloth. I just, I swear to God they can't take any more of his blood. Well that's, that's a pretty picture right there. Just covered in Beatles. Yeah. And a wheat, a wet wheat mass on his neck. He may as well be six feet underground while this is happening. Washington is going out in glory. Yeah, he's, I mean, covered in Beatles. It's like he's having a bad acid trip. As his breathing became worse, Dr. Dick proposed that his trachea be perforated.

I'm like, I mean, honestly, it's like, it's like a rash that just stop scratching and it might get better soon. Instead, they're like, we need to just keep, we put sandpaper on the rash. Try to sandpaper it off. Recently, put a hole in his throat. Well, recently this operation had saved lives, but Dr. Craig and Dr. Brown did not allow Dr. Dick to cut a hole in Washington's throat, even though Dr. Dick said he would assume all responsibility. Listen, never let Dr. Dick cut a hole. Trust me. Washington then told Colonel Lear, I am just going, have me decently buried and do not let my body be put into the vault

less than three days after I'm dead. Do you understand me? To his well, he replied. Washington said this because at the time there were concerns about burying someone who was not actually dead. Many people at the time knew of cases in which a seemingly dead person came back to life. The Washington's new woman who had heard a story told to her by an older gentleman in the summer of 1790. He had suffered an illness when he was 20 and on the ninth day of his illness, he died. His family and the doctor were convinced that he was dead, but his mother would not allow him to be prepared for burial. They gave him to her wishes and allowed the

dead man to remain on the bed for a while. The body was there, quote, the residue of the afternoon, the ensuing evening, and through the whole of the long winter night until the ensuing morning, the body continued an undoubted corpse, then low to the astonishment of everyone who waited the event with a gentle sigh, the heart-sickened man, once more open his eyes upon the fleeting scenes of time. So Washington won. Because of that rumor? Well, they thought that, yeah, they thought that people were getting buried too early, so he was like. That kid was 20. He also hadn't been, oh, his blood

item had been taken out. Yeah, this guy's 77, as I said, is the only thing they said no to was cutting a hole in his throat. Right, now he's like beetle juice, he's just fucking messed. He literally is beetle juice. He's covered in beetles and he's leaking. His breathing became less labored around 10 p.m. 10 minutes later, he checked his own pulse and then died. At the foot of his bed, Martha said, is he gone? Tis well. All is now over. I shall soon follow him. I have no more trials to pass through. The cause of Washington's death has been debated ever since. I know what it was. J. A. and Negger, Neddiger, believes the president died of diphtheria.

Walter Wells explained that he died of acute inflammatory edema of the larynx due to a virulent microorganism, probably strep locacus. Strep throat. Yeah, but he didn't die from strep. Today, this is a common-held belief of what killed Washington, although recent arguments pushed the idea of acute bacterial epiglitis, which can rapidly obstruct the respiratory passage and cause a suffocating death. Then there was the blood removal. The estimate of the amount of blood taken from Washington by medical authorities is between five to seven pints. Oh my god. Six weeks after his death, Dr. James Brickle wrote a

article vehemently disagreeing with the bloodletting treatment. He estimated the amount of blood removed to be 82 ounces and deplored the lack of medical wisdom of this decision. Quote, I think of my duty to point out what appears to me a most fatal error in their plan. Old people cannot bear bleeding as well as the young. We see that they drew from a man in his 69th year of his age the enormous quantity of 82 ounces or above two quarts and a half of blood in 13 hours. I mean that is insane. Very few. He was sick. Very few. He was already sick. Hey man, it worked on some of the slaves on the plantation. Very few of the most

robust young men in the world could survive such a loss of blood, but the body of an aged person must be so exhausted and all his power so weakened by it as to make his death speedy and inevitable. And yet Dr. Brickle was not completely against bloodletting. He just thought it should have been done closer to the site of the inflamed body part and less blood. Blood should have been taken. Like that matters. Quote, to have attacked the disease as near its seat as possible the vein under the tongue might have been opened. The tonsils might have been sacrificed. This garficator and cup might have been

applied on or near the thyroid college. So what he's saying. Oh my god. Instead of taking the blood from the arm they should have gone right to the head. His tongue. Yeah, just taking it right from underneath the tongue. Oh my god. I mean. So that guy's talking sense. Yeah, I mean it says a lot when you're like Dr. Brown can you come over instead? Okay, so the total amount of blood actually taken from Washington was 126 ounces or what? 3.75 liters taken over a period of 9 to 10 hours on Saturday December 14th 1799. Oh, I mean that's all of his blood. Washington was six foot three inches tall and weighed 230 pounds. Adult blood

volume is 70 milliliters per kilogram so estimated blood volume of Washington would be seven liters. This means they removed more than half of his blood. They took half of his blood. This led to paternal anemia, hypovolemia and hypotension. They took half of his blood. The fact that he stopped struggling that evening and appeared calm just before he died was probably due to shock because they took half of his blood because half of his blood was gone. Now, another doctor came. Wait, William Thornton. Sorry, sorry, sorry. This is that he's dead. William Thornton was a physician trained at the best medical schools in Europe.

He also designed the library company of Philadelphia and the US Capitol. So he was a man who ran in top circles and he was close friends with George Washington. When Washington was six someone at Mount Vernon asked Thornton to come to see if he could help. He immediately took off in hope of getting there in time to perform a tracheotomy. Interesting. But he arrived the morning after Washington died. Quote, my feelings at that moment I cannot express. I was overwhelmed with the loss of the best friend I had on earth. The weather as stated was very cold and Washington's corpse was basically frozen for several days. So Thornton had an

idea. Blood transfusion. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, what are you fucking doing right now? This was not new. The first successful blood transfusion. How long has he been dead? Days? Yeah, no, it's overnight I think. He's dead. The first successful blood transfusion recorded was done by an English doctor named Richard Lauer in 1665. He bled a dog almost to death and then brought it back to life by transfusing blood from another dog through a tied artery. So that guy was cool. Yeah, that guy was cool the dogs. In 1667 the physician to King Louis the 14th Jean-Baptiste Denis performed an animal to human blood transfusion. He

took the blood from a sheep and put it into a 15 year old boy who survived. Who became lamb boy. With the ability to grow hair faster than an average human or sheep. He would have no powers at all. Yeah, no, he'd be like is kryptonite is a fence. If you you know if you let a sheeps if you don't shear a sheeps. Yeah, they go. It eventually will die. Really? Yeah, it's a really bad animal. They doctor Denis later did the same thing to a laborer, a gentleman. Blood transfusions were soon outlawed in many European countries because of failed attempts. In America in 1795 just four years before Washington's death a

doctor Philip Fisick performed a blood transfusion on a obstetric patient. He did not publish his results and there is no detailed account of the procedure. This is apparently the only blood transfusion he performed even though he did not publish the account. Thornton also practiced medicine for a time in Philadelphia and may have known about the procedure. Both doctors also attended the same medical school. Oh boy. This is what Thornton proposed in his own words. Oh boy. And he said this to Martha Washington. Who just gotten over the death of George. The weather was very cold and he Washington remained in a

frozen state for several days. I proposed to attempt his restoration in the following manner. First to thaw him in cold water then lay him in blankets and by degrees and by friction to give him warmth and to put into activity the minute blood vessels at the same time to open a passage to the lungs by the trachea and to inflate them with air to produce an artificial respiration and to chance fused blood into him from a lamb. So what he wanted to do was take George's corpse he'd been dead for a few days freezing up there and the bed because he remember he didn't want to be buried for three days so he'd been there for a

couple days. No. So he wanted to take the president's body out by the fire rub it. Thaw him like a caveman. Rub it warm. Rub it warm. Yeah. Then poke a hole in the neck. Yeah. And then fill him with lamb. And then fill him with lamb blood. Yep. Any questions about what I want to do to the founding president? If these more means had been resorted to and had failed all that could be done would have been done but I was not seconded in this proposal for it was deemed unavailing. I reasoned thus. He died by the loss of blood and the want of air restore these with the heat that had been subsequently deducted. And as the organization was in every respect

perfect there was no doubt in my mind that his restoration was possible. So it's simple math. The man died from a lack of blood and he couldn't breathe and he's cold so warm that fucker up pop a hole in his neck get some blood in that bitch. Yeah but it doesn't work if someone's dead. And he will just sit up and go out mate. Hey never better man. Washington is back. I'm back. Brains. So he just wanted to bring Washington back from the dead. That's all. She better say no. Martha and the rest of Washington's family passed on the terrific idea. Okay. Thornton was not happy he didn't get a shot at it. 20 years. Come on let me put lamb blood in him.

20 years later he wrote whether if it were possible it would be right to attempt to recall to life one who had departed full of honor and renown free from the frailties of age in the full enjoyment of every faculty and eternity and for eternity. So that didn't happen but that would have been awesome if it had. Yeah that'd have been really cool to fill him with lamb blood while he was dead and frozen. So Washington's death was fucking horrific. Are you sure? What happened? Yeah. Terrible. They just drained him. No one in America gets out okay. Well I mean what the fuck? You would think that he would have access to

like smart doctors. Well those. And there wasn't a smart doctor in the bunch. Well even the last one. Well the one guy wanted to do a tracheotomy and that might have helped. Okay him but I'm sure that at some point he made him either shit his pants or like you know put beetles in his ears. I don't know. Yeah I do know. I just heard about it. Fucking unbelievable. Anyway that's your um yeah. Very first precedent. Yep there he is. Curious how he died? Okay. Yep he died because doctors took all of his blood. Merry Christmas. Yep.