The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 104 - The Past Times with Ryan Rogers

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian Ryan Rogers Redbubble Merch

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh Dave. Our friends forever. We've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp, they're clean, they're easy to use. You don't have to update stuff. Look, we've said this over and over again, but if you want to know if we really do like

Squarespace, go look at any website we're affiliated with and it is Squarespace. Yeah, look, they have flexible payments. You can just make the- Flexible employees too. Those people are... It's weird. Okay. You can make the whole checkout experience seamless, very simple, very powerful.

They do credit cards, Apple Pay, all the stuff, PayPal. They do it all. You can sell content. You can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall. You can sell memberships. You can sell courses, whatever. You can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about?

I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Because I think that's a good point. No. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch,

go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week the great Ryan Rogers. Hi Ryan! Hi guys how are we doing? Good, welcome back. I'm happy to be back. Hey how many returning guests have you had? We don't like to get into that stuff. Oh I want to hear it. I want to hear it. And how many gay ones? I want to go on the record. For diversity and inclusion reasons for the past. Well, we've definitely had.

Name one gay person, Gareth. Name one gay person. Dave Holmes. Dave Holmes has been on four times. You know what? Very gay. Very gay. Always living in the shadow of Dave Holmes.

Well, you asked. But I will say you might be our second gay returner. We don't look like that. The numbers are going up and that's when we go. Well, we have a whole board where we do gay, black, straight, we really are very aware of it. It's like how Super Bowl pools are done. That's right.

We have one of those. Which is why we wanted to have you back. We thought you were a pretty good guest, but for a gay guest, you're great. Wow. I'm telling RuPaul or whoever's in charge, gay people don't have leadership. That's a problem. That's true. No, and part of the problem with being a straight white is that I want to be the gay leadership, but just not gay.

You guys have no one in charge. It's crazy. No, it's really, I mean, Tucker Carlson has kind of taken it. It's pretty tough. It's crazy. No, it's really really. I mean, Tucker Carlson is kind of taking it. It's yeah, it's not great. It's we're not happy with what's going on at all. Speaking of which, tonight you're headlining a gay a gay show and then two burlesque shows. You know, New Orleans, New Orleans, New Orleans. And there's a crawfish eating contest after all three of them. Oh, that would go to fuck.

Yeah, I love the crawfish. That's all I eat when I go there. You know, if I may, through process of elimination, you hate gay shows. Me? Me? No, Dave, because you mentioned crawfish and Dave gets active. But then gay show, nothing burlesque show, nothing. So I don't eat as much at the gay shows. Well, you really. Well, they don't eat food. I Wanted to find my way in but that was better. They're eating

So talk to us Ryan you have a album recording you're doing and then you're releasing it Where can people follow you be a part of that and then also hear the album when it comes out? Yeah, it's my sophomore album. My first one is called She Is Me. It's my debut album and it's on all streaming platforms. You can find it on Apple Music and Spotify, et cetera. But this next album is called Last Seen Alive, Ryan Rogers' Last Seen Alive. And it's gonna be, we're recording it December 28th

at Sports Drink Comedy Club in New Orleans. And then it'll be out on Burn This Records for June, 2025 for Pride Month. It's a Pride Month release. So the gays are, they're taking 2025 back. Over my dead goddamn body they are. I will fight you gays tooth and nail. That's really going to be a white guy year.

I think 2026 is more. Yeah, you had a good run. It's time for the straight whites back in. Well, Ryan, you know how we do it on this podcast. We're going to go through this weird newspaper. We'd like to start with a guess as to what year the paper is going to be from. I'm sure you're a listener, so I'm sure you know why I can't guess first because then I'll automatically lose. So why don't you guess what year you think this paper could be from? Let's go 1908.

It's pretty good. Pretty good. I'm looking at Dave's little poker face and he seems into it, but it's also, I think we're going to go 1951. You moron. What? It's 1885. No one.

Of course, Ryan. Of course, Ryan was so much closer than you. Of course, it's weird. Why are you so bad at this, Gareth? That's not. Yeah. No, I don't like how the longer you do this, the worse you get. I got one right once the year and I was.

You didn't know. Well, vibes. I got one right once the year and I was you didn't know well vibes All right. This is a January 8th 1885. It is the northern Tribune from Sheboygan, Michigan. Oh so close to Wisconsin. We got a Sheboygan in Wisconsin. I didn't know they had one in Michigan Yeah fucking assholes. Why would they do two? I mean, it's a great town when you go to the Sheboygan in Wisconsin. You're like, how's this not been franchised? It is hopping. It is hopping. It's popping Your line in there. Yeah, you're sure boy. Good crawfish boil gay bar for sure. Yeah, it's called she boys again

boy skin, yes boy skin Yeah, it's called Shiboyzkin. Shiboyzkin. Yeah, Shiboyzkin. Gareth, what does Shiboyzkin mean? I want you to tell the people since it's your... Go ahead. Shiboyzkin, well, it's Native American. Uh-huh. Which tribe?

Menominee. But OK, sure. Yeah, well, yeah, no, but yeah. And what it means is. It's. It's a it's it's what their springs used to sound like. The the metal springs. Or the creek, what do you think? I think you nailed it.

I think that was close. I dare you. OK, so the Northern Tribune on the front page here. There's a section that's just called the city, and then it's a list of things. That's the idea of the paper. That's the things. That's a paper. What we're doing is a paper.

First item here. There is a rumor that some of the old boys had a parrot and monkey time. New Year's night. This is the greatest. A parrot and monkey time is an expression. It's an expression. OK.

Yep. We're having a parrot and monkey time. That's the whole that's all there is. And the old boys get that. That's exactly right. It sounds like something Jimmy Buck Buffett would write and then like crumple up and be like too experimental. monkeys. I'm pushing Parrot and Monkey Time is an English phrase that was first

used in the 1880s. Parrots and Monkey Time. And then phrase that was first used in the 1880s. Paris and Monkey Time. And then it doesn't say what it means. Cool. Good shit. Nice. Awesome. You need to bring it back.

I agree with that. It's got to be just debauchery on some level, right? Are you looking at updates? I'm trying to, but it doesn't say what it means. It just says that it exists. It says it's now obsolete. If you guys can believe that. Oh, you have to pay for the Oxford dictionary now. So go fuck yourself. That's apparently a lucky time if you ask me. Nope. It just says dictionary slang. It just says how it's used. Nobody says what it means.

Okay. It's not an urban dictionary. Oh, here we go. An argumentative relationship in which two partners fight continually. Okay. One's a parrot, one's a monkey. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. So because in nature, we know that parrots and monkeys argue constantly. Sworn enemies. Yeah, sworn enemies. Yeah. It's a strife-based culture. Yeah.

But by the way, the makeup sex? Incredible. Yeah. I don't know. If you've never seen a monkey bang the shit out of a parrot, you've not lived. They, yeah. But by the way, the makeup sex? Incredible. Hot. Yeah. I don't know, if you've never seen a monkey bang the shit out of a parrot, you've not lived. You gotta watch the parrot bang the monkey though. By the way, I really, yeah, that's pretty good too. That's a one-time deal.

Yeah. And then it's parrot out. Yeah. Actually, a lot of people think that's how the baboon's anus was formed. Why are you talking? I don't know. It just slipped out and it was a big error. Should we talk about the baboons anus permanent? Can you take me through how that? Should we talk about the baboons? Well, the parrot has the... I'm picturing a toucan's nose being multicolored and then I was kind of picturing it sliding into

a monkey's ass and then sort of wizardry happens. And then the anus becomes the baboon anus, which we all know is funny because every baboon, hold on, I'm talking every baboon asshole looks like a clown just ate it. True. The defense restaurant. But all you, you still only have a monkey and a parent. So I don't know where a baboon comes into the like, are you? Is he is the monkey getting fucked so hard by the parrot

that it also becomes a baboon? Sure, the tropical colors of the parrot. And then picture it fucking a monkey. All right. And then it turns into a baboon. No, no, no. It's just the it's I'm talking about like evolution. So I picture Darwin being like very interesting. And then like over time, eventually you just find out that the baboon was created because one day a monkey fucked a parrot, fucked a monkey.

And then a baboon asked, Gareth, we get it. You saw wicked. We get it. Yeah, I've seen it four or five times. And it's really good. No, but I do think that it's it's worth exploring how the baboons anus started. I mean, I'm not the only guy who's obsessed with that. No, it's a very yeah. A lot of comics are.

Thank you. Yeah, it's crazy. OK, next. The down train was late again in the morning. OK, big deal. The snow this week has improved the slaying very much. Hmm. These are just sentences. These are just sentences. But they're complete.

The whole time I was like, are these just fragments on like pieces of thought? But no, they're not. Notes folder on his phone. Yeah, that might have legs. Yeah. Yeah, it's what he's seeing in the town. It's what he's feeling. Did they call a shooting around the holidays of slaying? Am I bad on this episode? Yeah. OK.

Yeah, it's not good. OK. One lady who attended the game social at the town hall Saturday evening wrote to her absent husband that she had not enjoyed so much so much kissing in one night since she was married. Damn. Ooh. Okay, this is good. What the fuck? And she wrote to her husband?

Monkey fucked a parrot, yeah. She wrote to her husband? Yeah. And then they put it in a paper. Yeah. And they put it in a paper. I don't know who's crazier. Yeah, there's a lot going on there

and that's a bad relationship. No, I think it's good. 1890s, someone's definitely jacking off to this. Yeah. Someone's definitely like, oh, it's good. I'm happy for her. In the 80s and 90s, someone's definitely jacking off to this. Yeah. Someone's definitely like, oh, it's awesome. Someone's doing that now. Yeah, it might be also happening. It's me!

It's me too. Let's see, there's more. Dr. JB Panason arrived up from Rogers City with Paul Mazusky, supervisor of the town of Krakow, who he was taking to the asylum for the insane at Kalamazoo. He having become insane over the prediction that the world was to come to an end the first of this week. That's. He was placed in the asylum Tuesday.

The doctor returning to Sheboygan last evening. It's a little like your Twitter, Dave. What does that mean? It's a little, you know, predictive for the world ending all the time. What are you talking about? Every 10 days. I would say 11, but I hear you. I would say 11, but I hear you. Last Monday at Alex McDonald's camp on Black River, a young man named Charles McDonald got seriously hurt by the careless throwing of an axe by another man.

This is 1890s shit. Who's what? They're just throwing axes? Bro. What do you mean bro? Bro. How was he injured? It says the bit of the axe entered the back,

cutting a fearful gash. So he got hit in the back with an axe. He kinda got hit with an axe. Yeah. He kinda got hurt in the lower back. He slightly got axed. That doesn't feel like news. It's kinda new, like everything else we've heard.

I want to go back to the cheating lady. Could be related. Have you ever seen the footage of, I think it's on Fox. Is it Pete Hegseth? It might be Pete Hegseth who accidentally throws an ax into like a band player. Shut up. No, there is.

It's like, there's so much's so no, that is him. Is it him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this is this is some Hegseth shit. Yeah, it is Hegseth shit. Yeah.

Classic. Drunken stuff. Yeah, it's classic. So it's it's we're saying it's drunk stuff. It's a guy. To be fair, he was drunk. To be fair, he was drunk. Always drunk.

Hegseth always drunk. That's the thing we've learned about him. Yeah, but he's the he's the drunkest man in America. It's awesome. Is this how the first ax throwing gym started? I'm saying does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, very well could be.

They one guy threw another guy and then they were like, oh, we should make like a wall or something. Someone was like, we should serve beer here. Yeah. That's free people culture. Axe are so hetero coded to me. Have you ever been to one? Have I?

No, I thought. The level of offense in your voice. Well, it is crazy to have a bar where you throw axes. I mean, it's genuine. Dave, you're betraying the straights. Shut the fuck up. I've never been to one because there's acts throwing. You could have an axe throwing lesbian bar and call it the hatchet wound.

That could be cool. You know, is that an idea? That's something. Let's start. Guys, I think it's the number one idea of this episode so far. I want to beat it, but that's since bamboo now set a low bar. Yeah, it's a lesbian axe throwing establishment. I'm performing there later. I should have said that.

Oh, yeah. Fourth show. Frank Rollo opened the Sheboygan gymnasium in the bank block last evening. OK, he has things arranged for furnishing any amount of exercise. Indian war clubs in several different sizes. Hey, what just happened? Hey, it's me from the future. No, no, no.

Hey, no. What just happened? Hey, no. That feels like an SNL sketch. Anything you would need to exercise like Indian war clubs. All right, boys, get ready to work those delts. What do you what do you do with it? Because, I mean, it's it's like it's the same thing as idea wise is a chalet.

It's like a it's like a club of the thing on the end that you can hit people with. What are you doing in an exercise, what are you doing? Pilates. Yeah, you're training, you're training, yeah. It's a Pilates thing? Yeah, you know Pilates was a Native American, right? I did not, I did not. Oh yeah, Pilates was a Native American woman.

Yeah, Pilates. She's on the gold dollar. Yeah, she's on our golden dollar, idiot. Pilates. Okay, Indian War Clubs in several different sizes, vaulting bars, ladders, boxing gloves, and other devices. Now it's taking on the LeLane vibe that I'd expect. Yeah.

It's so old timey though. Yeah, it's so old timey. Oh, for sure. I love that there's a ladder. There's a ladder. A ladder. Well, we've talked about this before on the show, but like running was considered an awful thing for you until like 1840 or something.

They were like, how are you doing? You're going to die fatso. Wow. I mean, OK, so to those sedentary pursuits, the gymnasium will furnish excellent exercise and recreation. A gym open. That's great. Yeah, a gym. I don't hate it. I mean, I hate parts of it. I mean, yeah, there's one part of it, I think is specifically very.

Yeah, yeah. Looking back, there's a part I do hate. That this is the first Equinox and we're learning that in real time. The social given by the Ladies Relief Society at the town hall Saturday evening was well attended and enjoyed by old and young. Cool. It's all all the people, all the all ages old at 44 and young at two. Nobody made it till two. Come on. Yeah, all the different. All ages. Old at 44 and young at two. Nobody made it till two, come on. Yeah, it's true. Yeah.

Copenhagen, blind man's bluff, drop the handkerchief, another old time social game. I love drop the handkerchief. It's the quarter of the evening. Drop the handkerchief's the best game. Now we're talking. Yeah, just the nice ass sniffing Could not sound more like I mean that really is just a euphemism

I went over to a place drop the handkerchief and let's just say we're having a baby I'm picturing like you drop a handkerchief and go to reach out and pick it up and someone grabs your ass. You're such a disgusting man. It later become known as ass grabbing. Yeah. What are the other ones besides this pervy one? Besides the pervy one.

Swipe your debit card. Foot on the ground. Yeah. Two eyes. Look ahead. Put the camel. Touch the jacket. Smell the belt. You ever played Anteater? Devenom the snake? You guys want to play a game of ox cart?

Come on, everyone, come over here. We're going to drop the handkerchief and clean the pumpkin. The first one is Copenhagen. Copenhagen. What do we think that is? I mean, question. It is a great question, because what's going on in Copenhagen, what do we think that is? I mean question it is a great question because what's going on in Copenhagen then? Maybe or maybe maybe there's no foreplay and you just get dark early Pretty good. Not really. Nobody laughs. It is a board game it

It's what a board game. Okay, it's I mean it could be we we we had a show in Copenhagen one time, Ryan, and it was awesome, but it got dark at like three. And our hotel, when we checked in, they had a, they had a like just full bar. And so when you checked in, you were able to go like, I'll take a beer too. And then I was like, that must be great

for when people don't have their rooms. They're like, it is the best. And Dave's room wasn't ready. So we're like, I'll take a beer too. And then I was like, that must be great for when people don't have their rooms. They're like, it is the best. And Dave's room wasn't ready. So we're like, that will have a beer. So we had a beer. We went walking around. We got, we, and then we just came back to the hotel and they just served us. It was 24 hours.

They just kept serving us to the point where neither one of us remembered anything. And the next day when I came down for breakfast, they were just like, how how are you today? And I was like, uh, okay, why? And they're like, you were very intoxicated last night. Yeah, well, that's that's on them. A, B, when you start drinking at 3pm, and it's dark outside. It's 8pm. You know what I mean? Where it's like, that then you. That's what we found. Exactly. Our our we we were betrayed by the outside. We were like we were fucking hammered and we were like, it's 610. This is crazy. OK, I think it's a dice game.

OK. It is you roll the dice, choose a shape of the common board and draw it on the player sheet. Players score points for completing rows and columns. You would think that if life was so fucking boring, you would at least be able to come up with better board games. Like our board games now beat the shit out of these 1890 board games and no one's playing them. Yeah, exactly. And they needed them. Right.

See, that's why drop the handkerchief was like number one. 1890 board games and no one's playing them. Yeah, exactly. And they needed them. Right. See, that's why I dropped the handkerchief was like number one. The handkerchief is a fucking winner. Sure. Drop the handkerchief was the thing to do. Just so good. Um, and then there's blind man's bluff, which is blind tag. It's glory hole. Oh, glory hole. But it's blind. Glory hole. You are. There's one glory hole and everyone drops their pants and runs around with the heart on and gets in blind glory hole. You are every there's one glory hole and everyone drops their pants and runs around the hard on and

In the glory hole. Yeah, it's like pin the tail on the donkey, but with a glory hole So come on boys. Come on find the hole Don't and no peeking No peeking That's it those are all the games. Crazy. Okay. Yeah. I'll be great ride.

No notes. Some of the older games were carried back to the days of their youth and entered into the sports with a gusto that surprised the more youthful present. And they strove as hard as any to sip sweet nectar from Ruby lips. Wait, what? I do not know what just happened. So it was a game night and then it turned into fucking. It sounds like it turned into a lot of, yeah, a lot of naughty.

Sweet nectar from Ruby, go ahead. And maybe that relates to the woman earlier who's, who wrote her husband that she kissed a lot of people at the social. So maybe they all make an effort. Yeah, she went to a game night and fucked around. And then they played one game with my ruby lips. Did you know Hank can make nectar? We would have cleaned it up easier, but someone had dropped the handkerchief about an hour before.

And then we played the blind man glory hole. And then we played blind man glory hole. He's like, I'm never leaving town again. Yeah. What? Like I've been gone for two hours. You left town and I'm full of cum. Oh, my God. It's a letter he reads.

Jesus Christ, I leave. Insane. I didn't I mean, it's insane. I didn't know how else to tell you. It's like I'm at work. I don't know. I'm so sorry. I went to get supplies in the next town. I know the party. It just was crazy.

And he's just like, how's the baby? How are our kids? Oh, oh, the kids. They're playing Copenhagen. I hope not. Oh, shit. All right. That was really fucking insane. Yeah, I'm just going to say that.

I think the parts we made up made it worse, but yes. Yeah, no, always. Whatever we make of always makes it worse. But I really want to know what the Ruby Lips thing was, but we're not going to know. We're never going to know. I'll show you up there. So I travel a lot. I mean, a lot, perhaps too much to some of you.

But that's kind of my gig. Right. So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes. If I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible. Recently, I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs we were like, let's just get an AirBnB and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know,

it's communal living, it's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience. So when I go on tour, you know, like I'll be going on tour in a couple months, I always am like, well, could my place be an Airbnb? You know, just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away.

So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb. Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace Okay, our friends forever We've we've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp. They're clean. They're easy to use You know well stuff look we've said this over and over again But if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace go look at any website We're affiliated with and it is Squarespace.

Oh yeah, look, they have flexible payments. You can just make the whole checkout. Flexible employees too. Those people are... It's weird. Okay. You can make the whole checkout experience seamless, very simple, very powerful. They do credit cards, Apple Pay, all the stuff, PayPal, they do it all.

You can sell content, you can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall. You can sell memberships. You can sell courses. Whatever. You can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay. Keep going. If you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak?

Because I think that's a good point. No. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com

stressed all up to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. The Lansing Republican says rather a funny incident occurred at ex-governor Begol's farewell reception. One of the ladies callers had absorbed the idea that the reception was being given by the incoming governor rather than the one whose term just ended. And under the impression that she was talking

to Governor Alger, she clasped Mr. Bagelow's hand in her own and with intense enthusiasm informed him that she prayed to God day and night for the last six months that we might once more have a Republican governor and now she sincerely thanked him that her prayer had been answered. It is said that the expression on Governor Bogola's face as he heard this surprising conversation of frankness was worth going 75 miles to witness and nearly deprived him of the power of speech for the next five minutes. So the news story, if you're following on the news story is that she went, we should dig this journalist

up and just kill him again. She went, there's a lot of words here that shouldn't be a part of this. There's no editing whatsoever. But she went she just she went to the the leaving governor's affair and said, I'm so glad to have the new guy in. And she was talking to the old guy. Yeah. And that guy was she's over. She's a fucking idiot. I mean, that's a big part of this.

She's an idiot. By the way, that I mean, that's like in today's politics. A story like that would be considered heartwarming. Heartwarming. Yes. Yeah. What do we think she would be Yeah. What do we think? Where today she would be drowned. What do we think the barrier was? She just, it was so long ago that

she just didn't know who they were. There's no faces. Like she just went to this reception, you know, and she goes up to Joe Biden and she's like, I'm so glad. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like how do you, you're at,

I mean, it's the wrong party. You probably knew less of what the politician looked like back then. Yeah, but you're still at the wrong party. Dave, Jesus, get out of my ass. You've gone to the wrong house. Pick up the God damn handkerchief, let me talk. No, there's no, it's no excuse, but it is like,

you know, here's one I have. I was on the road once with my buddy, Jessica Walters, who was on Arrested Development. Yes. And then remember, I can't remember this woman's name. It's horrible that I can't, because she's so funny. She's done a ton of shit. She was on Just Shoot Me.

I think her name's Wendy something. Do you know who I'm talking about? Anyway, she's a much- I know who you're talking about, but I- She's a much younger actress. She's probably about 35 years younger. And I was at the airport and my buddy went up to her and he goes- Wendy Malek.

Wendy Malek. Yeah. And he goes up to Wendy Malek and he must've known her a little. And I almost said, you're amazing on Arrested Development, but for some reason I didn't. And then when I walked away and looked her up, I was like, that would have been the worst moment of my entire life.

Yeah, seriously, that was so bad. Because she looks so much younger. And yeah, so, you know, my point is this woman and I have a lot in common. It's not a good point. It's not a good point, but it is a point. But, okay. And I think that matters.

So the headline should be, I got you, so the headline should be Dumb Bitch Makes Honest Mistake. We'll be right back. The past times will be right back. Hey everybody, you guys know how much we love Rocket Money here on the show. Look, you probably have some stuff in your mute Ryan's mic. So you probably know how much we love it when we find things with a rock out money

rocket money. You got some stuff in your bank account and you don't know where it came up. Well rocket money is going to help you get rid of all those foolish things you didn't know you're paying for anymore. Oh my god, Ryan. Do Squarespace now. Squarespace. We love Squarespace. Squarespace is going to build your website. You got two things you can do Squarespace with that cup size dial up.

Pretty litter. Pretty litter. This litter's gonna turn colors if your cat's got weird piss. Pretty litter. Pretty litter. All right, one thing we'll talk about. I do add requests anymore.

It's not great. I think we're good. Yeah, we're fine. Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve is more like Steve and Eve. That's right, listen, we're supporting everybody right now. If you're part. Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve is more like Steve and Eve. That's right. Listen, we're supporting everybody right now. If you're part of Adam and Eve, you're going to need some pretty litter. Pretty litter. Don't drop the handkerchief.

Otherwise, your litter is going to be a rad. Didn't you mean Adam and Steve? You said Adam, you said Steve and Eve. Steve and Eve. That's the way it's supposed to be. Steve and Eve. That's right. Listen, my main complaint about that argument about Adam and Eve is it should have been Steve and Eve, That's the way it's supposed to be, Steve and Eve. That's right. Listen, my main complaint about that argument about Adam and Eve is it should have been Steve and Eve, as in Steve.

It was just a different guy. It's still biblically sound, but it was Steve and Eve. That is so close to the Lauren Bacall High Point Coffee commercial that you don't, I don't think you realize how close that is. I don't, But I love it. You know what? No. Yeah. It's the funniest shit on the planet. Yeah, it's great.

Oh, my God. Where she's like, my favorite time of day is night. She's like, Oh, my God. It's about to get a copy. It's fucking funny. That's a good start. There's just another. Well, Senator Palmer says that the Republican Party has only let go to spit on its hands. Look out for it in 1888. I want to.

Anybody? You're the guy with the info. So why don't you? No, I let you guys have these. These are. Yeah, I got very little spitting on the hands. Republicans spitting on the hand. Republicans spitting on the hand. Definitely not Mike Johnson doing that. It's

a it's got to mean that's a Lauren Bobert thing. Right. Yeah. Yeah. She did that at Beetlejuice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My hero. She's my favorite congresswoman who's jerked a guy off while vaping at Beetlejuice. Without question, nobody does it better. I have to run for Congress then. Yeah. Yeah. It's great.

I'm all for it. It was the first thing she did. I was like, ah, she's nice. Well, the amount of guys who online were like, hey, man, she's pretty hot. She got hotter than when she did that. And it was like, we need to figure our shit out because some guys were like, hey, you know what though? I want to throw her out of Beetlejuice for jacking me off.

You're like, what? Democratic papers are giving great prominence to the story that Mr. Cleveland has actually refused to accept a cask of rum presented by an admirer, notwithstanding the fact that the cask was covered with velvet and had golden hoops and faucet. This is awesome. OK, this is gay, but awesome.

OK. And by the way, this is how Crown Royals started. No, it sounds like it's Liberace's. Oh, that's awesome. It's my booby bourbon. For a Democrat, it certainly was a trying ordeal, but Mr. Cleveland intended that the refusal should bamboozle the St. Johnites. Sure. Right.

In quotations. Into the belief that they had not made much of a mistake in aiding in his election. So he's saying it's a setup. Yeah, I agree. It is. So he's saying it's a setup to give him a very. Yeah, they're trapping him. Ostentatious cat.

Can you say fruity? No, I was. Yeah, you were. I wasn't going to say free. Yeah, you were. Look, I've been around long enough that my mind doesn't let me think up those words anymore. You know, I was talking to someone about this recently

about how I have a thought bouncer now. Yeah. Before a joke, my thought bouncer is like, is that, man, be careful. Be careful, just be careful. Be careful with whatever you're trying for here. It could be a miss. A miss. I think there's a lot of comedians that don't have the ability

to have that thought bouncer. No, have you ever met a comedian? No. They're brain dead. But now it's like comics are like so into the idea of like, like, I can't get over watching the gymnastics of fuck you cancel culture and yet it's not real. Right. Like I, it's like my favorite thing to watch is to watch comics be like, well, what are

they going to do? Cancel me? And the answer is like, no, no, no one knows who you are. First of all. Yeah. First of all, nobody knows who you are. First of all. Yeah. First of all, nobody knows who you are. But then also the idea that it's like, people have always gotten mad at people who were dickheads.

Yeah. That's just like part of everything. It's just now there's social media. So it's just this whole new thing. When I was starting out, you would go on stage and if you went over the line with a joke, the crowd would be like, boo, and that would be like a big cancel. Shadow band. They're shadow banning me.

This is what Austin is. You know that, right? That's what it is. Yes. Yes. One after another all night. Oh, God. How great would it be? We should start a petition to fully cancel Austin? We're gonna cancel it I think a lot of people would be behind that yeah, but the mother shit We're canceled now, yeah, I can't I can't go on record personally

Yeah, I didn't say that because personally. Yeah I didn't say that either. Because you're still trying to get on Rogan. Listen. Not no. You know my stance. If I never get on there, he should be a pariah. If I have an opportunity to be on there, then he's a great guy. I've been pretty clear.

Honestly same. Honestly, same. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's how you get a special on Netflix. Now you just go on Rogan. That's right. Yeah. Right. And no one else gets him anymore.

I'm actually, if I ever go on Rogan, I'm going to release it as my special. That's funny. Just eliminate all the interior fluff. Just going to be like, that's it. I think I'm good. I'll cut out what he says. And eliminate all the inferior fluff. Just going to be like, that's it. I think I'm good. I'll cut out what he says. And that's my new special.

That might be one of the funniest things I've ever heard. That's hilarious. By the way, I went on stage last night and talked about the CEO. And I got to say, not a lot of people are on the CEO side. It is crazy how unified we all are. That's probably why it's called United Health and Trip, because everyone was like, yeah, cool. We should do that more.

Yeah. There wasn't even that normal three to four hour duration where you're like, what's the line with jokes here? You were just like, oh yeah, let her rip. We're all good here. You were just like, oh yeah, let her rip. We're all good here. It was like 10, it was like 10 people were like, excuse me. He had a family and you're like, excuse me. So did the millions of people he fucked over. Yes. So all the people he killed. Yeah. Uh, okay. Well, we've, we've met our stance there. Um, I understand where Miss Clara Sack writer. My God. Oh, my God.

Claire, Claire. I got to call a bar with that name. I mean, that is full prank set up. Oh, my God. I'm looking for Clara. Last name, a sack writer. She's she's on this season of Drag Race UK. That's the name of one of the girls. I'm looking for Clara, last name, Sackrider? She's on this season of Drag Race UK. That's the name of one of the girls.

Sackrider. Yeah, last name's Rider, first name's Sack. Looking for a sack rider. Anyone hear a sack rider? Miss Clara Sackrider of heart goes to all the fires in the village. Of Heart? Of Heart. Oh, Christ.

You guys heard about that sackrider from Hard? By the time she left, it was soft. That's old sackrider for you. Miss Clara Sackrider of Heart goes to all the fires in the village and lends a hand in fighting the flames. I'll bet she does. Damn hero. Yep, absolutely.

The Argus nominates her for Chief of the Department. Wow. I think there's a hidden meeting here. There's a lot not being said. It's definitely an uphill battle either way. This just seems like code, the whole thing. Yeah, right. Yeah Okay, this is an interesting headline Mamed statesman

How well the Gareth I'm ready I mean, I'm listen I'm salivating How well I remember what may be called the total cripples in Congress during the past 20 years. Should have probably jumped in with what I had prior to that, obviously. Waited a little too long. But here we go. All told, there were four.

Hey, welcome to the age poorly section of the paper. I think he's being positive about them. Uh huh. I think he's saying like that's one of those hardest things like the strangest things when it's like someone who's being like super progressive but the terms are awful. Yeah. Like they'll be dropping the N word and be like N words have rights. dropping the N word and be like, N words have rights. N words. Yeah. Yeah. But sir, please.

Oh, my God. No. Look, stupid broads should be allowed to drive, sir. Sir. I'm under some an ally. First, who gave way was Grand old Thaddeus Stevens. He was always lame from an ill formed foot. Oh, wow. Now we're going to describe each one of them individually. It seems like it. Let's go slowly through this.

Yeah, totally. I don't want to say walk us through it, but get us through it. I have heard he did not walk at all until he was six years old. He always walked with great difficulty. Okay. Never, never could walk far. And during the last few years of his life, he could not walk at all. He was lazy.

Every day he was taken from his home near the capital by two strong colored men in an easy chair, which they hoisted on their shoulders and thus the great commoner was born through this. Oh, God, you can't use the word commoner. Wait, commoners. Yeah. I was the problem, sir. Can't have two black guys carry you to Lazy Boy and call him a commoner. Oh, my. Fuck. There's a lot of issues

and the one you picked was not the one I thought. No, every sentence got worse. Every sentence got worse. Jesus Christ. Holy shit, crowds usually gather to see him pass and reverently lift. I'll bet they did. They were probably like, that's fucking awful. They reverently lifted their hats.

Hey, way to go. That's the dream. Some day I want to end up like that guy. He was put down in his place in the house, and when the session was over, he was taken back to his house and put to bed. Well, that sounds like a lot of that sounds like a lot of our current congressman who women who can't really do anything else. Yeah, but that's alcohol based.

Because they're all so shit faced. Mr. Stevens often laughingly spoke of the two colored carriers as his Paul bearers. Oh, my God. Just get through it. Well, at least you had a sense of humor about it. Yep. I bet not all three of them did, but one did. They were probably thinking, God, I wish. They're like, oh, that'll be the fucking best. Drop them, oops.

Yeah. Am I right, guys, who work for me despite, nevermind. Yeah, hilarious. Wait, did they say it was a, did they say it was a lazy boy or did we say it was? No, I think we threw that in there. OK. It was funnier than.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it came out of. He was like, I guess you could call me a lazy boy. And one guy was like, that's pretty good. That's how the lazy boy was invented and they had to subtract the two black guys from it. You know, oh my God. Does it come with the two black men? We need to figure out this business.

I mean, I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. That's how the lazy boy was invented and they had to subtract the two black guys from it. You know? Oh my God. Oh my God. Does it come with the two black men?

We need to figure out this business model a little bit better. Another helpless cripple was Darren Finney. Jesus Christ. This is really a gold mine of just horrible shit. Yeah. But again, he's talking about them. Yeah. It's not again. He's talking about them. Yes. He it's reverence. He enjoys what they say.

This is great. This is great stuff. Yes. It's just hard. Yeah. Oliver Morton, I think one of the biggest men ever in Congress was another helpless, paralytic Jesus Christ. I don't think you know what? I don't think he's trying to be positive. I think he's a shit. I don't. Help. I think he's I think he's saying that even though

their bodies are messed up, that they could still do their job. I think that I think he thinks he's being because because. Another useless piece of shit with a heart of gold. Most people then were like, well, that person's broken. Throw them away. So I think he's having the counter argument. He's like, I'm defending them. Yeah.

This feels more like a creative writing exercise than it does journalism. There's so much description. Right. Yes. It's a lot of buildup. You're like, and what's the story? Hold on. More useless than a mermaid on land. He's just finding 24 ways to say differently abled. Yeah. Yes.

Yes. Not good ones. But he's doing it. No, no, no. Oh, he was never out of pain. He too had to be carried into and out of the Senate chamber in a chair. He was a poor man and could ill afford the low coup he was obliged to own. The real headline is there used to be a poor guy in the Senate. Were all of these people that all of these people hold office?

Yeah, everyone were reading everyone reading about the whole office. OK, that's the craziest part to me. Yes, that there's just like half a dozen people that they're being carried in for session. Yeah. As well as you would imagine back then. I mean, think about like how long it has taken for us to have certain people. Like we just have our first trans congress.

Like it takes so long for anyone who's not considered quote unquote, like in the mainstream to get, and yet in this era they're like, let me walk you through the 20 greatest cripples of Congress. It's like, it is a little shocking that even back then they were like that was happening. Well, Thaddeus Stevens was a huge anti-slavery guy. Right.

The first guy that we were. Right. Yeah, we all know that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The other helpless statesman of the four I alluded to was Alexander Stevens. He was truly a phenomenon built of nothing but skin and bones. He never weighed most of us.

He never weighed more than from 80 to 100 pounds. Such a little bit of a thin face. It's a skeletal hand. You never saw God. What's his secret? I know. Jealous. He's got my goal weight. So wavy. So wavy, you've got that look I'm after.

So gaunt. Oh, god. I like the way your face sinks in. I'm really sick. Yeah, it's beautiful. Help. I keep picturing Anna Nicole Smith's husband. That's what you'd say.

J Howard Marshall. Oh, oh, that was a sexy pair. Oh, that guy. What are the odds they ever did? Oh yeah, they did. All the time. Yeah, they did. Yeah.

100% they did. Yeah. Man. Yeah. What? What a. All right, roll the tape. Oh, what? I mean, for him, he had he had a bag or a pump or whatever,

but he was doing it. A rich guy like that. He's doing it. It's just like an oil well pump on his cock like almost ready. He had two black eyes. Sorry. Just just slowly. Like, all right, man. There you go.

Keep building, guys. We're getting closer. Bring her in. He had such skeleton hands you never saw, yet how bright his eyes were. I'd like to do it on my side. Sorry, go ahead. And what exhibitions of energy.

His voice was one of the strongest and clearest I ever heard. And when he spoke, my master's reeling his chair backward and forward in the space in front of the speaker's desk. He was listened to by the whole house. He had to be taken home in his chair too. He had a body sermon, a young black man, six feet four in height and admirable proportion. But there's a real pattern here. Admirable proportion. Mr. Stevens used to say, chuckling quietly

the while that he did not know what what should do when Sam died, what he should do when Sam died. Oh, he didn't know. You didn't know what he was doing. Something nice about that. I don't know what I'll do. My slave. Oh, we have fun.

Oh, all four of these men are now dead. Three of them certainly were great. And it seems to me that that's that three of great. I don't know what the other one one more dead. Three of them are great. What the fuck? This is insane. Yeah. Three of them certainly were great

and it seems to me that the places of Thad, Stevens and Governor Morton never can be filled. Well, that was. Well, that's a tell as to who two of the good ones are. I mean, what the fuck did I just read? That's just horrible. I don't even know where. I feel like we that we we got so thrown in the deep end of that pool

that I don't even know where joke territory was or wasn't. Here's the only. I mean, we let it rip back there, but I'm like, what was what the actual fuck just happened? The only thing I know for certain is you know how Sam then does is doing that movie about the Beatles where it's four different movies and yeah, yeah, that's what they're going to do with this Showtime original series. Oh my god.

The carry ons. Yeah. I mean, it's just crazy. The guy was trying to be nice about all that. I'm a good guy. These are good people. Yeah. And other people like you progressive weirdo. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. No, they're not. They shouldn't be allowed in there.

That's I mean, that's and that's the counter is like, what are you talking about? Yeah. They don't have regular brains. What are you talking about? Yeah. They don't have regular brains. What are you talking about? I mean, imagine knowing knowing how the right wing is today. Imagine how brutal they were to a guy who is disabled, who is anti-slavery. I mean, there was Madison Cawthorn, though. Remember that? Yes, true.

And by the way, what a fucking ride that guy took us on. Yeah, right. I mean, you know, talk about that. That candle got extinguished. He didn't just say it. Wow. Did they kill him? What? I don't know. I think he probably is dead. But man, I mean, when it was cut with those pictures of him Banging Nick. I mean you were like Jesus fucking what the how did he sneak in?

That's a good time oh Yeah, and today's Republican Party I think you could still get away with having like a black guy carry someone in and be like, relax. Yes, absolutely. Stop it. 100%. They would, they would love that guy. They would be like, yeah, right. How he conciliated her, a conductor on the Boston and Providence road tells the story

of a young lady in this town of this town who entered the noon train for Boston. She seen herself opposite gentlemen who from the first train for Boston. She seen herself opposite a gentleman who, from the first with one eye at least. Is this an Eagle song? It just rings a bell. Seen to be staring fixedly at her and she became indignant and inquired, why do you look at me so, sir? And he said he was not aware of having done so. But she insisted, I beg your pardon, madam, but it's this eye, is it not?

Lifting his finger into his left optic. Yes, sir, it's that eye. Well, madam, that eye won't do you any harm It's a glass. I madam and only a glass. I hope you'll excuse it fake fake Here's why I'm calling fake on this one. Okay in this era a man ogling a woman Was considered I'm not saying that did the woman's discomfort was not existing Right. Imagine if a woman said to a guy like, are you staring at me? He'd be like, yeah, I want to see your tits.

Yeah. Yeah. Like it would be like that. You might be right, but I don't know. I don't know in the upper brackets of society if that was the case. Here, let me let me rephrase it. I'm trying to look at your tatties. Oh, yes. Much better. Yeah, much better. Now you yes. Much better. Much better. Now you're here.

So the news story is she confronted this guy about looking at her and he was like, I'm not. It's a glass eye. Yeah, my glass eye is doing the big. Yeah, I think that's fake too. Yeah, it sounds like a fun line a dude would use. Yeah, it sounds like it sounds it's like a story for guys to be like, yeah, that'll teach him.

Now they better let us ogle. Here, he kept talking. I hope you'll excuse it, but upon my soul, I'm not surprised that even a glass eye should feel interested in so pretty a woman. You've got a big bulge in your pants. I've been twig hunting. Yeah, it's the same thing. Yeah, you're totally right. It is. Yeah, it's so it's bullshit.

Yeah, I used to do this thing. If I was out and someone was hitting on me and I was not interested, I would do this thing where I'd lean over. I'd get really close and I'd be like, hey, dude, I'm a cop and this place is about to get raided, so you should probably get out of here. And it worked every time. Are you serious? Yeah, it worked every time. Oh my God. Yeah, it works every time. That is so fucking good. It's true.

Wow. Wow. God, it works every that is fucking good. It's true. Wow Wow, by the way, I don't think I've ever been hit on in a way where I'm like I got to pretend a raids about to happen. Yeah, this place about to get ready. You should probably get out of here Oh, yeah, man. Thanks. Yeah Yeah, close my tab out By the way get your friend your friends pretty hot could he come over here real quick You have to talk to him real quick. And then then we're going to do the raid. That's so good.

Uh, that's just good in general. That's just a fun one. That's just that's if you want to ruin everyone's night publicly. And then I get out of here. Yeah, it's good. Uh, the snow plows out was here. Yeah, it's good. The snow plows out was out again Tuesday and done good work. Wow. End of end of story.

Yep. End of story. OK, there we go. It's beautiful. Moving on. The latest frightful example of the evils of the use of liqueurs and tobacco come from Wisconsin, where where the fuck else would it come from? Just put on a Packers game. It's about it's about when me and my buddies used to drink Goldschlager and pound those one hitters.

And the following taken from a paper that states quote bat LePere LePere. Oh, yeah. That very absolutely. Yeah, that LePere LePere. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Bad. Very. A. Absolutely.

That. Yeah. Bad. LePere. Yep. I wish I was named bad. That's a fucking great name. Dave, let me tell you the beauty of America.

Yeah. It's not too late for you to go. It is. No, it isn't. It is. No, it is not. Bad Anthony. Bad Anthony.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, come on, dude. Yeah. All right. Bat Anthony? Yeah, that's good. Come on, dude. Yeah, all right. Let's go. Bat Anthony. Do it at the mic this week. Go to an open mic and say, Bat Anthony, and see if it works.

I just do a bunch of stuff about how you saw your parents killed in front of you and it made you want to be a comedian. And then when they give you the light, call it the bat signal. And then when they give you the light, call it the bat signal. All right. They give me the bat signal. I should get out of here real quick. Something about laying roses on concrete where your parents passed away. Doesn't bring them back.

All right. Doesn't bring them back. Don't listen to the Rose guy. Thanks, everybody. Bat La Perrier, who can daily be seen on the streets of Marshfield, was born in the Michigan Peninsula in 1778, his father being one of Astor's fur traders. He served as a scout and interpreter in the War of 1812 and was a soldier throughout the campaign in Mexico for 95 years. He had used tobacco and will accept anything that comes handy in the way of liquor.

Wow. Possibly the fact that the young man was born, well, okay, young, he's now like 95, they said. Yeah. Possibly the fact that the young man was born in the salubrious climate of Michigan, that means healthy. Very salubrious. May have had something to do in

withstanding the usual evils attributed to the tobacco and liquors. This is saying that it is a frightful example of the evils of the use of tobacco and liquor and he died, he died on the street or he's just seen on the street, he's just on the street all the time, but he's 95. He's so he's they're saying it's bad, but then they're saying this guy just fucking is constantly drunk and smoking. So he's alive. He's alive. Well, you do. He's not. He's not.

You're doing your doctor Frankenstein right now. No one lives to 95 at this time. Yeah, it is. Listen, there are these outliers. They happen. My grandmother smoked forever. My grandmother smoked, then tried to quit smoking with nicotine. Choose then kept the choose and kept smoking. And she was like 96. They happen.

Some people God just wants to keep. Well, and then they run for president. and then they're going to be the president. But that one's not going to last long. How everybody what do you mean? Are you saying Trump isn't going to last long? Yes. What do you mean? He's going to die soon.

Yeah, I don't think he's making it through for Ryan. You want to take some action on that? What do you want? You want me to do it? No, no, no, no, no, no. Rocket money, rocket money helps you find unwanted subscriptions you didn't know about. No, I'm a Dave. I'm a Dave 100%.

All right. I think we're getting eight. Ooh, everybody was surprised at the agility of our heavy councilman in chasing after a kiss at the game social Saturday evening It's my glass. Are you fool? So He's trying to get it. So they're saying a heavy a big a big heavy guy It was right around chasing girls trying to get a kiss and everyone was like, ah, yeah I look at a move. Here's a better headline fat man kind of rapist

That'll get you. He's whacking off in the bushes. It's a glass cock, you idiot. It's not looking at you. Come on, relax. Stop it. I'm sorry, is my glass not looking at you. Oh, come on. Relax. You stop it. Oh, sorry. Is my glass dick looking at you? I'm wine steaming.

He doesn't have one. Have what? A dick. Come on. Have you never read the reports? Why? How did you rain for his cafe that plant then? What? You know, it's like it's like in the plants. It's like it's been like infected with something and it's gone. It's like a. What's left of a stump, it's not.

It's not a it's no dick there. He's a good little freak. Someone has to on my work computer. Yeah, get out that work computer. Hey, Ryan, we wanted to talk to you a little bit about your Googling. Why is Harvey Weinstein's stump, your, first of all, your wallpaper?

First of all, why is it the wallpaper? Second of all, it cost $5.95. Why is it the background on your Google, what is it? Like your Zoom. Oh, the Zoom background? Ryan, where are you calling from? My home. I'm near Weinstein's stump.

I just had to get out of the city for a minute. We had just a daisy of a wedding item written up, but heard just before mailing that we had been misinformed. The next time Jeff Craig lies to us, we're gonna kick him. Jeff knew we Jeff Craig lies to us, we're going to kick him. Jeff knew we were just wild to get into that item. I like Jeff. I'm on Jeff's side. Wow.

I mean, that's awesome. Lying to a paper just to fuck with. Yeah, that is good. I mean, they knew he knew they'd check into it and ask whoever was involved. They're like, you son of a bitch. We have very important stories to take care of in this paper. About the biggest mash we have made this season was at the supper table on the night of the soldiers of the soldiers dance. Let me tell you about the most potatoes we squished.

Here's an item. A cranberry pie was the object on which we placed our affection. It is very seldom we get mashed on good victuals. And when we get away. But when we get away from home, we are wholly unimaginable that in respect, we had a partner on either side, however, that were ready to choke us off as soon as the vest buttons began to fly. So just a massive meal where everyone got real fat and giggly.

And if you were going to choke, someone was there for you. Yeah, he got. Yeah, he got. Yeah, someone stopped him from eating because he, or else he would have kept eating and like a goldfish. That's what RFK is gonna be like, and I'm excited for it. He is turning into a tomato.

I really, I only try my RFK impression on here, but I'll try it now again. Do it right now. Yeah, do it. I'm actually not turning into a tomato at all. If I'm what I'm actually doing is I'm trying to find a different way to take the seed out of the tomato. And I will only try it on here.

And I will say market improvements. It's the last time it's good, but it's hard to get that. It's hard to really get that gravelly thing where he's just like, he's just got rocks in his throat, whatever. It's hard. My, my throat rocks. Yeah. But see you. Go ahead, man. Uh, Robert Evans did a four part behind the bastards on RFK. And it is fucking incredible. It's incredible. Okay. I'll listen. I mean,

I can't like it's gonna make me so mad though. I know it's going to be problematic, but I can't wait. But I mean, he's a psychopath. Yeah. Yes. He's truly a psychopath. Yeah. Well, you know, it's bad because they let him live. Yeah. So that's how you know the government's like, all right, let him go. All right. Let that one. Let's see what this guy's got. That one goes. I just picked up a bear in a canal. Let him go. See what this guy's doing.

That was OK. Good. The last one. I'm going to make a coat out of Dalmatians. Last one. Hank Bradley went blundering around in a careless way on the night of the dance and ran his right eye against Johnny Brooks fist. It's glass. So Johnny Brooks hit him.

How did Johnny Brooks punch him in the face? But it sounds like Hank was being an asshole. And so that's why Johnny Brooks hit him because you wouldn't write it up this way. Yep. Hank must be more careful in the future or sometime he will get hurt. Wow, this is like a threat.

Yeah, newspaper threat for sure. The paper's very specific. This is what Trump wants journalism to turn out to. Yes. He was a rude guy and if he does it again, I will hit him with a car. He'll be hit with a car, okay? Oh shit.

And once they hit him with a car, I'd like to mount his head on my wall. Yeah, okay, you fucking sicko. Just relax over there. I have K. I'm just saying it could be nice. I made a call out of my sister. Maybe we grill him at the barbecue.

I'm having on set. Stop talking for a minute. You really you're creeping me out. And that's actually saying something. Okay. I just want them to come back with a new season of Larry David and have Cheryl Hines be the dead wife. Oh my god. They're no longer around wife. Well, fuck. I can only imagine what it was like when he was like, I really am a big fan of the show.

Larry Davis. Getting him a drive on. Oh shit. Well Ryan, we've had some laughs. We've had some fun. We've learned very little. Remind everyone again where to follow you and where to go for your album taping and all that. This has been so much fun. I'm curious to see what we keep from this episode.

Might be a 15 minute or it really might be. Yeah, it'll be short. You can find me on Instagram at Ryan A. Rogers or Ryan Rogers Comedy. It's my website. Or Ryan Rogers Comedy on TikTok. And again, my album, recording last seen alive, is gonna be December 28th in New Orleans

at Sports Spring Comedy Club. And it'll be out on Burn This Records in June, 2025. Thank you for having me, guys. We will have you back. We love you. Listen, like we said, we're we're not keeping track necessarily of how many gay guests we have, but you've been a really good one. So we'd be better if you did and kept it on the wall for sure. Okay, well we'll show you the wall next time. No problem. We'll put it up right behind me. We'll put it right behind me over

here. That's what we want to do. We want to be known as that. Hey, Dave, put another tick on their gaze. All right, right. Thanks again, buddy. Such a pleasure. Bye, guys. Thanks. So I travel a lot. I mean, a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible.

Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs we were like let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know it's communal living, it's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience. So when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb? you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money and The answer to that is yes. Yes. It can be an Airbnb It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away

So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb. Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host.