The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 110 - Burke and Wills (Live w/ Wil Anderson)

Episode Date: August 30, 2015

Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, and guest Wil Anderson examine the journey of Burke and Wills in an Dollop epic episode live in Sydney, Australia SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Sydney Comedy Show for the final show of the

dollop tour. Could you please welcome the stage Dave Anthony and Daryl Threads. Ladies and gentlemen Will Anderson. Ah why? What? Oh my god. That is a kangaroo paw. Is it real? Yeah right now there's a kangaroo run around with just one fucking hand. Yeah it's like fucking furiosa. Furiosa made Skippy. I mean their their hands aren't black like that are they? They are? Fucking creeps. Well I hope this kangaroo enjoyed being turned into a bottle opener. No more waving. They do like to wave. Big waivers. I've always said that about kangaroos. They actually have tiny little hands they're like like big feet but like

tiny little yeah they got a T-Rex arms. They're a lot like a T-Rex. In many ways I've always thought that yeah. Anything else? Thank you for having us in your great nation. What a fucking kiss-ass. That was amazing. Guys so many great things about your nation. I'm Smith. Perth? Lovely. Are we gonna go through every city and I'll give notes? Oh my god we were in Perth and everyone kind of tells us like it's fucking shit here. All right. It's like there's other cities. We thought you guys were a country where cities hated other cities but Perth they're like we are fucking shit. Perth's the only city where they're like they were right. All right. What are you gonna say? What are you gonna say? Perth? Personally I remember

that I have shows on sale in Perth. Hello Perth. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it over 9 and 10. That's a great doubt. We liked Perth. We had a good time. I don't know what you're... someone just did a guttural noise like you guys need to let go your hatred of other cities and realize that you're one country. Or just get a bunch of guns and see what happens. Yeah. We're having fun. I don't have a date for this one. What? I don't have a date for this one. You don't have a diet? I forgot to put one on there. It's literally the opening bit of your Pogdolls. Yep. And this was the first one I wrote and apparently I just decided to fuck that. At least you got to shout. Here's what I'm gonna say.

This is the longest one. This is the one that I most wanted to do for young Gary here. And it's a story you're all familiar with and yet you're still going to be fucking horrified. And what am I gonna do? Oh my god. Is this the truth behind Crocodile Dundee? Oh no. Actually the second knife was the same size as the first knife. Not a lot of people know. It wasn't actually a knife. It's a kangaroo paw. But we'll do it next time. His fucking story is insane. What? Even polyhogan? Oh my god. That shit does not go well. I just gotta ignore that for a few months. In the mid-18... Anyway, this is what I've been waiting to do. So you guys

are... Yeah, you got the final one. In the mid-1800s, Australia was a still fairly unknown continent. What was that? Was that you? Everything's fine. Just a minor quake. It was amazing. Explorers were setting out on journeys to find out what was going on in the Big Island. After a couple of successful trips from men like John McDowell Stewart... McDowell? Is that a dowel? Who cares? South Australia announced in 1859 that it would offer 2,000 pounds for, quote, the first person who shall succeed in crossing through the country to either the north or northwestern shore of the Australian continent, west of 140 degrees of

east longitude. They got a little technical at the end there. They got a little... They're just gonna get someone two grand to just walk it? Two fucking K. And that's back then, which is probably like 3k now. Wow. Inflation's crazy. Not to be out... I also love that that was their plan of exploring that new area. I was like, does anyone want to go and do it for free? For the joy of exploring? No, fuck it. What, two grand? Two grand. Just walk and take some notes. Two grand. Just walk in that direction. Go that way. Don't stop until you have two grand. Not to be outdone, Melbourne's Philosophical Institute started an exploration committee. Now basically it's just a bunch of richie bigwigs in Melbourne. There

was now a race on between South Australia and Victoria. Then Victoria's Parliament announced they were offering 6,000 pounds for exploring Central and Northern Australia. Fuck you Melbourne cash. Unfortunately, there just weren't a lot of potential explorers at Victoria. There was one man, Major Peter Egerton Warburton, who was an ex-army officer, now working as a police officer. His claim to fame was leading a recovery party to save a surveying team in South Australia. He made discoveries along the way. Unfortunately, he didn't like working with camels. Wait. And he was South Australia. That's right. The Melbourne,

the Melbourne Philosophical Institute exploration committee had decided that whoever went exploring would use camels. Why? Nobody knows. They, you know what, they had a camel sponsorship. The camels got on board. They spent some money, you know what I mean? Like those horses would be more practical, but we're gonna wear camels. You know, let's use a species that is not native here. Yeah. It just seems like a good idea. Well, we actually found a camel. That's what this is all about. We've got a camel burning a hole in our pocket for a while. So the committee put an ad in the paper. The applications came in. They were pretty much all

terrible. Fifteen men applied, only four had experience, and only one had led an expedition. His name was Gustav van Tempsky. He said that in America he had drilled and fought Indians, blacks, whites, and redskins, which is not at all exploring. And he was just colorblind. He was like, anyone is not me. Go down. A few of the men who applied were just lunatics. There was a lot of infighting. It's so great to see a lunatic application. Right. But kudos to a lunatic who's taking time to apply for jobs. I'm a lunatic. You know what, I'm still getting my job searching going. I want to go because I want to fight bananas. Okay, that's

getting closer. We're liking what we hear. How do you feel about camels? They're the devil that killed my mommy. All right. You're in first place, but we'll come back. We like a lot of your stuff. Especially here when you wrote name French fries. That was... That's interesting. That's what they told me to stay. We're getting a good feeling off of you right from the beginning. Really just enough heart cell. There was a lot of infighting on the Melbourne committee. Meanwhile, Stewart set out again from South Australia to find the center of the continent. Then he was going to blow all the way through that fucker it hit the

north coast. The pressure was on in Melbourne. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The committee then made up their own list of possible explorers. One was a police superintendent named Robert O'Hara Burke. Oh, that's... Yeah, what? Yeah. That guy? Kidding me right now? He had zero experience. They were having a hard time choosing between Burke and the guy who had killed Indians over in America. Killed everyone over in America. I mean, they both have a lot of strong, strong qualities. We have the guy with absolutely no experience. All the guy who thinks exploring is mass murder. This is really tough. They're both going to be terrible.

Then, on June 16th, 1860, the camels arrived. Yeah. They had been brought for the exploration journey. 25 sweet-ass camels. Hot exploring camels. Just 25 camels. 25 camels. And I guess the theory is that there won't be any climate problem. Like, the camels will be fine. Right? The same climate as the desert, basically. What's desert? It's mostly desert. Yeah, right. The camels. Yeah, right. Especially the Gold Coast. It's almost all desert. Oh, right. They were... The camels were run through the streets of Melbourne to people's excitement. I mean, I would be like, what is happening? They're excited. The new horses are fucked up!

They were put in the stables at parliament. Now that the camels were here, yeah, I know. Look, nobody gets it. What? Were they elected? What do we do with the camels? I mean, that's the question. You should be asking that before you get camels in your country. We got a lot of camels, you guys. We over-bought camels. I was so drunk on Amazon last night. I bought 25 camels. We needed eight, maybe. Like, 50 in humps. I just accidentally over-did it with the quantity. It's 50 humps. So now that the camels were here, they had to pick an explorer. Yeah. So, the exploration... Not the camels. Camels? Who are you liking? Huh? This man? Alright, okay, let me walk you

through it. This man murders everyone. He's never done anything. This is French fries. He is a fascinating candidate. They like fries. We scam a lot of French fries. This is an exploration committee met and a bunch of them boycotted and stayed home because they were upset about other members' personal motives. That's how they end up picking Robert Burke. Ten votes to five. He was perfect. He'd never traveled outside of the settlements of Australia. He sounds really good. Yeah. No, he's perfect. He's like a guy from the suburbs and you're gonna send him to the moon. Yeah. It's like you won a contest. Newspapers weren't sure what to do with this

announcement. They looked into his past. He was born in Ireland in 1820. He grew up privileged. He entered the military at... It says two here, but that can't be right. That's... Come here, sir, goddammit. Man, sir! Man, sir! Nana! I'll take it. I am Nana. So, I think that's 20. I bet that's 20. Or it's two. But he didn't join the British Army. No, he went with the Catholic Austrian Army. Oh, we all remember them from all the things they did. Great stuff. They were doing great work back then. Oh, and he was Protestant. So, I like him. He thinks outside the box. Anyway, he enjoyed Europe and apparently also enjoyed gambling quite a bit. Oh,

yeah. Good. And he was quite a ladies man. His military career was going very, very well. And then he went AWOL and took off on a spa run through the Alps. Sorry. What? Is a spa run a thing? Is it like a park crawl, but with spas? He had a... What is going on? Spawed the shit out of it. You know, he's like, this one's warm. From one spa to another? Yeah. Spotted up. Really? Yep. Spa run. Is he a yellper? It literally says that right there. Spa run. The two words are together. You guys in order to spa run? I'm not familiar with the spa circuit. Yeah. Get on it. Get in the fucking Alps. You'll know some shit. But it really turned out that he was in debt and had to get out of

town. He was then made to resign from the army, so he became a cop. Good. That's where you want him. In County Kildare, Ireland. But it was boring being stuck a little town, so he moved to Dublin. And there he heard stories of golden adventure in Australia. Right. Because he was a gambler, and he went to Dublin, and he thought, fuck it, Dublin or nothing. At the beginning of that, I was like, I wonder what this point is. I was like, oh, he tricked us all. He says it was such honesty. This is going to be, oh. He went somewhere completely different. So he arrived in Melbourne in 1853. He tried gold mining, but quickly realized that

that was no way to get rich. So he joined the police force in a small town and became chief. Between push rangers and ethnic fighting and gold mining camps, he had his hands full. He turned up, but he turned out to be a very popular police chief. He didn't look great. He didn't buy a police uniform. He wore clothes with patches all over them. A sombrero. I'm undercover. I'm the chief of police. Vamanos, vamanos. Look, let me show you my badge. I'm in patch. He had unbrushed hair and a black beard that often had saliva in it. Well, I mean, even your best case scenario for having spit in your beard isn't good. Yeah. But where else

are you going to put it? The camels will feel right at home. Camels are like our leader. Although he did enjoy a bath and was set to spend a lot of time in his outdoor tub reading books. Well, that's just a hangover from his time on the spasa. He set up a trapdoor system so his maid could give him food and snacks in the tub without seeing him naked. Wait, trapdoor. What? A trap. You mean a trapdoor like a tricky door, not a door where the maid was like doo doo doo doo. All right, here you go. Keep falling for that fucking trap. That's how it was described in the book I read. Trapdoor. So maybe it was actually trapdoor. People in the town

started to wonder if he was insane. He transferred to Castle Main and there he met some rich people, one of them pushed Burke to apply for the explorer job, and he did. But he had once gotten lost on a well-beaten track from Yakindada to Beechworth, and it was said he couldn't quote tell the north from the south in broad daylight. I mean, people say things, right? The rumor, Bill? Come on. You'll be all right. Yeah. It is believed that committee chose Burke simply because he came from a respectable and rich family. So it was on. 700 applicants wanted to be part of the journey with Burke. Burke? 700 people wanted to die. I love that they

only get 15 applicants for fucking later, including lunatics. But once somebody's signed up to lead it, morons are like, we'll follow you, whatever it is. Finally. Finally an idiot. So late as all. Oh, things have changed so much. Imagine living in that world. Next, Burke ate an onion raw. What? Skin on. Skin on. Yeah, skin on. It says he ate it like an apple and didn't even blink because he's a psychopath. What's his stance on anal? Loves it. I mean, I know what a stance is on anal. It says he had a, he said it. He says he had a hashtag on his jacket that says Burke loves anal. Oh, Burke's back yard. I joked that everybody but the hosts of the show

understand. What? The explorer's name is Burke. There was a popular television show that ran for about 20 years here called Burke's Backyard. Backyard is also a euphemism for your ass. That's all the ingredients of the mystery box of that joke. Well, it sounds like it was very funny. It's a good call. Burke looked through the 700 applicants and then tossed out everyone who was qualified and picked people with connections. Pick people with what? Connections. He picked William Bray, Bray, whose brother was a friend of a friend. He would be a wagon driver. He picked Henry Kreeber, who was a sailor, Robert

Fletcher, his dad knew a bunch of people, William Patton, a blacksmith who knew Burke from Ireland, Thomas McDonough, a laborer who knew Burke from Ireland, Patrick Langen had met Burke in Castle Main and Owen Cohen, who was also a cop and a rhymer. Yeah, like cop and a rhymer? Yeah. Fuck it out. No, I put that in because his name rhymed. That's not real. Oh. I thought he was like the anti-fucking NWI. I was like, fuck me. I'm the police. I mean, it would be amazing if they brought a rhymer on. He's like always stressing out. He's like, oh, fucking, I gotta arrest him with a rhyme again. How many things fucking rhyme with Burke? Look, in this

city you are a pest. Now I pronounce you under arrest. Put your fucking hands behind your back. Don't look at me like I'm on the attack. Oh my god, what have I done? This job is not a lot of fun. I'm off duty. So, this is clearly a well-oiled, perfect team for exploring. Oh, a dream team? No. The surveyor. The surveyor was chosen. Oh, yeah. Important position, right? Yep. Yeah. His name was William Wills. And his name was William Wills? Yeah. Like, I'm familiar with this tale, but I did not know that Wills' first name was William.

Yeah. He had a fucking double will. Yeah. Fuck, man. I think you got your next show. I respect that. I need to meet a comedian called Burke and we can fucking have a double ass. He was 26 years old and had been born in England. He had a speech impediment and an extraordinary sense of direction. So, his name wasn't William Wills. Someone just misunderstood. He's my chimp. And you are? Everyone, welcome William Wills. Okay, that's my name. William, William, William, William, William Wills Jones. No. Willie Wills. Okay. So, he has an extraordinary sense of direction. He and his brother came to Australia in the Gold Rush, but ended up working as shepherds. Life. He

was obsessed with science and finally got a job as an assistant at Flagstaff Observatory. He was also, he also felt that he was superior to others and held very strong opinions. This journey was his dream. So, he seems to have the perfect guy for surveyor. Yeah, no. His part seems like it's in the right place. Except maybe his physicality. He was described as, quote, having a light, clean frame and a handiness such as it often is seen in a young girl. Stop it. I'm just a little dankish thing. I assume that's his speech impediment. Yeah, Tourette's speech impediment. It's always a different speech impediment every time. Anyway, let's move on.

Wagon driver, sailor, son of a guy, blacksmith, labor cop and a guy he knew. That's them. That's the committee. They're ready to go. 26 camels, 23 horses, 19 men and six wagons. One of the other men was a farmer named Ferguson. He was troubled. Owen Cohen told Burke that you'll have to shoot that man. Yeah, he's a dick. They took off on August 20th, 1860 and made it as far as Essendon. Hey, where are they going from? Trying to go to the top of the island. From Melbourne? Yeah. That's one suburb. Like literally one suburb. Yeah. What a ride, huh? You've made it halfway to where my football team is like. I heard two camels dead too.

This is four humps. We lost 40 guys. We started with 19. This is why I try to trip. They're like, first let's go to the airport. That would work better in Victoria where you knew that's where the airport is. So they make it to Essendon and then they made camp and then Fletcher, Kreber and Cohen were fired. Good first day, guys. At least they don't have to walk far to get home. Mate, they would have gone a scenic route. Let's go by if it's right. The deputy of the expedition was named George Landles and became apparent very quickly that he was volatile and stubborn. That night, Burke rode back to Melbourne on a horse to watch a play. I mean, if you can go back overnight to see a play, you're not exploring. You're

not. That's not exploring. I mean, I'm exhausted from exploring. I'm going to explore back there real quick, catch a play. I'll explore over in the morning and then we can finish exploring, which I'm excited to do. And good at. Good night. He returned the next morning. As they made their way north, the rains came, it didn't seem like they would stop. Turns out camels are made for the desert, not mud. The wagons and animals were also bogged down by unnecessary equipment Burke had brought. Like what? For example, he brought an oak table with two oak stools. I mean, well, I'm not going to eat on the ground like a savage. How do you take a coffee break? Sit down, everyone. Come on. Two chairs, too. For me

and a guest. Who gets the stool today? He also brought a large bathtub. That's just so fucking insane. You know what, though, once you've been on the fucking spa circuit, it's just in you forever. Look up a hard day exploring. Who doesn't want a bath? Did he bring a trap door? And for some reason it was slow going. It turned out that horses and cows are scared shitless of camels. Yeah. Because they've never seen them before. Yeah. So whenever they would pass a ranch, all the animals would bolt in every town they went to. On the third day, I love that even our Australian animals are a little bit racist. Bloody foreigners from the Middle East coming over here taking our jobs. They used to be

bloody kangaroos jobs, mate. Stop the humps. Here come them aces, camels. How's Darren meant to work? Lost his hand to be a bottle opener. Now his job's been taken by... It doesn't even have his bowls anymore. They're opening bottles. How many bottles do they have? What, you can't? What's that skin? Oh, shit. On the third day, one of the Indian suppoys quit. On day three, there were down four men. So Burke decided to just hire casual labors as he went along. Just casual days exploring. Exploring seems to be one of those things you're either committed to or you're not. And he's just picking up people who are less into it than him. Look, I'm not going to full explore, but I'll go from here to there because

I was walking in that direction anyway. And if your question is, do we have a bathtub? Well, of course we do. We're not idiots, gentlemen. They traveled 12 hours a day. After a week they had gone 100 kilometers. But they were still in farm country. Settlers just came up to gawk at them all the time. Look at this night, mate. By the second week, resentment began to creep into the group. Every day, Burke would ride ahead while the others struggled with the camels. Then at night, Burke would go to a close pub or farmhouse instead of camping with the men who were always soaking wet from the rain. This meant Burke was not dealing with the everyday problems of the camp. And camels were not dealing with the

nonstop rain or pace either. They're fucking camels. They're like... They got diarrhea and inflamed membranes in their mouths. Look, if you guys are going to moan at diarrhea, this story is going to be long. I mean, I knew it was a wide brown land, but... God, the guy who has to wipe the camels asked me. He gets the chair that day. Hopefully he gets the tub. No, no, no, no. Chair. They finally made it beyond the last of the settlements and were out in the bush. When the group arrived at Swan Hill Station, Burke got a telegram saying there was a warrant out for his arrest. It turns out... It turns out... One stolen ball still. And the warrant came from Melbourne, so he's like, sorry, it took me about an

hour and a half. Anyway, this looks like a nightmare. Are those camels? Okay. It turns out he had bounced the check for 96 pounds, which was a very big deal back then. He could get kicked out of the Royal Society. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So he wrote a letter to a friend and asked him to cover it. Burke was starting to get paranoid and worried that word would get back to Melbourne that he wasn't doing a good job. So he started sending very defensive letters to Melbourne. Would he just walk him back at night with the letter? With just no idea whether or not they were upset. Yeah. Yeah. That's like when you walk into a room and someone's like, I didn't do it. No, what? What? Camels are meant to have diarrhea. It's

a sign that they're healthy. We just got a... This is just... Fuck you! All capitals. It's written in black, screaming that the camels had diarrhea because he wants them to. Anyway, I hope that trip's going well. So after three weeks into the trip, Burke didn't realize the weight of all his needless shit was slowing everything down, but he didn't get rid of any of it. Oh, you need it, dude. Slice a home. Oh, fuck. This is really... This shit's really fucking everything up, huh? Let's keep going. You know what I think the problem is? The casual workers. Right. That's not in it, right? Yeah. He had to let another Indian suppoy go because he was too sick. Then he fired three casual labors he had hired and

brought in four new ones. Also casual? You guys got to be more casual. They were a different. Exactly what was needed on this journey. A journalist, an ex-sailor, and a blacksmith. Perfect for all the swords and articles. And water. Yeah. When they hit the ship... Yeah, when they find the ocean, yeah. Soon enough. And he added an actual explorer who had done this before. I don't like that decision. His name was Bowman. At this point, everyone hated Ferguson, the American. Everyone hates Ferguson cops now. Ferguson responded by asking for a salary increase. That's how we roll, man. You don't like what we're doing? Fuck you, pay us more. There was more rain and the drivers of the wagons said they had

to get their loads reduced. So, 400 kilometers in, Burke sold a bunch of stuff to people at his station. In the middle of nowhere at a small town called Bellranold. Bellranold? Sure. Burke then fired six men. Actually, I love it. He thinks he's fucking Donald Trump. Yeah, he really is having a fucking party. Town to town with these fucking vats. You're fired, you're fired, you're a casual worker, you're fired. I'm in the bath. All right, but he didn't actually fire them. Oh. He didn't like giving people bad news. So he told them one of whom was Ferguson to stay behind and he'd send for them later. Oh my God. He ghosted him. Oh my God. You guys are going to wait here. Why? Are you

firing us? No, you're just staying here. You promise? I'm just taking the bath to a play. You'll come get me here. Why are you laughing as you walk away? The men were pissed because it was obvious what he was doing. Ferguson wanted to fight Burke and eventually he told them the truth. Then he gave them their final checks but no shops would take the checks because they knew the expedition was in financial trouble from his bounce check situation. So he kept three of the men but still fired Ferguson and two others. With no cash, the three followed them for 35 kilometers begging for some money to get back to Melbourne. Then they finally gave up and left. Now it's got to really annoy you at that point when you're 35 kilometers

further away from where you would have been if you just resigned yourself to the fact that you weren't going to get money and headed back to Melbourne. I went all in on getting some money on this one. I think you'll break down. We should have stopped at K and 12. Burke then decided to take a shortcut off the track. This turned out to be a bad decision and they ended up in what Burke described as, quote, hell on earth. The animals and wagons could barely move so Burke and Wills went on ahead. Then the horses were too exhausted to go on. They were unhitched from the wagons and taken to a water hole. Next Burke turned on the scientists in the group. He told them they could no longer ride on animals and they

had to cut down their belongings to 15 kilograms. That basically meant they had to lose all of their scientific equipment. He then lightened the wagons by putting all the extra weight on the camels. The doctor, Becker, fainted the first day of walking. Burke still ordered that the doctor not ride and said, quote, walk him until he gives in. Then he barred the doctor from any scientific activities. He ordered the doctor to just attend to the camels. So he's making good decisions of who should be. He ordered the camels to dance and... What's his name, Becker? Yeah. He was an adult to go back out. That was a pretty good joke, actually. Yeah, I give it to you, Humself. This was all part of a power struggle

between Burke and Landell's. Burke had loaded the camels up more because Landell's wanted them unloaded a bit. Landell's job was to keep the camels in good shape for when they would be needed later. So he's a good leader. Like you listen to your men who hire to be experts, and then you go fuck off. I'm going to do the opposite. Burke hated the camels. Now Burke and the camels have a thing? Burke and Landell's began openly fighting in front of everyone. After the fight, Burke started to give Will's more responsibility, responsibilities that used to be Landell's. Oh, yeah. Nice. I love that move. Oh, I get it. Then the camels decided to take off. No, they didn't. No, they didn't, though. Burke and Will's have

got together and fucking undermined the camels. That's what's happened, right? Yeah, for sure. Four men attempted to go after the camels, but then they got lost. I mean, those are going to be the guys who end up actually doing this journey on accident. Three of the men returned later that night, and the last one didn't get back till noon the next day. They then paid an Aboriginal tracker to find the camels, which wasn't hard since they were one kilometer away eating. Yeah, but what you don't understand, mate, is those people had no skills before we got here. It was lucky for them that we arrived. Then on October 14th, a horse stepped on Dr. Becker's foot. The nail of his foot was pushed down into

the bone. Now we had a horse. Not necessarily. At the next stop, as Landell's arrived after everyone else because of the camels, he was immediately told that he was fired by Will's. Landell's then called Burke insane, and then Burke challenged Landell's to a duel. Always good. Thus proving his point. Landell's took a pass on the duel and just resigned. I'll just quit. I just... Yeah, I don't want to die for a fucking idiot. And over camels, I'm going to walk away from this shit because you're all fucked. So, he resigns. Will was now deputy leader. They traveled 750 kilometers over 56 days. 11 men had been fired or quit. Eight had been hired, and five of those were gone. So how many... The easiest part of the

journey had just ended. Yeah, that essentially made it to Canberra. Oh, so they had now gone as far as European settlement had gone. They were at the last outpost. It was all wild nature from now on. But because the trip had taken so long, this was the wrong time to be moving into the territory ahead. It was about to get beyond hot. That's when they discovered all the meat had rotted. Oh, boy. What else happens to meat? I mean... Well, you have a bathtub so you can clean it up. I mean, they really actually could have filled the bathtub with ice every day and went to meet in there. And beers. You have cool beers in there. You put some beers in there. And now you have a fuckin' yeah, right? A little

potato salad. What on the right? Yeah, fuckin'... Kiss the cook. What we're sayin' is use the fuckin' bathtub, bitch. Yeah, ice it up, you fuckin' meat. Burke then split the party up. He told four men to stay behind and that he would send for them when he... Are you firing us? Are you firing us? He would send for them when he set up a depot at Cooper Creek. Yeah. Burke then went to a local pub. I mean, it's working. He's like still able to afford that lifestyle. I mean, he's killin' it, to be honest. I mean, you hear him, you're like, yeah, this drink's me a lot of fun. The fun, the camels, the cops. I'm sayin' some pliers, some vets, some pubs. Man. I've never been cleaner, well,

since the spa run. Burke's spa run is gonna be a great movie. So he went to a local pub where he met a bushman named Wright. And Wright, after drinking together, they volunteered to be their guide. So off they went into the desert, leaving four men behind with most of the supplies they would need to survive. Okay. Just cause he's drunk and he's like, I'm outta here. No, he's like, you guys stay cause you're slowin' us down. And they're like, but you're being slow down cause we have all this stuff. And he's like, fuck, fuck off. Same thing, fuck you. Do you not fire? Yeah, off they went. So I'm gonna call that Camp Camp One. Alright. You're gonna call it Camp Camp One or Camp One? That camp is Camp

One. Camp One. It's Camp One. Camp Camp One. You doubled the camp again. It's Camp Camp Camp One. Keep a speech impediment? Burke made good progress because he had gotten rid of all the scientists and they were now a more lean, mean, moving machine. Yeah. It was all going well. Burke then made right. The Bushmen, they had just met third in command. Good. They sent right back to bring the others to catch up with them. Oh, okay. So they're not firing them? No. No, I think they changed. Burke and Company made their way on the camels through the desert to Cooper Creek. Suddenly there were tons of animals and plants. They were in the territory of four aboriginal groups. Burke and Wills both wrote how annoying the

aboriginals were. Wills said only pointing a gun at them would make them go away. Jesus. Because that's exactly what you do in the middle of nowhere when you're the only, the only people who know what's happening around there. You just point your fucking guns at them. Yeah. The only people that could possibly tell you what's going on. Right? White people. White got back to the guys who were left behind at camp one. He told them he was now in charge and they needed to bring the supplies up and all the guys were like, fuck you. They had no intention of following right. The Bushmen and they didn't believe he was in charge. Right? Well, that means it. Like, I mean, he's made a bold move and it hasn't paid off

in any way. Like he's like, I'll tell them I'm in charge. Oh, I don't believe it. Fuck. Come with me then, Jesus. It seemed like a great idea. So, sorry. It's okay. I haven't been drinking. What? Huh? You want to go into exploration? Right wasn't sure what to do. He had to move 600 tons of supplies over 600 kilometers and no one would help him. Then suddenly... That's how much he had to move? Yeah. That's a shit. Oh, right? Yeah, that's a lot. They've got a lot of shit. Then suddenly Trooper Lyons showed up. He was a cop and he'd been sent with messages for Burke that he said he could only deliver to Burke himself. So Wright went off with Lyons and a blacksmith and an aboriginal tracker. Once Lyon got his

message to Burke, he was supposed to bring back camels and horses for the supplies at Camp One. So there's a plan going on here. Okay. Meanwhile, what I will now call Camp Two at Cooper Creek, both Burke and Wills were going off on solo missions trying to find a way north and it was not going well. One day, Wills took a man named McDonough and three camels out with him. They went 130 kilometers. They were exhausted so they got off the camels. I'm so tired from sitting on this other thing doing all the work. Then the camels ran off. It won't be far. I can't believe that doesn't work out in the middle of nowhere. Getting out of camels. Everyone there running like, no, oh god damn it. I thought they were more

like dogs. Sit. Sit. Shit. Shit. Didn't these camels know sit or don't they? Paw. Paw? Paw. Shake my hand. Give me paw. So they were stuck in a very hot place with 35 liters of water in a leaking bag. I mean, they're just idiots. They left all their equipment and walked 15 kilometers and luckily found three water pools. They filled the water bag and they walked for two days in the heat back to Camp Two. When they got there, Camp Two was overrun by rats. How? How is that even? Do you mean like there's just a lot of rats? It's not like there's a bunch of splinters there like, fuck you, you're a slave. That's what I was imagining, like Planet of the Rats. Like there was like a Caesar rat who was like taking

John. Off with their heads. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. I'll vamp my cheese. I can't do one more. Cheese. I'm going to open this slowly so I can say it again. What else you got? That's it. Cheese please. So, it's overrun by rats. The rats came and attacked food, leather and bedding. They hung the gear up, but then the rats just attacked the men chewing on their hair and toenails while they slept. What the fuck? I mean. Welcome to Rat Island. You never seen the show Rat Island? You know, I'm kind of fucking proud right now. Of what? Little fucking Aussie rats. Defending, you know what I mean? I go like, I get the rat thing. Yeah, like they're fucking on the rat side. Fuck these idiots. Is the bathtub okay?

Yeah, bathtub's fine. Thank God. One man trapped and shot 300 rats in one night. So, Burke decided to leave the camp and move it somewhere else a few kilometers up the Cooper. And Burke wanted to move now, not wait for better cooler weather to go ahead. Exactly the kind of decision a man who has never been on an expedition makes. He decided to split the group again. He would just take three men and head north, leaving William Brahe to command the camp and to go back if they didn't return. Of the four men he was leaving behind, one was the expert on caring for camels. I got a good feeling about the camel aspect of this story. He told Brahe that Wright was due to arrive any day with supplies, so they should be fine.

Right? Coming up from camp one? Yeah, Wright's coming. Yeah, Wright's coming. He ordered two horses killed and the meat jerked. Okay. Yep. You mean the horse meat? No, there are two separate things. All right. Kill the horses and jerk the meat. Do it at the same time. How fun is it to kill that horse? Take your ring off. No, it doesn't hurt. It reminds me of her. Hand it hurts. It's both. It's a two of her. Both things hurt. Berk was sure that he'd make it north to the north coast, then make it back in just 90 days. Yeah, he actually... Why wouldn't he be? Yeah, what? I mean, what the progress he's made, how's that not going to happen? I think when you said that there might have been an actual

spin take. Yep. He actually had to do it in 90 days because if he didn't average 30 kilometers a day, they would run out of food. So it shouldn't be a problem. Yeah, no, it'd be fine. There's no reason to wait for Wright to come over with all the supplies. No. Just go. Make a fucking happen. Move. And on December 16th, four men, Berks, Wills, Gray and King, left camp two. On December 19th at camp one, Beckler, who was different from Becker, saw an emaciated horrible looking man stumbling along. It was the Aboriginal tracker who had gone with Trooper Lyons. All the horses were dead and the two other men couldn't move. The tracker had been walking a week. One man, Beckler, and an Aboriginal guide from the camp took

three camels and a horse to find them. It took a week. They had survived by staying under a horse blanket for two weeks. They were raw from scratching due to mosquito bites. I mean, I'm kind of proud of the mosquitoes, too. You've got their back. Yeah, I mean, I'll see fucking mosquitoes barring for fucking Australians, surviving those conditions. Yeah. Good work, fellas. Mozy, mozy, mozy. Yes, even I'm surprised they pulled that one out. Their story was not a good one. First, the two men had started vomiting and experiencing diarrhea. Then their horses died. Then they tried to walk back so thirsty they peed into their own mouths. Oh, yeah, that's what they say. But you know what, sometimes you're in

the desert and you're like, you know what, let's pay them a visit. And that's how Fosters was invented. Um, so, like a match to be like saw that from a distance. You think those guys are lost or what are they? Hey, guys, there's a house over here. You guys staying back in Will's one cup? Were they peeing into their own mouths or into each other's mouths? And this is a valuable question. It doesn't say, but I would imagine they peed into each other's mouths. I would hope. I would just say from a hydration standpoint, I would hope. I mean, it's easier to get it in. It's funnier to pee in your own mouth. Right. Yes. But it's harder. Yeah, it's way harder. But when you get those drops, man, sweet relief.

The winner circle with those drops in your mouth. The pee's not sweeter than that, gentlemen. No. I haven't had some this good since I jerked that horse. No, no, no, we were supposed to. What? No, no. Sorry. Oh, I jerk the horses. Explains why they died. Well, we have a lot of stuff to drink now. Oh, my God, the milk. Quick, someone pee in my mouth. At first local average and he's gave them food, but then they just moved on. The two men had been sitting around eating plants. So he finds these guys, they give him the story, what to do, right? Becler gave them supplies and camels and then decided he wanted to keep going, be an explorer. So he told the guys he was going to head for the Goeningberry ranges with his Aboriginal

guide. Okay. So he, the guys he found, he just then left. The two guys who almost died would have to walk back. So off Becler went. The two argued about which way to go and then one of them just walked off on his own. I mean, there's times for temper tantrums and there's time for temper tantrums. Becler happened across him a week later when he was coming back. The man was wandering in circles, delirious. It's a vast land. I've seen it all. They never said what happened to the other one. Well, I think we know that he didn't go on to have a good career in show business or something. He's probably dead. Meanwhile, Berkina's crew marched on. The camels were over-weighted and couldn't walk in midday heat, you know,

obviously because they're camels. They were actually doing well and all four were getting along. Dehydration was a constant threat though and the desert was endless. They were now in western Queensland in a place known as Channel Country. On December 27th, they got lucky. They had been climbing and descending sand dunes for days when they crested one and looked out at a flood plain full of plants and tons of birds. They had found a branch of the Diamantina River. Just a tad west and they would have perished in endless dunes so they got lucky. Now, water was not going to be a problem because of all that sweet river water. They could follow the river system to the north coast but the camels were not

doing so well and they had another 1,200 kilometers to go to reach the coast. The camels are equipped for the desert, not so much the tropics. They can handle great distances but they need a lot of rest. Berk was making them march 12 hours a day and the camels weren't eating enough because of it. They continued on. It was a lush area with huge trees, flocks of pelicans and kangaroos. All looked well, then the terrain became worse. Small sharp stones replaced the green grasslands. The camels feet were not prepared for this. They were up against another mountain range and this one was particularly difficult to get through. They traveled right route after route. The camels were bleeding, sweating and constantly

groaning. Are you talking about bleeding camel toes? Wow. Wow. I mean, if that's what was happening, you know the camels had attitude on that trip too. No, fuck, I'm not going. I'm not mad, I'm not going. No, whatever. Sharp rocks. At the exact same time, at camp one, Wright finally set out toward camp two with the supplies for perfect who had left a long time ago. Perfect. Wright's journey was immediately a nightmare. He left camp one on January 26th but it came quickly apparent that his crew was not up for it. They had 13 horses and 10 camels and as much food as could be carried. But the new horses didn't like following rules and

they were constantly running off. Well, they were casual horses. Didn't like following rules. Yeah, no, no, no, not like a competing camp. You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad. Run, just run, that's what you do. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm an anti-authority horse. I don't trot. I don't fucking trot. What'd you say, bitch? Yeah. I look like some kind of trot horse? Fuck you. I also love that in everything they have to have the camels. They're just like, fuck, take 10 camels. We can't get rid of them.

No. Look, we all know we're going to be hump meat in no time. We'll be living on humps. So also the horses keep throwing their loads off. The aboriginal guide... And you can just gloss over that. It's like, yeah, of course. Of course it's a nightmare. Keep going, Dave. Well, that's what happens when you jerk the horses. That's why you got to jerk the horses. No, I'm not even getting a quiver. I mean, I could go for a joint. You know what? I will carry this load if you give me a little sum, sum. Take the ring off. Because of that. Why don't you use your mouth, bro?

Oh, man. I mean, if they ever had to blow the meat. The jokes we'd have. I mean, I'm surprised they didn't blow horses on this trip. I mean, seriously. They as well, right? And then they started blowing horses. Put the blinkers on so I'm not ashamed. I don't like when it looks me in the eye! The horse keeps pushing my head, Dave, if it's hooked. No! Oh, hey.

No! Well, I got to get up early, so... You know, yeah, I got to sleep. You can just take off. I got a big load to carry tomorrow. No, I understand you just did that. I just super tired. I forgot to tell you I have to work early. Yeah, so I'll catch up. Like a 12-hour walk.

Yeah, so I'll see you later. Do you want camel fare? The aboriginal guide who had rescued Trooper Lyons saw the riding on the wall and bailed after the first day. And literally it was riding on the wall. Another aboriginal guide went, these guys are dickheads, fuck off. There were no water holes, as expected. By the third day, the horses were in, quote, shocking condition.

The horses eventually needed water so badly they burnt their lips, sifting through fire embers in search of water. What? I mean, A, that's fucked up, but B, that is not the best place to look. I know, right? I mean, like, I'm not blaming the victim, but, like, why are you looking in fire embers for fucking water? Oh, well, there's smoke, there's water.

That's the least logical place. Like, even in an evolutionary horse sense, where previously have they found water behind burning these, that makes no fucking sense, even in their life as a horse. They are fucking idiot horses. And they just know what fucking came to them. Hopefully they find, like, a chapstick area or something. Um, um, um... Oh, thank god we have a big top of chapstick.

You don't support the Aussie horses, though, huh? I don't know where I was. Oh, there we go. Uh, so, uh, the heat was devastating to Wright's group. They started fighting with each other. They convinced two aborigines to be the guides to find waterholes. The guides quickly realized that waterholes had dried up and they wanted Wright to go in another direction.

But he refused. He's always going in the right direction. And they went to their... Thank you. I expected him. He didn't do that one. He wrote it earlier. He wrote the story.

Um, uh, so anyway, those two returned to their tribes. They were like, alright, we gave a shot. Good luck, guys. Have fun with the camels. Wright then made a new camp called Rat Point. Hang on. This one's called Rat Point? Yep.

After the previous rat... Yep. Okay. And then honor. To the fallen 300. Like, it was an epic battle. They were like the 300 rats. Like, in the movies that took on, like,

the 300 biggest rats. Fuck. If you were imagining 300 with rats in it like I am, and instead I'd said that so you could imagine that. They may take our cheese. All done for the cheese, boys. Don't let them through. Die if you have to.

Those are the Scottish rats? I don't know. I was Scottish. It just seemed like there should be Scottish rats. Uh, Rat Point was given this name because there were tons of rats. They stayed there for 20 days. And they just got eaten? I don't know.

We'll get back to them. Meanwhile, the guys at Camp 2 were dealing with the Aborigines who were fascinated by them. They kept stealing anything that could get their hands on. And one day, Ibrahim drew a circle in the dirt and said they couldn't cross it. Wait. This is before they invented lines?

This was the first lines. This circle you can't... Well, we'll just walk around that and come at you. After he drew the circle, the Aborigines left and came back with spears and body paint. They were very pissed about the line. Brahe shot his gun and they scattered. Things were now officially tense at Camp 2.

On January 27th, Burke and Wills were now at the point of no return. They were now halfway through 90 days. They were using up their supplies faster than they anticipated. But Burke continued on. Then they hit the tropics. They're in what is now known as Gulf Country. And they arrived at the worst possible time. It was the build-up to Monsoon.

Humidity is very, very high and the air is so thick it is difficult to breathe. They became tired, had headaches and were very irritable. Sleeping was hard. In the heat, they covered themselves with wool blankets to fight off mosquitoes. Oh, Jesus. What about a net?

Yeah. I get that you have to travel in time, but get a fucking net. You guys want me to leave? No, no, no. Just stay here. We'll come back for you. All right. Baby. Hey, hey, don't touch. Don't touch. Baby, it was a fun show.

I feel like I'm fired. This is what I'm talking about. The camel shit on me earlier. Okay, so. So they're halfway through the 90 days using up their supplies to continue on. Okay, so they're totally fucked. They cover themselves with wool blankets.

The camel's feet are made for sandy ground, which means they are not made for wet, boggy ground. Gola was a large male camel. Can I just say, by the way, I love how you keep explaining at every point in this story. By the way, these camels are not meant to be doing this. Like, every step is like, no, they're no good for this condition. And remember again, these are camels.

In every situation. Not supposed to be here. Gola was a large male camel. In early February, he went down a river bank and got himself stuck. They couldn't find a way out of the river for him, so they just left him. Good luck.

And that's how the Australian river camels were created. Oh man, a river camel. Again, they probably just didn't leave him. They probably explained that while coming back for him. No, we'll be back. We'll be back. It's so awful, but it's also amazing to just picture

what's going on. What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? It's also amazing to just picture what did the camel do? He was just like, okay,

I live by a river now, alone. What is life? I mean, talking about the quandary he got himself into. Every night he's like, what's it all about? What a long strange trip it's been. I feel like six months ago I was just hanging out in the desert. And shit went weird.

Anyway. Just writing existential novels. I'm Albert Camelou. I'm on Camel River. Camel River. Two humps, one hump. I'm thinking about that a lot right now. Also thinking about two humps.

One hump. I do have regret over going into the river. Hmm? Retrospect is nasty when you're a camel alone on a river to think all day. Right? At least there was no one there to tell the camel to upload it to the fucking cloud.

Okay, wow. Sorry, we'll get through it. I mean, I have the SD cards now, so that's all. Did you know that? We got them. Turns out they were in a pack of gum. Just like James Bond. Oh, fuck. Alright, so they leave Gola

and they found the Flinders River and followed it. They were getting close. They could smell the salt water. But the ground was getting wetter and the camels could not go on. So they unloaded all the gear and made another camp. And then they split up the group again. Good. How long until they're splitting up the humps?

Yup. Burke and Wills went on leaving Grey and King to watch over the camels. The two men would try to make it to the coast. But the ground became impassable swamps and they stopped, unable to continue. They did not see the ocean.

They had made it to within 20 kilometers of the ocean when they turned back. You guys didn't know that part? Fucking make it. Here's your fucking heroes. It got really weird. I apologize. I wonder what it was.

All of a sudden I was my dad. Within 20 kilometers so brutal. And then they forgot to make any sort of mark at their furthest point north that they had traveled. Just with the record though, I know we all feel really fucking sad but that could have taken them about five and a half weeks.

Yeah, true. Because it's just horrible territory. I've always been going around in circles and like, where's splitting up? You stay here, I'll go on. Can you jerk me first? But at the camp King had made a shitload

of marks. He just kept carving bees into trees. Burke, I love you. Is that why we call it bark? No, it's not. Sure. Yeah. So as they prepared for the journey back

the weather went from bad to worse. Rain was falling in torrents. The journey back would be more difficult and Burke had told Brahe at Camp 2 to only wait three months and then give them up for dead. Right now they were at the two month mark

and they were standing in mud. It rained often which caused mud to stick to their boots. The cooking supplies, they're betting everything including men. Then the sun would come up and the mud would harden like concrete. Good. Good. Yeah, it's a good trip. Burke, Wills, Gray and King were in

terrible condition. They were very thin and their clothes were rotting off their bodies. Their boots were torn. They only had one quarter of their rations left so Burke ordered daily rations to be cut in half. They also needed to lighten the load more so Wills dumped more instruments

and quote a considerable amount of books. I mean, these days they have had a Kindle, they would have made it. Yeah, true. But you know what? How can you have a fucking bath without a lovely book? It's true.

You need something to read when you're in the bath? The bath. Oh, my God. Why am I regretting the bathtub move? I like to think they still have it. I like to think that this boy Burke's like, we're down to cut down rations but we're still keeping the fucking bath.

We are so fucked. We have nothing. I'm gonna go take a hot bath. Oh, you guys, this is so good for your muscles. I wish I would let you get in this but I won't. Feel free to sit at the table. Sir, can we get rid of the table? How the fuck do you think this is?

You know who just lost the seat at the table? You, get out of here. And no books. No books. No books for you, sir. You may not check one out of the library we brought. And Gray, you're overdue!

I'm trying to run a goddamn library on this trip. I'll be in the bath! I just wonder how many books he had. A lot. Too many. I made a little trip. You gotta have something to read.

Fuck. Anyway, he ended up bearing all his books under a tree and left a note. They still to this day have not been found. Because they've rotted into nothing. You want a note? The camels could barely move. They were moving just six kilometers a day

on the return. On March 2nd they came back across Golo, the camel. What? He was still in the crea... Hey! Hey! Hey! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh shit!

Holy shit! Oh my fucking god, dude! You guys! Dude! Talk about a cipher sore... Holy shit! I know. And I need my eyes are burning.

This climate is terrible for me. I only have one hump left. So... What have you guys been doing? I can tell you so much about this creek! Oh my god! Oh man...

Because Golo was... I mean, whatever was going on, it's like a camel's brain. There was some version of like, why? Where? And there's like, yes! Yes! Yes, then! Golo was still in the creek, but this time they managed to get him out.

Fuck yeah! But... Golo! Hang on with that applause. He was now basically a skeleton camel. And in a moment, a rare moment of good luck, they found a...

plant! Called... a portillac. It tasted good when cooked and had a lot of vitamin A and C, Oh nice. They also stumbled across a large python one day. Oh!

I didn't know you guys had native pythons, that's pretty. Well, they have camels, so... We brought them here to kill the camels. Yeah. We were getting overrun by camels. We brought camels here to kill cane toads. Yep. And then you brought the snake to kill the camels

and then the rabbits to kill the snakes. Yeah, exactly. And then the pythagoras to kill the rabbits. Yeah. And then the redback spider to kill the kangaroo. And then, Steve, when he killed the redback spider, then... Oh, fuck. Why did you bring...

Why did you bring the Irish? Oh, to kill the potatoes that were taking over our house. To kill the booze. So they... find this large python, they kill it, and they cook that summer bitch and ate like kings.

Then Burke and Gray spent the night in a horrific cases of diarrhea. Gola, the now skeleton camel, was not doing well. Even without a load, he couldn't keep up with the group. So they left him. And we know what they did. Gola is like,

Fuck, what? Seriously? Guys. This is... I get it. These are pranks. I feel like in that time that that camel had to think by the river band,

it realized that even that existence was better than being fucking saddled with these fucking morons. And now it's got back to camp and they're not feeding it, they're just shitting because they've eaten a fucking snake they found in the fucking desert. It's like, you know what, I'm better on that.

You know, I'm gonna go to the river. Thanks for trying, guys. I'll plower me down. Anyway, they just left him again. So a bunch of guys with not enough food to eat left a giant walking sack of meat. Oh,

that was the... Yeah, everybody forget about that? What about jerking the camel? Okay. Or they could just eat. It's called an entree. An amuse-bouche. The chef would like you to have

this little cup of a camo cheese. You know, you could have done that. You could have just brought the camel along and jerked him off and had that protein. You know, that's why they call it milk on a camel out in the desert. Wait, why they call it what?

Milking a camel. You ever milked the camos? Yeah, you know, that expression. You can take a camel to a glory hole, but you can't suck a stick. It's an expression, mate. It's an old Australian expression. The guy on the other end of that glory hole is like,

interesting. This is new. After it's done, one of the humps just drops down. Oh, that's better. Give me 30 minutes. Can you make me a toasted sandwich? Just make me a toasted sandwich, and I'll be...

My homes. My lovely camel mugs. Ray started losing his personality and became quiet. Who would get depressed on this trip? He had headaches and leg and back pains. After he ate the snake

and enjoyed a night at Diarrhea, he went into rapid decline. Almost like you're going to say Doritos. I was like, buddy, your Diarrhea is here to stay. Doritos. Wait, you had Doritos the whole fucking time? Oh, yeah, you guys don't know how much they're in the bathtub. You didn't say that?

Sorry. Um... So he's declining, he's going down. Yeah. He was slowing the group down and Wills was resenting him for it. How dare you die! You fucking dying cunt!

At camp... At camp rat point, things had gone from bad to worse. Really? No one had boiled the water that they had found along the way. Oh, they're fucked. Why would you? Yeah, that's a good point. I've got no time for boiling.

I've got to fight these rats. So many of them had come down with dysentery. They were all rapidly losing weight. Then some started showing signs of scurvy and other afflictions, and a man named Stone had advanced syphilis. I'm beating everyone in the syphilis race! It's advanced syphilis.

Yeah, he's on a different level. Not remedial. This is as simple as the smart kids go to. He's probably one of the guys they picked up late on the journey, and they're like, you want a job? He's like, fuck, I got nothing else to do. I'm just dying a syphilis out here.

I didn't hear the last part, but come on, my man! He was now starting to break out in pustules all over his body. Who wants to be next to that in the hot desert? No one. The first 12th right decided they had to move on or they would die there. As soon as they got underway, a horse fell dead.

Gone. I'm not amused by the horse, but just the idea. As soon as they... Alright, let's go! Alright, fuck, let's take 10. Free group, make some other plans. The fuck just happened.

Is that horse allergic to the word go? No. Oh. So the horse falls dead. They stopped to camp at Peoria Creek. The doctor, Becker treated the man as best he could, but the dysentery was terrible.

One man was completely delirious, just yelling. My favorite guy. No, I got it! I got it again! Have you thought about it? Oh my god! Woo! Yeah, that's what I said. Everybody knows it! Can I get more water?

And he's really upset because he'd applied to be later of this expedition. The rest of the men couldn't control their bowels and just lay there in their own waste. Man, the camel was better off.

Yeah, for sure. I can't believe you empty the camel by the river's life at this point. How could it be that camel by the river alone? Man. For Birken Willes, a dreaded day arrived.

March 15th. Birken told Brahe at Camp 2 that if they didn't arrive by March 15th, he was to assume they were dead and head back. They were 100 kilometers away. Birk decided to lighten the load. Very close. Birk decided to lighten the load once again

going through all the equipment and losing what they could. He cut the rations again, exactly the last thing they needed as they wasted away walking endlessly what their bodies needed was more food, not less. Then Birken King started to have leg and back pains.

They were suffering from a trial struck the group. Oh, no. Willes wrote, I found Gray behind a tree eating skilligly. Skilligly? Skilligly.

He explained that he was suffering from dysentery and had taken the flower without leave. I sent him to report to Mr. Birken and went on. He, having got King to tell Mr. Birk for him, was called up and received a good thrashing. Wait, because he ate a flower? He ate, was eating flower, the group's flower.

Oh, flower, okay. I just thought he was like, So essentially this has just turned into an episode of survival. Yes. Someone's about to be quoted. It's got to be nasty for him at tribal juries and all. Flower's a hard thing to hide if you were eating too.

You're like, no, me? I was just looking over there for a place for us to camp. What's all this? What's all this? White or white? I don't know. I've been getting into mime. Does anyone have water?

Water be great. Who would have been lovely? It's so hot out here. My mouth is dry. No, I have a yeast infection. So Birk tells him to cut the ration. No, no, we do that. So for the man on gray, he wasn't allowed near the packs

to eat. Will was so pissed that he went as far as to examine Gray's feces. That's Gray's anatomy, huh? Jesus. I mean, that... I have you been eating flour!

Jesus. The surveyor is surveying too much. Wow. Yep. You know, you've lost it when you're looking through the flour. Will's thought Gray... It really says it all right there.

Will's thought Gray was lying about having dysentery and was just using it as an excuse to steal. The third group, under Right, were still in a terrible situation. On March 26th, Right decided they needed to keep moving again. The man who could still

move walked on. The others were tied to camels or horses. They found a waterhole in the blue lakes and they stayed there. The monsoon came to an end. The green areas that Burke and Will's and their group had come through on the way north were now dried up.

Suddenly, there was no water anywhere and it was no longer hot all the time. The temperature dropped at night, then it would get hot in the morning. Right? That's all right. As long as you have a pool around, you're fine. Sure. Well, you got that bath done. Finally, Burke decided to kill a camel.

I mean, I'm honestly shocked it took so long. Right? But with their fists. Oh, dude! I was like, what? All right, boys, it's going to take a while. Work the hump! Work the hump!

You guys are talking about the original UFC, right? That's how it started. Wait, that's not a bad idea. No, no, that is a terrible idea. Guys finding camels and cages? Please, that's not a good idea. Two camels in, one comes out.

Four humps in or two humps in. Two humps in. On March the 30th, Bucha the camel was shot in the head. They carved him up and made him into jerky. Greg continued to deteriorate. On April 8th, he fell and couldn't walk.

Now he had to be carried. He was a full-blown burden as Will saw him. The next day, Billy the horse went down as well. They shot him and also turned him into jerky. Now they were 150 kilometers away from camp two at Cooper Creek.

Meanwhile, at camp two, things had not been going well for a while. Every morning when they woke, their ankles were swollen and their mouths were increasingly tender and their muscles weakened. They were suffering from scurvy. They could only wait for Burke for so long.

Now, with Burke, on April 17th, Greg died. Will's diary recorded it with great empathy. Quote, this morning, about sunrise, Greg died. That's fucking wordsmith.

They put everything in there but the cunt. Greg had spent the last days of his life unable to talk, nearly comatose to a camel. That's how I want to go. I always said that.

I always liked that they made him into jerky. Yeah. You guys okay if I jerk Greg? Dude, we're supposed to just make jerky out of him. I don't know. We all have our own definitions.

You know what I mean? We've had this argument on this trip before. What happens in the desert stays in the desert. What are we talking about, man? Come on, bro. Let's get with the fucking party. Get with the part. I guess we'll use this. Oh, I feel so weird right now.

Oh, it's like I'm shaking a kangaroo's hand that can give me beer. Well, I mean, if it did do that, you would shake its hand. If I could shake a kangaroo's hand and beer would come out, well, you guys would still be out there in the bush.

You would never come back. If there was beer, there would be no cities in this place. You would just be out there chasing cats. Shake his hand! If you shook its paw a couple of times, then that little pouch came like a fucking

fosters or whatever. Or maybe a better one. What about a Cooper's? A Cooper's, sure. But you have to roll it around in the pouch first. People in America don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, suckers. You trying to roll it around?

Now Burke made an amazing decision. He decided that they should bury Gray. That is interesting. So in a total state of exhaustion, when no energy should have been wasted on anything, but getting back, he made King dig a grave with a shovel

in the hot sun. It's a higher day. You sure about this? You don't look so good. You might want to dig another one of those. While you're down there. You know what? Dig two holes. I'm going to finish this book anyway.

Just lay in there. We'll put dirt over you. I'll come back for you. I'll come back for you. I can't do it now. I've just had a bath. I'm pruney. I just sat in there too long. Anyway, have you guys seen my Sudoku? The next day,

even more stuff was tossed out. Burke said they should just have bare essentials. Pots, rifles, and other equipment were left. They were close. They just had to make it to the safety of their wedding comrades at Camp Two. The landscape started to change

and it was apparent they were close to Cooper Creek. They were feeling pretty good. So they ate the final pieces of Billy the Horse. They figured they needed it for the last stretch. The surviving camels were not doing well either. On the morning of April 21st, they couldn't walk anymore, so they got on the camels and rode them

for the final kilometers toward Camp Two. At around the same time at Camp Two, Brahe told Patton to shoe the horses, which was perfect timing because when he was done, Patton collapsed. At 10.30 am, the suffering Brahe and the others left Camp Two. Perfect.

It's all coming together. Burke, Wills, and King rode the camels all day and arrived at Cooper Creek Camp Two in the early evening. Burke rode ahead on his camel, shouting to his man at Camp Two. No one yelled back. They finally made it and saw that Camp Two

was abandoned. On a tree was carved Dig Under. And there was a date. April 21st, 1861. Is this going to be a bunch of books? No, they were like, oh, that's... that's today.

Oh, fuck! What's the... what are the odds? Oh, boy. Really? Yeah, that's... Just says BRB. So, they missed them by, like, hours. Yep. The other guys had left that morning.

The ashes in the fire were still warm. Oh, well, they can at least drink those. Fuck. Oh, God. So awkward. I mean, I've missed friends. I've tried to meet, like, I tried to go to a friend when I was a kid, and my friend

thought I said 8.45, but I said 9. It's kind of the same thing. Very similar. What? It's very similar. Thank you. Sorry. Okay. So, they dug where it said to dig, and they found a trunk with a note inside.

Fuck you! The ink's still wet! Just a cock and bulls. We saw you coming, and we left. Prank. Punked. You've been punked, bitch! Look at the camera up on the tree.

Here's what the letter said. Depot, Coopers Creek, 21 April, 1861. The Depot party of the VEE leaves this camp today to return to the Darling. I intend to go to

southeast from Camp LX to get to our old track near Baloo. Two of my companions and myself are quite well. The third patent has been unable to walk for the last 18 days as his leg has been severely hurt when thrown by one of our horses. No person has been

no person has been up her from the Darling. That doesn't sound like a good sentence to write. We have six camels and 12 horses in good working condition. Ta! Anyway, hope you guys are good! Signed William Brachy.

The trunk also had flour, sugar, tea, and dried meat. Would you like some tea? A little tea right now? A little caffeine? You need a bump? Sugar? Yes. How do you take it? Would you like yours with meat or sugar? Sugar jerky.

A bus if you'd like. We love heaps. Yes, you could put a little grey in there too if you want. Earl Grey? Burke, Wells and King ate and then discussed what to do next. In their condition they decided they wouldn't be able to catch up to Brachy so they slept.

But Brachy's letter wasn't completely true. They were not in good condition. Patten couldn't even speak. The camels had advanced mange and the horses were having trouble walking. They were moving very slow and Burke very possibly could have caught up. On the exact, that's why you have to be fucking truthful. You know what, it's like it's the social media effect.

It's like people like their lives are really fucking great when it's not really. That was happening even back then. Yeah, yeah. A selfie with a great view and then I got to the fast food restaurant. Because I can't fill in specific fast food. Camels are great, it was just a filter. They've all got scurvy, they can't tell.

Hashtag Camel Live. Hashtag Desert, hashtag YOLO. Hashtag Lifestyle, hashtag I love my friends. The second letter is just all hashtags. Hashtag Rats, hashtag Aborigines. Hashtag Trending, how does that even... What does that even mean? Hashtag Scurvy.

Hashtag Scurvy, hashtag everything burns. Hashtag I'm covered in boils, hashtag dying. Hashtag Diarrhea, hashtag jerk off a camel. Hashtag Seamen, camel seamen. Not that bad. Hashtag Don't Judge Us. Hashtag One Time. Hashtag Protein, hashtag Ripped.

At the exact same day, at the party under the charge of right, a delirious man attacked anyone who came near him. Like the son of this guy. Stone was shitting blood, and Becker kept feigning. Beluch was covered in sores. They left Camp One three months ago

and had gone 450 kilometers. April 22nd came. Burke Wills King woke up at Camp Two on the Cooper Creek. They were 600 kilometers from Camp One, but instead of following their tracks back the way they had come, Burke decided they should try for a moment

Mount Hopeless. You know what? We've already been that way. Let's take the scenic route back. Let's have some fun. Mount Hopeless, I'm sure it's ironic. Sounds great. Hopeless.

We just have to go through completely fucked canyon. And then ride over Certain Death's Gorge and we'll be right there. And then we'll just drop off each other ridge. I'm happy with what happened. Hashtag blessed.

Hashtag I love my friends. Mount Hopeless was a police uppost 250 kilometers away, which meant going through completely unknown terrain. They found that Brahe had left a lot of supplies in the trunk. Burke wrote a letter about their journey

and put it in the trunk. They buried it where they had dug it up and then they raked over it making it look exactly the way it had been when they arrived. Why? For what purpose? They didn't want Aborigines to

find it and dig it up, so they made it look like no one had ever been there. But then my guess is there's a downside to that thinking. This is a great idea. Look, if you're stuck in the middle of nowhere and you might be dying, the thing you do is make it look like

no one's been there. Don't worry, nobody will ever find this. The good news about the desert is each bit of it is incredibly distinctive. Yeah. We'll draw a circle over it. They hate circles. It's windy today. Let's get moving. You can at least carve like, fuck,

an arrow in a tree. Right? It is easy. I mean, yeah, go with fuck cunt. The Aborigines are like, fuck cunt. Fuck cunt. The white man is really filthy mouthed.

Okay, so... I can't believe they did that. King asked if they should carve another message on the tree, but Burke said no. Too obvious. The Warrantig serves our purpose as much as it served theirs. So, when they left, it looked like

no one had ever come to the camp after Brahe left. Meanwhile, Wright's group was starting to fall apart. Stone died. His last two hours on Earth were spent waving his revolver around. You can have this gun when you get it out of my cold, dead hands. Alright, and now, there we go.

Alrighty. Hell of an offer. Hell of a guy. Purcell died the next day. On April 27th, Becker slipped into a coma. At the same time, Burke, Wills and King made their way to Mount Hopeless, or tried. On April 28th, a camel named

Linda got sick, stuck in quicksand. Got stuck in quicksand. But also, I love that I named one of the camels Linda. Like, what's that about? It's just the three of us guys that Linda now.

Hey, you guys, we can't jerk that one. Hey, let's finger the camel. Linda. Linda. She got stuck in quicksand. Like they were in a cartoon. They were probably arguing over directions. They couldn't get Linda

out of the quicksand, so they shot her and spent the day going into the swamp and cutting pieces off of her. What else are you going to do? Now, it's like a takeaway situation. The next, the next day, they headed out with one camel left. Oh, my God.

On April 28th, 29th, sorry. I'll be okay. Right. Right finally had to turn to luck. What happened? I saw he on his trip from camp two to camp one, stumbled across right in his group. The two groups had

miraculously met up in the middle of nowhere. It's so great that they're so stupid. They're like, hey! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You look like shit! Holy shit. You look bad.

You don't look good. You guys, we don't look good. My, my God. Yeah! Yeah! Why is that guy in a bag of diarrhea? That's the doctor. He's in a coma.

What happened to Linda? Oh, uh... Come over here. Take a seat, man. Look, we figured her as long as we could. All right, I'll handle this. I'll handle this. I'll handle this. That's why I took him away for a second. I'll handle this. Don't help right now.

Hey, man. Saying goodbye is hard, I know. I'm sure you heard him say that we were fingering the camel. You know... Why don't you jump in, actually? It felt like you had a good handle on it earlier.

The next day, Becker died in his tent. Most of the men now had advanced scurvy and berry berry, and McDonough was still crippled after being kicked by a horse. Right, and Brahe decided they should head up to camp to... He... He still hadn't recovered from that walking

around the desert. You think all that lack of water would help? Yeah. He's being crippled from a horse hadn't cleared up. He gets kicked by a horse and he's like, ah, man, I wish there was a way for me to not walk. Something will come to me.

No, horsey. Right, and Brahe decided that they should head to camp to just to make sure Burke had not returned. So they took off on a 150 kilometer journey. I'm going to split up, boys. Meanwhile, the last camel, Raha, with Birkenwills,

wasn't doing well. He was pretty much toast. He started trembling and sweating and finally went down. This was on May 6th. Instead of turning around and making their way back to camp one, on a known track, Burke kept them going on to Mount Hopeless.

But Cooper Creek had now split into a bunch of smaller tributaries. They kept following the wrong ones. Good. It's a good plan. Wills started going on solo missions, but they all proved fruitless. One day, Wills came

upon a very friendly, aborigine tribe. They let him sleep in one of their Ganyas and gave him food. On this exact same day, Brahe and Wright arrived at camp two. They looked around and nothing had changed. No one had come to the camp because

the truck was right where they had buried it. Burke made sure it looked like no one had been there and they hadn't left a message on a tree like, but boy, okay, but why couldn't they have hidden the thing, but put a

message in the trunk that was like, we're here, but we hid the thing. Hashtag, we're here. Well, hashtag, we hid the thing. Yeah, but there's no reason to dig up the trunk. Maybe they would have anyway just to see if there was a secret message. Yeah, but they didn't because it looked the same.

Fuck. They could have just carved in a tree like I said. Yeah, but maybe you could still compromise. They'll have the security, but like security... Put some branches over it or something. Dig has already carved in there.

Dig too. Just put a two under dig. No, no, fair point. I was trying to look at it too much from the perspective. You'll write. You know what it is. Stop with the empathy. We can't have it in this story. So Brahe and Wright turned around

and went back to the dying group. Wills came back from his time with the Aborigines on May 10th. Burke and King were still cutting up Brahe. He was mostly drawing in the sun in pieces. Yeah. Wills said the... Oh boy, I apologize to this Aborigines group right now.

Yandra Wanda had been eating seeds called Nardu. Sure. But he had never seen them actually harvest the seeds, and the next day they planted trees for Nardu, not knowing that it grew

on the ground. Okay. Wright and Brahe made it back to the group on May 13th. Patten was screaming in pain, McDonough was unconscious, and Balook could not travel. On May 15th, Burke once again told his crew to cut down what they were

carrying. Take off an arm. They buried what was left of their stuff, bringing a blanket each, some meat, some flour, and a bit of water. Why the flour? What is the flour doing at this point? You can eat it.

You could be just eating the flour? I mean, with the meat, I imagine, some sort of meat flour situation. If you batter the camel, you cook it up. Oh yeah. And then chips.

So they were off again. On May 17th, King saw some Nardu on the ground, and they were like, holy fuck, it grows on the ground. It fell from the tree. We are so blessed. Hashtag blessed. The next day, the next week, they mostly

ate Nardu, spending all their time gathering it and pounding it into flour. Will's decided to return to camp two. On the way back, he ran into his new aborigine buddies. They fed him and gave him a place to sleep for the night. He stayed there a couple of nights. Why is he leaving them? He liked them. I know, why is he leaving them?

He's like, yeah, cool. Give me that paint. Let's do this shit. We're bros now, right? But at night, he was in a lot of pain. He was having stomach cramps, constipation, and very, very painful shits. That's... Graphic? Yeah.

Like, it's actually pretty sad when you hear a story about two people, like, particularly in Australia, that you know a lot about, and you realise that most of their heroic journey was them just shitting. History will look back finally upon us, brother. Now, hand me that weird leaf.

Burke and King were having a different experience with the locals. Burke and King bartered for food, then an aborigine man tried to take a scrap of oil cloth and Burke lost his shit. Well, when you say lost his shit, in this time, we're going to need to be defined a little clearer. This is more figurative.

Okay. He shot his gun. Then a warrior walked up behind King, put his boomerang on his shoulder, and made a threat to kill him. The tribe was not pleased with the gun-shooting thing. They had brought these guys food for a while, and now they were being assholes.

Later that night, the aborigines tried to make up for it by bringing nets. Burke knocked the nets out of their hands and shot his gun again. Mah! That night, Burke was cooking

when a pan of fat caught on fire. Burke panicked, making it worse. A breeze set the gun on fire. All their possessions were destroyed. Jesus Christ. I just love your father's case scenario. Yeah. Bad night for a...

How do you guys like your camel? Oh God, everything's gone. I guess we shouldn't have told those aborigines to go fuck themselves. So, Will's made his way back to camp two and left his journals. He had no idea that Wright and Brahe

had come back looking of... They had no idea that Wright and Brahe had come back looking for them, because they had also left no note or anything. Because they felt like there was no need to. Why would they? There was no one there. But also I love that at no stage they had a conversation about...

By the way, leave it this day. Crazy. But if you do leave it this day and you want to leave a note. Why not? Just for fucking fun. Anybody who comes to the camp and leaves, leaves a note. Let's have communication, guys.

Get a sign in. Hey, we're out in here in the desert and we want everyone to live their own life, but there's just some certain camp rules that will just make this better for all of us. Sign in sheet. I know it sounds stupid, but we're going to have a sign in sheet. Okay.

So my name is... All right. That was one of the guys from Wright's camp. I do impressions of guys from Wright's camp, but that's the only ones I do. Okay. So... So, Will's

then goes back to Burke, but it was slow going. He was very weak. When he arrived at Burke's camp on June 6th, he found a fucking mess. Burke and King were sitting next to the burned-out Gunja. Everything they had was ruined, including their clothing

and bedding, while the natives sat around quietly staring at them. It's the first reality show! So, you know what? Let's see how this plays out. Oh, my God. Can you go over and tell the... Tell the Yanandeta tribe that...

There's a really good show going on here. Let everyone know. This is going to be a fucking good show. Hi, guys. Nice to meet you. You're not going to believe this. Your ratings are through the roof. We're dying. I know. And it is captivating. One of you is going to get voted off.

What's happening? Thank you. Great to meet you guys. Big fam. They burned the gunja and everyone just applauded. That was great, you guys. Great moment. In the reunion show, the camel comes back, turns out didn't die.

Who's been voted back on? It's Gray. What? Welcome Gola! Here are his messes villains. All right. These fucking guys. So now they were completely screwed.

They had no extra clothes, no bedding, no food. And the tribe bringing them food was done with them. So the three men just look for Nardu. But the way back, the Yan Druwanda made... Oh, so back then, the way the tribe made Nardu was different than the guys were making it.

The tribe washed the seeds as they ground them. And then they cooked them. The guys were just picking them and grinding them and eating it. And the more they ate, the sicker they got. And we'll start to realize that it was the Nardu that was making them suffer.

Oh, fuck. Turns out the seed is rich in thiaminase, which blocks the body from absorbing vitamin B. Unless you cook it and wash it, and then you're good. Right. You guys want to eat some death seeds?

Well, they had not read their important Nardu's and don'ts. They had to throw that book out. He threw out the cookbook. It's the captain cookbook. Sorry. Sorry. I can't believe you did that.

The whole time I was like, Nardon't. So now they all had berry berry and it was getting worse as they ate the seed. Berry berry causes anorexia, weakened legs, difficulty walking, pins and needles, tenderness of the calves

and a fast pulse. Wait, I love that. That sounded like an American pharmacy. It was like Viagra, Michael's death. Your dick will explode. You'll puke. Your wife will hate you. You're going to have emotional problems. You'll be powerful.

You'll jerk off a convo. Ask your doctor if jerking off a camel is right for you. Actual testimony. Oh, shit. Meanwhile, Wright and Brahe tried to make it back to camp one with their group. But it was hot and there was no water.

The camel started to die off or ran away. Patton died on June 5th. Everyone was pretty pleased though because now they could move faster. All right. Well, that sucks. Let's go. They finally arrived at Camp One on June 19th.

Wright quickly got on a ship and went to Adelaide to be with his family. See you guys. It's good working with you. Keep in touch for whatever. Yeah, give me a ring or whatever happens. Out there. Don't cry when you see camels. And don't shit yourself.

On June 20th, Burke King and Wills were camped by a water hole. Within two days, Wills could barely function. He said Burke and King should not die because of him and told them to go up the creek and try to find food. Wills wrote a letter to his father and gave it to Burke.

Then Burke and King left Wills. He had water, some nardu, and firewood. Their Wills died. Burke and King walked up the creek with just a few... It's so funny that they're Burke and King because it does sound like you're saying Burke and King. This is why it's not in Australia.

Not a lot of people know it started with camel hump meat. And still is, sorta. It's the same thing as eating nardu. Also, what I love about this story, to be honest, is because we must be getting near towards the end. In Australia, we know of the legend of Burke and Wills, but this dude King seems

to have been here for the whole fucking thing. Like, Wills is already fucking dead. And King's still in it. Why the fuck have we not heard of Burke and King? Why the fuck have we not heard of Burke and King? Well, he's not hungry, Jax. The Burke is the better. Oh, shit.

So they walked up the creek with just a pistol. King soon realized Burke could not go on and they stopped for the night. Burke wrote a letter to his sister. He then asked King to stay with him until he died, then leave and not bury him. Burke died the next morning. King now tried to go on.

He had buried, buried, scurvy, was malnourished and exhausted. He went and looked for the Yandruwanda tribe, figuring there was only chance. Back in Melbourne, they received word things were not going well. News travels fast. Not going well.

Look. Tables are left. Sit down. Maybe Gola? You were attached to Gola. Sit down. Also, Linda has some bad news, too. Actually, he'll handle exactly how Linda went. A man named Howard. A man named Howard was...

Things are going badly. We've had to discard the buff. My God, what are they going through? They must be filthy. At least they have the books. What? Well, then they have the Oak Table that sit over and talk to each other. No Oak Table?

How are they having discussions? A man named Howard was sent to try to find Burke and Wills in July, 1861. He knew how to go to Cooper Creek because Brahe accompanied him. Howard's party made it to Camp 2

but it seemed no one had been there because no one... Everybody fucking been there. No one left a note. Well, there's no fuck cut to the tree. Let's move on. Like, no one but... Nobody did anything.

Nobody's here. Make it look undisturbed. No one came here. Let's make it look like we were never here. Over and over again. I mean, four guys have been there and no one left a note. He did anything.

So, they went downstream. On September 15th, a scout named Edwin Welch was ahead of the group when he saw a very, very, very, very skinny man. The man dropped to his knees and raised his hands as Welch got closer.

He saw that it was a white man. Who in the name of wonder are you? I am king, said the thin man. King had been taken in by the Wajruwanda and lived with them for two and a half months. King told Howard where Burke and Wills died. They were buried.

Brahe, Doug, Burke's grave himself. As they passed a last time through Camp 2 Howard decided to dig under the tree. There he found journals, letters, and everything else that explained what happened at Burke and Wills.

Everyone was a little bummed about the timing and not leaving a message at Camp 2. Look. Look. Look. So here's the thing. You gotta laugh.

You guys will think it's funny. In the end, it will be funny. It is real. Let me tell you. One of the last things that Burke said to Wills was, look, this is hard right now, but in

under a couple hundred years it's gonna be a great podcast. It'll be funny. It'll be funny. They'll talk about all this. It'll be fun. This is, by the way, these are two of their national heroes, Burke and Wills. Clearly. Clearly, King just got

fucked. Man, this is like that fucking straight out of Compton all over again. Fucking MC Rand, not getting these fucking Jews. Right? That's what this is. Was it any different than you had known? Well, I mean, I knew that Burke and Wills like, were the original Hamish and Andy

and... But I didn't realize the fucking King was Ryan Shelton and got fucking eased out of the fucking myth. Can you say that? Again, a great local joke. Can you say that in American? It's like... Kevin and Bean?

I don't know how that's done. We're gonna break down who our local DJ is. You and I love it. You know, it'd be a lot like Kevin and Bean. Oh, shit. Andy's out Idiot Explorers, though. Andy's out, like, Lewis and Clark. Isn't that the American? Yeah, but Lewis and Clark,

I mean, they did some weird shit. They fucked Indians and gave them syphilis and... had to pound mercury, but they didn't, they made it. They lived, they didn't die. And the guy who survived doesn't just get

washed over, like... I mean, the guy's name is fucking King. They gave him some props. King got back home and he's like, keep me out of this. I don't want to know people to know I didn't do much. You were part of the shit Exploration, were you not?

No, I was not. No. And you're King, that idiot, he didn't check for the begrudges shut, no, no, no, no, no different, different King. No, I mean, no, I've been here the whole time. That is a very funny story I've heard. Those guys

Barry, Barry. Now I've heard everything. Anyway, today you can follow the Burke and Will's trail which is just follow the shits shitting hashtag lifestyle okay don't eat the snake don't drink the camel it's kind of the same in a way not for the camel you guys this is like a seven-hour podcast thank you for being a part of it you guys yeah that's it I mean this is our last podcast on this tour and it's been fucking amazing and you guys are terrific and we'll be out

there we'll sign and take pictures gone by the way will actually got another gig he's doing right now walk away but he's turning into a cloud of smoke but he's emotional it's very absolutely you guys at Birkenwilts I'm king thank you guys so much for everything honestly we're selling posters out there and taking pictures and on my top off