The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 113 - Reg Spiers (Live in Perth)

Episode Date: September 9, 2015

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Australian Reg Spiers, recorded live in Perth. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Ladies and gentlemen, rubes and glass holes, infinite jest and the flying

Scotsman is proud to present Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds. Put your hands together for the dollop live! Fuck you guys! You guys we flew here today from a city called Adelaide. It's weird. You guys just all did that at once like like you just came up with that together? I'll say I think it's very catchy. What else do we want to what do we oh oh right after this show there's a free stand-up show I'm gonna do some stand-up at the end of that show so that's right after this if you guys want to go to that. Yeah and there's a lot of your local Perthians? Yes. Perthian

and I'm not gonna say that. Perthinal. You guys have to be coming up with something better right now right? Chicken fuckers I like it way better it's already way better. What was that? Chicken fuckers over personalities. Chicken fuckers? You know actually now that we talk about it what? Cox and Cox is that what? I'm not sand gropers. You guys have really quit on trying to give yourselves some sort of identifying name. You just stop trying. I mean you quit? Are you hearing what you're saying? Oh by the way great great story on the news yesterday they were like and a building was shot at and I

was like seriously? A building was shot at? Good God people get your shit together. We have 14,000 killings a night. December 14, 1941. 1931? 41. 41. Oh yeah. Yeah we're in it. Fuck yeah girl. Oh by the way I would like to thank Jess and Ben for putting this on tonight. Very nice of them. If anybody wants to blow them they will accept that. And then this. I feel like that was Ben. That was Ben. And I would like to thank Gareth for helping put this together. Not you, another guy. Another Gareth. Yeah. Help me with this information. The other guy? Gary. I'm not gonna fight on his behalf.

Reg Spears was born in Adelaide. Do you guys hate Adelaide? Is there a city you don't hate? Because it's weird how you guys are like a fucking Athens and Sparta. Just everybody hates each other in Australia. Why don't you just all break up and be different cities and be like fuck that city. It's crazy. I know. Jesus Christ. I'd never experienced anything like it. You just go to a city and like fuck Sydney. You're like what is what is happening? You tell them the next place you're going they're like oh fuck that place. Really? You going to Darwin? God fucking luck. Hold on your asshole. What? And then you're confused because

you're like well the last place said you were horseshit so. Yeah everyone's like you got a bath. God fucking luck. They do say that though. They are probably fucking Victorians. Yeah. Victorians don't seem to like anybody I've noticed. Sure. I'd haven't noticed that because I don't really know who they are. That's where Melbourne is. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's very true. Reg Spears was born in Adelaide. Young Reg grew up to be over two meters tall. I don't know how tall that is. But it seems pretty large. He was strongly built. He was a handsome guy with blonde hair and rugged looks. Yeah. Yeah. Give me some of that.

Fuck yeah. Yeah. He took up javelin. Sure. Yeah. Steamy. Yeah. Shit was hot. Yeah. And he became the leading one of the leading javelin throwers in Australia. Whoa. Is that hard? Man. I assume there's like 30 guys who are like I'll throw that sweet javelin pussy. Yeah. His last name is Spears. Yeah. You put it together. Took a couple sentences. But you you're you're on a topic. He became one of the leading javelin throwers in Australia while still a teenager placing third in the 1961 Australian track and field championships and in second in 1962. So he's a fucking comer. Yeah. But here's the problem right off the bat is that

we're talking about a guy who's second and third. So it feels like this is not going to be the story of an amazing javelin thrower. This whole story is about a guy who's no it's not. No. No. It's not. No. It's not. No. No. Don't tell me to stop. You stop because he's you are a liar. It's about a guy who succeeds a javelin. No. He doesn't. No way. He's the Hugh glass of javelin throwing. I mean that's not good. His results led to qualification for the 1962 Commonwealth Games in Perth Australia. Chicken fuckers. Where he came in fifth. See. Not good. And he's getting worse. Yeah. With a best throw of sixty nine point seventy

meters. Spears continue to compete but his performances during the Australian summer of nineteen sixty three sixty four were not enough to get him into the nineteen sixty four Australian Olympic team. Okay. So who does he who does he hurt and why. So Spears at age at age twenty two traveled to England in early nineteen sixty four hoping to perform better and qualify for the Olympics during the English summer. OK. So here's a guy who's like I didn't I came in fifth. Yep. So I'm going to buy a ticket. Sure. I'm going to go over to England. Right. Little ways away. Yeah. And I'm going to I'm going to prove myself. Hey look. Perfect plan.

Go wrong. Yeah. Nothing could go wrong. Thank you. No. Why does he go there again just because he's like they are the best. I know. I think that's probably where the the team was and that they wanted to train with them or you know prove he was better than the guys that already beat him. OK. Anyway he could qualify there. So that's where he went. All right. I don't know why you're up his dick. Guy made a choice. Listen. Go ahead. You OK. Yeah. I mean I take issue with up in his dick if you really want to circle back on it. You really want to pick at it. That's the issue. Well I was just a turner for I was ready to move on. Let's

remember that. Man. Perth has turned you into a dick. He doesn't like to be around mines. It's all I got. It's all I know about you selfish. After arriving in England Spear stayed with British javelin thrower John McSorley. You want to be in on a conversation between two javelin throwers that fly on the wall in that room. Yeah. Oh get a pen and a pen. Just see how far through that one is McSorley. So I figure where OK. Do what my. They're waiting for an accent. They're waiting for an accent. But do McSorley. Well we'll get to him. It sounds like they're roomies. Sir I need. I need you to be patient with me. I will. I will get

there. I'm understand. I'm absorbing. You know my version of it. When it became clear that Spears would not make the Tokyo Olympic games. So it's in Tokyo. So I don't know what he's doing in England either. So it becomes nice to make it. And now he's broke and he has spent all his money on this trip to England. OK. So he's fucked. He made choices. Yeah. And I'm sure his parents were like. Look you don't want to go that right. You know. Why don't you just become an accountant like your father. I'd like to throw. No. There's not a future in throwing. Everybody's trying to throw. I've just always want to throw a long thing. It's wobbly.

Are you still here. I thought you left. I thought we had this conversation. I'd walked out of the room. The hell. Spears set his mind to raising enough money to fly back to Australia and got a job at Heathrow Airport. Cargo. Oh boy. Earn some cash. Oh boy. Right there. Not good. Not good. That is not. No. That's a desperate man in a place where he can. You know do some crazy shit. I think I see bad things for him. Yep. I see some trickery. But his plans changed when his wallet containing all his savings was stolen. So he had his all of his money on him. Yeah. That's how you did it back then. There were no banks until the 70s. Is that right. Yep. You get

all your money in your wallet. You're sure. Hey wait. Your savings in me pocket. Right down there in my pocket. So Spears desperately wanted to get back to Adelaide but now had no money. Reg particularly wanted to return home to Australia because his daughter Joanne's birthday was coming up. Jesus Christ. All right. Well he didn't plan properly. Well it's just going to be Joanne's first birthday. She's just a baby. Oh fuck. It doesn't matter really. I think I look I've always said this the best dad when you're an infant goes off to England to try to become a javelin thrower for a different country. Yeah. Well he was thinking about the future. I mean you know there's a lot of money in throwing a right

long. No if you're a good job or you can you can become. Well we all remember the story of Phil. The guy. Is there a guy who. Sorry I'm thinking of Richard Branson but. Yeah OK. No I guess there's no reason to do what he's doing. Interesting. OK. Proceed. Plus he was worried about what his wife might be getting up to while he was away. So he's thinking that his daughter is turning on his wife is banging people. Yeah. So he's going to try and get back. Yeah. Because he's worried someone is throwing the javelin and the wife a little bit. So one night in the crown pub in Twickenham. In October. You got to go to Twickenham. That's the home of the Twinkie. And it is. In October 1964 Spears sat down with McSorley and came

up with the details of a plan to post himself to London. From London to Perth. No. No. What. What. It's just a gentleman who's going to mail himself home. What's the big deal. He would be better off trying to throw himself. Well he's going to mail himself. Yes. He learned some stuff. It's time to start hanging out with other javelin throwers only because these are not good spitball sessions. He learned. He learned some stuff in cargo at Heathrow. Well I mean there's no way he. All right. Well you know. Yeah you're right. Let's get to when he put himself in a box. Spears worked in the cargo shipping section of Heathrow Airport. He'd seen animals come through that way and figured hey if they can do it I can

do it. Interesting. Interesting decision. Working in cargo had also given him inside knowledge about how cargo was handled. The maximum size of a crate that could be sent by air freight as well as what could be shipped without drawing undue notice from customs official is one of those things a human body. Reg persuaded his friend John McSorley who had excelled at high school wood shop. That explains a lot of how this plan is going on. Well I'll tell you as your close personal friend this is the best idea I've ever heard in my life. I can build a crate. You get me a router and I'll make little holes and we can put the screws in. Right. Yeah. Perfect. Just like a dog. Just like a doggie with his

own special box. Now remember if anyone kicks it you go or or or or or. That's the plan. Don't think we'll need anything more than that literally. So McSorley would build the box in which he would send himself home. I mean I can't believe they couldn't find a fucking box. They were like it can't be that hard to get a crate. Well it's got to be a pretty special box to put a fella in it. Sure. Yeah. Of course I agree with that. It is a crazy fucking thing they're doing. Yes. He told me this is McSorley. He told me it had to be five feet by three feet by two and a half feet. Sorry. One meter by point nine meters by point seven five meters for those of you who live in the rest of the world.

He'll come around. We're waiting. I knew Reg and I thought he's going to do it regardless of if he's going to do it I better make him a box that at least is going to get him there. Yeah. Friends. Yeah. Good buddies. That's a hard goodbye. You're going to nail your buddy in a crate. Good luck. Get there safe. I'm going to nail this crate shut now. I'm going to nail this shut now. Hope nothing weird happens. He'll be fine. I don't know what could. You're in a box on a plane. You're a human man in a crate. He'll be fine. The largest box they were allowed to send measured measure right five feet by two. Built two spear specifications the crate allowed him to sit up straight legged or lie on his back

with his knees bent. Mix sorely left thin gaps between joints to allow for ventilation and for reg to see through. Oh my God. It just sounds like torture. How long is that flight that flights what like. Oh it's long. It's a long baby steps baby steps. It's a long. Oh fuck. I mean you know it's like when you get delayed. Yeah I do. Unbelievable. Yeah imagine fucking great. Your flight's canceled. The two ends of the crate were held in place by wooden latches which could be turned from the inside so spears could let himself out of either end in case one and was blocked. The sides of the box were fitted with rubber loops two for his hands and one to tie around his waist so reg could hold himself steady

as the crate was loaded and unloaded. Oh my God. And because he's not an idiot. No. No. No. No. The man who's living inside the crate is not an idiot. Right. He marked it fragile. I think we all owe him a bit of an apology at this point gang. That is unbelievable. He also marked it this way up. Well you know how we've all you've all seen the baggage handlers very delicate. Oh no. They follow all the very delicate fragile. Yeah. Please don't ban. They have a code and if one sees another guy not putting it this way up he's like Marty. Yeah. What a fucking respected group of workmen. It's this way up and we're all fucked. We are Irish Airlines for some reason. Well I've got one accent that I too well. Right. We're

in Australia probably but we're just a couple of Irish baggage handlers who are telling you the exact point. Exactly. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh thank you. You're fucking you dirty fuck you. You're fucking orange men. Oh that got. Huh. That's okay. That got weird. That's all right. I turned into a I mean it's weird. I wish I've never done that. To avoid any suspicion that a person was inside the crate wrote not a person on the box. It's as airtight as the crate. Reggie is not inside. Yeah. Not Reggie. Probably dog. Very doggish in here. The crate was labeled as plastic emulsion sent from a fake British chemical company to a fake Supreme to the fake Supreme shoe company in Perth. Supreme shoe. So they

invented a shoe company to send it to. Yeah. They made a they called it Supreme shoe. Yep. That's kind of fun in a way too because you know they didn't go the first thing. So it's like what about cheap shoes. It's like no not not cheap shoes got to be fucking classy if they're going to be careful with it. Yeah. It's got to be whole crate of shoes. It's not like if you put if you send it a crate of shoes from London you're not going to put shitty shoes. Supreme shoes. What the fuck. Wow. I've seen a rainbow just now. It came out of your mouth in the shape of a great idea. What should probably get to work to go throw a baggage again. Oh fuck this way up right. Yes. This way up. Here we go Pally. Okay.

So the plan is good and sound right shoe company fake shoe come although the cost of sending such a large and heavy cargo cost a hundred pounds more than a passenger seat. Wait wait now stop stop. You're not going to have the answer to this question but how is that fucking possible because you can't send a passenger cash on delivery but you can send a package cash on delivery. Yeah girl. What's up. So it was free. Well. Sorry when they get to supreme shoe company they'll be like wait a second but don't you see a problem where they try to deliver it to supreme shoe company and there's no supreme shoe company to make the

take the delivery and do I see a problem. All I see is problems. I mean the idea of even getting there is I can't imagine. It'll be fine. Yeah. So he sending himself cash on delivery. You can't do that. Obviously with a person on an airplane. No. But you can't box. So a Mr. Graham was listed as the cash on delivery recipient. But the plan was that no one would ever collect the money meaning the trip would be free. So he just had to get on the Australian soil and then he'd break out of his box and run for it. Yeah. Hey. All right. You're right. There is a good ending. Yeah. He'll be fine. This is why you don't go into javelining. Javelining. So Reg booked himself as a package on an Air India flight

to Perth. I mean that already is kind of a weird call to right. Like wouldn't you just go with like a more basic like go to England airline. I mean that's an interesting idea. It just OK. I don't I mean at this point it doesn't matter. You could fly you could create yourself on any airline because you're not paying for it. True. So you know get your fuck itself something nice. You know fucking get on the Concorde. That's not a bad idea. Thank you. So the Air India flight to Perth would be via Paris Bombay and Singapore. What is happening. Well honestly do you have a reason for why it is that why that why go everywhere. He's like well I I have always wanted to see the sites. I'm just so excited

to get out there. I'm in India looking out of a box. Yeah. Well the limited range of the Boeing 7 7 0 7 using those days meant a bunch of stopovers were necessary. This plan is great. The fastest flight from the UK to Australia was about 35 hours. Oh fuck. What's in a crate. Yeah. God the 1960s the cargo holds of many commercial airliners were pressurized and heated to protect goods being shipped. Finding this out Spears was sure he would be able to breathe and would not freeze today. OK. Well that right there. Obviously he's not going to be able to breathe and he's going to be freezing. Spears is very smart. He's going to be very fucking cold. It worked out. Spears didn't eat for a week in preparation

for his journey. Yeah. Yeah. Because not a person in this room thought where's he going to be shitting. And now you are thinking that. And it's a fucking horrible thought. I don't like either version of it. But nothing. No food. Well. Well he. Yeah. I mean he's going to bring food with him but he didn't eat any food for a week. Going to bring food with him. Yeah he's going to eat in the box. But the food not eating for a week slows down your body functions. So it helps. It's going to help in the box. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Starving yourself for a week and then putting yourself in a crate on a plane is good. I've never seen David Blaine. Yeah. Seriously. The David Blaine should do this. What. Boom

boom. Somebody make a call back to a podcast. It's not out yet. But it's not out yet. Oh it is. Oh it is. Yeah. OK. Boom boom. You guys are going to settle the fuck down. It's like it was like your birds. It's out. It's out. It's out. It's out. So Spears packed a small bag with essential belongings. A towel. A flashlight. A bottle of juice. An identical bottle to piss in. Well. All right. Obviously he's going to drink his piss. I mean. But I like the bottle for piss. I think that's a good idea. Two tins of spaghetti. Well I mean the diet is a strange call. Spaghetti. One of which had a spoon and a tin opener attached by an elastic band. A packet of biscuits. A bar of chocolate because who doesn't want

to treat. Yeah. Yeah. And a tube of fruit gums. So we had a sweet tooth. Yeah. Yeah. You know for that late night snacking. Yeah. He also packed another bag with his passport. His passport. Why the fuck his passport. You have anything to declare. Spaghetti. Passport. Insane. Passport. A pair of jeans. His Australian team track suit. Can't leave that. He's javelin. Shorts. Two t-shirts. Underpants. Socks. His suit. His suit. Gotta look good when you come out of the crate. Hey. It's called supreme shoes. Gotta look the part. Smart shoes. His javelin boots. This guy really brought a lot of shoes. Table mats with pictures of beef eaters that he'd brought for his mother. He is a sweetie. He is a sweetie. You got to say that.

He's bringing gifts. And when you're bringing gifts in your crate. At three o'clock on the afternoon of the 17th of October 1964 20 year old reg tied his large bag to a wall of the box and got inside. As reg will later say. Can you imagine. I just got in the thing and went. What was there to be frightened of. Oh my god. You're planned. Your own plan. Everything. I'm not frightened of the dark. So I just sat there. It's like when I travel now if I go overseas there's a there's the seat. Sit at it and go. Same thing as a box bro. Highly different. Highly different. Just like a knee fly airplane. It's so different than being in a box. Very different. For 35 hours. As a matter of fact I think this story is going to help

me fly a lot more and be like very appreciative of the flying experience. McSurly and another friend. So there's another guy that knows this is happening. This is a good idea. Yeah. Two of your best friends. McSurly and another friend drove him to the freight terminal at Heathrow airport and checked in the freight. Naturally Reg's flight was immediately delayed course. It's gonna. I mean. Tell the next morning due to fog. No. I mean I feel like it's not starting well. Can't. I can't believe there's fog in England. Yeah. That is. Yeah. And you have no you can't say anything. No. You're just like they're just like yeah yeah well probably won't be able to go off until tomorrow at this point. We'll find out. You're just going to create like yeah also they

don't make a they don't make a delay announcement to the cargo. Fuck. Jesus Christ. The mental strength. Oh you got to be a javelin thrower to pull this off. Okay. So he was taken to a warehouse and forklifted. He was taken to a warehouse and forklifted forklifted onto the top of the pile of freight three to four meters above the ground. How is he planning on getting out? Well he have a plan to get out already cramped. Yeah. Of course he's gonna be very he's very cramped. He's not hydrated. He hasn't been eating and his life is in a crate. Reg had to stay in the warehouse overnight sleeping in fits. Apparently it's hard to sleep in a box. Man. With his box three feet high by two and a half feet wide and five feet long he

could either sit with his straight legs or lie down with him bent. At one point in the night he panicked when he thought the warehouse was on fire. I don't even want to laugh but man again you have to be quiet. Just be like... But then he realized it was just fog not smoke. Coming under the door like now he's in some weird Vincent Price movie. Yeah. Yeah. Seriously. I know what's going on in London. It's gonna be thriller all of a sudden. Fogging under the door shit is crazy. The next morning Reg was loaded on to the 707 for the first leg of the journey to Paris. Reg took this moment to get out of the box and stretch his legs. Oh okay. He ate a can of spaghetti but then felt the need to take a leak. He peed in his pee bottle but just as he did he

felt the plane descending. He panicked. Reg quickly got back into the box realizing too late that he left his bottle of pee on top of the box. He's gotta go get that piss. This is the tense part in the movie. Yeah. Oh my god. The guy's talking about it. Of course being French the baggage handlers in Paris thought the cans and savory contents had been left for them as a prank by their counterparts in London. Can you believe Claude? This has Claude written all over it. Son of a bitch. He's a man who I tell you what we do with piss and bottle we live for him. Ah we will shit in the bottom. It's just always escalating. It's a joke. How about the box of mers? Yeah. Easy John, easy. They were saying some terrible things about the English said Reg

but that's just standard French. Yeah. It's not like anything. It's not because of the piss. That's just a day at work. But for him that is just like going to see Mad Max. He's like this is the most entertaining thing in the world. Hearing two people talk about something interesting. I've been living great life. Hashtag great life. Yeah. They didn't connect the bottle and its contents with the box on which the pee maker was sitting. So god. So for some reason these French guys didn't find a bottle of piss and think hey there's a guy in this box. He actually was worried about that. Be careful with it. It's just fragile. On the way from Paris to Bombay Reggie four squares of chocolate and finish the first tennis spaghetti. Looking up. Being able to move about the cargo hold

helped. He exercised by running through the maze of boxes and doing push-ups and sit-ups. He's making a fucking thing of it. Now he's on like a cruise. That is amazing to be running little mini laps in there. He now needed to pee again but he had no pee bottle. So he used the spaghetti can. Securing it afterwards with one of his mom's table mats and the elastic band. Jesus. I mean you have like few things to remember. Bring your piss bottle back. Right. Don't leave your piss bottle out. Because now look what you're doing with the mats. Right. You're gonna have to give these to her still. He slept lying in his box. Landing on Bombay Regge was precariously balancing the urine filled spaghetti can between his thighs. Wait do you mean his dick? No it's

there's a you can put other things in this area here. Okay. I thought that was a euphemism. So he's holding it so it doesn't spill but the Indian baggage handlers maybe here's something maybe they didn't read English or maybe they just didn't give a shit but either way they unloaded the aircraft and up ended the crate as they placed it on the tarmac. I mean remember what piss was your biggest issue. Regge was now dangling upside down strapped in the baggage handlers then went on their lunch break. Oh my god. Regge was unable on was Regge was able to unhook himself from his straps and sit upright in the box but not hanging was the least of his worries. The box was now sitting on the tarmac at the Bombay airport in the midday sun. No. Oh my god. Oh here's something

we didn't think of. That's box. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh my god. The box quickly turned into a sauna. Before long he was forced to strip off all of his sweat drenched clothes. So he's now naked in the crate. Yeah. Yeah now it's like a World War II movie. Yeah. He's just having a match. It's the but you can't say anything. After two hours Regge was close to dehydration and was contemplating from what living in the crate sun. Yeah. Okay. Apparently it's hard to sit in the crate sun in a sauna when the only thing you have to drink is a little bit of juice and maybe you're pissing a spaghetti can. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's not easy. Yeah. So he's thinking about turning himself in. He knew that the press would have a field day if a mysterious naked man emerged from a wooden box.

Well you can put your fucking clothes back on. I mean if you're gonna get out like have the decency to get dressed again. Oh no I think you fucking break out of the box and just run across the tarmac naked. Then you want the headlines. Yeah. And you drink the spaghetti piss. Yeah but that's what remember me forever. Oh spaghetti piss. Yeah. So press but relief finally came when a vehicle arrived to move his box driving him out of the sunlight and onto the aircraft. Relief is such a great word for where he's at. Relief is now leaving the sun with your crate. That's like oh thank god. What a relief I thought. I mean finally I can just be in the crate on a plane again. This is heaven. This is just so excited to be able to go run laps around other

crates on a plane again. The next stop would be Singapore. In England it was 7 a.m. on the 19th of October. Rhett you've been in the box now for 40 hours. Holy shit. I mean I still think it's a good idea. Yeah I stand by it. I stand by it. I mean rararararararararar. Between Bombay in Singapore, the flight experienced heavy turbulence. Wrench got out of the box and discovered boxes and parcels flying across the baggage hold. Oh, man. He heard the captain... My brothers!

I will save you, Brother Crates! We are all fragile in the eyes of me! He heard the captain reassuring the passengers above him that everything would be okay. The plane landed in Singapore. Wrench was now completely exhausted, irritated, and dirty, and his mind started to drift. I wonder to what. Singapore to Perth was a bit of a blur. His juice had run out.

He... He's already out of juice! He's out of juice? Well, he's thirsty after sitting on the tarmac. I understand why he's out of juice, but Jesus, that's not good. They don't come down there with a beverage cart. Orange juice! He unenthusiastically finished his last tin of spaghetti.

He's fucked! He's out of spaghetti? Juice? Never thought I'd say anything like that in my life. He fell asleep with his legs poking out of the box. Now he's just lazy. Are you in the box or are you out of the box? Quick, Motherfucker.

He longed to break free from his claustrophobic, self-inflicted nightmare. Landing in Perth, the baggage handlers, Aussie accents, Aussie, yeah, sorry, sounded like heaven. The accents, how... I don't know if anyone said that before. The accents, how could you miss? I'm on the soil, amazing, wonderful, I made it, Reg said. He had climbed into the box 63 hours ago, five days, five fucking days in a freight.

Traveled 21,000 kilometers. He was unloaded into a freight shed. Into a freight shed? Yeah, like a shed for freight. Reg got out of the box as soon as he heard the warehouse door shut and locked it and locked with a chain and padlock, so they'd locked him in. Okay. In this big Australia, he found cartons of beer.

Just hanging around there, there's just beer. There's a lot, Australia, if there's a building, there has to be beer in it. That is kind of the best of both worlds. I mean, if you're just like, fuck it, I don't, I mean, he hasn't eaten, he's just got a little bit of spaghetti. A can of beer is just like, let me tell you what, a crate is the best thing you can possibly be inside of. Here you are, you erase spaghetti inside of your crate, you don't want to destroy a

piece, you just forget your can, put your mother's placement onto it a little bit. So he slammed a beer, slammed is not what you need to do, I mean, after his victory sip, Reg looked around and found some tools. He then cut his way out of the shed, careful to replace the padlock, so it didn't look like it had been cut and he walked away, still naked. Now he had clothes, he put his clothes back, he had the suit, remember? That's right, the suit. Spears, Reg, Spears.

I'll have a crate shaken, not handled properly. He walked away leaving an unpaid cash on delivery cargo bill of a thousand pounds, so he's just committed a crime. Right. He snuck along a series of warehouses toward the airport terminal, he then blended in with a group of passengers disembarking from a plane that had just touched down. I've been here the whole time. And it's like the first thing he said in five days, he's going to sound crazy.

What a flight, huh? Holy fuck, that felt long. He's still barking. That was insane, wasn't it? Did you guys lose your piss bottles? What's your favorite part about moving? Reg uses passport to clear immigration like a normal traveler and walked out of the airport. Great customs.

There was no security, I put on a suit out of my bag, so I looked cool, jumped through the window, walked out onto the street and thumbed a ride into town, simple as that, he said. Simple as that. Well, there's more pages here. There are more pages. It's interesting, you would think this story... I don't know how he's going to get back at the crate.

Would think this story would end there. It really should. It should. He got away. I know, it doesn't make any sense. There's more pages. There's a lot more pages. There's a lot more.

From Perth, he hitch-tiked his way across the... To India. He was like, fuck! It's that fucking road. The Nullabor. Nullabor. Yeah, the Nullabor, before meeting a priest who spotted him a train ride to Adelaide. That's very nice.

Reg had succeeded in making back in time for his daughter's birthday, but he still had a hard time. His daughter's birthday! I got you this can of spaghetti. There you go. Daddy lost 19 pounds. Yeah. Better than a thousand.

Oh, boy. His daughter. It's not a good father. He still had a hard time convincing his wife that this story was true. Back in England, McSorley was desperately worried about his friend because he had put him in a box and sent him off around the world in a plane. And Reg completely forgot to call McSorley and tell him... You motherfucker!

All you have to do is give the heads up. He forgot to tell him he had made it halfway around the world like a fucking animal. He made it. Now McSorley is in a bit of a panic and probably thinking since he hasn't heard from Reg that he's dead. So, McSorley told the friend of his who was a journalist in Britain about what they'd done. Can I tell you something in confidentiality?

I know you're a reporter, but I think you're the man. Let's sit in this fucking crazy story you can tell no one. So you remember Spears, the fella that was living with me. Right. Put him in a box. I'm sorry, you did what? Put him in a box. Hey, we just nailed him in and then put him on a plane.

Do you mind if I record some of this? So his journalist friend called Adelaide and from there the story was picked up by the media all over the world. Reg quickly became a sensation in his home country. But... I've never seen anything like it! It's close. Fuck you, it's close.

It scared the hell out of my mother. Nope. No, no, no, it went away. It's like a fairy if you get caught it. Off it goes. It's like a fairy penguin. We do like your fairy penguins. You upset because they're called mini penguins?

They taste pretty fucking good. Do you know why you were upset by that? Does anyone? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mad at you. Love you guys, sir. So Reg became a sensation in Australia, of course he did. It scared the hell out of my mother with the whole street blocked with the media. It would go on for weeks.

It was pretty wild. People admired his plucked spirit and self-control. What a larrican! Soon job offers began to come in. You had a dancing with the stars. Because Australia. Hey, mate, you went across the world in a box. The only spaghetti I'll eat is this piss.

The only spaghetti for a crazy javelin thrower, red spears. Get yourself a piss bottle, mate. Great chocolate. The only chocolate I'll eat when I'm inside of a moving prison. Soon the job offers came in because who wouldn't want a guy like that working for him. Qualifications went around the world in a box. Well, yeah. It doesn't make any sense to anyone who would give him a job.

So you like to get out of paying for shit and with almost killing yourself. Would you like to work for me? But businessman decided that if Rich had the ingenuity to make it through his perilous journey then he would make a good employee. First of all, there's going to be legal implications coming. You don't want to... Yeah, for sure. There's no way.

There's no way. And Australia? You saw what they did about Johnny Depp's puppies. Rightfully so. He's going to kill them. He's going to euthanize them. This dude shipped himself in a crate to Bombay in Singapore in here and then dressed like Bond.

He's lucky they didn't find him in Singapore. Oh, Jesus Christ. I mean, that really would have been fucking crazy. Yep. Can the shit out of him. Hello. That's a beer. Hi.

An Australian politician sent him five pounds to reward his Aussie grit and determination. It's cool to good on you. Good on you. Just a little fucking shit amount of money. Also, by the way, not really that much. No, nothing. Yeah. No, it's like a fucking...

He's a politician. Yeah. It's horseshit money. It's kind of like a valet, really. I mean... Yeah, he gave him five pounds. Yeah. Although, Rich was excited.

I got a telegram for a renowned Australian politician. I said, a gallant effort by a real Aussie, here's five quid. I'm winning big time. That's great. Rich has low standards. Dude, he was throwing a javelin and was not that good at it. I mean, this is amazing. But now he's like, I got five pounds.

I'm winning. I almost died. But when Air India found out, they sent him the bill for the package. That's fucked up right there. But this was not a great PR move because Rich was now a hero in Australia. The Australian population was upset and the airline eventually waived the shipping fee. Wow. Well done.

Are there really enough Australians going to India for them to be like, we will boycott you? You'll feel our wrath. In 1965, Brian Robson was a teenager traveling in Australia when he became desperately homesick. He wanted to go back to London. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. We're not talking about some Craig Britton shit here, are we?

It's just that I just... Don't tell me we've created copycat craters. He had worked for 10 months as a bus conductor and railway porter on the Victorian railways in Melbourne and had simply had enough. So he knows what it's like to travel in shitty conditions. Then he read Reg Spears. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He decided to do the same thing but in the opposite direction.

No, no, no, no. He got himself a box. A box or a crate? A box. A box? A box. It was smaller than Reg's had been. Reg's box was already too fucking small.

Yeah. And inside, he put a large suitcase and two pillows. He should have put a loaded gun. Three of his British friends then nailed the box shut. Who the fuck are these people? You're my best friend, mate. Now watch your head while I put these fucking nine-inch nails through your crates. And he would wait until he was London and then he would use a pair of pliers to get

himself out. I mean, honestly, you have to have a horrible plan to make Reg's plan look good. Reg's plan looks great right now. Amazing. This guy's plan is... This guy's gonna... Pillows in a box. That's his plan.

And a suitcase. Yes. You travel light. You bring a suit, obviously. If you're gonna do the exact same thing he did. As this crate was moved about, he was often forced to stand on his head and he repeatedly passed out. Now I will say, maybe a little bit better in a way, right?

His flight was redirected. Oh, shit, Dave, where to? He spent 92 hours in the box. He redirected to fucking Mars? Where the fuck? And he was in Los Angeles and a bad baggage handler spotted the light from his torch and heard him knocking. Did he finish the article about Reg or was he just like a paragraph in and like, ooh,

perfect, yeah. Do you hear that? Do you hear that coming from inside the... Hello? There's a bloody flashlight in there. 56 hours. I've made a bad choice. Oh, fuck.

He bent in the box much longer than the anticipated six hours. I swear to God. I mean, I would go fucking crazy. Like you wouldn't find me. I would be like, help. Had the baggage handler not found him, the plane was now headed to fly over the Arctic Circle where he surely would have frozen to death. The original plan was to get from Melbourne to Sydney and then a direct flight to London,

but the connecting flight was full. He sat upside down on the tarmac for 22 hours before he was put on the flight to LA where he would be transferred to fly over the Arctic. But unlike Reg, his hold was not heated. He was in horrific pain, had a hard time breathing and continually passed out. It was pretty scary. Yeah, the crate was a bit too small. He's still being polite.

Overall, it was nice, a bit too small if I'm being... But I'd rather... I'd rather a bigger crate. I'd like a bigger one next time. Yeah, next time. And Les Pillows really overdid it there. I only had a pint of water and a few biscuits to live on. I had finished the biscuits and had two mouthfuls of water left when they found me.

Most of the water had spilled. He just... How? I wonder if he must have just had it like a cup instead of like a jar. What? I mean, how? How? How does most of your water fucking spill?

He didn't have a top on it. Yeah, but what? I mean, honestly, what the fuck? I cannot... I'll be fine. This first five minutes in the crate, he was like, oh, I should have put a top on. Yeah. Your first five minutes are like, well, I have notes.

I mean, I do have a couple of notes for myself next time. Robson was arrested and taken to the prison ward at LA County General Hospital. Or as he called it, heaven. Only person who's ever said that about LA County General. A day later, he was in court and spoke to reporters from a wheelchair. His legs and arms were visibly bruised. He was... I didn't put a fragile on it, so it's just getting fucking tossed around.

I mean, that's crating 101. The fragile move. He was flown the rest of the way after being deported from the US. It worked. Just before he got on the plane, an airline official ran up to him with his shoes, which he had left in the crate. He apparently was just going back to London in his socks. That is a win.

It's still a win in a way. Robson was not held as a hero in Australia. A liberal MP in Victoria called him useless. He's no red spears. He's no fucking red. Well, the way red did it was he really like, you know, he carved out a niche for himself. This guy was a copycat. He's garbage.

The liberal MP wanted him prosecuted, but Reg is fine. Back in London, Robson said he planned to pay back the cost of the flight. Oh, good. All right. So everything worked out perfectly. Now, things went better for Reg. After the box trip, Reg and his wife, Marion, remained happily married for several years, and he had a second child.

He went back to trying to win a medal, returning to competitive athletics. What'd you do over the summer, Reg? Well, it's interesting, actually. Back to javelining. Javelining. Is it a thing? Can I say that? I mean, why not?

Well, the shit I say, who cares? Yeah, javelining. So in the 1966, 1967 season, he won the national javelin championship with a throw of 73.77 meters. That's better. Yeah, time in a box does that to you. Really makes you think about your game. Fuckin' Reg.

The next season, Reg recorded his best ever throw of 74.45 meters, but he only finished third nationally. He again won the national championship in 1976, 77, and he continued to compete until 80, 81. Jesus Christ. It's crazy. It's crazy. By 1980, Reg was living in a shared beach house with his new girlfriend and a few other

couples. Okay, so he got divorced. Yeah, things didn't work out there. Reg and his girlfriend... You know, relationships can be so confining. Being married to you is like being in a fuckin' box. I'd rather be inside the crate. You know what I mean, that, Reg?

So, his girlfriend, who is known as Annie, they were struggling for money. Why? Now, I realize this is weird for a guy who puts himself in a cargo box to not have a shift all over the world who clearly would be a great employee. Yeah, he's not thinking about retirement. You're kidding me. Apparently, he was having trouble. So, as we know about Reg, he's an idea man.

Oh, boy. And a fuckin' great idea man. So, Reg cooked up a plan to smuggle hashish from India into Australia. Dude, stop fuckin' with India. He knows how to box shit. You're not bulletproof in India. I'm good at boxing. No, no, you're not.

I can put anything in a box. No. And ship it anywhere. He's just gonna get into drugs? I ship myself across the world. I could ship a little bit of hashish. What's dried fragile? The plan involved taking advantage of a British Airways flight which flew from Bombay to

Auckland, New Zealand via Melbourne. One couple who would fly from Bombay to Melbourne with a boom box. Okay, so here's how it would work. One couple would fly from Bombay to Melbourne with a boom box full of hash. A boom box full of hash? It's the fuckin' 80s. That's what you did then. Sounds like a rap album.

So, they have a boom box full of hash and it's part of their carry on luggage. And when the plane arrived in Melbourne, they would leave the boom box in the overhead compartment for couple number two who would board the New Zealand leg of the flight. This plan is not good. And sit in the exact same seats as the first couple. And then take the hashish box? Couple two would then take the boom box through security in Auckland. Couple two loses in this scenario.

With security in those days, obviously not really bothered about flights between Australia and New Zealand. So couple two would then pass the boom box to couple three who would fly back to Australia and through the lax custom officials who were not bothered about flights from New Zealand. I have a feeling somebody's gonna be bothered about something. I don't know why you think that. Because you don't hear about this plan if it worked. And it worked.

Did he talk to the reporter or something? They were off and running. This went on for many months with the housemates rotating between the legs of the journey to avoid suspicion. However... I mean doing it more than once is crazy. One of the girls taking part in the drug relay plan had been doing so behind her boyfriend's back.

And he was getting suspicious because of all of her nights... All the boom boxes. The exact boom boxes are we gonna get? I love music. I've gotten into rap. Time to press play! So she's gone away for different nights and so he starts to think that she's banging other dudes.

He starts to think that she's having an affair with Reg. So he goes and he reads her diary. Unbelievable. How many of you read emails? Hi. So in there he discovered notes about flights and seat numbers and being a great boyfriend, he took it all to the police. Sure.

Cool guy. Yeah. In 1981 the ring members were charged with importing 40 kilos of hash worth 1.2 million Australian dollars. Jesus Christ. They were all given bail. I don't know. It's your country.

I don't know what happened. Why? They were all given bail. I don't know. Reg and Annie, along with one other ring member, decided they would not be going to prison. And if you're not going to prison, you always look to the idea, man. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, mate.

Don't go to Reg anymore. Reg is back. So Reg came up with a plan to get fake passports. His plan involved, what? It just sounded like things were starting to go good again. He was starting to like, but when he was throwing the javelin again, he was like back. It was like, okay, we did it. We got our celebrity off of the crate deal.

Now he's a fucking drug deal. He's like a drug kingpin now. He's Reg. He's not the Reg I fell in love with. His plan involved applying for passports for people they knew who would never travel. The trio acted as referees for each other, a process which required whole days sitting by the phone waiting for the passport offers to call. Referees?

Well, yeah, like, it does say referees. Yeah, references. Yeah, it's the old auto correct thing. That's different. You wrap it up? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're all good. We're all good.

Nope. Just was gonna work. So scared. I just blocked. I almost blocked an audience. Yeah. I have audience. No, you're taking down this podcast.

Whoa. So they would sit by the phone for three days waiting for the passport office to call, and then they all got their passports. Of course. So this all makes total sense and is fine. Under the new names of Bruce Pennington and Sonya Priestly. Oh, dude. Oh, that's an A-less couple right there.

Bruce Pennington? Yep. Very. Under the radar. Common name. I'm in love with Bruce Pennington. Reg, Annie, and the other... You mean Bruce?

Bruce. They escaped the country days before their trial. The others, meanwhile, were tried and convicted of smuggling and given sentences between six and fourteen years. The three fugitives flew to Singapore and then Bombay. Are those the only cities... Did he know of nowhere else and then went to two cities and was like, I know where there's two other places.

I've been there. I mean... Literally over a place. I was... They just... I sat there. I was in a box. You have to see the Taj Mahal from a kite.

So what? He doesn't mean it? Wow. Things just got weird up here. The dad is going to punch his child again. So where am I? Okay. Australia.

So they fly to Bombay. They're short of money, though. Them? What about all the boomboxes? And they're in a foreign country. So... So what are they going to fucking do now? Well, Reg is an idea man.

No. He's not. No. He's not an idea man. He has ideas. He has ideas. He has an idea man. No.

It's not. An idea man has good ideas. I don't know if that's really what you can say. I think it is. He came up with another... As a fellow idea man. He came up... He came up with another guy, another plan, with a guy from America whose name was Kurt

Danson. Probably not his name. Kurt Danson. The... Yeah. The other member of the ring... Just like a short dance. The other member of the ring is the third guy who had left Australia with Reg and

Annie quickly backed out and just took off. Where? For some reason being on the law, on the run from the law in a foreign country made him think Reg's plans were not that well thought out. He didn't want to be a Bombay fugitive. I feel like your previous plans weren't that great. Yeah. So Reg's new plan was to drive to Cochin, a harbor city south of Bombay where his ship

bound for Australia was moored. He and Danson would dive under the boat in the middle of the night. And what? Right fragile on each other? And attach... And attach! They're going to attach themselves to a fucking boat? No.

Hold on. I'm not excited. Hold on. So they're diving under the boat in the middle of the night and they're going to attach a metal case full of hash to the underside of the boat. And? It's a great, great plan, mate. It's a great plan.

He's an idea. And then the boat goes to another place and they take it off. And then they have, they have... It's not a great plan. It's a really bad plan. And what's crazy is it almost sounds like one of their better plans. So the boat with heroin attached to the bottom would then make its way to Australia where someone would collect the case and Reg would be rolling in money again.

Uh-huh. Yeah. But... Money means legal issues, right? Here's the problem. Everything? They, they get there in the middle of the night but they couldn't put the case on the bottom of the boat because it was full of water.

So they couldn't drag it under water to put it underneath. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The case... I'm sorry, air. The case is full of air. Oh, they couldn't actually... It couldn't submerge? So they couldn't...

Yeah, they couldn't get it on... You're telling me... You see two guys doing this... You're telling me... Ah, fuck! You're telling me in the case of Spears v. Science, Science 1? It's... Yeah, it's a science issue.

Oh, God. Reg was finally failed by something, failed by something that he couldn't take on in that science. Yeah. His great enemy, his old nemesis. That great enemy called reality. So he and this guy are trying to, for quite some time, put the hash on the bottom of the boat but they can't get the case down under water.

It's a great plan other than that. Yeah, it's real good. It turns out air doesn't sink. Reg's plans do. They could even get it under water to the bottom of the boat then as they were abandoning their first attempt of the greatest idea ever, Reg and Danson were picked up by a boatload of policemen. What for?

Well, fortunately, the boatload of policemen, they were all drunk. So they thought they were just two tourists who had gotten lost. I don't know what's happening. How? Don't. How do you even... I have no... There's no...

As many times as I've read this, I cannot understand how that situation played out. Were they just two wet guys with a suitcase? And the cops are like, hey, guys, do you want a ride? Or were they two guys who bobbed up from the water and the cops are like, get on the boat. None of it makes sense. I really wonder what, like, when the cops are just assuming that, you're like, exactly. Yes, we are just a couple of guys. Where's good Indian food around here?

Do you guys... I'm looking for something. We're so drunk. Yeah. We're so drunk. We're so drunk. So they think they're two tourists who got lost. They didn't even ask about the case that they were holding.

Of course not. Why would you? But the manager of the hotel they were staying in thought something was weird. Because they came in wet holding a suitcase. Just a couple underwater businessmen. That's how you walk in. You're like, cannot believe we closed that deal with a flanda. Can you?

Christy driver hard bagging. Well, anyway, off the bed, I'm bushed. Two keys will be fine, yeah. So the hotel manager called police. We're like, ah, is that my man? Have we seen him just now? He's just tourist looking at his face. You were on the boat.

So Kurt Danson is picked up by police. Of course they thought he was an American spy. So just nobody has any idea what's happening. It's fucking insane. For some reason this freak Danson out more than being called a drug dealer. I get why. He spilled everything. I'm not a spy.

I'm not a spy. I was just putting drugs on a boat. Jesus. Danson's talking. Yeah. He told them the truth. The cops went to the hotel and found 12 kilos of hash in Reg's room. That's a lot of hash.

Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of hash. Yeah, it's not a little bit. And that's a lot of air too. Which is illegal underwater. It's weird. I can put it under things in the hotel room. But not...

Like I can put it under the bed. Same with the bathtub. Look at it. Red sink. Yeah. But then I try to put hash in it. Excuse me. Do you have 12 kilos of...

How do you get 12 kilos of hash into a hotel room? Dude, how do you get a human into a crate? Fucking, this dude's getting shit into anything. Sip it down, baby. Suck it down. Sad dad. So Reg and Annie, or as they are known, Bruce and Sonya. Because we've all grown to love them, prison son.

As their new passports say, are thrown into separate Bombay prisons. Reg spends six months in prison. Uh-huh. Oh, the space. Now Reg is a great prisoner. Everyone loves him. He endeared himself to fellow prisoners and guards. And even though he had to wait a long time for his trial and the conditions of the prison

were terrible, he organized sporting events. What a cool dude. You guys want to throw? Yeah. Throw a javelin? Yeah, I mean imagine being the guy who's throwing out javelin as the yard sport. Just throw it in the guards and they're like, yeah, you can throw this spear. Yeah, go ahead.

It's a nice spear. Is there any problem with that? Yeah, it's fine. It's a nice spear. So he also stood up for weak and new inmates and even became famous by winning an arm wrestling match against a massive inmate. So he's a fucking hero. Finally, Reg was released on bail in 1983.

Where did he get the money? You ask? Uh-huh. Where? Well, Annie made it selling hash on the streets. That horrible life. While on bail, Reg and Annie continued to make money by dealing drugs. Stop.

I mean, that's what you do when you're in another country going to trial for possession of... Yeah, you prove them right, right away. You keep... Hello. Yeah. Aren't you a tall drink of water? Easy. Dave, Jesus Christ.

Reg had a plan. Oh, did he? Oh, yeah, he's an idea man. Yeah, what's his plan? Well, he and Annie used the money they had made selling drugs to flee the jurisdiction. Smart. How are they going to get the fuck out? They went to Goa in the south of India and quickly got into local hash dealing.

There. Oh, cool. Oh, hi. Oh, wow. Jesus. You're not going to get fucked out. They were now living comfortably by the beach for six months. Okay.

But they were still fugitives in another country. They woke to find their fake passport photos brawled across the front page of an Indian newspapers. Turns out the authorities had not given up on Reg and Annie. Me either. But they were no match for the genius Reg. Yeah, Reg's plan. He got new fake passports.

Ah, interesting. And went to Africa. Oh, better, yeah. Like your chances there, better. Now he was a French guy and she's a Kiwi. Oh, perfect. His name is Patrick Albert Claude or led do. He really fucking went for it.

I mean, not that Reg doesn't. And she is a New Zealander called Annette Joyce Chamberlain. Oh, God. And they, and they trekked from Kenya to South Africa and Zambia. They were kidnapped. Oh, good. That's where you want to get kidnapped to Zambia. It's a great place to get kidnapped.

Yeah. I was kidnapped there for a week. It's lovely. So they were kidnapped by an African militia. Perfect. Just classic stuff. Yeah. That happens to everybody on their honeymoon.

But then they were released because they had no money. That really tells you a lot about Africa. Then they met a guy who told them about a great business opportunity in Sri Lanka. Some other guy's idea. You hear that a lot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sri Lanka.

By the end of 1984, Reg and Annie were living in the penthouse suite in Colombo, Sri Lanka. What? Living a great life due to Reg's new business trading heroin between Sri Lanka and Amsterdam. There's to Reg. Fucking idea, man. Do you remember when we were like, this guy was in a box? It sounds like he still is. They were using the old classic boom box trick.

Oh, that old diddy. It worked so well last time until it didn't work. But they were caught because another guy turned him in because of the girlfriend. So he still thinks that idea works. They didn't get caught because of the idea. No. Well, that's fair. Yeah.

So, surprisingly, it didn't work, and Reg was arrested. Being a gentleman, he bribed the local police chief to get Annie off the hook. She disappeared. You mean she wasn't happy with how her life was going? Reg was not so lucky. He was convicted of attempting to smuggle 1.149 kilos of heroin. That's a lot, right? I've never actually seen a kilo of heroin, but I feel like it's a big amount.

It's a great look. I love looking at a kilo. Reg spent two years in the Sri Lankan prison system. That's it? Yeah. I mean, it's not one of the killya places. It's one of the, yay, yay. He's lucky, because a lot of these countries, they'll fucking...

Oh, Reg is lucky. Yeah. The movie that they make of him is going to be called Lucky Reg. Yeah, oh, yeah. He's lucky. So there are inhuman conditions, rats crawled everywhere, prison guards sold food meant for the prisoners. It's fucked up.

Do they sell them to other people? It's fucked up. Or do they sell them to the prisoners? It's just the big, fat prisoner eating all the meals. So full. Diseases were rampant and untreated. Oh, cool. Oh, being Reg, he made the most of the...

He made the most of the situation. He put on cricket games. Cricket games. He taught English to inmates and even started a musical ensemble who put on performances. Oh, boy. Reg would also act batshit crazy to freak out the guards or to demand special privileges. Well, I think he already did that by forming a musical group. It's like the biggest, like, he's out of his fucking tits.

He would often strut down the corridors completely naked to the delight of his fellow inmates. Oh, and have I mentioned they still did not know his real name. So he's still being French? Yeah. I still think he's the French guy. You know what sport is big in my country is cricket. Cricket. I love the cricket.

Everyone is playing it. I was... I like the cricket, I like the AFL. Haha, we call it footy, you know. I love the AFL. You got a wicket. Go. What are you playing with, right, boys?

All right, fuck off. I picked a name. You know what else we love to do is drink a beer. It's huge in my nation. Oh, also, damn, yes, we love a good beer. What is that? Someone making a fucking toast? What's happening?

Is that a phone? Is there an alarm going off? Is that yours? Your fucking shit's blowing up. Buddy, and it's on your knee. What the fuck is that? I don't know. What is it?

Oh, you pulled up a level. Do you work in construction? No, I don't. That was weird. That's the spirit of reg. It did. A level just popped up on his phone. That was so nice.

I mean, look. He had it on his knee. All right, we're good guys. Now the dad's like, you be quiet. Where do you get this from? So they still think he was Frenchman Patrick Albert-Claude Ledoux. And one day, someone from the French consulate came to visit Patrick Ledoux to see how he was doing.

He is not born. Reg just said random French words. You know, I felt our toast. I think I said Bon Anniversaire. I say Cressol, yeah, Cressol. We should talk in Australian accents to have fun. Just for she saying he gales. Oh, that's why you bring that up, because he told the visitor from the French consulate

that they had to speak English in prison. It has been what I like to call a nightmare. Every day they make us talk this horrible English stuff, actually even forgotten French. Oh, it's been insane. I bet if you even spoke French to me right now, I would not recognize your language because it's just a tarsher. They will beat me if I don't say it like, believe me, all I want to do is talk French to you, but if he has us here, I wish I could.

My mails are tied. He also tried to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry basket. Well, I think we're good on that. And he went on a hunger strike over a lack of medical attention. That's an interesting way to handle it. He was given the nickname Souda, Sri Lankan for dickhead. For white man by the fellow prisoners. They went really literal.

Yeah, they were like, yep, he's white. All this and he hadn't even got on trial yet. In 1987, Reg's trial finally took place. The penalty for drug smuggling in Sri Lanka was and still is the death penalty. And that is exactly what Reg Spears was sentenced to on the 2nd of June 1987. Jesus. Yeah. I think we all feel the same.

We don't want to lose our Reg. Oh, shit. Last page. How do you think it's going to go? But Reg had an idea. One thing he knew about Sri Lanka was that the police were horribly corrupt. So he appealed his conviction and represented himself in court. That is to finally, okay, they sent him to death and he's like, I got this.

Yeah. Have you met my lawyer? Me. No worries, mate. No, it's the death penalty. No worries, mate. He got the court to re-examine the evidence against him. Well, there wasn't a lot.

Specifically, he wanted them to examine the boom box. But it was full of drugs. Right, but the police are notoriously corrupt. Oh, examine the boom box. He was taking a wild chance on a hunch that the Sri Lankan police being corrupt would take the heroin. And Patrick LeDoux had the drugs weighed in the courtroom and sure enough, almost a half a kilo of heroin was missing and he was set free.

LeDoux! LeDoux! LeDoux! LeDoux! LeDoux! LeDoux! LeDoux! LeDoux!

LeDoux! LeDoux! Although, at this point, they figured out that he was rich spears. And so they had him extradited back to Australia, where he was tried and convicted of previous drug crimes. He spent over three years in prison in Adelaide. He was visited Adelaide. He was visited by John McSorley.

Oh, hey, fuck, I never thought I'd see you again, what have you been up to? Jesus Christ, are you a sight for McSorley eyes? To fucking log. Next time, give a fucking call. To fuck. You know what, next time I'll just pay for your tickets. It seems like it went kind of sideways. Actually, now there's websites where you can kind of bid on this sort of stuff.

Yeah. Almost. Have you heard of Orpitz? Yeah. To hold, if in word. Or a courier. Or a courier. Courier is a thing.

Yeah. And husband for a while. Probably when you started this. Anyway, retrospect is nasty, huh? Yeah, I'm talking a lot. What have you been up to? So he came with his wife and his sons. And it was the first time the two had seen each other since June, since 1964.

Julie and Marcus McSorley published a book, last year, called Out of the Box, that one wrote itself. Yeah. Out of the box, the highs and lows of a champion smuggler. By the way, there's one chapter on the highs. Yeah. Well, no, he did come in second, that one time. That's the low.

Yeah. I think that's the low. When he came in second and third, I don't think anything else has really happened and that's been bad. No, you're forgetting about... He's seen a lot of countries. No, you're forgetting about when he put himself... He's toured a lot of places.

A lot of... For sure. A lot of people don't get to see other countries. You're right. I guess when you're sitting naked in an Indian crates on a... That's a bronze. Gras all. So in 1994 in Bonn, Germany, Annie walked up to the Australian Embassy and turned herself

in. What? She was extradited to Australia where she was given only six months in prison due to a psychologist's report that said her crimes were the result of, quote, infatuation bordering on obsession for Reg Spears. I think we all know how she felt. In 2011, Reg's second daughter, Jane, now 44 years old, was jailed for six years for the production and sale of methamphetamines.

The judge said Jane Spears had turned to meth after being kicked off the methadone program. In 2009, she allowed her boyfriend to turn her home into a meth lab. She's an idea person. Lab's a strong word to attach to that. With a lab out of the potential to produce 1.2 kilograms with a street value of between $200,000 and $600,000. Sounds like a lab. In 2012, Reg Spears and his girlfriend, Caitlyn Disney.

Caitlyn Disney. Because this is a fairy tale. That can't be a real name. Yeah. No. Yeah. That's her passport name. Both of Largs Bay?

No? All right. We're rested on charges of cultivating and trafficking a commercial quantity of cannabis, as well as the possession of a revolver. The Beatles album? In court, in ad... What? The Beatles album?

Yeah. That's right. Revolver. Right. Yeah. Yeah. The Beatles album. Taxman.

It's illegal here. You guys really should hear it. It's really good. Rubber Soul also is not allowed here. Man. Fuck. Other ones. At court in Adelaide, they asked to have their bail lowered so they could travel on a planned

holiday. No, is the answer a planned holiday. Prosecutors opposed saying there was an increased risk of the two absconding if they were allowed to leave the country. But Spears Lawyers said they should be entitled to their overseas trip because they had already paid for it. I mean, I guess if Reg buys a plane ticket, there is a lot of value in being like, let him do this.

He's really come a long way. The point is it was booked well in advance, said the lawyer. So... It was already booked. Feels... Your honor, he already paid for it. So... Don't be weird about this, Judge.

Magistrate Alfio Grasso granted their bail, and they were allowed to go on vacation, saying they had not previously failed to attend court. What? All he's done, all he's done. So they're... So we don't know where they are anymore, right? In January of 2013, they returned to court. Wow.

They went on vacation, and they came back. How about that? Yeah. How about Reg learning some stuff? And the charges were dismissed for lack of evidence. Wow. So we could like potentially go have lunch with him? Reg Spears, 73 years old, now lives in Adelaide.

We were just... We were just there. Sick, I'm fucking linked up with him. Today, all cargo loaded on planes is screamed. No hero. A national treasure. You guys should have a Reg Spears day. Yeah.

Week. Nobody should have to go to... Like, you should not have to go to school on Reg Spears day if you are willing to sit in a crate for the day. Like, it's a holiday if you just sit in the fucking crate. Oh, my God. You guys. You broke the mold with ol' Reg.

Fuck. That is insane. So here's what I'd like to say. Stick around for the comedy show. Yeah. And come tomorrow night as well. And come tomorrow night as well. We'll be at the Civic tomorrow night.

Yeah. And there's no more tickets for the podcast, but the stand-up show will be great. It'll be me and Gareth and Bill Cosby. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Drink Sunday. He's starting over.

And Perth is his first. Yeah. We're gonna be selling some posters right back here at the table. Yeah. And a couple of gentlemen just... And we'll take pictures and, you know, kiss all your babies. We'll take a picture of it. When we were in Canberra, three guys yelled balls out and took their scrotums out.

Oh. Yeah. Let's not do that. Let's not do that. By far the weirdest picture we took was when three dudes or maybe four... No, two, because one kept saying, I can't get it out, I can't get it out. Sorry, I was counting by balls, not humans. But they took their balls out and then thought that it was weird that we didn't take our

balls out. Yeah, they were like, come on guys, take your balls out. And we're like, I don't know. I have a family and that's actually a crime. Yeah. And they were talking shit about you guys, just so you know. They were talking shit about Perth, because all your cities hate each other. But thank you very much for coming out.

We very much appreciate it. Yeah, you guys were great. Yes. Thank you so much. And yeah, thank you. We'll fucking be around. Let's chat. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.