The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 114 - Alexander Pearce (Live w/ Wil Anderson)

Episode Date: September 13, 2015

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Australian Wil Anderson to examine Alexander Pearce. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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I swear. I really thought I was like they're not Garying. That's great. Someone from the back the grassy knoll was like Gary I've got a dream. Interesting. No coincidence that Dave came to Australia at the exact same time all the addresses from Ashley Madison came out. No honey I'm going on a podcast tour. You know what? Gareth we need to go to Australia tomorrow. I was just curious I wasn't actually doing anything I was just I paid a thousand bucks just to like look around. It's fun to hit on women digitally. It's fun. Digitally. Yeah a digital hit. Digitally. A digi. A digi hit right well I'll back off. I figured that was

gonna go to a digi do but did not. No. Sorry I've let you both down and all of you. 1633! That is early. It's gonna be some butchering of names right now. Absolute butchering. Abel Tasman. Correct. Nailed it. Yeah. One for one. Alright let's wrap this up right now. Let's quit while we're ahead. Pekani ships captain for the Dutch East India Company in 1633 right after his second marriage. He lived in Batvia, Batavia, Batavi. Those are your options. He had to actually leave the country because their version of Ashley

Madison's. I'm going exploring love. Have you been leaving notes on other women's doorsteps? Alright so is it Batavia? Batavia? Batavia? Fine. He lived in Batavia which was the capital of the new Dutch commercial empire in the East Indies. Are you following so? Yeah they made commercials. A lot of people say Gareth isn't smart. Gareth puts all his knowledge into animals and bugs. He watches documentaries 24-7 24-7 and today we're walking on the street and he goes beetle slip for eight years. Well on average guys I don't quote me on that that's just Arthur Pud stuff gang. Just a little Arthur Pud. Everyone was pretty

sure there was a southern continent but Spanish navigators who crossed the Pacific Ocean from the Americas had not found it yet. After 1611 Dutch vessels which were blown east after rounding the Cape of Good Hope. What? I don't know they just got blown east. They came around the bottom all the way across the. Get out of the way it's the crazy Spaniards. We've been blown east. The Spaniards would occasionally come up to the coastline of what was called Terra Australis on their way to Java. Coffee. But David authorities soon decided to find out whether this place had any commercial potential in 1642. Tasman was chosen to lead the

expedition. You guys getting what this might be so far? Spoilers it's about Australia. I had a feeling. He left in 1642 with two ships the Heemskirk and the Z-Heem. Sorry Dave. Niled it. Can we run that back in here one more time just so they Heemskirk and the Z-Heem. And? From Maratius. He went east and drove right in event demons land on November 24th. Now it was on the map. Aboriginal people had already lived there for about 35,000 years. They would not live there that much longer so. They had a good run. Fucking spoilers. Tasman did not step foot on the island however. He sailed off and found New Zealand. But before he did he named the

island Antoomch van dieminsland after his sponsor. This is Antoomch van dieminsland. The land. Everyone's like that's a great name dude. Rolls right off the top. It's catchy. I'll say that. He was the... Dieminsland was the governor of the East Dutch East Indies. Later the British would say that was too long of a name and it was shortened to van dieminsland. 1717-1772 a French expedition led by Mark Joseph Marion Dufres. You're doing great so far. Isn't he doing great everybody? Just killing it. He was the first to step foot on the island. In March two of his French ships anchored off Cape Frederick Henrik. You shouldn't. That's

fucking bullshit. It's funny. Frederick Henrik. You get it? It's similar. They got off in search of fresh water and timber for repairs. Dufres and his men landed on a long boat in March and were the first Europeans to meet the Tasmanian Aborigines. Right. Party time. They encountered them at North Bay, members of what has been called the Oyster Bay tribe. There were 10 bands of this tribe which totaled about 800 individuals. At first relations between the French and the indigenous Tasmanians were cordial. That's great. Yeah. They're like, hi how are you? What are you doing? Look at you with your... Uh oh. Is that a quote?

Well then shit went... Then one of them was named Australia in the year and everyone started booing him but not really... You don't know what that is, do you? Yeah. Thank you for no follow-ups. You root... Your supporter or calling would. I get it. What's happening right now? So... Is that pretty good? Yeah. Thanks. Wearing coins like that I carry though. Exactly bro. Bingo. Read my mind Will. Things went quickly south between the French and the Tasmanians. The French were attacked with spears and stones and the Frenchmen fired their guns back, killing one aborigine, wounding others.

One of the Frenchmen was hit in the leg with a spear. Yes. Do French was like fuck this bless? My fucking leg! Yo fucking cunts! First time cunts was ever said. What does that word mean you just said? It sounds so nice! Yo fucking cunts! Let's go to New Zealand. Let's go to Scotland! After... Huh? I'll start pitching ideas. I thought this was a safe place. Sorry. Je regret. I can't do a French accent so you guys got this. They went to New Zealand on March 10th. Things there went pretty well for a while but three months later. Do French unknowingly breached Maori etiquette and taboos. About Maori. Maori? Alright. Whatever. What? A Maori? Maori?

There you go. Look at that. That sounds like someone who knows. And by the way, Yakiwi getting all up in my fucking shit? Easy, baby. Easy killer. Easy killer. Also it's taboos. Of all the races and nationalities you've mentioned so far, the ones that you the name you want to get right are the Maori. Well you're about to find out why. He didn't greet the king the right way. He cut timber and went fishing without permission. So do French and tuba's longboat crews were killed and eaten. Alright, so they're eating people. But just to make a point. Yeah, that's true.

Well, I don't like it. I had a big breakfast. Me? I'm stuffed. I'll have a rib. In August 1803, a New South Wales Governor Philip King... Governor King? That's confusing as fuck. King Governor! No, the other way around. Whatever. I'm the Governor King. Yeah, but I'm talking about his counterpart. I'm just not getting involved in that one because I think you'll edit it out. King St. Lieutenant John Bowen to establish a small military outpost on the Easter Shore of the Derwent River. Derwent? Derwent? You know how they came up with that? They'd be like, where was that boat? And they'd go, Derwent down there. Down the

river. Derwent that way. Don't get blown east. It was called Camp Risden. Names are all over the place. Yeah, it's gonna get worse as these shows go on. Okay. That camp wasn't working, so several months later a second settlement was established by Captain David Collins with 308 convicts about five kilometers to the south. This later became Hobart. The worst criminals, repeat offenders, and unimaginable prisoners were sent to penal settlements in Van Diemen's land. It was the perfect penal colony because a huge labor force was required to establish the settlement and inaccessibility and wildness insured security. Yeah? Okay,

sure. Like our Alcatraz Island. Okay. We didn't have to kill all the black people to get it. All right, all right. Baby steps, Dave. We just start an island. Let's baby steps. Baby stepper. That'll take baby steps. Totally fair. Yep, slow down. Yep. How you doing, Hobart? All right. Hobart didn't go well. Left on their own without supplies, the settlement suffered severe food shortages. Many of the cattle and sheep Collins asked for it died in transit. By 1806, its inhabitants were starving with many resorting to scraping seaweed off rocks and scavenging washed up whale blubber from the shore to eat. I mean, to be honest,

that feels very hipster. Do you know what I mean? Maybe they were just the hipsters of their time. I bet they had fucking cool beards. And talk about abs. My God. Well, it's the seaweed. Yeah, it's the seaweed. Yeah. But but just sitting there eating whale blubber doesn't seem just it's not you have it. You don't have the seaweed on it in your mind. You got it. You have a little seaweed on it. It's like a wrap. Also, why the fuck are there? Why the fuck are there just big chunks of whale blubber floating? Well, that's a good question. That's a fair point. That's when whales were exploding themselves. It's suicide whales, you know. Yeah, that was the great

whale emu more. Yeah. Yeah. You were fuck. Oh boy. Remember the trouble we were having with well kinder? I'm working on one. I got nothing. I got nothing. The food supply became so low, David Collins had six whalers from a ship flogged for refusing to hand over two casks of biscuits. What? Wait, what just happened? There was it. Yeah, you're gonna find out that these these people here in this country really liked flogging. And this national pastime. I'm surprised that they didn't make it into an Olympic sport after a while. There's a lot of flogging that happens. Okay, so these guys had biscuits and they were like, no, you can't

have any. He's like, beat the fuck out of them for biscuits. Yeah, biscuits. Must been some tasty goddamn biscuits. Tim Tams. I would flog the fuck out of anyone for a Tim Tams. Yep. I'm on a record notes for Tim Tams. Thank you, everybody. Tim Tams dropped out of sponsoring me. Why? Too aggressive. I can't fucking love him. Put Tam on the phone. This company's gone to shit since Tim left. Hello, this is Tim. Hey, Tim. Hey, how you doing? It's Garrett. Is Tim around? Yeah, he doesn't want to talk to you right now. Listen, tell Tim I'm sorry. Tim, don't do this. Tell Tim to tell Tim

to not do this, Tim. Tim said you're too aggressive. God damn it. It's Tam. I'm on the line. Tam, were you listening the whole time? I was listening the whole time. Listen, Tam, I know I got aggressive. I just want to make fucking mouth love to Tim Tams and I just, I just overdo it sometimes. I don't know what's wrong with me. Tim, Tam, Tam. Tam Tams, Tim. Please leave Australia. It was soon discovered that wheat thrived in areas nearby by 1817. Excess produce was being exported to Sydney from Tasmania, so they did okay right away. Okay. A smaller colony was established in the north of the island in October 1804. Many convicts

were escaping and when they were caught, they had to be sent to Sydney for a trial. This was expensive and inconvenient. Oh boy. So the Lieutenant Governor proposed making a penal settlement and Van Diemen's land for those who attempted escape. This led to the opening of the very harsh penal colony at Macquarie. Macquarie? Macquarie? Fucking so close. I was so fucking close. Very close. Sniffing around it. Macquarie? Harbour on the West Coast. It was also to be located there because of all the nearby Huon Pine. Sure. Which was Huon. Fucking. I love that some people now think it's a game to get in first.

Yeah. Yeah. That's so close. Fucking mate, you can get the rest wrong. We don't fuck without porn. They'll flog you. Macquarie Harbour Penal Station was established on Sarah Island in 1822. It was created with the purpose of being so horrible that convicts would think twice about trying to escape. Authorities believed the reputation of Macquarie Harbour would act as a deterrent and that it would somehow cause bad characters to reform. But why don't you just make jail like that? This is jail. Oh, but then it's like a set, it's like a extra punishment jail, right? Yeah, it's like a double jail. Yeah, so why not just

make the original jail your double jail? I'm fucking cutting spending, Will. Shit. You know what? You know what, there's a lot of red type in this plan. Go strike the bad Gile. Yeah. All right. Well, there's one flaw. The rest sounds pretty airtight. It was considered to be one of the harshest penal settlements in all of Australia. It was created as a place of banishment within the colonies, taking the worst convicts and those who had escaped from other settlements. It was isolated by the sea, a mountainous wilderness and hundreds of miles away from other settled areas. There were no roads that could only be

reached by sea. It was said no other penal colony was more feared by convicts than Macquarie. The convicts were supervised by military detachments of several regiments and by a variety of civilian officers, supervisors and constables, many of whom were ex-convicts. That's good. It's gonna work out fine. Yeah, that'll be fine. I'll always remember, and you do frames first, night and Macquarie first. That's my Morgan Frayman, by the way. That's why I didn't get in the French one. No gift access. Besides the horrific weather, convicts were treated brutally. They were not fed well. The settlement could not produce

food. Mound nutrition, dysentery and scurvy were common. On occasion, the convicts' rations were greatly reduced due to delays in spoilage of supplies from Hobart. A report from 1828 describes 2,040 pounds of colonial salt beef, very bad and putrid, unfit for use to be destroyed. Jesus Christ. They're getting shit beef. Yeah, bring on the blubber seaweed. Not to the usual high standards of colonial salt beef. I'm sorry, this beef is too shitty for our time, which is fucking crazy. This beef was like it's from the 1600s. They were not given proper clothing,

housed 32 rooms, spent days performing difficult physical labor, like cutting trees and mining coal. Prisoners worked 12-hour days and winter, 16 in the summer. Some moved logs, waste deep in an icy river. Prisoners were frequently forced to sleep in clothes that had become soaked after waiting ashore from the work party boat. These are your ancestors. I mean, to be honest, this is pretty much what we do now, but it's a fly-in-fly-out two-week model. He could make a pretty penny off of that right now. This is what Gina Reinhart wants to bring back. That's good local material. You guys didn't give that

that toilet. You guys read a paper. Anyway, can I have another beer? Oh yeah, you got one over there. There's a little area here. There's a postman that brings beers. What? What? What happened? You guys, all right? You guys, I got, my beer has the word wood on it. Yes. And that guy got pretty excited by it. And then like a couple of his friends are like, I'm so excited. Wood, wood, beer, drinking, can I have a beer? Fuck yeah! The fact that you enjoyed that that much makes me feel better about that really smart Gina Reinhart riff, not worth it. I just didn't pick my room. I get it. Wood! Wood! Now I've got you. Like it's his dick, Dave. Oh, I get it! Yeah! I get it!

Oh, fuck! Yeah, he's, yeah, I don't know. I'm just agreeing with the man. I want, yeah. Okay, all right. Lashings with a cat or nine tails were very common. Comics were punished for the smallest things, like singing. What? No, I wasn't. I was just pausing a lot. No, I wasn't singing. I swear to God. I have a stutter. Now if I don't sing, cause I'm stutter. Get him! It'd be great if that was an option on the voice though. Like if like two of them spun their chairs around like, ah, yeah, I want you in and another guy's just got a cat or nine tails. Ricky Martin just flogging you. He flogs, he flogs. It would be great. It would be great. That's an idea. I have that. That is an idea. The first

Commandant Lieutenant Colthbertson was described as a sadistic bully of peculiar qualities. He liberally doled out lashings in an effort to stop the frenzy of escapes in the first years. The McCory cat or nine tails was reputed to be heavier and larger than that of the Army or Navy. It had seven knots in each tail and a double twisted whip cord rather than usual single cord. Especially during the early years of the Penal Seliment, the McCory cat was used with relentless frequency. In the first seven years of settlement, an average of 6,560 lashes per year were given to 175 men. Who was counting? Like I was like, I

hate this fucking job. Holy shit. Hey, I didn't hear the clicker that time. Oh god. Oh my god, I lost count! Start the lashing again. I also love that it was bigger than the Army's cat of nine tails. Like so even back then we were doing our version of that's not a knife. Yeah. It's like a cat of 12 tails. Bullshit. That's not a cat tail. This is a cat tail. Nine tails. Nine tails. Convict Scrummy Williams. Scrummy. Scrummy Williams. Yeah. What held the record for the most lashing is given to a prisoner. A total of 500 floggings. On one occasion Williams was pronounced unfit to receive the remaining 25 of his 100 lash sentence and was taken to the

hospital where he made unsaved remarks while... Why would he do that? Why would he do that? Shut the fuck up! He was taken out to receive the remainder of the... No! That's fucking right, mate. You get knocked down, you get back up again. It's like fucking Chumbo Wamba. It is Chumbo Wamba. Chumbo Wamba. The regional leader of the Aboriginal people of Tasmania. I am Chumbo Wamba. A lot of people may get knocked down, but we will get up again. You ain't never gonna keep us down. That was an accurate exit from the time. The situation was so hellish that prisoners came up with a way to get out for several men at once. The prisoners would draw lots and the loser would allow

himself to be killed by the others. What? Whoa? Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm hoping this wasn't plan 8. Yeah. I hope they went through a list of like... Hey, you know what? Okay, this will work if we get... If we need it. But can we not work shots of other ideas? I think we've got it with the killing a guy. I really do. I feel like we hit a home run from the beginning. Yeah, I agree. I want to kill a guy. Yeah, let's draw these straws. So they would draw lots and the loser would be killed, then they would all confess to the murder which would lead to them being sent away for trial and execution. Oh. We're out! So it's kind of the usual suspect. Yeah, totally.

Some convicts who committed serious crimes such as assault or murder were tried in Hobart on occasion. On one occasion three convicts found guilty of murder were hung on the island in mockery of a commandant's right's intent to use the execution as a deterrent to other convicts. Two of the condemned men laughed and joked from the scaffold with their fellow prisoners displaying, quote, an impaling indifference to their fate. I mean, tough gig. Yeah. Oh my god, he's lighting me already. That's the light already, fuck. Right. Get the light. Get the light. I got like another minute. I may have to close her. No one understands that, but comic. Only Lindsay is in

back laughing. I don't even think he is. No one is laughing. We had a good laugh. I mean, I think that's what matters, right guys? 116 comics escaped between 1822 and 1827. 75 of them were never heard from again. The sea destroyed small boats. You couldn't swim. To freedom, the bush around the settlement was thick. If you did get out, Hobart was 225 kilometers away. Most of them would just disappear. That would be it. Alexander Pierce. By the way, that was a really happy ending. I mean, it is actually quite lovely down there. Yeah. Like the hike from Lake St. Clair Cradle Mountain. I mean, if you're out in the middle of there and you

just living in the bush, you know what I mean? It's a nice little walk. It's a nice little life. You went out hiking. That's where I want to go. I feel like it's different if there's no houses around like there are now and stuff. I feel like then you're like, oh, I'm gonna die. Oh, no, I reckon you had lower standards. You were happy like with what you had. Like now it's all about where's my McMansion and my ping pong table. But like, you know, back then it would be no. No, they had a ping pong table. Some guys just going through the bush with a ping pong table. I think that's him. I knew this was a stupid idea. When we get there, you'll

thank me. So much recreational fun. We're gonna make a rumpus room. A man cave, baby. Oh, God, they're there. The first Bushman rumpus room was in 1852. Sir Rumpus. Alexander Pierce was a short Irishman. What the fuck? What? Oh, just Irishman. All right. Well, everybody, hang on. Oh, he was born in 1792. He was sentenced to seven years transportation in 1819 for stealing six pairs of shoes. I like a variety. I just love a good variety, that's all. I'd like to have some options. I was gonna take five, but look at these ones. We've got a little point on the end. Be honest, which one toys the outfit together? All of them. Take all of them, lad.

Run for the hills. With all your shoes. He was pulling the dilly potatoes. Was that Morgan Freeman? He was put on a ship to Sydney in October 1819. The ship landed in January 1820, but was quickly turned away from Sydney and sent to Hobart because they were in desperate need of convict labor there. Hobart was not a large settlement. There were almost 3,000 living there. Hobart was described as dull and saddening. And that is actually now their slogan for the city. So, a bit of history there. It's called upselling, come on. There's actually a Yelp review that says it's got worse since then.

Pierce was sent to work in a town north of Hobart, but nine months later he was sent to work on a gang because of bad behavior. He then escaped into the woods. He survived out in the wild for three months. At that point, the government offered amnesty to any convict who had escaped, and Pierce took them up on their offer. Oh, well this will end well. Yep. All right, what's the next part of the story? Alexander Pierce loved booze. Well, I mean, that's inferred. And he stole to get it. Two months after receiving amnesty, he was caught stealing two turkeys and three ducks. Full of alcohol? Yeah. Put the fucking rum inside the

duck. Now, but he'll know. Is this the story of the original wild turkey? There it is. There you go. Popular knife of an alcohol brand, but also a turkey. I don't have one of the ducks. No, he would steal stuff and trade it for booze. Oh, I can't go. Yeah, yeah. So, at that point, oh, I already did that. So, he got 50 lashes and 14 days hard labor. 50. Now, he was assigned to be a constable. Oh, no, he's assigned to a constable. They just make him a constable. You've done well, lad. Fucking hell. I'm in charge of people now. Talk about a fucking 180. I mean, I saw you running around with those ducks, and I was like, put them in charge of the whole Batman to constable. But he wasn't straight not living with the constable, and he got himself

25 lashes for being drunk and disorderly. Then a month later, he was back at it once again, drunk and disorderly after hitting a pub in the town. But this time, he stole a glass. That's what you're supposed to do. He probably just walked out with a drink. Yeah. I'm going home now. Why am I forgetting? There's a very famous cricketer called Brian Lara. He was one of the best cricketers of all time. And once I was at a nightclub in Adelaide, and Brian Lara bought me a drink at the nightclub. Ooh, did you fuck him? And I... That's between me and Brian. That's for my podcast, not for yours. But after they banged, Will goes, how is that?

Thank you so much. I mean, that is really good. Thank you. That's like fucking Rayman Idiots Avant Good. I only fly quantas. It's so good that I don't know what just happened. I stole that glass, is the point of that story. Because I wanted to keep it. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. So nothing happened to me. I assume it's a bit of a sign. I got a good feeling about this one. He got 50 lashes and was sent back to the labor gang. It just wasn't going well.

Next, he forged papers to get his hands on some property and was again caught. What's he doing? He's just taking care of shit. Sure. I mean, it must be really fucked up. So this time... Maybe one somewhere, like someone from his family is like, yeah, but you're just telling the bad bit. Like, he was fucking nailing all of his... There's probably a lot of shit that he got. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But we're just harping on the bad shit. What about his good cons? Yeah.

I decided to make a run for it. On May 17th, Pierce and a few other prisoners took off. He was captured again, found guilty and sentenced to Macquarie Harbor. Oh, boy. Here we go. Hang on to your assholes. Sorry? Is that a saying? Sorry, is that a saying? It's a famous Tasmania saying. Welcome to Tasmania. Hold on to your assholes. Actually, there was a period until about the 1990s where that was policy, government policy. He was now facing four years in the worst place in the colonies.

Pierce immediately didn't like his new home and leapt when he heard some prisoners were planning to escape. On September 20th, 1822, while working on a road gang, Pierce and six other convicts attacked their guards, overpowered them, and stole boats and sailed to Coalhead, where they met up with another convict, Robert Greenhill. Greenhill had supplies. He used to be a sailor, but had been convicted of forgery and had been sentenced to 14 years. Jesus. Greenhill had already tried to escape from Van Demon's land, with fellow convict and friend Matthew Travers, an Irishman who was serving a life sentence. For that escape attempt, the two had been sent to Macquarie also.

So now there's eight convicts on the run. They got axes and took all the food they could get their hands on, which wasn't much, got into a boat and sailed off. This is great. This is all yeah, this is good. Axes on a boat? This is like all my reality shows in one. It's like survivor meets top chef on a boat. Greenhill quickly made the executive decision that he should be the leader. He made Matthew Travers his second in command. The other prisoners were, you don't have to remember, but yeah. John Mather, a Scottish baker, serving time for forgery. That is actually that IMDB pick I was talking about. Yeah, but if you're going out, don't you want a baker with

you? Sure. You want to prepare shit? Yeah. Yeah. X soldier, Alexander Dalton, William Kennery, who was in Macquarie for escape, Thomas Bodenham, a highway robber and little brown of whom little is known. That's the nickname. His whole story is a little brown. We don't know much. Little brown. The Scottish baker's roll is amazing. Well, fuck, fuck them if they come to try, if they try to get us, we'll fucking kill them. Aye. And I'll make bloody pastry. But I mean, it's actually really practical. If you're putting together a team, you don't want all fighters. Just be the baker. You can't fucking cook. All right, let me know how it goes. The best gets to be ready when you get back.

Yeah, fucking get him. Who likes crepes? That's how you get the fighters in. You know, we've got catering. I'm site catering after every battle, whatever you want. You request it in the morning. We go out. Who wants a fruit cap? Anyway, fruit cap, fruit cap. Cappuccino is cappuccino. These are called popovers. That was Irish. As they made their way, hoping to make it to the continent, they saw a signal fire, light warning of their escape. So they had to take a base of action. They made a quick decision and took their boat to Phillips Island destroying the boat and headed into the bush. So far, the plan was completely fucked. See, that's, I mean, that's

the downside. Keep going. They all grabbed some supplies and climbed up a large mountain and camped at the top for the night. The next morning they kept moving, staying to hilltop so they could keep eyes out for search parties. On the third day, rain started making the track even more difficult. The land was tough to get through, very dense rainforest with icy rivers, deep gorges, bogs and fallen trees. The plan was to head down toward Der Wimpe River where they were going, where they wanted to steal a schooner, sail it downstream past Hobart, out into Storm Bay, and then proceed 14,000 miles to England. You know what, we're gonna need a backup. I'll make what I can before we go. Don't see any problems with the plan.

14,000. Right, all right, so yeah, all right, sounds good. One question. Yeah, can we do it? Yeah, we've got a little bag of flour, we'll be okay. Okay, anyone for more handfuls of flour? Followed by your main course, some flour. And for dessert, you're gonna love the main flour. So what will they have? They began to run out of food and weren't sure what they could kill. They were nowhere near the place. No, no, no, no, no fucking way. No, no, no. What are you doing? Dude, are they gonna, I mean, they gotta eat the baker. My money's on the baker. My money's on the baker. I'm playing Clue. It's the baker on the jet ski going to England. Jesus Christ. You can't kill me, who prepared him?

I think I made it. And you don't want to kill your leprechaun now. Oh, so I was looking to say if another beer had magically appeared in that box. No beer magically appeared in the box. And we thought we had a leprechaun. So they were nowhere near any place they could stay. And they headed in the direction where they thought there were settlements. On the fifth day, the rain continued. They started to become despondent. This whole escaping thing wasn't that great. The next day, they just stayed in the shelter they had found and didn't move at all. So now they're sad and drunk out. Well, that, but that hits in. Fifth day in, you know.

Fifth day in on your trek to England is, you know, fucking idea. I like that. I'm sure there's got to be one of them. It's like, come on guys, we knew this would happen. Let's play I spy again. Come on. Where's your spirit? We're on the run. We're not playing I spy. It's water. Everything's water. The weather finally cleared and they continued for a couple of days. Now they were completely out of food. They ate their, they ate their jackets. Wait, wait. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Were these like novelty licorice coats or something? How the fuck do you eat a jacket? They were made out of kangaroo skin. Like leather jackets that like back then that was what salty fucking beef

was. That's how they discovered leather jackets. Some guy was like, I can't eat this anymore, but I could wear it and keep me warm. And we wind about jerky. These dudes are eating jackets. There's a fine line between jerky and a jacket. Yeah. It's not that far off. Lady Gaga started wearing jerky. I don't know if you guys. Hey, Barry, take off your jacket. We're hungry. We made it. Oh, then Green Hill came up with an idea. He said that he had eaten people before and claimed it tasted like pork. And how do you feel you brought that up? He went, hey, I've eaten people before. It tastes like pork. But it was like, one of those things where like, you know, like that's not something that just occurs. And you got to like be smooth.

Want to jump? You're like, oh man, God, I'll tell you some meat had hit the spot. Fuck. I see you're botting your fingernails there. Do you? Yeah. Oh shit, man. What are you thinking right now? I don't know. I mean, it's just nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. Let's eat a jacket and shut up. I don't even want to. Well, here's the thing. What is it? One time on a dare. On a dare. On a dare. Yeah. I ate some people and guys. Some people? Yeah, just a couple dudes. Huh? Big dare. And I ate a couple guys, man. Oh, bacon, baby. What? Oh, really? Yeah. Imagine eating a jacket, but way better and chewier. I have to stop you. I'm a vegan. That's actually going to be delicious. Very well kept body. So, Freeride's great fit. Oh, we let him run around. Yeah, he could sniff

or do whatever. That's why you dave. Green Hill said that's what they should do. They should eat one of them. He also said that sacrificing one man to save everyone else was the custom of the sea. This guy's got a lot of ideas. Tune his chicken to the sea, right? He's got some horrible ships, apparently, where they just eat each other once they set out. I mean, but he's got some rules. I mean, all rules are arbitrary. And he's spitballing. He's the only one coming up with ideas. Yeah, he's coming up with ideas. Where's the fucking baker's idea? No, the one guy said, let's eat our jacket, so fuck him. The baker's like, you're going to love what I've done with the jacket. Put a little bit of flour on that. You don't really taste that. Green Hill said he

would be the executioner because he had experience. Jesus. You know what? I've killed guys before. What's the vibe? Because he was the executioner. Everyone else should draw lots to figure out who is going to be food. Well, that's why you can't, like, I mean, the executioner can't kill him. Right. Genius. I can't. Why am I going to hit myself in the head? Come on, you guys do this draw. I'm the only one who could possibly kill someone. They didn't like the drawing lots plan, but they did all agree that they should kill and eat Dalton. Which one's Dalton? Well, Dalton had once volunteered to be a flogger in prison, so they decided he should be the first to go. Oh, you know what? That seems fair. Yeah, I agree. It's a long road trip. You gotta fucking eat it,

dude. But you know what? Your fucking pastor always comes back to haunt you. People sit on that shit for ages and then one day you think they've forgiven you because you're all escaping together, but they remember that one day you volunteered to be a flogger and they're like, we're fucking eating you, Dalton. Well, it's like the saying, don't flog your friends or they'll eat you eventually. Yeah. So during the first week of October, Dalton was attacked with an axe and hit on the temple. Then his throat was cut. The convicts carved Dalton up, cooked his heart, liver and other body parts from the fire and devoured him. First? Well, no, they cut up the parts, but Greenhill claimed the heart and that led to a fight between him and another guy. Who's claiming heart?

And in the end, Greenhill got to eat the heart and the other guy had to eat a food or whatever. Who the fuck is going like, ah, dibs on the heart. They're like, have the heart. What are you doing? No, but back then that was probably like a delicacy. Like, you know, I made a hit or a fine palate. He was like, I'm the executioner. I deserve an amuse-bouche. Oh, look at how happy that mouth is. Okay, answer me this. If you were going to eat a person, like, so which bit would you eat first? Like, go fucking thawing. Yeah, thawing. Something down there. Fire a dick. Yeah. It's got to be the dick. It's got to be the dick. Why? Why does it got to be the dick? Because it's a part of the body that like 50% of the population already willingly put in their mouth.

Legitly? Like, it's not that hard to think you could follow through and fucking swallow, not spit, right? Do you spit swallow or bite it off? It's your technique. The dick? Listen, I'd be the one who's just like, I'll take the fucking chicken wing. What's going on here? You guys are the hard dick. I want the asshole. I want the asshole. All right, what's happening, guys? A couple of the convicts were super not into eating other people. Why? Tilly and Brown, little Brown, took off in the middle of the night and set off back toward a McCurry. It was a tough haul because they had no food and had left most of the supplies. They arrived back at the prison on October 12th, both sick from exhaustion and exposure. When they got there, they told authorities that Dalton had

been killed and eaten by his fellow escapees. Brown then died three days later and Kennerley, the day after that, no one ate them. Interesting. When the others woke and noticed that Kennerley and Brown were missing, they waited for a while for them to come back. They yelled for them, and at some point they realized those guys were not coming back. So they took off quickly. They were now worried that Brown and Kennerley would bring authorities to the camp. They continued to eat Dalton on the way, who had been jerked. Sorry? What? He'd been... Wait, what? That's how they made the sauce. You know what? It was just there. I mean, I did it. It was just there. Amazing. Wait, before we kill him, should we jerk him off, mix up to dip it in? Oh, I'm crazy. Oh,

I'm crazy. Okay. Hey, you know what? My grandpa, he said, don't kill a man unless he's hard. I don't think he meant it like that, man. If he doesn't ejaculate just before I kill him, it's not halal. No, he's going to die right when he's... Right when he's coming. Have you heard of NXS? They made NXS. Okay, so next they came to a river, but two of the convicts could not swim. So those who could swim went with large poles and helped the other two across the river. See, now they're working together. Yeah, they're going to eat one of them in no time. One of those guys. The train was really tough. They can only go like eight kilometers a day. They came to another river. They're two weeks across it. So once again, they're starving. So the old, should we eat one

of us conversation comes up again. And they all agreed that was the way to go. But this time, they did draw lots. Botenham came up with the short straw. He apparently did not seem that upset about it. He just asked if he could pray. They said, sure, I mean, it's the least thing you can do when we're about to eat you. A couple of the convicts went off together firewood to cook Botenham. In fact, it would be really freaking mad if you looked them in the eye and said, Grace. Thank you for this Botenham we're about to receive. Please try my cock. I think it will be delicious. And dear God, let them try my cock. I think they'll really love it. Amen. You know, can I just say I would like pierced eat my balls? No, you cannot

say that. I'm talking about before I go. I know. Greenville said he would be the executioner because again, hey, no one else can do it. Well, and now he's on a roll. Yeah. So he hit Botenhall with the axe right on the head and he dropped dead. He quickly started cutting the body up with his knife. The guys came back with firewood and they started a nice human cooking fire. And they sent him on eating him. At this point, Alexander Pierce was starting to worry about Greenhill and all his killing of other guys. Why? What about it? Concerned him. I'm sure it'll stop after this. Yeah, I mean, they've gone through two, right? We'll just let him get it out of his system. I think he's done. I really do. I think he's done. I feel like he's good.

He did too. We're good. All right, let's get to England. Almost there. Mathers was also concerned. They were both worried pretty reasonably that at some point Greenhill and Travis would kill them and eat them too. Mathers told Pierce that they should separate from the others saying, you should see what kind of a cove Greenhill is. He would kill his father before he would fast one day. Okay, okay. For three days, the group moved on eating Botenham as they went. Just he's in their pockets. I mean, that's that's really what's so fucking. I'm like picturing how they do that. You just keep your pocket. That's where the song pocket full of Botenham comes from. I love that song. It's a great song. If you're you've never been

doctors or camping or hiking, you've never been hiking and then someone starts singing that pocket full of Botenham. Yeah, yeah. You know what I love? Just just a cheeky finger. I'm in. So in four days, they came upon a valley with a creek running through it and a lot of ferns. They decided this was a great place to take a break and relax for a bit. Yeah, chill your friend, chill. Mathers picked up some fern roots, boiled them and ate them. But that turned out to be a very, very bad idea. Oh, why? Why? He started vomiting. This left him in a bit of a vulnerable position. Jesus Christ. You guys sure you don't want fern stew? You good? Just me? I think that Mathers is the Scottish guy. Okay. You guys sure you don't want fern stew? You sure? Just me?

He's the baker. He's cooking ferns. Greenville came up behind him. The Green Hill came up behind him. I do really feel like that's what we're getting down to though. The guy who can kill people and the guy who can cook people. Yeah, I know. Who's going to be, as he's going, he's like, the best way to prepare me would be to put a little bit of salt on me, cover me in flour. Let me say that for about an hour and a half. Then slightly braise me over a medium flame. Wait about 15, 20, 25 minutes. Flip me. On the inside it'll be nice and pink, but you want it like that. Looks raw. It's not. Let me sit for five minutes. Don't leave me right away. What were we talking about? The eating of a baker. He started vomiting. Greenville came up

behind him and cracked him over the head with the ax, but Mathers was not killed. He was just pissed. Yeah. Oh, fuck, it's your bloody problem. I bloody hurt. Green Hill and Mathers began to fight, and Mathers managed to get the ax away from Green Hill, but instead of using it and killing Green Hill, he just let it slide. What? No, I get it. Not again. Not again. You're on time out, Mr. But he wasn't going to give up the fucking ax. The other convicts were pretty okay with Green Hill not having something to kill them with anymore. So it was pretty much a win-win for the whole group. The Green Hill and Mathers relationship was at an all-time low. Yeah. Why? At an all-time low. You wake up the next day and one of them is like trying to pretend it didn't happen.

Fuck, mate. I feel really weird about last night. Oh, yeah. You feel bloody weird. Yeah. Yeah. I just wasn't thinking and I saw you there and I was thinking about it. Look, I understand a little. It's just that it's been so tense lately. It just feels like it's always my burden. Like it always comes down to me, you know. I forgive you. I like your stuff, you know. Now, up until this point, up until this point, Pierce and Mathers were siding together against Green Hill and Travis, but like it was an episode of Survivor, Pierce decided to align with Green Hill and Mathers. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Green Hill and Travis. You got to wait until you're down to about four and then you do the fuck. Yeah, you're blindsided somewhat. They vote on who they're

going to eat. This is the big fucking move. It really is a big move. It's hosted. Oh, Pierce has joined Green Hill and Travis. Everyone was super hungry and maybe because Mathers hadn't used the axe when he got away from Green Hill, Pierce started to see him as weak. Mathers was beginning to suspect the three were now working together, so he tried to stay away from them and on alert at all times. It's so easy to know they're working against you. Right. Well, in that situation, what he's got to do is find the immunity idol. Yeah, right. I'm going to keep doing this, Survivor, if even though people don't like it. You can't kill me. I've got a necklace. Kill him. What? Wait, what is this? I've got immunity. You

make me feel better about my accent. Yeah, no, mine are ridiculous. I can do Irish, but even that's like a clear cartoon. Okay, so sorry. I apologize. Sorry. Okay, so thinking they're working against him. So he stays away from them. And then one night they're all starving and depressed. They're sitting around the fire. Mathers was sitting as far away from the other three as possible. I'm mad at you guys. Then one of them stood up and said, I'm going to go get firewood and and walked off into the forest. No, no. I mean, it's just so easy. Okay, then I'll see you. Well, I believe you. Good luck. While he's away, let's play a quick game of fuck, marry, kill. Oh, I love that game. I love that game. He's fast. So one of them crept up behind

Mathers and grabbed him. The other two leapt up, grabbed the axe and started hitting Mathers on the head. And that did it. No more Mathers. They cut him up, put him on the fire and had a nice Mathers. Green Hill said this was the best thing that could have happened because he didn't trust Mathers. This dude's amazing. Look, we're better off with that ass. That asshole's, you know, he's not around. Speaking of assholes, dibs. I was going to wear it as a ring, but you can eat it. So essentially, this is the story of some idiot who just goes around wrecking everybody's life and learns nothing from this. Is this the story of Tony Abbott's ancestors? That'd be great. Even with everything that's happened here so far, no one is eating an onion.

Yeah. Before he died, they were like, should we eat onions? He's like, onions, eat this bloody fern before you eat a bloody onion. What are you crazy? Eat a man. You're looking sane. You look crazy. Back in ear lobes chewing. Back in just like gum. Has that been invented? Ironically, the gums don't like gum at all. It's more human. So all along Green Hill thought that as soon as they came to some sort of settlement that Mathers would have fingered them for Bowdenham's murder. So basically he had to die because of a hunch. The next day they continued their journey while gnawing on some Mathers. Four days later. I really hate how after every time they kill a guy and eat him, you talk about how they bring him

for the road trip to like chew and they're eating him on the walk. You know, he's really best in the next day. These guys wouldn't eat salty beef. I'm sorry, but you say it like it's a joke, but a nice three day old Mathers. Oh, Jesus, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. You just pull down and you eat and you spit out the eyebrow. Four days later, Travis was bitten by a snake. Pretty. I mean, well, that's game fucking over for him. They're probably putting on weight. Now he's friends with Green Hill. Okay. So pretty quickly it became apparent that he was not going to be able to travel and he told Green Hill and Pierce to just go on without him and leave him for dead. What the fuck? Seriously, just go. Just go ahead. Who wants to eulogize me when you're

burying me, guys? He and Green Hill have been buddies for so long, he asked Green Hill to leave and not to waste time with him. But Green Hill thought the snake bit wasn't that bad and then he'd recover. So yeah, that's what he thought. Yeah. Well, wait around, see how this plays out. God, you look good. Huh? So they waited five days and helped Travis as much as they could. But Travis was just worried they were waiting around. I'm pretty sure this butter we're rubbing on you will help you. Let him or Reganota just kind of clear you up in the science area. You'll be better. In Ireland, I learned they're putting potatoes near the fire.

I'm just going to inject you with a little gravy and he'll be right up and running soon. Oh no, this is medicine I'm shoving inside you. We call it stuffing. It's stuffing. We had some flour left. You're going to be up and delicious. I mean, running in no time. So they waited five days and helped Travis as much as they could, but Travis was just worried that they were waiting around to kill him. Why? He was too afraid to sleep. Uh-huh. On the sixth day, Greenhill decided that they should make a go of it with Travis. He explained to Travis that they were close to the settlement, they were trying to get to, and there they could give him medical care for the bite. And off they went with Travis limping

on one foot. The more Greenhill and Pierce helped Travis get over and around things, the more exhausted they became. And that night they camped and Travis quickly fell asleep. Oh, bad move. What? No, forever. While he slept, Pierce and Greenhill discussed the situation. Oh god, there's two. They concluded if they kept going with Travis that they would never reach safety. So they agreed they should leave him behind. Then they talked about what a waste it would be. I mean, he's just gonna lie. No, we should go. We should go. We should go. We should go. We'll go. I'm just saying. No, we should go. I'm just saying. Okay, but question. Why have we been rubbing butter on him? Well, I honestly thought that might help. I think it did. I really

think it did. Let's go. You know what, though? How much meat do you think, do you think, Travis is? Like, if you were just to guess how much he weighs and how much meat there is, how much meat do you think is on Travis? I mean, like, I mean, enough for three or four days of no reason. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Aren't there just two of us? Yeah. Oh, no, no. One of you is having a psychotic episode. I shouldn't have eaten all that fern. So he's a lot of meat, especially with the big swollen foot. Oh, yum. Oh, I want to sink my teeth in that big swollen foot. So then I'm leg. Travis then woke up and got a feeling that things weren't right. Were you guys just talking about eating me? You get awful quiet when I woke up. And you're licking your lips and you're putting

on a napkin. What? Oh, no, no, no. He told us two traveling mates that they should just go on without him. He was only... Please. How many times do I have to suggest? You guys should go. Go, go. Slowing you down. I'm slowing you down. Please go. Then he fell back asleep. Oh, I'm so tired. Travis was then hit over the head with an axe and killed. That was really a plague back then. Greenhill was upset to see his longtime friend dead. Sure. Then they caught him up like the others and cooked him an ate him. Right. Yep. The next day, Greenhill and Pierce just sat there eating and sleeping and eating Travis. Oh, they're like having a hangover Sunday. But also, you know what? He's just feeding his sadness. You know,

he's upset. I'm an emotional cannibal. I really am. Oh, what? I can't eat an egg. I just lost one of my best friends. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is how I grieve. Now hand me that dick. Chapter four. Now hand me that dick. So, sitting there eating Travis, they bonded and swore to always remain friends. What a BFF moment. You know what? This is weird, but we will remember this forever. Pinky swear. Pinky swear BFFs forever. Oh my god, we've been through so much together. Oh, god. Like five guys. Imagine our trip is a montage. Oh, super fun. The problem with human flesh is that while it is rich in protein, it never really satisfies hunger

because of the lack of carbohydrates, which provide energy. That is why they had to kill and eat their friends so regularly. No matter how much they ate their companions, it was just not enough energy they needed to get on their difficult journey. That's impossible. That is absolutely true. You can't just survive on eating a dick. You've got to have a dick sandwich. Yeah. Little pasta, something like that. Make a little cacanara, something like that. Even rice. Get some rice. Make a little sushi. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Just maybe sometimes just have the foreskin. It's like a calamari ring. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. They thought they would soon run into a settlement of some kind. Spaghetti and meatballs. Sorry. I had one more.

Until they got there, they could eat travers. So they picked up all the parts of travers and packed them up and marched on. Quote, each of us took as much of the body as travers as we could carry Pierce would later say. That's very Aussie. Oh, we're going on a trip. We should get a couple of travers. A travers list. You all got the jug. Imagine I said it the right way. I am. Soon they were on a plane. They believed this was a stock run. It looked for signs of sheep or cattle for an entire day. They found none. Dude, I thought you said soon they were on a plane. I was like, what? Way better. They'll be there in no time. Like a flat plane. Like a... I'd like the vegetarian meal. Do you want to see the cockpit? No cock. No cockpit. We're good. We're happy.

Fucking can't believe you. We're happy. Fucking Delta after all we've been through. There's no fucking leg room anymore on these fucking tanks. Jesus Christ. I'd rather be eating myself. Oh, that'll be fine. Not enough leg room. So they're on a plane. They're not finding anything. They walked. They saw a fire from afar and they walked toward the fire and when they got close they heard the voices of aborigines. They decided the best thing they could do would be to attack them hoping... Wait, wait, wait. All right. Now again, I don't know anything about anything. I feel like they might get eaten. No. Well, they were hoping they have food. They didn't seem concerned that they were about 40 aborigines so they rushed at them. One of them had an axe and the other had a

large stick. They hit the natives with their weapons and the shocked and terrified aborigines fled in every direction. What? Of course they did. They're just sitting there. They may have never seen a fucking crazy white guy before and also two run out of the fucking bushes in the fucking stick and an axe and they're like, what's fucking happening? We're having a picnic. And they have like a cut off leg around their neck for later. No, let's get the fuck out of here. I know karate. I don't know crazy. Sure enough, they had been eating kangaroo and possum and reptiles so they grabbed all the food. They took the spears and burned them, the ones that had been left behind, got the food, took off as fast as possible. Then they put some space between themselves and

the aborigines and they made camp. They cooked the meat over a fire, had quite a meal and in the morning they ate more and headed out. But they were still not doing well due to exposure and lack of nutrients. And at this point they had no shoes and were almost naked, which caused them to constantly get cuts from the rough environment. Some of their wounds were infected and oozing. Their travers started to dwindle. They're running out of travers. That's not good news. They started to think they were lost or maybe they had been told the wrong way to go. I don't know who would do that to them. Yeah, they asked the aborigines. That's that point in a teen horror movie when you realize you're not on the poster. Maybe Don's last words were like,

you know, go that way. West. They soon began to become suspicious of each other. Why? Hard to trust a guy who you've been eating other guys with. I mean, when you put it like that. Greenville. Because at the start it would bond you. But after a while. Green Hill had the axe. Totally is a reality show. It's down to the last two. They're like, I mean, he's my friend, but it's tense. They should do this. It's tense in the house. Sure. They should do this as a show every year. They should set guys loose in the outback and then one guy comes back. We're not fucking far from this. No, we're not. And I would watch the shit out of it. I knew Kevin was going to get eaten. He had a bad week.

The Dingo challenge always gets. Listen, he didn't step up during the Dingo challenge. Green Hill had the axe and Pierce was concerned about that. Then they saw then they saw more smoke from a fire and decided to tag average. And he's again, they got close and waited till it was night. There were about 20, 20 of them sitting around a fire eating different kinds of meat. They repeated their previous assault with the exact same result. The average and he's scattered because two insane white fucks ran out of the woods. Again, they were rewarded with a bunch of meat. And again, they burned the spears, took as much food as they could and left. They must be like, we're amazing at this.

We're really good at this. We've stumbled on our feet. I mean, it's great. We're really good at making them think we're 40. Because there's two naked dudes running out of the fucking woods, like ghost. Do you know what? I had a burger tonight on the way here, like a veggie burger. And if a naked dude had run towards my table, I would have got up and just come in. For sure. Yeah. It's like, you know what? You can have this much. Well, wait, it is true, though, that they had not probably seen white people, right? Oh, I don't know. I mean, they're out in the middle of this.

They probably had it, which I think is an advantage. These guys have gone pretty far at this point. If they had, they may not have seen a lot of them. Right. Especially not naked ones. Right, right. Okay. Or maybe, maybe that's what happened down then. Let's hollywood it up and say they have. So they can't, they, they can't buy a creek eating meat and sleeping and eating meat and sleeping and just hanging out. And once again, they're close friends again, jamming it up, never to be torn apart. Then they moved on. They were climbing hills and spying. What they believed was Table Mountain.

This uplifted their spirits because Pierce was familiar with the area of Table Mountain. They hurried there, although it took two days. They felt help was near and they stopped rationing the meat, just eating it whenever it struck them. You don't go with a cannibal to a place called Table Mountain. The fuck you think is gonna happen? They got great tables up there. You and me go up there, chill. So they got to Table Mountain and they realized it was not Table Mountain. Oh.

And they were devastated. They've been having so much hope for two days and they ate all their food. Now they needed food. They kept moving. And again, when they were hungry, their relationship deteriorated. They camped and were laying down. Greenhill pretended to be asleep. Pierce started to nod off when he felt Greenhill getting up with the ax in his hand. Pierce got up pretending to be awake. He did one of those. Greenhill did not attack him. And from that on, Pierce vowed to leave him the first chance he got, but first he wanted the ax. Then one night while Greenhill slept, Pierce crawled over, took the ax from under Greenhill's head and hit him on the head with it, killing Greenhill.

He then cooked and ate Greenhill for the next four days. He also managed to catch and eat a couple of ducks. Things are looking up. What? Duck? Oh man, ducking Greenhill. There's ducks there and you're eating your buddy? Go duck hunting. Loan just eating at Greenhill is not great, but if you can get some duck in there, a little pate. Yeah. Come on, baby. That's like a, that's like a sniffing tip.

They pair together deliciously. On the seventh day of being alone, Pierce heard sheep. This meant he was near a farm. He ran at the sheep and grabbed one. It dragged him a distance and he had to let go because he was so weak. Then he caught a lamb instead, much more manageable. He slid its throat and started eating the lamb raw. Oh, he's hungry you guys. He then heard a dog and found himself face to face with a man who had a musket. He ordered Pierce to leave the sheep alone or he'd kill him. All right, get out of here, you fucking rascal. You kids. The man then asked if he was Alexander Pierce and Pierce said, yes, I am he.

They had known each other from Pierce's time in the area during his previous escape six months before. The shepherd's name was Tom Triffitt. I just love the idea. He's like, hey, I, hey. You know what? Can you take, can you take that lamb off your face? All right, let me wipe some of that. There we go. Can you stop eating that baby animal raw? Are you, are you on something or something? I did some E like six months ago and I just woke up here eating a lamb. What are you moving up to, Tom? So Tom brought Pierce. I've been eating friends, you know. Nice, nice, nice. Tom brought Pierce to do his hut and fed him. What else would you do?

Hey buddy, good to see you. You look great. He allowed Pierce to stay there for five days and get his strength back. He then went to a hut he had built and remained there for seven days. So he went to his old fucking hut, at which point he went back to see Triffitt, but Triffitt was not there. After some time he heard someone whistling and went to the door. There were two men, both holding muskets and with dogs. They ordered him to approach. They asked who he was and Pierce said he escaped from Macquarie Harbor. They didn't believe him and thought he was a soldier, which they were not happy about. He finally convinced them he wasn't a soldier, but an escaped criminal and they were relieved. It turns out they were both escaped convicts

from a military party and then they invited Pierce to team up with him. They're like, you seem like a good guy. Oh man. What an error. What happened to your last good gang you were rolling with? We kind of split up. He did join us. The travel was just eating us up. It was just come into my hut. I call it the Pistah hut. Oh, fuck you. That's pretty good with his name at a hut. It's a Pistah hut. So Pierce joined them and they took them to their flock of sheep. They each had a hut in all the possessions they needed. Their Pierce lived for about six weeks, at which point he began to herd the sheep when they were chased by a military party. They were forced to ditch the sheep. Yay, we're military. Hurrah. Is it like that? No. Okay. And their possessions.

But they got away. They made their way to different settlements, but once again ran across the military party. This time they were not as lucky and were caught. Pierce was returned to Hobart on January 11th, 1823. When he was caught, he was about 83 miles north of Hobart, directly east of Macquarie Harbor. He had been on the run for 113 days and traveled 150 kilometers on foot. Pierce's traveling campaigns were tried and executed on April 14th, three months after their capture. What are you guys going to do with the bodies? Because you know what, I got a couple of recipes. Yeah, I actually learned a lot of stuff out there. I have some ideas. They're doing some interesting stuff. You're just going to throw it out. I'm saying you're just going to throw it

out. All I'm saying is, do you have any duck available? Because I've got a delightful pan. I'm calling it servinter. What about the, what about, what about just the toes? Can I just have the toes? Pierce was not tried with them. At this point, the punishment for bush redging was death, so he didn't appear to have a great outcome ahead. Pierce was then interrogated by a magistrate, Knopwood, about how he had made his escape and where he had gone. Pierce told him everything that had occurred, including the eating of his bros. Since he knew he was going to hang, he had nothing to lose. He really had no reason to lie at this point. Knopwood did not believe him. He thought Pierce was making it up and the other convicts were still out there running around.

Oh, besides he couldn't. It's amazing. I'm not buying it. This is the best. Yeah. Besides, he couldn't file murder charges because the bodies have been eaten. So for whatever reason, after hearing the story, Knopwood sent Pierce back to Macquarie Harbor. There he was flogged and put into solitary confinement and he was put in irons and he was treated by a hero by his fellow convicts. I mean, just for the record, all that flogging would really tenderize the meat. Oh, God. Just really. Oh, it's like veal. Several months. Which I've eaten raw. Several months later, Pierce bolted again from a work party. What is he doing? This time heading north along the east coast of Macquarie Harbor with a young man named Thomas Knox. Knox was

doing a life sentence in Macquarie. Cox had continually bothered Pierce to go with him on the escape attempt. Pierce was out this time for just 10 days when he was caught. He was alone. Now he's really just choosing people to escape. It's totally. It's like, what do I feel like take out tonight? Oh my God, I feel like Chinese. Is there a Chinese person here? Yeah, where do you want to go? Oh, yeah, let's get the fuck out of here. All right. Number 87. I mean, sorry. Sorry. This way. Just come with me. Come with me. Mugu, follow me this way. He was caught when he was alone. He had once again eaten his running mate.

He was taken up, taken to Hobart. Many said he did not look like a cannibal. The Hobart town Gazette wrote, he didn't appear to be, quote, laden with the weight of human blood and believed to have banqueted on human flesh. He just didn't look like that. Yeah. Okay, cool. It doesn't look like one. Yeah. Oh, no, no one's saying you don't look great when you're eating paper. I mean, that's the one. Oh, my God, you look fantastic. What are you doing? Are you eating your pals? What are you doing? But this time they had evidence. When Pierce was caught, he had parts of cocks in his pockets. Wait, he had cocks in his pockets? If he had cocks in his cocks in his pockets. Which one of these cocks is yours?

Sarge, I've gone through the pockets and there's two cocks. He's got one cock too many, Sarge. I swear to God, he had two cocks. His pockets are full of cocks. There's an extra cock. Pocket full of cocks, the Alexander Pierce story. Medically what the spin doctors addressed it as. So, yeah. Okay. He admitted that he had killed cocks in a rage because they got to a river and cocks didn't know how to swim. See, I'm like nine years old because every time you say that cocks, I'm just like cocks don't know how to swim. Hilarious. Cocks kept shrinking on the swim. But he didn't need to eat cocks. He had other food on him. This is amazing. I mean, I hope we're doing this whole story just so you can say that sentence.

How many times would he go, I didn't mean to eat cocks. Okay, back to business. No, but really, I ate cocks. Okay, focus. But I ate him. I ate him, but I ate cocks. When I wrote that, I did a little jig. So then Pierce led them to cocks mangled remains. Strylia fucking story. It's all about peace and cocks. I'm Prince Albert Isle. He was tried in Hobart. Pierce had no defense counsel and there is no record that he said anything on his own behalf. The trial was brief and the inevitable verdict was handed down. The Chief Justice pronounced the death sentence and ordered that the body be

delivered to the surgeons for dissection. Just for the record, he was going to speak on his own behalf, but he was too busy yet he's mouthful eating his lawyer. That wasn't worth going back. How do you bleed? Full, Your Honor. Very stuffed. Super full. Guilty of having a sweet tooth. Oh, you made it worse gone back to. Thank you. Thank you. How great was the last guy killed was named Cox. Come on, Your Honor. You gotta finish me, Cox. Your Honor, I'm full of cocks. I plead full of cocks, Your Honor. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I winked at you, so what? Look, I went to jail. I came out full of cocks. You've heard it a million times, Your Honor.

Yeah. He was hung on at 9am on July 19, 1824. Just before he was hung, he said, men's flesh is delicious. It tastes better than fish or pork. His skull missing some teeth, found its way to the collection of Samuel Gordon Morton, an American phrenologist. His skull is now in the Museum of the University of Pennsylvania. In 1830, another harsh penalty, another harsh colony in Tasmania was opened at Port Arthur. Many of the prisoners from Macquarie Harbor were transferred there, and Macquarie was shut down in 1833. Yeah. How about that, you guys? Well, I guess at least that was the worst thing that ever happened at Port Arthur. Wow. Wow. As an American. Oh, my God. That was like the sandy hook of jokes.

Okay, I'm going to hell. You guys, thank you so much. Yes, thank you very much.