The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 114 - The Past Times with David Koechner

Episode Date: March 1, 2025

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian and actor David Koechner Redbubble Merch

We're going on tour and this is it's been a while March 2025 is when our tour is happening. First of all, we're going to Tempe, Arizona Maybe our best city of all time. It's the best that is on March 16th And then we go to Albuquerque, New Mexico, maybe our favorite city ever. We really never love the city We've ever gone to that's on March 17th and then we go to Oklahoma City, which is our faith We often say that it's our number one. Yeah, it's our number one. The best city I've ever been to.

That's on March 18th. On March 19th, we're going to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Our favorite city without question. And then we head to Dallas, Texas on March 20th. Our favorite city. That's why there's never been a better city. If you don't like it, you're a Dal asshole. Thank you.

And then we go to Houston, Texas on March 23rd. The best city. Which is by far the best city. And then we end our tour in Austin, Texas on March 22nd at the Cap City Comedy Club. It's the best city. In the entire world. Number one city in the world.

You can get tickets at dollopodcast.com slash tour. All right, everybody. Welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week. And normally I say the great and I don't mean it. This week I do mean the great, the great David

Keckner. Thank you for joining us David. I'm humbled and honored in the presence of both of you. I thank you. I admire you both greatly and I'm speaking that from the bottom of my heart. I love what you guys do I love your brilliance, which I can't even touch the hem of your brilliance Oh, you'll grab that. It's just just remarkable and I really appreciate what you're doing Well, we love you We we have independent loves of you and a mutual love and that might sound like You know, we're masturbating. We're not masturbating. I don't know if anyone's...

No, that sounds like Goldilocks to me. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. We're poor at this. And you're a Chiefs fan. Your Chiefs are in the Super Bowl. This will probably air after the Super Bowl. But you're a road dog. People know you from a tremendous amount of things. So many we can't even really mention, but you're at David-Keckner.com for your road dates and people should come and see you. You are truly not only one of the most hilarious guys, one of the nicest guys. Yep.

Who's famous. One of the good guys in showbiz. Yeah, one of the nicest guys who's one of the good guys. And one of the good guys people, people, when people meet David in public to get a picture, they walk away and they're like, they're the big it. They're the biggest David Keckner fans. They're always like, because unbelievable. Yeah, literally every person. You know, my goal is in that what?

Don't leave anyone with a story. How was he? Yes. Nice guy. End a story. How was he? Yes. Nice guy. End of story. How was he? Ah, yeah. Dick. What? Yeah. I honestly think people do have stories, but they are all positive. They're David's, the kind of famous guy who will go, let's get a picture. And people like, I wasn't even. Wow. I don't want a picture.

Well, you're taking a picture and we're all going to be smiling. They people are like, I wasn't even, wow. I don't want a picture. You're taking a picture. And we're all going to be smiling. They're always going, I don't want to bother you. You already have. Yeah. See, this is behind the smile. This is behind the smile. Over time, I have learned to dispatch this with aplomb.

I organize it. I say one person handles the camera, we'll do all the pictures one at a time. Now you, now you, now you, because that way it's done. You've got to have a quarterback to run the camera operate because you can be sitting there for five minutes hearing the same material you've heard from a group of people trying to take a picture before and you go, I'm not laughing as hard as everybody else here. Right, right. Yeah. The only time I'm a bit prickly is if I'm sitting having a meal. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's when they come up to you you or better, sit down at your table. Oh yeah. I haven't had that. I've had people, I had a guy, I remember one guy came and stood next to me and I was just eating and he just kept standing there. I was like, hey, and he's like, I'm a big fan. And then he just kept standing there and I'm like, okay. So this is now really uncomfortable and I feel weird eating. Everybody feels weird except you. You feel good. Yeah. But you know, also when the levy breaks, uh, all bets are off and now there's a

line and like he did it all good. We're picture time. Yeah. Yeah. We're lucky. There's never a line. We never have a line. There's like one person we don't, we're not, we're not lying famous.

Well, then they're not paying attention. I agree. That's what we keep yelling. Yeah, we scream that. Do we just go out on the street and scream that? Yeah, yeah. We've been in a lot of trouble. All right, David, well, listen, you know the premise of the show. We're going to go through a newspaper. It's going to be old. Dave will have picked it out.

And we're going to guess the year. OK, so you get you as the guest, get to guest, get you as the guest, get to guest first. I have been drinking what year this could start from seventeen hundred. I think that would be safe or it could potentially go, you know, it could be 19. Our our latest was 2001. it's up to you. So I have to guess the exact year, or do I have a range? If you don't guess the year, we don't go on with this.

You have a range. That can be a range. The good news is you're going to win, because Dave will say you win no matter what. That's not true. You'd want a couple, Gareth. You'd want Gareth or Gar. Thank you.

Remember what happened last year? Yes. At this time of the year. You'd want a couple, Gareth. You'd want. 100%. Gareth, our Gar. Thank you. Remember what happened last year? Yes. At this time of the year? Yes. David, I don't know your middle name. Sean. David Sean Elliott will provide me no quarter because last year at this time, we beat the

San Francisco 49ers you did for the second time in four years You're saying they cheated Dave. Yeah I thought you're addressing me gar Commonly know that your parents call you gar No, I've been trying to keep that under my yeah, but they have you have you taken that out of your routine? That was recorded therefore no longer in the routine I can't believe you remember that Everything's in the world. I Well, can I tell a story very quickly? Very quickly.

So David and I were going on the road for a very stupid show. And we were in New York hanging out. And I had some pot, I think I'm okay to say that I had a little pot. And David and I smoked a little pot. We went to an open mic. And we had been talking all day about the show we were taking on the road and how we should end it with music. David was like, always end with music, always end with music. And I'm going, yeah, I totally agree. I was kind of writing it. It was like a corporate thing, whatever. So we go to this open mic and David says he doesn't really want to go up. So I go up. Were we high already?

We were high. I'm not very good. Yeah. I should point out we were very high. And we not very good. Yeah, I should point out We were very high and we were very high and we go to the show and I do my set and then after I do My set David says, you know, I think I will do a set I mean, you know, we're talking 15 people in the room and and so David goes up and he he's you know You're doing well. I mean, it's very warm because this is an open mic and David Kekner So people are like Jesus Christ, the show is like two dollars

and whatever. And then at the very end, not knowing how to close out, David just starts doing this like, I wish we could all leave together. I love the audience. So at all this and everyone's sort of looking like, what the fuck is going on? And he gets a laugh or whatever. And then he comes down and he sits next to me and he goes always close with So goddamn funny Myself right you were you were I feel I look back on it

I think it was a joke just for me and it was It made me It like worked for everyone, but I was fucking dying I was like he just ripped a song just to close the music for our conversation So um alright David guess the year what year do you think? Pick a year any year You're gonna win no matter what, that's the good news. No. Wait, wait, am I guessing year now for a story?

Yeah, just guess it. Guess the year. No, we're not giving you any hints. Guess the year of this paper. Wait, guess the year of, I thought I was gonna hear a story in guess the year. No. Do you want a headline? I'll give you a headline. Well, you're gonna hear an old paper. I'll give you a headline. A lot like the dollop, we're going to go through an old newspaper. So this paper will probably be you centric, I would guess. And the year you guess what year this paper will be

from. Here's the headline, a terrible array of fatal sunstroke in St. Louis and elsewhere. It's 1995. Oh, he's like, when was it really hot? I'll go 1922. It's 1878. Oh, shit. It was always hot. Can I tell you the reason I guess 1995? Yes, that was the big because you said it's you centric.

Now I understand because it was St. Louis, but you said you centric. That was understand because it was St. Louis, but you said you centric. That was the year I was hired onto SNL and there was a heat wave in Chicago. Yeah. They killed 500 people. Oh my God. Yes, and in my interview with Lorne Michaels,

cause that's the third thing you do, you do two auditions. You do a sit. Then you're flown out for the final and we're talking. And I mentioned that because Lawrence would talk baseball, I don't know anything about baseball. And I was talking about the paper, the sack, blah, blah, blah. I said, by the way, did you know that 500 people have died this summer from heat stroke? And Lawrence said this, we're done talking about that now. We're done talking about that now. So you were like, this is not going to happen.

Yeah. Heat wave. Oh, wow. It's specifically about that one. Yeah, I got the book. Oh, wow. The opposite of Lauren. We're not. We're not.

We're not. No, we're not talking about that. We're not. We are. Okay, yes, it's July 14, 1878. It is the Kansas City Journal from Kansas City, Missouri. I had a feeling. Wow. Where there is a team called the Chiefs.

That's right. Not done. Which I consider to be a racist name. A terrible array of fatal sunstroke in st. Louis and elsewhere This afternoon was the hottest of the season the mercury ranging between 9 and 4 o'clock from 90 to over 100 in the shade Wow So a shady 100 is hot. It also really what we're dealing with now is far worse

100 it's like that it was like that Christmas this year. So we talk about climate change. That's not real No, no, we're not no, we're not big No, I was just I was just in Texas. I Have this bit in my set about searching for a replacement fuel, a clean burning replacement fuel. And I start by saying, we all know that climate change is real. And you're in Texas, in Austin.

And you think, well, they. And then you get this grumbling going on. Ha ha. And you're like, this is just the premise. Premise grumbles. Nearly 30 cases of sunstroke reported at the city dispensary and hospital during the day and fully as many more have probably occurred in which the authorities have no record." That was the saying that, yeah, there's people out there who are like in a house somewhere. Right, just died or yeah, hot somewhere else.

Yeah, they just died or whatever. Rotting. Yeah, yeah, just bubbling. Nearly every physician one meets can report from one to three cases in his private practice. Okay. I mean, it really does. Like, we shit on this country a lot, obviously. Air conditioning wise, this country, we are killing unlike any other.

Yeah, we did. We did respond in some capacity I went to we went on vacation to Scotland and we got to Glasgow and there was a heat wave and there was no air conditioning in the it's a fancy hotel no air conditioning the hotel you can't even open the windows it's just just like, you're just going to die in there. So hot you take your own life if you could. Good swing there, my friend. I couldn't even attempt it. And we know why, David.

You're going to finish the story. Why there's no air conditioning? Because it's not supposed to be hot there. Here to four. Because it hasn't been for years and years. Right. For now it is. Since they built that hotel.

Yes. Yeah, they were never like, yeah. Why would you, air conditioner, why? Yeah. No, they really do think that. Yeah. And they don't even like, my mother lives in England. There's not even, the most they'll do is one of those

wall, like super lives in England. There's not even, the most they'll do is one of those wall, like super glued wall units. That's like at most where if you stand in front of it, you're like, oh, that's nice. For a second, I thought you were gonna make the sound of the air conditioner. I'm gonna Michael Winslow my way through this. But when you said, you said those wall, those wall,

I thought you were gonna do those wall, wall, wall, wall. the I mean, the amount of electricity we consume in this country. Oh, it's crazy. It's just, you know, people don't understand that your charger, which is plugged in all the time to the wall, and when you walk away from it, it's leaching. Every single one of our outlets is leaching Electricity all the time. Have you guys been in you've been in New Zealand? Yes. Yes and each each wall

Outlet has to turn off. Yeah, they do in a lot of European countries, too Yeah, they turn off. Yeah that you have you just also when you go to hotels They'll give you a key and your hotel room key, you have to slip into a thing to power you. I mean, the first time you go in there as an American, you're like, they gave me a shit room. And you got to put your key in the thing to power your room. And then when you leave, you have to take your key to come back in your room. So there's no power being used.

The entire unit is shut down. Yes. Common sense. Yes, and here we would shoot people at the front desk for this decision. Yeah, I need a new room. I'm checking out this hotel. The other night I was speaking to, just to give you the way America thinks. My touring partner, Rob Bair, and we were having, he was having a whiskey at night and I no longer drink so I was having a pint of ice cream.

Oh, I thought. And I told her, I said I don't drink and this is my last vice and I have to get rid of this because I am pre-diabetic. And the woman couldn't wrap her head around it. She's like, what do you mean? I said, my doctor said I can't be this anymore. She said, what do you mean your doctor said that? I said, well, my doctor, my physician who I've known 20 years, she's like, well, that's

a doctor. I mean, and then she followed up with this. I mean, this is America. That's so perfect. Doctors don't know. You're right. You're right. That's right. I'll just listen to this lady giving me ice cream. It's tough when you're trying to have a conversation with adults who are near your age and just finding points of interest or things to discuss.

And then after a couple of minutes, you're like, I just want to end this because it's boring. Yeah. You can discern quickly like, oh, there's no curiosity in your mind. Yes. That's all I am. And so I don't care to talk to you more. That's more, an assistant can be good for that. I would imagine you, does your assistant travel with you? She's my production partner.

OK. No, she doesn't. Because that would be helpful. If you could just give the signal, David, we have to go. No, I don't think she would still be working with me if she traveled with me. Would you agree, Paige? You don't know?

That'd be kind of fun, though, if half the job was just travel. She's very upset with Derek. She's very upset with Derek. You don't know that me kind of fun though if half the job was just travel Not even a like a big no just this Yeah Dismissive no not even worth a full head shake just yeah. Yeah All right, David David Anthony No. Yeah. All right, David, David Anthony. Sixteen deaths have occurred today from this cause alone, and 22 burial permits have been granted in three days.

It is not unusual to have the same degree of heat here, but so many cases of sunstroke and so many deaths from that cause in the same length of time have never been known before. Well, buckle up. Thomas Mann, who a humorist, a humorous writer on the Republican of this city, over the signature of Ix Polk, fell dead in the streets of Elston today from a sunstroke. He had numerous friends in New York.

Well, that last part is pretty weird. Well, they took it. They took it from anonymous deaths and then they personalized it. Right. The guy you guys all know, the funny writer. He's dead. He had friends in New York. The sun has taken him. Was he a writer or just a humorist? He was a humorous writer.

Are you were you aware of him? No, I yeah, I'm one of the people who didn't care that he died. Well, so this is from the same paper, correct? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Um, what year was it? 1878. Shit, what year did Twain die? Oh, that's I'm not your guy. I don't know why we gotta I

Just know why we I just want to know if Twain felt actually he's alive. He's he he's uh, he's like Q says he's still alive. Oh, yeah back then I thought you meant now the reason I'm interested was was Twain secretly happy? Yeah. Yeah. Well, he did. Yeah. He had some issues with other people.

He was a big, he liked to get into fights with people. So maybe, I'm sure he didn't look, I'm sure he, he is the exact type personality that would just be like, God, your writing is just not funny. It's shit. He would very much be that guy. Twain's brilliance still resonates.

And it's still just astounding. I mean, it's, you know, as they say, I think I'm quoting Gar Reynolds, wit is brevity of the soul. I think that People give me credit for that. Yeah, I'm sorry It may have been Oscar Wilde, but anyway He's still a ton of my shit dude, yeah Though he predates you he has certainly I know

so did you I know we were short in time, but I just feel like a buddy of mine read several tomes on Twain. Twain had a group of gentlemen, and I think they were called the Sunshine Club. Huh. Are you aware of this? No. And they invited invited they would entertain 13 year old girls at these Is a different story but the hot web this is like a so the whole thing is hot weather based

Yeah, the hot weather drives both man and beast to water. The cows stand in ponds and rivers nearly all day, and bathers are numerous. Oh, so man and beast are bathing together in the same holes? Yeah, the cows and horses are getting in the river. That's been a dream of mine. So this isn't India. Yes, that's right. Yeah, right.

This is the other. Yes, that's right. OK, OK. So we're guessing another date. No, same. Oh, this is all one paper. All we're just going to do one paper the whole thing. So this is taking over. But I've often wanted to be like, you know, next to a gazelle drinking while I'm kind of washing my under balls

Just sort of like we're all and we're all and I'm all we're all going like hey, I hope there's not a crocodile under here So I just want to Frame this. Yeah. Yeah, you have always wanted to be in a pond or a river washing your under balls next to a gazelle Yeah, and like the st. With the st. Louis wildlife like the gazelle. Oh sir? Yeah go ahead the two Davids are really ganging up on the one guard. No no no sir I'm just with the boaters. Are you at the zoo? Yeah no I'm at the like park there's like a menagerie maybe at best. Sir sir? Yeah. Go ahead, David Keckner, with a follow up. A gazelle is not. He his habitat is not St. Louis. True. Well, mind it, I'm not supposed to be in the everything's kooky. There's a heat wave.

We're all doing stuff that's a little out of the ordinary. Gazelles and I are. Hold on. I mean, what? I guess we're wondering why there's a gazelle next to you. There's a bunch of them. It's non native habitat. Why am I in St. Louis? I'm from Milwaukee.

I live in L.A. What am I? OK. You know what I mean? OK. Also, we're all doing crazy. And let me finish for you guys. We're all doing crazy shit. OK. God, do you consider the gazelle to be a ball friendly animal? And you know how the watering hole is. It's the Vegas Lake.

What happens in their state? We're all doing stuff. The kids here. Who's great? What? Go ahead. I've seen water holes like they actually. I got a water. You can watch live YouTube streams of water holes in Africa and I've never seen anyone Go to one and wash their balls because it's not hot there. This st. Louis heat is almost a hundred degrees

I'm not gonna keep I can't I can't keep doing I can't keep Anyone listening right now is going. Oh my god One guy is so right and then the other two guys are being awful to him. I agree with you. I agree with you But I just different clarification. Yeah, I think your last statement was uh-huh. It's not hot there And I believe it's not st. Louis hot there. I believe before that our friend David Sean said That's in Africa It's not hot in Africa Not st. Louis heatwave hot no, oh

Yeah, okay. We're all okay. I don't know. I don't know why we're you're right. Yeah, thank you. Thank you What's your name Patrick, but I don't want you to use that for any sort of fraudulent purposes, but it's Patrick My my son my son's coming back. Okay, good. See? Well now we're all starting to agree a little bit more. Ninety or so kids, right? I thought we were in the entire time. Yeah, okay, good. It's only your incredibly thin skin that has provoked you into something. By the way, thin skin, that's the underballs. Is that called a bring back? I'm not in comedy. Is that a bring back? That's a force back. Force back.

Folks, just so you know folks, in the idiom in which we work, which is comedy, people try to sometimes attach themselves to some of our language. There's a thing we all call a callback when there is an appropriate reference that might fit in comedy wise into whatever piece of, um, comedy we're doing. It's not a bring back. No, it's not a bring back. And let's also point out that the callback is very helpful to the weak joke, which is why I felt very important to you to listen.

Okay. I have one last thing to say about you and the gazelle. And then we got to move on because it's just that whole media circus around this gazelle me thing has just been crazy. Last thing. If I may. Yes, you may, of course. The thought that ran through the gazelle's mind when you parked yourself next to it, and it was polite enough to not run, was this. Jesus, I hope nobody thinks he's with me. So one time it was praying for a crocodile to bite its head. That was the least of its concern. Yeah, he was also the other thought was

This guy's gonna tip his balls in the water of drinking. Yeah, is this real? I bought I go balls first drink second I want to taste myself Yeah, I. Yeah. I just have to make note. I got two bent over turtles from David Shunnel. Oh, yes. Yeah. Maybe more than I've had my career with Dave, to be quite honest with you.

A small boy with an umbrella was overtaken by a young whirlwind yesterday. Oh, no. And as he didn't. He got like and as he didn't feel like making a balloon ascension himself, he let go is happening. He let go. Didn't make a lot of balloon ascension, like fly up like a balloon. He let the old parasol go up alone. It sailed around over the trees and houses for a few minutes and then

dropped and the boy recovered it again. This is in the paper. Yeah. It's such an almost story. Like had he held on, then you got a story, but this is just an umbrella went. Who? Okay. But what was the name of the man who passed whose last name was man Gary Gary man no not Gary man from

formerly of Comedy Central the humorous who passed away in that guy humorous who passed away in that. Yeah, the guy. Humorous guy. Oh, um. I can't believe you just said Gary Mann, who I believe is very much alive. Yeah, he is. Mason Thomas, Thomas Mason. Thomas Mason man. No, just Thomas Mason. Oh, I heard wrong. Okay. Would you believe this? The last Okay, would you believe this? The last article published by Thomas Mason was that report. It would be very fitting for the parasol boy. First of all, who reports that story? It's very strange to be this early in the paper with a story like that I agree oh Interesting yeah, the reporters just like walking around like Nate nothing happening in this hot town whoa

Boy come here come here boy. Yeah Happen how are things with you in this heat wave son? Yeah, well sort of Let me look at let me look the tip of my lead pencil and then write it down It was a juicy one where that become a thing you lick the train of your lead great question It's great. Yeah, why did they do it Busta? It must have had an effect or else they wouldn't do it No, it couldn't but before the in the in the in the time Yeah, why did they do it? It must have it must have had an effect or else they wouldn't do it No, it couldn't know but before the in the in the in the time Period when they did that it was lead

Yes, it was lead and I would imagine like ink I could understand giving a lick well over pencil And lead you're right david. There's probably a lot like like, boy, this tongue cancer is just killing these reporters. What is the connection? Gareth, I know that you have stated that you feel you have been unfairly attacked. But I don't think myself nor the other David would understand you saying, oh, I can see licking. No, I'm out of the two No, I'm out of the two. I'm saying out of the two. Which one is which one leans on liquid more?

You can the ink. You never licked a pen. Come on. Get out of the ivory tower. You to get down to the trenches with the guys. I had to stop building it. They wouldn't let me have any more ivory. Sure. So now it's just kind of like a

ivory garage? Well no. The ivory shed? No, it's not. I didn't do that far. I got the foundation was made of ivory. That's good. You can't even see it, you know? No, I guess in retrospect, the worst part to have. Yeah. But anyway, who reports that story? I have the answer.

I have the answer, by the way. The old material of solid graphite was very dense and did not leave much of a mark on paper in order to leave a clear mark on the paper. People would wet or lick the end of a pencil to make it flow like a pen oh it was so it was like liquid the graph the graphite was like so that liquid it was graphite though they would make it yes but then I get when you when you made it wet it would get a little liquidy cut type all right Dave now you're just kind of working blue and I don't think- A lot of things when you touch the end

they get a little liquidy. Your mind went blue, mine didn't. Not even. Not even. Even though the subject was pencil. I was talking, the last thing I said, I was talking about a penis. Jesus Christ, I wasn't even.

Which was pencil-like if it's correctly manipulated. That's right. Correct. The tip got liquid. I heard tip. David, Sean, is it S-E-A-N? S-E-A-N, yes. The Irish. How old was the boy? I think it said he was eight.

Wait a minute. So somebody injured an eight year old. Yes. I mean, he could have been younger. I mean, I'm surprised they didn't put in his address in. They used to do that all the time. They'd say where he lived. I'm surprised the boy let go.

If I'm being honest, I as a boy, there's no way I would have had the wherewithal to let it go. Well, the reporter was probably standing there going, don't let go! God damn it! Grab it! But it was, but wait, it was windy? Yeah, it was windy. Windy during a heat wave.

That is also a success. A whirlwind. You get hot wind. Oh, David, you get hot wind. Stop. What? What? Oh, David, you get hot wind. Stop. What? It's obvious. Yes. Yes, Gar. What? No, it's just come on. I know I'm the guy who watched his balls next to the gazelle

and just said, lick the tip. But I'm also saying let's come on now. We don't need to do hot wind stuff. We're better than that. Well, I'm just curious that people are dying. And suddenly, there's a convection oven going on to the hot air blowing around. Maybe hot air does hot air stuff. We don't know. You are the one who put an end to our risk. who put an end to our risk. And now, and now, and now we're done.

Now we're done. From now on. Hot air blowing boys around. How dare you, Ms. Pudganski. Come on. From now on. David's hat has now moved to the style of a youth. From the 30s. If you'll excuse me for just one moment.

I can't wait. I mean, what is it going to be? I can't wait. He's run to his hat collection and that's what we both know. He's definitely gone. David has definitely... He's definitely in his hat. David has left the frame of the podcast. Oh no. He's come back with no hat. And now he's got a bowler hat on.

Of course he has a bowler hat in his house. That looks awesome. This is perfect. That's a good look for you. That is a great look. Not everybody can wear a hat. I do declare it is in your great look. Yeah. Not everybody can wear a hat. I do declare it is in your head whether or not you're going to wear a hat. I agree. Truth. I agree.

Truth. A married couple in Kansas City, Kansas. Where is that in relation to Kansas City, Missouri? Don't ask David where things are. Look at what happened. I know where it is. It is right across the border. There's the border of Kansas city, Missouri and Kansas, uh, just

it's called state line road. Okay. And then there's Kansas city. There is no, there's no geographical separation from the two cities. They do exist together geographically, but Kansas city is in Missouri. Gotcha. The population of Kansas city is nearly 600,000. And the population of Kansas City, Kansas is eat my ass. That was terrible. I should have come

over something better. No, I don't know. No, it's there's no reason to not have a Missouri Kansas battle. Kansas battle. You sold that pretty well. No, it wasn't. That was not good. No, I'm the guy who's doing the blowing boys stuff. I'm telling you, I liked it. You want my approval on this sort of stuff.

I wait, you were doing blowing boys stuff. Dave, just read the paper. I'm desperate for it. A married couple in Kansas City, Kansas, adjourned to the banks of the call the call. Kay, why is that a lake? River KKW. Sorry, KW. There would be many tributaries there. Yeah. OK. To the banks of the call late last Friday for a bath.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, a bath. Were they having late Friday night a night bath? Oh, well, just gosh, it's just I hate to be the one who harkens. But I remember someone on this show talking about a bit of a bath and being treated like some sort of lunatic heretic by a gang of Davids. And now a couple's doing it and we're all fine with it. OK, are we yet? I don't know. Oh, he's not done over fine with it.

No, no, the story has just begun. Well, I agree. The story has just begun. They were molested by some boys. Okay, okay. Okay. Is this true? Is this true?

Yes. Oh my gosh. Okay. Let's refrain. Yes. Please, gosh. Okay. Let's refrain. Yes Please David read on They were molested by some boys and men which caused the swimming gentleman to rush To his clothes on the shore and draw a six shooter. Okay, okay Please just be very clear with what happened A couple was on a date and then a group of men and boys came over and fondled. Wait, you say a date. They're night swimming. I don't think it means fondled. I think in

this term it means they were bothered. Okay. I was trying to pull back from molested as to what it means today. I meant physically bothered though, right? Sure. Yes, they were bothered. I don't know if they were physically bothered. They may have just been annoyed. May I interject? Yes. I'm a fan of REM and one of my favorite lines

from the song, Night Swimming by REM. Night swimming, they cannot see me naked. Pfft. It's like, why? I don't know. Yeah. Mike. Yeah. Honestly.

Mike. Just. What's OK. It's admissible, by the way. Yes. Yeah. Right. Continue, please, sir.

OK. So then the guy goes to the shores to get his gun. And he grabs his gun. This scattered the crowd. Crowd? Yeah. So there's a few, apparently. A flock. but one of them soon returned with a butcher knife. Wait, what of the crowd?

Yeah, a guy from the crowd came back with a butcher knife. They were ready to go. So I just want to point out that this guy doesn't know how to fight a gun. True, true. You know, that's fair. That's true. And it was expected blood would be shed, but a peace meeting was held and everybody was satisfied. They had a lake treaty during the... Look at David. Wait! Wait! How long? Why didn't the couple leave? Is a lot of good questions. He has to go home or to a nearby butchery. Ask to borrow the knife or steal it.

Yeah. Don't anybody move. I'll be back in 10 minutes with a butcher knife. Your shakes are on hold. They just like we're just trying to swim yeah naked here's the weird part men and boys hey boys yeah let's all get down there and have a little turn at that woman. Oh god. You ever molested a couple of nudies? Uh, we're just gonna make the man watch. Years from now, they'll call that cuckolding. We're trying to invent cuckolding in the lake tonight. But you gotta make that man sit in a chair and enjoy it

Reported this story and that's a great question. Yeah, that is a good question. It was the eight-year-old boy Yeah, it was a kid The parasol kid he was flying over the ocean with his umbrella. Oh my. Gareth, and we're close. When we finish writing our new western parody, we should include a character called the parasol kid. Yeah, we are close. But we're not so far along where we can't work this in, which I like.

Correct. Correct. Yes. The parasol kid. In the end of the third act, the reason there was no violence is the very end, the final scene, because a great hot wind sprung up and took the parasol from the parasol. Yeah, yes, yes. Was there a cat? It was no, that was me. I'll be honest. That was me. I do a lot of my stuff is cat based, but it would look like some tumbleweed. I think it'll work.

Okay. Yeah, that's fine. This is it. Can we tell what page that was on? Yeah, that's fine. This is an odd. Can we tell what page that was on? Yeah. That was on page, that was on page two. That was on page two. We're still on page two. What were they doing? They were going to have their way with the woman, right?

Well, they might not have been. They might have just been because the couple was having a romantic moment. They might have been trying to bag. So they could have just been guys yelling at them and fucking with them. I'm not trying to defend the gang who went into the lake.

But you're about to. You're literally going. Let me devil's advocate a little bit. Nudity in 1870, much different than now. It's not like the phone where you could just go anywhere and just Google tits. I mean, this group of men and boys were seeing some actual tits and water Again, I could tell that I'm being judged by you two and that's okay. I'm not speaking

You're not but but so you see some teeth you're There's yeah your people don't have computers. Go on. Someone's explaining to them what I said on this show. But but so they they see it's it's activates a different thing. You know what I mean? Like I. OK, I'm done. I don't know why I keep adding like, OK, because I'm done. I am done with it. It is a thing where if there if there was a guy who just happened to stumble across a couple of naked people at a pond, he would go get everybody.

Yeah. Yeah. Pond dog. Yeah. I would get like, yeah, you can't wait. You can't see them, Gareth. It is a pond at night. That's why I'm getting closer with my boys and men friends. OK. Hey, let's remember I'm the guy who was fucking washing my balls next to a gazelle and I was treated like I should be taken out of the country. Trust me. No, you weren't.

We found you endlessly fascinating. Yes. And so there like the first the first time you see a banana slug. Same thing. You can't believe what you're seeing. You poke at it. You're like, this is weird. That's how we treat you. David's pep talk way better than yours, by the way. And then you unzip your pants.

Okay, now I'm like in the direction we're on. You can't believe you're seeing a banana slug. And what is this? Okay. Hoping the banana slug will mistake you. No, no, no, David. No, no, no. This is what happens the first time you see a banana slug.

No, you just look at it. You don't take your Pete. You're taking your Pete? Is that to see if it's? You see if they're friends. They look the same. They seem like they might be from the same genus, the same family look the same. They seem like they might be from the same genius, the same family, the same. So you put them together and see if they will. Yes. David, what you've introduced is,

that is, is, is like a Louis CK joke. That was very good. Yeah. Thank you. David gets compared to him a lot The name one difference David has more hair Thank you. Yeah This is from the Trenton Gazette, which is Trenton in st. Louis. So they I mean sorry Trenton, Missouri It's in Missouri also headline overheating in summer Yeah, so they are. People are freaking out. Yeah, people are freaking out. All trustworthy hygienists and medical authorities are unanimously

recommending fruits and vegetables as the best and appropriate food for this season. And that the eating of much meat, rich gravies, etc. You gotta put gravy on hold. During a heat eyeball, I say that even now. You put a pin in gravy when you're in a heat wave. Hot weather gravy? Yeah, you don't want to be eating hot gravy during this time.

It hit 100. Let's get the gravy out. Woman, you're not fixing on making some gravy this morning, are you? Well, I was planning on it. I've heard caution against it. Put your meats away. Look at the thermometer. Well, it's fruits and vegetables. I do understand that to some extent because I would feel like those saltier meats would probably be worse for you.

But summer gravy in general seems preposterous, let alone really terrible wave gravy. I do believe there's a time where every meal, gravy was always served at every meal. Every meal. Yeah. This is one during the gout boom. You dip your bread in it. And yet there is, go ahead. My father was once reprimanded and the entire family was embarrassed. My father is one of nine kids and I'm one of the Kekners and they were invited to the class family

which is also Klaus, but they were called class and My father was young and they're all there at the table and my dad had prepared his plate and said but would you please pass the gravy and The embarrassment was the shame he retold the story many times the embarrassment was the shame. He retold the story many times. The shame was that he asked for gravy and there wasn't any on the table. Oh God.

How do you know? You brought shame to the entire family. That is quite a time. What? What did you do? Also for him to be like lamenting that for a lot of his life. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

He told that story many times. On his deathbed. By the way. Tell them I didn't know about. I'm bringing that back. I'm bringing that back. As an homage to your great father, I will be asking at every meal for the gravy to be passed.

I love it. Just to show the shortcomings of every event that I'm at. Yes. Oh, there isn't any? Oh, no big deal. It's like when you flip the menu over and there's nothing and you go like, oh, it's an adequate menu without the back.

Oh, you're not gonna wait for the answer? Well, no. Well, okay, go ahead. You're going, no big deal. But my dad, in earnest, asked for the gravy and I don't he I never heard the end Of the story. I think he was immediately either given a stern look No, yeah He was shamed it was very shamed at the table. It was an embarrassment to his family apparently

Wow, I again and then and then that, the dinner was probably very awkward. I don't know. There was probably a, there's probably a lot of people who are like, no, it's absolutely delicious. I guess some of us would have liked some gravy, but most of us find the fixings to be adequate. Or, or maybe he just scoots back from the table and puts on his hat and says, excuse me, good day.

And walks out the door. I don't, I'm guessing he probably would not be excused without permission at that time. Yeah. And then at the, at services on Sunday, the, the entire service is about ask, not asking for gravy when there is no gravy. I know when you take an etiquette course, they teach you the forks first and then the gravy asks.

You want to make sure there's gravy in the gravy pour. Have a look around before you ask for things that aren't on the table. But I do think it's a great tactic to just at any event just be like, will you pass the sweet potatoes? Just so there aren't any like, oh, that'd be like will you pass the sweet potatoes? Great you guys like sweet potatoes. They're awesome. You should have them at most more meals Yes, I would just say oh and then remain silent for the rest of you No I'm tired. No. Napkin in my shirt.

Do you like gravy, Gareth? I like gravy, yeah. I like gravy. Most meals I feel like could be wetter. I mean, look, yeah, no, that's right. But one of my favorite, yeah, wet it up. It's a big complaint of mine almost. That's why I often take my food and just dunk it in water.

Oh, I'll pour, whatever I'm drinking, I'll pour a little bit out. I do it like, you know those food eaters, like the competitive food eaters, how they dip their things in, I do that. I'm not about that, taking the bit of bread or maybe, yes, it's some potatoes or some corn, just pouring it in there. I think that should be outlawed, by the way.

Why not? You're not gonna want to, all right, fine. All right, David. Let's go. And guess what? In Trump's America, it will be, sorry, in Eamon's America, it will be. There'll be no more dunking your breads.

They're gonna dox me. Did you see an anonymous doxed, whatever his fucking name is, fuckhead or Trump, whatever you wanna call him? You gotta narrow it down. If it's fuckhead, you gotta narrow it call him. You got an arrow. It's fuck fuckhead You got an arrow down more. Yeah, if they docks I could docks Trump 1600, Pennsylvania Have you know they doxed him they gave out his Social Security. Oh, you didn't see that shit. No shut up really anonymous Put as a as a revenge for Elon being able to access everyone else's social

Just beginning I think they're gonna go go full out war as they show. Yeah, yeah. That would be great. These are dark days, boys. I don't think it's going to last. It's going to collapse on itself. Yeah. I think everybody agrees.

That Elon Musk tried to hire someone who's not a citizen of the United States for his doge. Of course he did. Yep. Because he's trying to find an older person who understands the 1947 based code in the government systems. How'd you like that? None of the guys in America are going to do it. So he's going to have to try to find guys that are like from some other country.

Yeah. Probably. South Africa. German. Safe to say. It's Africa. German. Save to say it's a class. Elon pasta gravy. By the way, one of my, maybe my favorite thing in the world, it's such a simple thing to eat, but mashed potatoes and gravy.

It just, I can't ever get in that. Like it's the best thing to me ever. Ever. Yeah. I, my favorite is and gravy. It just I can't ever get in that. Like it's the best thing to ever ever. Yeah. I my favorite is sausage gravy. Oh, with a lot of sausage. Now, Gareth likes strawberries and a nice meat gravy. Oh, you got it. Stop it. Stop. It's delicious. A lot of people like cream with their strawberries.

Give me a mushroomy gravy. Let's dance. You know what I mean? Yes let's dance. The profiles. God the way you talk makes me want to find a local pond and dip my balls. Yes David. Yes.

Just a quick one. It feels so empty. The Gazelle boys. Without purpose, without the Gazelle next to me. Yeah, the Gazelle boys. I still don't understand. And again, to your point, Gareth, that she may have been fully naked, but you know, in that time, women weren't allowed, they wore full, you know, full length swimming suits. So I'm wondering if she would even have been naked. True.

There's no excuse for a group of leers. And boys, men, but but even even a clothed wet woman is going to be very titillating. She agreed. Agreed. I say that I say that today. My wife, I'm wife and I'll go get wet woman. Yeah gravy yourself. David I have similar tastes in. Budwar.

We certainly do. Gareth would you leave us now. It's a fucking zoom basically. Okay. Okay back to the what we should be eating. And yet there is not one person in 10 who carefully and intelligently follows this advice. In hotels and boarding houses, people gorge themselves with meats and gravies and pastry and wonder how it is possible after such a strengthening meal

that they feel so weak and shaky and nervous and out of sorts. What's wrong Jimmy? I'm a meat nervous. I don't know I should probably go upstairs. I got bacon on my breath. Right. I got bacon on my breath I'm freaking out Jimmy. I'm freaking out what happened. I had a bunch of They know everybody knows Demons coming at me. Oh the poor maids in the hotels. They're like good Lord this man went through gravy withdrawal on these sheets Look at that

He pollock to the wall with roast beef, but the reporter The reporter checked several sources. Yeah to finish this story Yes, mind if I had fire about the eating habits of the people standing at your boarding house? Well, of course. We're as regular as any other establishment. People come here, they get weak as can be, nervous, anxious after going away. We foe go to chow the shit out of them for four to five hours. Then they go to the room, have hallucinations

that they're walking on walls, tripping their balls off. And this is what we call LAMO-ding, and it happens quite regularly So then you would agree that is the cause of this excitement and service is there their intake of meats It's obviously meat based never seen a person act strange unless they've been eating meats. Thank you very much Thank you so much may I quote you in my article, please? Absolutely, you may might I recommend if you're having trouble greasing the tip of that lead pencil put a little gravy on your tongue

I found in every Facet of life. Thank you for your advice about the tip sir But I believe it's a bit too too hot for gravy wouldn't you say well I don't know some people on the fringe are saying it can be too hot to for gravy Others of us recognize that there is no better hydrator than a sweet bubbling Oven gravy may I quote you on that one sir absolutely? Okay, I know I. Okay. I uh I'm sorry. I must go

Friend had informed me that I may want to go to the Crater River, Crawl River, the car. Yeah, it's a good place for bathing isn't it? Yeah, absolutely You're gonna want to call your bar. I'm calling my I'm bringing my seven sons Giselle man The gazelle doesn't concern me I'm concerned about the man standing next to the gazelle And I said quite a run on this episode the ball dunker He's the guy that started the crowd gathering The crawler free River crawl

Hey fellas, get back! Is it the Cron or Cree River? Cron. Hey guys, get to the Cron River as soon as you can! You'll know why! If anyone needs to freshen their nuts, I got a spot right next to me! Depending on it, a very large proportion of the physical ills of life come from too much eating. There is but little danger of not eating enough. Okay, that is absolutely not true. What is starvation? The trouble with nine tens of ailing and chronicle complaining city people is in

judicious and Intemperate eating leave off eating so much meat and greasy compounds and rich pastry and try a simpler diet for a time and our word for it, you will soon experience a great and marvelous change come over the spirit of your dreams. Of your dreams? Your dreams. That's right. Well, this guy was ahead of his time. I agree.

But it is so funny to think that something like that back then would have been thought of as totally insane. And then now we really do make such a connection to like, well, yeah, if you eat like shit, you feel like shit. Like to the woman who was giving you the pint of ice cream, it's like, yeah, no, there is a definite connection to put back that people like, and what's next? Women jogging? Shut up. people like and what's next women jogging shut up I'm still puzzled by this group of

leering idiots who so wanted to stay when faced with a six Yeah, I want another look. This is how I want to go David we did an episode of the dollop in Which this it was I want to say 72 or something or no, maybe 60s Maybe the 60s still not that but this woman worked on Wall Street and she had big boobs And so dudes started collecting Themselves when she came out of the subway in the morning They would sit and watch and it grew and grew and grew until they were like, I'm not kidding 10,000 men

Every morning when she came out of the subway hooting and hollering at her as she walked God Swear to God. It's it it's the most crazy story you cannot believe. And it, it went on for a while. She was just like a person. And she was just like, yeah, she was the person. She was the secretary. It was like, Oh my God. Is it just mind boggling.

Okay. Uh, this is the last, this is the last one. Okay. Insufferably dull. It's already good. Warm. The warm weather has stagnated all social gaiety. In fact, even church festivals and benefit concerts have died. Natural deaths killed by the hot weather.

There are no parties, no amusements, no weddings. And really, if we're to believe what some of the girls say, there is but little lovemaking going on. What the heck? No, no, no. Is that quoted? Yes. Some of the girls are saying, it's too hot for men to fuck.

Don't you come near me with that hot pecker boy and banana slug. That's a bring back. That we know is one of the pleasant things in life that does not require any great effort, but the weather is either too warm or the bows are too shy for the fairest of the fair in the cool of the evening may be seen dressed cummingly in their light delicate lawns or organdies sitting on the doorsteps alone. I don't even know what organdies is but I'm in. Yeah, I'm in. Sitting on the doorsteps alone sighing like so many Marianas. He cometh not.

Whoa. Marianas cometh not. Whoa. Marianas. Comeeth not. And Marianas is a person who was considered weak of spirit. A Marian. I don't think I've ever heard that before. Like, stop being such a Marian about or something like that. I think. But that was the Marianna and I cannot imagine it being a Complaint of the women being that it's too odd for the men to fuck. I know

smell in 1870 off a hot man Plus that's near erotica. Yes. It is. That's pretty scandalous for them. Yes. Yes, for the time, without question. That's too much.

The other thing that gives me pause, what age are we living? In which we quote a woman. Well, now again, David, as one of your reps, I would say you're in dangerous territory here. So, the bowler hat hasn't, I think the bowler hat changed his whole character. Yes, it really did. I'm in 1876 now. His mouth changed, his tongue's never been more active.

Well, I'm a professional tip mutter. I'm a leu. Oh shit. God. Wow. Here's the other thing. They still wore three piece wool suits to work every day. Yes. And a hat. Yes.

Yes. And a hat. They always had to have a hat on. So you couldn't, for social reasons, not have a hat on, but you're fucking hot as shit. Oh, the thing that must have been... What must... The cultures growing under the hats must have been unreal. Oh. You don't want to... Just like coming home...

That's when you didn't... You really didn't want to smell a unreal. Oh. You don't want to. Just like coming home. That's when you didn't, you really didn't want to smell a head. Oh God. Oh the smell. You just be in the house and be like, something smells like rotting fit. And they'd be like, well, I don't know. Oh Dan, it's your hat. It is?

Well, it's in my hat because when I got home I cleaned it with gravy. Couldn't be mine. I gave it the gravy clip. It's not my balls. I washed them by my, I'll tell you one thing. It's definitely not my hat and it's definitely not my balls. You know, you know, allegedly, and I don't know this to be true. Uh, that gazelle apparently offered, I said to Gar you know

I know if you're having trouble dipping down doing the squats to the water. Yeah You don't have to squat down there if you like I could do I can get in there like clean that you a pitching eliminate in the middle man, Gizelle Mike David and Gareth, you probably know this having long done your brilliant series, the dollop. Do you know when hats fell out of popularity quickly? 50s. After. I was after? It's 1963.

63. There was a certain person, a swore, it was a certain person, a swore was a certain person a swore he won this person won an election in 1962 yes then he was sworn in in 1963 well if he won an election could it be lbj the that's a person of whose position is no longer This this this executive branch is no longer this This title is no longer there. There's someone new who has ruined the word president But whatever we have now a jfk Supposedly was a big reason that hats fell out of favor Wow

Because his hair was so beautiful. Oh, I thought you were gonna say it was because he got shot And because he got shot no, but apparently that's what I'd read really yeah, yeah fascinating. Yeah. Yeah That's what I read. Really? Yeah, yeah. Fascinating. Yeah, yeah. Well, David Kechner, the great David Kechner, people could go to David-Kechner, K-O-E-C-H-N-E-R.com. You're going to be in Wyoming, in Nevada, in Michigan, all over, Honolulu.

Oh, I've been to the Blue Note. That's an awesome place. It's fun. Albany, but you're always adding tour dates So yes, we thank you for joining us and we encourage you to come back Because you are probably our most beloved guest But we and let's all think a little bit about washing our balls going forward. Oh, this is a Oh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Um, you're part of the show. You booked it. So we'll see you tomorrow. Yep. Do you not know that this end? I feel you've done a podcast before, right? They end at some point, like there's an ending to it. I'm sorry. I don't know what, uh, the podcast at some point, they end.

We go to our lives for a little while. And yeah, then we go, we go back into the world. Yeah. Oh boy. Oh shit. I thought someone had pitched this to you a little bit. the the You always make me laugh. You always make me laugh so hard. So you are the best you truly are the best So people should come see you on the road, but also a person they should find you if you're swimming anywhere Yeah, if you see David eating he loves this sit down and talk to them Everyone says this all the time I've been your experience that you do a movie and you and you're maybe on location and so you're hanging out every night and you go, let's get together in LA and nobody.

Poison. What a lie. There's only one experience that I've had that has held true. I did an episode of Twin Peaks and Eric Edelstein and Larry Clark played my brothers and we were the Fusco brothers. And we still get together like every two months. Edelstein is one of the greats. I love him.

Edelstein is one of the greats. I love him. I love Larry, it's so much fun. But I would love to have lunch with you guys and I know we're all busy and who can make it. Let's do it. God, you know what, now I'm thinking. Gravy.

I wanna cook for you guys. Oh. Let's go. And there will be. There will be gravy. There will be gravy. Well, we're in. Can't thank you enough, David, for real. Let's do this! God bless. I will.

Thank you, buddy. Some of these days You'll miss me, honey Some of these days Hey, Dollop fans! I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop?

You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-part animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of The Rube. You can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of The Rube.

It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.