The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 121 - The First New York Post Office

Episode Date: October 7, 2015

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds discuss the first New York Post Office. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH 

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is a bi-weekly semi-podcast about American history. Oh boy the rust is coming off. I listened to an episode that day I was like what do we say at the beginning? Yeah. This is a bi-weekly podcast about American history. Each week I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is about. Well you nailed it. My part season. You nailed it girl! Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one buck. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna come to the tickly podcast. Okay. You are Queen Fakie of Hadeup Town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville!

A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle. And do what? Pray. Hi Gary. No. I see you've done my friend. No! Okay. 1731. Where it is. The middle Dutch church was built at Nassau and Cedar Streets in New York City. Okay. The Dutch reform community went all the way back to New Amsterdam's first house of worship and it was central to the lives of colonial New Yorkers. Okay. Is this so far UN? Well so far I feel good. I know that whenever we're sniffing around religion good things blossom. The British took over the church during the Revolutionary War, ripped out its pews and turned it into a prison. Perfect. So there you go. At that point the church was

falling apart and damaged. It is believed to up to 8,000 prisoners were held in the church during the war. How big is this church? It's gotta be big. Maybe not all at the same time. Okay. Different times but that's a lot of that's that's a yeah. That's a good amount. Oh you took you got the papers. Yeah. Is it okay that he has it? Well look we're gonna we're gonna send some scripts to people sign scripts to people who donated on the patreon and some of them might have kitty kitty bites. There you go. Alright so a New York Times article described the prison quote the whole floor of the church was one caked mass of dead dying

excrement and vermin. Oh wait so people are dead. People are dead. It's like a chicken coop like people are dead and dying. It is very much like a chicken kids like a Tyson chicken farm. Yeah that's what it's that's exactly what I thought of right away. Yeah it's a Tyson chicken. Hope you like these chickens. They're not gonna be a sponsor by the way. No. Well it is weird that Mike Tyson is a chicken company that's very successful. He's the best chicken in town man. Okay look at my look at my breasts. Look at those beaks. You're not gonna get those beaks anywhere else. I'm gonna rape this chicken. It's got gray wings. Don't put my

dick in this chicken where they want it or not. Look yeah I didn't fucking something to chicken. I'm a sexual authority. The British left in 1783 and the church then set abandoned for a few years. It was then by the way the reason the British left is because we beat the shit out of him. Yeah well I'm them too but still. It was then reopened as a church on July 4th 1790. It remained a church for years but then finally closed in 1844 due to debt. Okay where are we headed? At this time the post office in New York was looking for a new location. Uh-huh. For a while the post office had been in several locations around the city but what

everyone wanted was a post office downtown particularly the merchants. Sure. When the church closed and the building went up for sale local merchants pushed the government to buy it. The property was available for 350,000 but the postmaster general would only give 300,000. Okay. So local merchants raised 50,000 in voluntary contributions. They really wanted this fucking post office. What's this classic America? We're still just by the fucking post office you cheap cunt of a gun. Just really just fucking buy it. It's been going on forever. We're just such cheap assholes. Alright. The old church was bought. It

would now be a post office and it was said to have been completely unsuitable for use as a post office. Why? Okay. Why? Why? It's a big church. I understand that part. Why did they buy it? Why? How did they find that out? It was the location. Location. Location. So all they want is the location? Yeah. Well there was a really good location. They wanted it down there. Obviously all the buildings are taken up. It's a big building. They need for a post office. It's just gonna be a little... Well we all understand. It's very stupid. It's very stupid. Okay. January 1845 a flyer was passed out that read the postmaster has

great pleasure in announcing to his fellow citizens that the new post office building 112 years old at Nassau Street will be ready for occupation in a few days and respectfully invites people different blah blah blah to view the interior arrangements of the establishment. So they just had they just told you know. It's like an all shitheads. Come on down. A popin house. Yeah. A popin house. People came in to look. The altar railing was gone but the pulpit and its wonderful decoration remained. How is this... I don't... I mean what do you... like when you're taking the tour of your new post office and it's still a church. You're

just like what? Why is the pew here? There's still a priest? Hello? Oh god. I haven't been told of anything. Why? What's happening? I'm sorry? What about Sundays? You don't do mail on Sundays, correct? Priest office. It's in the back. What are you looking for? Galleries looking like overhanging amphitheaters were there in case a gladiator fight broke out, right? So you have these big like side... Good. Those are coming real handy. For the rich people to look down on the poor at the post office I guess. Yeah. On the walls in Dutch it read quote my house shall be called a house of prayer. Good. Also... Isn't that... isn't that

no rain nor snow? Same one. Yeah. It starts with that. That's right. That's right. That's the beginning. The post office opened for business. During the first year the space immediately around the building was still covered with gravestones. Ah. What is this story about? This is just about a hot... this is like a Scooby-Doo episode. This is what I would picture like as a house in a Scooby-Doo episode. It's weird. Gravestones? Yeah. So you go to the post office and there's gravestones so you got to walk through the cemetery to mail your letter. Awkward. Well, during the first year the space immediately around the building is covered in

gravestones. Vaults beneath the post office were still full of bodies. That is unacceptable. News. Well they bought... you buy as is. Dude. You know what I mean? They even cleaned Gacy's basement. You can't inspect the building if you're... if it's an auction. You buy as is. No. No. On the contrary. That's how... and then you... and then you buy them. Then you go and you go, oh, the sink is fucked up. No. What? How it works? The roof is leaking. There's some bodies in the basement. No. No. The roof is leaking. That's the order of the list. The roof is leaking. What else? My wife keeps telling me to mention... Oh! Right. We found 30 bodies. Oh, there's... oh shit. There's a bunch of dead bodies. We did not get any fee for body clean up. Also, I'm worried about the grass on the front yard. Oh, the... you talking about the gravestones? Yeah. Yeah. They're really eating up the area. Yeah, you should have... you could have seen those when you... Also, there's some bodies in the attic. Oh, and the bathtub runs blood. Yep. So... Welcome to the post office. Thank you. What? Ring, ring, ring. For a year, coffins mingled with mailbags and mail carts with hearses. But finally, the dead were cleared away after a year. This is like the Adams Family Post office. Yeah. For a year, that's what it was. It was hearses carrying packages. Well, they were hearses... Or it's hearses carrying coffins. There's like a hearse stuck next to a mail cart in the... Why are their bodies still in the basement? Because they... There's vaults down there where they put bodies and so they... Tooms? Yeah, they're like tombs, so they hadn't cleared them out yet. When they sold it... Cool. They know... who's gonna... Like if you sell, you know, get rid of the bodies first, you just... you just keep the basement door and... Did you tell them about the bodies? Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... Shhh... The body of champagne? Right. Will open once they buy it. Plop! Uh... The one thing they were never able to get rid of were the rats. Who gives a fuck about rats?

The rats had been around forever in the 1700s a sugar house had been built next door to the church and And then and the number of rats increased Dramatically that's left sugar and then came then came the hard times the war suddenly no sugar house and tons of starving men Not good times for rats But after the war a bonanza the church was turned into a stable for a while and the sugar house came back So this church is fucked up church Because they were the British came in they ripped up all the pews they put a bunch of dying dudes in there Yeah, and then after that and they were like let's keep horses in here

Clearly churches didn't have the same. What is this space? How does it it's an all-use kind of space what are you picturing it's like combined nine different Lego sets I don't know stable post office church prison. I can't it's the Swiss army knife building I can't picture any church. He has turned into a stable. What I mean. I can't even imagine I don't I can't even picture what this must look like It just looks like a churchy stable prison. Yeah So then the sugar house came back so the oats the the Rats are loving it. There's oats and hay and big old piles of shit

Plus maple syrup right because that's what they do a sugar house. What a great list. So it's like rat heaven. They're like But then the post office came and the dead bodies were taken out and the sugar house closed Once again hard times for rats they learned to get Into the contents of the mail bags and became experts at boring through the mail with their sharp teeth to find anything edible They cut through leather pouches and we're known to get through locks It's locks Like they're like fucking awesome rats. Well, you gave them cocaine you gave cocaine took it away from them You gave them a fucking lockpick set. Yeah, so all of that is stupid. Yeah, so they I mean, what do you expect?

The year 1845 also coincided with great change in the post office One huge change made was pricing. They passed the the postal act of 1845. Oh, I'm very familiar with Congress. Of course, of course Congress passed that right? Yeah, that's a quote for every single letter in manuscript or paper of any kind by or upon which Information shall be asked for or communicated in writing or by marks and signs converted in the mail for any distance under 300 miles 5 cents and for any distance over 300 miles 10 cents Before that it was like shit little different prices for different things. Okay, so this is to they took that shit down They simplified it made it near and far right This simplified it reduced to much of the cost of sending letters

Then after more pressure to lower rates again in 1851 the price was dropped to three cents three This really opened up the mail to the masses Before before it was before it was like a fancy pants thing to do before the mail was just for rich people It's all a good afford to do it. Those fucking rats must have been eating some good shit. Yep. The post office was not meant to be self-sustaining It was subsidized by Congress for the good of the people in the businesses. Sure. So Congress subsidized the post office and then it Led to businesses flourishing and see sometimes the government will do things that will help

The citizens in the businesses. Yeah, well, that was a long time ago. Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore No, we don't need that with internet suddenly more people were learning to read and write in order to communicate with relatives and friends, okay? It was almost like their version of broadband. Yeah, except slower except slower Now actually Actually Time Warner might be a little bit slower than the mail No, it's I think Time Warner is the only one that's slower than that system now with the E with disease of letter-sending Came access by those who had not had true access before okay, of course. I am talking about women. Oh shit. Oh No, oh boy. Oh, no, they're letting them write letter. Yep

Ladies dear Sally man turning it loose. I cooked a pie for George. Hope you're well. Oh golly Many men were at this time, of course terrified of unfettered communication by women up until now It had been pretty easy to have a handle on it husbands and fathers would check a lady's letters before she read them or sent them That's amazing in jail, man better better times, man. You know what? I should read this lest your vagina get wet You're cheating on me yay Hey only the wealthiest women before could actually write and receive letters regularly But now 1845 came in the standardized letter letter prices now working women middle-class housewives

Is that anyone else with a vagina and a few cents could mail a letter? Whoa? Suddenly women are going to the post office and getting and sending their own mail. Oh boy completely Unmonitored I don't like it David. I don't like it for a number of reasons. Yeah, you they can't be trusted You know what they're going to be mailing. Oh my god underwear underwear dirty used underwear dirty used underwear to each other Yeah, we're not idiots. We know we know what to be worried about. That's what they do That's what they're doing underwear back and forth underwear back and forth the next thing You know you've got all their cycles sink up. Yep, and you know then we're then we're a war guess what then we're We're slaves. Thank you. Yep

The new post office in the Old Middle Dutch church was no place. Everything's fine for a lady. Do you think that turned off? No All right, it's just it's just the recording thing we use Why would that be a problem? I'm sorry. I was worried about the cat Did the cat run away? Yeah, the cat's dead. Oh So the men thought that it was no place for a lady newspapers wrote about the inconvenient location The horrible staff and quote a general wildness. Wait. Sorry. Why did they do that? They did they do that to dissuade women. Well, yeah, they were just saying how terrible it was but also newspapers

Wrote about a general wildness at the place like what does that even mean? Party zone it's a post office. No, it's not just the post office It's many other things This was certainly not a good place for a lady to be but the women flocked there Foolish women there was a gossip column called a stranger in Gotham in the New York Times in 1855 the author wrote about a trip to the ladies window at the post office The ladies window there was a separate ladies window. So ladies had to go to the ladies window It's so hard when you have to retroactively think how things came to fruition. I mean how like the idea that that like

Okay, sure women couldn't send mail, but the idea that it starts with a woman's line. They have their own Because why what's gonna happen at the post office because you stand in a man lady line You get finger-banged every time. I think that honestly is the only rational. Yes Why because they were worried women standing in line would just be hit with dickster bunch It's just fucking psychos just being like my penis is out. What are you mailing? Oh you in line with me? I can take my junk out, okay? So this woman who what's in the package ma'am? It's just coffee look at my dick. What? That's why I came here. I'm sinking to my knees

Oh my god, so hot so in 1855 the author who was a woman of this stranger in Gotham Wrote about the post office and her trip to the ladies window and she said she was quote enthralled So the women are like this is fucking amazing total freedom such a low like they are so Caged such a low bar. They're like caged animals. I mean really they're going to the post office is enthralling Look, well you starve anything long enough and give it a peanut. It'll be happy quote so much interested interested in what passed before it came my turn to be served that I drew into a corner and for half an Hour eyes and ears did me as good service as at any place of amusement that I have visited in the city a half hour

Just at the post office watching people a half hour. This is before television. Wow, I Think now would be a more interesting time to go to the post office and watch. Yeah, maybe it's basically like It looks like the men in black room Jose's doing something in the kitchen. It's going to the bathroom, bro. He's running back and forth. Oh Uh, so it's just a good fucking time at the post. Sure. Yeah, it's studio 54 with stamps other newspapers and magazines Did not write about the post office in positive ways Blackwoods Edinburgh magazine. Yes a magazine in Scotland wrote about the American post office Yes, bloody institution has to be closed. They've given women their own bloody line

Some of the fucking women will just stand in the back and watch for a bloody half an hour at times. Oh Fuck we gotta do Scottish scotch comes to America one. Oh look at this amazing nation Look at how big the buildings are Got bodies in the bloody basement Can I believe my bloody eyes? Oh No, there's haggis in there. Oh, no, well jokes on the rat on that one, mate So the the Edinburgh magazine it was mostly a compare and contrast situation in England a woman had to rely on a report on

Report I'd say she had to go word of mouth. No, she she couldn't just go to the post office She had to go to a town businessman Who would like there was a specific guy? Well, there's like a specific guy in the town who would take the letters from a lady So a man could go and mail on his own, but a lady had to go through a dude. So you're interested in mail in a package To the office today Well, I don't know if you're exactly packaged material my love not gonna lie to you Maybe in about two three months. You were tired enough. You come back here. You do the things we talked about we discussed

You may be able to send one Tell that I'm gonna have to deny you a claim. Sorry love Meanwhile the girls in New York had total freedom I mean think of living in a time where in Scotland women are hearing rumors of this woman's line in the post office and just creaming I'm gonna try and do Scott. She has the privilege if she chooses to X nerds Irish, right? It's not bad. She has the privilege if she chooses to exercise it of her own private box or pigeonhole at the post office of the town Where she resides Where she can have her letters addressed and with her by a lady's entrance

She can resort when she pleases and unlock her box from the outside and take away her letters without observation It is it did dip into iris towards it did when I was however You're saved by the fact that this guy that the box can now be a term for a vagina. Yeah With that context, yeah, that's a much funnier. They're all I mean, let's face it. They're all Books, they're all worried about the box being unlocked. Yeah, they know when you really think about it That's where it all comes from What Does the world come to women getting their own mail? Oh

Men feared the post office, you know, they called they called they called it female It's called mail for a reason now it's called female now it's female Men feared the post office now women were just blatantly flaunting their right to get mail in front of everyone Right there rubbing our fucking noses in it. I ain't got my mammoth fucking bitch with no one to protect them from the words That were written on the page. Oh my god. What an amazing beginning their chastity and virtue was at stake Both by the content of the letters and the post office itself. That is the last part is crazy Yeah in the great metropolis a mirror of New York famous ex-war correspondent now city writer A farmer's work correspondent now city writer discuss the peril women face due to the new post office system

It's so great to frame it as their little women It's not good for you Ladies, I'm gonna I'm gonna let you know what's going on there and you'll know mind the devil's slippery grip mmm a Letter can go right into your bottom Okay Quote the stations are the favorites of intrigues of both sexes and are frequently made rendezvous for

Interdirected communication and illicit pleasures. Well, I'm sorry in layman's terms There's are they saying Is it so there's there's there's people of both sexes looking for action at the post office And there's rendezvous happening and the post office is a fuck house communication between different people and then illicit Pleasures, I think is you can probably get dildos. There's probably a dildo window a Window window a window that mails letters for dildos and also sell still does Is that really true? No, but what kind of illicit pleasures to be talking about I?

Personally, I've never gotten some action at the post office. Oh, you haven't I've never seen a respectable lady go in and get finger Banged. Oh, you just go up go go up to the counter and ask for forever stamps and wink twice George Ellington spelled it out in his book the women of New York That's not the guys real name that was a pseudonym because no one wanted to attach her name to ridiculous garbage. Anyway, George Wanted of madams using the post office to lure the Thousand school girls a week that call there into a life of prostitution. Oh amazing. God. We're such Same shit different day. I mean, isn't that just like Planned Parenthood right now? It's just so fucking

We're just horrible matter. It's cheap. It's just like it. No, it's not even dirty pool It's just like using the fucking queue to stab someone. I mean don't go to the post office or you'll become a whore That's I mean, we just won't we pull the emergency fucking break, right? Like we there's no we don't fucking You know, there's no foreplay. We go straight to death on fire. Yeah Don't use the post office. You'll be whores Come on Quote be Procurous is pecurious is whores procurus. This is whores

Made it the business of forming the acquaintance of young susceptible girls on their way from school Way laying them they opened conversation and gradually led their minds into the abnormal channels Which the reading of sensational books the conversation of sickly sentimental companions and clandestine correspondence with unprincipled men incline them so The theory is yep that

Women now are able to read the words of others. Yeah freely. Yep, and they're using it for dirty stuff and now They're while they're opening these dirty books. They're also opening their dirty books for paying jobs So if a woman if a woman reads a letter that a man has not been able to inspect first which her vagina Is totally normal her vagina opens up like a lily in the in the daylight right and then and then Once the vagina is open. They cannot help it take money right fix to go. Wow that make that now that I hear that now I think this is a rash. That's just that's just male. Yeah, that's just male right. That's just the male business Concerns grew when the post office decided to build a new much larger post office near City Hall

Why what what because they're it's gone terribly and worse yet home delivery in 1863. Oh my god. Oh my god. No They won't even have to be in that whore line I'm a done. I had to go down to the post office to get your mail Or if you're rich use servants or a private courier company to get it from the post office and bring it to your home The reason home mail service was introduced was because of the civil war Family members wanted to communicate with them with the unions. There's union soldier relatives fighting across the nation And by the early 1870s almost everyone in Manhattan had home delivery service But another reason for home delivery service was because men were looking out for women and their trips to the post office

Which could make them whores. I Mean that whore thing really had some momentum, huh? Here I am thinking that's a flash in the pan worry, but that's why that's why mail came to your home You one of the reasons it may get here Because women were going to become whores in the minds of psychos Congress took note representative John Palfrey of Massachusetts when telling them back then that women would be serving in that body of government Just being like you're worried about the post office Well, what the time I'm from they're talking about one of them being the president of the United

Murphy's having a heart attack Quick give him the Heimlich. Oh, you said something horrific and I blacked out and I can't see anything a woman's president But God, how would the place smell? Congress took note Representative John Palfrey of Massachusetts when debating home delivery debate. Yeah, that was about a great debate. Oh, God I don't think we should have it because He said he was concerned quote for The female of humble condition who has compelled to go to a public place for the letter

She's expecting and await her turn to inquire for it amidst the annoyance of a crowd What what are they a poor delicate woman would have to stand in line amongst the human filth? It's not an abused dog. It's like she's capable of going inside Understand others without getting fingerprint sheltering. It's like they wanted every woman to be now. Yeah, no, this is Isis Yeah, yeah, right, but home delivery did not stop the anarchist women from heading down to the post office to do their male business She wanted it. She loved it horse and she continued to head down into the crowds and tempt Prostitution at horror New York slowly stopped caring about women going to the post office alone as it became the norm Yeah, they eventually just gave up quote

Occasionally some unsophisticated citizen complains of such things through the newspapers But New York cares not for them It is too busy to attempt to regulate the lives of persons to whom it is indifferent Yeah, so women won the war to go to the post office. Well, good. Good God. I mean Good well, it's just a great battle. Yeah made sense. You hear you hear stories of Women fighting the good fight and when you hear one like this where they got the right to go to the post office Well, you it is as we always say it is funny to think I mean you got it I mean granted we live on a basically a dried-out husk and

We're not gonna be on it for too much longer But if there were to be future generations who are looking back about gay marriage and stuff It would be the same sort of shit. Yes. Oh, totally just the evolution of acceptance, but this is missus really something else Just the idea of women being in the world. Yeah They don't have dicks, it's the only difference that's it is the dicks and it just made them a little different in there You can't let them wander around with their own vaginas got pussies. Do you have any idea what they're doing? They're fools. They've got pussies you idiot. They don't have dicks They don't

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