The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 124 - The Past Times with The Smoking Tire

Episode Date: May 9, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and The Smoking Tire guys, Matt Farah and Zach Klapman.  SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH Ridge Wallet - Code PASTTIMES

All right, everybody. Welcome to the past times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. I think this is the first or no, Auntie Donna maybe Dave. Who gets this? Not not at Zach Clapman. Don't jump in. I'm in the middle of the first. Or no, Auntie Donna maybe, Dave? Who gives a shit? Matt Farah and Zach Clapman.

Don't jump in them in the middle of the intro. Hi guys. Now you can talk, Dave. I don't think we've ever done it on- Never Zoom. Online. We've done it live with more than- Yes.

Yeah. But you guys are from- This is the first double Zoom. The smoking tire, which Dave and I have both been on. You are car men. You've gone separately. We need to get you on together first off. We need to establish that.

And we also made Benihana at my house, which was a glorious, glorious event. Going to say, Matt texted me the day after the Benihana episode. It was like, I am a certified Benihana chef. We have a video of this experience that we will share with people. Let's just say, that was such a fucking fun night. Yeah, it was. It was so fun. It was so good, too.

It was so good. It was so fun. And it was so good, too. It was so good. It was really good. It was the whole thing was, it was like, it was like kind of, in my head it was, I didn't even realize what it meant. And then when I got there, I was like, this is so silly. And then when I was eating, I was like, this is actually the greatest.

It was quite an expo roller coaster. The whole thing could be a lucid dream for sure. Right. Agreed. You know the great line from Clerks, this job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. This food would be great if it wasn't for the entire restaurant that surrounds what's going in your mouth. Honestly, it was quite any big, quite an event, but it was so fun.

And yeah, well, you guys have a very successful, you have an empire. You guys aren't jumping in and saying you have an empire. You have an empire. We have a small empire. We're trying to grow it for some things. Are you trying to throw us in like an early capitalism hole? Is this the sort of position?

Yes, it's a gotcha. Us is, we've been doing podcasting for 13 years this year. We did our thousandth episode of the podcast. Wow. Like two weeks ago. Soon we'll be annexing other podcasts, for some, if necessary. You know, starting with Georgia.

Keep your hands off of us. Who was your guest for the thousand? Oh man. It was an eight hour live podcasting extravaganza with like 17 guests. Wow. And actually Jay Leno did stop by as a surprise and that was like pretty cool. Like just like rolled up in the studio and Jay is such is such the king of the universe. He literally walked into the studio eating a sandwich and didn't stop eating. Let me, I'll take you there real quick.

Hey, what's going on with your pocket? I'm having a big hoagie right now. Hope everyone doesn't mind I have a hoagie right now. He literally walked in and he said, what are you guys doing today? He didn't know it was The Thousandth Show. He just, a friend of his that was on the show texted him and said, hey, we're doing the smoking tire today. It's kind of a thing.

But Jay walks in holding a sandwich and says exactly what you said. Like, hey, what's going on? What's going on? Why are you guys talking in a microphone? Did that other kid communicate now? Do you guys make content? Does anyone want a piece of hoagie? There's a couple minutes of that show where I debate him over whether or not a watch's angle would tilt over. It's like a real senior moment he kind of has that he does. Anyway, it's worth a listen. I don't want to spend too much time throwing a legend under the bus for something silly.

That is something Dave will do online for you after this episode. Yeah. Well, guys- I'd say the problem with this is going to be that we are such fans of both the dollop and the pastimes, there might be moments where I forget I'm in the show. I have been slightly- Well, I guess there's that a lot, actually. Yeah. No, no.

There's a couple of- One time I went to the bathroom when we were doing it. Oh my God. I forget. You're just adding sound effects, you know? He was talking about the Niagara Falls opening and you were like, I got this. It really is, it's that easy. Most of my life is podcasting now,

so it is just very simple. And the fourth wall's been so broken this morning, I was listening to the episode about the talking dog and I was like, did Gareth just say catio? And I had to rewind it. Oh yeah, yes, yes. I mean, I'm in the show. Shit, ugh.

Well, Matt, then we'll get into it, but Matt could have called his deck the Matio, but instead he built a haven for his cats, and he calls it the catio, and fuck me. You really put my cat game to shame with what you've done over there. Oh, the catio and fuck me you you really put my cat game to shame with what you've done over the cat the catio is it's a real commitment has a demolition man bathroom from the movie yeah just shock yes little he has little door he has little cat tunnel things all over his house

there's cat tunnels everywhere yeah they can go for room we'll probably get visited by calls it the hyperloop and it's just technologically made. It's all the money from California. Unlike the other one, it's real. It actually works better. All right guys, well look, you know the deal here. We're going to, maybe you don't, but we're going to guess the year of this paper. Now I will say this is interesting because Dave always makes it so the guest is right when it's

just me and the guest guessing. But since you're both on. That doesn't happen. Quiet. Since you're both on, I have a feeling this might be difficult. But you guys can take a guess at what year this paper will be from. Why don't we, Matt, we start with you, Zach.

You go, and then I'll go. You know the deal. How about June 1910? Wow, you're going month and year. You don't have to go month. You can just go year, but that's- I'm calling my shot. Okay, Zach.

I'm going to go 1905. These are both very good guesses. Very good guesses. They're right in the zone. And you know, we're like Dave Portnoy's pizza reviews. You just get one year, one year and that's it. What the fuck just happened? Dave, I mean, I'm not going to ask you to be quiet again.

This is not, your time is not yet. I'm going to guess 1899. You're wrong. Who are you talking to? The two gentlemen are much closer. You're not good at this game. I'm very good at it. I've guessed the exact year two or three times. Now you haven't.

It is May 4th, 1911. Oh, wow. Matt. And by the way, just under a year off. Also, my favorite handgun manufactured by Beretta. Case for bringing that up. I mean, that's, yeah. Should we go around? Would everyone talk about their favorite handgun?

The Beretta 1911. What's your favorite handgun? Zach knows about guns. He doesn't know what 1911 dropped. What's your favorite handgun manufactured year knows about guns, he doesn't know what 1911 dropped. Browning made the 1911. Browning made the 1911, huh? Bombing already, okay, let's go. Wow, here we go, that's tough.

And that's why you used the smog tonight. It's the Putnam County Herald from Cookeville, Tennessee. Which is somewhere in Tennessee, who gives a shit where, it's all the same. Dave, you just did this to Maine on another episode. Whoa. Stop doing this. It's bright, there's some states that are all the same.

Most states, but they're. No, I disagree with that. They were more different back then. Now every state is more similar. Now every state is just a Target target a Home Depot, a Starbucks. I'm just talking about the geography. There were some states in 1911 that were barely states. It was like dirt with one sign.

Like that was California, essentially. Yeah. Cookville is halfway between Nashville and Knoxville, if anyone cares. Right on 40. It's the chode. It's one of those places and they're like, we Chode. It's one of those places and they're like, we have caves. It's one of those places in Tennessee.

Yes, we know you have caves. We know you have caves, Tennessee. Okay. Oh, a cave park, yeah. You're right. So they're, so they're, so they're most beautiful view is actually underground,

not outside. They're like, our greatest vista, actually don't go outside. Come back inside. Yes. It's like a private tunnels. There's a real little private cave there. A lot of private cave. You'll be driving down the road,

it'll be like, come see my private cave. And that's it. Did he have one? A large number of women have bank accounts with us and trans... How dare they? Lehman Sisters. Is this like an ad on the top of the front page? It's just a little blurb.

Yeah, it might be an ad, yeah, but it looks like a story. Imagine if that was the news headline, like, like holy shit a bunch of women got bank accounts here women have money But it said with us does that that means written by a bank right or is it yeah what you so there's more it looks It's like a little section where people are just writing in stuff Me and the now that you say that it looks like they're all writing in like little ads. Okay. Yeah, okay. A large number of women have bank accounts with us and transact their own business.

Yes. Wow. It's a great time. It's a great time. Yeah, quite a headline. It would not be wise to open an account for the wife and allow her, oh, there's a question. Would it not be wise to open an account for the wife and allow her, oh, is the question, would it not be wise to open an account for the wife

and allow her to pay all the household expenses by check? All accounts are welcome here, First National Bank. What is happening? They're saying, this is literally, they're just like, what about letting your lady have some money to fuck around with? Well, it's like, why have one household bank account when you could have two? That's right.

That's what they're saying. Well, I love that. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead, Zach. I love that they're not saying like, let's give women independence. It's basically like, men, you don't want to take care of the household chores. Why take care of the accounting side of household chores? Let the lady do that. Let her buy her broom. Yeah, she's also buying, she's buying like things to service you. Yeah. Let her go get your foods. A man should never touch bleach nor purchase bleach.

Let the lady do that. Yeah. That's what a woman's for. Yeah. Right. She's like the glove if it were a gender. But you don't want her around the regular account. Right. But do we know the name of this progressive bank? First National Bank.

Okay. They're still around. They're stuck around. Yeah. Yo. Is it? 4.1 out of five on Google. It's still there.

Shut the fuck up. On its 135th year and boy does it look like it was open a hundred years ago Yeah, my first national bank in Tennessee. I would say there it is baby years women won't be able to have accounts there. I hope so My camera sticks, but just trust me. It looks like it looks like a hundred and twenty year old bank building. That's a certain year Yeah, they were first Four point one out of five though. I'm honestly surprised it's not a Taco Bell at this point.

Don't deposit checks here. They will hold your funds hostage without telling you first. Yeah, that's someone who was like, Hey, I want to open a bank account. Here's $5,000 check. And they're like, can I take it out now? No. And isn't it great that it was only 63 years later that women were allowed to apply for credit and loans

across the country with the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974. Fuck. Well, that didn't go well, by the way. Yeah. We shouldn't allow anybody to have credit. We'll be taking it back. A nice present the Herald will give to the first 18 ladies who bring or send in two subscriptions at 25 cents each,

a three year subscription to Parks Floral magazine and 10 packages of flower seeds. What is this? What is happening? Commissions? Commissions for selling subscriptions to the newspaper? Is that what that sounds like? I think it is, yeah.

Yeah. If you sell three subscriptions, we'll send you a bunch of flowers and a subscription to a flower right? Top two articles are an ad for a bank and an application to become a newspaper seller for Steve. For this paper that has great content like ads for banks. Yeah. The best news. Have you ever found like a penny saver and just read Classifieds?

Is that a finished show? That actually might be good. Yeah, we had that idea a long time ago. We're going to do that soon. So don't be weirded out when you hear us do that on a newer episode. And don't think that we just hadn't thought of that and took your idea, but didn't want to give you credit, so we played this moment off like we'd had that idea for a while.

Yeah, we've been talking about doing that. Dave, we should finally do that, because we've been talking about doing that for a long time on this show. Yeah, we have talked about doing that, and we plan on doing it really soon. Thank you, though. Yeah.

That was close. I remember you guys mentioning it at dinner, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we call it Penny Hana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We talk about it a lot. Actually, we talk about so much Dave's wife is fucking pissed at how much we talk about it. Yeah, she hates it.

She's like, shut up. Penny saver. Yeah, we get it. You're gonna do a Penny saver episode. We go, Hey, look, we had this good idea a long time ago. We're gonna do it. So don't be freaked out if it's an episode you hear pretty soon. It's what we said.

That's right. Yeah. Zach, call the lawyer. Jesus Christ, Dave, call our lawyer. Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer to call our lawyer. Maybe there's an ad for the lawyer in the paper. Yeah.

I'm a little confused, Dave. I don't know how to play this part. Zach kind of fucked me up here a little bit. Don't load it. I mean, do you in the Salad they did this on purpose, the first 18 ladies who bring or send in two subscriptions at 25 cents with three years subscriptions to Parks Floral magazine and ten back, like there's so many numbers in the sentence. Is this a math question? Is this an actual SAT question test?

It's an SAT question. They're trying to throw them for a little bit. Seven? They don't teach them math yet, do they? You can take advantage of a woman if you say more than five numbers. They can't calculate beyond that. The women can't multiply three or four digits. Six numbers and they will restart.

All right, this is a letter from Wrightville, Texas. Hello, Cookeville. I mean, that's just how, this is polite. This is polite. When you write a letter to a town, he just- Hello, Cookeville. Hello, Cookeville, give me buffalo- I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna write a letter to a town, he just... Hello, Cookeville. Hello, Cookeville. Give me Buffalo... I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna write a letter to a city.

Just to dress it just like New Orleans. The modern equivalent is like Republicans of Reddit. How many of you feel about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dear New Orleans, love, Garrett. Hello, Cookeville. Give me Buffalo Valley, please. What? As I... Yeah. He wants another place? Hello, Cofill. Give me Buffalo Valley, please. What?

As I, yeah, he wants another place. He wants a city? Hello, can we have this, please? Hello, hello, Columbus. Nobody's there. I'm interested in Cincinnati. Can that be hooked up? That seems like a letter that we've written

when we were colonizing and just, you know, someone just chooses a state and they're like, dear Native Americans that live there, can I send you two newspaper subscriptions in exchange for your land? I'm interested in owning that and I will, Bob. All right, well, Buffalo Valley is a town of what appears to be maybe one building.

Okay. And Wikipedia says, could be described as a ghost town. Whatever the plan was didn't work out. That guy was like, it's a lot of work. What do you mean plumbing? Oh my God. Yeah, apparently people often ask is the massacre at Buffalo Valley a true story?

That was prompted. Well, that's, that'll work. Come and take it. The guy told us in the paper he was gonna do it. That'll make a place a ghost town. Wait, what else did he want? What were his other Buffalo Valley demands? Give me Buffalo Valley, please,

as I read so many letters from Putnam County and no news from Buffalo Valley boys. Oh, he wants news. Oh, he just wants news. That's not the implication that we thought. See, you got to read more than the first sentence of articles, people. This is crazy. This show will not happen that way, man.

Okay? He's doing like a riddle now. Do you know me? Of course you do. I bought a ticket on October 8th, 1892 for fake Texas. For fake, for fake Texas? Fate. Okay, damn it, I wanted it to be fake.

Do you not remember me? I bought a bus ticket there 18 years ago and I wish you told me more about your town. It's 1911. This is like someone stalking a town. This is like, I went on, I was inside you, town, and I would like to hear back from you. Well, have you never been on City Tinder?

It's awesome, you just keep swiping and sometimes the city matches with you. Oh, I just, oh my God, it's awesome. I just matched with Dubuque. Oh, the writer. I just matched with Dubuque. I'm sure on tour you guys have the people come up to you and they're like, you remember when we met 10 years ago when you were in the city? We also get the people who are very aware and will go, you probably don't remember this, but I gave you a dollar and we're like, I have no recollection.

Exactly. Anyway. you a dollar and we're like I have no recollection. Exactly. Anyway. We're healthy, understanding, and don't remember that. This writer is JL or John Bay and the son of Jim Bayne. Has been married eight years and have two children. One girl seven years, one boy three years, one little boy dead and the best wife on earth. It's like a family newsletter and by the the way, that took a real weird turn.

Yeah, yeah. Keep your dead off your update, we're good. Is this not, is this, we're here to help? Is that we on a different show now? Oh, this is, okay. Okay, so the kids, the kid's gone, yes. My three younger brothers are all men now. My father is not getting rich,

but has good stock and some money and lives. And this guy is, this is what- I will trade my dad for part of your town. I see. This is what happens when you run across an old person that doesn't talk to people very often. Yes. I also have a lot of straw to do stuff with.

Also, could someone come by and help me set up my computer? I mean, it's a little early, but that's the tone I'm getting. If you sit in silence long enough, wood screams. Have you ever noticed that? Yeah, yeah, any building has a, a wood will start yelling for help. And I can't do much. My best friend is this old rusty door hinge that talks to me when I open it.

They recommend a toothbrush, but your finger does it better. That's why God gave you a bunch of them. Hey Jimmy, it's time for your bath. I can't take a bath. My skin rejected water. That's why all I can drink is tea. I'm sitting on the chair again. Okay, okay, thank you for talking.

Good, that's how you died, right? This guy was still going though, right? I'm glad that guy's gone. This guy is still going. I think this is why it's bad to be the first settler in a place and if it's a place no one wants like this person has 500 acres and no one else moved in and they're just no one wants it. It's my dream. This is my dream just to have

my own shining like what happens when you experience the shining with no one else. So you end up being, what's his name, Killdozer. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah. You mean a hero? Yes.

I have never forgotten my old school days at Denny's Seminary in Buffalo Valley, and when I refer back, I can see the dear old girls and boys that I spent my happy school days with. If God is willing, my father and I will step off at Buffalo Valley inside of two years. I would like to gaze upon the hills of old Tennessee once more as I love the dear old state.

Sid Anderson, do you remember the time in the gate we used to go to? Those days are past and gone. Eight years ago, I sowed my last wild oats. I settled down, for I'm trying to make a living for a wife and two babies. John L. Bale. Just letting you know, I'm going to be there in two years' time. This whole, this whole, this whole 800 word shit is I'm coming to town. How is it over there?

In 1913, I'll be arriving. Will the hills still be there? I'd like to look at the hills. I'm excited to have a look at the hills. Since I started planning, another boy died. And despite your voices, this guy was like 27. Since I started planning, another boy died. And despite your voices, this guy was like 27. Dude, I'm gonna be there in two years. Is this gonna be sick?

You're looking awesome. He sounded like Dave. He's just that he looks like 27. Yeah. That's awesome. He's never making it back he's dying of typhoid or 1911 Tennessee Gareth what would accent is that just to be British or something. There's something along these lines. I'm excited to come visit. Got to be careful. I jacked off and then nailed my hand to my walking chair. That's no, don't, actually don't.

Why, Rick Lee, let the circle keep going. I'm an old 27. I'm an old 27. Goddamn this. It's called self-stigmata. Let the circle keep going. It's called self-stigmata. I mean, this is another one that's just okay. So it's a bunch of little factoids. Well, this lady is sending it's a letter from like she's like sending news of what's happening in Great Bend, Texas.

The weather in general has been very good. It's crazy. Like making tent tells with a city is super weird. Like, uh, uh, from other states too. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch of these. Great Bend? Here's an update for me. The weather in general has been very good.

The wheat crop looks slim this time, but the farmers will make it up with corn. I guess some of the people around Baxter, Tennessee are wondering when they will see me again. I will visit in three or four years. Oh, Jesus Christ. Just imagine. Are you pregnant by then?

Imagine being sadder than the first letter. Oh, dude. It's like they're cheating on their own city. They're just, they're lusting for another town they might visit. Don't tell Steven I'll be there in three years. Scarlet fever is bad at this writing. The little daughter of W.L. Gentry's is very sick

with measles. Oh my god. A man named R.F.K. Jr. said if I eat an apple, it'll cure it, and that if I work hard and lift some weights and kill a whale, I'll be fine. Please send a whale. I'm in a landlocked town. The goal is to get a worm living in your head like that one guy from Men in Black. You eat the apple which has the worm in it, the worm is in your brain. Medicine.

You've got to entice the worm to get into your brain to fix it. Shut down the measles part. Emma Gentry went fishing the other day and caught one fish. Don't you wish you could do that well? It's so funny to imagine the mailman showing up and being like, man, on behalf of that city, shut the fuck up. Yeah, please stop with your fucking letters.

What are you doing? Did she just talk shit to a city and ask if that city can fish as well as the guy in her town? Like, whoa, can you fish? Like, my guy can fish? Hold me back. We got LeBron.

You can't even fish. Can you fish like LeBron? Hold me back. Great Bend LeBron. You can't even fish. You fish like LeBron. Hold me back. Great Bend seems like it has been reduced to about a hundred yard long dead end street in a sad looking suburb of San Antonio. Well, because they were all bored to death by this woman and. Yeah. Where are you going? I wanted to talk to you more. I died of starvation while finishing this conversation.

Why is your dirt a modicum dryer than the one I saw in the last town? Where are you going? I wanted to talk to you more. I'm dying of starvation while finishing this conversation. Why is your dirt a modicum drier than the one I saw in the last town? Ma'am, ma'am, I can't talk to you anymore about this. I have to go to the coal mine. I can't get distracted. Walk me through. No, no. How come when I throw grass in the air here, it doesn't blow in the same direction as the

last town I was in? Please, let go of my coat. I'm moving. I'm going west. I'm going to go to Nevada. Why do they call it pigeon toed? They don't seem to have angles that bad. Mom, I don't care.

How come a cone has a big dip in it and if a tree falls, we call it a pine cone. It should be called a mini pine tree. It's just her and a tumbleweed, and that's her friend. Nobody's left. How come it's tumbleweed? It really is more of a rolling weed, if you ask me. Oh, man. Tell you what, you ever hit a tumbleweed in a car, it will do some damage.

Is that true? Yes, it's shocking. Yeah, yeah. Some of them are like made of trees. Dude, sometimes when I've seen them and I've been like fully like, oh shit, that them are like made of trees. Dude, sometimes when you, I've seen them and I've been like fully like, oh shit, that's like a day ender. But when they're smaller, if I hit them,

I feel like it's a power up like in Mario and I'm like, it's a coin. Yes. Both can be true. Both can be true, yeah. Is there a noise when you hit it? It's like boop, boop, boop, little, yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like a, like a flam, is that the term on a snare drum?

It's that, but with trees exploding on you. I'm pretty sure that's right. Pretty sure that's a word. I think that's a word. The final thing is, the peach crop is all killed, but we will have some apples if Jack Frost doesn't come again. Jesus Christ, talking like name dropping Jack Frost like it's a person. You know, Jack Frost came over and I sucked his dick.

Jesus Christ. His carrot is awful nice when you're 69. Be careful. He keeps bringing me pineapple shits. I don't know why he wants me to plant this fucking thing. I don't know what he's up to. Holy shit, I just finished writing the letter and my town's gone. So we're like halfway down the page and nothing has happened in this fucking town.

We've learned about Texas and we've got an advertising like what is happening in this town? Very little. Nothing. Just very little. Nothing. All right. Now that that's settled. Thank you Yeah, if you've been using a wallet for a while now and why don't you tell the people with that wallet is well I for a while went with like a money clip and it just wasn't it wasn't working out and Someone recommended the Ridge wallet to me probably about two years ago and I've never looked back. It is the easiest, looks good. Basically it just holds all your credit cards, your IDs with a little cushiony inside. It's

got a little band on the outside for cash if you're carrying that. I don't know who carries cash anymore. It's the best. The second that Ridge wanted to work with us, I was like, I love their stuff. And now they have a slick keychain too. So Ridge to me is just one of the best. Yeah, they do have a really cool keychain. They just sent us one and I was like, ooh It's very the whole the whole thing is very slim

Unique looking modern design. It's like a metal e design aluminum titanium and carbon fiber. Those are all very good Materials. Yeah, I only use carpet. Yeah. I mean I'm a big carbon fiber guy They got tons of colors 50 50 plus colors and styles, and then a lifetime warranty. Also I was showing it off to my nephew and he was like, I have a Ridge as well. Yeah. It's happening. I've seen people with them and I've always wondered what it was and now I have one. They got over 100,000 five star reviews, so people like it.

And also I like that I can keep it in my front pocket. And I was before using, I have a big thick leather thing. That's what we got to get out of. It's too much. Yeah. Like Ridge is like, Ridge is like coming in and it's like an efficiency coach. It's just like, yeah, look, what do you actually need? You're like, Ridge, you just know me so well, Ridge. Ridge has free shipping and 99 day risk free trial and a lifetime warranty on all their products. So for a limited time, our listeners get 10% off at Ridge by using code pastimes at checkout.

Just head to ridge.com and use code pastimes and you're all set. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent ya. The Pastimes Podcast and Furniture Movers., the pastimes podcast and furniture movers. Yes. People don't know that about us.

No, we do a ton of that stuff. Still in session, the 75 days of session for which pay is allowed members of the legislature, both houses are holding daily sessions without pay and the democratic members propose to do so until the next General Assembly meets unless the fugitive members return and allow business to proceed. So Congress is in session, but they're unpaid?

Yeah, it's three months. They can't officially hold the session because a bunch of them have fled. They don't have quorum and they're calling them fugitives, which is awesome, and people should do that more often. Yes. Yeah. Imagine our Congress not getting paid for a moment of time. Oh, my God.

Shocking. In the meantime, most of the state institutions cannot draw any money, nor salaries paid. Oh, so everything's fucked up. Government freeze. Yeah, shut it down. Shut it down! A pretty mess these men have made by their unwise,

if not illegal piece of politics in fleeing from the state like criminals and on them rests all blame for present conditions. Yeah, ran away to shut the government down. Hmm. I wonder if there's a lesson to be learned from that. Nope. Nope. What?

It's a good thing we never did that again. Yeah. That proved to be a toothless tactic. Yeah. Yeah. That happened all the time back then. Like that happened all the fucking time. It's better time. Well, it took like seven years to get a hold of somebody. I'm not surprised. It didn't happen by accident

That's musk's new. That's the new musk game plan. So don't worry about that Have you ever driven you guys ever driven a Cybertruck? Yes. Yeah, and is it is it ridiculous? Is it is it? It's it's it's bad. I mean, it's mostly bad. It's yeah, it's, I mean, it mostly just drives like any electric car. But it's just built so badly that you can't like get past that. Is it a hemorrhoid if you sit in the seat? I saw the other day, I did something for the first time,

which is I, I thumbs downed somebody in a parking lot as they were looking, because I'm driving an orange Bentley and so everybody's looking at me. And a guy in a cyber truck with that dark MAGA hat, the black MAGA hat, looks over at me and I did the slow and for a moment I was aroused. It was just an incredible thing because you know because it was the confusion

that I generated in this person. They were so confused because when you're in an Orange Bentley you are someone of status. You're not just rich, you're like disgustingly, you're the person that that person thinks they're going to be even though they're never going to be that person. And so when you disapprove, it's like, yeah. And then a panel falls off their cyber truck. Very true. That's happening.

So great. off their cyber truck. Very true. That is happening. Quite easily. The wind will do that. So great. I love that. The cyber truck is, it drives like a car, but it looks sort of like a tough truck, which it's not because they have a lot of problems off-roading and they have a tow hitch issue. And it's also not as good at being a normal pickup truck. So basically you have a very strange looking car that's very sharp on the outside genuinely and we shaved a cucumber with the inside of the door because

Yeah, are you kidding? I'm not kidding. Yeah, you can make a salad from scratch with no other tools I got the kid's fingers off by accident. Most cars don't have that. That's true. That was a selling point. Yeah. He could have marketed it with that and not been lying, unlike everything else he said about it. So, most doors have rubber stripping, right?

But our door is sharp, so you can use it as a knife if you need to. But also, it's a lot more efficient that way. Oh, rocket. I mean one of the best videos ever is when he throws that way window and it cracks like it's just like it's just him that it's just Elon Musk. It's just him, that's him in a nutshell. None of it works. Yeah. It's all bad. Everything about it is bad, is really bad.

Yeah. Well, at least he's taking over all of the government's computers. Well, I know. To actually own money. When I saw the cyber truck, I thought, well, what if that was social security? It's good to have that.

Yes, yes. An illusion of function. That is actually quite bad. No, it's like it's bad at truck shit. But if someone said, you know, hey, hey, hey, rock, design me a vehicle that's optimized for running over protesters and being very difficult to identify from any other model, any other example of the same vehicle later. What would that vehicle look like? Make the front like razor blades please.

It is Agent Smith from the Matrix. It just multiplies itself and it's totally unidentifiable. Which one is the real one? I don't know. Yeah, yeah. No DeLorean lessons were learned when designing or building the fucking Cybertruck. None. This has all happened beat for beat. Exactly the same 40 years ago. It's exactly the same.

I mean, and hopefully he has to do a cocaine deal to save his business. That would be awesome. If we tank the stock enough, you guys, he's going to start moving the duffel shuffle. It's coming, man. The 22nd is the big day. Which will be two days after Marshall Law, probably. Oh. Well, if he starts flying rockets from like, was it Vandenberg just to Columbia and landing over there,

then we're gonna know that something's up, you know? Like, I don't know where it came from. A rocket has crash landed off the coast of Columbia. Uh. Do we have more news or is this just the rest of the show? Because I'm having fun. Guy Bohannon killed. Oh, good. Andy Hargett.

By Cybertruck. What? Andy Hargett shot and killed Guy Bohannon last night about sundown. The shooting was done with a shotgun and followed a dispute about a small sum said to be due to Bohannon. So the guy who owed him money. Got in the back by Buford Tannen over the matter of $80. That's what I just heard right there.

It's a time traveling cyber truck. The tragedy occurred near the home of Hargett on the premises of his father, a few miles east of Cookville. No arrests have been made. Deputy Sheriff Miller. He knows who did it and no arrests have been made. The guy who owed him money shot the guy.

Well, now he doesn't have to pay the money. Oh, that's like a second mortgage. No, what's it called when you refinance? Reverse mortgage. It's refinancing.'s a like a second mortgage. No, what's it called when you refine it reverse? That's student loan forgiveness essentially, yeah, you know Ben Affleck is the accountant to refinance Affleck was the accountant. And they got another one. They are? Oh, there is an accountant too? Yeah, there's two. I don't know anything. I'm sorry.

Yeah, but it's not, it's called rebate. No, no. Okay. You say, if I got that close on a random guess, like, wow, okay. Hollywood is predictable. 10.99. Deputy Sheriff Miller visited the scene of the shooting

and picked up a gun wad that was covered with blood. Yeah. Well, some to I'll answer. So go over it too much and then the discharge is sort of. Yeah. You know, some people get excited. Yeah.

Really excited. You know, a gun wad. Yeah. So if the shooting is great. get excited. You get really excited. You know, a gun wad. Yeah. So if the shooting is great, you're also... The non joking version, it's inside of a shotgun shell. If the shooting is really good, you also blow your wad. Yeah. Right. Correct.

Yes. Okay. So what if something else comes out of a shotgun besides the... If you really believe in the Second Amendment, like really strongly, Yeah. Yeah. Then you orgasm. But if you don't orgasm when you fire your weapon, you're not a real patriot. Then you should work on it. It's called written housing.

Yeah. The NRA waives the membership fee. If you could fire a gun at comm, then the NRA is like, you're in. Yeah. If you can show us your jizz, then we'll waive this fee. But if you don't show us the jizz on the inside of your pants, that's $28. Well, some shooting ranges have the targets you're shooting at, and then they have what's called the pants target that they put right under you. And if you can, if you can hit that one too, your day's on. It's like a baseball

park urinal sort of. Yeah, exactly. It also has little, little pictures of terrorists on the inside. Yep. Sure. Yep. Shotgun shells have a thing in them. There's like powder and then there's the pellets and then there's a thing of like cotton or wool or some kind of fabric that's called the wad and it comes out. If it was covered in blood, like it would have come out and then landed in a pool of

blood. Like it would have been like an alley-oop pretty much. Oh, okay. Yeah, like a double, like a two for one. It means the guy was close because it's funny is, you know, the babies go very far and then the wad follows up like a tissue being thrown at somebody or like a handkerchief when a woman's going away on a ship and it's like, remember me. That's exactly how they describe it in a gun training class.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We call it the remember me. Ah, boys, now remember. When you take down the intruder, they go down the wad and lands right on their schnoz and you go remember me like a coach

If from That's about to deport Changes with a voice It actually says right here showing that the men were close together. So there you go. Oh. Zach's analysis, forensic analysis, they're pretty good, yeah. Just take the glasses off.

They were standing close together. Yeah. I just love that they, They must have been. I just love that they know who shot them, they know why, they have the, the whatever, the WAD, they got all the evidence, and then they're like, whatever, the wad, they got all the evidence and then they're like, no, Russ.

So, it's- I wonder if any parallels can be drawn to anything today. Nope. No. No. No. Imagine how easy though, back then, the person who shot him could just go to the town

where that one lady lives and he could be her new only neighbor. No one would find him. No. People like if you ever listen to a show called the dollop people change their name like every six months and that is a foolproof way to do two cries. Like, fucking crazy. Are you Jack Honig? No, my name's Randy Hand. Have a good day, sorry about that. Like they just cross out their own name on their license. They go, no, no, no, no, no, it's Steve Wilson. Oh, all right. Well, he's got the paperwork.

Sorry, Mr. Wilson, have a good day. And then they would like get elected sheriff. Yeah. Yeah. Just arrived. It was said that in the days of the Roman Empire that all roads led to Rome. Cookville seems to be similarly situated. No, no, no, no.

No. What that means is we made a bonerail. We're just like Rome. No. No. What that means is we made a bonerall. We're just like Rome. It's like one of my best buddies and boss that lives in this town called Revere and just fucking animals, these people. Just absolute monsters. And he moved to LA.

We were doing comedy together. And we were at the gym one day and one guy had a sweater on that said Revere. We'd been to the gym 40 times, never seen it. And he goes up to the guy, he says, he comes back to me and he goes, it's just me or does it seem like everyone out here knows Revere? And I was like, nobody does. Nobody knows Revere. One guy had a sweater and he was just exploding that into a bunch of bullshit.

He was like, all right, all right, leave it be. That's the clearest example of recency bias I've ever heard in my entire life. Everyone knows Revere. Also, the same guy one time he said, he goes, Revere, he told me later he wanted to throw this guy out of a window. He was a buddy of ours and he was raised in China, this buddy. And so my friend goes, Revere has the best Chinese food in the world. And my friend goes, I've eaten lo mein on the Great Wall of China. And my buddy was so red hot mad inside. He's

like, how dare he? Are you saying that China has better Chinese food than fucking Revere? Are you saying that? He was genuinely furious. He was like, so you think China's got better Chinese food than where I'm from, huh? In America. You started it, Revere perfected it, all right? And then he calls him a slur and burns down his fucking Honda Civic. In fairness to the author of this particular proclamation, I-40 does go through this town now. And so technically, 30 years later, the

interstate system would link all roads to this town. So not wrong if we want to be extremely fanatic and technical. It's not like Rome! It's very Rome. Rome has a population of 2.7 million and Cookeville is 36,000. Very similar though. It is the Rome of the United States. Very similar.

Okay, yeah. Strangers frequently, sorry, strangers frequently find their way to this city. The latest arrival is a young lady who made her appearance in this place Sunday morning, April 30th at 9 a.m. She is stopping at the home of the newly elected mayor of this city, John Dow, and may be an applicant for the position of stenographer and typewriter for the new

mayor. She is not inclined to be very social and will not make her debut in society for some time. Those who desire to make her acquaintance can do by calling at the above home where he can have the pleasure of an introduction to this young lady who weighs 10 pounds. What the fuck? What the actual fuck just happened? What?

It's gotta be a dog? It's gotta be a dog. Oh my fucking God, I better be. Help me, help me, help, help! She lives in the palm of my hand. Wait, is there a number missing or are we talking about a dog? I mean, it's gotta be, why else would they put in their weight? It's gotta be a dog.

But wait, but this woman was applying to be the stenographer for the mayor, is that? Are you saying mayor dog? It's a dead situation. A stenographer? I think this is- You guys did an episode about a talking dog six fucking days ago.

That was a long time ago, Matt. It was a long time ago, Matt. It was a long time ago. We have two shows. It's a long time ago. I think we're seeing written proof of the first catfishing that happened in the early 1900s. And this is a guy that's like, I'm a hot lady. I'm going to apply for this job, but I'm not revealing myself to the world yet.

And then he's like, what do women weigh? I weigh 10 pounds. No clue what a he's like, what do women weigh? I weigh 10 pounds, sure. No clue what a woman is. How much do I weigh? Oh, two. Ah, 10 pounds. Exactly. Could this be their way of saying that?

Talk to me through the door, I can't open it. Oh no, no, no, I'm just putting the makeup all over my tits. Just put your thing through the hole. There we go. the makeup all over my tits. Just put your thing through the hole. There we go. Could this be that they had a baby?

Is this their baby announcement? And he already has a, he's already applying for a job for the baby? Baby stenographer? I'll call Pixar. Yeah, there you go. There's like three things in this that don't go together. Like you have to pick two.

You can't actually have all three. It is a riddle. Are you sure there's not a typo in the weight? Because they don't flush up if they put weight. Because it all leads to there. And then I genuinely think that that's like the thing that makes people go, oh. He was a skydiver and he forgot his parachute.

Is it? I don't know. I don't I got it. It's a daughter or baby. But what's the difference? It maybe is a lady's hand. It could be a lady's hand. It's just just the hand. It's just a lady's hand. It's like thing. Yeah, yeah, I'm pitching thing. Maybe someone's writing a letter to try to get help like they're being held hostage and they're using a code but it's so convoluted that no one comes to help.

Hi, I weigh 10 pounds, can I work for the court? What are you writing? Nothing, nothing, I'm not, I'm not, nothing with the chains at all. Just writing this letter about being 10 pounds and a stenographer. Like, in her, in her, inside she's like, I hope, okay, I can't write in the letter that I live at 246 Smith Street because that's too obvious and he'll kill me. So I'll just put I weigh 10 pounds and I'm a sonographer. And if you want to date me, here's where you should call forcefully.

I live in a dresser drawer. Forcefully. Queer looking worms. Oh my God. New line, new line. Oh yeah. Okay. Listen, another vague ad. It'd be great if that was the next line in the story.

Queer-Looking Worms have accounts at five of our branches. I'll tell you, I think First National is going to go under soon. They've gone too woke. Info Wars Bank. They got a bunch of these queer looking worms that are opening savings accounts right now. This is part of the New World Order. This is part of the global financial system, the collapse right now. They got these queer looking worms. Whoa.

That's awesome. New Zealand, Australia, the Samoan and the Solomon Islands, as well as portions of the Hawaiian group are the homes of various species of worms with thick, heavy bodies and with a well-defined neck. There's no neck in a worm. Sure there is. Is it all neck?

Or is there no neck? Well, that's fucking tree falling in the wood shit right there. Holy shit. Holy shit Zach. That's some fucking knowledge. Confucius says. Yeah, that's Mike. It's Mike drop shit. I'm going to break that up. I better mention that at some point to someone. And they're all neck actually. Who's this guy? Oh me? I'm new to bring that up. I'm going to mention that at some point to someone. And they're all neck, actually. Who is this guy? Oh, me?

I'm new to town. I wrote a letter a couple of years ago about visiting. You don't remember? I told you I was going to be here. I'm the guy that asked if the mountains were still here. I just want to make sure the mountains were still here. Yeah. No, worms don't have a neck because they're only neck.

Ah. It's Schrodinger's neck. Schrodinger's neck. It's not a neck until you admit or you acknowledge it's all neck and then you're like, well now it's definitely neck. He got neck pill. Liberal media wants you to think that the worm is a body, but it's a neck. It's all neck. Oh, shit. I forgot I was in the podcast for a second.

I was just listening to that. The homes of various species of worms with thick, heavy bodies and with a well-defined neck connecting the body with a head that is startlingly reminded is a startling reminder of that of a monkey. What the fuck? Who is this? They said they had monkey worms! They call it the monkey worm.

The monkey worm? They're an invasive species. We have to get rid of them. All of them. Send them to El Salvador. Worm. Species we have to get rid of them. All of them. Send them to El Salvador. The monkey worm. I don't even remember what the fuck.

What was the headline on this psychotic? Queer looking worms. I mean, they are right. It's a fucking crazy looking worm. With a face of a monkey. Yeah, it's a monkey worms Did they not know what monkeys look like that might be part of hopefully that's the only issue. Oh Man, I thought I found the monkey worm. It doesn't really seem to exist

No, we have the name right in the sandwich islands. They are called the met metal Metalukie worm, which means creeper with a child's head. Oh my God. And that might be the 10 pound lady. Okay, I'm gonna look it up. Oh yeah. Oh, it's a centipede.

Jesus Christ. It's just a regular worm. It's not that cool. I guess when all worms look so similar, any tiny difference, they extrapolate it too far because they're just bored and they're just studying worms the whole time. They go, that one really looks like a face.

What kind of worm is that? Yeah, right. Do you guys know how anyone came up with constellations? Like what level of boredom and weird substance abuse leads to constellations? Who's this guy? He's the same neck worm guy. You see the three dots next to the other five trillion dots? Those three are a belt.

That's why that one I'm going with Little Dipper because it's a little smaller than the bigger one. You didn't say that before. Now I did. Are you making this up on the spot? No. Just like my classified ad show. What?

No. Matt, I can't wait. We've already recorded this. We need to record this show. We've already recorded that one. We're going to release it. Meet this afternoon in the studio with the lawyer. Let's go. We're going to release it in a little bit, but we've already recorded it. It's a good idea.

Not that it's a bad idea, it's just one of those parallel thought things. That's what Amy Schumer did. Isn't the animated show premiering on Netflix soon? It looks really good. It's going to be great. Yeah. That was close. Okay, the end of this is, an old New Zealand legend says that at one time they were of immense proportions and threatened the extinction of all human life

on the islands. Jesus Christ. The worms did? Yes. Giant worm. The centipede. It's a huge worm with no neck. It's a big monkey worm.

A monkey worm. A thousand feet, no neck. No neck. It's the Hulk. No neck, no neck. It's a big monkey worm. A monkey worm. A thousand feet. No neck. No neck. It's just a hulk. We call it a hulk hogan worm. It's a, it's. The hogan worm. It's hokomania, hokopedia. I saw that if you Google hogan worm,

something else comes up, just so you know. Oh, yes. Yikes. Is New Zealand so, like, such a paradise that the only danger they ever had was, like, a worm to that guy? They almost took out the whole island. That was real close. Probably, yeah. Pretty close to reality, honestly.

Yeah, it's true. They're very lucky there. It's true. I'm saying it's true. Yeah, it's like a paradise, but, I mean, it's amazing. I don't think they have all the predators and things like Australia does and all the snakes so Destroy the entire society also that yeah, Peter Dunn's coming. I think I need I need to know about the

Number of worms it would take to decimate the population is if it's one that's far more interesting than if it's Millions and millions How great would it be though if there was a worm that had killed everybody on New Zealand and now it was just down there And everyone's like I don't know how to deal with this thing. That'd be awesome. We can't even go there it was just the worm and Peter teal left and Teal left. And Peter Teal's just sucking juice out of it. Enjoy your boxed citizenship mate. Peter Teal's just sucking whatever juice he can out of it.

Peter, no. I'm 15 again. Peter. I could do an IV in this one. He's just putting Camilla Peeds in an IV. Peter, that's jamming up your veins pretty good there. We can just send our national bass fishing league down there and they'd be like, we can fix this with just,

just start hooking all the work. So many flaky boats and hooks. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Dunkirk. Exactly. Yeah.

Dunkirk with bass, bass boats and camo. From Monkey Worm. Yeah. Dunn. Dunn's dark with bats, bats, boats, and camo. Food for monkey worms. Yeah. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I mean, there has to be a monkey worm movie now, right? I'm ready.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Michael Bay. All right, let's do one last one. Okay. Value of the kangaroo's tail. Oh no, fuck man. I don't like where this is going.

Yeah. I enjoy this, no. So important is the kangaroo's tail. Oh no, fuck man. I don't like where this is going. Yeah. I can't enjoy this, no. So important is the kangaroo's tail and his rapid progress. To the kangaroo. That experienced hunters with guns are accustomed to fire at the point where this appendage joins the body.

That's so fucked up. Why, you shoot it in the tail? I mean, you're basically shooting it in the butt. It's just like, this is where it, it's the best part of the kangaroo, shoot it in its ass. Yeah, that's how you take down a kangaroo, because if they don't have their tail,

they just spin in circles, or they don't know which way to go. Horrible, they just keep falling over. It's horrible. When the tail being disabled for its office of balancing. Yeah, right. So it uses it to balance. Without a tail, it can't balance.

Yeah, we understand that it's horrible. The animal is as effectually stopped as if hamstrung. Which is what I want to do to you. Matt just left. Matt's gone. Matt, he had to do to you. Matt just left. Matt's gone. Matt, he had every right to leave. Hit elsewhere except with a rifle bullet or at point blank range, the kangaroo is pretty likely to get off.

Well, that's different. That is different. Tough animal, I guess. That is different. When we went and looked at kangaroos the one day, Zach, we went to this place in Australia and we were hanging out with them. Yes, Dave, the next day ate kangaroo and had no, did not make the connection

to that being insane or anything like that. It was tasty. Yeah. Nuts on these kangaroos. Also tasty. Jesus Dave. But if you shoot them in the balls, apparently they're okay, you gotta get the taste.

No, they're fine there, absolutely. The locomotion does not come from the balls. The less spoken about pouch. If you shoot a kangaroo in the balls, it goes, absolutely. The locomotion does not come from the balls. The less spoken about pouch. If you shoot a kangaroo in the balls, it goes, oh. It asks for another. Yeah. Can you try a shotgun now? So I'm confused that these marksmen are saying,

forget shooting toward the chest, the heart, like the part of the body that controls everything. Let's shoot it in the ass ass and then it just stands still. That's right, that's what they seem to be saying. You stop it. This is strange as science. You stop it, yep. And then what do you do?

Yeah, why do you want that? That's not really a second, well, don't worry about that. Just disable it from the tail up. Yeah, I'm not sure where you guys are going. That's not my department, I just shoot it in the tail. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm not a big what's next kind of guy It's union rules I shoot the tail and then the other guy comes in with a net I don't ask the boss questions. I just shoot the connective part

One peculiarity of the kangaroo is that after being started up, he very rarely swerves from his course, through which peculiarity he is easily potted by the hunters, who conceal themselves while a man on horseback drives the herd toward them. First of all, are there herds of kangaroos? I don't believe so, to be honest. I doubt it. I don't think so. I don't think so either.

And also, I'm pretty sure they can turn. No, no, no. They're like a pool cleaning vacuum. A group of kangaroos is known as a mob, a troop, or a court. There you go. A mob is better. Well, shit. That's it.

That's the story. Well, there you go. There it is. Matt, it's a shame Matt's the story. Well, there you go. There it is. Matt, it's a shame Matt's not here to close it out with us. He's a great guy, but he definitely likes to leave on a high note. He's always said that. He always back.

He knows his entrance. He's trying to get back. He's not though, is he? Look at him. Look at him trying. Matt! Hey, we're done. It all went wrong.

It all went wrong. I don't know what happened, but it all went wrong. Well, don't worry. We really figured out some stuff at the end as far as how to disable a kangaroo for no reason. Let me guess. You shoot it where its tail meets its body. Is that what I understand?

Oh, yes. I knew I liked you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Matt, Zach, the smoking tire, we will come back on for a two person episode. You've got Jay Leno. It really is, you guys really have quite a life of cars. And you're awesome.

You're a great Benny Hannes chef and people should just go watch, listen to the smoking tire. Where's the best place to find that? And you guys? You can get it, download the Smoking Tire podcast with any player that you use to get podcasts or you can get it on youtube.com slash The Smoking Tire podcast. We also have our original car review channel where we put up a new video every week, which is just youtube slash The Smoking Tire without the word podcast and The Smoking T tire on Instagram and Zach is the real Zach

Clapman on Instagram. Yeah, thank you guys. I just want to say that I've been, we've both been huge fans for like a decade. So this is very, it's a great honor and also very surreal. Well it's really, it's, I'm sure it seems very human now that it's happened and we're all just sitting in our homes Just go ahead and shoot the money to Yeah

Coming out though, yeah, I don't know I don't know Betty Holly video. I don't know I don't I will get listen I'm gonna crack a lot of skulls But what I will also say is we keep talking about doing it again, so we should do it again soon. The hibachi is ready anytime. Thanks, guys. Anyway, thank you, guys. Appreciate it. Thank you guys so much. Thank you so much. Hey, dollop fans! I know you love the dollop.

You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-part animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation

on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.