The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 128 - The Past Times with Andrea Moore

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Andrea Moore SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH

All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. That seems like you threw your microphone before we started. Was that rage based or? She then knocked it over.

She's like, fuck this shit. I was just really excited okay and angry at the same time believe me that's Dave Anthony's gear what the fuck just happened Andrea you will be opening for Sean Keene in San Francisco? Yes, on May 14th at the Punchline Comedy Club. OK, great club. Great club. I like it. It's my I was my home club starting out. They've legally asked you to stop saying that, Dave. So at some point. I mean, I live there. I had a cot and I I lived there.

OK, that's fine. Yeah. Well that's exciting. Well should we just jump into it? I mean Andrew do you know you this is no shame if you've never listened to the show but we're going to guess what year this paper is from. Now Dave has picked it and I would say it's probably gonna be 1800s 1900s could be could be 1700s, probably not. You get to guess what year you think it's from with no information. I'll also guess and you'll win.

Okay, I mean- No, we don't know that. Yes, we do. Everything's rigged these days. This thing is rigged. Yeah. I'm gonna guess 1907. And I feel really good about that guess. I think you should. You should.

I'm going to guess 1899. Oh, Andrew wins. It's 1888, but it's the 1907, 1888. It's wrong. See, that's. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't. That's why Andrea looks confused and I look mad.

No, this is the face I make when I'm really connecting. Oh, that's you locked in. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. Congratulations on being further away from it and still winning somehow. Thank you. Well, there's a hiccup in that. You know, the year you picked was whatever, blah, blah, blah. And there's a skip in the timeline.

Anyway, it's the evening capital of Annapolis, blah, blah. And if there's a skip in the timeline anyway, it's the evening capital of Annapolis, Maryland, August 8th, 1888. It's a big, great year. Great. Did you say August 8th? Yeah. So this is 8888. So Reagan had just been reelected. So this is Reagan. That's right. Yeah, this is the Reagan years

Yeah, this is we were all getting rich. Oh Hopping credit cards were new McDonald's was in Russia Democracy had been exported Pizza hut was in Russia was McDonald's. I know pizza hut was It's called Hut of Pizza. What are you doing? Some comedy. Whenever you're ready. Andrea, I can treat Gareth as hostile, right? No.

I'm gonna wait till we've been podcasting for like 15 minutes to become antagonistic. So why don't you, when you're ready, just let us know the verdict. Whenever. OK, great. Thank you. Copy that. Thank you. Apparel for hot weather. This is page one. Apparel for hot weather. For hot weather. OK.

When it comes to invented. When it comes to the apparel question, we find a problem difficult of solution. I mean, this is when you just want to slap someone for writing a sentence like that. Yeah. Like he's like trying to make extra words for no reason. Yes. But maybe this is like, you know, in in the arts when they were being paid like a dollar per word. Could be. It could be. Totally could be. Yeah. It's this Conde Nast.

Is that the publication? Yes. This is Conde Nast. How did you know that? Yeah. Yeah. Just a lucky guess. What to wear for the greatest comfort. I hear my. Shocking to have this be like pants. Not great for the summer. That feeling you have is universal. I mean, you know where this is going right away.

I hear my fat and hasty friends say, why, the thinnest white cotton garment you can possibly buy. This is fat. His fat friend. That is one being fat was a compliment, like basically saying true. Upper middle class. Yeah. Yeah. He's got he's got gravy thighs. I actually where I thought it was going, Dave, was that men should be allowed to have fashion freedom and women keep it all under wraps.

Where do they? Yeah. Yeah. Hide it. Yeah. Not quite old fellow. If you do that, you. Yeah. Hide it. Yeah. Not quite old fellow. If you do that, you may find it a snare. And one of these days with their sudden changes will bring you a summer pneumonia. Hmm. Summer pneumonia. Well, look, I think they're confused about how just infections happen. Sure.

What is summer pneumonia? Why would someone get that? I don't understand. No, they're saying, I think they're saying that if you wear what he wants to wear, that you'll get a cold and then summer pneumonia, but there's no summer pneumonia. So they're saying that'll happen

because of what you're wearing. Jesus Christ. Okay, and this is all in the lead. Yeah, the idea that this is all, we have to figure all this out. They're like, what's the most important information? Yeah. That's right. Welcome to the Monday Night Clues.

Cotton is not an absorbent and is no more fit to be worn next to the skin than a coat of mail would be. What? That's not true. Not that kind of mail, Gareth. Yeah, what a... No, thank you. Chain mail.

What about cotton is absorbent? Is this another one of your hints? No, this is... Not to sound like a fan, but I remember the episode of the dollop. Do you guys know that show? I don't know what that is now. Okay. The episode you did about deodorant and how advertisers appealed to men and said, if you wear deodorant, you might get a job because you're so stinky during the Great Depression. Oh my God.

Right. I don't remember that. Oh, Gareth, you have to listen to this episode. I would love to. It's shocking how many of the episodes I haven't been on, to be honest in retrospect. It seems like I missed a lot. That's fucking hilarious to be like,

yeah, don't be stinky, it'll help. Yeah, but as you're reading this, Dave, it just makes me think about again, how stinky people were up until like 2023. Yeah, they were terrible smelling. They told, they smelled terrible. They had no clue either. And it's really the breath I think that would get you.

Really, I think it's like the movements, people gesticulating, like please don't talk with your arms. Yeah, I get you. Really? I think it's like the movements, people gesticulating, like please don't talk with your arms. Yeah, I get that. I have a friend who in college just was like, I'm done with the odorant. And I was like, that's not a you call. And it really was a friendship changing event. Like it made you closer. Yeah, I was just attracted to him. The pheromones, everything got hotter. Just as long as they weren't wearing cotton. Yeah, disgusting.

Imagine. And you went to, you matriculated in 1888, right? Yeah. Yes, I went to BU. Yep. So stupid. No, it isn't. It's smart.

It's a smart joke. I actually went to- I'm embarrassed about laughing. I actually, I went to PU. Oh, you have a master's? I have a, I got my master's at PU and then my undergrad was BO. I'm a man. I'm at my master's at P.U. and then my undergrad was B.O. Guys that's as good as it's gonna get

Short episode today. Yeah. Yeah It holds the purse. I think we're talking about cotton still it holds the perspiration. Are we not? excretions, classic us and excretions of the body. Jesus Christ. What is that? What? I'm a little grossed out at this point. Well, what is it? It's kind of again. Cotton holds the perspiration and excretions of the body

of those million little sewers. Sounds like one of my. Is that from is that an excerpt from the body keeps the score? What? Is that from is that an excerpt from the body keeps the score? What why I don't know if anyone's ever Committed libel against cotton so strongly Of these million little sewers in its million little sewers, yeah, that's what your cotton alone Your pores are little sewers. Yeah Leave cotton alone! Your pores are little sewers.

Oh, God. In its meshes... There's little turtles hanging out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In suspension, as it were, and when you stand in a breezy place, you feel this foreign presence by the cold, clammy sensation, which brings out the expression that someone is walking over your grave. What the fuck are you talking? I hate when someone walks over my grave. I really take another route enough I'm a huge fan. I gotta love it. Oh my god Underwear should always be constructed of woolen material

I don't feel good made as light and flimsy as desired. It is cooler than cotton and far more cleanly." This is Richard Guernsey, MD, who said that. Guernsey. And this is your reading from the weather section? Yeah, this is the five days. This is just page one in the paper. This is just all very normal. Just about how cotton is a shirt sewer. That's right. What's the problem? And so to reiterate, they're saying that underwear should be like

as thin as possible. And this era, I couldn't agree with that less. When you're talking about the armpits, now I'm thinking crotch and it's concerning. Why are you thinking crotch? Because because he has summer pneumonia. Yeah, sick, buddy. It's almost June. Jesus Christ.

Well, all right. So you got a hot pair of pants on panties, Karen? No, no, it's not what I'm saying. Hot wool pants, hot wool panties. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Babe Ruth wears them and so can you. Babe Ruth's fucking underwear should be in a museum somewhere. Oh, just as the glass shatters from inside. I would like to see a heist movie about the team that tries to steal those from the National League treasure. Yes, need it.

All right. Dreams of the blind. This is going to be bad. Of course, it. All right. Dreams of the blind. This is going to be bad. Of course, it's going to be bad. It's going to be terrible. Yep. The dreams of the blind are of great importance. It's true.

I don't disagree so far. And the fact that persons born blind. I don't care how able-bodied or not you are. I don't want to hear about your dreams. They're boring. I agree. I want to talk about my dreams. I don't agree.

Yeah. You're like the subway takes guy who shows up on my Instagram. Ah, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. 100% agree. Fuck. Wait, Dave, I gotta come back. I fucking unplugged the wrong part of my computer.

You sound terrible. Hold on, sorry. Summer pneumonia for you. What an ass. Well, I guess I'm your co-host going forward. I have so much availability, so this is great. That's why we had to fire him. That's okay.

Sorry. I was trying to charge my computer and I pulled out the wrong fucking cord like an idiot. That is something an idiot would do. I agree. Am I okay, Dave? I mean, define what that means. I know. In life, I could work some stuff out for you just for life.

I agree stuff. Okay. All right. Sorry about that. So disrespectful to the blind. Yeah. And I mean that that was yeah that was very coincidental. It was not great what I just did. I'm not gonna lie. When I move my left arm, the wire moves. Can you hear that? Like that? No. No, no, that's all. Okay, so I should try to make it loud. I should try to make it loud. Yeah, whatever you can.

As much as you can. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry for interrupting, Dave. Well, I mean- It won't happen again for a couple more moments. We have you here not to talk, but just to sit there and stay. To be seen, but not heard. Thank you. Thank you.

Sounds like you're doing a lot of hearing, though. Reynolds. Dave. Andrea. Are we just saying each other's names? Yeah. More. It's going good.

More. Faster. Anthony. We just saying each other's name. Yeah, more. It's going good. More. That's right. That's right. Anthony backwards. Ah, I think we should be on CNN.

The dreams of the blind are of great importance and the fact that persons born blind never dream of seeing is established by the investigations of competent inquires. That's what they used to call detectives. Now they got, now they don't. I don't know. Is that true? No.

That can't be true, right? No, I'm so full of it today. Yeah. If you could never see, wouldn't you just create in your mind versions of what you think it would be and then you would dream about that? I'll answer as the only blind person here. I've often wondered when you listen to Stevie Wonder, that's why they call him Stevie Wonder, you always wonder. So much of what he writes is visual. There's so many

things where I'm like, what does he do? Like superstition. Yeah. Yeah. But he is, he's writing something nasty on the bathroom wall and I'm like, Stevie? Yeah, but that's Braille. He's writing Braille. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, this is what AI says, because so it is good. Dave, you just destroyed a Brazilian rainforest by. Yes, fuck them.

I need to know about blind people dreaming. Now we're. God, what's more important? Yeah, he's a real ball see Ai says yes people do dream although their dreams can differ from those of sighted individuals While sighted people often dream with visual vivid visual images blind individuals may dream more with other senses like sound taste touch and smell I Don't understand I dream of people wearing cotton.

Yeah. Nightmare. I dream of just me in wool panties in a desert. I dream of Jeannie. Dave dreams of people wearing hats or as we call it, I dream of beanie. I'm going to apologize. Apologize. I'm going to unplug everything. Apologize. Listen, listen, I'm sorry, Andrea.ologize. Apologize. Listen, listen, I'm sorry, Andrea.

I didn't mean it. Well, so this is the crazy thing about it. This question that I gave to the internet. I don't think blind people don't dream. I just want to know how they dream. And it keeps going. Yes. Yes.

Blind people dream. Oh, you mean they're people? Oh, Thanks for thanks for that. Of course, they dream I think they dream. I just don't think they feel yeah right, right Fine I'm by the way, I'm allowed to say that because I'm a very hateful person. Oh, I thought you're gonna go somewhere else. Okay I'm allowed to say that I'm awful person. Oh, I thought you were gonna go somewhere else. Okay. I'm allowed to say that I'm awful. Okay, so recent research suggests that people who are blind from birth or otherwise can still experience visual

images in their dreams. Yes, that's what I thought. Yes. It would not make sense any other way. Like, it's like you're looking for a problem. It's not there. I could text my blind friend. What's the question for my blind buddy? Was he born a blind or did he have a... I think he lost it. I think he lost it. I guess I would ask him like,

how long are you gonna keep up this charade? Yeah. And then say, do you have a soul? Like, just start it like, you know, from basic stuff. But spell it. He listens to the show. So I'm not going to, Dominic, we're sorry. Just say, I would just say like, what are your dream?

Yeah, I mean, if he lost it, I think it would be a little bit different than you're born with it. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like, I think the idea is like, what's the visuals of a dream like? You want me to call him? Now that's now it's getting weird. Now I think it's I think it's a bad call to make.

I have to let my dog Dave hates outside. He's just I don't hate that dog. Well, I don't like I don't like that you put shoes on your fucking dog. It's all right. Everybody knows what the fuck is happening shoes off. All right, everybody. Check it. Just what the fuck is happening right now? Give me one moment. They're made, they don't need shoes.

What are you doing with the dog? Well, I have to just let him out. I'm just gonna open the door. She puts pictures up on Instagram and just the dog and shoes. And it's not like, I get like if it's hot pavement, okay, put your shoes on your dog, but she just does it for the hell of it on like a Wednesday

and the temperature's 70 degrees out. I don't know whose side I'm on, but I think I'm closer to Andrea's side than yours. She also thinks buildings should look like trees. So the whole thing is. I think it's cute to paint your house with a little apple tree on it. Oh, your dog's very cute. Oh, thank you.

He only wears shoes when it's um, so people in my neighborhood put these signs on their lawns that say, you know, like 84 degrees outside can be like 93 degrees on the concrete for the dogs. So when it's really hot out, I put the shoes on his paws. But I just took a picture of him the other day when it wasn't that hot. And I said, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. shoes. And everyone loved it. And then Dave didn't like it. That's that's Dave's gear. That's Dave's whole contrarian. Yes. They call me Jimmy Dore.

They call him Mr. Shoes. Cotton shoes, I'm guessing. Look who comes crawling back. Well, he's trotting more than. OK, fair. So far as we know, there is no proof of a single instance of a person born blind ever in dreams, fancying what he saw.

What the fuck does that mean? What are you talking about? What does that mean? That is such crazy, that is such seeing person shit. Thank you. I feel like the writer is so antagonistic towards blind people that of course no one's gonna talk to you about their dreams.

Right, right. Because you're a nightmare to talk to. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I have some questions about what's wrong with you and how you're fucked up. And it'll be in the paper.

Then it'll be in the paper. The subject has been treated by Joseph Jastrow in the Presbyterian Review. Oh, good. Wait, Jastrow? Jastrow. Do you have an issue with the name Jastrow in the Presbyterian Review. Oh, good. Wait, Jastrow. Jastrow. Do you have an issue with the name Jastrow? No, I'm going to call my friend Jastrow right now and get him on the phone. He's examined nearly 200 persons of both sexes in the institutions

for the blind in Philadelphia. Thirty two came became blind before completing their fifth year and not one of these 32 by the way Can we just hold the birthdays from now on should be called completing whatever year? That is completing your fifth year you fit. I just graduated to six I'm having a party. I've completed another year 32 became blind before completing their fifth year and not one of these 32 seas in dreams. Concerning Laura Bridgman, the blind and deaf mute, Professor Stanley Hall, quoted

by Mr. Jastrow says, quote, sight and hearing are absent from her dreams as they are from dark and silent world, which alone she does. That's you can't just your dream. You can't be black. She dreams in nothings. You go ahead, Dave, get mad. I mean, the whole thing is just to make it's very strange. They're not like us.

Yes. My issue that I I'm like, this isn't news. No, it's not news. I think I agree as well with that. But the news to me is they dream of void. Yeah, that's the- Breaking. Breaking news, yeah, right. Breaking.

Front page news. Yeah, it's horseshit. Horseshit, I said it. I think it. This hot weather will be making, this is just a random, there's no headline. This hot weather will be making the corn of the corn, this hot weather will be the making of the corn crop and a bountiful yield of that cereal

will make this country, even in a presidential year, to blossom like a rose. Famous last words. Yeah, just like last year. A big corn crop will put an end to the railroad wars out west and thus add to the general prosperity. I mean, so once again, corn. So, once again, we, so we have to corn. Yeah, we one thing I'm noticing is that we have a lot of corn now, almost too much corn.

But back then it was never enough corn. We've overcorrected. We have as we're hearing corn can change the world. It can stop the wars. You can. It's just once you're heavy on corn. Give corn a chance. Honestly. Yeah. Corn was like the Bitcoin of the 1880s. It was called Bitcoin back then. Still is. Don't encourage. Yeah.

What? This ought to be consolation enough to endure this kind of weather for a season. Oh, they're saying enjoy the hot weather because it's going to, it's going to. We're going to. A lot of corn. Your pain now is future corn. It's hot, but we're going to we're going to be full corn. My son passed away from the heat, but you're going to get a lot of corn this fall. I don't have a voice, but I have a question, which is that

is this a national newspaper? Is this a voice? This seems like a voice that you're making now. Yeah, go back to your regular one. Is this a national paper? Yeah. Bring back Andrea, stuff like that. Did they have this? There was, yeah, right Dave? Like were they reading this in California?

No. Sometimes, at this time they did have like an AP so you could get stuff off the wire. You could get college credit. Yeah. Yes, college credit, that's right. PU. Yeah, but listen, shout out, go Lions.

Queer people. Careful, everyone careful. Mine weren't, no, we're going in. Queer people, some of these religionists, oh, I see what, I see. Queer people, some of these religionists. It just, he left out a word that he could. At Ocean Grove Saturday night,

the singing of a Boston lady so enthused 8,000 people attending the meeting of the National Temperate Society that they entirely forgot themselves and their applause ran into a tumultuousness that almost caused a riot. See, that's why you need booze. Yeah. Now you're gonna like, you're gonna have a riot

over clapping. It's like, con. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. It's a Brendan Fraser in the center of another clap riot. You got to be drunk if you're going to riot. I always start no reason. Clap riot. Yeah, yeah, they always do.

Fuckers. The vocalist had to repeat her solo to quell the tumult. Oh, so that's one way to stop right that we we lost to history as you sing. I've been in the center of a couple of rights trying to sing and it did not work. What did you sing? Tub Thumping. But he forgot the words. Yeah, well, it's a confusing song. And most and a lot of it sounds just like talking.

I was like, wait, I'm about to sing. I drink a whiskey drink. I drink a vodka drink. I drink a lager drink. I drink a soda drink. I sing the songs. Hold on. And then I'm beaten. Yeah. It sounds like your fault a little bit. I don't agree. Yeah. Yeah. Now that the Canadian government has called off its

cruisers, instructed its lawyers to discontinue proceedings against captured fishing craft and bat completely down from its policy due bluster and annoyance, it would not be well to put behind us all this miserable, petty squabbling about mackerel and cultivate. It's so Canadian. Another mackerel argument. Wow. And about mackerel and cultivate larger trade, better acquaintance and friendlier

relations with our neighbors next door. So we were having a mackerel fights. So they were trading mackerel. I just want to get this right. They were trading mackerel to the US in exchange for Bitcoin. Yep. Yes, Bitcoin. Yes. And then we had more corn than they had mackerel. So now we got to do tariffs. Right. Of course. What else now we got to do tariffs. Right. Of course.

What else are you going to do? I definitely understand. Well, and I think this is so funny to hear Canada as its own country, because now I just picture it as a big part of America. It's like Texas. It's ours. Yeah.

But kind of stupid. Yeah. It's like I mean, less measles. I call it measles. Texas. Thank you. But we're going to get kind of stupid. Yeah, it's like, I mean, less measles. I call it measles, Texas. Thank you. But we're going to get them measles. Huh? For sure. We're going to get them measles.

We're going to. Oh, yeah. We'll give them measles. Yeah. For mackerel mackerel for measles. You give us mackerel, we'll give you measles. You fucking weirdos. It's called trading. Yeah. I'm making a deal. Did a standup set for that nonprofit.

By the way, I now let's just jump out quickly because we've worked with macro for measles. It was a benefit show that I was on. We've worked with them for a while. We've worked with them for a long time and they do great work. You know, and that's very nice to hear. That's good for you to get. I bombed, but it was the thought. Who doesn't? Some of the hardest people are the people who eat macros and have measles. Oh, I get so hard after I eat macros.

It's crazy. I really do. It's nuts. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Same. Oh, it. I mean, yeah, same. Oh, it's just crazy. And that's why I'll just sometimes back up a whole mackerel truck and just dump it in Garret's yard.

Yeah, I go wild. I basically by the end, it looks like salt burn with mackerel. I'm just in there yard humping. By the way, that's another chumbo Wamba song yard humping. It's actually very different. It's a different one. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Macro Mouth.

Yeah. No. Oh, God, I got another attention Democrat. Secretary Whitney of the Navy has ordered Rear Admiral Loose to send all Rear Admiral Loose. Hold on. That is a fucking name. Now I'm Macro Hard. Rear Admiral Loose. Hello. to send all your admiral loose. Hold on. That is now now on Mackerel hard rear admiral loose. Hello. Yeah. Hello. Yeah. Don't mind if I do. That's actually that'd be a good name for.

I'd rather rear admiral tight or. Ordered real admiral loose to send all available ships of the North Atlantic Squadron to the Canadian fishing waters to protect the interests of our American fishermen This is done pending the ratification of the treaty negotiations in the event of any trouble The appearance of the American and Canadian warships in the same waters may give it a resemblance of war, but we hope there will be no outbreak. Man, I had no idea we almost went to war over mackerel.

It's really amazing. We're always this close. Yeah, always. Yeah, it's just whatever. Yeah, it's just like, you know, fine earth minerals, whatever we're looking for at the time. Mackerel used to, because didn't phones used to run on mackerel Dave or am I drunk? Yeah

We had to kill the Mumba That's right History smiles upon We really had no choice, yeah, no our whole America's whole history is basically you want to fucking try me? Yeah, democracy everywhere. Not so fast. Actual democracy. Yeah, how dare you?

And I also it's like I didn't even vote for Admiral loose. Is that true? Well, I did write in. Yeah. Okay. That's why I did vote. But okay. Yeah. I did write in. Yeah, okay. That's pressure. So I did vote, but. Okay.

Gareth voted for Admiral Tite, obviously. Ugh, okay. Ha ha. Ugh. No, sorry. I'm just gonna leave you there. Sorry, I don't know what just happened, honestly. Really faded into that.

A curious fatality is reported to have followed the parties to a suit in Washington County in Illinois. The man making the note to secure the payment of which he gave a mortgage on his farm and flowering mill died just after the foreclosure proceedings on the property had taken place. He's just a kid. Then one, yeah, just a youngin'.

Then one of the mortgages died and soon afterward- That's the right term. Anyone who's dealt in real estate knows that that term holds up. We held onto that for sure. Will someone think of the mortgages? The mortgages! Will someone think of the mortgagees? The mortgagees! And soon afterward, the master in chancery who by order of the court was... Again, another one. Yeah, this is, anyone who's tried to close on a house is very familiar with all of these

terms because they've held up. Your roof wizard. The master in chancery, I don't want to know that person's spell. Master Enchancery. So you just have to sign a couple more documents and then the Master Enchancery will come over. He'll fight the notary and if the notary survives then you are in escrow. Escrow. Just a picture of me in front of my first house holding a mackerel.

I did it. Soon afterward the master of chancery who by order of the court was to have made the sale died. That means it's yours. Well this is a cursed mortgage. Yeah. Right? Sure.

It's a haunted mortgage. I don't know which mortgages. Thank you. Yeah. This death of the sheriff who served. Sheriff's to is interchangeable. Yeah. What's happening? They're all going to change.

OK. The death of the sheriff who served the writ soon followed. Oh, I see. We interrupt. And then and then the death of the sheriff who served the writ soon followed. Oh, I see. We interrupt. And then and then the son of the original owner, who was the executor of the estate. No. But this is a haunted mortgage. Holy shit. Is it a haunted will? The writer isn't including is that they died 25 years apart. Each death is on a night just like tonight.

Oh, this is one of those ones that if you want to close on the property, you have to spend a full night in it alone. Then it's yours. Yeah they don't really give any timeline on this. So it totally could be over decades. Well, why would they tell you that? Next the other mortgage he died, leaving the interest in the mortgage to two nephews, one of whom shortly died.

What? What the fuck is happening? To that. Wait, so the order is admiral or is that admiral? No, are we doing animals? No, there's admiral. No, chancellor to sheriff to two nephews. No, you left one out. And the son. So the original guy dies, the mortgagee dies, and then the master of chancery dies.

I'm glad he's gone, by the way. He was no angel. And then the sheriff died, which Dave. OK. And then and then the son of the original owner, who was executor, died. And then the more and then the next mortgagee died. And then the nephews died. And then one of the one of one. Oh, OK. I'm root.

The last guy is like just fucking sit pretty is like, I'm fucking rich. Yeah. Got it all. Sure. Oh, okay. I'm rootin' that one again. So the last guy is like just fuckin' sittin' pretty. He's like, I'm fuckin' rich! You got it all. Sure. I mean, he has no one to share it with, but that's the American dream. Well, maybe there's a niece.

In this time? This is before nieces were invented. Yeah. This is just called your sister's kid. Thus making the seventh death of parties connected with the case. Each death has, of course, delayed proceedings. And for once, the Grim Monster seems to have got the best of the courts. The Grim Monster?

I think you just talk about the Grim Reaper. But no, no relation. No, excuse me. This is my cousin, the Grim Monster. Hi. I can't kill. the Grim Monster. Hi. I can't kill. I thought it was his nephew. It could be a nephew.

Well, whatever. So the nephew got it. I'm happy. This is a happy story. No, it isn't. A guy got rich. Fifteen people died for one guy to get a house, kind of? It's good.

It's just nice to hear a nephew secure a W for once. You don't hear enough of it anymore. You really don't. There's not enough feel good nephew stories anymore. Well, it's it doesn't it doesn't make a good headline. No, it's true. No nephew succeeds. Yeah, nobody cares.

The hottest day, Saturday and Sunday, were they're obsessed with these fucking the weather, they're like, oh, my God, shit's going to be sweaty on Sunday. Well, think about the corn. It's like nothing beyond small talk had been invented yet. Yeah, it really is. All the articles were about the weather. It's just like it's this paper should be called the things my grandma said over the weekend.

So grandmas were invented, but not. Allegedly. If it, yeah, allegedly. Talk about wool underwear. What? Grandmas. Huh? I brought it back.

To what? See you later. Wool underwear was in the first story. It was cotton. Oh, I wasn't there for that. No, he said you should wear wool. That was a half hour ago. Nobody knows what you're talking about.

Oh, sorry. Oh, the mortgagee. Yeah. Thank you, Reynolds. That's funny. That was funny. Saturday and Sunday were considered the hottest days since the heat term began. But we think today takes the cake. We, we're using we language now. Yeah.

So it's hot enough to be a new story. You guys guess how hot you think it'll be. 68. Yowza! 94. Ooh, the thermometer at 10 a.m. stood at 96 in the shade and at 12 noon, 98 degrees. 96 in the shade.

I like that. That's like burning hot for the 1880s. Yeah. Now it's like Tuesday. Yeah. In consequence of the intense heat, but few persons were seen upon our streets and mechanics that were engaged upon buildings exposed to the sun's rays were compelled to leave a work.

What? Excuse me. Nope. Uh, there'll be no leaving of work. No. No more work anymore. Yeah. Oh, God.

You just died. I couldn't agree more. That must be where your last name comes from. I, you just die. I couldn't agree more. That must be where your last name comes from. I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree Andrea Moore. That's your first album, correct? Yes. Thank you.

You guys done? Wow. I'm actually sitting on a pregnant pause. No, actually I'm done. That's what they call her more or less. That's the name of my third album. Don't have a second album. Interesting. Yeah Yeah Character in thumbs a French writer judges women by their thumbs Okay, well, let's see your thumbs. Oh

You better pay me extra for this. Judgment coming! I want to join your your thumbs. Oh, you better pay me extra for this. Judgment coming. I want to join your only thumbs. Look at that. Oh, come on. Oh, they went down. What a rollercoaster, which has not been invented. Those with large thumbs are said to be more likely to possess

native intelligence, while the small thumbs indicate feeling. I like this kind of phrenology because... Thumb phrenology? It's correct, yeah. Yes. Because it's correct. Science has proven this out. This is... This big thumbed woman does not feel a thing.

That's how they know I'm a Jew. They measured my thumb. There we are. We've got a Jew. They measured my thumb. There we are. We've got the Jew. I don't. But nobody's like if you're a big person, you have bigger thumbs. And if you're a smaller person, you have a smaller thumb. Excuse me, Dave.

I would remove that from the show if you want to have a career outside. That is so fucked up. That is so fucked up. I mean, I don't know what subreddits you're on, or where you're hearing that, but. That's crazy. The audacity. I've met many fat people with small thumbs and skinny with hitchhiker digits. It's disgusting. David, it's 2025. Can you explain hitchhiker digits?

The larger the thumb, the more likely the ride. I don't think that's true. It's true. How many small thumbs have you picked up? Many. Now, OK, well, there you go. Many small thumbs. Many small thumbs. Sure. Particularly. Monkeys. Have you ever listened to the Chumbawumpa song? thumbs, many small thumbs, particularly monkeys.

Have you ever listened to the Chumbulubisone tub thumbing? The one about gravy? Keep reading. Next story. We've lost Andrea. I mean, she's. Yeah, she's out. She checked out. She's like, why am I here?

I'm just sitting with my thumbs in scotch. Yeah. Yeah. Well, now, now she's. Become self- just sitting with my thumbs in scotch. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, now she's like- I become self-conscious. Yes. It feels like someone- She's very self-conscious.

You got great thumbs. We're all looking at your thumbs now. Okay, you know what? I was fishing. Mackerel? Only for mackerel. I'm rich. Colonel Bob Ingersoll recently said, if I were governor and a woman who has been abused.

Get ready. It's yeah, it could go either way. I don't like it already. I don't like it. And a woman who has been abused and kicked by her husband got up in the night and cut off his head with an axe. I'd give her a public reception. Oh, there we go. A feel good story. He, uh, yeah, he is very much for, uh, the execution of

abusers, abusers. That's good. But I would also say, uh, not through the courts. True. Definitely not through the courts. He's saying women should cut off their husband's head if their husband abuses them. Yep. Which I'm kind of OK with. I mean, it's going to create a little more chaos in our society. But just lop the head off. I'm for it. What's what's the loss? He cut down on all kinds of stuff. Yeah. Well, yeah, technically. Well,

you mentioned Lorena Bobbitt there, Andrea. That seems, you know, that's, not okay. I'm still not over that. Kind of, kind of dickish. You know what I mean? Oh, that's funny. Can I see the thumbs again, please? No. Yeah, that's our, I don't know. I don't know if there's an equivalent. That's Penis911. I don't know if there's an equipment penis 9-eleven

I don't know if there's an equivalent of women that have been wronged, but that's our no you attach a penis That's the opposite Yeah, yeah Yeah, Dave don't look Dave. We're on the same team right now. So I'm gonna need that we are So I'm going to need that weird. We are a woman. Penis. Yeah. That was you attach a penis.

Yeah. Penis. Yeah. That was yeah. That was if I have my way. And by the way, just like real 9 11, it wouldn't happen if Mark Wahlberg was there. That's okay. Thank you.

Yeah. Okay. The melt steel penises. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, okay. The fuel doesn't melt steel penises. Yeah. Thank you. Jesse Madure has talked about it a lot. A lot. A lot.

The Colonel in his floored ways says many brilliant things, but as a good lawyer and jurist this is not a wise recommendation. So the paper's saying don't cut off the head of abusers. Okay. Don't agree. So the paper's saying don't cut off the head of abusers. Okay. But they're not going to get, no one's going to put them in jail in this time. They're going to be like, well, what'd she do? So she got lippy.

Was he the guy who said this? Was he kind of what was considered like a woke guy? Yeah. He was just saying that to get pussy, right? Yeah, I think he probably was. Yeah, yeah. Like he's going up to women and saying, I think if a woman is abused by her husband,

she should be allowed to cut off his head. It's a lot like, and then it's the Twitter allies who like right after that for like four years, like, man, I just fucking so sick of these abusive pieces of shit And then it was like hey, by the way, he like sexually harassed me and kissed me when I didn't want it Well, yeah a few months later. This guy was missing his head. Yeah for sure What was that?

Yeah, no now are you yeah, what are you doing over there? Did you just drop a goldfish from a ladder? What just happened? Okay, so I'm trying a new thing in my comedy career. It's really good. That sound cannot be replicated. It's kind of a Rube Goldberg device, but for sounds. Unreal.

for sound. Unreal. Doing radio plays. It's really good. Oh, this is what this is. When that happened, I was like, they're not going to hear it. Like nobody heard that. Oh no, it's all they heard. So she threw a marble into a kiddie pool from a cliff. And you'll never guess what happened next. Yeah. Yeah, he was, yeah, he was, he's basically a lefty for the time. He's an abolitionist.

He opposed the Chinese Exclusion Act and- It's so amazing to hear what aggressive was back then. One of my favorite acts in history in legislation is the Chinese Exclusion Act, because it's so it just says what it is. Right. There's no hiding behind. Yeah. Nomenclature. It's just like we don't want the Chinese here. No fucking Asians, specifically them Asians.

It's kind of refreshing in a way. Well, I've got good news for you. Well, not anymore. Yeah, true. Now it's all. Now we're going back to that version. I mean, we basically are right near it now. I'm running on a platform of the of trying. You've got to be careful. You'll fall. Inclusion Act.

That is. Thank you. Hmm. You've gotta be careful, you'll fall. Inclusion Act. That is, thank you. You're gonna lose. I'm running on a platform. One coalition building, it's not always about winning. Oh, here we go, here we go. You gotta think long-term, Dave. Go ahead, get on your soapbox. Dave, once we're dead, this might come together.

Once you're dead, the mortgagee is going to change hands. Yeah. You know how this ends, a bunch of bodies scattered amongst burned trees from climate change and a parliamentarian patting themselves on the back saying, yeah, that's what it should be. This was the right play. Is that from a movie? Yeah, sure.

What are you quoting? A script I wrote called The Parliamentarian. It's a great script. Where is it set up? CBS. That's cool. See? How much you get paid for it?

I'm paying them. How much Mackerel? A lot of Mackerel in this game right now. It's not what I'm hearing them. How much Mackerel? A lot of Mackerel. A lot of Mackerel in this game right now. It's not what I'm hearing. We're following Coach. Hello? Coach the TV show? No, the director.

We call him Coach. What? Huh? Are we still podcasting? Yeah. Oh, okay. The Reverend Dr. Swem, a young Baptist minister. The Reverend Dr. Swem? Swem. S-W-E-M. Swem. Okay. Okay. You idiot. Thank you. A young Baptist minister created quite a sensation in Washington last Sunday

by arraigning the Society of Women of the Capitol as habitual gamblers. Jesus Christ, it's pretty assaultive right now. It's like nonstop, like women congregating, look out. And then one guy is just like, if you hit them, you should die. Women chatting, be aware. He declared that the shameless openness with which the practices carried on is only equalled by Monte Carlo or the gaming houses of Parisian women.

Well, that's pretty low. That's a low blow. That is a low blow. He told the one I told of one young lady. Oh, the one I told of one young lady. Oh, I want to. Now you made my dog mad. He told of one young lady who lost $250, given her by her father for the purpose of summer toilets to be worn at an adjacent seaside resort. Worn. It says to be worn to be worn at an adjacent seaside resort. Worn? It says to be worn.

To be worn? What's a toilet? I am if I have enough vodka. Hello? Summer toilet. Hello? I don't, I don't, I guess I don't quite understand what a toilet. Diaper?

Is your dog killing someone? I think someone's trying to get in. Let me let him in. Let get him on the show. Give him a mic. Open borders. I have an open borders policy, but about Dave's house. I completely I've been saying that to him for a while.

He won't let by the way, the only people who let in are the Chinese. I don't know if you've seen that. Well, like you said, he's a contrarian. He's always going against the grain. Doors shutting, laughter happening from far away. One of his pant legs is up. Dave, are you a hip hop? He was cycling.

He went on a bike ride. With a one-legged bike ride. I forgot that I had a dog walker coming. And so the dog saw the dog walker and lost that like a zombie dog yeah wow some days you can't walk your dog because you're podcasting all day some days you can't walk your dog because you can't find their fourth shoe yeah don't you you can only find three shoes i think think I heard your fourth shoe drop in the mug. Andrea, has this happened?

I'm just waiting for the fourth shoe to drop. Andrea, has that happened? Have you not been able to walk your dog because you couldn't find the fourth shoe? I mean, that's kind of the excuse I'm telling myself for not walking him. Well, I can't find that fourth shoe. I guess I'll just live in poop.

Okay, back to this. He told the one young lady who lost $250 given her by her father for the purpose of summer toilets. Sorry, the second time was really funny. Which happens. That sometimes happens. Summer toilets. I just don't understand what's happening. What are you doing? It's February. Get out of here. My god. What are you doing?

Holy shit. You can't use a summer toilet in thing one. There's a winter toilet over there. Ha ha ha. To be worn at the adjacent seaside resort. That's a Frank Sinatra song, isn't it? Yeah, summer toilets, yeah. The summer toilets.

I have no idea what's happening in this sentence. Nobody does the sense nobody does. I have some semblance. What? Oh, share it or reveal that information. Why? Summer toilets. Summer toilet. I can't wait for school to be over so I could go into the summer toilets I mean I looked it up and and You can buy a summer toilet, but it's like it's like it's like for very expensive Summer I want to buy a summer toilet for potty training

Myself I'm going by myself. I wonder if it's like a... Why don't you read more? Maybe we'll be able to understand the context. I'm not opposed to that. When you go on your summer vacation, you go out to the country and you bring a temporary toilet, like a

portable toilet. Excuse me? Like you bring a portable toilet, sometimes known as a bucket. I just call them summer buckets. Yeah. Even though it's a Beach Boys album. Anyway, he gave her money to buy summer toilets. She then fuck. I'm not accepting it. She was like, there's no such thing as a summer toilet. So I'm going to just use this money. We literally all have googled it and nothing is happening.

And now it's like it's summertime. I'm shitting on. She just she just convinced him that was the thing. She's like, Dad, can I have some money for the summer toilet? You girls and your summer toilet. Here you go, sweetheart. Have fun. Crapping in the summer toilets.

In in consequence of the loss, the gambling transaction became known and the young woman has been sent out of the city by her parents. So she's been punished for not buying the summer toilets and gambling and stuff. She's been banished. And this is in the news.

Correct. Well, there's a family that's not going to have a summer toilet. No, no, no. There's one girl who's not going to have a summer toilet. Oh, cry me a river. Honestly, and then I'll crap at it. I'll cry you a summer toilet. If it's July. Cry me a river because there's no such thing as a summer toilet. Oh my God.

A summer toilet. That sounds like a Bravo show. Summer toilet. Don't miss the summer toilet. That sounds like a Bravo show. Summer toilet. I don't miss the summer toilet reunion. You were shitting where you shouldn't have. It was June. The summer toilet reunion.

Nothing on that show is real. Well, come on. I like to believe. I got it. It. I like to believe I got it. What just sounds like it's an outhouse in the 1800 summer toilets generally referred to outdoor toilets often called outhouse. What was the winter toilet? No, that's that must be one you kept in your house. Just your or or it's the lake.

So, you know, the lake. Oh, I mean, we it's the lake. So I mean, the lake. Oh, I'm in there in Minnesota. You should on the frozen lake in the winter. And then when the summer comes, it's called the melting of the toilet. And then all the shit goes down to the bottom of the lake. That's what a winter toilet is. I can't really have to explain this to someone from a song. Can I say something?

I find all of this so crass. I agree. This show used to be about history, and now you're talking about ice crapping. It used to have good family values. Yeah. I think this is romantic and sexy. Sexy talk. Oh, crapping on the ice.

Ever since I showed my thumbs, the vibe has changed. I agree. That really is when everything changed. I really thought that it would be different. I thought you'd have huge fucking thumbs. What are you doing in the winter toilet? What do you go with it? What do you mean?

What do I go with it? Her or me? Where do you take your winter toilet? Thank you. I like the ice. Yes. I think I take my winter. Any time I go to a hockey game, I'll take it to the park. What is the are we just going bucket inside when it's cold?

Is that what's happening? I mean, that makes sense. That's funny. I think a winter toilet is an indoor toilet. But again, considering the smells we're already up against. Yeah, but Gareth, it's so cozy. Oh, my God. It is very cozy. How's your book?

Oh, just in a one bedroom cabin. OK, back to the one bedroom It's a one bedroom, two winter toilet. No. No. I mean, I think the point is don't gamble away your winter toilet funds. You know, summer toilet. Sorry, summer toilet or winter toilet. Just don't gamble with your toilet.

Winter toilet funds like a bucket. Similar cases were told about, and in conclusion, the doctor made the sweeping declaration that the young ladies of Washington spend their days in private poker playing. Private poker playing. So I have an audition coming up. Yeah, keep going. Private poker playing.

Andrea Moore. These are my thumbs and I'm based in Los Angeles. Are you willing to shave them? Yes. OK, good. Are you willing to wear cotton underwear? Yes, I'll do anything. OK.

All right, so you're auditioning for Leslie. We're replacing her on summer buckets. So? So you admit that it's all made up, that all no, no, or assistant that we're casting or assistant. Everything else remains true. The doctor seems to be well posted on Washington society, and he may be a very moral and conscientious man. But if he expects to reform these society ladies by his preaching, he would do more than any other minister has done in their time. There is nothing like trying brother swim.

Huh? He said there's nothing like trying brother swim. They're saying the paper saying go, go get them. Do you know how much rents were? Does this have a winter toilet or is this just Eastport? This is just an ad cheap rent Eastport houses. Tell me the number of her months and baths. How many beds and baths? It doesn't say it says a new brick. It says new brick houses. That's all it says. I'm gonna go to Zillow time traveler What year was this again, this is 1888 how much per month anything

I'm gonna guess $20 $3 wait 20 is way too high. I'm gonna guess $3. What the Andrew was at six dollars a month. What? I won. I won. Because you did three and she did three, which is six. Oh, but that was a win.

This is 38 Charles Street. Wow. That's pretty fucking $6 a month. What do you think that is? I wonder what that is in today's money. It's $8. Well, it's going to be really small, because rent used to be like marginally affordable.

Now $6, I mean, it's going to be cheap. It's going to be like $4.50. $4.50? I think it's going to go down. I think it's cheaper. Oh my god. It's 200 dollars. That's fucking. Oh, that's outrageous for that little place.

Plus first and last. And you know you're not getting your full deposit back. I remember when I was like, this is not too long ago when I was in Wisconsin at my buddy's place and it was huge. And I was like, what do you pay a month? He's like, it's pretty bad. It's like 350. I was like.

And he meant $3 and 50 cents. He was talking about $3 and 50. Exactly right. Oh, fuck. Well, we did it. Andrea, thank you for joining us. I was so short. Let's talk for another hour.

Okay. That's why they call you Andrea Moore, isn't it? You always sound a little bit extra. Everyone's last name comes from a story like that. Yeah, like Dave Madman. Now, Andrea, where can people get tickets to this show May 14th? I don't know.

At the punch line. Oh, yeah, the punch line website. OK, yeah, go to the punch line. Also, did the go fund me for the dog shoes still on? Is that still a thing? The go fund me. I bought those dog shoes with my very own money. Okay. It's not what I heard.

Yeah, there's a lot of rumors online. I'm looking at some. Okay, well only half of them are true, so you'd be the judge. All right, well listen, I think I mean I learned a lot about thumbs and really toilets. The legacy for this one of me is the summer toilets. It does. We all learned a little bit. For me, I learned that blind people can dream visually. I actually had no idea.

Yeah, they mostly see dragons. All right, everyone, that's the end of this one. Bye. Thank you, Andrea. I'm allowed to say bye. You got gotta stay. Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop.

Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop.

And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop.

And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video on the dollop. And we're going to be doing a video love the dollop you love listening to the dollop do you want to watch the dollop you're like Gareth what are you talking about by the way it's not Gary it's Gareth well we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes so if you want to go watch a five-part animation which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode I can't remember of the Rube you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it.

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one so go there and watch the Rube.