The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 129 - The Past Times with Gianmarco Soresi

Episode Date: June 14, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Gianmarco Soresi Download CashApp and use code Dollop  SOURCES OFFICIAL MERCH

All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. The great John Marcos, Soressi. So-ra-si. So-ra-si, but it's great.

It's fine. I was nervous about that. No, no, no. You did. You did great. Yes, I'm happy to be here. OK. And you have a tie in. I do a really great tie in. Do not do it on this show. Do not ask him to do it.

John Marko. No. Oh, no. It's a spicy meatball. Oh, wow. And you. That's a spicy meatball. Oh, wow. And that's what we talk about. Yeah. You know the whole thing. Yeah. It's such a shame. That's it. Do you only did you only do this podcast so you can go back to newspapers

where people are still racist against Italians? Yes. And you know, that's my and others. Yeah. What is that? Is a spicy meatball? Is this awkward? Everybody on a gondola. That's a that? Is a spicy meatball. Is this awkward? On a gondola. That's a meatball on a gondola. It's that's that is brutal.

Someday that will be a problem. That will be like when they find someone had an attic of like that kind of stuff and they're like, they should not be on the Supreme Court. Then that's a. And that picture kills it. That's that's a minor league ball club. I don't remember. Jesus Christ. And they're the spicy meatballs. Yeah, yeah. This is.

Well, it's all it's all terrible. Everything. I mean, it feels like you're being very rude to the company. We have a guest and you're jumping right. I'm trying to relate. Listen, it's better to make fun of the Italian side than the Jewish side. I mean, I would not want to see that happen. Whatever that might be. I think Dave, throw on the Jewish thing you were.

Would be. I know. So, John, Mark, your podcast, The Downside is great. Everyone should give a listen. I think our audiences have a very similar philosophy politically. Yes. Yeah. And then you're going on tour.

You're brave enough to leave the country and try to come back. Where can people get information on that? Your European tour dates or any of your tour dates? Or as we're calling it, the final tour. The final tour. All right. Or as we're calling it, the final tour, the final tour, the last leave. I anywhere on social media. That's my name, Joe Marcus, Razy, and I'll be, you know, London,

Italy, Germany, Amsterdam, all that stuff. Oh, wow. You're doing all a Europe. You're going to do it a month in a week. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Cause otherwise you don't know.

I think once the sound piker got sort of detained and held, it was like, oh, fuck, they really they really don't care. Like they they don't care how well known the person is. I think you're going to be fine. I don't care what they say. I was surprised that Sammy obeyed obeyed got through with no question. Like he just. Oh, really?

Yeah. I was very surprised by that. I think it's a sign of like how far you've gotten. If you don't get stopped, I'd be offended. I'd be like, do you not know my work? Let me pull up some of these reels. You should not let me back in. It's so funny to be pitching yourself for detaining.

I'm very vocal. All right, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to go through this old newspaper. Dave's picked it out. You and I have had no prep. We like to guess what year this paper could be from. It could be from as early as the 1600s, but probably not because then it's like a lot of warlock stuff. It could be the 90s, it could be the 90s for fuck's sake, who knows? So as the guest you're allowed to guess first winner gets nothing. Dave has started to weaponize this part of the show to make it so the guest always wins. So it really doesn't matter if you're off or not. I've never don't listen to him. By the way,

he's he's it's he's in it looks like a saw. He looks like he's he's in a sauce. The little right gondola, I guess spaghetti sauce. He's in a yeah, a sauce canal. Yeah, it gets worse. It like the more details the more time if you look in the sauce. There's there's a mobster who's sleeping with the fishes. In the back where you can great Parmesan on the hat But go ahead John Marco, what what do you think? Oh, I'm truly guessing side. I'm seeing a year a year sight unseen

Oh my god What are you doing? So many I What are you doing? I did you have so many Bought the jacket I bought the hat I bought the bedspreads I bought the drapes No, I just I think it's important for me to wear it around Gareth to upset him I mean, I just I just find the accent offensive and I'm Welsh. So yeah, can only imagine this feels for you I'm Welsh, so yeah, can only imagine how this feels for you. I'm going to guess I 1843. A great guess.

It's a great guess. Garrett's Garrett's probably going to be wrong. 1895. No, it's 1890. So you lose because what was yours? 1843 that was under so under. Yep. So you lose because what was yours? 1843, that was under. So under. Yeah. So you underwent.

Congratulations. It's like it's like Blackjack. You went over. I lost. We've never discussed the rules. I've been under and close. It's really there's not there's not. It's like a game that's never been invented and wouldn't be invented. It's a game.

Well, it's it's May. So May rules. March 4th, 1890. That's a Tuesday. Kalamazoo, Michigan, which no one has a connection to here. Where are you from Potomac, Maryland? Beautiful. Kind of the same thing to me to M states. That's true. Way to go.

I'm just trying to make it. You're good with Michigan. Where's Michigan? The little North. It's mid to me. It's it's to me. It's East coast. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Right. And you guys, there's water. There's water. I did it. I do gigs in Detroit and I've gone there to Canada's right there. And I did something there. That's all I know.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm from Wisconsin. It's pretty much the middle. So it's it's it's a little it's further east. East coast. But it's it's no, no, it's not. It's middle Midwest. Yeah. Actually, Midwest is the term. So it's the it's the Kalamazoo Gazette. Gareth, where's Kalamazoo in relation to Detroit? You're from the Midwest.

Is it left? Yep. Hazed professors! Hazed? Okay. That's no, it's not something that happens. Professors don't behave. Oh man. How much better that would have been? We're kind of doing it now. Okay. That's no, it's not something that happens. Professors don't behave. Yeah. Oh man.

How much better than that would have been? We should, we should. That's cool. We're kind of doing it now. A score or more of the students at the Kalamazoo Baptist College. Baptists. Baptist hazing. They're a problem.

Yeah. You're going to get a swirly in the holy water. Did I ever tell you the Craig Anton story? Uh, Craig Anton, uh, comedian, he stopped doing comedy, but he was very funny and he was very, very popular at one point. He was like the biggest college touring comedian. And he goes to a Baptist college and they say, Hey, no swearing. If you swear, we will immediately end the show. No swearing. If you swear, we will immediately end the show.

Mm. And Craig starts his show every single exact same way, every single show. He walks on stage and goes, how the hell are you? Lights off. Oh, curtain down. Oh, my God. That's amazing. To make the trip. He's in the green room an hour before. He was like, I still got paid.

He still got paid. My god. Genius move. That's awesome. So good. A score or more of the students at the Kalamazoo Baptist College when they came to their senses, if they have any, so already we're not on the side of the students. This is an editorial, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just the facts, please.

Yeah. Will find themselves in a peck of trouble. A number at various times have shown a disposition to be smart and smarts Right quotation marks meaning they're not if you guys understand quotation marks But it took no decided form until late Saturday night at that time professors Ferry and Trowbridge of the College faculty were late in keeping engagement to dine with one of the students. That's shady.

Mr. Des Autelles. I don't trust that name. Okay. Later Mr. Des Autelles and Ms. Saban called on the professors at their room on Locust Street and invited them up to the dormitory for a call. Trap. Hazing trap. So yeah, that's weird, right? It's already weird. Yes. They made the call and on their way home, stopped into Mr. Attell's room in the boys' building. They had been there but a short time when the door suddenly opened and two young college and the two young college professors were considerably frightened at

the white cap scene which met their eyes. Well, that's white caps. What does that plant? That's the plan to me. No, I think it's it might be no the clan's around. We'll white cap. That is a hell of a phrase. Hey, we're in the clan. Hey, those Baptist professors definitely thought this was going to be sex. I could see they said they're like no clan at school and they were like, we're not the clan, we're the white caps. We're the WCWCWC. Yeah.

Yeah. Clan Jr. There were 20 masked boys who quietly made a rush and bound their hands and blindfolded them. This is leaving prank territory into kidnapping territory at quite a pace. This is like what they do before lynching. Yeah. Hey, we're going to murder you. Ha ha ha. This is the precom of a lynching.

Yes. Uh huh. Uh huh. A solemn march led them over the hill west of the Montane home cemetery. Oh, what the fuck? Why is this being framed as hazing when it is a buried alive situation? It was a goof. They called the halt when in the middle of a cornfield. The professors then had their feet bound and they were left to freeze for all the cunning young men who were in for some sport,

which may have proved serious, seem to care. So they left them. So they left them. It's like, it's attempted murder. It is 100% an attempted murder. Question. Well, what month is this? This is, it's March, so it's fucking cold. It's going to

be cold in Michigan. Yeah. Yeah. So the hazing was that they coerced them into the room. As soon as they got there, they were in white caps. They bound them, they blindfolded them, and then they eventually left them in a field. Tied with their feet tied so they can get up. 20 of them. That's a lot. 20 of them. Yep. Absolutely. That is a mob. That's a legal mob. But that is a Tiki group. Did you guys not do this in college? No, I don't believe I did.

Not to the teachers, my god. I mean, to my friends, to the freshmen. Sure. I killed five freshmen in a field. Yeah. But no, there was a line. Yeah, I get it. All right. The professors were not injured, but were thoroughly chilled.

They worked hard and patiently to secure their release. So they're just like chewing on each other's ropes. Finally, Mr. Tellbridge secured his knife and liberated himself and on the and and the unfortunate fellow sufferer. They were both mad. Yeah. Yeah. Their lives were almost taken. Yeah, they would be I'd be rubbed.

Especially because it's it's students like it's like you're supposed to be treated with respect as the professor. Yeah. Did every teacher have a knife on them back then? Because this was happening frequently. They had to have. They did just say he's he's secured as nice as if they all. Yeah, of course. Well, it's how we manage school shootings now. It's like we just got to arm the teachers to make sure that we can,

you know, nip these in the bud. So, yeah. They could not see where the joke came in. Oh, but Lord, those old babies. Yeah. So the professors don't have a sense of humor. Honestly, it's funny. Yeah. But they quietly sought the seclusion of their room and spent the greater part of the night in deep meditation. What a way to frame trauma. They were meditative.

The plan of action was decided upon. Mr. Trowbridge was at his post as usually yesterday and taught his classes while Mr. Ferry made complaint to the sheriff requesting the arrest of the unknown parties. He did not know any of them. Yeah, cause they were, they had clan hoods on. That's how the clan thing works. You're hiding here. So smart about their little plan.

Sheriff Dix advised them to lay the matter before the college faculty as there did not seem to be a case even were the parties known. Wait, there did not seem to be a case even were the parties known. Wait, there's not a case. They were kidnapped and left in a field. I don't know. I don't know, guys. It seems. It's hazing. So run, run, run it by me again, because I'm not really seeing the crime

that you're talking about. So 20 guys came in in hoods and they found us, gagged us, left us in a field to die. We got it. They didn't, they didn't slit your throat. No, that, uh, that part did not actually know cause we're here. So obviously, yeah. Yeah. My, Stephanie brings up a really good point.

So let me ask you this. Uh, do you fellas have a sense of humor? It's fair. And we are Baptist professors. So the fair indictment. Well, one of us get the hell out of here. Curtain down. Deputy Sheriff Smith went to the college and his presence there created not a little

commotion. The boys agreed to give away the participants. Oh, fucking quick stitch. Fucking quick stitch. Twenty of them. That's too many. Yeah. I got in trouble at school once and it was so many of us. We all got a lighter punishment because you, you, we would hurt their college admissions. It was in high school. We I tricked a teacher into coming to my house and 20 of us were wearing white caps.

And this is this is very. Were you listening to the story? Because this is very similar. This is back in 1890. I remember it like it was yesterday. Then that's fine. You look good. Thank you.

God damn. Yeah, it is true, though. If there's 20, you're like, well, fuck. No, truly. And I mean, it was like it was a private high school. So it was like 100 people each grade. And it was like 50 of us. Theater, we got drunk high after the, you know, taking down the set.

And it was like, you can't suspend all of us. It would be disastrous. Yeah. Disastrous in what way? For like the theater program or there just wasn't enough room? Yeah. Certainly if I'm not there, Little Shop's not gonna be as good that year. Very true. But secondly, it's for their college admissions, their whole thing is,

how many kids get into Harvard? How many kids get into this? Right, right, right, right. It's a precedent to set, too. Yeah, I think there's some issues with academia, as I might say. I would guess so. Well, that, like, my son's baseball team on the varsity

team, they just took one of the players' bats, and they spray painted it white, and then they painted a dick on it. And the coach was like, whoever did this, I'm suspending you, like you're not going to play in the playoff game. But then he found out like, a bunch of them did it. And now it's just like, well, I mean, boys will be boys. How many boys to take to spray paint one dick with each? I got

the left ball. Yeah, these two guys have notes to the foreskin's a little clenchy. Guy comes in with hair. OK. Yeah. I assume there are balls. Probably wasn't just a dick. It probably had balls. Right. It's interesting. There's no there is a bit.

Apparently, they did. There's a video of the apparently they took a. Of course, they took a video. They all take videos of their crimes these days. These kids now it's a video. There's a video? Of the dick being constructed? Apparently, they took a, of course they took a video. They all take videos of their crimes these days. These kids now, it's all evidence. Was your son involved? No, he, no. He wasn't there.

He's not on, he's on the JB team. He's not on the varsity team. So he wasn't. What better way to get him with the older guys than be the, involved in the dick construction though. But he enjoyed it because nobody likes the guy who's bad. Sure. He's a dick.

You're revealing so much about your child's base, but this is entering Brendan Schaub levels of specificity. So I decided I'd move carefully. That was, that is the craziest baseball thing. It makes me want to go to. I don't think I know the Brendan Schaub baseball story. I've consumed want to go to show. I don't think I know the Brandon Schaub baseball story of consumed all his work. So I'm surprised.

afraid you're a little blind if you consider yourself a cat. He just he just went on his podcast and said how his son who's nine was pitching against, a fat kid. And he told his son that he can't get a hit off of him because fat people are slow. Well, to be fair, he really hammered this fat kid for a long time. Like he really, and you're just like,

well, someone's gonna, you know what I mean? Like other people probably listen to CT, the podcast, and they're gonna pick up on the fact that this kid's on your side. Yeah, people are going to know and then he also let it be known that he yells so much that he is he has to sit out in left field now he can't he doesn't sit with the other parents because he's such a dick. I'm going to start going to these games.

I want to I want I know where the league is. I know exactly where it is. I so want to start a web series about going to watch baseball games, the shop. That is your final form. And then you're going to come back and be like, let me tell you, this kid, he was, I mean, it's it's you can't not talk. It is it is time for baby Ozempic. This kid is, he's a fat fuck.

And by the way, Shob's pretty cool. He's a pretty cool guy. We painted the kid's bat to be a dick. Yeah, so he's the worst parent category. So the boys agreed to give away the participants on condition that the college faculty handled the case instead of the courts. All right, okay.

Good move. By the way, the sheriff already tapped out, but sure. Well, you know, cops and clan. Yeah. They will appear before the faculty to answer for their fun. What action the faculty take is not known. The writer of this article is so pro the mob.

It feels like the writer is bitter that he was left out. Like he was 21 and they said, oh, we ran out of caps. It's just like these smart kids. It sounds like fun, though. This group of geniuses just nailed it. He almost killed two people, like two people should have died. Yeah. In some colleges, such indignities heaped on a member of the faculty would be severe no matter how harmless the fun.

The boys say, however, that the two professors thus stolen are popular with the students and no idea of humiliating them was intended. This is what they do. The guys, they like. Yeah, there you go. I mean, it does sound fun. And to be fair, that does sound fun. Yeah, it sounds like if you didn't murder them, you do that to a teacher that you were like, Mr. Cutler, you are.

Binding your feet, you'll scamp. So that's the end of that story. Well, I wish I knew how it turned out, but sometimes we don't know. Hazing's different now. Yeah. Oh, another successful operation. It's really 18. I'll tell you a lot about the times. 1890. This is the second one.

The second successful operation. Whoo. Miss Esbe sell. Like when you finish the surgery, like, holy fuck. She's got my God. Holy shit. Whoa. Miss Especial 7 714 Village Street has had a tumor for six.

That's what they put the address of every participant, every article in the up until the 70s. Yeah. Really? Really? Yeah. They like literally were just like, yeah, go kill him if you want. Anyway, here we were. And like every woman, they're like good tits, nice eyes, big ass. Yeah. Any woman they any any woman they put in the paper, like nine dudes and write to her and go, I want to be your husband now. Yeah. No, every guy that would be like he wears big glasses

and every woman be like little dumpy, I'd do her anyway. They'd be like, this tumor is a big guy. This is a big tumor. If I want more tumor, you could tumor fuck this. Yeah. Hey, where are your tumors young lady? Is that a tumor or are you just three tits? Excuse me, sir.

Sorry, that's my pick up line. I'm like, trying to think of one that's a try to do some cancer pick up stuff. It's kind of difficult. It's an odd needle to thread. She had a tumor for 16 years, which had grown to an enormous size, measuring 10 inches in diameter and had 23 separate and distinct roots. Oh, some of which are as large around as a lady's wrist. Well, this is what I can't even.

How many roots? I didn't know tumors had roots. Twenty three. I didn't either. I think we can relate. Please put it down. This is too much for the 1890. Oh, my God. Rue, it's like a potato that you left out. Just sputting.

How many eyes did it have? Yeah, the tumor's a time, sorry. Hello, I'm Frank. Let me live. Dr. Wilbur removed it being assisted by his wife. This is all crazy. Like, you want your wife's in there with you? Like, what about what about an actual assistant that like, hey, Gladys, come in here.

We got to take this tumor out. No, I want your wife there. It looks like an immense crap. Oh, fuck me. That's not good doctor stuff. It looks like an immense crap. Is that serious? Yes. It looks like an immense crap. Is that serious? Yes.

It says crap. Crap. It looks like an immense crap. Crap. Crap. Oh, crap. Oh crap. Oh, it started to look like an immense crap.

Oh my God. Jesus Christ. This is crap. This isn't a tumor. Holy shit. This lady, it's just poop. Oh God. We went in the wrong way. The size of this tumor.

Look at all these roots. Now, because you heard crap, it really does steal the valor of crab, which is also still pretty bad. So, yeah, obviously obviously worse crap would be better I'd rather have a crap in me than a crab look it looks like a crab like no see it look at it look at it come here bring the monitor there give me that give me the cracky things I'm gonna eat one of the arms yeah start boiling the pot there we go and we were brought to you by Cash App. Look, the Cash App, it makes sending money easier.

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You agree to this? Yes? You definitely do. I'm power of money right there. Oh, okie dokie. We're done with that. If you're just paying someone for business or someone for pleasure, it's no problem. For a limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional

cash. I'm being for real. There's no cash. There's just cash. Just download Cash App and sign up. Use our exclusive referral code, DOLLUP, in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped off right near your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. Join us. It looks like an immense crab with 23 legs stretched out in different directions.

Well, then that's not a crab. That's crazy, then. That is also very- It looks like a giraffe, but with eight short necks instead of one long one. Then maybe that's the wrong animal to go with. I think that's fair. I think I've never seen it. That is fair. I've never seen a crab. a gun to his head and said, you have to think of an animal that it looks like. And he's like, oh, I mean, 28 legs. It's not a centipede. So I guess I got to go with crab. Take a crab.

A cancer crab. It looks like a crab. It's a tumor. Yeah. Anyone can see the monster tumor by calling at her residence as she has it preserved in a large jar. Oh, fuck. Come on. What that was in me. And you gave her a dress and it's 1890. So so many people are like, this is the greatest thing that'll happen this month.

You want to prove it looks like a crab. Put it in a crab tank and see if someone picks it for the restaurant that night. Yeah, I'll have that. I'll have the one with 28 legs. That looks good I knew it. I told you look at that fits right in now ladies and gentlemen, one of these is a tumor I want you to pick it out of this crab lineup. I Pay to see the tumor I I mean That's again probably didn't have insurance. This is how you made your money back then back from the surgery.

Was it for money? It was she was charging people to see it. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't say, but it depends. I would too. But I don't know if it's just the sort of thing where you're just kind of, you know, a neighbor. It just seems like a lot of people would always just knock on the door to see the tumor at weird hours.

Like you get drunk at the pub and then. If I was walking by residents, I'm just trying to think, and someone said, Hey, I just had a tumor removed. It's got 28 legs, kind of looks like a crab. Yeah. How much would you pay? And I had a fiver on me. I could see you like, OK, I'll see.

And five dollars back then would have been a million. I was a million. I would pay 20 in today's money. Really? Yeah. If I was walking by and someone's like, hey, this lady's got the fucking craziest tumor. I might pay a lot for that. Yeah. And like you said, if I had a couple of pops, I'd be like, yeah, right. Let's go check out this weird lady's fucking. Jar crap.

I knew, I knew, I knew this when I was in open mics, this, uh, she was probably like 23 or something and she, she was really skinny and they took like a 10 pound tumor out of her and she was like, she just, she just started getting a little, like a little bump in her stomach. And she's like, huh. She went to the doctor and he's like, yeah, no, you got a, you got a tumor. Like I couldn't believe a 10 pound tumor is crazy to take out of someone. They're sneaky. Those tumors are real there.

That's part of the whole Dave, part of the whole issue with them is just how they could camouflage themselves inside of your body. You can't tell. That's a big problem. Yeah. Yeah. And as a girl, I guess it grows long and slender. I don't think you're about to say the things you're saying, to be quite honest. I think you've got to be very careful.

And the way that you visualize that woman, she was a tube. Yeah. The Popeye is how you picture most women. Yeah. I think she's got to worry less about the two or more about the lack of rib bones that she seems to be. She's like a hot dog shaped. Yeah. You just take the tumor out and it's like.

I don't know if it was a woman at all. It was a tumor in full disguise. He was running the school. One day last week, Miss Kitty Brainard, a teacher in the own Aneida school. Oh, Nida. Yeah. The Indians. Oh, yeah.

But it was also a culty like thing. Oh, well, yeah. I think we had appropriate cults in that way. Attempted to chastise a big boy who had OK, like it's weird. It's like how Trump was describing. Trump was describing his fat friend with the ozempic. That was when he was.

Oh, yeah. It was like he took the fat shots. He took his fat shots and I'm like, they're not working. Yeah, he's if his friend heard it, he'd be like, Jesus, dude, I'm trying to be like, he's a big fat fuck. And he's taking the chance. Attempted to chastise a big boy who had occasioned her much trouble. The boy showed fight and was getting the best of the teacher when the principal, Andy Brown, a recent graduate of Knox College,

appeared on the scene. He sees the unruly youth by the collar and taking the rawhide from the teacher's hand administered a thrashing that the boy is not likely to forget. Okay, abuse. Complete abuse. It was legal then, just what you did. It's still legal in some states. Were papers back then like more like it feels like there's like a moralistic like and he got a punishment that surely will make young men

take a second thought before they stand up to the teachers again. Like there's kind of this tone of like paternalistic morals. Yeah, there's a lot of dudes who started papers so they could like chastise people or get their takes, their takes, they're all doing takes. That's so good. As opposed to today's objective media, it lays out the facts. Yep, facts and that's it. Nothing but the facts. Let you decide. And all the facts, not just selected facts. Right. Absolutely. Isn't that Fox's? I feel like the more a channel says we're nothing but the facts,

the more full of shit they are. Yeah, that's Fox's like, we're just the facts here. I remember in high school when I was talking to a friend of mine's mother and she goes, well, I watch Fox News because it's fair and balanced. And I was like, that's it, fair and balanced. No. I was like, but that's literally their slogan.

I was like, I like the choice of a new generation. That's why I drink that. I like it, because it is it in you. How's your McDonald's? Hmm. But I'm loving it. I like it because I'm loving it. I like it. It's pretty good. You miss it. Not bad.

When the boy went home at noon, he told his father, Isaac Rucker, how he had been whipped Rucker at once hastened to the schoolhouse, announcing his determination to whip Brown. I like that. Well, I mean, I get it. That's a dad. That's a dad. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Beat the shit out of your teacher the same way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as he entered the room, he made a rush for the principal who promptly knocked him down. Okay, so that didn't work.

Didn't think about that part. Don't worry, son. I got it. Now. Oh, it's so much worse to have a principal beat the shit out of your dad too. It's like two generations got whipped. A rucker rose to his feet and again rushed Brown with the same result. Wow. This is bad. Your dad's just weak. This is so bad.

Yeah. This is his principal. He's pretty awesome. He rose again, but concluded he'd had enough and hastily beat a retreat. This is just the next day at school for the big boy was rough. Your dad comes home severely beaten

from the principal, you've got to lie. You can't be like, he's really good at beating. I feel like teachers should get to hit one student every year. I agree. I think it would, you know, it's not good, but like, can you imagine if you were to teach or hit a student, you'd be like, I'm never fucking around.

I completely agree. I'm never fucking around. I completely agree. I never fucking around. Ever. I agree. And as someone who hated attending school, to be there for the one day to watch the kid get beaten would also be... I mean, you'd be like, ah, this is... When people put out ... When teachers would put out a film, you'd be like, today will be good. When the teacher's like, that's it Anderson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, today will be good. Like when the teacher's like, that's it, Anderson. Yeah, yeah. My dad talks about the nuns and the rulers. He talks about it sometimes where I'm like, okay, how hard did they hit you with the ruler though? How hard? Dubious. Come on. No, I know. My mother went to an English school in what like the fifth I mean, they just fucking beat the shit out of them. Yeah. Yeah, you just like they got to murder one student Yeah, you're like I get why you'd want to be a teacher back then and again It's horrible to beat them

But as far as like if it was permitted in society to be like, I mean So what you're saying is the only thing preventing you from being a teacher is that you don't get the physically abused. That's right. I'm trying to think of what I'm saying. I think you said you might not want to say it. You're like, wouldn't be amazing though to have been a teacher back then though, and you could just hit kids. I think teachers should be paid more.

And if we're not gonna do it, You're not gonna do it. You started with the one a year. Don't get, how dare you? I didn't say I wanted to do it. I said it's a necessary evil that I don't want to participate in at all. Look, look, look.

We were hazing and having some fun and it got a lot of control. Dave, put the goddamn meatball hat on. We need some, I need this. I can't help, I can't help you. The meatball moment has passed. Oh my God, this is tough. Anyway, I'm sure I have some other-

Teachers unions, keep going, Dave. I'm sure I have some other racist stuff around here. I could move out. Okay, we're good. This room is filled with racist paraphernalia. Sure. It's a museum. This is a museum. OK, so the school board sustain sustains Brown in his treatment of the boy who has been suspended.

Brown says he will not let him return unless he makes a public apology. Rucker has hired a lawyer and will try to make trouble for Brown. But it was legal to hit kids. It still is in a lot of states. I just think it's disgusting and I just do not support it in any way. And I anybody who does that to even back then, I think it's aged horribly. And anyone who would be inclined to do that at any point is a problem. And we need to kind of dig into that for them.

But it's so it's not cool. I don't be saying that. Yeah. So Alex, can you just grab the clip where Gareth said, I'm like a couple of minutes ago that, you know, beating kids and then just throw it in here? I don't think why. Why? I don't think that's what I'm saying anyway. It's all been misinterpreted.

It's you guys are all woke. You're trying to woke what I didn't say that you guys are woken me. It's just so stupid. Three sisters made insane. I'm guessing this is going to be a really terrible story about a dude. What's their address? Do we have where they live?

It does not say where they live, sadly. How are they going to get married now? Officers arrived from Saybrook in this county, having in custody three young women of that place. Sisters Miss Mary Smith, Mrs. Julia and Emma Reigns, who were suffering insanity of the wildest, most afflicting character. Hmm. Yeah. So you buying it? Well, I don't know. There's no details, which I don't love.

Well, there will be. That's it. They just said, wait, so the whole article just says three crazy bitches. Yeah. Three. Yeah, okay. That's other. There's more. There are members of the best families of Sabrook and have lost their reason from attendance upon meetings conducted by advocates and disciples of the doctrine of Christian science. The married sister was the first to embrace the new doctrine and was soon joined by her sisters.

All the efforts of the relatives to control them have proved futile and it became necessary to put them in the county jail there. Wow. Well, look, they're Christian scientists, so we gotta just lock them up. I mean, this is fucking nuts. They Christian so hard.

What's a Christian science? Is that the one they don't take any medicine? Yeah, you're healed by God and so they don't do any medical interventions. But is there anything else to it? Like, did they say Jesus said this, Jesus said that? Is it just about? I'm sure there is, but the flashy headline is no, no medical intervention. They said, they said, I know we don't want any aspirin. And they said, well, then you're going to jail. Yeah, that's the only way to make that seems right to me. I mean, I'm not a, I'm not a doctor, but that seems right. Yeah. But it is very, it's maha. It is. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. It would have been really cool back in the day where you could just put women in prison for no reason.

That would have been cool. Yeah. Or deport. You can quote. I was going to say you're you're the one. I've been really cool. I can't I can't weigh in. I've already dug my own grave. Christian science is a Christian domination founded by Mary Baker Eddy in the 1870s. It's based on the idea that the material world is an illusion and the real world is spiritual.

Central to Christian science is the belief that illness and sins are mental errors, not physical problems, and that healing can be achieved through prayer and understanding of God's laws. I do love when those people die. Like, I mean, not to be horrible, but I love when they say, like, they're like, we're gonna let her work it out on her own. And then like a week later, they're like, she passed away.

We can't. I think if the world's an illusion, then they shouldn't be able to be imprisoned. They just walk through those. Oh, like the Terminator. Yeah, they're not there. I'm sure they tried that the first day they were like, sure. Now I started to think that maybe it is real, at least the material world is hard. I can't fit through the bars. Are we saying that terminators are Christian scientists? That's, I mean, we've, I think that biblically, we've been talking about that for a long time.

I don't think we know. I mean, there's so many different interpretations on that. It's like Jesus's last words, I'll be back. Yeah. That's true. Remember? Yeah. Before you went behind the little'll be back. Yeah. That's true. Remember? Yeah. That before you went behind the little rock or whatever. Yeah. Well, he was dead at that point.

But yeah, he was dead. But I still think he kind of shut it like he was like, I'll see you. I don't think that I don't think he rolled. He did. He was goofing around. He was at that point taken off the cross. And yes, he had been buried into the 100 percent. I like the way that you just said it as if he was like I'll be back Well, he didn't do this what he wasn't that dramatic he was very light and kind of jokey, you know, yeah, whatever

Like an infamity southern guys You know, you know, I don't know why you guys are trying to cancel me this. I'm not going to work. And then when he comes back out, he has confetti. It was a whole thing. And you guys remember the New Testament? No, I'm writing a testament. Yeah, no, I'm sure you are. It's pretty good.

A lot of. Yeah, no, I'm sure you are. It's pretty good. Lot of. Yeah, a lot of. Lot of. He wrote insulting letters. Jesus John. Yeah, John Long of Porter County was before a United States commissioner Saturday morning for sending through the mails insulting letters to Anna Hatfield, a respectable young lady of Goshen. Nice. Well, what she do? That's the that's the word.

Right before the court. What did she do? Good. Good. I mean, it's good to know that even before YouTube comments that there was a way for men to just just to send letters. And that's what it is. That sounds like it was like. Exactly. Yeah, it's yeah. These are these are DMS of the 1890s. It's like, kill yourself.

Miss Hatfield, having refused to accept his attentions, long then addressed her a number of very insulting letters. So she rejected him and he's like, really? Well, here you go. You're fat. You're fat and stupid. I love it. When that happens, the, the male instinct is to just prove them right with their

actions, like it's like, nah, I don't love it. It's like, you don't think I'm good enough for you. Now I'm going to harass you and dress you down because I'm a horrid person. He admitted the authorship of the letters and was sent to the Noblesville jail to await grand jury action. Why would you admit it? This is when you could get put in jail for shit. Dms now.

Now, Elon gives you an office, a doge. Sure. I don't know why would you admit it, though? Back then, there's no forensic evidence unless you were just like, I want her to know. You could say someone else wrote it. Yeah, but is that evidence? You could just say, I didn't do that. Someone else signed my name.

Yeah, that's what I mean. That's like when you could just literally write a check and be like, hey, this guy gave me $1,000 and the bank would be like, here you go, sir. On your honor. Do you get a lot of crazy DMs, John Marker? I would imagine you probably get some people who get pissed off. We get them.

Oh yeah. Yeah, I mean, listen, it's nothing compared to... I get as many in a year as a woman probably gets in a day on the internet. Yeah. So I get a lot of... But it comes to mean stuff, maybe politically. Politically is what I mean more than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a couple from like...

What do they call me? A capo? A capo? Oh, you get a capo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get called a capo. Or they... I've gotten somebody like, you're not actually Jewish.

And which is so crazy because I spend my whole life trying to get away from it and it These are sitting I mean my whole life acidic Jews ago Are you Jewish are you Jewish and now you change your mind like get the fuck out of here? Yeah, you can't you cannot you cannot shift course because we disagree about this one. It's insane You cannot, you cannot shift course because we disagree about this one. It's insane. Yeah. A lot, a lot of our stuff, I, for some, we think that some right wing lunatic has just started posting our shit in right wing chat groups because yeah,

because like anytime we talk shit on Elon or Trump, it's like, it, we get a lot of like way more views and comments and they're all just like, yeah. And then it's just like the, like get a lot of like way more, way more views and comments. And they're all just like, yeah. And then it's just like the like, you know, I'm gonna shoot you in the face sort of stuff for like a few days after. And even Elon, Elon has people. Yeah, the red. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You Yeah, you must have gotten into some word those things. If you go under the radar, it's like, you know, I've made fun of

Elon for sure. And I've done, you know, stuff about Israel that goes under the radar, but then just takes that one that everyone sees. Everyone, you know. There's got to be like some bigger right wing account that just keeps doing it. And we're just happy to have the views, to be honest. But it really is. It's like they are just don't. Do you think they're coming here to hate watch it or whatever? And then they hear you say, I want to hit kids and they go, hold on, hold on, hold on.

No, because that seems like a really good show. You can't do a callback. It's going to cut out. OK, I'm going to make. Yeah, but then it's not going to make sense why why I started calling you kid hitter Reynolds from. Well, and you shouldn't be doing that because now you're just being the editor. Now you're just being anti editor, which I don't know why you do that.

That's the that's the name of our of our podcast. I'm going to add it into your voice. How about that, asshole? It's called it's called the history guy and the kid hitter. Do you think we're are we at that point? You remember when Trump not to get your docs by this right wing person again? But you remember like way later, like way after his president, he was like, maybe that Hollywood reporter thing was a chat. He peaked and like just like just thrown it out there.

See if anyone bought it. And you're just like, man, oh, man. And it got no traction. And that was no traction. He bought it. And you're just like, man, oh, man. And it got no traction. And that was he was like, a lot of people are saying that maybe I didn't even say that. And then I was like, he was like, all right, we'll quit it. He's workshopping. He's so common. He's so good. He's working new stuff. He is. he's just like doing new material nights and he knows how to pay attention. The first thing that gets a laugh, he goes, there's a new slogan. Yeah, no, didn't even work.

Like, Qatar playing, he's like, I didn't even think that was a good bit, but the second I said it, it just hit. Accidentally stabbed his playmate. What? We've all done that. Jesus Christ. Uh, accidentally stabbed his playmate. What? I've all done that. Jesus Christ. It's dark.

Uh, Ford Jacobs, age 16, the son of a prominent merchant, was stabbed to the heart by Ellis Adams, same age, and died almost instantly. The boys were at play, and the stabbing was accidental. No, again, no, no. I wrote the mob article. He's like, his crime is goofing around. You have a guy in the heart. And he's like, but they were mucking.

You ever play make up? They were fun and in the yard. They're like they're like Alice went on to become a journalist who's actually writing this very article right now. Oops, I slipped into first person. He was. Absolutely 16. You can't play all the way in the heart through the heart

to punch it through is so fucking hard. You know, someone through the heart is not easy. No, you got to go through that. You got to To kill someone through the heart is not easy. No. You got to go through the rib that... It's not like there's space. You can use the terms. Go ahead. Yeah, the rib canal. You get it.

Well, you know it from Hitting Kids. You know what the terms are. What are we doing? Why are we doing it? It's just wasted time. The weapon was a small pen knife and the wound little more than a puncture. Doesn't take much. It's like it's like the heart instantly die.

To instantly die. He instantly died. He said instantly. OK, I don't know. The body works, honestly. This is assassin shit. Though I think that's like the other one says it was instant. No, no. Oh, you heard him scream.

Why did you do this? That was not an accident. Help, help, we have time. Help. Yeah, that's this is that he killed the other guy. He killed him. Yeah. But again, quite literally. Yeah. No, you're not being hyperbolic. His life was faking. He killed him. Is that it?

Yeah, it's the end of the story. Jesus Christ. I love how short these articles are. Yeah, that is like, I mean, you're really getting like, I mean, a guy, a friend killed his friend with a penknife. Anyway, tire sale. It must have been such a huge like change in newspapers when someone realized like we can do continued on next page.

Oh, God. The confusion. Yeah. Confusion when it was like, what the fuck? Go to three. It was broken. Wait, I already read this story. What? Continue. What? Continue, what? Got drunk and were cremated. This is...

Come on. This is... What? Accidentally? M. O'Malley and Peter Faley were burned to death here Saturday night at eight o'clock. One O'Malley and Peter Faley were burned to death here Saturday night at 8 o'clock. O'Malley lived in a little shanty which was located near the railroad track. The two men mentioned in a third party, name unknown, were on a spree Saturday night.

The party. Sure. Having a good time. Yep. O'Malley and Faley, Faley, Faley. O'Malley and Faley. O'Malley and Faley is. Faley I like. It's better, O'Malley and Faley Faley Faley a million failure is a Fally I like it's better O'Malley and Fally It's nice for a million a million Fally repaired to the shanty about nine o'clock in the evening and retired During the night one of the men while yet under the influence of liquor must have turned on more gas

I like the only and if burning alive is cremation at any point. Cause this is a shanty fire. I was really expecting a guy to pass out and then they were like, I think he's dead and burning them. That's what I was. But no, they just. So now what could have been a great story has been hijacked. I agree.

By words. This is a feel good story. Yep. Wow. You just described the New York Times. has been hijacked by words. This was a feel good story, yep, wow. It's just described in New York Times. The overpressure set fire to the building and it burned to the ground together with its occupants. And one guy that don't even know one guy's name,

they're like, well, I mean, good luck figuring that guy out. One guy turned the gas on in the shanty, and then that's, now they're all dead. And then the overpressure set fire to the building, which I'm not sure is a thing. Sure. Well, it was also a can work. And I said, yeah, shanty like a shed. It's yeah, it's like a yeah, it's like a little shitty shed. Yeah, it's made out of different different types of of wood and they usually use human skin as the root.

All right, stop helping me. A man or woman now living will, oh sorry, no man or woman now living will ever date a document without using the figure nine. It now stands in the third place where it will remain 10 years. It will then move up to the second place, 1900, and there will rest 100 years. So they had pot back then.

What? And my bro just smoked it and was like, two stories ago, a guy killed another guy with a pen knife. Well, now we're on the nines. That sounds like the editor was like, we need another story. And they said, at some point, the nine is different. I have a theory that we're all going to be using the nine and that's good. What is that? Is that? You muted probably for the best, but still.

I get it. What are you saying? I was just going to say, I mean, he's right, but it's not a news story. No. Well, what does he even say? But we saying we lived. Oh, I was going through that I guess we didn't because the nine didn't move to I Was like we lived in the 90s. Oh Yes, we did. We're past nine We're post. Well, we okay. We lived in the two thousands and then zero

Yeah, it was always there the two. It's the two now. The two took over from the nine. Two is the new nine. Two is the new nine. A woman is woman's worst enemy. Guys, I'm a man, brother. I was saying it for years. I'm out. Woman on woman crime.

We never talk about the woman on a woman. We don't. We really don't. And it's a thing like the right way. You're right. The right wing group, when they see this thing, I think these guys are all right. I don't hate these guys. I mean, they're off on Elon, but they get it. In a civilized way, some of them seem to have declared war on

themselves for every time she strikes a blow at another woman, it is done with a moral boomerang that comes back and hits the offender. What is this? This is just absolute. To think that 1890s women is the woman is the enemy of another woman in the 1890s. That's the problem. It's other women. Yeah. Yeah. As opposed to guys who were like, no pants.

Women can't wear pants. A man does not with a cold eye and critical bearing stare at the made over dress or ask personal questions that make the tears come to somebody's eyes and cause a sharp pain in somebody's heart. Men. Okay. So I think every story before this been men committing horrible crimes. Okay. That's different.

They're the victims of that situation. They had that's different. They're the victims of that situation. They had to. Yeah. Yeah. But not with the not with the vicious words. You know what I mean? Like men are more caring. We literally read an article about a man who wrote mean words to a woman and mailed it to her. What time? words to a woman and mailed it to her. One time. Yeah, I mean, I was exploring.

It's a nature nurture. Yeah, he was. It's a nature nurture. And it's a whole that guy. We don't know much. We just only heard a slice of that story. She could have been. She didn't have a good sense of humor.

Yeah. So. Women fight with each other all together too much with the needle of envy, hatred, malice and uncharitable this dipped in the poison of scandal. Hey, did a guy write this article? Do you have a name here? Yeah, you do. That's weird. This is so vague. This is so vague. I know.

In many ways, paperback pens were just like white dudes' journals. And it was just kind of them just overall just going, yeah. Yeah. I feel like you're saying to your wife like, hey, honey, look at this article over here. Oh my God. That's why it was written just for guys to be like, look at that. You're awful. You know how bad you all are? There's a lot of Divorce Dad energy to 1800s papers. Yeah, right. Yeah. A lot. Yeah. Um, a very peculiar animal. A. The woman.

A can teeny of Fargo, North Dakota, has a curiosity in an animal about the size of a rat and a tan terrier. I think that's a guy's name. A cantini. A cantini? Yeah. Oh, we're probably an Italian fella. Easy does it, Dave. What? I said it all right. Take it easy, buddy. Well, we're book...

All right. Take it easy, buddy. Well, we're we're we're book. We're book. No, what's the fucking? Can't even think of the word book ending. Yeah, we're book ending. Yeah. We're going to get some racism here. Use a book term and.

Not be able to piece it together. It is not great, is it? Well, what we're possible going to turn the the thing that's in a book what the fuck is this This price the paper the book paper the shit in the book that you flip Fuck Morning you David I'm still doing this one. Oh, sorry has a Curiosity in an animal about the size of a rat and tan terrier. So this guy it has in an animal about the size of a rat and tan terrier. So this guy, he has an animal. It is a cross between- Why not call it a rat terrier?

Or a tan, no. It is a cross between a rat, a pig, and a kangaroo. All right. Stop. What are we doing? Well, they do say the first time the guy picked up the platypus, he thought someone was pranking him. The first time- Is that true? do say the first time the guy picked up the platypus, he thought like someone was pranking him.

The first. Is that true? Yeah. The guy, the first time the Australian guy picked up a platypus, he was like, all right, who's doing you trying to hold one over? What is that? Is that's the craziest animal on Earth? It's up there. It's it's a beak on a otter. It's fucking nuts.

It's not OK. Can you play with them or are they like, I thought I read like they're I read that they're like poisonous. I think you can't touch them. What? You say it. I do think they're poisonous. Yes, I know. I was supposed to touch them. Well, it also makes that guy think it was a prank the first time he picked it up. Yeah, I'm quite woozy.

Oh, I'm dying from the purple dark. I'm putting a bill on an order. I try. He's gone. I can't believe I know it lays eggs, but. Yeah, and the eggs is not helpful in the. Yeah, the whole thing is it's. Oh, shit. Yeah, right. The spurs of a mature adult male

are designed to inject venom produced by paired glands located in the upper thigh. Platypus venom is a clear. It's where you're gonna touch it if you pick one up. Yeah. Definitely going up. Platypus venom is a clear, sticky fluid containing a different suite of active compounds.

You move up my thigh, I got a clear sticky fluid. He different suite of active compounds. He's got the mouth of a duck and the cum of a man. The mouth of the duck and the cum of the Weinstein. The first time the guy picked it up, he thinks it's fake. And then it's like, come on. And he's like, what? And then he dies. What a life. What an end. Oh, OK. By the way of compromise, it is called the Honduras rabbit. OK, what are you guys doing?

It's just knocking on the door of racist every chance. Which it the least resembles. It was brought from Honduras. No shit. Oh, you know what? It's is it. Do you think it's the Capybara thing? I can't even picture the things you've said so far.

Me trying to imagine it has I stopped trying. Mr. Cantini keeps his pet in a large cage, occasionally letting it out for exercise when it scampers about the rooms, hunting dark corridors to hide in when strangers are around. This is... Oh, it's like a cat. It's a cat. No, this is like what, yeah, this is like, this is like in Florida where someone just houses something. This is like Tiger King. It slices the jacket from the fruit like a patent apple core, eating only the heart for which it seems to have a particular.

Pensioned. That's it. That's the story that is fucking that is. It's got to be a cap of bird. That's all I wanted to know frankly Well a solid way to end a very strange trip into Cal I want to go to Kalamazoo more than I did before this paper. I'll be honest Mm-hmm. So it's upsetting. It's not good, but My understanding is there's no women left. Why would there be?

Well, that's it, John Marco. So thank you for joining us. Yeah. Thoughts on 1890s and I thought I think it was great. That was a good way to stop the final part of a book series. What do you call that? A fucking the thing where they do a bunch of them.

Book books, books, books, Nazium. Right. Finale zone thing. The finale book finale final books. And I don't think of books. The last one, you know, we should put the thing that reminds you where you're going to start. Yeah, the book start to start the book and then the part.

And then you have the reverse to start a start to try. Look, starting stoppers. And then you go to the trots, trots, kob, trots, koob, trots, koob. Either way, three straight whites doing the work of gods on this show. People could just Google you and go watch you on tour in Europe for a month. Very funny comedian. Really funny. Very funny comedian. Really funny. Very funny.

Thank you. You're one of the few people on Twitter who's still finding ways to crush. Funny? Yep, funny. So a great follow, a great guest. People say, I have the moves of Flamingo and the come of a Fully Crowned man. That's right. See, I thought there might be a twist, but there you go. That's good. The twist is no twist.

Thank you for joining us, man. Very appreciative. Thanks, guys. Hey, dollop fans, I know you love the dollop, you love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So if you want to go watch a five-part animation Which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode I can't remember of the Rube you can go to lakeside animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome Animation of the Rube it it really genuinely kicks ass And we're very proud of it and the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.