The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 13 - Colonial Teeth

Episode Date: July 21, 2014

Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds discuss the teeth and the caring of teeth in colonial America.Tour DatesSources - Main - "George Washington - A Dental Victim" by Barbara Glover on AmericanRevolution.org Dollop Merch Patreon

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virgins go to mingle. And do what? Pray. Boing? Whoa. What? You said you wanted some kind of. Well, what? No, what? Boing. What did I say? You said you wanted some sort of you want some sort of better better signal that the podcast has started. I said that months ago. Right. And it took some time to develop. I know now. I know it took some time to develop an appropriate opening. How long did it take to come up with boing? About four weeks. Wow. It's really good. Shit doesn't happen fast in the dot. You're not part of the what you are is just like. I hate this already. Talking about it. I hate your tone. There's a whole brain center there. A nerve

center. Brain center where all of the knowledge and the dollop is constructed. And then it's put into a large truck and it's driven over to you who are you're basically it's like it's like taking art to a clown. I mean, you know what it actually is. I think you just phrase that so well that I can't argue that it is taking art to a clown. If you do enjoy the dollop, please leave a review on iTunes. We have a Facebook page. We have Twitter thingamajig. Mm hmm. We got new art. And thank the gentleman who made the art. Yeah, that was very cool. So it's all good. It's all happening to a clown. We're doing well in Australia. Yes. America less so. Listen, I've always said we're Australian. Fuck, it just went away. As soon as I pick it up. Boing. So this is an uncomfortable one. Well, that's because it's entitled teeth. Or maybe I shouldn't title it colonial dentistry. Oh boy. Well, now with the two that the two facts I have are terrifying. colonial dentistry. Yeah, because I ran across a picture of George

Washington's dentures. And then I was like, what in the fuck is happening? And then I just tracked all this down. Did Dennis freak you out? Are you a dentist? No, I don't think they freak me out. I mean, no, no, I've had bad I've had a dentist break a drill in my mouth once. Oh, fuck, what? Yeah, I went to a dentist above a liquor store when I was pretty broke. Was it called colonial dentistry? Yeah. Great place. I can't believe we're doing a whole dollop on one place. Yeah, but I'm not I'm still not terrified. I'm still I'm scared of the drilling because I was once drilled on without novocaine. Like they gave me a shot. It didn't work because I was such a pot smoker. Really? Yeah, apparently a pot smoke can affect novocaine is what I was told then. So anyway, they drilled on me and, you know, and then you also so they have the drill in your mouth and they're drilling. And there's the smell and also you feel horrible pain. It's like, you don't want to jump up and go because there's

a drilling. So so so I'm a little bit and I think that's what it was like back then. It sounds like it was probably far worse. Yeah, we're gonna. Yeah. Maybe not as worse as liquor store. It's basically a shocking nightmare. This is how I would describe it. But this is this is a time when people people didn't take baths like back then until the 19th century, people thought that a bath is what would give you disease. I mean, and particularly a naked bath. So if people did take a bath, they would do it with their clothes on. They wouldn't because they thought that hot water against their skin. I can't believe there was a time when logic just no, it was a time when everything that was right, you didn't do. Right? Yeah, but don't you think there would be like a I mean, I mean, I guess if you're just told don't take baths because right, get sick, you're like, well, I can't take a fucking bath. But you think somebody would stumble upon that? I'm sure somebody didn't. And then

somebody tried to convince people for 100 years. Yeah, come on. Seriously, guys, I'm in it right now. It's fine. I'm okay. Shoot him. Shoot him. That's why whatever you see the I don't know exactly when the Wild West was like 1740 or something. Sure. Or maybe it was later than that. But whenever you see those guys, so it must have been like late 1770s. But when you see those guys, they always want a hot bath. That wasn't what was happening. No, yeah, you mean like movies? Yeah, it's always like a hot bath. Yeah, no. No whiskey whiskey and a wet rag. A soapy rag. I'm not going to be eaten by demons tonight. So people were fucking gross. Yeah, it was a imagine how much everybody smelled and just picked now just picture two 50 year olds who have never taken a bath just humping away. Oh, that was that's life. Wow. That's colonial life. I hate it. If they even live that long. So when people just pull up positive. Well, you've I wait until we get to the

end of this. When people from Europe first came in the 1600s, their medical practices were crude, to say the least. They had a lot of theories about medicine and dentistry. But mostly they were just like trial and error. Hey, did that work? Nope. Nope. Well, it sort of did. Maybe I should do it again. Warmer. Getting warmer. So it was mostly based on myths and superstition and theories and one that held on that's my favorite that came from like, I want to say like the ancient Egyptians, was that worms got into your mouth through food and went into your teeth. And that's what was causing. Oh, wow. And that that lasted until the mid 1700s. Fucking worms. Oh, it hurts. What do you got? You got worms? You got mouthworms. Boy, those are the worst. What did you eat? What did you eat that gave your mouth worms? I had figs. Oh, you can't eat figs. Worms in your mouth. Oh, boy, man. You

sure it's worms? Yeah, have a handful of this gravel. Worms, worms aren't in gravel, man, they'll get you if you eat food, man. Yeah, but what about the dying thing? Yeah, what about it? No, don't, you'll be, listen, just don't take a bath and you're going to live forever. Okay. All right, my man. You're a smart man. I'm a genius. It was quite a common for early settlers to lose their teeth in their 20s and 30s. So by the time they got to like mid 30, they were toothless. Cool. Just gum in it. That's cool. Just gum in the shit out of it. Yeah, just turn 30. Just turn 30 or don't. So when people began to colonize America, the country was not exactly built up. So in the first people got here, it wasn't like when they left London, where they were like shops and you get the food you get the food you wanted and get everything you know, you can go down to the butcher and whatever, you know, like they had back then. Instead, it was

just like, oh, forest. And it's not a plane right away anymore. So you're like, well, fuck it, I'm not going back. No, you're I can't believe we survived that. But what a bad move we've made. Holy shit. So it would be like me or you going to live in the Amazon, right? Like right now, just like, hey, let's go see how this goes. All right, whoop, that bit me. Bye guys. Bit me. So, you know, so now they basically ate corn, right? Like the first people that got here for like years, just a corn. Well, that's cool. So yeah. I mean, maybe you got a hand cream for something else over the years, maybe. I don't know. Well, no, but it's not even that they're hanging for it. Like they were so they were so just trying to stay alive with like, because they had to build a house when they got here. It's not like they were all the butcher shop. Just shut up and eat your corn. Where's the cobbler? Shut up. Just eat your bloody corn.

You know, they would do because everything they were doing was like, first of all, a lot of them came here, like the Jamestown people came here and they were supposed to find gold. Yeah. So they just all went out looking for gold and the company that sent them here was like, you better get fucking gold. And they were finding any gold and they just kept looking harder. And in the meantime, they just using to bother supplies and also they're like, Oh, we're out of food. Yeah. Oh, fuck me. That's a shame. Oh, we kind of blew that. Well, so yeah, so it was just corn, corn, corn. So they were shitty nutrition. Yeah. Which needs to shitty teeth. Right. Because you're not, you're just not getting what I know. What do you need for teeth? What do you? What's a good tooth food? Worms.

Great turns out. They were wrong. So then when English people, this is the here's the the hugest switch room of all time. Okay. So when people have been here for like 50 years or whatever, when English people would come over, the first thing to be horrified by were the Americans teeth. Oh, wow. God damn role reversal we have, huh? Like they're like penning letters back. Say what you will. America won that race. The tooth race, America won. Victory, sweet victory. Did they send their teeth home? Is that what happened? They're good teeth or they're bad teeth. They're shitty American teeth. I don't know if they sent them home. Where's home? England. Yeah. Are you saying like as like a scare, like this is what it's like here. You send

a tooth maybe now just with the teeth were coming out. I bet they fucking were. So they didn't have like like luxuries like toothbrushes. Like that's that's like a luxury. So people literally weren't doing anything on their teeth. Yeah. No, well, was there any was there like a teeny tiny bit? What like just some like some of them will put a tooth powder on a rag and rub it on their teeth. Oh, cool. So tooth rag powder gets the worms out. I mean, you're just trying to stay alive. Yes, true. So in regular dudes who brush their teeth, apparently, we're called like you're a queer like, you know what I mean? Like, look at him with all of his teeth. That's weird. Hey, pretty teeth. Hey, pretty teeth. Where's your boyfriend duty? Let's break the shit out of him. He's being a very beautiful gay teeth. So that's like regular folk. But then there were the

Richie riches who did who indulged and did have what they what they needed, you know, but they didn't have like none of there was no dentists. Yeah. Dennis didn't exist yet. Okay. So it was like you would go mostly they would go to the barber. I'm sorry. Just a little off the tooth. He would the barber would cut your hair and then polish your teeth. I wish they still did that. But he would use like horrible substances. Oh, cool. Like what about some gravel? Like they would literally use like really hard stuff that would take your comb water. I bet. Yeah. Yeah. So it was terrible. That's cool. Poor people would just wipe their teeth with tooth powder with a sprinkled on some cloth. Oh, right. So next year, you're there's your bucket of water. Yep. And then right next to that is a

rag that's your tooth rag. And you pick that up. Hold on, honey. I'm gonna do you go back to you go back to making love to your wife. Jesus. Doesn't sound like a good time. No, there was no do you remember the odors that were coming from these people's mouths? And it would probably cut through the odor that was coming off their body. Oh, gosh, just the stink tornado coming out of them. We would not if we were transported in time, we would not last three minutes because of the odors coming off of people. God, that I mean, somebody should really take advantage of that and like a time travel movie. Yeah, really, just nobody ever takes advantage. No one ever acts like anybody. What does that smell? Get back at the goddamn time machine. I mean, you know, when you walk back,

like you walk past a homeless dude who hasn't bathed. Yeah. And sometimes you get hit with a smell that you almost vomit. Sometimes you'll be on a train in New York. And there will be a homeless guy on the train. And you'll be like in you'll be indoors. Yeah, having to smell and not vomit. Yeah. And just try to be like, it's unbelievable. It's crazy what the body can do. Okay, so that is all of Boston. So then so these people would obviously get two things. I'm willing to bet that happened, which were unbearable. Oh, the worms. Oh, the worms. And there were home remedies, which were all bullshit, you know, rub some mint on it and stuff like that. What's your friend? Have you? Have you seen this tree? Go ahead and rub your teeth against

it. Run around your home. There were guys selling fake potions, which, you know, were total horseshit. I think I might have been one of those guys on that time. You were an elixir guy. Well, I think I might have been a fake potion guy. Well, why wouldn't you? Because you could just throw a bunch of shit in a bottle that you had around. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing today. It's called an invalid evangelist cool preacher. Yes. But then you'd have to get out of town. True. You couldn't sell the elixir and kick it. No, no, no, no, you move. Yeah. Yeah. You keep going. So, and then they're also using acids. Oh, wow. Which actually causes dental decay. What was going to say? What acids are? I don't know what kind of acids they're using. But in America,

but in Europe, they were much more advanced with dental practices. So there was actually a French guy who was who was like considered the father of a modern dentistry. Monsieur Tooth. Oh, oh, we sorry. See we. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, what, you're pouring one on what? No. Burns the worms out. They had herbal remedies for the pain, but you know, nothing worked. And as we established in our vampire episode, common American people in this time were superstitious doctors and dentists. So they preferred to deal with their teeth the old fashioned way and just have them removed. So if you're too started to hurt, you took her out. Okay, now they didn't have anything. I already, I see the crest. And I don't like it. I mean,

basically, because like if you never brushed all of your teeth with hurt, right? Like every tooth. So everybody's, everyone had painful teeth. Like that was just how you existed. You're just walking on going, oh, fuck me. How are you? Mouth's killing me. You mouth is just fucking on fire right now. Anyway, see you later. Good to see you, Joe. Good to see you, man. God, I fucking hate my teeth. And then one would get so bad, you'd be like, yank it, yank it, yank it. And then you'd have that one yanked out. But there were no dentists, remember? Okay, so let me ask you a question. I don't want you to ask it. Let me ask you a question. Okay. Now you have a tooth that has to come out. Yep. No, there's no dentists. Where do you, where'd he go? Probably the barber.

Sometimes. No. All right. Most commonly the blacksmith. Oh, Jesus Christ. Wrong. Because he had metal tools. But he's a blacksmith. He's the pounding iron. Not the gentle procedure for a mouth. Yeah, but he understands metal and the hard things. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Let me just put this sword in your mouth. Other metal workers are good. Silver workers. They did use the barber. The barber was a frequent tooth puller. Because you know, he had no way to give a shave. And yeah, so he has two skills. Take out a tooth. Yep. And then then apothecaries, which is basically a pharmacist, right? Yeah, like a, I mean, yeah. Not not one that knew what it was doing. They were doing. Oh, no. No, not at all. Sure. Yeah, I could do that for like 10 bucks, I guess. Like shove

this up your ass and run. Oh, well, take two of these. Precent teachers also. So can I just say everybody? Everybody would pull your teeth. Anybody that you were like, you know, some stuff, right? About some things. Yeah. Yeah. Hey bartender, a shot of whiskey. Are you yanked this one out? In 1735, James Mills ran an ad in the New York Weekly Journal, quote, teeth drawn and old stumps taken out safely, instructed in the art by the late James reading deceased stumps. Mills is to be spoke with at his shop in the house of the deceased near Old Slipmarket. Wait, so he was taught how to pull teeth by James reading and stumps. And well, I get we'll get to why there's stumps. And then but he took over, he took over James's old spot.

So he's like, come to the dead man's house and I shall speak to you. Oh, gosh, what a great, I mean, that ad. We should run that now. It's the worst ad ever. It's really not. We should put that on Craigslist. Oh, my God. Someone would be like, where are you located? Ready to meet up? You'd be like, you dumbass. That's really weird, though. Yeah, it's super weird. Common practice of the day included sitting the patient on the ground, the floor or holding him between the operator's knees. Oh, my God. So they would just like crotch your face. Yeah, because they if you move around too much, yeah, so they'd have to. Well, I don't know if it was technically called crotching your face. No, no, no. That's what I'm bringing to the table. It was called that. Okay,

so yeah, they would crotch your face. Thank you for respecting my knowledge. You got it. Remember, art to a clown. There was a method that people use to extract teeth themselves. Oh, it better be cute with a door handle and some string. It involved a tool called a dental key, also called the English key. It actually looked similar to a large metal key with a type of claw at the end. The cloud placed over the tooth and tightened. Then the person would turn the key to remove the tooth. This is a very rough method. It's usually involved in experienced people. Like your dad would help you out or whatever. Often that usually the teeth would break or the jaws would be broken. Oh, my God. Why is that even around then? So why is that an option? Why the fuck are they?

Because you're desperate. But but desperate enough to ruin your jaw. Yeah, but what's the no, yeah, you're in so much pain. You couldn't go. Okay, so so so we know that there's an item out there that's breaking jaws. Yeah, but do you you also know that for some people it's worked? Yes, but you also know that literally everybody as a side job pulls teeth. But everybody has that hobby. Yeah, but in your family, there's this key that breaks your jaw, your aunt used. And it worked really great on her now dead. Yeah, vampire kid. It's that you guys dug up that we ate his heart set on fire. We're gonna eat egg raises heart and then we can yank that teeth out, huh? What do you think? Yeah. And there's no anesthetic, obviously. So you're just doing this.

No, you're just turning a key. Yeah, you turn the key and then the tooth cracks and you're like better. Well, no, no, it's in half now. It's in half and harder to get at. It's only that's what a stump is obviously is the I would think so. Yeah, that's what I think was something to be a cracked tooth. One a keen tooth, half tooth. What we would put on, we would put on something known as a crown these days. Yes. Back then they would just try to keep worms out of us. So tale of two times. Oh, God, you ain't fix. Yeah. Oh, no. Not with a stump. Oh, Lord. Oh, man. Oh, Jimmy. Jimmy's gonna die. Where Jimmy's dead. He's got to wear a mask. Oh, she's. Oh, boy. It was only about the end of the eighth century that dental practitioners joined the settlers from Europe. So at the 18th

century. Yeah, at the end of the 18th century is finally when people who were like, what you would call Dennis came, but still not not ideal. Well, they're just weren't a lot of Dennis. If you were a dentist and you're living in Paris, why the fuck would you go to crazy America? I mean, I this is why I would go because there's not a dentist here. But you got to understand that most of the people coming here were fucking nuts. Yes. Well, you've proven that like not. Yeah. Not. Yeah. Like Australia, they were all prisoners who were sent there. Right. They weren't they weren't nuts. In America, they were just the fucking lunatics bailing. Yeah. No, they they're yeah, freedom isn't free. That's what we've always said, right, Dave? I mean, I guess. There's a cost. But the Dennis at that point,

so they got here, they wouldn't set up shop, they would just be traveling around pulling teeth, they were like on the move. Well, they were like the Beatles. But they weren't just Dennis. They were they were like practitioners. So they were they knew about dentistry. But they also they also extracted teeth and performed minor surgery. They would cut hair. And they'd apply leeches and perform in bombing. So they were like, so you like pull up in your van. What do you need? You got a body or after leeches teeth? What are we doing today? How are we feeling? What do you guys want to do? We juice in the dead guy? We saving the guy? What are we doing dentistry? Got it all. Maybe I can give you some bangs. I don't know. I'm just thinking I'm just spit balling

here. I don't know. You heard of the Rachel? If you heard of the Rachel, you're gonna love it. So James Daniel was a Boston hairdresser by trade. Mm hmm. Well, we all know in those times, there was a huge crossover. But I think was the gateway to dentistry. But he passed in a he placed an ad in 1766, offering to operate on teeth. It was not uncommon for early dentists to have one trade and to do dentistry on the side because of the advances in Europe, who were way ahead. So they're way ahead at dentistry, right? And we're way behind. So we were just like, fuck it, we just won't even try. But people started to know that you shouldn't eat sugary foods. Okay. And tobacco would stain your teeth. So those are two things. And like this point in 1700s,

we slowly caught on. That's good. Those are good. You've got something. No, actually, so advances started to be made in Europe. John Hunter of England, in the 1700s, came up with the idea of transplanting human teeth. Transplanting teeth? So he would pay people to come in and donate their teeth. Okay. All right. So so walk me through why this is a good plan. Okay. Because well, the people need teeth, right? So people have teeth. It's like a kidney donation. So he'll take their teeth? Yeah. Yeah. So he take so basically he's give them to other people, but then those people that he took the teeth from, they don't have the teeth anymore. Okay. Do you know, do you know what Republicans

are? Okay. So I feel like this was an early Republican. So so he would take stuff out of poor people and put it in rich people. I mean, the difference there is is really only wealth, right? I would say, yeah, that's nobody who's just like, Oh, yeah. Oh, I need teeth now. Take them from that guy. That guy's like, here, take them. Oh, I need teeth. Just plugging a damn. Fucked up with our world. Why are people avoiding baths? I'd be like, I want to die. I'm going in the fucking tub. That's how somebody finally discovered that bathing thing was okay. You're like, fuck this world. Hey, guys, I don't stink and I'm fine. So you would. So if you went in to get a tooth that had been recently donated,

donated as a cute term, they would tie it to the other teeth, tie it. Well, yeah, they used metal to tie teeth together. Okay. So they would kind of band the donated tooth to your other teeth. Okay. Uh-oh. He would, he would jam the new tooth in your tooth, in your old tooth hole. Oh, that's a shame. Sometimes called a socket. Yeah. Well, we all know how teeth... But I say tooth hole because there's no way they were saying socket. Well, teeth are like Legos. You just got to hear the click. Yeah, I got that one. All right, that one's in. Feels good. There you go. Oh, oddly, they didn't, they didn't last that long.

What? No, wait, wait, wait. You don't have to go back and get new teeth in like three or four months. I don't understand it. I just put one in and it went hard to go. You put it in the flesh. Hard to go click. Click like a Lego. We're good to go. So then this caught on in America. Okay. Naturally. Children were lured to have their teeth extracted for the benefit of the wealthy in exchange for a few shillings. So they were having kids come in and yanking kids' teeth and giving them and putting them in rich people's mouths. You okay? Yeah. There is an ad in New York City's... By the way, I mean no. No. There is an ad in New York City's Riverton's Royal Gazette that offered

four guineas for each sound front tooth. Another ad stated most money given for teeth. Your front fucking teeth. Yeah. Well, you still got the back one so you can still chew and stuff. You can still eat. You just will look crazy. But I guess like if nobody had teeth, then... So the only people who actually have teeth that look good are rich people. Rich people, yeah. And so if you're poor, you're like, yeah, I don't need teeth. I mean, I know you're explaining. It doesn't matter. Well, I just... I can't fathom saying, yeah, I don't need teeth. If no one else you know has teeth, you go on to do the naughty show on a Tuesday night.

Vicki doesn't have teeth and Sam doesn't have teeth. Nobody has teeth. I mean, we're pretty close to that, but nobody has teeth. Then you're like, why do I need teeth? Okay. Okay. During the American Revolution, you ready? Scavengers would rob graves for teeth to be used as dentures. Okay. Now, but this is what I'll say. That makes more sense to me. That does make more sense to me. I know. No, it doesn't because... You can't argue that it doesn't make less sense to me. Yeah, because you're taking a tooth from a guy that's been in the ground for like a year or

something? Well, not a year, but this is... Well, you say that like you know, but you know... This is why I'm running for Congress in 1760. But what you could, like somebody dies. I mean, look, they're eating their fucking hearts. Just take some fucking teeth out of the dead guy and start attaching them to people. That way everybody has teeth. Fair argument. Fuck. I mean, I just can't imagine taking it out and going, want to pop this in your head? Yeah. May I put this in your head? Here you go. So after a while, they realized that the socket thing wasn't working. Just cramming

into a socket. Oh. And they started using different materials. Different to... Well, so they started, they started using like ivory or bone as a denture. Okay. So you'd pop it in the denture instead of in the socket. Okay. So that's not bad, right? I mean, it's, we're getting warmer. It doesn't end horrible.

Okay. But using teeth which were donated, went on for a long time or not donated. After the battle of Waterloo, dudes swarmed over the dead and yanked out all their teeth. That's what I'm talking about. Which were then brought to Dennis and turned into dentures. And for decades after Waterloo, Dennis advertised dentures made of Waterloo teeth. Oh, god. See, they've taken my idea. They've just ruined it.

Just take the teeth. Let's just be coy about it. They're like, Waterloo teeth are in. They're like, they're better than other dead guys teeth. Come get a Waterloo tooth. He may have lost the battle, but he won the teeth war. You know, your great grandfather left with 95 teeth. So in the mid 1700s, in the American colonies, Dennis began in planting dentures and bridges. So we're, we're moving up.

Yes, yes. We're moving up. I mean, we're still have a long way to go. Paul Revere. Paul Revere. Everyone knows Paul Revere. For those who don't know, the, the, someone held up some lights and said, if there's two lights, the British are coming, the British are coming if there's one light,

it's safe. So Paul Revere was supposed to have been on a horse and rode through all the towns and screamed the British are coming. And then all the, all the men and men came out and fought them. In reality, he was stopped and told to go home. Yeah. But that's the, that's our, that's our little. He was a dentist.

Really? Or he was, I should say he was a silversmith. Well, that's the same thing. It turns out a silversmith. So he's a hoity-toity blacksmith. So he did a little, yeah. He's a hoity-toity blacksmith who did dentistry on the side because he worked with metals. Anybody who worked with metals?

Well, and because everybody did dentistry on the side. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Really? Seriously. Everyone. Everybody, everybody did dentistry on the side. Yeah.

But if you can make a little bucks by yanking someone's tooth, wouldn't you do it? I would do it. I just think we're heading towards having, needing an occupation. Yes. Yes. For the first time in the 18th century began the proper extraction of teeth. Letting a ghost do it. Of course.

Modern medicine. False teeth did not just come from humans. Okay. You're also made from bone. All right. Various animals, especially sheep. Okay. That's definitely, definitely weird.

I've read from Walrus. Elephants are hippopotamus. Okay. So, yes. So they use cow teeth and sheep teeth. So you'd have like a... I'm sorry. Wait.

I thought you meant they were using bone. They're bone. Oh, no. They were using their teeth. No, they used their teeth also. Cow teeth. Yeah. Get on board.

So, so you there. So you would maybe have cow teeth. You would have cow teeth. I can have a couple of little goat teeth in there. And um... Well, if you can't afford the Waterloo teeth, they'd be like, well, on the second shelf we have goat teeth. We actually have a plan that I think

would maybe be a little better for you guys. Here you go. How about one huge hippo tooth? Take up your whole mouth. Just be like a big marshmallow tooth right in the middle of your fucking face. Like I said, these Waterloo teeth are great. I'd love to see those in you.

But if we can't do that, I think maybe you go with hippo. Yeah, go hippo or a horse. A horse might be good on you. A horse tooth. I mean, that's like a derogatory thing. If you say someone has like a horse... If you say yeah, like Nancy Kerrigan

had a horse face or whatever. Horse face. Yeah. So, so it turns out that might be, that might be the history of the Kerrigans. It could be. It probably is. It's all horrible.

Thank you. John Flagg was a Bostonian and the first Native-born American dentist who exclusively prepared for the profession. So this is in the late 1700s. America has its first American-born actual dentist. Yes, it's time. In 1790, he constructed the first chair

made for dental patients. Oh, okay. So up until 1790, it was like, just go ahead and lay down. Crotch in the face. Of course it was. Good crotch. Sit in this chair.

It had, it was adjustable and it had an arm to hold instruments. But don't you think you would miss having a non-bathed dentist crotch in your face? I mean... You can't. I miss it now. Takes me back to home.

Oh, the double smell. My mouth and your groin. You'd pass out. That's how it works. Fucking knock yourself out. I imagine most of these people passed out with the other toothy-anked, right? The pain has to be extraordinary.

Yeah. But at that point, people were just probably like, yeah, you feel a little bit of a sting, but you'll be okay. It's a little bit of a hurt. You feel a little bit of a sting, then you put a little whiskey, and then you'll be okay.

Then you put a horseshoot in your mouth. George Washington's dentist, John Greenwood, invented the first known dental foot engine. Dental foot engine? In 1790... Choo-choo? Greenwood adopted his mother's foot treadle, spinning wheel, to rotate a drill.

Oh. Greenwood's dentist son continues to use the drill, but no one else did, so... So he was using the little foot... The little foot-tapper? Hours. Oh, my God. It must have been really slow and painful.

It must have been like, my calf's burning. He'd be like, my fucking mouth. He's gonna take a breather. All right, so he was a famous dentist, and he was George Washington's dentist, so let's talk about George Washington. Well, yeah, okay.

Because that's what got us here in the first place. Yeah. Well, at some point... Oh, man. At some point, they used wood. I mean, what's your image of George Washington? Well, you know, I mean... We're grown up to act like he's almost as mythical.

He's our first president. He doesn't. He's Santa. He doesn't lie. He's like this perfect guy who does everything right. Perfect guy. Yes. And, yeah, so to us, the way we're brought up, it's like...

He's the found... I mean, I would say, when you think of the founding fathers, you really think of him. He's the first guy. Yeah, he's the guy. Okay, so he's America's first president. He's really, really, really rich. Yeah.

If he were alive today, he'd be worth an estimated $525 million. Okay. So, middle class. His Virginia plantation, Mount Vernon, consisted of five separate farms on 8,000 acres of prime farmland run by over 300 slaves. His wife, Martha, inherited significant property from her father. He made much more than other presidents.

His salary was 2% of the total U.S. budget. What the fuck? So, he made an awesome contract. Yeah. And after that was like, we should just... Uh, no, no. ...do that salary thing. You know, if that was a bad...

That was... Who made that mistake? That was a... That's weird, because he came up with it, because he was the first one. Ta-ta! Farewell, boys. I'm running away on my gold pony. So, he had the best dentist care there was. Yes, that makes sense.

Now, remember, everyone growing up, the rumor was... Well, that's what I'm wondering. ...that he had wooden teeth. Yeah. He did not have wooden teeth. Okay. That's a total lie. Because I was gonna say, it feels like at this point,

we've passed wooden teeth. No, wooden teeth would be horrible. That's just not good. No, you would be replacing them every day. Oh, just mouth splinters? No, at no point in any of my readings did I come across wooden teeth. Wooden teeth were not a thing. Unless someone did it at home.

Like, I would like to, for one day, have teeth. Well, give him wood teeth. He's dying. His wish, I don't know. I'm pretty weird. So, but we actually have a shitload of documentation about... Like, he's the perfect tooth guy. He's the perfect guy to explain to us what was going on back then

for rich people. Right. Because he is the president, so everything he did was documented. Okay. All right. So, Washington had a long history of illness. This is insane. In 1751, he wrote of having smallpox.

The following year, he complained that he had a bout of violent pleurice. Pleurice? As a young lieutenant colonel in 1755, serving with General Braddock in the French and Indian War, he suffered pain in the head and dysentery. In 1761, when he was 29, and back in Mount Vernon, he got break bone fever, now known as dengue fever. Oh, my God!

Characterized as a headache fever and severe muscles and joint pain. Over the ensuing years, there were attacks of malaria, flu, and rheumat... Jesus. ...hermetic. What the fuck? So, he was a fucking mess. He was a mess. How the fuck did he get dengue fever?

I just think he got all kinds of shit back. What do they call it? Busted bone? If he was in the French and Indian War, I assume he went somewhere. I mean, I can't believe that... It feels like your bones are breaking when you have that. Yeah, but that's still around. Yeah.

Yeah, so what? So, it's still fucked up. I mean, it must be those worms. So, he was a mess, and he received the standard medical treatments of the day, which, the prevailing one, was a heavy dose of kalamal, which is a mercury chloride solution. Oh, sweet. Oh, my God.

Mercury was the number one. When you got syphilis back then, you banged back the mercury. This is crazy. But, apparently it turns out, terrible for your teeth. It really, there must be also something with the time that they're just so fucking gross, and their immune systems must have just been pretty strong, honestly. I would imagine. So, they must have been able to drink a little mercury here and there.

Have a little nip of mercury. Give me a whiskey and a mercury. Of American water. I just saw your lady upstairs. I'll take a jar of mercury. Throw some mercury at him. He'll feel better. Well, there's a story of Lewis and Clark near the end of their journey, where they went to

stay with some tribe, and they paid to fuck the squaws, and then they all got horrible. They all got syphilis, but then they just took mercury, but then they'd fuck him again. They just kept taking mercury. Really, just hitting that mercury. Really, using that mercury is a crutch. But, not only going down, would it be problematic, but coming up because Calamol would make patients throw up in order to release their body from impurities,

which is also really bad for your teeth. When you throw up, the acid comes out of your stomach. So, it's making that, not only is it bad going just for the teeth in general, but then you're vomiting back up it. So, you're just... It's just a good medicine. It's what the mouth calls a win-win. Back then, Calamol was given to patients in such great quantities that their hair and teeth fell out. Jesus Christ.

You feel better now, Bobby? No. I feel less. Can I get a walrus tooth? All my teeth fell out. So, the Calamol led to dental problems beginning when Washington was 22. Over the next 35 years, he would lose all of his teeth, despite daily brushing, using a dentifice and mouthwash.

Washington's toilet set contained a silver toothbrush and a tongue scraper with a silver tooth powder case, and it can still be seen at Mount Vernon. A little fancy boy, huh? Oh, yeah. Well, he's one of the richest guys in the country. If I see someone with a tongue scraper now, I'm like, ooh-la-la, fucking 1700s. He's fucking scraping his tongue.

Okay, this is where it's known. So, tooth powders were cocaine. Were made from roots and herbs, burnt bread, tobacco, and pumice. Hummus' brother? Pumice. And borax. Oh, my God. What the... Wait, what's pumice?

Pumice is a rock that floats. It's a volcanic rock that is light enough that it floats, so you can break it down. So you're just ingesting. So rich people, while getting dentistry, were being given shit that took all the enamel off their teeth. So he was scrubbing his teeth with rocks. Oh, that feels good. I got that fresh from the blacksmith feeling. Oh, man.

No, I just scrubbed my teeth and felt like I went down to the quarry. It's nice. I lost my toothbrush, so I had to go eat a rock. So I feel good. It's just... He probably used solutions with herbs and resins and balsam as mouthwash. So he also had mouthwash. Yummy.

Salt, wine, and vinegar could also be used to add it to water for the rinsing of the mouth. Makes a little more sense. Yeah, wine? Vinegar. I know wine used to purify water. Yeah, I mean, at this point we're not thinking of like, how is... Are you going to smell like vinegar? It's like, can we kill that fucking horse shit coming out of your face?

Salt's really good, though. Whenever I've had anything done to my mouth, salt is great. Two things followed by extraction was a yearly occurrence for Washington. They were frequent episodes of infected and abscess teeth and flame gums and finally ill-fitting dentures. Did I mention that he was known for a hair-trigger-tepper? Did I mention? He was always just screaming at people.

I mean, I get it. Every year you got to lose a tooth. And leading up to it for a year, you're just like, oh, just hang in there too. Yeah, hang in there. A little mercury will put that fire out. Here I go. He was always writing to dentists of the day asking for a file to repair a denture or a scraper to clean his teeth or pincers to fasten wires on his teeth.

He inquired about a dentist of whose skill much has been said. He requested material to make a model of his teeth so a dentist could make new dentures. We basically have boxes and boxes of letters running dentists going, please stop this. The president. You make it stop. So wait, so his dentures, they're still fastening teeth to teeth, right? So he's losing all of his teeth.

Right. So at some point. Okay, well, not when he was president. By the time he was president, when he was inaugurated for his first term in 1789, he only had one tooth left. Oh my god. And was marrying, he was wearing a full set of dentures made by John Greenwood. So the first time he's president, he's already got a full set of dentures and then one tooth.

One, one tooth. He probably named. Oh my god. Are you feeling in there tonight, Bishop? You're my baby. You know daddy loves you. Who's number one? Daddy loves his tooth.

Who's number one? And daddy can't lose this tooth, otherwise daddy loses all his teeth. You're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere, sweet bish. Previously, he had partial dentures which were held in place by hooking them around the remaining teeth. Okay, right. The Greenwood dentures had a base of hippopotamus ivory carved to fit the gums. Okay.

The upper denture had ivory teeth and the lower plate consisted of eight human teeth fastened by gold pivots that screwed into the base. The set was secured in his mouth by spiral springs. So he had a crazy robot mouth with human teeth. Have you ever thrown a watch on the ground? That was Washington's mouth. He's like a Bond villain. It's just crazy.

Don't worry, his teeth are just spiraling in again. It goes to the president. Cranky, cranky, cranky, cranky. Okay, let's talk about, oh my god, my fucking mouth. George needs new teeth on the bottom. Human teeth. Let me avoid. There's really no, like, there's no depiction of really what must have happened,

which is, there must have just been a lot of time where you'd just be like, ah, it's just my fucking teeth. Like, Mr. President, what do you want to do? He'd be like, ah, we should, um, No, if there are photographs, If there was photographers back then, it would just have been a lot of pictures of him hunched over. Yeah.

And with just the caption, the president is saying, fuck again. Picking up teeth. The president mumbles, fuck me. Signing a bill, holding his fucking mouth in. But then wouldn't a slobber been coming like, if you have like a contraption like that in your mouth, isn't it just fucking wet and slobbering? Well, that's why what you're saying is that like,

the, when you picture George Washington, Yeah. This is not part of what you, you don't picture a slobbering man with a fucking, with a robot in his mouth. Yeah, with a robotic face, like. No, because in, when we're gonna get to the photos. A what?

Not the photos, we're gonna get to the portraits. Oh, God. Because in portraits, he often looked like he has puffy cheeks. Yeah. But that's probably because he had so much shit in his mouth. It's probably because he had a whales, a skeletal system inside of his face. In Charles Wilson Peel's first portrait of Washington in 1757, the mouth is noted to be quite small.

Washington was 25 at that time. And certainly still had some of his natural teeth. And he was rolling at it. He had like seven rolling. He's like, this is great. Seven teeth. Hello, who's a dog? Hashtag killing it.

Hashtag killing it. Winning. The painting done in 1776 by the same artist. So that's 20 years, no, 10 years later, 11. But the same artist shows a scar on the left cheek from a fistula caused by an abscess tooth. Oh. So they had to go.

So then 10 years later, there's a scar on him because they had to go in through his face to get a tooth out. They had to go through his face? They had to go in through his face because it got so fucked up. No, there's no excuse for the face. He was getting the top notch shit. You can see all of them when you open your mouth. Not if it's like impacted or something.

Impacted and gotten all fucked up and it's down in there. You can't get in there that way. And plus the guy is also the guy who's just moving in the bed, so... Excuse me, Mr. Bed Mover. Do you also do dentistry? Yeah, I've done that on the... I mean, I've got a knife. And a hammer.

And a hammer. You're perfect. Remove the molar. The president needs you. Well, I've got a boot. Yes, kick the president in the mouth. Kick the toe out of the president's mouth. You just said toe.

Tooth. But they basically have toes in their mouth at this point. I don't think it's far. Washington's next set of dentures were made in 1791 and a third in 1795 for which he paid $60. And that's a shitload of money back then. Dental discomfort it says to have caused him to forego giving his second inaugural address.

He didn't give an inaugural speech because it hurts so much to talk. Jesus Christ. I mean, it makes me like him more. I know. Now he seems like a fucking real hero. Well, this is the story you tell him. Not the one that he didn't talk about the cherry tree. Yeah, he had wooden teeth and he cut a cherry tree down.

You're like, little girl. No, the president that couldn't give an address because his mouth hurt. Because he was drinking mercury and had bones for teeth. That's president number one. And he took a tooth from every man he beat in battle. I'll be using that. He had over 57,000 teeth by the end. So, Rembrandt Pearl's portrait in 1795 is thought to be a realistic one.

And here the mouth is seen as puffy and swollen. Later in life, he could only eat soft foods that did not require chewing. Oh, Jesus. So he was just gummin' it. I don't even think he, I mean, it sounds like he was probably just drinking. If he couldn't even like, I mean, he must have just been. But he had to eat. He went back to corn, I think.

They just had to purée everything in the blender. Yeah, they'd throw in the old Vitamix, you know, little pumice. James Gardett made a large and very clumsy set from in 1796. Apparently, Washington was not pleased with these dentures and ordered another set from Greenwood in 1797. So for a year, he had giant dentures. Gilbert Stewart reportedly packed cotton inside Washington's mouth to support his lips in his 1797 painting.

Oh, my God. Because they were like, you know, like the guy you see at the fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just nothing more. Hey, how you doing? You want to take a video? You want to go on a ride? Oh, my God.

You want to go on a ride? It's $7. Do you want to sign this bill? I'm the president of the United States. Um, Washington often returned dentures for adjustments and repairs. At one time complaining, they were forcing his lips out. One time complaining, my life is a prison. I am in mouth hell.

Help me. I am in mouth hell. When does it end? Oh, my God. When does it end? Any way to remove the mouth. Can I just have the lower part of my face taken off? Can I just be a brain in a jar?

Please. His final set were made in 1798. The year before he died, this set has a swag gold plate with individual backing for each tooth, which was fastened by rivets. The lower denture on this set, along with the others, are on display at the National Museum of Dentistry in Baltimore. You can go see. I know.

No, I don't. You want to see him? Yeah. I was pictures of his fucking mouth. There's pictures of him online. I'll attach it as the photo. Things got better for dentistry in the 1800s. Good for Washington.

Hey, good news, George. We're on 1801. We've righted the ship. With the drill and advances from Europe, people knew to drill out the cavity and put in a filling. The filling materials used were then tin, gold foil, lead, silver. Whatever. Dentures.

Use whatever the fuck you want. So much better. Dentures still were made out of horrible things like cow and goat teeth, that sort of stuff and ivory. Mercury amalgam was first brought into U.S. from Europe by two brothers, French brothers, the Krakhors. The Krakhors? Yes, the Krakhors.

I'm sorry. We are the Krakhors and we have the new teeth. When people say the name Krakhors, they will sink teeth. So they came in 1833. They had a very strong, effective advertising campaign that promised to save decaying teeth by filling them without pain in minutes. The Krakhors were considered unethical charlatans

by many medical dentists. They removed gold fillings and replaced them with mercury amalgams. But they also just put it in people who didn't need it and they put in too much amalgam. So it started the first amalgam war. In 1845, the American Association of Dental Surgeons, the A-S-D-S, banned amalgam.

So anybody who used amalgam who was in the A-S-T-S was going to be kicked out. Good. But it remained popular. Of course it did. Because it was easy to use. Because it was stupid. And it was quick.

So basically, dentists just started leaving the A-S-D-S. And after about five years, they lost so many that they were like, no, you can use amalgam. But at that point, so many dentists abailed and started their own group called the ADA that the A-S-D-S perished. The AFL, really. In 1840, the first dental college was open.

The Baltimore College of Dental Surgery, which led to government oversight. So now we're getting some places. We're really in a better spot. And regulation through the ADA. No, no, no. During the Civil War, Southern Dentists seceded from the ADA.

No, they didn't. No, associations don't secede. I would read that again then. During the Civil War, Southern Dentists seceded from the ADA. So the North versus the South, ADA versus the A-S-D-A. I want to use slaves. I want to use slaves for my dentistry.

That would be amazing. That's what he's over. He's like, well, you think you should put slaves in people's mouths. Slaves should be dentists. Oh, and so they formed the SDA, the Southern Dental Association. Oh, God. And Atlanta in 1869. South will rise again, tooth-wise.

I mean, through the teeth. Check me. I'm talking tooth. I'm just talking about the mouth part. It was this funny, though, because, I mean, obviously people in the Southern States now don't have, if you were to compare teeth. Not as good.

Not as good. Not as good. Not as good. Pound for pound, not as good. Pound for pound. And here's where it all traces back to. They joined back up with the ADA to form the National Dental Association in 1897.

And finally, in 1922, when all was forgiven, the NDA became the ADA again. Oh, that's. Cannot imagine the 30 years of bullshit that went on to get it back there. Can we just really? You burned Atlanta down. I wish your teeth did you.

Right. We're talking about teeth. Yeah. Well, no, we're not. Really? Because I can't run my office in Mormon. I'm out of slaves. Yeah.

You're taking my slack. I can't fix teeth. I don't have any slaves. So laughing gas. Now we're getting to a happy ending. Laughing gas was discovered by an English chemist, Joseph Priestley, in 1772. But no one used it as an anesthetic until 1844.

On December 10th of that year, Horace Wells, a dentist from Hartford, Connecticut. It's oh, it's fucking the Americans. Yeah. Attended a lecture at which people were entertained with laughing gas. So he went to a laughing gas party. We need those still.

I don't know why those stopped. Yeah. I mean, they're still around, kind of. I mean, yeah, a little bit. No, they're fine. They're high school. It's also called a rave. A guy at a rave will sell you that experience for five dollars.

A balloon. Wells noticed that a person under its influence scraped his shin on a heavy bench and yet showed no signs of pain. So it's a guy. Like some guys like. He immediately thought of using the gas as an anesthetic. But before giving it to others,

he decided to try it on himself the very next day. He sat down in his own operating chair and inhaled the gas until he lost consciousness. Then a colleague extracted a wisdom tooth. What? It was a historic event. Couldn't he do the test without yanking a tooth? No, because he wanted to see if you could yank a tooth

and it wouldn't hurt. And of course it didn't hurt because you were passed out. You do something else? To a hand, baby? I don't know. The laughing gas discovery must have been amazing. Oh my God. When the guy discovered it, he was just like,

yeah, I don't know. I'm just whoo-hoo-hoo. I'm sorry. Like I was saying, I'm just if you look at some of these theorems, hee-hee-hee. Colgate mass produced the first toothpaste in a jar. Just a few years later, 1885, the first toothbrush was mass produced in America.

This dental, that's dental, that dental work. This is a little bit dental. Oh, yeah, we can use that. Yeah. It's a little bit dental work going on in the background. We're at a dentist's office right now. And he's really bad. But that's crazy thing is that that's the first time

it was mass produced, so up until 1885, the common Joe couldn't afford a toothbrush. Yeah, it's just, look, like you said, I mean the smells coming from mouths. We were disgusting. Which just must have been awful. We were the grossest, okay, this is how gross Americans are, were.

Are. Most Americans did not pick up on the dental trend to brush their teeth until after World War II. Oh my God. The soldier's station abroad brought the concept of good dental health back to the States. Wow. So my grandma.

Yeah, your grandma's fucking gross. Even though she was English. Most people's grandmas. No, so my grandparents were disgusting. They're like, so all those, Teddy Roosevelt, now picture all the guys from the 20s, and Truman, and the flappers. They did cute flapper chicks.

The burlesque Joe's. Mouths that smell like dead maggots, like just horrifying. Really, and I don't want to say what I thought. I don't want to say it. No. I mean, it just, there were a lot of whores then. Oh fuck, the smell of a whore's mouth.

Whore breath must have just been like. Unrivaled. It must have just. Unrivaled. I'm glad I said it. No, because when I think about all this stuff, I just keep thinking about sex. Yeah.

Where it must have been like, can I do you from behind? Oh God, can I do you from a different room? Is that possible? Okay, I'm gonna get an abuic, and you're gonna stand on the driveway. Is there any way for me to just do this from a completely different town? I'd say go underwater, but I know that you'll die.

Because that's where the ghost of water lives. There's water ghosts in there. Holy fuck, I mean seriously. Look, gross, gross. I'm sorry we had to do this one. No, I just, I think, let's, we'll go negative first. Yeah. Disgusting humans.

Disgusting. Disgusting solutions. Yes, all horrible. Horrible, I mean, obviously they were trying. Yeah. But I can't believe that nobody knows. I mean, because like if a president like serves, you know, if like a president went to war,

it's like he's a hero. Yeah. This dude was fucking walking around. George Washington was walking around. Incredible pain. With just nonstop mouth pain. And he had, and then he got fake monster teeth. And he got fake monster teeth.

He must be pissed the people that he had wooden teeth. He must be like, that's nothing. I wish I had fucking wooden teeth. Are you fucking kidding? No, I had every other thing. Every other thing was in my mouth, attached with wires. Oh God. What is this, a mousetrap?

Okay, put it in. I mean, imagine that year when he put in the one that just fucking hurt like shit. And he had to wear it for a year. You know, he just opens this box. And he's like, oh God. Oh, it's giant. Oh, ow, ow, said for another one.

Ow. How long you think it'll be? One year? Okay, ow, ow, ow, just walk around howling. Morning, George, ow. Oh God. Yeah, George, you want some partially curdled milk? Yeah, that sounds good.

No chewing, ow. Yeah, he must just drink milk all the time. Oh, great breath. Like soft cheese. Yeah, hot milk. Like what do you drink, what do you, like I know what I have. I would puree stuff. Like you can't, there was no puree.

You just like, oh, applesauce again? Cool. Yeah, that's it. He's got the motts. Oh, fuck. Well, listen. You feel better about the colonial times? I feel better about my mouth.

Right? Yes. You floss? No, I don't even need to. I don't hear you floss shit. I was a toothpaste, been a toothbrush in my mouth with toothpaste on in the last two weeks. I'm better than our forefathers.

Yeah, you are. You know, when you don't brush your teeth in one night, how gross your mouth feels? It feels and smells. No, just add 80 years on. Oh, just multiply that by never having had that experience. Oh, yeah. The first time a guy must use a toothbrush.

Kissing. People couldn't be, did people kiss? I don't, I can't imagine they did. They could not have been kissing. How could they possibly? That's why it's French kissing. They brought that over like dental tools. Yes, yes.

They were like, you know, if you chew on this gum, you can actually put your tongue inside of your lovely face. She's like, but her mouth smells like shit. You choose this, not kiss. Go ahead and wipe with this for a little bit. Wipe with this. Here you go. Oh, now you want to kiss me?

Kiss here. Yes, OK, now, huh? We're working on the toothbrush for the genitals, for bathing is still weird. And then an anus brush. Oh, we, we, yeah, we are French. Anus brush. There was probably a guy at one point who was like,

so I got the patent for my anus brush. They were like, I don't think it's going to work. I don't think so, Jimmy. I don't think so. Well, it should probably end on anus brush. Yeah, I mean, why not? Sure. That one went long.

Good. All right. Next week, we're going to cover a little prohibition. Oh, shit. Awesome. I love it. Great characters of the prohibition. Love it.

Or just one. Yeah, whatever. Whoopie. Boink.