The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 130 - The Bald Knobbers

Episode Date: November 8, 2015

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds discuss the Bald Knobbers vigilante committee of Southern Missouri. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH 

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Hello you are listening to the dollop this is a bi-weekly American History podcast. Each week I, Dave Anthony, read his

story to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is about or what is happening right now. He doesn't know what the topic is about. Do you want to start wearing a costume for the intro to the podcast maybe? Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave, okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna become a tickly podcast. Okay. You are queen fakie of made-up town. All hail queen shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to Mingle and do what? Fray. Hi, Gary. No. I see you've done my friend. No. No.

1861. Okay. I'm in. Are you? Yeah. The state of Missouri was split during the Civil War. It was, huh? It was in Union or Confederate. It had a congressman and senators in both the Union Congress and the Confederate Congress. That's interesting. You think politics is pretty fucked up now? Yeah, that couldn't have been worse. Yeah. Before the war, Tandy County was solidly Democratic. Now, this was when Democrats were southerners and backed the South, right? Right? Because like it was Republican, so it was all reversed. Right. But during the war, a lot of Democrats left or were driven out of the state. The areas to the north of

Springfield and Ozark were full of Union supporters and they raided Tandy County on numerous occasions. Okay. By the end of the war, there basically wasn't a government in the county. The courthouse was burned down and the county was in tons of debt. A few people returned and the Democrats somehow kept control through the 1870s. There he had hills and caves making it the perfect place for criminals, hobos, gypsies, squatters, and just plain bad people. I mean, this just doesn't sound good. That's great, right? No. Sounds really good. No. Just giving the list of those people one more time. Okay. So we got criminals, hobos, gypsies,

squatters, and plain old bad people. I mean, you're in a bad spot when you're like, thank God it's a squatter. These people poured in and hid from the law. It wasn't an easy place to control. In just one 90 day period, four different sheriffs came and went. What? 90 days. I mean, four. They're not goldfish. And that's just because they're just like, fuck this shit. Oh, they got there like, for what the fuck? Gypsies I can handle. Yeah, I can handle it. I thought you said it was all gypsies. There was a lot of stealing of horses and livestock and timber. Okay. At the time, the county had an open range system which meant pigs and

cattle grazed wherever on government land, which was pretty much a sweet deal for thieves. Squatters were moving on to other people's land, cutting down timber and selling it. This would be a good time for Cleveland Bundy. Right? Yeah. This caused a lot of friction between the legitimate landowners and the squatters. How did the squatters, what is this? What are the squatters saying in their defense? Hey, stole it. Whatever. It's over. I think they just say it. Finders keepers law. And then they just go, I'm here. Yeah. So that's it. Sorry, pal. This is me squatting. I get that it's yours, but do you get that I need it? That's, I'm here.

All right. Guys, we need to work on our argument a little bit. In the 1880s, the county switched to supporting Republicans. This happened mostly due to an influx of settlers coming in from the east. You've got to build a wall to keep those settlers out. They were all taking advantage of the Homestead Act. And then these new Republicans tried to crack down on the criminals who were running a muck. That's a funny time. In the city of Foreseth, the criminal element were open about not enjoying laws. Uh-huh. You got to say it's at least nice to be honest. Yeah. It's not, you're like, oh no, we're law-abiding and then

you flip the switch. Your laws are stupid. Right off the bat. You're like, get ready. Conflicts began to arise with law-abiding folk. One group of criminals were the notorious Taylor gang, which was made up of several brothers. Let us measure your inseam. No. Oh. I mean, I'm picturing like violent guy, you know. No, there's not. I don't know why. Hold your arms up. Okay. Now we're gonna measure from here. I'm bent down to your waist. You're not taking my money? Huh? Only when you buy a beautiful suit that we've tailored to my friend. I could see you in a lovely fool. I'm not scared of you guys. Huh? I'm not scared of you. There's nothing

to be scared of. We want to take care of you, baby. The Taylor's enjoyed. Tell the Taylor boys sent you. Okay. Here, take our card. Thank you. You're welcome. Stab him. I like it here. What? Stab him. What? Stab him. The Taylor's enjoyed fighting carrying concealed weapons, shooting guns on public streets, and stealing cattle and chickens. Sounds like a good fucking time. They're working. The MO was to riot into town with pockets full of cash and buy the entire town drinks. And as they did so, they told people they quote, didn't work for money. When one guy was not fond of the one guy who was not fond of their nonsense, nonsense talked shit

about them in public. So the Taylor gang cut up the tongues of three of his best cows. Whoa. So he was talking shit. So what they did was they made the cows stop talking. You know what I mean? Yeah, what I mean. Hey, hey, you know how you're fucking squealing? Guess you ain't gonna be squealing no more. Oh, yeah, your cows. Oh, shut them the fuck up. Oh, the mooing of those cows. Ow, ow, ow. Another bad man named Al Leighton was playing pool in 1883 with Sam Hall in a saloon. Sam Hall Johnny. There's a Johnny Cash cover. Is there? Yeah, where Sam Hall is a guy who doesn't take shit. Oh, well, no. Okay. So they were

playing pool on a saloon owned by Jam Everett and things quickly headed south between Leighton and Hall and Leighton pulled out a gun. Okay. The owner Everett pounced on top of Leighton and pinned him to the floor. I don't know how to hurt you. I aim to keep you out of trouble. I ain't got any weapon about me, Al, and you know I wouldn't use it if I add. So what is he saying to the man? He's saying I don't have a gun. I don't want any trouble and I don't have a gun and I wouldn't hurt you if I did have one. Okay, that's translated from mountain idiot. That's right. There's a Rosetta Stone for that. Learn to speak mountain idiot. Give me that poker. Hand me the fork.

Make wet from the area. Get me a glass of water from the sink. Oh my god. The men gathered watching told Everett. So there's a bunch of men now and this is watching and they told Everett to let Leighton go. Come on, let Olayn up there. Come on, Everett. He ain't done nothing. He pulled out a gun. He didn't do anything. He said go ahead and let him up, Everett. Man, mountain talk can be fun for days. And so Everett let him up and then Leighton shot him in the heart. Jesus. Everett fell backwards into the doors and Leighton shot him again, just to be sure. Then Leighton spun around and shot Everett's

brother in the shoulder. I didn't do anything. I'm going to do it again. He said he was just standing there. He now got tingling me a non leg. He said his leg hurts a little bit. A newspaper reported when struck, Everett's brother, quote, yelled louder than he had ever done, which was according to witnesses, quote, pretty loud. You know, I heard him yell very loud on a number of occasions. But nothing like this. But I will be, I will go on record and say that is the loudest he's ever yelled. Oh yeah. I just want to say it's pretty loud. Well, maybe, all right, maybe get out of here because they're looking for things to put in the article. Okay, but it's the loudest I've ever heard him yell.

Right, pretty loud. You don't have to quote both of us, obviously. That's how I knew he was shot. Did Everett got you warned on the news at the finger? He said, are these words going to be on the newspaper? Finger? Leighton then jumped out of the veranda onto a horse and rode off like he was in a movie. Haha, what? He didn't have no call shoot as I knows on, said a spectator, but it was done damn slick. I mean, okay, sorry. Read it again. He didn't have no call shoot as I knows on, but it was damn slick. I'm gonna think. Okay, we know the loudest part he's saying. He didn't have a reason to shoot as far as I know, but the way he left was ill. That's what he said.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't have a reason to kill him, but man, did he leave on a high man. Hell of an exit. Talk about an exit. Lane was brought to trial a year later, October 1884. He said he was threatened and just trying to save himself. Of course, Leighton's cousin was the county clerk and the sheriff was a close friend. Oh boy. And they pushed the prosecuting attorney to go easy with the trial. Then they gave the jury whiskey and got him all drunk during the trial. Okay, I will say as a man who claimed to be racist to get thrown off of a jury, as I've talked about before, if you were to have a little bit of booze at, you know, if you were on a jury, much better experience. Much better.

They should have an open bar. Rease the wheels a little. Open bar. Yeah. I don't know about open bar. Open bar. Just over in the corner. Where are the alternate jurors? They're outside smoking weed, sir. In the corner of the courtroom. There's just an open bar. Yeah, I'll take an old fashioned. Actually, you know, make it to old fashions. And Barry wants a man to happen. Guys, are you listening? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he did. Yeah, no, we yeah, he's bad here. Go ahead. Say it again. Exhibit. Exhibit. Go for it. Of course, Leighton was declared not guilty. Of course, they were drunk and he knew everybody. At the same time of the trial, a farmer named Amos Ring was shot and killed by Newton Harrell. It turns

out ring was living in sin with Harrell's mom. So Harrell killed him. Who like who's at that time, the bigger sin is that he's living with someone he's not married to. You fucking my mama. I need to take your life. That's how it works out here in the hill. Sin for him. His mother then went to the sheriff and had her son arrested because, you know, he'd killed their boyfriend. I mean, if there were cops could literally exist in this time. Cops is filmed on location with the men and women flawed for some. The good man at Taney County had enough of the lawless punks and decided to form a citizens committee. The first meeting occurred in January 1885. 13 men met in Everett's Tavern. They asked Captain Ned Kinney to lead

the group. Kinney was six foot six, two hundred and ninety pounds with black hair and black eyes. Sorry. Great decision on their part. What? The running the linebacker? Yeah. Pick that fucking monster? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If this was, you know, in the anytime later, he'd be playing in the NFL. Oh, yeah. Because he had black eyes. Black eyes. This is not the first guy with black eyes. The guy who shot the guy who shot Lincoln had black eyes. Right. He had been a captain. As I just heard, if you were wearing a straw hat, you'd most likely end up with some black eyes. Black guys. Black eyes. Not black guys. Maybe both. He had been a captain in the Union Army and then a frontier agent for the post office.

While working for the US post office, he killed several men in one incident. The table's really turned on that in the end. Yeah. He came to Springfield, Missouri and opened a saloon. He made a lot of money and then he bought a square mile of land in Tenney County and raised cattle, sheep and hogs. Okay. All right. Okay. I'll allow it. Captain Kitty said, quote, when I came here in 1883, it was common for men to live with women to whom they had never been married. Why, one old Mormon like neighbor kept six women. Over 30 men had been shot to death in the county since the war and not one of the murders had been punished by the law. Well, I had come here to lead a retired and quiet life, but I would not

refrain from expressing my opinions of such things. And I say, these should be condemned and I propose to condemn them. So we have our Van Helsing. We have our Van Helsing. All right. By the way, the Mormon guy was just being pious. Right. He's just doing his thing. He's allowed to do that. Yeah. He would have a show on TLC. Tons of Poonie. He's a Poonie. Tons of Poonie. That's the name of the Mormon show. We have six wives. The wives of Poonie. The wives of Poonie. The real wives of Poonie County. Here comes Jose. At the meeting, an attorney drew up resolutions which the men signed. The resolutions created a vigilance committee which was officially named the Committee for Law and Order. After forming the group,

they did a little more recruiting and then held their first large scale meeting in April. The meeting was held on a ridge called Bald Knob by locals. And the group would become... Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry. Go. Was it shaped like a circumcised dick? I don't know. Okay. But I hope so. Come on, climb it. Jerk yourself up to the top. We're almost at the summit. Go up the shaft. I'm coming now. I'm coming. Go up the shaft. Go up the shaft. Go up the shaft. Go up the shaft. Grab one of those veiny rocks. Oh, God. The Bald Knob's going to blow. Oh, no. It's having one of its sessions.

The group became known as the Bald Knobber's. Oh, Jesus. Good God. About a hundred... That's right. We're the Bald Knobber's. That's a really good name. Yeah. We already got jackets made up. Nothing had changed when you got a perfect name like the Bald Knobber's. About a hundred men came at that meeting. Yeah, did they? Kenny spoke. He asked them, Shall we organize ourselves into a vigilante committee and see that when crimes are committed the laws are enforced or shall we sit down and fold our arms and quietly submit? The men in the crowd shouted... Which one did they pick, Dave?

The men in the crowd shouted, Boy, she pops! Sorry. Let's vote again just to be clear on which one we all want. Should we lay down our arms or should we do something about this? Boy, she pops! All right. Or should we... Okay, so that's one for Boy, she pops. Who likes the other ones? Boy, she pops was a popular phrase at the time amongst the hill folk people. And what does it mean? It was the one, one would voice agreement. Boy, she pops. So they were agreeing that they should form a committee to stop crime. Sorry. What they're saying is they're on board to form the committee.

Boy, she pops! All right. They're excited about it. That's what I said! They're going to give you the actual Boy, she pops. I don't know why you're repeating what I said. Boy, she pops. Mm-hmm. All right. Again, they're excited. Boy, she pops. Oh, you're so serious. Naturally, they decided to wear masks. Hi, I was just going to ask, are they wearing masks? They used a black cloth skull cap fit over the top of the head down to the eyebrows.

Below this was a flap that went down to the chest. They cut holes for the eyes and mouth and around the edge of the holes, red thread was stitched. On the top of the skull cap, they put two cones made out of cloth and they made the cone stiff by putting cork or wood in them. So they're just putting on Satan costumes? So the cones look like horns. That is, right? They used white paint to draw circles around the eye and mouth holes and finally, streaks of white paint were drawn from the mouth to the end of the flap, which was supposed to look like a beard. What? Were other people doing anything like

this? Or were they just like, these go up to 11 and just fucking dressed up? There were other vigilante committees around this time. But were they wearing horned fucking Satan outfits? I don't know that any of them are wearing horned Satan outfits. Holy sheep hops. I'll tell you. The bald nobbers got busy bald-knobbing two days later. One 100 bald nobbers rode into town and surrounded the jail. I mean, the bald nobbers going up against the other guys.

They were all armed and they wanted Harold, the man who had killed his mom's boyfriend. They ordered the sheriff to open the jail so they could hang the prisoner. Harold started crying and screaming on the floor of his cell. Fortunately for him, the bald nobbers were just there to scare the shit out of the sheriff and him. And then they marched off after leaving nooses swinging around in different places. So there was a message. Point made, motherfucker! They delivered it.

That same day, Frank Taylor of the Taylor Gang went into John Dickinson's general store. He wanted to buy a pair of boots and other stuff, but he didn't want to pay for it. That's a predicament a lot of people go through. You don't want to take all this here for yourself. I'm going to put it around my brain. Are you okay? I'm sorry. One more time. I'm going to take all this here for myself. I'm going to put it around my brain. Okay. I think you're saying you want to take this stuff, which is fine, but you will have

to obviously exchange. No, I'm not going to pay you another one. Right. Well, this is a business. So you don't take it. Boy she pops. Boy does she. Take it. Take it all. He wanted to use credit, but Dickinson wasn't interested because Frank Taylor already owned the, owed the store a lot of money that he hadn't been paying back. I mean, credit, the idea of credit is that you build up your credit. When you have none

of it, you can't be using credit. It's then just being a liar and stealing. One of the reasons Dickinson had the courage to deny Frank Taylor was because he was a bald nobber. Frank Taylor lost his shit and trashed the store. Frank then wrote into Forsyth. That was where his brother, Tubal, was in jail for cutting out the tongues of those three cows. Right. I forgot. It honestly is nice to hear that that was actually a crime because part of me would think that people would just be like, Hey, you got to take that one on the

chin. That's all right. You know, you can eat that tongue. It's fair game. Like a steak. If you didn't see him do it, it's fair game. It's like capture the flag. Yeah. Boy, she pops. Boy, she pops. Frank wrote straight up to the porch of the Everett saloon because that's where Tubal was hanging out with the deputy.

Oh boy. That's what's known as being in jail, sitting on this. Oh, that's really. Being in the porch of a saloon. God, I should have gone to jail in those times. Frank wrote up and jumped off his horse and Tubal jumped right on it and rode off. Wait. Wait.

That's it. Wait. There he goes. Wait, but sorry, just to be clear, he wrote up to like talk some shit. Jumped off. Jumped off. His brother jumped on it. His brother jumped on and then just took it off.

And then Frank was like, I didn't know that was going to happen. And then he's like, okay, I didn't know that was going to happen. Go Tubal, go, go. So the next day, John Dickinson swore an indictment against Frank for trashing his store. Frank was indicted and the tailors were not big on this sort of thing with the snitching and talking about people. And they showed up at Dickinson's store with a bull whip, looking to horse whip, Dickinson for snitching.

Snitches get horse whippings. It must be terrifying if you're him to be like, oh God, it's the tailors. And they'd be like, oh God, at least they're not armed. Oh God, that's a whip. Oh, that's a whip. Oh God, they are. Oh God. Oh, that's a whip.

Oh boy. Oh boy. John Dickinson was seated on a bench out front and Frank strolled over and sat down. Howdy, he said. You maddened the hairs on the back of your neck. Howdy. Howdy, replied Dickinson. Frank then grabbed Dickinson by the throat and pulled out a gun.

He put the gun against Dickinson's mouth and fired. The ball knocked out four teeth and passed out through the neck. Oh my God, what? Frank then shoved Dickinson to the floor and shot him in the right shoulder. Dickinson fainted. From the shoulder shot? Well, I'm sure from all of it. Cumulative.

Yeah, I think it built. Still, he gets shot through your neck and then you're like, oh the shoulder, I hate blood. Oh mercy. Oh, my stars. Oh, the vapors. Uh, meanwhile, two of his brothers were shooting at Mrs. Dickinson. Cool. They shot off one of her fingers and grazed her neck.

That's tough. That's tough. That's tough. She too then fainted. She has every right to faint. Yeah, at that point, when you look down, you're missing a finger. You've just seen that dude get shot through the fucking face of the shoulder. Yeah.

That's your husband. Yeah, sorry. That dude got shot through the face and shoulder. That's your husband. Oh, my. Oh, my. Mrs. That dude. Uh, the tellers then wrote off thinking they had killed both the Dickinsons, but they

had not. A week later, the teller sent a message saying they wanted to surrender because of all the bald nobber activity. Right. In return, they wanted to be guaranteed protection from the bald nobbers and the sheriff. The sheriff agreed. Okay. All right.

The teller boys were locked in the county jail. That evening, which meant that they got to go drink. Yes. Yeah. That evening at 10 p.m. 75 masks and armed bald nobbers rode their horses into the public square. Two head sledgehammers. After about six ineffectual hits with the sledgehammer, Captain Kinney couldn't take

it anymore. And he grabbed the sledgehammer and smashed the lock off himself. Strong man got this. So two dudes of sledgehammers were supposed to break them out. They're smashing away. They're smashing away. And like it's at the point, it would be like when you're like someone's like christening a boat or something.

And it's like they've hit the champagne on it like 90 times. Yeah. You're like, at this point, I just, just end this shit. Can I grab the hammer? Please give me the goddamn hammer. Meanwhile inside the tailors heard all the banging and understood quickly what was happening. They screamed for help. The entire village could hear them, but no one was stupid enough to come out and take

on the bald nobbers. I mean, honestly. Who would? Who would you? Yeah. The bald nobbers entered Taylor's cell and the tailors are now crying and screaming and cowering under their bunks pressed up against the wall. They were dragged out clawing at boards and anything else they could grab hold of.

The rail of one bunk was torn away in Frank Taylor's hands. Wow. Outside the tailors were put on horses and taken up the road about two miles. For a nice. Nice strut. Well, this was because they had to ride about two miles to find a tree with limbs strong enough to hold the weight of the men because they wanted them to climb it. How fun, fellas, there's your tree climate tree.

We told you about that'll teach you. They found a tree and the Taylor boys were hung. It took about 50 minutes for them to stop twitching and moving about the next morning. The hung men were found on to ball Taylor was a sign made out of cardboard that read beware. These are the first victims of the wrath of outraged citizens. War will follow. Signed the bald nobbers shouldn't sign that shit.

We hear girl boy she pops boy she pops. The name bald nobbers as they became a terror in the countryside. Mothers would tell their children to obey them or the bald numbers would come for them. So mothers were really like sweet and affectionate for their children because there's a real psychopath. Yeah. Yeah. At least like, you know, the boogeyman or the man under your bed man who hung that kid

they're coming for you. I've seen them around. Eat your peas. Are those actual real people that are around here will come and kill you. You ain't safe. Eat your peas. I'm eating my peas. I'm eating my peas.

The bald nobbers talked to people without revealing who they were. They learned most in the town were pro the Taylor boys lynching and hardly anyone wanted to see the bald numbers prosecuted. So because of their disguise, I mean they're like KKK asking away because nobody really knows. No one knows who they are. So you're just able to walk around town. Yeah.

Sort of just chewing the fat. Someone will be like, well, I don't know who the bald nobbers are, but I'll tell you one thing. I'll support what they did. They're bald nobbers. Like noted noted, friend, friend. Men joined the bald nobbers just for self preservation. More and more men joined up.

Even three Methodist, two disciple and two Baptist preachers joined. Okay. Their numbers swelled over 300. Soon you had to take one side or the other in the bald nobber fight. You're either forum or again, you're either a nobber or a pussy. Yeah. And Kenny was the big warlord of the area. The Taylor family were scared straight.

The Taylor parents, Francis and Matilda Taylor moved the rest of the family to nearby Lawrence County. And brother William Taylor enrolled in Marionville College, joined the Methodist Episcopal Church and started teaching Sunday school. It's a different lifestyle. It's kind of like the witness protection program. He's the first scared straight guy in America. The bald nobbers began starting new chapters in other parts of Southwest Missouri.

Nat Kinney organized bald nobbers in Douglas County and neighboring Christian County. Joseph Walker was the leader in Douglas County and his brother David Walker was the leader in Christian County. The notorious group among the most notorious group amongst these three was the Christian County group. They had tough rules. A member in the Christian County was told that there are only two ways to get out. One was at the muzzle of a gun and the other at the end of a rope.

What? Sorry. Well, it's the only way to leave. So, I guess don't leave? Is your message? Yep. Awesome. No, you can leave.

Just hanging, swinging, all dead and nothing or, you know, just not no laugh and nothing. Just take a shot right in the old face, then you're out. Free to go. Right. Yep. Probably stick around. Okay. Get a good vibe.

Get a good bald nobber. Get a nice vibe from everybody. Why don't you give me a little bald nobbing? Sure. You know what this group is about? Ah. They're it. Yep.

Put her in your mouth. I think I do want to leave. The Christian County bald nobbers were also looking to eradicate vice. The railroad town of Chadwick was a problem because of saloons and gambling houses. Because of what in gambling houses? Saloons. Saloons and gambling houses. About 100 bald nobbers entered town after midnight one evening and started raiding saloons.

They broke open barrels of whiskey and started pouring it out. But the people of the town were super not into whiskey being poured out and they started shooting at the bald nobbers. See, this is where the bald nobbers would lose me too. Right. I'm out. I like the idea that there's a group that's standing up for what's right. Yeah.

Killing murders. Yeah. Killing murderers, you know, sending a message that we won't take this shit. Right. But the second that you're just going into saloons, I mean, it's, you know, when you're bearing the Christian torch. What did the whiskey do to you? Yeah.

The whiskey didn't do anything. I will say though, it's like a fucking like piece of shit to generate. Those are the greatest days when you could just suck on a wood floor, just be like sucking whiskey out of like, you know what I mean? And they'd be like, Terry, come on, I'm going to charge you for that. Keep. Yeah. Yeah.

On the ground, on the ground. Bushy pop. Bushy didn't pop. Only one man was injured though in the shooting, a bald nobber. Okay, cool. The Taylor family may have been the first to flee, but they were far from the last. Over the next months, many others left the counties. It is believed hundreds took off.

The bald nobbers called their actions warning out. Warning out. Quote, many a man who had come to attentive to a neighbor's wife or killed the neighbor's hog would suddenly be a model of good behavior upon finding a neat bundle of hickory sticks on his front door some morning. That was a sign of the bald nobbers. The number of sticks represented the number of days the victim had to depart before they would pay a return visit.

In the occasion instances where the man failed to heed the warning, the switches were brought. At this time, they were not left at the man's door, but used on him. Okay, so, um, okay, so they're definitely not fucking around. So you steal a pig or you fuck a lady's wife? Yeah, or you steal a wife and fuck a pig. Right. Either, yes, that's also very objectionable offenses than, than you get a little, a little care package.

A little care package sticks. Well, you gotta think. Bald nobbers been here, girl. You gotta think like in a way, like, you know, there's probably like almost intern bald nobbers who are working their way up. They may be drop off these little bundles. It's easy to potentially put the bundle on the wrong porch. Yes.

Like 18 days later, like a bunch of bald nobbers shoved your house to like, you ignored that and you're like, I never got, oh yeah, you think you can ignore that shit? No, I didn't get any. You see these? No. Turn around. Stick it out. Even one boy's got to shout.

Hit him. Warnings also came in the form of a nighttime visit by a group of writers to someone's home. Wayne H. Pruitt got a note. Pruitt, you have fooled with the wrong end of the mule. Okay. I mean, like, keep going. I mean, so he's just basically saying, Pruitt, you tried to fuck a horse in the ass. No, I think they're saying you tried to fuck a mule in the face.

Oh, right? If you mess with the wrong end of the mule. Well, I would say the wrong end of the mule because of kicking would be the back end. You might be right. But regard. Yeah. So it must be that. So they're saying you were saying like you played with fire.

Yeah. You played with the butthole. Right. You played with the butthole and you got burns. Sir, you played with the mule hole and you got burns. Hey, hey, we were talking about maybe, get over here. We were talking about maybe refining the way we say that. Just say you messed with the wrong end of the mule.

Yours is graphic. You mess with the dirt end of the mule hole, sir. See, I, okay. I think it's hole that's throwing us off for a little. You really jamming hole in there. You mess with the butt area of the horse thing. Warmer, better, closer, we're closer, we're getting closer. You mess with the sweet bottom of that big hairy creature right there.

Poetic. I like actually where you're headed. You're really punching up nice. He was told he had 30 days to leave the county. The note contained a picture of a tree with a noose hanging from it. This is someone drew that on there. A group of 65 bald nobbers paid a nighttime visit to the home and abused his half quote, half idiotic wife and poor little bareheaded, barefooted, and semi-naked girl children.

What the fuck, 65, there's so much in there. Why are they just calling his wife kind of dumb? She's a fucking idiot. She's a fucking idiot. But they're the ones who are like. And then their kids are running around in panty shorts or whatever they got on. Underwear, they're in their house. They're naked and barefooted and they're dirty people.

They're in their house. Little animals. They're in their house. They killed the family dog and shot into the walls of the poor miserable log hut in which the people were camped. What the fuck did the dog do? But then things went even further with the bald nobbers. They went from chasing off criminals to being the moral police.

Oh, God. Historian Elmo Engelthron quote. Hey. Engelthron. His first name? Elmo. Elmo? Elmo Engelthron.

No, no, don't tickle me. Nobody tickle me. That's not what I'm talking about. Stop tickling me. Elmo, love it. Oh, God. Fuck. Quote.

Bald nobbers went about switching people they thought ought to work harder or ought to support their families better. See now it's opinion. In other words, they became Judge Jerry's sheriff and everything in social worker and sometimes did good. But what happens you get people involved and they get old grudges. And if some fellow had homesteaded a piece of land and his neighbor wanted it and his neighbor was a bald nobber, he could get the group to run him out.

Yeah. Well, it's like police. Yeah. They also got the middle of domestic situations dragging Horace Johnson from his home and beating him with sticks because he was quote shiftless. His name's Horace. Horace. Horace.

I was going to say maybe they were fucking with his wrong end. You fucked with the wrong end of Horace. So they beat him because he was shiftless and too lazy to support his family. That'll help you support your family. Yeah. Break one of his legs. That'll teach him to get a job. That'll show him how to work somewhere.

Break his leg. Limit his options. A man was even warned that he had built a fence in a place the bald nobbers didn't like. We don't like where your fence is. Fuck face. Hey, fence man. Take your fence down.

Hey, we got a boy like to peel the fence wherever I like. You do not, bald nobbers say. We will get your goddamn fence. You've been bald nobbed. Bullshit pops. Sometimes a bald nobber would be arrested and the group would help him. One bald nobber was to be tried for felony assault. But the main witness, the son-in-law of now ex-sheriff John Mosley was warned out.

And if they wanted property, well, they got it. They grabbed Edward Tuttle and kept him prisoner for a day and night. They said they were going to hang him to force him to make out a will. He then promised to sell his farm and leave the county immediately and they let him go. Tuttle sold his farm at a considerable loss and moved quickly. Well, he didn't understand how the market worked or what? As part of their moral crusade, Captain Kenny decided to start the first Sunday school in Taney County.

Oh, good. The Cogburn boys were among his students. The bald nobbers said the boys just scoffed at the teachings while the Cogburns said they didn't see religion in someone who hanged men without trial, shot many more to death anonymously, and just considered himself with the sins of others. Dave, we all know. Well, they are sort of spot on. If history is taught as anything, there's no room for that sort of thought there.

Agreed. Yeah. Murder. You can't say things like that. It's like when people object to war, the pushback is that you don't support the troops. Right. Who? And you're like, no, I'm trying to tell you.

I'm trying to say that I support them so much. They don't want them to die. I don't want them to die. And they're like, how can you not have their back in the field? And you're like, again, I don't know what you're talking about. I have their back. I support them. I hate what people have made them do.

Let's get them back and not do this again. Well, you hate America. Yeah. That's pretty much exactly it. Okay. One day, Captain Kenny found hanging in his church a little coffin and a piece of paper. Sorry. It's great.

You're supposed to kiss under it, right? It's the kissy coffin. And a piece of paper with a sketch of a skull and crossbones. Also a note made out to old Kenny with Pizzan and death written on it. Pizzan? P-I-Z-E-N. Did Snoop Dogg write it? Though someone illiterate wrote it.

It was supposed to be poison. Poison. Poison. Pizzan. We're going to piss on you, boy. We're going to make you dick-pissin'. And once you dick-pissin', you're going to dry. Wait, are you going to pee on me?

No. You're going to dink the Pizzan. I'm going to dink all the Pizzan. I'm not going to drink piss. No. Not piss. Not piss. Dependent.

Okay. You're going to drink the Pizzan. Okay. And then you're going to dry. Okay. I'm not going to dry off. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to burn you six foot over.

Okay. I'm just going to leave. Really? Yeah. I'm going to walk away. Dick. You want to dink the Pizzan? No.

I don't want to. Coward or painter? No. I don't want to either. I don't want to paint anything. I don't want to cower. What? What?

What? What in word? Oh! Oh! I've got a stroke in my brain. Sometimes I feel like my brain is a Pizzan. Also like the idea, you don't need the note. You've already hung a coffin.

No. You did your job. You put a sketch. Yeah. We get it. Yeah. It's sketch, coffin. It's very...

It's all good. You're hitting the drum. We understand you're beating the same drum. And then they wrote the note and then inside the note they wrapped buckshot just to, you know... I think they're threatening me. I feel like with the coffin and the drawing and the note with my name on it that says Pizzan and Death and the buckshot that they have made a point.

I mean the only thing that's making me feel like I might be okay is that the word Pizzan is in there and nobody knows what that is. No one knows what Pizzan is. So that is the only redeeming quality. Andrew Cogburn then wrote a song titled The Ballad of the Bald Knobbers. Oh my God. It was to be sung to the tune of the popular song. My name is Charles Gattu.

Oh, I mean, now that you say that I'm not going to be able to get it out of my head. I know. I don't know that song. There is one bald nobber whose name I will expose. His name is Nat and Kenny and he wears his federal clothes. He tries to boss the people and make them do his will. There's some that does not fear him but others mind him still. Ha!

Take that, motherfucker. This is actually... Right up your asshole. That's actually not a bad song. I could see like, you can sort of see, you know, big glasses of ale being swung as you sing that. I know but it doesn't sound like they're giving him shit. No, it doesn't.

It's... Yeah. Then Andrew Cogburn got drunk one evening and was seen outside the church with a rifle. Captain Kenny was told Cogburn was down there and he walked down the road to meet him. Kenny then crept stethically up to the church and shot Cogburn dead as he stood in the doorway. Okay. Interesting. Kenny was arrested and tried.

The jury was made up of bald nobbers and he was acquitted. Jesus Christ. Now the bald nobbers were becoming exactly what they had been formed to stop. The murder of Cogburn gave those who opposed the bald nobbers the courage to stand up. They formed an opposition group which would follow the laws of the state. Sixty men signed on to the militia. They wrote a petition to the governor, quote, Tandy County is now enjoying a reign of terror from the band of men organized under the name of bald nobbers who riot about the county

at night and terrorize good citizens, many of whom have been compelled to abandon their homes and flee from the county to save their lives. The opposition gave themselves a name. I mean, it's going to be ridiculous. If they're the opposite of bald nobbers, the hairy pussies? Yes. How did you know? I've actually seen a doc on this.

They called themselves the anti-bald nobbers. Oh my God. I really hit that one on the nose. That almost seems pro-bald nobber. If you call yourself anti-alcata, you're almost getting that name out there. Any publicity is good publicity. They thought about again them. The next day, Kenny and several other bald nobbers came to the village of Forsythe.

And Kenny shouted, we have spotted all of you who have met to form a militia, revenge is ours and we will have it. That is from the bald nobbers. So they're still, but aren't they, like at this point they sound kind of like the religious sopranos. Like pretty much. So what revenge? What did they, they're the people who are fucking, they're going to get revenge for

the people who are fucking with them. Okay. But that's, we're trying to stop them from doing that. Yeah. Okay. Doing a thing. Doing a thing. Right.

Okay. Got you. Right. The governor called on General James Jameson, the commander of Missouri. The man who would only be named James or sort of James. James or different James sort of names. All right. Jimmy James James Jameson is here.

Here. Yes. Hello everyone. Please call me Jimmy. Call me James. Call me Jambo. Call me Jay. Whatever you want.

Don't call me anything outside of that though. Jamie. The fuck out of here. Okay. Sorry. Get out of here. Get out of here. You mock me.

Fair. Call me Jimbo. Boy she pops. Boy she pops indeed. Don't she? So he was the commander of Missouri's militia forces and he was sent to deal with the Bald Knobbers. Jameson had been a gold prospector in California, then went to Nigger Agua where he fought under

William Walker. After that failure, he came back to Missouri. What failure you speak of, David? The Confederacy. Okay. So hot off of that. Yeah. Hot off of that fucking nightmare.

Right. So when Jameson arrived in Taney County, he immediately called for the disbandment of the Bald Knobbers. Now that ought to do it. He said if they just ceased their activities, the state would let bygones be bygones. But if they kept it up, then the militia would take care of business. Okay. The Bald Knobbers.

My guess is the Bald Knobbers are like come and take care of business. The Bald Knobbers stood down. Yeah. Wait, they stood down? They stood down. Wow. 500 people met in Forsyth and drafted resolutions to put an end to the vigilante group. Then a month later, one of Kenny's former Bald Knobber bodyguards, George Washington

Wash Middleton. What? I just liked the nickname. Wash? Wash. Hey George, can you get this stain out? Also his parents named him George Washington. Yeah.

That's the best. He came across Samuel Snapp on a road. Oh, Snapp. They were both drunk. The best time. That's when you do it. Yeah. That's when you...

I always find that's when you can settle things. If the lead-up phrase is they were both drunk, something horrible always happens. I don't know about that. They might write a great catchy song like we just heard. Okay, fair. Snapp started singing the anti-Bald Knobbers song. Whoa. Middleton said that it was, quote, a nice song for a bushwhacker to sing.

And Snapp replied, you bet your boots. Oh my God, how darey. And kept on writing. What? Yeah. After sending an insult like that? So Middleton shot him and killed him. Oh, right.

They didn't believe in escalation at this time, right? Nope. It was just sort of like... Straight to it? Didn't like the way you looked at me. Normally there would be like, hold my jacket. Like now you'd be like, hold my jacket. Come on, bitch.

Let's go outside. I'll show you what the fuck to do. So you what is? Yeah. But then they would just be like, hmm. God told me to bet his boots. I'll take his life. Live gone.

He was arrested, but he escaped and fled to Arkansas. He died eight months later. Cool. And he's shot out. Obviously. Probably drunk. Hopefully. That was the last violence for a while.

Two years of peace between Bald Knobbers and Anti-Bald Knobbers and Tanny County followed. Until August 22nd, 1888, there was a Republican rally in the city of Ozark. And Captain Nat Kinney and Bill Miles, an Anti-Bald Knobber, began arguing. Okay. They started to fight and had to be separated. Well, I mean, they know they think of things differently. What could they, you know... Bad blood, man.

Crips and blood, you know what I'm saying? I hear you, dog. But they weren't done. Later, they fought again, and this time, their guns came out. All right. Kenny was shot in the head. He staggered backwards and fell in lay with his brains and blood forming a pool around him.

Oh, God. So he's in bad shape. Yeah. Because his brains are out. Yeah. And it's forming a pool. Yeah. Bill Miles is fine.

Cannonball! Bill Miles was fine. The county mourned Captain Kinney. His funeral procession was estimated to have included over half the town of Forsythe and its surroundings. Bill Miles wasn't new to killing. He killed Sheriff Bronson and Deputy Funk on July 4th, possibly to celebrate the independence of America.

I don't know. Wait. They were in the village, people, right? Yeah. I think so. Okay. I know Deputy Funk was. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

He carried a base. Yeah. Did you know that? Yeah. The funk generates. Yeah. He used to say get on the funk ship. Get on the funk ship.

And everybody would be like, I don't know what you're talking about. Get on the funk ship. Come on, y'all. Clap your hands. Get, get on the funk ship. Get on the funk ship. Deputy. Woo!

Yeah. What's up? I'm sorry. It's just you were saying funk ship. Yeah. Get on it. Okay. Get on the funk ship.

Yeah. I'm going to do this. I'm a brain. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about, Bill Sreader, the next day after killing Captain Kinney. Everyone was concerned that the Bald Knobbers would reform and lynch Bill. But no such thing happened.

And he was acquitted of the killing of the sheriff, the deputy, and Kinney. Why? Just. Why, you know, it's just. Just because it was. Well, Kinney, they both had their guns out. Sorry to imagine that. Right.

But who knows why he was acquitted of killing the sheriff. Just because. Right. Because juries were drunken and you knew everybody. Yeah. Whiskey. Kinney was the end of the Bald Knobbers in Tanny County, but not in Christian County. Hopefully.

And things were falling apart within the Bald Knobbers in 1888. Two factions of Bald Knobbers started fighting when one member was arrested for being a cattle thief. It turns out that the faction had stolen over 2,000 cattle in a year in Ozark, Christian and Tanny counties. Wow. Another faction claimed another Bald Knobber revealing Bald Knobber secrets. More than one member was murdered for snitching to the law.

So they're just fucking falling apart. And they're also now just what they, now they're just a gang doing what they form to stop. Yeah. Right. And they're also just kind of holding on to their golden age. A year later at a meeting, Bull Creek Dave Walker decided they should destroy the liquor of a bootlegger.

But first they were to wait for a report that confirmed he was making liquor. Okay. And they waited and they waited. But the guy did not come with the report. So the meeting was adjourned till the next day. Okay. They were a bit riled up though. And since they hadn't been able to make it out and take anyone out, they were kind of

itching for something. Yeah, it's not. No action. No. As they headed home, they passed the house of William Edens. Oh God. A loudmouth who had been speaking against the Bald Knobbers. Hopefully.

William Edens was the brother-in-law of John Evans. Evans had shunned up drunk to service, to church service one Sunday. And afterwards he went home and shot his pistol into the air while he swore. Fuck shit son of a bitch! Fuck! Piece of crap! You dick! Face!

Fuck! Mother! Shit! Piece of piss! Crap! Asshole! He's like the real guy from a Patton-Hoswold bit. So, the Bald Knobbers- What a great day though.

I know. This dude went to church, shit-faced, came home, just shot his gun and cussed. A fucking awesome day. That's pretty good. If you can't do that in the fucking Hill Country, where can you do that? So the Bald Knobbers came to whip him. And when they did, he was with his brother-in-law, William Edens. William tried to stop them, and he himself received a beating, before Dave Walker finally

told the Bald Knobbers to stop. So Edens and his family for months had, quote, been, talking against us. Sorry, talking- Again us. About the beer again? Talking against us. Against you. That's right.

That's why I say it. Okay. Again us. Talking again. Huh? Against you. Right. And now Walker and his group were at his house and decided he needed a good beating.

But I understand that we're all thinking the same thing, which is that you went to this man's house, beat him and his brother, and then he just talked shit about you, about what you did. So now your solution to show him is to beat him. Yeah, he can get us. Right. He can get us, so we're going to get a little monster. Sorry, he is against you and he's going to get a little monster in front of me.

Okay. Well, I can tell that you want to hurt him. Yeah. That's what I said. It is not. But all right. That'd be great if you could bring a guy like that today. Again.

Again. Again. Again. Oh. But sadly, William wasn't home. So the group decided to go to his dad, James's house. This is really, this is, you're drunk. Like you have to be drunk to be honest.

Jill's not here. Scarlett, Jimmy's. Well, you know, we wouldn't have happened if he didn't come out of his dad. Not home then. Punch him more. He's again. James's house was full of relatives because one of the girls in the family was sick and they were all taken care of her.

What a good time to stop by to beat the fuck out of someone. The bald nobbers rushed the home and shattered the front door with a railroad tie. William Eden's, you know what that is? I'm guessing it's not what the conductor wears. It's the piece of wood, you know, like a piece of wood underneath. Sure. It's part of the track. Yep.

Right. William Eden's was standing in the middle of the room and he was immediately shot and killed. Jesus Christ. A scared James Eden's reach for his pistols, but the bald nobbers saw him and shot first, hitting him in the head. He felt dead in his daughter-in-law's lap, who was then shot. Their son-in-law was then shot and his wife was yanked from her bed and her clothes set

on fire. Then a man shot at her, taking off one of her fingers. What is with the finger shooting? It's just what they're good at. It's one of their fangs. Okay. Finger shooters form up. She pulled off his mask and got a good look at him.

Right then, Dave Walker yelled for all the bald nobbers to get out because they weren't supposed to be shooting. This was just a trip to beat up Bill. Guys, guys, guys! Over the top. Over the top. Oh, over the top. Holy shit.

The daughter survived and she identified William Walker, a known bald nobber, as her assailant. But when she had to point, she was only able to use a knob- A stub. The sheriff arrested four men. It was that man there. Which one? Him right there. Okay, which one?

That man right there. Can you use- The one I'm pointing at. Right. Can you use the finger- Oh, sorry. Right. That man there.

Thank you. There he is. Him. The sheriff arrested four men and then he arrested all of the gang, all of the bald nobbers, and tried them for unlawful assembly. So he's got all the bald nobbers in jail now in Christian County. These were many of the best citizens of the county. Because of the notoriety of the vigilante groups, this trial was a national story.

The courtroom was full of big city newspaper men. The relatives of bald nobbers packed the courtroom in a purposeful attempt to make it hot so everyone would be miserable. I don't know what- That's such a weird- I don't know what strategy that was. It's like the lamest terrorism. We're going to make it super hot in there.

You know what I mean? We're going to make it super hot in there and our temperature will make it more unbearable than it originally was. I quit it. You know what I mean? Yeah. They don't convict anybody if it's over 100 degrees. That's right.

Well, they do. They don't. They don't. It'll be very- They will be hot. Hot. They'll be hot. Pro bald nobber demonstrations were held on the courthouse lawn where a lot of them

were camped because they couldn't find a hotel. In the end, almost all the bald nobbers were given just a $50 fine, except Dave Walker and his son William and John Matthew and his son Wiley Matthew. They were convicted of murder and given death sentences. Wow. William Walker- It's got to be pretty awkward when you're saying goodbye and be like, yeah, well, it's going to be hard to come up with that $50.

I'll do it. It's definitely- All right. Yeah. All right, I'll see you- Take care, man. Catch you around. I'll be fine.

Bye-bye. No, you- I'll be good. Okay. William Walker was baptized in jail before his day of execution. At the gallows, religious services were held and the news was put on. The same went for his father, Dave Walker, and their fellow bald nobber, John Matthews. Not Wiley Matthews because he had escaped.

Okay. Well, I mean, you knew when he got involved, his name was Wiley, you got to keep an extra eye on him. He escaped in a mattress. Yeah. Wiley fucking- He escaped in a mattress? He escaped in a mattress.

What? He just- He escaped in a mattress. What? He just like put on a mattress and then was like, well, I'm going to get out of here. I'm just a mattress. And the guy's like, go ahead, get on up. You clearly ain't a prisoner.

You just a mattress and you're free to go. Oh, shit. So they were hung at 10 p.m., although it didn't go that smooth. The ropes broke and they fell to the ground. All of them. That's so awkward. All of them. All of them?

William broke his legs. Oh, God almighty. Then they set it all up again and they were hung at 10 p.m., but that didn't work either. What happened? Instead of the next breaking, they just swung, struggling and writhing, choking to death slowly. Is that not the desire effect? Dave Walker's feet, Dave Walker's feet were on the ground. I can actually touch a little bit.

I know me to be a dick, but I can't touch. I guess I'll just, I just won't put any- Please put- Yeah. I won't put any weight on my feet. Well, put your legs up. Okay. They'll lift them up like-

Yeah, like that. See that? I'm going to put them- If I put them- See, his instinct is to put his feet down. If I lift my legs up, I'm going to die. If I lift my legs up, I'm going to die. Shut up for a second.

I think his instinct is to actually put his feet down so we're going to figure out a way to get around that. Okay. What time is it? What time is it? I'm dead. Oh, God. That was easy.

Yeah. Finally, after about 50 minutes, they all died of strangulation. So I understand the desired effect is to break the neck and then you make it quicker, but still. I mean, they're going to fucking die, right? Yeah. I mean, clearly. They die.

They are going to die. We're all going to die, Dave. But that was the end of the Bald Knobbers. It was? Yeah. Okay. The Sacramento Dating Union reported the Bald Knobbers were back in action in 1890, this time in Douglas County.

Oh, it wasn't the end of the Bald Knobbers. Well, men were warned off. Some refused to go and had their homes burned. Others fought back. Any mob violence or attack was blamed on the Bald Knobbers for years to come. But in truth, after the hanging, the groups was pretty much done. Although their descendants of the Bald Knobbers and the descendants of the anti-Bald Knobbers remain enemies for generations.

Really? There was still like tension? So they might still be enemies. They might still be enemies? Yeah. The Bald Knobbers. They might be like, I don't know why we hate the Gleesons, but... Oh, it's like that.

Yeah. It's like one of those fucking... It just continued on for generations. One of those archaic things that we've held on to for no particular reason other than to just be angry over nonsense. Don't know if we want no reason. I told you that, again, it's... Anyway.

Again, it's... Well, um... How do you feel? I mean, I feel like it is always very surprising to me how I have no idea of any of this shit. That's not a very well-known one. Like that's so crazy, though. Yeah. It's completely insane.

There were a lot of vigilante groups around that time. Why couldn't... In high school, it was shit like this they would teach you. Right? Because it was so into it. Because there's... There are... There's totally relevant undertones and all of this stuff.

You could teach this story, and then in between, you could describe how the South were Democrats in the North were Republican, and you could weave it all in. Yeah. Yeah, but they don't know how to do that. Well, Dave, if this all doesn't work out, I think you've got a bright future as a history teacher. Oh, no doubt. That's where you make that fucking shit out of children.

Mr. Anthony? Oh, I'm going to put on a mask now and teach you some stuff about Missouri. Mr. Anthony, can I go to the bathroom? No, you cannot. I already did in my chair. You're going to die. That's lunch. Well.

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