The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 137 - The Past Times with Nato Green

Episode Date: August 8, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Nato Green  

I recently went to visit my buddy Phil in Ontario a little while ago, and he was like, oh, yeah, just come over, stay at my place. You know, and I was like, buddy, love you, but probably not going to do that. So I ended up booking an Airbnb in like the village of Chippewa right on the well land, I believe, canal. and yeah, it was awesome. I had like, there's like a little dock, there were big windows,

the whole nature meets city vibe. It was perfect. By day three, like Phil was like, can I crash here? And I was like, no, you have a home.

But he did. And that's really when it hit me, that someone had to be hosting this place that they weren't even there, but they're making money while we're just sitting out on the dock, drinking coffee, watching geese.

having a good laugh with each other. So if you've got the space, it's a practical way to earn some extra cash to, you know, go towards whatever, car payments, cat food, groceries, whatever, without it taking over your life. It's flexible. It's on your schedule and it works around your lifestyle. Whether you're at home or you're off visiting your own fill in another city. So if you've ever thought about hosting your own place, this is your sign. Your home might be worth more than you think.

find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody, welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date and history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. The great NATO Green. Hello, NATO. Hello, gentlemen. Good to see you.

How are you? You just joined us for a live show that has not been released yet. I know. I'm waiting to send it to my children. I invited my children to come to the live show, and they were like, no, we'll just listen to the podcast. Thank you. We should put it behind a paywall for them specifically.

Nato, you're a great stand-up. Where can people find where you're going to be, or any shows? Yeah, I'm trying to put together. what will be my third album of political comedy. So if people want like some good, you know, the kind of comedy that you want to listen to right after you get tear gas by ICE agents. I'm on tour. July 20th, D.C. Art Center, August 3rd, Philadelphia Punchline,

August 24th, Sacramento Punchline, August 28th, Comedy Fort and Fort Collins. August 30th, Denver, Grawlix Theater. September 13th, Portland. Siren Theater, August 2nd, Mike Drop Comedy in San Diego. Are you doing that all off the top of your head? I'm sorry, October 2nd, Mike Drop Comedy and San Diego. Yes, all off the top of my head.

It's impressive. Well, he's a little bit better than you, Gareth. You know what I'm saying? No, I can't even get it right on my website. You know, Gareth, I cannot manage being a successful comedian. I can manage memory tricks. Good for you. That's something.

That's half the battle. What did you just hold up, Dave? So I got the, when I got back from the gig we all did together, I had this really long, printed letter and a typed note with it. And it's a guy's big pitch for an episode on a guy named Jack London. That's fucking hilarious. Well, spoiling. but uh well uh anyway i'm on tour look look it up at mr nato green at instagram okay great all the deeds will be there and mr you're not you're not you go with the formal you're not

casual with the fans well there is a there is a nato green on instagram who is not me because he's like a strapping young man who does a lot of like outdoors activities in the australian outback so i like to check at his like you know sunset sunset vistas kill him go find him he's posting where he is he's probably dropping pins he sounds like he's having a nice life

what a great post for you to find him in live stream of killing I'm going live while I'm murdering my doppelanger yeah and he murders you oh no well

NATO what we're going to do is we're going to take a wild ride through an old newspaper you should lose let's everybody lose a layer And how we like to start is you're going to try to guess what year this newspaper will be from with no context. I'll follow that up with a guess and you'll win because Dave's, you know, seems normal when you look at him. But inside of his head, it's a haunted house of total nightmares.

So you're free to guess any year, NATO, whatever you think. Well, because, as you know, I'm a labor guy, I think the year that I'm going to guess is 1877, the year of the nationwide rail strikes. Really good guess. I'm going to guess 1877. NATO wins because it is 1893. How does he win? Because you can't do that. You forfeited it.

You forfeited. You forfeited. You're 100% forfeited. I will beat you. That was crazy to watch. Just supposed to be a fun little warm up for the guests and for the people on the list of the show. And now it's just people hearing you try to cheat and do different things. You force this.

You force my hand. Look, there's rules. And one of the rules is you can't guess what's just been guessed. Wait a minute. I'm not sure there are rules. Wait. Let's not. He's kidding.

Mr. Nato Green to you say. Thank you. Dr. Nato Green is my father. Yes. Yes. It is the White Oaks Eagle from White Oaks, New Mexico, July 6th, 1893.

Now, I have never heard of White Oaks. I've spent a lot of time in New Mexico. And have you heard of it? White Oaks? Never. My wife is from New Mexico, so I've been going to Mexico to Mexico for 30 years and have never heard of White Oaks. Oh, it looks like it's just a gold. old town. Oh, so that's what this is going to be.

This will be all prospector updates. It does not appear to be a city anymore. Oh, wait. Old commercial building in White Oaks, but there's no, like, if you go to Wikipedia, there's no, like, population number that they usually have up there. So I'm assuming nobody lives there. So this could potentially just be one guy writing a paper for himself, a dissented to madness. It is a ghost town.

It is officially a ghost town. Okay. There we go. So it's a dead place. All right. Like America. A New Jersey Enoch Arden. Is that his name Enoch Arden?

How are you spelling Enoch? E-N-O-C-H. Okay. That's like biblical, right? Yeah, it's biblical. It's like a... I was hoping it was Eunuch. Well...

That's a bang you start. Yeah, it's a Patriarch prior to Noah's Flood. Okay. Enoch is the biblical figure in Patriarch. So it's just a guy. name Enick, I'm assuming. Okay. Enig Garden has invoked the area of the...

You could bring that back, though. You could just... Just... Imagine you could have a kid just so that you could name him Munich. Yeah. I like it. I definitely like it.

And by the way, I don't just name a kid and not follow through. So I'm going to ask the moyle for a little extra. Keep going. You could also... You could also get a cat. All the way. digger. Take out the digger. Wait a minute. Can I tell you, so I knew a guy growing up and the circumcision didn't take when he was born.

What? It grew back? According to Jewish law, it doesn't count as a circumcision unless I guess there's blood. and so like when he was in middle school his parents brought him back to the moyle just to get stabbed in the dick just because it didn't bleed just to bleed just to bleed it out so it was cut but the blood had not runneth

so he needed to get a bloody one yeah he needed to get a bloody that is so fucking crazy it's time to hey uh uh Timmy it's time to get your dick cut I thought I already did we're taking you out of school early

that I like by the way if you had pitched that to me when I was a kid like six days off but your dick has to get cut I'd have been like I don't hate the pitch There's a lot I like It's not dead on arrival It's not DOA I'm still here aren't I

Okay 1893 Okay so New Jersey Enoch Arden has invoked the aid of the courts To regain possession of the wife He deserted 12 years ago Regained possession. So it's a weird, it's a weird way to put it.

Possession. He left and wants her back. He would like to get ownership back of his wife. Yeah. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Correct. And marriage. And marriage.

Wow. And who during his absence married another man. Well, that is, now that's cheating. I now that's ridiculous you gotta wait 15 years good Lord can't a man pause a movie without it going away how how human when he had her he didn't want her and when he couldn't get her he wanted her this is classic man so they're they're talking a little shit there

they're taking a dig that's a whole story yeah that's a whole story yeah that's it that's it that's the whole story well that's it so he went to the judge I assume he was like, can I have her? Is she in a different place, do we think? Emotionally. I don't. Yeah, no, she's probably in the same place because it sounds like he left.

It's so awkward if you're the new husband. So I saw Ted today. Oh, God, he's back in town? Well, yeah. Jesus. Do you even talk to him? I had to. He's trying to repossess me.

What? Here's your caller, woman. I want to, can I repo my wife? This is horribly awkward, but I'll have her back now. My flag was in her sands first. I can't find anyone else to churn my butter. Believe me, I've looked. She's terrible, but there's only worse.

Virginia has turned out the best summer advertisement of the season. Can't wait. in the alleged discovery of natural ice. What? What the fuck? What? Is that even? This is before refrigerators.

They were like, wait a minute. If it gets cold enough, we discovered ice. It really makes it sound like they were like, this is water the whole time. I don't think there's ice. They just found a bunch of ice. and that was a big deal. I think they're saying, yeah, that, okay, it's July.

So they're saying that there's still ice around in July. I'm not buying it. It's a lie to get people to go there. Oh. Virginia? Yeah, it would have to be in a cave, wouldn't it, to stay ice that long? It's not a river. And why is that in a newspaper in New Mexico?

Because they're hot and they want to go places with this cold stuff. Are they commending the advertisement? Yes. So they're going like, boy, we've got a bunch of suckers. I guess. It went Virginia for ice. I mean... By the way, the beauty of America is now ice is everywhere.

And it's coming to take us. Who wouldn't be anxious to spend a few weeks in the vicinity of such a cooling, cooling curiosity? Wow. So I guess that's... We were otters. that's the vacation it's the summer vacation dad what are we doing this summer we're going to go just sit near ice what if i can i do anything with it no no we're just going to sit next to it and honestly it's probably

not even real we'll go to virginia yeah then you roll it and the guy at the hotel's like well there it is and you're like that's water and he's like well it was wait long enough it will be yes let me tell you the history of that puddle dad shut up The canals of the country will experience a boom if the project of propelling canal boats by the trolley electric system can be successfully worked and it is believed it can be. Are they talking about electric canals?

Because I'm seeing an issue. They're talking about electric boats on canals. Everyone died again. What is it with plugging in this water system? how I how I guess that they were I guess that the the the the trolley pulling part would be on the land next to the canal I don't love it remember this is a time when you'd get you guys on the shore would pull the the boat through a canal with ropes on the side nato I love how he says to me remember this is a time like I have oh oh this is still back when they pulled it's it's it's come up many times you know how all the back in the always with the canals and the pulling of the boat

didn't start till 1898 before that they had to push the boats up the canals right that I remember and the and the the mariners kept throwing their backs out yeah they all had slipped discs because of all the pushing

and they were like guys wait a minute we could pull what if we pulled push with your backs not with your legs they don't remembers yeah I was an I was an active canal stevedore in the 1890s that was the name of his first album. Yeah, Canal Stivador.

Yeah. That is a great name. It was released exclusively on purple daguerreotype. Which turned into 800 pound gorilla, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, I don't love the idea. Water Electric. ice ice that's the headline they could go today also they could be the same leave orders with steward for ice he has purchased all the ice put up by the w o springs ice company wow so he he

he's monopolized the ice in town ice monopoly and now they're like i saw that documentary ice pirates yeah yeah same this is it well that i said this guy's a fucking asshole he bought all the ice But it's very funny to be buying ice when there's not really anywhere to hoard it, right? Well, I think, as I recall from an episode we did about this, I think all the ice is together in blocks to keep it from melting as quickly, and then you sell a block. That's why I have the big square cubes for my cocktails. That's right. Right, they melt. Yeah.

But still, it will melt. It will melt, but you have it for a little while. They can put your face on it. You really got it. But you just wait until that starts melting. melting before you make a bid. And you're like, I'll give me a dollar for a big block.

Yeah. You put it in the ice house. Okay, but is this person, I still don't understand if this, is the person buying the ice in Virginia or is he in New Mexico? I think he's in, in town here, and he bought the ice that was for sale

in the area. And now he's hoarding ice. He's the ice hoarder. A nice order. And so he's going to sell it to the locals. He's a dick. Yeah. It's capitalism.

Sure. We're all against it. We're against it. Well, I just, I don't know what we'd replace it with, Dave. Right. That's right. There's no better system. We've tried everything.

Yeah. We've exhausted. Except for the other ones. Star of the South, go to Velasco for health, sea air, and comfort, where ships too deep for all the other Texas ports sail in and out with ease where fruits ripen earlier and pay better than in California

where the soil is a natural hot bed. Where? Valesco. I love I mean, it is like it's a weird thing about New Mexico that like there's

all of this history about like someone being sickly in a more humid in a more humid part of the country and being like you should go to New Mexico for its healing purposes

because it'll dry you out like there's all these people like just like going to the desert for health reasons because it's a dry heat it's a dry heat and I guess it'll deal with your malaria or whatever the fuck you know

is there any connection to that being true maybe right I mean, who knows? But, I mean, it's just, it's such a, like, such a primitive medical science to me of like, oh, oh, you're very sick? No, no, no, we're not going to treat you. Just go stand over there. Well, also, it would be so, if I was in New Mexico, I'd be like, we need to build a wall because they are sending their sick. Just put every sick person like, yeah, mind if I lay down.

There's seven people who get off on us. Yeah, yeah. I had to be like, no. I never, I never really thought about that, but that's totally what happened. happened in those places. Just sick people came. I would really be like, we got to move. This is bad. Isn't that part of like, wasn't that part of Oppenheimer going into

Mexico? It was like, I just, I want to build up to breathe the fresh air. Yeah. Imagine now coming to America to be like, oh wow, so that fresh, where is that fresh air? Is it anywhere? Not anymore. We got rid of it.

fresh vegetables all winter coldest day in three years is 25 degrees above zero warmest day in 92 degrees that's not that doesn't apply anymore so good Valesco offers the best investments in the south well there you go 92 degrees being your cap for New Mexico

that's pretty amazing I love the like the VC guy being like getting early on the ripe fruit there's a plot of upside on the right fruit right fruit market yeah yeah i don't know if i can put a picture in chat can i because i think i kind of do you guys to see this it's a stand-up bathtub um oh what well it's a folding is that a shower it's a folding no don't you dare come it's like a shark take idea that gets passed on i think that's just a bath that's a shower so it's a folding stand-up bathtub so

It's a bathtub. It's like a Murphy tub? Yeah, it's a Murphy tub. That's exactly what it is. They haven't figured out that water flows down. Guys, we just learned that ice, the water freezes is ice, and also, I keep closing my Murphy tub and it spills water all over. Gets everywhere, filthy water.

The new Murphy tub. Murphy bed, whoever came up, Murphy from the Murphy bed was like, I need a follow-up pit. The Murphy tub, the Murphy toilet. I, I, I, I, I, after a day of wrangling horses or whatever I did in, in mining, panning for gold, I got into my Murphy tub to soak off all of my filth and scum and then just spilled filth water all over my house. These walls are just rubbing. This whole wall needs to come down for some reason. Look, I think the tub I bought from you was broken, because every time I folded up, the house just, That's not a tub issue.

No, the Murphy tub works great. You just put it into your wall and that's the bath's over. Maybe you're not closing it fast enough. If you close it up, you got to launch it up. I really try at all speeds. I got to be honest. Have you tried to really jam it up? You got to jam it up.

Yeah, I really jam it up. I mean, it's hard because it's full, but yeah, I do. No, no, it's supposed to be full. You want it full. That's a huge component of the Murphy tub. You have to save the water. this water is too scarce out here i know i know you can't waste the water by spilling it let me ask you have you drank the water when done bathing before putting it up there because that has actually

worked for a lot of our customers oh it's very dirty water so no it's full of my filth it's like a couple weeks i mean i'm out for a couple weeks uh dig it's pretty i had to use a jizzle in the bath yeah it's bad it's bad i've even tried to put put an ice block in there, but, uh, again, new Murphy tub. The house of the future. It answers, it answered, the ad answers all the questions. What is this? A combination whole folding bathtub with heater attached.

That sounds so dangerous for 1893. Super dangerous. A hot tub that you put into your wall. where can it be put in any apartment of your house okay sure that must mean compartment i guess it says apartment it must be yeah but they they must be like yeah uh what does it represent a handsome piece of furniture i i do like i remember my mother who is when i say this sounds like she's from the 1800s but she would tell me like her aunt had the bathtub in her kitchen like So I do understand the idea that you were just like, yeah, I want to, like, have the space.

But it feels like the tech isn't ready yet. I did see that a lot in New York when I was there. People had the tubs and the kitchen. Just living room tubs, kitchen tubs, yeah. Were they, like, tenements? No, but they had, like, converted the building and not a great way. Well, that's one of the things, Mom Dany. It's like, dude, you're not, like, he's trying to get tubs and bathrooms.

It's just, like, disgusting. what is it used for to wash yourself in when at least once a week how with soap and water does it say that yes once a week is also horrified

like that's pretty regular and it's called the folding bathtub company I'm going to look it up and see they don't again spoil they don't exist anymore. They might be the people who came up with the walk-in tub technology, though,

which has always been my favorite style of bath. He's like a car fucked a tub. Like a bathtub with like a sliding door. Well, they've got the like hand, like it's like for seniors, but it's like you open the side of your tub and then you get in and then you fill it, which is just its own strange experience to sit there naked, waiting for the water to hit you, you know? It's like, it's like demolition, man.

I mean, okay, it was a thing in the 19th century. In the late 1800s, the mostly folding bathtub company in Chicago introduced a product that could turn any room to a bathroom. The closet folding bathtub. I mean, Dave, Dave, any room is a bathroom if you shouldn't it. That's a really good point. It also had a built-in mirror on one side for added pimping-pimping value.

Pimping would be totally different. You're worth $150 now. Yeah, I mean, I guess. And then another company made, another company made their own folding bathtub. Oh, so this one has like a water tank. So when you fold it up, there's a water tank, and then the tub just goes around the water tank. So that's how you get the heat.

but the the draining look I don't want to get caught up in it the draining part is not good the draining part is really there's no pipe that is going to

it's not like the pipe is on like some sort of weird pulley I'm imagining like I do you remember

like there's you know like sometimes there's like a new thing that comes out and then you go to people's house and they want to show you that they have the new thing yeah

I imagine Imagine people visiting other people's homes in White Oaks in 1893 and being like, let me show you my new folding tub. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, can I get in it right now? Everybody take a tip. Deacon, have some decency. You know. Look at this mirror.

Mind if I spread my cheeks? Deacon, I've never seen that part of me before. It's the only part I've always wondered what it looked like. I do have a taint after all. Whoa, that's dark. And it's wet. Oh, my Lord. It's like someone folded a tub up there.

My white oak is white and oaky. Oh, boy. Grace, get over here. There is never going to be an answer for me on where the water goes. It's just they are, in my opinion, water is sloshing in a wall bog. After the bath, the water was drained into a basin that then had to be emptied. So that's problematic also, though, because you still have to...

Yeah, it's just extra steps. It sounds like you're... It sounds like you're... But I would think that would be a problem with all bathtubs unless they were connected to pipes. I agree. Yeah. A company called... I do like that developed, like, I've been...

in I like that quality those bathrooms like I've seen been in them in Europe where it's like it's all tile and there's no stall and there's just a drained yeah yeah like I think that's fun I do I do too yeah I like that um introduced a similar creation and I can take a dump and be in the shower at the same time sorry you know what was that got really weird I heard something at the end there you sounded you sounded like a guy his kids left the house I got to be honest I think the deacon shit in the tub you say crazy shit Did the deacon crap in our folding tub? Sure did. Brush and Rick introduced the combination sofa and bathtub. Sofa bathtub? What are you talking about? Sadly, reports of sofas catching on fire and people getting burned while bathing made it as short-lived product. What?

Guys. What? Everybody get in. We're inventing the microwave bathtub. Have you over a couch shower? How did your house burn down? Well, we bought the sofa bath. The guy had not figured out a bunch of the stuff.

It didn't work. It didn't work. It had caught fire. Not one time. We had a bunch of people over. guys it's time for the horse bath it's a horse with a bath

it's in it you can ride to town in a tub the way a king would the horse called on fire how the mostly folding company reference folding beds

in their ads in a way to explain the mostly folding company is so fucking funny Mosley Mosley. Oh, if I said mostly. Oh, damn it. Still, the idea that where they're like,

where they put it back in the wall, guys. Charles Hess obtained a patent for an improved combined piano, couch, and bureau. What the actual fuck? People were just trying to figure out if they always to pull shit up. What?

The piano. So it did not, it didn't, did not last very long, but for a show. Just sitting in a roof. What if the piano was a couch and a bath? But honey, come to bed. Hold on. But we're all laughing. This one.

What if I could fold this barbecue? What if this barbecue, the house was also a wife? Honey, come to bed. No, hold on. You cook on your wife's grill, but it's also a mattress bath. I'm in possession of my wife. Where's your wife? Well, she's in the wall.

I just bathed in her. Wait, what? Do you mean the wife that's part toilet? Or do you mean the wife that's part of the wall? I only have the toilet wife. I turn my wife into a toilet bath couch. She lives in the wall. You're thinking of Jeff down the lane.

His wife is a combination of barbecue front porch. His wife's a barbecue bench, bath, stove. She tried to leave him, but she just can't. She doesn't have a leg to stand on because she's attached to the wall. I thought she had four legs to stand on. No, two of them are because the wall is sort of load-bearing. Yeah. Let me ask my wife.

You got one of those load-bearing wives? Yeah, I have a load-bearing wife who's a toilet. Yeah, let me, I'll take her out of the wall, see what she says. Hi, boys. Anyone for soup? She's also a cauldron. So there are still a number of companies that offer modern folding bathtubs made of plastic and rubber today. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't hate it. I don't hate it either. It's also, it makes sense. in today's world where they're just squeezing us. Yeah, it's one of those like yeah, you could see like Japan being big

into like the folding bath walls or something. Like if they did it, I'd be like, I'm listening. If it was in America, I'd be like, this is going to give you black mold. That's really weird. I recently went to visit my buddy Phil in Ontario a little while ago and he was like,

oh yeah, just come over, stay at my place. You know, and I was like, buddy, love you, but probably not going to do that. So I ended up booking an Airbnb in like the village of Chippewa right on the well land, I believe, canal. And yeah, it was awesome. I had like, there was like a little dock, there were big windows, the whole nature meets city vibe. It was perfect. By day three, like Phil was like, can I crash here? And I was like, no, you have a home.

But he did. And that's really when it hit me, that someone had to be hosting this place that they weren't even there, but they're making money while we're just sitting out on the dock, drinking coffee, watching geese, having a good laugh with each other. So if you've got the space, it's a practical way to earn some extra cash to, you know, go towards whatever. car payments, cat food, groceries, whatever, without it taking over your life, it's flexible, it's on your schedule, and it works around your lifestyle, whether you're at home or you're off visiting your own Phil in another city. So if you've ever thought about hosting your own place, this is your sign. Your home might be worth more than you think.

Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com. I recently went to visit my buddy Phil in Ontario a little while ago. And he was like, oh, yeah, just come over, stay at my place. You know, and I was like, buddy, love you, but probably not going to do that. So I ended up booking an Airbnb in like the village of Chippewa right on the well land, I believe, canal. And yeah, it was awesome. I had like, there was like a little dock. there were big windows, the whole nature meets city vibe. It was perfect. By day three,

like Phil was like, can I crash here? And I was like, no, you have a home. But he did. And that's really when it hit me, that someone had to be hosting this place that they weren't even there, but they're making money while we're just sitting out on the dock, drinking coffee, watching geese, having a good laugh with each other. So if you've got the space, it's a practical way to earn some extra cash to, you know, go towards whatever, car payments, cat food, groceries, whatever, without it taking over your life. It's flexible. It's on your schedule. And it works around your lifestyle. Whether you're at home or you're off visiting your own fill in another city. So if you've ever thought about hosting your own place, this is your sign. Your home might be worth more than you

think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Patriotism. Oh, boy. Here we go. There was a crowd around the hotel stove in the country town. Hotel stove? Hotel stove. It folds into the wall.

For the night was cold, and half the businessman of the place had collected to hear the news and listen to the drummers tell stories. Okay. So it's a weird time, and no one's having four. Worst member of the band to be chatting to. Pretty soon, one man got the bits in his teeth and began doing the bulk of the talking. Gentlemen, after several bursts of patriotic oratory, every man and woman who is a true American loves the good old flag as the emblem of what is best in government. Oh, God.

The principles for which it stands cannot be too early instilled in the minds and hearts of New cumbars on the field of action, be the use of our own blood or men of other lands come newly to the shores. That flag should ever wave in sight of Americans where it can be found a more appropriate and better place than right here in your beautiful town. And everyone erupted into cheers, as you would expect, because Americans are easy to get feverish about the flag. Who is he? A man leaning in, inquired. He may. must be a member of Congress. No, respond to the clerk, toying with the register. He's in New York.

Toying with the register. I'm just going to finger the cash register real quick. Trying to pleasure the crash register. It's a very sexy cash register. Dave's frozen face right now is unreal. I like it. He's a New York dummy. drummies, drummies, or I can't read the word, representing a flag factory in that town

and the crowd caught on and abased the drummer up the stairs to his room. So they realized he wasn't enjoying the Patriots of America, but he was selling flags, which is in itself a way to celebrate America.

It's so weird that that culture has lasted as long as it has in this. Like, it is really amazing that to live in a country where you just are always like, how great are we while everything's falling apart? Name a better place. I feel like the countries that do that actually really suck.

Their whole business model is predicated on just bluster. Yeah. It's like if you've only went and saw one band, and then you stood around in the parking lot talking about how great the band is. like and you've only ever heard one band you're like man i could do that i can do that with how good is rush well that's another one i could do it with yeah yeah see yeah rush fans yeah all right leave that one be we are the priests of the temple of syrians and they were and they were i'd vote for pert

when I was in a freshman year in high school we were taking a short story writing class and near the end of the year for like our final the guy's like okay you got to write a short story and then read it in front of the class and so our buddy just took the lyrics to that song and went up and read them and we were all dying laughing

and then we all got like C's and he got an A. Yeah, that's incredible. You're really writing some deep stuff over there. The thing, so, like, I, when I was deep into my rush phase, which was in high school, like, the, like, the thing that people said about, like, the highest quality, the best, the highest praise you can give to a band, like, the thing I always said about Rush was like, oh, they're so tight. They're the tightest band. Like, that was the most important thing about a band was to be as tight as possible. Tight. Yeah.

They're just tight. They're tight. I mean they were They were very tight They were tight There was some loosenness In some of it But for the most part

Quite tight And then at some point I got into the punk band No Means No Literally because someone was like They're tight They're a punk band But they're super tight

I was like okay Then I'm gonna get into that They're tight I love a tight band If I'm listening to something And it's not tight I can't stand. I can't.

They need to wretches and stuff. This is just horrendous. If you were in a bar and someone started giving a speech about the American flag, what would you do? I would do what we all basically do, which is just like how you feel during the National Anthem, where you're just like, Jesus Christ, let's get this over with. what would you do i would ask follow-up questions okay so you'd be like sorry

excuse me i i would i'm completely that guy i'd be like what was the line he said the flag and what it represents about our system of government yeah i would go what does it represent about our system of government tell me tell me about it that's so good that it's such a good follow-up I have a, wait, I have a question. Excuse me. I would really like, I would fully colombo it.

I was like, I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. I'm about to leave. I'm about, I just, I don't mean to bother you. But if you don't, I'm just a little bit confused. One more thing. One more thing, if you would. What is our system of government? Awesome.

Yeah. I think that whenever I see, like, the truck with the flag in the, bed where I'm just like, oh my God, like why? It really is such a way of letting them get away with so much shit. Like we should just start driving around with like Danish flags just to be like, yeah, we need to step it up here. We need some more socialism. Right. Not like not full flag. We're not full communism. Like not Cuban flags. Yeah. Yeah. Unless things improve. Then we're going Cuban. Yeah, but some Danish flags to be like, we just

want some light socialism. Yes, yes. Just a tint. All right, this one's just a blurb. The office celebrated the fourth at Nogel. Nuff said. Not a lot got said. They're just saying that's where

they did it. They celebrated in America. They went to Nogel. Now I've got to look up Nogel. Nogul or Dougal? Is that a bar? It's a census designated place that's an unincorporated community in Lincoln County. Population was 96 as of 2010. So that's not a lot.

The census is even like, I guess you're a city? Yeah, I mean, I think these are just all places that popped up and there were big mining towns. and then they went away because then all the stuff from the ground was gone. That's a better name for America. The stuff in the ground was gone? Yeah.

Yeah. All the stuff in the ground was gone. I'm mapping the distance from White Oaks to Nogel. Of course. Yeah, yeah. That's a first for one of our guests, Nato. NATO's mapping.

To have to do some Google Maps. I'm quickly realizing that the Google Maps doesn't have the option of mapping the distance by if you're traveling by horse. Oh, right, right, right, right. That would be so great for there to be this horse option. How long by a horse? They should have that. Yeah, how long by skateboard? How long by horse with tub, a tubbed horse.

It's an eight-and-a-half-hour walk. But that's using the roads, right? It doesn't give you the walk on like paths or anything, like a path through. It's great to be like, what's the horse path? Yeah, what's the way as the crow flies? So what do you think? You think a walk is like a horse would, like, cut that by a third? I would think at least.

Two-thirds? Two-thirds, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Um, the depression in silver, the failing banks, the financial crisis, the continued droughts, the scarcity of Anheiser and, uh, and Houser shade and benches are cogent reasons, but failed to explain satisfactorily why no watermelons were on tap at Nogel's celebration. Not sure. Uh, they hadn't gone to Alaska for the ripe fruit. not sure that

No look If I got a Nogel For me to be honest If I'm going to Nogle If I'm making the I'm in a second Two and a half hour trip There better be melons

I agree Why else am I going to Nogul? Oh God It's just the discipline That distance for a melon Oh And then there's none None

Brutle It took me three days For the 4th of July No less Yeah How am I supposed to celebrate American independence without a mella? Hey, how good is this country, though? It's awesome for sure.

July 4th, a beautiful morning, but the town seems deserted, as most of our boys left for Nogel. And if it were not for Mr. Emilio, whose miniature man-of-war, which is blazing with versy-colored flags and the discharge of a few firecrackers here and there, We should hardly know that this is the greatest day of the American nation. And they say that, I think that says Italians. And they say that Italians do not make good patriotic citizens, exclamation point. I do say that. At least one thing held true. Italians don't know how to do American patriotism.

I mean, look at them. Honestly. Okay, well, you should have gone to Nogel then instead of writing an article in the paper about how bummed you are, just go. Yeah. Monday afternoon while on a bender, Deffie Wallace, Deffie Wallace, that's a nickname. I like it. Deffie Wallace got it in an altercation with Colonel Fisk. Deffy came out of the must with a knife cut over the eye.

Was it a defecation? Hello. Jesus Christ, it's got a knife. Remember me? I just put him in my wall toilet. Duffy came out of the must with a knife cut over his eye, and the colonel will have to appear before the next session of the district court. He gave Bond for $250.

Okay. All right, so it was a little fight. Yeah, he cut a man named Duffy, and he's got a fine. Did Diffie get cut or was he the cutter? Deffi was cut. Over the eye. The colonel cut him. Why did the colonel cut him?

It doesn't say. Are we playing clue? But, but Duffy was on a bender. So. Deffy was on a bender. You know how Duffy gets. He does some shit when he's on a bender.

Hey, he was on once so long he'd defied logic. I'm sorry. Oh, this is interesting. Brown and Eubrick are now carrying a stock of the finest. quality of ice that nature is provided. Wow. Ice such a player. Again with the ice. Yeah. I get it sort of, but it's really such a short-term solution. I mean, if you're hot all the

time and then some of those in with ice, like I get it. Yeah, and your meat is going to last, I don't know, another seven days. Stop. It comes from the clear, pure waters of the Benito, which is sufficient recommendation of its excellence. Okay, well, I mean, the Benito, is that like a cream or something? It's a Mussolini ice. Well, this is a, okay, black buck hunting in India. The black buck of India is a, this is going to get weird, I'm sure. I'm nervous.

I've got that, what do we call it? Racism gut, you know, where it's about to take a term. Racism are coming. It's called the term turn. Uh-huh. It's a very graceful animal, weighing between 30 and 50 pounds. The hide of the male when full grown is of inky blackness on the back, while the belly is as white as snow. The contrast is very striking.

The horns are black and spinal in shape and the length average of about 18 inches, although they have been known to reach 26 inches. They're usually found in herds And are difficult to approach on foot That's weird Most animals would be like Hi Hello Did you bring your gun thing?

As the bucks tossed their heads into the air From time to time In a very graceful manner And some of them Are almost sure to detect Any attempted stalking They are at times hunted on horseback But the usual method

I love how they describe the beautiful animal and they're like, and here's how we kill it. Here's how to kill it. You can't appreciate the beauty of something unless you murder it. That's right. Back to possessing my wife. But the usual method in many

sections is to use a conveyance very much like the back of a horse only shorter and made of wood. Okay. So... This is an advertisement to go to India to hunt? No. This is just an article about how great the hunting is in India?

About how hunting this one animal is. Black Buck. But it took a turn because now the horses are made a wood, so it's not normal anymore. I haven't felt good for a while. When I was in college, I got a research grant and spent a week in the archives

at UC Berkeley reading San Francisco newspapers from 1870s. Wow. And like, it's, you know, when before like the 24-hour news cycle and even, you know, before like when you correspondents would have to mail the thing back and so there wasn't the expectation that like here's today's news right you know the newspapers are just filled with like

dispatches from my time among the yellow chinese you know oh yeah like someone goes somewhere and then they send a letter and then the whole thing gets printed in the paper right so some guy went black buck hunting yeah very early on i discovered that some papers were using the double E when they printed up stories and then they were just used to throughout the story so it would just be Chinese and you'd be like

you didn't really have to do that yeah we're trying to expand our racist terms okay so it's on wheels is drawn by bullocks and is called a jungle cart but I don't know why you wouldn't just want to be on a horse

it seems like it would be worse to be on a cart. A jungle cart? Probably. It is very... Crates are incredibly nimble when you're at navigating the jungle. Yeah. It is very close to the ground and from both sides, project...

That's the difference. You've got a little, it's like a low, it's like a low stage. You're like laying on it. I don't know how it's getting pulled. They're sledding. They're sledding. Yeah, they're sledding. And from both sides, project flat pieces of wood upon which the feet rest. The inside is hollow and holds ammunition and lunch.

Well, the inside took a weird turn. Jesus Christ. Whoops, I reached down to get my sandwich and accidentally ate bullets. So you're kind of, it feels like you're skateboarding on a kitchen. That's the worst. A shooting, a shooting kitchen. A fire kitchen. it is believed that they take the queer little wooden arrangement on wheels for a plow and consequently are not much alarmed as it draws near them in ever decreasing circles

the bullocks move at the word of command and are accompanied by a shickery or native hunter and the bucks never seem to fear the inhabitants datless having learned they are without guns and are not to be dreaded oh so the the like local natives are friendly with these animals and now they're bringing in white guys to shoot them. Right. So the animal's like, you can trust him. I know it's strange that he's on a kiteboard. Eating a sandwich. Eating a sandwich with a functioning kitchen behind him.

Just out here lounging through the jungle. Yeah, just having a luge hunt. With a snack buffet. Yeah. Just some jungle funions. It may now fairly be assumed that Mayor Carter Harrison has entered the presidential field.

He has begun to kiss the schoolgirls who visit the world's fair. Well, this guy will get elected. He's checking one box. All tongue. What's my campaign strategy? Step one. Statutory rape. Stepping young girls.

Future voters. This is rather ticklish campaigning. A man is liable to get himself filled with lead for mistaking some fellow's best girl for a school miss. What the fuck? What does that even mean that he might end up kissing a child who's actually a wife? They're like, that's the only slippery slope for molesting a child. I feel like they also might be calling like teenage girls, school girls, and teenage girls at that point are very on. It's open season.

Yeah, very on the menu. It's a cool time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. John Barry on his Chestnut Stallion Poison reached the entrance to the World's Fair at 9.30 a.m. Tuesday. Love that. Rolling in a horse named Poison. Yeah. So, Brett Michaels. deck deca decka decka decka oh we come from different musical traditions because i went to belbiv devo

poison he's just a crap behind him poison poison poison poison poison uh winning winning the great cowboy race which commenced on the 13th from shaddra Nebraska, the distance being 1,040 miles. The last 150 miles were made in 24 hours, and both horse and rider were completely worn

out. More horse, though. More horse, yeah. Wait, can I, I just want to check in that, am I correct, that we're reading the newspaper from White Oaks, New Mexico? That's right. The only actual White Oaks news that we've,

that has been in the White Oaks newspaper, paper is Enick trying to get his wife back and, uh, what's his bucket's getting stabbed? I think that's it. Yeah. What about, uh, walltubs? Was that not, uh, that's just an ad. No, that was a company in Chicago. Oh, no, there was, there's been ice, uh, discussions. But that was in Virginia, right? Well, one of them. There've been a couple. But there's been a couple of where to get your ice. You're not wrong to suggest that if you bought this for local information, you probably be a little hungry. Emmett Albright came

in second at 11.15am and he will contest Barry's claim to winning the race. He wants a photo finish. Like, what the fuck is that? One of the greatest feelings of pleasure that falls to the lot of man is experienced

when, after waking up with the impression that it is time to rise for the day and lying in bed for some minutes, fighting off drowsiness, he finally looks at his watch and finds he still has four good long hours during which he may sleep. This guy has... This is a paper, right? He's got insomnia.

This guy, is, is that it? Yeah. So this is just a passing thought of a guy like, how good is it when you don't have to get up? How good is it when you wake up and you? You think that you have to get up and then you don't have to get up. How good is that? He's like, really good. Is there news?

No. No, I just think that is so awesome. You imagine that there's somebody in White Oaks reading the paper being like, man, finally someone blew open this sleeping in story. He just leans forward from the paper. Honey, you're not going to believe this. He's right. It is good to wake up and then fall back a sleep.

To live in a time where you have a watch and yet are not, like, there's not enough information to put in the paper. Wow. Wow. Sleeping more is all. This just in. Sleeping more, awesome. Breaking news. Waking up and being able to go back to bed is a huge relief.

Let's throw to our panel to discuss sleeping more. I'm sorry, we have to break in. Hey, how good is water? When you're thirsty, huh? The Chinese rule, a beheaded banker for every broken bank may yet have to be adopted in America. Ugh, what is taking so long? They're still doing it.

We've been saying this now for almost 150 years. And they're still like rocking a version of it. Yeah, they are. They still do a version of that. They still will execute huge banking criminals. Yeah, if a CEO of a company is a total criminal, they're like, well, you're going to die. They just know what they're doing. And yet, it still doesn't stop them from being fucking scumbens.

I know. It's really shocking. It shows you the, we have a problem. We have a big problem. But still, if like Obama killed two bankers, man, the difference I would have in my opinion. What about just prosecuting two bankers? Yeah, sure. Or saying he should prosecute, too.

I said this on another podcast, but one of my only conspiracy theories is that, like, in the 2008 primary, the financial sector got behind Obama early, like in 2007. And I believe that in 2007, they knew that the crash of 2008 was coming. and we're like we need a black president otherwise bankers are going to get murdered when the crash comes Oh that's fast That's a really good conspiracy That's a really good one

Is it can you ask the other podcast To edit that out so that's just ours Boy that's crazy Because he did He got like more Wall Street money It was like why is the anti-war guy getting Wall Street money Yeah Economy crashes

And then everyone's mad about the black president And I was like oh now There we go No, I see. There we go. We should be dragging, you know, we should line up all of the Lehman Brothers against the wall. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Just fold them into the wall like Murphy Tubbs. We should be bathing in Lehman Brothers. Just put one in a tub and squish them in the wall and the blood just comes out. The new Murphy killer. It's superstitious. people see more than a mere coincidence in the fact that on the same day and almost the same hour, the funeral of Edwin Booth, brother of J. Wilkes, and the falling floors of the old theater in which Lincoln was assassinated occurred. Okay, so we did do, was it a small-up that we did about

the, the, I don't know. We did do, we did cover, and you know what, it might have just been an article in a paper. Huh. The theater in which he was. Yeah, it was a paper. The theater in which he was executed was turned into like a government building was condemned

and they just kept people working in it and for years it had been condemned. And then they started working on the basement construction instead of the rest of it. And then that didn't work because it all collapsed. So that's what he's talking about. A bunch of people died. But it was

right when Edwin Booth was having his funeral, which is interesting. It's an interesting little fact. Sure. The president, oh, sorry, the present Mikado of Japan has abolished the custom

of furnishing husbands to all women who have reached a certain age unmarried. Furnishing husbands. That's a better way to do it. I have him on layaway. It didn't work out for you. I'm sorry, I don't believe that you're gay.

You now have a husband. Here's Greg. Hello. I'm pretty bad, to be honest with you. I need a lot of work. I'm an alcoholic. So now you're married. Hey.

He must have made the acquaintance of an old maid from America and became jealous because his country had none of these delightful old girls. Oh, I love being here with you old bags. By the way, around 90s, every night I weep for 40 minutes. I have a lot of demons I'm fighting.

I really don't know what that's saying. I mean, it sounds like it's saying that expats become furnished wives for older women who are unmarried.

Now that I'm saying It doesn't make a whole lot of sense Is it saying I could have married an old woman in America But I went to Japan Where I could be furnished As a husband I think he's saying

That our old maids are awesome And so when he met some He was like Well they should be they should be hooking up Although old ladies should be hooking up With men right there's no reason to leave him out there to rot

I mean why can't why can't a lady just go do whatever do what she wants can you not just be like I don't want to get married can that be well we understand no man would have you so we brought you one hello what's for dinner hey I suck I'm really awful I'm a real piece of shit who is the person I don't understand how we got from Japan to this guy

I don't know it's just I don't know if we know he's just is sort of there's no there's no rhyme of reason for what's going on I mean we're at the end of a paper where a guy was just you know basically just celebrating

some very stupid shit yeah all right last one okay sure Langston and Owen cased their new well, six miles north of the town, with some eight-inch pipe that several years ago... I got an eight-inch pipe for near time. Hey, A, A, A, A, A, A, that several years ago had been used in roasting gold

or in connection with an electrical gold extraction process, but which incidentally failed to extract the gold. That's a problem. So it seems that the pipes had never been cleaned and had considerable pay dirt encrusted. on the inside. So I think we're supposed to realize that the two guys abandoned the mine

a long time ago, I think. And they never cleaned the pipes, which have gold in them. Yeah. Big. Which became loosened and fell among the well drillings when the pipes were put down.

Okay. Last Monday, George Marquis, a prospector, happened along and liking the looks of the dirt about the drill hole, panned a little of it. It showed up rich colors. And the news of the wonderfully rich placers

in a section here too, oh sorry, here four, here too for, never given a thought spread like wildfire. So now people going fucking crazy. Yeah. There was much excitement for a little while among the natives, but unfortunately the source of the gold

was learned in time to prevent the loss of lots of labor, time, and grub. in the vein search for more placer gold so shitty shitty mine a guy came across some old pipes and though there's no they were thinking it might be new gold it's not gareth it's not it's old gold you can't get new gold at old gold no it's not the way i do it uh well what an exciting ending to a strange ride Well, Nato, thank you for helping us find some gold in old pipes that we call the pastimes. Oh, you're welcome. And people can find you at Mr. Nato Green.

That's right. Mr. Nato Green on Instagram, Nado Green on Blue Sky. Nato Green. Not net is allegedly the website. Okay, allegedly. We're not sure yet. Well, thank you for joining us, Nato. And we look forward to the release of your Dallup, and we won't reveal who that's about,

even though there's a nice little tease. Greatness to you guys. Good to see you. All right. Thank you, buddy. Some of these days, you'll miss me, honey. Some of these days. Hey, Dullop fans.

I know you love the Dallop. You love listening to the Dullop. Do you want to watch the Dallop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary. It's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people,

the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. already making a second one. So go there and watch the Rube.