The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 14 - Carry A Nation

Episode Date: July 28, 2014

Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds discuss the hatchet woman of prohibition, Carry A Nation.Tour DatesSources Dollop MerchPatreon

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virgins go to mingle. And do my thing. Hello? Hello. It's cat hair off this thing. How's their cat hair? You don't have a cat. Yeah, that's a feral cat that lives in the garage. Oh I forgot about the garage cat. Yeah. It's over there in the corner and we feed it. Sure. Great little situation for everybody. He's loving it. Yeah. I never get to leave here. This is great. Perfect. I mean, welcome to venture. It's welcome to venture outside. Yeah. No, listen. Well, why would why would you when you get a couple of boxes? Why do you leave? Why do you leave paradise? Why leave paradise for the unknown. I'm sorry about the dog.

That's okay. I think it's going to dig through my leg. It's fine. You're listening to the dollop. I'm Dave Anthony. I'm here with Gary Reynolds. Close. So close. It's over, you know. Shut up. It's not over. Your name is over. No, it's not. You can't you can't just say that you wield that power. My name is Gareth and people know it. Good luck. It's been stamped. And I think I might have a cute little nickname. Some people are having some fun. Sure. Maybe maybe 90% of the fans are calling me Gary. Sure. Okay, it's fine. Your show business name is Gary. No, it is not. And it's just Gary. It's not even Reynolds. It's just Gary. Honestly, Brazilian football player. I would take that. I can see that in some big lights and me coming out of like, you know, jumping through a

Oh boy. stuff, I guess. So, Gary, Gareth Reynolds. Yeah. Kerry Moore, whose name was spelled C A R R I E when she was born. Later it gets changed to C A R R Y. Sounds like a controversial doll. She came out of her mom's vagina on November 25th, 1846. And Gerard County, Kentucky to George and Mary Moore. So that's not bad, right? Nope. A little girl is born into the world. I don't see any problems. What could go wrong? Nothing. Nothing. Just the regular birth sounds like to me. Yep. I'll see you later, Dave. Good talk. Okay, catch you around. George Moore was of Irish descent and he owned a plantation with slaves. Well, lots of slaves. Okay, well, I mean, that's not,

well, I don't agree with it. That's not crazy at the time. Not that. Not the time. No. Kerry was not a strong child. So she stayed indoors mostly and learned to read. Good thing he had all those slaves then. Right. Yeah. The kid would not be doing the work. Bingo. So justified. Does not have to pick anything up or move it. Nope. She spent a lot of time reading a book known as the Bible. Oh, sure. I've read about this one. Now take note. I said the Bible. Right. She was super into the Bible. Right. Yeah. No, that's clear. The Holy Bible, right? Yeah. I get you. And her family was not exactly normal. Okay. I mean, I painted a picture of a normal Southern family. Another normal Southern family. Yep. Her mom, Mary had a mental illness.

Okay. That caused her to be under the delusion that she was lady and waiting to be the Queen of England. Queen of England Titus. Correct. You know, I hit my head pretty hard earlier, and I think I'm next in line for the throne. Yeah. I mean, she had to have been pretty or else who would put up with that? Well, are we assume? Yeah. Okay. Because they're affluent, obviously. They're affluent. And so he's with a crazy person like he married or he's with the next Queen of fucking England. You're right. You're right. Eventually, she actually did become the Queen in her mind. So one day she woke up and she goes, Yes, what? I'm the Queen. The other Queen died in my head today. So now I'm the Queen. I mean, it would be great if she was walking around

talking in a British accent. She better be. How's she going to get the people to follow her? So she spent the last several decades of her life believing she was Queen Victoria. Oh, so, okay. Yeah. She's not just next to mine for the throne. No, she became. She's a dead Queen. Okay. She forced her husband to build her a gilded carriage. Oh, boy. You know, a gilded carriage is it's the it's the a big fancy gold. Yeah. He assembled bringing that up to him like, Oh, God. Okay, honey. Yeah, I might have to build this fucking thing. She's really serious about this. God, this is the fourth day in the row. She won't shut the fuck up about it. I might build this shit. And I keep saying, Okay, Queen's Archaistically, but she's not getting that. Okay,

your majesty. Eat your fudge psycho. He assembled a carriage upholstered in red velvet with a silk-hatted coachman. So he got it. He made one. He read velvet. He got a coachman to sit on it. He then had the slaves open the gates and blow a horn as his wife approached. Oh my gosh. She wore gowns and a train and a crown of crystal and glass and pumpkin all over her face. The Queen would then be driven back and forth. Okay. The Queen would then be driven back and forth on the plantation grounds waving a white gloved hand at her slaves. Oh my God. What a fucking scene we have here, huh? Hello. Hello. My subjects. Hello. Imagine a new slave coming in. Wait, what do we do? Oh, she thinks she's the

Queen of England. So we might have to just pretend like we follow her for a while. Is it? Can we kill ourselves? No, well, you can try, but they'll kill you first. Okay. Killing yourself is illegal. Oh, shit. We'll just wave at the new Queen. That's Queen Victoria you're looking at, by the way. That's not just any old Queen. Oh, it's Queen Victoria. That's Queen Victoria. Oh, holy shit. I don't know who that is because I'm from Africa. Oh, that's fair. I don't either. I should probably learn that. She also only saw her family members by appointment. I think if you're a family member, that's fine. You're fine with that policy. Would you like to make an appointment to see the Queen? No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

Would you like to make an appointment to see the Queen tomorrow? No, the problem with me is I like to do drop buys. I don't know if we're ever going to see each other. Carrie also had an aunt. The Duchess of Bullshit. No, no, not completely different. She would often climb on the roof and pose as a weather vane. It's my favorite thing ever. There she goes. Look at that. What is your wife's sister doing up there? Even the Queen's sister, she's pretending to be a weather vane. She's just kind of moving, but you could see the winds blowing. She's spinning. Yeah, she's spinning because it's kind of blowing a little bit right now. Oh, yeah. We need a doctor. We need one really bad.

She also had a cousin. Didn't she? Who at the age of 40 decided to only walk on all fours. Hey, that's my favorite thing ever, so that's just good. Okay, I'm going to be a dog. Hang on. I'm not going to stand on just two feet anymore. It's just so not as easy. I think I'm going to do this. I'm going to walk around like a bear. Okay. Anyone got a problem with that? Anybody? Weather vane? Victoria. Anyone got an issue? Everyone's cool with this? All right, here I go. And I'm down. This is it. Laugh. I'm down. Last for good. I'm down. Once I go down, I'm down. All right, that's the end of walking. Oh, boy. So the family was a little weird. Which part again? I'm sure there was also a guy that thought he was a lamp. Yeah.

What's that guy doing? Pull his ear. I'm on. The all fours guy. Okay, so because her mom thought she was the queen, Carrie grew up under the care of her father's slaves. Okay, okay, right. Makes sense. Yep. She was high for the best. Yeah, oh god, yeah. She was close to one of the slaves named Aunt Eliza. It was not until Carrie was older that she was allowed to eat at the same table as her parents, because her mother believed that being with the slaves was the best way to bring up her children. Because she was crazy. And as do we all. Because she thought she was the queen. Therefore, air go. Air go. The slaves would be better parents. Right.

Oh, so that's a good family. That's a sitcom if we are living in that time period. You pitch that sitcom. They'll be like, that's too weird. Wait, the weather vane? Yeah. And then there's all fours Larry. Which brings us to all fours Larry. Kind of the Kramer of the show. I mean, I wish that we could keep exploring that family because we only know about three of them. There's gotta be, it's just gotta be everybody. There's ever a family I need procreating more and more. It's that family. Well, Carrie kind of puts an end to you wanting her to procreate. So the civil war began. Okay. The family moved to Texas. And that's where Carrie grew into a woman. And by grew, I mean, she turned into an enormous fucking monster. She she was six to

and tip the scales at 250 pounds. Wow. So she was fucking gigantic. Good girl. Especially for that time period, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She had a she had a there's pictures of her which I'll put up. She has a pushed up like a pushed up twatty face like she has a she has a face of a horrible person. She does like she you just look at her and you go you're an asshole. I'm Carrie of the cunts. Oh, the Welsh cunts. Yes, yes, the cunts of Wales. So so she had a it looks like she it looks like she has always been hit with a bag of rice, like an uppercut, like she's just like her face is in a permanent she's just the bitch. She's just she just looks like a bitch. Yeah. That's royalty for you. She if she was like a if she was like a person from today, she would look like a female rush

limbaugh. Oh, Jesus. Good. Yeah, not good. Like this giant. Yeah. Yeah. Like a blob. But she's bigger. She was bigger than limbaugh. Yeah. Wow. Well, maybe not. He's lost weight because he's lost mine. It's easy to lose weight after you are coming off a huge, huge enormous enough pills to kill an elephant. She also had a delightful habit of having loud public conversations with Jesus. Oh, good. Who she called Big Brother. Oh, boy. So she'd be walking down the street and Big Brother, you know that fucking awesome. Cool. The kind of person nowadays everyone would avoid. Yeah, or would be in Senate Senate. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So she married a daughter. Now, this is where I don't know. So she married a doctor. Okay. Which is surprising to you, right? Well, I mean, it doesn't

seem like she's a catch. So you'd think that maybe she'd marry a shoe shiner. It's going to turn out he's not a catchy. Okay. They got married in 1867. Her parents did not approve of the marriage because they knew that he was an alcoholic. Okay. Oh boy. Yeah. Okay. Somehow she managed not to notice that he was an alcoholic until after they were married. Okay. Because she was probably talking to Jesus so much. Yeah. In her autobiography, she revealed that wearing a grimy shawl, she spent much of her marriage of about a year roaming Holden, Missouri, where the family lived searching for her drunken spouse. She lamented that his alcoholism deprived her of support and love. Now, in my mind, he was like, Oh, God, I got to go drink. Yeah.

Jesus. They just don't shut the fuck up. I wish I had known that her aunt was a weather vane before I had married her. And what does your aunt do? She's a weather vane. Now, let's go see the Queen. Let's go see the Queen. I scheduled an appointment. So we had a terrible marriage and then they had a kid. Wait, within a year? So they had them, they were married for a year. You're married for a year. Back in that time, they decided to bring a child into Charlene named after daddy, Charlie, the drunk. The daughter was sickly. That's what they called it back then. Oh, she had a mental disability. Can you believe that? I don't know. I don't know. I can't come nowhere. Mother's or father's side.

It came from nowhere. You can't predict these things. Of course, Carrie blamed the kid being fucked up on her husband's drinking. Of course. Of course. My family's normal. Yeah, my family's normal. Is that a bear? No, that's my cousin. That's my cousin. Leave him be. He's hunting. So she left her husband because of because he had the drunk sperm that created the mental disorder. Right. Not the right. Right. Not the clear genetic disorder. Not the carrier. He died six months later from drinking, which we all call a miracle for him. Christmas miracle. Big smile on his face and I'm out.

Yeah. His last words are thank God I'm dead. Charlene's conditions were actually much worse than just a mental problem. Okay. I don't know. I don't know how to describe. Okay. She thought she was a four legged weatherman. She was afflicted with some sort of problem that caused her right cheek to fall out. I'm sorry. So her jaw would like dislocate. Yeah. Oh, cool. Her jaws clamp shut for eight years at one point. I'm going to need some soup. Eight years. Eight years. Okay. She went through more than a half dozen horrific operations that involved sawing out sections of her jaw bones. Jesus Christ. Okay. So she's fucked up. Yeah. Yes.

So mama was mad at her. Obviously. At everything. She's just mad. Yeah. The circumstances of her kid's illness and her divorce and her ex-husband passing helped fertilize Carrie's insanity. Oh, perfect. And she decided to fight the world's evils. Her and her invisible partner. Jesus. Smoking, drinking, sex and freemasonry. Those were the things she was fighting? Waves. I mean, I almost get freemasonry, but that is weird. I know. It's one of the four. Yeah. She's like the top four that's killing everyone. Smoking, drinking, drinking, meetings of huge groups of men, retreats of gentlemen.

Carrie hated sex so much that she began stalking young couples out on strolls or buggy rides. Wow. I mean, six to two fifty. Yeah. Right? Jesus. Oh, God. You two ain't going to fuck, are you? Get your lips off that woman. Leave some room for the Holy Ghost now. Wow. She would look behind bushes. What? And leap out had her unfortunate victims armed with an umbrella and screaming about Jesus. Don't fuck Jesus' hair. Don't you touch each other. Okay, my boner's gone. Jesus. No, no, my boner's definitely gone. Look at the umbrella. We're just going to go home now because. And not fuck, right? Have you seen the boner killer out on route three? And I'm gone into the night again. And I'm gone. The boner killer lives to

breathe another day, stopping another fornication. Okay, in 1874, she married somebody else. I can't even. This guy. I mean, what? So she married David A Nation. David A Nation? You see where this is going? No. What's her name now? Carrie Nation. Yeah. Carrie A Nation. No. Yeah, no, she loved it. She felt that the name she changed her name from C A R R I E to C A R R Y A dot nation. And she thought it was by Jesus had given her this name to carry a nation to goodness. Oh boy. That would still happen today, by the way. Yep. Totally. David was an attorney, minister, newspaper journalist and father. He was 19 years older. They quickly bought a farm in Texas and then realized that neither of them knew anything

about farming. Great. And that's the order. It was a massive failure. That's the order to go. Well, they got down there and she was like, my family had a farm and then they bought the farm and she went, Oh, we had slaves. We're all the slaves to do everything. And we had a queen. Wait a minute. Where's the weather? They then moved to another town in Texas, where David was supposed to practice law, did not pan out. Why? He realized he didn't have a law degree at the time. Then in 1880, Carrie got a job running a hotel and David ran a saddle shop down the street. So David is clearly what we would define as a loser. Y'all want to buy a saddle? Please do it or my wife's going to hit me. I used to be an attorney.

How about a saddle? I ran a farm. Saddles? Saddle. I'll pay you to buy a goddamn saddle. Then David got involved in something called the J. Woodpecker War. Oh yeah, of course. You know what that is? No idea. I didn't know either. J. Woodpecker War. Yeah, it's a great name for a cartoon and a war. So basically it was Democrats against Democrats in a county in Texas where the voting, because it was just normal voting, so the blacks, there were more of black people, so they were winning the votes. So the whites wanted to get control. The Democrats were winning the votes because black people were voting. No, it was Democrat against Democrat. It was the Democratic Party fracturing. So there were white Democrats and black Democrats.

Oh, okay, I get it. And there were more black Democrats. Awkward. So the awkward inner party fight. How do we do this without switching parties? Let's kill some blacks. You guys are still kind of slaves to us, okay, for being real. I know you're all new here, but you're free and whatnot, but I don't like you voting free. It doesn't mean free, free. You're going to see it in a minute. Okay. So David chose to align with the blacks. Okay. And shockingly, after the shooting and the ending in bloodshed, the whites won. Really? With all their guns? Can you believe that? I'm shocking. I can't believe it. So David had to flee. Well, David, really, I mean, if you're in that situation, right? Yeah. And I'm not, take your moral compass out of this.

Yeah. Which side are you going to, I mean, which side is the non-fleeing side, the white side, or the side that is still technically. Okay. But also, if I am selling saddles, maybe I want to flee. True. You're picking a loser. You're like, yeah, I think I'm with the black guys. I think I got a great point. Just kill us all. Kill me. Just shoot me in my fucking head. Selling saddles. I'm a lawyer. So he moved the family to Kansas, where he became a preacher at a Christian church. Good. Well, he's next job. No, any job he can get. Yeah, yeah. No, I can preach. I preach. I preach. Absolutely. Yep. Yes. Yes, indeed. Yep. Yep. Yep. Carrie ran a hotel. This was in a city called Medicine Launch. David was known to conduct

boring sermons in a small quaking voice that entirely lacked the popular hellfire of the times. And then, you know, we shouldn't do, we shouldn't do this stuff with us. And the Lord looked down upon, you guys talk and please don't talk right now. And the Lord looked down upon, oh God, a lesbian spot. Oh my God. You can get through this, David. Is it hot in here? Do you guys feel hot? Someone opened one of the back doors. Is there any way to open the door? Oh my God, I'm burning up. That's church-inchirred. Did I just see a churn? Carrie would often sit in the front pew and huller prompts at him. Get it better. Do it faster. Talk about Jesus, you idiot. He's right next to me and he's passed.

And when David floundered too much, she would end the service with a, that's enough for today, David. That's enough. Move out. Can you imagine what a bitch. He's the biggest bitch of all time. He has been turned into a total, like, prison bitch. She ends his service. I mean, I would absolutely go there. Non-religious, religious, whatever. I'd be like, this is the best fucking church ever. He doesn't say anything and she ends it early. Kansas had been legally dry since 1860, one of the first states to outlaw booze before prohibition. Carrie as well. Uh-huh. Most people, however, considered the dry law as a joke and all but a handful of citizens looked the other way regarding alcohol. So, saloons were open.

Everything was just going the same way. They just passed a law and everyone went, yeah, okay. Good, good. Cops did not enforce the law because it was considered stupid. Then came Carrie, a nation. Oh God. She entered the temperance movement in 1890. When a U.S. Supreme Court decision in favor of the importation instead of liquor in original packages from other states weakened the prohibition laws in Kansas. So, basically, they said, if you don't make booze in Kansas and it gets sent there from other states, yeah, you can, you can do that. Okay. So, that made her mad. Of course. Why wouldn't it? She started a local branch of the Women's Christian Temperance Union, the WCTU. Her methods escalated from

simple picketing to chanting temperance poetry, which could you imagine you're trying to drink? Yeah. You're trying to hang out with a buddy at a bar and there's temperance chanting going on. That is wrong. Put down your meds. Oh, God. Oh, fuck me. Fuck you, bitch. She needs a husband. Two serenading saloon patrons with hymns. Oh, my God. Accompanied by a hand organ. Drinking was the old abortion. To greeting bartenders with point of remarks such as, good morning, destroyer of men's souls. Morning, bitch. I mean, I'd love it. One Sunday morning in 1890, Carrie Nation, another woman,

attacked the medicine lodge drugstore. She burst through the doors armed with a sledgehammer shrieking her hell in brinstone god bullshit at the owner and his handful of customers. She called the anger of God into her sledgehammer and smashed the cask of whiskey into splinters. Well, I mean, this is where it should have all ended, right? They should be like, all right, well, we have a psycho. Okay, so let's lock her up. Yeah, lock her up. She brought a fucking mallet into a drugstore and smashed whiskey. But everyone just stared at her. She was a giant monster and no one knew what to do. No one did anything to stop her. They were just like, what happened? Oh, God, God alive. That was close. Soon after David Nation was asked to resign as a

preacher of his local church because Carrie was fucking insane. The couple divorced in 1901. Isn't that a shame? That's a shame. Yeah, let me guess. She kept the name. She did keep the name. Unreal. Normally, if I'd women like to move on, but I guess Carrie felt good. Yeah, she enjoyed that name. This was the last thing really tethering her to reality. Oh, good. She began to pray to God for direction because she was making a dent. She wasn't making a dent in all the sex and booze and freemasonry. Carry a hammer into the drugstore. Dempt it. Close. The next morning, this is her. This is what she wrote. The next morning, I was awakened by a voice which seemed to me speaking in my

heart. These words go to Kiowa and my hands were lifted and thrown down and the words all stand by you. The words go to Kiowa. We're spoken in a murmuring musical tone. Oh, sorry. Go to Kiowa. We're spoken at a murmuring musical tone, low and soft, but all stand by you was very clear and positive and fatic. I was impressed with the great inspiration. The interpretation was very plain. It was this. Take something in your hands and throw at these places in Kiowa and smash them. Jesus. What? What? That's God. God is... That's what God says to people. He's really just... He's super in a smashing shit. Yeah. I would think... I always thought of him as more of a passive. No, no, no, no, no. He's like, go fuck shit up. Punch him in his balls. All right, Lord, I'll do your

bidding. Light it on fire. You're the biggest bitch in the world. Pick up something heavy and smash something. I'm God. Also, maybe time to start walking on all fours exclusively. Just floating that out there. Always fun. I know Buick's haven't been invented, but drive one through a shop. Hooray. Okay. Jesus also compared Kerry to Joan of Arc. You're a lot like Joan of Arc, except you're the size of an arc. So she was, she, yeah, so she thinks she's now... Yeah, God's on the side. God's not telling her to go fuck shit up. Yeah. So Kerry loaded with a wagon of throwing rocks, as they were called. Oh, aren't those rocks? Well, she liked to call them smashers. Smashers? Go take these smashers and show them they shouldn't be drinking. Throw these

smashers at them. See who's drinking when they get a smasher right in the kisser. A few of her Christian temperance buddies came along. She also brought her sledgehammer and they sent out 20 miles to the town of Kiowa. Poor Kiowa. Yeah. They're just fucking hanging out. They're just hanging out and then some chick who got a crazy message from God. Some crazy chick who got a crazy message from God. Kiowa. When she arrived, she went straight to work. She destroyed two small saloons using the sledgehammer. She demolished everything in both bars that might hold hooch from casks and kegs to steins and cups. I mean, the drunks in the bar just ran out and scattered. That's the amazing thing to me. Yeah. Like she came in and started fucking throwing

rocks and hitting she with a sledgehammer. Tackle her. But I don't think they could tackle her. They'd be like tackling a mountain of skin. You gotta climb skin mountain. The big saloon in town was called Dobson's. Okay. They heard what was going on and tried to prepare the saloon, but they couldn't stop the insanity. What? Carrie came in, killed all the liquor in the place, then all the receptacles, then set about killing the place itself. She hurled rocks through windows and billiard balls through expensive imported mirrors. She sledge the furniture to death. All of it. Every table, chair and stool fell to the wrath of God. She she ripped the swinging doors from their hinges as a parting shot. I mean, okay. Okay. What the

fuck is everybody doing? It's he's breaking the law, right? Right. Yeah. Okay. Totally breaking the law. I mean, she's destroying a business. Yeah. Okay. And everyone's like, I get it. I get it. You know, let her cry this out. You got at this age, you got to let them bang it out. You really do. You just got to let them, you got to let them destroy it out. The fuck. All right, you guys, some woman's coming around here soon with a sledge average. She's going to smash everything. There's 30 of us. How are we going to prepare? Run. Great call. Yeah. Just fucking. I mean, yeah. Okay. But here's here's something you can't refute. Right after she destroyed the sledge in Kiowa, a tornado hit eastern Kansas,

which she took as a divine approval. Of course. Because what else could it be? Of course. I mean, how else does God send a message? How else does he say there in his little cauldron, right? And he sends a tornado. Yeah. That's his way of saying add a girl. Yeah. It's like a gold star in school. He just drops a tornado near your chaos. Anytime there's a tornado, I look around and I go, who did good? All right. Who did good? Somebody's in God's good book. Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck. You know, I was starting to wonder whether or not I'd done the right thing. And then there was that tornado. And I knew I'd done the right thing. Thank you, God. I'm going to keep going at it. No, no, no, no. That was a message to stop. Thank you. Salivating me with tornadoes.

I get the language. Said she was allowed to go Jesus crazy without any resistance. She got to murder three bars. Cary Nation became an overnight media sensation. Oh, great. So she was now a celebrity from smashing up three bars because nobody stopped her. Because nobody just grabbed her and held her down. The new it girl. Cary A Nation. Who's hot? Cary A Nation. Who's hot this year on Destruction's List? Who's not hot? Weathervane and who smashed it better? Psycho's. They're just like us. So so now she's big shit. Carrier and their temperance idiots lobber lobbied the members of the 1901 Kansas legislature.

Nation told the Senate you refused me the vote and I had to use a rock. They responded by passing the first significant temperance legislation in almost 15 years. So everyone's fucking going along with the shit. The second era of prohibition in Kansas was much more rigorous than the than the first one. But she wasn't done smashing shit up. Oh, good. Good. Good. The press poured into town. I don't like pouring. So new guy news guys from all over the country are now flying in when not flying in horsing in to to watch her murder bars. Oh, so she okay. So now here she is. She's like, I'm big shit. Yeah. And then media comes and she's like, well, I got to give them a show. Right. Yeah. That's exactly right. So newsmen would actually follow her around on her raids.

Yeah, normally I'll just come over here with my big hammer. Smash this around a little bit, you know, send the message that God wants me to do this. Maybe take a break or get a sandwich over there. They make good sandwiches. Go smash it for the afternoon, obviously. She needed something special. She needed something that would pop. Oh, no. So she turned her sledgehammer in for a hatchet. Wow. And the term hatchetization was born. A term I'm always using. On one occasion at a store owned by a man named O.L. Day, she rolled a keg of whiskey into the street, opened it up with a hatchet and set it on fire. Jesus. Now she's like a fucking showman. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Now she's the fucking Siegfried and Roy of smashing a bar. Remember

when you just smash them? I miss those days. For my next smash. Oh, God. I need to volunteer to smash this next one. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Get ready. Abracadabra. You just got to be like inside like the fuck. The fuck is going on out there? Oh, fuck. It just fuck off. I just wanted a beer, man. I worked all day. I wanted a beer. Tired. It's a lady. She's smashing shit and setting it on fire. I just dropped water. Oh, Jesus wants me to have a beer, doesn't he? Jesus drew water into wine. How do you forget that part of the whole? I'm still mad at him about that. If I was there, I would have just hatcheted that water right away before he had the chance to do his little abracadabra. The hatchet became Carrie's symbol, as well as a fine money raising tool for

her and the WCTU. She started... Give us the money or I'm going to use this hatchet on you. No, she started a mail order business that distributed in addition to autograph postcards and copies of her newsletter called The Smasher's Mail. Why is it? Militia copies of her hatchet. This is kind of like when someone's Twitter who doesn't deserve it blows up. Yeah. It's exactly... You got to be fucking kidding me. No, they think that it's a good thing. Now they think they're good and now it's only going to get worse. Selling the stuff earned her a decent amount of cash to help finance her raids. Essentially, it locked her in. Now it's her job. No, now it's her fucking job to smash it up with a hatchet

and then sell tiny hatchets. Well... It's... She's like a comic. She's selling googly eyes. It's just a comic. Yeah, she's selling merch. She's doing the shows and then she's stroking hawk on the merch. And who should I make this out to? Well, thank you so much. Couldn't do it without you. Here's your little hatchet. She's the first Gallagher. Yeah, totally. I bet you he sold tiny mallets. Oh my gosh. Listen, I saw Gallagher when I was 11 years old. I did too. Yeah, I had a little hat. Yeah, there's tons of shit. Oh, God. It's her. Yeah. In her newspaper, The Smasher, she labeled President Roosevelt a bloodthirsty, reckless, cigarette-smoking rummy.

After President McKinley's assassination, she said he had deserved his end because he was a smoker. Wow. So she has... A bit of a health nut. She's super into health. It's a bit of a health nut. And she's got rigid rules. Yes. Yes. Not a lot of gray area. For a long time, she left her own devices, raiding and smashing wherever she went with little concern that the authorities might get involved. So no one is doing anything. The fuck is wrong with them? But then people started thinking, hey, why don't we arrest this stupid asshole? Yeah. About six months into a reign of terror. So six months, she's destroying bars.

What the fuck? She's not King Kong. She destroyed... She is kind of King Kong. She can be captured so easily. Six months into a reign of terror, she destroyed the bar in Wichita's finest hotel and was arrested and put in jail for three weeks. Okay. She's more... Because she's... Dave, I don't want to tell you this, but when she gets out, it's not going to be good. No, no, you don't know that. I know that. No, you don't know that. I do. Okay. Well, let's read on. She was released, immediately went back to the hotel and started

smashing it up again. She's like the opposite of Hugh Glass. Yeah, totally. Yeah. She just put back in jail. She sat there for three weeks. Oh, I'm gonna get that fucking bar. You can't stop me from getting that fucking bar. Carrie, we keep hearing you say that the first thing you're gonna do is destroy that hotel bar again. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Just talking to Jesus. Just talking to Jesus. All right. Let her go. Get that fucking bar. What's that? Jesus Christ is my friend. Sounded like you said bar.

Come on, get that bar. Come on, get that fucking bar. Definitely hurt bar. No, bars. You said bars. I didn't say mother fucker. All right. There you go. Free to go, sweetie. I didn't say mother fucker. You cunt. You're free to go. So she arrested again, put back in jail, then she was released again, and she left for Topeka on January 26, 1901. The cops must have been on fucking eggshells that second time.

Oh, fuck me. She couldn't fucking go into it again. She rolled in wearing a dark veil shrouding her large face. So it's like a movie. Curtains. So it's like a movie. Yeah. But everyone knew who it was because she was the largest woman on earth. So no one was like, no, it's not me, Carrie. Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, you're huge.

My name's Larry in a station. Okay. We know it's you. It's not me. Word got out. Carrie Nation had arrived in Topeka, but this time it was not going to be easy. She was threatened by a mob and beaten by wives of saloon owners. Good. So she got attacked by other ladies.

Good. It's fucking awesome. Awesome. This time in her little random terror, she was repeatedly arrested and jailed every time she went to a bar. Right. She addressed judges deciding whether to jail her as your dishonor. So she's just a twat. I mean, she's just a twat.

A huge twat. Your dishonor. Jesus, fuck me. Okay. So you want to be in jail? I don't know. Your dishonor. Oh, she did want to be in jail, though. You'll see. Alone in a company by him singing women, she would march in a saloon and proceed to sing,

pray, hurl biblical sounding abusive language and smash the bar fixtures in stock with a hatchet. And one part of her fervor led her to invade the governor's chambers of Topeka. But so. Because what, he had to decanter? She picked up cash registers and threw them into the street. And and it was reported she once ripped the steel door off a refrigerator. Okay, she's a fucking monster. She smelled cake.

Who had a birthday? She railed against fraternal orders, tobacco, foreign foods. This is where it gets awesome. Foreign foods. Yeah. What is that, Patty? You motherfuckers. Have a burger.

What is? Have a burger. Good God, you fucking heathens. What is it? All right, here's my rules. You can't drink. You can't eat foods that aren't from America. No Perrier.

There'll be no fucking. No smoking, no fucking, no foreign foods. No drinking, no fun, no looking at me, no breathing. No corsets? A corsets? No looking pretty. We're all going to look like me. No skirts of improper length.

Oh my God. I can see your ankle horror. You fucking horror. Mild pornographic. Leave something to the imagination, you horror. Put a veil over everything. Live in a sack. I can see your eyes, you dirty slut.

You filthy, leave something to the imagination, you horror. So, so she was, you know, she was off. She was cool. She had her, she drew a line. She drew a line. Some people know what they want. And go after it with hatchets. Right?

In 1901, Temperance leaders assembled in Topeka for the annual convention of Kansas State Temperance Union, the KSTU. Now notice that's not hers, hers is the Christian. Yeah, no, right. Yeah, no. Leaders of the KSTU did not exactly want Carrie attending the meeting because, you know, she was fine. She's the world's biggest cut and that's the problem.

They did not invite her, but she came anyway and was enthusiastically received by the delegates. Oh my God, she's paling. She's paling. After the convention, Nation organized several hundred Kansas women and some men into bands of what she called home defenders. Oh my God. Buttons and pins were sold at Temperance meetings to raise funds for the cause. She accepted, she started accepting many speaking engagements and conducted meetings at which

she advised those in attendance. Oh, I tell you ladies, you never know what a joy it gives you to start out to smash up a rum shop. I mean, so punching a stranger might have a rush to it. Right, it feels good. Yeah. To those who could not secure a hatchet for the upcoming battle, she said, pokers will do as well. Don't worry guys, pokers will smash just as good.

You guys been reading the smash newsletter? A lot of good smash. Home smashing tips there, things that you could make it a home smash with. You could take a part of your bed off and use that. Yeah, you could take a bed knob. Bed post. And then attach it to a poker. And then, you know, you could just smash a ton of shit with that.

You know, you got a baby. You could swing your baby around. I tell you what, you got a baby with a hard enough head or a soft enough head. Just throw it hard enough. Babies are great to smash big bottles of liquor. On February 4th, a brigade of home defenders attempted to rush a joint, but were turned back by a large crowd. So now it's, now it's like other people going, no, it's our booze.

Now you're in a bar and someone's like, all right, get ready. And everyone gets up and is like, no, bitch, no, bitch, we're drinking, bitch. No, bitch. Right. And how this didn't happen before with a bunch of drunk people. Yeah, I will never. That's the problem. They started fleeing right away.

So she was like, when they flee, that's when we could smash. So the next day, nation or followers attacked the Senate Salon, the finest local establishment. Slot machines, a cash register and fixtures were damaged or destroyed. The leading men of the town rallied to her cause in the hours after the Senate attack. So, so this is what's happening. Women are coming home again, wasn't that great? Do you want to keep fucking me?

Yeah. And the men are going, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, yep, I got, yeah, I got your back on this one. Yeah. What the fuck? And of course, they're crazy religious dudes are like, yeah. The piece.

Yeah, but a lot of them were probably there. It's just like, right, honey's like, uh, yeah. Yep. No, we're shouldn't. I don't think anybody should be drinking. No, it's bad. Fuck, please fuck me. Please just let me again, please fuck me.

Please fuck me. Put it in your mouth. Please. Put it in your mouth. Please drink that. I will say that if you put it in your mouth. Nobody should ever drink again. You promised you're going to suck my dick later.

Nobody ever drink again. The police chief decided to close also the ones called the Council of Male Citizens to debate the matter. The Council of Male Citizens. We got to get the men in here to talk. Dudes, what are you doing? He set the meeting for a date when Cary Nation was on a speaking tour of Iowa in Illinois smart when she returned to Topeka.

She learned the home defenders had been excluded from the meeting and that Saloon owners have been allowed to keep their bar equipment on February 17th. The Crusaders Crusaders spent the day destroying a main town Saloon and smashing bar fixtures in storage. They were arrested, all of them, including Nation. Now this. So this is the first time that the temperance idiots had all gathered when placed for this convention.

Right. Right. So the home defenders were born. Now they're a group. Yeah. And they went back to their towns. Oh no. So after Topeka, the home defenders all over the state

started smashing up bars in Saloon. So it was like a plague. Like. But a plague you could stop. But a plague who had the vaccine, which was just to be like, no, no. It's illegal. It's illegal. You're going into jail forever.

But then the thing is, so you can't think of it as like they're smashing up bars because what they're actually smashing up in legal terms would be like a Coke dealer's house. No, because it's legal. It's not legal. Well, OK. So there's a weird thing. Right. There's a there's an area where they're like, fuck, she's smashing up something we shouldn't be doing.

It is illegal. You but OK. Right. No, you're right. Yeah, I mean, there's a way to end this. She was arrested more than 30 times and paid for her fines by selling the tiny hatchets to supporters. I'll be back on the streets in no time. Now, maybe they shouldn't have actually jailed her because every trip Kerry made to jail

seemed to shine a bigger light, a positive light on her and her cause. Her traveling gaggle of journalists reported each arrest always accompanied the news with a photo of Kerry in these photographs. She was usually shown in her cell with the back to the bars hovering over the Bible like the pope. And her fans went bug fuck for it. But this is this is why you're right. They shouldn't keep arresting her. They should arrest her one fucking time and that's it.

That's one article and that's it. And how about no photos? No photos or one photo, one fucking article. I mean, of course, eventually if you turn her into like natural born killers, people are going to be like, man, she really doesn't take shit. Just fucking throw the fucking key. You can easily can just be like, yes, she smashed his property. Fuck her.

No. So arresting her was backfiring. It was creating mobs everywhere giving her more power. So she's like Godzilla literally don't shoot her with a rocket. She'll get more power. Like that's what she was like. Every time you arrest her, she gets trapped hitting her. So seeing that I was a worst arrest, her tabloid overs kind of gave up instead

choosing to lock their establishments until they were sure she had left town. Awful. So it's everything she wants. I mean, almost almost. She was arrested many times in several states, including Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri. She spent time in Little Rock Jail. She was arrested in Hot Springs. She was released when she made it.

This is great. She was released when she made a deal with the mayor. She spoke at the opening of a new subdivision for which she was paid $50. And she made an additional $60 selling souvenir hatchets. So she got arrested and the deal she made with the mayor, she wouldn't smash up the saloons if she got to give a speech. And she ended up making $110, which at that time is a fucking load of. So it's a fucking racket in Little Rock.

She took a tour of 24, 26 saloons and bars. She made speeches and many people admired her. Some followed her on her travels and helped smash saloons and bars. But she also made a lot of enemies who started throwing eggs at her. She got eggs. Wait. Eggs. At this point, she's like OJ on the final ride in the Bronco.

I mean, I'm down for the egg throwing everyone. Everyone's just like coming down now to see what the freak is doing. Like that's where it's coming. Like everyone's like, OK, here we go. She's coming. Some people cheering other people throwing eggs. It turns into a thing. So she's turned into sort of a crazy clown because they can't arrest her.

They can't stop her from smashing stuff up. So her own celebrity is what did her in. So she received so much coverage and so much attention that eventually the whole scene seemed to reach like a crest. And on one side of the peak, Carrie was a hero, a heroine. While on the other side, she became the. They started ridiculing her and making jokes. So when she come into town, instead of a mob, everyone would just be fucking laughing her.

So she'd be smashing shit up and I would be like, oh my god, you're out of your fucking mind. So it totally took the air out of the. OK, so she'd come out of a destroyed saloon. Now like people would be like, you freak. And she'd be like, what? Yeah, anyone want to buy a hatchet? She'd be like, did you just want to this?

And everyone would just start laughing at her. And she'd be like, like, you can't have fire and brimstone. Right. Responded to like, adorable. What? My brain stone. Yeah, real cute. Cute.

So the people opposed her turned her into a joke. Now she come to town. A bunch of people will be laughing at her rage filled mental illness. So it's perfect. It's the best way to defeat her. Not to be daunted, though. Carrie hired herself an agent. Who drank, by the way.

He was triggered. I couldn't agree with you more, Carrie. This is not a really good idea. These people are out of control. I'm going to give you some good deals. You're the one. Like you said, he put a tornado there. Oh, sorry.

I want to go to the bathroom. So he launched, he got her launched on the lecture circuit in theaters across America and Europe. Oh, she reenacted her famous raids. Hatchitizing. Empty casks to bits. So she would go on stage. It's like a fucking, it's like one of those terrible cop shows.

Yeah. Do a reenactment. It's a date line at this point. Like a reenactment of her going into a saloon. She'd smash up a fake saloon on stage. She'd smash a keg to pieces. Like great show. Really good show.

Hard to picture that stuff. And she would do her hymns and all the audience was cheer and scream in what was known as the worst show ever. The worst shows in Spider-Man. Although I could see it being a one-man show at Melbourne. That might be, people would go to that, right? Yeah, I don't know. Sure.

I mean, I think people would. You could see people going to anything. Well, this is when shows were like that. Like people wanted to see like. I didn't want to see the vagina monologue. Like the guy who killed Jesse James when on a tour and did this. Right. Right?

Yeah. He would do the reenactment. No, yeah, it's true. Yeah. Like this is what you did. You did reenactments of shit. It's almost like you were the president. Now you just go on your speaking tour the rest of your life.

Yeah, exactly. You make a scratch. It's really, so you just do, you just act like an asshole for a little while. Yeah. And then you get to go out on a tour. And then you're like, here's my play. Here's my play about being an asshole. In New York and Chicago, she was something of a tolerable sideshow attraction.

But in London, she was seen as a menace. Good. The first and only. So she was also doing pub raids while she was out there. Oh, cool. The first and only pub. In her downtime. The first one, the only pub raid she staged in Britain earned her immediate arrest,

a steep fine and deportation. The Brits weren't having any of the fucking nut job bullshit. They were like, that's beer. We don't fuck with beer. And we're brits. Fuck off. Out you go. Buy forever.

How about I put a pint up your asshole? Well, normally what they do is they just let me go and then I can do it again. I can sell hatchets. Yeah, fuck off. Get on the boat. Fuck off. Bye, bye, bitch. No, I smash it right here.

Yeah, bye. Yeah, bye. Get off, turn, tie the rope. Fuck off, bitch. One country. Okay. Okay. Bye.

Bye. horrible people. I could hear why people hate the British. Things went downhill for Carrie after this. Her supporter slowly deserted her. The WCTU denied all knowledge of her. So the Christian. Never heard of her.

No, I don't know who that is. Nope. What are you talking about? No, we know David A nation, but Carrie does not ring a bell. No, Carrie. The press lost interest, of course, because, you know, it went on for six months a year and they were like, okay. Yeah, you're the eight girl.

Yeah, boring. She went from megastar to laughing stock to complete non-entity. So now she just, everyone's like, nation's daughter, Charlene had been committed to the Texas state, lunatic asylum in 1905. By the way, I miss when we call the silence things like that. Because the lunatic asylum is so vague now. This is the crazy cuckoo home.

It's the home for cuckoos. Where are you going? The cuckoo banana house on the street. We're going to go send him to the lunatic bin. I'm not heading over to hospital. So nation moved her to Austin, Texas, and then took her to Oklahoma and finally brought her Todd Springs, Arkansas, where they settled in a home.

They ran a home for widowed and abused woman. So that must have been nice, right? To have a rage filled lunatic and her once committed daughter to invite you to their home to escape your abusive husband. Did you try smashing him with a hatchet? No, we just. Because men are evil. Okay, okay, I just.

They're full of lekkard. They're technically run barrels if you think about it. I'm looking for a place of peace. Oh, right. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. I forgot we're counseling now. Sorry. She said that Arkansas Reminder of Scotland,

where she recently traveled in time, the home for abused women became a boarding house and then a religious school. First, it was just her giving religious instructions to boarders. So that's just you staying with her. And she's like, oh, Jesus, like a total nightmare. Can I have more free food?

Yep. The school was founded in 1910. It was called National College, although it was not college or national. As she continued to travel, her final speech was in Eureka Springs on January 13th, 1911. She had recently had health problems,

but the speech had been going well. Suddenly she stopped and gasped out. I have done what I could. Then she lapsed into a coma. Whoa. Straight down. She was taken to Evergreen Palace Hospital in Kansas, where she remained in poor health until her death

on June 2nd, 1911. Doctors said the cause of her death was paresis. General paresis. Now, WebMD describes general paresis as a problem with mental function due to damage of the brain from untreated syphilis. Oh, my God. General paresis usually begins about 10 or 15 to 20 years

after the syphilis infection. This was at a time when syphilis was rampant. The superintendent of New York asylum estimated 12 percent of his patients were due to general paresis. General paresis is also known as general paralysis of the insane. Symptoms include

typical symptoms include loss of social inhibitions, asocial behavior, gradual impairment of judgment, abnormal mental function, including hallucinations and false ideals, decreased mental function. Personality changes include delusions, hallucinations, irritability, anger, and inappropriate moods. And disdain for liquor.

So, wow. I didn't read this anywhere. And then I read and then I got to, I was searching about her death because it just seemed weird that she fell over from a coma. And someone wrote a book about it and in the book, about her and in the book, it was like, yeah, the doctor said she had paresis.

So she. And then I went and looked at paresis and it's like, that's from syphilis. So her drunk husband gave her syphilis. And then. And then she went, bug fuck crazy. And people followed her. And people followed the syphilitic mad woman.

Nonsyphilitic, we're like, yeah, she's got a point. She just had an SDD in her brain. Like, she's just syphilis was just having a party in her brain. Yeah. Oh man. Crazy, right? Yes. It's fucking nuts.

She was. It makes sense now. That makes sense. The fountain was built in her honor in Wichita, Kansas, not far from the place where one of her first acts against alcohol occurred. The fountain was destroyed only a few years later when a driver of her beer truck lost control and ran into it.

Lost control, my ass. So she was. Syphilis. Syphilis. Caused prohibition. That's interesting, isn't it? Syphilis. Syphilis.

Oh, fuck me. Everybody listening to her. Yeah, she was a great, she was not only mentally ill, but then syphilis got involved. Yeah, syphilis was like, I could drive this crazy train for a little while. And also would explain why she was so mad at the alcohol. She wasn't mad at the booze because of her kid.

She was mad because her pussy hurt, because her fucking husband gave her a horrible disease. Oh, god. Because he was out fucking whores. So that's why she was smashing up bars. Yeah, yeah. Because she got fucking VD from her husband. He was a drunk.

He was a drunk. She was pissed at her husband. So she destroyed many bars. Wait, did she just, did she just, when she threw that rock, did she say my pussy hurts? Oh my god, damn pussy. Smashed all the whiskey. Imagine to make my pussy feel normal again.

So there you go. So great. Great. Carrie had a hurt vagina, and had a booze, and everyone had to feel it. The whole state had to suffer. She took it on tour. Well, it sounds like a good time.

She sounds like a peach. She sounds like... I mean if you didn't want to fuck her because she was horrible and enormous, now syphilis is another thing to just dissuade you. thing to just dissuade you so file her under unfuckable yeah and then her poor other husband probably got it right oh yeah he probably just dealt with he was just he was probably just happy happy she was gone I loved it

mmm I'm glad we can still drink when was the last time you were really drunk Dave what the really drunk yeah oh yeah where'd you go where was it when I got really I'll meet my wife went out it's got ship-faced we ended up we were like that's great yeah so can you imagine not being able to do that not be able to yeah drink it would be terrible yeah I have to go see that movie all right this is the dollop please leave a review on iTunes we have a Facebook page the dollop we have the Twitter feed the dollop someone a fan has created a Tumblr page oh nice about the dollop I have an owl mouth called

shame chamber if you want to buy that leave a review on iTunes that helps us out and anything else no that's it thank you