The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 144 - The Past Times with Carmen Lagala

Episode Date: September 26, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Carmen Lagala   Mint Mobile Download Cash App Today:  CashApp As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.

you know what i don't have a log cabin in the yukon you know what i wish i had right now a log cabin in the yukon because apparently people are flocking up there to see the northern lights like the sky's throwing a rave every night and people need places to stay and not hotels there aren't a ton of hotels up there but if you've got a spare room cozy cabin a yurt you could actually be making money by hosting on Airbnb. And here's the thing. It's not about being a super host in a city penthouse. It's about giving people a place to experience something they'll never forget and making a little extra cash while you're at it. And think of what the money could be used for. Could maybe buy a Yeti costume and wear it in the woods during your trip, make people believe in Bigfoot or affirm their

belief. I mean, you could even fund a home renovation project you've been dreaming of. So your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody, welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. The great Carmen Legala, thank you for joining us so much. Thank you for having me so much. It's exciting. You said before we started, this is really big for you. We appreciate that. That was nice to hear. This is the biggest thing I've done all day. Yeah, no, and it is late. For those listening, it is 9 p.m. 9 p.m. is when we're

recording. Carmen, you're on the road. You have a special called Sweet Batch. People can just go look at that on YouTube, that's the best way. For free. For no money. Yeah, for free. For free. So how are you recouping the shooting of the special? You're just hoping that, yeah, that's the way to do it.

Isn't that great that the way that always works out? We used to, back in the day, we used to make money off the stuff. No, it's really amazing. And here's what's weird. Seems like some people are getting very rich. Yes. And then the artistes are, uh, what are? not we're not sharing in the spoils. It's interesting. Well, have you considered going on a podcast

and saying racist and anti-trans thing? On this one, I plan on really spiking my numbers on this one. But no, congratulations on the special. Thank you for being here. Are you on the road a lot right now? I'm here and there, yeah. I don't even know. Like, I'm somewhere, well done, tomorrow. I want to say somewhere tomorrow. Like, you don't even know. No. You look. live in the moment you live in the moment now that you've just recorded your special are you enjoying uh just kind of going out there and not feeling rigid and regimented or are you like feeling like you're trying to inventment where are you at in your process of are you still doing the special no god no no no as soon as it was recorded it was over um i am and people will show up to

my shows and be like i thought you were just going to do stuff from the special i'm like what who Isn't that funny when people think that? What an honor it would be to just be like, and now I'm still doing the material? Have you ever heard of Denny Johnson? He was like really early comedian, early 80s. But he wrote 45 minutes in like a month and then toured on it. I'm not kidding for 20 years. It's awesome.

He never did anything else. Like never tweaked it or anything. He just did exactly the exact same thing. Never tweaked. No, it's perfect. It was crazy. People aren't laughing that much. I'm not changing.

No, that happened with Pablo Francisco, I think, so I'm people like, he is still doing like movie announcer man. Yeah, he's already still does that. But people love it. That's what they want to hear it. I mean, he is so fucking funny. All right. Well, it's not about him.

Your special sweet batch is way funnier than anything he's ever done except for when he fell off stage. It's my impression of Pablo. for 52 minutes. We're all doing Pablo. I mean, let's be honest. All right. So, Carmen, we're going to go through this old weird newspaper.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a hell. I do that all the time. What made you guys? Do you? Yeah. I love, like, I like the ones that they just weren't, didn't have a lot going on sometimes, and they're just like. Oh, you're probably going to enjoy doing this show. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this is pretty much. That is a lot of that stuff. Well, let's start with this then. What we like. to do is we like to start up by having the guests try to guess what year you think this will be from with no frame of reference. I'll also take a guess. You'll win no matter what happens because Dave's a bit of a psychopath and has issues with me. But, you know, it could be, I mean, it could be 1800s, 1900s, maybe 17. It won't be above the 2100s because we haven't gotten

there yet. We don't do future papers here. 1312? That would be our earliest. You're talking tatin the tablet times? Yeah, the tablet times. Good ring. I'm going to guess 8.04. Ooh, Carmen wins. It is 1906. I was close.

And you were, well, not really. You were very close. You know, in the grand timeline of all existence, I was, I'm pretty close. That's right. If you think about it that way, since mankind began? Oh, mankind. Listen to him, mansplaining man. I like to call it womankind personally ally go ahead uh it is july 5th 1906 the central nevadan

central yeah there's a lot going on in the middle of nevada oh absolutely yeah it's a great state an extra sunday finally now the question is how are they spelling it if it's another day of the week or some kid just hit the jackpot on his birthday there will be 53 sundays this year an occurrence that will not happen again for a hundred and ten years i still am curious on the spelling because either way it still works for me to be honest did it just happen this ex yeah i think it did yeah is this the leap 16 okay uh it must have been yeah we met i missed it yeah yeah we get into the central nevada news this damn it jeez how often does leap here happen is it five four my my uncle was born on a leap

Day. Okay. Oh, yeah. They love that joke where they're like, I'm 12. And you're like, okay. Yeah, yeah, we get it. That's hilarious. They were shorted a sense of humor, but they got that one line.

But they get to do that. They tore off that for 20 years. They get to do that joke, but then you just don't buy them birthday gifts. Yeah, yeah, cool. And you can be a pedophile. It's a nice little loophole. It is nice. Oh, my God.

No, I'm 12. That's what Trump said. These are all leap children. This extra Sunday can be utilized in attending church, calling your best girl. Wow. We are, oh, what a time. Reading the scripture. Wow.

So it feels like one and three are pretty related. Playing with the children. Easy. Sitting around masturbating. Wait a minute. Stop adding them. Stop adding them. Sit around masturbating.

Paint the fence. kill your neighbor, bury him in his own yard. Breaking in a two-year-old cult? Breaking in what? A two-year-old cult? Colt? Oh, a cult. Oh, a cult.

Not a cult. I thought I heard cult. Oh, you guys a cult. I was like, look they into cults in mid-N-N-V-N-VAT. I can see it. Interesting. Breaking in a cult. You could go to church.

You could hit your horse. You can hit your kids. Oh, and then they say, or some other way. Oh, so there's some other options, too. It doesn't necessarily need to be religiously based or calling your best girl. 110 years from this date, you will probably be paying the penalty

or enjoying the pleasures of the method in which you chose to spend this extra Sunday. This writer needs to chill the fuck out, obviously. That is high stakes on an extra Sunday. They were like, Frank, can you pad the paper a little bit? Yeah, yeah. He's like, you know. It's not going to be great.

shit if you don't send this paper to 15 more people your children will die in a barn fire if you do not too much novel again there's a lot of wordplay because it could be too much reading or too much of a sort of interesting thing is this same author uh yeah well yeah it doesn't say who the back then they didn't say who it was. It's usually just the guy that's why the articles can be so bad. Yeah, it's just, it is just the guy who edited it. He's like, mm-hmm. Pansy West. Lomper. Yeah, great.

Employed in a dance hall at, I can't read that. I don't know, Pab maybe. Shot herself through the left breast Thursday morning, dying instantly. Oh, shit. She was not breast. Okay. Yeah.

If you're going to shoot. one, honestly. If you're going to shoot, out of breasts. Yeah, if you got a pick. I always go left. As a man who understands the human body, maybe I would have put

a heart? Well, okay, I'll jump in with my note if we're going to do notes now. It seems like she died from the gunshot. So yeah, it's more, I like that it's definitely a man who wrote this because he's like, we're mourning the boob. The woman's dead,

but Jesus Christ, why couldn't she had died through the stomach? There will be abreast. Memorial tomorrow. I'm eulogizing her left-hit. She had been reading a novel entitled Throne on the World, and it is supposed that in a sudden fit of despondency, she took her life. Oh, shit.

What the fuck? This headline could use so much work. But this is what they always do. They have no idea about psychology, and they're just like, well, she looked at the cow, and it looked sad, so she killed herself. No, a long time went into this. A sad despondent woman shot herself through the chest, and this guy was like, Lady Red Book, shot it.

That sounds like a... Maybe she didn't want to work at a dance hall. Stop. Yeah, what does that mean? I could have a couple meetings, but... It's where the kids would go. You'd take your best girl, you'd hang out. My best girl.

You do the sock hop, you know. Everyone would start to feel fluids building up inside themselves And there was nothing they could do about it Until they got married It could just be a place where people would go to dance She could be a paid She's paid to dance with fellas Or maybe she like stood on a little stage and danced

Yeah But I remember I mean I have no idea I met I met When I first moved here I met a girl and she worked at a dance hall and they would give guys tugs they would get paid to dance with them

and then they'd give them a tug it would be like the well I'm paid to dance but then they but it was like dancing dancing not like not like stripper regular dancing

and then they'd jerk them off yeah that's what Dave's pitching yeah yeah yeah they just dancing and jacking I don't know I mean everybody's got their thing I'm listening I'm just going to dance

You go into the dancing jack again, aren't you? You don't like to dance with me, so I got to go down there and get to dance in a lot. Then you made the dance the jack. All right, everyone, do the jack. This is how it's legal. So she's like the heat ledger of her time. She is. Yeah.

She took her life after reading the sentence. How do they know what sentence she read? What is going on here? Absolute bullshit. Like, I'm going to cut open her brain to see what. sentence she read last. It was this one. Or maybe she's reading out loud, yelling it. That's the only way. This is the sentence. That life had become a trouble and a burden greater than she could bear.

They did not know the swift, sudden, terrible death came to her as a blessing in disguise. It's a dark, I mean, yeah, I guess, I guess I would, that, I get it. Why did she read with a loaded gun? Is that how you read? Sometimes you just take the load of gun and you'd go on to read the sentence on the It's the bookmark. Some people do it with their fingers.

Some people will do with the gun. Yeah. No, I don't read enough to know. This was this year, 1906 specifically was the year of the shot left breast. So this book did a lot of damage. Imagine being the author.

Like if somebody listened to your podcast and people were like, the last sentence they heard was Dave saying some. Shit. Deerth doing a terrible Australian accent. Oh, God, if it was during the ads. Oh, no.

Not during the ads. It was during an agey one spot. She couldn't handle it anymore. She was age 25 and formerly resided in San Jose, California. That's sad. I mean, let's just enjoy the fact that she probably would have passed away by now anyway. So I think we can. She would have died naturally.

interesting. Yeah. Yeah, they just, they love to try to figure out why someone... But again, leading with it being a breast that was shot is very... It's not great. It's very strange. Injured by a bomb. That was the third. That'll happen.

Bombs will definitely injure. Yeah. The guy jumps on the seat. He's like, well, anybody. boobs near it. Medic! Wednesday morning, while Donald,

eldest son of Mr. and Mrs. A. Hoskins, why don't I just say Donald Hoskins? Okay. Was attempting to fire off a bomb? Okay.

This is America. I have a question. Okay. Why was he firing off a bomb? America, Nevada. It never covers that. Well, I hope so. Maybe not.

And there's a strong chance it won't. It's just a weird way to start it. Well, it's just like, yeah, the given information is just like, obviously he was letting off. I mean, how are you going to spend your leap year Sunday? It's 1906. Yeah. Yeah, what else are you going to do? It exploded the full charge of the powder striking him in the face.

Oh, shit, he bombed his own head. This is like an acne cartoon. Yeah, really? He's a city. His face turns black. He's just a little city and saunter's off. He lit the fuse in the bomb. and after waiting some minutes

and failed to hear a report, he went forth and was leaning over attempting to light it the second time when it exploded. I mean, kind of relatable. We've all lit fireworks. The approach to check is very, you're like... I feel like your approach to a whistling peat is a little bit different than a bomb.

First of all, you think I'm whistling Pete's? You insult me, my friend. What's your favorite firework? Canons, big boys, the daddies, the ones where the owner's got to come out and unlock a cabinet for you. Oh, is that a thing? In Wisconsin, yeah. Really? No.

But, um, no, but I get, I mean, what a nightmare to be like, did it go off? I don't, there's a, like, inspecting your bomb fuse when it goes on. You got to wait a long time. He waited a couple minutes. It doesn't sound like he waited very long. What was the terminology for waiting again? He waited some moments. Waited some minutes.

Some minutes. Some minutes. Some. Some. Some. Good amount. What's your, what's your, what's your, what do you do in this bomb situation? What's your usual?

Well, we know, we now know. I probably would have done exactly what he did. Did he die? Completely co-signed that move. I would have, what do you can't walk away and be like, well, that's that. I'm literally, I'm literally getting a chair and having a beer and waiting an hour. An hour. Hours too much.

We're not like a bucket. I don't know anything about bombs, but I also think that this guy didn't either. So if we're on the same wavelength, maybe there's like a bucket and I'd put it over the bomb. I like this line of thinking. Hold on. No, I like it. No, no. I believe it.

I am, again, co-signing. I believe that is a better approach. She's, she's, you've come up. with the Wiley Coyote solution. Yeah. And then I sit on the bucket and I wait some minutes. Now you're losing me. Now you're not sitting on your bob bucket.

The bucket blows up all by itself. You got to hold the bucket down. All right. I'm getting a tub. I'm tubbing over it. I thought you were going to say, I get a bucket and I fill it with water and put the bomb in it. I thought that's where you were going.

No, you put it over. There's a zone of protection now. I'll cover it in left tits Yeah It would just be so funny to watch guys The tit coroner is my favorite character Is she alive or dead? Well her boobs are toast

There's still a pulse But there's no point on trying to keep her alive Look at this tit It's over The tit coroner I can hear you Quiet you Let your boobs talk

He was frightfully burned about the face and it was feared for a time that his eyesight was destroyed but we learn he is able to see a little out of one eye but owing to his face being in such a swollen condition Dr. Pope was unable to state what extent he is injured I love doctors I mean his face is some injured how yeah how bad was the bomb it wasn't that big of a bomb yeah it's big it's like an M80 No, you're out of your mind No, this is a bigger bomb No, but then he wouldn't have eyes, wouldn't have a face

He basically doesn't is what they're saying Well, it's swollen He does He's got bomb head And M 80 would do that Yeah, you're a whistling Pete Wow The way you're spinning a yarn over here

I think we could all be doctors back then Do you ever feel like really confident Then in 1906 you would have been like A perfectly reasonable doctor could keep up. Yeah, you show up in here like, I don't know. Yeah. Although I am taking my brain of knowledge from now back with me.

That would have, back then, I'm sure I would have been a guy who would just be like, you got trolls, ankle trolls. Bad too. I've had that. It's the worst. It's not great. It's not great. Everything I think is a troll.

You got a bunch of trolls in your neck, you understand. You keep losing babies because you got tummy trolls. They're the worst variety. It probably started in your ankle. They migrated. At last accounts, he was resting very easy. He's dying. He's no face in head.

He's like, it's fine. I'm doing well. He's resting. He's just in bed dying. And they're like, it's pretty cool. He's sleeping really. Like, super deep. Like, not even breathing.

Like, he's dead sleeping. we sincerely hope that his injuries are not bad and that his eyesight is not injured the both have been confirmed they did not do any reporting on this story it's like a separate guy i'm the bottom liner i don't read the article i just write a weird thing at the end hopefully he's okay and the bomb didn't hurt him what you just are writing at the end of is an article about a bomb hurting him quite badly Last Times is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Oh, yeah. Look, if you're still overpaying for wireless, what's wrong with you? At this point, you like to be punished. What are you doing?

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Yeah. And Gareth, we, the pastimes, are also brought to you by Cash App. Yes, Dave. We both use Cash App. Gareth uses it on the road when you're selling merch and whatnot. Absolutely. Because it's the easiest thing to use.

It's safe, it's secure. And people love it. I know my grandpa does. What do you mean? Don't worry about it. That's right. Because you call them cash papy?

Cash pap? I'll stop. Yeah, we use Cash App a lot for selling merch. Very straightforward. Very easy. Secure, feel good about it, all those things. Yeah, when it comes to money, like you should feel safe and, you know, from fraud and in control,

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by Cash app a block incorporated brand. Visit cash dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. You know what I don't have a log cabin in the Yukon? You know what I wish I had right now? A log cabin in the Yukon.

Because apparently, people are flocking up there to see the northern lights, like the sky is throwing a rave every night, and people need places to stay, and not hotels. There aren't a ton of hotels up there, but if you've got a spare room, cozy cabin, a yurt, you could actually be making money by hosting on Airbnb. And here's the thing. It's not about being a super host in a city penthouse. It's about giving people a place to experience something they'll never forget and making a little extra cash while you're at it. And think of what the money could be used for.

You could maybe buy a Yeti costume and wear it in the woods during your trip, make people believe in Bigfoot or affirm their belief. I mean, you could even fund a home renovation project you've been dreaming of. So your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. Bowed in Grief, Girls of University forbidden to partake of tamales. What? What?

Yeah, I mean, finally. You know what I mean? I agree. This is, this is important. Is it? College girls should not be allowed to have tamales. Like, what are we doing? Specifically, college girls are not allowed to have tamales.

Bout in grief. Bout and grief over not being able to have tamales. Now, see, if it was hot tamales, the candy, I'm understanding a little bit more. The classic 1906, standing hot tamales. Yeah. It's like their milk challenge. Oh, yes. Now we're doing it.

Because regular tamale, I'm like, I like it, but as far as it's, like, low on my last. On my list of Mexican food, tamales. Low comes in a little leafy, steamy. It's good, but again, it seems like a heavy lift when you can just put stuff in a tortilla. Whereas the tamale, it's like exhuming a body. You're like, whoa, and then you eat it.

You're like, it's kind of dry. But good. It's wet, but also dry. How did you make a dehydrated soaking thing? What did you guys do? You got to lift the hot little shell around. it cries of woe resound through Manzanita Hall at the state

university and the fair damsels who are getting knowledge injected will not be comforted and all because their hot tamale supply has been cut off now explained even less I'm assuming it's yeah I'm assuming it's a yeah right I'm assuming it's a it's an all all girls it's a punishment

it's got to be an all girls college Oh, see, I wouldn't even be that confident. I could very easily see a 1906 institution be like, only men get this. Why? Because fuck everything. I can't believe in 19... That's it.

No more tamales for the girls. We're going to figure out who's doing dance-all-tug jobs by removing your tamale line. They couldn't have all of their fair damsels. It's pretty generous. Yeah, true. Yeah, there's definitely a couple Like, you know

You're saying some are naughty damsels Is that? Troll damsels. Troll damsels. Don't let them in your ankle, boys. Keep an eye on them. It appears that for years When the North Winds howled

And the snow flurried Such a fucking annoying article The co-ed's gathered about Why are you writing it like it's a night's tale? That's how you write it to Molly's story. It's about. to be an author and he got bylines about tamales. Yeah, yeah.

These tamale is a bit of an odyssey if you think about it. Hank, just write the goddamn article. I will. With three-part story. A breeze hit the forehead of some of the fair damsels. Yes, go on. That's it. Okay.

And the co-eds gathered about the fires. Co-eds. And sucked at tamales wrapped in corn, Musks. Whoa. Wait, is that how you're supposed to

do it? What? Are you supposed to suck him? I have been eating them. I have been also eating them. I should point. They're just, the Mexicans just looking at it,

like, Jesus Christ, you're like, you're really good. Like, an idiot. Why is it wet and dry? Because you're just a fucking idiot. But now all this has changed through the latest ultimatum

of the matron who was just issued an edict that hereafter she will open all packages that come into the place after dark and that tamales, et cetera, are tabooed. What? How many fucking tamales? What is that? It's night tamales. Are they eating the tamales like

like, oh, that's just a dude's across. Look at the way these girls go out of the tamales. Would you like another one, Gloria? Oh, my good. Get more co-ed. It's tamales. This is amazing.

Here you are. But there is more to come. The tamale man has become enraged. Oh, jeez. You don't know a wake and sleeping giant. You don't know who you're fucking with. Oh, my God. And has ordered this ad taken out of the college paper and threatens further boycott.

So he's enraged. So they, they, they forbid tamales on campus. And so his response. His enraged response is to take the ad out because no one can eat them. So why would I have an ad? That's, all right, well, what a strange little slice. And he threatens a further boycott.

You mean like, he's boycotting? Like, why was he going to boycott? They can't eat the tamales. No, all right. I'm taking my business and leaving. No, your business is shut down tamale, man. Nice try. I quit.

You've, I just been fired. You ever played tamale chess? Meanwhile, the girls are sad. I mean, it is, it's, again, of all foods to be like, I can't handle it. What, if they were sucking? Like, if you told me right now, you'll never have another tamale, I would be like, that's fine. I think I made that, I read that decision. Seems like a huge pain in the ass.

I made that decision years ago. You're steaming it. Again, the tortilla has far surpassed our tamale technology. Well, you can't eat the outside of the tamale because it's corn leaves. Well, that part, you can't. Now I'm jumping ship from you. Do you eat? I don't eat that part.

The corn leaf? Yeah, you don't eat the corn leaf? Yeah, so what are you talking about? It'd be so funny to do that. Some guy just eating it like a banana? It's pretty bad. I do remember when I was a kid the first time I ate Reese's peanut butter cup, like hearing the hype and not knowing that there was paper underneath it. I'm like being like, it's pretty good, but that lower part ain't working great for me.

Someone was like, hey, dumbass. I was like, oh, this is good. Oh, this is very good. Oh, it's like a tamale. Oh, this is quite good, actually. Now that I'm not choking on paper, this is quite a delicious treat. How many did you eat before you? I think I was halfway through the second one when I was like, someone was like, buddy.

Yeah, no, you can take their part. Yeah, and I was like, oh, I didn't learn about wrappings until I was 30. Yeah, cereal was crazy for you. Yeah, it was not good. She's got a knife and a fork on the box. Yeah, I was like, that tricks are good, but man, I'll tell you what, nothing go down too easy.

So they must have banned them because if the girls were sucking them, then they thought that was the thing. Is that true? Well, if they do say sucking at the tamales, then that one must be what the deal is. Jesus Christ. Or the tamale man was like super hot

and get them all pregnant. Would you like to suck a tamale? It was covered. There's so many tamale babies He just had hot dogs More tamales Meanwhile the girls are sad The tamale man angry

And the matron sits stern and silent In accordance with those pictured in storybooks You know I am actually really open now To the tamale man Just being a hot lethario Hearing Yeah I like that better I do too

That's the best scenario Because the rest of it So it was a hot tamale But then you know it's not that Because that you're like Carmen came up but like a, you came up like a reasonable, like, well, maybe I get it. Like he's, he's, but then, you know, it's, it's, it's 1906, so it's just completely

unreasonable and stupid. Yeah. No, it's just, again, like, just control. The level of control. Yeah. It's because it's a bunch of coeds liked something. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a problem. Well, that was like, that's everything. Every time, like, youth is like, rock and roll, no, I don't think. They were like, the devil will eat you. You, fools. Oh, my God. They lost their mind around this time at rag dancing. Oh, disgusting.

A new fad. Here we go. Yeah, here we go. It is now a settled thing in the fashionable world that fasting will be the next fashionable fad. Whoa. Oh, wait. Is sure that's not this year? Yeah.

This is before we knew about ketosis. Fasting is really in right now. Fasting is so in. I'm not eating Didn't we have like What is ours called? Just like little Fasting Chunks

Do like 12 off three on Yeah what did they call it? It's called a window Intermittent Intermittent Intermintes Intermintent Interment

Intermintment Yeah intermencement Miss oh they they I'm on a tamalee fast They don't put her name They put S and then a bunch of dashes Like, they don't want... Oh, like they're...

Like, we're not allowed to know her name. That's rare. Because, see, Carmen, a lot of times in the paper, they will put the address of where someone lives back then. Oh, my God. Literally, they'll be like, you know, they'll, like, disparage a woman and they'll be like, by the way, she's in Unit 4 on 1,455 Maple Avenue.

Just doxing in the early... Just a constant doxing. Uh-huh. Miss S will first fast two day. It says two. T-W-O Okay Which is it doesn't make sense

Two days off That makes sense Well first fast two It wouldn't be days This is before they invented The S did That's right Two day

And then the other ladies Will look her over Fucking what What What At least it's not a guy The only Redeeming moment

I'm finding Is that it's not like And then Dr. Clark will come in and have her, give her the once over. Nude preferably, he said. Okay, you've been fasting two days. Take off all your clothes. Good to look at you. And if she's making progress and can stand it, she will find out from the other ladies how much she is improving in beauty and go ahead for another week.

Oh, my God. This is Christ. Just let them eat tamales. What the fuck? Wait, was she fasting for a week? No, two days. No, but then another week. No, yeah, if the two days are successful, then she's going to keep going.

But if it's not successful, which it shouldn't be after two days. She's like, oh, I'm out. It should be no difference. Yeah, then she's like, well, fuck it. It doesn't work. After a two days, she's like, I had a weird taste in my mouth. Yeah. I'm a little agitated.

If she is still improving, she will go ahead and eat something as long as her beauty continues to improve. Oh, fucking me. Like, we're still a really damaged species, obviously, but this feels particularly dark. What about not eating? Yeah. Oh, you're looking good.

None of us should eat for the boys. Then the rest will fall in line, and Carson will have all the good-looking women in Nevada right here at home. This is fucking weird as shit. No, this got really good. Then all the women. The gold. is for every woman to be a 10

This is a really good story Stop eating Central Nevada's got the hottest bitches We all know it We'll say They're so great out there They don't eat food Having driven through Nevada

You definitely are like Everyone's perfect here I don't think I've ever driven through central Nevada Oh Nevada You go up around this way Or you go Like you don't go through the center

If you've driven through 20 minutes of Nevada that's not Vegas you've driven through the entire state. Yeah. It's all that. It's all you being like, boy, this sucks.

And I mean, like, why does someone live there? And it's just like, one family is like, that's right. Yeah. What do they say? Hello.

We've been here since 19-0. Our son lit a bomb. The stage coach broke down. He went to check it. That's how we are. It's like if fallout were a town. Isn't that cool?

Hello. I just saw a picture of people in Vegas around a pool like swimming and then they stopped to look up because off in the distance they're setting off a nuke. What? Yeah, people would go there. Recently? No, it was like the 50s.

I thought maybe a baby nuke. It was like when they were testing in the desert. People would just hang out in Vegas and be like, oh, look at that one. Yeah. Look how beautiful she is. I mean, by the way, it's not. It seems, I, I still think that would happen today. They were just lying about, like, people are like, you sure it's okay?

They're like, absolutely. If you're 30 feet away, you're fine. It is okay. It's fine. We're going to start to set them off on July 4th. Where's Area 52? Is that Arizona? 51?

51 or 51? Oh, you guys don't know about Area 52? What the fuck? You guys heard about Area 58? We didn't know there were more areas. You've got to see Area 61 or Area 8. This place is crazy. It's a 51 or 52.

Area 51. It is 51? Isn't there Reno? I don't know where it is honestly. No, what is it called? It's, um... What the fuck is it called? It begins with an R.

We do have little computers in our pockets. Yeah, but I don't use those. It's, uh, people right now are listening like... Yeah, how do you not know this? You idiot. I don't care. It's... Oh, fucks.

Roswell. Yeah, Roswell. Oh. In what state? Oh, no. I still don't remember. Well, there's a place called Area 51 Fireworks. I think that's it.

Don't go there. If you need a big boy, talk to Andy. He'll come out with the key for the glass cabinet. Carmen, where do you live? What's your exact address? I think it's probably fair now to get that out there. Where are you, L.A.? Seven, four, three, two.

No, I'm in New York. I'm in Brooklyn. I'm in Prospect Lefford's Garden at the Moam, which... I lived in Prospect Park for like five years. Yeah, and then he was asked to leave. In the park? Yeah, he lived in the park. Stole Frisbees.

Buried them. It was real weird. I went through a shrub stage. Yeah, Dave was a big shrub guy back then. He's the reason there's a fence around that park. That's true. Okay, Roswell's in New Mexico. Oh, right, right, right, right.

Exactly. I'm glad I didn't answer that part Okay Like is it in Vermont? I don't know Ryden well Vermont Yeah If she's still improving

She'll go ahead and eat nothing As long as her beauty continues to improve Then the rest will fall in line And the rest will fall in line It's good It's very good So they experiment on the one of them

The weakest one Yeah they bring in the weakest one She's starting to improve Hot None of us elite You know what None of you guys should be eating. And Carson will have all the good-looking women in Nevada right here at home.

I thought that was one guy named Carson for a second. Carson, he's just got a cult. He's like, hell yeah. Hey, all right. You're out looking fucking smoking right now. This is awesome. And he's fat and ugly. Yeah, of course.

He's just a big, bold piece of shit. Finally, y'all are looking good. Excuse me while I take a ham break. I love a handbra. The appeal can just imagine a lot of Carson ladies telling the first faster how she looks. Oh, and then they did it. Then they, then they, they did how the conversation would go. Oh, no.

A dialogue? Oh, Mrs. S. How lovely. Such an improvement. Oh, my. I'm dying to get a chance to fast myself. I'm, I'll not eat. a bean for a week and outside the door we hear it something like this my wouldn't that kill you

if she fasted a year it might help etc etc oh it's just a play about anorexia yeah a supportive group of anorexic that's great well isn't this mostly just men telling women that they should fast i would be very interested to know the gender of the author true it has to be some guys like perfect and they won't eat a bean No beans. That'll be good. No tamales, no... I mean, so far, we're just shaming women out of calories.

Yeah. Oh, here's a good. Here's a good one. No more hugging. This paper has some issues. This guy writing this paper is really fucked up. And now hugging is tabooed while waltzing. While waltzing.

Do you hug when you waltz? I mean, the sexual... energy in people was so... I mean, could you imagine how much you just wanted to back that? I mean, you want to now, but my God, it must have been making you crazy. But what a hug? A 1906 hug would

do? You'd be like, Jesus Christ. Like, you would be home like, I'm going to be in here for a little while. Oh, the hug. Like hugging. And that was like, in like, junior high, you'd maybe be like, and a huggy. You know, you were like sending a message.

but back then you were like, this is all I have. She hugged me. I got a hug. The United Professional Masters of Dancing of America say that hugging must go. Fucking. Too many boards.

People aren't taking waltzing seriously enough. Yeah, it's highly important. They're using it to grind. Although, let's be honest. If, yeah, that, honestly, it is just a way to, if you were dancing, and you saw there's a fucking guy just hugging people. Like, hey, Andy, Andy,

figure out another time to do that part. Hello. Yeah, it's just one guy. Okay, keep, yeah, keep your feet moving too. This is a waltz. All right, Andy, Andy. I'm waltzing. Get the tasers.

You must now waltz at arm's length. Oh, now, see, now it's ruined. Middle school dance all over again. Yeah. Holy Spirit room. New York dispatches contain the announcement that no one is to be admitted to a class unless he promises to conform to the ruling. Break it.

I promise I won't hug anyone. And that's right. Yeah, I'm not going to hug. You're not allowed to come back in here. You've said that for the last three weeks. I'm not going to hug this time. No, we're done. Nope.

Nope. Do the box step out of here. Get away. Let me show you. No. Show me what? No, I won't be hugging. That's a really weird thing to present. prove.

Okay, come close to you for not a hug. Yeah, that's how I want to show you. I can't do it. Get the tasers. Fuck. If that ruling were to hold good in the language of Moody, it would be nearly hell, but it won't hold. Who's Moody? Who is Moody?

I don't know. Just some guy's like, fine, fuck it. I don't even want to try. Might as well try to force people to eat food without salt. What the fuck is happening? I thought that the waltz was a little bit distant from each other Yeah, I think it's like kind of hand on like wastey You know, but there's but there's you know, there's gonna be people that are like

Yeah Again, people just want to if you're in a society that you can't go near the other sex Then you're gonna try to do it wherever you can Yes, yes so there's just like you're touching You know, you're touching a little so you're like We should get this closer together May I hug May I come?

for a hug. Also, there's tons of people that are marriages that don't want to be in their marriages and so they should go to a dance class and be all the...

What are you talking about? Listen to me. Cheating? This is amazing. It's the Minors 10 commandments. M-I-N-E-R-S? Yes. That's a fair question.

Don't fuck us. Stop fucking us. Please help. Healthcare, less coal. Can we do it above-gras? it's pretty scary down here. Thou shall not slumber

late in the morning but shall rise ere it is day and break thy fast for the goeth late to the mine geteth no candles causing the transgressor to grope in darkness and the shift boss to indulge in profanity. That is, and I'm not kidding, one of the craziest things I've ever heard.

what in the fuck so get up early if you don't you won't get your mind candles and then you're just going to be groping around and getting yelled at how did you understand that i heard right i didn't either runken i don't know i get it the whatever if whenever i'm i'm really drunk right now you guys yeah yeah cool gems no i don't know i i don't know but it It does sound- You understood that immediately. I mean, the key terms of the dark groping, I think the paper is sort of conditioned me. I've been groomed by this periodical. Thou shalt not take up thy position in the center of the cage when descending or ascending the shaft.

Neither shalt thou. That holds. That holds in or outside of a mind. This is a very sexual article. Yeah, there's a lot of. Tell me how to grow up the shaft day slowly. Pull out in time from the gap. Before finishing, take a break.

Make sure everyone's satisfied. Thou shalt thou appropriate in thy person more room than the law allows for thou are but of little consequences among the whole cage load of men, no matter what thou thinkest to the contrary. And I'm talking about you, Stephen. You, Stephen, you weird center standing pervert But they're saying If it's just you and another person Don't stand in the middle Which I know from elevator etiquette

When it's like sometimes you'll get on an elevator And someone will stay standing in the middle And you're like, dude, can you just Can we fucking got a lot of room here? Or have you ever had this where you're sitting on a plane Someone sits middle, your window And then no one sits aisle and that person's like, I'll stay middle.

And you're like, what are you doing? You could read him this command. Yeah, I would be like, I have a paper to give you. No, not the Waltig thing. But I will hug you if that's okay when I feel it's time. I'm a big hugger. I'll have the tamale. Thou shalt not hesitate on the station or smoke thy pipe and talk politics with the

pump man for barely the ship boss might suddenly. appear and have it helped the if he findeth the shoes empty so he can't no he can't smoke or talk he can't smoke or talk he can't smoke or talk politics he's not one guy for sure they're just like no one shall do this yeah you know I like that Ron Paul anyone want to go in the shaft elevator with me I'm gonna sit in the middle huh no anyone I got a candle I'll blow it out to grope I love that some mine boss thought this is how he could get through to them. Yeah, the mind boss is like, don't talk politics. You might awaken and realize we're screwing you so hard.

Thou shalt not waste with the oar. Oh, sorry. Thou shalt not mix waste with the oar. Neither shalt thou mix ore with the waste, though nor thy partner nor the mucker within thy drift. For surely as thou don't. these things the mine will stop paying dividends and the name will be mud over the length and breadth of the map didn't need to translate from that um don't shit in the bucket that's meant for the

ore yeah don't put dirt and then other shit rocks in the ore you know what I like about this and I'm air quoting article is that if you really wanted to get across the rules of a mine you could do that but this guy was like I'll put it through the biblical filter and make it super annoying and complicated to understand whatever I'm saying. Yeah, it's really, yeah. Are you going to let this one? Uh-oh.

Thou shalt not eat onions when going on shift. That's a rule for all the time everywhere. Jesus Christ. Does anyone want to try some onions? Before every shift I eat an onion like an apple. Just blows out the candle.

Someone's touching my crotch. even though they can be cheap as real estate in Clifton unless thy partner participated likewise for that bulbous root exciteth bad feelings in the heart of the total abstainer and causes the interior of a mine to be an unpleasant place This is very much about one guy I agree I agree Carmen is right 100%.

It's some fucking mine you can eat an onion and go into a mine It's insane. I hate to keep relating it to planes. But it's like when the person walks on with a euro or something and you're like, what? Now we all got to live in lamb onion land because of you. Like if there's some guy just down in the mind crushing onions all day. That's good. You guys want onions?

What did you guys bring for lunch? I think I'm going to do a bunch of onions again. Now, shall not address the boss by his Christian name. neither shalt thou contradict him when thou knowest that he is lying but what thou shalt meekly say yes or no to all that he suggests and laugh when he laughs when he laughs and keep on laughing when he relaiteth a story even though it be older than thy grandmother so so they're making fun now are they making so is this making fun of the rules is this making fun of uh that would be better you guys have to laugh at my stories okay

Mr. and laugh at my stories. I think they're making fun. Okay, that makes more sense. It's 1906 sarcasm, very difficult to pick up on. Thou shalt not have an option concerning thy place of work for thy employer payeth a fat salary

to a school of mine's expert for constructing in his mind bonanzas that don't exist. So thou shalt refrain from theorizing and concentrate that efforts on drilling and blasting an abundance of powder. Hmm. So now they're saying...

Don't try to fight for anything. It's futile. No, they're saying... They're basically talking shit about like McKinsey guys coming in and taking all the money. Oh, the brain, the think tanks. Yeah. How many more commandments on this? We'll just go to the last one.

Now shall to work and break ore every day, the Sabbath included, for verily the board of directors aforementioned hath assumed the prerogatives of the Almighty and if thou refuseth to toil as they dictate thou and thy dog and all that thou possesseth. Having a lisp during biblical times must have been difficult now that I'm thinking about it. We'll be hitting the trail for Tonopa. Okay. Wow. Yeah, that was about talking shit about the mind, guys. Okay. Is it, we started like a sketch? That was their like hilarious thing. I believe they were doing a little sketch comedy there. Yeah, but honestly,

I really, you cannot tell what is sass and what is fact. That happens a lot I think of these old papers where you are kind of like, what? And the person's like, I'm having some fun. And you're like, you just wrote like a hell article. Yeah.

And being silly. Lincoln County girls are practical. Uh-oh. This is not going to be good. No. The Lode Express says a Calliante young lady was being criticized for marrying a man well up in middle age instead of a youth. Wait. I'm going to need to know the woman's age at some point.

Is she old or is he old? He's old. He's old. Uh, tail as old as time. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, she's getting shit on for? Yes.

Yes. As it should be. As it should be. She's daddy. She's the adult. What is she? doing. Leave this poor old man alone.

You're going to youth him up. It's a Belichick situation maybe. Or a Clinton. The young woman said, quote, my observations have been that it is better to be hitched up with an old horse that knows how to pull

the load. That'd be great if he was overhearing this. Honey, what are you talking about? What did you say? I'd rather an old dying cult An old horse that knows how to pull the load With a fool Then with a fool colt that can't do anything

But prance and kick and want to run away Okay is that about Well Honestly She said that Yeah This is some bars right there I did pretty good honestly

I can't really argue with her there I mean as a person Who's gotten older Very true It's so much easier to break me now. Way more breakable now. Just, yeah, okay, fine. We can go over there.

Instead of like, nah, I'm not looking to get locked out. I'll be like, that sounds good. My stuff's there. Pinsman's hand to timber. Excuse me? Are you... Pinsman's hand to timber. Are you reading or talking?

Jerry Reese, a minor at the Brunswick, was accidentally injured Saturday afternoon by a fellow workman who drove a candlestick through his left thumb. Accident? Nope. I have some questions. How?

It's time for dinner. Candlestick. Maybe a candlestick is some sort of thing that just holds up the candle in the mine, you know, like. Must be. Let's have a look. Oh, are we still on mining? The accident happened.

What? Yeah. This guy's a miner. Yeah. The accident happened underground. Reese placed his hand against a timber at the same instant the other turn to drive his candlestick in it. All right, so it's some sort of...

I don't know. It's some sort of a mining tool. Yeah, okay. Maybe it's not a literal candlestick. I'm on the case here pretty effectively. The thin round blade past... Oh, okay, it is, yes. It is a very...

It definitely looks... It could be quite stabby. It's... You would put it in the, like in the wall, in the rock wall, and so it would jam in there like it's got a sharpened point and then you would place your candle in that. Yeah. Okay, so this guy put the stabby part through his pal's hand.

That happens. Sure it does. The thin round blade passed through the bone. And as a doctor from that era, you don't want it going through the bone. Oh, we've got to take off the left side. Well, we've got to kill you. The whole body's gone. pin the thumb to the tender

Reese a nervy fellow withdrew the candlestick himself A who are he? A nervy fellow Does nervy mean he's a tough guy? He has anxiety Is he no? Are they saying it the other way around? Oh no you're right yeah he probably has grit Yeah he's got grit

I'm dead inside I'll yank it out He was also like he was also like Take the fucking thing out and the other guy's like I don't know what I'm panicking he's like And then he just ripped it out of himself. Oh, I have trauma. Come here. Edwin Stevens in Washington says that all the cities of the earth will be destroyed by earthquakes in 1982.

Oh, we've moved on from the thumb. Yeah, we moved on. Yeah, that's over. That's past, obviously. Yeah, we did. That did, Ed. Yeah, I know. I'm a little squeamish still.

But I do like it. This guy just predicted that all cities will be gone from earthquakes in 1982. Which, again, if you're in 1906, predictions are just great if you're not going to live to see them. There's just 7.3 in El Salvador that year. There's a 7.3 in El Salvador that year. Yemen had a really big one. Afghanistan had a really big one. So he sounds like he nailed it.

There were eight seven to seven nine earthquakes. Eight. We're lucky you were still here. I don't know. I can't tell. I'm just nodding. the only worry this causes us is aroused by the fear that the graceful contour of our graves may be marred Jesus Christ

This is like, he's like a like a Joe Rogan of the time Yeah, very, yes Well, conspiracies and I like put it in the paper Yeah Jamie, what do you think? I actually don't think any of that's going to happen, Joe. I choose to believe. Do you think Jamie will ever be like, fuck, shut up?

Shut the fuck up It would be great Your fact checker just jumps off the balcony Jamie Where's Jesus Christ This windows open Jamie Keep some guessing

Politicians are wondering Just what vote the socialist Will be able to poll In Nevada this year Oh fuck I remember the days when they were socialists Yeah Several thousand members of the party

Are believed to have been have come here from Colorado and elsewhere during the past two years, and their course will have an important bearing on the state politics. Two years ago, the socialists and union labor vote practically controlled the situation in Nye and Esmeralda counties. It's always fleeting. Anytime unions have power or any of that, they're just the evil is... Well, they take them out.

They're really good at destroying them. And that is what makes America great. Again. Mm-hmm. We've been great the whole time. I heard a Brooklyn horn. I did hear a Brooklyn horn, too. Yeah.

You hear a horn in the background? I heard a horn. You see, you're so used to it, you don't even notice. We don't, we're not allowed to honk in Los Angeles, so we don't, we notice, yeah. Just smooth. We're at gracious people. Oh, last one, yeah. All right.

Here it is. Here it is, Carmen. Big finish. Lock in, everybody. Last one. Come on. Let's finish strong. I'm ready.

Let's show these fucking listeners who's boss. This is amazing. This is an Oklahoma girl jerked her head back suddenly to keep from being kiss and dislocated her neck. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. And there. I was going to have it was in the paper, though.

Yeah. I mean, imagine the level of recoil to have a. spinal injury not to make the man the victim because obviously he's pushing but to find out that you were rejected so hard that a woman has like spinal trauma

like because it is like you've seen it the I mean I've seen in the movies the guy who's like come on try like the Pepe La Pue and it's like no no no no no no no no no she very well could have been faking it just so he would stop.

And he didn't. And he still was like, in the hospital, he's got flowers. He still didn't get the clothes. How's your neck? Oh, no. Hello. I think she's into me. Yeah.

She's playing those games. It's a classic cat and mouse. Oh, my God. Cat tried to kiss. Mouse fake spinal injury. Cat goes visits her in the hospital, keeps trying to kiss her. Doctors intervene. Pull cat back.

So there's only two sentences to this article. Are you guys ready for the next one? I think Common, I think you'll especially appreciate this. At such critical times, dear girls, it is always safer to stand up and take your medicine. Oh my fucking God.

Jesus Christ. What was she wearing? What the fuck? Jesus Christ. Well, finally we know the gender of the author. Wow. Wow, what a horrible, wow. Jesus Christ.

See, this is why you can't reject men, women. Your back will hurt. So just take care of medicine. Fuck. Oh, well, Carmen, thank you for being on this show and taking your 1906 paper medicine, as we all just have. We appreciate it. People should go watch Sweet Batch on you,

YouTube. I hear you're commenting back to everybody, which we think is really nice. How do people find out about that? Oh, yeah, they've all been nice comments, but I do it on Instagram to the mean ones. I just, I think of it as like a fun activity. You know, I'm on the train a lot. I'm, you know. Yeah, exactly. When you're bored and not not doing anything, why not just respond to people. That's how I feel. I don't do it. I don't do it. The mean ones, are you getting a lot of misogynistic ones? Not on the, not on YouTube. So if someone wants to listen and fight time it, yeah, not on YouTube, just on Instagram. You're inviting it?

Yeah. Well, and remember, if someone writes a mean comment on your video and you attack them with a better line, the fellas just need to take their medicine and shut the bunch of. Just take your medicine. Take your medicine is so fucked up. Take your medicine. Well, Carmen, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much for having me.

We appreciate it. Yeah, you're great. So come back whenever. We're doing another one if you want to. No, I'm just kidding. But it'll be great if someone else came in now. I was like, oh, excuse me. Oh, sorry.

Carmen. Maybe nothing to us. Am I on somebody else's episode for two seconds? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Stay tuned for the next episode with this confused. Another walk-in. A rejected walk-in.

Some of these days, you'll miss me, honey. Some of these days Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth.

Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it.

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.