The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 145 - The Past Times with Nate Craig

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Nate Craig. Watch Nate's new special Married To It.  

you know what i don't have a log cabin in the yukon you know what i wish i had right now a log cabin in the yukon because apparently people are flocking up there to see the northern lights like the sky's throwing a rave every night and people need places to stay and not hotels there aren't a ton of hotels up there but if you've got a spare room cozy cabin a yurt you could actually be making money by hosting on Airbnb. And here's the thing. It's not about being a super host in a city penthouse. It's about giving people a place to experience something they'll never forget and making a little extra cash while you're at it. And think of what the money could be used for. Could maybe buy a Yeti costume and wear it in the woods during your trip, make people believe in Bigfoot or affirm their

belief. I mean, you could even fund a home renovation project you've been dreaming of. So your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody, welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Nate Craig. Hello, Nate. Hello, thank you very much. Thank you. I've kept myself oblivious to any and all previous current events for this episode, and thank you for having me. Sorry, just to be clear, you mean you've ignored history in totality for this show? 100% clean slate, let's go. You don't know anything that's ever

happened just to be a prep. I'm an absolute bird brain, fire away. Well, it's not a quiz show. Do you know what the show is? I just want to be, you've done it before. I don't know. if you have stricken that from the memory as well. NFC Central season preview. Let's go. Happy to be here. Go Packers. Hey, let's not

dip too hard into the north because oh, baby. Oh, baby. I've been talking bear fans off a clip. Oh, well, that game was crazy for that. Yeah, a lot of fun. I finally made, I was like, I feel bad for you guys. That was terrible. That was the shortest false dawn that I think anyone's ever experienced

in football. Oh man, they were dancing. They all had every right. By the end of the first quarter, everybody in the stadium had Dicka sweaters on. And they also did a ring of honor before the game again where it's like, stop honoring the 85 bears, you feel.

They can't stop. They cannot stop. At this point, they're honoring the Rex Grossman defense. It just got the Kyle the Kyle Orton era. They're retiring the NFC championship flag. I mean, it's like, come on, guys.

My son, my son goes, do you remember the 85 bears? I go, yeah, of course. And he goes, old loser. Well, if you really want to blow his mind, show him the Super Bowl shuffle. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I forgot about that. No. Oh, God.

That will be, I mean, The, uh, I think that qualifies as cringe. I think that would be when back, back then it was, I mean, I think it went platinum. Oh, huge. It was huge. Yeah. They were like, what? The football players are doing a rap song.

Well, the early rap, you're always like, I could definitely do this. It's like, eventually it started to pick up and you're like, oh, okay, there's a lot going on here. But for a while, it's just, I mean, the easy. thing. Even the bears could be. Yeah. If Jimmy can do it, I sure can. I mean, dude, they really, they really leaned into that one. And, uh, and it blew everybody's mind. It blew everybody. Speaking of mind-blowing, Nate, your new special, married to it is, uh, out on YouTube. Where's the best place for people to go get it? Just search Nate Craig. Yeah, Nate Craig. Uh, that's just my YouTube channel. And then, of course, you can pay for it on Patreon. And only,

fans if you'd like to. So if people want to see you do it with your anus spread, they can go to your only fans. Yeah, I got it quite. You got it. Second show way different than the first show. Yeah, you've got to do that. And you did it at the MGM.

Shout it in Vegas. First show indoors, second show outdoors. It's kind of, I just feel like from an editing standpoint, a mistake. A mistake editing wise or no, you stand by that decision? No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's, you know, it's just, you know, you just got to edit in the ping pong balls for the first show. And then, uh, otherwise you're good.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The juxtaposition says everything about modern society. It's really just a commentary on the divide in, uh, modern society. All right. Okay. Sure. All right.

Let's not do that. Um, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, look here, buddy. I'm telling you where to buy my special. Okay. Just because you don't like the directions. Okay. Go get MapQuest. Go get Bronger back in here.

Let him dial up. Let him Google search my special. Nate. Stop. That's an off-camera thing. We're not going to talk about when you walked in on us doing another episode. We're not going to talk about how you treat your guests,

how you cheat on your guests with that whole. Oh, Matt Bronger. Stop. And his indie movie. We wanted to know We do this thing where we want The next guest to know their place Well, we like to get in their head

We really play mind games Yeah, come out at 1145 Oh, pants down Didn't you get the message? He means nothing to us Well, Nate, you've been on the show before So you know what we're going to do We're going to go through a newspaper.

You thankfully have had a blind spot for history, just in preparation, which is appreciated. Unnecessary, but appreciated. So we're going to guess what year this paper's from, Nate. You don't, there's no, there's no clue, no hints, no hints. It's just old. So I remember, you start, yeah, go ahead, when you, when you, when you're thinking. Other than the names of the, uh, the perpetrators, those are always, those, I remember

that helped us last time, but, uh, fire away. We'll see what we can do. Well, you're just going to take a shot in the dark, yes. That's how we're doing it. Okay. I can give me the first headline. The first headline is a wicked country, a wicked country. Ooh, oh, boy.

Wow. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's talking about somebody other than America. And I am going to say that this is about Germany. This is World War. No, I'm not.

No, I'm not. I'm playing with a dishrag. This is, I'm saying this is. What are you doing with a dishrag? This is none of your business. What are you doing with a dishrag, Nate? You clean up how you clean up. Are you wiping?

Are you wiping shit down right now? My kid did wake up in a bag of his own shit this morning. So yes, to be honest with you, still. He finally didn't wake up in a bag of your shit. So let's just call this progress. A shit bag. Yes, just a couple of us over here. I'm going to say this is 1944.

I like it. I like what you're doing there. I really do. I'm going to go 19. six i think it's about america oh so close uh Nate wins it is 1910 but all right yeah I know you're under I want you heard him I won you were on you were under but that's okay or even prices right rules which you don't play would say that I we're doing the opposite of price I believe I would be winning both showcased I said that ahead of time

that we were doing the opposite you didn't say anything of the sort a guest higher wins No it doesn't Nate That's not Higher wins You know what You are such a fucking baby

The rules were explained Are a guest one You're a baby Man man man I'm sorry Nate I'm sorry Nate I'm sorry You know what

This is why the podcast Is successful Because you guys can't agree On anything And you invented You invented Bizarro Price's Right rules which benefit me this time and I didn't I didn't write the rules no that's right we do have a first

take energy 1910 who's they're talking about well who's the evil country it's America well hold on it's October 14th 1910 stark Florida the Bradford telegraph oh okay everybody excited about that no a wicked country you want us to be honest no you should be a wicked country missionary appalled by the conditions visiting in Alaska. Alaska. See, yeah, but they're always, they always do this because they're, they just want to get in there with their religion. But, you know, they'll say, look how the savages are living, that kind of shit.

Yeah, the savages. Yeah, this was, this was written by an oil company. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so wait a second. So, so it's not a, it's not a, it's not a, a country, an actual country. It's the proverbial country. I don't know if, is Alaska part of America yet?

Probably not part of America, but what was it prior to that? Is it a country? No. I think it was just like a back patch kind of thing. Excuse me? A witching country? Literally. Yeah, just a hooa.

A wicked country. Just a frigid hooa where you kept warm. By the end of a book. I went there not too long ago, and it's a great country. It was not a state until 1959. so until then just some backwater bullshit place that really

what was it not part of Canada I think it was part of Canada I think or Russia it became a it became a U.S. territory in the 1890s oh so it was a territory

so what did we kind of Puerto Rico it a little bit yeah yeah we owe you nothing in the waiting room we owe you nothing but we're taking everything Yeah, especially if you're savages and, uh, yeah, especially if we review you as unrefined,

we will have your land and your substances. Okay, okay, it became an incorporated, uh, organized territory in 1912. So we're not there yet. Um, so then, before then it was just a, uh, a spot. I don't know, a part of Canada, maybe. I don't know what it was. Just, uh, just, just Alaska. It was just Alaska.

I don't think they ever should have been free I don't think they ever should have been free though they haven't shown that kind of Dave we're recording this David this is being recorded on Riverside they haven't shown that You want to be your own country? Build one pier And we'll think about it.

in all my travels since I started in my missionary work in 1871 covering more than 150,000 miles, this was my saddest trip. This is, by the way, this is like how YouTubers start their videos. This is definitely, like this feels like the opening. I never saw as much wickedness in all my life as I did in the northern, cities and mining camps. Yeah, Alaska was a fucking nightmare of

dudes who had all gone up there and it's just a terrible fucking place. Yeah. It's horrible. It's like we were just every dude in the fucking states like, I'm going to make money. I'm going to Alaska. And then it was just cities of dudes. Sounds hot. Yeah, I'm thinking about

a Bible study from noon till three. If anybody wants to get, nobody showed. Nobody. Nobody came to them. to the makeshift prayer shelter. They're going to be tits? No, it's a Bible study.

I haven't seen a woman in two years. That's when I stick it in a yak. He's looking at his schedule. Unfortunately, I'll be yak This is like noon to 30. This statement was made by J. Logan's sample Presbyterian Missionary, 77 years old, who has just returned from a year's visit among mining camps of Alaska and is en route to his home in Pittsburgh.

Oh, really, really late in life to rethink your faith in humanity. 77 to be like oops that's not the time to make that trip you got to make that when you're when you're 27 this last name sample sample yeah uh sample yeah he's up there taking samples the mining mining camps were like one of the worst places ever like yeah yeah yeah just not good no that was like you you want to see real toxic masculinity dude i think like i think like those like those like operational you know like oil company quadrants are still pretty fucking lawless like there's no yeah they have their own police force anywhere where you where you quarter like 40 men is going to be pretty bad after like two months it'll be it's everything's lord of the flies eventually yeah who it's exciting He's lucky he lived to tell about it.

Honestly. Monsignor sample. Spent $75 an hour. A tale of extravagant living was told to the police by Cesario Munez, who with Alfonso Garcia is under arrest in San Francisco, charged with robbing J.M. Sumaga, a millionaire mine owner, of the city of Mexico of $50,000 in jewels and $2,000 in cash.

Good. Great. It's a lot of fucking money back then. Yeah. Jewels. And you're... Jules is great. You're supposed to... Like, if you're a robber

and you get a big score, you're supposed to live extravagantly. That's the whole... You're not going to be like, well, I'm... This is before goodfellas. We didn't know. You're supposed to hide it. Yeah.

Wait a second. these guys, does it say where in Mexico? Like how, how, how, that's a, that could be a, it just says Mexico City. It doesn't say where. Oh, Mexico City. Okay. And they made it all the way to San Francisco with, with 6070K and jewels and this, and this, this, this, this mining barons property.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a, that's a movie right there. Just to chase alone. I mean, they could see each other. It's like one wagon and then 200 yards ahead. It's like, there they go. It's like it's like narcos, but like, you definitely have that moment where you're like, we're going to need to drop some weight if we're going to make it.

What do you reckon we should throw some of the jewels out? I ain't looking at the jewels. Right, right. They started out there with six of them. Yeah. Now, hold on. You're going to need me. I don't need you as much as I need those gold nuggets. Dude. And they make it all the way to San Francisco. Also, side note, great place to show up with 60K and whatever year that was, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah. That was the place to go. Yeah. Yeah.

Mungia says, uh, then Garcia proposed that they said about spending the money without delay. Yeah. Yeah, smart. Let's go fucking. This guy's say. go now because it's time for Kristol. Like let's we're going crazy what do you think the most what year is this again? This is 1910. No still still 1910 sorry wow what what do you think

the most expensive 75 bucks in what cost 75 bucks an hour in 1910 holy a prostitute I know right not future sex where I don't know there's nothing you can

buy it at 75 bucks an hour then. No it's the limit everything that's a lot of fucking $75 an hour then is crazy they're living like a dumb and dumb and dumber montage a ride in a car actually

yeah a ride in a car yeah a bath it's uh yeah fresh bath water it's it's it's 2,500 today

25 so it is a lot it's it's an elite status yeah yeah you can I don't think I could do it. Amunia estimates that during their waking hours,

they lived at the out rate of $75 an hour. So they're just spending $75 an hour, which you could do. But not when they sleep. He wanted to be very clear that that stops when they're sleeping. You don't spend money when you're. If you're spending money when you're asleep, you're doing it wrong. It's an average. They got a suite at the Continental.

and so that you factor that in yeah haven't you guys ever robbed a fucking mine in mexico city before guys you got to do you got to do your paperwork i wanted to be a spreadsheet if you're going to burn through 60k in 2019 10 you factor the sweet money in 24 hours of the day your dog agrees with me dave Dave Dave Dave this is why I wanted to record in the studio today. Dave, don't. I'll come into the studio.

We'll not inviting a Nate. Face to face with Matt. I bet Matt Bronger was invited to the studio. Stop, Nate. Come on. He means nothing to us. You're ripping wet. You used him as a warm up for this episode.

Just shiny, oiled up, Bronger in the studio. Ah, no. Good Lord. Nate, we're doing this online. Well, well, well, well, I don't think we are. so they got a tweet at the at the continental and they uh they got they got a steady stream of whoas and uh and then what they get caught oh okay detect it the detectives recovered

$583 in money and $1,000 in jewels so they spent $49,000 in jewels holy shit so they're just they're just buying they're just walking in with a with a fucking bracelet honestly they get a drink for eggs Benedict with emeralds. I think it's safe to say those jewels are in the ground somewhere. How many emeralds? What's 18% in emeralds of this? Munoz, they say,

has promised to find the remainder of the loot. Oh, yeah, for sure. He's going to help you out with that. Yeah. No doubt. I also think any mine owner should be robbed, so I'm okay. I agree.

It's one of those ones where you just go, yeah, I don't care. It's like when people are filming people like robbing a Riteate or a CVS and you're just like, yeah, let him. Okay. Gives a shit. I don't care. Go hog wild. You know? I don't give a fuck about it CVS.

You know what that's, that's, what's that called when people like a, yeah, the ESL employee stock options? Like when you let, when you basically like, you have like actually like a good. somebody who like built a successful company but they they don't really care about the money they just want to have like they love all their employees so they open it up and and pay everybody and like and then everybody's invested in like of all times to do that like you have like a bunch of like valuable land and a mine like yeah so it's like hey dig in boys you're part of this let's go that's just not how you run it's just that's just doesn't make sense to a mining baron no no once you get barren brain it's over you're not that you don't think like that but that's so true there are a lot of those not to be a homer in wisconsin there are so many companies in wisconsin where they're just like like they do that where it's like yeah you get 2% or something like that new glaris spotted cow yeah yeah it's uh it seems like a fun way to live forever seems like a fun way to live forever seems like a fun you know what spotted cow is dave i do know everyone knows what spotted cow is oh okay Wisconsin asshole

oh really wow okay all right well all right hot shot okay hater all right buddy well okay somebody likes uh somebody likes white somebody likes white cloths we get it hey well why don't you go mott bronger and have you little fun huh the way you treated us earlier that was bulls well well it's fine it's a decent beer it's not worth whatever you guys are doing with it it's a good it is it is actually uh fucking chocolate sunday it is it is actually uh fucking chocolate sunday it is actually phenomenal. Yeah, no, it really is. And they have other beers that are just as good,

which you don't know about because you don't care and you turn your head and you buried into the sand. Yes. You're a fucking ostrich trying to turn your egg, a little white claw, whatever you drink to feed your beasts, but you don't know quality because you don't have employee-owned breweries in rural Wisconsin

that make sweet cream that we survive on, and that's why we're the coolest. Yes. Yes. We are like number one on alcoholics. because it's so good because they made dessert beer you fool that's how you survive that's how you survive when you know when when when when when when when alcohols and for lunch when you got alcohol for lunch how are you not have well how are you not in

alcohol that's it's a technicality I'll be honest and that's how you stay warm in those colder months how you stay and how they're not that way in Minnesota because they're losers they are loses, you fool. It's because they got a mining baron running their breweries. Nah. They don't got the mentality.

They don't got the mentality. They don't bring their employees in to make the high quality product, which is a historical quality of Wisconsin businesses. Listen a little bit every now and then. Dave, you might learn something. Yeah, once you pick this up here, but. Cheese curds are fucking gross. All right, I'm driving at Dave's house.

I got this thing. I got it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll be there real soon. What the fuck makes wet cheese? What's wrong with you? What is your deal? Buddy, I mean, I, like, we're happy to hold your hand.

If you want to take a trip, we can show you the, we can show you God's country, okay? You're also from your wicked country. You're wicked country where there's no such thing as curds or good beer. You're just surviving on high noons and crap meat slices. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, enjoy yourself. Yeah, sounds fun.

Yep. Why don't you just let someone into your heart every now and then, wouldn't you? Live forever like Trumps in front of a stack of Big Macs. You go ahead. Go for it. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy a long little life. Living on fine-crafted food and booze that was made by people that care.

Wet beer and wetter cheese. Yum. Yum. I like walleye. Okay. All right. That's a start. Well, we don't hate what you're saying right now, but we're still a little pissed off

at some of the earlier stuff. Yeah, some of the other stuff seemed vitriolic. Yeah, and you'll be having walleye on Friday, but you'll also need to get into the wet cheese a little bit, okay? Absolutely not. Never putting my hand into a bag of wet cheese. We'll feed it to you. We'll get away.

We'll do a key bump. It's called a key bump. We feed it to you. Yeah. No. We go to a bathroom as three guys, and then we'll just hand it to you. One in each nose hole. Yeah, you'll be fine, dude.

you know what i don't have a log cabin in the yukon you know what i wish i had right now a log cabin in the yukon because apparently people are flocking up there to see the northern lights like the skies throwing a rave every night and people need places to stay and not hotels there aren't a ton of hotels up there but if you've got a spare room cozy cabin a yurt you could actually be making money by hosting on Airbnb. And here's the thing. It's not about being a super host and a city penthouse. It's about giving people a place to experience something they'll never forget and making a little extra cash while you're at it. And think of what the money could be used for. You could maybe buy a Yeti costume and wear it in the woods during your trip, make people believe in Bigfoot or affirm their

belief. I mean, you could even fund a home renovation project you've been dreaming of. So your home might be worth more than you think find out how much at arbb.ca slash host you know what i don't have a log cabin in the yukon you know what i wish i had right now a log cabin in the yukon because apparently people are flocking up there to see the northern lights like the skies throwing a rave every night and people need places to stay and not hotels there aren't a ton of hotels up there. But if you've got a spare room, cozy cabin, a yurt, you could actually be making money by hosting on Airbnb. And here's the thing. It's not about being a super host in a city penthouse. It's about giving people a place to experience something they'll never forget and making

a little extra cash while you're at it. And think of what the money could be used for. You could maybe buy a Yeti costume and wear it in the woods during your trip. Make people believe in Bigfoot or affirm their belief. I mean, you could even fund a home renovation project you've been dreaming of. So your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca. slash host. Haunted house mystery.

Police trying to solve queer doings in New Jersey home. Yes, careful. We're doing. Careful. I'm hoping it is what, I'm hoping it is what we think it is. That would be a great haunted house. It's one of those ones where you just stick your hand and stuff,

and you're like, oh, gross, it's guts, it's spaghetti. You got a Warren the Condo Association. Yeah. You got to let people know. All right, so this is spaghetti, but it's supposed to be guts. My son just fisted your boyfriend. It was weird at the end when I had to suck all that goo out of that hose. It's the inside of a body.

It's the inside of a dead body. But it's not a dead body. Well, it's Halloween. The dead body made an orgasm sound at the end. No. He's a disgruntled spirit in a rotting course. He's a zombie. He's caught in a no zone.

He's seen pretty scruntled. He's the opposite to disgruntled. He seemed like he was scruntling, loudly. Scruntled is to be satisfied. Five scruntles will scrunt again. Sorry. A Haunted Us mystery is occupying the attention of Sheriff Harris and his deputies at Newton, New Jersey.

George Dunlop, a wealthy farmer, reported that for two months his big colonial farmhouse had been haunted and that he and his wife have been driven almost frantic by wrappings and other weird noises and by similar acts of vandalism. That's terrifying. It was an actually haunted house.

Terrible wraps. Yeah, sorry. Haunted by a backup quarterback. He said some pieces of clothing had been cut in pieces and a Bible had been cut in pieces and a Bible had been slashed. Well. Wow.

What are you going to do? Don't leave it around. Don't leave it laying around. Sounds like the church said he could marry his cousin's daughter and she was never happy about it. Thank you. Can goods had been spilled and his rubber boots, which he left in the kitchen, had been thrown into a cistern. See, these are the like most, these are just weird.

Weak hauntings. Like he's just like, some of my cans were spilled. My boots had been tossed. Some of the clothes have been cut. The Bible was like anything that was terrible, awful terrified. One of the tools was rusted.

The fence had a nail missing. It's what we can't live. Anything. Anything like a sheep's head. One of the horse moves. some of the wool was poofy was there like a sheep's head removed or like

did it never removed no but a lot of one of the logs and splintered wow we was we can't rest we can't live my question is the cans that were that were emptied out how were they smashed were they opened

who uh were they we opened them we opened them and we ate the contents, and then they were trashed from the ghost spirits had taken them. Huh. Yeah. It sounds like you might have a maid. It sounds like you might have a maid. No, we don't have a maid.

We go into the barn a lot of times that we'll drink, we'll come down the next day, and there will have been hauntings. One of the ghosts puked all over a bail. did you remember do you remember where you were at that point no we were there earlier in the night having drinks and then the next morning we came up and the ghost had eaten some of the preserves and there was yarf all over our hay sounds like there's a gap in your memory yeah how often are drinking always okay always drinking always in the barn and it's funny that you mention that these hauntings are occurring in the window of our extreme alcohol ingestion.

You know, alcohol is illegal. One of the ghosts had sex with my wife. Okay, well, well. And he flew through my crotch because it looked like a crispy cream. What? Yeah. I had a dried ghost goo. Yeah.

All right. Well, we have to. Find him or them. or whatever they are. Do you know what a Krispy cream is? Yeah. I'm not sure what that is, but we're going to take you down. We're going to lock you up.

We're going to see if this happens while you're not at your house. How's that? It will happen. It sounds wrong, and it will happen. These ghosts know no bounds. One of them actually threw up in my mouth when I slept the other night. Can we talk to your wife for a second, sir? I don't think that'd be a good idea.

Wait, why? Does she not, is she okay? She doesn't drink. She doesn't drink. Yeah, so she's got a whole theory that's just whack-a-doodle. Okay, well, we won't have to take her downtown, but we're going to go downtown, it's her. I need to stay here to, on Ghost Watch. You know, they actually spilled oil out of one of our lamps.

And what do you think the significance of that is? You're the fucking cops. I'm just here giving you info. I don't know. Okay. I don't appreciate the question. These ghosts are fucking my wife and putting donut glaze on my penis.

Hmm. They make her come? Yeah. No. That's the worst part. They can, they always, they never can. Hmm. So.

All right. Well, you guys should be getting out of here. all right well thanks for the call this is this has been quite a visit yeah i'm really i can't wait for closure on four occasions articles have been thrown downstairs when no one was on the upper floor and later three fires were started in the house all right well i should point out they are lighting fires in the home too i forgot that detail Mr. Dunlap's stories of the strange happenings in the old mansion are corroborated by a score of neighbors. The sheriff, after investigation, arrested a female relative of Dunlap's, but she denied any no, uh, oh, knowledge of the reason for the ghostly doings and that further investigation is being made.

Okay, so she's up to something. Why would they arrest her? I don't well are you saying that the cops have to be right Dave because you've always been a homer for them a cop has absolutely never been wrong when is a cop that you think ever ever yeah fair sounds like this man had a slave that got out of the basement and he you're pitching a parasite yeah it's a it's a real it's a real uh uh the call is coming from inside the house situation yeah yeah yeah i mean if you were like robbing this guy and he was like started to be like we've had some real and you're like oh shit he knows he's like you think of what i'm thinking

what i'm thinking ghosts which well you can't say which don't don't don't know that that will have some sort of implication just call her a ghost and that's good ghost is safe ghost is safe don't get canceled damn it clam witch is So cliche. Oh, here we go. I'm going to wit shit again. Public speaking explained. The Japanese visitor to this city was asked to make an after-dinner speech.

He arose. I'm very nervous about this article. Yeah, you should be. He arose and began quaintily. I often wonder, he said, why it is you Americans will hinder your digestion by making these after-dinner speeches.

We Japanese rest after our meals. It is much better. You don't come to our country and tell us we don't get to make a speech after supper. How dare you? I love the idea of just napping

right after supper. Like in a restaurant. I mean, this was a time when a Japanese guy was like, no, take a rest i i know that i traveled with a japanese uh oh delegation over the over the united states and everywhere the americans would make us dine then ask us for speeches afterward we would much rather have dined at our hotels and retired afterward to rest for the following day by the way this is a speech that he's making after dinner he's telling him to fuck off

Well, he's finally doing a speech about how much he doesn't want to do this anymore. Yeah, he's like, what's the fuck? You invite us over here and then you want to see a struggle with not our native language after I've eaten a steak. Speech. A steak that's three times the size of what we would serve ourselves in our country, by the way. You just gave me a, you just gave me a 26-ounce porterhouse. And now I have to make sense without my interpreter. Yeah. And now I get a free steak, a t-shirt, and a picture on the wall, and I have to make a speech.

You guys made me the bone and gristle. Now I'm not going to do the ABCs. Look, let's go smoke some opium. And retire at our quarters. And just sit on the patio. I asked someone why it was this universal after-dinner speech-making among the American men at public dinners. and he replied that the American man never had a chance to say anything at home

and that was why. What a fucking amazing perception of 1910 male existence. My wife won't let me get a word in. Also, wait, did the Japanese businessman said that, took a shot like that?

Wow, what about asshole to assholes? Yeah, honestly. He brought the ruckus right there. He's like, I don't know why you keep making me get up here after a steak dinner. Maybe it's because you're completely chained in your basement of your house. Now, hold on a minute. Women, am I right?

That's how you get a big applause. Women. Yeah. You guys get it. Fell 800 feet. Oh, no. You mean died. How do you think this guy did?

J.C. Mars, the daring Western. aviator who deals in thrills while you wait, plunged 800 feet through space and landed an Ambrose channel at the foot of New York Bay while making an airplane flight to Fort Wadsworth, Staten Island. Now, wait, exactly what happened? He landed as a man or as a plane? He sounds like he fell out. It sounds like he fell out. It sounds like he pushed sounds like he pushed himself off a cliff in a wheelbarrow and uh that's right but has aviator on his business card and uh yeah yeah so he's gone the 500 horsepower motor on the flying machine went wrong it's one way to say it stopped working sure went wrong

mars was fished out of the water unhurt by a tugboat and his curtis eight-cylinder flyer was picked up by a wreck So he jumped out separately and then the plane crashed. He's the original Sully Sullenberger. He saved his life. Yeah. Yeah. He saved his own life.

Yeah. There's no way that he fell 800 feet and just went into water. Substantial. Yeah. He'd splat. He'd splat. Did you say 500 horsepower? That's a, that's a decent amount.

50, 50 horsepower. Oh, 50 horsepower. That's not a lot. That's nothing. It's like a lawnmower. It's a lot more. But I mean, that'll get a big, that'll get a, that'll get a, that'll get a fan blade moving pretty good. You know, I mean, it would propel you if you take off, fast up, and it's a, and then he's, and then he's just, and then he's just up and we had Michael Winslow on the show.

That was pretty good, my friend. Oh, the space police are here. You think Michael Winslow, you think Michael Winslow was like to his aging, just like, can I just want a dramatic role? Can I just, I don't want to do the noises for one. I just want to show people that I can really act. It's him, it's him and Denzel.

It's him and Denzel for. It's like he's dying in a hospital. the Oscar clip is he's dying in a bed and it's like him and Denzel at the call back for her glory him and Denzel

Yeah Earn this Mr. Winslow in this scene you're being whipped by your friend and you have to take it and cry No, not a Scooby-Doo.

Don't do Scooby-Doo. That's not. It's not, it's not Shaggy. Shaggy is not the one with a bullwep. This is Matthew Plaggrip. Yeah, that's not. It's a really somber. It's a, it's a humiliating, somber scene.

It's very, very much. Bring in the chopper. Mike. How'd it go, Mike? How'd the read go? I think book did I have. Testament. Testament to Michael Winslow's sound effects.

All we can do is, It's imitations, impersonations. The best. Because we can't do a, we can't do a good gong sound. Yeah, you can't exactly. You can't do a Michael Winslow impression.

No. No one's ever heard him really speak. Burglars high old time for a week lived sumptuously in deserted New York home. When Henry Morris of Brooklyn returns from his vacation, he will find that his home on public. Pottenham Avenue has been looted by two burglars of the storybook type. Ah, storybook burglars. Sounds like this guy has yet to discover his house.

Sure. That's fair. My first interview, if I'm the, if I'm the detective, is with the person who wrote this article. Yeah. Yeah. You've got a pretty good grasp of all this, huh? The owner of the house's name again? Uh, it is Henry Morris. Oh, Morris.

Hey, man. His partner's the street. Yeah. Hey, Morris. Uh, you've seen your living room, uh, lately? No, I'm on, I'm on vacation. I have. Oh, okay.

All right. Okay. Well, you, uh, everything looks good. Everything looks good on our end, but, uh, just, uh, yeah, I'm sorry. You're a reporter? Yeah. No, everything looked good. I, uh,

just checking in on everybody these days. And your living room came across my running. I'm sorry. Everything's good. Your lamps, the golden statue of your grandparents is still there. I'm sorry. You're a reporter in my home? No, no, no, no, no.

I just, I mean, everybody talks about your living room and how fancy it is. and, you know, the antique China set and the crystal chandelier, that's all there. That's all right where it is. I just have been waiting to honestly to write about it because I'm a big antiques guy and everybody talks about your living room. But it's good. It's good. Enjoy your vacation.

And we'll catch up. We'll catch up when you're back. I'm slightly uncomfortable. He wasn't suspicious of all the ship we took, right? No, no. he's, you know, he does, he's got no idea. He's, he's, you know, he loves, he's, he's, yeah, he's, so many candelabras. He's often savannah.

Foolish, stupid man. Boss, I ask a question, why would we call him anyway? What was, uh, I don't, I just, uh, I just like to, uh, I like to, uh, see if, uh, people have a clue so that I know how, how, how, how much we got to spend to cover our tracks. Trust the process, dink. Okay. Yeah, that's a real rag tag bunch of these guys. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Bob, did you get the newspaper article written? Yeah. Hey, remind me you get what the plan is. I don't know. I thought you had it. Boy, all this stuff sure is valuable, but it's not worth a cent compared to humiliating people in the newspaper.

Yeah. But I'm starting to think this is why we always get. caught. I'm still on the phone, you idiots. Oh, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Off course, you're in the paper next week, Mr. Mr. I forgot your name. Morris.

From the appearance of things, the burglars had been there about a week. Every dish in the cupboard had been used. The slow rob is just, I think we've lost, we've lost the slow rob. We have, yeah. The long loot, the fortnight of robbing. This is about humiliation, you know? Yeah, it is. There's, there's, yeah.

Well, I also like the idea of testing out what you want to take for a minute, being able to give the stuff a test drive. You know, is this the road for me. The worst part is what they leave behind. Yeah, that's, it's, yeah, you're like, God damn it. Keep your fucking trash. It's just a globe. They live in his house.

They use his shit. They eat everything. they do, God knows what, all while talking about it in the local newspaper. Yeah. And then before it even gets home. Yeah. Every dish in the cupboard had been used, there was ice in the refrigerator showing that the men had taken proper care of the beers and wines, which they brought in.

Some of which still remained. So wait, wait, I'm sorry. They brought their own shit to party. like left some behind. Yeah, they're partying, man. It really is Airbnb. They just like, they were just like, we don't need that ketchup.

Just leave it for the next fella. These guys are visionary. They go to a comedy condo. They left it like a condo. Yeah, you're just like, there's a little open sake in here for some reason. This mayonnaise is from 1991. Yeah, there's baking soda, mustard,

sake. An empty cigar box. Oh, yeah. An empty cigar box and the large assortment of empty bottles told a story of happy hours. Every portable article. They just be happy for the thieves. This is awesome. Yeah, they had a good time. Yeah.

Every portable article of value in the apartment had been taken, including Mr. Morris's wedding wardrobe. Oh, not my wedding. Well, Dave, you wore a wardrobe when you got married, right? Isn't that right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a wedding wardrobe.

Sometimes they take it out and just wear it around. How do you remember this? Investigation by the police revealed the fact that several neighbors had seen two strange men leaving the building, one of whom was attired in a frock coat. Oh, yeah. It is. So it's kind of, that's kind of what it is, I think. This guy put on a frock coat, a leather, leather shoe. in his silk cat and was just, these guys were having a fucking awesome time.

I mean, he was just like a groom. He's like, sir, yeah. The other carried a suitcase that was apparently heavy. Yeah. Dragging just a suitcase of just valuables. I mean, that's fucking amazing. That walk, you're like, hopefully the cops don't stop us because this is a pretty bad one. It was like a, it was like a week long.

all around town weekend at Bernie's with this guy's shit and everybody in town knew it happened it was old news by the time he got back from vacation they're Laurel and hardying down the street just sort of like you fool a fine mess you've gotten us into now well I can't lift the heavy end

I'm wearing the wedding wardrobe I can't I'm wearing the wedding wardrobe Merry fish fry party it might be it's mighty nice pleasant and interesting to make new friends especially when new friends are charming young people and love with themselves and all of the world what a crazy start to any article viewing life from the merry standpoint of goodwill and good cheer how to be popular in the newspaper recently it was the writer's happy lot to be an invited guest to go saining and fish fry with a jolly party of young folks. Pine, he was very annoying. But no, no, no, that's Wisconsin.

That's when you're going to get your walleye, Friday fish fry. Yeah, it's a, it's a nice party to be invited to. I have no idea how, you know, this reporter decided to start an article like that. That's crazy. That's wild. He was very... Friendship is when you get along with someone. He was very excited about being invited to something.

And then all of a sudden, the next thing you know, you're being invited to a party. And that's pretty cool, too. Somebody was invited to a dinner this weekend. I speak from experience when I say going to an event is pretty freaking cool. Some of you may have been to a party. The rest of you might go to a party. But let me tell you, they're a big deal. Allow me to peel the curtain back a little bit and talk about the time.

I went to a party with cool people who also happen to be my friends. They probably don't have to read this and probably don't want me to tell you everything that went on at this party, but I'm here to say that it's pretty cool. There's drinks in cups and fish that's been fried. And I told a really cool story that everybody was really happy to hear. It wasn't my first podcast. It won't be my last party.

It won't be my last. But it was probably cooler than any party that you went to this weekend. The editor. All right, look, so article-wise. Right? Sounds pretty great. Sounds pretty cool. Sounds pretty cool.

No, I'm glad you went to a party and you did good. There was so much fish. And they even had brandy. And they had, they had, they let us keep our shoes on. It was fantastic. Crazy thing to highlight, obviously, about the shoes. There was candles on the table. I understand.

I understand. I guess what we're going for in this periodical is more, it needs to have some. You want to name names? You have any names? Like the Elstein list, but for a party. No, no, no, no. It's like it needs to have value to society. Why is it interesting?

Because why is this a big party and I got invited to it. I know, but that's the thing. It seems like you're just happy you got invited. Do you understand? Well, you weren't at the party. I mean, I talk about the party. Reeve, keep reading, keep reading. Keep reading.

Keep reading. The party's in there. I talk about the party. All right, all I tell all the greasy doors. All right, we'll keep reading. All right, let's see. Reese, oh, wait, there you do that. Our party didn't care a continental whether Alligator Creek was to be canalized or public roads

automobilized. The philosophy of life to all was that the cheerful always die young because they never grow old. That years do not make age. It's all the same whether 16 or 60. All right. So see. See?

I don't see. What are you talking about? There was alligators in the backyard and young people everywhere. No. Mr. and Mrs. Mr. and Mrs. J. you Edwards were the venerable chaperones. Did you ever see a motherly hen go frantic when she

we don't know who she is. Who is she? When she, when she beheld her duck egg and chickens plunge into water. Well, that was her. What are you talking about? We fed the crocodiles. We had to feed the crocodiles. What is this all about her egg? The hosts had a friend and she was also invited to the party. She was very nice lady. She had a nice dress and she had several ducklings and ducks. And we Everybody sat on the patio. We had our drinks and our... It's just... We had...

Look, sit down. First of all, sit down. Sit down. Where do you get down? Sit down. All right. First of all. Control yourself.

We had no... We had no scene and we're not at Samson Lake, but we were all at sea with hearts fluttering for supper in the lovely night breeze on a level swore of pine needles. With the green grass growing all around. man and around. You got hungry on the lawn. This was Holly Woggus.

All right, all right. Get out. Get out. Get out. And bright fire was built so we could see each other laugh.

What are you talking about? Our Commodore, Captain Malley Jones sifted sand to farmers province and soon returned with chickens, farmer. From where?

A fiddle and a banjo. She carried all of that? and why the plan boiled us boys and girls danced all denominationals known on the face of the globe and in the good old town of Stark after a merry supper and a dozen alligator songs by a renowned captain. We all voted the chicken to Paloo

the best fish fry of the season at Corrist Home. Boss, sounds like you're mad you weren't invited. I don't even understand what happened at the end. Yeah, you didn't like not getting invited. We all yelled ho. We all yelled ho.

Have you never been to a party where everyone yelled ho at the end? Sounds like no. You're angry. I doubt that this happened. We feasted. The alligators feasted. There was waterfowl. There was regular fowl.

There was fishes. There was sand. We've cravat. Are you name-dropping sand right now? It was sad. That's right. It was fancy sand. And there was cravots.

And people had sand in their cravots and it was on purpose. And that's what happened at this party. Okay. Look, look, look, look. I'll admit this paper is in need of some more articles. You don't believe it because it's unbelievable. But I'm here to tell you that's the truth. It's very believable.

You ate chicken fish at a yard. It was. That's if it was that simple. It was much more. It was. It was much more. It was so much more. It was as if the universe had cast a spell. No, it wasn't.

You have a regular, you have been to a barbecue, sir. You have not been to a feast where people yell. Bam! All right, we'll put it at the end. Save the best of laugh. I like it. Now, get out. Oh!

next party they give him an NDA this guy you told all our secrets oh my lord ham oh we're having everything we could ever desire it's like I died and went to party heaven ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a Scottish superstition

in Scotland bringing a flowering hawthorn into the house foretells a death in the family that's right if you bring in flowering hawthorne someone's going to pass absolutely destined to be that way there's no way around that why are you bringing that to my home there someone's going to die I'm surprised I'm still breathing good Lord it's a miracle we've all made it through the night

it's an absolute shock you've been you've told it faint you have What is they bring? What is, what is this foretolds? A flowered hawthorn. A flowered hawthorn, yeah. Oh, oh, hey, so they were brought a smoking witch's cauldron into the Liggin' room. Oh, flawed, hofforn.

There's no chance of survival now. That's it. We're all dead men walking. We're all dead. It's over. It's either the bottom or the top. What? Yeah.

Oh, no. Oh, you don't think, so there's nobody. Welcome to the arches. Everyone's big. For, Horthorn. Oh, you cares the house. You killed your clan. The crown's dead.

Half the clan is patted because the flowered hawthorn. Why would you bring this into the home? No one will live. This scene was cut out of Braveheart. This was the scene that was cut out of Braveheart. Yeah, but do we need it? It sets the stage for the prima nocta. The prima, I saw that, Dave.

I don't want to say anything during the episode. What, uh, did someone murder Charlie Kirk? I assume that he probably his male. Oh, really? All right. I know he got shot. Oh my God. Oh, my God.

the video is insane I mean this is just another step in America losing its fucking mind and totally you know I've always said like everybody talks about how Fox News is bad for society dude AM radio did more did the heavy lifting like AM radio has zomified so many people in their fucking cars over the years

the blowback's gonna be crazy that's that's what I that's that's the thing it's like but this was always you go it is it's the eventuality anyway everything's already on the timeline it's like is it getting moved up or staying in you know an odd arm's length but it is going to be never let a good crisis go waste but that video is fucking crazy i i couldn't really see it was blurr you see him get like does he get shot in the face neck oh my god i mean it i can't imagine that he survives what i just saw well it's like

preston is saying he's dead but i don't know well uh Nate thanks for joining us on the past times as we live through our own strange newspaper day as our society is actually about to go back to 1910 as we are about to return yeah this is fucking crazy good to prep on on on on how things go uh in the uh the new era that we'll be living in oh my god minus one century plus after uh people decide to uh well let's i don't know what we'll keep of this part of Deify your special is called Married to It. We can get it on YouTube. Or if people want to be traditionalists and pay for content,

they can go to your Patreon. Can they just go to Patreon and just search your name? Nate Craig? Yep. You're fantastic, Nate. Only fans, I'm at Good Husband. Very interesting. Very interesting wrinkle there at the end.

That's the lie. Thank you for joining us. We love you. you're the best. Love you guys. Thank you for having me. Thank you, buddy. Let's meet up and haunt a bar together sometime. Go Packers. Yeah. Don't. Some of these days, you'll miss me, honey. Some of these days. Hey, Dullop fans. I know you love the Dallop. You love listening to the Dullop. Do you want to watch the Dallop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. well we have partnered with lakeside animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes so if you want to go watch a five-partner animation which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode i can't remember of the rube you can go to lakeside animation on youtube and watch a really awesome uh animation of the rube it it really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it and uh the more you share it the more you give it to people the more you follow lakeside all that's

stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.