The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 147 - The Past Times with Alex Pearlman

Episode Date: October 17, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Alex Pearlman   Mint Mobile MeUndies - Code: Dollop

All right, everybody, welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. The great, Alex Pearlman. The great. Go birds. They're great. Yeah, go birds.

I say great for most of the guests, but this, we are very excited to have you on. for a number of reasons, selfishly for our content, but also you, how long has your blowup been? It feels like you've really exploded in a year. Like people, are people stopping you on the street at this point? Yeah, I mean, I get noticed. I mean, the thing is it's internet fame, right? So it's one of those weird things.

I was, I got bigger on TikTok. When it first took off for me was like three years ago, on TikTok. I made a video and it, it went pretty big. And then the New York Post wrote an article about me. I said, that can't be good. Oh, wow. And then, uh, James Wood was like, they didn't interview you. They didn't interview me. No, I didn't get interviewed at all. They wrote an article about my TikTok. And then James was not positive, I assume. No, it was positive because I was really mad at Nancy Pelosi. Yeah. Oh, it was. Oh, great. Because it was right after it. So, well, we love her. Yeah. I know you guys are big. Oh, we're big and Pelosi heads.

Yeah. We call this the Pelosi house. Sorry, I'm going to jump in. We don't say Pelosi had since the hammer stuff. Oh, yeah. No, that's true. Yeah, no, we're Pelosi bottoms. Go ahead. As a Pelosi top, I was listening.

I remember when Rovi Way got overturned, they, everyone who has ever given a dollar to a Democrat anywhere in the country got like 15 text messages asking for $12. And I got really mad about that because I'm like, I know that our Congress people are really rich. So I made a TikTok and I just listed all of the richest people in the, the House of Representatives, including Nancy Pelosi. And I'm like, stop texting me, call your guy. You know how to make money.

You know how to insider trade. And a lot of people, that really resonated with a lot of people. Some of those people were James Woods and Joe Rogan. Oh, my God. No, no. And so I had this very odd audience for a while that was really 50-50 conservative and lib, but the conservative side always thought I was going to convert. They were always like, he's almost there, man.

And I was like, no, no, no, I'm really mad that the libs aren't living hard enough. like they're not i'm i'm not over here like hey tomorrow they're going to they're you know they're going to do this and suddenly like turn on trans people i'm like no i i'm like really really mad that they're not following up on any of the stuff that they've said they're going to follow up for all the decades of my lives and so those complaints really resonated weirdly with like mid midwestern moms and a bunch of other things but i grew on ticot to a certain point my wife and i started our podcast too many tabs um and instagram has really taken off for me since the uh since the end of the election because our team finally stopped doing political suppression on that app that's right he did

and i think he started doing that because of covid stuff yeah it was but well around this election they had a little toggle and i was i was one of the yeah so i was like this is great were you really yeah you're a you're a you're a loudmouth yeah so we'd call you yeah yeah i'm pretty i'm pretty opinionated about things that uh don't make billionaires happy often right but also so funny i mean I mean, it really, I don't know. I think like it, you are just a very entertaining follow. So any, where can people follow you? Where's the best place for people?

Oh, they can follow me on almost everything on the Pearl Mania 500. And I'm actually, I am also a stand-up. I've been doing stand-up for over 20 years. I'm opening for Walt Matterson and in Philadelphia at Helium Comedy Club. I think that's October 30th. But yeah, if you follow me on Instagram, Instagram is the best place to find out the other stuff I'm doing. That's probably the best place to go there. And then my podcast, too many tabs.

And TikTok, TikTok was just bought by fascists. Yeah, no, I know. Well, that's why it's going to be great. Yeah. Well, it's, uh, and they've kind of owned it the whole time. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm actually making a TikTok about it. And your podcast, you ripped us off? Yeah, no, it started off with the dollop. I admitted. You guys are like, hey, how are you doing? I'm like, I stole your show. How are you? But I feel like there's so many.

You guys were the first pod. The dollop was the first pod. I ever heard of guy does research and then a dumb little clown reacts for the list of us. Well, now I'll jump in here. I think like it's my time to jump in, obviously. Yeah. Everything but the nose, right? Yeah, everything but the nose. We almost called it that.

Oh, really? Everything but the nose. Would have been a great fucking title. Yeah, but my podcast, you know, couples, a lot of times, you know, you click around too much on the internet and you kind of follow down these rabbit holes. So our podcast became my wife. wife and I, here's the thing we've been obsessing over this week and kind of describing it to each other. So, like, I did an episode on Elon Musk racist grandfather. Uh, we just did an episode on like the many controversies of elf beauty, uh, the history of Jubilee, stuff like that.

Like those, so, you know, that's been doing. Well, too many tabs is my life because doing research for this, sometimes I'm doing research for like four episodes at once and I, I literally have like 50 tabs open. And then I have to use the little thing that consolidates them. Yeah. And takes them off the tabs. So, and then I've got like 150. of those. I think what you're saying, let's steal his shit. He does it better. We should probably just take his idea. We should one week after he does his

episodes, we should do. We should just call it the clapback. We just clap back and Alex is too many tabs. You should come in because we like to remind everybody that we both have general studies degrees from community college. So like, how many people are on the

internet who are like, hey, I've discovered this thing about carrots. If you eat these, you'll never get cancer. And you're like, well, what's your degree? And they're always like, ah, speech therapy. And I'm like, what the fuck? And so we like to remind people constantly, we're just dumb idiots. And like, this is what we found interesting. And please, if we're wrong, get in the comments and tell us.

And that helps drive engagement. How many carrots do you have to eat? Yeah, what are we number wise? Like, what should, I guess, just to quickly follow up on that, what are the carrot number? Yeah. So, well, first thing is make sure that you're bought into a CARIF ETF. So that way you can make money on the other side. And then I want to say anywhere from 24 to 67 carrots a day.

Wow, I can do that. Nice, that's all. You really, you think we can handle it? Yeah, I mean, I'll need to sit over a bucket. But yeah, this is a, this is a lifestyle choice. But I've been looking to get a little more orange, especially in this day and age. You'll be dropping more than a dollop. Hey, oh.

And we're back. Well, Alex, thank you for joining us. We are very excited. So you know what we do here. We're going to go through a newspaper from, who knows when, Dave has it. You're going to guess what year you think it's from. I don't know, you don't know.

You will be right because Dave, I don't know if he hates me, but even the way he's looking at me right now, it's not reassuring. Everything but the nose. Okay, but so why don't you, you guess, could be 1700s, probably won't be. Could be 1950, could be 1980, probably not, but go ahead. I heard the Auntie Donna episode where you guys did like the 1600s.

And I just want to say, I really wish I lived in a time where a hat in a tree was the most pressing issue. No. That was a crazy. I still think about that episode sometimes. Well, it's hard to, it is hard to not have envy for that, that era. I mean, there's such a trade-off, though. It's like, like, imagine if, you know, sometimes, like, you'll help your buddy move and your butt will be chafed.

You know, that was an incurable death sentence back then. Now you just got to get a little gold bond on it. All right. Alex, go ahead. Are you considered cleaning that thing? Alex, go ahead. All right. I'm going to guess, uh, given the time.

I'm going to go at 1927. Like it. Safe. I like it. I like that play a lot. Yeah, I do, asshole. I like that play a lot. I mean,

I like that play a lot. Quiet. I'm in the middle of my guess. Angry. 1903. You're wrong. Bitch. It's 1955.

Alex, congratulations. Way to go, Alex. Yeah, that was a genuine win and good for you. I think that's awesome. Do you? Yeah, I do. By the way, Garth doesn't like when you talk to him

and you say Gareth at the end of every sentence. No, that was you earlier. No. It just gets weird when it's like eight times in a row. June 2nd, 1955, which is Thursday, the Toledo Blade. Oh, the Toledo. From the Great Toledo. By the way, a low-rent superhero that not enough people talk about.

What? The Toledo Blade. Yeah, that guy really good. Really did a lot of stuff. Yeah. He thought, uh, you thought everyone was a vampire. I said, I think it was, yeah, go ahead. Um, how'd you first learn about Toledo, the city of Toledo?

Do you remember? Yeah. Mash. You think, he does this MASH stuff. Did you watch MASH or? I saw it. I saw it, like, as it was going off the air. I was born in 1984.

So, like, I saw like the end of MASH and everybody like my dad being like, we got to watch the end of MASH. And I was like, I want to watch the Flintstones on reruns from back in the day. I, if I saw a mash on TV, I was like, no. That was one of the huge match. The final episode is one of the highest rated television programs of all time, which is crazy because it was so bad at that point. It was so off the rails. That's the one where they kill the baby, right?

Yeah, they killed the baby. They kill a baby in that one. I know what crazy way to go out. I know about them killing the baby, not because I've ever seen the episode, but because of the NPR Radio Lab episode about it. Wait, that's true? Yeah, no, they have this whole thing. Yeah, yeah, there's this whole thing with that. They also did that on the final episode of Seinfeld.

And cheers. It was dancing threw it into a chandelier. If you go to TV tropes.com and you look up killing, it's like killing the baby, jumping the shark, and then, you know, whatever Mr. Beast is doing. You know, that was when Happy Days killed the baby, in my opinion. Could you imagine being in that writer's room? Oh, my God. Should we kill the baby?

I mean, the show's called MASH. Should we really mash it? I don't think it's a good idea. Yeah, they were going to call it. They were going to call the show spiking it in the end zone, but they changed them. I mean, the movie is, you know, it has very serious, dramatic moments. I love the movie. I think the show, the show has its moments.

It's really good. It's just, it's one of those things where it went longer than the actual conflict. Oh. Which is, no. By the way, which is why the United States adjust that it's foreign policy. Like, we'll be everywhere forever just in case we want to make another sitcom about occupation. Well, listen, at some point we're going to bring back must-see TV.

At some point, we're going to get these cable rates back, okay, baby? What do you think the theme song would be for Guantanamo Bay? Oh, God, that would be I'll write it. I think it was, wasn't it the song that never ends? Wasn't that one of the things

they tortured the people with? It was like that or like the 40 song? Like, they were playing like crazy like kids music at them, which as a new parent, that's terrifying. like it oh absolutely horrendous listen i have elmo singing wake up potty time eating brush running from my head every moment of the day

if someone else was doing it to me i it wouldn't be good uh yeah that is that that's that takes a whole new dark twist that's one of the ways they got noriega out of his mansion was uh they kept blast and rock music it was like rogmy it was like aced c and stuff and i was like really no they rock too hard but you just kept playing panama at them It's just dancing

He's just sitting there He's like this is literally the song of my people The Toledo Blade Is that still a newspaper? Does that still exist or now? No way I really doubt it Yeah

Although 55 it could It could Someone's gonna yell at someone's yelling at dirt It's probably been bought up by a billionaire Who's using it for fake news Algorithmic SEO purposes Yeah As it should be

Yep. Resisted brainwashing, four freed U.S. flyers say... Whoa. Yeah. Still a paper. Still a paper. Oh, wow. Pleaded guilty at trial to violating Red China's airspace.

Four American flyers ready to meet their families today, after more than two years in communist Chinese prisons, said they had resisted brainwashing, but pleaded guilty of violating Chinese airspace. Hmm. Probably because they violated. Violated Chinese Airspace. I don't know. Doesn't sound like us. You know, the best part is it's just a funny place to put a line anyway. If you had read that title to be first and then be like, what year do you think this is?

I would have probably guess 1999 because then we have like, we had that. We've done this like multiple times. We keep doing it. We do love to fly over China. We love to fly. And we also are now into like ocean like ocean wise. We're like, mm-hmm. Yeah, we like to go up against me.

What are you going to do about it? Imagine if China was doing that way. I mean, they sent a, they sent a weather balloon over and we lost our fucking minds. Well, to be fair. I forgot about that. You know what, if they really wanted us to not pay attention, they should have put a kid in the balloon. A bubble boy. You're talking about a bubble boy callback?

No, but balloon boy? Yeah, balloon boy. Yeah. But that ended up. He wasn't in. We never actually got, we never got to live out the fantasy because balloon boy was just in an addict because his dad was a crackhead. Yeah.

And then he was on the Today Show and they were interviewing and the kid was like, I never went in it. And they were like, all right, son. I love that that like was everywhere for about, what was that? That was like a 12 nuts hours. And then everyone else was like, all right, I guess we're going to move back on to the war on terror. Yeah.

Yeah. No, well, you talk about like the hat and the tree and the sixth. That was like, you know, we get those moments where the keys get jingled in front of our face. Yeah, and that was definitely one. Yeah. I got a Laboooo right here. Balloon boy.

Yeah. Oh my God. Aw. Yeah, exactly. Aw. So they had five. It was four flyers? What?

It was four flyers? Yeah, four. Four. Four flyers. I mean, just say what they are. In their first press conference since release Tuesday near Hong Kong, the airmen said yesterday that they spent long period. They're going out of their way to not say that they're in the Air Force. Oh, right.

They're going out of their way. We're commercial pilots. We're just air guys. We're just guys with planes. It's just crazy. The airmen said yesterday that they spent long periods in solitary confinement, did not get letters from home until after the Geneva conference last summer, and thought U.N. Secretary General Dag Hammersjold was helpful in obtaining their freedom.

Dag was a great one. Dag was great. Good guy, good guy, Dag. Yeah, great dag Well, that doesn't I mean, it's just You always think about like how we do it now And you're just like, Jesus Christ

I mean, like we were saying, think of Guantanamo You're like, I didn't get any letters I mean, it's like a counselor being upset Yeah Asked if a confession was required at their trial Captain Harold E. Fisher of Sweet City, Iowa Sue.

Sue. S-W-E-A? Sweet, okay. Oh, wow. Wow. All right. Oops. Imagine my thinking of your mispronunciation of Sue.

I'm going to go see the tribe today. They're the sweet. He said, no, not at the trial. Was there a confession before the trial? I believe I'll wait until I see my lawyer before answered that question. Well, we got a yeah. We got a yes. Another airman said Captain Fisher's reply

Would stand for all of them What he said Yeah, him All of a slice of that Yeah, we're gonna follow whatever our boss In the plane says Yeah, yeah What a plane boss say?

Yeah, that's what we did That's yeah, that guy, yeah Or the one goes rogue Actually, if I may Hank, oh sorry Asked if anti-communist statements By U.S. politicians Had any effect on their treatment

But Captain, imagine, they would never ask that today. Captain Fisher said, statements by American politicians of this sort always appeared in communist newspapers. Naturally, we wanted better relations. We did feel it was better not to say some of the things they did. Asked if Senator McCarthy figured in this, Captain Fisher smiled and said loudly, yes. Every day listening to communist Trump. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. They're just like, God, McCarthy shut up. Shut up, you fucking genius. Shut up. Yeah. Every time I see a picture of McCarthy, to me, McCarthy and Ted Cruz look very similar. I think that all the time. Whenever I see it.

Yeah. It's also really weird going through a time period where, like, growing up being taught, like, McCarthyism's bad. Senator McCarthy was an evil dude and an alcoholic and all these other bad, bad shit things about him. And now we're in a period where there's like, like, like 35% of the country is like, no, that guy was great. we should do that we should double we should do we should do that four times all the time with a bunch of different stuff and never do like but he also didn't it all like it was breaking down obviously it was like 10 years or however long of him doing that shit but then there's just another like senator who's like did stop and then everyone was kind of like yeah yeah i can't remember who call them out

but like there's there's like there's like there's like there's like there was like ruining there was a moment where a guy was just like fucking enough bro and everyone was like yeah enough you have no dignity sir is what he yelled yeah something like that he's like imagine that now like somebody turning to yeah to a ted cruz or whatever thing they're growing in florida this week and be like do you have no dignity and he's like like and subscribe i have a podcast we have a i know a whole country government currently brought to us by well the lesson they learned from that was never let the ruse stop Yeah.

Like, they were like, just don't ever admit that it's total fucking bullshit. Although I think it's good to have a podcaster in charge of the FBI. I do too. I think it's going on. I tell you, I think he has his eye on at least multiple balls at the same time because he certainly does not, they are focused on something. Yeah. And it ain't reality.

Yeah. I will see. If I see him in Valhalla, that'll be awkward. Yeah. especially because you both have Imagine if you're trying to get into Valhalla and they're like, do you have Cash Patel's promo code? You're like, damn it.

Oh, my God. You can get into Valhalla a little quicker if you have Cash Patel promo code. Yeah, I see him. I'm like, what are the other option? Is there another place I can go? I don't know if Valhalla's right. Is there another place?

Is there a Vahala too? What do you have? I'll go to hell. I'll go to Hades. What are we doing, Haiti? I'll go there. Honestly, purgatory for as much as the Catholics, like, hey, purgatory bad.

I'm like, I don't know. just sounds like a waiting room do I have a phone It's a waiting room It's not the best Yeah it doesn't sound that bad It doesn't sound that bad It's better than the ICU

Yeah Do they have Judge Judy on the TV There's always Judge Judy's what's on in the world Highlights There's like a few Highlight May I'll fucking party with some highlights Yeah

You never get too old to figure out the differences Yeah Girl What Hey look It's fall It's the fall season We got football

We got Cooler beers We're hanging out later Without getting all hot but look if you're wearing the same old boxers if you got the old last winter's boxers on it's time to take it up a notch and we're talking about me andes

super soft crazy soft very breathable because I know you have a very pungent area down there they're made with they've worked with me very very carefully they're made with micromodal fabric it feels like a cloud but

you know still hanging everything in there you know what I mean well I'm sure we've all been flying and thought, I would love to know what that feels like to jump through that crotch first. Absolutely. And now, and now it's the spooky time of year, Gareth. It's Halloween. There's ghosts and there's goblins about. And of course, Miondi's has a limited edition Halloween line.

It's fun. It's festive. Well, they have these death of me ones that are, there's like skulls and little orange flowers because that's the color of the season. Why don't you ask my friend, Dracula about that. Hey, Dracula, what undies are you going to get? I have the glow in the dark

my Andes with the bats on them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What? What? They have skulls. They have pumpkins. They've got the jackal lanterns, I think it's called. They got webs.

They got a spider web situation. If you want a spider web on your area down there. I will tell you. It's been so long since anyone's been down there. There's many cobwebs. So spook out your lady or your fellow with some spooky underwears. I'm probably just going to wear the brief spiderweb, and that'll be my Halloween costume.

Why don't we do that? We're about to go on tour. Why don't we each wear the same pair of underwear the whole tour without washing them? That sounds great. The whole time. And I'm sure it'll be fine. Right now as a listener of. our show, you can get cozy and spooky for less with deals up to 50% off at

meandies.com slash dollop and enter promo code dollop. That's meandies.com slash dollar promo code dollop for up to 50% off meandies comfort that's made for fall and all. I don't understand. Gareth, we're also brought to you by Mint Mobile. I don't know how many people out there are still paying crazy amounts for wireless, but it's time to stop that admit mobile their favor word is no no contracts no monthly bills no overage no hidden fees no BS yep and uh i made the switch uh and getting premium wireless now for 15 bucks a month yeah but you had to get rid of your phone number and your phone uh no i didn't gareth you keep your phone number you keep it all you just get a new care

barrier. Wow. They all come with high-speed data, an unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network, which is pretty sweet. You can, like I said, use your own phone. Any minimal plan, you can use your own phone, bring your phone number. And that's it. You're good to go. We've been using it. We use it on the road. We use it at home. We get data. We get phone calls. We get text. It's everything you need from a phone. Except it's less money. Yeah, yeah. Your phone works. The phone works the exact same. Yeah, exactly. And your phone tastes like mint. No, we've been told to not say stuff like that.

You can lick your phone and it's going to be spearminty good. Don't lick your phone and it's going to taste the same, but you shouldn't know what it tastes like originally. They check your email. They're not happy about this talking about. I don't think that's right. Yes. I know you don't, but be quiet. Stop.

Ready to say yes to saying no, make the switch at mintmobile. dot com slash pastimes. That's mintmobile.com slash pastimes. Up front payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month. Limited time, new customer offer for three, first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan taxes and fees extra. Seamint Mobile for details. Taste your phone. No. 13 kidnapped. And it's legal. What is the last Part about 13 unaware pedestrians Walking by the United States

Courthouse here Were tapped yesterday By U.S. Marshals And ordered inside To complete a jury. Oh, they fucking jury kidnapped. They're just walking. That is awful.

At least jury duty, you're like, toss it. Oh, my God. Jury aching? What if Trump, what if Trump had ICE forces out grabbing people to do? You're on a jury now. no honestly i'm actually i'm actually like yeah okay like that's i'm weirdly for this of all the

ways the government's kidnapping people to do jury duty all right also it's it's like at least you know it's it's i always worry with the jury duty summons and stuff like that that like the people who do show up or like maybe i'll get the hot case you know what i mean if you're just walking down the street oh man i really could go for a baloney sam with they are 1955 and then some guys like get in here you gotta find out about insider trading i also like the idea that like the way we do it is so fucking weird i do like the idea that it's like a d you like someone could be like don't go that way they're doing jury duty and you're like oh shit like being able to outrun your summons like that'd be awesome yeah a way to test you'd be like shit go go go left left left hey there's a little

jury duty warning on your ways yeah i've met people who refused to register to vote because they thought that's how they pull jury. I did. I was told that for a while. But no, then I got one. Yeah, they got you another way. It's some other way. I think they started doing it through driver's licenses.

Yeah. I don't know. Last time I went in for jury, dude, they were like, I had it probably be an eight-week trial. And I was like, I love pedophiles. Like, I can't do eight weeks. That's the clip, by the way. That's the Instagram clip right there. We're out.

All right. If somebody you understand social media, it's Dave yelling. that. Someone's going to turn that into a. A TikTok. A club track. It's a TikTok edit and then just as I cut back and forth. I love pedophiles. We've got to find

a better way. I'll outrun the summons. I love pedophiles. It's like that Australia guy was yelling. I can even imagine somebody getting dragged in for jury duty. He's like, What's the charge? A succulent meal?

A succulent Chinese meal? A succulent Chinese. That man's hands on my penis. Yeah. He's touched my penis. Federal Judge Edward Dimmock acted under Title 28, United States Code, Section 1866, providing for just such a contingency to compete his panel trying a narcotics case. Wow.

Just to go from a what? being like someone on like a narcotic jury now it's like a guy who had a joint yeah it's it's 95 it's like it's like dirt weed it with seeds in it yeah exactly this man is trying to murder everyone in Toledo meanwhile he's just like picking seeds out of his mouth yeah they have them on they have him on the stand like why did you smoke weed why are you doing marijuana he's like because I'm in Ohio what else am I supposed to do it's Toledo I'm in Toledo I'm in Toledo veteran court attaches had to push their memories back more than 20 years to recall the last time this statute was enforced protests rendered by the tagged strollers included incredulity what kind of a gag is this i've got a ticket to sail to europe tomorrow outrage this is like being

i've got a ticket to say that if i get called on another jury i will be saying that verbatim they don't i cannot tomorrow I have a ticket to sail to Europe I mean you wouldn't get called in L.A. anymore but in L.A., they do not take any excuses whatsoever. No, I, the last time I was almost put on a jury, I had to get kicked off the jury. And I played a racist card. But there was a guy before me who got thrown off and he just literally goes, I don't believe in law. And the judge was like, what? And he was like, laws don't exist to me.

And she was like, what do you mean? and he, like, couldn't even define it properly, but she was just like, go. Like, it was just, and then I was like, guy, that was pretty good. The time before, the last one, well, it was going to be eight weeks, it was a guy who was accused of bombing,

like a bomb threat or something. And I heard the charges, and I was like, this sounds a little rigged. Of course, Dave. That was my first thought. I was like, someone took some liberties with the law here, but then they go,

does anybody have a problem with law enforcement? I was like, oh, yeah. And then she goes, I go, I think they lie all the time, constantly,

endlessly. And she goes, okay, and then she tries to trick me up and, like, get me, like, she's clearly had people say this before.

Right. And she's trying to go, and we're going back, I'm going back and forth with the judge. Oh, she didn't know who she was dealing with. Yeah, I was like,

raised by a district attorney. Like, I just went through all this shit. all this the stuff that's happened and finally she was like okay you're dismissed and I turn around and the defense attorney looks at me and goes like he's just like nice job see you in Valhalla I'm afraid to say it but I've never I can't I've never been called but I can't you never have it never it's never happened I literally I literally see what we can do I can never serve on a jury because that's my belief is that I just having been raised the way I was and

everything I've seen, I think that they lie constantly. I'm of the mindset of, I want to, see, I'm different because I'm a millennial, so I want to get inside the system and break it down from the inside. Yeah. I not only want to be a lawyer, I want to be the former. And then I want to come in and tell angry men and be like, guys, we're all making, what is it, like $1.75 an hour right now? This is good shit.

This is good shit. Excuse me, Mr. Foreman. I am a foreman. Well, that's the crazy thing about a jury is no one can afford to live. No. already and now you're going to take away a week's pay. The fact that that

excuse that has no validity is amazing. I can't afford to the like, yeah, but this is your duty. You're like, but I can't. I literally will lose my apartment. I lost my mind when I got put on a jury. Yeah.

I mean, I went, my mother was like, I've never seen you so upset. I was like, there was going to be a trial about me being on a jury. People cannot afford it. It's your, it's your constitutional duty as they point to the flaming constitution in the corner and you're like okay yeah yeah me

me being here for the next eight weeks that's gonna fix that buyer over there all right sure sure sure sure well the the worst was my wife got put as an alternate on a jury and she couldn't say anything and she was like it was so clear the cops had lied and just framed this kid like it was so obvious and they convicted him and she's just sitting there going this is going to make me she was just losing your mind. Okay. Federal, oh, I did that. Protests rendered included tank strollers,

including what kind of a gag is this. I've got a ticket to sale to Europe tomorrow. Outrage. This is like being kidnapped or Shanghai and just plain resignation. It's almost worse than the army. Before you know it, you're on a truck and you're on your way.

Well, I, okay. Now, I am very against what they did, but that person's hyperbole is off the charts. I'm going to die in Vietnam. Two of the Shanghai pedestrians were chosen for jury. Oh, only two? Yeah.

Oh, okay. It's probably all they needed, and they just grabbed it. Right, they just grab a nice sampling. They dismiss a lot. Yeah, yeah. Threats made crime. President Eisenhower signed a bill yesterday to make threats against the life of the vice president and a president elect, as well as against the president, punishable

by a $1,000 fine in imprisonment up to five years. Wow. It's the seeds, the sweet seeds. Well, I got no jokes about that. Let's move on to the next one. Nope. All right. Yeah, that seems fine.

No problem there. Well, here's the, here's an idea. Don't make yourself so killable. Hey, Garrett, I want to let you know, I'm a little, I'm a little beyond there. Anyway, no, it's, it's, that's, that was, that was, that was, I didn't realize that was until Eisenhower, that wasn't a law? That is wild, yeah. I think you should be able to threaten the president.

I just, it's just if you actually try to do it. Like you... Yeah. I mean, I remember when I was growing up hearing that rule that, like... Yeah, I remember that too. You can't even say it. But it was like, people do it all the time. Trevor Moore from the White did you know, he had a great sketch about it. Oh, did it? Yeah, yeah. It was a really great sketch.

And it was all about, he's like, you can't say this sentence. But I can say it because I just told you what the sentence you can't say is. I can't say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not going to say it because things get clipped now and taken out of context. Yeah, but no, do remember Dave's, Dave came out as a pedophile lover. Yeah, no, I didn't, I don't know if you remember.

Didn't Ted Nijian put like a rifle scope? Very quickly, Ted Nugent could do whatever he wants. Go ahead. Didn't he put like a Raffle scope on Obama? Yeah, but that is, okay, tooth, I'll jump in out. Non-white Nugent could do whatever he wants. Go ahead. Yeah, also, he also shot arrows at a Janet Reno, a Janet Reno, a Janet Reno doll.

he did yeah back in the 19 well you could do whatever you wanted just forever like he just oh nudgeance i just remember reading an article in the paper and he was having an event called rape of the hills in which he had his own property invited hunters and then they would kill everything on the lane yeah he called the rape of the hills and i was like you're just a bad person i remember watching the vh one behind the music of all about ted nugent and like the whole time i was like sitting there watching and i was like this is a series of crimes that i think are still in like that's a hundred percent like that's a crime his whole life is just crimes he had an album called jail bait right behind yeah behind the music the lyrics of his album should

have got him put in prison yeah absolutely but anyway uh don't trump's gonna arrest all the pedophiles yeah you know or other than you can he also adopted uh yeah yeah yeah girl who better who better to find him but that was long after june 6 195 Yeah. But also, like, he's one of those guys that I'm like, all these people are canceled, but they're still playing his songs on fucking serious and the radio and shit. And it's like, well, what are you doing? Yeah.

Well, I'm petto. Yeah, the truth is that Michael Jackson, I understand because the music's good. Nugent. I'm like, we could do it out this. I know. That's the thing it's terrible music. I was going to stop Michael Jackson. And then I swear to God, a person I know who was molested was like, I'm still listening to it.

And I was like, well, fucking there goes that. Jesus Christ. I'm like, okay. I mean, the only one. The only one I know of was that they cut back Gary Glitter's songs. Like, they used to play Gary Glitter all the time in the stadiums and stuff from Jock Jams. Well, I'll tell you something, nightmarish, Alex. I used to do kids' birthday parties for a long time, dress up like superheroes.

And eventually the party CD that my boss made, I hated. So I started like, fine. So I put on Jock Jams and I started playing a Gary Glitter song like all the time when I'd walk into the party until eventually a parent was like, is that Gary Glitter? And I was like, yeah. And they were like, you know, he's like a pedophile. It was like probably not the best look to be playing like a pedophile rock at a kid's birthday party. I was like, thank you, sir. That is awesome.

Thank you so much for the update. Just to paint the full picture, which superhero were you dressed as? Dickman. Stop. Gareth Glitter. Gareth Glitter. It's me, Gareth Glitter. My power.

Hello. My power of music is being arrested in Vietnam. He was like, don't play it. I was like, how will I lure them? But I did, these children need to get into the van for jury duty. I don't understand? There's been a crime. I've committed it.

Children, we need a jury. Convict me. This is very meta. Shakespeare, Justice Stoge. Yeah, finally. Yank hopes to dig up proof. Oh, oh, this is when they think that like six people were Shakespeare. Yeah, oh, yeah.

But the idea that they would bear, I mean, I don't know where we're going, but the idea that they would exhume him and be like, there's 400 bones in here. He clearly was a number of people. An American drama historian who thinks Shakespeare was just a front for another author hopes to prove his claim next month by opening a 300-year-old tomb.

How the fuck are you going to... This man had hair. I mean, okay, I guess we'll find out, but this sounds... Calvin Hoffman of New York has obtained permission from church officials. to open the ancient tomb of Sir Thomas Walsingham, Elizabethan nobleman at Chislehurst, England. Chislehurst! You're going to a church to fucking dig up a fake Shakespeare.

Hey, listen, you know Frank Lopez over there, I think he might have been Shakespeare? Can I get in that one? The Lord says you may dig him up. I can get in that one. What can I do when I'm in there? Whatever you want to figure it out. Okay, we're going to get busy.

Weird, but go. If you hear bones hitting the wall, just ignore it. Okay, dokey. Not an issue for us. Is this? One side, he expects to find a lead box containing the 36 manuscripts of the first folio of Shakespeare's play. Oh, he's like, he got buried with him because he did them.

So he's like, this guy wrote them. So he was like, I want to be buried with my plays. Like, that's proof. Yeah. I know it's not proof. No. It should be my, you just might have liked them. This guy was obsessed and lie.

It would be like opening up the crypt and that there was a complete tax messages saying the entire crime that he did. Like that's like, it just doesn't make sense. There we go. That's a crazy line I'm not crossing. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 22-year-olds always used the word, weary. These manuscripts he thinks will show that Christopher Marlowe, another famous playwright of the Elizabethan.

was the real author of the plays now ascribed to Mr. Shakespeare whom Mr. Hoffman calls a stooge and a third-rate actor. Wait. He's just mad at Shakespeare for some reason. Wait, wait, hold on.

So he wants to dig up Walsingham because he thinks Marlowe wrote it and Walsingham was buried with the proof. Yeah, that's, there is a problem here right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because like, okay, that's what I thought. I was like, I thought he thought Walsingham. Because wasn't Walsingham, like,

Elizabeth's, like, cop, like cop agent guy there's like a lot of like conspiracies about him like that guy there are yeah yeah there are yeah yeah yeah we've all read the stuff about it I saw the movie don't worry guys that's all the movie it's

I don't oh okay Shakespeare in love I saw YouTube video yeah no I'm referencing a movie in a comic book so don't worry about it little lofty for how I'm educating I just heard about it on Rogan oh so you heard you hear this shit

you know what are the best are Rogan's literary episodes. Would you know that clip of you talking about that Marin thing went on, had quite a day on Reddit yesterday? Yeah. It's going to get bigger. It gets put on Instagram.

Oh, man. I have a little Rogan thing that I, a little Rogan story I told that. And I'm trying to get booked. I think it'll, I think it'll probably take off on the street. Well, the big thing is, the big thing with all those Austin guys is that they all watch all of the

YouTube clip channels about themselves. So if, oh, yeah, They very clearly do. Yeah. Like the elephant graveyard, and a bunch of other stuff.

Yeah. Shane, uh, um, Gillis, Gillis, uh, is backing off.

Yeah, you could tell. You know, he did, I saw a break out of like a 10 minute talk and he's like, oh, go to Philadelphia six months and he's just totally backing out. He's a lot of them are shitting on the city of Austin and then a lot of them

are shitting on the culture of Austin stand up. But elephant, I, I was messaging with elephant graveyard the other day just because I was like, buddy, whatever, this skill set is it's incredible i was like you are on a level yeah sir can i tell you how good that that uh that youtube video was my wife walked into the room i was watching it on the tv in our

living room and i was standing with my arms crossed i was standing with my arms crossed like at a 45 degree angle of the television watching it like it was a football game like yeah yeah no he's right about that you know and she was like all right she's back out of the room slowly Yeah, we do a bunch of episodes that too big tabs about guys like, I bring up Theo Vaughn a lot. I bring up Andrew Schultz a lot. We had a whole episode by Andrew Schultz. And just that entire, because to me, I think they've really ruined a certain aspect of comedy. That really means a brain hurt.

Andrea Moore had a great joke about Schultz that he looks like a Jew in Germany, who also was the guy who killed the German. Yeah, he looks like. Yeah. He looks like both the Nazi and the Jew that got, yeah, yeah. I just wish that they could either be dumb, then be, and then play dumb. Don't be dumb and play smart. That's the part that really gets to be crazy with a lot of them, where that's, that's where I get really incense, especially about Shulls.

That's the one. And Theo Vaughn is smart and playing dumb. And that's where, like, those two really grind my ears than part. I don't think Theo Vaughan is smart. I think he's genuinely a stupid human being. It's hard to tell. I think he plays dumber than he is. Yeah, no, I think.

I think the dumb is the character. I think he is the short form video Larry the Cable Guy. Like it's that same sort of general idea where he's really putting it on extra thick. Larry the Cable Guy was smart. No, I know. I used to do open mics with him. And I was there one of the first times he went up as Larry that he was just as the cable guy. And we were like, what are you doing, Dave?

Well, Dave started doing Daniel the gutter man at the same time too. And only one, only one achieved. I don't know. He's a little salty. I don't want to take this too far off. But as a new parent, my child latches on to certain things. And he's obsessed with Disney's Pixar's cars, which means he's obsessed with the tow truck tommator. And my mom bought him a tommeter and it talks.

And it's his favorite thing. And so my son's favorite thing in the world is Larry the cable guy saying get her done. And I have to just as somebody who started doing stand up in 2002 and who went seeing the rides of blue collar comedy and hating all that, I'm just like, yeah, buddy, he's great. I love him. I'm just like desperately holding on. This is your lefty curse. It is. Now you have you have a kid who is a Larry the Cable catchphrase factory.

Dude, it's like it's he hasn't, it's not one of the words he says yet, but it's definitely one of it's like activation phrases. I'm like, they're doing amputable. Yeah. My boy, I can tell. That's a great way to get him. Yeah.

And what would it, Daniel, the gutter guy, what was one of his catchphrases? He had a couple. Let's get in the shit. Yeah, there you are. Didn't work. don't work for some reason. They're going to put that in Prylosec ads.

By the way, there is very, we have a very good, like, we have some great soundups for a remix version of you in this episode. Oh, yeah. I love pedophiles. Let's get into shit. Let's get into shit. Mr. Hoffman, who said he will pay 1,000 to a stone mason to unsubesion to unsubes. seal the tomb believes that Marlowe faked his death in 1593

and left England to avoid being burned at the stake for heresy. He thinks Marlowe's patron and benefactor Walsingham helped him. But, according to Mr. Hoffman, Marlowe continued to write

sending his plays to his friend who paid Shakespeare to father them. Father. For Wallingham could not have the plays published. under Marlowe's name, or he would have been put to death. Okay, that's an interesting.

The theater used to be way more awesome. Yeah, that's an interesting. Mistakes so much higher. Yeah. It's like, they'll kill me if they find out that I'm the ghost rat. I mean, the theory is. And Shakespeare's just some dumbass. The theory is fine.

It's an acceptable conspiracy theory. Like, it's got, it makes sense. That's the old conspiracy theories I like. That's the, I agree. Yeah. Where you can sit there and kind of. You know, the whole thing here is that actually, Shakespeare's actually two different guys.

I don't know. A lot of people understand this. Patriots, I want you to lock in with us right now before you take your brain juice, okay? You need to understand that Christopher Marlowe was the true actual prophet behind those beautiful plays about fairies coming to life and fucking people and eventually a man getting a goathead. That is the truth about this.

It's part of a demonic situation that was set up by the Catholic Church. Look, Puck was a nine-year-old. Puck should not have been involved in any of that stuff, okay? I'm just saying King... Puck was part of a big pedophile ring. I'm just saying King O'Bron was behind 9-11. He did 9-11. Mr. Hoffman has been trying to prove his beliefs for nearly 20 years,

a previous attempt to get church authorities. Now it is fully like get a life. Yeah. Now, like, if you're doing this for a summer, all right, enjoy your time. Yeah, 20 years is sad. 20 years to be like on this dead guy playplight. Which, which to be fair, which means he started this in 1935. Like during the war, he's like, all right, I know there's a World War II's on,

but I got to get over there with this shovel. We've got to stop the Nazis. You know who's worse than the Nazis? That bloody Shakespeare. A liar! He's a fraud. A previous attempt to get church authorities to open the tomb ended in failure in 1953. So he just, just two years later, and he's back.

He said, we got to get in there, you guys. But he's going to get in there. Yeah, he did. But now it is 2025, and we know it didn't come to anything. Well, we don't know. We only have one day. We don't know. Maybe, I don't know.

I mean, he might be a bone. Herbert. Did we ever think about that? He loves old bones. I love bones. I love bones. I mind if I go in the tomb and put one more bone in the mix? He gets his off.

He goes up, ooh, don't mind if I do. As he opens it, I'll do the investigating here. I think you boys can step away for a quick ten. Go have a cigarette. Yeah. Who. Storekeeper knew exactly what to do. Edward Wright, 76.

new exit you shouldn't be working no this is literally any time I get into like a ride chair with the driver over 70 I'm like shouldn't you just be sitting around a lake when do old people get to just enjoy it sir please get back into the Senate

please get back into the Senate sir shouldn't you be running for Senate now you're 76 you're sleeping at an important hearing I love that I think it's main where they're, that guy's running who's awesome. Yeah, Graham,

Grand Platner. Yeah. And the establishment is trying to get a 76 year old to run. But I, and I don't think they could, right? The person was like, I can't. I'm falling apart. That's what we like about you.

No further than Jerry Connolly. I mean, that was the greatest, the fucking, he was so old, didn't really want to do it, did it because it was his turn and then died four months later. And then it was like,

cool, great strategy. fucking what he looked like a ghost then like whenever he interview with him he was weirdly he had that weird old people purple to him and you're like what is why are we doing this and then like it was like they voted for me great and then like an hour later he's like by the way throat cancer i know the job is talking um yeah i i did sign the petition to stop crayola making uh old person purple it it just i didn't the color was so off they actually didn't That was one of the things they rolled back immediately, though. It was one of the first executive orders signed because getting rid of old purple, old people purple, that's DEI.

So sorry. Yeah. No, that's disgusting. We've hired way too many. Stop. The woke is dead, all right? So we can call it old people purple again. But they replaced it with vibrant orange man, which is really also quite a color.

Edward Wright, 76, knew exactly what to do when two men entered his. confectionery last night and announced, this is a hold-up. Better days when you could just do that. Mr. Wright, warily hoisted his arms in the air and watched while they took $22 from the till

and ran out the door. Mr. Wright's store has been held up five times in two years. Well, people might think that that's not... That is $2.5 billion in today's money. So this is a story about a guy... Who got robbed? And they're like, good job.

Oh, they're happy with him. Yeah, they're saying he just put up his arms and didn't fight it. He's also 76. He's like... Yeah. What's he going to do? Old man reacts like an old man. They smell like been gay.

LA Motorist won't be seen... LA Motorist won't be seeing pink streets. L.A.? L.A. Okay. A proposal that Los Angeles paint its streets pastel colors, such as pink and mauve, was made to the city council. by Elizabeth Black, a retired general manager of the municipal arts department.

Why did we not do this? That would have been fucking incredible. Awesome, wouldn't it? Oh, right now what they would be. They got pink roads. They would be losing it. We should have done it. We should do it.

We should. Now we should do it. Mario Kart the land. Especially as they're covering up all of the rainbow sidewalks in Florida. You should be the type of thing. You know what? They get somebody, somebody text Gavin Newsome. That demon will get on immediately.

Oh, he would. Yeah. We just say Charlie Kirk wanted it. He'll do it immediately. You know, homeless people hate pink. They don't even know how to pronounce balls. You could do the, you know, the gay pride flag colors across, and the right would just lose their fucking money. They already did.

They already did. Those flags, anything like that. Who was I talking to the other day that was like, oh, someone I was talking to was saying how they weren't sure. They drove by a place And it had the After Charlie Kirk It had the The American flag at half mass

But the Trump flag Was still fully up And we started talking about the household debate Of whether or not You lowered the Trump flag To half mast or not And I think you don't I think you don't

I think you keep it all the way Because America has suffered But Trump's strength Is still at high capacity Yeah it was definitely A thought was put into it for sure Yeah Maybe do a quarter mass down

Yeah She said this would beautify the city, cut down the glare from blacktop streets, and reduced accidents. The city engineer's office studied the proposal and reported that it would cost some $50 million to paint $3,400 miles of pavement using $17,952 gallons of paint. That's actually a lot for it. That's a lot. That's a lot for it. I mean, maybe it's just like downtown. I think that's the thing is like I actually yeah I do actually like the idea because they've said a lot about especially blacktop when it comes to roads is what leads to these heat islands so like I I'm in the suburbs but in Philadelphia like it's always like three or four degrees hotter downtown and when I lived in the city just from how much heat is being absorbed and then released from the street so if they especially in a place like LA with all that sun and then it also would have been iconic that they didn't have to do the whole LA County that's crazy right they'd have to do the whole LA County that's crazy right they'd have to

the whole thing. No, that's where I think the fence swinging was too much. You just start with a little bit and show that it works versus just be like, LA's a pink town. I do love, I do love the fact that she went to, like, because how many, I mean, now with the internet, how many city council meetings have you watched where some lunatic gets up? And it's like, the road should be pink. And everyone's like, okay, he's like, because of the Jews. You're like, whoa, whoa. She's like, I think the road should be pink. I think there's, here's some smart ideas. And they're like, I mean, all right, let's, let's, let's run it up the flagpole. And, and, you know, and see.

And they don't go past the Trump flag. And then they did that. And they came back and they're like, damn, listen, a little crazy. We're going to, we're going to just not spend it on health care. No, that is the thing, too. It's like even hearing that amount of money, it's for public good. It's sort of reassuring that they pass on doing that still back then because it feels like now, obviously, there's no public good. We drive a lot of places and the amount of times where you go under a bridge and you're like,

styrofoam is really important. to holding that structure together there. A lot of star from holds up bridges. You were like, wow, they really, at some point might be a good idea to address it, I guess. I wonder, I wonder when we're going to have Infrastructure Week again. Anytime soon? Yeah. Anytime soon.

I miss the Halcyon days of Infrastructure Week. No, well, they, all the money that we're cutting and saving, I keep wanting to know where, where was it? Like, we should have really been pushing back on the doge time of like, what are we, where is it going? where are we where are we what are we doing with it it was going to larry ellison so we can buy ticot and then yeah i mean it would have been helpful it would have made me less than a doge because i was a big doge still i can tell yeah when i think of you i think a crypto i think a doge i think a big ball let it play out yeah big ball's a pal yeah the forest gump of my times who apparently is always just there every time they're like oh there's this new critical thing this is probably the

inflection point of America and big balls is just right on the edge of the photo big ball it's like that episode of doctor who where those guys like he's always right there it's it's just big balls right there his dad's a popcorn popcorn magnet what the fuck fuck is that okay this is what my toe is called too many tabs I just I things get in and they never get that is so fucking funny he's just everywhere big balls big what do you think what do think the odds are that big balls is a groper. Oh, it's like Oh, Christ. That's a solid

circle. Yeah. I for sure. Slack jeans out in Oklahoma City Catholic schools. This is important. All right. Here we go. I'm in. Right. Here we go. All right. Roman Catholic authorities have forbidden students of either

sex to wear slacks or blue jeans in parochial grade schools here. Yeah. The order is effective with the start of of the fall term in September. Yeah. Thinner layers. That's what you want.

I want to see those legs. Yeah. All right. The Reverend. Add it to the, added to the DJ cut. Yeah. Of Dave Snips.

I can't. I can't. Now someone will do it. No, I know. It's going to be fucking great. Listen. You want to,

Dave, I know it won't be great in the long run, but in the short run, when you get your first TikTok edit, you're going to be like, holy shit, dude. Yeah. It'll be,

no, long term, real bad for you. Real bad. The Reverend Michael McNamee of St. Patrick's Parish said jeans, quote, are fine for boys who are working or out digging ditches, but we feel there is no place for them in the classrooms. Use who dress like gentlemen are more apt to act like gentlemen. The priest added. Oh, absolutely.

The priest. We proved that. The priest added. The priest. No, I agree. I think jeans are just for hard work on RFK. and uh that's the only time it seems appropriate why if you're about to say why does he only work out in jeans i will beat the shit out of you it's just like it's so clearly because

he's hot he's such he's got a good body he just he gets it when it comes to vaccines it makes him look like a tough guy yeah he does and he looks like a fucking idiot no what what what what what hearing are you watching that guy's got his finger on the pulse good that's like something a, like, 13-year-old boy does to prove he's not gay? Like, it's that... He's not gay. He is not gay.

It's actually the only thing he hasn't been accused of. Being gay is the only thing RFK hasn't been accused of. No, I've actually been reading this biography about Mussolini right now because I want spoilers for what's going to happen to us. And that was a big part of, like, Mussolini, it's the same way that Putin does. Like, these strong men, they like to be seen shirtless and, like, be seen as one of the guys. Like one of the things that really struck me when we recently did an episode about RFK Jr. And I keep going back and thinking back to that Roseanne Barr video where he was admitting the bear thing.

That was crazy. Yeah. And like the fact where Roseanne Barr is like, this is insane. And I'm like when Rosie's doing that look, that's nuts. But during it, he was like, yeah, I saw this dead bear on the side of the road. And my redneck, the redneck side of me got activated. And I'm like, you're a Kennedy. You don't have a red mask.

Like, what are you talking about? But like, you have a burned. Everything, not a redneck. I think Dave's right. I think he thinks that, like, what we, he's, listen, he's, listen, he's Ripplin on HCH allegedly or something else. And then, you know, it's something that probably you can't take by a needle. And then he puts on the jeans because it makes them feel country strong.

That's what, I think that's what it really comes down to. And it's, it's, he's got a great body. It's his dumb guy, dumb, rich, elitist Massachusetts idea of what a normal redneck guy is. Yeah, 100%. It says, that's his cosplay. And then he has, you know. like Hulk Hogan, which is like hot dog. I'm sorry, we're not

going to let you get away with accusing the Hulkster who just passed away of being made a hot dog skin. Say what you will about RFK. Hulk Hogan was a fucking good guy and he had He was not nearly, he was not nearly as leathery as. Now I got to do a Hulk Hogan podcast. Or they can listen to my episode about it called Rips Yellow T-shirt, way back in the very

early days of too many tabs, wherever you listen to podcast it's called promotion um in your in your in your musilini book have they covered his obsession with milk yet they did mention they didn't get too deep into as the milk obsession i've really been stuck on the whole overa thing about the the secret police and like the timing of it and looking at the moment we're now and some of the accusation so um like i had read that passage like last like two weeks ago and then like this where we ran to this timeline so i've been looking into that but the milk stuff about um especially about him he said like he drank a glass of milk and he was eat pasta every day, but he had an ulcer.

And I'm like, don't do what you're doing. Oh, my God. He's healing himself. He was trying to get, he was obsessed with milk and thought it was like about virility and masculinity and was trying to get them to make clothes out of milk and stuff like that. Well, what did we cover that on like a small up or something? Yeah, he's trying to make milk clothes. They're normal.

Okay. Well, you know, the whole thing is kids should be wearing their milk. The problem is that you can be wearing it, but it has to. to be unpasteurized. Yeah, it's the raw milk. It's either raw milk. Oh, fuck. This is,

this is Dear Miss Mayfield. Okay. Oh, great. These are great. Mama's boy, upset the girl. I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is 20. I like him very, very much, but he has always been completely ruled by his mother.

I ask, oh, sorry, at 20, mind you, he still has to ask if he can go out or if he can take me out that's not that's really bad just walk away you're basically saying like this is not a dude yeah

well he's also sleeping with his mom so I kind of get it he has made many dates with me which he has had to break because of his mother he is sleeping sorry I push back so hard at first I thought it wasn't yeah she always says she likes me but she does

all she can to stop me from seeing him. Yep. Shall I watch it. Yep. Quite often she phones to him as soon as he gets to my house and tells him to come home and he trots home like an obedient puppy. Yeah. How would you handle this? Exasperated. I'll answer. Move on.

Oh, to Okay, move on or start having sex. Or answer the phone and say you're fucking him. Yeah. We'll start having sex with him. Like, give him a reason to... Yeah. This woman's probably dead, but if she's listening, start to fucking. I know it's 70 years later. I know it's a long while later. This woman probably didn't make it. But if the two of these people ended up, start fucking them. The mom's for sure to bang the

shit out of it. She would be 87 years old today. She's 87. The mom's probably. If the mom's around, she's probably not too great. She's still bang him. The other option. So, you don't have sex with them, but dress up like the mom. And then you can co-op that. And obviously this, was this before the movie Psycho came out? right right around there yeah so i mean like was it 50 i think it was like 60 i think that i think it was like later 50s because you know and i would be like she's she's listing a lot of like red flags right in there we're like yeah you know and i think that's i think i think i think she was probably watching that movie in a drive-thru with him and when it got done she turned him she's like any thoughts

any thoughts i need to go home yeah um dear exasperated why don't you see stop dating him and tell him exactly why. Yeah, like, get the fuck away from this guy. How dare you hit with common sense in this era to be like, just explain how you feel, lady? It sounds to me that... Be honest. It sounds to me that...

With no repercussions. It sounds to me that at 20 years, he's awfully tied to the apron strings, which, in my opinion, makes him a very poor risk as a boyfriend and even poorer one as a husband. Maybe when he sees you simply aren't going to put up with his being such a mama's boyfriend,

boy he'll try to show he's a man instead of a baby boy it's good advice i i do like that it's put on um because now there's a whole thing on the internet about boy moms like these people who are like these moms are like their whole personality is that they have a son and it's like very creepy yeah but back then it's kind of like purity balls he's weird for not getting away like he's clearly being yeah there's clearly something mentally being happening to him from his own mom for a long time therefore he is the pussy like that is how so it was in 1955 so the moms the stuff you've you're talking about is like the moms are just fully obsessed with making sure that everything's perfect and there's nobody's good enough no yeah well there's nobody's good enough but there's like

this really weird factor to it when you look into them because a lot of them are like moms who had their kids younger and especially they had like a boy and it's like almost like they're making like boyfriend content about him but it's like this really weird odd I don't want to describe it too much but maybe I'll do an episode about our show at some point there was recently after like some high school football game or something the mom who was young and like attractive jumped into her son's arms after he like won the game and started kissing that is that she she like she like she rattles him she wraps his legs around I mean you're just like that's not yeah that's like boy mom stuff and that's what that's the type of shit I'm talking

about where you're like ah that something's off here I don't have I don't have I don't have a i don't have any evidence it's it's it's i don't have evidence but it's all but i know we're all here this is my shakespeare yeah imagine being that dude though you're all of a viral hit because your mom's got her legs right yeah yeah all right you want to cap it with one more david sure shuffleboard game breaks up with one hurt and one jailed whoa jesus this is my kind of this is this is the 50s all right i need i need i used to be full contact shuffleboard yeah right that's right yeah because joseph saborowski 23 of tecumse lost his temper while playing shuffleboard wow in a tavern early today he is in the county jail here

and a woman patron of the tavern has 16 stitches in her head oh my god let's hear what she did first yeah i i i'm you're absolutely right let's get all the facts out and then we'll judge her right sheriff's deputy said Mr. Sabrowski became angry while playing the game. Picked up one of the metal discs and hurled it across the room. So far, he's done nothing wrong, but keep going.

He's fine. Herald it across the room and struck Miss Carrie Bacinger of Tecumseh. Okay, so she was in the wrong place. Yeah, and he kind of was just... She's in throwing it. Yeah, I think that makes sense. Alex, I feel like you're on board with us, too.

Don't think you're going to silence your way out of this one. Who gets that mad at shuffleboard? You? I could see you fucking lose in your mind. I don't get mad at games. I'm glad that once you said it was in a tavern, I could picture the very long, like those, it's one of those 15 foot long things.

Because every time I do my new shuffleboard, I picture cruise ship shuffleboard. I do too. That is what I picked. Okay, maybe I don't because. All in my head with the stick. We used to go all the time to this one bar because it had. You and the greasers.

Me and my ex-high school friends. Yeah, the greasers. The greasers. And they had a big, because we went there because they had a big shuffleboard. Yeah. So I always picture that. Ms. Basinger was treated at Herrick Memorial Hospital, Albert Bagshaw, owner of the tavern, called police, and deputy said Mr. Sobrowski will be charged with felonious assault.

First of all, he needs to go to some sort of alcohol program. Oh, here we go. Probably an anger man. Party killer. Also, we just need to make shuffleboard illegal. Yeah. It sounds like he picked it up And he just won it across the room

Was he playing against her? No, it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he just was mad. He's like, I'm so tired of losing And just chucked it across the room And now go to jail A big win.

Those things are heavy. 16 is real. He really clocked her. Yeah, I know. He really did. I mean. Well, way to end the show on a positive note, Dave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. That's the sort of stuff we like to do. Dave, any more quotes out of context you want in the song? No, just did I like it. that's good enough uh Alex honestly thank you so much for joining us uh please come back i said i said as we started i've been a fan for a very very long time we've always really

loved uh your show i've always loved the format of this show so i remember when you guys first started doing it and like i really was mowing my lawn listening to one of the first ones of these so to be on it's been a real treat for me well come back you are so goddamn entertaining and uh everyone should follow you what is your website again where can people see where you can just find Find me on YouTube or anywhere under, if you Google Pearl Mania 500, I'll come up. That's most of it. Yeah, you're easy to find with that stuff. Yeah, yeah, there's a Pearl Mania 500.

And then my podcast is called Too Many Tabs. I do with my wife. So if you guys are looking for any sort of content to fill in the times when Dave is and Gareth aren't making something and you've already listened to everything, come listen to us. We'll have some fun, something fun. Yeah. Great pitch. And again, only when you're done with our stuff. Only.

Only. Only. Alex, thank you. Appreciate it. And as much as it pains me to say, go birds for you. Hey, go birds to nothing, baby. Oh, boy, here we go. I wore, by the way, I wore this shirt because you did an episode about Philadelphia sports fans, specifically. You did that. And how good they are. And how amazing and how calm we are. And what it's called is not fine, Dave. It's passion. It's passion. I know. We saw it. We saw it recently in Florida. Yeah. Oh, that woman.

She'll grab the ball because it was passion. Yeah, yeah. All right, dude. Thanks again, Alex. Thank you. Some of these days, you'll miss me, honey. Some of these days. Hey, Dullop fans.

I know you love the Dallop. You love listening to the Dullop. Do you want to watch the Dallop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary. It's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.