The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 148 - The Past Times with Ariel Elias

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Ariel Elias     Download Cash App Today:  CashApp As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.

Fall travel is beautiful, and I'm really looking forward to visiting Vancouver this time of the year. City will always be alive with the autumn colors. I'll get to see Stanley Park, do a coffee shop crawl, and maybe, maybe even go to a hockey game. If there's time, I'll take the skyride gondola for incredible views of the city. And while daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb since it will just be sitting. empty while I'm gone. Sounds awesome, right? While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation,

why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Dave, of course. Our friends. forever. We've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp. They're clean. They're easy to use. You don't have to

update stuff. Look, we've said this over and over again, but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace, go look at any website we're affiliated with and it is Squarespace. Yeah, look, they have flexible payments. You can just make the... Flexible employees,

too. Those people are... It's weird. You can make the whole checkout experience, seamless, very simple, very powerful. They do credit cards, Apple, pay, all the stuff. PayPal, they do it all. You can sell content, you can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site, buy on the paywall, you can sell memberships, you sell courses, whatever. You can sell stuff.

I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Because I think that's a good point. No.

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash dollup to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again. Go to Squarespace.com for free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10%

off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right, everybody, welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. The great, Ariel, Elias, thank you for joining us. Thanks, it's Elias. Elias, damn it. Well done.

Fuck. Can you believe this guy? How did I say it? Elias. Elias. Elias. That's okay. Gary's usually

get it wrong. It's just the pain of that. See, that's the thing. I don't need to get anyone's name right who likes the show ever. Ariel, thank you for joining us. You were just talking about how Lester holds dogs a real piece of crap.

Which is so validating. She wouldn't watch. She refused. She's so annoying. Oh. God, seriously? Really? So what did you do?

Dragger, carrier? What'd you do? I would like just stand there in the middle of Soho and be like, please. Just move. Please, just move. What kind of dog doesn't want to walk? I mean, old ones, but if it's not old, there's no excuse. Some dogs are just lazy.

Just a shitty little doodle. I've always felt bad for dogs in New York when they have to, like, crap on concrete. I was like, they don't feel like they're into this. Do you ever feel bad for the people who do it? Yeah. we're the same all right anyway

no no we have a great I'm pretty long episode I'm pretty sure we should just go to the last article you're special a Jewish star on YouTube you're surrounded by

jokes because you wrote a joke a day for a year but we're very thankful to have you here everyone should go check out your special for free on YouTube, a Jewish star. And then we were also talking about,

and I'm sure you're probably, are you sick of talking about when these fucking rednecks tossed a beer at you? You've got to be sick of it. You know, not really because I love attention. So however I'm getting it is fine. Yeah. They were New Jersey rednecks too.

I feel like, you know, whenever people are like, where did this happen? I'm like, New Jersey. And they're like, really? And I'm like, yeah, it's not surprising if you've ever been to New Jersey. Yes, having done stand-up in a Jersey, yes. I think the largest on-stage argument I've ever had

was when this table of Jersey lunatics was like arguing pro-billionaire points to me during my show in bananas, which is really just two conference rooms put together in a Jersey hotel. It was a real low point. What club did it happen at where I'm sure people know? But some people fucking threw a beer at you while you were performing and you had the fantastic wherewithal to drink the beer at your feet. And then it just fucking exploded. Every comedian, there were, I never heard so many comedians jealous of not having a drink thrown at them. Because nobody had ever thought to drink the drink.

Which is funny because it's a lot of alcoholics. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, but issues too. They felt like they weren't good enough. kind of had the Venn diagram of the smarts and the savviness. Yeah.

It was a PATH, was it not? It was a PATH. What, what drink was it? Oh, no, it was a high noon. High noon. High noon. Interesting. Interesting.

Why is that interesting? Because it seems like it's a little high class for people who would toss it. Like if it was a PAPS, I've thrown a lot of Paps of people. But a Pricier beer, like an IPA, I just, I spit at them or a punch that. yeah right yeah you're right a white call would have made more sense if we're going spike seltzers that's what i'm saying um but that was quite that was crazy that was such a that was a couple years ago but that was fucking nuts it got it blew up i'm just blew up and i haven't done anything since yes you have you've released a jewish star available for free on youtube um all right

well you know what we're going to do we're going to go through an old newspaper it doesn't sound great as a log line but it's going to be great um so what uh we're going to let you guess what year you think it's from Dave do you want to read her a headline just so we can maybe we'll we'll try to guess the year the good news is Dave has a an attitude with me so you'll win even though you are and I are competing for who's closest I mean you're asking this this paper is terrible for headlines but um well why don't you do you want to read a line he wasn't in it That's one of the... A singular wedding party.

Oh, when you said he wasn't in it, I'm going to say 1864, because I think it was relating to Lincoln getting shot in the theater. I think it was about an actor who wasn't in that play. Wow. All right. Now I feel thorough. Quite stupid. You are.

Sir? A little bit. Enough. I don't read books. I read magazines. I will He wasn't in it I'm gonna guess grave

But I like I do like the year I'll I'm gonna go I'll go 1888 You are wrong It is 1893 R.L. Wins

But I feel like I Was closer Well that was what we were Not going for Closer was the loser I didn't know we were playing stupid rules All right Well, you should ask me the rules beforehand.

You never do. All right. The rules were clearly spelled out in my head. All right. And did we say your special before we started recording? Yes, I've said it 30 times. A couple times. All right.

All right. You okay. July 7th, 1893, the Athena Press. Put your goddamn hand down. Oregon. It's an Oregon paper. I'm going to do this the whole podcast. Do you like that guy who's like held his hand above his head for his whole life?

I know he's just got like a withered digits and stuff. That guy, that guy's protesting something. Yeah, he is. He's genuinely like, love each other. Yeah, he was like, I'm going to do this until wars stop. And everyone's like, buddy, don't. It's a bad idea. That arm's going to look pretty atrophied after 40 years of that.

We are credibly informed that some parties are killing fish in the umatilla by exploding giant powder in the water. Awesome. It is awesome It is awesome This is very American America found its way Can't we just be who we are? Well, once we discovered you could dynamite fish

I do think the country took us straight We were like Tell you what bro Just because Europe doesn't know about shortcuts Can you imagine the Native Americans Watching that? What the fuck? Blowing up a bunch of fish

Was technically the first school shooting Jesus Christ How have you won the podcast? already. How's that awesome? We just... This should be stopped by the strict enforcement of the law. Well, no shit.

But it's not... Is it legal? It's like... Well, sometimes. This was back when we were like, nature-wise, we are going to step in. Yeah, at some point, no, we've never done that. We've never been like, all right, that's too much. There was a time, surely.

With blowing stuff up, it seems like we've always been like, yeah, go ahead, blow up a deer or whatever you want to do. All right, fine. Fuck it. Newcomb. Right? I'm surprised we don't blow up bears. We should be. Just putting, yeah, we should start. We should be, right? We should just be starting to put grenades and things. Sorry, wait. Dernade a salmon. Hey, guys, are we not blowing up bears? What are we doing? What are we have to lose at this point? Yeah. Honestly, it would just be a good time. Let's find out what it's, yes. I should be able to go out into the Idaho forest and just set up. trip oners for bears. Yeah.

Just literally like throw grenades at elk. There you go. Awesome. And I think we'd call that the first school shooting if you did it

with the elk. A school of elk? I don't know. What do they traveling? I'll come up with something. What are they traveling? A pack? What is it?

Herd. Is it a herd? Yeah. That's what I call herd immunity. Ha! yes we're all nailing it today no it's a tie so far I think we just have one person nailing it

and it's let's get the next one I got something good coming up Hey did you have moose when you were growing up in Wisconsin Were there moose around? Oh you set me up for something No I'm just wondering Are they up there? Do they cruise around up there? No they don't cruise around

They're not like looking to fuck no That's not why Not all cruising is looking for fucking... The way I do it. And you're from Kentucky, is that? I'm from Kentucky. So what did you guys?

They don't have moose. Did you have? Yeah, the Yeties. We have, we have deer. Do you seem unsure? It's very unsure. Deer everywhere. Deer all over.

I don't know if we have anything like exciting and nothing like, nothing exotic. No. A lot of deer, some catfish in the water. Oh, the big ones? Jesus, Dave. No, you know the ones that go in with their hand and they tell. I swear to God, I knew exactly where it's... The nudely?

Yeah, nudely. That's the craziest thing to watch ever. I don't know. You ever watch the guy blow up an ocean? Nope. Yeah. No, that is weird. The guy who came up with that first is, again, should be rewarded.

Yeah. There was a guy who was just like looking at his fingers, like, these are basically worms. You know what? I got God giving worms on my hand. You've got to go under water. Holy shit. We can save so much money on bait if we just... Here we go.

go holy shit they were like this man should be the president of the united states of america uh loved them both okay miss annie story the beautiful daughter of colonel hg story of yorkville has many admirers uh oh yeah but could not decide between mcbrayer and guvin uh well i'm in I'm going to say go with McBrayer Yeah Govan sounds like a bad gout Finally she sent for the minister And the young men

What She told the rivals Oh they she had them both come I like when he reads And it's like wait what I didn't know what was happening there She told the rivals Some guy got really mad at us by the way

On Reddit for not understanding I know I thought that was a community of support For not understanding Like what was going on stories, wherever we'll read them. It's so funny. It's just so fucking funny. I honestly think rather than laughs, I want the person who's furious. I know they're

so funny. You idiots! Jesus Christ, what are you fuckers doing? That's great. He was like, it was like one of the guests had to explain something to us and it was like, oh my God, I can't believe we don't know everything. These guys are fucking humans. Just being moron. Like, we're going through a paper from like

1893 and this guy's like, you alien. It's barbed wire. Barbed wire! Uh, okay, finally she's sent for the minister and the young men. She told the rivals that the one who came back to her first with a marriage license should be her husband. Whoa.

Wow. She's like, whoever's best at bureaucracy. Yeah, I know, right? It's like a race and dealing with bureaucracy. Like, I don't know if that's a good way to do it. I don't think it is at all. I think it's great. I think that's basically like 90-day fiancé, but for whatever you that we're in.

I don't believe that's been a great solution. It's worked out fantastic. Every single one is still married. No. And some of the greatest love stories of our time. It's just some of the greatest moments of men like, I guess maybe she lost her bag and her flight and she can't. Oh, no. I think this is just like what people did before there was like anything to do.

Yeah, I like that. I mean, I think that's fun. But then it's like, you had to have a favorite. And some guy shows up like, this is almost like she and her friends got together and came up with the crazy. Like she's like, I like both of them. Still beats Tinder. What about a race?

Yeah. I do like that. All right. I'm in. Both men to leave. Yorkville at the same time and ride to Dallas the county seat the young men

were well mounted and the distance was 19 miles I don't know how long that takes on a horse That's a while Yeah Waze has a setting for it They do The race was a hot one

It's a hot race Nice nice nice McBrayer the rich lover Well Jesus Reach the ordinary first and secured the license before Govan appeared. I knew Govan was the poor one, to be honest. That's got to be rough, though, is when you're behind and the guy.

You got to stand in line. Yeah, you're right behind him. Hurry up. This is going pretty good for me. The latter came in a moment later and secured a license. In a few moments, he also on his way back to Yorkville. Okay. I don't like the way you wrote that sentence.

No, we know where they're going. Yeah. The race became... And then they went back to the woman. The race became sharp. Govan was desperate because his rival was better mounted because he's rich. Miss Story, her father... What does better mounted mean?

Like, just better on the horse or... I think he had a better, like, saddle and set up. I think that's what it means. And probably a better horse, yeah. Yeah, I took it to a dirty place. Go ahead. No. Did you?

Yeah. Were you going to go dirty? Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Better mount it. You want the one who's, you want the guy who's going to mount better.

I also love the idea that there was like a clerk at that courthouse who was like had to issue both those marriage certificates. Yeah. Yeah. So this is for the same. He was probably talking the second. He was talking Govins's ear off. He's like, I'm actually in a race.

He's like, so wait, what did she say? Boy, it sure is a woman's world, isn't it? Wow. I'll tell you what, we had a guy a couple weeks ago, opposite. Okay, opposite. Where the hell's that stamper? Oh, boy. Notary's out to lunch.

How you mount it, good? Good. Good. I will mount it. All right, never mind. Sorry, I asked that question. Miss Story, her father and the minister, waited on the piazza for the racing rivals. I love, I will not move in somewhere unless it has a piazza.

McBererer was seen first. He was excited, and far, down the road, it was noticed that his horse was nearly exhausted. Oh, he went too, he went too hard with the horse. You gotta, you gotta pace that horse. We're talking, we're talking almost 40 miles. We're not talking.

You gotta pace the horse. Sure. He mouthed too hard. Yeah. The race was the most exciting one and seemed his, oh, it's not like he was going to win. He was nearing the gate, and in a moment, Govan appeared in a by-path.

A bypass. I didn't know there was a by-path. I like men and women. I could take this one. Yep. There it is. Three stooges entering a party. Excuse me.

He was 200 yards ahead of McBrayer. He first ran... So McBrayer just dismounted earlier. I was like, I'll walk it a little while. No, I think... My love. My love, I've won. 100%.

I think Gavin took a shortcut. Govan is nowhere to be seen. idea uh he was 200 yards ahead of mcbrer he first ran across hey wait what the fuck the piazza and won the prize oh the prize he had taken the shirt cut a woman yeah the woman yeah he had taken the shirt cut through the woods the ceremony was performed and mcbrer gracefully acknowledged his feet and joined in the marriage festivities that's super weird wow i don't like it i wouldn't do it that's beautiful i would not do that no way oh it wasn't beautiful he was he was still anglo He's drinking.

He was trying to figure it out. There's no way. He was just like, all right. He was like, I'm still rich, you dumb woman. You know, I'm out better. And also, my horse has a better kid. That's what I'm going to say to it when I see her. What does that sound?

Anyone? No, fuck. Shit. I didn't know there's a by-path. How do you feel about a poly situation? How would do anyone want to polly? Horse race for a poll. First five guys.

I'll toast. I'll start. What if it was polly? What if you? You send 30 guys on horses. Polly want a husband? The five, the first five get into the relationship. What?

Now you're pitching a TLC show. And I love it. It's a pretty good idea. It does just feel like a retelling of the tortoise and the hair. A little bit. Yeah. If you had to marry. Which one would you marry?

Tortoise or hair? The tortoise. I agree. Really? Completely agree. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

Look, tortoise set the inside of the tortoise was higher. better just had gone through more the hair is softer what a weird creepy response he is he can cuddle with the hair better keep reading

hurry they're also better excuse me hairs are better a bit fucking weirdo you never fucked a rabbit we're not through the please read something

on the iPad a singular wedding party oh no In marriage in Wisconsin, uh, here's your people. Let's go. Best weddings. At America in Wisconsin, they broke out the cheese cuts. That's not what it says.

Nope. Recently, the bridegroom stood six feet two inches, and the bride three and a half, sorry, three feet two and a half inches. Yeah, where I come from, you want to have a large discrepancy. So, yes, he's six, two, she is three, two. that's normal I was going to say was that like short even for then

yeah he's huge for that yeah he's huge she's sharp for that average woman height for that every woman was three feet

men were six back then sorry was she eight years old she was eight I know they do not I'm honestly waiting I am waiting it's going to get really weird which is the average

height for a nine year old girl. And the groom was Ted Nuget. The witnesses were a man without arms. I have to. Sorry. This is a circus situation. Are you actually talking? We're into a circus world. Are you saying what's on there? Circus people. I am saying

what's on there. We've clearly they drop, they're hiding it. This is a circus situation. I think you are, I don't love that right away we think no arms circus, but it is also 1893. There's a Still the best circuses. A man without arms who signed the marriage contract with a pen.

How? The mouth. I don't like that I know. Or feet. Maybe feet. I'm hoping feet. Yeah. The stock of which he held between his teeth.

Uh. You win. A woman who weighed 350 pounds. I can't believe you're right. Now, now not even remotely close to circus size. A mermaid. We protested to the event. And a strong man who lifted the cake above his head.

A woman weighs 30-50 pounds is just now like they found someone in Walmart. Yeah. Again, when you felt like, I remember fighting how much taft our fattest president weighs? Yeah, and you're just like, well. He's like, 225, big old fat tub of shit. And a man seven feet six inches tall. What's that guy? That guy wished that basketball was around then.

Because that dude, that's a big dude. I'm looking for a woman about three feet. He should have married the three-foot lady. I don't think you're allowed to play that role. The officiating clergyman had only one leg. Hey, what are we doing? The bride was 50 years old. Wow.

And her grandmother, aged 98 years, attended the wedding feast. That's the end of the story. That's the end of the story. end of the story, this is a circus traveling circus group. Yes. You know there was somebody at that wedding who was mostly impressed that a 50 year old was getting married. Yes. Oh, yeah. Or then another woman lived to be 90.

That was the unbelievable part. Wow. A barren old bag found love. Does anyone have any objections? Yeah, she's too old. Throw that one away. Oh, man. The 7-foot-6 guy or whatever will not live to C-30. No. The Adelip is brought to you by Cash app. Yes.

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We use cash-up a lot. Cash-up on the road. Cash-up. We're cashing apps. Wow. Did you come up with that? It wasn't good. Catch me outside.

I mean, they protect you from getting scammed and, you know, there's some, there's a lot of red flags out there. Particularly right now, I'm getting him a lot of AI stuff. It's like, what you're doing, bro? Like, it's getting more advanced. So having something like Cash App, they kind of be able to protect you from the nightmare that is spam. It's pretty good. So we do protect Gash app. And Gareth, why don't you send me like, say 500 bucks right now just to show the people.

Well, just to make sure that it works, I'm going to send it to you right now, Dave. And okay, it went through. So, I'll return it. Okay. Thanks, buddy. I'm keeping that. So for a limited time, new cash app customers. Yeah, I asked you to send it and you sent it.

Yeah, but. Yeah, but. Yeah, maybe in the next ad. For a limited time, new cash app customers can earn $10 if they use code, secure 10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash app is a financial services platform, not a bank, banking services provided by Cash Apps bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC discounts provided

by Cash App, a block incorporated brand. Visit cash app.com slash legal slash podcast referral disclosures. Fall travel is beautiful and I'm really looking forward to visiting Vancouver this time of the year. The city will always be alive with the autumn colors. I'll get to see Stanley Park, do a coffee shop crawl, and maybe, maybe, even go to a hockey game. If there's time, I'll take the skyride gondola for incredible views of the city.

And while daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb since it will just be sitting empty while I'm gone. Sounds awesome, right? While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think.

Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com slash host. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Dave. Of course. Our friends forever. we've been using Squarespace forever we love their websites they're crisp they're clean they're easy to use you don't have to update stuff look we've said this over and over again but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace go look at any website we're

affiliated with and it is Squarespace oh yeah look they have they have flexible payments you can just make the flexible employees too those people are it's weird you can make the whole checkout experience, seamless, very simple, very powerful. They do credit cards, Apple, all the stuff, PayPal, they do it all. You can sell content, you can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site, buy on a paywall, you can sell memberships, you sell courses, whatever. You can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website.

Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Because I think that's a good point. No.

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash dollup to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again. Go to Squarespace.com for free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace. com slash dollup to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. Fall travel is beautiful.

And I'm really looking forward to visiting. Vancouver this time of the year. The city will always be alive with the autumn colors. I'll get to see Stanley Park, do a coffee shop crawl, and maybe, maybe, even go to a hockey game. If there's time, I'll take the skyride gondola for incredible views of the city. And while daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb since it will just be sitting empty while

I'm gone. Sounds awesome, right? While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com slash host. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace.

Oh, Dave. Of course. Our friends forever. we've been using Squarespace forever we love their websites they're crisp they're clean they're easy to use you don't have to update stuff look we've said this over and over again but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace go look at any website we're affiliated with and it is Squarespace oh yeah look they have they have flexible payments you can just make the flexible employees too those people are it's weird you can make the whole checkout experience seamless very simple very powerful they do credit cards apple pay all the stuff

PayPal they do it all you can sell content you can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall you can sell memberships yeah sell courses whatever you can sell stuff i'm sell i'm doing a ropes course on my website is that what we're talking about i feel like we shouldn't have you on this okay keep going and if you're a business uh you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Because I think that's a good point. No.

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash dollup to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again. Go to Squarespace.com for free trial. When you're ready to launch,

go to Squarespace.com slash dollup to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. No, but they're, Who was the big, wasn't the Chinese basketball player? Yal Ming. He's like 7-6, isn't he?

Yeah. So he didn't die. He's not from 1893. Back then they were like, your organs will pop at 19 and then you have two good years. Yalming! Yeah, the richest tall guy of all time

living a normal life. That's only, well, there was that other guy who was the Hollywood Giant, I was Human Jones Cafe. He died really young, though. Who? He was in, he would be.

The Hollywood Giant. Harley Weinstein. But you would see him in movies and stuff. Like he would, he was like Andre the giant? Not Andre. The guy who was, he was in the Billy Crystal movie? Yes. Oh yeah, that guy.

Yeah. Well, I didn't know he's dead, but this has been uplifting. You're welcome. They really left something out there. They really left out a part of the story. What? They should have said it was a circus or something. But they like the journey you went on.

I didn't like the journey. We did. We want the truth. But what if it's not a circus? then it's What if this is just a Redd it's just a town in Wisconsin First of all

You know what you could be right And I totally forgot it was Wisconsin And they are a distorted people Excuse me We are indeed You've been to Wisconsin Yeah and I'm a very normal average citizen No you're not

Yes I am No you're not Perfectly Basically what this They just described like the average crowd at a packer's game. By the way, you walked into a bar in Wisconsin and saw this,

you wouldn't be like, something's wrong. You'd be like, hey, is tandy working? Yeah, good vibe. Shit. Is that fucking free checks mix? Hell yeah, dude. Hey, what's that guy writing with his mouth pen?

It's crazy. We... Yeah. We want items. don't forget the editor when you have an item says what a weird thing to do hello I'm a judge of the paper do you have stuff I'll have it

tell me stories if your wife whips you let us know and we will set you right before the public what's the fuck I don't have any objections to that okay if your wife is working what does that mean set you right like I think that they will publish an article about your wife beat you

whipped you what if you what if you're into it though you're probably not going to tell the editor in 1823 I don't like that this character's already out of breath my wife

my wife whips me okay all right and we will go public every single night okay all right well that's abuse and it's so fucking hot okay

I'm a bad put this in the article I don't think we're gonna write an article I'm a bad boy Based on your time. I am naughty. She makes me lay down in her dirty bathwater.

What the fuck? Face down. Sir. Okay. I'm going to go. Yeah, I also am going to go. And it's my periodical. She literally went.

I'm actually going to leave. I feel really gone. If you have company, tell us if you're not ashamed of your visitors. What are we doing here? I don't know. Okay. If a youngster arrives at your house, and demands food and remand come around and it and it you're a cat oh must be yes and if you're a cat

that's cool too if you're a cash subscriber we will furnish a name for him or her as circumstances warrant so so if an orphan comes to your door we'll name it i don't know if it's an orphan but anyway if maybe it is an orphan if a young person comes to your house and demands food and you subscribe to the paper we will put we will use his name but yeah but if you don't subscribe then fuck off like we're not printing your bullshit so then well okay well what what are they promising well look we're gonna we're gonna probably shame the boy who wants fucking food this fucking kid cruising around the fucking area he wants to eat like what it is disgusting no I'm glad we're getting back to that too that feels right to shame the hunger

you idiot if you have a social gathering of a few friends bring a around a big cake six or seven pies and a ham not necessarily to eat

but a guarantee of good faith I don't know what's happening a little puzzled here if you need not bother to invite us as it oh they're asking for an invite to food guys I'm available to eat cake and pie

I'm in a really dark place This new story I'm writing is called I like ham Invite me over You need not Not necessarily to eat Just for the vibes Just hang out

I just want to be around I just like being around people I like food and people Now not youngsters who want food But I'm talking about adult people Excuse me what a weird caveat You need not bother to invite us As it may be a little too cool

For our wardrobe We mention these things because we want the news. What the fuck kind of pitch is that? That is the worst. We don't have nice clothes. Come on. Let us in.

Yeah, that was insane. I can't believe it took another hundred years for newspapers to start dying. I know. There's a lot. They could tell the confidence that they couldn't die in that one. The vast majority were really bad. Of papers?

Yeah. Just really bad. Zines. Yeah, they are. Just some guy like, have you read about the Brad Times? A lot of cool stuff happened to Brad today. So, you guys want to hear some articles? Yeah.

Yeah, all right, cool, because, uh, yeah, yeah. So, uh, earlier today, I brushed my teeth. Crazy. And then I drank orange juice right after. Don't know if y'all have done that. Oh, my God. Ruined. still drank it

well yes that's kind of the big one that's kind of the biggest part of the day then it gets a little boring for a while it started boring and then I dropped my keys in the dirt buddy I found them right away mm-hmm

mm-hmm mm-hmm All right. Anyway, it's pretty short. I'll kill orphans. Okay. Yeah. He wasn't in it.

A pleasant lawn party took place at the residence of CN Manila in this city on Wednesday evening. Not having received an invitation, the Eagle Society reporter was not present. Fucking Eagle Society. Consequently, we are unable to give the affair a more extended notice. These fuckers. That's why they had to put the thing in to be. Like, please invite us. Yeah.

What are these guys doing? I don't know. It's really weird to write like a paper about how you were left out. Here's the shit we didn't get to go to. Okay? The Eagle Society. It would just be the worst. Oh, my God.

A novel game. Here we go. The people of Athena will be. What state is this again? I forgot. I don't even remember. I don't, did you say it? Can we stay in the same state?

It's Wisconsin. This is Wisconsin. Oh, it all is Wisconsin? Oh, no, this is Oregon. Sorry, why was I confused? It's Oregon. You hit your head. I did hit my head.

You hit your head. A novel game, the people of Athena, will be treated to a novel game of baseball. Baseball is as a hyphen between baseball. I genuinely thought for a bit you were going to explain what baseball was. Baseball's a bad. But everybody knows what baseball is. Not everybody.

There's nothing novel about it. at this point. I think the guy on Reddit would like to know what it is. Sunday afternoon novel in as much as the members of neither club never played ball before. As a member of neither club never played ball before. Enjoy the negatives game. I know. Okay. I would imagine they've never played ball before.

What kind of what? What kind of club was it? Well, back then they just had sporting clubs and they'd play a bunch of different sports. Okay. Totally normal. Yeah. Okay. If you want to laugh, come out and see the game.

What? Okay, so these guys have never played it before. So they've never played it. So now you come out and just have a giggle at their expense. So what we're doing here is we're having a baseball game and everybody's just with guys who never played it. And everyone's just going to be like, ah. It's fun. It's a shaming.

Fucking idiots. Yeah. I mean, there's nothing to do. That's true. There's nothing to do. They didn't invite that writer to that. Yeah. That's right.

So now they're getting back at them. This is what happens. Let's laugh at these people. Ah, well, well, well. Look who's invited now. We literally invited you to our baseball game. You fucking morons. You suck.

Is there, are there seven cakes or six pies anywhere? I'm a real dessert creep. The following is the names of the respective clubs. I'm really upset with the grammar in this story Jag Club Jim Clark Captain Chas Norris Jesse Smith

Chaz Stansell The names It's like an Oscar This is Jag Club's first nomination J. Block Max Lewin Thaws Bergevin and J.M. Smitherman

That's not even a real name. Hello, I'm Jan Smitherman. J.M. J.M. Smitherman. It's not a real name. My name is Jams. They're just making up guys now. Hello.

Jiggers Club. Hello, we're the Jiggers Club. Yeah, careful. I don't like what we're doing. Very delicate. I don't like what we're doing. Now, if your instinct is a pun, I must suggest you walk away. The tongue can get slippery around ice this thin.

No rhyming! What was their mouth at? Yeah. I don't, no, don't ask. Bill Young. We're not fighting. Can I talk to you over here? Okay.

Bill Young captain, Chet McCullough, Doc Osborne, L.A. Githens. Hello, I'm L.A. Githens. Hugh Smith, C.L. Bergevin. Wait, what is the other? I'm the Bugovan. He's brothers on the other team. James Brody. Oh, like the Civil War.

It's the Civil War. The Buggavans are really going at it today. John Gillis and D.A. Hendrix. Okay, and now the next article is... I've got to say, that last article really not great. So the next article is what happened during the game. Oh, all right. Okay.

Probably at 2 o'clock Sunday afternoon, the most interesting ballgame of the season was called by Umpire Parker. The game was very interesting. And some good playing was done on both sides, but the Jags proved to be the best players. the jiggers might have been more fortunate had not Bill Young their captain in endeavoring to touch the ball hard enough to land it. Excuse me.

In an Indian camp down on the creek. Jesus Christ. Tor the buttons from his pantaloons. What is happening with this guy? I'm thinking. I wonder if they mean hit. I think hit. I think he was trying to hit.

I'm still a little curious why he ripped his pants off. Because he turned his, look, he's got a lot of torque. That's a proper swing. That's how you hit it. But, you know, a lot of... Let's get naked. A lot of really good hitting comes from the hips, Gareth. Stop.

You know what I'm talking about. I do. Tore the buttons of his pantaloons and otherwise disabled his outer apparel. That sounds like naked. A little bit. It sounds like some stuff came out. What? Yeah.

It sounds like some stuff came out. What does that mean? It means that a door opened up in his pants and some stuff came out. What? I don't love it. That's a fashion term. That's not. I wish they did that in baseball now

It would make me watch Yeah there should be there should be Are we saying more Cox What are we saying? We're going to take a jack break You know the third inning jack break All players who want a jack go ahead They changed all these rules

So the game moves faster But just get them a little naked Well and they yeah they did They kind of lost what made it great In America's pastime Was the nudity and the just unbridled masculinity. Yeah.

And the guys could go out there and whatever they wanted to do. Yeah. Jack alone, Jack another guy. Whatever he wanted to do. Jack on, jack on. Jack on, jack off. Go to the mound. Suck him.

Whatever. Baseball used to be awesome. And when the milkshake dispenser who acted as umpire. Milkshed. What? I think the guy who. who makes milkshakes was also the umpire. That cannot be the actual

justifiable. Why not? Just because... I think it's a literal term. The milkshake dispensers. 1893, they don't have... Why, yes, they do. Oh, fuck. Who acted as umpire in that old... Anyone want a milkshake?

In that... Sterey, two. In that cold ice cream voice called out, strike three and batter out. Oh, he was just the only guy who could enunciate. Yeah.

Bill sat down on the home plate and wept tears of mortification. So this guy struck out and he cried, which is... And then the milkshake up was like, that's sad. There should be more... I'm going to get naked. That's something else we should bring back to modern day baseball. I was crying when you strike out.

I honestly, I'd rather seeing an ump make a milkshake than a guy crying. It's because you're not in touch with you. How are you liking your milkshakes? You need to be... This umpire's awesome. You need to be more vulnerable. You want to stroke. very one man what are you doing you seem sad a few a very few intimate friends of bill knew why he

acted thusly they knew how he had been bragging around town for a whole week what a great ball player he had been in his days of green apples mumble peg and playing hooky from school and how after he left his bib off and grown to man's estate he went to the war and caught cannonballs hot from the mouths of the grim destroyers and how he caught the sentence has to end at some point

he caught the chicken no it's like a baseball game it just keeps going I don't understand it but it's long as fuck and how he caught the chicken pox the itch and how a little Irish

commissary caught him in the act of catching spring chickens in a coop that did not belong to Bill's mess. What the fuck? And how the aforementioned little Irishman shot off his jib a little too freely when Bill caught him and made him wish he had never been born. So Bill's a tough guy is what they're saying. I mean, there's a lot of stories about how Bill's a badass here.

I don't think I... A lot of stories. I don't know. I didn't gather any... actual, I kind of want to hear it again, if I'm being honest. Okay. Yeah. They knew how Bill had been bragging around town for a whole week.

What a great ball player he had been in his days of green apples, mumble peg. Now, that's what, honestly, this is what I checked out last time. Well, green apples and mumblepeg is when you're a kid and you're playing games and having green apples and playing hooky from school and how after he had left his bib off and grown to man's estate. So out. Now he grows up. He went to the war and caught cannon balls.

Yeah? What do you got, asshole? And he caught and he went to war and he was the cannonball catcher. It's a tough job. That was back then. There was a guy. You would put on mitts, like a hot mitt like in a road warrior when the guy tries to catch the boomerang. Absolutely.

Same deal. That reference we're all understanding strongly. Hot from the mouths of. the grim destroyers and how he caught the chicken pox, the itch. And so he also... I caught the itch. So he's also tough because he got the chicken pox. And how a little Irish connoisseur caught him in the act of catching spring chickens

in a coop that did not belong to Bill. And how the aforementioned little Irishman shot off his jib a little too freely when Bill caught him and made him wish he had never been born. So Bill beat up a little Irish guy somewhere around chicken law? Yeah, chicken Yeah, but he But Bill, I think Bill was the guy Stealing chickens

Then he beat the guy up So the Irish guy was like Stop stealing chickens And he's like, I'll beat the shit out of you Yeah You don't talk to me like that Anyway, so he was bragging While being that badass of a guy

Want to play mumble pig? He was bragging And then he struck out And now he cried So he's vulnerable Good for Bill showing It does actually sound like It could be read

from the mouth of a commentator. He used to love playing bumble peg and green apples. They remembered how Bill had laid stress on his catching ability and how they had admired him and looked with pride on his gaunt form when he exploded and said, He's sick. Oh, I can catch anything. I'm a ball player I am.

See, just let me be captain. I'll lead you to victory or the grave. And he's crying. And now when these friends saw, I'm in tears of shame. We will either win or die. I'd be like, I don't think I want to play with this guy. And now when his friends saw him in his tears of shame at not being able to smash out his record,

they knew they had been duped and that they had the right man in the wrong place. This discouraged them, and the Jags, taking advantage of it, won the game with a score of 24 to 16. So he just put this all on Bill. the whole fucking loss. He talked a lot of shit. He talked a lot of shit, but... What position did they let him play? They don't say.

Well, it's a very good question. I can't even imagine after hearing that having the wherewithal to notice that a position wasn't named. I got so rocked by those haymakers that I can't, I don't even... He was captain, but captain doesn't... It's not like does anything in baseball. No. Maybe they meant he...

he chose he was like the manager and he picked but that doesn't no you don't talk shit saying you can catch anything if you're like i'll be the manager i think this paper had it out for bill yeah it sounds like it no oh you guys are aligned it no they put it all on bill no classic oregon shit whatever we'll be buried alive ah now a feel good story the press special from Toledo. Seymour, the mind reader. Seymour the mind. Well, we're going to bury him alive.

Let's see if he predicts that one. Was in Toledo yesterday. Oh, so he's a David Blaine. Yeah. Was in Toledo yesterday on his way to Chicago where he is going to be buried alive after the manner of the Indian magicians who say they can suspend animation for any period by swallowing their tongues and controlling the heart and mind. What the fuck?

I think they mean... They can stop time by swallowing their tongues. I don't think they're talking about Native Americans. I think they're talking about like a... Well, that... I like how you think that's my highlighted detail. No, I'm just saying, because there's a lot of, like, I can, like, yogi type, like, walk on hot cold. Sure, yeah.

And in this case... They can swallow their own tongues and stop time. Yeah. No, they control their heart and mind and swallow their tongue. Have you ever swallowed your tongue? No. It's a trick that people... I don't even know how you'd do it.

Did you ever see David Blaine do that? So the... Yeah, we're all very tossed by you. Yeah. But I would go watch this now. So in 1893, if a guy's going to go get himself buried alive, that's fucking awesome. All right. A mine writer.

A mind writer. is going to get himself buried alive. Yeah. Right. Which seems like two different skills. Seems like he's really outside of the scope of mind reading. I know. I see it.

You see it? Oh, yeah. What's the connection? You know, he's a fantastical person, full of magic and mystery. And now people are sick of him reading minds. He's like, I've got to do more stuff. So here we go. And he's following the act of the people who swallow their tongues.

Yeah. He's got the tongue openers open. Mr. Seymour said, my coffin has gone ahead. It's a facsimile of one in which general grants remains now rest and cost $3,000. What? So he's, he's coffin dropping? He's, well, if you're going to do this. It's a pretty sick coffin.

It's pretty rad. It's some of the, it's pretty dope. Some of the best presidents have had this coffin. It's, uh, a grant was in this one. Oh, shit. Uh, it is made in three sections, one fitting inside the other. Yeah, it's like a Russian doll sort of vibe, but with coffins. Well, that, is this when they were still stealing body, grave robbing?

They might have still been stealing bodies. They had to do three coffins. The coffin industry was like, yes, please. Oh my God, a Russian doll of, you need a decoy coffin. Yeah. I like Russian doll of coffins to stop grave robbers. Yeah. It's pretty good.

I'm into it. That's fun. I mean, it must be, what a fucking disappointment, though, if you're a grave robber and you get it and you're like, there's another coffin in here. How many coffins are in here? Hurry,

hurry, let's go again. Jesus, fuck it. You know, fuck it, fuck it. Holy shit,

this was only a three-foot-tall lady. There's not even a lady. It's just a series of coffins. Two more coffins and then we're leaving. That's it. We're going to go two more, then we're done. If there's not a body and two more.

Oh my God, it's a mind reader. He's dead. I will be buried six feet deep in the coffin. and signals are to be arranged so that if things don't go right, I can communicate with soldiers on the outside

who will guard the grave. Is any a mind reader? Can he tell if this is going to go south or not? Thank you. That's a different skill. Not to nitpick. That's fortune telling. I believe he's...

I'll fight this fight. I believe that he is still able to communicate by, you know, sending out signals. I think I won. Sure. yes but then there needs to be another mind reader yeah you definitely got to have your side mind reader for sure she's right yeah you bring another it's like walkie talkies it's like yeah now we're on the same page because i completely agree this is walkie talkie logic well now you guys are just talking about

telepathy oh here's fear we fucking go yeah but how is that different from mind reading yes mind reading is when you're just picking apart someone's brain telepathy is when you're telling something wrong like I'll do it right now but if you have two mind readers that's telepathy yep

fuck you fucking you just got your ass hammered to you you tried to throw a beer over in her direction it just got chug dummy tried to argue with a Jew

yes I didn't want to say it I did I did I really did Directly after I am buried What? I love what?

Directly after I am buried A crop of barley will be sown over the grave So just to be clear, I will be harvested. Yeah, so they're going to put barley over the grave. Yeah, just to make sure that... Does sown mean planted, or does sown just mean... Sown means planted. I will remain buried until the...

germs, sprout, grow, ripen, and are harvested. Excuse me. This guy is talking about a seasonal berry? Yeah, he's doing, yeah. Now, this is, this is better. This is, this is a feat. This is a lot. Yeah.

This is a lot. I would love to know what happened. Yeah. Well, hopefully we get an idea. Then the disinterment will take place. I won't come back to Earth until September 24th. Oh, so he's out of his Tits. Until September 24th.

Oh, so he thinks he's leaving Earth. What was his name again? No, leaving Earth. Earth. Well, where the fucks you think he's... No, he's just going to... When was this article? 1893, right?

Let me let go back here. It is July, July 7th. Okay. So he's going to spend two months down there. What's his name again? A little over two months. Seymour, something? By the way, if you're going to do something like this,

it is smart to do it as a burial because my guess is this will be the barrel of him. You're not going to need to like exume him and rebary. You're like, yeah, he's down there. We can just do it. You think it was just, you think it was just July and it was so hot. And he was like, I'm just going to go underground for a couple. It's just got to get really enjoy it.

I can't with the summer. I can't. I really can. I'm going to go get buried. The pool's closed. They're doing construction. Put some barley above me. Look, if I come out, it'll be great.

If not, whatever. Oh, shit. Seymour the mind reader. Now, that's his name. Okay. I'm trying to see if this. I'm doing the AI overview, but whatever. Okay.

Yep. A great deal of interest. mentalism uh no and that's it that's it well no no

Andrew J. Seymour okay here here's what we'll do Andrew J. Seymour mind reader death let's see the world's greatest

I mean people like him that's just an ad oh Oh, wow I mean, this guy was a big fucking deal. Yeah, he's the David Blaine. He looks like a Daniel Day-Lewis character.

He died in 1886. He died in 1880s. This paper's in 1893. So that's got to be a different guy. Oh, damn it. Yeah. There's just a bunch of them? There's a lot of Seymors.

Wow. We're doing, we're doing, uh, doing it's like Minuto. Yeah. It was very much like Minuto. Yeah, the Seymour's. You audition, you become the new Seymour. Damn it, I really wanted to know. I'm sorry.

Are you okay? I'm picking up on a way that he passed. I'll check one last time. I bet I could find it, but I'd have to go through papers. Do you mind sticking around for the afternoon? See where this goes? I think it would be worth everyone's time. Is there more to that article?

Well, AI says there is no evidence that the mind reader Seymour died or was buried in Toledo. Okay. It mentions that he is going there to do it, but then there's no follow up. And AI is always right. AI's always right. It's kind of like a mind reader of Google. It's never been wrong. Never super accurate, but in the neighborhood.

Well, I'm sure, you know, someone will find it. I am positive I can do it, and the scientific men who are assisting me are beginning to think so true. No. No, they're not. The scientific men. A cowardly act. Monday evening, GM Frum of the commercial livery stable had a little difficulty with a fellow from Seattle over the hack fair from the depot downtown. Jesus Christ.

Was it a comedy show? By the way, I love hackfare. George talked a little rough to him Whereupon the fellow said he would get even Yeah, it's crowd work What do you do for work? Yeah So Wednesday evening

He shirt sucks It's too real So Wednesday evening when George went to the depot To meet the train, the fellow was laying for him He waited until the train started Then struck George a stunning blow over the left eye and jumped on the moving train. Fuck, yeah.

That's pretty good. Yeah, that's how you do it. Yeah, absolutely. George was dazed for a moment, and when he turned to look for this man, the fellow was wiggling his fingers at him from the tail end of the fast despairing train. Yes.

I... Yee. Was it this? Yeah, I'm picturing this. I think you're right. It's by this. I'm picturing the Tudaloo. The Tudaloo.

To tell you. Fuck you. George was mad, to say the least, and it is his turn to lay now. Oh, he's going to wait for that guy now. Oh, so this is like a... I was going to lay in wait. Right. So we'll see.

That's how you do it. That's how you do it. Right. It's going to go underground for two months. Yep. Just let the barley do its thing, and then I'll come back out stronger and better than ever. That's how you do it. Don't work out.

Go on the ground. Excuse me? Jesus Christ. You grow like a... Like a thick worm under there. Oh, that's definitely going to be an ad on my YouTube. You can go underground for two months, and that actually is going to help you more than anything you do in the gym. You could totally, you could totally.

I'm telling you, my YouTube ads at this point, I don't even know where they're coming up with the shit, so you may as well, it could be that. I mean, yeah, you can say anything, and do you know what the other thing is that there, Instagram does now is they'll be like, hey, I got one from Dix the other day. These shoes are $100 off and I'm like, $100 off and I press on the ad and you can go through and buy a bunch of shoes and then

go to the cart and check out. And then I go over to the Dix website and it's not even remotely real. It's just a fake ad where a guy's just scamming people out of money and YouTube's like, yeah, we're on board. Oh, I don't even want to get. My dad fucking got some, my dad, learned about YouTube ads the hard way

and in turn so did I my mom did the same thing with with Facebook ads when bed bath and beyond was going out of business my mom was like they've got a bunch of stuff on this website and I was like I don't think their website

works anymore she was no I've got to work around she thought she had like a backdoor website a little secret place that's only between me and the internet. How'd you find? It's just Facebook. It's just a secret.

Yeah. Shh, don't tell anyone. Secret Facebook. Facebook. The dark web of Facebook. Facebook. But it was just China. Uh, China.

At least it's them. Just the Chinese website. Yeah, that's fine. No, that's what, that's, yep. Trying to get in touch with people who rip you off online is also my favorite activity where you're like, well, if they don't reply to this email, that's kind of the end of my investigation. And they put up the craziest stuff. Like there was a baseball bat that all the 12-year-old kids wanted because it, whatever, it was more powerful.

And I was trying to find one for a VIN. And then I would come across like a Chinese website. And it's like, yeah, you can get it here for 60 bucks when it's going like 800 or wherever else. And I'm like, what? And you look into it and they've just put up a fake ad to take money. And it's like, so some guy in China knows that kids in America, not that. that many want a bat and he like the research they must do yeah to find out how to scam people i mean i do like that it all happens here not all of it but i do like if china gets one over

on us i'm in interesting i'm a commie we'll uh send that to our right wing friends no no no it's funding their high speed rail that's fine yeah that's right uh high speed rail Somebody's getting public transportation. Honestly, it is, it's just, it's like, it's nice to be like, see, that you can do stuff. Like to just be here where they're like, sorry, that's the, we're not doing anything anymore yet. But China. There was an article at the L.A. Times this week about the, our high speed train on here. The California one?

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's hilarious. A hundred years from now, two podcasters are going to read that article. That is the darkest. The people, oh, fuck. A hundred years people going through our show, like, look these two idiots. What do you think he meant by son of a bitch?

Is that a turn of phrase? Won't work. Last week, the Pendleton, this would be our last one. What wouldn't work? Last week, the Pendleton authorities were compelled to contend with an individual in which the disposition of the mule predominated. Like he's an ass? I think they're saying he's stubborn, stubborn as a mule.

Just say he's stubborn. He just fucking says stubborn. Jesus Christ. He was an Italian. Here we go. Uh-oh, buckle up everybody. Here we go. You know what that means.

You'd get off the saddle and your bum would be covered in olive oil. Right, where to go, there is. He was an Italian who was arrested for drunkenness. It would not give his name. It would not work. And the marshal put chains on him. Wait. Why shouldn't he work?

It's Italian This guy won't work when he put him in jail No He laid in the sun Nobody wants to work anymore It's crazy It's an epidemic What happened?

It used to be that everybody Love to work Yeah People like to go into the factory Now You know what People used to like to work so much Little kids would go into minds

That's how much we loved working With their little working hands Yeah Yeah Nothing makes me happier than to see work dirt under the fingernails of a seven-year-old. Or it's under their skin. They've been working so hard.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, nothing like that. I like a kid who looks like charcoal. Yeah. I like grown men crying during a baseball game. Yeah. And the kids working in the minds. Hell yes.

That's America. God. Just. And now, every shooter's trans. I don't know. It was crazy times God damn What happened

America and the shoes are all good Old fashioned When I was a boy It was a cis white shooter Every time And it was better

He laid in the sun One whole afternoon And slept The next morning They tied his arms Around a telephone pole I believe this is a murder The more I hear about it

The more the word murders seeming likely this had the desired desired effect well yeah you tortured him so then he sort of he chilled out he came around after

he could be so Italian a compromise being made by the Italian working one hour it is said some of the citizens criticized the treatment the fellow received at the hands of the marshal

they're like what are you doing Jim I think that was a little the guy won't work some of them are like that's fine Yeah, something like, he had it coming. He's being a cop. It's fine.

He's Italian. Let him figure it out. He shouldn't have been so Italian around here. That official did just exactly right, only he should have brought the hobo in terms by breaking his neck. Well, well, that ended strongly. Okay. Well, oh my, it's like he's on Fox News. Honestly.

Wow. it's like he's a guy on Fox News say kill all the homeless yeah uh yeah Brian kill mead who then of course right after that someone tried to kill a bunch of homeless interesting oh yeah there were two two shootings at homeless camps the next day uh the special's available on YouTube um yeah it's real fun it's super fun and everything's fine um what's the name What's a special name? I'm a secret Jew. No, Jesus Christ.

No, it's quite the opposite. Yeah, I'm the best Jew. It's called a Jewish star. It's a really, it's fun. It's, uh, you know. Did you have to cut a preview of your special at all? Like, did you make like an ad? No.

Those are my favorite things to watch, the attempts to. Just fully out of context punchlines. It's just crazy. It's impossible. It's just the attempt of just like, yeah, I don't think I'm ready for that just yet. You're just like, what? I don't want to watch this. Red squirrels.

A long, long time ago on my last podcast. Dave's singing, by the way. There was a guy that we found and he had put together a promo for his special. And they were like flashpots and stuff coming out. fire shooting up from the and I made fun of it and he reaches out and he's like

dude I'm the biggest fan and this just totally put me out I was just like oh no oh you piece of shit and someone convinced to do it

and I was just like wow this didn't go the way oh no also like that's what the clips are for like clips are the promo That's the commercial. I know.

Just watch that. There are a couple of specials that have commercials now, and I just always am like, yeah, no, it's just, it's a fool's errand. Yeah. You know, it's like, I don't believe that's right. You're just like, no. I'll be doing it soon. Ariel, thank you for joining us. Appreciate it very much.

Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, come back. Yeah, come back. Do you want to do another one right now? It's fine. Do I do six more right now? We're very needy. Would you like to host this show with us?

every week. Is that crazy? What's your schedule like? Thank you. That's a lot of pushback. No, I'm just kidding. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I would love to come back.

And, you know, as long as that guy on Reddit isn't like, this dumb bitch wasn't, she brought bag of energy as long as he's cool with it. No. Even if it is there, it's all we get, too. We have a, people get really mad at the subreddit because a long time ago, I said, just no negativity. Just cut everybody loose who talk shit. So everyone's just very nice on there.

And every once they'll come in and say something bad. And they blink, we just ban them. Yeah. And, you know, unless it's a white guy. Well, it's a white guy. All right. Well, thank you. All right.

Some of these days, you'll miss me, honey. Some of these days. Hey, Dullop fans. I know you love the Dallop. You love listening to the Dullop. Do you want to watch? the doll up. You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary. It's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. The more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.