The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 149 - John Wayne Thompson's Armageddon

Episode Date: January 28, 2016

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine young farm boy John Wayne Thompson and his horrific farm accident. SOURCESTOUR DATESREDBUBBLE MERCH  

You're listening to the doll-up. This is a Bye weekly American History podcast each week. I read a story to my friend Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is gonna be about. Oh I can't change up my rhythm. I just didn't you just get to riff on your stuff But I just got to be straight cop. Oh, I mean if you do it In a way that doesn't seem robotic and uncaring. Oh really? So I should do what you do sometimes. Just look Never happened

Okay, that's happened Do you want to do one button people say this is funny not Gary Gareth Dave, okay? Someone or something is tickling people is it for fun and this is not gonna come particularly quite good. Yeah You are Queen Fakie of made-up town all hail Queen shit of Liesville a bunch of religious virgins go To mingle and do what pray And we should point out to even though this is gonna be a little past the time but anybody Who doesn't know the movie the Revenant because a lot of people have been asking yeah If the Hugh glass we did an episode of Hugh glass

Which is the character from the Leonardo DiCaprio film the Revenant? So there are people want to listen to that. Yeah, but we thought that people knew that but some people don't yeah No, it's based on the same story, but boy did they change it Yeah, they gave it a little shot of Hollywood and at some point when we have time we'll sit down and do commentary And put it up on for patreon subscribers And we want to thank you patreon subscribers This podcast is brought to you by all of our subscribers who have been very generous. Yes January 11th 1990

To Dave what what's up? Come on Was it because there was no talking so you know there's nothing interrupts you got down on yourself Let's just try to get through this one David 18 year old senior. I don't even know the date because you whispered it January 11th 1992. Okay. Thank you, baby 18 year old the high school senior John Wayne Thompson slept late in His home in the small town of Hertzville Hertzville Hertzville Hertzville. I miss Herseyville. I think it's north your North Carolina Although it could be a North Dakota could be so I think it's North Dakota. Well, I feel like you

When he woke he was alone on the farm his parents had gone to Bismarck, which was 90 miles away. Okay? He finally made his way out of the house around noon Sounds like you What Hertzville was town of 72 people and five churches Everyone seems to be related to everyone else in the town the Thompson family had They farmed hogs and grain and some cattle on 1600 acres John this yeah, John decided to be helpful and

Unload barley from a dump truck to do that He would use an auger to carry the grain to a bin and for people who don't know an auger is Something that I have no idea about What's an auger? Okay, it's like a it's like a screw in a shaft That pushes the corn. Oh, I'm thinking of sex. Yeah No, but it's like a screw shape thing in a shaft that pushes the grain forward does that make sense? Yeah, if only everyone could see the arm motion. You're doing my arm is going in a circle

It's like you're cow The Power for the auger came from the tractor which was done via a small bar called a power takeoff Okay, so the bar spins and then the auger turns. Okay So John fired up everything and then just sat back and watched as the machines did their thing. Oh my god, what I Already I Don't know. It's a farm story. It's a nice. It sounds like a powerful piece of equipment. It's a nice farm story

It sounds like a powerful piece of equipment so John is Watching and then the family had two dogs and John started playing with one. Tuffy good old Tuffy Dave don't hurt Tuffy it was January, so there had been a frost that night, which is now You are really making an equation over here my man, which is now melted by the Sun so it's a basically it's a frozen ground hard frozen ground with a wet top Okay Keep leading me and John slipped when he came to

He took in his surroundings He did not know how long he had been unconscious. Okay, he didn't remember landing on the ground quote, I Was lying on my left side. I looked at my right and couldn't see my arm and thought it was broken Then I tried to use my left arm to lift myself up. That's when I saw it was off That both of my arms were off. I was against a tractor tire So I put my head against it and stood up. I looked again for my arms It was pretty red where they'd been I went berserk

Standing there screaming for a few seconds. I think we can stop this one now I think we've got what we need out of the story. What do you mean? We've got an armless man picking himself up with his head going berserk. Yeah, I'm satisfied America. Yeah He had fallen against the power takeoff Which had been spinning as I said, right? He said yes his shirt was caught and pulled in and then his hands Then he was completely I think I kind of remember this you probably do then he was completely

Spotted around like a propeller his whole body his whole body His entire body is spinning but the human body can't handle that kind of tension and the force Ripped his arms off shut up just below the shoulders and tossed him 20 feet away the force ripped his arms off Yeah, just the force from being spun sweet. God. It sounds like a black hole Yeah Okay, now it's bad not having arms when you just had arms. Yeah, no, that's tough especially when you have no recollection Yeah, like you don't know how your arms, but you know you don't have arms But you also just no arms you just like when you went to sleep you had arms a minute ago

Then I fell remember I was playing with my dog and now I don't have arms. That was fun. Tuffy. Tuffy What did you do with my arms? It's even worse when you're the only one home and the closest farm is two miles away He walked the hundred yards to his home The human body handles these situations by going into shock and that's exactly what happened This lowered John's blood pressure slowing blood loss his nerves suppressed the pain and He was thinking okay Okay, actually maybe even a little more focused than usual

Okay, as you can imagine so you could say this was a bit of an armless situation Very much so right At this point his brain was thinking about how he was going to get into the house without his arms Pretty reasonable thought probably legs or mouth He went to the back door, which was a sliding glass door Boy, I mean to just I mean just imagine being like a neighbor like the hell's going on over there What is John doing now? Oh my god. Oh boy

His humorous bone His humorous bone was jutting out the left side So does that mean he lost the bone that made this whole thing funny for him? Yeah, it's not funny. Yeah, okay All that was there was his shoulder and the bone poking out poking out. Oh god He used the bone and no no no no No, what? He used the bone and wedged it into the handle of the sliding glass door

Ah, but he couldn't manage to open it. Oh my god They're actually they're actually if you go to buy a sliding glass door If you don't ask for one, you're gonna open with a bone. Uh, sorry and real quick I just my wife made sure can you open this with just a bone? Uh, no, what do you have that can be bone opened? They're over here. Oh, those are nice Much easier Look at that. Oh, you could fit a bone right in there. That's easy

It's got a little it's got a little dense little difference Uh, so uh, so he went around the house with tuffy running beside him tuffy down tuffy down I mean, dude, the idea of having bones coming out of your body and a dog All they want are bones Tuffy no, I'm not gonna get that. When am I gonna get that? He's trying to bury my shoulder again Uh, so he tried to open the side door by kicking it. No luck It turns out it's hard to kick things when you don't have arms because arms give you balance, right? So boy, good god

Then he got on his knees And tried to use his mouth to turn the knob of the door. Yeah, it worked. Yeah, he was inside suck that knob army He ran down the hall to the office, but the office door was closed. Why was he running? That's a good question. I don't know. Maybe he's in a hurry about something. He's in a rush or a panic or something So this door was made of softer material in the outside door So he smashed a hole in it And then he realized he didn't have arms to reach through the door to open the handle from the inside So he got back down his knees and worked the knob with his mouth again. Oh boy work that knob

Now this is 1992 911 had not reached all the places in the u.s. I'm guessing not here They didn't have it on the farm He had to call someone so he decided to call his girlfriend There you are. Well, I where have you been all afternoon because I've called a bunch of times Yeah, yeah, and so are we even going over to Are we even going to make the picnic tonight or no? I can't everyone from my company is going to be there. I can't carry it. I'm sitting here being what you stood me up

Right. I don't have did you even make the sandwiches? No, I was supposed to bring some sandwiches. I can't oh my god I'll tell you no listen someday. You're gonna get your shit together and when you do I'm excited I think I'm I want to be there Okay, because for the last time right if you don't step up and show me what a good boyfriend is. We're done. Okay So what do you have to say for yourself now, mister? I'm really far from getting my shit together. Oh my god I don't have arms. Huh? I don't have arms. It feels like that sometimes it really does Okay, I'm gonna call does feel like you don't have arms and you don't have heart I'm gonna call my brother. Fine. Call him. Call him. Okay. Tell him. I said goodbye. I gotta go because we are D. O. N. E.

done Unbelievable my mom was right. Okay, please shut up. She said you would just if I had a gun She said you bail if I had a gun on your farm use my toe to blow my brains. Oh, yeah use your toe Yeah, right use your toe because you don't have arms God I'm sorry. I overreacted we listen just get over here now We can still make it. I wish that had happened We all do this is the only push button phone on the house. He pressed the numbers with his nose

I really thought we were gonna hear bone And it was busy his girlfriend was chatting with someone. Oh god. It's before call waiting 92 Faxer I said the facts So then he called his 17 year old cousin Tammy Thompson But it was hard to dial with his nose. You can't see the numbers when you hit them. No. No, he's not and your nose isn't small He mistyled so he tried again, but this time he put a pen in his mouth. Okay I keep thinking that you really threw me with that bone open. Sure. Yeah

Tammy he yelled. Yeah, she said you got to get an ambulance out here right away. Okay. What's the matter? I can't feel my arms. They're gone. Who is this? Were you sitting on him? Who is this? Who is this? It's John stupid then Tammy knew who it was quote because he always calls me stupid She said Oh boy, oh boy So this seems like an ambulance situation If yeah, are you okay? Yes, you are not gonna get an argument out of me Tammy called her stepmom who called the closest volunteer ambulance crew in Bowdoin, which was 11 miles away

Okay Okay, violent. Okay. That's what they have there. Okay out of the country. Okay Tammy then got her mom and they drove to the farm When Renee and Tammy entered the home, they saw blood dots all over the walls and floors They yelled for John and he yelled back from the bedroom Just take it a nap Then he said don't let Tammy come in. Tammy you stay out He's being modest

dude When you got a pic who can see you yeah in that situation. Yeah, Tammy. No Your mom could come in but tell it's not you deep breath It's gonna be weird John had gone into the bathroom after calling Tammy because he didn't want to spot the carpet with his blood. What? He didn't want to get blood on the carpet He's respectful. He doesn't have fucking arms. Well, he's being yeah, but also, you know, but why Why lose arms and a carpet? You know how expensive rug doctor. Thank you

Renee came in to look at her nephew He was hiding behind the shower curtain and told her he didn't want her to see him This is the most respectful dying man on earth But she didn't give a shit. She pulled the shower curtain back and looked at her nephew with no arms Oh my god, I have no arms. He said no sure. Yeah Yeah, yeah, no shit. You're going to be fine. She said oh my god Then John asked do I still have a back? Oh boy, and she said your back is great. It's just perfect Oh my god, how's the carpet?

Then he said he'd like some water I'm super thirsty. It turns out losing your arms is so Thirst quenching It's like I've been working out. I tried to get some water, but those faucet knobs are really tight Renee didn't want John to fall in the tub. So she got him out and sat him on the toilet He started to calm down a bit and was talking sensibly and pretty soon was being the smart alec his family knew him to be I wanted to quit smoking, but this isn't how I wanted to stop. He said, I mean, are you I mean, are you kidding? No, it's what he's

fucking he's he's Yeah, he's a fucking 80s action movie superhero at this point. These are You put this in a movie and people will be like, yeah, but he's not gonna joke there Reality reality has to play a part in here somewhere His aunt soothed him and told them the ambulance would be there in a second John then counted 1,000 2,000 and said time's up and started swearing He's making jokes good ones. Yeah Yeah, good joke solid joke solid jokes. Yeah, not like I've lost a lot of blood bad jokes. No, these make sense

Uh, while they waited he said his hands hurt Okay, it's some you got to light him at some Wrap it up bro. Come on. You're killing come on When the ambulance crew got there it was total confusion One of them was studying to be an emergency medical technician Another had basic training and the third Rick Flatten a manager of a grain elevator had only been trained in CPR This was his first ambulance run Go put a mouth on those arms. Holy shit. I started on top, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Is are all the calls like this?

Holy shit, this is crazy. This is every day. I feel like my CPR is not gonna help I guess I can blow into his mouth. Do you guys want me to do that or his arm hole? I don't know. What should I do? They wrap John in sheets and blankets. They knew they needed to get the arms John told them to look for garbage bags in the laundry room cupboards For ice in a freezer upstairs and two other freezers downstairs And then they went for the arms the arms had not been mangled just torn. They were in decent condition I mean for decent is a relative. Yeah, I mean not like my arms are in pretty decent condition Right. No, these are I would say addition for having being ripped off of a right for off arms

They're in good shape for removed from a body arms. It could be a lot worse They wrap them in plastic garbage bags and put them on ice arms can last for 14 to 16 hours before they become unusable So that's good for our audience to know Yeah, that just for you guys out there if you whatever happens if you run into this situation you got 14 to 16 Yeah, put them on the rocks on the rocks They drove uh 23 miles to a hospital in harvey There it was decided to fly him to minneapolis because he'd always wanted to see a vikings game. Yeah I've never been to the big city. What's it like 10,000 lakes? Where are they all?

Before he left, he sent a message to his girlfriend apologizing for missing their date that evening Hey, listen, I'm sorry. Uh, sorry. I couldn't make it. I know it's a big night for you, but I don't have any arms I mean could we It would be great if he did go to a movie and he just said to be like, hey Take that arm out of that bag guys and put it around you, babe Let me hold you close. I'll get to the hospital when I get there Feed me pop over my arm The entire journey took five hours

His heart rate was good He had helped himself by getting out of the winter cold and into the house That kept his body temperature from dropping and by staying in the tub. He remained fairly motionless and that slowed the blood loss And luck was on his side at the hospital. Double rearm attachments are not the most common thing in the world. Yeah But the surgeon Dr. Alan van Beek had already done three three Three. Wow It's a weird place. Yeah

Two of which worked out Uh, one of those had also been due to a power takeoff So stay away from those. Yep Uh, I'm assuming the one from the rock crusher was the one that didn't work out Right. That sounds like it that arm rock crusher sounds like the one that maybe will be hard Uh, Beek knew that uh, whatever he could do John's arms would be fucked up for life But john didn't seem to understand that he was being pretty casual and showed a rather strange lack of concern Uh, they told me if I came here you could put my arms back on john said to beak

I can't take a number with my hand. Where do I grab one? Hey, are you the arm putter on guy? Hey, so you can throw these back on. I have a game on thursday He honestly thinks he's an action figure. I know it's crazy Uh, the doctor, uh, it was straight with him to save his arms Uh, he would be risking his life and the arms might still have to be removed later John said he still wanted his arms. So he wanted the surgery They gave him anesthesia and three surgeons got to work eight hours

Uh, after his arms had been ripped off. Okay, so he's within the window. Yeah One surgeon would perform the microsurgery on each arms under under a microscope Relying critical blood vessels and nerves The other surgeon was an orthopedist there to work on the severed bones Oh my god Uh, he cut off two inches of bone that made all the other stuff to meet the blood vessels the nerves easier to work with Sorry to anyone eating If anyone's eating still there, you know, come on

He then set the fractured bones with metal plates and screws When they reattached the blood vessel a new danger was created poisons from the tkang arms came up through the bloodstream Which could damage his organs and kill him. So transfusions had to be constantly done A total of 15 pints of blood Oh my god, we're used, which is his entire blood supply plus like half another half. This is just Good times This is why a little squamish give blood. Hey people give blood Oh my god

After all the blood vessels and nerves were attached skin grafts were taken from his butt and thighs and patched over the area The entire wake for that the jokes. Oh my god Jesus I got arm, but you know, it does none stop. It probably better than that. He's probably better joker than I am He's gonna be on Conan The someone hold the mic for me The whole surgery took seven hours It seemed to go well, but they really wouldn't know for a week or so Also, when you reattach a nerve it grows one half an inch or inch and a half a month

So from the upper arm, that's a very long journey down to the hands Right If the nerve takes too long to get to the muscle it starts to shivel and it won't respond when the nerve finally gets there There's a lot of problems. Yeah Well, this is why you don't do this, right? You know what I mean? Yes Right after the surgery they told john what they'd done and then he had two inches of bone removed. That's okay He said I always had trouble finding shirts that fit me Okay, you know what? Yeah

He's fucking killing. I mean, he's really good No No, I mean I would first of all I'd be dead. Yeah, I would have died. I would have just laid down I would yeah, I would I would have been like toughy. You hold me. Eat me. Eat me toughy Come bite through my throat toughy. I would have walked up to the house and been like it's closed and just lay down Dr. Beak wanted to go public about the incident the surgery and how john handled it But his family wasn't too keen on the idea They were very private people and were used to keeping their troubles close to the vest

They had recently had some bad years and the farm was teetering close to foreclosure They had been forced to sell 600 acres and the money problems were part of the reason the power takeoff didn't have a protective shield Okay, yeah When our rumors started that john, I bet there's tons of other countries right now. They're like, well, what's a shield? No, your government just Gives you a shield for that. How do you get without? I don't understand. Yeah, exactly. How do you get one without a shield? You need it? Yeah, otherwise your arms could get ripped off. Why would a country sell you a shield the where your arms could get ripped off?

Anyway, any who I live in a good country Then a rumor started that john had died So people started to talk and the family decided to put it out there and set the record straight before every idiot In the area had a new theory But the story went much bigger than they anticipated Every newspaper and local news show jumped on the story across the country His story of survival from walking home to opening the door of his mouth. The calling his cousin was amazing He was the thing of the moment in the u.s

Emilio Estevez stopped by the hospital How you doing man? Hey, I signed a copy of the mighty ducks for you. Sorry about both of your arms Oh, it's Emilio Estevez There's also that right where you're like anyone behind you You're gonna be less useful than my arms in 20 years. You got any other stars behind you? I mean, I like you, but you know, I mean bet middler and bow jackson called It's a combo. I wonder if they're on the same call. Maybe they were dating Hey, it's bow and bat

Yeah, we're together. Yes, we're dating Uh, he got gifts from Whitney Houston and john melin camp the only one of all these people that makes sense to me right now Is john melin camp because he's like a small town guy exactly Uh victoria principal was trying to get a movie made about his story He received a signed photograph from barbara bush Just fuck you a fucking sign who gives a shit No, the wife of the fucking print. Fuck you. I mean seriously. We'd like you to join the army Oh, god

Guns and roses sent some tapes and t-shirts. Oh, thanks guys. Thanks axl Well, he wanted to be a singer and labels asked uh for him to make a demo Tons of pastors came Just the piles and piles of pastors And there were tons and tons of mail It was hard to get a hold of him at the hospital because people were pretending to be his family members when they called So they could get through so it was just his family couldn't get through because people were constantly calling and saying They were his family to fucking get through to talk to him

He's like god So not worth it. Hello. This is so not worth it the arm thing. I thought this was a good idea. Yeah The family did not like the attention it was overwhelming and it went on for weeks People are super weird and they made very weird requests such as One woman wanted the family to take in their troubled son and straighten him out They a family wanted them to take their son Boy, you are a real lunatic if that well, look how good it worked out for you a son

Hey, you know how your son's so great and his arms got ripped off. Can you do that to my boy? Our son's terrible. Want to switch sons? Is this sun swap? Hey, what mom who you're talking to? Charlie don't worry about it I Another one to touch John's blessed skin to heal her cancer His mom said most people were nice, but so many of them I had to tell John is not Jesus christ He cannot cure your wounds. He is not a miracle person

He had been built up into such a superman All this attention was keeping him from healing mentally and adjusting to what had happened And what his life would be like from now on right instead of dealing with the reality of life And having weird arms. He was being treated like he was amazing. How weird are his arms? We'll get to that I mean, I'm hoping they're not t-rexie And it got to him four months after the accident. He said quote my life is so much better than it's ever been It's hard to explain, but there are more possibilities. The world seems more open to me So he's getting so much attention and so many people are calling him this amazing person

That he's actually starting to think that having his arms ripped off for a good thing Yeah, it's almost like he opened the door to his destiny with his mouth Okay Right I get you The media weren't portraying John as he actually was They said he was a polite boy, but he was actually a smart ass They acted like he was this perfect example of what an american Kid should be like when he was just a normal kid with flaws like everyone else

Quote I had sort of a bad reputation before the accident I wasn't that great of a student and people thought I drove too fast The little old ladies in town would shake their fingers at me when I drove when I drove by So he's not so they're making him out to be this guy. Yeah, he's a deity now And the attention made John feel trapped. He kept saying he just wanted to live his life After five months, he wanted his privacy back Cameras followed him around his prom Oh my god his prom

He tried to be the kind of guy the media portrayed. He stopped smoking and drinking and swearing But it was too much especially at his graduation There were all the cameras right in his face quote. I was going nuts bouncing off the walls We had to shut the doors to keep out the reporters. My friends had to protect me They stood in front of the glass to block out all the stupid photographers His Leave me alone. I mean honestly, right? Yeah, right? Yes. His schoolmates did their best to help him Daniel Bushmiller 18 a popular senior at the time said

I don't want to get in John's way But I want to help if he needs it a lot of guys would be embarrassed to be seen feeding another guy at hardy's But it doesn't bother me and it doesn't bother John You know, they sell food to go Hardy's has a drive-through Just a bro feeding a bro. You don't need to sit in the hearties and eat Can feed him at home In reality John's life was extremely difficult. He would constantly fall down just trying to put on a t-shirt

You never think about that, but it's you don't have arms so you can't balance like that's how you learn to balance But what what is his arm situation? We'll get there He didn't know if water was too hot from touching it because he had no nerves down there, right And all this while getting ready for college He didn't know how you open a door to his dorm room or shampoo his hair life was weird for John His forearms did not rotate and his fingers were curled into claws rigid and unable to grasp He wanted to so he's like that, right? He's got bob dole hand. Yeah Yeah, he wanted to avoid uh any aids that would draw attention

So I want some he didn't want aids now. He really didn't want it. Yeah before he won age a lot But now you know one super didn't want it for sure Uh, yeah, he didn't want some big contraptions on his arms. Okay um He used jeans with a velcro fly Which made him not want to use the bathroom because he didn't want people to hear him ripping his velcro fly open Jesus There were plenty of things he did when he was alone that he didn't want people to see him do when living in the dorms Like if his sock got stuck in the dryer

He could reach him with his feet and get them Wow wait Okay, so he's just becoming he's learning to adapt. Yeah He also was now limited in what he could do as a career and he wasn't a great student Never had been so he was even more focused now on becoming a singer He knew that was a long shot He didn't have investments Uh, he did have investments from the insurance payout and the donations, which I think came to over a million. Okay

Now he would make a fortune with the internet. Oh my god yes A year after invites to do public appearances started to dry up People who once recognized him now stared at him unable to place his face It's the movie talk dried up. There was a problem because they didn't have an ending yet because his fingers were still in a fist The the title no arm. No foul was good though. Like The idea that they don't have an ending Yeah

When you can just fucking make a movie. Yeah about a kid. Yes set up his life You meet him He's a smart ass and then his arms get ripped off And he gets and then all the way up until his arms are reattached is the fucking movie. Yeah, that's a movie Yeah, you don't need to see his fucking hands unwind and throw a ball The miracle the miracle yet exactly the miracle isn't that he's going to be the lead singer of a rock band No, the miracle is that this dude now has arms back on and can lead a fairly good life And then you pan to a sunset. Yeah, and then we're good. You don't need a shot of him high fiving someone on a stage

Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, although, you know, he was around before the fist bump That would have really played into his hand. Well, pardon the pun The rumors started anyway when every day the girl everyone would say she was pregnant and getting an abortion What why because they just I don't know they were just very mill was out of material Hey, let's do shit that doesn't make sense. Hey, okay Did you hear about the guys you hear about john every time he has sex with a girl? She has to get an abortion because he has magic arms because his arms are weirder because everything he does is amazing. Yeah He can make girls pregnant from outside their genes. Yep

He can't finger girls though He found himself God, that's true. Well, I mean you said it I mean they call him all tongue Johnny I'll tell you what There's nobody who goes town better now than john He found himself on the phone all the time fighting with people some people thought he wasn't handling his money, right? Other people thought he was being cocky

He couldn't understand that one, but it turned out to be because of the way he was walking They say I roll my shoulders cocky light because I'm famous and have gotten stuck up People but he rolls his shoulders because his balance is off How how how the fuck? Yeah, can you look at a guy who had his arms ripped off at the shoulder? Yeah, and be like I don't like the way he cocks his shoulders. He kind of walks like a prick Holy shit. Look at this errant and arrogant. No arm mother fuck Oh, I walk all fancy now because I had my arms ripped off. Fuck you fancy boy arm ripped off guy But I mean it's not like his it's not like he's got like a pimp strut with his legs

His shoulders he's where his arms were ripped off by motion trying to balance when he walks Oh my god So he doesn't fall down look at him cock of the wall Oh, look at mr. Hoppity skippity over there. Hey, why don't you walk like a normal guy? I can't my arms were ripped off. Yeah, not with that attitude Classic Hollywood prick prick It all went to his head and his shoulders his shoulders He was a bit of a celebrity in Bismarck when he went to college

John found things easier with the ladies By the way, that does not surprise me, right? Yeah, it's fucking crazy. So he's uh It's an in it is an in Not only does he have the sympathy of losing his arms, but he's kind of famous and he's funny and he's funny I think we might need to get these arms off of me Dave He let his hair grow long and started wearing an earring But he dropped out of college after two years. He then started touring as a motivational speaker He did that until 1995

Being on the road completely wore him down Wow, that is and by the way, this started in 92. So that's quite a packed three years of life Yeah, and let me just say so it's hard enough being on the road when you're a stand-up or in a band But when you're doing that you have a goal you want to make it to a bigger thing you want to become You're you're trying to it's a stepping stone. Yeah, but if you're just a motivational speaker There's no place you're going with it Yeah, you're just going from town to town to make money And I can't think of anything worse like to take out the possibility and hope of the road and just have

the The road itself. Yeah Yeah, all down side of the road and none of it none of the upside. Yeah. Yeah fun Oh, so Then he just went and lived his life in 2002. He wanted to put everything behind him. So he wrote a book called Fuck off everyone You know, it's john. Yeah, so you wrote a book and he called it Home in one piece

Wow That's that's a good fucking title. That is good It didn't work The book only made life more hectic and he had to do book tours Oh my god, but it did become a bestseller in the midwest And then he decided run to run for the senate the state house And in 2004 but ended up dropping out of the race See this okay, this is why this is a like and I'm sure this gets weirder

I don't know if it's gonna get weirder, but it's almost like It's one thing like we live in a cult like a shock culture, right? We're like someone does something shocking like tanning mom or like octo mom. I guess it's all moms. No, it's not But there's there's lots of stuff, but people want that attention people bring it on themselves Whereas if you're just a guy Who something crazy happened to and that kind of throws your life in a tailspin? You never really saw past You never really saw this future. So you really are thinking on the fly

Yeah, and it's not what you want, but you are presented with this new life a bizarre life. Yeah, totally a bizarre life Yeah So 20 years later, john has had over 30 surgeries. He still can't button his shirt shake someone's hand or right legibly He enjoys fist bumps. He does He can't wear gloves because he can't put them on so in winter. He has to use socks Or mittens He can't put on mittens either. He can't his fingers are all yeah, but you can jam an unmitten No, I want to know your fingers are all curled up boxing gloves. I'll stop pitching

His arms go straight and he gets physically weaker every day now He is embarrassed by the attention and feels weird when people ask To him to tell the story I say I had my arms ripped off and pretty much leave it at that Wow, that's great. I would love to watch that conversation. Can you tell me about what happened? Yeah, my arms got ripped off Good to talk to you. Okay Hey, wow, he seems like a guy that's been asked that five million times longer version But you also like the idea that anyone would

You know, leave him the fuck alone, right? Honestly, leave him the fuck alone. Yeah, that's exactly right He last worked as a realtor in manoe, south dakota a town of around 50,000 He couldn't open doors with keys So he'd have to hand them to a client, but that didn't pan out and as of 2012 He was unemployed and living off of disability Not many employers would give him a chance because of his condition But he still says the actual disability Was never as bad as the attention

The attention was way harder. There's no comparison. Everyone says you've struggled so much with the accident That was no big deal at all Coming from a town of 70 people and not knowing anything being thrown into the spotlight And being known around the world Was just as scary Looking back. He doesn't understand all the attention. It's not like he saved anyone else's life. He just stayed alive What was I supposed to do just lie there? Yeah, yeah

I couldn't find any news stories about uh john after 2012 and I assume that's how he wants it to be I was gonna say that's kind of a good thing. I had when I got to this point in it. I had a weird feeling about doing this Because you just because this is a guy who's kind of asked to He did not have attention. He doesn't want attention, but Then I decided well if the story is about Him not wanting attention then hopefully people will leave him alone. Well, that's the idea because Fuck when and I'll put up the sources like

When you go read the story, especially like the people magazine one almost made me vomit. They they were just It's what he said. They were just creating this mythical person that never existed And so he has a shadow that he can never live up to. Yeah And also he's he's got a fucking terrible handicap now that he has to live with and where's bet middler Where the fuck is low jacks where is barbara bush amelia estvez granted amelia estvez is almost in the same condition Career wise just career wise. Is that the arms ripped off of his career? He actually amelia estvez can't open any more doors in hollywood But but honestly it's the other day. I this is more story about

It started out to be I was gonna write a story about this guy who goes arms ripped off That was amazing story and then it turned out to be a story of what happens when you don't Let someone mentally heal after they have something terrible happen to them. Yeah So Anyway, give them a call. What's toughie up to here's the Toughie doing Has toughie been affected by this Fucking our media is horrendous

horrendous horrendous fucking horrendous. Yep. That's what that's what I think the story is about Well, especially because like you're saying, I mean it really is just it's it's unfair It's unfair to embrace someone so strongly and then vanish But that's what they do, right? Oh, they just fucking they just fucking line them up and move on. Yeah To the next guy Yeah, and I mean the truth is that even it's even worse in this day and age because we our attention spans are shorter and shorter and Shorter and shorter so every six days we reset to a new thing

So anytime everybody, you know really gives a fuck about one thing You know you're six days away from that bone being dropped Yeah, I shouldn't say bone. Well, it's a bad time to say Let me ask you a question. Okay Hypothetical, okay, your arms are in that condition. Uh-huh um, do you uh Do I go for it? Do well, do you would you rather have prosthetic arms that have more use? Yeah

Yeah, I wonder about that But was was the I mean, you know, that wasn't an option back then but but I it is now I mean, it certainly costs a fucking shitload of money, but you also like if you're him You don't want to like You know, you don't want to go. I mean look you're you're where you are, right? I mean you're fine. You're fairly healthy You don't want to like have your arms re taken off and process. Yeah, I mean it's a totally it's a fucked up crazy idea Are you saying no, but we're saying the same thing that we started kick started to get in prosy? That's what I'm talking about

Okay, but but that's because I know someone who has these just completely fucked up legs and can't walk And I was just like If you can't walk Why wouldn't you get legs that can let you walk? Yeah Yeah, is that a crazy thought? I don't know. I'm you know, I'm not in that position. My guess is this right? My guess is that It's even you would always rather keep a real part of you over a fake part I think that's it and so you would always rather like even if it's not working as well as what you get

Yeah, but it's still it's you like, you know, and You can you have skin and you can you know granted. Maybe it's not the it's not a dream, but you can still You still feel I guess closer to human probably, you know, yeah But I hear you. I mean, I you know, I just think I think unless unless you lose limbs What do you think people do that? Do you think people have limbs that don't work and they have them cut off and put on a prosthetic? Probably I'm sure they're I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure you get to a point with you know I mean, I'm sure I'm sure you get to a point I mean, I'm sure with all the fucking war in the world that yeah, sure

You know, there are times when people lose limbs and the options are would you rather something that will function at 70%? Or something that'll you know fake that functions at 95 and you would go with The 95 but that's still I mean the idea at any point that you that you give the green light to cutting off a fucking leg Of yours. It's crazy. I mean to me. I would always be like keep it and I don't even give a shit I mean, I'll I'll figure it out if you can't walk Yeah, I think no. Yeah, it's good. Look. I mean, that's I almost said it's six on this hand half a dozen on the other But but it is true. I mean, it's like what is the last or two evils? I mean, that's just an impossible decision It is

This what this dude should be doing is he should be on he should be tweeting because every joke you told sounded under 150 and ready to go so be on twitter. Fuck. You know what I mean? but You know, hopefully he's Okay as much as he can be mentally And hopefully the next time we hear from him is in You know 40 years when he passes away

And then you hear that's when you hear the story. Hopefully there's no more News that pops up about him and people. Where's that guy? Oh, what like 30th anniversary 30th anniversary 40th anniversary No, well, I think that is the one thing that is so great about our media is that we probably won't hear about it again Yeah, because there's no interest in something like that After it's a hot story. There's no reporter right now going like what can I do that's right? They're like, what can I do? That'll be red Unless Amelia estivist still does his story. I mean, you could step in and do the story That's for I think we've got a guy who can play goal MD for MD for all right guys. We're signing cars. Alrighty signing off signing cars