The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 149 - The Past Times with Matt Cobos

Episode Date: October 31, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Matt Cobos SOURCES OFFICIAL MERCH TOUR DATES

Fall travel is beautiful, and I'm really looking forward to visiting Vancouver this time of the year. City will always be alive with the autumn colors. I'll get to see Stanley Park, do a coffee shop crawl, and maybe, maybe, even go to a hockey game. If there's time, I'll take the skyride gondola for incredible views of the city. And while daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb since it will just be sitting. empty while I'm gone. Sounds awesome, right? While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation,

why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. slash host. All right. Holy shit. All right. Look, welcome. We're not even going to bother. Welcome to the past times. We're people. We're people. Pissed. It is a podcast. You know what we do here. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history, picked out by some asshole named Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest who's not an asshole. Matt Cobos. Hi, Matt. Hell yeah. What's up, dude? How are you, buddy? So you're not an asshole? No, he's a great guy. I mean, I don't think so, but I guess we're about to find out. You're a nice guy. Colorado? Yeah, man. Yeah, how's it going? Denver. Yeah, dude, it's great, man.

It's great. Yeah, dude. Matt, where can people find your tour dates, talk about your podcast, and your hair? Yeah, I mean, how could I not? Yeah, dude. I mean, yeah, I got my tour dates on Matt Cobos.com and I have a podcast called. C-O-B-O-S.

Yep, C-O-B-O-S. And I've got a, my tour dates, or, I mean, a podcast called Cobos, Patrick, podcast it's super fun me and my buddy just riff real hard and that's about it hard riffing hard riffing yeah it should have been called hard riffing now matt in the camera you see of us are you just looking at our shoes uh no i see your full but i see the totality of you and your thoughts on our bodies pretty white yeah okay thank you uh well matt we're going to go through us would you say like A Jack White level white, or would you say... You can't get whiter than Jack White.

Maybe if we combined you. Maybe if we combined you. Yeah. No, Jack White's a legal vampire. Yeah. Now, Matt, we're going to guess what year this paper will be from. You get to guess first. It's not even for any other reason than...

Dave will bring terrible energy to this portion of the show that was just meant to be fun. Is that what do you think you're doing? right now and and you will win but it will not be based on whether you get it right or not but why don't you go ahead why don't you go ahead and do you think what you used it was good energy why don't you just go ahead and guess what year you think this paper will be first man you're a sour just just guess whatever year you want I it's got to be a pretty goofy time period so it's got to be early 1900s late 1800s right so I'm going to guess I'm going to go like 1905 great guess

I'll do a I'm going to do a I'm going to do a 1916 Ooh I like that That wins 1925 Well it feels like I was technically Closer But hell yeah

I knew I was going to win him So you win Gareth's car Wow I didn't realize That was a lot on the line And I still was cheated Yeah well I wouldn't say They cheated.

You lost. Okay. Fair and square. All right. I don't even have a license, so that's pretty sick, dude. I finally have a car, but no license. I mean, why not? We should probably just let me keep the car.

But I got to say, in Trump's America, you don't need a license to drive. Oh, that's true. That's true. Okay. I'm going to let's do this off air because this prize stuff, I think even the game shows normally keep a little off air. There's a conversation. So let's do that. Because I think there's a couple things here that are working in my favor of keeping the car.

It's an electric vehicle. Yeah, right. Oh, nice. Well, in Trump's America, that's going to get pulled over more for sure. Yeah, but I still, nice. Matt, I'm going to need you to respect the rules of the game here a little bit and not just go to Dave's side because he's luring you with a beautiful electric car. Congrats on the car, buddy.

Nope. Yeah, thanks, dude. I can't wait to see what someone wins next week. That's your first car, right? Have you owned a car before? I've owned one, but I haven't owned one in about 15 years. Okay. All right.

Well, let's just do the premise. Yeah. Let's just do the premise of the show. Now you don't have a car. No, again, I really feel, I feel very strongly that I'm going to, I'm going to push a lot on keeping what I came here with. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

I mean, it's weird to renege live on air, but whatever. Nope. It's April 8th, 1925, the Detroit Free Press, which it says here is Michigan's greatest newspaper. Would you, do you counter that? I don't know if the only one I know of Like it sounds like bullshit But it's braggy You know

It is What that's what they do That's not as bad as like Democracy dies in darkness It does Yeah Well it's the best free one It's not the best paid

Yeah that's true too There it is Yeah that's great to be like Michigan's most expensive paper Yeah totally Oh I love that You can't really call it the free press Because then people are like

Well can I just have it And they're like No it's 25 cents He's like, what's a free? Your honor, in my defense. They were free. They were free. By free, Your Honor, we met like free speech, like the free press.

That's what we were. That was the idea behind the title. He has a point. I'm going to go a thousand down the freeway in my car. Freeway. I mean, I really don't. I'm not understanding. standing the limits.

No, I'm going a thousand on the freeway in your car, dude, for sure. Yeah, man, man, man, no. Yeah, no, no, no, he's right, no. He's right. That's it. I'm hosting his podcast. No, I'm keeping my car. By the way, it comes with everything that's inside of it.

That is not true. I've taken my Dracula cape. Whatever's in there. I'm taking the Dracula cape. You got a Dracula cape? No, you don't. Awesome. Yeah, there's probably some clothes, maybe some extra shoes in there.

Definitely clothes. Definitely shoes. shoes, yeah. It's good. Some coins, probably. Okay, it's definitely coins. Jazz Slayer hurls glass in courtroom. Jazz Slayer? Hell yeah. Jazz Slayer.

Hell yeah. How was that not a band? Jazz Slayer, oh my God. A hardcore jazz band. Oh, well, just doing Slayer cover. Yeah. Rain and blood in jazz. That's not really talking, dude. That would be fucking awesome. That would be Slayer on more drugs.

That's badass. Slayer went so heavy. They're jazz. They fell off the spectrum of music. Haltz trial with hysterical attack on lawyers scores talk of delusion. Well. Okay. Um, this has happened in San Francisco with a wild hysterical outburst this afternoon, Dorothy

Ellingson, so close to Ellington. Yep. Ellingson. 17 year old mattresside. Matricide. What the? That's when you murder a bunch of mattresses at the same time. Yeah, you're a mattress killer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to get a job at another mattress. Although a lot of people I know are saying that it's not a mattresside. That it's, it's just a spring. cleansing. That's fair.

I was worried she might be a hooker. Yeah. Herald a glass of water upon her attorney and temporarily halted the progress of her trial for sanity. You can throw water on someone and be sane. I also like, I would be

like, that would be the best time for a judge to be like, hold on, I want to see where this goes. Yeah. Have you ever thrown a glass of water or someone or just like, you know, throwing water on them? Yeah. I've definitely thrown water on someone. Yeah. Have you ever poured a beer over someone's head? I've poured a beer on my head and other people's heads. Would you ever pour a beer or someone's head who was really opposed to having a beer poured on that?

No. Trust me. It's one of the greatest moments of your life. For you. Matt, thoughts? Yeah, I mean, you pour a beer on your attorney's head in a courtroom. Now we're fucking talking. like if I was in the jury I'd be like fuck yeah this guy didn't do shit yeah and you know the judge

probably hates these attorneys so when that happened he was probably like you know what you're right Steve's a fucking dickhead yeah fuck you Steve you can't say those things about me she cried hysterically

and burst into tears all right well she doesn't like what her lawyer's saying so you got to throw it's your lawyer yeah but you got to stop them somehow It's so great for your lawyer to be, your lawyer is that. Your Honor, look, he's obviously a huge piece of shit. Nobody here wants to be involved with this man in any way. Good Lord, I was behind closed doors with him.

Your Honor, my fat client did nothing. Your Honor, this man is far too fat to have done anything like this. You're kidding me? Look at this, Porker. Unbelievable. Your Honor! He barely got in here. I'm barely heavy, sir.

You're out of, please, please, please, stop this. Objection. Aren't we rethinking the fat spectrum anyway? More like slobjection. I mean, look at this guy. He can't even tuck a shirt in. He's got marinara stands on his tie. Well, wait till I get on the stand, she cried.

I'll tell them the truth about these things. The outburst came during the cross-examination of Dr. Edward Twitchell, state alienist. That's right. Yeah. All right. There's a lot going on there. I don't want my doctor twitching, first of all.

An alienist is... Now I can't remember. But I think he's like a forensic guy. I study the fingernails of aliens. There's a really good book, The Alienist. Wasn't there a TV show, The Aliens? Yeah, the Alienist, absolutely. And of course, that's all that comes up

when you try to look for... There was a real show called The Alienist. Oh, yeah. It was on for a while. To study, understand, care for, and assist patients in overcoming their mental alienation or illness. So pre-shrink. Yeah, the alienist was on for two seasons. I think it was CBS.

Of course. A psychological thriller set amidst the vast wealth, extreme poverty of 1896 New York. And he would find the aliens. It's a hunter. there were so many aliens in New York in the late 1800s like he was crazy right yeah for sure a lot of interplanetary sure so defense counsel Sylvester no one should be named Sylvester oh it was a good time

Sylvester McEntee had been asking the witness hypothetical questions in which he enumerated alleged characteristics of Dorothy well you can't ask hypothetical questions like you can't make sure you can't your honor I will now be doing a would you rather would you have rather have Dorothy's big ears or his shape and nose

would you rather fuck your brother or marry your father Jesus Christ what are we doing hold on then why do we have an alienist here, Your Honor? CBS Thursdays. He was in the midst of a hypothetical question

in which he asked the witness if he would consider apparent delusions as to the truthfulness of statements made regarding the defendant as evidence of insanity. Apparent delusions as to the truthfulness of statements. Yep. Okay.

Girl, oh, she was held by the bailiff with a sudden motion, the titian-haired? The titian-haired, yep, yep. T-I-T-L-L-L-T-A-N, T-I-A-N, T-I-A-N, T-I-A-N, T-E-T-E-E-N. Tai-S-T-E-E-N. What is that? I don't know. No idea. I just love figuring out pronunciations.

Why do we have? this guy if he's not an expert tatian mad i thought you were the hair guy it sounds like she's sounds like she's got some sick gizongas is what i'm getting from this titian tatian titian titian how are you spelling it t i tian ian i don't think that's the thing i've ever heard titian hair refers to short red dish brown or brownish orange hair okay hey yeah that's you yeah you freak I'm a titian. The last episode we had a thing about it.

I've got titian hair. Ginger also. Pretty good people. Okay. Probably a lot of them back in the day. Yeah. The Titian hair young defendant seized a receptacle containing water. So it's a glass.

Well, just technically. But we don't have to call it a receptacle. It's a glass. Yeah. What is with this person who's just like titian hair, a receptacle of water? I found my thesaurus. Yeah. Like, there's no, it could be a bowl.

Like, why would there be a bowl? bowl of water in the courtroom. Yeah, that'd be great. It sounded like they were ripping on her appearance pretty good. Maybe they gave her a dog bowl. Yeah, maybe. I might go bowl exclusive for liquids now, by the way. This is a really mean attorney. Yeah. Yeah. And hurled it upon Alexander Moran, Chief Defense Counsel, sitting next... Matt, did you just have a sip from a receptacle of water? Yes, I did. Interesting. I did. Thank you, my two. Is she in front? You're welcome, my friend.

Sitting next to her, and Sylvester McAtee sitting at the end of the table. She had an angry flame in her face. Well, that's problematic. Yep. The courtroom was thrown into confusion, and attendance rushed to the side of the girl. You must keep still, the bailiff told her sternly. She knocked over a bottle of smelling salts. A receptacle of smelling fuck.

That's fine. What in the fuck is happening? That's normal. He couldn't come up with some creative name for a bottle on this one. Why are there smelling salts? The vapors. Everyone gets the vapors. Just in case I get knocked out, Your Honor.

Yeah. Welcome to Rogan Court. Everybody pass it around. Take a rip. We're going to do some neurogummies. All right. Come on, everyone. It's now time to hear from Jamie.

Jamie's the judge. Did Jamie take the stand, please? Your Jamie, is that true? Overruled. That was a fake video. Wow. She knocked over a bottle smelling salts as she held the glass of water. Well, now it's a glass.

This is crazy. She had thrown the smelling salts instead of the... Oh, sorry, had she thrown the smelling salts instead of... instead of the water, she probably would have injured one of the men as the water landed upon their shoulders. Interesting. Well, if she had thrown the smelling salt, smelling salts would have landed on their shoulders.

That would be great. Yeah. And then they're just super. Everyone's like, whoa, yeah. Let's go, let's go. Let's try it. Are you ready to fucking trial? All right, all out there today.

Leave it all out there today. Come on. Your Honor, I challenge the defendant to a push-up contest. Fuck, yes, you do. Yes, you do. TARP's off, bros. That's good, dude. Dorothy Ellison is sane, but a moral defective in the opinion of state alienists.

Jesus Christ. She's fine, but the worst. Yeah, that's right. I mean, she gets it, but she knows what she's doing, which makes it worse. Launching its battery of experts, the state today called Dr. Edward Twitchell, head of the city Psychopathic Ward, who declared he had been unable to find any evidence of hypoprenic dementia precox in the youthful metricide. Yes.

Medically speaking, she has no predeterminate hyperconic, yeah, exactly. Wait, what was it again? She has no predeterminations. in the hyper-concentralon of precoxis, master malacious, with a bit of tempteransitine. Now, sir, are you making up words as you go on? What I'm doing is a bit of improvenance of the conceptual anding of a, yeah,

you are yeah yeah yeah yeah well the court agrees yep thank you jamie bring that up would you please yeah it almost sounds like they need to call this article women am i right yeah yeah yeah they're like she doesn't have any medical problems but she's kind of a bitch right yeah well matt you'll find as we go through a lot of these papers uh women are judged less on uh the content of their character and more on eye type, lip shape, and bust size. Yeah, the prevailing... It's not wrong for a paper in this time to just be like

Gladys reputin, huge knockers, nice lips, eh, eyes, kind of a problem. Yeah. Also, here's her address. Did she do it? They'd also always just be like, by the way, she lives there. Yeah. If any of you like the sound of that description, that's her house. Crime her. Jamie pull up her a dress. Jamie, get her a dress up here.

Defense experts had so diagnosed her mental condition. So she killed her mom, so they're already like... It's a strike. Yeah, they're coming in looking for... It's safe to say from all of us here at the past times, that's a knock. We don't love that. But her mother was nothing more than a receptacle for old. organs and blood.

Thank you. You know? Who lived at 149? Who's buried right over there? Defense experts had no, had so diagnosed her mental condition. He followed Dr. Lloyd Bryant, an x-ray expert, who declared their... I'm able to see through my patients. There was nothing abnormal about x-ray pictures of Dorothy.

Well, I've x-rayed her and no broken bones. So whatever's going on with her is based on something different. Your Honor, I thought we would see a spider or some kind of demon inside. I'll also point out, Your Honor, I checked her mouth, regular. You checked it regular? I checked her mouth, comma, regular. Regularly? Or it was regular.

It was regular, but I'm doing a lot of check-ins. I'm checking her mouth often, and everything's fine. Regular. Yeah. So no demons. No demons, no beetles, nothing. Hmm. He denied that a closed celtitursia present in Dorothy's skull was evident of mental disease.

Celetertia. I mean, you shouldn't have to look aboard so much. Yeah, maybe you should be smarter. Yeah, well, I mean, we're not smart. Yeah, I struggle with today's words. Yeah, you know? fucking 1905 words we're yeah I'm going nuts 1915 whatever

it was 25 you'll get there whatever yeah not so good with numbers either yeah I'm not a big numbers guy yeah it's it appears not to be a thing so it's not even a word it's that's not appear to be awesome see that's what I like

this is this is just like some guy just was like what are they going to do Google it's 1925 I'm gonna go in there and chat like I'm Dr. Frickin-Suce yeah his editor is like make it up. I don't give a shit. Yeah, I would be great to just be back then to have no check on that.

Yeah, the search engine here was like, did you mean criterion? Nope, I meant Celetertia. Well, the FBI knocks up the door. Maybe they spelled it wrong and it's with an ass. Either way, it's bullshit. It's a bullshit term

and everybody's a liar. Good. No, Terencia was the wife of the Orator Marcus Cicero. I don't think it's that one. All right.

Next story. Cobbler seeks wife's arrest. Yep. Okay. I'm on the cobbler's side. Yeah. I mean, the guy makes shoes. Oh, I thought it was going to be like a dessert.

It was like, my wife. Oh, that kind of cop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's just made of peaches and shit. Yeah.

That woman over there. Now, hold on. Let's listen to the cobbler. Rusho-Jap war vet charges assault in warrant. Okay. All right, we'll just move past that. Harry Rotman, 42 years old, crippled and a veteran of the Russian-Japanese War, Tuesday secured a warrant for the arrest of his wife, Celia, 42.

I can't get over how I, we just start talking about it, but the way they always put some sort, their descriptor after the name always feels like a Trump tweet like read that again Harry Rotman 42 years old crippled and a veteran of the Russian Harry Rotman crippled and a veteran for sure

yeah mid shoes great shoes his wife hated him yeah right yeah Rosie O'Donnell dog talk show host terrible shoes terrible shoes She was charged with the salt and powdery.

Rotman, who is a cobbler and lives at 1624 Division Street, said he was granted a divorce from his wife by Judge Theodore Richer three weeks ago. Man. It's kind of awesome how hard it used to be to get divorced. Yeah, seriously. Like, I mean, as someone who's attended weddings, it should be harder to get out of it. I want people to really be like, before you fly to Mexico, let's really make sure that this is 100%. And if not, I do like the idea of a judge ever to be like, nah, you got to stay married.

Yeah, I do it. Nah. Nah, I kind of like what's going on here. Nah, figure it out. What? Nah. Nah. Who am I?

I'm Frank. Yeah, honestly, you guys are too fun together. Look at it. I mean, honestly, would you just kiss? I sent to you to. kissing each other right now for like 30 minutes. Lay there. I want you guys to lay down on the table and do petting and kissing.

Heavy petting. Heavy petting. I want to see like real. I want to see like real getting into it. Like you guys, let's see what you, let's see what's still in there. You know what I mean? You just hearing the judge go,

nice. Nice. Nice. Hey, rub his dick. Nice. The stenographer is getting all this down. Has the jury reached a position? We have, Your Honor.

The jury thinks they should do reverse cowgirls. They don't like looking at each other, but we still think they should be doing it. Secret couple. Secret couple. Uh, a specification of the decree, he said,

was that he should be allowed to have a room and bath privileges in his house after the divorce. He should be allowed to have room and bath privilege. As much as I'm leaving or I still want to be able to be able to use the bath. Even though I don't live here anymore. I don't live here, but whatever I want, I can come in and bath. Coming and wash.

How are you? Hey, ex-wife. Like, just, you're explaining to your new suitor. Who was that? So, the judge in my divorce was kind of crazy. And so he's allowed to come here and just take baths whenever he wants. But other than that, I'm completely unfettered. You want to hear an awesome story?

Yeah. Go on a date with this girl, hook up, go back to her place. Fuck, yeah, this is an awesome story. Come out of the room a couple hours later, maybe four. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, you nap. Come out of the room, and there's a dude on the couch, and he looks at me and starts crying. And you go back in the room, I go, there's a guy on the couch.

She goes, yeah, we broke up. And he doesn't have a place to live. And I'm just like, why would you bring? Yeah, dude. You give him some tissue. You're like, you need some tissue? Sorry, that one's used. That one's used, my dad. Here's a... Just come out, be like, so she said I should bang you to make it equal? Is that crazy? I don't know. I talked to this judge. He says you and I should be together. I guess so I went to court and apparently I got to bang both of you because of this judge. All right. Now, the guy that you banged, he's got to bang him, too. Your Honor. No, no, no.

Come on. Figure it out. My decision is human centipede. I'm not sure what to do on an all-new weird judge. All right. Kiss each other a little bit. And then your kid's going to join the circus. Okay?

Thank you. Next. Don't forget to work the nipples. It's a murder trial. You did kill him. Okay, and then his dad, he gets to bang you. But after a massage. I don't know what's going on, all right?

A bailiff, give him a massage. Yeah, the bailiff's going to touch you. He's a strong bailiff, real strong. Monday night, according to Rotman, his wife attacked him with a broom and beat him severely. This is how I picture the 20s. Yeah. I wonder what his injury is. Like

can he run? I'm all dusty. It's an arm or a leg thing, what's going on? She would not allow him in his room and threw him out on the street. This is his wife. Minus ready for this? Yeah. Minus his wooden leg and all his clothes.

Wow. You asked. You wanted to know, Matt. He's got no leg. So he definitely can't run, and she's hitting him with the bro. Yeah, she took his leg. His leg fell off during the fight or whatever. And just the judge listening to this, he can use the bathtub whenever. He's such a good judge.

This guy's like the best judge. Take his leg off. Stick it in him. There you go. Yeah. Pag him. Rotman said he had given his savings of years to his wife who banked them. He found afterward in her own name.

Well, that's not good. All right, he can live in the crawl space with a cat. Sir, can you meow for me? Go, boom. Next. When he asked for money to buy a new wooden leg, he said she refused to give it to him. So he just wanted a leg with the money that he saved. This is 100%.

Not real, and also I'm on that guy's side. Sexist. Yeah. Let's get been through some shit, dude. I'm on her side. I'm so pro-woman. He's like, I just got to take a bath, lady. If he needed a new wooden leg,

do that mean that he lost his old wooden leg? And that's why he didn't have it when he came in the house and she beat him up with the broom? I feel like, doesn't she have it? I feel like she has it. I don't know. He just needs a new one. And they haven't talked about the other one.

Is he the cobbler? He's the cobbler. Fuck. Is he the cobbler? No, this isn't a. a copler. He's a vet. He's the vet of the war. We know a cobbler. So the Japanese guy shot his leg off. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

What she deserved. Okay, so she refused to get him. The warrant was recommended by Thomas Frazier, assistant prosecuting attorney and signed by Judge Jeffreys. I wish we had more information. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy. I mean, as far as like going, getting, having to get a new leg, I mean, I can't imagine that the legs they were making back then were very water resistant. So this thing could, it could go bad every winter.

Yeah. But to that point, probably real easy to find, because it was probably you just like went out in the woods. You're like, this will do. Yeah, for sure. Here we go. Honey, what about that? Okay. It's 1925.

Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. I wonder. I mean, yeah. you'd have to use a light wood, right? Sure. But a lightwood is easier to harm.

Sure. Well, you're a wood guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Matt, you're big into wood types. What do you think? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, it's got to be, you know, I don't know, oak maybe. That's pretty heavy, though. Yeah. Or maybe you do do a broom and then it's the first Roomba. What about a nice birch? I'd love a birch late. Fall travel is beautiful, and I'm really looking forward to visiting Vancouver this time of the year. City will always be alive with the autumn colors.

I'll get to see Stanley Park, do a coffee shop crawl, and maybe, maybe even go to a hockey game. If there's time, I'll take the skyride gondola for incredible views of the city. And while daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb since it will just be sitting empty while I'm gone. Sounds awesome, right? While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs.

Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca. slash host. Fall travel is beautiful and I'm really looking forward to visiting Vancouver this time of the year. City will always be alive with the autumn colors. I'll get to see Stanley Park, do a coffee shop crawl, and maybe, maybe even go to a hockey game. If there's time, I'll take the skyride gondola for incredible views of the city. And while daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on AirB because it will just be sitting empty while I'm gone.

Sounds awesome, right? While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com slash host. 50 bottles a day mere appetizer. That's right.

There we go. Holloway Breakman, oh, wait, sorry, Gigi Holloway, comma, breakman, is the world's champion consumer of home brew. Yeah, that's right. You make it, I drink it. Dude, we already know what this guy looks like. He looks like every brewery guy, beard, you know, a little bigger. Don't want you hanging out with Gigi this weekend. He drinks basement ails.

That's the only way I can get my leg. Hey, how's he going? I like a beer with a little stink on it. Yeah. He admitted here in court today to a jury in criminal court before which he was being tried on a charge of violating liquor statute. So he admitted to being the world's champion of consumers. So he basically said, I'm number one at making the beer. Are you drunk right now?

Are you drunk? Are you drunk right now, your honor? He's swinging a wooden leg Hey Look what I found Hey Hey no Hey

Holloway said The daily consumption Of between 40 and 50 bottles Of home brew Crazy Holy fuck But again we don't know the percentage It's home brew

It could be weak as shit That's probably strong I would imagine That's crazy We don't know what a bottle is It's just the receptacle for ale When people already died really young Maybe.

I'd be like you might be an alcoholic. Definitely. It was a mere appetizer for him. That's it. That's how I get warmed up. Is this Andre the Giant? The jury failed to agree as to the defendant's guilt. So they...

What was he charged with? He was charged with violating liquor statutes. That could be anything. That could be drinking. That could be selling. 1925. Are we in Prohibition? Nope.

We're out. not not yet okay right so then so then this guy's just a fucking badass yeah well i don't know if that's he drinks 40 to 50 beers a day so i don't know here we go yeah all right dave we get it you got that sounds like he has a problem sounds like he has a problem and he found a solution which is 50 bottles of ale a day if that's a solution home ale by the way the best kind i uh normally find when i go over to someone's place and they've made themselves a little bit of uh you know There's something that they've made at home. That's the best kind of booze.

No. Without question. No. I love a liquor. I love like a homemade IPA. Something in the tub. You just scoop with a mug? Yeah, I love tub licks.

Yeah. That's how Chumbawumba started, tug mugging. You ever do tub bong? I've done a tub. I have done a gravity bong in a bathtub, and I guarantee you Matt has. Oh, man, of course, dude. Of course. The guy in it was very surprised.

surprised, but I didn't. Excuse me. Man, remember when Gravity Bongs started? How old were you when that happened? Oh, man, probably 15, 16? Yeah, I was a little bit older, but man, what a game changer. I was like, I didn't know you could get high for two days. Totally, dude. It was, it was like the first devs. No people don't understand. Yeah, it was. It was old school debbs. So Gravity Bung, for those you don't know, was when you would put the bowl, the place where you'd put the weed on top of a two-liter, like where you would sip from, and you would cut the bottom off of the two-liter,

and you would basically submerge the two-liter up until, like, near the top. So you didn't want the weed or any of the apparatus to get wet where the weed would be going. But then we realized that if you light the bowl and let inertia, sort of the water, water will do the sucking of the weed for you. You take the weed part off of where you would sip from. Put your lips there. You're taking a hit so fucking large it could knock a Yeti on his ass. And man, oh man, would you get fucking high?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it would really knock you into fucking next week, dude. It was nuts. How do you think you invented that? Some fucking genius. Some science nerd. Whoever invented it doesn't remember inventing it.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, who came up with this shit? Yeah, he ripped it and he was like, where am I? Yeah, whose idea was that? I'm alone. Am I French? Wait, what? What happened?

Fine man nude, but not dead. Nice. Nice, dude. This sounds like a lucky find. Fuck, yeah. I assume he's laying down. What's his address? Yeah.

Yeah, well, we'll find out. With screaming siren and roaring exhaust, the police flyer tore out of its garage Tuesday afternoon at 5 o'clock to answer a call that said a man was being killed at 936 Congress Street. Probably where he lived. Yeah. And he was foin. Yeah. The officers arrived on the scene and went around to the barn in the rear of the house where the alleged murder was. was supposed to be taking place.

Okay. Entering, they did not find a murder in progress. But instead, discovered a middle-aged man clad only in a pair of shoes. Hello. Hi, guys. I was alone, and I wanted to get people to come over. My cobbler just made these. Killed?

No, I'm killing it right now. What are you talking about? I'm cooking dinner. in boots. I'm awesome. A middle-aged man clad only in a pair of shoes who related a mournful ale of whiskey plus strange

companions who took all his arrement. Ramal? So this is a lot sadder. This is not this is some guy who's basically like, they took it all. The cops are like, gee. I mean, his spirit's been murdered, but he still exists.

Oh, who called? Let me guess You guys ever See in a hammer like this? Hello boys Yeah What does a remand Old-fashioned word for clothing

Particularly fancy clothing I've lost my remand Damn they just stripped this dude down And let him keep his shoes Yeah The shoes is a nice touch I mean that's a party Right

That is nice Nice let him keep them Yeah and then they must have called the cops and said there was a murder just to fuck with him there's been a murder yeah well don't do that just leave no no dude yeah they swatted him yeah he's got a huge weapon between his legs yeah he's got a big he's got a real big weapon here officer the kindhearted policeman tossed an old cloth from the floor no no i'd rather remain like this yeah let's talk he threw a cloth at him what a kind cop here take this rag for you dong.

From the floor of the flyer over the shivering man and drove him home. Oh, he wasn't in his house. He's cold as shit. Wow. Well, whose house was it? That we don't know. It's a naked guy in your barn. Yeah. It's a dream.

The police took care of the situation splendidly, except they neglected to get the man's name and address. Well, other than that, perfect detective work. Well, they drove him home. There we go. You live here now. Something tells me he didn't have his wallet on him, you know? As they dropped him off, they were like,

do you think we should have asked what happened, who he was, where he was going, or any information? Yeah, in retrospect, probably should have. I don't know. Who knows? I feel like we solved the crime. Copin's hard. Copin ain't easy.

Saj, I didn't know we were supposed to get the guy's information. Yeah. You take him to the question. All right, so he has to wear your outfit and then you take his name. Weird, Judge. No, come on. And so that guy who likes drinking, he got to drink one bottle of booze out of that guy's shoe. Weird, Judge.

Kiss him on the neck gently. Kiss his neck and then tell him you're going to be Valentine's. And then your wives, I got to be best friends. They get on a bicycle bill for two. Thank you. Boom. We're judge. We're a judge.

This headline is boiled salad dressing. Well, I'm out. That's insane. That literally can't be a thing. Enjoy. And would you like to try the house boiled? We have a thousand island boiled. We have a ranch boiled.

We have an oil and vinegar boiled. I should point out, all of our dressings are boiled. so if you I don't know how you guys like them but our dressings are all very hot and boiling next time in boiled salad dressing

try California lemon juice in place of vinegar hey can I talk to you over here for a second? Yeah what's up so what's going on with you lately it seems like you're melting down in the paper again I'm just writing I'm writing stories I'm getting all the news out there

I'm just because the last thing you were talking about was boiling a California dressing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boiled salad dressing. That's a thing. Like the editor sees this article and, like, goes, shut the door. I got to make

some big changes over here. God damn it, you've done it again. This is really crazy. Note the new tang and zest. The new flavor, the new delicacy. All famous chefs

make theirs this way. That's some guy lying. That's some guy just got caught boiling dressings. All famous chefs are doing this. This is a very regular cooking thing to boil your dressing, okay? People are gagging on it.

He's like, I know it's really tangy. Yeah, well, yeah, it's burning my throat. Well, blow on it. I mean, have you guys never eaten a salad before? My goal was always to combine the soup salad option. So I'm boiling. the salad. So do thousands of women now, when you taste it.

What a weird and every woman's doing it too. The ladies ladies are all chefs and all women are doing this. Hold on. The salad dressing is almost boiled. So Kathy hit her head pretty hard. Doing some stuff like this sin. She's been boiling everything. All right.

I'm boiling the ketchup. Oh, that's good, honey. Get it nice and hot now. How boiled do you want your pizza? You know, we don't need to cook it too much, honestly. It's been pretty tough overall. The boiled steaks ready. Oh, good.

That's going to be really nice to eat it like that. I just sort of tell her. I kind of placate her because she's just going through so much stuff. I boiled my hand. All right, babe. That's pretty good. Is it hurting? Yes.

Yeah. It's ready, though. Oh, I didn't realize you were preparing it for a meal. For later. Not for this meal. No, it's not for eating. It's not for eating, but you're preparing it for a meal? Yeah. No, it's just boiled hand. Boiled hand for, I'm not trying to poke too many holes, but what are you boiling it for? Play catch. Oh, okay, great. Well, we'll go toss the football round a little later, babe. Okay. So she's just really, her doctor said to just kind of enable it for a while. Boiled me head. Ha, babe.

I boiled me head. Why? Not for a meal? Getting it ready. Get ready for what? Okay. I don't need to... It's fine.

You don't even need to answer, babe. That's awesome. I'm excited to see that. And that'll be great to have it and know that what we're doing. Oiled me privates. All right. I'm going to let Carl go,

and then we could sort of talk about this a little bit further. It's ready. I probably should have jumped in earlier, realizing the evolution of where this was going with her. Time to boil your dick. Okay, I mean, obviously, I'm leaving her. I'm obviously, this can't go on.

Oh, shit, well, a friend of Lincoln dies at 74 years. Oh, what a big deal. What a, what a legacy. So what's your deal? I do Abraham Lincoln. That's all you ever say to people. And did I tell you about the time that Abraham Lincoln and I had a day in the park? Yes.

I did? Yeah, a lot. He was a very good friend. Yeah, no, I know you said that. You know, for a name like Honest Abe, he could tell a lie. Okay. Yeah. All right, thanks.

Shot him in the head, they did. What? Yeah. Okay. What a guy. Yeah. All right. I'll see you later.

He was hanging dong, too. Okay. Just listed on his credits, friend of Abe. A friend of Abraham Lincoln. You know how he came up with that beard, don't you? No. Oh. Well, that's quite a story.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. No. Yes, it is. It's not. Yes, it is. I bet you'd like to hear. Okay, what is it?

He shaved his mustache part. And the rest remained a beard. How about that? Miss Carol, oh, it's a lady. Miss Carolina German. I should point out I was a woman. The whole time. 74, who claimed to be one of the few remaining persons

who had a close acquaintance with Abraham Lincoln died today. Yep, and now I'm dead. Ms. German came here in 1894. Yeah. Where was Abe Lincoln killed? Yeah, Abe was killed in 1841. What was Abe Lincoln killed? Well, he's killed in 1845.

He's still alive. I like how this newspaper is just keeping a roster of his friends and checking them off one by one. 65, yeah, it was 65. 65, he died. But this is saying... You know, he did. didn't die from that gunshot either. Oh, okay.

It was bungee jumping. Is that true? Yeah. His skull was in no position to take that sort of yank. Screams of cheer and fun as he fell. Oh, he was having a real blast on the way down. But once the cord yanked him back up, everything came out of that head. It was like a pinata that got hit in the sweet spot.

She came here in 1894 from Springfield, Illinois, where she said she lived as a neighbor to Lincoln. Yep. She wrote many newspaper and magazine articles of incidents of Lincoln's life and character. Well, that's what I've been doing this whole time. She just made a living off lying that she knew, Amy Lincoln. You want to know, did I ever tell you about how Abraham likes to go for a run? You did, yeah. Oh, did I?

Yeah, you did. And what did I say? He said he likes to go for a run. Well, I've got an update to that story. How is it updated? Well, I bet you're because, did I tell you everything exciting about it? Yes. Really?

Yeah. When he would go running, what would he do? He'd yell my beard. He'd whistled. What do you think of that? Pretty crazy, huh? He's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, really?

Yeah. Well, I got a, I got a, I got an exciting story then? No, I don't think I do. I got an exciting one for it. Never tell you about when he had a tooth he had to get taken out? No. No. Is that it?

I'm dying. My God. Warning, citizens oppose the new dance amendment. I mean. This is prime, dude. Prime old news. Is this a mandate to dance? No, there's a lot of against dancing.

I know. Particularly rag time. You know, Abe used to cut a rug. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. He did. Okay.

He would, he was a big crotch pusher when he danced with it. What are you saying? He'd love to push it in. Jesus Christ. Oh. Okay. He could drop that donk. Oh, no, do you better believe it.

Last night, certain influences had introduced into the council a proposed amendment permitting cabarets and other dance places to continue dancing until 1.30 a.m. instead of 1 o'clock as now is the

case. So they're trying to extend dancing for 30 fucking minutes. It's awesome. It's just chaos. You're like, hey, these people aren't busting yet, so fucking let's let's go for 30 more minutes. That's the judge. With another 30, they'll probably bust. So let's just push it at one

third. Does that sound good? This amendment is a bad thing for Detroit. It is especially bad for Detroit's young people. It is amazing how much limiting of fucking everyone was always trying to do. Yeah, still are. Yeah. They still are. Yeah.

It's crazy. It's crazy to just be like, I mean, I don't. It feels great. Yeah. That's the whole thing. Yeah. We're like, biologically. inclined for it. So if we're talking about the

biblical limitations set on us, why were we created to want to fuck? Just to have a weird trial at the end of our life? Yeah, basically. You fucked too much. You made me want to fuck. Yeah, but the whole thing was to not do it. I put all this awesome stuff around you for torture. It is about time to call a halt on efforts to make Detroit an all night town. The amendment looks

like an opening wedge. Well, I am for dancing. Little did they know they could just do that by removing the infrastructure. That's right. Yeah. There's a shorter route. Divorce asked as dreams fade. Promise of wealth

and luxury failed, she charges. I, by the way, how great is it when you start a relationship? You're like, you're going to make so much money. It is Trumpy. it is marry me you're going to make a lot of money and you're going to have a lot of big orgasms rosy dreams of wealth and comfort

which Milton Rosenberger declared By the way believing that Milton Rosenberger is going to provide this lovely life Don't worry I got you I got you Don't worry you're going to be so happy With everything that I'm providing for you okay I'll go up on you real good real good I don't worry.

I'll find all your little nooks and crannies and I'll put money in them and I'll play with them. Declared, which Milton Rosenberger declared, would be her daily life if she married him turned out to be far from the truth. Every day you'll wake up to breakfast in bed followed by a delicious coffee and then whatever you want to tell me,

I will sit there and take it, followed by a beautiful lunch, then massages. Then we will have whatever entertainment you want for the evening and then I will again we'll promise you so many orgasms and money you'll be you'll have the female even though the female orgasm appears to be somewhat of a myth

you will have one and it will change we'll shoot out of you my darling it turned out to be far from the truth after she became his bride so it's all bullshit yeah I was a lie I should point out my penis was burned off in a boiling incident from my previous relationship

whoa whoa I'm trying to watch the game You're quiet. Claire Rosenberger filed suit for divorce Tuesday. Ms. Rosenberger said Milton claimed he was a stockbroker of great wealth, but that he... I'm very rich. But that he was working at the Ford factory as a laborer. So here's my deal. I am extremely wealthy, but I work in terrible conditions on a factory floor with no union

because I like to hang with my guys. He's just coming home in a suit covered in oil. He said he was working in the Ford factory as a labor merely to tied himself over a bad deal. I'll tell you, I have over the years been in like a lifter or two where I feel like the driver has been doing a version of that where like they are. upset that they're driving for like lift or ride share and like you know you just be making small talk and be like you know I'm actually a big time producer

and you're like oh boy okay always yeah they're like here's my mixtape yeah yeah you ever see the movie snow spiders yeah yeah yeah it's because I just wrote it oh that's cool I burn copies of my podcast I'll trade you

yeah yeah yeah well it's like I've I before More of like, I've done this a few times or like the ride from the airport to the club or whatever. I'll be like, yeah, I'm like a comedian. And normally, well, it'll either end one of two ways. One, the person either is getting free tickets or by the end I'm like, all right, I really shouldn't have done that. You know, that's crazy. Oh, yeah.

They're like, you and I should do something together. I'm really funny. Exactly. Yes. Where you're just like, so is that cool? Can I actually, can I actually get on stage tonight? You're like, you know, for fuck's sake. He also promised her a splendid home, servants, motorcars, a country estate, and other luxuries.

After they were married, she said he didn't give her a cent and also made her take care of his two children by a former marriage. How did this guy think this is going to work? Well, how did she, like, she just didn't ask getting, she was like, what's in that room? He's like, do they stay out of there. That's post-marriage stuff. Yeah, this guy rocks. He is promising the most insane shit that he can never come close to. Yeah, I believe our first catfisher.

His parents probably can't believe that he finally has a wife. Every friend before he met her. Hey, before she shows up, a couple things. Okay, so I don't work for Ford. I am very wealthy. I have no children. I'm a Rockefeller. Oh, hello, Denise.

Oh, you're just telling everybody how great you are. Wasn't I, everybody? wasn't I? And we were just talking about finance. We were just talking about how great my portfolio has been doing. Don't you motherfucker. He just carries around

an empty manila folder all the time. Yeah. Oh boy. Well, I got to go home and figure this out. Can I see inside the folder? It just says money stuff on the tabs. Money is not. So you wouldn't understand.

This is a lot of money stuff. He was stingy with her, she said, and spent all he had on himself. Well, it doesn't sound like he had shit, too. You know, there are certain times where two things can be true. One, what a terrible piece of shit for lying and bringing you in that. But also, what a guy.

What a guy. What a guy. Yeah, this guy sounds like a fun party guy. Yeah. Yeah. Where did the marriage fall apart? She discovered who I was. She found the truth.

She discovered the reels. These ladies, they're so nosy. They're so nosy and they want to know what's real. Oh, my God. Is my wife the only one who keeps wanting to know my real name? What I actually do? Why are I lied about kids? Well, I'm getting calluses on my hands in finance.

Yeah, what's the deal with that? Running my youth makes safe trip. All right? This will be our last one, right? Okay. This sounds very encouraging. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

A quest for the romance of a free, untrammeled existence ended at 10 o'clock Monday night when Elmer Welland, 10 years old, who ran away from his home at 41 Richon Avenue last Saturday morning arrived at the home of relatives in Grand Rapids. You can't, it's not running away if you're just going to another relatives. Oh, I don't agree. I think that's the best way to run away Hi uncle and aunt Jeffrey's mind if I live here

I'm 10 It just still is still shocking The address of a child being put in the paper It very much is Just so fucking nuts How Elmer knew the way to Grandette Rapids Is a mystery to his mother

So where did he leave from? They're like, this kid was really stupid. He didn't know where shit was. This is shocking. He must have left from Detroit. Left walk to Grand Rapids. Right? Hi, Aunt Kathy.

Jesus Christ. What did you get here? Hello. I'm imagining big Coke bottle glasses. His eyes are huge in him. Yeah. Hi. What the hell?

The mother learned yesterday. afternoon that he was safe. He knew that it was long distance, but that did not swerve him from his purpose. And he began as a hundred fifty mile journey in high hopes. Holy shit. All right, make this kid's kind of a badass. Yeah, he is. Ten. He's just fighting wolves and shit out there. Honestly, I'm going to see my aunt. Oh, okay. Motorists seeing the diminutive pilgrim trudging along the highway stopped and gave him lifts. There it is. He's a hitchhicon basically. There it is. But like posing

as like a... I'm lost. And then you get a ride. I mean... Just drop me off over there next to the Gastis. There we go. They stopped and gave him lifts and he finally arrived tired and dusty but triumphant at his destination. Yeah, he must have been thrilled.

He's like, hey, what's up? And they're like, we thought you were dead. I should be. I went in the cars of four strangers. I'm ten. And, Kathy, I can't believe I wasn't trafficked. Yeah. Tomorrow's mother, happy again in having located the youthful wander. Oh, her.

We'll make a quicker, less daring trip to Grand Rapids to bring Elmer back. Wow. Less daring. Less daring. Yeah, because his mom's driving him. She should also hitcha. I agree. I'll show you, Alma.

Yeah. Her kid, a badass. her kind of a pussy. Yeah, right. All right, so here's what we're going to do. The kid should drive the mom to his uncle's house, and then they hook up. Okay. Who's hooking up?

The mom and her brother. I guess it's a brother. The mom and her brother are going to hook up. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. And then the kid, he has to listen through a receptacle that he holds up to the wall. Okay. That sounds really scarring. Yeah.

This kid, it's really cool. I think we should give him a gun. Yeah, give a gun. Look, you guys coming to my courtroom, you're not expecting, like, regular verdict. Like, this is what we're doing. So it's going to be weird. Yeah. You, your brother, you hook up, the kid listens.

Plus he's got a gun. Okay, thank you. And a pinto. Give him a horse. There we go. Thank you. Some boiled lettuce. Well, Matt, thank you for joining us.

Hell yeah. A real pleasure. People can go find. your dates, listen to your pod, and is it true you're hitchhiking to most of your gigs? Now, for sure. I have to prove that I'm tougher than a 10-year-old child. You are.

Which right now I'm not. I'm not going to lie. Fight one. That's my recommendation. All right. Well, thanks, Matt. Appreciate it. You guys rock.

Thanks, man. some of these days Hey dollop fans I know you love the dollop You love listening to the dollop Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth.

Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation And we are starting to animate some of our episodes So if you want to go watch A five-partner animation Which is actually like a 22-minute episode Or 30-minute episode, I can't remember Of the Rube, You can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube

and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.