The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 150 - The Past Times with Mike Bridenstine

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Mike Bridenstine. His new book is Kansas City Comedy SOURCES OFFICIAL MERCH TOUR DATES

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While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.c.a. slash host. All right, everybody. Welcome to the past times. It's a podcast. Is it?

No, it's not a podcast. It's a series of technical hurdles until nobody wants to. record a podcast anymore. You know what we do here. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random dated history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest, the great Mike Brydenstein.

Hi, Mike. Hi. Thank you for having me. How are you? I'm fantastic. Thank you for being here. I feel good. Thank you for hanging in there, too.

Yeah, I'm sorry about Gary. I'll be honest. I've been at it for 30 minutes today. Yeah. So you guys just got around seven, and that's pretty good. I rolled in at the right time. Yeah, Dave rolled in very confident that everything would be set up, and it was, which is... It wasn't.

Was pretty much. Except for all the stuff we just did. Well, yeah, but I climbed a ladder. I turned on lights. I plugged in stuff. There's been a lot of ladder talks since I got here, and it seems excessive. Well, there's a matter of time until there's a rope attached to whatever. But you're calling that thing there a ladder?

Yeah. Because a lot of people would just call that a stepstool. When you get to my age, stepping stills become ladders. It's just got two steps. Yeah, but that's a dance where I come from. How many steps that have to make a ladder? I think that's a really good question. Four.

Four steps. I think that's a pretty good answer. I'll be honest. I'm the one getting ranked, but that's a pretty good answer. When does a step still become a ladder? Four. I believe that's, I mean, that's what put Siddhartha and Nirvana, if memory serves, was a question like that. That's right.

Mike, will you tell us about your book that is out now that came out yesterday? Where can people get it? But then will you kind of tell us what it is about a little bit? It's called Kansas City Comedy. You can get it on, unfortunately, Amazon is the best place to get it. We love Amazon. We're big fans. I looked up the most infamous set I'd ever heard of.

And when I started talking to people who were at this comedy set in 2001, they were like, well, you know where this was, right? And so I found out it was at Stamford and Sons in Kansas City, which basically this is one of those like they would try to pay people in chicken wings and cocaine type clubs. Yeah. And then I found out that the owner of that club, when he was in college, got robbed at gunpoint when he was selling weed, got a fake FBI badge and went on a string of 33 fake sting operations to try to get his money back. And then he came out to Hollywood to pitch his story. they bought it and then all of these bad things started happening and they thought he faked it so we tried to prove it was true so these three guys go rob a drug dealer two of the three of them get fucking murdered in the process and then he goes and runs this club so all of these like the story kept getting crazier and crazier and then I would talk to people from Kansas City like I talked to like or people who knew about it like Paul Prevenzo would be like the story that you're working on is is the best one, but do you know about Emory, Emory in the wheelchair?

And so I found this guy. Wait, Emery, Emory's involved? He faked being paralyzed in a wheelchair for two fucking years just so he could get a standing ovation at a theater and then stand himself. Oh, my. You know what sucks about this? The podcast is not going to be nearly as good as what's happening right now. No, it's like, this is like, I've done stand-up for like almost 25 years and this is easily the craziest three stories I've ever heard like in one book.

So it's called, and two of the stories, it all happened in Kansas City. So I made it about Kansas City. So it's called a Kansas City comedy. And it's the most fun I've ever had writing anything. And I actually think like people will enjoy these stories and stuff. Because like I believe so. Yeah, it's just like it was a little. lot of fun to write and yeah I hope people check it out that's awesome well that is shocking um

honestly the standing ovation one is sticking with me even more than the first one which is you have you ever met emery no okay no he came to the release party last night he told me that if if he did if he had been wearing a tie on stage the gasp in the theater would have taken the tie towards the crowd and then A. Whitney Brown was the headliner and everybody who was there was like A. Whitney Brown spat in his face

when he got to the graveyard. Wait, so A. Whitney Brown was under the impression that he was also had a form of paralyization. For two years like James Inman was like we were going to stab him in the legs to see if he was really paralyzed. And I was like

why didn't you? And he goes, because What if he's paralyzed? And I was like, fair enough. That is absolutely incredible. How have I never heard that story? So the story, I'll tell you the craziest story, is like this guy, Kyle Paris, and we had heard this story because he moved to Chicago where I was doing, where I kind of started. And he found roadkill on the way to the open mic. And he put a possum in his cooler.

and then he took it out on stage he was pretending he was an animal trainer and he's like oh no my animal died and this thing is like it's July in Kansas City so it's rotting on the freeway and then he put a vacuum cleaner in the possum's mouth

and he's like let's get out whatever is choking it turn the vacuum on and whatever is a vacuum sucks in a vacuum also blows out and so there's like a hundred people in this open mic and they're trampling over top of each other people are vomiting the GM is throwing pint glasses at his head and like threatening to kill him and then he got kicked out

of the club band for life and he's sitting on the curb and the comics are walking out being like what the fuck dude and he looked at all of them because he had to wait he wanted to get his vacuum he left it inside and so like everybody that was like yelling at him he was going I just thought it would work. And so I'd heard I'd heard this story for years. I found people who were there and it just started like snowballing from there.

Well, you know, they don't, we all, we all romanticize Andy Kaufman, but you forget the, it was a world of bombs. And then just we look back with great reverence. But that, you know what really sucks about that is that

he missed the clip era. because talk about a clip. Yeah, the quote that I loved in the book is his best friend telling me how viral he would have gone. She's like, you've seen Matt Rife. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I did, I used to do, well, I did it a couple times touch a fish night. So I would, when I was hosting at the Holy City Zoo, open mic, I would go by a fish and I would tie it to the ceiling so it would hang down.

And I wouldn't let anybody do a set until they touched the fish. A dead fish? Yeah, yeah. It's just like a, it's like a trout or something. And I could not believe how many people would, like, be screaming at me. Like it's the Apollo Log. It was fucking crazy. And then just, that just made me want to do it more.

Oh, that is so funny. And I guess, like, stand-up lore is also my favorite. Stand-up lore is, like, my favorite thing. So, it's like, well, that's, that's quite a, that's quite a combination of a few. That's really amazing things. But, unfortunately, Mike, we're not a regular podcast, so we can't just, we do this is probably the most we've done. I talked to a guest about what they're trying to know.

No, no. No, no. We really, we pushed you. But let's get to the premise of this show, even though people are dreading it. We're going to go through a newspaper. Mike, you heard the intro. We're going to start with guessing what year it's from. You as our guest get to guess first.

The range is probably 1,700. It could be 20 years ago. I don't know. We don't know. But go ahead and guess. You'll win either way because Dave's a real prick. I'm a prick. 1866

6 good okay that's not it but he wins which is amazing what's your deal I just felt I felt this vibe you can't remove the guessing is the whole thing

he was in such a happy place it's not even about necessarily the numbers as much as it is it's a vibes thing no it isn't he looked so happy when he was saying I would have been I get happy I've named it directly the year a couple of times.

It made me very happy. My favorite thing is guessing years incorrectly. So that's why I was so happy. Yeah. Yeah. You could tell. So now I've got to guess first that. I just,

you really are, you know what it's like, it's like when you're playing tic-tac-toe and you're like, I can't win. You know what? It's so weird to watch a co-host of a show not be able to feel joy for a guest.

Shut up. I mean, that's what's going on here. All right, 1927. Where's the paper from? March 9th, 1927, the Kansas City Post. Oh. Hey, we were just in Kansas City. I'm going back there.

A couple, a couple of years ago. I got a new closer, by the way. Well, there's a possum and a vacuum. It'll close the club, don't worry. Yeah, it'll definitely close the club. The full closer. Yeah, yeah. Jesus.

Don't kill bandits. Kiss them again. Yankee Merchants Policy. Don't kill bandits, comma, kiss him, comma, Yankee Merchant's Policy. It still's just not a good headline. I think that's called Progressive in 1927, Kansas. I mean, it's sexy. I don't hate it.

It's just kiss them. I like that. Brockton, Massachusetts, you know, I love when we do a Kansas City paper and all the stories. Local news. This is that a Brockton, Massachusetts. Kisses frustrated a holdup here today. It is, it would, your wires would get crossed if someone just kissed you during a holdup. Yeah, what would, well, it depends.

Like, if you're, if the dude's really homophobic and I like lean across the counter, I'm like, 1927, Brockton, Massachusetts. I bet there's no homophobia there. They don't like gays at that point. No. Or they didn't know what they were. They might not have known if they were. Are we pretending like they do now? Well, now they know what they are.

They know what they are. Yeah. They know what they are. are. It's what you're, if you don't finish your shot, it's what you are. You don't have to dunk and it's what you are. Yeah. When a bandit entered his store and demanded money,

Sam Alderman became so excited that he kissed him on the cheek. Oh. That's a sweet story. That's a sweet story. That's a meat cute. Yeah, it is. It is a big. Yeah, it is, isn't it?

The hold of a man was so surprised that he left. empty-handed and Alderman was so pleased that he chased the bandit and kissed him again before he got away. This is not true. This is absolutely not true. The chasing and kissing made it a lot less true for me. Isn't that how you prefer a kiss, though? To be chased? A little bit? I mean, I'd rather that than be chasing, you know? Yeah. You got to chase me a little bit. Yeah. That's right. You like a little bit of a chase. Oh, I like the chase. Yeah. I love a chase. So the guy was getting Rob kissed him, he kissed him, and so he's like, okay, I'm not going to rob you anymore. He runs, and the guy runs after him and kisses him again.

Am I getting this right? Kissed him again, yeah. Kissed him again to sort of celebrate that it was over. And you would think the guy, well, I wonder what he was holding him up with. It doesn't say... Calk. It doesn't say he had a weapon or anything. A bouquet of flowers.

Give me a money. Yeah. I would kiss a robber. I think that's wrong. I don't believe you. I would gently kiss. starting to lips and then go down to a nipple. Hey, buddy.

What? Go ahead and do it. You okay, pal? You're doing all right over there? I'm never okay. Yeah, things seem a little bad for you. How bad was that accident on the way here? Later today, Dave posts about his divorce that's coming.

By the way, everyone, for 24 years. Yeah. We might get a divorce because she bought tickets to a play this weekend. That is called ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And she goes, it's, it's, it's, I want, I don't want to tell you what it's about. And I go, no, you have to. And she goes, she helps, she solves problems for people in the audience. And I'm like, so it's not a play.

It's a crazy person. I don't know. We might get divorced. Better than going to that. Right? Yeah. Easier route. She's like, what about we just have a night out?

I go, yeah, but what about a good one? Oh, you read this story. I need to Google this play. Colorado judge upholds right to get drunk in home. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Hell yeah.

Okay, it is prohibition. Oh. Oh, okay. You could allow it in 27. Yeah, it's basically where we got to with weeds eventually. Yeah. Like, we were just like, just fucking do it in here. I mean, obviously we've pushed it since then, and I love it.

This is Colorado Springs, Colorado. If you live in Colorado Springs, you can get as drunk as you please, provided you stay in your own home. That, in effect, was the ruling of Judge C.W. Haynes, a municipal court of municipal court in the case of C.A. Glover charged with drunkenness. A lot of Cs. What judge at this time is not getting drunk at home? Well, they all are. Yeah, and we came out of a, the judges used to just be in bars. Oh, yeah.

Did you know this? Way, way back when most court cases were in saloons for a long, long time. It's great. That's where you voted or something, too. And so it makes sense. Everything's in there. Go in there, make love to your wife. Oh, Dave.

The whole business. You need to go to this show, my king. Okay. Say it. Well, let me finish this. Quote, it is a man's inalienable right. Someone's been drinking in a home. Judge Haynes said in dismissing Glover

to get as drunk as he pleases if his inclination is so misguided in his own home without interference of the police if he is not committing a breach of the public peace. Here's the thing. I would say he's like doing it like you should be blackout drunk at home

if he instead was just like you should be allowed to drink in your house. That argument, it feels a lot more clear and concise to me that a guy should be able to get as drunk as he want like You should be, sir, I'm on your side in this case, you should be able to get absolutely shit-pied. Yeah.

Sending pictures of your asshole to an ex-drunk. Or yourself. Yeah. Somebody walked past this guy's window or something in 1927 and was like, I don't care for how drunk this man is in his home and I'm calling the police.

Blah blabblah blab blab blab blab blab blababababababab. Yeah, somebody had to have reported him. Yeah. He's in court. And this is a judge. Yeah. It's a judge. Okay.

What's the play about? About two hours too long. Yeah. It actually has a lot of positive reviews, but I don't know what that means. I mean... It doesn't... I don't know. I mean, I feel like they shouldn't be allowed to do plays anymore, but go ahead.

She's the breakout star of the Edinburgh Friends, the New York Times. Okay. Edinburgh Friends, big deal. Describe it The breakout star of the Edinburgh French doesn't mean that it's good I mean the French is okay But it's also like

I don't know how I feel about talking this much shit About another performer on the show I mean didn't the penis guys come out of there Puppetry of the penis? Yeah That's not my thing either I don't want to see guys play with If I'm gonna see guys playing with their dongs

I'm gonna go to a bathhouse Touch a fish first Yeah yeah exactly I don't know I think you should go to this I really do but I'm not just saying that. It seems like a perfect show for you and your wife to go to.

It doesn't. You're not going to describe it? I don't know what the fuck it is. Oh, it doesn't say? Not really, which is great. That doesn't make any sense. It's 70 minutes, no intermission. I think you can handle that.

70 minutes. Okay, 70 minutes is not terrible. I was really expecting like two and a half hours. It contains haze and fog. Seventy. Need you no more? I don't want to be in haze and fog. Come on.

Be a guy. Live a little bit. I spent enough time in haze and fog. By the way, I went to the screening last night of Pistachio Wars. Oh, how is it? She's Losh Yasha Levine's documentary about the Resnix.

It's fucking dystopian, but really good, but it's dystopian. That's my favorite shit to watch. Yeah, it's pretty dark. Stuff from like, wow, we're fucked. That was really good. It's funny because at the end, you go, oh, we don't have a water problem in California.

We have a rich person problem. Way better. There's tons of water. Way better. It's just rich people. try out of that. Didn't they take all of the water of like central California? Basically, yeah. That's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. I mean, they basically use the same amount of water that we use in Los Angeles a year just to grow almonds and pistachios, which are a

totally essentially useless crop in the grand scheme of things. Unless you're on keto and then it's like a pretty good snack. No, no, for keto. Absolutely. 100%. Yeah, that's it. I meant to say boom, but I said beam. I don't know if anybody caught that. I'm just trying to hang in the conversation. Hey, man, you're doing a lot of out loud talking about the things that you should be thinking, FYI. Revolver shot causes uproar in courtroom. Court used to be awesome. Yeah, right? Court TV by then was, would have been amazing.

Yeah. I mean. You used to go to court. You'd be like, fuck yeah. I saw shooting today in court. Yeah, the judge was drunk as shit. He said he called it his home. Who shot somebody?

A drunk judge brought a gun. The man in charge of law. Guilty. Hey. Judge Jerry execute. Bang. Yeah. This is why bailiffs were invented.

Oh, to stop the drunk judges. We need someone here to just be like, hey, hey, hey, that the judge will listen to. This is out of Indiana. Accidental discharge of revolver today threw into turmoil the courtroom where Frank McEarlane, Chicago

Gangster, is on trial for the killing of Thad Fancher. Yeah. I mean, he should be killed for that name. He killed him over his name. Thad Fancher. Yeah, Thad Fancher. Crown Point Attorney. The hearing was halted for several minutes

until it was discovered James McNeese, special prosecutor who was carrying the weapon in the briefcase. No, normal. Brushed against a table in a room adjoining the courtroom, causing the revolver to go off. Jesus Christ.

So the trial is about a mobster who killed an attorney and then another attorney's gun went off. Yeah. It's a little on the nose. That's how, yeah, that's how it went back there. I'd hate to slip to bump into a building. Like a, you know, like

how they used to threaten each other. Hey, fuck that table. That's what you say. If your gun goes off. I don't know. I remember wanted to hear from the defense said, too. being your house Vincent McEarlane

brother of the defendant in the room at the time had a narrow escape so he almost got shot how did he didn't get shot he just went off right but he had it but like went by him boring

boring part of the story okay so this is interesting so Preston there's a story here and then he he said he put in a follow up that he found three weeks later Oh, that's great.

We'll have a, yeah, a little time jump. That'll be fun. That is good. That's good work there, Presti. Three inch measure for biscuits beats Kansas pie bill. You know what? I don't think I need the follow-up. Now that I, you know what, I kiss the bandit too early on this one.

No, they've got to kiss him again on his way out. Yeah. What is it? Read it again. It's very stupid. Three inch measure. for biscuits beats Kansas pie bill. Okay.

But I do think there should be a three-inch regulation on biscuits. I just, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not throwing my hat into that ring. You like a big biscuit? Look, you, to each their own. With Palantir, I'm not going to say. Topeka, the Oklahoma legislature, I love that it's a story from Topeka about Oklahoma. They have no news in Kansas Senate. The Oklahoma legislature today appears to have, I'm sorry, appears to have gone Kansas one better in the matter of culinary reform.

Oklahoma wants to regulate the size of biscuits fixing their width at three inches. It's not. It's crazy. It's not. Fuck you, Oklahoma. Look, at some point, you have to stop the size of a biscuit because at some point it's no longer a biscuit. Very. Don't you pine for the day?

when this was an American an important issue in this country. In the 20s in Oklahoma, they were like bombing black neighborhoods in like, and so, but like, and this is what they were doing like the state legislator. Should we stop this from them from burning down

neighborhoods with planes? No, we got to regulate biscuits. Many houses have to like close their windows because of dust. Oh yeah, there's dust. There's race riots. There's, yeah. Biscuits. Killers of the flower moon.

was in Oklahoma, like, during this time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just killing all of the rich Native Americans. They're like, look, a biscuit is a biscuit. It's like abortion back then. What are we going to do about the size of biscuits? Once it becomes four inches, it's a cake. The hell it is, Jackson.

Biscuits can be whatever. Biscuits can be whatever. What the hell is this? I'm just saying. I think it can be as big as it wants to be. Shut up, Patty, not now. Oh, a British person called a cookie and biscuit. They're like, that's not what it is.

That's not what it is. Man, that is very serious. You got people eating back alley biscuits. Back alley biscuits. Fifteen inch biscuits. Going into biscuit basement clubs. Hey, buddy. Yeah.

Come here, man. You want a biscuit? That's a little big, isn't it? I mean, you know, welcome to the back alley. We make them big out of here. Hey, freeze. Are you guys eating big biscuits? No, these are cakes, sir.

They better be referred to as such. A copy of a bill setting out a reform in the size of biscuits was received here today from Oklahoma City. Did you imagine receiving that? Like, this is an act of war. What are we going to do? Kansas is urged to join in the uplift movement. The uplift movement. I'm out.

If the three inch wide biscuit reform is good for Oklahoma, the sponsors of the bill believe Kansas ought to try it out too. You want to have a standard. You want to have a standard. That's like when someone gives up drinking and they're like, you should. Well, if you're going to have biscuits crossing state lines, you want to have a standard biscuit size because if you bring. a

four-inch biscuit from Kansas into Oklahoma now what is it? You know? I don't. It's like that Kentucky bourbon law.

I know you used a lot of words, but I'm not, no. So Senator James W. Finley of Shanoot, who recently championed the abolition of mince pie.

Oh, my, well, by the way, fuck. By the way, by the way, I'm kind of with I'm listening to this guy a little more than I was before. Go ahead about the mince pie.

They suck. They do suck. They are the fucking worst. My grandma, when I was growing, like in England, my English grandma, you would think that she would, like, brewster's millions mince pie every, like, you would be like, nobody wants 800 of the, like, you would, the pressure from the family. And every time I'd eat it, it was just like an undercooked apple. puk. That's nice. And I'd just be like, man, it's really good.

Excuse me while I go eat like chocolate. She was a great kisser, though. What's your deal? She passed away, asshole. It's just not. I feel like more people should say that about other people's grandmothers. I think you're way out of line.

You are way out of line. It's a compliment. I'm Oklahoma. You're Kansas. Did she like kiss your cheek? Fuck off. And was it? You leave Joan.

No, Mike, no. Was it a good kiss when she did it? Mike, you're better. He's asking a genuine question. Do not go to Dave's level. You don't want this. I think you do. I think we all do.

No. Shut up. So when she kissed you, it wasn't good when she kissed you. It was as bad as the men's spy. She kissed me a lot better. I mean, when we kissed, it was. Shut up. It was tongue.

So I doubt he. You're not allowed to do grandma's. stuff. That's not a lot. Mom's stuff is borderline. Take a grandma. Leave Nan alone. Grandma's next level. Grandma's real weird. Who recently championed the abolition of mince pie. I kissed your son.

Okay. Yeah. With, uh, yeah. I mean, I think you just admitted to a crime? Yeah, I think I did. I wanted, yeah. I was just, I was just talking about consenting adult stuff. When he's 18, I'm going to bang your boy. Got him. That's me, though.

He's a condom. Got him. No. He's a top. Great. What do I care? Well. As long as I'm doing it.

As long as I'm involved. The abolition of mince pie has been asked, oh, sorry, the center, so Senator James W. Finley of Ashinut, who recently championed the abolition of mince pie, has been asked to study the Oklahoma Biscuit reform bill and make a report. So, wait, so they're like, I don't know, you dealt with this pie shit. You got opinions about this. Like, this is what his field was.

Say that again, Mike. We lost you. Say that again. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. He championed the abolition of the mince pie. So they were like, this falls on your desk, sir. This is like your, this is your area of expertise. You're the pastry psycho.

You know about foods. Also, he was probably like, we need to abolish. And everyone was like, finally. And he's like, mints pie. Christ, asshole. He has no teeth from cavities. That's why he hates. That's his origin story.

And chocolate's next. No plight is bigger. He was probably a big boy. I bet. I bet he, that guy handles food stuff. He's missing a foot or two. Yeah. A biscuit ends at three inches.

Now, someone roll me over to that area. Okay, so this is a couple weeks later in the New York Times. What is a biscuit, legislators ask? Oh, the fucking New York Times. Having disposed of minor problems of state, the Oklahoma legislature, comes to the momentous question. What is a biscuit? One legislator, which is a conversation we just had.

Yeah, it was a nightmare. One legislator believes the biscuits are biscuits only when they measure at least three inches in diameter. It's fucking abortion. At least. We're dealing with like when is a baby a baby. He's saying that it can't be smaller than three inches, this guy. He's saying a biscuit has to be over three inches. Also wrong.

And has an interest to bill to that effect, this causes. Kansas to chuckle in the course. Like, who was not going to laugh at? A few years ago, Kansas started this kind of legislation by requiring that hotels and rooming houses, bed sheets be not less than nine feet. This law was a target for ridicule, but it stands and has been copied in other states. That I get. That I get, too.

You can't short sheet, motherfuckers. If you're paying for a room, I want a full sheet. These are just five towels, enjoy. You're not a hotel. Okay, so... Who's making... That logic is like, okay, somebody ordered a biscuit, and we're given, like, a tiny biscuit?

And then they were like, this ain't no biscuit is... Okay. Now I'm on favor. I am as well, and now I'm picturing the big obese senator making the point so much better. That is not a biscuit. That's a potato chip. That's a roll.

The sheet law was a target for ridicule, but it still stands and has been copied in other states. A noted Middle Western man. Nice. Better way. Does we go back to that? Should we bring it back? Middle Western? Michael Tolkien would describe Wisconsin.

Middle Western. A noted Middle Western man was once asked at dinner. if he would have another biscuit. He glanced scornfully at the dominionative tea biscuits and said, quote, yes, I believe I will have another half dozen of these.

That's such a Midwest thing. Yeah. It is such alleged biscuits. It is such alleged biscuits that the Oklahoma legislature would compel to take another name. The Oklahoma legislature It's legislative, God, I can't read today.

It's okay. The Oklahoma legislators recall that they had grandmothers who made real biscuits and they longed to preserve for their children's children and old an honorable institution. And they were good kissers. No. What? And they called kiskits. Little cheek biscuit. Give me a kisskid.

You know, okay, I'm going to be honest with you. Three-and-kisket. I'm starting to get it a little bit. I think if you go to a restaurant, you want to be able to go within reason that you're ordering something with some consistency. This is, this is, this all leads to a super big gulp. Yeah. Well, eventually, yeah. Yeah.

It leads to Mike Bloomberg being like, no. You can have two big sodas, but not one huge. Cool, Mike. Um, I kind of get it. I, middle, I, I, middle western fatty kind of did like a, that's not a knife, this is a knife, like to the biscuit. Yeah. I'm with it. Yes.

I'm in favor. Don't little biscuit my middle westerns. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I think that is, that's pretty much. But I do, I have a, I have a better understanding now. I, again, I do pine for the era where, like, senators were, like, like.

Like, this is huge. This all leads us to, I'm going to sound like, this all leads to Trump. This is why we got Trump. I think that there should be more fights over the size of food. I think, I do believe we're having that fight. Yeah, right now would snap. I guess they are to the death. I can't wait to see Vancouver this time of year.

The brisk refreshing air, autumn leaves scattered across Stanley Park. I'll get to hang out at Granville Island Public Market and try the local delicacy, candied smoked salmon, and best of all, I get to see a crowd of adoring fans at the Rio Theater. While daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb. Might as well, right? Otherwise, it will just be sitting empty while I'm gone. While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash.

Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. slash host. I can't wait to see Vancouver this time of year. The brisk refreshing air, autumn leaves scattered across Stanley Park. I'll get to hang out at Granville Island Public Market and try the local delicacy, candied smoked salmon.

And best of all, I get to see a crowd of adoring fans at the Rio Theater. While daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb. Might as well, right? Otherwise, it will just be sitting empty while I'm gone. While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs.

Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Monkey proves smarter than German scientists. I can take that, Germany. Yeah, I really, we should, we can blame this monkey for two world wars. Yep. Is that a London? Or one, really.

British scientists are chuckling over a Berlin monkey intelligence test where the monkey demonstrated greater intelligence than its human instructor. Okay. That seems like it backfired. Yeah. The German inserted a banana in a tube. I've done that. In the presence of a monkey.

Well, that's just asking for trouble. Yeah. And then poked it out of the tube with a stick. He repeated, this is not science. This is just a guy having fun with the monkey. Hey, by the way, we're debating biscuit size fucking. Germany's doing way better stuff. But this is 100% what I'm doing with my monkey.

Like, this is the kind of games we get up to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Banana tubing. Banana tube. Without question. By the way, if you had a monkey and you had a tube, you'd be like, I'm going to fucking figure out a game with this one guy. Hey, buddy, you want to get it out of the tube?

He'd be like, I'm trying to get it out of the tube. You'd be like, pretty cool, huh? Get it out of that tube, dude. If you're a monkey, a tube, and a stick, you're going to come up with games to play. Berlin MacGyver He repeated this operation 20 or 30 times And the monkey all the while watching the operation Genley.

How fucked up is his banana after 30 times? Yeah, yeah. There's a fucked-up banana. Yeah, no doubt. Or you're just horribly wasting bananas. If you got a monkey, you got a banana budget. But if you're putting a banana into a tube and then pushing it out,

what are you doing with it after? Are you just taking it again? doing it again. Is it squishing in or is it just sliding? I wonder if it's peeled or not. It's got to be peeled. I feel like it would be. So a big ass tube and then it's a full banana in, it's called a sheath, right? Yes, it's a, yes, it's a banana sheath. Yeah, it's banana still sheathed. And, okay, well, that would make a little more sense than a, either way. Can we just be happy for this guy to have a monkey? Yeah.

the monkey all the while watching the operation intently finally the German left the tube with a banana inside of it and the stick alongside and retired from the room to watch the monkey's action through a peephole this dude is fucking honestly this is what I'm doing it's not doing great this is what I'm doing my monkey for sure like I get this if you have a peephole and a monkey you're going to look through the peephole at the monkey like I get it all makes sense Which comes first? The monkey banana tube or the peephole? I'm not getting a monkey until I have a people. Well, you know that, like, in his head he was like, but if I had the peephole,

then he was like, well, shit, now we're on a slippery slope. Like, I am a scientist. What does to stop me from? Yeah, now it's like, maybe I'll teach you to identify blue eyes. The sky's the limit to this one. Maybe it'll know which one should not have babies, you know. Which one of these is a biscuit. And which one is a roll?

That's right. Directly the coast was clear. What? Yeah. Directly the coast was clear. The monkey picked up the tube, inserted it upside down, and gave it one vigorous shake. The banana tumbled out immediately, and the monkey calmly proceeded to peel it and eat it with evident satisfaction. It was not peeled.

Yeah. His operation had been simpler and quicker than the scientist. Okay, so he was like, look, you push it through with a stick, and the monkey. He's like, why don't I just turn it sideways and have it drop out, idiot? And then a reporter was like, this can't go unwritten about. Wait, so this is 1927 Germany. That means that there's like 25% unemployment right now in Germany. And this guy's pushing bananas through tubes.

Right. Yeah, this is a story that gets in the paper. Like, what the fuck are we doing? it's pretty but but but again i mean the germans are on the precipice of really they're going to put some stuff together they don't take this well i guarantee you this guy was working on like poison gases in 10 years yeah he's got the muggy to get to kill people he's like can you do something anything else and he's like i could do gases yeah i do i have a peephole and some tubes uh burglar bites victims and

Hives out window. So, okay, we have bandits getting kissed. Yeah, and now burglars are, okay. What else are going to do? You're in there. There's someone not, someone unbitten. What are you going to do? I like a biting burglar.

This is all the same paper. Yeah. This is insane. A good question. It's upsetting. I'm not happy about this at all. You know when you'll be on like YouTube like watching something and then you'll be like, actually I want to watch this instead.

That's this with the paper. I'd be like, oh, this, Jim, what the fuck? This burglar's biting people. Biscuits. That ain't a biscuit. Leaving teeth marks on the arms of his intended victims as the only clue to his identity, a burglar last night escaped from a room with 1,000, oh, at 1001 East 12th Street by plunging headfirst through a window. Well, he's not, I mean.

You got to go. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like, I got notes. I don't know. This guy. You could door it, but if you're going to win. do it, fucking do it. Kick it, then do it?

You're going to fucking one foot out. It's a window. You go through head first. You go hard. Okay. Harry Diamond and Floyd Wellborn, occupants of the room. Yep, that's right. The best names.

A lot of people talk about the Hope Diamond, but have you heard of the Harry Diamond? A bunch of pews on a rock. Nobody wants that one. How are you? How are you? Hey. Harry Diamond. You guys like diamonds?

Yeah. I'm worth a lot. You know how hard diamonds are supposed to be? There you go, yeah. Harry Diamond and Floyd Wellborn. Occupants of the room were aroused from sleep by the entrance of the... I love aroused from sleep, by the way. Oh, woke up jacking off again.

By the entrance of the burglar through a transom? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's where you put a, like someone you're holding ransom in a trance. What is it a tranceom? A tranceom. Now we've got to look it up because these are old-timey, words that uh you know people don't really understand anymore because they're stupid we stop using words when they become dumb right i'm i'm not i'm not really listening to you trans i could tell mike

isn't either uh i'm back i'm back yeah hey transom is a horizontal beam or window above a door or other opening in architect okay so it's that little weird window above doors so you gotta dive through it. Yeah. It's the diving part of the door, if anything. I mean, they left it open, right? Probably because it was hot or something.

Sure. But who decides to go through that little fucking slot of a window. Someone who's very capable gymnast. Skinny little bitch. Yeah, he's like the guy in Ocean's 11. Yeah. Dive sideways.

Yeah. Yeah. When they... I mean, I'd be like, let him go. I mean, that guy... What the fuck does that? That was like a spirit leaving a room. I love your tricks.

He! Is anybody have any clues? He bit me? I mean, he got his teeth, but then he sort of flew. Like the breeze took him out. We got to look through dental records of everybody. I believe he was a gas with teeth. That's kind of what I am sometimes.

That, having just got on tour with you, absolutely true. When they grappled with the intruder, he snapped at both of them, biting them on their arms. escaped empty-handed. The injuries were treated to general hospital. So he just bit people twice for nothing. Hey, it all worked.

I mean, he didn't get his stuff. I don't think it did. Well, that's a big problem. He has a fantastic entry and escape plan. Yeah, but the whole point was to get stuff. Yeah, but still, if you're not caught, it's a successful burglar. Don't agree.

That is a good question. Is it successful if you get away with nothing? I think we, I believe the answer is very clear. What if it's about the rush? Then it's a, then you're, then it's weird. What you're doing is weird. You're just there to bite. It's just going into a bank with a mask and a gun.

Oh my God, put it in a bag. No. I'm fine. No. Don't worry about it. You're a little scared though. Yeah, he's freaking out, huh? Got a little rise at he is.

I'm, I'm independently wealthy. I'm going to think about this for weeks. It's Tom Cruise. This is all I can do anymore. That guy, that old guy in the jinx would rob grocery stores. and he had a lot of money I never saw the jinx Oh buddy

Is it about jinx? It's an old rich guy who murders It's a documentary right Yes Yeah And he would rob He'd pick pocket grocery stores Even though he was like a multi-millionaire

Yeah He was like Winona Ryder Yes Fucking rock in there Steal So he also really was into dating rock stars Yeah Yeah

Yeah And was in stranger things Oh Yeah And he's great in it. Yeah. Railroad fireman's wife sent to jail for beating mate. Hmm? It's out of Oakland. Because she beat up her, and beat up is in quotation marks, because she beat up her husband, a railroad fireman, Ms. Ethel Hatchin, must serve 30 days in jail.

Raymond Patchen, the husband, was beaten by Ms. Patchen, who weighs 155 pounds. They're really, they're just talking all kinds of shit. Yeah, this is like someone... Yeah. When he objected to another man paying attention to her, Patchen suffered black eyes, bruises, and the loss of several teeth, he told the court. She destroyed him.

Because she... We hear a lot of shit. That really rocked her. Because do you know the beating you have to inflict on someone for teeth to come out? Like, it's not a punch. It's like the guy's on the ground and you're repeatedly

fucking throwing blows out. I'm like, it's a beating. That's interesting. Here, I'll show you. No, no, no. There's been bites. There's been bites. There's been gunshots.

I've been around you when we've talked about brutal murders. This teeth thing got you. Well, I just can't believe that a beat, like, you, like. It could have been British. And then you just need to shake them a little bit. Scottish would make more sense. Hey, no, no. Gosh, they're all gone.

Careful. It's like moving a piano. Mike, is your wife ever beating you until teeth come out? Never. She also doesn't weigh 155, but, you know. Wow. We'll be right back. The almost dollop will be right back.

Thieving wife gets six months. Yeah, that'll teach you. Miss Florence Coontz convicted of stealing husband's careful easy does it now let's call her mrs c word convicted of his stealing husband's clothes six months for stealing her husband's clothes well did you take all of them well this is also when if he wore pants they were like way to go

the war on men continues miss florence coots guilty found guilty it says it says ever old days ago but i bet that means supposed to mean several several days ago for stealing her husband's clothing motor car and diamond ring today okay well they left that fucking part out stole a car on rings like how do you not like six pairs of socks missing also a car in a mansion uh and uh diamond ring was today's sentenced to six

months in jail by judge hutchings of the wyandotte county district court court. Miss Coontz said she would appeal the sentence. Uh, I'm a, Miss Cuntz, you go to jail. That's Coots. Mrs. Cunce, you take a man's, your honor. Please. You take a man's pants and expect him or not. You're going to the slammer lady.

Well, let's see. You're going to be saying cuntz where the sun don't shang. Hey, are we talking, so just for the pants? Yeah, this pants related. Diamonds are a very ubiquitous item, and the car, anyone could get a car. But this cons took his pants. No, it's Coots. Yeah, all right, six months.

Where's that a hammer? Will you spell her name for me? Slowly. K-O-O-N-T-Z. Yep, that's the exact, I swear word. And what happens when she falls in a pool? It's C-U-N-T-Z. Is that?

Can I get this? I think we've really clicked into something for me I don't know Anyone else getting those turkey done nipples I don't fucking freeze I've made a couple of diamonds on my chest Hello Can you never say turkey done nipples again?

Sure Thank you. And the lock That is a promise You got it, buddy Youth makes poison But suicide fails What a loser

You've mixed poison Jesus, can you imagine Making your own poison And then drinking enough to not die I got diarrhea Yeah Yeah This is out of Budapest

So we're really We're really stretching for news At this point Wow Drinking a mixture of tobacco And heads of matches soaked And then boiled in water He's like this one

They're boiled in water What the fuck is that? I don't know We don't have internet How do you make poison? I don't know. Where does it come from? Tobacco, I think.

Fire kills you. Imagine to make fire. Boiling it? That was the method of suicide tried without success by Ermi Ruppus, a baker's apprentice in this city. Imagine if he's a baker's apprentice, you come up with your son's cooking that. You're like, he is not listening to the baker. That sounds like, shit. What do you have to be an apprentice for a while?

Yeah, he's really, I mean, what is he teaching him? He fucking had matches floating in whatever soup he's making in there. Repis was found wandering about the streets in a day's condition. When he had recovered from his stupor,

he explained that he became tired of living, but did not have enough money to buy poison so he concocted his own. This is the saddest story of her in a while. It's not great. Admitting to it is strange. I would just be like, well, I won't tell anyone about my wrong poison. Now you're in the paper. That is funny.

Like, he admitted to, like, this is a cry for help, really, because he's, you know. Yeah, it is. That's. It seems like he knew it was going to kill him, but that people would feel bad for him. He might not have even made it. He might have just been like, by the way, yesterday, I tried to make a poison. I don't want to go on. This is a terrible way to ask for money, too.

Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe some lady read it and she was like, oh, he sounds sweet. Or maybe there was like a note and it was just like, I know you're probably wondering, how did I know to make the perfect poison? And then like, did you do anything? He's like, no, but I've been shit in my pain. I've really been shitting all day.

I made a diarrhea concoction. Yeah. So the good news is I finally invented a way to get diarrhea quick. I don't know. You might want to. Makin resident The guy who came up with laxatives What he discovered that was probably like

Nobody's going to want this Yeah, what the fuck have I done? What am I getting? Nobody's going to need this. Makin resident I made shit and juice. Colora? Yeah, I got some shit and juice.

Makin resident marries for third time at 93. Again, this is not a story. No. Makin, Missouri. A marriage license was issued Is M.O. M.O.'s Missouri, right? M.O.'s Missouri, yeah. A marriage license was issued today to P.A.

It could be Montana. It could be Montana. That's nice thing. I think Missouri's... Mississippi would be M.I. Oh, that's right. Mississippi's M.I. So, yeah, Missouri's M.O.

What's happening right now, Mike, from our experience, is someone's in Reddit talking about how dumb we are. How dumb we are. Right now. Someone just posted in Reddit. Because, oddly enough, we don't know everything. It's very weird. I don't know how we got like this.

Montana's M.O. You idiot. You fucking moron. The fuck. This is why I don't fucking listen to these fucking idiots. This whole podcast was two idiots doing a front for a helix ad. I don't even know what M.O. is. It's Mo.

Anyway, Missouri. A marriage license was issued today to P.A. Gibson, 93 years old and Miss Mary A. Hale. Okay. fuck you for not putting her age in here. Yeah, I agree. Right? But what's her address and bra size?

15. Yeah. Oh, what a creepy, happy couple. Miss Gibson, Mr. Gibson is... Boy, they're a real weird couple. He's a grown man, and she's not at all an adult. That was like back then. Wow.

Everyone's talking about this summer, autumn couple. Mr. Gibson is the oldest male resident of the county. His father, Robert Gilbert, Gibson used, whoa, lived to be 119 years old. What the fuck? That's crazy. No.

They had to have been like skipping a year or something. They were like asking him. He was like 73 with horrible dementia. I'm 119. My God. Miss Hale is the mother of CF Hale, an attorney of Brevere. She has been a housekeeper for Mr. Gibson. Mr. Gibson's second wife died about a year ago.

Nice. So she's smart. She's moving in. to get the inheritance. Yeah, she's in a Nicole smithing. Yeah, she's very, yeah, good call. Yeah, agreed. She's moving up.

Good for her. At first I thought the story was going to be that it was a scandal. He was married three times, but they're mostly just like, this guy's fucking old. Why won't he just die? That's the story, because he's 93. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, this story should be, why isn't this guy dying? Continuing to get married. Just die. Just die. Fucking weird. 14-year-old farm boy Seeks right to wed divorcee Here we go

This I like This is a story It is not good But it's a boy I'm like This kid Yeah Remember the lady in like

Yeah I want to say it's I want to say Washington State And she had an affair with her student Yeah And they had two kids And she went to jail And when they got out

They still stayed together Well now they're divorced They are divorced Yeah Well, I really thought that would work out Yeah Letterno Mary K. Letterno, I believe.

Oh, yeah. Yes. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. That's really sad to hear they didn't make it. No.

Because it's weird because when you date a boy and then, you know, they start to change when they hit like 20. Well, it's also like she got out of jail. Like he must, you know what it's like when you're like in a relationship

or you're like this, not good? Like she was in jail and he was like, I can't do it. it now like his life was just like well now i can't do it yeah now she's out well she's pregnant now she said he was like 30 he was like you know honestly this is fucking been bad i was like 13 i didn't know what was coming out of my penis look him back you uh raped me yeah so uh i just feel odd about this yeah but every dude i was like his age when that happened and i was like awesome 100% when you're when you're a kid you hear the stories you're like yeah

Yeah, the teacher. I got some fanishes about teachers. And then now they really are banging the kids. Yeah, it's really taken off. Now they're really banging the kids. Every time that happens, every time it happens to like a boy, like a 15-year-old, I just literally have to like bite my tongue. I'm just like, look, I'm not saying it's right at all,

but I'm telling you, me at 15, this would have been, you know, penis Christmas. Yeah, penis Christmas is right. Yeah, I would have just been like, yes. Now, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, people you had to be like it's for sure it's disgusting but honestly you know he was probably pretty happy honestly I can't even tell you the the level of hormones that are going on in your 50 old boys is all they're thinking about is sex teacher bang again we shouldn't be talking about I know no it's totally it's people are going to be mad that's so wrong it is wrong literally

saying if we were 15 year old boys had a teacher one of sex I was just saying if I was 15 and my teacher bang me I would be like I would like literally be in the police like station like her alone. Yeah. But yeah, what we're saying is she, she shouldn't do it. But we are saying 15-0 boys want to. Yes. That's exactly the nuance.

Yes. It's wrong to do it. But I've seen some of these teachers and I just think, me at 15, sweet mother of God. This damaged woman. You know what else? Here's what's great now. They're fucking arresting them. So it's like, not only are you banging your teacher, then you're like, fucking, she's gone.

And everyone's like, feels bad for me. This is awesome. the thing that's crazy to me is like when the woman has like a husband and kids and you're just like what are you doing oh yeah it's crazy how did you think this would go oh being the husband you're like wait what happened wait what it's really yeah you'd have you if you're the husband you're like I guess I'm moving across the country dude I would just be well I'd certainly be homeschooling you're not going there it's a brothel it started making tobacco

and matches juice to try to get out of the situation. Just dead as diarrhea again. Give me more matches. Okay. Perspective bride is 27 and Maine Village Dad's Block match. This out of Maine, obviously. Their matrimonial plans blocked by town officials, a 14-old farmhand.

I'm ready. 27-year-old... When you know, you know. 27 year old divorcee expect to start legal action here with a view of wedlock we're in love with each other so this does happen usually with women i've been single for a long time it usually doesn't happen like a like an older teacher or older women like 45 50 it's usually a 20 year old well sure i don't know um letty foster town clerk refused to issue a marriage license to willie trying to league get it done. All right. And will you just sign off on this, please, whenever you're ready? This is my husband and I.

How are you, ma'am? Can I see your pubs? Do you have pubs? I do not have pubs, no. We can't do this. This is insane. We can't allow this. When I yank on it, nothing comes out, but I feel it.

Oh, right. I'm not. Stuff has to come out for a marriage. Just sign right there so me and my wife can get out of here. My God, you're a child. Yeah. You have anything to step on eye contact would probably have. help.

Letty Foster, town clerk, refused to issue a marriage license to Willie Buzzo Husky Farm Worker. Husky. Toss his body under the bus. What a description. Oh, my God. He's 14. The husky.

This poor guy, read. Yeah. I mean, reading this in the paper, you're like, well, they're fucking, what? The minute ago, you're like, the kids, like, you know, and now you're getting me called a husky farm worker. It does hurt. It's not good. And the woman of his choice, Miss Thelma Tibbitt's, mother of a five-year-old child.

Oh, my God. That's fucking a start. Nine years older. That's fucking awesome. This is my nine-year-older stepdad. Yeah. Well, I'll play with the train if you don't want to. Canaan's selectman affirmed the ruling.

Willie's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Lyle. Leslie Buzzle have approved their young son's marriage plans but even that the selectman said would not cause them

to reverse their decision so the parents were okay with it yeah that's those might be the bigger villains they don't want to feed them anymore

I'm not good yeah they're like go ahead boy I don't know what I don't know what do you do like I don't know what I do so Finn Finn's 14

and he's with a 20 what the first do you do because what do you do you're like absolutely not yeah but like how do you how do you do absolutely not lock them in the house like it's hard to keep people apart if they want to i think you lock them in the house okay i genuinely think you're like literally i would think i'd be like we got to move like that's all i could think of is like get the fuck out of there yeah but then you can't you send him to school every day you'd be like maybe a killer okay well uh we'll be right back thank you um we do not believe the marriage of proper

one. Oh, sorry. We do not believe the marriage a proper one and we believe that we, sorry, he like cut off part of this. Preston, you're in so much trouble. I don't know. I can't read it. Are justified in holding up

the marriage of this boy to this woman declared Horace Bean chairman. And do you woman take this tiny boy? Hello. To be your little husband. Yes. I love him.

He's so small. I'm ready. It is no... I need a grounding force. It is no reflection. I'm fucking everything. Jesus Christ, shut up, you little brat. Anything with a heartbeat and a hole.

I'm in. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm telling you. How did you get to be such a little creepy lech at 14? I'm big. You're husky. I'm husky. People are calling you husky.

I'm built like a linebacker. It is no reflection on anyone that we have done this, but it was held up and refused on account of young Willie Buzzle's age. It's fucking crazy. The selectmen said they expected to succeed in delaying the marriage until a bill now before the main legislature has passed. This bill would prohibit the marriage of anyone under 14 years of age without consent. Oh, so it's legal right now.

This is a legal... Also, if you're going to make a law, you could go higher than 14 years. That's it. You've got to be over 14 to get married. Okay. So just to the rest of my fellow legislators, I would just like to say that when they hit 16, they are just wonderful. If we're going to pass this law, let's slip in my biscuit legislation. Because I tell you what, this goddamn waitress, she brought over what looked like raw dough. Oh, okay. I said, that's not a biscuit.

And she said, what are you going to do, pass a law? And I said yes. And that was four years ago, and my life is fading. Okay, I will agree. When is a boy a man? When is a biscuit a biscuit? Yes, thank you, sir. And I think that we are seeing things eye to eye,

and we should pass these two bills. I tell you, 16 is the right age. I rule on it for you both. guilty of that welcome to creepy legislator he's got a gun to the callbacks

uh everyone down oh it says she first met Willie when she went to his parents home to work god damn

I mean he was probably like I can't believe she's about to fuck me yeah they they must have been having a fun time before this whole marriage thing came up

well that's it Mike you're out you did it thank you Thank you for having me. Can you believe it? I had a good time.

Thank you. Your book sounds very good and it does, it does sound like something dollop fans would be into. Oh, my God. I'm actually thinking I should get it to maybe do a dollop. Oh, that's fucking great. Right. Yes, do that and we can have Mike on.

Yeah. I would love to. Should people just put it in the search engine, Mike? Is that the best way to do it? Yeah, Kansas City Comedy in the search engine. Mike Brighton send is my name if you can't find it. Yeah. Well, Mike, it's been a goddamn honor and a pleasure.

I just can't tell you how good the book sounds. So people should just go get it. We'll put this out soon. And yeah, we'll do a fucking dollop on it. Or you know what? Mike could do the dollop on it for us. We could do a flippy. I don't know.

You can read it to us. Do like a special pastimesy doll. We can do that in the studio at ATC, maybe. Yeah, that'd be cool. If you want to. If not, if you want to keep the magic preserved, so whatever you guys want, I'm happy to do it. Well, I think we're trying to help you, Mike. So don't do the thing where you're like, I'm doing you a, like, we're doing you the favor, buddy.

I got to make a thing. We're doing you the favor. It got to sound like your idea. I get it. I love that. All right, Mike. Thank you very much, man. Appreciate it.

Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube,

you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you're going to people, you follow lakeside all that stuff the better chance we have of making a lot more of them we're already making a second one so go there and watch the rube